No Such Thing as Time

I take a plate of dinner and some water out to Eddie. The barn doors are shut, so I leave it outside.

I can hear him inside playing his guitar.

“Eddie…I brought dinner…” I say.

“Thanks. Just leave it, I’ll get it in a minute.”

“Do you need anything?” I ask him.

It’s quiet. I wish I could see him; I don’t know if he heard me. I hate talking through the doors.

“Eddie…?” I say.

“Yeah…I don’t need anything I guess. All I want right now is you…but I can’t have you…”

I sigh. I know I’m going to cry if I stay out here very long.

“I want you too. I hate this.”

“Just give it a couple days Mara.” He sighs. “You guys will see that I’m fine, it was just a nosebleed.”

“I know. If you were sick, really sick, I’d be sick too. Have you had any other nosebleeds? Any symptoms? Anything?”

He hesitates for a minute…I start to feel dizzy. He can’t be sick.

“No…nothing. Really…it’s just the weather,” he finally replies

“This is stupid. I hate that Spencer is doing this.”

“Don’t blame him, he’s just protecting you guys, but I hate that I can’t be with you,” he says.

He’s so quiet I can barely hear him.

“Are you going to be okay out here alone? What if someone comes…”

“I’m fine. I have my gun. If someone comes, I’ll take care of the situation. What will you do tonight? Are you going to be able to sleep alone?” he asks.

I hadn’t thought about that. Ever since Amanda came months ago I’ve slept with her, then with her, Eddie and Spencer, then with Eddie alone.

“I guess I’m alone tonight,” I finally say.

I hear him sigh. “Yeah me too…”

“At least you have the cow you can snuggle with; I have no one.”

“Yeah…but I’d rather be with you. I bet the cow doesn’t kiss as good as you,” he says teasing me.

“Is she feeling better? I’ll bring some food out for her before I go to bed.”

“I think she is. I was thinking, since I can’t be around any of you tomorrow, maybe I’d drive around a bit and see if I can find any other animals. We have a little extra gas right now with what we found yesterday,” he says.

“I wanted to do that with you…”

“I can wait. I don’t have to do it tomorrow. Just feel useless out here not able to help. I can work in the barn though instead. Then in a couple days we can drive around. Spend some time together.”

“Yeah…” I sigh. “I guess I should go eat dinner and let you eat before your food is cold. Probably too late for that though…sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter. Go eat dinner, then try to sleep. Every night we sleep we’re closer to being back together.”

“Yeah…”

“I love you Mara…just remember that,” he says.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Why are you telling me that?” I ask him. This scares me. Why does he feel like he needs to tell me that now? Maybe he does think he’s sick. Maybe he has had another nose bleed or something.

“What do you mean what does that mean?” he asks me slightly laughing. “It means I love you. Nothing else. Just that I simply love you more than I love life itself.”

I giggle. “Are you quoting cheesy lyrics to me?”

“Yeah. Wanted to make you smile…did it work?” he asks.

“It did. Thanks. And I guess I’m going now. I won’t say good night yet because I’ll be back out with some food for the cow, and to get your dishes.”

The door slowly creeps open. I take a couple steps backward so he can come get his plate of dinner and glass of water I brought him.

“I’ll be back in like an hour,” I tell him.

“Alright. I’ll be here…”

I look at him to see his smartass smile on his face.

“Yeah? Figured you’d be somewhere else asshole…” I say.

He shakes his head.

I look at him for a minute. He looks the same as he always does. Doesn’t look sick. Seriously though…if he’s sick…if he dies…I have nothing to live for…

“Go eat dinner Mara and I’ll see you in an hour. Or something like an hour because who the fuck knows when an hour has gone by now.”

I turn and start walking to the house. Asshole better not die.

When I go back in the kitchen both Amanda and Spencer are staring at me.

“What?”

“How is he?” Amanda asks.

“You didn’t go near him did you?” Spencer asks.

I sigh. “I didn’t. He looks fine, upset, but fine. He says he feels fine. No more nosebleeds. Nothing.”

“He could be sick. We won’t know for a few days,” Amanda says.

I sit at the table with them and we all eat quietly for a few minutes.

“I’m not being an asshole you know…I’m just trying to keep us all safe. It could have just been a nosebleed, or it could be him getting sick,” Spencer says.

“We understand,” Amanda starts to say.

“Why would he suddenly be sick? How could it just be him that’s sick? None of us are sick,” I say.

“Maybe the cow. The cow is sick…” Spencer says.

