Shit!
Chapter 15
“I still can’t believe he was so cute,” said Kendra.
“‘Cute’ is so not how I’d describe him,” said Chelsea. “He wasn’t a boy, he was a man.”
“You guys,” Elaine said, shaking her head. She was enjoying the banter more than she thought she would. She hadn’t been able to talk about much on the walk home, and even now a couple of hours later, the whole thing seemed a blur. The three of them had demolished Chelsea’s delicious risotto in silence, and were sitting around the kitchen table, sipping glasses of wine and rubbing their full tummies.
“Well! It’s not like you get dates all the time,” said Kendra, stating the obvious. “Jeez, Elaine, how did you do it? Hang on, where did you meet him again? Maybe I’ve been looking in the wrong places.”
“Don’t you have dates all this week?” asked Elaine, winking at Chelsea.
“Oh. Yeah. I forgot,” Kendra said, then grinned. “There’s always next week.”
They all laughed.
As strange as it seemed, Elaine thought her relationship with the girls was changing. They appeared to respect her ability to attract a decent male, which didn’t sit well with her. She thought it was a bit shallow. On the other hand, she didn’t need to be Einstein to hold a conversation with them, which was nice at times. She wished she could be more open. Certainly not to the point of admitting the nature of the relationship she and Gary were nurturing, but she could do with the girls’ advice, at least in sexual matters. In any case, it was nice that they were chatting without the antagonistic undertones. And the teasing of the last week appeared to have all but stopped.
“When are you seeing him again?” asked Chelsea.
“I’m going to talk to him online tonight,” replied Elaine. “I’ll just play it by ear.”
Kendra asked, “How can you be so cool about it? I’d be creaming my jeans.”
“Note: I’ve already changed.” Elaine blushed but the comment wasn’t missed. Both of the girls cracked up and Elaine giggled too. “The next date will be much more… serious.”
“Serious?” asked Kendra. She nudged Chelsea with her elbow. “I think she means serious fucking.”
Chelsea rolled her eyes. “You have a one-track mind, Kendra.”
“And you don’t? I saw you looking at him. Christ, it was hard to miss his package. And anyway, I have a two-track mind. Fucking and sucking.” Kendra poked out her tongue.
“I doubt that will happen soon,” said Elaine. “I don’t know really. I’m not sure what he’s thinking.”
“Dress to kill,” said Kendra. “That’ll get his mind on the job.”
Chelsea was watching Elaine carefully as she said, “I don’t think this is the kind of thing where that makes much difference.”
Elaine blushed but held her tongue. Kendra couldn’t help herself, asking, “What are you talking about? Since when does not looking good count for anything? God, I thought she almost blew it with what she wore today.”
“Hey!” said Elaine.
“She looked fine,” said Chelsea. “Relaxed and in her zone. I dunno. I get the feeling this whole thing is more controlled than Elaine is letting on. The chances of meeting the right guy, first time, on the ‘net, have got to be slim.”
“Controlled? What the hell do you mean?” asked Kendra.
“You tell us, Elaine.” Chelsea was staring, like she already knew the answer.
Elaine looked at each of her roommates. They were both waiting for her response. “It was a pre-date meeting. It’s um, it’s not unusual in these circumstances. I just got lucky.”
“Elaine,” said Chelsea. “I hope you’re not setting yourself up for a fall. Stand your ground, or you’re going to be walked all over.”
“Huh?” said Kendra.
“I’ll stand my ground,” said Elaine, meeting Chelsea’s gaze.
Chelsea picked up the wine bottle and topped up their glasses. “Well, if you need any moral support, I know Kendra and I haven’t exactly been helpful. But we’re here if you need us.”
“What are you talking about?” Kendra asked.
“Thanks,” said Elaine, glancing at Kendra. “I think I’ll be fine.”
To Kendra, Chelsea said, “I just mean if she’s being… manipulated. It’s okay to realise you’ve been wrong about someone. That’s all.”
“Oh. Shit, yeah,” said Kendra. “That happens all the time. There was this one guy I dated who wore a sock in his jocks. He was like this!” She held up her pinkie and made it droop.
Elaine and Chelsea both giggled. “You’re a nut, Kendra,” Chelsea said.
Kendra rolled her eyes. “I’m thinker than you smart I am.”
Elaine and Chelsea looked at each other and fell about laughing. Kendra laughed liked she’d been waiting to use that one for years. Unfortunately she knocked over her glass in her amusement.
Chelsea jumped to her feet as wine went everywhere. “Shit, Kendra!”
“Sorry!”
Elaine rushed for the sponge to catch the dripping wine as Chelsea complained about the big wet stain on her skirt. Without further notice she dropped the garment at her feet and stepped out of it. She was wearing a white thong and Elaine thought it was almost see-through. She also thought she gawked for a second too long.
Chelsea mimicked Gary’s stance outside Mario’s almost exactly. With a hand on her cocked hip and her wet skirt in her hand, she asked, “Are you okay, Elaine?”
Elaine blinked. She was pretty sure it was a coincidence. “Yeah. I’m fine. And um,” she said, glancing into Chelsea’s blue eyes, “Thanks for the concern.”
Chelsea started swinging the skirt on her finger. “No problem. You’re ripe. Just don’t be a pushover.”
“Ripe?” asked Kendra, taking the words out of Elaine’s mouth.
“Yeah,” answered Chelsea. “Like ‘overdue’.”
“Oh, shit. I agree with that. Elaine, you’d be crazy not to be keen. Be careful, hun.”
‘Hun’? Elaine didn’t think Kendra had ever called her that before. “I’ll be okay,” she said, squeezing out the sponge and putting it away. The whole conversation would have been ludicrous if she hadn’t been constantly wet and unable to think straight since she’d met Gary. Maybe Chelsea was right. Somewhat uncertainly, she added, “I think.”
“Keep us informed,” Chelsea said, heading for the bathroom. “I’m going for a shower.”
Elaine nodded and sipped her wine. Remembering she’d sent Gary her checklist, she glanced at her watch.
“I’m glad I didn’t break this glass,” said Kendra, shrugging and refilling it.
***************************
Elaine sat in front of the computer and sighed. No email, no Gary. She opened a couple of assignments from school but she couldn’t concentrate on them. Castlerealm at least held her attention. She read a few articles and thought of some questions. Time flew and before long the girls knocked on her door. Elaine quickly sent the page she was reading to the back, behind an assignment.
“We’re going now,” said Kendra.
Chelsea took an extra step inside Elaine’s room and glanced at the screen. “Spoken to him yet?”
“Not yet,” replied Elaine. “I’ll let you know. Have a good time.”
“We will,” said Kendra. “You could always come with us.”
“Maybe next time. I told him I’d be here.”
“We’re going to have a drink at the Rat first if you change your mind,” said Chelsea. “We’ll either be there or at Spotlight later.”
“Okay.”
“Byeeee!” chimed the girls.
Ten minutes after they’d left, Elaine got up and switched on the bedside lamp. Then she turned off the overhead light and locked her door. She felt safer if she had no chance of being interrupted. After turning her music up a little, she shucked her clothes and glanced at the computer screen.
Her body was directing her thoughts. That was the only way she could justify what she did next. From her wardrobe she retrieved her toys and laid them out on the bed and sat beside them. Opening her bedside drawer, she took out the tube of lubricant. Her cheeks were burning.
I’ve read stories where girls walk around with butt plugs in their asses to train them for anal sex. Maybe I should do the same.
Just in case.
She stood in the centre of her room and lubed the butt plug in her hand. Bending forward a little, she gritted her teeth as it spread her delicate membranes a bit too fast. She stamped her foot. “Nggggg…”
“God… That stings!” Gingerly standing upright, she gathered some more lube on her fingertip and reached behind herself, spreading it around as best she could. Catching her breath, she stood still as the pain faded.
Then the computer beeped.
She shook her head and laughed softly. Sitting on the towel she’d thoughtfully folded and placed on her chair earlier, she was thankful the pain didn’t return. “Hello, Sir. I mean Gary.” She sent a smile.
“Hello, Elaine,” he sent back.
“You um, you caught me at a bad moment.” She wasn’t really going to tell him she had her plug in, was she?
“Do you need some time?” he asked. “What’s happened? Are you all right?”
“Yes,” she typed. “I’m fine. I’m just… I’m just getting used to a butt plug.” She sent a blushing face.
“You have a butt plug in your ass?”
“Yes!”
“What the hell for?”
“Um… it seemed like a good idea at the time?”
“Chuckles.”
“Blushes.”
“You are full of surprises, aren’t you?”
“Blushes harder.” Elaine swallowed. She wished she knew what he was thinking.
He obliged her. “I love how you blush.”
“Thank you. I think.”
“I had a wonderful time today.”
“So did I.” Elaine wanted to say more, but didn’t want to scare him away.
“Try to keep your knees an inch apart for me, okay? I want your full attention this evening.”
How did he know I was pressing them together?
“Yes, Sir.”
“I enjoyed spending time looking over your checklist tonight. Thank you for sending it. I printed it out and made some notes.”
“Bites my lip.”
He sent a reassuring smile. “Very interesting reading. You’ve thought a bit about what you want, haven’t you?”
“Yes.”
“You must have a fertile imagination.”
“I’ve read a lot of stories. They’ve helped shaped what I see in my mind.”
“Ah, yes. The stories.”
“I especially liked the one you wrote about the girl tied up and flogged. She had toys used on her while she tried not to cum. Forcing her to cum like that was mean, but I loved it.”
“I’m going to have fun with you, aren’t I?”
“Blushes more.”
“Smiles.”
“I, um,” Elaine said, feeling a bit out of her depth. “I got sick of writing, ‘No’, in the ‘Experienced?’ column.”
“To me, your inexperience is balanced out by your desire to explore. I’m looking forward to showing you many things. That idea in itself is very pleasant.” He winked.
Elaine smiled and tried to breathe. “Sometimes I wish I was more experienced.”
“Everyone has to start somewhere. You can rest assured that our desires and wants are very similar.”
“That’s a big relief, Sir.”
“Let’s talk specifics…”
As the minutes passed, Elaine relaxed, notwithstanding the butt plug in her ass. She even forgot about it for a while. For the next hour, Elaine and Gary meticulously went through the checklist, discussing the various items while Gary made suggestions of possible scenarios to gauge Elaine’s reaction and to fine-tune his plans. “Do you want to take a break?” he asked as they neared the end.
“Yes please, Sir. I’m getting… uncomfortable.”
“Cramps?”
“Kind of. May I, um…”
“Spit it out, Elaine.”
“May I remove the plug and clean up please, Sir?” She sent a blushing face.
“You may. And when we’ve finished this, I’d like to know what other toys you have.”
Elaine bit her lip. “Yes, Sir. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.” He sent a smile.
Elaine returned from the bathroom in a much better mood. Her body tingled all over and her mind was at ease. Her poor pussy was now the only part of her body protesting. It wanted action! And it wanted it now! She tried to ignore it. “I’m back, Sir.”
