Chapter 2: Dustin realizes that Gabe isn’t easy to get rid of
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“What do you mean you’re gay?”
Gabe shrugs his shoulders, “I mean exactly what I just told you.” He walks into the pantry and pulls out a bag of chips. “I’m gay. I like dudes. Strictly dickly.” He rips open the bag and spills a couple onto a plate.
“How many other ways can I say it before you believe me?”
I physically facepalm, looking back at him while he reaches for the jar of salsa and digs in. “I understand what you’re saying, bro. What I don’t get is how sudden it feels.”
We’ve been friends for almost a year now and fuck if that didn’t feel like a rollercoaster already. Gabe is just one of those people who consumes you, and after a week of casual hang outs, it already felt like he knew me better than anyone else at school. He called me his best friend a month after we first met for coffee and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same.
The only thing that separates us is the fact that I’m completely in love with him, and he- being the carefree and casual person that he is- has no idea. In all this time of knowing Gabe, I never once suspected him of being gay. Most times it felt like a full time job having to indirectly break hearts on his behalf, with me having to tell a number of girls that he’s not interested in them whenever they’d ask me. He’s dated plenty, though none of them seem to last long enough for it to mean something.
Maybe this is the reason why.
He looks at me, confused. I sigh, “Gabe, just two weeks ago, you went to Homecoming with Mel. How long have you known?” I ask him, “Did you know that night?”
He stops and stares at the plate of tortilla chips and carefully tosses them around until he finds the perfect one. He’s choosing his chips much like how he’s choosing his words.
“Not exactly.”
I’m trying to work out some situation where all of this makes sense. I open my mouth to respond but he stops me, “Look Dust, who cares when I realized it? That doesn’t matter.” He sighs, “I know now and I’m certain of it,”
Gabe looks visibly annoyed at this point. He mutters, “I would have expected a little more support from my best friend. God knows I was there for you when you came out.”
I stop, dead in my tracks. He’s right, he’s absolutely fucking right. I rush around the island that separates us and pull him into a hug- one that knocks the life outta him and nearly sends him to the floor.
He chokes on a few chips as I grip him tightly, feeling closer than I ever dared to be before. When you have a crush this big, physical touch is a slippery slope. Gabe’s never been shy of hugs or leaning in when we’re sitting close, but I, myself, make sure to draw an invisible line between us and insist on never crossing it. Still, this feels like a fair exception. And the way he’s holding me back, makes it worth it.
“I’m sorry I reacted that way.” I let that linger for a few seconds, making sure he catches every nuance of my words. “I’m just really taken aback, man. Not that you owe me an explanation at all.” I sigh, “It’s just new.”
You’d think that him coming out would be a reason for celebration for me, but it’s not. For the past year, I’ve found comfort in the fact that, no matter how much I like him, he simply doesn’t like guys. Yet now, that safehouse of an idea is compromised, and I’m left with the reality that he can like any guy in the world- but he doesn’t like me.
I shelve that painful thought for another day. Right now, he needs me.
I pull off and his expression lightens to the point where it’s like he never even complained in the first place. “You’re my best friend, Gabe, and I support you no matter what.”
I swear I can see him misty-eyed and trying not to cry in front of me. He places a hand on my shoulder and does that thing where his lips move but he doesn’t speak- almost like his body is trying to tell me something that his mouth won’t allow.
“Thanks Dust.” He says with a smile as I take the seat next to him. The air is heavy between us and I search for some segway out of a potentially vulnerable situation.
“I love how you’re just casually having a snack while coming out to me.” I say as he pours out more chips and places the jar of salsa between us.
He snickers, “You know I eat when I’m stressed.”
I roll my eyes. “So what else is new? Other than the fact that we’re both playing for the same team?”
He laughs before dipping his head back down. Gabe has a lot going on these days- I try not to come on too strong whenever I try to ask how he’s doing. He sighs, “My dad moved out today.” He tells me as he draws a figure eight on the paper plate. “He packed up all of his stuff and left with barely a goodbye.”
“Fuck” I reply. “You said it’s been pretty quiet between you two since they said they were getting a divorce right?”
