Ethan was sitting at the front desk and texted Jack: Hey, your uncle gives his employees St. Paddy’s Day off!
Jack: Yup, he trades it for President’s Day. Because why the fuck not.
Ethan: So Bray hit me up since they have off tomorrow and he and Etta are coming over tonight for dinner and games. I’m going to order from Red Rock so tell me what you want.
Jack: Ok, let’s see, I want a crab cake patter with two sides and your dick in my mouth.
Ethan: Could you behave yourself for like 5 minutes?
Jack: No. It’s been a week Ethan.
Ethan: It’s been like 4 days.
Jack: 6. Since the last time I felt, touched and tasted your Irish cream. Then you go and invite company. *crying emoji face*
Ethan: You want me to tell them not to come?
Jack: I want you to fuck my mouth, then fuck my ass. I want you tell me to cum.
Ethan: Jesus Christ Jack aren’t you at work?
Jack: That has nothing to do with the price of tea in China.
Ethan: You’re like a petulant child when you haven’t been fucked in a few days.
Jack: So. Spank. Me.
Ethan: Well if you get home early enough I just might.
[Jack opened up the Inn door and casually strolled in, then leaned against it. Ethan watched him as he avoided his eyes and was texting on his phone. Ethan’s phone buzzed from the desk.]
Jack: I forgot to mention one of the trucks broke down so they sent a few of us home. I’ll be home soon.
Ethan smiled and texted back: I can’t leave the front desk unattended during the day. Stacy is dealing with Room 2.
[Jack typed on his phone for a couple of minutes but Ethan’s phone did not buzz at first. He watched him and wondered what he was doing until his phone finally went off as Jack walked past him without looking and went into the basement apartment.]
Jack: She’s on her way back down. You have five minutes or I’m starting without you.
Stacy came down the east wing and said, “Jack just texted me, said a pipe was about to burst in your apartment and you need to plug the hole asap. Is everything ok?”
Despite wanting to laugh out loud Ethan held a straight face and said, “Yeah, let me go tend to it. Be back in an hour or so.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For Jack’s birthday, Ethan rented room at the Casablanca again because they loved it so much. The left EJ with his parents and traveled to New York with Liam, dropped Liam off with June and went to their hotel. Jack got used to seeing them together and it wasn’t terrible. He was happy for them and happy with Ethan. Ethan got reservations at Connolly’s, a famous Irish pub in the city, and June and Liam doubled with them for dinner. Ethan gave Jack a Rolex watch for his birthday, and Liam and June got him tickets to the Red Sox game next month in Boston.
Toward the end of the night he went to the restroom to relieve himself. While in the stall, two people entered and Jack heard a voice in a heavy Galway accent that stopped him cold.
Guy 1 said, “I don’t give a shit how it gets done, just make it happened.”
Guy 2 said, “OK Danny, it’s just going to be a challenge, that’s all I’m saying.”
Guy 1 said, “And that’s why you’re in charge. Because if something goes wrong, you’ll be held responsible.” Guy 1 finished, washed his hands and turned to Guy 2, “Don’t disappoint me.” He left.
“Shit!” Guy 2 said, and then left.
Jack didn’t know how long he stood there after they left but he was frozen in fear, shaking and crying. He hadn’t heard that voice in 18 years, but it was like he never left the cubby closet. Daniel Riley, head of the Riley crime family, the last Irish mob family left in Ireland, was in the same room as him again.
The same man that killed his parents while Jack hid, heard and watched from the closet. Jack had vowed at 10 years old that if he was ever in the same room with him, he would kill him where he stood. But all Jack could do right now was freeze and cry.
Jack willed himself to get it together before he crumbled on the bathroom floor. He left the stall after he found his legs, went to the sink and washed his face. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked more like his dad now. The only thing he got from his mother was her green eyes. Jamison Redmond was killed at 34, just 10 years older than what Jack was today. His beautiful mother, whose face still haunts his dreams, was 27. Jack, remembering how his parents lives were cut short, turned fear into anger, that internal rage that he had for years that had quelled recently returned with a vengeance. He couldn’t believe he missed his opportunity.
He left the restroom in search of Danny, stopping at a nearby table to grab a fork to stab him with. He went to the far side of the restaurant first, the opposite of where his family was. He could see where he think Danny was or should have been; there were men who were guarding a table in the corner. Jack walked closer, Danny wasn’t with them. He must have left. But just in case Jack walked around the restaurant until he came around to his table and sat down.
