After breakfast, I pack a huge lunch for the guys. They plan to leave within the next hour and don’t know when they’ll be back, Eddie says when the truck is full. He takes a full gas can with them and a couple of empty ones we have just in case they come across some gas somewhere.
I make them take a few heavy blankets in addition to the normal things they carry in their backpacks, like matches, flashlights, can openers, some canned food, change of clothes, bullets…
I’m scared it’s going to snow and they’ll be trapped somewhere on the side of the road and freeze to death. I wish Eddie wasn’t going.
Dave decides to stay here with us. Says they don’t need an old guy taking up space in the truck and getting in the way, and admits that his old bones don’t like being in the cold much and it’s hard for him to move around.
We all walk them to the truck. I grab Eddie’s hand right before he gets in pulling him to the side.
He kisses me. “Hey, don’t cry, I’ll be back before you know it.”
I shake my head. “I’m worried. I feel like something bad is going to happen today. And I can smell snow in the air…”
“Yeah? When I get back we’ll build a snowman,” he says and kisses me again.
“Eddie…”
“Shh…don’t…I promise I’ll be back in a few hours. Everything is going to be fine. You guys just hang out here relaxing in the living room by the fireplace. Nothing to worry about. We’ll come back as soon as the truck is full,” he tells me.
I look at him. This beautiful face I’ve gotten so used to, this face that comforts me. Months ago I didn’t even know him and now our lives are so intertwined. I depend on him for so much and him me too.
I try to smile. He reaches up and cups my cheek.
“You won’t even miss me. You ladies have fun and entertain Dave. I’ll be back…I promise,” he says before he leans in to kiss me.
He quickly pulls away and gets in the truck.
“You ladies get in the house before you freeze,” Dave says from the porch.
I don’t watch them leave. I go inside, stand by the stove and warm my hands and silently pray to someone to please watch Eddie and make sure he comes back to me.
We all do end up in the living room. I absentmindedly poke at the fire while Lynne and Dave play Go Fish with Maggie. She isn’t talking much but is saying a few words today and I’m happy that she is.
“So, what shall we try to accomplish with the men gone today?” Lynne asks.
“Hey!” Dave says teasing.
“You know what I mean,” she replies.
“I do, you meant the young men,” he says.
“Yes, now leave me alone old man,” she says smiling.
“But I do agree. We need to do something while they’re gone. They’re expecting that all you women and this old man can’t do anything, we can show them that we can,” Dave says.
“Hey Dave, can you build?” I ask him.
“Build? Like what? Buildings?” he asks.
“Yeah. Nothing too fancy or hard. Like a barn or an outhouse,” I say.
“An outhouse? Eww. Why do you want an outhouse?” Amanda asks.
“We need to build one here and at Tim and Rachel’s. We have no idea what the sewer system is like. We keep flushing the toilet, running water down the drains, one day it could all back up into the house. I think we need to quit using the toilet.”
“This really is the end of the fucking world,” Amanda says.
“I could probably build an outhouse, maybe a barn, if we had plans. As long as we don’t need wiring or plumbing, which seems like we probably don’t since we don’t have running water or electricity. I used to help my parents out in their store when I was young, built shelves and a wall or two. But we would need plans probably. At least for the barn,” Dave says.
I nod my head agreeing. “I think we need to go to a library. Find books on all kinds of stuff. I know we could can meat, but I don’t know how. If we knew how we could can chicken and even the pig eventually. And I guess the cow. I really wish we could find a sow to breed our pig with and a bull for the cow. No idea where we would put them, but if we find them I’ll figure something out. Somewhere in this world, there has to be other live animals,” I say.
“I’m kind of over leading the pioneer life, can we go back to modern times?” Amanda asks.
“Don’t we all wish,” Lynne replies.
“I want to make vanilla too because we’re getting low on it and eventually the stores around us will be out of it. I think for that you just need whole vanilla beans and alcohol, like vodka. But I think we should go to the library and get any how-to book we think might one day be useful to us. Books for Maggie because we’re going to have to teach her, there’s no school,” I say.
“But what’s the point now of knowing that George Washington was the first president and that the US was the first country to walk on the moon? Who cares?” Amanda asks.
“She needs to learn at least basic stuff like how to read, write, and math. And I think she does need to know who the first president was,” I say.
“I think so too. We can’t let our history just vanish. I wish we had some sort of idea how many people were still alive. How many of the women are of childbearing age to see what the chances are of repopulating our world. The world will go on. Hopefully, there are some intelligent people left to help us restore the world like we knew it and then go beyond that. Won’t happen in my lifetime, but maybe in Maggie’s. But if we don’t teach her, then it can’t happen,” Dave says.
“We need to teach her everything we know, and get some books too. Is there a library close?” Lynne asks.
“The closest would be the high school one. They have a pretty big library. We went there a while back and got some books, but there’s so many more there I know we could use,” I tell them.
“And we need books Maggie can read. I loved reading when I was her age, I want her to love it too, especially since there’s no tv now and it’s going to be too cold outside for her to play. Maybe too dangerous too. And I need to find some clothes for her. We didn’t look for any at her house…the smell…there was just no way. But she has no clothes really. I wish I could sew, well I wish I had a way to sew, I know how to sew, but no sewing machines now, or I could make her some clothes,” Lynne says.
“Let me go grab my notebook, we can make a list of stuff we need, stuff we want to try to do,” I say getting up and heading to the kitchen.
When I get to the kitchen I get my notebook out of the drawer we keep it in. I grab a couple of pens too.
I start walking back to the living room but hear a noise. Not even sure what it is. I realize the chickens are making a fuss out there. I hope nothing got into the chicken coop. If we lose any of the chickens we’ll be screwed, especially if they get the rooster.
I open the back door so I can check on them. They seem to be calm now. Quiet.
“Hello?” I yell outside hoping to scare any animals away that shouldn’t be back here.
It’s quiet.
Maybe the wind scared them? Or maybe they were just making a fuss because they know it’s going to snow.
I shut the door and go back into the living room.
“Who were you talking to?” Amanda asks me after I sit down.
“No one I guess. The chickens were making noise so I yelled outside to scare away anything if anything was out there, but I guess there wasn’t. Luckily because we can’t afford to lose any chickens or my rooster. We need to find another rooster maybe.”
“Shall I add that to our ever-growing list of shit to accomplish?” Lynne asks teasing me, I hope.
