When I wake up it seems we haven’t moved. I’m still in his arms. I snuggle closer, nuzzle his neck, kiss it.
I feel his hand reach up, he runs his fingers through my hair, then kisses the top of my head.
“Morning. Did you sleep good?” he asks me.
I look up at him, smile. “Yeah, I did. Did you?”
He kisses my forehead, nods his head. “I did. Better than I have in months.”
“Me too.”
For the first time ever we relax in bed. It’s early still, the sun isn’t up yet, but it will be soon I can tell. We usually go to bed early since there isn’t much to do once the sun goes down, so that means we’re usually up early too.
This morning though we just lay in bed enjoying each other. My head on his chest, right over his heart listening to his heartbeat. He keeps running his fingers through my hair. Honestly, if my life ended tomorrow, I could say it was a pretty amazing life.
When the rooster crows and keeps crowing we know we need to get up. Life can be pretty complicated now. I can’t just laze around, assume when I get up I can run to the store for breakfast.
Now every detail of my life has to be planned. Have to plan for breakfast. For every meal. We need to get up and take care of the animals so in the end, they will feed us. If we don’t take care of them, we don’t eat.
We probably should have planned last night better. Should I worry that I could have gotten pregnant? Not really anything I can do about it now. Next time we’ll be better prepared. Gotta plan everything probably for the rest of my life.
Eddie gets up first. He sits on the side of the bed for a minute, stretches.
I roll over towards him, facing him. He has such a gorgeous body. Still a little too thin, but I guess that can’t be helped.
I thought I would be embarrassed about him being naked, me being naked in front of him, but I’m not.
I reach a hand out and touch his back. I drag my finger across the bottom of it. He turns around and smiles at me.
“I really wish I could crawl back into bed with you. Just lay and hold you all day,” he says.
He leans over and kisses me on the lips. I start to kiss back and then the rooster crows again.
“Amanda is right, we need to fry his ass,” Eddie says laughing.
“If you want new chicks in the spring you can not kill my rooster.”
“I guess we have to get up then,” he says.
I sit up keeping the blankets clutched tightly to me. Maybe I do feel embarrassed or uncomfortable being naked.
He stands up and starts looking around the room for clothes. Picking up things here and there and getting dressed when he finds what he needs.
I try to look at him, try to embrace his casual nakedness, but I’m finding it difficult. I think it’s because my parents were modest and instilled that in me. No one was ever without clothes in our house. What would my parents think about us being naked in my bedroom right now? What we did last night? They really didn’t like me even dating. I went on a couple dates when I was sixteen, but then my mom got sick and I didn’t want to date, didn’t want a social life, I just wanted to be with my parents.
“Are you alright today? You seem distracted or something,” I hear Eddie say.
I look up at him to see he’s completely dressed.
I smile. “Yeah, just thinking about my parents…”
“Your parents? What about them? Seems like a weird time to be thinking about them,” he says.
I think for a second, decide I feel stupid and don’t want to explain it all to him. I shrug my shoulders. “Nothing I guess. I don’t know…”
He sits on the bed next to me. “If it’s anything about last night…” he starts to say, leaning close to me, like he’s going to kiss me.
I shake my head, try to push him away. I can’t talk about that! Can’t even think about it right now.
He sits back and looks at me. It makes me nervous. I start chewing on my bottom lip.
He sighs, shakes his head at me. He quickly leans over and kisses me on the lips. “I love you, Mara, just remember that,” he says and leaves the room.
As much as I want to just stay in bed and think…or cry…or something…I know I have to get up and take care of the damn animals. Then make breakfast. And I think Eddie had some sort of plans for today.
I really really think I want my old life back…and maybe if that even means never knowing Eddie.
I’m already standing by the stove making breakfast when Amanda and Spencer come down. Absentmindedly stirring raisins into the pot of oatmeal when I hear Amanda ask me if I’m okay.
I turn and look at her. “What?”
“I’ve been talking to you for a minute and it’s like you’re not here. Everything okay?” she asks.
I nod my head. I’m tempted to say something to her. I see we’re alone. Eddie went to get water for coffee and Spencer might be in the bathroom.
