This Strange World Needs a Kicking!

Author’s note: My biggest thanks go to people who enjoy this story despite its – obvious – silliness! But, of course, now it’s the time to give my thanks directly to the kind readers who left comments:

BlowPopJ – I cannot agree with you more 😀

Jrankcold – I’m happy you find it that way!

curiousaudrey – that’s a good point about Tani… and she’s the sister, after all! It could be very interesting to take things that way! And I laughed so hard while reading the last lines… Kai is so far away and cannot help if his – actual – cherry gets popped, lol! The best thing is that he won’t feel a thing!

*****

Chapter Five – Songs About Majestic Things

Milo hooked his arm over his shoulders as soon as they were out of the inn. There was an unnerving familiarity in how the commoner handled him. Sebastian was not used to being treated that way and wished for Milo to be less familiar with him. Nonetheless, he knew this much; different rules governed this strange world, and until he understood them completely, he had to allow such unpleasant things.

Not that feeling Milo’s warm body so close was unpleasant. Quite the contrary. The young man was attractive, with his wavy blond hair and emerald eyes. It was annoying that he was so tall, and Sebastian had to tilt his head to look properly at him, but having the body he had now had to be part of the curse.

At least, his mind appeared to be intact. He had quickly gathered that his ice magic was gone, but, otherwise, he had all his wits about him, and that should be enough to vanquish this curse.

Another unnerving thing was the constant noise. The shiny contraptions traveling at dazzling speeds were called cars, as he had learned, and they served as transportation. However, they caused a constant clamor that took some time to get used to.

Milo kept chatting about something he made little sense of, so he had abandoned listening in favor of pondering over his peculiar situation.

“You’re very quiet. That makes me a little nervous,” Milo said. “If you have any doubts, I mean, about where we go from here… Argh, I’m talking like those boring people on reality shows. Just stop me already.”

“Stop you?”

They had left the city’s noise behind them and walked into a trimmed park with painted benches.

“Stop me from talking,” Milo said.

Sebastian looked around. The park was deserted, and it was hard to tell in the dark, with only street lamps throwing their gentle light around where the mansion it had to belong to was located. Maybe that was part of their quest, and Milo was now just hinting at how they had to handle the next part.

Firmly, Sebastian took Milo’s cheeks in his palms. Yes, he was a pleasure to look at. With slow moves, he brushed one thumb over Milo’s bottom lip, particularly full and enticing, and watched the beautiful eyes at half-mast, now inspecting him with growing desire.

He enjoyed spending his leisure hours in the company of handsome men. They were his reward and a distraction for the times when the weight of his position in the world became too much to bear. What hardships awaited him in this new world? Whatever they were, they might hinder him from enjoying a beautiful young man and his arousing body like he could right now.

Sebastian kissed Milo softly, and then he bit his lips, making him gasp and open his mouth. Most probably, the soonest they kissed, monsters would spring on them, or the dark quest would finally rear its ugly head through whatever means it wanted to manifest.

Milo embraced him tightly and clumsily tried to kiss back. He wasn’t very skillful, but Sebastian found it endearing. While he usually preferred a man who knew the art of love, such as Conrad, he didn’t mind tasting the lips of an innocent, either. Like Pepin, he thought but then dashed the thought away.

Sebastian ran his hands through Milo’s hair and pulled his head back. “Look at me,” he said.

Milo blinked lazily and smiled. “I’m looking at you. You’re so beau -”

“You must learn how to use your mouth,” Sebastian said directly.

Milo’s eyes grew wide, and then he giggled. “Aren’t we going a little too fast? Now that I don’t want that, but -”

“Open your mouth and stick out your tongue,” Sebastian ordered.

“O-okay,” Milo stammered.

Sebastian moved his own tongue across Milo’s, eliciting small moans and gasps from the other. Then he began sucking on it, gently but progressing slowly toward taking over that now slack mouth that heeded his every demand and move.

He enjoyed kissing men, but mostly he enjoyed being kissed by them. As he was most particular about being the one penetrated, he wanted his bed warmers to know how to take the initiative and offer him the pleasure he desired.

“You see?” he said. “Now do the same, but be more forceful.”

Milo nodded and rubbed his lips against his mouth. He was a quick learner, Sebastian thought, enjoying the way Milo now kept devouring his mouth. Hesitant hands grew bolder, and soon one was right above his buttocks.

