I wake up before anyone else. It’s still dark out, but I can tell it’s very early morning. The rooster will probably crow soon.
I consider laying here until he does crow, it’s so warm in bed all snuggled into Eddie, but I really really have to pee, so sadly I have to get up now.
I carefully untangle myself from Eddie making sure I don’t wake him up.
I get out of bed and walk over to my dresser where Eddie put some of the stuff he got at the store yesterday. I’m looking for one thing. I figure I need to do this, just as well do it now. We need to know.
I find one of the boxes of pregnancy tests, quietly open it and take one out. I start to take the instructions out, but it’s dark and I’ll have to find a flashlight or something to read it, and I think I know how to do it anyway. I mean you just take the cap off and pee on it…I think.
It’s silent in the house. If I had to guess what time it is, I’d say almost five. The rooster will probably wake everyone up soon so I need to hurry up and do this. I don’t want anyone to know yet, well besides Eddie.
I open the package while I’m going down the stairs. I stick the empty wrapper in my shirt so I don’t accidentally leave it in the bathroom.
I don’t know how long I’m supposed to pee on it, so I just pee on the stick the whole time I’m peeing. I pop the cap back on it and set it on the sink while I finish in the bathroom.
I pick it up, but can’t see anything in here since it’s pitch black. I really need to quit being so damn brave about using the bathroom in the dark, a snake or rat could get in the pipes and crawl into the toilet and I’d never know until it bit my ass.
I leave the bathroom and head to the kitchen to see if there’s any light in there yet.
It’s still dark but when I look out the window over the sink I can see the slightest hint of the sunrise.
I go over to the stove, lift up one of the burners, and put the test wrapper in there.
I stick the test in the waist of my underwear and pants so I don’t set it down and forget about it somewhere.
I stand there trying to decide if I want to start a fire in the stove, or go upstairs and get dressed first.
I decide to go ahead and get a fire started. I stick my hand in the stove to see if they filled it with wood and paper last night like I usually do so in the morning all we have to do is light it, but I guess no one remembered to do that because it’s empty.
I won’t be mad, it’s usually my job, or sometimes Eddie does it for me, and yesterday was an unusual day.
Luckily there is wood in the box next to the stove so I fill the stove with wood, then add some of the paper we keep in the box and light a match to get the fire started.
Since there’s some light now from the fire I get the test out of my waistband and hold it near the fire to see if I can see what it says.
Well, there’s no denying anything now, it literally says ‘pregnant’ on it.
I look at it again. I squint and look at it. It doesn’t change, still just has that word on it.
I shake it like a thermometer for some reason, maybe trying to see if that changes it, nope, still says ‘PREGNANT’.
I hear someone coming down the stairs and know it’s Eddie. I know his walk and no one else would be up this early.
He comes over to me, starts to kiss me, but sees what I have in my hand.
“Did you do it?” he asks.
I nod my head.
“Well? Am I a daddy?” he asks.
I hand it to him because I’m afraid to say anything.
He holds it in the light of the fire and looks at it, then looks at me.
“Um…I’m going to go…um…outside…and smoke…I think. I’ll be back…” he says and starts walking towards the back door.
He comes back over to me and hands the test back to me.
“Are you alright?” he asks me.
I shrug my shoulders and sort of nod my head while also sort of shaking it.
“Same,” he says.
“I guess I should go ahead and get dressed…since we’re both up,” I tell him.
He nods his head. “Yeah. I’ll be back inside in like five minutes. We can talk or something I guess.”
“Or go feed the animals?” I suggest.
He smiles at me. “Yeah…then we can talk.”
“Okay,” I say.
I kiss him. “Go pee…and smoke…and I’ll meet you in here. Bring in the water so I can get the water heating up for coffee.”
He kisses me quickly before slipping on his boots and a jacket, then going outside.
I watch him through the window over the sink. He lights a cigarette while walking over to my garden.
He stops in my garden and unzips his pants. I sigh. Why does he love to piss in my garden? We’re going to be digging in that dirt in a few months.
I turn and head upstairs.
I drop the test on my dresser. I don’t know if I want to keep it, or burn it, or what just yet, so, for now, it can stay on my dresser.