“I guess we better. Really though, we need to make an attempt again to find animals. It’s going to be too late, probably already is,” I say.
“Well let’s just think best-case scenario. When the owners died they all broke free and are alive wandering. Isn’t that how you said you found the cow? She just wandered here?” Dave asks.
“It is. Doubt we’ll be that lucky again, but I’m hoping they did break free and are still surviving somehow. Of course, they won’t for much longer once it snows, which I think might happen today.”
“We really really need to make a list of survival gear we all need. Snow boots, gloves, mittens, hand warmers, snowsuits, everything to keep us warm this winter,” Lynne says.
“I’m really scared of how cold it’s going to get, and how the fuck we’re going to survive,” I say.
“Eddie can keep you warm at night…” Amanda says.
I sigh. “Yeah…he says the same thing. But I don’t think he realizes how cold it gets here. When it’s below freezing outside, it’s going to be hard to get it much warmer in here. We need to keep the fireplace going twenty-four hours a day. Maybe we should all move down here to the living room for the winter. Well at least on the cold days and nights,” I say.
“All four of us…sleep down here? Where?” Amanda asks.
“I don’t know, the floor maybe. I feel like no one realizes how cold it’s going to be in a month after it snows and keeps snowing every day,” I say.
“Does the other house have a fireplace?” Lynne asks.
I nod my head. “Yeah, luckily it does. It’s so much like this house. I think most of the houses in this area are similar. And you’re so lucky it still has a wood-burning stove. When they first moved in and Rachel was redoing some stuff, she wanted to get rid of that stove. Said she would never use it. My parents told her that a lot of rural houses have them because in the winter sometimes the gas and electricity can be off for days, even a week or two at a time, and then she was really going to want that stove back, so she kept it.”
“Well, now you just need to show me how to use it. I kind of got the hang of cooking on it yesterday, but am clueless how much wood it needs and how to get the fire started, how to keep it going,” she says.
“I’m glad you guys will be here for at least a few days, I can teach you what I know, and I love having the company. I love Amanda, but…” I say smiling.
“Don’t let her lie to you…once Eddie showed up she pushed me to the side,” Amanda says, teasing…maybe?
I look at her. She does seem like she’s teasing, but that she knows I know there is some truth to that. And I won’t take the blame if I do spend more time with Eddie, it’s only because we sleep together, and get up at the same time, and then do all the morning chores together.
“Amanda…I love you…” I say smiling.
“I know you do. And you know I love you. I guess I just miss you. And this probably would have happened in the other world, well the world how it used to be. We would have eventually fallen in love and grown apart. Maybe when it gets warm again we can start taking off once a month, having a girls’ day,” she says.
“Sure, we’ll go to the mall and hang out,” I reply laughing.
“I mean we could, I heard they are having some great sales,” she replies.
“Really though, yeah we need to do that. I miss you,” I tell her.
“Is there a mall close? We really should go there at some point. Maggie needs clothes, I need clothes, and maybe we could get some of the warmer clothes there,” Lynne says.
“And if there’s a food court they would have some canned goods we could use. I imagine they would have a lot of cooking oil,” Dave says.
“I never even thought of that. I know the one time we did go to the high school we looked in the kitchen and there were a bunch of big canned goods we could use. We didn’t grab them because we were heading to the store to get straw and feed, so we should add that to the list of stuff the high school would have,” I say.
“Okay so how about for now we sit and make detailed lists of places we need to go and what we hope to find there. I think when we actually get someplace, I know at least for us, we were always just there for what we needed then, maybe some food for a day or two, but now that we have a place to stay we need to think long term. I don’t know about Dave and Sebastian, but I’m happy to settle down here…so it looks like you guys have new neighbors,” Lynne says smiling at me.
“It will be nice to have neighbors again. We’ll have to show you how to cut through the woods to get here faster. You can take the road, but it’s like ten miles, if you cut through the woods it’s maybe five. And yeah you can’t drive through the woods, but I think we need to watch how much gas we use,” I say.
“Eat?” Maggie says.
“Are you hungry?” I ask her.
She nods her head.
“Let’s go see what we can find to eat. Will you eat peanut butter? I can make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for now,” I tell her.
“Okay,” she says.
“Oh and there’s some Jello left from yesterday too, so maybe a little of that,” I say.
“Yes!” she says excitedly.
“I think I’ll put the pan of the other leftovers into the oven to warm up for us, if anyone else is hungry,” I tell everyone.
“I’m getting there,” Dave says.
“Me too. Let me come in there and help you. Then either while we eat, or after we’ve finished, we can start working on the lists,” Lynne says.
I go out on the back porch and grab the bowl of Jello out of the cooler we set up out there. Eddie wants to build some sort of cabinet or something out here that we can use to store cold food during the cold months. Has to be something animals can’t easily get into, and well since he has no idea how to actually build anything, right now we’ve been using coolers we had.
It’s getting colder as the day goes on, and the wind has picked up. It’s going to snow. Maybe not today, but within the next couple days, and I’m afraid once it starts it won’t stop for a long time.
In some ways, I’m hoping we can get Lynne and everyone set up at Tim and Rachel’s before the snow hits, but in other ways, I’m afraid they won’t know how to survive out here with it being cold.
Maybe we should hold off on moving them until the Spring. Not sure the eight of us would be able to get along for that long. So far they seem like really nice people, but I guess we don’t really know them.
I start to go back inside but I hear a noise. Sounded like someone, or something big jumped, or fell. I quickly look around but other than the trees moving in the wind everything is still.
Probably just one of the bigger goats messing around.
I need to go milk the goats later. Maybe when Eddie gets home, it’s easier and quicker when he’s here to distract them while I milk them.
I close my eyes and listen carefully for any out-of-place noise, hoping to hear the engine of the truck, but it’s quiet now other than the wind and random sounds from the animals.
I go back into the kitchen.
I get Maggie a small bowl of Jello to eat while I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for her.
I need to make bread today. We used a lot yesterday and then I used most of the rest when I packed a lunch for the guys to take with them.
I’ll get the dough started after I get lunch in the oven.
I pour a glass of water for Maggie. I wonder if she would drink goat’s milk? Will she grow up healthy? Maybe we should get some vitamins for all of us to start taking. Can’t hurt.
“I got the leftovers out while you were outside. I opened the foil just enough to make sure nothing had gotten into it, although I’m not sure how anything could have gotten into the refrigerator, but it looked fine so I put the foil back on and popped it in the oven. I hope that’s okay?” Lynne says.
