“Good,” he messaged, adding a smile. “Perhaps we should call it a night and get some sleep.”
“I don’t want to go yet. I’m still formulating a response.”
“A response? I’m shocked,” he sent, then winked.
Elaine smiled. “I’m just a bit blown away, is all. I want to thank you for what you said, though.”
“I think I almost botched it. All I meant to say was, ‘ I think you are very attractive’. I could have been a little more diplomatic.”
“But I learned a valuable lesson.”
“Which was?”
“I learned that you like the way I look. And you really meant it. Knowing you were pleased has made my night.”
“Sometimes you sound like you are a hundred, Elaine. You have wisdom beyond your years.”
She beamed. “Thank you, Sir.”
Gary insisted Elaine go to bed. With an eight-thirty class in the morning and after having had a late night the night before, he pulled rank on her. “As a friend, you should expect me to take an interest in your self-improvement. As a Dominant, you should expect me to tell you when you screw up. And I’ll offer advice too. In some cases you may rather not listen, but it will be well meaning.”
Elaine smiled. “Yes, Sir. I appreciate you taking an interest in me.”
“Well said.”
“I’ll always listen though.”
“And I’ll always give you a chance to change my mind about something.”
“Deal,” typed Elaine. She wondered if Gary was smiling at the screen too.
“Now get to bed.” His message was followed by a wink again.
“Yes, Sir,” she typed, grinning. “I hope to see you soon.”
“I’m sure you will.”
As she always did, she sent a goodbye into the chat room and watched and smiled as everyone farewelled her generously. In her mind’s eye she saw Gary sitting back in his chair thinking, just as she was.
When she clicked out of the chat room and started closing windows, she found Gary’s picture. She’d forgotten it was there. Staring into his incredible eyes, Elaine allowed her mind to wander. Calling him ‘Sir’ seemed almost effortless now. How she called anyone ‘Sir’ in the first place was almost beyond her. A teacher in high school had insisted on being called ‘Sir’. At the time she’d thought it was archaic and outdated, a throwback to a simpler, more male-dominated time. Like the fifties or something.
As she studied Gary’s face, she also wondered how the female Dominants fitted in. There was nothing Fifties-like about Dommes. Were they respected by the male Dominants? Was BDSM a modern movement? And what about feminism? Was there room for feminism in BDSM? She’d have to ask…
For some reason the words of Catherine in Wuthering Heights came to mind…
‘… the thing that irks me the most is this shattered prison. I’m tired, tired of being enclosed here. I’m wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to be always there, not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning for it through the walls of an aching heart; but really with it, and in it.’
Did Emily Bronte desire a world unavailable to women today? Or was she referring to a state of mind, a shattered prison, perhaps something unfathomable in these days of legislated equality? Elaine understood the usual translation: that Catherine yearned for the freedom to choose her own destiny. But right at that moment, all she could think of was a new world, one opening its arms to her, one that offered exactly what Catherine seemed to be seeking.
She smiled at Gary’s picture.
Hmmm… So where did male submissives fit in? In philosophical terms, the male submissive was the anomaly. BDSM couldn’t really be sexist when males were ‘allowed’ to be submissive. Elaine briefly wondered how prevalent BDSM practices were in the gay community. Were male subs more female than male? What was it de Beauvoir said? ‘One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.’
Argh.
Elaine realised she was tired and her brain was not working well. Recalling such quotes out of context only proved to her she was ready for bed. And besides, she was in such a habit of looking at things in gender terms, she wondered which of her personas was doing the thinking: The vanilla one or the submissive one. No matter how flawed it may have seemed, every thought she had was coloured by her experience. She was beginning to see things differently.
“Good night, Sir,” she whispered, saving the picture and switching off her machine.
Perhaps ‘submissiveness’ was androgenous, Elaine thought, slipping between the sheets.
Her eyelids felt heavy.
She slept well.
****************************
Most of the Elaine’s spare time on Tuesday was spent trying to finish the first draft of her term paper for Philosophy 301. She was determined to write something on ‘Sartre and the Authentic State of Being’. She was hoping to impress her Professor, rather than open up the uncertainty that was bubbling away in the back of her mind.
And it was great. True to her original plan, she finished the paper as she’d envisaged, and was very pleased with the result. She was also pleased to see her general lack of conviction hadn’t been conveyed. Reading back her paper made her feel like a bit of a fraud, but she wasn’t going to change it. The paper was good, and a few edits and embellishments would make it great. Her Prof would be pleased.
Her classes were okay, but after Feminist Philosophy, Elaine felt even more disconnected. The tutorial discussion centred on the metaphysical question, ‘What is a woman?‘ Her tutor gave her a couple of imploring looks when the various conversations went off on tangents. She tried to contribute a few times, but she had nothing new to offer. For someone usually involved in discussions, her silence was out of the ordinary.
For the first time in her life, Elaine realised some of her thoughts were a contradiction.
She wanted a man who treated her like a woman. She wanted to be treated as an equal. She wanted to genuinely be heard and have her concerns addressed. She wanted someone firm who provided her with direction. She didn’t want to be a doormat. Sometimes she wanted to be a toy.
As goose bumps rose on her arms, she shook her head and smiled.
She had to redefine herself.
And I have to do some reading, she resolved.
As usual, Accountancy in Business was crap. All it did was make her long for the end of the year. She would drop the last of her father’s expectations from her studies when she abandoned Accounting at the end of May. She dreaded telling him, and though he’d rant and rave, he’d still support her. She was still ‘Daddy’s girl’.
She realised she was starting to narrow down her alternatives drastically.
Ugh. I might have to teach.
**************************
Maybe her Dad would be okay. Elaine’s mother could be more of a problem. She’d always hoped Elaine would become a doctor, or at least some kind of scientist. Or a vet, Elaine thought as she turned the key, opening the door to her apartment. Their divorce should come through soon, she reminded herself.
After tossing her bag on the bed, she went to the kitchen to make a coffee before she started on her term paper for Feminist Philosophy. She still had a week till it was due and was pleased with herself for being a few days ahead of schedule. She passed Kendra who waved to her as she lay on her back in the living room, listening to music in headphones with a textbook resting on her stomach. Elaine waved back.
In the kitchen, Chelsea was busy chopping vegetables. “Feel like curry?” she asked. “I got some lamb.”
“Sounds great. Tomorrow we can finish off the spaghetti if you like.”
“Good plan.”
“Do you want a coffee?” Elaine asked.
Chelsea picked up her wine glass and showed it to Elaine before taking a sip. “Wine’s in the fridge if you want a glass. Help yourself.”
“Maybe later. Thanks.” After making her coffee, Elaine returned to her room.
An hour later Chelsea yelled out that dinner was ready and they sat down to eat.
Conversation around the table centred on school and lecturers and how boring it all became as the end of term neared. Kendra was trying to convince Chelsea to try out for the cheerleading squad next semester, but Chelsea had never wanted to associate ‘with those airheads’. Elaine thought Chelsea probably would have made it. She was blonde and tanned and moved like a cat. She could dance too.
Chelsea wouldn’t be moved. “I so don’t think so.”
“Think of the parties!” Kendra implored, as if it would make a difference.
“And the outfits!” Elaine teased.
Chelsea rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Elaine would make the squad before I did.”
Elaine’s mouth gaped. “I would not.”
“Sure you would. So could Kendra, but she’s too pushy.”
All Elaine could do was blush.
“My ass is way too big,” said Kendra.
“Oh, bullshit,” Chelsea said. “Look in the mirror. You look great.”
The conversation meandered in various directions, but Elaine was struck by Chelsea’s words to Kendra. Gary had said almost the exact same thing the night before. Elaine decided she would look in the mirror before she spoke with him that evening. Well, she hoped he’d be there. Elaine was grateful there were no more cheerleading suggestions. Not in a pink fit would she try out. She shook her head.
The curry had been demolished and Kendra was hard at work doing the dishes. Elaine excused herself, heading back to her room to study. Stopping in the bathroom to brush her teeth, for a moment she was mesmerised by the image in front of her.
She leaned forward, placing her hands on the edge of the sink and studiing her face. Turning her head a little one way, then the other, she couldn’t decide whether she was pretty or not. Staring into her own eyes, she thought they were her best feature. She checked for blemishes and had to admit her skin was pretty good. She thought her lips were maybe a little full, but full lips were all the rage these days. My hair could do with a trim, she thought, fiddling with it in the mirror. And maybe a colour. The package wasn’t bad. But ‘beautiful’? Oh, I don’t know. I give up. She brushed her teeth and headed to her room.
Pausing before the mirror over her dresser, she gazed at herself again. She liked what she saw. And she was proud of herself. She’d shut the fact of her nakedness out of her mind today. Mostly. Well, she had to. As it was, the dark grey skirt she wore would have stained if it weren’t for the built-in liner.
Only when Professor Malcolm Sartori appeared to take an uncharacteristic interest in her chest had Elaine been reminded of her bralessness. She’d gone for the two-tanks look, a looser one over a tight one, hoping for both support and some camouflage. If Professor Sartori weren’t so good looking, she probably could have ignored it. For the remaining five minutes of the class, she imagined all kinds of things. She even had the bizarre thought of flashing him, but she didn’t.
Her nipples tingled as she disrobed, but she didn’t dare touch them. Grabbing her nightie, she turned her back on the mirror and changed, resolving to get some work done and ignore the excitement bubbling away in the background. Booting up her computer, for the next hour and a half Elaine posted responses in the Philosophy forum and worked on her Accountancy project. She wasn’t in the mood for Feminism.
As nine o’clock approached, she started getting edgy. At ten to nine, she packed away her textbooks and clicked out of the college website. Saving what she’d done and closing her Accountancy project, she opened Messenger and waited impatiently, biting her lip.
She was watching the clock when it ticked over to nine P.M. Her nipples were itchy and she pinched them, making them spring to life. A rush of adrenaline washed over her skin, the silky hairs standing up. She clenched her pussy in anticipation, squeezing her legs together and balling her fists.
“Hello, Elaine,” popped up on her screen, the very instant he logged in.
Elaine’s body actually shuddered in relief… or excitement. She couldn’t tell which, but her pussy was suddenly soaked. “Hello, Sir,” she typed back, swallowing nervously.
I wonder if he knows what he does to me?
“I hope you had a good day,” he said.
“Yes,” replied Elaine, suddenly unable to think. “Productive.”
After a short moment, he typed, “Are you okay? I sense something is on your mind.”
How did he do that? “I’m not allowed to lie, am I?”
“I’m afraid not. Would you rather I go?”
“NO!” Elaine almost squealed aloud! “No, Sir. Please don’t go. This is where I want to be. With you.”
“Good,” he typed, sending a smile.