I pull a pair of jeans on over my long underwear. I probably don’t need another shirt since I already have two on, both of the ones I slept in.
I get a pair of socks out of the dresser and sit on the bed to put them on.
I wonder what Eddie thinks we need to talk about? There’s not really much we can do. It’s not like I could get an abortion. I never would anyway, but I can’t now.
We’re having a baby. A baby. I look down at my abdomen, it looks the same. I can’t believe there is a baby in there…well at least the start of a baby. I wish I knew how far along I was. I want to look it up in a book and see what the baby looks like now.
I start to go downstairs but stop at my nightstand. I open the drawer and see right on top what I was looking for, my parent’s wedding rings.
I get both of them out and slip them into my pocket. I want to commit myself to him, I hope he feels the same way towards me.
When I get back down to the kitchen, he’s putting a pot of water on the stove for coffee. I go over to him, wrap my arms around him and kiss the back of his neck.
“Did you miss me that bad?” he asks.
“I did. It’s been at least five minutes, probably more like seven. You could have forgotten me in that time.”
He turns around, wraps his arms around me, kisses me on the lips before nuzzling my neck and kissing me there. “Every day I swear I just want to get back in bed with you. One day we need to work it out with someone to take over the morning chores so we can sleep in. It’s really not fair that we do everything.”
“That would be nice…not going to happen probably though. Maybe before everyone moves to Rachel and Tim’s, maybe one morning we could let Lynne and Sebastian try to take over?”
“That would be so nice,” he says.
“Eddie…can we talk?” I ask him.
He kisses me. “Aren’t we talking?”
“Yeah, we are, but this is something really important to me. So…please…can we talk…seriously…”
“Of course we can. I know you aren’t going to tell me you’re pregnant, so what’s going on in your head?” he asks.
“Well…it sort of has something to do with that. Um…I love you…I think you know that. I never thought this is where I would be at eighteen, but…I’m happy.”
“I’m glad to hear that since a couple months ago you were questioning life and well everything,” he says.
He takes a deep breath in and slowly lets it out. “I love you so much Mara, it really scares me when you have such dark thoughts. And now we’ll have a new life that will depend on us. I know I’m a little scared thinking about that, but also kind of excited. I honestly never thought I’d be in a stable relationship like this, never thought I’d be having a baby and happy and looking forward to it.”
He kisses me on the lips, then looks at me. We kiss for a minute. I dig the rings out of my pocket. I pull my lips away from his.
I hold my hand out to him showing him the rings.
“These…um…these rings were my parents. I want us to wear them…if that’s what you want too. If you’re ready for this commitment…” I say awkwardly rambling.
He’s quiet. Maybe he doesn’t feel ready to commit to me. I look at him and see tears running down his cheeks.
I hug him as tight as I can without hurting either of us.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you. We can wait if you’re not ready,” I tell him.
He kisses my neck, wiggles loose from me. He picks up my hand with the rings in it, opens my hand, and takes both rings.
He picks up the smaller one, my mom’s ring, and slips it on my ring finger.
He kisses me. “I love you, Mara. I can’t think of anything I want more than to be committed to you for the rest of my life.”
“I should put your ring on your finger,” I tell him.
He holds it out to me, I take it and slip it on his ring finger.
He kisses me again, then pulls me to him, his arms around me. I nuzzle his neck before laying my head on his shoulder.
“I’m never taking it off,” he says.
We sit down with our coffee, talk about what we need to do today.
I hear the rooster crow. I look at Eddie. “I guess we need to figure out breakfast, everyone will be getting up soon.”
“Sadly, yes. Let’s finish our coffee, take care of the animals and then worry about breakfast. We need to do inventory today. Most of what we got yesterday they’ll take with them, but I got some stuff for us. We want to go back there and get more stuff. They have a lot of stuff there still.”
“Did it look like people had been there?” I ask him.
“Not any time recently. Months ago maybe when it all started to happen. There’s still a year’s worth of food there. Maybe even longer. And clothes, soap, medicines, everything. I’d love to make a couple trips there today, and over the next few days. If you’re okay with that?” he asks.
“Yeah. I mean…yesterday…other than my mom dying…well my parents both dying, that was probably the worst thing that happened to me. I had to kill someone I’ve known my whole life. I’d love to just forget about it, but I don’t think I’ll be able to for a long time. But, I’m alright. I just need to try to not think about what happened I guess.”