Ethan touched his shoulder, “Are you alright?” Jack was white as a ghost and trembling.
Jack tried to keep his voice even. “Fine.”
Ethan looked down and touched Jack’s hand, “Why are you holding onto your fork like that?” Jack was holding it so tight his knuckles were white.
He mumbled “oh,” and slowly placed it on the table. He was hyper-vigilant as his eyes darting all around the restaurant. They all noticed.
Liam said cautiously, “Jack?”
June asked, “Jack. What’s wrong?”
Jack looked at her in the eye. “Nothing.” But he tried to tell her with his eyes that everything was wrong. She didn’t get it and looked back confused. It frustrated him that she couldn’t read his mind.
Ethan touched his shoulder again and said, “You don’t seem OK at all. What happened?”
Jack snapped, “I said I’m fine!” Then he took a deep breath. “I think the smells are getting to me. Can we go?”
“Yea, sure.” Ethan said. He paid the check and they kissed June and Liam goodbye with Jack insisting they take a cab back to the dorm instead of the bus or train.
As soon as they were gone, Ethan started to say, “Jack-”
Jack interjected, “Don’t ask me about it. I’m fine now. Just let it go.”
“Fine about what, I don’t even know what happened in there.”
Jack didn’t respond for a moment. Then said, “Thank you for dinner. It was great.”
“Well…I had other plans tonight but…”
Jack shook his head. “Is it OK if we pick up EJ and go home tonight? I can drive if it’s too much.”
Ethan was confused but said, “No it’s fine. I’ll tell my parents to have him ready.”
“Thank you. I just want to be home tonight, with my family.”
“Sure Jackie Bear. Whatever you want.” He hesitated, but then leaned in to give him a hug. Jack hesitated as well, but then allowed Ethan to hug him and he wrapped his arms around Ethan’s back. He was still trembling a bit so Ethan held onto him until he began to melt into his arms.
They picked up EJ and kept driving all the way back to Rockville in silence with only the music to keep them company, getting home close to midnight. EJ stayed asleep as Ethan put him in his bed. Since EJ turned 3 he has been sleeping in his bed more often than not. Ethan came back to his room and found Jack, still clothes down to his shoes, laying on the bed face up. Ethan laid next to him and found his hand, held it.
They were silent for a moment, then Ethan said, “Jack, please talk to me.”
Jack took a few moments to respond, mostly because he had a lump in his throat. Then whispered, “I can’t.”
Ethan whispered back, “why not?”
Jack held back tears and whispered, “Please don’t make me.”
Ethan squeezed his hand and Jack squeezed it back. He let it go. Jack only became this person when it had something to do with his parents, he realized that now. He either became aggressively angry or incredibly sad, but he usually bounced back quickly. This worried him tremendously tonight, but he knew not to push it. Instead he said, “Do you want to make love now?”
He took a few moments to respond. “I can’t be vulnerable right now.”
“So don’t be. I’ll be vulnerable for you. Let me give you what you need.” He touched Jack’s midsection, then his groin.
Jack closed his eyes and sighed, thankful for Ethan, his love, his understand and his body right now. He needed to forget everything that just happened. Jack leaned over and kissed Ethan with passion. Ethan leaned up and took off Jack’s shirt, then his own, and they touched and kissed each other everywhere there was skin. When Ethan started moving down Jack’s abs, Jack pushed his head lower. Ethan understood, opened up his pants buckle and put Jack’s semi-hard penis in his mouth. Jack moaned and leaned up so he could watch Ethan work.
Ethan took his time, licked a lot more than sucked, from Jack’s balls to his tip. He deep throated and purposely gagged so he could build up saliva and coat Jack’s dick with it. He knew Jack was watching so he would pull back every so often showing a trail of saliva from the tip of his tongue to the tip of Jack’s penis, then deep throat again, because he knew that Jack liked it. When Ethan started sucking faster, Jack stopped him, he did not want to come this way. He instead slowed Ethan’s head and said, “Take off your clothes.”
Ethan immediately stood up, taking off his pants as Jack watched and stroked himself. When he was completely naked, Jack stood up and dropped his own pants. They kissed and Jack stroked both of them together with both hands, their pre-cum mixing together in Jack’s hands. He moved Ethan to where he was behind him and leaned him over the bed. He went to grab lube from the nearby dresser and lubed Ethan first, making sure he was nice and slippery inside and out, before applying lube to himself. He eased in slowly and so smoothly that all his fear and pain and anger melted away.