That was a week and a half ago- just a few days after Homecoming when his parents decided to call it quits. That was a good night, and probably some of the most fun we’ve had together- but the days that followed were bad. The way Gabe told me about it makes it seem really sudden, almost like one day everything was fine and then the next, things were falling apart. I don’t know if there’s more to the story that Gabe just isn’t telling me about, but it’s their business, and the only thing I can do is be there for my friend.
“Yup” He says cynically, “Almost complete radio silence.”
“I don’t understand.” I tell him, truthfully. In all the time that I’ve known Gabe, I can count on my hands how many times I’ve talked to his dad. His mom is warm and kind and makes me feel welcome, but his dad always keeps to himself and only acknowledges me when I’m at their house. Still, I didn’t expect him to be like this- and I remind myself to give Gabe the space to tell me when he’s ready.
He sighs again, “Maybe it’s better this way, Dust.” He looks at me with that same misty-eyed look, though this time it’s not out of happiness, but despair.
“I’d rather not have a dad, than live with the ghost of a father.”
I choose not to respond to that. It’s so dark and raw and the last thing I want is to force him to reconsider his words. This is how he feels, and no matter what anyone says, it’s valid.
Instead, I lean over and hug him again, feeling his scent enter my nose as I breathe him in, desperately trying to suck all the bad energy from his body.
If there was a way I could take the pain away from him, then I would, in a heartbeat.
***
It’s two days after Gabe and I went clubbing and I’m just lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I can hear the cars driving by as my phone goes off. I sluggishly reach for it and see three texts from Gabe, not surprised since he’s such a morning person and has probably just come back from a run.
I read, dipping into his voice as I scroll through the messages.
“Dude where are you?”
“Hello? You dead in a ditch, or what?”
“Fuck it. But I call dibs on your TV and all the fancy shoes you never wear.”
I chuckle, realizing that these messages were within five minutes of each other. Maybe it’s a bit much, but Gabe isn’t one for subtlety. Sundays are usually spent hanging out, but I decided to sleep in today.
I text back, “Those shoes are worth more than you make in six months.”
He types back instantly, filling my bottom screen with that moving ellipsis. “Even more reason to hand them over.”
I sent him the eye roll emoji as he types back, “Going home to see my mom today.” He sends another one, “I’ll bring back some of those cookies from MaryAnn’s that you love so much.”
I thank him and toss my phone aside, reliving the words I said the other day.
“We love each other, but not in that way.”
I wallow in those emotions for a bit, thinking back to when I heard that Sam Smith song for the first time. It was just after Gabe had gotten together with this guy named Kyle. Hindsight proved that they wouldn’t even last three months, but back then, it felt like I had lost a race- one that Gabe didn’t even know I was competing in. I remember coming back to my apartment and playing a laundry list of sad songs that Spotify had to offer until that one came.
It felt like I was singing those words directly to him.
And I hate to say I love you
When it’s so hard for me
And I hate to say I want you
When you make it so clear
You don’t want me
I’d never ask you ’cause deep down
I’m certain I know what you’d say
You’d say “I’m sorry, believe me, I love you
But not in that way”
I remember crying really fucking hard that night, feeling so defeated. Why did he have to choose me as a friend? Why did he have to put me in a box- one that he’d take with him everywhere but never open. .
I don’t play that song anymore because it hits too hard. I look back up at the ceiling and force myself out of bed. If there’s one thing I could use right now, other than a cup of coffee, it’s perspective.
***
A half hour later, I’m on a train on my way to see my sister, Grace. She lives just outside of the city- almost a perfect distance between my apartment and our childhood home. I sent her a text before I hopped in the shower saying I needed to talk.
By the time I finished, she’d replied, saying, “Good. Andy’s working today and god knows I could use some help with these kids.”
I reply with a laughing emoji as I get dressed, making sure to stop by one of the donut shops by my place before I leave the city. A little while later, I leave the station and walk the three blocks to her and Andy’s place. They moved out here shortly after their daughter Ella was born, and soon after they had two more kids on the way. I know better than to pretend this is just a case of me visiting family. God knows I escape here to the suburbs whenever things feel like they’re closing in.
Grace answers almost immediately after the first knock, wearing her classic sweatpants with her hair in a messy bun.