“I need to do some cleaning in the barn. All we took care of last night was…him. It’s pretty messy in there. But we’ll take care of it, I don’t want you to worry about that at all. And now that we know you’re pregnant, we need to decide what you need to be doing.”
“I can still do everything I always have. I’m not sick. I won’t be stupid, but I should be okay doing stuff like feeding the animals and cooking,” I tell him.
He nods his head.
“Should you keep drinking coffee? That’s crazy, isn’t it? Coffee should be fine, well as long as you don’t drink just coffee. Do you feel okay? Do you feel any different?” he asks.
I look at him for a minute trying to process everything he just said. “Um…what? I feel fine. Not really different, well unless I feel sick. Which I don’t today, but we didn’t eat much last night.”
“Sorry. I just worry. I’m going to worry the whole fucking time since we can’t see a doctor.” He sighs. “I’m sorry…I feel like this is all my fault,” he says.
“Your fault? How? I think I was there when it happened. Probably was pretty willing too,” I say smiling at him.
“Yeah, I know…but maybe we shouldn’t have had sex…like ever. I feel bad about it sometimes. Like me coming here, staying here was a mistake. I fucked up your life.”
“Fucked up my life? How? If you and Spencer hadn’t come here, I know I still wouldn’t be here. We would have run out of food long ago, or I would have burned out trying to do everything here by myself, and I would have probably shot my brains out. You didn’t fuck up my life, if anything, you saved it,” I say hoping he believes me.
“I’m a fuck up, Mara,” he says.
“Eddie…I know you’ve said that before…and okay maybe you were before…but now you’re not. Now you’ve saved all of us. Not just me Amanda and Spencer, but now Lynne, Sebastian, Dave, and yes even Maggie. You keep pushing us to do more, to keep trying, to survive. You’re the one that has told me things were meant to happen in a certain way, so I guess this baby, our baby, was meant to happen. Am I scared about having a baby? You don’t know how scared I am. But I know with you helping me I can do it. We can do it.”
“I’m making this shit up as it happens, you know that don’t you?” he asks.
I smile. “So am I. I never once thought I’d have to make a choice about risking being taken or shooting a friend of mine, but I had to. And there’s no way to plan for that, we have to do what we think is right. What will help all of us survive. So far I think we’ve made the right choices. Sometimes the choices have seemed wrong or really just fucked up, like leaving Maggie behind, but in the end, it all worked out with the best result it could have. The other day when you told me to just do it and not overthink it, I think that’s all we can do now.”
Lynne and Sebastian shadow Eddie and me while we take care of the animals.
We get no eggs from the chickens today which really sucks because it looks like we either eat pancakes or oatmeal today and for some reason neither of those sound good to me and because that means it’s cold out and it’s going to snow any day now. I’m really thinking in the next few days.
While Lynne and I attempt some sort of breakfast, Eddie and Sebastian stay outside to chop wood.
After breakfast, Eddie is taking me, Lynne, and Sebastian to the store they went to yesterday to get stuff, and then some of us will take turns going back to get all we can from there. We’re going to need supplies because once it snows we’re going to be stuck here. There will be no one to plow the roads for us. We need to get all the food and stuff we’ll need for the next few months.
“So how did your discussion go with Eddie the other night…if I’m not getting into your business,” Lynne asks.
“Um…it went…awkwardly I guess,” I say laughing. “I didn’t know what to say, or how he would take it. But you know, I guess it went okay. He seems…okay…”
“That’s good. So…are you excited? Or…” she asks.
I think for a minute. “Scared to death for the most part. I guess since now we know that it’s real…like it’s really going to happen…I think we’re both just scared.
“You’re sure?” she asks.
“Yeah he grabbed some tests yesterday at the store and I did one this morning. And there it was in big ugly letters pregnant popped right up. I showed him this morning.”
I take a deep breath and let it out. “It still doesn’t feel real though. I wonder when it will?”
“Probably in a couple of months. Any idea how far along you are?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Can’t be more than a month really, we haven’t been having sex very long.”
“You guys must be really fertile,” she says.
“Don’t say that! I’m going to be afraid to have sex again,” I say laughing.