“Welcome back.”
“Thank you.”
“Feeling better?”
“Oh yes.” She sent another blushing face.
“Good. I thought of something while you were gone. Have you ever kept a diary?”
“Not since I was a little girl.”
“I think it could be very useful. It’s called a journal, and I’d like you to start one tomorrow. The idea is to help both you and I to know what is happening in your head, so I can address your most immediate concerns etc. Do you understand the concept of openness?”
“To tell the truth all the time.”
“That’s half of it. The other half is to fill in the blanks by volunteering information your Dominant might find useful. It’s confessing the whole truth. Not just the truth that is dragged out of you.” He winked.
“Sometimes the truth is embarrassing.”
“Elaine,” he typed. “Your journal will just be between you and me. You’ve been incredibly brave so far. Don’t lose your nerve.”
She squirmed. “Yes, Sir. I’ll look up some examples on the net and start one tomorrow.”
“Good girl. Being truly honest is not easy. But I promise you, in time, it gets easier. If you have any questions getting started, email me. I’ll discuss each entry with you and shape your journal to what I want, okay? Don’t worry about ‘making mistakes’.”
“Okay.” Elaine glanced down and found her knees locked tightly together and felt herself squeezing inside. Her chest shuddered as she tried to breathe, her rock-hard nipples quivering as her breasts trembled. As the heat rose in her cheeks all over again, she prised her knees apart. She had to concentrate.
Gary was typing again. “Elaine, it’s occurred to me on occasions during our chats, to call you something other than ‘Elaine’. I like your name. It’s strong when said firmly, and flows like silk when whispered. But sometimes I would like to call you something more gentle, or more intimate. Like ‘sweetheart’. Or ‘little one’. I think ‘little one’ is particularly appropriate.” He sent a smile.
“Sir, you may call me what you wish.” She bit her lip, wondering if he would get her meaning.
“Elaine,” he said, taking a moment. He nailed her in a second. “Allowing me to call you whatever I like is very open-ended. I might choose anything.”
She wasn’t sure where her courage came from, but she typed, “I know. And I will stare into your eyes, no matter what you call me.”
Again a moment passed. “I will hold you to that.”
Elaine’s nipples pounded unmercifully. She reached up, intent on pinching them tightly to alleviate the pressure. Stopping herself, she bit her lip and wondered if she dared. She held her breath as she brought her hands back to the keyboard and typed. “May I have my clamps, please Sir?”
“You have nipple clamps?”
“Yes!” she replied. “I mean, yes, Sir.” Air whooshed into her lungs as she breathed quickly. The fine hairs on her arms stood up and fresh tingles washed over her skin.
“Elaine, am I imagining it, or are we crossing a line here?”
She blinked and wondered what she was doing! Shaking her head, she sat up straighter and tried to get a hold of herself. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“For getting carried away…”
“For asking me if you could use your clamps?”
“Well, yes. And for saying you could call me anything. I was leading you and tempting you and I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m very excited, Sir. It’s been an amazing day. And…” Elaine swallowed. Her mouth was dry and her hands started shaking. She remembered the same shivers going through her while standing outside Mario’s, feeling Gary’s cock pressed against her stomach. She had to tell him the truth. She had to do this right!
“And I’m sorry because I forgot to keep my knees apart after you told me to.”
Seconds ticked by. Elaine could hear herself breathing. She didn’t want to blink, in case she missed something. Her hands trembled more and more the longer she waited for him to respond.
Oh, no! What have I done!
“All right,” he responded at last. “We need to clarify some things.”
“Yes, Sir.”
No! No! No! No! I’ve fucked everything up! I just know it!
She was on the verge of tears. She dreaded what he might say. Her imagination was spinning wildly out of control.
“Elaine, I didn’t order you to keep your knees apart. You are not in trouble. Let’s get that clear first.”
She gulped. “Okay.”
“I suggested you do so, in order to concentrate.”
She licked her lips. “I don’t know what came over me.”
“I think you’re just horny.”
She giggled. “I think you’re right.”
He sent a smile. “I want you to listen to me.”
She swallowed as the nerves hit her again. “Yes, Sir.”
“If we are going to become sexual, I’d like to do so in person rather than over the net. The idea of telling you what to do and imagining you doing it is very tempting, but I can tell you from experience that it doesn’t hold a candle to real life. What I can do to you is a raging fire by comparison. I want you to allow your imagination to wander. I like the idea of you caressing yourself as you sit in front of your computer, talking to me. But I’m not going to cyber with you. Not when the real thing is just around the corner.”
Elaine was worried that Gary thought she’d done it intentionally. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t really meaning that. I don’t know. I keep making mistakes.”
“Just relax for a moment. How about taking a walk around the apartment? Take a couple of minutes.”
“But I’m naked!”
“Shakes head.”
“Giggles.”
“It’s so tempting to tell you what to do, little one.” He sent a grin.
“I can hardly wait, Sir.” Elaine sent back a big toothy one.
“Well, you are going to have to wait. I mean I might slip and give you a suggestion or three,” he said, sending another smile. “But submitting to my will is a very big step, and shouldn’t be taken lightly.”
She reread his words three times, then pondered her response before typing. “I understand. And I apologise for assuming. All I can say in my defence is that I am so ridiculously turned on that I’m not thinking straight.”
“I am on your wavelength, little one.” He winked. “If I asked you to come for the weekend, would next weekend be too soon?”
Elaine couldn’t believe her eyes. “I’d be submitting to you if I did, wouldn’t I?”
“You would have to say so explicitly, but yes, that is my wish, Elaine.”
Her hands were suddenly wracked with nerves and she had little control over her fingers. “Jkust amninitue pleaase.”
“Chuckles. Breathe, Elaine. Breathe. Take that minute.”
“Thjankjs.”
Elaine stood up and almost fell back into her chair her knees were so weak. Averting her eyes from her toys on the bed, she crossed her arms tightly, her chest heaving as she headed to the kitchen for a glass of water. She opened her door and listened for her roommates. The coast was clear. She felt like nervous laughter was welling up in her chest. She was tingling all over.
I have to know. This is the man who will show me. Safely. I’ll be okay…
Sitting back down and placing the glass next to the computer, Elaine pulled in her chair and took a sip. Then she took a deep breath and typed, “I’m back. Sorry about that. I just got really nervous.”
“That’s understandable.”
“I want to do this. And yes,” she said, swallowing nervously. “I want to come next weekend.”
“I’ll take you home whenever you request it. I promise you that.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you know anything about ‘contracts’ in D/s?”
“Only that they exist. I haven’t looked over any of the samples. I was going to though.”
“Good girl. Could you do that for me?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“I don’t know what they have on the net, but I will provide one that we will sign. To me, it is both ceremonial and a necessary statement of our commitments. It will not be binding for any longer than the weekend. If things go well and we commence a relationship, we will sign another contract. Are you following me so far?”
“Yes, I am. And thank you for taking care of me.”
“My pleasure.”
Elaine stared at the words. They never failed to touch something deep inside her. She loved reading them, but he was right. Hearing them was so much better. Reality set in. “Please don’t be too rough with me.”
“I have no intention of being rough with you, little one. I have definite plans, and they do not include anything that might scare you away. Um,” he hesitated. “You probably have a dildo if you have nipple clamps.”
Elaine felt the heat rising in her cheeks again. “I do.”
“Good. How big is it?”
“About six inches long and an inch across.”
“LOL.”
“Whaaaat?”
“You didn’t take long to answer. It was funny.” He sent a smile.
“I measured it.” She sent a grin back.
“Okay. Hopefully it won’t be too uncomfortable accommodating me.”
She remembered the lump in his pants and stopped herself from asking him the obvious question. Instead she typed, “Me too!”
“Chuckles.”
“Blushes.”
“There was something else I wanted to talk about. I’m concerned with your safety and wellbeing, that’s why I’m bringing this up, okay?”
“Okay.” Elaine wondered what he might say. This night, this whole day, was turning out better than she ever imagined. Gary always seemed one step ahead of her, and it wasn’t scary. It was comforting.
“Be careful with how much information you share about ‘us’. I’ve seen terrible results when people, in their blissful discovery of the lifestyle, share their passion with their vanilla friends, or their parents or siblings and have whole relationships ruined. Many people simply cannot understand what it is that drives us. They are not wired the same way. They think there is something wrong with us because we are not like them. They will fear for you and quite possibly think you are in need of psychological intervention. Either that or they’ll think you are fair game. Some people really don’t get it. And you can’t control whom they might tell. I’m serious. Be very careful. It’s best to find a subbie friend, either online or preferably in real life, who you can talk to about lifestyle issues. I do not mean for this warning to extend any further than your SM toys and your interest in the lifestyle. You can tell anyone anything else about me that you like.” He smiled.
“Including your address?”
“Yes. But only to check up on me.”
“And phone number?”
“Absolutely. And I’ll expect you to call too, so you know you have the right number. And bring your cell.”
“Okay. Anything else?”
“Maybe a long sweater in case it gets cold. And clothes for riding. Those jeans would do, except they might split up the middle.”
“I have another pair that aren’t so tight.”
“To be honest, I’d rather you brought the ones you wore. You looked so good.”
Elaine nearly cried. “Thank you.”
“Do you ride?”
“I did when I was a kid. I’ll be rusty.”
“We’ll take it easy. I’ll just show you around.”
“That would be great. And Sir?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you for the warning. I’ve been thinking along the same lines. For one fleeting moment I did consider telling my roommates. I decided against it pretty quickly. I’m not sure what’s going on with them. They’re being really nice to me since last week, particularly so after seeing you I might add.”
“Smiles. They look like children next to you, Elaine.”
She smiled, understanding the metaphor. But she wanted to hear his thoughts. So she asked. “Could you explain that to me, Sir? I like listening to you.”
“Sure. To me, admittedly as a man, what is important is that a woman should know what she wants, and should be comfortable with admitting it to her trusted partner, no matter what it is. From what you’ve told me, girls like your roommates strike me as concerned more with what they look like in comparison to others, and whom they are seen with. Things like that. Without even knowing it, they’ve succumbed to the male dominated society, yet they’ll pay lip service to being ‘an independent woman’.”
“I sometimes wonder whether I’m betraying the liberation my sisters fought for.” Elaine had wondered that, but she hadn’t planned on sharing it.
“I think submission is the perfect expression of liberation. You are not forced or coerced in any way. You choose. That’s what your sisters wanted: the right to be who they chose, and to be respected for their choices, no matter what.”
“That strikes a chord with me.”
“Good.”
“Smiles softly.” Another thought occurred to Elaine. “Sir, may I ask another philosophical question?”
“Jeez. You’re the philosopher, little one. Not me. But sure.” He sent a smile.
“Thank you. I probably should know the answers to these questions, but I so enjoy listening to how you think. Okay, now I’m brown-nosing.” She sent a tongue poking out.
“Ask your damned question, wench.” He winked and Elaine giggled.
“Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir.” She sent a grin. “I wanted to know how you think about D/s. Is it an artificial reality, or a different reality?”
“Hmmmm… It’s a part of reality that not everyone sees… or an extension to your reality that only you can experience. I’m not sure. I’ll have to think about that one. The short answer is, it’s not an artificial reality. It’s real all right. There’s a whole community out there, just waiting for you.”
“That makes me smile.”
“Good.”
“I can’t wait to see you again, Sir.”
“That pleases me. All right, come on. Let’s finish this list, then you can go masturbate.” He winked.
“Blushes!”
Chapter 16
When Elaine woke the next morning, she was shocked. Her bed sheet was wound around one of her ankles and she was sprawled sideways across her bed, completely naked. She was laying in a wet patch the size of Kansas and she ached all over. She made herself a promise.
Never again would she challenge herself to ‘see how many times she could cum’. After four or five she’d lost count and could only estimate that it was the sixth or seventh that had knocked her into unconsciousness. Sitting up, she adjusted the pillows and got comfortable, glancing at her door. Thank God it was still locked. She’d strip the bed and organise her laundry soon.
She was pleased about one thing. Although her grip was tenuous, she imagined it was getting easier to control the force of her orgasms. As long as she didn’t completely let go, then she might be okay. Which was almost impossible after five or six exhausting ones, she thought, smiling to herself. She still believed that Gary, or any man for that matter, would find her less desirable if she couldn’t control herself.
After all, self-control is important, right? What if he tells me not to cum and I can’t do it?
Maybe she had to practice, but she wasn’t sure if she’d have time. Gary had said what he could do in person was ‘a raging fire’ compared to online. She didn’t doubt it. Her skin flushed. Controlling herself wasn’t going to be easy.
Her mind wandered as her imagination took over. The prospect of spending a weekend with Gary was incredibly exciting. And scary. But Elaine was thankful he had reassured her about how rough he’d be. At least she was confident that HE could remain in control.
She decided she had to get moving if she was going to get her laundry done then spend some time studying today. And she had her journal to complete.
Looking down, she was surprised to see she was lightly caressing a swollen nipple.
I think I’m turning into a nympho.
**************************
Water dripped from Elaine’s hair and trickled down her body unnoticed. After stepping out of the shower, she briefly dried herself before being distracted by her reflection. In less than a moment, she was deep in thought.
I’m going to HAVE to let go. I hope it’s okay. I’m not going to be able to control myself. Not for every moment. I am going to need direction. He’ll take care of me. He said he would. I should warn him. It’s too embarrassing. I’m going to be naked before him. God. That’s embarrassing enough just by itself. I hope he doesn’t hate me. Maybe he’ll think I’m too weird. Or too out of control. Or too uptight.
God, I have to let go. I have to let him do what he wants. He has my checklist. He said he was planning ahead. He knows what I THINK I want. And he has his own ideas. He promised he wouldn’t be rough. He could probably be a little rough. As… as long as he starts gently. As long as he’s conscious of my needs. As long as he’s in control of the tempo and doesn’t rush me.
I don’t know… I just don’t know how much I can take… how much I can handle. God. I need a safe word… and I need a promise from him to honour it…
I need… I need…
Elaine’s eyes sprang open when she realised what she was doing. Seeing herself in the mirror sucking on her juicy fingers was a bit of a shock. Pins and needles ran rampant across her skin, raising goose flesh and puckering her nipples into a throbbing mess.
“Jesus,” she whispered. She wanted to wipe her hand. Without thinking, she picked up the towel she’d placed on the floor. Her toys fell from it and rolled across the tiles and she almost laughed out loud. Quickly drying her fingers, she gathered her toys together and set about washing them.
Look at you. Cleaning your sex toys. You’re turning into a slut. Sex isn’t everything you know.
She shook her head.
That’s mom talking. She’d be REAL pleased with her little girl right about now.
Elaine could feel the heat rising in her cheeks just as she could feel her pussy, hot and throbbing.
I’m past pleasing my parents for its own sake. I’m past pleasing ANYONE for that. I want to be pleasing because it makes ME feel good.
She glanced in the mirror again as she dried the last toy. She wrapped them up in the spare towel then finished drying herself with the other one.
It’ll work out. Gary will take care of me. I trust him. I just have to remember that.
**************************
It was almost lunchtime. Elaine had been folding her clothes after washing and drying them and putting aside her ironing. Fortunately there was little to iron this week and she was going to do it that afternoon. She decided to do her journal, but first she wanted to check her email in case Gary had written to her. Of course she also checked if he was online, but he wasn’t.
He had written to her though. In his note he asked her to answer a question she’d asked herself that very morning, almost like he’d read her mind. Again. ‘I want you to think about what it is you ‘need’?’ he’d asked. ‘Then write and let me know.’
Immediately she remembered reading a paper about ‘the care and feeding of a submissive’ almost a week earlier. It was on Castlerealm and she navigated her way right to it, sighing with relief.
Reading the article a second time was like a wake up call. The very first heading was ‘I need to be accepted for who I am’.
It took Elaine almost two hours to type out her answer to Gary’s question. Most of the first half hour was spent staring at the screen. In her own mind she was trying to justify her need for self-control, while the words in the article haunted her. Tossing ideas back and forth, eventually she came to a somewhat surprising conclusion.
‘My need for self-control is the result of a fear of non-acceptance.’
Being accepted ‘as she was’ would greatly reduce her concern. The words began to flow as she wrote about her need to be allowed to be who she was. She hoped Gary was the kind of guy who could handle her insecurities. She then wrote about her need to feel safe in his company, and her need to learn. Not only from her mistakes, but from his example.
She swallowed as she imagined lying over his lap to be spanked. Her hands shook as she admitted to feeling a strong need to be guided, and if necessary, punished. She didn’t want to be punished. But she felt she needed to know that he would punish her, if he felt it were necessary. She also felt a strong need to be forgiven for her errors once corrected. She didn’t need snide comments or to be reminded of things she’d done wrong when she’d learnt the lesson. Elaine thought it would insult her intelligence, but she didn’t write that. She knew Gary was smart enough to understand her meaning.
To finish with, she talked about her need for consistency in his treatment of her, and of course, her need for honesty and open lines of communication. Elaine was concerned that parts of what she had written may have sounded plagiarised, so she added the address of the article she had read before clicking ‘send’.
All afternoon questions bounced around inside Elaine’s head. She’d never really given much thought to what she ‘needed’. In the past she had figured that when she found someone who could provide it, she’d know what it was.
Despite regularly checking her mail, she hadn’t had a reply from Gary. She didn’t like the feeling of being tied to the computer, but as he was yet to share his phone number, she had no other way of contacting him. Realising she wouldn’t have called anyway just made the idea of waiting by the computer all the more silly.
She was just finishing her ironing when she remembered Gary had asked her to begin her journal.
In the cold light of day, a blank page of Word felt like a bottomless pit. At least once she got started, it wasn’t too bad. She Googled ‘BDSM’ and ‘journal’ and found a few good examples. It didn’t take too long to note what had happened over the previous twenty-four hours, but it took much longer to write out how she felt about it all. She hoped he’d be pleased with her efforts.
By that time she’d spent most of the day on ‘herself’ and not studied at all. But when her roommates had asked her to go with them to the Rat, she decided to accept. She’d been postponing going out with them a lot lately and thought maybe a dance or two and a few drinks would be fun. They’d insisted the band was ‘awesome’ and it wouldn’t be too crowded. Besides, she’d done her chores and was determined not to sit in front of the computer all day.
They’d lied through their teeth of course. Not about the band. They were great. Unfortunately every student on campus seemed to know it and had also turned up. People hardly had room to move and the dance floor was crazy but Elaine had such a good time. She’d only had three drinks, but she relaxed and enjoyed the atmosphere. She’d even laughed off the couple of gropes she’d had to endure.
The girls were heading to Spotlight, again, but Elaine had insisted she couldn’t go. She had a full day of classes coming up and couldn’t afford to miss any. Not only that, but she couldn’t justify going out when she had a bunch of assignments due in the next few weeks. Besides, she had bigger fish to fry. Despite the girls’ protests, she’d walked back to the apartment alone as the sun was going down.
Stumbling up the staircase outside their apartment caused Elaine to giggle a couple of times. She’d never been great with alcohol. Because of her state, she’d easily talked herself out of studying, instead promising herself she’d catch up during the week. If she were going to spend the weekend at Gary’s, she’d have to look at her schedule and find out what was due and when. She was confident she could do it.
So confident in fact, that instead of coffee, she poured herself half a glass of wine before getting changed and settling in front of the computer. She decided to read her mail before logging onto messenger.
Gary had responded. He said he was very pleased with her considered reply to his question about her needs. He was glad she had researched the topic and her answers had provided him with food for thought. He also said he liked her journal and was glad she enjoyed their meeting the previous day as much as he had. He added that they would talk further when she arrived on messenger.
Taking a deep breath, she logged in.
Gary was ‘there’, but his computer was set to ‘away’. Elaine sighed as she waited impatiently. The butterflies had already started and her heart was pounding. She licked her lips and swallowed.
Why do I always get like this?
After only a few minutes, the away setting disappeared and “Hello, Elaine” popped up on her screen.
“Hello, Gary,” she typed, sending a smile. Relief flooded her veins. She was hot already.
“It’s nice to see you.” He sent a smile back.
“You too.” Elaine wanted to send a blushing face, but she stopped herself. She crossed her legs and it felt delicious.
“The horses are all fed. No more distractions.”
Elaine bit her lip. “I should warn you that I’ve had a couple of drinks, Sir. I went out to the college bar this afternoon with my roommates.”
“Thank you for telling me. I’ll keep it in mind.”
“Thank you.”
“Did you have fun?”
“The band was good. It was very crowded and noisy though. Being surrounded by hordes of college students doing their best to get plastered before seven P.M. isn’t exactly my scene.”
“What is ‘your scene’?”
Elaine blinked. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I haven’t really found much of a ‘scene’ that suits me. I’ve always felt kind of different and a bit isolated in college. My best friends are still the ones I had in high school. My phone bill is horrendous.”
“Can you explain what you mean when you say you’ve ‘always felt kind of different’?” He sent a smile.
Elaine was glad for the smile. She thought about his question for a moment then typed, “I just meant that I don’t see myself as a hunter of men or a gatherer of experiences like most other girls. I’ve always justified my inertia by convincing myself that I’m waiting for the right guy to come along. But I know it’s not really that. God, I can’t even ask a guy a question without blushing. Even if other girls haven’t got it right, they seem to be getting on in life and aren’t suffering some kind of handicap because of the way they see things. Then again, I feel like I ‘have it right’, and yet I’m the one who is socially inept. I feel awkward around men. Inexperienced. Maybe even a bit naïve.” Elaine took a breath. “I’m blabbering aren’t I?”
“You are fascinating.”
“Why?” Elaine was glad she could slip in a question and take the spotlight off herself.