“Thank god” She says, pulling the door open while she carries Mikey, the littlest of the bunch with one hand. I set the donuts on the table and she quickly replaces the box with my nephew who stops crying once I grab a hold of him.
“Hey there my favorite little dude.” I say, earning a smile and a laugh.
She sighs loudly, “I swear, I don’t know how you do it. He’s been fussy since Andy left this morning.” She takes a breath, “The girls clung onto me, but Mikey only ever wants his dad, and well now, his uncle.”
I tickle his chest, getting a few more giggles out of him as I turn to my sister, “That’s because you’re outnumbered by all these chicks, huh? Us boys gotta stick together.”
Grace rolls her eyes and reaches for the singular bearclaw in the box, knowing I got it just for her. I hold Mikey for a little while longer before he’s calm enough to place into his highchair, now distracted by the several plushies that have been laid out for him to play with.
On cue, my two nieces run into the living room wearing bright pink dresses along with tassels and pretty much every sparkly accessory you can think of.
“Uncle Dustin!” They both scream out in their high pitched voices as they run up to both sides of me. I give them both a kiss on the cheek, watching their cute faces light up in the process. Ella’s just turned four and Lizzie’s just a year younger. My heart melts whenever I get to see them, with their perpetually excited expressions always making it worthwhile.
Grace pulls them away, and I’m left spitting pink feathers out of my mouth as they hone in on the box of donuts with several coated in bright pink frosting and all the sprinkles they could physically pack on the top.
“Why don’t you two enjoy these in the kitchen?” Grace says as she sets up two chairs along with an iPad with an episode of Peppa Pig already queued up.
They both squeal again, this time surely waking the neighbors. Grace just rolls her eyes again and sits back down, handing me a glass of iced tea from the kitchen on her way back.
“You look good, bro. I’ll be sure to tell mom and dad you’re not completely starving up there.” She says, with her classic mom expression.
“Thanks” I say, taking a drink. “I missed you, and them. I promise I’ll make more time to visit.”
She shrugs me off, “It’s no sweat, Dustin. You have your own life up there.” She says, honestly. “Though I’m sure Andy could use more company. We have him and Mikey outnumbered.”
I laugh, already planning some excuse to come down and hang out with my brother-in-law and nephew.
“How are you?” She asks, resembling our mom so much it almost feels freaky.
I nod, “I’m good, Grace. Work’s been busy and things seem to be going well.” I’m clearly being vague with my answers, but if there’s one thing about my sister, it’s that she has a knack for pulling the truth out of me.
“And what about Tom? I know it’s been like a month but I know you cared about him.”
I stop her, having not come here to obsess over my ex. “I’m over Tom. In retrospect, I think I knew deep down that it wasn’t going anywhere and so it was only a matter of time.” I shrug, “I’ve been keeping busy since, and then there’s Gabe.”
“Ah, the best friend.” She says with a chuckle, “I swear to God he just showed up one day, unannounced and suddenly it was the Dustin and Gabe show.”
I laugh, knowing that she’s not too far off. Grace was a Senior when I’d met Gabe, and I’m sure the last thing she wanted was yet another little brother to have to deal with. They’ve gotten close in the years since, with Gabe always a welcomed guest at any family gathering.
“I’m happy you guys are still close.” She admits, “though I’m pretty sure you’d have to fake a death to get that boy to leave you alone.” By now she’s laughing at her own joke, leaving me and Mikey looking at each other as she settles down.
“That’s the thing.” I start to say, “you know how I’ve had a thing for him?”
She rolls her eyes, “You mean how you’ve been in love with that boy since high school?” She scoffs, “Yes, Dustin, I’m well aware.”
“I swear I don’t make it that obvious!”
“You don’t” she admits, “But I’m your sister and if anyone would pick up on it, it’s me.” She turns her head, “How he has no idea is beyond me.”
I sigh heavily, “I just don’t know how much longer I can do it Grace. I’ve kept up this charade for years now and I can feel it weighing on me.”
“Just the other night, we went out and this stranger was surprised to find out that we weren’t a couple.” I raise my hands, “God knows it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if we actually got together! We’re both single and we have so much in common and I feel like if he just gave it a chance to look at me in that light, maybe he’ll see that I’m a good guy for him!”
