No Such Thing as Time

I must fall back asleep because the next time I open my eyes is when I hear the rooster crowing.

“Stupid fucking rooster,” I hear Amanda say.

I pull the blanket back, off of Eddie, so I can get up.

I start to climb over him, but he wakes up. He grabs me, his eyes open.

“Fuck…sorry. I didn’t know what was going on…who you were,” he says.

He lets go of me. I get off of him, out of bed.

“I guess we’re all getting up?” he asks.

“You don’t have to, I need to go feed everybody…well the animals. Need to collect the eggs too before the chickens break them,” I explain.

I go into my room and get dressed. I put on my shorts from yesterday, but put on a clean shirt.

While I’m in my room getting dressed I hear someone go down stairs and outside.

I walk over to my window to see if I can see who it is.

Eddie is walking towards the barn. I can only guess he is choosing to not use the bathroom and is looking for somewhere private.

He got dressed fast. Same clothes as yesterday, but he’s barefoot. Ew he’s going to pee on his feet.

I get a clean pair of socks out of my dresser and sit on my bed to put them on.

I go downstairs, use the bathroom and then slide my feet into my rubber boots.

When I get outside I’m a little scared when I see one of the barn doors open. I’m so glad when I see Eddie opening the other door. He shouldn’t be in the barn barefoot though. I wonder if my dad’s boots would fit him?

“I thought I would help you out, but I don’t know what to do, so teach me,” he says.

“Well first I let the pig out, and then feed him.”

I show him where we keep the feed. I get the bucket and fill it with the pig’s food.

“This bin is for the pig,” I say pointing to the first bin.

I hand him the bucket. “Take this, I’ll get the pig.”

I open the gate to his pen and let him into his outside pen.

“Dump his food in there,” I say pointing to the trough.

Eddie dumps the bucket, the pig starts eating right away.

“We’ll bring him food scraps later,” I tell him.

“Do you have a lot of scraps?”

“Not anymore. He would love some apples if we could get to the neighbors,” I tell him.

“Do you have a truck or car that works?” he asks.

“We have no gas.”

“Do your neighbors have one?” he asks.

“They might. I mean I know they have a car and a truck but I don’t know if they run or if there’s gas.”

We walk back to the barn and fill the bucket with the goat feed. I open their gate and let them out into their outside pen. I dump their food.

“Do you bring them anything later?” he asks.

“Yeah the same, food scraps. And they would love apples too.”

We go back into the barn to get the chicken feed and the basket for eggs. We go into the chicken coop and I toss a handful of feed onto the ground.

“Do you want to feed them while I get the eggs?” I ask Eddie.

“Yeah. What do I do, just toss it on the ground?”

“Yeah. Just scatter it a little bit, like this,” I say and toss another handful.

I hand him the bucket and start looking for eggs. We have twenty chickens and I find twelve eggs, not bad.

I show Eddie the basket. “I guess we’re having eggs for breakfast.”

After he finishes tossing their feed, we put the bucket back in the barn and head to the house.

I leave my boots by the back door and we go into the kitchen.

“I guess I need boots,” Eddie says and looks down at how gross his feet are now.

I nod my head. “Yeah. I was thinking…you can see if my dad’s fit you and use them. Amanda uses my mom’s.”

I set the basket of eggs on the counter.

I’m surprised Amanda didn’t come outside to help, and it doesn’t even seem like she’s been downstairs yet.

“I wonder if Amanda is still asleep…” I say out loud.

“Maybe she fell back asleep?” Eddie says.

I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe…she never has before though.”

“Did she live close?” he asks.

“No not really. About fifteen miles or so away. Closer into town. Her family died before mine did though, so she moved here with us.”

“Do you know anyone that’s left?” he asks.

I shake my head.

He sighs. “Me either. I didn’t really have much of a family anyway. Never knew my dad, my grandparents died when I was young, I had a couple half brothers but they both died a couple months ago. My mom too.”

“No girlfriend…or anyone like that?”

He shakes his head. “Not for a long time. What about you…boyfriend?”

I shake my head. “My parents always thought I was too young. Even with me about to start college. And then my mom died and I didn’t have time to even think about dating. I wanted to be with my dad and help him with everything, especially losing his wife. Wonder what they would have thought about last night?”

“Sorry…I was a jerk making you sleep in their bed.”