“I think because you are bursting with potential.” He sent a smile. “But like you said, you’ve constrained yourself. Are you afraid of being hurt?”
“Emotionally?”
“Yes.”
She took another deep breath. “I’m afraid of being rejected.”
“You are beautiful, Elaine. Anyone who rejected you would have rocks in their head.”
“It’s only skin deep.”
“I wasn’t referring to your good looks. You are intelligent, sensitive and kind. You are a very sweet girl.”
She swallowed and recrossed her legs, sending tingles through her loins. “Thank you.”
“You’ve told me before that you’re not on medication and you rarely do drugs. And while I haven’t seen you naked, I doubt there’s anything wrong with your body.” He sent a wink. “What are you so embarrassed about? What is it that’s holding you back?”
Elaine knew it would come to this. The trouble with Gary’s conversations was that she couldn’t prepare for them. He was constantly surprising her with his perceptiveness. It was time to confess. “I get very um, wet. Down there.”
“Where? Your feet? You have sweaty feet? Okay, that’s it. Let’s call the whole thing off.” He sent a wink.
“Now you’re teasing me.”
“You’re right.”
Elaine sent a face with its tongue sticking out.
“Aw, c’mon. I think it’s lovely. Like I always said, ‘there’s nothing like a girl with a wet pussy’.”
“You always said that?”
“No. I just made it up.”
“Pouts.”
“I bet you are pouting too. Okay, I’m sorry. I’m listening.”
Elaine sighed. This ‘being honest’ stuff wasn’t easy. “My body gets very sensitive and I have really strong orgasms. God, this is really embarrassing.”
“Go on.”
“Well, when I cum, if I cum really hard, I can knock myself out.”
“Awesome.”
Elaine blushed. She had to tell him everything. “And I squirt.”
“You squirt?”
“Yes.” She sent the blushing little computer face. It wasn’t half as red as hers. And her mouth was completely dry.
Seconds passed and she’d begun shaking before Gary started typing. “I’ve heard of that. Never thought I’d get to see it though. That’s great!”
Elaine could hardly breathe. It’s okay? “It can be really messy.” She sent another blushing face.
“You’ll be cleaning it up. Unless I want to.”
“I promise I will.”
“Good girl.”
Elaine read the words over and over. She swallowed again and was pleased to note her saliva glands had started working. “I’m whispering,” she typed. “Thank you. I feel better.”
“Would you like to imagine sitting on my lap, cuddling in my arms?”
“I’d like that a lot.”
“Then I’m opening my arms to you.” He sent a smile.
“Climbs into them on your lap.”
“Wraps them warmly around you. Leans my cheek on your forehead.”
“Mmmmmm. Thank you, Sir.”
“We’ll do this. For real.”
“I can’t wait.”
“Nor can I, but I want to do more work with you first.”
She sat up straighter and uncrossed her legs. “I’ll do my best.”
“Good girl. That’s all I’ll ever ask of you. To try to do your best. If you do try, and you are unable to succeed in whatever task I set or requirement I make of you, I’ll still be pleased by your effort. I promise you that.”
“I like that. That’s something I can do.”
“I’m pleased.”
Elaine relaxed a little. “Then I’m happy.”
“Tomorrow I want you to do your journal just before you meet me here around nine P.M. again, okay?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“In addition to telling me about your day and about your thoughts, I’d like you to answer a question, this time without doing any research. Just a few paragraphs is fine.”
“Okay.”
“The question is, ‘What does being submissive mean to you?‘”
“I can do that.”
“Good. I’ll look forward to reading your thoughts on it.”
“Yes, Sir.” More empty seconds passed. Elaine stared at the screen, only dimly aware of her nipples softly pulsing. Instead she was thinking again of how masterfully Gary used ‘silence’. And timing. Right on cue he started typing again.
“I dreamed of you last night.”
Elaine grinned. “You did?”
“Yeah. One day I’ll tell you about it.”
“Tease.”
“You better believe it.”
Elaine let Gary’s comment hang in the air a moment. Her hands were moving to the keys and her cheeks were getting hotter as she typed. She could hardly believe her eyes as she pressed ‘send‘. “When I blush, I get wet.”
Before she had a chance to get more nervous, Gary shot back, “How do you know?”
“I… I can feel it.”
“You must get wet a lot.”
“All the time.” Elaine sent a blushing face.
“Poor thing.” Gary sent back a wink. “I guess you want me to be gentle with that too.”
“I don’t know what I want with that. I like how my body reacts. I hate that I can’t hide it.”
“I have a few ideas.”
“Will you call me names?”
“Would you like me to?”
Elaine was going out on a limb here. She felt it in her bones. “Yes.” She sent another blush.
“Just a moment. I’m pulling up your checklist.”
“Yes, Sir.” With her breathing shallow and her hands trembling, Elaine waited for Gary to return.
In barely a minute he did. “Okay. The first time I read this I noticed you said you were happy to be humiliated privately but not publicly.”
“It’s wrong, isn’t it?”
“Elaine…”
She swallowed. “Yes?”
“Nothing is wrong between two consenting, open-minded adults. I want to make your dreams come true, but I don’t want to take unfair advantage of you. It pleases me to see you turned on and hot and yes, wet. If you want me to call you names, then that’s okay. But they will just be words, and won’t necessarily represent my true feelings. Understand that my use of humiliation would be part of a scene. Or sometimes a ‘mini-scene’; like if I whisper in your ear or something. But I’d never embarrass you, and certainly not in a public manner.”
“So it would only ever be between you and me?” Elaine asked.
“Yes.”
“Do you promise?”
“I promise.”
“Thank you. I can’t believe I’m even admitting all this.”
“You are giving me a chance to give you what you need. It’s positive and constructive, Elaine.”
“But why does the idea of being humiliated turn me on?”
“Hmmm. Good question. How about we get a coffee or something while I think about it?”
“Okay. I need to go to the toilet too.”
“All right. I’ll see you in a few minutes then.”
Elaine made sure she hurried. She wasn’t sure why.
“I’m back,” she typed.
“So am I. Welcome back.”
“Thank you, Sir. You too.”
“Smiles. Okay, so the question was, ‘Why does the idea of being humiliated turn me on?'”
Elaine blushed and shook her head. “Yes.”
“Before we address that question, I think we need to define humiliation in the D/s sense.”
“Um, okay.”
“Firstly, it would be incorrect to say that humiliation is equal to embarrassment. It’s not. Embarrassment is not enjoyable. Humiliation MUST be enjoyable. You have to like it, or it’s not humiliation, it’s abuse. I think in D/s, we see the whole rainbow of humiliation, from foot worship to orgasm control, from name-calling to ‘forced’ exhibitionism. Being told to kneel for your Dominant or to serve him before yourself may be considered to be a normal practice, but it could also be called ‘humbling yourself ‘. Humbling yourself before your Dominant is something you would only be expected to do in a D/s setting. You do it ‘for’ your Dominant; for his and your own pleasure. In this way, what we are talking about is the ‘play’ of humiliation. Are you following so far?”
“One moment please. I want to read that again.”
“Take your time.”
Elaine did. She read it three times. “Yes, Sir. I follow. I’ve never thought about it like that.”
“Smiles softly. As with all practices, humiliation must be safe, sane and consensual. I would never say anything deliberately hurtful. Nor would I take advantage of you or embarrass you in public or against your will or somewhere where you might get arrested.” He sent a wink.
Elaine giggled and flushed warmly.
Gary continued. “Humiliation, or humbling yourself, progresses through certain barriers that we put in place subconsciously or consciously. The first is timing. An example might be, being required to do something at an unusual moment, like pinch your nipples at the dinner table. The second is being required to ‘be’ something you are not. Examples may be dressing in a certain way or being called names. The third barrier is submission to pain at the behest of your Dominant. Examples might be the wearing of nipple clamps or being spanked over my knee like a naughty little girl. The final barrier is ‘coming out’ or going public. Examples might be humiliation in public or confessing your nature to your parents or friends. Depending on the person, these barriers may be crossed at different times or be mixed and matched. Many of the varied ‘humiliation scenes’ will be too much and the barriers would never be crossed, for whatever reason the submissive, or the Dominant, sees fit. Any questions so far?”
Elaine was amazed. It all started to make sense. “So really what you are saying is that humiliation is an integral part of D/s?”
“What I am saying is that humbling yourself IS D/s. From the wearing of a collar or being leashed, to golden showers or being required to act like a dog, it’s all D/s, and it’s all humbling yourself before your Dominant.”
“I don’t want to be peed on.”
“LOL.”
“Well! I don’t!”
“Little one, what I am saying is that everyone has their limits, and we need to discuss EXACTLY what I can and cannot do before I do anything more than the most basic humbling of you. And in any case, you do that yourself.”
“I do?”
“You call me, ‘Sir’, don’t you?”
“Yes, Sir.” Elaine sent a blushing face.
“Smiles.”
“I think I understand.”
“The point is, it’s consensual, and I’d never do anything you didn’t want me to do. Nor would I ever expect you to do something you didn’t enjoy doing.”
“Thank you.”
“You are welcome. Humiliation play is very dangerous in the hands of an inexperienced Dominant. Also, only the mentally strong submissive can handle it.”
Now she was confused again. She always thought it was a weakness. “Could you explain please, Sir?”
“Let me give you an example. Say for instance that I called you a ‘dirty little slut’. If you really hated being called that, and I persisted, it could actually cause you a great deal of stress, harm, or even mental or emotional damage, particularly if you couldn’t stop it.”
“I see.” Elaine was breathing heavily.
“On the other hand, only a strong submissive could handle being called a dirty little slut. She would know it was part of humiliation play, and would know that her Dominant chose those words because he knew her limits and those limits weren’t violated by using them.”
At the second mention of being called a ‘dirty little slut’, Elaine couldn’t help clenching her thighs together. She tried to concentrate. “Something is still bothering me. ‘Why?’ I mean, why is it that it affects me so?”
“That I can’t answer. It’s how you are wired. It’s ‘who you are’. Being a submissive means you safely, sanely and consensually put yourself in the hands of your Dominant. You would ‘do anything for him’ within reason. It’s why you are a submissive. And now I’ve helped you enough with your homework.” He sent a wink.
“I never would have thought of this. This changes everything.”
“Kind of. It changes the angle you look at it. Saying humiliation is degrading and abusive ‘in the D/s context‘ is looking at it through vanilla eyes. It’s not something you need to be embarrassed about. And it’s not something I would change about you, even if I could. I like you just the way you are Elaine, and I like you more each time I talk to you.” He sent a big grin. “I’m also thinking of lots more to do than we ever could in a weekend!”
“Blushes!”
“Smiles softly. Okay so I’m going to send you the address of a website with a list of about a hundred examples of humiliation play, and I’d like you to rate them as you did with your checklist. You can copy and paste, then send me the result.”
“Along with my other homework.”
“Yes, along with your short essay on what it means to be submissive. The one I just helped you with.”