My response is so loud that even Mikey looks freaked out. I apologize, getting that smile back on his face as Grace shakes her head. “Oh Dustin.” she starts to say.
“I think you’ve got to ask yourself why you haven’t told him yet, after all this time.”
I catch my breath, “Because as much as it hurts me to keep pretending that I don’t see him as anything more-” I pause, “I know it’ll hurt worse if he doesn’t feel the same way.”
She puts her hands together, taking a cue from our mom’s playbook as she forces me to look up at her.
“What you guys have- as friends- is more valuable than anything else in the world. He adores you, Dustin. And I think you need to be prepared in case he’ll never see you as someone he wants to be with.”
She lets that sit for a few seconds, “You need to evaluate how you want Gabe in your life- whether you can honestly live with him as just a friend. Or whether you need him to be more.”
I pull my head down, “I just don’t know if I can handle losing him at this point.”
Grace stands up and walks over to give me a hug. There’s just something about my sister that centers me- even when Gabe and his perfect world has me off balance.
Lizzie and Ella come running over and wrap their tiny little arms around the two of us while laughing, filling the room with the sweetest sounds I’d ever heard. They think it’s a game, smiling widely with their lips covered in pink frosting, and want nothing more than to play with us. The scene cuts through the heavy emotions easily and soon, I have both girls in my arms as they shower me with kisses while Mikey is giggling off to the side. Grace stands back, looking pretty proud in the most motherly way possible.
For many gay guys, one thought that always crosses our mind is the idea of children, and whether or not it’s in the cards for us. I made peace with the idea that I may not have kids of my own one day- and while that may change down the road and that there are dozens of ways to make even a semblance of that a reality- I’ve learned to accept even the most negative of outcomes.
It’s here, in moments like this, that none of that seems to matter. Even if I don’t end up with a traditional family, I’ll never be alone.
I hang out with Grace and the kids for a few more hours- mostly listening to their stories and letting them show me every toy and object in their room. Grace sneaks away for a bit and I catch her curled up by the fireplace reading a book with Mikey napping just beside her. At some point, Andy comes home, and he’s greeted by the same high pitched squeals that I was. He kisses each of his girls and Mikey, and then flashes me a happy grin as he pulls me into a hug.
“You here to save me?” He asks, with my sister rolling her eyes.
I chuckle. “I just came by to see Grace and give her a bit of a break.” Andy nods and is already listing off things we can do the next time I’m in town. We settle on a barbeque- giving him a chance to break out the grill that Grace had just bought for his birthday last week. We firm up those plans and after a round of goodbyes, Grace is walking me out the door.
She stops at the front porch and reaches for my arm. “Dustin.” She says, as I turn back to her. “Good luck with Gabe. I know that whatever happens, you two will find a way to make it work. There’s no way that you can be out of each other’s lives.”
She smiles, “The universe won’t allow it.”
I nod, thankful at how the years that have passed since we were kids had only brought us closer. “Thank sis.” I say before taking off and walking back towards the train station.
After my visit with Grace, I think about my situation and why it hasn’t worked all these years. Sure, Gabe and I have seen several people since we met, and there have been a couples scares on my end, with me convinced that the newest guy would mean the end of us, but that’s just it: it’s always on my end.
I’ve been so consumed with this crush and making sure to keep Gabe in my life that I’ve never really given a fair chance to any of the guys I’ve dated. They always felt like they were just a distraction, and frankly, I need more of a distraction than ever.
The closest I’ve ever been to getting over Gabe was my relationship with Tom- one that ended pretty poorly, through no fault but my own.
***
Tom and I have just gotten off the freeway and are taking the smaller streets to get to my parents’ house. He’s visibly nervous, biting down on his bottom lip as he lightly taps against the window, half listening as I point out the various landmarks in my hometown.
It’s the first time he’s meeting my family- something that I try to play off, though he’s not helping me out much. We’ve been dating for nearly six months at this point, and honestly, things couldn’t have been going any better. Sure, Gabe is still in the picture and I can tell that neither of them are each other’s biggest fan, but I’m hopeful that things with Tom can last.
I think that’s why meeting my family is such a big deal to the both of us: it’s like the true test of whether or not we have a future.
