This Strange World Needs a Kicking!

Author’s note: Thank you for reading, everyone! I’m well aware that this story is not the usual fare that gets posted in here, so I’m glad you’re keeping up with it!

BlowPopJ – thank you for enjoying my lighthearted story! And I’m so glad to have such a supportive reader in you!

Jrankcold – Thank you 🙂

curiousaudrey – so so happy to see someone into Galien big time! I picture him as a bishonen, but one with a mischievous streak 😉

Chapter Thirteen – Obnoxious Little Four-Letter Word

“All right, that’s enough,” he said meekly as Conrad held him and continued to torture his neck with small kisses and flicks of the tongue. “People are staring.”

“And since when do you care?”

“We barely know each other,” Kai protested. “It’s not like you can tell for sure whether I care or not.”

“I’ve heard enough about you. And the night we spent together was enough to confirm every rumor. Your Majesty, you’re insatiable. Lie to me as much as you want. I won’t be dissuaded so easily.”

Kai rolled his eyes and pushed Conrad away, making sure not to use more force than necessary. “And I thought you didn’t like it. Not one bit. I beat you fair and square and forced you into,” he couldn’t believe he was saying cringey stuff like that, “my bed. So how about you go back to hating me like usual, so I can finally ignore you?”

Conrad’s fierce gaze examined him, and a small smile curled the man’s lips. “You saved me from a certain death. It had to be because,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “you still want me in your bed. And I intend to repay this debt in full.”

“All right, just give me a pony or whatever, and we’ll call it even.” Conrad was still distractingly close, and Kai was itching to get away.

“Why are your jokes so cruel? Do you want me to chase you? Hunt you down? Is it part of what makes you satisfied?”

Kai growled low in his throat. “You’re driving me nuts, Conrad! Why can’t you just take my words at face value? And come on, how many times do I have to say that I don’t want to force you into my bed anymore?”

Conrad paused for a moment and stared at him. He nodded shortly. “Then I will just come to your bed willingly.” With that, he pulled at the horse’s reins and turned away from Kai.

Who gazed after him, a million thoughts per minute crowding inside his mind. He had never ever ever read a BL manga or watched a BL show, and now that lack of knowledge put him at a major disadvantage. However, the guys around him had to be more or less tropes found in any creation of the romance type, so he needed to take a shot at it and clear things for himself.

Therefore, Pepin was the loyal servant in love with him. He was beautiful and determined, and that meant that it didn’t matter what Sebastian – who Kai played at the moment – did, he would always love the prince.

Conrad was the fierce and proud captive who was bound to fall in love with the prince. No amount of reasoning mattered, without a doubt. Whatever happened, Kai had to put it down under ‘yaoi logic’. Which was bad because it meant that he had no chance to make Conrad change his mind.

Oh, how tragic. He would be loved by two awesome guys, no matter how terrible his character was, Kai thought to himself and sighed. Still, it didn’t mean that he had to give up. Maybe he could convince Galien to steal Conrad from him. Not Pepin, though.

Pepin was off-limits. Plus, he was the least dangerous. Kai didn’t know much about BL and whatnot, but he was pretty sure that Conrad wanted to give it to him, while Pepin wanted… well, to be given ‘it’.

But, wait, his mind began to go in circles, hadn’t Pepin said something about anything he did with Conrad, Kai had to do with him, too? What if Pepin, too… No, no way. His royal behind was in terrible danger if that were true.

Well, he would be careful. No one was going to touch his behind as long as he was on guard.

***

“This man is rather annoying in his indecisiveness,” Sebastian commented as he browsed through a digital copy of the manga featuring the character he would cosplay later tonight. “What do you think?”

At Milo’s suggestion, he had started reading it on his boyfriend’s laptop. In a nutshell, he would be an actor and perform on a stage. It couldn’t be that difficult.

“Dude, are you trying to get me hooked on BL now? Don’t make me read it, too,” Milo complained.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. It might be corny,” Milo replied, but he blushed and looked away.

“What do you mean?” It surely had nothing to do with food, whatever Milo wanted to say.

“You know. I heard the characters tend to be so extra.”

“Extra?”

“Over the top,” Milo explained and began tapping his foot. He was lying on the bed, but his long legs touched the floor.

“Why are you embarrassed?” Sebastian asked, narrowing his eyes and inspecting the other.

“I’m not,” Milo blurted out.

“You’ve read such things before!” Sebastian exclaimed as the realization dawned on him.

