Blind Date

“Yeah, that would be great. I need a break.” I stood and grabbed my phone and wallet. Eric held the salon door open for me and his hand ghosted over my lower back as he ushered me out. My stomach flipped at the barest hint of a touch.

As we walked two blocks to a Thai place I fought with my own mind. I needed to remember this wasn’t a date. It was friends eating lunch and that’s it. He probably wanted to ask me about the girls or something. I needed to calm down.

Eric held my chair for me as I sat down. He was a gentleman. It had nothing to do with me. Right?

We ordered our food and chatted easily. I was able to be in the moment without fantasizing about my dream life with Eric and his daughters.

He asked about Delilah, but just in passing, not because he had any interest in her. That was rare and nice. The conversation flowed naturally and we didn’t discuss my sister or the twins further than the initial pleasantries.

It felt like a date but I pushed it down. I could be friends with an incredible guy. I could! I swear! Why did he have to be so fucking dreamy though?

“Dex, I was wondering if you wanted to go to a show with me. I got tickets that I planned on giving to the girls but they have a school dance that night.” He swallowed hard and took a long sip of his water.

Was this a date? Oh my fucking god. What should I say? I wanted to scream out YES! I’d go anywhere with this man.

I kept it together and answered him. “That sounds fun. When is it and what’s the show?”

“Oh yeah, duh. It’s Pink and it’s Saturday night. It’s super short notice, I understand if you can’t make it.”

“Pink? Really? That’s supposed to be an incredible show. I’d love to go with you.”

He lit up and smiled at me. I nearly swooned from the look on his face. He looked young and carefree and simply gorgeous. His golden eyes sparkled as he grinned at me.

He excitedly talked about the concert and I wondered if he’d really bought the tickets for the girls or if he was actually the Pink fan in the family.

Did he buy them for himself and a date? That must be it. His date fell through, he was embarrassed so he claimed the tickets were for the girls. He asked me so he wouldn’t have to go alone. I was sure it was something like that.

On Saturday I paced the apartment trying to figure out what to wear. I finally caved and contacted the twins under the guise of checking in before their dance.

They were excited to tell me about their dresses and hair styles and shoes. Carrie bragged about her date. Paulette had a date as well, but she didn’t share everything like Carrie always did. They reminded me of Delilah and myself so much it made me smile.

I finally asked my real question. “What’s your dad wearing to the concert tonight? I don’t want to overdress or underdress.”

“He hasn’t decided. He’s tried on about a hundred outfits. He’s so nervous, it’s adorable. I can’t remember the last time he went on a date.”

Did she say this was a date? He’s nervous and trying on a hundred outfits? I seriously felt like I might pass out.

“This is a date?” I said it out loud that time. Oh fuck. I needed to backpedal somehow.

“Of course it is! He talks about you all the time, Dex. He’s worse than me and Paulette combined and we’re actual teenage girls!” Carrie laughed at her own joke. I couldn’t hear over the blood rushing in my ears.

I changed the subject and let them get back to getting ready for their big dance. Carrie promised to text me if Eric decided on an outfit before they left for dinner with their dates.

Delilah was working tonight and I was home alone. I needed her right now but I resisted calling her. She was busy saving lives. I was just a lonely singleton on the verge of a date with my dream man that I wasn’t sure was actually a date or not. What could go wrong?

My phone vibrated with a text from Carrie. “Dad’s wearing brand new dark wash jeans and a fitted button up. He looks really cute.”

“Thank you. Have fun at the dance. Tell Paulette I said that, too.”

I found my favorite black jeans and a pullover short sleeve shirt that had shiny fibers in the fabric blend. It clung to my chest and highlighted all my hard work at the gym.

And if Eric was the clueless straight guy I assumed he was, he wouldn’t notice it as anything other than a concert appropriate outfit. It seemed safe enough. I was so fucking nervous.

“I’m here.” Eric texted from the street below. I raced down to meet him. Instead of his work van that I’d seen at the salon and at brunch that day, he was standing next to a black Nissan Z, looking like a snack. Holy fuck.

He smiled at me as I stepped off the porch. “Hey, you look great. Are you ready?”

“You look so handsome, Eric. Nice ride.” I smiled and stepped closer to him. I could smell his cologne and his eyes looked extra sparkly tonight.

“Thanks. It’s not often I get to drive it with two girls in tow nowadays.” He leaned closer and gave me an awkward half hug. He pulled away and opened the car door. He waited until I was settled in and then he softly closed the door behind me.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t get dinner before the show. I had to get the girls off to the dance and there wasn’t enough time for everything.”