We get to a stop light and I pull his left hand up to my mouth and give it a kiss.
“You know” I start, “You trying not to act like you’re nervous is actually making me nervous.”
He chuckles as we turn to each other, “I’m sorry.” He smiles, “I just want it to go well.”
I shake my head, “I don’t see how it can’t go well. Unless you suddenly realized you hate kids or bring up the Seahawks to my dad.”
Tom laughs, “Well noted on both points.”
We drive a little more and my phone goes off. I gesture to Tom who reaches for it in the cupholder, “That’s probably Grace.”
He holds it up, “Do you want me to open it?”
I nod as he reads it out, “Yeah it’s Grace just wondering where we are.”
“Tell her we’re like ten minutes away.” I instruct as he quickly types out the message.
My phone goes off again and this time, Tom pauses. His voice shifts a bit, “It’s from Gabe. He says he stopped to pick up cookies and should be there soon.”
Tom sets my phone back down in the cupholder and looks straight ahead at the road. Now I can tell he’s annoyed, with the slight pout on his face doing nothing but making it worse.
I pull into the nearby shopping center and park at one of the stalls off from the road. I sigh, wondering why things shifted so quickly in such a short amount of time.
“What’s the problem now?” I ask, not wanting to deal with an argument before meeting my family.
“Why didn’t you tell me Gabe was coming?”
I shrug my shoulders, “Because I didn’t know he was until just now.”
Tom doesn’t seem satisfied with my answer, so I continue. “Look, Grace or Andy must have invited him, okay? He’s close to my family and we’re celebrating my mom’s birthday, so it’s not unusual that they called him.”
Tom shakes his head, “It is when it’s the first time they’re meeting your boyfriend!”
I put my hands on the steering wheel, “I don’t see what the big deal is, okay. This doesn’t change anything- we’re gonna have a nice dinner and they’re gonna love you, and yeah Gabe is gonna be there, but so what?’
He looks like he wants to say more, but doesn’t. I take the opportunity to lean over and give him a kiss, a move that softens his expression.
“Okay fine. I’ll drop it.” He says, along with a smile that I’ll learn later proved to be fake.
***
We finally make it to my parents’ house and his mood has shifted considerably. He’s taking in the surroundings like I wanted him to and we share a cute moment just looking at the outside of my childhood home before we walk towards the backyard. I look back and see Tom, wearing that beige jacket that looks too good on him, along with that slicked back hair and ivory skin. The look does wonders for my fantasy of hooking up with a boy as hot as him in my childhood bed.
Those urges get pushed aside when I see Andy carrying a little Ella on his shoulders while having a beer with my dad. Ella calls out my name loudly, and the guys turn to see both of us and walk over.
“There he is!” My dad says before pulling me into a hug. Andy does the same before bending down slightly so I can pull Ella from his shoulders and into my arms. I carry her, loving her excited expression just from my presence.
I introduce Tom to my dad and Andy, and they greet him kindly and offer up a beer. He takes one and I chuckle to myself, knowing full well that he hates beer of any kind, but to his credit, he doesn’t make a face at the first sip.
“He’s really trying,” I tell myself, as we stand around the grill.
My mom walks out of the house carrying a large platter of cheeses and meats, followed by a very pregnant Grace and a barely walking Lizzie, who’s carefully carrying a bowl of potato salad with her small hands. She sets it down and runs up to me, getting a glare from Ella who wanted her uncle all to herself.
“Finally, you made it! I’m starving here.” Grace says as she pulls me into a side hug.
I take a look at her stomach, “That’s cause you’re eating for two, sis.” She rolls her eyes as I grab Tom and introduce them to each other. They shake hands as Grace looks at me with a weird expression at how formal it seems. Still, she welcomes him warmly.
My mom is next, and Tom reaches over to the bouquet of flowers. “Happy Birthday mom.” I say, as she kisses me on the cheek. I gesture to my boyfriend, “This is Tom” and she promptly gives him an unexpected hug.
“So nice to meet you!”
He hands her the bouquet, saying “And these are for you” which earns him a warm smile. My mom scurries back into the kitchen to find a vase as we rejoin the group.