“Are you sure? You seem to have something on your mind. Did you and Eddie argue?” she asks.
I shake my head.
“Okay…did something else happen?” she asks.
I blush. I know I do. My cheeks feel so warm.
She comes over to me, she looks right at me. “Mara…what happened?”
This morning when I was in the bathroom I wondered if she would be able to tell. All of that ‘stuff’ coming out of me. And while I won’t say it was gross because I do love Eddie and nothing about him is gross, okay maybe when he pees in my garden, but all that stuff coming out when I sat on the toilet to pee…it was…different…and okay maybe a little gross.
But I wondered if she could smell him on me? I wish I could shower. Maybe…Sometimes when I turn my head and my hair brushes across my face I catch a slight scent of him. That makes me happy. But I don’t want Amanda to think it’s gross if she thinks I smell like him.
“Mara…” I hear her say.
I smile…shake my head. “What? Nothing happened. We went to bed…we slept…” I say completely lying. And I don’t even know why I’m lying. I always assumed as soon as I lost my virginity the first thing I would want to do was tell Amanda.
It seems so personal though if that makes sense. It was something special between me and Eddie, no one else. I want to keep it personal at least for a while.
Spencer comes into the kitchen and sits at the table.
“So where is the lord and master?” he asks.
I turn to look at him confused. I thought Eddie was his best friend?
“I think he’s getting water. At least he said he was, but seems like he’s been gone too long. I hope the water isn’t frozen already…it can’t be…it’s way too early. I hope the well isn’t dry…” I say rambling.
“Should I go help him? Or see if he needs help?” Spencer asks.
“Why did you call him lord and master? That seems mean or something,” I say.
He shrugs his shoulders. “I didn’t mean anything by it…just that he’s the one leading us I guess. Telling us all what we should do every day.”
“I thought he was your friend?” I ask confused.
“He is. Jesus, I didn’t mean to start anything. He’s our boss, or master, or whatever the fuck you want to call him.”
“Because friend or Eddie won’t work?” I ask getting more upset.
“Is she always difficult like this?” Spencer asks Amanda.
“It’s your house…so he fucks you…it’s his house too now I guess. So yes he’s the fucking lord and master,” he says to me.
I turn back to my oatmeal. I take it off the burner so it doesn’t scorch. My cheeks are on fire now. How does he know? Did Eddie tell him? When could he have? And I don’t think he would.
I stand at the counter, mixing the oatmeal even though it’s ready, just to seem like I’m busy.
Amanda comes over to where I am and sets some bowls on the counter.
“Do you need me to get anything else?” she asks.
I don’t even look at her, I just shake my head.
Eddie comes in the back door, empty handed.
“Was there no water?” I ask a little panicked.
“No…I mean I don’t know, I didn’t get a chance to check. I found a cow…” he says.
“A cow? Like a real live cow?” I ask.
“Yeah, a real live cow. Well, barely alive. He’s in bad shape…” he starts to say.
“She,” I say.
“Oh yeah, I guess it is a she. I knew that, she hasn’t been milked in a long time it looks like. But she’s in bad shape. I took her in the barn and put her in one of the pens with a lot of hay, and gave her some of the goat feed and some water. I really am clueless though, so do you want to come check her out?” he asks me.
“Yeah.”
I get my boots on and am out the door towards the barn in seconds.
Whose cow could it be? Had to be one of my neighbors. I can’t believe she’s still alive. I hope she makes it. This would mean cow’s milk. Butter. Cream. And if we could find a bull we could have cows, and slaughter them and have meat. A hamburger. I could have a hamburger!
When I get to the barn and see her, Eddie wasn’t kidding, she’s in bad shape. I wonder what she’s been eating.
She’s laying down…I hope she can get back up. I kneel next to her. I reach over to her slowly and scratch her head.
“Hey…you’re alright. We’re going to get you some food, and water and take care of you,” I tell her.
She looks at me. Her eyes seem empty of life. If she survives it will be a miracle.
“What do you think?” I hear Eddie ask.
I shake my head, shrug my shoulders. “She looks bad. All we can do is try. Where did you find her?”
He kneels next to me.