Elaine hesitated, then typed, “Yes, Sir.”
“I get the feeling you are reluctant.”
Elaine gulped. She just wanted enough time! “I’m sorry. I just reminded myself that I have a lot of schoolwork to do.”
“Thank you for telling me. If I don’t know what might encroach on the completion of the tasks I set for you, then I can’t give you realistic deadlines. Don’t ever be afraid to tell me if you can’t do something because of other constraints on your time. I don’t have a crystal ball. And I’m human. I can forget things too.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“You may have two days to complete the homework. Okay?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“Tell me about your schoolwork.”
“I’ve just been neglecting it a little. I’ve been a bit busy and distracted.”
“Would it help if you promised me that you will keep up to date?”
“If I promised you?”
“Yes.”
Elaine smiled to herself. That would do it! “I promise to keep up to date with my schoolwork, Sir.”
“Good girl. I expect to be kept informed of the state of it in your journal each day. If you are up to date, you need only say so. If you are not, detail it for me, okay?”
“Yes. I will. I want to do well.”
“Okay. I’ll help with that. The desire to better yourself is something I expect of you in all things, Elaine. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Sir.” She licked her lips. A hundred things were occurring to her. She felt like an enormous weight had lifted from her shoulders. For the first time in her life, she actually felt proud of who she was, all of who she was, and she wasn’t sure why. The weekend seemed so far away. She wished it were sooner. The image of Gary’s smiling face gazing down on her as she kneeled before him came to her. Her skin rippled with pleasure and she blushed hotly. Then she smiled. Then she laughed!
“Are you imagining what it would be like to be with me?” Gary asked.
“Yes!” Elaine shuddered with arousal.
“Times it by a hundred.”
Chapter 17
Elaine was trying to concentrate on finishing her breakfast but it wasn’t easy. It was Monday, she was ready for work with a half hour to spare, and was busy eating her toasted muesli while Kendra and Chelsea chatted about the guys they met the night before.
Elaine wasn’t really listening. Thoughts were running through her mind. Thoughts of seeing Gary and of what he might do to her, or make her do. They were the same thoughts that had occurred to her when she’d woken up before her alarm that morning. Remembering what she’d almost done in those few minutes had only made her hotter.
A sleepy mischievous smile had played at the corners of her mouth when she’d woken and seen her clock. After short-circuiting the alarm, her left hand had insinuated its way between her legs and touched her steaming pussy. Realising how wet she was, she’d slid two fingers into herself before she’d known what was happening. Her other hand had brushed over her nipple. Finding it rigid with excitement, she’d suddenly wanted her nipple clamps.
Sitting up had snapped her out of it. Checking the clock again, she’d sighed. Shaking her head, she’d made for the shower. She had to get ready for work.
In equal parts, fear and excitement were rippling over her skin.
One moment she was smiling to herself, tingles of anticipation prickling her scalp and lubricating her aching pussy. The next moment she was staring into space, unconsciously biting her lip as bracing images danced darkly through her mind.
Elaine munched away, while Chelsea was standing at the kitchen bench making coffees for the three girls.
Chelsea had an interview for a waitress job and was dressed up, something unusual for eight in the morning. As she was pouring she glanced at Elaine and asked, “So? Did you speak to him?”
“Yes,” Elaine replied, trying not to sound too excited. “I’m going to spend the weekend with him.”
“Woohooo!” said Kendra.
“You’re what?” Chelsea had frozen like a statue, mid sugar spooning.
Elaine looked up from her cereal having just taken a mouthful. She gulped it down and almost choked. “What? What’s wrong?”
Kendra looked like she was wondering the same thing.
Chelsea’s mouth was open in shock and her head was cocked to one side. For a split second Elaine thought she looked like a younger, blonder version of her mother. Chelsea shook her head and went back to what she was doing. Then she sighed and said, “You met this guy on the net. You saw him once in a coffee shop. And now you’re spending the weekend miles from anywhere on his tin pot horse ranch. I hope you know what you’re doing.”
Elaine rolled her eyes. Now Chelsea even sounded like her mother. So she told her. “You sound like my mother. I’ll be fine.”
“What’s his name?” Chelsea asked obliviously, handing out their second cups of coffee for the morning and joining the table.
Elaine hesitated for just a second, but thought it couldn’t hurt. “‘Gary Duke’. From Allen Falls. I’ll be getting his address and phone number and confirming they’re legitimate. Don’t worry.”
Chelsea said, “I have a friend in gym class that comes from Allen Falls. I’ll ask if she’s heard of him.”
Elaine was starting to feel defensive. “He’s only been there a year or so.”
“Abby’s parents own the general store. I’m sure they’d have met him.”
Elaine thought about it. “Okay. But I’ll let him know.”
“Hmmm… Yeah. That’s smart. Then if you get some weird-ass reaction, you’ll know he’s a psycho. That’s clever, Elaine.”
Elaine wasn’t sure if that was what she’d intended. She actually meant that she didn’t want Gary thinking anything strange was going on. But Chelsea’s comment made sense. It wasn’t a bad idea
“What are you talking about?” asked Kendra. She’d been yawning and staring into space. She didn’t usually eat breakfast.
Chelsea was dumbfounded. “Where have you been the last five minutes, girl? We’re talking about Elaine hooking up with this Gary Duke guy. She’s staying at his place this weekend.”
Elaine added, “And Chelsea thinks it’s a bad idea.”
“I didn’t say that,” Chelsea retorted. “I just said you shouldn’t rush into it. You only just met him.”
Kendra suddenly became animated, like she just woke up. “Well, I’ve slept with heaps of guys I hardly knew,” she said. “I mean, fuck. Knowing them just bores me most of the time.”
“Yeah,” said Chelsea. “But you’re a slut.”
“Fuck off, Chelsea. You’re no better. I saw you with those twins last night. I bet if they had the balls to ask, you would have left with them. They were hot.”
“Yeah, well they didn’t.” Chelsea blushed and Elaine thought it was interesting.
“Told you,” said Kendra, satisfied.
Elaine rolled her eyes and Chelsea shook her head before standing and walking over to the sink. She tipped out her half-finished coffee and headed out. “I gotta go. Wish me luck!”
“Good luck!” Elaine and Kendra said in unison.
From the hallway came the sound of the front door closing and locking. Elaine and Kendra looked at each other and smiled, sipping their coffee. Finally Kendra said, “You know, the best way to find out about a guy is to talk to his last girlfriend.”
“I would, but she ran off leaving him at the altar.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’m not sure if she’d appreciate me calling her.”
“Don’t you want to know why she ran off?”
“Gary already told me.”
“Yeah. ‘Gary’ told you. What if he lied? Guys lie as much as we do, you know. If not more.”
Elaine set her jaw. “Kendra, I have a really good sense of who Gary is, and I’m sure he wouldn’t lie about this stuff. There’s no reason to do it. If he did, he’d lose me. He’s expecting me to check up on him.”
“Then he won’t have a problem providing you with her number. If he has nothing to hide, then he’ll give it to you. Even if she did leave him at the altar.”
“I don’t know. What would I say to her? ‘Hi, this is Gary’s next prospective girlfriend. I was just wondering why you left him? Was there something about him I should know?'”
“Yes! That’s perfect!”
Elaine shook her head. “You’re crazy.”
“No. You’re crazy if you think meeting someone over the ‘net is like meeting someone randomly in a nightclub. At least at a nightclub it’s genuinely potluck. Jeez, Elaine. On the net some weird guy can target exactly the kind of girl he wants. There are chat rooms for everyone; single mothers, college girls, girls into particular bands. God knows what drives some people. Looks, skin colour, hair colour, age, height, build, big tits, small tits. Think of it from the psycho’s point of view. It would be fairly easy to find his target if he knew what he was looking for.”
Elaine wasn’t about to argue. She knew Kendra was right. “I’m not disagreeing, okay. I know it’s dangerous out there. I’m taking all the reasonable precautions I can, but I’m not getting ahead of myself either. We haven’t made any promises to each other. This is just a ‘get to know you’, type thing. That’s all.” She couldn’t help but blush.
Kendra chuckled. “Yeah. I bet.”
“It might go further. I don’t know. But honestly, if it doesn’t look like what it’s supposed to look like, you know, in my head, then I’ll be hightailing it out of there so fast it’ll make his head spin.”
“How?”
“Huh?”
“I mean, how would you get out of there? You don’t have a car.”
Elaine hadn’t given it that much thought. “Look, I know what you are going to say, but if he’s a nice guy he’ll stick to his word. He told me he’d bring me home anytime I wanted. Apart from that, I’ll find out the bus schedule and I’ll get you guys to check up on me.” Elaine hadn’t shared The Code with Kendra the last time, so she explained it to her. “When you phone me, I’ll call you Kennie or something if I’m in trouble.”
“Okay, that’s a good idea. Just remember it’ll take half an hour to get there.”
“Yeah,” said Elaine a little uncertainly. She really was going to be alone with him. “I know.”
“Allen Falls is miles from the next town so running away isn’t an option. The neighbours might be miles away too, so they won’t hear your screams.”
“Jeez, Kendra. You really know how to reassure someone.”
“Hey, it’s your funeral. You can do whatever you want.”
Elaine knew it was just a turn of phrase. Gary wasn’t a psycho. She knew it. Gary was a good-looking guy who happened to be kinky and was probably too honest for his own good. But he was smart. He engaged Elaine on a level that impressed her, but more importantly intrigued her. He made her question things. Not just about him, but about her too.
Maybe he was smarter than Elaine gave him credit. The thought was unnerving.
I have to find out if he’s fooling me.
A queasy feeling wrapped itself around her stomach as she caught the bus. At work she was pleased it was busy. She threw herself into it and before she’d noticed the clock, it was time to head to college.
Afternoon melted into evening and her mood darkened with the weather. A storm was coming and the first raindrops chased Elaine up the apartment stairs. Closing the front door, her roommates greeted her, as did the sweet smell of basil in Chelsea’s lamb stew. It made her tummy rumble.
In her room she donned an oversized sweater, saving her nice one for the weekend.
Ugh. The weekend.
Elaine thought if her roommates kept at her, they’d freak her out.
Gary would reassure her, and she couldn’t wait to talk to him. He had a calming effect on her that she missed the longer she went without seeing him. Even twenty-four hours seemed too long.
Just thinking about him helped her feel better, even as the wind hit and distant thunder rolled across the floodplain. Elaine closed her sliding window, stilling her billowing drapes. If it was electrical, and went on all night, she wouldn’t be able to talk to Gary at all. At least he’d be able to guess why. She was pretty sure he’d be having the same storm.
“Have you guys closed the windows?!” Elaine was standing at her open bedroom door, yelling down the hall.
“Yeah, yeah. No problem!” called out Kendra.
Over the television Elaine heard Chelsea ask, “What did she say?”
Kendra must have been absorbed in something as she muttered, “Storm… windows…”
“Aw, shit. Can you pause it?”