“It’s okay, I love that you put the twins first. That’s how it should be. You’re a great dad. Besides, now you owe me dinner and you’ll have to ask me out again.” I joked but had I taken it too far? I worried immediately.

“That sounds reasonable.” He grinned as he concentrated on the road ahead. “Though I find it hard to believe that you’d want to go out with me more than once.” He sounded as unsure of himself as I had been.

We arrived at the venue and he pulled up to the valet station. He ran around the car and held the door open for me. He offered me his hand as I climbed out of the car. He passed the keys to the valet and led me inside, still loosely holding my hand.

He seemed so sure and masculine, it made my body hot all over. I was fully turned on by the smallest things this man did. He was such a man. The best kind of man. Fuck, he was everything.

He continued to be a gentleman all night and the concert was incredible. He sang along with all the hit songs. He seemed to know the same ones that I did, which made me indescribably happy for some reason.

The rush of the concert buzzed through both of us as the show neared an end. When she sang her song Just Give Me A Reason with a recording of Nate Ruess playing on the big screen, I couldn’t help but cry.

It reminded me that I was still alone after a messy divorce and even though this felt like a date, it wasn’t. I cried and sang along with the rest of the audience.

I felt Eric’s arms come around me from behind. He held me close and we swayed to the music together, singing about love and heartbreak with the crowd. I leaned back into his warmth and cried even harder about my confusion mixed with everything else.

I dreaded the end of the show. The lights would come on. The spell would be broken and Eric would go back to being a single dad and I’d go back to regular old single.

I swiped at my eyes as the show ended, hoping to blame my tears on the incredible performance and not my overwhelmed emotions. Eric looked a bit wrung out as well as we made our way to the valet.

He helped me into the car again and drove me home. We excitedly talked about the concert all the way back. When we arrived at my apartment he shut off the car. I froze.

“The girls curfew is in thirty minutes otherwise I’d take you out for drinks or something.” He looked at the steering wheel.

“I understand and I had such a great time tonight. It was perfect Eric, really perfect.”

He got out and came around and helped me out of the car and walked me up the porch to the front door of the building.

I turned back to him. “Thank you. Tonight was amazing. I had so much fun.” I fought against babbling nervously.

“Me too. I’m so glad I met you, Dex. You’ve changed my whole life.” He looked into my eyes as he said it.

“I have?” I didn’t quite understand.

“Of course. You smoothed my path with the girls in ways I’m still trying to understand. You’ve made them and me feel welcome in San Francisco. They love you and your sister. I didn’t think I’d ever see them this happy again after their mom…… failed them so miserably.”

“You and your girls are hard not to love. I’m always drawn to nice families since I don’t have one. It’s been just Delilah and I since we were the girl’s age. I thought Sean would be my family but he never was.” I stopped myself before I scared this poor man away.

“He was an idiot to let you go.” The tone of his voice melted my control and I had to fight back the tears. And then he was hugging me. “I’m sorry if I upset you, Dex. I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t upset me, Eric. You’re incredible.” I couldn’t explain all my mixed up feelings to him when I could barely articulate them for myself.

I pulled back and smiled, pushing the threatening tears away a little longer. “I hope the girls had fun at the dance. Tell them to send me pictures, or else.” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

He nodded. “I will. Can I call you tomorrow? To set up that dinner date I owe you?”

“Sure, I’d like that.”

Before I could turn back to the door he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. It took every ounce of my control to not tackle him to the ground and worship every inch of his body.

He waited until I was inside and then he left and headed home. He couldn’t possibly know how much I wanted him. How much he was leading me down a path of destruction. It was all in my head. I had to believe that or I’d simply die.

Delilah was home and I crawled into her bed and told her everything. She was sure Eric was into me, especially after what Carrie had said to me.

“He’s straight! He was with the girls’ mom.”

“Maybe, nearly eighteen years ago. He was barely eighteen himself. Did you know everything about your sexuality at eighteen?”

“Actually, I….”

“Okay, you’re a bad example. Most people don’t know everything about anything at that age. All it takes is one time to make babies. You’re not too gay to understand that.”

“Shut up. He hasn’t said he’s gay and I can usually tell.” I wanted to explain it away. I wanted to believe he was off limits and not just too good to be true.

“He hasn’t said he’s straight either, dumbass. Just fucking ask the guy. He seems like he’d be cool either way, right?”

“I can’t. I’m just setting myself up for heartache, as usual.”

“You’re impossible. How did I get all the level headedness while you got all the fretfulness?”