“Are you going to tell everyone? I mean I know you are eventually…I guess I mean when are you going to tell everyone?” she asks.
“I don’t know. I’m not in any hurry to let Spencer know. He always seems to make me feel shitty about everything,” I say trying to explain.
I hear her sigh. “He does seem like he can be difficult at times.”
“He hates me, and I don’t really know why.”
“Hard to tell. Usually when guys are angry like that they’re acting out because they’re mad that they can’t have something,” she says.
“I don’t think that’s it, Spencer has never been interested in me…unless he thinks I’m taking his friend away from him.”
“That really could be it. He seems kind of immature. Unlike Eddie. Eddie seems to be very wise,” she says.
“Yes, he is. Now, any ideas for breakfast? No eggs makes everything regarding eating really difficult.”
“Everyone is just going to have to be happy with oatmeal today. I guess when we go to the store we can try to find some other options. Maybe granola bars or something.”
We leave shortly after breakfast. We pack food, blankets, flashlights, and yes guns and bullets. I pray we don’t get trapped anywhere. I hope the truck doesn’t die and I really hope it doesn’t snow.
“It’s so beautiful here,” Lynne says when we’ve been driving for about ten minutes.
I look out the windshield trying to see my world through her eyes. It is beautiful here. I’ve always loved where I live despite the miserably cold winters and the hot humid summers.
“I love this area. I think I fell in love with the location before I fell in love with someone,” Eddie says.
He picks up my hand closest to him and kisses the back of it. He rests our hands on his thigh. I lay my head on his shoulder and continue watching my world as we drive by.
It’s sad to see the road clear. No animals roaming the fields. None of my neighbors working their crops or getting the land ready for winter. That’s the only thing making the landscape sad and ugly.
It doesn’t take long to get there. Only a couple of times do we have to detour to the other side of the road or over in the grass to go around abandoned cars. For the most part, the roads are clear. I guess a benefit of living in a smaller town.
Eddie parks right by the doors of the store when we get there. Eddie and Sebastian grab the backpacks when we all get out. When we get to the doors, Eddie grasps each glass door and gently slides them apart opening them for all of us. He pulls them shut after we all get inside.
With no electricity, it’s fairly dark in the store. Luckily we all brought flashlights. Next time though this would probably be easier if we had lanterns.
It’s so strange to be in the store with no other people. No workers or other shoppers. It’s kind of scary. I think if somehow Amanda and I had managed to get here alone I would have wanted to turn right around and head back home. I’m glad I have Eddie here with me. Not that I can’t protect myself, I know I can, but I feel safer somehow knowing he’s here with me.
I think I’m more afraid of stumbling across a wild animal or a rat or mouse than a person. With the store abandoned there’s probably a better chance of coming across an animal than a human.
In a way, the store looks the same as it did a couple of months ago when I was here. Where our little general store was kind of trashed with food and other stuff thrown on the floor, this store seems to be in better condition. It seems to be cleaner, well at least more organized, but there is an underlying smell of rotting food. I’m glad it’s winter time now so the smell isn’t too bad, I know during the summer it had to be sickening.
I don’t know where to start, we need so much stuff.
We need to get all the food we can. And stuff like batteries, flashlights, warm clothes, maybe even bottled water.
Lynne wants to see what books they might have for Maggie and to get her some clothes since she really doesn’t have any. See what toys we can find too.
We each get a shopping cart and set a box in it.
“Are we splitting up? Do you think it’s safe?” Sebastian asks.
“We did yesterday. I think we’d hear something if someone comes in…maybe. This store’s so fucking big we may not. What do you think?” Eddie asks all of us.
“Maybe all stay in the same area, but different aisles? Stay close but not together,” I suggest.
“That sounds like a great plan,” Sebastian says.
“Should we go to clothes first? I need to get stuff for Maggie and all of us need warm clothes,” Lynne says.
I think that in a couple of months I may need all new clothes so going to look at clothes seems like a good idea to me.
“Yeah, let’s get clothes first,” I say.
Luckily Eddie and Sebastian agree.