When he was all the way in, he sighed, leaned over and laid on Ethan’s back, while Ethan leaned on his elbows on the bed supporting him. He felt Jack’s whole body slack against him, and then Jack’s hands found Ethan’s and he entwined their fingers. They could feel each other’s heartbeats as Jack laid there with his eyes closed and Ethan let him, knowing this what he really needed more than the sex itself.
And he was right. To Jack this was everything, having Ethan to lean on literally and figuratively in this moment. But he also became sad. He thought if he bottomed he would feel more vulnerable, but this was way worse. Ethan as a whole was his vulnerability, and he knew he had to let him go, much sooner than he ever thought, and it broke him to consider it.
After a minute or so Jack kissed Ethan’s back and rose up, held Ethan by the waist and began moving inside of him at a steady pace. They moaned together. Ethan reached down and grabbed his member so he could stroke himself to match Jack’s thrusts and as Jack moved faster, so did Ethan. He tried to hold onto his own orgasm and wait for Jack to come but the pounding of his prostate was feeling euphoric and he came anyway all over the bed.
Either Jack didn’t notice or Jack didn’t care, he kept going fast and hard thrusting for another 10 minutes, giving Ethan wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure, trembling, holding onto his dick still as it continued to leak cum. Jack’s only thought was to keep moving, as long as he continued to move nothing could ever hurt him again, and so he did until his midsection froze up and his mind went numb. He unconsciously dug his nails into Ethan’s side and he came hard, howled like a wounded animal, then went slack against his back again.
When he gained his thoughts back, he slowly exited Ethan, came around to his side of the bed and laid down face up with his arm over his eyes and one leg up, leaving Ethan at the bottom of the bed half off. Ethan watched him for a moment, then crawled up the bed to lay next to him. He turned sideways and watched him.
After a couple of minutes Jack turned to look at Ethan watching him. He slid next to him and kissed him, then moved into a fetal position into his chest. Ethan kissed his head and pulled the covers over them, then wrapped his arms around Jack, rubbing his back. In a few minutes he could feel his chest get wet and knew Jack was crying although his breathing had not changed and he had not made a sound. He held Jack tighter. Ethan had a bad feeling this was the beginning of the end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ethan was right. Jack did all the normal things, he did his 4am jog before work every morning, done by 12:30p. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays he would come straight home, help around the Inn, then pick EJ up at 4p from preschool. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, he would work in the warehouse until 6p then come home for dinner. EJ would have his bath, book and bedtime with either parent by 7p, sleep by 8p. Then Jack and Ethan would spend time together, watching shows, talking, maybe some penis play on the couch, then Ethan doing last minute rounds in the Inn while Jack cleaned up downstairs, and going to bed by 10p.
But something shifted in their connection, Ethan felt it every day for the next couple of months. Jack’s sleep was restless. He started having nightmares and waking up in cold sweats by 2am and not going back to sleep. He would come home and throw himself into whatever he was doing in the moment, or on the computer at the front desk for hours. At night after EJ went to bed, he would be on his phone seemingly nonchalant but Ethan could tell he was distracted and looking up things intently, then go to bed early.
And their sex life was pretty much non existent. They weren’t having a whole lot of it to begin with, as it was left to the weekends, maybe once or twice a week. Now it was maybe once in the middle of the night in the middle of the week when one needed the other in the dark. By the time the summer hit they were barely intimate, as Jack pulled out of hugs and kisses first, and didn’t want to hold hands, not even in bed which had become their thing since the beginning.
The only thing that had not changed was Jack spending time with EJ. He seemed to be the only thing making Jack happy lately. Ethan actually found himself growing jealous of the relationship they shared. Jack only smiled for EJ and Ethan missed his dimples. In June they had their first explosive argument over it. Halfway through a show they were watching on Netflix -mostly Ethan was watching and Jack was on his phone scowling- he stood up abruptly and said “I’m going to bed.”
Ethan had been waiting to start this series so he and Jack could watch together, and he got annoyed and flipped out. “Why do you keep doing that? Going to bed early when we are supposed to be hanging out together. I feel like I haven’t seen you all week.”
Jack tried to stay calm. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”
Ethan said hotly, “Well if you’re so tired then just go the fuck home.”
Jack glared at him, then grabbed his bag and started walking to the door. Ethan jumped up and got in front of him, yelling, “What the fuck are you doing!?”
“You just told me to go the fuck home.” Jack said calmly.
“And so you just go? What the fuck is wrong with you lately? Who are you!?” He took a deep breath and said, “Don’t you want to be with me anymore?”