“Out in the road. Just laying there. I thought she was dead. I kept hearing something, and then it was quiet. I went to see if it was a person or people. Luckily it wasn’t because I didn’t have a gun on me. Starting now we all need to have a gun on us at all times, so as much as I’d like to try to find other animals today, I think we need to take you and Amanda out to shoot,” he says.
“Better run that by Spencer, or he’s going to be upset at you…”
He looks at me confused.
“Nothing. Yeah okay. Let me take care of her. Try to feed her, make sure she drinks some water. You can go eat, breakfast is ready,” I say.
“I’ll help you first, then we can eat together.”
“Cold oatmeal is pretty gross…” I say.
He reaches over and cups my cheek, runs his thumb across my lips before kissing me. We kiss.
I really think about laying back, pulling him down with me.
“There really is a cow,” Amanda says.
I pull away from Eddie. I’m happy to see she’s alone. I wonder though if Spencer told her anything? I need to know if Eddie said something to him.
I look over at Eddie. He’s licking his lips. I wonder if he can taste me on his lips?
“Yeah…a cow,” he tells her.
Eddie reaches over and rubs the cow’s chest. “It’s going to be alright, we’re going to take care of you,” he tells her.
“Any idea where it came from?” Amanda asks.
“No idea. I can’t even remember who had cows that lived close. Poor thing must have been wandering for days. I’m going to go try to blanch and smash some apples for her. Trying to think of what would be good for her to build her strength back up, but I don’t know. Sadly I can’t just get my phone out and google that now.”
“Did you ever have cows?” Eddie asks me.
I shake my head. “I don’t really know much about them. I hope I don’t make her sick.”
“Is there somewhere that might have books so we could look up the information?” Eddie asks.
“Maybe the library at the school.”
“So we go after breakfast,” he says.
I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe you and Spencer should go…”
“Us? Why? And I don’t feel comfortable leaving you and Amanda here yet. Why can’t me and you go?” he asks.
I ignore his questions. I stand up. “I’m going to go work on some apples, see if I can find something else I think might be good for her. You can talk to Spencer,” I say before I leave the barn.
I fill the two buckets with water before I head back into the house. I want to make coffee and boil some water for apples. I want to make them soft enough to smash.
When I walk into the kitchen I’m surprised to see Spencer is sitting at the table eating. I don’t know why I’m surprised, he wasn’t interested in coming to the barn to see the cow, not sure where else I thought he would be, but he’s here…eating.
I set the buckets of water on the counter and start filling two pots with water so I can boil it. I add more wood to the stove to keep the fire going.
Spencer gets up and brings his bowl to the sink. “Do you want me to wash it out…or leave it here?” he asks me.
I get the cup I was using to scoop water into the pots and dump a small amount into his bowl.
“Just let it sit with some water in it, I’ll wash them all after we’ve all eaten.”
“Is everybody out with the cow?” he asks.
I nod my head.
“I guess I’ll go check it out,” he says and walks towards the door.
He stops and turns towards me. “Mara…I’m sorry about earlier. I really didn’t mean anything by what I said. And I think it’s great that you and Eddie are getting closer. Things worked out perfectly didn’t they?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“And I didn’t mean to assume anything…but I heard stuff last night…I guess I figured out what was going on…and I’m sorry I did. I didn’t mean to offend you,” he says.
“It’s alright.”
“I’m really sorry I upset you. It’s so hard to not hear what’s going on in the next room now since it’s so quiet at night, but I do know how to keep my mouth shut, so if I hear anything else, I will do just that, keep my mouth shut.”
After we eat cold oatmeal for breakfast, I quickly do the dishes, then take the smashed apples out to the cow. I’m happy and honestly pretty surprised, that she’s still alive.
I spoon feed the apples to her, and then give her some water.
I pet her for a few minutes after she’s eaten.
“We’re going to go get some books so we know how to take care of you. Probably stop at the store to get some feed for you, if they have some. But we’ll be back soon.”
It’s a long day. We go to the high school and grab a bunch of books. We also find a few gallons of gas in the garage where the lawn care stuff was kept. We take all of them.
There’s other stuff there we might be able to use too so we make plans to come back soon.