“Yeah you were. I haven’t even been in their room for about a month. I just can’t…” I start to say. I turn around because I don’t want this random asshole to see me cry.

“Yeah…I’m an asshole…” I hear him say.

I feel his hands on my shoulders. “Hey…I’m sorry. That was really stupid of me. Tonight sleep wherever you want.”

I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter anymore does it.”

I turn around and face him. “Nothing matters anymore.”

He wraps his arms around me, pulls me to him. He rubs my back. “It’s going to be okay. I know everything seems like it’s shit now…and there’s no point in even trying…but there is.”

I sob. I’ve held it in for so long. Tried to be strong for Amanda. I cry, getting tears and snot on his shirt.

He just rubs my back and lets me cry.

“Everything ok?” I hear Amanda ask.

“Yeah,” Eddie says and sighs. “I’m just an asshole.”

“I’m fine,” I say.

Eddie lets go of me. I walk over to the counter, pick up the hand towel and wipe my face off.

“We got twelve eggs this morning,” I tell her.

Spencer comes into the kitchen. “Hey. I guess everyone is up.”

“Up, fed all the animals and let them out,” Eddie says.

“Sorry…we suck I guess,” Amanda says.

“I’ll be back,” Spencer says and goes into the bathroom.

“I guess you guys can get the water for the day,” Eddie tells Amanda.

“I guess we can today since you guys took care of the animals,” she replies.

“I need to learn how to do the water though. How much to get…where to get it,” he says.

Spencer comes back into the kitchen.

“It’s my turn,” Amanda says and goes into the bathroom.

I start filling the stove with wood and newspapers so I can light it, get it hot so I can start cooking.

“How much wood do you have?” Eddie asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. “Enough for a week or so. Well about a week’s worth cut, there’s a bunch to be cut though.”

“So today we work on a list of stuff we need to do to get ready for winter,” Eddie says.

I get a pad of paper out of the junk drawer and hand it to him.

“I’ll have to find a pen,” I tell him.

He sits at the table.

Amanda comes back into the kitchen. “Come on…I’ll show you how to get the water,” she tells Spencer.

Amanda puts on my mom’s boots and they go outside.

“Should I go with them, or will you show me tomorrow?” Eddie asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. “Whatever you want to do.”

“Well then…why don’t you go find me a pen and we can start working on the lists,” he says.

I give him a look. This asshole needs to realize he’s not the boss of me. Not now…not ever.

“Please…” he says changing his look to sad with those gorgeous puppy dog eyes pleading with me.

I start looking over on the desk area of the counter. “There should be one here…somewhere.”

I find a pen, try it to make sure it works, then give it to Eddie when I see that it does.

“So last night when I was outside I thought after we get enough food and supplies for winter, we should maybe make a secret place. You know a place to hide if we needed to for a few days,” he says.

“Hide…from what?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Not sure, but I’d rather have the place and not need it. Is there a room or something here?”

I think for a minute. Nod my head. “Yeah…maybe.”

“Do you want to show me?”

I nod my head. “Now?”

“Yeah. Is it in the house?”

“Yeah downstairs,” I say.

He gets up. “Where’s the basement?”

“We need a flashlight or lantern, do you have a flashlight?”

“Yeah in my backpack,” he says.

He gets his backpack and sets it on the table. He unzips it. “Sad when your whole life fits in a backpack.”

“Yeah.”

He digs through it, setting some stuff on the table. Clothes, some cans of food, can opener, bullets, a gun, another gun…

“You’re prepared I guess,” I say.

He sighs. “Yeah…sadly.”

He gets a flashlight out, puts all the other stuff back in his backpack. “Are we ready?”

I nod my head again.

The door to the basement is in the kitchen. We go down the basement stairs.

I show him around down there. I haven’t been down here much the past month, just to get food, no other reason to come down. The washer and dryer are down here, but it’s not like we can use them.

“You have a generator?” Eddie asks when he sees it.

“Yeah. One down here…one in the barn.”

“If we got gas we could use them,” he says.

“Well yeah I guess…but for what?”

He thinks for a minute. “Nothing I guess.”

He looks around the basement. Then looks at me.

“Did you mean we just use the basement, or is there another room or something?” he asks me.

I take one of his hands and walk over to one of the shelves against a wall. I reach under one shelf and unfasten a latch under it, then I can pull the shelf out.

I push on the wall and it swings open.

Eddie shines his flashlight into the room I just opened.