“That makes no sense. No one got sick from animals, or animals from people. And the cow isn’t sick, just starving to death,” I explain.

“Great then…he’s not sick…and we’ll all see that after he spends a couple days in the barn,” he replies.

“This really sucks. What am I supposed to do tonight? And it’s not safe him being out there alone,” I say.

“He’ll be fine,” Spencer says.

I look at him.

“Really Mara, he will. Eddie is a smart guy. We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. He knew to look for a farm. He’s the one that has made all the decisions so far, and he’s always been right. He’s going to be fine.”

None of us eat very much dinner. I feel like we wasted food we really can’t afford to waste, but I can always feed it to the pig or goats. I scrape all of it into a bucket so I can take it out to Eddie when I take the food for the cow out to him.

I boil some water and add some oatmeal and apples to it for the cow. I really wish I knew what she should be eating. I feel so stupid.

“You want me to take it out?” Spencer asks me when I’m heading towards the backdoor.

I shake my head. “No…I want to talk to him for a bit before I go to bed.”

When I walk outside I see the barn door is open. I know I can’t go inside, but I really want to. I look inside and see he isn’t in there. Where could he have gone?

I walk inside and set the buckets of food for the animals down before I turn to try to figure out where he is.

I meet him at the door.

“What are you doing?” he asks while I say, “Where were you?”

“The cow…she kept judging me when I would piss, so I went outside this time instead of in a bucket,” he says.

I giggle. “That’s funny.”

“We’ve bonded,” he says laughing.

“I was just bringing something out here for her to eat. And none of us ate much dinner so there’s scraps for the other animals too. Which I guess is nice…for them…not us. I hate that it seems like we wasted food we can’t afford to waste…” I say rambling.

“I wish I could hold you right now…but Spencer is right…I need to stay away for a few days.” He looks at me. “Just in case…”

“You’re not sick you know. If you were sick…then nothing makes sense now,” I say trying to explain to him not so specifically saying though, that if he dies I have nothing to live for.

“Mara…they need you. Do you think for one minute that if you hadn’t survived, that Amanda would still be here? Maybe that’s why we survived. To help them. To help others someday. To help the fucking cow. Maybe to help as many people…or animals as we can. Don’t even start with talk about any sort of god, you already know I don’t believe in any, but for some reason we survived, we’ll probably never know why, but we did for…for some reason.”

I stare at him for a few seconds, not sure what to say.

“Maybe my part is done. Maybe I was just supposed to bring Spencer here, or to find the cow. Who the fuck knows. So really…we just have to wait a few days and see what happens. But I wish I could sleep holding you tonight…” he starts.

“But if you’re meant to be sick, and I’m not, then why do we have to stay apart? That makes no sense to me. If you’re right about having…about everything having a reason…what’s the reason we have to be apart if either I’m not going to be sick…or if you’re not already sick?”

A smile slowly spreads across his perfect lips. He shakes his head. “I knew that first day that you were too fucking smart.”

He holds a hand out to me. I look at it, unsure if I should take it or not. Is our whole destiny predetermined? By something? Are we right and nothing will change anything?

I smile, walk towards him, and take his hand. He pulls me to him, our arms around each other. We just hold each other for a few minutes, then I feel his lips on my neck. I feel myself pushing my hips closer to him. I need to feel his body as close to mine as I can.

I can feel his beautiful thick cock getting harder against me.

I need him…now. I need to feel him inside of me.

“Do you know how badly I want you Mara…” he breathes in my ear.

I step backward into the barn, pulling him inside with me. He pulls the door shut.

I don’t understand me now. Who I’ve become. Before everything, back in my normal life, sex never really crossed my mind. Okay yeah sometimes of course Amanda and I would think about sex…talk about it. What we imagined it would be like. And who we wanted to be our first. Or would we wait until marriage. Stupid thoughts that probably every girl has.

But now when I’m near Eddie, or even when I’m just thinking about him, I want to feel him as close as possible.

I wonder if that’s how Amanda feels about Spencer, or is she just with him because there are no other guys around? Would she have been with Eddie if he was interested in her? Would I be with Spencer? No. I know the answer to that. I don’t like him in any other way than a friend. And sometimes not even as a friend. He can come across as such a rude asshole I don’t want to be around him.

Eddie though…he’s so sweet. So beautiful. So smart. I think in other circumstances I’d still be with him…still love him.