We stop at the store on the way home and grab all the feed and hay we can fit in the truck.
We try to get the cow to eat when we get back to the farm. Our farm? Home?
She won’t eat the hay so I wet down some of the feed and make a mash out of it and feed it to her.
Amanda and Spencer make dinner tonight since Eddie has been helping me all day with the cow.
It’s quiet while we eat. I’m not sure why. Maybe everyone is just tired.
Amanda does the dishes since I did them this morning. Spencer helps her while Eddie comes with me to go check on the cow.
She actually looks a lot better. She’s still laying down, but has her head up and looks at us.
“This makes me really hopeful that there are still other animals alive, but we really need to see soon or they won’t be alive,” Eddie says.
“Add this to our growing list of stuff we need to do?”
“It already was sort of on a list. We had planned on going to look for pigs, I guess we should just look for any animals still alive,” he says.
“And do what with them? We don’t have room for many more. I’m not sure what we’re going to do with her,” I say motioning towards the cow.
He’s quiet. Thinking maybe. I wish at least one other person here had some farm experience.
“I don’t know…build another barn?” he finally says.
“Who? Us? None of you know how to do any of this stuff.”
He looks over at me…seems like he has something to say but isn’t sure he should.
“All of this stuff, none of you know how to do any of it. No one knows anything about animals or my garden. Or about the well and how to get water. Do you have the first clue how to build a barn?” I ask him.
He shakes his head. “You could teach us instead of just getting mad.”
“I’m not mad…just frustrated I guess,” I say.
I get up and walk over to the feed bins. “None of you know how to even tell the feed apart. And what will we do once it’s all gone? When our food is gone, what will we do then? Sometimes I feel like all of you live in some fantasy world where everything will be fine. Maybe somehow it will all go back to how it was and we can just drive to McDonald’s and get a damn cheeseburger, but that’s never going to fucking happen!”
He stands up and comes over to where I am. He tries to put his arms around me but I put my arms up and block him.
“Don’t…just don’t,” I say.
I turn away from him. He puts his hands on my shoulders and rubs them.
“Mara…I want to help. I want to learn. I know everything won’t go back to how it was…but I think I’m okay with that now because I have you in my life. We can do this…together if you’ll teach me.”
I try to move away from him, but he grips my shoulders.
“Mara…come on…don’t be like this…” he says.
I feel a tear run down my cheek. I really don’t want to cry. Not even sure what I’m crying about.
“Is it so bad that we want to help but you need to teach us?” he asks.
I sigh. “Sometimes.”
He lets go of my shoulders and I hear him walk away.
“What the fuck do you want me to do then? Do you still want us to leave? Want me to pack my shit up tonight and go?” he asks.
If I say yes would he? Do I want him to go? After last night…would he really just leave me?
I turn around to look at him. He’s standing by the doors, his arms crossed.
“Is that what you want? You want to leave?” I ask him.
He kicks at some of the hay on the ground. “God I wish I had a cigarette. Times like this is when I really miss smoking…”
“So you would really leave if I asked you? Even after last night? Did that mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?”
He walks over to me. He reaches up and wipes the tears off my cheeks.
He sighs. “Last night wasn’t my first time, I know you know that, but it was the most perfect sex I’ve ever had. It was like you knew me…knew how to touch me…where to touch me. I love you, Mara. I’ve never felt like this before. And yes I love you so much that if you asked me to leave…I probably would. It would kill me…and honestly, I don’t think I could survive, no reason to…but I would go.”
I throw myself in his arms. “Don’t ever leave me you asshole,” I whisper in his ear.
He laughs slightly. “You can try to make me…I might leave.”
I kiss his neck, suck on it. He’ll have a hickey that won’t go away for a long time. I feel his hand move up, he runs his fingers through my hair. I wonder how he knows I love that? When I was sick, or just couldn’t sleep when I was little my mom would sit on my bed with my head in her lap and run her fingers through my hair.
I take my lips from his neck and look at this beautiful man. How did I get so lucky?
His lips are on mine…or mine on his…I don’t know who kissed who but we’re kissing hard and fast like last night.