“What’s this room for?” he asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. “Not really sure what it was built for my dad thought maybe a bomb shelter or something, but as you can see we just used it for storage.”

He steps inside and looks around. “This would be perfect. There’s already food in here. Get something to sit on maybe, blankets and pillows, probably extra clothes. We would need a bucket with a lid, maybe two.”

I look at him confused. “A bucket?”

He nods his head. “Yeah to use um…you know…for a bathroom. Two would be better.”

“And why do we need this secret room?” I ask him.

I really don’t want to be locked away in this room in the basement using a bucket as a toilet.

“I’m not sure, but I’d feel better if we have it ready, just in case we need to hide.”

He walks around looking at everything. “A sofa or something would fit in here, and we could sleep on it.”

“There’s a futon in the other room, we could bring it in here. There should be sleeping bags down here too.”

“Do you have buckets with lids, or do we need to find some?” he asks.

“I’m sure there’s some in the barn.”

“We need to work on our list, or lists I should say because there’s a couple we need to make. You ready to go back up?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

I hear the toilet flush.

“I guess Amanda showed Spencer how to get water from the well,” I say.

“You can show me tomorrow.”

When we get back up to the kitchen, Amanda is lighting the stove.

“What were you doing downstairs?” she asks us.

Eddie sits at the table, picks up the pen and starts writing.

“Looking at a room down there. A safe room. We just need to move some stuff to it,” Eddie says.

“A safe room?” she asks.

He looks up at her. “Yeah. Just in case we need to hide for some reason. Better to have it ready and not need it.”

“Sure…I guess,” she says.

I start cutting up potatoes and an onion. We can have fried potatoes with eggs for breakfast.

“I think we should make a trip to your neighbors. Soon. See if there’s anything we can use,” he says.

“Like what?” Spencer asks.

“Food. Yeah there’s a lot here now, but in four or five months there won’t be. So any food. Mara said they might have apples, if we can’t eat them the animals can. Guns and ammo. Clothes. Gas. A running vehicle,” Eddie says.

“Toilet paper,” I say.

Eddie smiles at me and writes it on the list.

“Just anything we can use. Medical stuff. Blankets. Anything useful,” he says.

I hold my hand over the burner of the stove to see if it’s hot enough to put oil in the pan, perfect.

I set the cast iron pan on the burner and add some oil.

“Add oil to the list. I know you have food on it, but we need oil especially,” I say.

“Beer. The things I would do for an ice cold beer,” Eddie says.

“We probably have beer in our fridge. It’s not cold though. When the electric went out we cleaned everything out, but I think I left the beer,” I tell him.

I go over to the fridge and open it. There’s three bottles of beer in there, and that’s it.

I get them out and bring them over to Eddie, setting them on the table in front of him.

“I can’t make it cold for you, in a couple months I can,” I tell him.

“Maybe I’ll save them for then,” he says.

I hold my hand over the pan to see if the oil is hot enough to add the potatoes and onions, it is so I start putting them in. When the pan is full I sprinkle salt and pepper over it.

“You know what else I would love, a hot cup of coffee,” he says.

“I could make coffee…we have a french press,” I tell him.

“A what?” he asks.

“A french press. Here…” I say.

I get the french press out and set it on the table by the beer.

“This makes coffee? How?” he asks.

“Well you put coffee grounds in here,” I take the lid off and show him.

“Then you add hot water. Let the grounds soak in the water, then press out the water. Delicious hot coffee,” I say.

“Will you make some?” he asks.

I nod my head.

I fill a pot with water and set it on the stove so I can heat it up.

I check the potatoes and onions, stir them around a little. Add a little more salt and pepper.

“So did you make our chore list yet?” Amanda asks him.

“Nope. I thought we could all work on it. Together,” he says.

“There’s a lot to do I guess…but not too. Someone has to take care of the animals every day. Bring in water…enough for the day and to flush the toilet. Cook. Clean up after ourselves. We have to be clean or we’re going to get bugs or animals. But really that’s about it. Well laundry and stuff like that,” I say.

“I guess we can team up, and each team take turns doing everything. Well all the daily stuff. You know like two people take care of the animals one day, then the next day they bring in the water. I think for laundry we should all do it on the same day…maybe. Would it work like that? Or would that be too much in a day?” Eddie asks.

“It would probably be okay. I doubt any of us have very many clothes,” I say.