We decide to go through men’s, then women’s, then kids. I help Eddie pick out clothes. It’s actually fun shopping for him. We grab a bunch of thick socks, some long underwear, and boxers. I try to talk him into getting a couple of pairs of pajamas to wear when it gets even colder out but he says he can’t sleep in anything but boxers and usually they bother him too.
Then we get pants. A couple of coats and a couple of jackets. Some jeans. His cart is overly full.
“I think this is more clothes than I’ve ever had during my whole life,” Eddie says looking at it.
“Are we going to load stuff now…or?” I ask him.
“Uh…let’s just leave the full carts up front and then we can load it all at once,” he says.
“That makes the most sense,” I say.
“You guys okay with that?” Eddie asks Lynne and Sebastian.
“Yeah. We’re done here I think if you want to go push our carts up front,” Sebastian says.
Eddie agrees, so he and Sebastian head up towards the front of the store, and Lynne and I head over to the women’s department.
When we get there I just stand there not sure what to look at. I probably have enough clothes for now, so should I look at bigger stuff that might fit in the next few months? Get some warmer stuff too, but I’m really worried about not having anything that will fit in a couple of months.
I get cold at night so I decide to get some warm pajamas. I’m looking at the one-piece fleece pajamas when Eddie finds me. I hold one up for his approval, he makes a sour face.
“I’ll be back,” he says.
I take the pajamas I showed him off the hanger, fold them as small as I can, and put them in the box in my cart.
I move to a section that has some soft cotton pieces. I figure these will be perfect for layering at night and during the day. I decide to get five long sleeve shirts and five pairs of the bottoms. In both items I get two size medium which is what I’m in now, then two larges, then one extra-large. I really hope I don’t end up that big though.
I’m working on folding everything when Eddie comes back. He’s holding a few pieces of clothing.
He holds the first one up for me. I make the same face at him that he did for me.
“You don’t like it?” he asks sounding very disappointed.
It’s not horrible. A short nightgown similar to the one I got from Rachel’s. This one is red and has lace trimming the bottom edge.
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know…it’s…um…skimpy? I don’t think I’ll be very warm if I wear that to bed…”
“I’m thinking if you wear it to bed you wouldn’t have it on very long and then I’ll keep you warm. Please? Just wear it for me every once in a while?” he asks.
I look at his sweet, gorgeous face. He looks so sad right now, pouting like a two year old.
I roll my eyes, take the skimpy nightie from him, fold it, and put it in my box.
“What else do you have?” I ask him.
He holds up a pajama set consisting of some shorts, very short shorts, and a crop top.
I shrug my shoulders. “Put it in. Just put it all in and for you, I’ll wear it all at least once.”
He leans close and kisses me. “Thanks. Want to go pick out anything special for me to wear?”
I think for a few seconds. “No. Honestly, I think you look great in everything. Sometimes when you’re outside chopping wood, getting water from the well, or just feeding the animals…I like to watch you,” I say embarrassed.
“Yeah?” he asks like he doesn’t believe me.
I nod my head. “You know though…I do find guys in long sleeve tee shirts very irresistible.”
“Well then, I guess I better make sure to grab some before we leave.”
“See if you can find a blue one, but it has to be the blue that matches your eyes,” I tell him.
“That’s the first one I’ll look for. But now, what else do you need?” he asks.
“Probably grab more underwear and maybe a few new bras. Somehow already my bras are too small. I’m afraid of how big my boobs are going to get. And I guess I better think about getting some um…stuff to wear…you know…”
He looks confused for a few seconds but then realizes what I mean. “Oh, you mean when your clothes don’t fit. Do they have maternity clothes here?”
“I don’t know, I guess we can look. If not I’ll just get bigger leggings or something.”
The underwear and bras are right next to the pajamas so we look there next. I get a few comfy looking pairs of underwear and then Eddie picks out a couple of pairs he likes and wants me to wear. Then I get some bigger ones to wear in a few months. Assuming I’ll bleed a lot after, I get a few packs of cotton granny panties that I figure I can just throw away if I need to.
I get a couple of bras in my size, a couple in the next size, and a couple in the size after that too.
I really don’t need much more I already have a lot of clothes at home. I wonder what we’ll all do though when our clothes are all worn out and there’s nothing left anywhere.
I get two pairs of jeans in my size now and then two pairs in the next size up. I figure they’ll fit me after I grow out of mine and maybe after for a while too.