“I was curious, okay?” Milo stood abruptly and ran to the opposite corner of the room.

“The story appears to be quite convoluted, but I don’t see how reading such a thing can be a cause for embarrassment,” Sebastian commented as he browsed through the illustrated pages. “The art on display can be considered charming even.”

“Are you going to laugh at me?” Milo asked quietly. “If I tell you?”

“I don’t see why I would do that.”

Milo moved his weight from one foot to another. He was wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt, and Sebastian couldn’t take his eyes off him. His boyfriend had truly attractive thighs and nice muscular arms. If Sebastian kept staring, there was a chance that he would, as they said in this strange world, jump his bones.

“I’m sure you didn’t get to those parts,” Milo said with a slight huff, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“What parts?” Sebastian began clicking through. Page after page, Prince Sendrian, who he was supposed to impersonate on stage tonight, couldn’t make up his mind about the young man he was in love with. When there wasn’t one thing or another getting in the way, the fictional royal managed to stumble upon his own self, thus delaying a satisfactory resolution.

“Just skip to chapter thirty-seven, and you’ll know what I’m talking about,” Milo mumbled.

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow and did as told. He stared for a moment, scrolled down, and lower, and lower…

He cleared his throat. While the videos he watched late at night left nothing out, he was rightfully impressed by the artful way in which the characters were depicted on the screen in their throes of passion. The words they told each other heightened the arousal, and seeing how the readers must have endured through dozens and dozens of pages of Sendrian’s clumsiness in dealing with matters of the heart, those scenes were all the more satisfying.

His eyes met Milo’s beautiful greens.

“Totally corny, right?”

“I still don’t get what you mean. You’ve watched videos, have you not?”

“You mean, porn? Yeah,” Milo admitted, although he looked away as saying that.

Sebastian had to admit his boyfriend looked quite attractive like that, embarrassed, and with his cheeks on fire.

“So, why would you feel embarrassed by these drawn characters and their complicated love affair?”

Milo looked away and then hanged his head low. “I jerked off to it,” he said quickly. “This manga.”

“Oh.” Sebastian looked at the laptop screen and shifted. The signs of early arousal were starting to inconvenience him. “I can see why. The artist made sure the readers would see everything in detail.”

“But it’s not because of that,” Milo interrupted him. “That I jerked off. Why the hell am I telling you this?” he moaned and covered his face.

“Because we’re boyfriends,” Sebastian said matter-of-factly. From the day before, he had understood the term as being one to describe lovers in this world. He would have argued that they still needed to bed each other to truly be considered that, but they were heading there anyway.

“All right. Don’t laugh.”

“As you can see, I don’t.”

Milo took one deep breath. “I came when they said ‘I love you’ to each other. Isn’t that corny?” he insisted.

Sebastian opened another tab on the browser and searched for the term. “Yes, I suppose it can be considered corny,” he said after a short while.

Milo rubbed the back of his head and snorted. “I think I like watching porn with feels,” he said.

Sebastian rolled out of bed and walked over to Milo. “Well, it may be corny, but there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“It’s not? Don’t tell me you too -”

“No,” Sebastian said abruptly. “I’m not interested in sentimentalism.”

“Oh,” Milo managed to whisper, and the corners of his eyes dropped.

Sebastian kissed him and let his hands wander down the nicely defined arms. He would take much pleasure in discovering that body and all his secrets.

“There is something else,” Milo mumbled and bit his bottom lip.

Sebastian dragged him close and took that delicious lip between his teeth, and sucked it into his mouth.

“What else?” he asked.

Milo blinked, his breath coming in a bit short. “I think I got a hard-on for the main character.”

Sebastian still had the wig and that peculiar outfit on, as he had argued that he needed to be more comfortable in it before climbing on stage tonight. “Ah, I see,” he said with a bit of satisfaction. Although it was just make-believe, he appreciated Milo’s feeling attracted to the character he would impersonate, for the simple fact that there was some resemblance between Prince Sendrian and his actual self and physical appearance.

“I can see why,” he replied. “He is very attractive. I should say that many of his mishaps are easier to be forgiven due to that alone.”

Milo snickered. “I guess. As long as the guy is hot… yeah. So you’re not mad about it?”

“Why should I be? You’re my boyfriend.”

Something that really made him experience a tingling sensation right in the middle of his chest, which felt both unbearable and enjoyable at the same time. Like a slight frisson of pleasure, it overtook him when he least expected it.