“She wants to go to town, to see if there’s anything we can use. Well anything left there now,” Amanda says.

“Where is the closest town to here?” Eddie asks.

“About forty five minutes away. There’s a smaller place closer, about twenty minutes. They just have some stuff, a little bit of everything, but not much of anything. Does that make sense?” I say.

Eddie nods his head.

I check the potatoes and the water. The water is about to boil so it’s hot enough for coffee. I set the french press in the sink, add the coffee grounds, then pour the water in.

I get a big bowl out and crack all the eggs in it. I add some salt and pepper to them and then whisk them for a minute.

I stir the potatoes then dump the eggs evenly over them. I mix them while the eggs cook.

“Will someone get me some plates,” I ask them.

Eddie gets up and starts looking in cabinets.

“In that one,” I tell him pointing to where they are.

He gets four plates out and hands them to me.

“Forks?” he asks.

I point to the drawer the silverware is in.

He gets four forks out and sets them on the table.

“Who’s drinking coffee?” I ask.

“Me,” Eddie says.

I kick at him. “Kinda knew that. Anyone else?”

“I’ll take a little,” Spencer says.

I get three coffee mugs out. I’ll drink some, and I know Amanda won’t.

I push the plunger down in the french press. I let it sit while I fill everyone’s plate. I set the plates on the table, then pour three cups of coffee and set them on the table.

We all sit down and eat for a couple minutes.

“I’m so glad we found you guys…ladies. We’ve been eating out of cans for weeks. I really appreciate you cooking for us,” Eddie says.

“Well…I hope you like eggs. But when the chickens stop laying soon, I’m not sure what we’ll eat,” I say.

“What is all the stuff canned downstairs?” he asks.

“Stuff from the garden. Some fruit we got from neighbors. Just stuff like that. I figure eventually we can slaughter the pig, and you can somehow can meat, but I’ve never done it so we need to find a book on how to do it I guess. We could do some chickens too I guess,” I say.

“Did you grow the potatoes?” he asks.

I nod my head. “Not the onions though, and we have three left, so we need to find some.”

“Can we grow them?” he asks.

“Not until next year. We really need to get to some store to get seeds and bulbs for next summer,” I reply.

“We need to find a car or truck, or some gas,” he says.

“The neighbors might have some gas. So I guess we can walk over there one day, see what they have that we can use,” I say.

He finishes his cup of coffee. “Is there more? This was better than I remember coffee tasting…it’s been so long.”

I get up, take his cup to the counter and pour him more coffee. I hand him his cup. He looks up at me, smiles. “Thanks.”

When he looks at me I get this punched in the gut feeling. I feel nervous, but also safe.

I mumble ‘you’re welcome’ and start clearing the table. Everyone is finished eating, and everyone ate everything which is good, but bad for the animals. I hope we can go to our neighbors, see if they have apples. If we put them in the basement they would last for a few months.

“Need any help?” I hear Eddie ask.

I realize he got up and is standing behind me.

I shake my head. “I just need to heat up some water so I can wash the dishes. We wash them right after we use them so we don’t get bugs.”

“Do we need more water? You could show me how to get it,” he says.

“Actually…we might. I guess we’re used to getting water for two people. Do you want to get more now?”

“Yeah we can…you said you have boots I could wear,” he asks.

“By the back door. My dad’s might work for you. We should see what the neighbors have too…if we go over there.”

“We’re going to go, we just need to figure out when and how. You said it’s like ten miles away?” he asks.

I nod my head.

I walk to the back door and put my boots on. He comes over with me and puts my dad’s on.

“We would have to go early. It’s going to take a few hours to get there. I’m not even sure if we should all go since we may end up sleeping there. Just depends on how long it takes getting stuff. Figuring out what we can carry,” he says.

We go outside. I pick up a couple buckets by the back door and we walk over to the well. I uncover it and start to bring the bucket up.

“It’s ten miles if we walk down the road, but if we cut through the woods it’s about half that,” I tell him.

“Yeah? I guess we should take the shortcut then. All of us go, but leave early enough so we’re not walking back in the dark.”

“Unless they have gas, then we can drive back.”

“How long have you lived here?” he asks.

“My whole life. Eighteen years.”

“So this is your whole life,” he says.

I think about how scared and excited I was to be going away to college soon, I’m not sure how I feel now that it won’t ever happen.

“I guess so. What about you?” I ask.

“How long do you have?” he asks.