“I’m just very excited. That’s all.”
“Sexually, you mean?”
Elaine took a deep breath. “Yes.”
“I’d like you to concentrate. Open your knees an inch, no clenching, no touching. Okay?”
“Yes,” Elaine was struck by her need to do as he asked. “Yes, Sir.”
“And sit up straight.”
She did. She usually did. “How did you know I was slumped?”
“I didn’t know. I guessed.”
“Oh.”
“Elaine?”
“Um, yes?”
“Concentrate…”
He was reading her mind! Her nipples were aching, distracting her. “I’m sorry. Yes, Sir?”
“When you ask a question, like the one above, you should build into the question a request to ask it, such as, ‘May I ask how you knew I was slumped?‘ Either that or in the first place you should ask if you might ask a question. Understand?”
“I think so.”
“Smiles.”
A moment passed and Elaine remembered some of her questions from earlier in the day. “Sir, may I ask you some questions I thought of today?”
“Very good. And yes, you may.”
Trying to arrange her scattered thoughts, Elaine typed, “How does submission and feminism handle their issues?”
“Oh, man. Okay. Someone’s had her thinking cap on. Give me a sec.”
Elaine smiled. In her imagination she saw him scratching his chin. She wondered if he was doing it. Watching the screen intently, she realised she liked talking to him a lot.
“Here’s the thing,” he typed. “Submission allows you to be who you really are. Not everyone is a table thumper. Not men, and not women. Let’s agree there is inequality out there. That’s a given. And I admire those who wish to redress imbalances. But everyone is different. One table thumper may be different to the next. One quiet person may be different from the next. Submission itself is forgiving. Submission allows for individual differences. Submission even allows a woman, or a man, to be both a table thumper and a submissive. Feminism is more strict, frowning on certain practices, one of them being ‘submission to men’. However, a woman submitting to another woman is not frowned upon. And nor is male submission to female dominance. Interesting, don’t you think?”
“Yes. And it brings up another question.”
“Okay, remember it. I’ll finish this answer first.”
Elaine crossed her fingers to remember her question. “Um, Sir?”
“Yes?”
“May I ask if I can get a towel to sit on?” Elaine blushed fiercely. What drove me to ask THAT?
“Sure,” he typed, as though it were a normal request. When Elaine returned in seconds, she read his words. “Within one’s genuine submission, one finds the ability to express oneself and be oneself, with a level of freedom that feminists dream about. When your man or woman cares so deeply for you that he or she will do anything to help you to be who you want to be, then I think a higher level of happiness, as a woman or a man, can be reached.”
“So, within my bonds, I am free?”
“Hmmm… Close. I’d say, within my physical bonds, my mind is free.”
“You’re a philosopher!”
“I’ve been doing some reading too.” He sent a smile.
“You have?”
“Yes. You are into Philosophy. I want to be able to help. So I bought some books.”
Elaine didn’t know what to say. Then it came to her. “Thank you, Sir.”
“My pleasure.”
She shuddered and her pussy clenched. She’d relaxed for just a moment and it had happened before she could stop it. Should I tell him? she wondered. She uncrossed her fingers, thankfully remembering her question. “How are Dommes seen in the lifestyle? And male subs?”
“In a philosophical sense? Or in practical terms?”
“Both.”
“Well, dominance and submission are not gender specific terms. In the whole range of people, races, and creeds in the world, there are those that are more, and less, dominant and submissive. I think this is a defendable truth. There are more and less dominant and submissive women; and there are more and less dominant and submissive men.”
“I understand. Yes, I’ll go along with that.”
“Thanks,” he typed, sending a wink on its heels. Elaine’s cheeks burned. “So to me at least,” he said, before she could apologise, “A submissive’s or Dominant’s respect for the lifestyle determines my respect for them, regardless of gender. One of my friends is a Domme and she is a leading figure in the lifestyle. And I met paper tiger at an event once. His name is Rudi. He’s cool too. Depending on where you meet people, sometimes it’s hard to tell whether they’re Dom or sub.”
“I read somewhere that some are only sub or Dom in the bedroom. Is that possible?”
“I think it is, if we’re just talking about the tools and the role playing. So say tying up or cuffing or blindfolding, pretty mild stuff usually, combined with pretending to be sub and Dom/me, but without a commitment to the lifestyle. Players may have a healthy respect for the lifestyle. They would also respect those who chose it, but for them, they choose not to commit. I imagine such people to be those in powerful positions etc. People whose lives would get in the way of a commitment.”
“That makes sense.”
“Like university students.”
“I’m not ready to commit.” Elaine’s body flushed.
“I know.”
A moment’s silence passed before Elaine could think of what to say. “Thank you for answering some of my questions, Sir. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Can I…” she began, then hesitated. Her skin tingled as she typed. “Can I ask what happens when you confess something?”
“Do you mean, when the Dom/me confesses something? Or when the sub confesses something?”
“Can you talk about the difference, please? Um, and all about it? I need to know.” Elaine almost gasped. Her pussy was getting so hot. She could feel the rough texture of the towel pressing wetly against her. She wanted to squirm so badly. Her nipples nagged her. They throbbed rhythmically with every beat of her heart. And her face was so hot she was afraid to touch it, to know the truth.
I want to tell him!
“Well sure. But let’s step back a bit.”
Elaine gulped, fearing what he might say. She needn’t have worried.
“Confession has to do with being honest. Some confessions are simply ‘telling someone about your day’, or ‘telling someone your plans’, or ‘telling someone how you feel’. They are quite simply informing your partner of what is going on. Both people would do this, on an ongoing basis, in any half-decent relationship. Conversations may follow. Or they might not. This is communication, and without labouring the obvious, communication is essential in any relationship for it to have a future.”
“Agreed,” typed Elaine, her hands shaking.
“So basically, confession is the act of ‘saying what’s on your mind’. But of course, in the lifestyle we don’t call this exchange of information, a confession. What we call ‘a confession’ is a more formal confession, rather than a sharing of everyday events, thoughts or occurrences. This kind of confession, by definition, is difficult to give. It may call on you to be the most honest than you have ever been in your life. It may concern thoughts or deeds that make you feel guilty for not sharing. Or it might concern matters for which you could be punished.”
Elaine swallowed. Can I do it? Can I be honest and confess? “Sir? May I confess something?”
He sent a smile. “It would be my pleasure to hear your confession, Elaine.”
“I feel like I’m in church,” Elaine typed, giggling. She almost bit her tongue when her pussy clenched again.
“Confession is good for the soul. And honesty is its own reward. Knowing you were honest is a good feeling. A really good feeling. Trust me.”
“I trust you.” Elaine said aloud, before remembering to type it. She could hardly breathe. She wanted to squeeze her thighs together so badly. She ached all over!
“Let yourself be yourself,” he typed.
“This is really embarrassing,” Elaine began, thinking she had just made one of her biggest understatements ever. “I really tried not to, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t mean to,” she confessed awkwardly, her mouth drying up. “I stopped concentrating and I clenched. Twice. And you asked me not to.”
“You’re right. And I appreciate your honesty. You tried hard, so you are forgiven. Relax, Elaine.”
She tried to. A tear came to her eye. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“Why do I feel like this?” Elaine asked, on the verge of tears.
“Like what?”
“Guilty. Like I let you down.”
“You haven’t let me down. You confessed something I imagine you found very difficult to confess. You have pleased me greatly. I’m smiling, Elaine.”
She brightened a little. “Really?”
“Yes. Really.” He sent a smile.
Elaine giggled in relief. “So I’m not in trouble?”
“Noooo. Of course not. Elaine, we’re just chatting, okay? We’ve made no commitment to each other. You may pick and choose when you wish to ‘line up’ with me, to see how I would react, etc. I wouldn’t punish you for what you said. Nor would I punish you if you hadn’t told me. You are not mine to punish.”
“But you would if I were yours.”
“Of course.”
Elaine gulped. “How?”
“I knew you’d ask.”
“Blushes.”
“Chuckles.”
“What’s would you do to me? I’m dying to know.”
“When I send the answer, I’ll allow you five seconds to clench, with your thighs tightly together. Then release the clench and knees six inches apart, okay?”
“Okay. Can I pinch my nipples?” Elaine’s jaw dropped at her own words. Her ears burned
“No. You didn’t ask properly.”
She pouted subconsciously. “Yes, Sir.”
Gary made her wait. The anticipation was making her cross-eyed. Finally his message arrived and she gasped! “I’d take you over my knee and spank your naughty ass, Elaine. That’s what I’d do. Now clench. Five seconds.”
She did. Hard. And as soon as she did, her eyes closed and she started trembling. She counted to five and shot her eyes and knees open, fearful of actually orgasming.
God, I’d hate confessing that!
“Six inches, remember.”
“Yes,” Elaine said, complying. Her mind drifted off. She was kneeling between his legs, fully clothed. Looking up into his sexy eyes. She wanted to look at his picture again.
“Elaine.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Six inches.”
“Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir.” Her legs had almost drifted together again. She jerked them apart and paid attention, clenching her teeth instead.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“Yes,” Elaine hesitated barely a moment. “I’m just very hot, Sir. Being told what to do is effecting me a lot more than I expected.” Confessing was getting easier.
“Are you able to play?”
“No. I probably won’t until the weekend, when my roommates go out. If they go out.”
“I want you to test your self-control.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I want you to do as I ask, Elaine.”
“I’ll do my best,” she typed, adding a grin.
“Since it’s unlikely you’ll be able to play until the weekend, let’s test your self-control. Elaine, you may not play until the weekend.”
Completely unconsciously, she typed the words that came to mind. “Knowing I am not allowed will only make it harder for me.” She blinked as she read them, completely stunned.
“That’s the point. Prove to me you can control yourself. Do as I asked. Test yourself.”
Elaine read his message four times. It was true. Nothing physical would need to change. He wanted her to think about it differently. He was making it into a test. Already he is testing me. As her hands started to shake again, she realised their relationship was escalating, ratcheting up another level. It was an escalation she hadn’t expected. She was entering unknown territory. She swallowed, then typed, “Yes, Sir.”
“So no matter what opportunities you have, you will not play until Saturday night.”
“Friday night. Please Sir.” Saturday seemed so far away.
“Friday is not the weekend.”
“Please.”
“Okay. Friday night. After we talk.”
“Yes, Sir. Thank you. I’ll do it. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Elaine.”
“I’ll keep it.”
“I believe you’ll try. Even if you don’t succeed, trying your hardest will please me.”
************************
In bed that night, Elaine’s body was buzzing. Her nipples were sore with the need for her touch and she wasn’t sleepy at all. Lying on her side was out of the question as it stimulated her pussy too much. Even on her back, it fluttered randomly. Her skin glowed. Tomorrow was going to be hell.