“Yeah, that’s fine, thanks. It’s nice to have help. Want to help me make a few loaves of bread? We’re about out. I thought I’d make the dough while lunch was cooking and then it can rise while we eat,” I tell her.
“I have never made bread before, but I can’t wait to try.”
“It’s pretty easy and once you’ve made it a few times it will be like second nature and you feel like you can do it in your sleep,” I say.
“I hope so,” she says slightly laughing. “I was never a very good cook before everything happened. And then found it kind of a blessing afterward that all I had to do was open a can and eat, not even warming the contents up most of the time. I know how to cook, but for some reason, it never tastes as good when I make something. You Mara, you are an amazing cook.”
“Thanks,” I reply quietly, kind of embarrassed at the compliment.
“Really you are. I think some people were just born to be great cooks, and then there are people like me who know how to cook, and it’s edible, but not that oh wow that was delicious response when you eat the food.”
“You’re fine. Everything you made yesterday was good…” I start to say.
“That’s because I was just helping, you were really doing the cooking. And don’t even try to say something about the pancakes, you made the batter, you put your magic in it, I just cooked them.”
I’m finished making Maggie’s sandwich so I put it on a plate, slice it into four little triangles and take it to her at the table. I get the towel off the counter and wipe the counter off gathering the bread crumbs in my hand that I then wipe off into the can we keep on the counter for food scraps for the animals.
Amanda comes into the kitchen and pours herself a glass of water. She takes a drink and then sets it down.
“You know what I’d do for a cold soda?” she asks.
“Soda?” Maggie asks.
“We don’t have any soda Maggie,” I tell her.
“We should get some next time we go out looking for supplies,” Amanda says.
I shrug my shoulders. “I guess. We never have because it isn’t a need. Food is a need. Toilet paper is a need. Soda…not really. But yeah maybe we could grab some to have because it does get boring drinking plain water all the time.”
“Maybe we should get some tea too, for when we run out of coffee,” Lynne suggests.
“We probably have some tea. Not sure how good it would still taste it was my mom’s and…well…” I start but don’t know how to finish.
Do I explain that my mom died before the sickness? That she might still be alive today if she didn’t have a fucked up liver. Or do I just let her think she died like everyone else did, from some unknown incurable sickness? I guess it really doesn’t matter, maybe I’ll just wait to see if it ever comes up.
“Yeah? Just plain tea? I love tea,” Lynne says.
“I don’t remember. There might be some flavored stuff. Let me look,” I say and walk to the pantry to see if I can even find it. I’m pretty sure it was there still when we did the last big inventory so there’s no way my dad got rid of it since that would have just been a month or so ago.
After my mom died, my dad seemed to want to get rid of anything that was hers. He kept maybe one or two things, like her wedding ring, but the rest he had boxed up to get rid of one night while I was asleep. I woke up one morning, went downstairs to get a drink, and see if my dad was up yet, and was surprised and heartbroken to see him sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee surrounded by boxes of everything that my mom was. All her clothes, little knick-knacks, boxes, and boxes of yarn and knitting needles because she loved to knit, just everything that was her.
He told me I could go through them if I wanted to keep anything so I called Amanda to come over and go through all of it with me.
We went through every box and when we were finished I understood why he had to get rid of everything, it hurt. When we saw this stuff we would think of her and remember she isn’t here now, so I think he was right to get rid of all of it.
I did keep a few things, my favorite dress of hers, her old slippers, and these silly glass figurines I gave to her when I was little. I was maybe six or seven when I got them for her. It was a set of glass bunnies and seeing that it was a set, I thought they were salt and pepper shakers. I never took them out of the box, too afraid I would break them since they were glass.
When I gave them to my mom for Mother’s Day she thought the same thing at first, but then she took them out of the package and after looking all over them to find where you added the salt and pepper, she realized they were not salt and pepper shakers, they were dirty little anatomically correct bunnies that you could put in all kinds of positions to do all kinds of dirty things.
She laughed so hard when she figured it out. She showed my dad who laughed too, but they wouldn’t tell me what was so funny. She said one day she would tell me, and she did when I was about fifteen, and at first, I know I turned a million shades of red, but then I realized how lucky I was to have such amazing parents who didn’t get angry with their seven-year-old when she gives gifts like these.
I have so many favorite memories of my parents. I need to write them down so I can pass it all down to my kids, and they can pass it down to theirs. And I hope that as long as this house is standing, our family lives here.
That was all that I kept though, just a few things that made me think of her. When my dad got sick and knew he was most likely going to die from the sickness he told me where my mom’s wedding ring was, and he slipped his off his finger and told me to keep both of them with me forever. I always hoped I would use them when I got married, but I guess marriage isn’t something that can happen now. When I feel like I’m ready to commit myself to Eddie forever I wonder if he would wear my dad’s ring? What do I mean when? I’m ready now. I know I love him, he says he loves me and he shows me every day that he does love me. I’m ready. And if I am pregnant, call me old-fashioned, but I’d like to be married before I have the baby.
“Mara…” I hear someone say.
“Yeah,” I say taking a step out of the pantry to see who it is.
“Are you alright? You’ve been in there for a few minutes. It’s not that important, we can put tea on the list for the next time we go for supplies,” Lynne says.
I hand her the box I found. My mom loved tea, said coffee was too harsh, so she always had a cup of tea in the morning, one after lunch, and one before bed. Sometimes she would drink a cup of coffee with my dad, but she really preferred tea.
“I found it. There’s probably a bunch of different kinds in there, and a few diffusers in one of the drawers.”
“We were getting worried about you, you were so quiet,” Lynne says.
I shake my head, smile embarrassed. “I guess I got lost in thought.”
Lynne smiles. She puts one arm on my shoulder and pulls me to her in a halfway sort of hug. “It’s okay. If you ever want to talk, about anything, I’m here.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m going to make some tea, does anyone else want any?” Lynne asks.
“I’ll drink some. Let me see if I can find our kettle so we can heat up the water,” I tell her and start digging around in the cabinet where we keep pots and pans.
“I think I’ll make some for Maggie too. I can put it outside to get cold. Give her something else to drink instead of just water.”
I wonder what she drank after Scott was an asshole and her mom lost her mind? How did she survive?
I stand back up triumphantly with the kettle in my hand.
“Let me wash it out then we can fill it up,” I tell Lynne.