Right now though…all I can think about is his thick cock inside of me…

I kick off my boots while he pulls his shirt off and tosses it in the hay, then he does the same with mine. We both unfasten our pants as quickly as we can and they’re soon in the pile of hay with our shirts.

I push my panties down and kick them into our pile of clothes, then kneel down in front of him to take his boxers off.

I grip the waistband and slowly pull them down.

There’s not much light in the barn. He has one of the lanterns lit, and there’s still enough daylight that is coming in through the cracks that I can see my beautiful man perfectly. I can see his cock. This is the first time I’ve seen it this close. It’s been inside of me a few times now, and I’ve touched it, but I’ve never had it so close before.

I wonder if this is what they all look like?

I wrap one of my hands around his cock. It’s so thick that my fingers can barely reach all the way around it. Are they all this big?

I lean closer and lick the tip. And then again. A small drop of liquid appears so I lick it again. I kiss the tip, sucking as I kiss it.

He reaches his hands down, runs his fingers through my hair. “Mara…you don’t have to…”

I start sliding his dick into my mouth, sucking as it goes deeper in.

I can honestly say I’ve never thought about what a dick would taste like…never thought I would be doing this…but I like the way he tastes. Even the liquid dipping into my mouth has a pleasant taste. A little sweet.

I still have one of my hands gripping his cock tightly, the other hand I reach around his thigh. I slowly move it up and caress his ass.

I do this for a minute or so, caress his ass with one hand and give attention to his cock with my other hand while I suck it.

I feel him trying to pull away from me, so I try pulling him back.

“Mara…I…” he starts to say then quickly pulls his cock out of my mouth while he’s cumming. Some of it goes in my mouth, the rest on my lips, dripping down my chin.

“Sorry…I tried to warn you…or to not cum in your mouth…” he says.

I look up at him, some of his cum drips off my chin onto one of my boobs, it runs down my nipple before dropping off into the hay.

“Fuck…” he breathes.

I lick what I can off my lips, wipe the rest of it off with the back of my hand.

“What?” I ask him.

He sighs. “Nothing. Just…you…um…nothing. Thanks.”

He grabs my arm and helps me stand up. He pulls me to him, kisses my neck, then my lips.

“What can I do for you now?” he asks.

I look at him. I want him inside of me. When we’re together like that I feel safe. But honestly, there’s only one thing I want from him.

“Love me. Love me forever,” I tell him.

He smiles. “I can easily do that. I already love you. Plan on loving you forever.”

He wraps me in his arms. We stand there naked in each other’s arms.

“I’m not sure which one of you is stupider,” we hear Spencer say.

I can’t believe he came out here. I wonder how much he saw? Embarrassed…I bury my face in Eddie’s neck, under his curls.

“Yeah?” Eddie scoffs. “Why is that, Spencer?”

The way he says Spencer’s name, like he’s spitting it out.

“I guess she wants to get sick, and you want her sick, so which one of you is stupider?” Spencer asks.

“Can you turn around, or leave so she can get dressed?” Eddie asks him.

Spencer laughs slightly. “Sure…”

After he turns around, Eddie starts picking up my clothes and handing them to me. Then he picks his up and starts getting dressed.

“So is she staying out here with you tonight?” Spencer asks.

“If that’s what you want…sure. Maybe we should all vote or something though?” Eddie suggests.

“Or she can say ‘it’s my house, I just sucked his dick so he can sleep inside’…” Spencer says.

“Did you watch?” Eddie asks.

“Does it really matter? There’s no such thing as privacy now. You want to watch me and Amanda? She’s never sucked my dick though. Hey Mara, maybe you can teach her, seems like you know what you’re doing…”

We’re both dressed. I slip my boots back on. Eddie takes one of my hands and we walk towards the barn door. We pause when we get to Spencer.

“We’re going inside, are you coming? And I think we all need to have a talk. Maybe lay down some rules or something,” Eddie says before we walk to the back porch.

When we get inside, nothing happens except an argument. From the second we walked in, it seems like they wanted nothing more than to argue with us.

“What are you doing?” Amanda asks when she sees us walk in.

“I guess coming in to go to bed soon,” I say as casually as I can muster.

“Why is he in here?” she asks referring to Eddie being with me.

Spencer comes in behind us. He walks over to where Amanda is standing, near the sink since she was doing dishes when we came in.

Choosing sides already my mind says to me. I don’t want to choose sides. How can I choose between Amanda and Eddie? We need all of us here, working together if we’re going to survive.

“I guess they decided he’s fine and can stay in the house. Seems like…who the fuck cares if we all get sick and die…right?” Spencer says.