“No it’s not that, I just had a lot on my mind.” Jack said.
Ethan said, “Like what?” Jack didn’t answer. Ethan exploded again. “Fucking talk to me Jack! I don’t know what to do here!”
Jack said coldly, “Honestly I don’t know either. And I don’t know what you want to hear. What I do know is that I’m barely holding it together and the last thing I need right now is this shit. You’re shit. You.” Jack immediately regretted saying that but it was too late.
Ethan scoffed, then nodded. “OK. I meant what I said the first time. Go the fuck home.” He moved out of Jack’s way. Jack hesitated, but then walked out.
Ethan went to bed but didn’t sleep all night. He couldn’t understand what he did wrong to bring this out of Jack, this person that he didn’t know or like very much right now. At 4am he heard the front door open, then his bedroom door opened with Jack crawling into bed wearing his track suit for jogging. Ethan has his back turned facing the wall and didn’t move.
Jack said, “I don’t think you’re sleeping.”
I’m not.”
Jack began, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I do need you in my life. I know I’m making it hard for you to understand. But I’m trying to figure some things out, and you can’t help me right now. I have to do this part on my own. And then I’ll come back to you. Just give me some time. I promise it has nothing to do with you our us. I love you. I love so much it’s starting to hurt.”
He sighed. “When I know what I’m doing, then it will all be clearer. But until then, can we not fight about this. Or anything? Because you and EJ and June are the only things keeping me sane right now.”
Ethan let a moment pass. “Okay,” he said.
Jack turned on his side to him, said to his back, “Can I hold you?” Ethan partly didn’t want him to and the other part really wanted him to. He chose his heart and turned around. They hugged in bed and Jack leaned in for a kiss, something he has not initiated in months.
Jack then kissed Ethan’s chest, nipples, stomach, all the way down to a blow job. Jack sucked and licked every part of Ethan’s genital area, kissed the inside of this thighs and licked in the creases between his thigh and groin, sucked his balls individually and together, circled the head a dozen times with his tongue, all mouth and tongue for the next 20 minutes. Ethan held onto Jack’s head and moaned liberally as Jack sucked him with a hunger he never had before. It had been two weeks since they touched each other sexually and they both hungered for this connection.
When Ethan felt the first waves of his orgasm, he gave Jack no warning as he stroked and sucked and stroked and sucked. Ethan released his cum with a sigh into Jack’s mouth who dutifully swallowed every burst of Ethan’s Irish cream. Then Jack moved to lay on Ethan’s chest and Ethan instinctively ran his fingers through his hair. They laid in silence. Jack’s penis was hard but could not will himself to want to actually have sex.
He broke the silence and said, “Say it. Tell me.”
Ethan figured out what he wanted to hear. “I love you, Jackie Bear.”
Jack didn’t say it back, but he didn’t have to. After a few minutes, Jack got up and left without a word to Ethan, leaving him with more questions than answers.
A few weeks before their anniversary in September, Jack did not come home on a Thursday night, and did not answer his phone when Ethan called. Ethan asked Liam if he knew where Jack was and he did not. He called June and June did not answer her phone as well. But Liam knew she was out with Mina in Providence, as she came up after classes and was going to spend the weekend with him. He called Mina from the desk, putting her on speakerphone. She was evasive in her answers.
“Um…yea, Jack is fine, he just came to pick up June and they left.”
Ethan asked, “Where did they go?”
Mina said, “Um..I’m not sure. But he’ll call soon. I think. No I’m sure of it. He’ll call.” Liam and Ethan exchanged puzzled looks.
“Mina what the fuck is going on?” Ethan asked.
“I…don’t really know, but he’ll turn up…soon.”
“Cut the shit,” Liam said. “Where is June?”
“I already told you, she’s with Jack.” Mina said exasperated.
“Doing what?”
“Oh my God I’m not good at this, call Henrietta!” And she hung up.
Liam and Ethan looked at each other again, then called Henrietta. She answered on the first ring from her office phone and had the phone on speaker. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Where is Jack and June?” Ethan asked.
“June is on her way home and Jack is on his way to you.” Henrietta said. “Why? What’s up?”
Ethan knew she said that a little to easily. How would she know exactly where they are right now? He said, “Etta, what the fuck is going on?”
“What do you mean?”
Liam asked, “Did something happen today? Is that why Jack and June are together?”
“Something like what?”