Going without underwear wasn’t easy. She’d managed it once, but tomorrow would be a different story. Just the thought of telling Gary she was clenching her pussy made it clench again as she stared at the ceiling.
It’s going to be on my mind allll day. I just know it.
Thinking about sex wasn’t making her tired. Instead she thought about her clothes for tomorrow.
She couldn’t wear her bra again. After wearing it twice, she’d normally toss it in the Laundry Hamper. She’d wear the black halter under her blouse tomorrow, which would leave her light blue tank, the black and white halter and two t-shirt left. She’d wear the black one again tomorrow afternoon after work, and again on Thursday. That left Friday.
She winced.
All she’d have left was the mini. Or her black jeans and she couldn’t wear them again, no way. Not all day. The mini she’d purchased as a victim of fashion. She just knew it would blow up in the wind unless she held it down. Ruing the day she bought it, she remembered why she’d only ever worn it around the apartment.
I’ll go without stockings tomorrow. That way I can wear them on Friday with the damned mini.
She yawned.
God, is tomorrow only Wednesday?
Chapter 09
It was still dark. And silent. It felt like about four A.M. Elaine was lying on her stomach. She couldn’t see the alarm clock, but she didn’t want to know the time. One hand was between her legs, but it wasn’t moving. It was… reassuring. She wasn’t really aware of it.
Remembering the fleeting images she’d dreamed, she put them together in her mind. Gary had picked her up after college. He was waiting for her, leaning on some nondescript sports car. He’d embraced her and she’d melted. His hands had stolen down to her ass to squeeze the firm, supple flesh concealed under her mini. Just before they’d kissed, he’d realised her predicament. He made a big show out of being surprised she wasn’t wearing knickers.
Then he’d spanked her in broad daylight. Right in the college parking lot.
Elaine squirmed on her fingers, remembering how he’d arranged her, leaning on the hood of his car, pushing out her ass. Students walked by saying things that embarrassed her to the core. He’d spanked her for being such a naughty girl; for not wearing panties with such a short skirt. Laughing and shaking his head, Gary had tormented her for accepting such a stupid bet in the first place, while onlookers encouraged him to spank her more.
In her dreams, Elaine had adjusted her stance, presenting her ass provocatively, just as he’d told her to do. He hadn’t spanked her hard. But he’d loudly announced that he’d stop if she didn’t tell him how hot her cunt was. She admitted it without hesitation and a girl in the crowd called her a slut as Gary started spanking her again.
In her dreams.
She’d woken a number of times during the dreams, breaking the seemingly continuous events into shorter segments that made little sense at the time. In those vignettes, Gary’s eyes kept appearing.
Over and over.
Smiling.
Mocking.
Fleeting glimpses and long stares.
Making her cream her fucking cunt. That’s what he’d said to her as he’d smacked her ass.
‘I bet you are creaming your fucking cunt.’
She wished he hadn’t used those words. She knew Gary to be masterful and tasteful rather than foul-mouthed. She didn’t know how he would act with her… how he’d be with her. Elaine’s body flushed at the memory of his words. Only he hadn’t said them. It wasn’t Gary mocking her about her wet pussy.
She had conjured the words, and the admission made her press her fingers gently into her opening, immediately confirming its wetness.
It was ME who wanted to hear those nasty words. I dreamt them. I made him say them.
God… I’m so bad.
She groaned softly as her fingers slid in deeper, grazing her clit.
Catching herself in the act, she froze.
From between her legs she brought her hand up to her mouth. Without thinking she slid the wet fingers between her lips. She could hardly believe it. She was sucking her fingers of her own volition. They didn’t taste bad. Not sweet. Kind of savoury. She had the thought that they tasted like sex.
She wanted sex.
She wanted the intimacy… And the skin… She wanted the tastes and the smells… The feel of a body, desiring hers… Confirmed with words, limbs tangled and slick with perspiration… Breaths urgent… Nails… Muscle…
Her ears were hot.
Sucking gently, her mind wandered back to Gary’s words. The words she had dreamed. They were there, released within the padded cell of her unconscious mind.
‘I bet you are creaming your fucking cunt.’
Freud would have had a field day.
***************************
By the time her alarm sounded, Elaine had been slipping in and out of consciousness for what felt like hours. She was in no mood to move, let alone get out of bed. Her dreams were so real they resulted in actual and persistent excitement, not just a fleeting twinge of pleasure. For the first time in a long time she considered calling in sick. Her body was alive and on edge. She kept thinking about the parking lot.
She couldn’t help it.
Dragging herself to the bathroom, she hoped she’d feel better after a shower and fortunately she did. She even managed to tidy up her little Mohawk, finding to her relief that she could keep her thoughts in check if she had something else to think about. Like getting ready for work.
A cup of coffee and I’ll be fine.
Ten minutes later her roommates joined her in the kitchen. Chelsea yawned and stretched, almost revealing her sex as her nightie, which was almost see-through anyway, rode up. “Mmmmm. Who wants coffee?”
“No thanks,” said Elaine.
“Make mine a double,” Kendra said, looking Elaine up and down. “You’re so conscientious, Elaine.”
Elaine rolled her eyes. “Is that leftover spaghetti okay for tonight?”
“Sure,” Kendra said, narrowing her eyes. “I hope you don’t have panties on under there.”
Elaine glanced down at her nicely creased black work pants. She shook her head and finished the last of her coffee. “I don’t have time for this. I’ve gotta go.”
“I think I see a panty line.”
“You do not, and you know it.”
“Show me then. And show me your bag. I don’t want you cheating and putting panties on after you’ve left.”
Elaine sighed. “Whatever.” Undoing the button, she unzipped the front halfway and worked the pants down her hips a little, then turned sideways and pulled one side a lot further down, revealing almost the whole right cheek of her ass. Elaine felt bold and her breath caught as she asked, “S… Satisfied?”
“Ah, sure,” said Kendra, quickly closing Elaine’s bag and handing it to back to her. “You better get going.”
While walking down the stairs outside the apartment, Elaine thought it was getting easier to expose herself to her roommates. At first it had been almost impossible. But each time it was getting easier. It was almost fun. A bit weird. But kind of fun all the same.
Then she had a horrific thought that stopped her in her tracks.
“Oh, my God!”
Shaking uncontrollably, she opened the backpack in her arms and there, shoved down beside a couple of her textbooks, was the crushed colourful plastic wrapping from her new sex toys. “No!” she whimpered in a strangled scream, shoving the bag closed and fumbling with the zipper. “Dammit. Fuck!”
Elaine’s legs felt like jelly, but she moved them slowly, one after the other and the feeling in them slowly returned. She walked quickly down the last of the stairs blushing like crazy. And the worst thing was, her pussy was soaked!
Maybe I’m imagining it. Maybe she didn’t see. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Walking gingerly across the quadrangle, Elaine headed for the bus stop. She watched a bus leave while she was stuck on the other side of the road. They came every ten minutes so she wasn’t concerned.
She had a thought. For a minute or two she’d be alone. Spying a dumpster, she ran over and quickly emptied her bag of the incriminating evidence.
Her day was not going well.
And of course every bump and vibration of the bus seemed multiplied by ten. By the time she’d reached her stop, Elaine felt like a quivering mass of warm wet goo. She was glad her skirt was black. On unsteady legs, she trudged into the glass building and rode up the elevator. First stop: the restroom.
Thankfully work was uneventful and she managed to calm down. Everyone including Elaine was very busy, and she managed to go most of the morning without thinking about what Kendra may or may not have seen. By the time she was on the bus home again, she felt almost normal.
With palpable relief, Elaine entered a silent apartment. She quickly changed into the clothes she’d laid out on her bed, donning her trusty black skirt, saving a t-shirt and going with the black and white halter. Before either of her roommates could arrive home, she’d headed off to class.
She dreaded seeing her roommates. As the day wore on, Elaine thought more and more about Kendra going through her bag. It was like the Gestapo or something. Elaine wouldn’t have done it. Not even as a joke. It was just… rude.
This bet WAS just for fun… right?
It was during one of her classes that Elaine started getting angry. Checking was fine, she decided, but going through her bag was not. This whole ‘not wearing underwear’ thing was just a harmless prank, and if no one cheated, then no one was getting a Brazilian, and no one was streaking the damned staircase. Going through her bag was an invasion of privacy that was out of proportion to the bet. She had to say something. And besides, if Kendra was already bald, then what kind of a threat was a Brazilian? That wasn’t fair.
Elaine hung out in the library, postponing going home for as long as she could.
*************************
Late in the day she hauled her body up the stairs to her apartment and quietly opened the front door. The music system was on, which didn’t bode well, but after dumping her bag and heading for the kitchen she found the apartment was empty. The note on the table said the girls had gone to the gym and would be home by six.
After setting the table and microwaving the spaghetti sauce until it was no longer frozen, Elaine took fresh pasta out, ready to boil. The girls came home within minutes but they were strangely quiet and retired straight to their rooms. A moment later Chelsea came out again, turned off the music system and flopped on the sofa, switching on the T.V.
Elaine stood in the kitchen doorway. “How was the gym?”
“It was okay,” said Chelsea, channel surfing.
Elaine knew when Chelsea wasn’t in the mood to talk. “Spaghetti can be ready in fifteen minutes if you’re hungry.”
“Yeah, starving.”
Clad only in a towel, Kendra appeared in the lounge room entranceway. “Do I have time for a shower?”
“Sure,” said Elaine. “Is fifteen minutes okay?”
“Perfect. Thanks. God, I’m so hungry I could eat our defensive line,” Kendra said, winking at Elaine. Chelsea giggled but kept watching the television. MTV was on. Kendra headed to the bathroom with an over-the-top toss of her hair that Elaine thought was pretty funny.
She’s acting weird, Elaine thought, an uncertain smile on her face. She shook her head and turned back to the kitchen. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive… Maybe going through my bag wasn’t such a big deal. Ugh. She should have just trusted me.
Elaine’s face was a fragile mask of determination as she broke the spaghetti in two and added it to the now boiling water.
It’d be great if Kendra lost this bet. That would be such karma. Hmmm. But what about the Brazilian? I must remember that too. And I better check her more often.
Hey, wait a minute…
Why would Kendra think to check my bag in the first place? Maybe because SHE’S cheating by taking undies in HER bag. Damn! What if she is? Hmmm… If she is, then I can’t say anything about HER going through MY bag or she’ll apologise piously and we’ll all agree to make it a rule not to check bags. Damn! Damn! Damn! She’s too fucking clever. Maybe she planned it that way, never in the least expecting ME to be cheating. Finding the stupid packaging in my bag would have been a shock. But if she makes a big deal out of it, it’d blow her plan. I bet she’s COUNTING on me saying something about her going through my bag!