I get a couple of pairs of leggings too. I never really wore them unless I wore them under my jeans during the winter.
We do find maternity clothes but after I look at some of them I hate everything. I don’t understand how the jeans work, if I should get the size I wear now or what. I do get two pairs, one in my size now and then one in the next size up.
I decide what I like the best so far is the soft cotton stuff I got where the pajamas were so I go back and get more stuff there.
And then I’m finished with me.
Lynne finished quicker than I did so we take my full cart up to the front with our others, we each grab a new cart and go meet them in kid’s clothes.
We all shop for stuff for Maggie and then I see baby clothes. Should we get some now? I won’t need them for months but what if other people find this store and they need baby clothes?
Eddie sees packages of diapers and he looks at me. I shrug my shoulders.
“No harm in grabbing some,” Eddie says picking a few packs up off the shelf and putting them on the bottom of his cart.
“What else should we get now? We’re going to need so much stuff but not for months,” I say.
“I guess each trip we get what we can. We don’t know if the stuff will still be here in a month, or heck even tomorrow. So let’s grab a little bit of everything right now,” he suggests.
“Yeah. Any idea what we need?”
“Um…diapers? And…uh…diapers?” Eddie says laughing.
We get four more packs of diapers in different sizes.
The next aisle has bottles, pacifiers, and wipes so we get some of those too filling the box in Eddie’s cart.
Lynne and Sebastian meet up with us in that aisle.
“Are you trying to tell us something?” Sebastian asks looking in Eddie’s cart.
“I guess so. I guess everyone will know now when we bring this stuff to the house. Oh well, it can’t be helped,” Eddie replies.
“Well, congratulations. Are you guys excited? Nervous?” Sebastian asks.
“Uh…I don’t know yet. We really just found out today…this morning. I guess right now I’m just scared,” Eddie tells him.
“I don’t even know what to get. I don’t know what we need,” I say.
Lynne takes a deep breath in and slowly lets it out. “I do. I had two kids. My little boy, Andrew, he was eight and my daughter, Sarah, was five. I had a great husband. I had the perfect life…and then it was all taken away from me.”
I don’t know what to say. I’m glad I didn’t ask her about this before when I was curious.
“I’m sorry Lynne, I didn’t mean to bring up sad thoughts,” I say.
She shakes her head. “It’s okay. Finding Maggie has really helped me. Finding you guys too. But finding Maggie, finding someone who needs me to take care of them, that’s really helped.”
Sebastian hugs her for a minute.
“I’m okay, really,” she says.
He kisses her cheek. “I’m going to take this full cart up front and get an empty one, Eddie wanna go switch out your cart?”
Eddie looks at the full box in his cart and the diapers on the bottom. “I guess I should,” he says laughing.
While they’re getting new carts, Lynne and I look at the next aisle of baby stuff. It’s baby food and formula.
“Are you going to breastfeed?” she asks me.
I look at her with probably the most confused look ever. “I don’t know. I haven’t even thought about that.”
“Well, you don’t have to decide now. I did and I can help if you decide to try but let’s go ahead and get some different formulas in case you need them. Probably eventually we should grab it all, we never know who’s going to need it,” she says.
I wonder if she and Sebastian are trying to have a baby? I wonder if her and Sebastian…um…even have sex? I kinda wanna ask but there’s no way I ever could.
Eddie and Sebastian come back, racing, both running and then jumping on their carts and riding them toward us.
“Maybe we already have children to take care of,” Lynne says laughing.
I watch both of them flying towards us. When they get close they both jump off their carts and grab them to stop them from running into anything.
I sigh at Eddie when he comes over to me.
“What?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I just worry maybe. You know if you fall and crack your head open there aren’t hospitals anymore.”
He shrugs his shoulders. “Sebastian can sew my head back together.”
“I probably could. Be pretty painful, but yeah I could do it,” Sebastian replies.
“Is there a hospital near here?” Lynne asks.
“Yeah, sort of. It’s like thirty minutes away. That’s the closest one,” I tell her.
“We should go check it out at some point, see what supplies we can get there. Maybe try some urgent care or doctor’s offices too since the hospitals might be depleted of supplies. I know ours was getting that way,” she says.