“I wish I knew.” I eventually drifted off to sleep next to my twin.

When Eric didn’t call the next day I felt justified in my ocean of self doubt. I felt justified to eat a giant double cheeseburger slathered in ranch dressing and despair. I almost called into work, but I had to suck it up and move on with life.

Delilah worked a double shift and for once, I reveled in being home alone to wallow. I was such a fucking moron, falling for a straight guy. Was I so starved for attention that I misread everything? It seemed likely.

Later that night I got a message from Paulette. She said she was at the hospital with her dad. They needed a ride home. What the fuck?

I grabbed my wallet and flew out the door. I was doing this for Paulette. I was a terrible liar.

I found her in the waiting area. She looked tired and I tried to remain somewhat calm.

“Honey, what happened?”

“Dad got electrocuted at work. He was training a new guy and he didn’t shut off the power and dad got shocked and burned and he passed out and hit his head.”

“Oh my god, is he going to be alright?” I fought my panic.

“Yeah, he’s all wrapped up and he’s got a headache. They’ll send him home if we have an adult with us.”

“You’re an adult. Where’s Carrie?”

“She’s in with dad and no, they don’t consider seventeen an adult in this place.”

“Can we go see your dad, or do I need to check in with someone?”

“I don’t know. We can go to his room and figure it out from there. He’s down this way.” Paulette turned and led me down the sterile white hallway.

“What are you doing here?” Delilah stepped out in front of me, nearly scaring me to death.

“Dee! Holy crap. I’m here for Eric and the girls. He got hurt at work. I just got here, I haven’t seen him yet.”

She followed me and Paulette down the hall. The three of us walked around the corner to Carrie and Eric laughing at something on TV. I felt so relieved I almost collapsed.

“Oh, you both came!” Carrie jumped up and squeezed Delilah and I.

“I work here, so yeah.” Delilah joked back with her.

“I’m sorry about this. I could have gone home with the girls. I’m sorry you had to come over here.”

Eric had a big bump on his forehead and the eye below it was turning black and blue. His entire left hand and the last three fingers on his right were all wrapped up.

“Are you alright?” I moved closer to his bed. I needed to see him up close for my own sake. I must have sounded very concerned because he softened his voice when he answered.

“I’m better now.” He was looking right at me. The rest of the room and it’s occupants seemed to fall away when I looked into his beautiful eyes.

“Oh thank goodness, I was so worried. How bad are your burns?” I gently touched his shoulder, trying to avoid anything that might be painful.

“They’re not that bad. I need to have them checked several times over the next few weeks. As long as they start to heal up I won’t need further wound care. There’s one spot on my left hand that might be worse than it looks at the moment, so the doc is concerned about that.”

Delilah and the girls left to find the doctor to finish his discharge paperwork and she was going to introduce them to her work partner. I turned back to Eric, now alone with him.

“I was so scared for the twins. Thank you for coming for them.” Eric looked terrified and exhausted. “I don’t know what they’d do if something happened to me.” He was nearly crying.

“Hey, it’s alright. You’re okay and the girls are fine. Delilah and I will always be here for them. I’ll always be here for you, Eric.” I held onto his right thumb and forefinger that were the only fingers currently unbandaged.

His eyes were filled with a storm of emotions and I’m sure mine were too. We just stared into each other’s eyes until the moment was broken by the return of the three girls and a doctor.

An hour later, Eric was allowed to leave. Delilah and her partner got back to work on their double shift. I loaded everyone into my car and drove them home.

The girls were so attentive to their dad, it made my heart swell. They got him into his bed and set him all up with drinks and pain meds and the remote for his TV. They charged his phone and laptop.

“It looks like they plan to keep you in that bed for a while.” I smiled as they bustled around Eric’s room, fluffing pillows and hovering.

“Seems that way. Alright you two, why don’t you head to bed. You still have to go to school tomorrow and it’s ridiculously late already.” Eric smiled indulgently at his pair of nurses.

After they said their goodnights, the house got quiet and Eric and I were alone.

“Are you really alright? Do you need anything at all?” I offered.

“I’m exhausted but I’m so grateful you came tonight.” He looked shy and tried to focus on anything but me as he said it.

“I know the girls are a big help, aspiring nurses and all, but if you need help with anything you’re not comfortable asking them for, let me know. Your hands are both kind of out of commission at the moment.”

“Oh, what kind of things?” There was a teasing tone to his voice and he grinned.

“I guess whatever you need.” I teased right back at him, lifting my eyebrow. “What I meant was things like getting dressed or showering or using the restroom. That kind of stuff. But if you have more intimate ideas, I’m listening.” I cocked my head to the side sassily.