What if I don’t say anything?
Let’s see…
If I don’t say anything, I could double whammy her. She would have to hold out on hassling me about my new toys, and I might get a chance to nail her with knickers in that over-shoulder bag she always takes to class. I BET that’s what she’s doing…
As she stirred the spaghetti and reheated the sauce, Elaine saw a glimmer of victory and it made her smile. At the very least she could just keep her mouth shut and see if Kendra said anything. Kendra would probably wait until tomorrow night before she got desperate. Hmmmm, thought Elaine. Or, she might even try it again in the morning, thinking it’s a good distraction.
No. She’s not that stupid. It might have been an ‘all or nothing’ move. Elaine grinned with renewed optimism. We’ll see…
Just as she’d suspected, dinner was fine. No snide comments, no knowing looks. Just as though Kendra hadn’t seen a thing. Which was probably what she hoped Elaine thought. Probably.
Argh! Maybe I’m just imagining it!
Kendra even offered to wash up again, but for some reason Chelsea insisted.
“Okay,” Kendra said. “Well, I’m going to watch T.V. with a good book.” She rolled her eyes. Elaine figured she meant a boring textbook. “Oh, and I’ll get pizza tomorrow night. My treat.”
“Cool,” said Chelsea. “I want one from that new place, what’s it called? Slammin’ salami?”
“Tony’s Pepperoni, you dill,” Kendra teased, giggling.
“Oh, yeah,” Chelsea said, blushing as Elaine and Kendra cracked up.
“You’re too much, Chelsea,” said Kendra. “I better fix you up with Dale again.”
“Noooooo!”
Elaine smiled all the way down the hall to her room. She even smiled all the way back to the bathroom and all through her shower. And when she turned on her computer and relaxed in front of it, she was still smiling. She was so glad there was no drama.
Her day had been so stressful. She felt like she could have gone to bed and slept all night. But she wanted to talk to Gary. Elaine needed something to… something for…
She couldn’t put her finger on the words she was trying to express. It was like she needed a holiday from her stressful reality.
Elaine was instantly excited by the discovery of an email from him. Just seeing his name on the email sent ripples of pleasure across her skin. She clicked it open and read his words, her smile returning.
Greetings Elaine,
I hope you enjoyed our last conversation as much as I did.
I did a little research and came up with a few websites with good information and you’ll find them listed below. You should start at the first one listed, and work your way down. You may take a quick look at each, but please begin your journey at Castlerealm in the section titled ‘subSpace’. I don’t think you’ll want to stop reading once you start. Just work your way down the index. Oh, and when you get to the ‘checklist’, make sure you do it and keep a copy for yourself. You may want to update it as the ‘submissive’ in you develops further. If you have any questions about it, feel free to ask.
I hope to see you this evening, but I may be up to an hour late.
Gary
Knowing he’d be late, Elaine felt a little deflated. She really wanted to see him again. Remembering she had his picture, she popped it up on her screen and swooned. Instinctively her thighs pressed together and the pleasure prickling her skin rushed to her pussy.
His eyes…
Her nipples throbbed to erection, almost painful in their hardness. Biting her lip, she reluctantly minimised his picture and took a deep breath, separating her thighs. Entering Castlerealm, she started reading…
**************************
“Hello.”
The greeting popped up on her screen just as she’d begun filling out her personal copy of the BDSM Checklist. Blinking, Elaine glanced at the time before typing. It was nine forty-eight P.M. “Hello, Sir,” she messaged, sitting up a little straighter.
“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”
“No. Honestly, I’ve been reading, Sir,” Elaine typed back. “The last couple of hours have just flown by.”
“I’m not sure if I should be pleased or disappointed.”
Elaine’s mind snapped to attention. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand.”
“Pleased that you’ve been reading or disappointed that you’ve not been working on school stuff.”
“I’m ahead of my school stuff, Sir.”
“I’m pleased then.”
Elaine glowed. “I’m glad.”
“What have you been reading?”
“Just as you suggested: Castlerealm. I’m up to filling in my checklist.”
“Great.”
“Um,” Elaine hesitated. “Will I be sharing this with you?”
“Only if you want to.”
“It’s a bit personal.”
“Chuckles.”
Elaine grinned and typed, “Well, it is! Aren’t you guys supposed to instinctively just know exactly what a girl wants without her having to say? It’s so embarrassing.” Elaine wasn’t sure if she was being playful or just honest. She bit her lip.
“You are adorable.”
Elaine blushed crimson, her fingers tingling and beginning to tremble. She wanted to ask, ‘Why?‘ Instead she typed, “But it’s true! Aren’t guys just supposed to know what we want? You know, like everyone out there has a perfect match somewhere and you’ve just got to find it? Because when you do, you’ll know? Surely you don’t have to tell someone exactly what you want them to do to you.”
“Elaine…”
“Um. Yes?”
“If you were with me right now, kneeling before me on a soft cushion, looking up at me with those big brown eyes of yours… Wouldn’t you want me to tell you exactly how to please me at that very moment?”
Elaine swallowed. “Well… Yes. But guys are different. They’re a mystery.” She sent a tongue poking out.
She had to wait a moment for Gary’s response. “That’s the second or third time you’ve sent the ‘poking tongue out’ icon to me. Please know that there are times when you would be well advised not to send it. Now is not one of those times, but I am telling you so you are forewarned. Just think about it before you send it, okay?”
“Yes, Sir.” It was obvious he wanted her to listen, so Elaine held her tongue.
He didn’t disappoint her. “Men and women are not so different. We both have expectations and we both consist of explored and unexplored territories. We both have comfort levels and we both have limits to which we would go to please our partners and to please ourselves. Men and women are both looking for the person that suits them best, and they are both easily caught in a web of secrets, lies and deception. Taking some of the mystery away on the one hand may seem to sterilise the process, but on the other it lays things on the table so you discuss them and save any potential heartache and pain. All one needs to be is honest.”
A long stretch of silence passed. Elaine consumed his words carefully, as a food critic would digest an entrée. There were only two words she could think to say. “Yes, Sir.”
“Look at my picture. Come back when you have looked at it for ten seconds.”
Elaine thought she had been away for about 10.6 seconds. After gazing into his eyes, and putting up with about 5.1 seconds of painful throbbing in her nipples, she was back. “I’m back, Sir.”
“Smiles. Well, what do you think was going through my mind when that picture was taken?”
“Hmmmm…” Elaine typed, sending it as she pondered. “You were in love with the person taking the picture.”
There was a hesitation before he typed, and Elaine smiled. “That’s right. I probably shouldn’t ask this, but what do you suppose I was actually thinking at that moment?”
“Can I take another look?” Elaine asked.
“Sure,” he replied. “Five seconds.” His smile arrived a moment later.
“You were thinking you couldn’t wait to fuck her.”
Five seconds passed. Then ten. Then twenty. Finally Messenger said Gary was typing and he was taking ages. Elaine was trying to think of how to do a back flip with a one-and-a-half twist. Then stupid Messenger said he’d stopped typing. Then started again. Elaine’s heart was beating hard.
What did I say? Oh, my God! Please! I’ll do anything! Just don’t end this now!
“I want to meet you one day.”
Elaine’s heart stopped, her hands freezing over the keyboard.
That was out of character wasn’t it?
FUCK! What does he mean?
Hello? Talk to him, stupid! And be honest! It would be amazing. Well, it would be! Don’t be afraid!
“That would be amazing,” she typed reluctantly, refusing the temptation to lie. She held her breath. No other words came to her. He’d made her quiet and reflective, unsure of what she meant… or of whom she was. He did this to her regularly. Strangely she knew it would get better. She just knew.
‘Thinking before speaking’ was a new part of her that she was trying to get used to, but that she liked. He seemed to encourage her self-control, but at the same time he encouraged her to let go. It was weird. Enlightening. Uplifting even.
She felt as though she could do no wrong in his eyes. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew the thought wasn’t quite right. But she held onto it. It felt good to hold onto it.
“I just mean one day. I don’t mean tomorrow. You read me well, Elaine.”
“I didn’t think you meant tomorrow.”
“It could be in twenty years, when we are old and grey… well, I will be.”
“You will not. You’re only thirty-four.”
“You’ve read my profile.”
Elaine gulped, blushing and realising the conversation was hurtling in a direction she wasn’t expecting. “Yes.”
“Then you know where I live.”
“Yes.” She was determined not to lie.
“You live nearby, don’t you?”
Elaine hesitated then typed and pressed ‘send’. “Yes.”
Almost simultaneously, he had rushed a disclaiming message, “Don’t answer that!”
Elaine wished she hadn’t answered. But there it was in their log, just a few lines up. She wondered if Gary was staring at her admission too. First it was the time zone, and now she’d admitted she was ‘nearby’. She hoped it was sufficiently vague.
Why? she wondered.
“I’m sorry. I should have said you didn’t have to answer.”
“I’m committed to answering your questions honestly.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking… And exactly why I tried to stop you. Or at least give you an option not to answer.”
“Thank you for trying.”
“Thank you for telling me. But I have to say…”
“Yes?”
“You are going to drive me nuts if I can’t see you.”
“I’m not ready yet,” Elaine said, remembering Simone’s advice and sticking to her guns.
“I know,” typed Gary. Elaine felt his desire. She felt it penetrating her skin. “Don’t respond to my frustration, Elaine. I want you to be honest with yourself first. If that means leaving and not talking to me again, I’ll get over it. But while you stay, you should know there are two distinct parts of me. The physical, act before you think, ‘me’. And then there’s the mental ‘me’; the part that thinks first, and remembers my responsibilities before I am tempted to act. It’s a balancing act sometimes.”
“The second part is an important part. I couldn’t be with someone whose second part wasn’t strong,” Elaine typed, further surprising herself with her candour. “Especially when the same is expected of me.”
“Point taken,” Gary typed. A second or two passed. “I was referring to lust, though.”
“Lust?”
“Yes. Lust,” he typed. “Desire. Unstoppable, unbridled yearning. Need.”
Elaine’s body shuddered as if a chill wind had blown through her room. She glanced at the door, to see if it had opened. It hadn’t. She knew what he meant. She knew his words were his own step over the line. He had admitted to Elaine something no one before had admitted. Ever.
He wanted her.
A thrill ran the length of Elaine’s body, from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes.
“I understand.” If she’d been in front of him, she’d have gasped.
“Do you?”
“Yes. I have needs too. I’m just not sure what they are yet.”
“Yes,” Gary typed. “Yes… You are right.”
“I…” Elaine typed, unsure of her words. “I’m just figuring it out.”