I don’t know what is wrong with me, now when I’m alone with him, I just want him…like I want him…want to do all kinds of dirty things with him…things that used to make me blush to think about. I want to get naked and do all those things Amanda and I used to whisper about at night when we had sleepovers.
I was never really interested in boys before. I don’t know what has happened to me. Maybe I just hadn’t met the right one before?
I feel myself tossing my hoodie off after he’s unzipped it. I realize he’s taking his off. My lips finding wherever to kiss him. His lips…chin…neck…even his nose.
He picks me up and sets me down on the bales of hay by the feed bins. I’m frantically trying to kick off my boots while he’s unfastening my jeans. He pulls my jeans down and off and my boots with them.
I quickly slide my underwear down and off and regret it because hay is not very nice to sit on with your bare butt. Eddie realizes what’s wrong and takes off his tee shirt and hands it to me.
I lift my butt up and put his shirt under me while he unfastens his pants and pushes them down.
He grabs my hips and thrusts inside of me as soon as his pants are down low enough to reveal his thick cock.
I wrap my legs around him and pull him closer to me. With every thrust inside of me, I pull him even closer.
I go back to work on the hickey I started. Suck on his neck…bite at it.
He’s grunting in my ear each time he sinks himself deep inside of me.
Then one final deep thrust while he growls out my name.
He’s still for a minute. He gently nuzzles my neck…my ear. He’s breathing heavy in my ear.
“What are you guys doing with the cow out here?” I hear Amanda ask.
I look at her over Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie turns to look at her.
She stops when she sees us. I have never seen Amanda blush before. I know she’s thinking that if the world could swallow her, now would be the perfect time.
I’m sure she has a great view, Eddie’s naked ass, his pants bunched up at his knees, resting on the tops of his boots, my legs wrapped around his thighs, and me looking over his shoulder. He stays where he is keeping me covered.
“I’m going to…um…I have something in the oven I think…” she says awkwardly and quickly leaves.
Eddie smiles at me, laughs slightly. “Well, that was kind of weird.”
I nod my head agreeing while laughing a little bit too.
“Embarrassing?” he asks, his head cocked to the side a little.
I shrug my shoulders. “No. Not for me at least, but I wasn’t showing my ass…”
He stands up, pulls his clothes back up and fastens them. “Well…is it bad I wasn’t embarrassed? I did feel bad for her, she seemed embarrassed.”
“She did,” I say laughing harder.
He hands me my underwear and jeans, I stand up to put them on and so he can get his tee shirt I was sitting on.
“Well…at least now she knows where our relationship is,” he says while I get dressed.
“Did you tell Spencer?”
He shakes his head. “Tell him? About last night? No. Why?”
I pick up a boot and slip my foot into it. “Something he said this morning while I was making breakfast. About it being my house and since we were fucking it was your house too.”
He hands me my other boot so I can put it on.
“I swear I didn’t say anything. I didn’t see him this morning until I came in and told you about the cow. He could have guessed.”
“He did later apologize and mentioned being able to hear us. That does embarrass me,” I explain.
“Why? I can hear them, can’t you?” he asks.
“Not really, but I’m probably asleep before you. Okay, that’s not completely true, I have heard them before. Just laughing and stuff, not like…um…you know…”
“Having sex…” he says.
I nod my head.
“Well, I have. I just roll over and try to ignore it. Maybe we should change rooms or something?” he suggests.
“Or they can, I like my bedroom. You don’t like my bedroom?”
“It’s fine. A little cheerleader-y,” he says laughing.
“As I recall when you first came into my bedroom you were attracted to that cheerleader look,” I say teasing him.
“In my defense, I also said you weren’t a cheerleader.”
He takes one of my hands and pulls me to him. He kisses me on the lips. “I’m so glad I found you.”
I pull away from him. “Eddie…we really need to talk.”
“Alright…aren’t we talking now?” he asks.
I smile, nod my head. “Yeah, but this is pretty important.”
“Oh? Should I be worried? Are you pregnant?” he asks teasing.
“No…but we need to talk about that. Because I really think it would be stupid to get pregnant now. In this world. So we need to figure out how to not let that happen.”