There was still no attack, although Sebastian hadn’t dropped his guard, despite the pleasant eddies of arousal elicited by Milo’s enthusiastic tongue and wandering hands.

Much to his disappointment, Milo stopped. “We’re crazy, right?” He laughed. “Someone might come.”

“When are they going to come?” Sebastian asked. He couldn’t make much sense of this quest.

“Hopefully, not right now, as I want to kiss you one more time.” Milo dragged him to one of the little benches.

He reached for another kiss, but Sebastian pulled back. “What will happen next?”

Milo shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t plan that far. All I could think of after today was how to be alone with you and kiss you.”

Sebastian didn’t have to reconsider Milo’s condition as a simpleton. It was clear as day that he was one. That meant that he might have to face the dangers of the quest alone. It didn’t bother him, except that he didn’t care so much for saving simpletons. Sooner or later, fate would catch up with them, regardless of how many times their betters rescued them.

“Do you, at least, have any idea about how long do we have to kiss until the next stage begins?”

Milo scratched his head. “I didn’t think I’d be so lucky for you to say ‘yes’, actually. And I feel like you’re asking me trick questions. How long do you think it should take?”

“Is it something I decide?”

“Yeah, why not? You already kiss better than me. How come you do?”

Sebastian opened his mouth. Having kissed many men, he was entitled to all the praises, but he had a feeling the puny body he was currently trapped in couldn’t have experienced the same lavish attention from handsome men as he had. Also, he had an inkling Milo would not be happy to hear about his previous flings with men, for once, because Prince Kai couldn’t have had such encounters, and secondly because he appeared to be too much of an innocent himself.

“I asked the phone about how it’s done,” he supplied a prompt reply. He seldom lied, but in this case, his choice appeared to be warranted.

“So, you watched tutorials and stuff?” Milo laughed.

Sebastian offered no reply. The commoner appeared inclined to take others for fools, and that irked him to no end. Nonetheless, his beautiful appearance compensated for his shortcomings.

“Can I touch you a little, then?” Milo asked. “I promise I won’t do anything weird. I mean, not on the first date.” He laughed again.

“Feel free to do so,” Sebastian said, now intrigued with what the young man wanted to do.

Milo laughed nervously and moved one hand only to sneak it under Sebastian’s shirt. “My hand is too cold, right?”

Cold had never been a problem for him. “Go ahead and touch me.”

Timid fingers brushed against his lower abdomen. Sebastian frowned at the tickling sensation and then found himself bursting into laughter. Besides being puny, albeit attractive enough to please a commoner like Milo, this body was easy to stimulate in all sorts of strange manners.

“Oh, gawd, I’m so terrible, right?” Milo complained.

“What exactly do you expect to find?” Sebastian pulled the shirt up and stared at his own belly. There was some muscle definition in there, despite the lack of appetite Prince Kai appeared to be known for.

“I don’t know,” Milo admitted. “I suck at this.”

“At what?”

Ah, so Milo, being as innocent as he was, didn’t know on what he was supposed to suck to elicit pleasure from his lover. With the risk of exposing himself and his experience with men, Sebastian decided to take the reins again. He pulled his shirt farther up and brushed one hand over his chest.

He kept in a small whimper. Prince Kai’s lean body was, apparently, made for pleasure. The simple act of touching his chest made him react like that. Or maybe being watched by beautiful wide eyes had something to do with it.

“You should start here,” he said, unwavering.

Milo didn’t hesitate. He pushed Sebastian with his back against the bench and then delved headfirst. Warm lips landed on Sebastian’s upper belly, causing a slight shiver to course his body. Then, the moist mouth wandered upward, finally finding purchase in that little nub of pleasure which Sebastian admitted he enjoyed very much to be teased. It was his favorite appetizer if someone were to ask him.

Milo sucked gently, making tendrils of heat spread from that point throughout his body. For someone who enjoyed the cold the most, Sebastian had a soft secret spot for letting himself prey to the sweet abandon of hot lips and warm bodies.

“It’s getting harder,” Milo said in a raspy voice. “Your nipple.” He flicked one finger over, making Sebastian arch his back off the bench uncontrollably.

“Don’t be uncouth,” Sebastian whispered, although he found it difficult to express his anger right now at having his body pointed out for its sensuality and lack of control. “Stop talking.”

Milo grinned. “Less talking, more sucking, right?”

Before Sebastian could have a say, Milo grabbed the other nub of pleasure between his teeth, teasing it with his tongue as well.