“It’s okay. I’m sorry, but shit, Elaine…”
“What?”
“I so want to ask you, ‘How close by?‘ But I won’t. I just want you to know I am wrestling with myself.”
“Thank you for not asking.”
Silent seconds passed. “I’m going to be looking for you, everywhere I go.”
“Don’t, Sir…”
“I’m not on the rebound, Elaine. I’ve been waiting for you a long time.”
“How do you know it’s me you’ve been waiting for?”
“Let me tell you a story.”
“Okay…”
“I first started going to the chat room where I met you many years ago. It was a nice way to kill an hour or two. I could visit whenever the writing bug hadn’t bitten me, but while it was in some ways frustrating, I always thought it was worth it.”
“Frustrating?”
“Yes. Seeing new people come and go and hook up in like five minutes flat… It’s just so unrealistic, and plainly false. It was frustrating to see so many people with a healthy interest in the lifestyle fall through the cracks and be swallowed up by people who knew nothing. I’m talking about the users and the control freaks… people like that. The genuine newbies get hurt and end up turning away from the lifestyle, thinking it’s worse than the life they have. It’s just sad.”
“Does that happen a lot?”
“I’d say nine out of ten newbie subs get hurt simply by hooking up with the wrong person.”
“I feel very lucky. Why did you keep going back?”
“Because even the most troll-infested chat rooms need a few voices of experience. That’s the reason I kept going back. To add my voice to the chorus of people who are ‘real’ in there.”
“That’s very noble. I know that sounds sarcastic, but I really do mean it.”
“My heart is pure, Elaine. It’s fragile but it’s mended and whole again.”
Why does he keep saying things like that? She bit her lip. “Okay…”
“And that’s all I’ve ever thought. I’ve always considered the Internet to be fraught with problems: not knowing who is really at the other end, dishonest people, etc. Dominants come across lots of half-hearted subs too. Submissives whose hearts aren’t in it, thrill-seekers, players, etc. Online, Doms have to be careful and take their time just as subs do. I’ve heard of a few couples successfully meeting online and moving into real life and living happily ever after. So it does happen. But I’ve also seen countless failures. Countless. So I chose not to seek anyone. You can ask Simone, for the last year, I’ve been dead against it. I never expected to meet anyone online.”
Elaine didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to feel. He was talking like ‘they’ were a fait accompli. It scared the wits out of her. She was dumbstruck.
Mercifully, Gary continued. “I go to parties and munches, Elaine. Occasionally to annual events, things like that. I’m involved in a small group of seven people, myself included. We get together now and then to talk and share experiences and knowledge. Once in a while we have a newbies night if there are enough people interested. The last one was a couple of months ago. Half of those who promised to come didn’t turn up. Of the three that did, none of them came to the following munch. One of the guys seems good. He might come back… Anyway, the point is, I’ve accepted I’m unlikely to meet someone given my current circumstances, and I haven’t been too concerned about it either.”
“But one day you will be?” Elaine was shaking.
“I thought I might put an ad in one of the lifestyle magazines. I figured my picture might get a few bites.”
“Yeah,” Elaine typed, smiling. “A few.”
“The girl would have to enjoy living in the boondocks.”
“Where?”
“I just mean in the middle of nowhere.”
“Oh. Sorry. City girl.”
“I get it.”
“No, I mean…” Elaine blushed. What DO I mean? “I mean I come from the city. I didn’t mean I don’t have a highly romanticised idea about living in the open spaces.” She sent a wink.
He sent a smile. “Enough intimate talk for the evening.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Time for bed.”
Elaine sighed. “Yes, Sir.” She looked at the clock and shook her head, wishing time hadn’t passed so fast. “Thank you.”
“Tell me ‘what for’, Elaine.”
“For spending your time with me. Half the time I can’t believe I’m here. The other half I can hardly think straight.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m okay. Just frustrated, Sir,” admitted Elaine. “It’s been a long day.”
“But you’ve not played.”
“Oh, no,” Elaine messaged back quickly. “I won’t until after I’ve seen you on Friday night. I remember.”
“Good girl.” Gary had accidentally called her that before.
Elaine read his words again and smiled, remembering. This time she really liked it. It was hers. Her praise. He was pleased with her. “Thank you, Sir.”
“Oh shit, I did it again, didn’t I?”
“Yes, Sir,” Elaine typed, smiling from ear to ear. She sent a big grin to let him know.
“I guess you don’t mind then.” He sent back a smile.
“No. Not if I’ve earned it.” Elaine found the icon of the little person blushing and sent it.
“Smiles.”
“Smiles too.”
“Good night, Elaine.”
“Good night, Sir.”
“Sweet dreams.”
God, I wish! “Thank you. Sleep well, Sir.”
And she signed off.
Chapter 10
12.06 A.M.. Elaine’s teeth were brushed, skin moisturised, ready for sleep. Kneeling tall on her bed in the dark, she’d opened the sliding window widely. With her elbows resting on the windowsill, she smelled the fresh air. A warm breeze caressed her face, billowing the gauzy curtains.
Street lamps and house lights dotted the hills that rolled into the distance and Elaine stared. Her room was on the opposite side to the quadrangle and looked away from the city. Until then Elaine had wished she had a view of the bright colourful lights and the promise of excitement. But it wasn’t the city she was thinking about.
She smiled and closed her eyes.
Into her mind came Gary. He smirked at her as though he were waiting for her to speak. His arms were crossed and he was tapping his foot. It was a parody, but she sensed he was serious under the humour. He wanted her to hurry up and get to know herself. He knew they were right for each other.
What is it he sees in me?
It warmed her to know she was desired. She sighed softly, opening her eyes and gazing into the distance.
Maybe he’s right, she thought. But I’m not rushing this. I mustn’t rush it. It’s too dangerous. I want to trust him so badly. But minimising the risks is important. I read that again and again. I’m going to have to ask him for references before I get in too deep. And I’m going to have to check them too. If I ever do meet him, I want to look into his eyes with confidence.
Elaine smiled to herself, her gaze focussing on a single, twinkling light, set alone in the hills.
God, his eyes…
C’mon, think!
I’d have to meet him and get to know him, to see what he was like and to connect with him. And we’d have to be attracted to each other.
Interested friends. Then again I could just meet him and fuck him.
Elaine laughed at her audacity. Amusing herself, she ran with the thought.
He’d be perfect. He’s from out of town and he’s hot. It’s obvious he wants me, and God knows I could do with a good hard fucking. And with my virginity taken care of, there’d be no pain! We could get a motel room…
Elaine bit her lip.
I couldn’t do that.
Could I?
No.
I couldn’t.
I couldn’t bring myself to commit such dishonesty to MYSELF, let alone him. He’ll always see me as I am. No matter what mask I wear. He’ll know me. He already knows me.
We’ve only known each other a few days, and already he knows more about me than anyone else on the face of this earth. I couldn’t look into those eyes and lie. God, those eyes… I want to take another picture of him. But I want him to be thinking of ME as I click the shutter. I want him to be thinking of fucking me… I want him to… I want… I want him…
“Oooohh!” Elaine gasped. The middle finger of her right hand had dragged too firmly across her clit and the poor little bud, unable to contain itself a moment longer, had jumped for joy, causing her pussy to contract tightly. For a moment, in Elaine’s ears it sounded like she was standing in a wind tunnel. She’d been caught by surprise, her eyelids springing open and her hand bouncing off her flesh, frozen in mid-air.
How long have I been doing that?
Suddenly it was so quiet she heard her pussy drip on the bed beneath her as she kneeled by the window. Shaking her head, she slid it closed and climbed between the sheets on her bed. Lying on her back and listening to her breathing slow down, she calmed her beating heart.
As Elaine caught her breath, she remembered the faint flickering light that had originally mesmerised her.
He’s out there somewhere…
***************************
Thursday morning.
My first official day of ‘seeing what it’s like to be an exhibitionist, thought Elaine ruefully, rolling out of bed and standing in front of her mirror, completely naked.
She’d always thought sleeping naked would be a thrill, but stripping off her nightie had actually been a relief compared with wearing the scratchy thing. She simply hadn’t been able to get to sleep with it on. Breathing had proved to be enough to make the material move slightly over her sensitive nipples. It had been maddening.
Her body was buzzing with need. She fixed her gaze on her nipples and they started to throb softly, without even touching them.
Fuck… Stop!
She dared not see what they felt like, though she longed to pinch and pull them. Grabbing her towel, she gritted her teeth and headed for the shower. A cold shower.
Fifteen minutes later, Elaine groaned as she modelled the light blue tank top with the little black skirt she was going to be wearing later. Her nipples had tightened into hard little balls and she was pretty sure they’d stay like that all day.
Having them on display will keep them what way too, she thought, as she changed into her work clothes. At least she wouldn’t be showing off at work. She just hoped no one would question her wearing a pink t-shirt under her white work blouse.
She was counting on it being busy, and she caught a break.
*******************
By the time she’d arrived back at the apartment, Elaine felt energised. Flushed with nervous excitement, her body was betraying her. Her pussy wasn’t flooded. Just moist, warm and on her mind. After changing into her clothes for school, Elaine glanced in the mirror again.
This top is SO not supposed to be worn without a bra. Maybe I should stick with the t-shirt and wear this stupid tank top tomorrow.
“Ugh,” she protested aloud.
I am NOT wearing this in a combo with the flimsy mini. People will think I’m a slut.
Resigned to wearing what she’d chosen, she wished her nipples weren’t as prominent. They were really obvious and she was going to have to try to move slowly and not bounce as she walked. She had a wrecking ball of fear in her stomach side-by-side with a strange thrill. Like she needed to pee, but she didn’t.
Elaine grabbed her backpack preparing to leave, and heard the front door open and close. Investigating, she headed to the kitchen finding Kendra with her head stuck in the refrigerator.
Great, thought Elaine. She’ll get a real kick out of this.
“Hey.”
“Fuck!” Kendra said, jumping backward and grabbing her heart. “You scared the shit out of me!”
“Sorry.”
Kendra looked up and down Elaine’s body, as she’d come to do these last few days. Her gaze settled on Elaine’s chest and she chuckled. “You’re going to create quite a stir, aren’t you? I never realised they were so…”
“Obscene? I shouldn’t even be going out in this,” Elaine said, pouting and hoping for at least a little sympathy from her roommate. “It’s not fair.”
“Oh, stop complaining. They look good enough to… show off to the whole world,” Kendra said, blinking and meeting Elaine’s stare. “I ah, I mean-”
“You’re no help.”
“Just grin and bear it.” Kendra said quietly, sounding much more sympathetic. “It’ll be a good learning experience. Something outside the square.”
“Thanks a lot, Kendra.”
