Chapter 5: Regret
Scott and the whole sordid episode clung to her skin, invaded her nostrils and taste buds. She still felt a memory of Scott, especially in her pussy muscles. It took Kelly a day and a half to wash it out of her life. To forget the immediate smell and feel of it. On the second day after the shoot, she woke up and instantly resolved two things. She needed a boyfriend who would satisfy her and keep her out of trouble like she’d had. She needed a powerful and very pleasurable vibrator. Better than a man would be good.
Finding the right boyfriend would be a longer term project. As to the other, she had some time before class, and she had an idea of where to go.
Kelly walked into the Sexy Lady Boutique. It had been a short walk from her dorm. She weaved through the displays of lingerie in the front ranging from tasteful but flattering to positively nasty. She walked through a section of the store that had cute kitty-cat body suits. They could be any Halloween costume. Behind that was what she assumed was some kind of weird fetish clothing. She walked into the back room where the sex toys were sold.
A young woman not much older than her greeted her. “I’m Martha. What can I do for you?”
“Kelly. I want to buy a vibrator,” said Kelly forthrightly. She’d planned what she would say.
“Wonderful,” said Martha. “What did you have in mind?”
“I know what I need,” Kelly replied, “but I’ve never owned one.”
“Well,” said Martha, “we have these very simple pink vibrators for first time buyers. Just twist the end like this, and you’re in business.” Martha twisted it and it started up with a “Vvvvv!” and then stopped when she twisted it off. “They’re durable, and cheap, too. Not waterproof, though.”
It didn’t look to Kelly like this hard pink plastic wand would be up to the task of making her forget Scott. “What else do you have?” she asked.
“Well, these rabbit style vibrators are very popular,” Martha said. She picked one up and pointed out its features to Kelly. “You see, this part goes in, and this part stays outside on your…” She grabbed the vibrator around the shaft. She turned the vibrator on, “Vvvvv!” so the bunny part was wiggling like crazy. Then she slid it into her grasp so the bunny rabbit pressed up against the web of her hand. “See?”
Kelly nodded.
“There are some,” Martha said, picking up another similar looking model, “that also do this.” She flipped a switch, and the shaft part, the part that would go inside her, diddled around. There were also a bunch of pearl-like little balls inside the middle of the shaft that spun around. That was a lot of stuff going on.
It looked a lot more persuasive than the first one. But she realized she would have to trust Martha and get more specific about what she was after. Kelly leaned close to Martha and whispered, “I need one that’s better than a man.”
Martha leaned a little closer and whispered back. “As far as I’m concerned, they’re all better than a man.”
Kelly snickered at this notion. “Yeah, who needs them?”
“Amen to that,” Martha smiled.
A couple in their thirties entered the back room. Hand-in-hand, they browsed the various products noncommittally. Kelly ignored them. She and Martha were leaning very close, whispering. Martha had such kind eyes. She had the feeling she could be great friends with Martha excepting she worked in a filthy sex shop. But what was she thinking? What she herself had done was much, much worse.
“Did I say something wrong?” Martha whispered.
“No I was just thinking about…” Kelly’s face grew even darker as she whispered, “forgetting.”
“We can find you the right toy,” whispered Martha. “But what none of these toys can give you is companionship.”
This was a lost cause, Kelly realized. Why did she even come in here?
Martha saw her falling expression and held up a finger. “But, but… Have you considered a woman instead?” Martha smiled awkwardly at her.
Kelly had walked right into this. Hell’s bells. Martha was one of those. Martha was a very sweet, kind, and admirable… lesbian. Kelly had a heart, though. Martha looked utterly vulnerable. Kelly knew that feeling. She refused to make it worse. “I… uh… really, haven’t but…”
Martha backpedaled. “I’m sorry, I don’t know…” she slapped her hand to her eyes. “I don’t hit on shoppers, at least I never have before. I should have seen you’re not interested. Heh heh. Can we forget I said what I said?”
It was fun to be desired, even by a woman. “I’m flattered,” Kelly said. “If I was interested in… that… you’d be my choice. I was thinking earlier, we could be good friends.”