I look at him and giggle. “Seems like we have a long time.”

“Yeah.”

I dump the water into one of the buckets I brought over, then drop the empty bucket back down into the well.

“Do you know how deep your well is?” he asks.

I shake my head.

“If it runs out of water do you have some sort of plan?”

I shrug my shoulders. “There’s a pond not too far from here. I guess we could get water from there. Boil it maybe. Not sure how clean it is. Probably stop using the toilet because I’m not bringing water all the way here from the pond just to flush the toilet.”

“Maybe we should work on building an outhouse or something,” he says.

“I don’t know…Maybe?”

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

I look at him. I sigh. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Do this?” he asks pointing at the well.

“Do this. All of this. Get water from the damn well. Have no electricity. Taking care of the animals by myself. Doing everything every day just to survive. I should be in college now. I miss my friends. I miss my parents. I miss my life.”

“Yeah. Me too. Well not like the college shit…but I know what you mean. You want everything to go back to how it was before everyone got sick,” he says.

I nod my head. “What’s the fucking point…you know what I mean? I lived. I survived. Okay great…now what? What’s the point of me being alive? Staying alive? I really just want to take a bunch of pills one night…go to sleep and never wake up. But Amanda. She still believes something good will come along and save us I guess.”

“Maybe you were meant to stay alive for something…” he starts saying.

“Don’t start preaching about God to me, I don’t believe in any of that. Your so called God has never done shit for me,” I say thinking about how sick my mom was for so long. How much she suffered.

“I never said anything about God. When did I say I believe in God? He’s not mine…never did shit for me either. What I was trying to say…maybe you were meant to be alive for someone else. Amanda maybe? Where would she be if you had died? And what about me? You made me coffee today. I haven’t had coffee in so long. Wonderful hot coffee. And breakfast. So maybe that’s why you’re here still. I don’t know why some people were immune. Especially some of the bad people we ran into in the city. But maybe there is some master plan. I don’t know who made this master plan. Maybe there are aliens. Maybe we’re aliens. Who the fuck knows, but I guess we’re the lucky ones that will maybe get to see. Maybe one day we’ll figure this shit out,” he says.

The rest of the morning and afternoon is quiet. Amanda and I do dishes and the same stuff we normally do. Eddie sits at the table writing, going outside, writing, talking to Spencer. I’m not really sure what he’s doing. I’m really second guessing having them stay here this winter. Amanda seems to want them to stay, so fine, they’ll stay, but I think I’ll be happy when they leave…if they leave.

We all sleep in my parent’s bed again, the same way we slept last night.

The next day goes about the same except we start working on our safe room. We move the futon into the room. I take the blankets from the linen closet and put them in there. We get three buckets with lids from the barn and put them in there.

We need to find something to store water in to keep in there, and rotate the food that’s in there with more variety.

I’m so tired when I get in bed that night. We’ve done more today than we usually do. Moving stuff around, going up and down the stairs a bunch of times.

Amanda and I get in bed before Eddie and Spencer.

“What do you think of our…um…guests. I mean I guess they’re guests,” Amanda asks me.

I sigh. “I’m not sure they’re going to leave in the spring.”

“Do you want them to leave?”

I think for a minute. “I don’t know. I guess they have helped us out with some stuff.”

“I kind of like having them here. I feel safer. You know…they have guns…and they’re guys.”

“We had guns already…” I say.

“Yeah…I guess. And I guess it’s stupid to want them to stay just because they’re guys because we were doing fine without them.”

We hear them coming up the stairs.

I yawn. “I think it will be okay, and if they piss us off, we’ll tell them to leave.”

“Do you think they would?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Eddie and Spencer get undressed and in bed with us. I wonder why they still think we all need to be sleeping together. I’m not going anywhere like I told him that first day, this is my house…I’m not leaving.

Eddie is laying really close to me tonight. Like touching me. His foot touches mine.

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

“It’s okay. Want me to move over? I can move closer to Amanda,” I tell him.

“No…it’s okay. I’m sorry…”

I wake up later, he’s even closer to me, arm over me, his hand resting on my belly. I’m sure it’s just because there’s four of us in the bed. It doesn’t mean anything.

The rooster wakes me up every morning. Sometimes Eddie hears him too and wakes up, or he wakes up when I climb over him.

Since we’re the first ones up we take care of the animals, and Spencer and Amanda take care of the water when they get up.