“Now, now. Be nice.”
Elaine knew what was coming. Kendra was about to check she had no undies on.
Dammit! I forgot to ask her to empty her bag this morning! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Intending to get in before her roommate, Elaine gasped, “Show me what you’ve got under your skirt!” Their eyes met and Elaine sensed Kendra was on the back foot. “Now!”
“All right, all right. Jeez Elaine, if you need to see my cunt so bad, you can ask anytime, you know.” Kendra winked, gripping the hem of her short skirt, slowly lifting it up her thighs.
“I don’t need to see it.”
Kendra froze, her hem just below her pussy. “So you want to see it then.”
“Oh, forget it,” Elaine said, turning in her scuffs and heading for the front door. “I have class,” she muttered.
“Not so fast,” Kendra said firmly. Elaine froze in the kitchen doorway. “I haven’t checked you yet. You might have been putting up a smokescreen.”
“I’m not that devious.”
“I don’t believe you. Lift your hem. I want to see that pretty pussy again.”
Elaine’s breath caught in her throat. Kendra wanted to see her pussy. She swallowed, trying to find clever words. There was nothing there. “Only if you do.”
“Fine. On the count of three,” Kendra said, holding the hem of her skirt like a gunfighter about to draw. “One… Two… Three!”
Both girls lifted their skirts simultaneously, and when Kendra started rotating her hips a little, Elaine dropped her hem, smoothing down her skirt and grabbing her bag. She couldn’t think of anything to say and she couldn’t even look in Kendra’s eyes. She actually thought Kendra’s pussy had been wet, but there was no way she was going to mention it.
I MUST remember to look in Kendra’s bag in the morning, Elaine thought as she exited the apartment.
She hadn’t walked halfway across the quadrangle before a stranger stopped her and talked to her. At the time Elaine wondered whether the girl had mistaken her for someone else. Then it dawned on her. She was being hit on.
Despite the awkward feeling engulfing her, it made her smile and she wasn’t sure why. She crossed her arms defensively, excusing herself and hurrying to her first class, blushing like crazy. She even felt the girl’s eyes on her ass as she walked away.
She hadn’t even reached the venue before she surrendered.
Despite the huge blinking signs on her chest saying, ‘Check out my tits!’, Elaine found a place in her mind where she could handle it. Throwing back her shoulders and lifting her chin, she met the challenge head on, somewhat surprised at how easily the afternoon progressed.
It was a bit of a blur, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as she’d imagined. Sure, her nipples had ached for most of the day, but that was hardly surprising. And she’d done her best to ignore her wet pussy. The notes she’d taken hardly made sense. One of the cute guys in her Morality class even asked her out. That had been two and a half hours earlier. Since then she’d put up with guys whistling, commenting and gluing their eyes to her chest wherever she went. One really gorgeous guy had slowly licked his lips while staring into her eyes across a lecture theatre. She’d blushed and grit her teeth, returning her attention to the lecturer.
So this is how a sex object feels…
By the time the bell sounded to end her final class, Elaine was almost used to it.
Bounding up the last flight of stairs to her apartment, she laughed softly in relief. She’d done it! Turning the key, she tried to push open the door but the chain was across it, blocking its progress. At least it allowed Elaine enough room to yell her annoyance at her roommates. “Open the fucking door!”
Kendra was there in moments and Chelsea joined her, looking over her shoulder and rolling her eyes. Kendra smirked and said, “You can’t come in till you lift your skirt.”
“For God’s sake, Kendra,” Elaine whined, scouting the landing.
“Just do it.”
“This is ridiculous,” Elaine said, her fragile mood failing. “Just let me in.”
“Come on. Hurry up. The pizzas are getting cold.”
“You’re crazy,” said Elaine, putting down her backpack and turning her head, seeing if anyone was watching from across the quadrangle. Eight apartments faced toward theirs, but she couldn’t see anyone.
“Well?” Kendra asked.
Fuck! Elaine thought, glancing down the concrete corridor. Their apartment was at one end and the one at the other end was usually occupied by a couple of grad students. They usually kept to themselves and the lights weren’t on. They probably weren’t home. The chances of being seen were pretty low.
Before she had a chance to comply, Kendra spoke again. “Take off your top and your skirt and hand them to me, then I’ll undo the door.”
“WHAT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!”
“We decided that if you hadn’t flashed your puss in two minutes, you’d have to get naked. Sorry.”
Kendra looked at Chelsea and said, “I guess she doesn’t want to come in.” Chelsea giggled as Kendra closed the door. Elaine’s jaw dropped.
I can wait them out. This is ridiculous.
One minute passed.
Then two.
Elaine banged her fist on the door. Then she banged on it again. “Come on you guys! This isn’t funny…” Surely they weren’t going to make her do this. “Please… C’mon…”
The door cracked open. The chain was still across it. “Skirt and top,” Kendra demanded, a smug smile on her face. Chelsea was eating pizza.
Elaine steamed, biting her tongue. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought it was an appropriately humiliating way to end the day. her heart rate rose and her breathing caught in her chest. Closing her eyes for just a moment, she decided to do it. It was the path of least resistance. She couldn’t stand on the doorstep all night.
“Promise me you’ll let me in. Straight away.”
“I promise,” Kendra said, winking.
Glancing around again, Elaine sighed. The coast was clear. Taking a deep breath, she said, “I can’t believe I’m going to do this.”
“Nor can I!” squealed Chelsea with a mouthful of pizza.
In a flash Elaine dragged her tank top over her head and stepped out of her little black skirt. Instinctively her left hand covered her pussy as she held out her clothes in her other hand, a pleading look on her face. “Come on! Hurry up!”
Kendra grinned, snatching the two items of clothing from Elaine’s hand and closing the door on her.
And nothing happened.
Elaine held her breath as the moment stretched to breaking point. Then she started to panic. Picking up her backpack to give herself some cover, she banged her fist on the door urgently. She couldn’t scream. Everyone would come and see what the fuss was about.
Dammit! Open the fucking door!!!!!!
“You guys… Please, c’mon… Pleaseeeee…” She banged a bit harder and to her surprise, the door suddenly opened. She gasped, rushing over the threshold to safety. “I can’t believe you made me do that!” Elaine cried vehemently as Kendra closed the door behind her. “Give me my fucking clothes!”
Kendra tossed them to her saying, “Relax. Come and have some pizza. And put some bloody clothes on.” Chelsea thought that was hilarious.
Pushing open her bedroom door, Elaine growled and tossed her clothes and backpack onto her bed. Firmly slamming the door, she leaned her back on it and shivered hard, her breath suddenly laboured with a desperate need for oxygen. Had she been holding it all that time?
God. What a rush!
She felt a tickle on her inner thigh and the skin twitched. Am I leaking? she asked herself, horrified. Elaine really didn’t want to know, but she couldn’t help touching herself to see. She confirmed she was dripping and walked over to the computer, picking up the towel draped over the chair. After patting herself dry, she gave up, deciding the added stimulation wasn’t helping. Glancing at herself in the mirror, she couldn’t believe she was still naked. Since she’d entered her room, it hadn’t even occurred to her to put her clothes back on.
Okay, so I’ve only been in here thirty seconds.
She giggled, covering her mouth. She had to get her head together.
They’ll just call me a baby if I complain. I won’t say a word and if they ask, I’ll say it was nothing. This thing will be over by tomorrow night. I can make it!
Besides, I’m starving!
“That was awesome!” said a grinning Chelsea, as Elaine joined the girls in the living room, picking up a piece of pizza.
Kendra agreed. “I didn’t think you’d do it. You cost me ten bucks!”
“You bet on it?” asked Elaine.
“Yep,” said Chelsea.
“Five more seconds and I would have won. Just five more seconds,” chuckled Kendra, reaching for another slice.
“What do you mean?”
“Five more seconds and I would have let you in. I wasn’t going to make you flash outside the door. I’m not that mean.”
Elaine was speechless and could only bring herself to roll her eyes. She wasn’t taking the bait, instead grabbing another piece of pie and munching on it. When she was done, she informed them, “I’ve got some stuff to do.”
“Okay,” said Chelsea, eyes glued to the T.V.
“See ya,” Kendra said. “Oh, hey?”
“What?” asked Elaine, stranded by the door to the living room.
“You were pretty brave. You’re all right, Elaine.”
Elaine didn’t know what to make of Kendra. She never knew when she was telling the truth and when she was lying through her teeth. All she could think to say was, “Thanks.”
After luxuriating in a nice hot shower that calmed her frayed nerves, Elaine was back in her room, sitting down in front of her computer and switching it on. She opened her copy of the BDSM checklist and set to work. She wanted to complete it and it was long.
Remembering Gary’s suggestion to answer the questions she could and to make a list of those she wanted to have clarified, she realised before long that her ‘clarification list’ was getting quite lengthy. Opening a window to the net, she soon found herself getting bogged down in Google searches. Admitting there was a hell of a lot she didn’t know, Elaine promised herself to read a little every day.
Her ass was numb by the time she’d arrived at the last of the two hundred and fifty ‘items’ she’d been rating. Before she rose to walk around, she scanned through her answers once more, changing a couple and shaking her head at the answers she’d given to others.
It surprised her that she was willing to try a lot. Biting her lip, she admitted there were a lot of things she didn’t want to do either. And trying to imagine some of the things mentioned either made her head hurt, made her nauseous, or made her horny. She was pleased when she was done.
After grabbing a fresh cup of coffee, Elaine opened Castlerealm intent on honouring the promise she’d made to do some reading.
She was looking for something specific, and found a handy link to the Library. Clicking on it, then scanning the options presented to her, she found a couple of articles that she hoped would answer some of her questions.
Maybe she was getting ahead of herself, but Elaine wondered how she would go about setting up a meeting. Were there any pitfalls or precautions she should take? What sorts of things should she know before setting up a meeting? Where should it take place?
She smiled as she settled in her chair to read the engrossing commentaries. She even took notes. By the time she’d finished reading the third article on the subject, she felt empowered. She knew what kinds of questions she needed Gary to answer, and what sorts of dangerous practices or situations she had to avoid.
She read over and over of the need to approach a meeting as equals, not to be bullied and to be wary of evasive behaviours or answers. In fact, Elaine was pleased to read that the kinds of behaviours she should expect were those Gary had already been exhibiting.
Honesty. An open book. Fallible. In control of himself. Eager to learn. Caring. Humorous. Unhurried.
Elaine smiled, thinking she wasn’t too sure about the last one. He had already admitted he liked her. He’d already mentioned that he wanted to meet her. Her brow furrowed.