Curse or not, Sebastian couldn’t deny that his attraction toward the beautiful boy in front of him was real and different from any of his feelings nurtured toward his long string of lovers. Not even Conrad’s memory, still fresh in his mind, entangled with a certain degree of dissatisfaction over not having had him enough times to become bored, could rival with it.

“Ah, and that solves it all? You’re not jealous? Not even a tiny bit?” Milo asked and circled Sebastian’s waist with his arms.

“No.”

“I’d be,” Milo admitted. “I mean, porn is one thing, but this -”

“Jealousy is a petty emotion,” Sebastian interrupted him. “And a character created with the sole purpose of determining those looking at him to like him, despite his numerous shortcomings, is bound to cause such reactions.”

Milo sighed. “So I’m a victim of BL magic?” he asked playfully.

“Magic is a strong word. Why do you like this fictional prince? Is it only because he’s handsome?”

Milo moved his head from side to side. “Not only. I shouldn’t like, though. I mean, he’s cold and full of himself -”

“He’s not. He’s just aloof and blind,” Sebastian argued.

That earned him a thoughtful look from the other. “Are we talking about the same character?” Milo looked puzzled. “Because I’m sure I wouldn’t like in real life a guy like that.”

An irksome feeling began to grow inside Sebastian. “Why wouldn’t you? If he were just as handsome.”

“Really, Kai? A guy like that… come on, even a good guy like you can see it. Sendrian is an arrogant bastard, and, in the real world, he’d be nothing but a heartbreaker. You know, the kind your momma would tell you to stay away from,” Milo added with a small laugh.

Rightfully annoyed, Sebastian caught Milo’s chin and pressed his lips against his mouth. “Then what do you feel when you see me dressed up like him?”

Milo snickered. “Come on, man. That’s a totally different thing. This outfit gives me a boner. But it’s because it’s you in it, and not someone else.”

Of course. Milo, in his clumsy yet endearing way, told the truth. The boy in front of him was much attracted to his friend Kai, and any passing feelings toward fictional characters didn’t matter.

“What’s wrong?” Milo caressed his forehead, drawing small lines on his eyebrows.

“You can’t love a fictional character, can you?” Sebastian asked.

Milo smiled, that amazing smile of his that could make the ice melt. “I guess not. It would be weird, I suppose. Although, me falling in love with you after being friends for all four years of high school must be weird, too, right?”

Love. Again and again, that obnoxious little four-letter word.

“Are you in love with me?” Sebastian asked in a measured voice.

“Yeah,” Milo said with a slight shrug like it wasn’t a big deal.

“How do you know?”

“I just do. Man, don’t make me say corny stuff now.”

“Far from me.” Sebastian stepped away from Milo and plopped on the bed. Suddenly, the wig made him feel too hot, and the outfit he was wearing felt like nothing but a joke. “I should change into my clothes.”

“We should drop by yours,” Milo said. “I suppose you don’t want to go to The Pit in your uniform, right?”

“You’re right.” Sebastian pulled the wig away and dropped it on the bed. Then he took off the pants and started to struggle with those leather straps.

“Let me help you out of those.” Milo stood behind him, and his hands came to rest on his chest. “Just so you know, you don’t have to wear an outfit for me to like you.”

“I know,” Sebastian said prickly.

“You’re not mad because of my stupid confessions, right? I swear that I won’t touch a BL manga ever again in my life.”

Sebastian pursed his lips. Milo got it all wrong, but it was impossible to correct him. Such a thing would only lead to a long string of misunderstandings.

He was losing sight of what was important. What he had to do was to find a way to break the curse keeping him trapped in this world, not to play lovers with a young man, no matter how beautiful.

Or how warm his hands were, resting on his chest like that.

“Please do touch whatever you like,” Sebastian said in a soft whisper.

Milo laughed and caressed him while breaking him away from those leather straps. “Is that an invitation? Too bad we have stuff to do today.”

“Of course. I must earn my keep.”

“You know, you really do talk like a fictional prince. I don’t know if I should get used to it or just tease you about it until you drop it.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

He would find a way to return to his kingdom and his world. Milo should get his friend back, as well.

Sebastian frowned. What kind of mishaps was Kai causing right now while playing his role? According to the fiction in this world, traveling to distant realms that only existed in fantasy was a coveted dream, albeit seemingly impossible. Kai was probably having a good time playing the prince, but could he truly be aware of the dangers that came with being the protector and ruler of Ifigia? He was, after all, just a clueless boy.