“Add it to the list of never-ending shit we need to accomplish,” Eddie says.
“Are we finished here?” Sebastian asks.
“I guess I’ll grab some clothes and then I’ll be finished. Any idea what I should get today?” I ask Lynne.
“Socks. Sleepers. Onesies. That should be it to start.”
“Why don’t we grab that stuff and you guys go get as many pairs of rubber boots that you can,” I suggest to Eddie and Sebastian.
“You sure?” Sebastian asks.
“We’ll be fine. You guys will be right over there,” Lynne says pointing to a section of the store near where we are.
“Mara,” Eddie says.
“Yeah?” I reply.
“You have your gun?” he asks.
I lift up my hoodie and shirts showing him the butt of the gun sticking out of the waistband of my jeans.
“Eddie, we’ll be fine,” I tell him.
“Alright, come get us when you’re finished and we’ll all take the carts up to the front and get new carts. Probably should try to get an idea of what we already have and how much more we can get,” he says.
Lynne helps me pick out some clothing basics. She asks me if I think I’ll need boy or girl stuff and I never even thought about the sex yet. The whole baby thing has been hard enough to get used to.
“Um…” I say.
“Well then, just get what you think is cute, the baby doesn’t care as long as it’s comfortable,” she says.
I get sort of the same stuff I got for myself. Soft cotton stuff that can be layered. I get all different colors and prints that I figure can be used for a boy or a girl, and then a couple of things that are a little gender specific.
And then I remember we need blankets. And probably a crib. And maybe a baby bath. We’re never going to be able to get everything!
We do get some blankets before we go see if Eddie and Sebastian are finished.
I tell Lynne I need to stop in the men’s clothes briefly first. I find the long sleeve tee shirts and I get one in every color for Eddie. I’m pretty happy they had blue. It’s not quite the same color as his eyes, but close enough to make me happy.
When we get to the shoe section they’re finished. They both have about eight pairs of rubber boots of various colors and sizes in their boxes. Before we take everything up to the front, Lynne and I each pick out our own pairs. I get some really cute red with white polka dot ones. I’ve only ever had plain old black ones that my dad would get at the feed store so I’m kind of excited to have some pretty ones.
Next, we plan on heading to the camping section but I am starving so I ask if we can detour to the food so I can get something to snack on while we shop.
Everyone agrees they could use a snack too and a drink so we go over to the side of the store where the food is.
When we get there I just stand there trying to figure out what exactly I want. Right now everything!
Lynne and Sebastian want just a sweet pick me up so they head towards the candy aisle. Eddie says whatever I want he’ll share, I just wish I knew what I wanted.
I decide to follow Sebastian and Lynne and see if anything in that aisle tempts me.
One side of the aisle is candy, all types, and sizes of candies. The other side is snacks like chips and pretzels and that type of stuff. I immediately see what I want. Cheetos. All the Cheetos. I get a couple of bags and put them in my cart. Eddie just looks at me.
“Maybe we should get you some vitamins,” he says.
“We should. Probably get some for all of us. Especially Mara and Maggie,” Lynne says.
“We can grab a couple bottles before we leave but the rest of the medicine stuff is going to have to wait for another trip,” Eddie says.
Eddie grabs a few bags of candy bars before we leave the aisle.
We go a couple of aisles over where the drinks are. Eddie puts a case of water on the bottom of his cart and then he gets a bottle out for each of us.
We start walking towards the camping stuff which is over on the other side of the store.
When we get to the camping area again I’m not sure what we should get.
We really could probably eventually use most of this stuff.
I guess we’ll focus on what we need for now. So flashlights, more lanterns, kerosene, Eddie says hunting knives and maybe look at sleeping bags and clothes back here too. The clothes and sleeping bags back here are probably better to keep us warm.
We start with the first aisle of camping supplies and plan to go aisle by aisle and maybe make notes of stuff we need but can’t get this time so whoever comes here next can pick some stuff up.
“Do you have fishing poles at your house?” Eddie asks me when we come to the aisle with fishing supplies.
“My house? I kinda thought it was our house, especially after this morning,” I say a little sadly.
He smiles. “It is. I mean if that’s okay with you. I want it to be our house. So, are there any fishing poles at our house?”