How does one factor in ‘honesty’ with being ‘unhurried’? What if he’s just being honest when he tells me how keen he is? It’s nice to be wanted… But I don’t want to be blinded by his desire. He needs time to find out if I’m right for him too, doesn’t he? He couldn’t ‘just know’. Could he?
Am I thinking too much?
Sitting back in her chair, Elaine massaged her temples. One question kept popping into her head.
What is it that I actually want?
She wished she knew. She wished she already had some experience to measure against her rapidly expanding fantasies. Being a technical virgin really didn’t help. It left wide open a whole range of possibilities she had no idea whether she wanted or not. A good example was that she thought she might be ‘bi-curious’. But she wasn’t sure. No one had ever licked her pussy. So if she didn’t even know what it felt like, how could she tell whether she’d like to do it to someone else? The ‘idea’ was tantalising. But the ‘reality’ might be very different. Beyond her admittedly colourful imagination, and of course all the stories she’d read, she had no idea.
Her lack of experience had to be a bad thing. It made her feel inadequate or at the very least potentially inadequate. What if she wasn’t ‘good at sex? What if she couldn’t give a good blowjob? And what if she made a fool of herself or did or said something stupid?
Sometimes she felt so young.
She read that it was important to keep her expectations realistic, and to have a ‘knowledge base’ to draw on. She was beginning to understand the seriousness of the journey she was considering. It wasn’t a game. If this was going to go anywhere, she was going to need to know a whole lot more about Gary.
She’d read one girl’s advice article and it had asked the questions, ‘What if he has a horrible snort when he laughs, or if he doesn’t wash often enough for your taste and he smells rank? What if he has dirty fingernails all the time, or his breath smells? Or he doesn’t change his underwear often enough?’
Elaine had giggled.
How terrible would that be? God, what a disappointment!
As another article had suggested, she promised herself that if they ever did meet, it would be in a public place, and with ‘no promises’. Just a meeting. A lunch date. Or a coffee. Something like that.
“Good evening.” Gary’s message popped up on her screen.
Elaine hadn’t even noticed the time. “Hello!” she typed quickly. It was eight forty-one. “You’re early!”
“Would you prefer it if I left and came back in twenty minutes?”
“Um, no.”
“I can if you need the time.”
“Please stay.”
“Okay.” He sent a smile. “Had a good day?”
Ugh, thought Elaine. Gary’s knack of asking open-ended questions really put the ball in her court. She wondered if she should tell him what was going on with her roommates. Maybe another day. “It was okay. How was yours?”
“It was amazing,” he sent back. “New foal today. First one from the new pair. Sturdy little thing too.”
“You’ve never really told me what you do.” Elaine rested her chin on her fist.
“I’ve started a ‘horse farm’ type venture. I’ve imported a couple of horses and they’ve obviously settled in well.”
Into Elaine’s mind intruded Gary’s smiling face. When she had a second, she’d bring up his picture. “A horse farm?”
“Yeah. If someone needs a horse, Gary Duke is the guy to see.”
“Um.”
“Oh. Oops. I just gave you my last name, didn’t I?”
“Giggles. Yep.”
“What are you gigglin’ at?”
“I dunno, Duke. Just a picture of your head on John Wayne’s body. You know, ‘Talk about a sense a humahh’.”
There was a short silence before Gary typed, “You constantly surprise me.”
Elaine swallowed. Fuck. What did I do? “Um. What do you mean?”
“You are going to be a handful if I ever get my hands on you, aren’t you?”
Elaine stared wide-eyed, waiting to see how he responded when she sent, “You better believe it.”
“Good. I think it would be so boring if we were perfect for each other.” He shot off a wink before Elaine had finished reading his words.
She grinned. He’s too fucking cute. I’m going to fall in love with this guy. I just know it. She typed, “I somehow doubt it would be boring.”
“Elaine?”
“Um. Yes?”
“How about you ask me some questions?”
Shaking her head and wondering how he seemed to read her mind, Elaine typed, “Thank you. I’d appreciate it.”
“This ‘matter of fact’ tone is very amusing. I’ll try to keep a straight face.”
I have a tone? Jeez. Hmmm… Stay the course. He’s playing with me.
“Thank you, Sir,” typed Elaine with unnecessary formality. She wished she could get his grin out of her head. “Um, you gave me the short answer before, but can you tell me how you came into the lifestyle? With more details?” Ahhhh! she thought. I feel like a plagiarist!
“You’ve been reading.”
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! He’s always two steps ahead of me! “Yes, Sir.”
“Good girl.”
A smile broke across Elaine’s face. She felt it. He was pleased. Shit! Concentrate! “Thank you. I have quite a few questions, actually.”
“Good. I was introduced to the life in 1994 by a kinky girlfriend who saw something in me that up to that point I hadn’t recognised.”
“What was that?”
“A need for structure. I was all over the place. I’d tossed in my twenty-third job or something. I don’t know why I was never too worried about that. I was likeable, I guess, and I always fell on my feet. My parents had moved to Cali to live by the sea. The girl, Anita, was pretty strange. She talked me into doing things with her that I’d never done before. She wanted me to tie her up and tease her and she encouraged me to do anything I wanted. The first time we were together she told me she’d ‘make me into a man’.”
Elaine smiled softly. “Did she?”
“Well, I’m not sure about that. She certainly opened my eyes. We were only together four or five weeks. I have no idea where she is now, but if I knew, I’d thank her.”
“Why?”
“Because she taught me I could ‘make my own structure’. That the world is my oyster, basically. She told me there were girls out there who, if I treated them well, would do anything to please me.”
“What happened to her?”
“She moved on. She ‘found who she was looking for’. To this day I’m not even sure why I wasn’t more disappointed. I was happy for her. I mean, we always said it was temporary and that we weren’t right for each other. I missed her though. I missed her honesty. She left me with amazing memories and a couple of books. One by Gloria Brame, and another by Jay Wiseman. She suggested I read them and I did.”
Elaine jotted down the names while Gary continued. “I was dumbstruck. Some of the concepts just ‘hit home’. The explanations of the way things worked blew me away. I was like Archimedes yelling, ‘Eureka!‘ After that, all I needed was to find ‘these people’. I had no idea where to look and for a couple of years I languished and the books gathered dust. Finding stuff on the net that pointed me in the right direction was heaven sent.”
“You met people?”
“Yeah. I’d never had a problem hooking up with new people, but this time I was really nervous. When I arrived, there were only two couples in the restaurant. I asked, ‘So, where are the subs?‘ It didn’t go down too well.”
“Sounds pretty funny to me.” Elaine sent a smile.
“That’s what I intended. Thankfully they realised it was my warped sense of humour soon enough.”
“You mentioned before that you were part of a small group. Are these the same people?”
“Yeah. Antonio and Nica. If you joined our group, they’d be the ones you’d speak to. Others have come and gone.”
Elaine bit her lip. “So, I could get a reference from them?”
“For me?”
“Yes.” There was a pause in the conversation; long enough for Elaine to think something was wrong. Didn’t I read he wasn’t supposed to hesitate? She held her breath. Finally he was typing.
“Do you have a pen?”
Chapter 11
Elaine was suddenly attacked by a severe case of hyperventilation. Her heart rate skyrocketed and her chest tightened, making her fight for air. I just wanted to know ‘hypothetically’, not ‘actually’! her mind screamed as she typed desperately. “I’m sorry! That’s not what I meant!”
A second later, Gary messaged her back. “Let’s pause for a moment.”
Sitting back in her chair, Elaine closed her eyes as smaller and smaller butterflies attacked her stomach. The grip on her chest slowly loosened, and though her hands continued to tremble, she was able to breathe. When she opened her eyes, she saw that Gary had sent her a message.
“You meant, ‘if‘.”
Getting a tentative hold on herself, Elaine moved her chair back in and recommitted to following the advice she’d read. “Yes. I didn’t want the ‘actual’ number. I just wanted to know if you were willing to offer someone like Nica as the person I might call. I wanted to know whether you would backtrack, I guess,” she typed, blushing hard. “I mean, despite my fantasies, I’m still just curious. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, and I don’t want to get hurt either.” Elaine hoped the double meaning she intended was obvious. “And there’s a lot about me I haven’t told you.”
He waited a moment then replied, “I know. And I apologise if you felt pressured. That wasn’t my intent. I just wanted you to have the option, and I wanted you to see that I am quite willing to provide references… There are many questions I want to ask you, Elaine. Hundreds. But I don’t want to push you too hard. I want you to be comfortable with the pace we are moving, and I want you to choose that pace. Giving you Nica’s number gives you the choice of what pace is right for you.” He was typing again, so Elaine waited. “Elaine, I want to meet you. You are on my mind a lot. I won’t lie about that. The only reason I’m admitting that is to be honest with you. Not to pressure you. You don’t need to respond.”
Elaine didn’t. It wouldn’t have been wise. Instead she kept safe. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“Welcome. Look, go get a pen and write down the number, okay? I’ll call Nica tomorrow and let her know you ‘might’ call one day. No pressure.”
Elaine breathed a bit harder, but stayed in control. “All right. I’ll be right back.” Retrieving her diary and a pen from the pocket of her backpack, it dawned on her that Gary was taking a risk too. She could be anyone, but for some reason he trusted her. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Elaine asked.
“I’m sure.”
“Okay, shoot,” she typed, her hands still shaking as she picked up the pen.
Gary recited Nica’s number and needlessly explained why he would ring her first thing in the morning. “Otherwise she might think you are some crazy person,” Gary typed, following his message with a wink.
“Do you get many of those?” Elaine asked.
“Crazy people?”
“Yes.”
“Not lately. Over the years it’s mostly been subs that weren’t right for me. They come in all shapes and sizes, and some are quite pushy.”
Where did he meet them? Elaine wondered. “Something just occurred to me.”
“Fire away.”
“Well, I hope this doesn’t sound rude, but I remember you saying that you weren’t looking for anyone on the ‘net… that you didn’t think you’d find anyone.”
“Yes.”
“But you also said that originally you hooked up with people in the lifestyle through the ‘net, and just a moment ago you said there have been subs after you.” Remembering more of the advice she had been given, she opened up the question. “Can you explain that?” Elaine wondered if she’d crossed a line.
“Sure. But first I’d like to mention that you are asking all the right questions. Ten out of ten.” He sent a smile before continuing. “At first I was quite enthusiastic about the Internet. It seemed to answer most of my prayers. Admittedly I romanticised the lifestyle in my head for two years after Anita moved on, but the ‘net provided me with a way into it, and I guess as a result I was overly fond of it for a while. Anyway, back then, finding someone on the Internet seemed to simply be a matter of time.”
“What happened?”
“I met my ex-fiancé.”
“Oh.” That explains it.