So far this is working out for us.

Since Eddie and I are up early, we usually make breakfast and Spencer and Amanda make dinner.

We either work through lunch or just have a snack.

Every night Eddie walks around outside to make sure everything is safe. It only takes a couple days for Eddie and Spencer to learn how to take care of the farm.

Eddie is nice. I learn about his whole life, and he learns about mine since we’re alone a lot. He had kind of a shitty childhood and I feel bad for him about it since now him being an adult will probably suck too.

Maybe…

“Are there other pig farmers around here?” he asks while we’re making breakfast.

“Well yeah…there were. I don’t know if anyone near us is alive.”

“I was thinking last night, we need to find some pigs. Breed your pig, have baby pigs, slaughter the old pig,” he says.

“That’s usually how it works,” I say.

“So anyone around here have pigs?” he asks.

I nod my head. “We would need to drive there though. And they may be dead…the people and pigs.”

“We’ll never know until we check it out. I guess we need to go to your neighbors, see if they have gas so we can have a running truck.”

“Best place to start.”

“I want to go tomorrow. So we get up at the normal time, take care of the animals, wake up Spencer and Amanda and have them get water while we make breakfast, then we walk over to the neighbors. We may have to walk back home though if they don’t have a working vehicle. If they do, we load it up with what we need and drive back here,” he says.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You sound like you don’t want to go,” he says.

I shrug my shoulders. “Not really…but it’s something we need to do so I need to get over it.”

I wake up like usual, but something is weird. Amanda isn’t in bed, and neither is Spencer.

Shit, I must have overslept. But Eddie wouldn’t let me oversleep today, we have plans today.

I roll over and see Eddie is laying in bed next to me.

“They went in another room…um like a few hours ago,” he says.

I stare at him…confused.

“I guess they wanted some privacy,” he says.

“Privacy?”

He bites his bottom lip, nods his head.

I start to ask what for…but then I realize what he must mean.

“Oh…” I roll over to my back. I can’t believe Amanda would go in another room with Spencer. I guess she likes him…or maybe thinks he’s the only guy she has a chance to be with now. I wonder why she wasn’t interested in Eddie? To me he’s the cuter one. The smarter one too.

He sits up. “I guess we need to get up, take care of the animals then get ready to go.”

I sigh. I’m still processing what might have gone on earlier. I wonder what exactly Amanda and Spencer wanted privacy for. I mean…I can assume what for…but Amanda is a virgin and I can’t imagine she would have sex with Spencer since she’s known him like six days.

Eddie gets up and dressed. I just lay there.

“Are you getting up?” he asks me.

I look over at him. I really wish they had never shown up now.

I shrug my shoulders.

“I thought we were going over to the neighbors today,” he says.

I nod my head. I sit up.

“Spencer is a nice guy. Just remember that,” he says and leaves.

I want to talk to Amanda, alone, sometime today. I want to know what she is doing. Or has done. I can’t believe she would do anything private with Spencer.

I get out of bed and get dressed. The animals still need to be fed. And we still need to do our daily chores. And to try to find stuff we need. No one else is going to help us now, we have to do everything for ourselves.

When I go into the hallway I see our guest room door is shut. I figure they went in there. I guess I should be happy they didn’t go in my room.

I go downstairs. I wonder if they’re going to sleep in the guest room again tonight…that means me and Eddie would be alone in my parent’s bed…that will be awkward…maybe.

I finish in the bathroom and head outside to feed all the animals. Eddie already has the pig out and is taking the goats out. Fine, I’ll take care of the chickens. I go in the barn to get their feed, and a basket, and then to the chicken coop.

I scatter the food all around then start getting eggs while they’re busy. Only eight today. I don’t know what we’ll eat when they stop laying in the winter.

Eddie is walking towards the coop as I’m leaving.

“I would have helped…” he says.

I shrug my shoulders. I keep walking towards the house, he walks with me.

I go inside and set the basket on the counter. I look everywhere to see what food we actually have. Not much of anything. I need to go downstairs and see what’s left. I get the flashlight off the counter and head to the basement.

“Want me to come with you?” I hear Eddie ask.

I ignore him, maybe he’ll think I didn’t hear him. I want them to go away. I want things back to how they were last week before they came. Amanda and I were doing fine on our own.

I walk down the basement stairs and don’t even need the flashlight despite it being pretty dark. But I’ve been up and down these stairs thousands of times, so I can do it with my eyes closed.