I take the lid off and stick it in the pan of dishwater we keep in the sink. It’s what we use to rinse dishes off right after we eat, but not what we wash the dishes in, just rinse water. I grab the washrag off the faucet and dip it in the water and realize we really need to change the water because it’s brutally cold. I figure after I rinse off the kettle we can dump this water and I can heat up more.
I’m rinsing off the kettle looking out the window over the sink and see something move out of the corner of my eye.
Dammit! I hope the chickens didn’t get loose, I really don’t want to be chasing them around today. I also hope nothing is lurking around out there trying to get to the chickens. I guess we better go check and make sure nothing is out there.
I fill the tea kettle and set it on one of the burners to heat up, then grab a coat off the coat rack by the back door.
“I’m going to go walk around a bit, I thought I saw something. Just need to make sure nothing is trying to get the chickens,” I tell everyone before I go outside.
“Want to hold off until after lunch? I think the food is hot,” Lynne says.
The food does smell good and for some reason, I feel ravenous, but I can’t risk something happening to the animals.
“I’ll just go check the animals real quick, then after lunch, I’ll walk around a bit,” I tell her.
Again when I go outside it’s quiet except for the occasional animal sound and the wind that is even worse this afternoon.
I check the chickens first and they seem fine. Same with the pig and goats.
I open the barn door and peek in at the cow. Nothing strange, she seems to be sleeping.
I shut the door and turn around to go back inside but jump back and gasp when I see something black move quickly past me.
I laugh at myself, embarrassed to see that it’s just an old trash bag getting blown around by the wind. I run and chase it, grab it and take it to our trash to be burned so it doesn’t end up with the goats or pig and they try to eat it.
I head back inside grateful that all it was was a trash bag freaking out the chickens.
“All good out there?” Dave asks.
I smile and nod my head. “Yeah. There was a trash bag blowing around. I stuck it in the trash to be burned. That’s probably what had the chickens agitated though.”
“That’s good to hear. Do you ever worry about what could happen?” Lynne asks.
“Yeah. And I’m not sure which I’m more afraid of, some feral animal coming here looking for food, or feral people. Probably the people. I tried to explain that to Eddie…you know like the people around here that I know…my friends…” I say trailing off because Maggie is in here and I don’t want to talk about what her mom and Scott were like the last time I saw them.
Lynne nods her head.
“Do you worry at night? Letting everyone sleep at the same time seems like it would be a big risk,” Dave says.
I shrug my shoulders. “I guess it is, but I think we all feel like we want to try to still lead as normal lives as we can now. It’s so quiet here that we can usually hear something even from far away. I wish we had a dog or two though to let us know when someone was coming. Of course, if we did I’d have them inside now because it’s so cold out,” I say laughing.
“We’re going to wake up one day and you’re going to have all the animals inside,” Amanda says.
I smile embarrassed because she’s right, it could happen.
Lunch tastes so good. Thanksgiving leftovers always taste better the next day and this time it’s no exception.
I wonder if the guys are eating now too? Maybe they’re on their way back?
I really wish they would get back. It seems like they’ve been gone a long time. Time enough to get to the store, fill the truck a few times over, and be back.
Maybe I should have gone with them since I know where all the stores are around here. I gave Eddie pretty clear directions to the closest store that used to carry food and household stuff hoping they could find a lot of stuff there if no one else has raided it, but if they couldn’t find stuff there they would have tried to find another store maybe.
I close my eyes and say a silent prayer.
Dad, I don’t know if you can hear me. You know how I felt about religion, and I know how you felt about it when mom got sick. I think if either of us had any faith at that point, we lost it soon after, so I can’t pray to any sort of god. But dad, I love this guy, I love him so much, and if anything happens to him I have no reason to keep trying to survive. Please make sure he makes it back to me.
Instead of all of us retreating to the living room after lunch, we hang out in the kitchen at the table. We all contribute ideas for the lists of things we think we need to try to accomplish, lists of items we need to survive the winter, and stuff for the gardens in the spring.
Maggie busies herself drawing and coloring. I think this sort of stable family life is already helping her, I even hear her humming occasionally.
It’s nice to have tea. It does get boring drinking water all the time, even though I am grateful to have access to clean drinking water.
The smell of the tea makes me think of my mom of course, but it’s good thoughts. From now on when I think of my parents I’m going to make sure they’re good thoughts.
It’s nice sitting in the kitchen and having people to talk to. And yeah I wish my parents were here, but it’s nice to have friends now.
I do love my friendship with Amanda, we’ve known each other forever, but we are drifting apart and I don’t know if it’s because of Eddie and Spencer or what exactly.
I’m sure once we both went off to our separate colleges, met new people, the same thing would have happened, but Amanda will always be my best friend.
We need to start thinking about what to make for dinner. I check our menu list and see we were planning on tuna casserole. I need to check if we have enough stuff so I can double the amount I make. We should still have enough tuna and I can just make extra noodles. Dangit! I got distracted with the tea that we forgot to make the dough for bread. I guess I’ll do that first, then make noodles.
“Want to help me make bread?” I ask Lynne.
“We were supposed to earlier weren’t we?” Lynne says.
I nod my head. “We were, but I forgot when we started talking about tea. But we can do it now, it’s nice and warm in here so it shouldn’t take long to rise. I need to make noodles for dinner. The menu says tuna casserole, I hope that’s okay with everyone. Eddie doesn’t like it, but he eats it.”
“I like it. I don’t think Sebastian will mind. Hopefully, Maggie will eat it, I’m thinking she’s not picky at all. Sadly,” Lynne replies.
“I love it. One of the foods my wife used to make,” Dave says.
I look at Dave. I never thought of him having a wife. I wonder if he has kids…well had kids. And I kinda want to ask…but don’t want to bring it up if it’s going to be sad for him to talk about it. Maybe I’ll ask Lynne if she knows when we’re alone sometime.
You know though…I don’t even know if she was married or had kids.
I really want to ask…but know it’s probably better to just wait until the subject comes up in conversation naturally.
I show Lynne how to make the bread dough. We make enough for four loaves. That should be enough for the next couple of days. Hopefully. What will we do when we run out of yeast?
We cover the dough and set it on the stove to rise.
I start getting the stuff ready to make noodles and remember that we didn’t get any eggs today. We were really lucky and they kept laying even when it got cold out.
I decide to go outside and check to see if maybe they laid any this afternoon since it maybe got warmer. I actually think with the wind picking up that it might be colder, but maybe they laid some. All I really need is two.