“I hadn’t really thought about that stuff. How am I supposed to wipe my ass?” He sounded concerned all of a sudden.

I couldn’t help but laugh. The tension of the whole night seemed to break and I lost it. He scowled at me for a second and then he was laughing too.

“I’m sorry, it’s not funny, but you’re funny.” I wiped at the tears in my eyes from my laughter.

“Oh yeah, you just wait until my hands are working again. I’ll make you eat your words.” His smile was so big and bright I finally felt like everything was really going to be okay.

“Seriously though, I’d help you with anything you need, even the icky stuff.” I smiled at him gently, silently offering him my heart along with my services.

“Oh Dexter, how’d I ever get so lucky as to find you? And when I needed you the most?” His eyelids were drooping more and more from his exhaustion and the heavy medications.

“Hey, you should get some sleep now. I’m going to stay on your couch in case you or the girls need anything.” I touched his arm, but he was nearly asleep already.

I stood up and turned off the lamp next to his bed, darkening the room completely. The light from the hall was my only beacon in his unfamiliar bedroom.

“Stay with me.” Eric’s words were so soft I thought I’d imagined them.

“Always.” I answered him. I lay atop the blankets on the other side of his bed, watching his sleeping form for what felt like hours. I finally dozed off before the sun came up.

In the morning I made sure the girls got off to school and Eric made it to his first follow up appointment. He was a bit cantankerous, but he tried not to be. I didn’t mind much, knowing he was in a lot of pain and discomfort.

Luckily the doctor was able to rewrap his right fingers individually, giving him much more dexterity for daily tasks. They also replaced the large bandage that covered his whole left hand with a more streamlined version.

I took him back home and I made him some tacos for lunch. I wrapped his right hand in a plastic grocery bag so he wouldn’t get taco meat grease and stuff on his clean bandages as he ate.

After lunch I felt like I was starting to overstay my welcome so I asked him what else he needed before I got out of his hair for a while.

“You’re leaving?” He sounded so cute when he said it, my heart thumped against my ribcage.

“I’m sure you’re sick of me invading your whole life after the last eighteen or so hours.” I smiled as I finished cleaning up after lunch.

“No, I’m not. I like when you’re here.”

“Oh, really?” I tried to joke but it sounded super flirty instead and I felt like kicking myself.

“Yeah. Really. I wish we were here alone without my head and hands all banged up.” He said it almost like it was a challenge.

“And if we were?” I moved closer to the couch where he was all set up with his things within reach. I felt myself swallow hard.

“I’d finally touch you the way I want to.” He looked me right in the eye as he said the words calmly.

“How’s that?” I stopped in front of him, blocking the TV and feeling extremely bold for the moment.

“Thoroughly. Tenderly. Worshipfully. Like you’re the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.”

I gasped softly at the intensity of his words. “Is that your pain meds talking, Eric?” I tried to joke but I was completely serious.

“No, it’s me talking with a clear head. Clear other than the fog that comes over me every time we’re together.”

“Oh, Eric.” I bit my lip, at a complete loss for what to say. I must be dreaming.

Eric looked at his hands and sighed, deflating. “I can’t touch you with these.” He shook his head, looking rather forlorn.

“I can touch you.” I started to kneel between his legs, in front of the couch.

“You don’t have to do that!” He sat forward on the couch, his eyes wild.

“Sit back and relax. Let me take care of you.” I ran my hands up from his knees to his thick thighs, making him groan.

“Dex, wait. I want to be able to touch you back when something happens between us. Please.”

I paused and nodded. I felt disappointed but also kind of ecstatic. He wanted me, at least physically. That was huge!

“Come up here.” He motioned to the seat next to him on the couch.

As I stood back up from between his legs I started to feel really awkward. I’d practically thrown myself onto his cock, face first, at the first hint of his mutual desire. He must think I’m desperate or creepy, at the very least.

“I’m sorry. I can go.” I didn’t know what to do.

“Sit with me.” He pointed to the seat next to him again.

I sat down, looking at my hands in my lap, feeling sheepish.

“Look at me Dexter.” His voice was soft.

I turned my head and looked into those incredible golden eyes.

“I’m sorry I did that. I told you I wanted you and then I pulled the rug out from under you. I’m some kind of jerk for doing that.”

I didn’t have any words. I wanted to tell him I wanted him and it was alright. I wanted to apologize for who knows what. My head was spinning, between his actions and my own, I was totally confused and upset, mostly at myself.