“I was thinking the same thing!” exclaimed Martha, as if Kelly had read her mind. She hastened to add, “And I have lots of completely platonic girlfriends, I mean vagina-having… just regular friends. It’s perfectly normal for women like me to, you know, have just regular friends.”
“I would like that,” said Kelly. She really would. Martha was smart, funny, and worldly. This was a girl, a woman, whatever, who could help her make better decisions in life. She thought forward to the moment she had to tell Martha about the whore part. No. She could never. Not with anybody.
“But for now,” said Martha confidently, “let’s find you a vibrator that can make you forget about men FOREVER.” They snickered conspiratorially. She was a really good friend.
“That’s a tall order,” said the man right behind her. Kelly just about jumped through the roof. She whirled around to address the couple.
“I’m sorry, I can’t take him anywhere,” joked the wife, or girlfriend. There was a ring on her finger. Wife.
“Oh my fuckin’ God! Oh my fuckin’ God!!” the man whirled and bent over as if she’d kicked him in the crotch.
“What?” asked the bewildered wife, now truly astonished and embarrassed by the man.
“It’s her!” the man exclaimed. “Look!”
The wife looked up at Kelly. Then she blanched. “Fuck me sideways, I mean it’s a pleasure to meet… well, you’re probably…” the woman stammered holding out a hand to shake.
And then it dawned on Kelly. She was fucked. She had been recognized.
Without a backward glance, she scooted out of the small toy-filled room. She pushed her way through the perverse clothing and was out on the busy street. She ran.
After a few blocks, she walked. What did she expect? It was a sex store and she’d done a sex thing. Of course she’d been recognized. She was truly an idiot.
She ordered something online. One of those rabbit-y twirly ones Martha had shown her.
The next day, Kelly was walking back towards her usual study desk in the library. The Twerp appeared in front of her. Usually he just blocked her way for a moment and complimented whatever she was wearing. Today he was not moving and had a confident look on his face. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I beg your pardon?” Kelly said acidly with an acid glare. She could probably take this little turd in a fight.
“I saw your video,” Twerp said simply.
Kelly’s blood froze. “Get out of my way or I’ll call a librarian,” she offered.
“You could probably get expelled for what you did,” Twerp said. “If anybody found out.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” Kelly glared.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Twerp argued. “But you know what?” he smirked, “I’m not gonna.” He added, “Not today.” He cut her off again. “For a kiss.”
Kelly kneed Twerp in the groin. Crying out soundlessly, he crumpled. “Crawl off and die,” she said, and strode past him.
The rest of the day was uneventful, except for thoughts of Scott.
In the evening of the next day, she saw her mother was trying to reach her. This never happened. The news couldn’t be good. She called back as requested.
Her mother’s voice was filled with concern. “Boopie, what have you done?” she cried. “We got a call from a boy in your class… we didn’t believe. So I made Jack look. He cried. You made your father cry,” she concluded angrily.
“Mom,” Kelly stammered. This was her worst nightmare. “They were going to kick me out of the dorm. And you… couldn’t…”
“YOU’RE BLAMING US?!” her mother shrieked.
Kelly hung up. She couldn’t take it. Everything was shit. She cried.
Another couple of days went by uneventfully, except for irritating thoughts of Scott. Her rabbit thing emailed her and said it was back ordered. She fumed. She had practically busted her shaver. It tormented her now, randomly shutting off when she got real close. It went from being her reliable little buddy in a time of desperate need to being a horrific self-torture device. She would stomp on it and burn it in the quad as soon as the rabbit arrived.
As Kelly was walking to class, a boy shouted across the commons to her, “Hey!”
She didn’t know him, and kept walking. Maybe he was yelling to someone else.
But he persisted. “Hey distressed dilettante!” Then he made a squealing imitation, “I’m coming AGAIN! AAAAAAHUH!” The boys and girls sitting around him about pissed themselves with laughter.
Kelly scrupulously ignored him and kept walking.
He was on a roll. “I will NOT lick it off!” he shouted. Boys and girls were falling out of their chairs over there. Probably actually pissing themselves.
Kelly hid in the library for the rest of the day.