“I just remembered we didn’t get any eggs this morning, so I think I’ll go check to see if there’s any now. I need to check the animals anyway, the wind or something has them freaked out today,” I tell everyone.
I go over to the backdoor and start getting my boots on.
“Want me to come with you?” Dave asks.
I consider saying yes because if there is some animal out there it might take two people, one to distract it while the other one goes for a gun, but it’s cold out and I hate for Dave to get cold since he says it hurts his bones.
I shake my head no. “I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure? I don’t like you going alone,” he says.
“I can go,” Lynne suggests.
“Or me,” Amanda says.
I think for a few seconds. “No, I’ll be fine. No reason for more than one of us to get cold.”
I put my coat on and start to open the door.
“Here, take this,” Dave says handing me one of the handguns we keep by the backdoor.
I look at it for a few seconds before taking it and slipping it into my coat pocket.
As soon as I step out onto the back porch I consider going back inside. It’s dropped about ten degrees since earlier. There’s no way the chickens laid any eggs. I decide to go ahead and check…just in case.
I start walking towards the chicken coop when the barn door blows open. How did I forget to latch it earlier? I don’t think I did, I never have, ever. I hope the latch isn’t broken.
I detour slightly and start walking towards the barn to check the latch and shut the door.
When I get to the barn I step inside to see if the cow is okay. Maybe she somehow opened the door.
She’s just laying in the straw. She looks up at me.
“Did you open the door?” I ask her.
She just stares at me.
I walk over to her, squat down, and scratch her head.
“It’s cold today, are you warm enough out here?” I ask her.
I hear something. A rustling in the straw somewhere. I turn my head to look around but don’t see anything. Probably the wind…or something.
“If it gets too cold out here, maybe I can sneak you into the basement,” I tell the cow.
She continues to stare at me.
“Or we can find you a boyfriend. He can keep you warm. Mine keeps me warm at night,” I say to her.
“Does he?” I hear someone ask.
That voice. At first, I can’t place it, but I know I know it. Then it hits me. I quickly stand up and turn around when I realize who the voice belongs to.
I don’t know what to do. I nod my head yes replying to his question. I don’t think I can speak. I honestly figured Scott was gone…or dead. I certainly never thought I would see him again.
I think about running towards the barn door and going back inside the house, but he’s standing by the door. He would grab me probably. Maybe?
“So…who is this boyfriend?” he asks me.
He takes a few steps towards me.
“That guy that came to my house that one time? He’s your boyfriend?” he asks.
I nod my head again.
He walks closer to me.
“I think you should come home with me. This guy…I mean…who the fuck is he? He doesn’t even know you.”
I slowly take a few steps backward.
“He has no right to be here with you. Why would you want to be with some guy you don’t even know,” he says.
“I love him,” I say quietly.
“What? You love him? You can’t even know anything about him. We’ve known each other our whole lives. If anyone should be with you…it’s me.”
“I love him,” I say again, this time slightly louder.
“You don’t even know this fucking asshole,” Scott says loudly this time.
“I do…”
I stand there trying to decide what to do. I could try screaming, maybe someone inside would hear me. Try to reason with Scott…yeah that seems unlikely. Try to make a run for the door and get into the house, lock Scott out and let the men deal with him when they get home.
Maybe I can try talking to him, calm him down enough that I can get inside the house.
“I told him…this guy that you think you love…I told him he could take all of our animals and all he had to do was let me keep you…and he made the wrong decision,” Scott starts saying.
“They were all dead though,” I say.
“Who cares! Everything is dead now. My whole family…I mean I guess they’re dead…I never went back in the house after you left. Really there was no point…my mom was fucking gone already…and I had no use for Maggie. I’ve been hanging around here…waiting…”
“Here?” I ask.
“Yeah here, Mara…I’ve been hanging around here…waiting for a chance. Finally, he left. You know…it was getting to the point that I was beginning to think he was never going to leave. I was thinking…figured you know…that I was just going to have to jump the asshole some morning…kill him…you know?” he says taking a few steps closer to me.
He stops about ten feet away from me.
I wish Eddie would get back now. He would find out I’m in the barn and he would come in here and take care of Scott and rescue me…but who knows when they’ll be back. I’m going to have to save myself.
“He’s going to be back any time…” I say hoping to maybe scare Scott enough to leave.
“Well then…I guess we should think about leaving now.”
“Leaving? To go where?” I ask him.
He looks confused. I guess he hasn’t thought his plan through yet.
“I don’t know yet…but we’ll find a place. I wish we could stay here, but you have all these people here now. If it were just you here…and I guess Amanda…we could just stay here. This guy…he’s ruined everything. Has he ruined you?” he asks while walking even closer to me.
I start walking backward again, taking a few steps before I trip and fall on my butt.
He walks to where I’m laying in the straw, stands over me.
“Has he ruined you, Mara? Did you guys…” He sighs, pauses for a minute looking at me.
“Did he make you bleed Mara? You know…when he broke you,” he says leaning closer to me.
“Did it hurt? Did you cry?” he asks reaching down towards me.
He grabs my arm and starts to pull me up. I try to get away, I try pulling my arm out of his grasp but he’s stronger than me.
“It’s okay Mara, even if he fucked you already…even though he’s the one that broke you…you’re still mine.”
“I’m not,” I say.
“Come on, make this easy. Just get up,” he says trying to pull me up.
We hear a loud bang when the barn door gets blown shut by the wind. Scott turns to see what the sound was and while he’s distracted I take the chance to kick his arm hoping he’ll let go of me.
His grip is loosened enough that with a hard pull I get free from him.
He looks back at me, so I kick him in the face. I crawl backward a few feet, then stand up and run towards the ladder to the hayloft.
“Mara…don’t fight me…we’re going to be together,” he says.
I start climbing the ladder, when I’m halfway up I pause for a brief second and turn to see where he is.
He’s walking towards the ladder, I climb up the rest of the way as quickly as I can.
“That was stupid Mara…don’t make me mad,” Scott says.
When I get to the top I stand there for a few seconds trying to figure out why I thought it was a good idea to come up here. I guess because I really didn’t have much choice.
I have to hide. There’s nothing else I can do.
“What are you going to do now Mara? You have nowhere to go.”
I hear the creak of the ladder when he starts climbing it. I have to hide. I don’t have any option other than to hide behind some of the bales of straw stored up here. I have to do it now because I can hear the groan of the ladder with each step he takes.