“I agree…but not sure how we can prevent it. We could probably find condoms if we looked, but eventually, there aren’t going to be any more left. Or they’ll be expired. So then what?” he asks.
“I guess we quit having sex…” I say and wander over to the cow to check on her.
I squat down by her and pet her head.
“She’s already looking so much better, isn’t she?” I ask him.
He kneels next to me and the cow. “She does. And to answer your question, or reply to your comment or whatever that was…I don’t think that will work. You seem to…well…really enjoy fucking me…”
I punch him in the shoulder. “Yes I do…maybe…but no babies. The thought of me getting pregnant is really scary.”
He sighs. “I agree. I guess we can try to be careful. Can you do like that monthly thing? Charts or ovulation or something?”
“Maybe if I could follow a calendar. I never know what day it is, and sometimes if it’s even been a day or two or three.”
“I’m just going to have to learn how to pull out in time I guess. Or we do a whole lot of praying,” he says laughing.
“Oh yeah? Praying to who? I don’t believe in any sort of God, remember that?” I say reminding him.
“Then we will pray to whoever you want. We can pray to the cow.”
“You’re stupid. I swear I don’t know why I let you stay here…” I mumble as I get up and walk back towards the house.
When we wake up the next day I’m happy to see our cow is up, has pooped and seems to be a bit better. She’s painfully thin and really does need to be milked. I’ve only milked a cow a handful of times, but know I need to remember how to do it. I think I’m going to wait until tomorrow when she’s hopefully feeling even better. I don’t want any stress on her right now.
We decide to spend the day in the garden. It’s getting colder every night and the first frost will kill everything. We need to pick anything that is ripe, or near ripe and store it in the basement. Anything that isn’t edible for us but is for the animals will go in the barn. And anything none of us can eat, like the actual plants and anything rotten, will go to the compost pile.
I’m not looking forward to all the work, but it needs to be done so we can be sure we aren’t wasting any food and to get the garden ready for next year.
I am very grateful to have help though. I’m not sure if Amanda and I were still alone if she would have been much help. She wants to help and she tries, but she isn’t very good at physical labor.
We start working right after breakfast. Amanda and I start picking all the food that we can eat, and stuff for the animals. We put it in two separate buckets.
Eddie and Spencer work on digging up the plants after we’ve picked everything off of them.
After we fill the bucket with stuff for the animals, Eddie says he’ll dump it in the bin in the barn.
He saves each of the animals a treat and gives it to them before he starts walking back to the garden.
I watch him walk back. I start to smile at this beautiful man that seems to want to be with me, and then as soon as my smile starts, it’s gone. I stare at him. It can’t be. It has to be something else.
Amanda realizes I’m just standing there staring at Eddie.”You’re such a loser. You can drool over him later, we have work to do now.”
“Amanda…look.”
She stands up and looks at Eddie. “Spencer,” she yells.
“What?” he asks.
She points to Eddie. He looks at Eddie.
“Shit,” Spencer says.
“Why is everyone staring at me?” Eddie asks while walking over to us.
“Your nose,” Spencer says.
“What?” Eddie says. He stops and wipes at his nose with the back of his hand. He looks at his hand and sees blood.
I think I’m going to pass out.
“It’s not what you think. It’s not that. I get nosebleeds a lot. Especially in the winter when the air is dry,” he says.
He starts walking to the garden.
“Stop,” Spencer tells him.
Eddie stops and looks at him.
“Maybe you should stay where you are for now. Until we know,” Spencer says.
“Seriously? You want me to stay away from you guys?” Eddie asks.
“I think that’s probably the best thing to do right now…until we know for sure,” Spencer says.
“It’s just a nosebleed. I swear I get them a lot,” Eddie protests.
“We don’t know that for sure though. Not now. We can’t know. It could be something else,” Spencer says.
“This is stupid. It can’t be that. We were all immune to that. If I had that I would have fucking died a long time ago…or at least shown signs. This is fucking stupid,” Eddie says.
We all just stand there looking at him.
“Mara…” Eddie says.
I just look at him. I feel tears running down my cheeks. I can’t lose him. Not now. Not after I’ve lost everyone.
“What am I supposed to do?” he asks.