“Oh,” Sebastian barely managed. No later than the previous night, Conrad had done the same to him, but much more forcefully, as he had been demanded. It appeared that he enjoyed this sweet teasing a lot more.

Milo’s soft lips brushed over, and his tongue licked over and over, making Sebastian pant and curse with unbridled desire.

“Wow, is it that good?” Milo asked breathlessly. “Sorry, I’ll shut up.”

“Oh, stop it, you lewd heathen,” Sebastian protested. He was teasing too much, and he was too gentle about it.

“Lewd heathen?” Milo stopped, finally allowing Sebastian to breathe. “What character are you trying to imitate?”

Sebastian’s mind cleared. He pushed himself up and pulled down his shirt, hissing at the sensation when the fabric brushed against his sensitive chest. His manner of speaking would get him into unpleasant situations, sooner or later. “A prince from a distant realm,” he said, opting for a pretense of truth.

Milo laughed. “That was why you kept on calling me a commoner?”

“Yes,” Sebastian replied. “Are you a scholar?”

Milo slapped his shoulder playfully. “We’re both in the same class in high school. If you want to call that a scholar, go ahead. But maybe you don’t want to rehearse your character too much in school tomorrow. I have practice after, and I can’t walk you home.”

“I doubt I need a chaperon,” Sebastian said. “I believe I can handle my own just fine. What practice are you talking about?”

“Like you don’t know.” Milo wrapped one arm around his neck and nuzzled his cheek. “What? Do you want to stick around and watch? I’d like that. And watching guys sweating and throwing a ball around should beat staying indoors and playing video games.”

“Watch you sweat and throw a ball around?” Sebastian asked, just to make sure he understood what Milo was talking about.

“Yes. I might take off my t-shirt. And then let you watch while I shower,” he added in a teasing voice. “Ah, sorry, I can’t help but tease you. I’m not that sure you like me.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Hmm, maybe because I’m all over you, but you’re not all over me. Except for kissing. You’re better than me, I’ll give you that.”

“Do you believe that I don’t enjoy looking at your body?” Sebastian asked.

“Something like that. I mean, I suppose that each guy is different.”

“I have yet to see you without clothes, but I can tell that you have beautiful chest and arms. I can see through your shirt.”

Milo rubbed one hand over his chest. “I had no idea you were watching so close.”

“You are a handsome young man. Very enticing. I would love to see you naked.”

“Is this still part of the prince-from-another-realm impersonation you’re trying to pull?”

“No. It is my intention.”

“To see me naked?”

“Yes.”

“Cool.” Milo grinned. “Then I should take you home so that we can go to sleep. I can’t wait for tomorrow. Of course, we’re not allowed to do naughty things while at school,” he added, now worried. “But I still want you to stay and watch me practice. Then we can go by my place and study together.”

“Study?”

“Hey, your grades are kind of shit, my friend,” Milo said. “Let’s just graduate together, and then we’ll figure out what to do. What do you say?”

Hmm, he was talking about that other quest that the mother had mentioned. “Yes. Let’s do that, my friend,” Sebastian said. Imitating Milo’s manner of speaking was one way of sounding less like himself.

“It’s a deal. Just let your mom know that you’re studying with me tomorrow.”

“All right. Do you have food at your house?”

Milo threw him a surprised look. “I’m glad to see you’ve worked out an appetite. Yeah, we have food.”

“More than one course?”

“Yeah. My mom’s a pretty good cook.”

“All right.”

He had called Milo a commoner, but it appeared that he had more food, although his mother was just a cook. There were still many mysteries in this world that he needed to unravel.

“Ready to go?” Milo stood up and offered him one hand.

Sebastian took it and didn’t protest when Milo wrapped his arm around his shoulders and pulled him close.

***

What a wonderful sensation was to have his stomach full. Kai lay on his back and sighed contently while patting his belly. He couldn’t recall why he hadn’t enjoyed eating before. His mom was always doing her best, and her food was great. The problem was that he just kept on forgetting about having to eat, and he had always had to be put at the table and scolded over not eating enough.

It felt like there was something he kept on forgetting. It had to do with the fact that he was in a world completely different from his, and there was so much new stuff he needed to figure out.

Pepin grabbed his right hand, wiped it with something cool and pleasant, and then did the same with his other hand.

“Hey, I could have just washed my hands later,” he protested lazily.