Then, in true Gabe fashion, he strolls through the back gate and steals everyone’s attention. Ella and Lizzie wobble over towards him, screaming “Uncle Gabe!” as he scoops up the both of them in one motion. The trio are giggling like crazy as they walk over to us, with Andy and my dad greeting him like he’s the long lost member of the family.
The girls settle down and Gabe’s face lights up the moment he sees me. He pulls me into a strong hug, filling my nostrils with his soothing cologne as he exclaims, “Hey Dust!”
“Hey buddy” I say back, falling victim to his charm once again. We pull off, and he greets Tom with a cold handshake- not uncommon for them.
By now, the three of us have hung out several times and though it’s never bad, whenever Gabe’s around, I always get the feeling that Tom’s on edge. We could be seated at a restaurant chatting it up, and the minute Gabe walks through the door- I see him shut down. My friend isn’t any better- often leaving whenever I mention that Tom’s coming over, or strategically asking whether or not he’ll be there when I invite him out. I didn’t notice it too much before, but since that little spat before we got here, it’s become more obvious.
My mom comes back with the flowers arranged nicely in a clear glass vase, only to set them aside on the table when she sees Gabe. She too lights up and hugs him, pinching his cheeks much like she did when we were in high school.
“Happy Birthday Mrs. Green!” He says with that infectious smile and I swear, I can see my fifty three year old mother blushing. She looks over at the table where Gabe was standing, taking note of the bright pink box.
“Thank you, my boy.” She says, pulling him into a hug. She turns to the box, “Is that from MaryAnn’s?”
Gabe nods as he picks up the box and undoes the flap. I swear, I can smell the scent of cookies wafting over to me when he does.
“Chocolate chip walnut, yours” He looks back at me, “and Dust’s favorite.”
Even a few feet away, I can feel Tom rolling his eyes as my mom reaches for a cookie before we even open the table. She melts as she eats it, gripping onto Gabe’s arm in thanks. I’d say she’s exaggerating, but really, those cookies are that good.
My mom looks over at the spread and notices a few things missing. “Dustin, honey, can you grab the cobb salad from the counter and a bag of ice while you’re there?”
“Sounds like a two man job” Gabe says as he walks into the house with me.
Once we’re inside, I turn around and observe Tom with everyone else. He didn’t seem to be floundering at all, which eases my worry.
Gabe comes up behind me with that bag of ice, along with a stainless steel bucket. He sets in on the counter to my right and looks out with me.
“So you wanna tell me why I was invited by Grace and not my best friend?”
I sigh, “This is kind of a big deal for Tom- it’s the first time he’s meeting everyone.”
Gabe’s eyes get big, “No shit?”
I turn, “Why do you look so surprised?”
He shrugs, “No reason. You guys have just been together for a while, I kinda assumed he’d already met them.”
His comment, though slightly annoying, isn’t off base. I first brought up meeting my parents for my dad’s birthday two months ago and, at the time, Tom said it was too early. I tried a few more times after, but each time he always found a way out of it.
“I’m sure he’s fine.” He says, barring the usual sarcastic tone he has when talking about Tom. “Your family are good people, Dust.” He assures, snapping me out of my worry.
“Thanks bro” I reply, giving him a half hug before we head back to rejoin the party.
***
The rest of the night goes smoothly. Tom seems comfortable around everyone, and ditches the “deer in the headlights” look shortly after we eat. He and Andy make the realization that they were both at SFSU around the same time, and reminisce about that.
Gabe is off being Gabe, giving the girls piggy back rides and reliving old stories from high school that my mom and Grace eat up like it’s candy. It really is a joy to watch the way he fills up a room, but every now and then, I can see Tom rolling his eyes from the corner. Normally, I’d try and side with him for the sole reason that he’s my boyfriend. But Gabe isn’t doing anything wrong- and the fact that he’s bitter over him being here, is starting to get on my nerves.
Eventually the night comes to a close and Gabe and I help Andy put Lizzie and Ella in their carseats. Tom offered to carry one of them, but once he picked up Lizzie, she woke up and fussed in his arms. Gabe came over and she went to him instead, easily falling back asleep.
We say goodbye to my sister and Andy and then walk back to the porch to do the same with my parents. I don’t know if he can sense Tom’s annoyance, but Gabe lingers back, waiting until we’re done to say his goodbyes.