“Sure.”
Elaine heard Chelsea’s light feet padding in her direction.
She entered the hallway and rolled her eyes. “I told myself not to forget to close the window, and what did I do?”
“You forgot,” Elaine said, grinning as Chelsea walked past.
“Good job, Sherlock,” Chelsea said, poking out her tongue. “Are you okay?” she asked, pausing at the door.
“Yeah, just…” Elaine hesitated. “Never mind.”
“Okay,” said Chelsea, wiggling her ass as she disappeared into her room.
Elaine sighed and closed her door. She figured Chelsea hadn’t spoken to her friend. She didn’t mind. If Elaine didn’t have to talk about the weekend, she wasn’t going to bring it up.
More thunder sounded. Elaine was pretty sure it was still a long way off and felt she could at least finish a couple of assignments. During the day she’d spent every spare moment in the library, photocopying, taking notes and doing outlines for the papers that were due by the weekend, plus for the one due on Monday. She was glad she’d checked her schedule. She hoped to get the two small ones done tonight. She could also do her online responses if the storm settled. It was possible to get it all done if she worked steadily. It wouldn’t be easy, but she was confident.
As nine o’clock approached, Elaine was satisfied. Her belly was full of delicious stew that Chelsea had been kind enough to allow her to enjoy while she worked. She wanted to surprise Gary by completing everything he’d asked of her but she couldn’t quite do it. She decided to leave the question, “What does being submissive mean to you, ” until the next day. She’d finished her two assignments for school, and her online responses. She’d completed her journal, and she’d even gone to the site Gary had asked her to visit. The one with the list of ‘humiliating things’. She’d copied and pasted the list into a Word document and filled it out as he’d asked, just like the D/s checklist.
What surprised her most were the similarities between the two. Just as Gary had described, at least a quarter of the things on the list Elaine didn’t find humiliating at all. Like wearing a blindfold. Elaine didn’t think that was ‘humiliating’. Exciting, yes. But not humiliating. She didn’t think she’d find it humiliating if Gary chose her clothes for her either. As long as they matched.
Hmmm, she wondered. What if they didn’t?
The question about ‘Leaving Instructions as to What to Do’ made her feel funny. What if the instructions were stupid or she didn’t agree with them? The same with ‘Leaving the Bathroom Door Open’.
What if it was going to be like, noisy?
She blinked when she arrived at ‘Orgasm Control’.
The next entry made her swallow. ‘Orgasm Denial’.
I’m not going to be able to do this. Not if he makes me crazy.
It was on those two items that Elaine had spent the most time. Rating them from zero to five was quite bizarre. Zero was supposed to mean, ‘I never want to do it’, like a hard limit. And five was, ‘I want it all the time’. Nowhere was the option of, ‘I CAN’T do it’. She settled on four, which was, ‘I want it regularly’.
She shook her head. ‘Shave Body Hair’, and ‘Stand in a Corner’, were easy fours. ‘Suck a Dildo in a Car, so Others can See’, was a three. Meaning: ‘I usually like it on an irregular basis’. Same with ‘Wear No Bra Under a See-Through Top’ and ‘Write on Body’. Her thoughts were making her hot. She shook her head and tried to concentrate. It was easier if her legs weren’t crossed.
It was as though, up to a point, the more extreme the idea, the hotter Elaine became. Even just thinking about it, like, ‘Be a Maid’ or, ‘Eat from Master’s Hand’. Then it snapped and it was too much.
God, look at some of this stuff. ‘Slap Your Face’, ‘Wear Diapers’, ‘Serve as a Toilet’.
By the time she’d finished, Elaine had a lot of zeros.
And she had a lot she wanted to talk to Gary about. Out of the blue she remembered she was supposed to take a look at some examples of ‘contracts’, so she started at Castlerealm and then Googled. She was reading through her forth one when Gary messaged her.
“Hello, Elaine.”
“Hi, Gary.” She felt the heat in her cheeks almost immediately. She hoped her courage didn’t desert her.
“I hear there’s a storm coming. Are you on dial-up or on a cordless laptop?”
“I’m on dial up.”
“Let me know if you have to go.”
“I will. Thank you, Sir.”
What the hell was I thinking?
“Thank you for your homework. I particularly liked your journal today.”
“Why?” Elaine asked without thinking. “I mean, if it’s okay to ask.”
“Sure. It was incisive and thoughtful. I enjoy reading your thoughts.” A moment later he typed, “Hey, it’s me you’re talking to.”
“I… I’m sorry. It’s been a weird day.”
“Why don’t you tell me about it?”
“Thank you. I will.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Well, firstly, I’ve been horny all damn day and I can’t do anything about it.”
“Not a good sign.” He sent a wink.
“No.” Elaine giggled and sent a smile.
Just then Kendra poked her head around Elaine’s bedroom door and said, “Um, I’m just going out. I’ll see you later.” She looked like she wanted to ask something but was holding her tongue.
Elaine wasn’t in the mood to indulge her. Besides, Gary was waiting. “Okay,” she said, barely politely. “See you later.” Elaine turned back to the computer as Kendra closed her door. Ugh, she thought. I should chase her and find out what’s up. Sighing, she typed, “One moment please, Sir.”
“Sure,” Gary replied.
Elaine hopped up from her computer chair and headed for the lounge room. Kendra was just leaving and they almost ran into each other.
“Sorry!” said Elaine with surprise.
“Hehe. It’s okay. Going somewhere?” Kendra asked rhetorically.
“No, I just thought… Never mind.”
“Come on. Spit it out.”
“I… I just thought you wanted to ask me something.”
“Don’t be stupid,” Kendra said, clearly for Chelsea’s benefit. She took Elaine’s arm and led her to the front door. Elaine thought Kendra was really strong. “I just don’t want Miss Know-It-All to hear this,” she whispered.
“What is it?” Elaine asked, prising Kendra’s fingers from her arm.
“Sorry. I don’t know. I don’t even know why I want to talk to you about this.”
“What?” Elaine asked, almost exasperated.
“I think I might be pregnant.”
Elaine’s jaw dropped. For a moment she could hardly believe her ears. Kendra was pregnant? Surely she took precautions. “How?”
“I don’t know. I think the rubber must have broken or something.”
“Jesus, Kendra. How long has it been?”
“Six weeks on Thursday.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah. I’m going to see the doctor tomorrow. Can you come with me?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks. And don’t tell Chelsea. I’ll tell her after I know one way or the other.”
“Okay. Are you sure you want to go out tonight?”
“I NEED to go out. I’m going crazy every time I sit still.”
“Okay,” said Elaine, smiling softly. She could almost see Kendra pregnant. Strangely she thought she’d be a good mom.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow. It’s at ten A.M. Chelsea will be at class.”
“All right.” Elaine thought she’d only miss one lecture. Maybe two.
“Thanks, Elaine,” Kendra said. For a split second Elaine thought Kendra looked really sad. It flashed over her face before being replaced with her usual smart-assed self.
“You’re welcome,” Elaine replied, taking Kendra’s hands in hers and squeezing them lightly. “Go on. Have fun. And make him sweat.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m going to fuck him six ways to Sunday.”
“I didn’t… Oh, never mind. Get out of here.”
Kendra winked and closed the door behind her.
Elaine shook her head and made for the lounge room. Chelsea was watching some cop show. “Do you want a coffee? I was just making one.”
“Sure. Thanks. Hey, what were you two talking about?”
Elaine was surprised by the question and wasn’t sure how to answer. “It wasn’t about you. Kendra just wanted to know if I was free in the morning.”
“What for?”
“I’m not sure,” Elaine lied.
She swallowed as she left the lounge room and entered the kitchen, intent on making coffees. She was glad Chelsea hadn’t followed her. Elaine hated being drilled on things. She was a terrible liar.
Finally the coffee was ready and she waited until the advertisements were over before taking Chelsea’s to her. Her plan was a good one and Chelsea barely grunted a thank you as Elaine put her coffee on the low table. Lightning lit the lounge room window. Hastily Elaine beat a path to her room as more thunder sounded. It was still miles away.
Gary’s words hit her as she sat.
“This is a bit longer than ‘one moment’.”
Shit. How long have I been gone?
“I’m sorry, Gary. My roommate just told me some news that I couldn’t walk away from.”
After a few seconds he replied, “Then that’s understandable. Welcome back.”
“Thank you. I um, I should have returned before I made coffee though.”
“Yes. You probably should have. I’m going to allow it since you brought it up before I needed to point it out.”
“Sorry, Sir. I didn’t realise I’d taken so long.” She really hadn’t.
“It’s all right. I understand. And I understand that some stuff is ‘girl’s stuff’. I won’t pry.”
“It’s okay. Kendra just told me she thinks she might be pregnant.”
“Okay, and er, some stuff is life-changing stuff.”
“Yes. Gosh, I just thought of something.”
“I was tested on Friday and I received the results today. I’m clean. And I’ll have the doctor’s report for you.”
How does he always do that?
“Um, do you want me to do a test too?”
“It’s probably not necessary.”
“I’ve never been with anyone, Sir. I swear it.”
“That’s what I mean. Are you on birth control?”
“Yes. I have been for years. It limits the bleeding.”
“Okay. I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you.”
“I’ll make an appointment tomorrow.”
“Good girl.”
“I’m whispering,” Elaine typed. “I understand too.”
“Thank you. So tell me what’s been going on. I mean before you spoke with your roommate.”
Elaine took a deep breath. “I’ve been having second thoughts today.”
A moment of silence passed.
Gary typed, “I’d say that was normal.”
“Nods.” Elaine wasn’t sure how to proceed. “Ugh. My stupid roommates got me thinking, that’s all. I just need some reassurance.”
“And yet you are also horny.”
“And being reminded of it isn’t helping.” Elaine squirmed in her chair. “Can we please stick to one topic at a time? This isn’t easy.” She sent a blushing face.
“Yes. I apologise. How can I reassure you?”
Elaine threw subtlety out the window. “Well, two things.”
“Let’s do them one at a time.”
“Okay. Well, first you can tell me it’s okay if Chelsea asks a friend of hers from Allen Falls if she knows you. Or if her parents do.”
“Chuckles.”
“Whaaat?”
BANG!
With a heavy knock, Chelsea burst through the doorway! She looked like she was about to pop! “Fuck!” she squealed. “I nearly forgot to tell you!”
“What????” pleaded Elaine, holding her thumping chest. She’d nearly had a heart attack. “Tell me what?”
“About that guy!”
From somewhere Elaine found the sense to type, ‘Be right back, ‘ to Gary. Then she minimised the conversation and turned back to Chelsea. “What about him?” she asked.
“Well, I asked Abby from gym class, she’s the one from Allen Falls.”
“Okay.” Elaine’s heart was thumping even louder. She could feel it in her ears.
“She remembered meeting him once and thought he was totally hot, but according to her, he hardly even looked at her. She thought he was a bit of a loner. That got me worried so I asked her to ask her Dad. She rang him straight away at the store in Allen Falls then handed me the phone.”