“I don’t care. You’re not sending me away like you did with Conrad,” Pepin said back. “Although I’m not used to seeing you gobble down food like that and eat with your hands.”

“Stop busting my balls,” Kai said, but without opening his eyes. “It’s not like you gave me a fork or anything. Ouch.” Something cold hit his forehead. He supposed that was the fork he hadn’t noticed.

“How long are you going to laze around?” Pepin asked.

“As long as I feel like it. I’m the prince, right? I can do whatever I want,” Kai said petulantly.

“But you must address the court. They’re waiting for your words of wisdom.”

“Well, today, I don’t feel like sharing,” Kai replied.

“It’s not like you to be a lazy royal ass,” Pepin chided him.

Kai opened one eye. “Did you just call me names?”

“Yes,” Pepin replied, completely unperturbed.

Kai groaned and closed his eye. “Then I should consider firing you, after all. You’re worse than a nagging wife.”

There was silence from the other. Had he gone too far with his joke? He opened both eyes and looked at the servant. Pepin was kneeling but his side, but his head was turned, and Kai could only see his profile.

“Why can’t I be?” Pepin asked wistfully.

“Why can’t you be what?”

“Your chosen.”

“Do you mean, like Conrad? Trust me, it’s not all that’s cracked up to be. You’d have to serve me all night long or something, and it looks like I’m pretty demanding. Plus, you already serve me all day long,” Kai made an attempt to joke.

“I would do everything for you.” Pepin looked at him with his large beautiful eyes.

Kai sighed. He pushed himself up on his forearms and looked at the servant. “Everybody fears me. Even you,” he pointed out.

Pepin nodded.

“So why would you want to be my… concubine?” Kai made an effort to push that word through his mouth.

“I want to be your wife.”

Kai closed his eyes, mumbled something against silly BL plots again, and then drew one deep breath. “Pepin, buddy, you’re a guy. At best, you could be my husband.”

That seemed to block Pepin’s train of thought for the time being. Kai stood up and straightened up his clothes, hoping that he looked royal enough. “Let’s go. What do I have to tell the court?”

That appeared to spring Pepin into action because he started talking rapidly, explaining things to Kai that he only understood half of. Whatever, he would wing it all like he did with homework all the time.

***

All right, so it wasn’t like he had stage fright or even had any idea what that was, but sitting there on a lavish throne with dozens of eyes on him felt rather… awkward. Kai shifted in his place. Prince Sebastian was more than loaded; he was like the equivalent of a frigging billionaire in that world. The ceiling appeared to be covered with intricate golden designs and paintings in beautiful colors, and the floor had to be marble.

Then came the court, which was made of men and women dressed in velvet, silk, and who knew what else expensive fabrics. The place by his right side was empty, and he gestured for Pepin to take a seat. The servant shook his head and frowned. “You sent Conrad away for the day,” he whispered.

Ah, so he held court with his concubine by his side. What a strange custom! But who was he to comment on that?

He never pretended to be a good judge of character or tell what people were thinking, but the pairs of eyes set on him appeared to stare at him with a mix of fear, envy, and pettiness. At least, the knights and the rest of the troops had worn their sentiments toward Prince Sebastian on their sleeves. He supposed that he also had their respect, but it didn’t look like the same thing could be said about this colorful bunch.

An old man in a silly high hat and a dark velvet robe stepped forward. He executed a complicated curtsy and waited.

“Tell him he can stand up,” Pepin whispered at him from his left, “and state his problem.”

“Stand up, my good sir,” Kai said cheerfully, “and pour your heart out.” He made a gesture with both hands to show everyone that he was in a generous mood.

“Your Majesty,” the man began in a simpering voice, “I would just like to remind you that my Wilhelmina is now of marrying age.”

“Good for you. And her,” Kai said. “And what would you like me to do about that?”

Hopefully, not marry her. Wilhelmina doesn’t sound like a sexy name. Plus, I need to keep my options open. Maybe I can turn this BL into a harem plot. With girls.

“Have you thought of a good man for her?” The man kept rubbing his hands in a very distracting manner. Kai couldn’t tell if the man was cold or very pleased with himself for some reason.

He turned his head slightly toward Pepin. “What knight would be good for Wilhelmina?” he asked, moving just one corner of his mouth.

“It’s not my place to gossip,” Pepin whispered back, in the same way.

“What? Is Wilhelmina the type to play the field?”