“Cut the shit Etta.” Ethan mimicked Liam. “You know Jack has been acting weird and distant and shit, and now he’s pulled June into whatever is going on, and I would kindly like to know the details of why Jack is suddenly a crazier version of himself.”
Henrietta paused. Then said slowly, “Jack is not crazy. Everything he is feeling and doing is 100% valid. And I support him.”
“And I would like to support him too, if I knew what he fuck is going on.”
Henrietta paused again, then said, “Jack is on his way home to you. Ask him yourself.”
“I did. Several times in the last 3 maybe 4 months now.”
She paused a third time, then said,”Ask him again. I think he’s ready to tell you now.”
Liam interjected, “Is June OK?”
Henrietta said again, “June is on her way home to you. She is fine.”
Ethan had a thought. “Are they with you right now?” Jack who was sitting across from Henrietta shook his head once, June squeezed his hand.
“They were here. And now they are not.” Henrietta lied.
Liam said, “You aren’t going to give us anything more are you?”
“Nope. And I have to go, I’m still on the clock.” She hung up.
For the third time Ethan and Liam looked at each other confused. Simultaneously they pulled out their cell phones, Ethan calling Jack, Liam calling June. Neither of them answered, but June immediately texted back. “Hey, can’t talk right now, but I will come to your house soon. Love you.” It sounded typical for June. Ethan did not get a call or a text back. So he went downstairs and waited.
Ethan ate dinner with EJ, gave his son a bath, read him a book and put him to bed alone, then sat in the living room and waited. Two hours later, Ethan’s phone rang. Ethan saw Jack’s name and picked it up.
“Jack.” Ethan breathed out his name as a greeting.
Jack asked, “E, can you come outside?”
“Why can’t you come inside?” Ethan asked.
“Because…I can’t. Please? Just come upstairs then.”
Jack didn’t want to risk Ethan holding him hostage in the apartment. Ethan begrudgingly said ok, grabbed the monitor connected to EJ’s room and came upstairs. Liam must have left exactly at 10p to see June, it was only 10:02p and the vestibule lights were dimmed, dining room lights off. Jack was standing there in his black track suit he wears when he goes running, with a book bag on his back.
Ethan had a bad bad feeling. He said calmly. “What’s going on?”
“I have to go.” Jack said plainly.
“Go where?”
Jack said evasively, “I… cant tell you.”
Ethan stayed calm. “OK. When are you coming back?”
Jack shifted his feet. “I….don’t…know….if…..I just have to go.” He turned around and stepped out into the night. Ethan followed him.
“You’re not making any sense” he said. “You are saying you have to go. You are not saying where you are going or if you are coming back, or even why. Are you breaking up with me?”
Jack turned to face him. “No I….” He thought a bit, then made his face hard and said, “Yes.”
Ethan’s eyebrows went up. “Yes….?”
“Yes.” Jack stood firm.
“Yes you are….breaking up with me?”
Jack said again, “Yes.”
Ethan let a moment pass, then screamed at him, his voice echoing in the night, “WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK JACK!? WHAT THE FUCK!?”
Jack faltered, “OK, no. I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do!”
Ethan said angrily, “Start by telling me the whole truth. All of it. NOW.”
Jack hesitated. Then took a deep breath and looked beyond Ethan as he spoke. “My parents didn’t just die mysteriously. They were killed, murdered by the Riley Family, the last Irish mob in Dublin, Ireland.” Ethan’s mouth dropped as he let all the air out of his lungs, eyes wide.
Jack continued, “And I know this because I was there. Hiding in the closet with Junie. I know who ordered the hit, who was there and now I know where they are. And I’m going after them. I’m going to Dublin to kill the men who raped and killed my mother and my father. I’m going to kill all of them.”
Ethan could not pick his mouth back up. The seriousness in Jack’s voice was almost frightening. Almost. After a few seconds he said, “Okay. Okay. First. Jack. I’m so incredibly sorry that happened to your parents. To you.”
Jack said coldly, “I don’t need your fucking sympathy.”
“Well that’s too fucking bad, you’re going to get it. You were a six year old kid, with his two year old sister. No child should ever have to go through that. As a father, I couldn’t imagine EJ going through something like that. So yea. I feel for you. Truly. And I wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me this before.” Jack looked away.
“Secondly,” Ethan said, “You do realize you just told me you are going up against the fucking Irish mob right? You and you alone? They are going to fucking kill you.”
Jack turned back to him, said, “And I’ve prepared my whole life for that. But I know I will take at least one out with me. Possibly two. But definitely Danny. I would have killed him that night if he was still here.”