“I don’t know. But you should probably stay away from us. At least until we know,” Spencer says.
“You don’t want me to finish helping you today?” Eddie asks.
“Probably better if you don’t,” Spencer says.
“How long do you want me to stay away?”
Spencer stands and thinks for a few seconds.
“I don’t know,” Spencer says. He throws his clippers down. “Fuck!”
“Where do you want me to go?” Eddie asks.
“I don’t know. You could stay in the basement maybe. Or stay alone in one of the bedrooms. Just for a few days…just so we can be sure,” Spencer says.
“If it was that…don’t you think you guys would be sick now too?” Eddie asks.
“Not if we’re immune…” Spencer says.
“I can just stay in the fucking barn with the animals. Take care of them,” Eddie says.
“It’s too cold at night to sleep in the barn,” I tell him.
“Doesn’t matter I guess. I’ll figure something out.”
He starts to walk towards the barn, stops and turns around. “Do you want the bucket?” he asks holding up the bucket he still has.
“We’ll get another one,” Spencer says.
“Do you need anything out of the barn before I go in there?” Eddie asks.
“I don’t think so. After we finish in the garden, we’ll put the stuff for the animals by the barn door,” Spencer says.
Eddie turns back towards the barn and walks to the door. When he gets to the door he looks back at me. “I love you Mara…just remember that,” he says and goes into the barn.
I really want to run to my room and crawl in bed and just cry…but I can’t. We have to finish the work in the garden, it has to be done. No one else is going to do it. I kneel down, finish working on picking what’s good. If we don’t get this done…we won’t eat.
We work silently the rest of the day. No one says anything at all.
It’s just starting to get dark when we’re finished with everything. I wonder how Eddie is. I wonder if he’s ok. If his nose stopped bleeding.
When we go inside, after we get cleaned up, Amanda and Spencer start making dinner and I get some stuff together for Eddie. A couple outfits, a pillow, a few blankets. I grab some books. I see his guitar in the corner so I take it with me too.
Spencer and Amanda watch me go outside.
“Hey Mara,” Spencer says.
I turn to look at him.
“Don’t go near him. Just leave it near the barn…don’t go in,” he tells me.
I nod my head.
I walk outside and see him standing by the barn door.
I walk closer to the barn, but not close to him.
“I brought you some stuff,” I tell him.
He doesn’t say anything, just looks at me.
“Change of clothes, blankets, and pillow. Some books too.”
“And my guitar…” he says.
I nod my head.
“You know I’m not sick. It was just a nosebleed…a stupid nosebleed,” he says.
I can’t talk…I know I’ll cry if I try to talk.
“I’ll stay out here for a couple days…just so you guys can see it’s just a nosebleed and nothing else,” he says.
“I’ll bring dinner out to you when it’s ready.”
“Thanks.”
“Is there anything else you want?” I ask him.
“A lantern and matches. And a notebook and some pens.”
“Ok. I’ll go get that stuff now. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“How is he?” Spencer asks when I get inside.
I shrug my shoulders. “Okay, I guess. He looks fine…upset maybe.”
I dig around in one of the drawers for matches, then I get one of the lanterns.
“What are you doing?” Amanda asks me.
“He asked for a lantern and matches, I’m going to take him one.”
“Just make sure you don’t go near him. Not for a few days. We need to be sure he’s okay,” Spencer says.
“If he was sick wouldn’t we all be sick now too?” I ask.
“Who knows. No one knows much about it, except it starts with a nosebleed or cough. We’re just going to play it safe,” Spencer says.
“And that you die. Do you think he’s going to die?” I ask him.
He thinks for a few seconds, doesn’t say anything at first.
“He’s not going to die, you guys. He’s going to be fine. We’re all fine, and will be fine…and healthy,” Amanda says.
“If in a couple of days he still seems fine, then we let him back in. I’m just trying to protect the rest of us,” Spencer says.
“But I slept with him last night, so if he was sick, wouldn’t I already have gotten it from him?” I ask.
“Not if you have to come in contact with his blood. I don’t know if they ever figured out what exactly was contagious. The person or their blood or mucous. No one knows. Especially us. It’s better to be safe,” Spencer tells us.