“Mara…” he says, his voice sounding so much different now. Almost like a growl.
I start to run to the closest pile of straw but figure that’s where he’ll think I am, so I run towards the far side of the barn. I can’t run in this straw wearing my boots, I fall forward. I panic. I can hear him climbing the ladder.
I roll over so I’m sitting facing the ladder. I feel something fall out of my pocket. It makes a soft thud when it falls in the straw.
I sit still silently…listening…trying to hear how close he is. All I can hear is my own breathing and my heart beating loud and fast.
I just sit there. I stare at the space above the ladder…waiting to see if he’s still coming up here.
It’s so quiet now. I try to hold my breath so I can hear something…anything…
Nothing. I don’t know what to do. Wait? Go see if he’s still on the ladder?
I sit still. Afraid to move…afraid to even breathe. It’s completely silent. Where is he?
I hear a slow creak…he must still be climbing up the ladder.
I need to move. I need to get up now and hide. I can’t. I’m frozen. I’m too scared to do anything. Where is everyone? How have they not noticed I’ve been gone for a long time?
I hear him taking another step up. He has to be near the top now.
“There you are,” he says when his head appears over the top.
He has such a creepy look on his face. It doesn’t even look like the Scott I used to know.
He smiles. “My Mara…” he says while climbing into the hayloft.
I have to get away. I start to crawl away backward. My hand hits something in the straw. It’s what fell out earlier. My gun. I pick it up. I look at it for a couple of seconds before holding it in both hands and pointing it at Scott.
“What are you going to do with that?” he asks standing over me.
Can I use the gun on him? Can I shoot Scott? I’ve known him my whole life.
He smiles at me, leans down, and reaches a hand towards me. “You know you’re not going to shoot me…just give me the gun.”
That smile. It never looked scary before. Right now though, Scott smiling down at me sends chills through my whole body.
I shake my head. “No. Just go…please.”
“I love you, Mara,” he says reaching for the gun.
I slowly squeeze the trigger. I’m not sure who’s more surprised when the gun goes off, me or Scott.
He looks at me for a couple of seconds. I think he’s not sure if he got hit or not. And I don’t know if I did hit him until I feel a drop of blood land on me.
“Mara…” he says.
I squeeze the trigger again.
This time he reaches towards his chest. He touches it and then looks at the blood on his fingers. He looks at me, then falls on top of me.
I lay there for a few seconds not sure what to do. I can feel his blood starting to soak into my clothes. It feels warm. It’s such a strange feeling.
Scott hasn’t moved since he fell on me. I drop the gun into the straw where I picked it up from. I try to get out from under him, pushing him off of me while I try to crawl from underneath him.
I sit up next to him. I think he’s dead…but I don’t know for sure. I sit there for a minute…or five…ten…
I hear Amanda calling for me. The barn door is still shut so she probably won’t look in here.
I crawl over to the ladder so I can climb down.
I stand at the top of the ladder briefly. I just want to look at Scott…need to look at Scott. I need to know that he’s really there. That I really did shoot him. He’s laying there how he was when I pushed him off of me. How he was when I sat there next to him.
I start going down the ladder. I can hear Amanda calling me, trying to find me. I wonder if she heard the gunshots?
When I get to the bottom of the ladder I stand there for a few seconds not sure what to do. I guess I need to find Amanda and let her know where I am.
I push the barn door open and look outside to see where she is. I see her by the chicken coop. I shut and latch the barn door and start walking towards her.
I’m about twenty feet away when she turns around and sees me.
“Mara!”
She runs to me while I’m still walking towards her.
“Mara, what happened? Are you bleeding? What’s all this blood from?” she asks.
I look down to see what she’s talking about. I see the blood on me and remember it’s Scott’s.
“Scott’s here,” I say.
“Did he hurt you? Where is he? What happened? We heard gunshots,” she says.
“He’s in the barn. Up in the hayloft. I shot him. I think he’s dead.”
“This is his blood?” she asks.
I nod my head. “Yeah…”
“Are you hurt?”
“No. I’m okay.”
“Let’s go in the house,” she says.
“I think I want to lay down.”
She puts her arm around me and we walk towards the house.
“I found her,” Amanda loudly says when we go into the kitchen.
Lynne comes in from the living room. “What happened?”
“Where’s Maggie?” Amanda asks her.
“She’s laying down in the living room. I think she might be asleep,” Lynne replies.
“Dave?” Amanda asks.
“I’m here,” he says coming into the kitchen.
“What happened?” Lynne asks noticing the blood on me.
Amanda looks at me, but I don’t know what to say.
“I think Scott was here…well is here. Mara says she shot him,” Amanda says.
“Scott?” Lynne asks.
“Oh…he’s Maggie’s brother. We went to school with him. Mara and Eddie went to their farm last week to see if they still had animals, but it was just Scott, his mom who was pretty far gone then, and Maggie. Eddie was talking to Scott about animals and Scott said he would trade all of their animals for Mara, took Eddie into the barn where he saw all of their animals had been left there to starve to death. Eddie found Mara, told her they had to leave now. When you guys said you were at their farm and didn’t see him, I guess we all assumed he had left the area, or died, but seems like he was here today. Well still is,” Amanda says.
“I think I want to lay down,” I tell them.
“Why don’t we clean you up first,” Amanda says.
“I will later.”
“Do you want to go to your room?” Lynne asks.
I absentmindedly nod my head. I start walking towards the stairs.
“Want to lay down here? Or I can come with you,” Amanda says.
“No…I’m fine…I just need to lay down. I’m fine.”
I stop by the back door to take off my boots. I leave them by the back door and then go up to my room.
I sit on the side of my bed for a few minutes before I curl into a ball on my side and pull the covers over me.
I lay there numb. I don’t sleep, I don’t cry, I’m not even thinking about anything, I’m just laying there.
I don’t even hear the guys come back.
I don’t realize they’re back until I hear someone running up the stairs and coming into my room.
Eddie pulls the blanket down and lays with me.
I’m confused when I see he’s crying. I reach my hand up and wipe the tears off his cheek.
He smiles. “Are you alright?” he asks me.
I nod my head.
“He didn’t hurt you did he?” he asks.
“No.”
“Let me get you cleaned up. I’ll bring in some water and heat it up for you,” he says.
“Scott? Is he…” I can’t say it.
“I haven’t been out there yet, I wanted to check on you first.”
“I’m fine. I shot Scott,” I say.
“I know, Amanda told us.”