His frown deepened. What happened if his body was killed? Maybe the curse was cruel in that way. As he was now removed from his world, he could do nothing to protect himself.

Maybe the entire kingdom of Ifigia was in danger, and nothing stood in the way of disaster but a high school boy who knew nothing about being a prince with the fate of thousands depending on him.

***

“Is Galien comfortable?” Kai asked Pepin. “He rode a long way.”

And hopefully, he’s already asleep and out of my hair.

The servant closed the ornate doors to the princely quarters. “He is but told me to prepare everything needed for a – I’m quoting him – little dip in the hot spring. He wants you to join him, as he thinks you need to forget about the worries of caring for Ifigia for a bit.”

“I think I’ll pass,” Kai said in a deadpan voice.

“He is your cousin, and I know him well. He is capable of running naked through the entire castle only to drag you with him.”

Kai sighed and stared at the ceiling. He counted to ten. Then he remembered the little episode from earlier. “What does Galien want from you?”

To his surprise, Pepin appeared to ignore the question. He was already busy tidying up the room, although nothing needed to be tidied up.

“Pepin,” Kai said slowly, trying to sound royal and convincing.

“What?” the servant asked suavely.

“What’s the deal with you and my cousin?”

“You know well what.”

“No, I don’t. Hit to the head and all that.”

“I thought that was a lie,” Pepin commented without interrupting his chores.

“Don’t change the subject. Come on, spit it out.”

Pepin finally stopped and threw him a direct look. “He proposed.”

Kai began laughing but then reconsidered. “To you? I mean, like a marriage proposal?”

“Yes,” Pepin replied and frowned. “Exactly like that.”

“And? What did you tell him? When did this happen? Where the hell was I?”

Kai knew very well that he must have been somewhere far away and completely clueless about a guy named Pepin who had guys asking for his hand in marriage. Still, he was curious about what Sebastian must have thought about such a thing, and it could explain, despite Conrad’s explanations, why the prince didn’t want his cousin around. That guy was a servant-stealer!

“It happened the last time Master Galien was here. You were getting invested in your role as protector of Ifigia. And you,” Pepin threw him a pointed look, “heard everything. Because you were there.” He grabbed a pillow and began to fluff it.

No wonder the servant had to tidy up all day long. He just liked to get busy with all those feathers floating around. Kai grabbed the pillow and threw it on the bed. “Aren’t you leaving something out? What did you tell him?”

He towered over Pepin, but the servant stood his ground and stared defiantly at him. Maybe Prince Sebastian could drive fear in anyone around him, but not so easily in this little guy. Or maybe, just maybe, Pepin didn’t fear Kai because he was nothing like the real prince.

That was a valid theory, too.

“I told him,” Pepin bore his pretty blue eyes into his, “that I would think about it.”

“No way!” Kai exclaimed. “Why would you tell him that?”

Pepin shrugged. “To see what you would say.”

“Ah. I see. And what did I say? I said something, right?”

Pepin’s eyes filled with barely contained anger. “You said,” he said thickly, “that Galien was free to have me.”

Kai blinked a few times. He had expected Sebastian to be possessive of his servant, who was also his mother’s gift to him. Apparently, the prince was not at all sentimental.

“Don’t tell me he popped the question again.”

“What?” Pepin was confused.

“Did Galien ask you the same thing today?”

“Yes.”

“The… damned rat!”

Pepin’s eyes grew wide. Kai was pretty sure he was completely out of character right now but just couldn’t stop. Who did Galien think he was to go around and steal other people’s loyal servants who also doubled as great friends?

“And what did you tell him?” Kai grabbed Pepin by one arm before the servant had a chance to start dusting or whatever.

“The same thing,” Pepin said defiantly and set his chin high.

“Why?”

Pepin’s face scrunched up. “Your Majesty, it hurts.”

Kai hadn’t realized he was squeezing Pepin’s arm. He let go like he had been burned. “Oops, sorry. But, still, why?”

“Why? You don’t want to marry me, right? And I won’t be young forever.”

Kai rubbed his forehead, not knowing whether to laugh or slap himself for not knowing what to say. “Pepin, my dude, you’re twenty. You don’t exactly have to hurry to get married.”

“And do what instead? Wait for you forever?”

Kai began scratching his head. According to Pepin, he must have been pining for Sebastian for years. That could get frustrating, having a crush on a guy who clearly had no intention to return such feelings.