“You talked to her Dad? What did he say?”
“Yes! He says Gary Duke’s a great guy. Always stops to talk. He put up some new shelves for Abby’s Mom one time and they’ve even had him over to dinner. Apparently his horse ranch thing is doing really well and he’s ordered a whole heap of timber to build a third stable. He’s settled in the area and is on a committee with Abby’s Dad that reports to the local municipality. He said Gary was pretty torn up when he was left at the altar. It was a real surprise. Everyone feels for the guy.”
Elaine breathed hard. “So he gets the all clear?”
“Go get him tiger.”
Elaine grinned. And she almost burst into tears. “Thanks, Chelsea.”
“Don’t mention it. I’m going over to Abby’s to study. She’s a nice girl. And smart too. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. And give him my number if things don’t work out.” She winked and headed out.
Elaine was still shaking when she heard the front door close. Turning back to her computer, she saw that messenger was blinking. Gary had typed something while she was away. She clicked it to the front and read what it was.
He’d typed, “Yeah, I had this strange phone call this afternoon. Apparently some college girl was asking questions about me.” He’d sent a wink. Then he’d also typed, “Waiting patiently.”
“I’m back,” Elaine said. “I’m sorry for the interruptions.”
“It’s okay. So did I check out?”
“She just rushed in to tell me. That’s why I was away.”
“And?”
“You did fine.”
“Good. First hurdle jumped. What was the other thing holding you back?”
Elaine blinked. “It seems silly now.”
“Let me decide, okay?”
“Well… Okay. I was going to ask if I could talk to your ex-girlfriend.”
“Hmmmm. I don’t think I still have her number. In fact, I’m pretty sure I don’t. I heard she got married, but I don’t even know her new last name. I was betrayed, Elaine. I’ve tried not to think about her.”
Elaine felt a tear fall down her cheek. “I’m sorry. I knew it was a stupid idea.”
“Well, no. It wasn’t. I’ll make a couple of calls. Maybe I could get her to ring you.”
Elaine swallowed. “Do you have a pen? I’ll give you my number.”
“Okay, let’s swap them now. You can write down my address while you’re at it.”
“Okay. I’ll be right back again.”
“Nods.”
Elaine only took a moment to find a pen and her little address book. “Okay, I’m ready.” In moments they were done. Elaine stared at the paper. She wondered if Gary was doing the same. She looked back at the screen. He was typing.
“How are you feeling?”
“Kind of, I don’t know. Like I’m on a ride and I can’t get off. It’s exciting but also scary.”
“Tell me if you want to get off the ride.”
“I promise I will. But I don’t want to. I have to ride it to the end. I have to know.”
“Nods softly.”
Elaine grabbed a tissue. She was feeling so emotional. “Sir, I have some other questions. I’ve written them down.”
“Okay. Let’s work through them.”
“I remembered you saying, ‘once you cross over into real life, you can’t go back’. Someone else said something quite similar too. Could you explain what you meant?”
“I think I was being a bit dramatic. What I was getting at was once you have experienced D/s in real life, vanilla is decidedly plain.”
“But I haven’t done vanilla.”
“Hmmm. You know what? You’re right.”
“I am?”
“Well, yeah. I mean… God, I don’t know what I mean.”
“Giggles.”
“They only made one of you, didn’t they?”
“Smiles up at you.”
“Are you on your cushion ‘in your mind’?”
“Nods and bites my lip.”
“You’re allowed. I bought you a beautiful big black one with red embroidery today. I hope you like it.”
“I’m sure I will.” Elaine touched her cheeks. They felt like they were on fire.
“What other questions did you have?”
“Well, I wanted to ask… Well not ask. Like, know something… Oh, I don’t know. I’ll just come out and say it.”
“That would probably be for the best.”
“Sometimes I feel guilty about all this. Like I shouldn’t be doing it. Like I’m playing with something I shouldn’t be playing with.”
“Interesting. What does the guilt feel like?”
“Feel like?”
“Yes. Is it the kind that would be alleviated by being punished? Maybe you just need a spanking.”
“Blushes!” Elaine felt her pussy warming up. She wondered if she was a little crazy. God, maybe Gary was right. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I don’t know. From what you’ve told me, you get turned on whenever you think of most mainstream aspects of the lifestyle. To be turned on by extreme things, relatively extreme, tells you that you are a little extreme yourself. This is not the kind of stuff you can share with your mother over tea.”
“Yes.”
“It turns you on and you feel like maybe there is something wrong with you.”
“Yes. Maybe it’s bad. Maybe I’m doing the wrong thing. Maybe I’M bad.”
“Hey, shhhh. Listen to me.”
“Looks up at you.”
“Reaches out to your cheek and caresses it gently, staring deeply into your eyes and smiling softly.”
“‘Mmmmms’ quietly and listens.”
“There is nothing inherently bad or evil about the lifestyle. You are free to come and go as you please. No one, including me, is going to coerce you or force you into anything. There is nothing wrong with choosing something a little different. I think I read somewhere that one in a hundred people are into the lifestyle full-time, that’s almost three million Americans. It just isn’t that weird any more.
“People choose the lifestyle for lots of different reasons. Some people are not well or have had troubled childhoods that they are not ‘over’. Some people like the pain. Some like the servitude. Some like the D/s. Some like a particular aspect; like bondage or rubber clothing. The point is, you choose what you want and don’t want, and how hard or soft you get it. I will need your help to tell me what is right for you. We’ll be talking about what is happening every step of the way. I’m not going to spring anything on you that you won’t like, or won’t expect. I’ll be giving you a safeword that you will only use when you must. It calls a halt to what I am doing or saying or anything. You can even use it in an argument, though I doubt you would argue with me.” He sent a smile.
“I was going to ask about safewords.”
“The use of your safeword means ‘it’s too much’, or ‘I can’t take this’. Its use is your responsibility. My responsibility is to make sure you don’t force yourself beyond a limit, simply to please me.”
“Does that happen often?”
“More often than you think. You are capable of more than you know. And my job is to help you to explore your boundaries. But in your zeal to please, you may find yourself saying something like, ‘harder, harder, ‘ when you can really take no more. I am experienced and I will recognise the signs, both physical and psychological. And while the Doctor was here I had him check the first aid kit and he replaced some supplies, ‘just in case’.”
“What might happen? You’re scaring me.”
“Well, you might fall off a horse.” Gary winked.
“Meanie.”
“I’m just making sure. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“And my safeword?”
“You want it now?”
“Yes, please.”
“Pineapple.”
“Pineapple?”
“I can’t think of a better one off the top of my head. You are unlikely to use it in conversation or inadvertently. Don’t you like it? Do you want something prettier?” He sent a face with its tongue poking out.
“Giggles. No, I like it.”
“Good.” He sent a smile. “Elaine, if this is not for you, you will know it very quickly. It won’t take long for you to either love or hate what I do with you. I know I’m repeating myself, but I’ll take you home the moment you ask me to do it, I promise. I have no desire to force you into anything. The thought just doesn’t do it for me.”
“Nods softly. Smiling up at you.”
“Any more questions?”
“Just one.”
“And that is?”
“What if it IS the kind of guilt that would be alleviated by a punishment?”
“I wondered whether you’d ask that. Firstly we’d have to agree that that was the case. In most circumstances I would suggest it. You would have to choose to agree or disagree.”
“What if I didn’t agree?”
“If it was my suggestion, then I would expect you to tell me why and, if you were truly convinced, then to convince me. I am able to see the merits of any solid argument. If I continue to disagree, I would need to convince you of the merits of a punishment. Again, you would have to be convinced, and agree to the punishment. I would never punish you without your explicit consent.”
“And then?” Elaine swallowed.
“If you agreed, we would then discuss what form the punishment would take. Again, we would agree on its form before undertaking the punishment itself. There must be a lot of communication. You must understand why and how and when you are to be punished. And you must agree to everything I suggest all along the way. I will answer your questions and guide you through things like that. We shall also see how easily you bruise and work around things like that. Also, I seriously doubt whether you will want to be tied up, so we’ll leave that for another time when you feel completely and utterly safe with me. You can always try to convince me though.” He sent a smile.
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
“Mmmmmm.”
“What is it?”
“Whenever you say that I just… It just hits me.”
“Say what? ‘My pleasure’?”
“Yes.” Elaine sent the blushing face.
“You give me a great deal of pleasure, little one.”
Elaine swallowed again, feeling her nipples harden as though under his gaze. “Looks up at you from the floor.” Her clit throbbed with the thought that she was alone. She checked the time. Chelsea would be back in an hour. She took a deep breath. “Sir, I need to play now.”
“Chuckles. Poor baby.”
“I mean it. I mean… I’m sorry, I’m just shaking with need.”
“Do you want some time?”
“No. I want do it in front of you.”
“Elaine…”
“Please. I’m so horny. But I don’t want to be anywhere but here. With you. I need this, Sir. I need a taste. It’s driving me mad. Please?”
“Go get your clamps and your vibe, that’s all.”
Elaine stared at the words. She wanted her dildo too. A shudder ran through her body. “Yes, Sir. I’ll be right back.”
When she got back to the computer, she’d locked the door, disrobed, and turned down the lights in record time. She was panting and naked. Her skin was feverish and she couldn’t even feel the chill in the air. Her nipples were already as hard as they would get. She could feel them throbbing in time with her heart. “I’m back,” she typed, adding another blushing face. Thunder rolled from far away. Elaine thought maybe the storm had missed them.
“Are you sure you want to do this? You are submitting to me for the period of this scene, Elaine. You understand and agree, right?”
“Yes. Yes, I do. Please, Sir. Please tell me what to do.”
“What kind of clamps do you have?”
“Um, the kind with the little adjustment disk.”
“I know them. Lightweight.”
“I’m just learning.” Elaine bit her lip.
“And I’m teasing. Pinch your nipples lightly first, then put them on.”
“Yes, Sir.” As Elaine went about attaching the wicked little things, she glanced at the screen. Gary was waiting for her to tell him she’d done it. When she had, she typed, “They’re on.”
“Keep your knees apart.”
Her legs shot open and cool air caressed her inner thighs, raising goose bumps. “Yes, Sir.”
“Don’t touch your pussy. Drag your nails gently up the inside of your thighs. Then caress back down with your palms and fingers. Up and down. Slowly. Close your eyes for a moment and feel the clamps on your nipples without touching them.”
Elaine did as Gary asked. It was delicious. The hot throbbing in her nipples grew and grew.
“Tighten the clamps up to just before the point where you can’t stand it. I mean, make them tight but not too tight, okay?”
“Yes, Sir.” Elaine gasped as she tightened the first one. She moaned and her head rolled back when she did the other. Her pussy ached intensely. Her clit was so hard it was actually sticking out a bit. She swallowed and looked back at the screen. Gary hadn’t typed anything. Perspiration was forming on her top lip. She could think of only one thing to say. “Please.”