“He fell on me…he wasn’t moving…” I say.
“When I know you’re okay and we get you cleaned up, I’ll go check on him. I don’t care about him.”
“He was my friend,” I say.
“Was…he hasn’t been your friend for a long time. You did what you had to do. I’m really proud of you. I know it had to be hard to make that decision, but you did it, Mara, you made the best decision for the situation you were in. You didn’t have any other choice but to shoot him.”
Someone knocks on our bedroom door even though it isn’t shut.
“Um, Eddie…when you get a chance…” Sebastian says.
Eddie rolls over to face him. “Yeah…uh…just give me a minute.”
“That’s fine…no hurry…just um…come downstairs when you can,” Sebastian says.
Eddie rolls back over to face me. “I need to go…take care of things. Will you be alright for a little while? Do you want to come downstairs?”
“Yeah…I’m fine. I’m just going to lay here.”
“Want me to have Amanda or Lynne come up here to sit with you?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I’m fine…really.”
“I don’t really believe you, but I need to go take care of some stuff, and then heat up water so we can get you cleaned up. I’ll be back as soon as I can, but if you need anything just yell downstairs to Amanda.”
“Alright.”
He starts to get up but I grab his hand and hold it. He kisses the back of my hand.
“I promise, I’ll be right back. I have to go take care of…things…out in the barn. Then I’ll come right back and check on you,” he says.
He pulls his hand away from me and gets up.
“I’ll be right back,” he says before he leaves the room.
Spencer must have come upstairs because I overhear them talking right outside our door.
“He’s really fucking dead in the hayloft. I guess Mara is the best shot after all. What are we going to do with him?” Spencer asks Eddie.
“I’m coming to take care of it right now. I’m worried about Mara though, kind of afraid to leave her alone. She’s not crying or anything. Seems numb or something.”
“Wouldn’t doubt it. Killing some guy you used to be friends with is probably a pretty shitty feeling. I’m sure she’ll be fine though,” Spencer says.
I hear Eddie sigh. “Yeah, I hope so.”
I lay there for some time, waiting, wishing Eddie would hurry up and come back to me. I need him with me right now.
I decide I have to get out of these clothes. I take my hoodie off and drop it to the floor. When I take both of my shirts off, when I pull them over my head all I can smell is Scott’s blood. It makes me instantly nauseous and I vomit on the floor. I drop my shirts on top of it to clean it up, or at least keep Eddie from stepping in it when he comes back.
I strip completely, then get back in bed. I know I need to wash off, I can still smell his blood. Scott’s blood. I killed someone. I killed a person I’ve known my whole life. I killed a friend.
When Eddie comes back he sets a lantern on the dresser. I hadn’t realized it was dark out. I forgot to make dinner.
“I didn’t make dinner…”
“It’s okay, Amanda and Lynne took care of it. Everyone is fine, but we’re worried about you. I have water on the stove heating up so I can help you clean off,” he says.
“I threw up.”
“What? You threw up? Let’s get you cleaned up now. Let me see if the water is warm enough,” he says.
“On the floor. My shirt…it smelled like blood…” I say.
He picks the lantern up and holds it near the floor to see where I threw up I guess. He sets the lantern on the floor near where all my clothes are, then comes over to the bed. He picks up a corner of the blanket and slowly pulls it down exposing my naked body to the cold air.
He walks over to the door and quietly closes it. He takes his shirt off and drops it on the floor. He unzips his pants as he’s walking towards the bed. He stops by the side of the bed and lets his pants fall to his ankles, then kicks them off. He quickly takes his underwear off.
He gets in bed with me and pulls the blanket back over us. He kisses me as soon as he’s next to me. Kisses me hard, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth, searching for my tongue.
His hands roughly groping at my body, grabbing my boobs in such an almost violent way, but for some reason, my body is responding to it, to him. I want him. I need him. I need to feel him inside of me. I need to feel alive.
I grab him just as rough. My nails digging into his shoulders, I pull him to me.
I roll to my back pulling him with me. I bend my knees and spread my legs. He kneels between them. His hands on my knees, he spreads my legs further apart before tightly gripping his cock, bringing it closer to me, guiding it into me.
He thrust into me so hard, grunting as he does. I whimper slightly. He thrusts in just as hard several times.
His mouth is back on mine, but so gently. Soft kisses. I can barely feel his lips. It seems so strange to be getting these soft sweet kisses while he thrusts his cock in me so violently.
He thrusts into me one more time, so hard this time that I move up in the bed a little. He makes the saddest whimpering sound as he collapses on me.
He lays still on me for a minute, then moves slightly to the side. We lay there together, holding onto each other until someone knocks on the door.
“Eddie? We turned the water off…it was about to boil over…” we hear Amanda say.
He kisses my cheek before rolling out of bed.
He picks up his underwear and pants. He pulls his underwear on and starts to pull his pants on when Amanda knocks on the door again.
He pulls his pants up and walks to the door opening it just a crack. “I’m coming, let me get dressed.”
“Did you seriously have sex with her? Now?” she asks.
“It’s what she needed. What we needed. I’ll be down to get the water in a minute.”
“Whatever…I’ll be downstairs,” she says.
He picks his shirt off the floor and puts it on. He leans over and kisses me. “I’ll bring everything up here. Get you cleaned up and in pajamas. Then we can go to bed if you’re tired, or bring you something to eat if you’re hungry.”
“Okay.”
I get out of bed to find clean pajamas and underwear. I lay everything on the bed and sit and wait for him to come back.
It doesn’t take him very long. He brings in two pots of hot water, then leaves to go get some towels and washcloths. He’s back quickly with them, and soap too.
“Do you need anything else?” he asks.
“I don’t think so.”
“Then I’ll be back, I need to grab one more thing,” he says and is gone again.
I go over to my dresser where he set up all the stuff so I can clean up. I don’t have much blood on me, it was mostly on my clothes, but I can still smell it.
I dip one of the wash clothes into one of the pots of water to get it wet, then I soap it up.
The water is so hot, Amanda was right about that.
Eddie comes back after I’ve only accomplished washing my face. He sets his backpack on the bed and I hear something clank in it. Doesn’t sound like cans though, it sounds like glass.
“What did you get?” I ask him.
He unzips the backpack and starts pulling stuff out.
I wring the washcloth out, wet it again, then soap it up and start washing off my chest and belly.
“I’ll show you when you’re finished. Do you need any help?” he asks.