When I get down there though I need the flashlight to check to see what food we do have.

He followed me down. I mean of course he did, he follows me around like a lost puppy.

I ignore him, I start taking a mental inventory of what we have.

“Are you worried about food?” he asks me.

I absentmindedly nod my head.

“Do you wish we would leave? Or probably you just wish we never showed up here.”

I don’t even reply. I finish looking at what’s left on the shelves, then count the potatoes in the bin.

“I need to work in the garden, see what’s left in it.”

“Not today though since we have plans,” he says.

I don’t reply…again. I just go back upstairs. I’m a little surprised to see Amanda and Spencer in there, I didn’t think they were up yet.

I start putting my boots back on.

“Where are you going?” Amanda asks.

“I need to check the garden.”

“I thought we were eating and then going to the neighbors,” she says.

“I did too,” Eddie says.

“You guys go, I’ll work in the garden,” I say and leave.

“What was that about?” Spencer asks Eddie.

Eddie shrugs his shoulders. “She’s just in a mood today. I’ll make breakfast, then tell her to come in and eat. Hopefully, then she will have changed her mind.”

“You’re going to cook?” Spencer asks.

Eddie smiles and nods.

Assholes. I want them to leave. It’s not like we’ll run out of food, but soon we’re going to be left with boring stuff and be eating stuff like canned peaches for every meal.

They brought nothing. Let them go find food.

I go in the barn to get a shovel and a bucket for potatoes.

I dig for potatoes. We still have some in the ground. I wonder if I should plant more or if it’s too late. It won’t hurt to plant a few. Tomorrow I’ll go through all of our potatoes and find the worst ones we have and plant them. Hopefully, we’ll get more before it gets too cold.

I hear the back door shut so I look up to see who came outside. Of course, it’s my little puppy dog…I wonder what he wants now.

“I made breakfast, you should come eat,” he says.

“I have too much to do right now.”

“We should all eat now, so we can leave soon…” he says.

I don’t say anything.

“You’re going to come with us aren’t you?” he asks.

“I have to because none of you know where you’re going, so let me see what food I can find in the garden. You guys eat…I have work to do,” I tell him.

He stands and looks at me for a few seconds, sighs and goes back in the house.

Asshole. Maybe we can find a bunch of stuff at the neighbors, they can take it and leave. But really it should be ours. They were my neighbors, not theirs.

I work in the garden. I pick anything that is ripe, or near ripe. Take a mental inventory of what will be ripe enough to pick soon, and what is done for this year.

Tomorrow after I plant the potatoes I need to pull out all the dead plants. We really need to go find bulbs and seeds somewhere. The store close to here should have a bunch if no one else has taken them yet. I am hoping anyone that may have gone there was only thinking short term and took only food.

It seems like a long time passes before someone comes outside. It looks like they’re all ready to go. I stand up because they probably can’t see me behind the tomato plants.

“We’ve eaten, and cleaned the kitchen, so I guess we’re ready…you know if you are,” Eddie says.

I take the tomatoes I picked over to the bucket and set them in it. I pick up the bucket and carry it to the house.

“I’ll be out in a few minutes,” I tell them before I go in.

I leave the bucket on the table and head up to my room to change clothes.

My hands have mud caked on them. The things I would do to be able to take a hot bubble bath. To just lay in a bathtub full of hot bubbly water for an hour.

I take off my shorts and slip on a pair of jeans. We’re going to be in the woods, I need to have on jeans.

I find a lightweight long sleeve tee shirt and put it on. I put on socks and real shoes since we’ll be walking pretty far. I pull my hair back in a ponytail.

I stop in the bathroom downstairs and pee.

When I’m finished I decide I should probably bring my backpack and some water, so I go up to my bedroom to grab my backpack.

In the kitchen I search until I find my old stainless steel water bottle, I fill it with water, put it in my backpack and join everyone else outside.

“Is everyone ready?” I ask them.

“I guess we have to be,” Amanda says.

She sounds like she wants to go as much as I do. I actually do in a way. I want to see if they have anything usable left, hoping for food, toilet paper, oil, seeds, maybe clothes too, and apples at least for the animals. I just don’t want to walk all the way there and then back again later, carrying a bunch of stuff.

We start walking towards the woods. This will take about half the time than if we take the road. And I’d rather go this way anyway, too dangerous on the road.