“You guys all decided this?” Amanda asks.

“Not me. I guess Eddie whips his dick out and Mara gets on her knees…literally…and does whatever he wants. They have a really great relationship,” Spencer tells her.

I feel like I’ve been slapped. My cheeks burn. I know they’re red.

“Don’t say shit like that about Mara..” Eddie starts to say.

Spencer shrugs his shoulders. “Why not…it’s true…right?”

“What’s true?” Amanda asks.

“Just something Eddie said that first night when we were locking up… but…I guess it’s not important…” Spencer says.

“Maybe it is. Or you wouldn’t have brought it up, ” Amanda says.

Spencer looks at each of us, starting with Amanda, then me, stops at Eddie. “Maybe he’ll tell you. What do you think Eddie? Think Mara would like to hear this?”

“I think maybe we should all just go to bed, been a long stressful day…” Eddie says.

Spencer scoffs. “Yeah. Sure. Let’s all go to bed. Forget about all of this. It’s not important. If Eddie wants Mara to know, maybe he’ll tell her one day…”

I look at Eddie. I wish I knew what they were talking about… maybe.

He picks up one of my hands, kisses the back of it. “It’s nothing. Let’s go to bed.”

“Well I want to know, so if Eddie won’t tell us, I think you need to, ” Amanda tells Spencer.

“I guess you better ask the master of the house… I’m thinking he doesn’t want you guys to know. Or he at least would rather that Mara never hears this. Right Sir Edward?”

I look at Eddie, right in those stupid beautiful blue eyes that I feel I can never deny. “What is it?”

He shakes his head. “It’s not important.”

I pull my hand away from him, cross my arms across my chest. “Then just tell me if it isn’t important.”

“This is stupid,” he says while walking away from me.

He stops a few feet from the stairs. “Are you going to come to bed?” he asks me.

I look at him, then look away. I’m afraid I’m going to cry. I wish I knew what they were talking about. What could this secret be? Something they talked about the first night? We all knew nothing about each other then. Nothing.

“I think you better tell her Eddie. She’s not going to suck your dick again if you don’t… you know what though… she may not if you do tell her. She might be upset,” Spencer says.

“Just fucking tell us… jesus… this is stupid,” Amanda says.

Spencer moves slightly so he’s standing in front of Amanda. He runs his finger across her lips, then kisses her. “Don’t get mad. If he won’t tell you guys…I guess I have to.”

We all look at Eddie, who is looking at the floor. He looks up, looks at me, shakes his head no.

“Well then…looks like I get to be the messenger…” Spencer says.

He walks over closer to me. “Don’t worry Mara, it isn’t all horrible…right Eddie? She’ll probably eventually forgive you. I mean…what else can she do…you’re the last fucking man on earth practically. Well there is me…but I don’t think she wants me,” he says laughing.

“Spencer just shut up. This is stupid,” Eddie says.

“Where should I start…” Spencer says.

“Seriously, Spencer, shut up,” Eddie says.

He comes over closer to where all of us are.

“Let’s see…remember I told you that Eddie said we should find a farm? Yeah he was so excited to find this place. That amazing garden, then we saw all the food down here, but then he realized there were people here…he was pretty upset about that. At first…” Spencer says.

“Shut the fuck up Spencer…” Eddie says.

“But then he said…we can just get rid of them…” Spencer says.

I look over at Eddie who seems to be upset, but also getting really angry.

“But then he found you guys hiding under your bed and I knew when you crawled out from under there you might have a chance. We hadn’t seen any females in a long time. How long had it been Eddie? A month? Probably longer. But yeah you guys only didn’t get shot right away because you’re sweet young little things. If nothing else…he was going to fuck you first…I mean that’s what you said isn’t it? Let’s see if they’re worth keeping…which one do you want? I think it was something like that…” Spencer says.

Eddie walks over to where all of us are. “Mara…” He holds a hand out to me.

I look at him. I want him to say something. To deny everything. I shake my head.

“I told him, I like the friend. He laughed and said the other one seems like a stuck up little cunt,” he says laughing.

“Fuck you, Spencer,” Eddie says.

“I mean he was pretty much right. But Eddie said he didn’t care which one he got. Said you either wouldn’t be a stuck up cunt long, or he would just get rid of you. But he was at least going to fuck you before he made a decision.”

“You fucking asshole,” Eddie says and tries to punch Spencer in the face, but Spencer moves quick enough so the hit completely misses him.