Ethan was really confused, “What night? When was he in Rockville?”
“No, not Rockville. At Connolly’s.” Jack confessed. “He was there. I heard him. And I went looking for him. And if he was still there I swear to God I would have jumped over the table and stuck a fork in his fucking throat.” And Ethan finally understood what happened to Jack that night, what had been happening to Jack since his birthday. He let him continue.
“He killed my fucking parents. And he ordered the hit on me and Junie.”
Ethan asked, “Why?”
“I don’t know. I’m hoping to find out, but honestly it doesn’t matter. Who the fuck hog ties and sodomizes a man in front of his wife? Who the fuck runs a train on a woman with his two friends and slits her throat during, while her husband watches? What kind of sick sadistic fuck rapes a dead woman while her husband is bleeding out next to her. Then tells a dying man how he’s going to dismember his kids?
“Daniel fucking Riley. That’s who. I have his home address and where he hides his family. And I’m going to murder him in his own home, like he did to my dad. And one of his men will probably take me out. And I’m OK with that.”
“I’m not OK with that.” Ethan said incredulously. “Nobody that loves you is going to be OK with that! I need you to think this through-”
Jack yelled at him, “No fuck that and fuck you! This is exactly why I didn’t tell you, because I knew you would try to talk me out of it. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this moment. 18 fucking years! You’ve been in my life for a moment of that and you can’t change it. It’s happening. I’m fucking leaving.”
Ethan’s heart was constricting. He said quietly, “And that moment means nothing to you? You’re willing to throw away everything we’ve been building together, all the plans and promises we made to each other for…revenge?”
“For honor. For my parents. For my family. I’d give my own life for them.”
Ethan swallowed, then said softly, “Am I not your family too Jackie? And EJ? Aren’t we your family?”
Jack came closer but didn’t touch him. “Ethan. You are my family. You and EJ mean everything to me. But this goes beyond us. It’s so much bigger than you and me. It’s almost out of my hands now.”
Ethan was beginning to get angry. “Bullshit. You are making a choice. You’re making a choice to leave me and EJ and walk into what you believe will be a good death, when all I see is…kamikaze.”
Jack sighed. “I could survive you know. I could execute it perfectly and come back to you.”
Ethan got really angry now. “And what makes you think I would let you come back? You think you could just leave me here, not knowing if you are alive or dead, for the next couple of…days, months, years, then walk back into my life when it’s convenient? You think I’m going to let you do that to my son? I don’t even let his mother do that to him! Why the fuck would I let you?”
It was Jack’s turn for his heart to feel constricted. His face fell. He didn’t realize not coming back to Ethan would be off the table. He reached out to touch him saying, “Ethan,” but Ethan backed up.
“No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to love me right now, then leave me. You’re making a choice so make it. Either stay here with me. Be a family. With me. Raise our son. Or go. Avenge two dead people who would rather you have a happy life instead of this obsession of honor and sacrifice. I know that for a fact that your parents aren’t happy about this, because I’m a parent and I would haunt the fuck out of EJ if he tried this shit. So choose.”
They stood there face to face for a moment. The Jack said, “Ethan. Don’t do this. Don….”
Ethan’s turn to go cold, “Fucking choose Jack.” He crossed his arms. They stood there again for another couple of seconds starting at each other.
Jack said again, “Don’t….Please….” He had a flashback to when he and Ethan barely knew each other, and he would look at his strong arms and wanted nothing more than to be held by them. He slowly walked to Ethan and put his head on Ethan’s crossed arms.
Ethan softened. He looked ahead and said, “Don’t go Jackie Bear. Please choose me.”
“I gotta go I gotta go I gotta go.” He kept repeating, head on his arms, now his hands on Ethan’s waist.
Ethan said quietly, “Then this is goodbye.”
Jack really felt his chest squeeze tightly. He said it so low he almost whispered, “Please. Ethan. Please.” He held onto the loops of on the side of Ethan’s jeans tightly.
Ethan didn’t move. He said, “I’m choosing my family. My sanity. I want you to stay with me, be my family, grow our family. I made my choice. Now make yours.” Jack didn’t respond so Ethan stood firm.
“You can’t have both. You can’t do both. That’s incredibly selfish and inconsiderate of you to think I would just sit around and wait for you with the possibility that you may never come home. Knowing what I been through. Knowing that all I’ve ever wanted and needed is consistency and stability for me and EJ. I can’t let you do that to my family. To me. So make a choice. And deal with the effects of that choice.”