“Yeah. Her name was Leah, and the best, or worst, thing about meeting her was that we both went about it the right way. She was an experienced sub. We chatted for months before we actually met. She wanted to ‘make sure that the potential I had was real’, or something like that. Everything seemed perfect and when we finally did meet, we hit it off straight away. She taught me a great deal. We were a model couple and others on the ‘net would refer to Leah and I as examples of how things could work. We were living proof that the Internet could lead to a successful relationship, and everyone loved us.”
“And the failure of that relationship put you off the ‘net?”
“Not exactly. We were into each other from the start, spending time alone, together like you and I are now, on Messenger. Once we hooked up in real life and moved in together, we occasionally went online, just to touch base, but mostly we had been doing our own thing. Apart from emailing our real life friends, we had little time for the Internet. Six years later, when it all collapsed on our wedding day, well… It was pretty traumatic and for a long time I didn’t want to face the whole ‘what happened?‘ scenario in the chat room. That was over a year ago. Since I returned I’ve promised myself I’ll just be an advice giver.”
“It must have been surreal. I can certainly understand why you’d have no faith in the ‘net.”
“As far as I was concerned, the chances of meeting someone were nil.”
Elaine bit her lip. “What changed? Why me?”
“Well, let’s see. I could say almost anything here. I could say it was your sparkling personality. I could say it was your manner and your obvious effort to be respectful and pleasant. I could say it was your honesty and your innocence. I could say it’s because I want to teach you. Or, I could say it was because I want to corrupt you… I could even say it was your picture.” Gary shot off a smile with its tongue poking out. “All of which is true. But none of it really explains what is happening in my head. I think the biggest reason was… you had the ability to change my mind.”
“I’m not sure if I understand.”
“What I mean is, until you came along, I wasn’t interested. You had the capacity to change my mind and become interested again. That’s a very powerful thing… Look, logically I knew someone special could do it. I didn’t know how, and I certainly wasn’t expecting it. But it was instinct that told me you were right for me. Over the years, if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s to listen to my instincts. And anyway, how does one describe the phenomenon of ‘connecting’ with another person? Or of attraction? And um… I better stop talking like this…”
“Gary?”
“Yes, Elaine?”
She started typing. “The good thing about connecting with someone is that there are some things you don’t have to explain. Please don’t worry, Sir. I feel the same way. Or at least I feel like we definitely connect. And um, I think if you look anything like your picture, I can confidently say I will find you very attractive. There are no hurdles in front of me at this point. Apart from unmitigated terror, of course.”
“Chuckles. Thank you. It’s comforting to know I’m not making a complete fool of myself… I think…” Another wink popped up. After a moment, he continued. “When you type something, I can hear your voice in my head… Okay, now I sound either needy or psycho. I’m neither. I’m just excited.”
“I get excited every time I see you. I find that a bit scary.”
“I didn’t mean sexually excited, Elaine. Though I can’t say I’m not pleased to hear it.”
“Blushes!”
“It’s all right.” He grinned again. “If you weren’t excited, I’d be worried. But what I meant was, I just have a good feeling about this. I don’t want it to stop, and I want to do it right. And somehow, I want to know that you are right for me too.”
Elaine’s breath caught in her throat. Prising her thighs apart from their clenched position, she sat up straight, reading his words a second time. She wanted to ask, ‘How?‘ but she recognised the answer would be too hypothetical. Finally she took a deep breath and amazed herself by typing, “We are going to meet each other, aren’t we?”
Barely a second of hesitation passed before Gary typed, “Yes.”
“I’m really scared.”
“So am I.”
That halted Elaine’s spiralling imagination. She swallowed. “You are?”
“Yes. Because I’m afraid I’ll fuck this up. And at the same time, I hope I’m not making a huge mistake.”
“Me too.”
“Nods softly. Being nervous is normal. You will be meeting someone you haven’t met before, just as I am. If I had my way, we would expect little from our first meeting. It would be kept short, perhaps one hour. Somewhere public. Somewhere accessible and well lit where you can park close by. These would be my plans. I have no need for you to accept them, I’m just telling you how I would do it.”
“I get that. And I appreciate it. I’m interested in what you are saying. Please go on.”
“Okay. I understand the fear of the unknown, and I understand the fear of failure. Rest assured that I would take your fears into consideration with every choice I made. Know that I would NOT ask you to submit to me when we first met. I would like us to meet as equals, two, maybe three times; each time confirming our continued desire to move forward. We would develop a friendship first, before we became anything more. And there’s something else you should know…”
“Yes, Sir?”
“Your submission to me must be by your own free will. You will offer it to me. I will never request nor expect it. Ever. Your submission will always be contingent on how I act. Outside of a ‘scene’, I will never demand your submission. I don’t want a doormat, Elaine, and I don’t want someone who feels obligated. I want someone who submits because she wants to.”
Elaine realised she’d been holding her breath and she sucked in air. “Thank you, Sir.”
“If I screw up again, let me know.”
“I will.”
“We are going to take our time, Elaine. That’s my decision, and it is final.”
Why the fuck am I crying? Elaine wondered. “Yes,” she typed. “I want that too.” Elaine could hardly believe the conversation they’d been having. She resolved to copy it before it disappeared into the ether. Later she’d read it over. Maybe even twice. Somewhat reassured, she smiled softly to herself.
Is it possible he just ‘knows what to say’?
Almost right on time, he changed the subject, while not changing it at all. “Have you completed your BDSM checklist?”
“Yes. As much as I can.”
“I imagine you have a few items you’d like me to explain.”
“Um… about twenty? Maybe twenty-five?”
“Chuckles. That’s okay. Can you send me the list of queries?”
“I will. And I want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m completely inexperienced in most of this, Sir.”
“Never apologise for who you are, Elaine.”
His words stopped her and she thought them over. “You’re right. I won’t. I’m proud of who I am.”
“Good.”
As another thought occurred to her, her heart fell. I am going to have to face telling him things about me before I meet him. He should know I’m a ‘virgin’. “Sir, I’ve…” She paused, not quite believing what she was about to tell him. “I’ve never been with a man.”
Seconds passed. Elaine stared at the screen, willing Gary to respond.
Please, please, please…
At last he did. “You are full of surprises, Elaine.”
She wanted to apologise but didn’t. “I still have a few up my sleeve.” She thought her response was so clever, she almost giggled.
“I’m glad,” he typed, sending a grin too. “If you are trying to make me less excited, it’s not working. Wait a minute. Don’t answer that.” Then he winked.
“A girl’s gotta keep some mystery.”
“Absolutely!”
Sweet relief flooded her veins, intoxicating her. “Thank you for being patient with me, Sir,” she typed, drying her eyes. “I really do appreciate it.”
“There is no other way.”
“Nods a little and looks up at you.”
“Smiles down on you. It’s getting late. Time for bed, I think.”
“Yes, Sir,” Elaine replied, glancing at the clock. “I really enjoyed our conversation.” There was still so much she hadn’t told him!
“So did I.”
“Smiles softly. Good night, Sir.”
“Good night, Elaine.”
She watched as he disappeared. Momentarily, she felt drained. Without warning, a surge of adrenalin swamped her exhaustion, leaving her shaking, fingers trembling as she directed the mouse to close down the computer. For a moment she had to sit back in her chair, just to get her bearings. Her heart was beating wildly, and she was almost gasping for breath again. She wasn’t certain whether her legs would carry her to the bathroom to brush her teeth.
My God. He knows I’m a virgin!
Panting quietly, she leaned her elbows on her knees and hung her head.
She was absolutely soaked.
This is getting ridiculous. I better take an Ambien.
***********************
For the second night in a row Elaine slept naked. It felt nice. Kind of free and decadent at the same time. The pleasure she felt at the discovery didn’t last long. Getting ready for class, pulling her ridiculous skirt up her bare legs made her feel self-conscious. Two simple buttons at the front kept it clinging to her hips. The light cotton garment hugged her for a couple of inches, then the skirt part had extra material that flounced outward. Swallowing, Elaine opened her window to check the ‘breeze situation’ and was pleased to see it was windless. She turned on her radio, hoping to catch the weather report.
Then she remembered her promise to check Kendra’s bag. I’m going to need Chelsea there, Elaine thought as she pulled her bright pink ‘Betty Boop’ t-shirt over her head. The screen-printed image on the front would camouflage her nipples, even if the colour screamed at people to look.
The skirt though was another matter entirely. Not only did the two items barely match, Elaine didn’t wear little girl stuff like this. Not outside. It was a ‘kick around the house and watch T.V.’ kind of skirt, not a ‘wear to class’ skirt. She would never have contemplated wearing the flimsy thing outside the front door, even if someone paid her. Looking at herself in the mirror, she realised her cheeks were burning and she was getting excited again.
I can’t believe I’m going out in this.
Tugging a little forlornly at the hem, Elaine chose her off-white, over-the-shoulder cloth bag rather than her backpack. If putting on her backpack had somehow caught the skirt and lifted it without her knowing, she’d have died.
I look kind of cute. Maybe I should wear heels? God, could I? Oh, I have to, at least out to the kitchen! The girls will freak! Imagine their faces!
Rummaging in her wardrobe, Elaine grinned when she ‘accidentally on purpose’ took a quick look at her toys. The latex pink dildo matched her t-shirt almost perfectly. She couldn’t wait to use it. If it didn’t look exactly like a guy’s six-inch cock she could have used it to accessorise! Elaine’s giggle didn’t last long when she realised she was on her haunches with her knees spread apart.
I better not squat like this in company, she reminded herself as her thighs snapped together. Grabbing the off-white pumps her mother had bought for her cousin’s wedding, she shivered when she stood in front of the mirror again for ‘one last look’.
How do girls wear stuff like this? Elaine wondered, sizing up her smooth shapely legs. She wished she’d spent at least a little time sun tanning. She wouldn’t get a chance till she went home at the end of semester. After working some gel into her hair and applying glossy lip protection, she was ready. The light pink lipstick she had planned on wearing would have been too much. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed her bag and headed to the kitchen. As Elaine went about making a fresh pot of coffee, she hoped her roommates would soon emerge.
She had woken early to be certain to catch them, and she was already on her third cup of coffee before they finally made an appearance. When they did, Elaine was surprised to see that her outfit was risqué, but Kendra’s was positively scandalous.
“What are you looking at?” Kendra hissed as she dumped her purse and folder on the kitchen table, slumping in a chair. Elaine went back to stirring the three new cups she’d made as Kendra spoke to Chelsea, though much more softly. “I can’t believe you’re going to make me do this.”
“They’re the rules.”
“What’s going on?” Elaine asked. Kendra rolled her eyes and didn’t say a word, so Elaine looked at Chelsea. Chelsea looked like the cat that ate the cream.