The next day, she received a letter from the University. “The Dean of Mathematics and a representative from Student Services urgently request to meet with you.” There was a date and time at the end of this week. There was rigmarole about calling to reschedule if she absolutely had to. The letter went on, “This meeting may be in regard to bullying you’ve recently suffered on campus. This is not a hearing or official action of any kind for any reason.” Why did they send a letter then? “We’re merely concerned about you and want to offer our support.” That probably meant it was a hearing and she was going to be expelled. Well, she’d done it to herself. This was why women always got the short end of the stick. Fucking bastards!
Kelly sat sullenly in the dean’s outer office until she was called in. The dean was perhaps sixty years old, bald, and jolly looking. He wasn’t smiling now though. He had a sympathetic look on his face as if to say, “I know your pain.”
In a chair next to him sat a woman in a tweed pantsuit, graying hair, immaculately put together. Kelly, on the other hand, looked a wreck. Her world was falling apart, she wasn’t sleeping, and she couldn’t get her fucking shaver to stay on. “Come in, dear,” the woman invited.
When Kelly sat in the obvious chair across from them, the woman said, “I’m Anna, and you are Kelly.” Kelly loved it when people told her her own name, NOT.
“I’m Biff,” the Dean piped up. He looked jolly for a second, and then it subsided back to concerned. His eyes flicked down her body. It could just be a nervous tick.
“My, you look every bit as fresh and lively as…” the woman, Anna, blushed and looked off to the side. She’d watched the video. She sighed and continued, “…your file suggests.” Staring not into Kelly’s eyes but lower, the woman licked her lips. Okay.
“Kelly,” said the Dean brightly. He was also now looking right at her tits, and sweeping lower. The pervert. They’d both watched it.
“Kelly,” the woman interrupted him. She looked straight into Kelly’s eyes, no detours. “You’re not in any trouble. Quite the opposite.”
“I feel like this is my fault, our fault,” the Dean offered contritely. “We’ve been trying to keep these parasites off our campus for years.”
“Be that as it may,” interrupted the woman. “We’re here… what we’re trying to say is that you’ve done nothing wrong. People who have been in the adult industry, that is, people who have been exploited, also have a right to an education.”
“On the other hand,” said Dean Biff, “the boy who called your parents? He’s been permanently expelled, which is too good for him. Blackmail is a second degree felony. Not to mention attempted rape. It’s people like him that boil my blood. Do you need a campus police officer to… walk you to class? What I’m trying to ascertain…”
“We want to provide you whatever support you need to have a happy and productive remainder of your school year,” Anna pronounced. It sounded scripted.
“And then you want me to leave,” Kelly concluded.
“NO!” said Dean Biff, almost jumping out of his chair. “No no no no no!” he sighed. “Look, I’ve been bullied. I know how it hurts.” He put a fist on his heart. Right there. He stared at her fixedly. “Don’t let them win. We’ll help. You will graduate if it’s the last thing I ever do in my career. I will open this vein-”
“No need to get melodramatic,” Anna cautioned him. Turning to Kelly, she said, “You can see the dean is passionate about this, as am I.” Full eye sweep from Anna. Lesbian much?
“I’m afraid your point is moot,” said Kelly. “I’ll be out of money soon. My mother and I… well, we’re not speaking. And they can’t help me anyway. So-”
“We’re aware of your financial situation,” Dean Biff said. He stared at her, convincingly, then his gaze flicked down her body and looked quickly to the side. He’d definitely watched the video. More than once, the fucking pervert. Anna wet her lips again. Both of them. She should set Anna up with Martha.
Somehow, Kelly survived the meeting. When she had money concerns again, they made her promise to schedule a meeting with the Dean. He would “help her find a resolution.” Yeah right, probably under his desk. But that was unkind. She believed these people were well meaning. She was also really squicked out at the barely restrained lust they had for her. Her video was turning regular good people into twisted demons of lust. She felt guilty. She got business cards from both of them. They came with exhortations to call either of them at any time of the day or night about anything. Nope. She got a brochure for the rape crisis center. It went along with a pile of that kind of ass-covering mumbo jumbo she would never have time to read.