“Please what, dirty girl?”
A shudder ran through her body. Her pussy contracted like it was reaching for something. The towel under her ass was struggling to absorb her juices already. “Please. The vibe. Please, Sir.”
“Why?”
“I need it. Pleeaaseeee…”
“Why do you need it?”
“I don’t know. My body aches for this. My pussy throbs. My clit hurts.”
“Open your legs wider. You will be doing this in front of me in a few days.”
“God. Yes.”
“Don’t you want to wait?”
“I can’t!”
“It makes you hot, opening your legs before me, doesn’t it?”
“So hot.”
“Caress your pussy, one finger, not inside. Be gentle.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“This is making my cock hard.”
“Godddd…”
“Oh you like that idea? Well maybe you’ll like the idea that I haven’t masturbated since last Wednesday and I’m not going to. I’ve been half-hard for a couple of days now.”
“Please let me put my finger inside.”
“All right.” He sent a smile. “You beg so nicely.”
“Thank you, Sir.” And she did it. She was so hot. So hot and slick. Her pussy went crazy as soon as her finger entered, clamping down and convulsing around it. She had to hold still so she wouldn’t cum. Elaine typed one-handed. “Mmmmmm.”
“Smiles softly. I want you to use two fingers in your pussy and your vibe on high on your clitty. When I tell you, I want you to fuck yourself hard and hold your vibe on your clit. I want you to try not to cum and to count for me. And I want you to remember what number you got up to before you came, okay?”
“Y… Yes.”
Elaine picked up her toy and turned it to high.
I’m not going to last long, she thought.
“I’m ready,” she typed, then slid her fingers into her pussy. Her hips jerked involuntarily and she watched the screen, her toy an inch from her clit, buzzing madly.
“Okay. Now!”
In seconds all hell broke loose. Elaine barely made it to five before she exploded. Her fingers pistoned in and out of her wet heat, juices spattering her thighs. She writhed in painful ecstasy, her vibe on her clit, trying to hold off the inevitable. The throbbing tightness of her nipples flowed into sensory overload and her eyes rolled back into her head. She could feel her body convulsing and she was sliding off the chair but she couldn’t do anything. For a full thirty seconds her body was practically out of control.
From some tiny part of her mind that was still holding on, she wrenched her fingers from herself and grabbed the towel, pressing it over her pussy as her vibe ignited an even mightier orgasm. It engulfed her as though in flames and everything went black.
Elaine opened her eyes and blinked. She was looking at her ceiling. Shadows from her computer played across it. Her screen saver had begun. That meant she’d been ‘inactive’ for at least five minutes. She felt light-headed and her thighs were like jelly. The towel was sopping and cold between her legs. “Damn,” she said aloud as she removed the clamps.
Back on her chair, she shook the mouse and the screensaver disappeared. Gary was still online. He’d left a message. “Let me know when you are okay. I hope you remembered the number you reached.”
Elaine quickly pushed the towel under today’s washing and slipped on her robe. She put away her toys and grabbed some socks as she was starting to feel the cold. “I’m back,” she typed as she sat down. “And I’m exhausted. Sorry I took so long.”
“I think you needed that more than I thought.”
“I agree. But I’ll be good for the rest of the week.”
“Until you see me?”
“Yes.”
“Promise me.”
Elaine hesitated, then smiled. “I promise.”
“Good girl. What number did you get to?”
“Five.”
“Jeez. Five?”
“Blushes.”
“This is gonna be fun.”
Chapter 18
Elaine grabbed Kendra’s arm before they entered the clinic. She looked around before hissing, “I thought we were going to see an Ob-Gyn…”
Kendra shook Elaine’s grip. “I’ve seen an Ob-Gyn. This is the doctor. You know, The Doctor. I’m getting rid of it. Jeez, Elaine. What did you think I needed? My hand held in the waiting room?”
Elaine’s eyes narrowed. “You could’ve just been honest.”
“This is my decision. I don’t need anyone else telling me what to do.”
“Jesus, Kendra. I agree with you. It’s your decision. But before you make it, you should at least be informed. It’s traumatic for God’s sake. ‘Getting rid of it’, as you so eloquently put it, doesn’t sound like a considered opinion to me.”
“I’ve had plenty of time to think it over.”
“What’s the rush? You said you were at six weeks.”
Kendra swallowed. “Ten weeks.”
Elaine shook her head. Mostly to herself, she mumbled, “Why am I here?”
“Look. Sorry, okay?” The sad look Elaine had seen the night before flashed across Kendra’s face again. “I’m scared. All right?”
Elaine thought maybe Kendra was three-dimensional after all. This was a hell of a way to find out. “Just tell me what’s going through your head.”
“I’m too young to have a kid. I have no idea who the father is. I can’t afford it. And I don’t like babies. In that order. Satisfied?”
Elaine sighed. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Can we go inside?”
“No.”
“No?”
“I want to give you a hug first.”
**************************
The experience Kendra endured was one Elaine didn’t want first hand. After they hobbled up the steps and inside to Kendra’s bedroom, Elaine doled out two painkilling tablets and fetched some water. After supervising Kendra taking the pills, she tucked her in bed fully clothed. Kendra insisted Elaine go to class. Fifteen minutes later there wasn’t much Elaine could do. Kendra was out like a light.
Reluctantly Elaine left her roommate, spending the afternoon worrying about possible complications and all the unwanted children in the world. She just wanted to get back to the apartment and make sure Kendra was all right.
Arriving home late in the afternoon, Elaine knocked softly before opening Kendra’s door. She was still asleep. Elaine didn’t wake her. Instead she decided to make spaghetti, Kendra’s favourite dish. While the sauce was reducing, Elaine made some notes for the assignment that was due after the weekend. By the time Chelsea came home Elaine was back in the kitchen, stirring the sauce. Chelsea asked where Kendra was and Elaine told her.
“Is she all right?” Chelsea asked.
“I think so.”
“Is that spaghetti I can smell?”
“Yes.”
“Yum.”
Chelsea flopped in front of the TV in the lounge room while Elaine got dinner together. She wasn’t sure how Chelsea might react when Kendra told her about the termination. Maybe that was why Kendra hadn’t told her. Or maybe Chelsea did know but simply couldn’t take Kendra to the clinic.
She shook her head and wrinkled her nose remembering the events of the day.
While waiting for Kendra, Elaine thought she’d enquire about getting a blood test. The whole idea of asking someone to check if she had a clean bill of health ‘for sex’, made her very nervous. But she’d gathered up the courage to ask the secretary about it and the next minute she’d been whisked into an examining room. Elaine had snagged an appointment with a weedy doctor who’d had ‘an unfortunate cancellation’. Elaine had wondered who the unfortunate one was, as the unfamiliar man had poked and prodded her, drawn her blood and made her pee in a cup. He’d even called her a ‘good girl‘ for doing it.
She was glad she didn’t have medical fantasies. The whole experience would have been a real downer.
Still, she’d get her results the next day and could pick up the written report before the weekend.
Spooning out the spaghetti, Elaine made a small serving for Kendra and took it to her room. She woke her and placed the bowl on her bedside table. Kendra thanked her but rolled over, saying she wasn’t hungry. Elaine left it there anyway, quietly suggesting Kendra yell out if she needed anything.
Returning to the lounge room, Elaine joined Chelsea and ate in front of the TV while some crazy show was on. Elaine’s mind was elsewhere. She was thinking about Kendra and also about the paper she had to write. Not the one for school, the one for Gary. About ‘being submissive’.
As soon as Elaine was done eating, she retired to her room to ‘study’ and got started right away. It didn’t take her long at all. She just wrote from her heart.
‘What does being submissive mean to you?’ By Elaine Milanovic
To me, being submissive means wanting to please someone ‘for myself’. I am the one who benefits. It is ‘my’ basic need that is being fulfilled. The thought excites me unbelievably. To know someone so well, to trust them so much… I ache to be able to look into his eyes and tell him, ‘I will do anything for you.’ The freedom of my submission beckons to me through a thick fog, just out of reach. I can almost taste it.
I am inexperienced. But I’m not stupid. Consciously or unconsciously, I’ve chosen not to get wrapped up in the meat market of nightclubs and college life. I stand by those choices and I don’t regret any decision of importance in my life. I’ve been instilled with a respect for authority that permeates my being. My father being military had much to do with that. Succeeding is important to me and I have been thinking lately that I am more self-disciplined than I thought. I am serious and thoughtful. I do well at school and I like to think ‘my head is screwed on straight’.
And yet I am considered to be kinky. Or at least ‘my thoughts and desires’ are. I don’t understand it. I can’t see how ‘pleasing myself’ is wrong when it’s safe, sane and consensual. It just doesn’t make sense.
All my life I’ve tried to be pleasing. I’ve been ‘good’. I’ve been what my parents wanted. I haven’t been in trouble with the police and I haven’t been a young, unwed mother. I’ve tried to make them proud. And yet, I haven’t been perfect. I’ve caused them heartache and worry. I was a normal teenager. But I’ve survived. I have a good reputation.
I have a better imagination.
I’ve realised fairly recently that I like to masturbate. A lot. The images I have in my mind are extreme when compared to most people. ‘Being made love to’ is not my sole desire. I do desire romance and I want it desperately, but that’s not all. I want more. Much more. I don’t want sex to take five minutes. I’m quite sure a five-minute fuck could be mind-blowing. But not all the time. And I don’t want it to be a chore. I want it to be passionate and I want it to be hot. I want to explore what is possible and I want to be pushed beyond what I’ve imagined.
I want to be able to let go.
I need to trust. And communicate. I need to know I am truly cared for and that my needs are important. I want to know whether I am doing well or not. I need to make ‘my man’ happy and I need to know I am succeeding. I want to truly and actually adore him. For he ‘would’ be mine in my submission, just as I would be ‘his’ in his Domination. I want to trust him implicitly and I want to allow myself to be what my Dominant wants, while at the same time be taken to where, in his heart, he knows I want to go.
I want to be able to submit myself to his will. I want to be free to do as he asks. I’ve thought about this a lot, and not just while masturbating. Most of what I see as ‘humbling myself before my Dominant’, is desirable to me.
Smiles.
I want to be his. And I want to be considered. I want communication and I want my sexuality to be expanded for his and my benefit. I want to rely on him and I don’t want to feel guilty about it. Not because I am ‘easily led’, but because I want a genuine partnership.
I want to find the safety and the structure within which I can be free. Free to be me. Free to become whoever I wish to be in the future. I don’t know what I’m capable of doing or being. But I know I belong. From what I’ve read, from what I’ve experienced, and from how it makes me feel, I know that submission is what I want.
So to me, submission is an expression of my freedom. It gives me the opportunity to openly communicate my needs in a safe and structured environment. It means knowing and trusting someone so much. And it means pleasing someone who can fulfil my needs. But most of all, it means choosing. Choosing who I want to be, choosing how I submit, and choosing into whose knowledgeable hands that I will deliver myself.