Jack reached up and touched Ethan’s face with both of his hands. A lump formed in his throat and it became hard for him to talk, to breath. He looked up and Ethan would not look at him so he turned his face and forced him too, gently. He kissed him gently on the lips. They looked at each other, Ethan getting lost in Jack’s emeralds while Jack swam in his brown eyes.
Jack opened his mouth to speak but the lump got even bigger. He kissed Ethan again on the lips, then stepped back, letting his hand linger a bit longer on Ethan’s arm. He turned around, walked to his car and got in. Ethan stood there numb watching Jack drive away.
Jack drove feeling numb, He wondered why his eyes were stinging him, and then it became hard for him to see. He kept driving another 10 minutes, waited until he was out of Hopkinton County altogether to pull over and sob uncontrollably.
Ethan went inside and locked the door, went to his apartment and laid on his bed. His head was spinning with all Jack had just told him and how Jack had left him. His emotions was mixed; He was hurting for Jack and all that he had been through. But he was also so fucking tired of being left by everyone he has ever loved, walking away from relationships with him like they never mattered in the first place. Carlos. Professor Hutch. Now Jack.
Jack was no different than the rest. It didn’t matter the reason, the results were the same — Ethan getting left behind, being depressed and alone. He was hurt but decided to be angry instead. He hated Jack for coming into his life, into EJ’s life, opening him up and then walking away. Literally just up and left. How dare he do that? He hoped he never saw Jack again. He wiped away angry tears and turned on his stomach.
~~~~~~~~~~
Jack drove straight to Queens, New York and barely slept in his car until the sun rose. He left his car in a garage, paid for a month in advance, went to the post office and mailed his car keys and car ticket to June’s dorm, then got on the train back to the city. His flight didn’t leave for another 24 hours, but he had no where else to go. He wandered the streets all day and stopped himself from calling Ethan a million times. And Ethan didn’t call or text, so he knew it was over. He had to let him go.
~~~~~~~~~
Liam came into the Inn at 7:30am the next morning. Stacy asked, “what are you doing here this early?”
Liam ignored her question instead asked, “Is Ethan up?”
“I don’t know, he hasn’t come upstairs yet.”
Liam went to the door near the office to the basement apartment, went down the stairs and banged on the door. Ethan opened the door angrily, “What the fuck do you want!?”
Liam held up an envelope, said, “Did you get one of these last night?”
Ethan snatched the letter out of Liam’s hand walking into his apartment. Liam followed and closed the door. EJ was sitting in his high chair eating breakfast, cut up pieces of pancakes and sausage. Ethan sat down and said as he was opening up the letter, “No, I got an in person, fuck you I’m gone.” He read June’s letter to Liam:
Liam,
I love you. My love for you is bottomless, endless, timeless, infinite, no beginning and no end. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me the gem in my life that has always been there. I wish I found you sooner. I need you to know this so that when you wake up tomorrow and I am gone, know that it has everything to do with me and nothing to do with you, your love for me or my love for you.
Jack came to find me today, to tell me goodbye. I knew this day was coming. When I was 11 and Jack was 15, he gave me the newspaper clippings in this envelope and told me what really happened to our parents. And he told me his plan, that when the time came, he would go to Dublin and kill the people responsible for their death and especially the one who orchestrated the whole thing. He told me that only one of them would come back.
And at 11 years old I knew when that time came that I had a decision to make, whether or not I would go with him. When Jack came to me today, I made the decision right then and there, to go with him. He can’t do this alone. Henrietta and I tried to convince him of that but you know Jack. We’re going anyway, me, Henrietta and Mina. We’re going to make sure that we all come home safely, alive. I love you so much. But I can’t lose my brother.
Tell Ethan I’m bringing him back to him. He’s so wrapped up in his rage and grief, he didn’t even notice that his heart started to heal the day he met Ethan. He deserves to be loved like that, the way Ethan loves him. The way you love me. Liam, If I don’t make it back, just know that I love you and loved you until the bitter end.
Burn this letter and the clippings. No evidence.
Your Forever June.
Ethan read the letter twice, then looked at the news clippings. It was horrific what happened to Jamison Redmond and his wife Betsy. First clipping: It was labeled a home invasion, robbery and kidnapping. The couple was found dead in their beds, wife still in her nightgown with her throat slit, the husband tied up and shot twice, once in the chest and once in the head. Their two children were no where to be found and the police suspect they were kidnapped and feared dead. Inspector Galis led the investigation.