We walk towards the street and I can hear my mom telling him, “It’s always good to see you, my boy.” I hope, for my sake, that Tom didn’t hear it too.
I skip the usual joking and say a simple goodbye to Gabe who’s read the room and leaves without much fuss. Tom exhales heavily once he gets into his car, and I get into the driver’s seat, prepared for the worst.
Tom is silent for the entire drive back into the city. Normally, I’d try and work it out right away, but I just don’t feel like arguing on the freeway when I’m going 80 miles an hour. Instead, I suffer through his little ticks- the soft sighs to himself, the tapping against the window- just waiting so we can resolve it like adults.
He makes no mention of me dropping him back to his place, so we head to mine and he follows me up in silence. Once inside, he sinks into the couch as I pull off my jacket and place my keys in the bowl by the door.
“You wanna tell me what the silent treatment is all about?” He grunts, “I thought we had a good night.”
“We were supposed to” he finally says, “until Gabe showed up and completely took over.”
I sigh, “I told you that I didn’t know he was coming.” I sit next to him, “Grace admitted that she messaged him about it, assuming that he was already invited.”
Tom’s barely facing me, instead, he gives me that same pout he’s been wearing all night.
“I don’t see what the big deal is, Tom, he’s my best friend. And my family has known him for years- he always comes to family events.” I glare, I don’t get why you’re so pissed off at him.”
He stands up, “You just don’t see it, Dustin.” He shakes his head “He just sucks up all the oxygen in a room until you can’t breathe! It’s all about him!” He grunts, “And you don’t notice it because you’re his biggest fan!”
“Tonight was supposed to be about me finally meeting your family, but instead it turned into a round of everyone giving reasons why Gabe is so great.”
“How is any of that my fault, huh?” I yell back at him, “i’ve been trying to get you to meet my family for months and when you finally agree, there’s still something to complain about?” I raise my voice “We have this nice dinner with my family and instead of focusing on that, you’re sulking about him! Jesus, Tom, we’re just friends!”
His eyes peer onto me, “Can you honestly tell me that’s all you guys are?” He says, dropping his voice a bit. “Ever since we started dating, I feel like I’m the third wheel every time he’s around. He’s always there- knowing exactly what you want to order at a restaurant or what to get your mom for her birthday.”
“He even has that nickname that apparently one else can call you.” Tom sighs, “I can’t compete with all of that.”
I shake my head, “No one said it was a competition.”
He sits back down and it falls silent for a bit. I can hear him breathing, like he’s letting all of his grievances out too,
“If Gabe walks through that door right now and says that he wants to be in a relationship with you, would you turn him away?”
“That’s stupid, we’re not-”
“Just answer the question, Dustin.” He scratches his head, “I’ve seen the way you look at him. Don’t give me that bullshit that you think of him as just a friend.”
I stay quiet, knowing that any attempts to refute his claim would be pointless. Maybe he’s right. Honestly, if Gabe did walk through that door ready to give it a shot with me, I wouldn’t be able to say no.
We sit like that for a few more minutes before Tom gets up and looks back at me.
“I guess that’s your answer.”
And with that, he walks out the door and leaves me there, alone.
We talk a few days after that, once the dust has settled and our emotions aren’t as high. And even though he’s a bit more cordial, his mind is still in the same place it was.
We break up officially over lunch and the next day, he shows up to pick up the few things he did leave over at my place. Once he’s gone, I look around my apartment, taking notice of what I managed to put up. There’s a signed poster of One Republic back from freshman year when Gabe surprised me with tickets for my birthday. And there are a few spots on the ceiling from the time we drunkenly tried to make margaritas but forgot to put on the lid. There’s even a polaroid of us that’s been tacked onto a family picture we took shortly after Mikey was born. I remember looking at him weird when he put it there, but he insisted that he didn’t wanna be left out.
Tom’s right. Gabe is heavily involved in my life. And as much as I’d like to think that there may be room for someone else, I don’t know if it’s true. It took him all but ten minutes to pull everything that reminded me of him from this place- but Gabe’s literally etched into the walls,
We may have dated for six months, but as I look around, it’s as if he never even existed.