I smile and nod my head. “Yeah. My dad used to take me fishing at our pond all the time. Well, it’s been years, we didn’t go after my mom got really sick and then this past summer we…well…it didn’t happen.”
“This is amazing! This opens up a whole new source of protein for us. Is there a way to can fish?” Eddie asks me.
“I’m sure there is. I would have to find a book or something though. And I guess we need to get all the canning stuff they have here. Jars, thermometers, maybe a couple more pressure cookers too if we plan on mass canning stuff,” I reply.
“I have no idea how to can anything, but I’m willing to learn. I’m thinking we need to start doing mass canning if we want to have food during the winter. We’re lucky and this winter we should be able to gather enough supplies which is a good thing since we don’t have time to prepare. But next winter all these food supplies will be depleted so we need to can as much stuff as possible,” Lynne says.
“This is what I’ve been trying to explain to everyone for the past month. Especially Amanda and Spencer. I feel like they just assume we’ll do all the work and that we’ll always be able to find a source of food, and I keep trying to tell them we need to plan things months in advance if we want to eat. McDonald’s is gone. If we want to eat we need to plant a garden and take care of the animals,” I say.
“They’d be fucked if it weren’t for you guys. I’m grateful to have found your farm. You guys have given me hope that there is a reason to survive. But you need to fix your household or they’re never going to change,” Sebastian says.
“Yeah. I guess it’s time to think about a chore chart again. As stupid as that sounds, I think we need one,” Eddie says.
We decide the fishing gear can wait for another trip since we won’t be fishing any time soon. Although now that Eddie has talked about fish I’m really craving some fried fish. Or baked. Just some real food besides chicken. If the cow dies I wonder if she would be safe to eat?
Eddie and Sebastian fill all of our carts with flashlights, a ton of batteries, lanterns, kerosene, and four sleeping bags. The sleeping bags say something about zero degrees so I’m guessing they’ll keep us warm when it gets cold, or at least warmer than regular blankets.
We even find double sleeping bags that are good for zero degrees so we get one and so do Lynne and Sebastian. We figure we can use them on our beds now.
We’re pretty much done with our shopping trip. We’re going to grab what food we can and get back so the others can come.
I try to think of what we need at home now. Always need cooking oil and maybe some shortening. Canned meat. Just food. A variety so we don’t get burned out.
I’m slightly afraid to take anything off the shelf. I don’t know why but I feel like there are animals here. If I were a mouse or rat I think I’d be living here. I don’t want to get bit. I don’t want to have survived this sickness only to die now from a rat bite.
I cautiously take things off the shelves. I bang my flashlight against the shelf before attempting to get anything. Eddie laughs at me every time.
We get all the canned meats we can find and then boxed stuff like mashed potatoes, different kinds of pasta, tomato sauces, and then we realize powdered milk will really help. This way we can keep the goat’s milk to mainly make butter.
We get more snacks from the snack aisle and then get some cookies and crackers too. Then we start taking all the carts out to the truck. It doesn’t take long since we parked right by the doors.
While we’re loading the truck I see there are other cars in the parking lot.
“Were there people here? You know…bodies?” I ask Eddie.
“Uh…just a couple. We took them out back. Why?” Eddie asks.
“I don’t know. I mean I saw the cars and wondered where the people were. But maybe we could get the gas out of the cars or if we could find keys we could have another car or truck. They’re going to need a vehicle,” I say.
“It will have to wait for another time. I figure either Sebastian or I can come on the next trip with Spencer and Amanda. Maybe both of us if Dave doesn’t want to make the trip. So if both of us come then maybe we can go car shopping,” Eddie says.
Even though the ride home only takes about half an hour, after about fifteen minutes I find my eyelids getting heavy. I lay my head over on Eddie’s shoulder while he drives.
“Sleepy?” he asks.
“Yeah, maybe. Or maybe I just like you,” I reply.
“Yeah? Well, I like you too,” he replies. He turns his head and kisses the top of my head.
“You guys are pathetic…but I’m glad,” Lynne says.
Both Eddie and I laugh.
“What?” I ask her.
“Okay, not really pathetic. You’re disgustingly adorable together and I’m happy to see that in this shitty world you two found each other,” she explains.