Second clipping: Months later the children still had not been found and there were no leads. Third clipping: A year later neighbors had a memorial for the children, Jack and June Redmond. Fourth clipping: The inspector would not let up, investigation still open two years later. Fifth clipping: Two and a half years later three suspects confessed to the rapes and murders of the Redmond family, just like that.
Sixth clipping: The day of sentencing, someone sent a letter to the Dublin Gazette, exposing the murders as a Riley Family cover up, that the family was specifically targeted and assassinated, and put the three stooges up there to take the fall for the murder. Seventh clipping: It was suspected that Galis wrote the letter and he swore under oath he did not, but also said he believed every word of it.
Eight, ninth and tenth clippings: Each of of the convicted murderers mysteriously died in prison over the course of the next two years, one in a fight in the yard, one suicide, one allergic reaction to medication. Eleventh and last clipping: Ruben Riley stepped down and Daniel Riley officially named CEO of Riley Construction, LLC, and they were expanding from the UK to the US. Ethan noted the date of the last clipping, just a few months after Jack’s 10th birthday. The same year Jack decided not to be adopted. He really had been planning this for years.
Ethan put the papers down next to him and sat back on the couch. Liam took EJ out of his high chair and put him down so he could run around and play, then sat down on the couch next to him. Ethan said, “I don’t know what to do with this. I’m so….” He wanted to say hurt or angry but he couldn’t get either word out.
Liam answered for him, “Scared. You’re scared. I’m scared. June told me last year the full story of what happened to their parents. But she didn’t tell me this, Jack’s plan. If she would have, I would have been right there with them. But now all we can do is sit around and wait.”
“I’m not doing that. “Ethan said. “I have to go on with my life. For EJ.”
Liam looked at him confused. “EJ needs Jack.”
“I told Jack he couldn’t come back to me. If…If he makes it.”
“And why the fuck would you do that?” Liam asked.
“I don’t know…” Ethan put his hands on his head. “Because he was leaving me. So either way it was over. I don’t know. It all made sense last night.”
“So if he comes home you’re going to what, turn him away?” Liam asked.
Ethan looked up and leaned back. “I gave Jack an ultimatum. I told him to chose between his vengeance and his family, us. He choose his vengeance. He has to live with the consequences of his choice.”
Liam was silent for a moment, watching EJ playing with blocks. He said, “If someone hurt EJ right in front of you, what would you do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Lets say you were at the park with EJ, and some grown up came along and twisted EJ’s arm intentionally, EJ is screaming in pain and you’re on the other side of the park. What do you do?”
Ethan rolled his eyes. “I would run over and break that fucker’s neck.”
“And in the middle of your fast speed to save your son and break that fucker’s neck, your mother stood in front of you and said, no, violence is not the way. Don’t do it. Mind you, EJ is still screaming and that fucker is still twisting his arm. But your mother, who you love, is trying to stop you, telling you to find another way or let it go. What do you do? And be 100% honest.”
Ethan sighed, understanding he was the mother in this scenario. He was honest. “I would tell my mother I love her, move her out of the way, tell her I know, I understand, but some fuckers need to be taught a lesson. And I would avenge my son.” Liam nodded. “Fuck!” Ethan yelled frustrated.
“At least you got an in-person goodbye. I got a see you later maybe, letter.” Liam said.
“I just wish he would have told me everything in the beginning,” Ethan whined.
“Would any of your choices to be with him be different?” Liam asked him seriously.
Ethan thought about it. “No. The outcome would have been the same. But I would be less angry.”
Liam said again, “You’re not angry. You’re scared. And probably hurt. But Jack didn’t leave you. He would never leave you. He ran toward something. June didn’t leave me, she ran toward Jack, to save him. And Henrietta would never leave Brayden. Speaking of which, I doubt he knows any of this and I don’t plan to tell him shit. Or their parents. Are you done with these papers? I need to burn them.”
Ethan handed it all back to Liam, said, “You don’t want to save the letter in case…she doesn’t come back?”
Liam stood up. “I’ve already memorized the parts I need. No evidence.” He went to the kitchen to burn them in the sink. He called out, “She’ll come back.” Ethan was sure he said it more for himself than for him.
Ethan recited to himself the parts that he remembered and needed: That Jack’s heart started to heal the day he met him. That he deserved to be loved by Ethan. That June was bringing him back home to him. Ethan closed his eyes and asked Jack the question he always asks when they are at a crossroads:
So what now?