We walk quietly for about thirty minutes. My stomach is growling. I wish I would have eaten something, a tomato or something from the garden.

I get my water bottle out and take a drink.

“Do you need to stop?” Eddie asks me.

I shake my head. “I can drink and walk at the same time.”

I hear him sigh, I know he wants to say something to me, and I know I am being horrible, but I am so angry at them I can’t help it.

We walk silently.

“Hey, can we stop for a few minutes?” I hear Amanda behind me ask.

I turn around to look at her. “Did you bring water?” I ask her.

She shakes her head.

I get my water bottle out and hand it to her.

“Did any of you bring water?” I ask them.

None of them say anything.

Jesus, why would they not think to bring water? We’re going to be walking for a while and it’s not like we know if there will be safe water there when we get there.

“I wish you would have made coffee this morning. Will you show me how to do it? I got everything out, kind of looked at everything and couldn’t figure it out,” Eddie says.

“If we survive this trip…sure.”

He laughs. “You don’t think we will?”

“I can’t believe nobody thought to bring water. Or a backpack or anything to carry stuff back in.”

“I guess we’re all just hoping there will be a running car there. Or we’re all just stupid or something,” he says.

I know he thinks it’s funny, but it’s not to me. It’s irritating.

“Yeah, I guess so…” I reply.

“Why are you in such a shitty mood today?” he asks.

“Leave her alone, probably that time of the month for her,” I hear Spencer say.

Is he serious? I stare at him.

“Can we keep going…I have stuff to do when we get back,” I say.

“See…” Spencer says and laughs.

“What is up your ass? You’ve been a bitch all day. It’s one of two things as far as I can figure, so you want to let us all know what it is so we can help you get past it,” Eddie says.

“So what is it?” Amanda asks.

“Why don’t you tell her…tell us…” Eddie says.

“You seem to think you know everything about me, so you tell her,” I say.

“She’s mad about you two sleeping in the other room, to start with,” he says.

“Jealous?” Spencer asks me.

That stings. I’ve always been jealous of Amanda. She’s gorgeous compared to me. I’m so very plain, she’s beautiful. We’re so opposite. Mostly. She’s only an inch or two shorter than me, but she’s at least twenty pounds less. She always said it’s because she looks like an adolescent boy with no curves, and I am very hourglassy. She says yeah I’m twenty pounds more than her, but it’s ten pounds of boobs and ten pounds of ass.

But still, I always wanted to be thin like her.

Where I have boring brown hair that sometimes has waves buts mostly frizzy and uncontrollable, she has shiny straight black hair. It grows so fast. It’s usually at least to her shoulders, then she will decide she hates it and shave it off, and still look gorgeous. And in a few months, it’s long again!

So yeah as much as I love her, I was always jealous of her.

“Mara…don’t be mad at me about that. I wanted to tell you something yesterday…” Amanda starts to say.

“She’s also mad that we came. She’s mad because now Amanda and Spencer slept together, and because we’re going through so much food,” Eddie says.

“Do you want us to leave? Do you think we’re using your supplies? Eating your food? Using your water?” Spencer asks.

I nod my head. “It was all my family’s stuff. You brought nothing.”

“You think we should leave?” he asks.

“If you think they should leave, I should too. I didn’t bring anything,” Amanda says.

“Fuck her then…the three of us can leave,” Spencer says.

“Are we going to stand here and argue all day, or do you still want to go to my neighbors?” I ask them.

No one says anything for a minute.

“Let’s go…we can get some food and stuff we need. Then we can find another place to stay,” Spencer says.

This isn’t what I wanted. I wish Eddie had kept his mouth shut. I don’t want Amanda to leave. Would she go with them…leave me at my house alone?

I start walking towards the neighbor’s house. If they want to come, great. If I end up there alone that’s great too.

I just walk. I ignore them behind me, even though I can hear them talking. Maybe me being alone wouldn’t be bad. I can move to the barn, sleep with the goats. Let Amanda go with them and be happy. They can take everything they want, just leave me alone. Maybe I’ll tell them to take all the animals too, I can live in our secret room in the basement.

Fuck them. All of them. I can’t believe my best friend would turn on me though…and for what? For some guy she’s known for a handful of days? Okay yeah this may be the last guy on earth…the last one she could be with…but I didn’t think she would straight up ditch me for a guy…ever.

“MARA!” I hear someone scream.