“No. I’m almost finished.”
I rinse the soap off my chest and belly and soap up the washcloth one more time. This time I wash between my legs and my inner thighs. After us just having sex and me getting up right after, all of Eddie’s fluid he released into me, ran down my legs.
I rinse off, then pick up a towel and dry off.
Eddie comes up behind me. He reaches up and puts his hands on my boobs.
“How do you feel today? I mean…not about the thing that happened…but how do you feel otherwise?” he asks.
“I’m okay. I haven’t thrown up…well except for a little bit ago but that was from the blood smell, not the…um…you know…that other thing.”
“That’s good,” he says and kisses my neck.
I put my hands on his hands. “I need to get dressed, I’m freezing.”
He takes his hands off my boobs, picks up one of my hands, and takes me over to our bed.
“You get dressed while I show you what I got,” he says.
I put on my underwear first, then a short sleeve shirt.
Eddie picks something up off the bed. “I got this. A few actually. I wasn’t really sure what to get,” he says holding something up.
I can’t see what it is. I pick the lantern off the floor and set it on my nightstand so I can see better.
He hands me a small box. I look at it. A pregnancy test. I look at him.
“I got a few different ones,” he says gesturing towards the bed where I see at least four other similarly shaped boxes. “I really was so lost trying to figure out what to get…I guess these will work though.”
“Yeah, I guess…I don’t know either. What else did you get?” I ask him.
He reaches into his backpack and pulls a bottle out, and then another one, and then another one. I guess that’s what the clanking was.
I pick up one of the bottles so I can see what it is. Jack Daniels. Hmm…
I mean I knew he liked beer, he mentioned it around the time he first came here, but I guess I never thought of him as a drinker.
He pulls out two more bottles. I look at all of them, all different kinds of alcohol.
“Are you planning a party?” I ask him.
He laughs nervously. “No. Just never know when I’ll find this stuff again, so I grabbed it. I got these too,” he says picking up his backpack and dumping the rest of the stuff out.
I pick up my long underwear pants that I’m going to wear to bed and put them on, and then a long underwear shirt on over my tee-shirt before I see what he dumped on the bed.
I have to admit, I’m kind of surprised to see a bunch of candy.
“Candy?” I ask him.
“Yeah. Um…I guess I have to confess…I love candy.”
I dig around in the pile of candy bars and find a few packs of cigarettes. I hold one up to him.
“Okay, confession number two I guess…I saw cigarettes and it had been so long since I’d had one…I lit one expecting to hate it…but I didn’t. I told you I used to smoke…”
“You did, but I guess I assumed you quit since you hadn’t smoked in months, and you know once these are gone you’ll have to quit again,” I tell him hoping he’ll realize I’m right and go throw these in our burn pile now.
“I might have grabbed a few cartons of them…”
I look at him. “Who are you? I feel like I’ve been living with…a lie.”
I dig around through all the stuff he’s piled up on the bed. I find three boxes of condoms. I hold one up to him.
“I figured we could use them…well you know…if you’re not…um…you know…” he says.
Jesus! If he can’t even say the word, how is he going to take it if I am pregnant?
I drop the box of condoms back onto the bed and turn around to clean up the dirty clothes and throw up.
“Want me to clean that up?” he asks.
“No, I can do it. Will you clean all your vices off the bed though so I can go to bed. It’s been a long day and I just want to sleep.”
He sighs. He stands watching me while I clean the floor up. It doesn’t take long, my shirts soaked most of my vomit up. I pick up the wet washcloth and wipe the floor and then dry it.
I pick up all the dirty laundry and put it in a pile next to the door. I can take it down tomorrow.
He’s still just standing by the bed watching me. I look at the stuff still piled on the bed, then look at him.
“Do you want me to throw it all away? I will. Especially if it’s going to be a problem between us,” he says.
“No. I want you to do whatever makes you happy. If being a drunk that smokes and eats candy is what makes you happy, then you be you.”
“It’s just that…there’s not much left that’s…fun…you know. I’m not a drunk. I do like to have a drink every once in a while though. And yeah I smoke.”
He sighs again.
I kiss his cheek. “Eddie, really, it’s fine. You’re right, there isn’t much fun stuff left. Just don’t get carried away, okay?”
He cocks his head to the right, looks at me for several seconds. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
I kiss him. “Clear it all off though so we can go to bed…or I can go to bed. Are you coming to bed now? Did you eat dinner? I’m not hungry, can I have a candy bar?”
“I might let you have one…what do I get?” he asks.
“I’ll let you sleep in my bed with me.”
“I guess I better let you have one because right now there is nowhere else for me to sleep. What do you want? Reese’s? Twix? Plain old Hershey’s?” he asks holding each one up as he names them.
I dig around in the pile until I see the one I want. I hold it up smiling.
“Hmm…a Zero. Never figured you to be a Zero lover. I guess when we go back to the store I better grab the rest of them so I can get favors from you.”
I grab the front of his shirt and pull him to me. “You don’t know what things I would do for a Zero,” I say and then kiss him quickly before pulling my mouth off of his. I bite his bottom lip as I pull away, then I suck it into my mouth for a second before letting go. “The things I will do for a Zero…”
After we both eat a candy bar, he clears off the bed and I get in it. He strips and gets in bed.
“You’re going to freeze one night,” I tell him.
“Nope, like I always tell you, it’s your job to keep me warm.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” he replies.
“What did you do with him?” I ask.
“Him? Him who?”
“Scott. I didn’t dream all of that did I? He’s dead?”
“Yeah…yeah…it really happened. Um…I went into the hayloft to see for myself. Spencer and Sebastian were both already out there. When I got up there and saw him, thought about what he had put you through, I fucking kicked him in the face. I know that’s probably a shitty thing to do, but it made me feel better. Sebastian and Spencer were trying to figure out how to get him down and I grabbed one of his legs, drug him to the edge of the loft, and pushed him over. Fuck him. The shit he did to you…I was pissed thinking about it. We buried him though. I thought about burning him, but that smell…I didn’t think anyone wanted to deal with that. And I didn’t want to chance Maggie seeing her brother’s body burning, so we buried him.”
“Oh.”
“Are you going to be alright?” he asks.
“Yeah. It’s just…I…I don’t know. I had to do it. I had to. He didn’t give me a choice. I told him to leave, he wouldn’t. He said he was going to take me…somewhere. He said he was going to kill you,” I say and start crying. He lets me cry. Probably what I need to do.