She walked out of there. She hadn’t been expelled. Now life was harder. Her life could have been greatly simplified. She could have gotten a low paying job, worked full time. She would make enough to get by that way. Simplify. Stabilize. Now she would have to ace math exams while dweebs moaned and laughed at her. Things were more fucked up than ever.
She was trying to remember the basics of Conformal Analysis when there was a knock on her dorm door. She wasn’t expecting anybody. Hesitantly, she opened it.
It was Martha. “Hi,” she said awkwardly, and waved. She was carrying a present, all gift-wrapped.
Kelly was horrified. “How did you find me?” she wailed.
“You used your real name. In the video?” Martha said. “I looked you up in the student directory. Look, I don’t want to intrude, but I thought you might need a friend.” She quickly added, “A regular old friend.”
It dawned on Kelly that Martha had gone to extraordinary lengths. She felt bad to get upset given Martha had scoured the town looking for her. “Come in,” said Kelly. She shut the door after her.
“This is for you.” Martha handed her the gift.
Politely, Kelly opened it immediately. It was an elaborate and very expensive-looking sex toy. In fact, there was still a price tag on the back. Seven hundred and sixty dollars. Kelly’s jaw dropped. Realizing she was being rude to even look at the price, she clapped her mouth shut. “Thank you!” she stammered. No more half-broken shaver! This was a freaking life preserver. “I need this!” She laughed. “What is it?”
The label said “Vibro-Thrust! Water Play Edition.”
“Well, you left in such a hurry,” Martha began. “Marty and Suzi, they were mortified. Truly mortified. They’ve been customers at the store for years. They’re really good people. We are all so sorry we made you feel uncomfortable. So I took it upon myself. Because we’re friends, right? I told the store owner what happened. He was double-mortified. I did some research. Make that a lot of research. He told me anything, anything in the store. He wanted to hire a private detective, but I said absolutely not, you’ll terrify her… you.” She beamed. “So I found you!”
Kelly teared up a little. There were regular, good people trying to do the right thing. Going incredibly out of their way to do the right thing. “Thank you,” she said simply.
The thing had a giant instruction booklet. “Well, I’m not an expert on dicks, as you know,” they both had a sisterly snicker at that. “But so I’m told, this is the father of all… it’s incredibly fucking good. You can use it anywhere. It has all kinds of crazy vibration modes and thrusting patterns if you want to get into all that. That’s right. You’re a math genius. So you’ll master this thing by tomorrow probably.”
“I wouldn’t say genius,” said Kelly.
“But the really interesting thing is, have you got a shower?” asked Martha.
“This is a dorm,” replied Kelly. “Indeed I have a shower.”
“Well what you do, (ahem) so I’m told, is you stick this guy to your shower wall with this suction cup at the ‘right height.’ Then you flick this switch.”
The switch said, “Responsive Mode.” The thing jumped when Martha switched it on. Then it moved slightly, tentatively, at random intervals.
“What this guy does, if it’s in a real live woman, is act like a man is, you know, doing you. It’s in my hand right now, so it’s just confused, aren’t you little guy?” The thing shifted as if to agree with Martha’s statement. “This thing can thrust, it warms and maintains itself at body temperature, it is crazy detailed. And so, as you know, as a woman gets closer, there are physiological changes. This thing can detect all that. So when you’re getting ready or whatever, it’ll act the like the guy is like ‘oh, baby!’ Hah.” Martha used a really low voice for the “oh, baby!” part. They both laughed.
“In short, it’s your robotic man replacement,” said Martha. She handed it to Kelly. It jerked.
Kelly switched it off. No reason to waste the batteries on this bad boy.
“And, it’s fully rechargeable,” Martha said. “Here’s the charger. You just stand it up in the thing. It charges by induction, like your electric toothbrush.”
“It looks kind of artistic,” said Kelly. “I wish I could leave it out. But I can charge it under my bed. I already do that with my laptop. Well thank you! I don’t know what to say. Maybe we could hang out sometime soon. I’ll give you a review.”
“The owner would be happy to meet you if you don’t mind,” said Martha.
“I have to be so suspicious of attention these days,” said Kelly. “Maybe later.”
(To be continued)