“I’m confused.” I admitted my deepest concern. What was this? Was he gay or straight or what? Did he want me or was that just a moment of weakness for a friend who was helping him in his time of need?

“God, I’m sorry.” He blew out his breath and fell back into the couch cushions, his eyes squeezed shut.

“Me too.”

He was clearly starting to regret everything that had passed between us this afternoon. He looked embarrassed and angry even with his eyes still closed.

I needed to get the fuck out of here. This went so wrong so fast. I stood and walked to the door as quickly as I could.

“Wait! Dex, don’t leave! Please! Come back!” Eric was shoving all the stuff out of his way so he could get up, but he was too slow. I bolted.

I ran to my car and pulled away from the curb in record time. I checked the clock on the dash and tried to soothe myself with the thought that the girls would be home with him in less than an hour.

I cried as I drove home. I felt like I’d tried to take advantage of him somehow. I hadn’t done anything at all, but I still felt like the bad guy. This was all my fault. Whatever “this” was. I cried harder.

My phone rang but I ignored it. There wasn’t anyone I wanted to talk to right now. I didn’t even want to see Delilah. She would tell me what an idiot I was for running away instead of just talking to him.

I drove right past my building and kept driving. Eventually I ended up at a park on the other side of the city where I sat in my car and stared into space.

What the actual fuck was wrong with me? I actually knew the answer. I was terrified of being hurt again. I acted like I was ready to love again but I didn’t think I was actually capable of letting go of my fears.

I had had a good marriage and a pretty great, happy life but it was all a mirage. My heart and brain refused to let me believe someone could actually want me, let alone love me. If I was lovable, Sean would have loved me.

Close to an hour passed before I looked at my phone. I saw missed calls, voicemails, messages and texts. I assumed they were Eric and Delilah and by now, maybe even the twins.

I ignored all the notifications. I opened my frequent flyer app and bought a ticket to Philadelphia.

I had to contact Delilah. I had already blown our twin code by running away and not answering her calls. I opened the text conversation between us and found ten new messages.

They basically all said that she’d talked to Eric and she wanted to know what happened. Where was I? They got a bit angrier from there, but the idea was the same.

“I’m going to Philly. Tomorrow morning. I’m sorry, but I need to go alone.”

“Please don’t go back there. You don’t need to, babe. Just come home.”

“I’m coming home but this isn’t open for discussion. I need to do this or I’ll never be free.”

“Please come home, Dex. I love you.”

“I love you too, Delilah.”

I didn’t go home until it was very late. I knew she had to work in a few hours, so I’d see her before I left for Pennsylvania, but only for a short, controlled amount of time.

“Babe! What happened? Eric was crying, I couldn’t tell what he was really saying.” She squeezed me so tightly I couldn’t breathe.

“I threw everything away again because Sean broke me. I have to stop this vicious cycle. I have to go see Hal.”

“No, you don’t. Please don’t go back there.”

“I do! He’s the one that made us both incapable of having normal relationships. He’s why I’m willing to jump at any scrap of love that gets thrown my way even though I know it’s a fucking trap. And now I can’t tell a trap from something real anymore, if I ever could. I have to see him now. See if he’s still so scary when I’m not a little kid anymore. I have to start at the beginning. I have to!”

“I’m going with you.” Delilah was trying to save me again. She’d saved my life when I was six. She’d saved my life when I was twelve and again when I was fifteen, eighteen, and twenty seven.

“I need to save myself this time. I have to go alone.”

“Please, don’t.” She was crying now, but she knew I was going to go regardless of her protests.

The next morning I was on the plane heading back east. I finally looked at my messages. I tried so hard to read Eric’s words and the twins’ texts, but I couldn’t stop crying every time I tried. I could feel the pain I’d caused all of them and I couldn’t stand it.

I got a car to take me to the nursing home where Hal was still living after all these years. The receptionist was shocked to hear whom I was here to see. He’d never had a visitor before. No surprise there.

As I walked down the long hallway towards my past, I braced myself for his acidic tongue and his cruel demeanor. I hadn’t seen him in nearly thirteen years.

“Can I get some water?” The grizzled looking man in the hospital bed said when I walked into the room. He hadn’t looked up at me. He must think I’m one of his caregivers.

I poured a cup of water and set it on the table over his lap on the bed.

“Thank you.”

Did Hal just say thank you? I must be in the wrong room.

“Are you new? I thought you were Frankie.”

“No, I’m not new. My name is Dexter.”

“Hmmm…….I forget everything. I thought you were Frankie.”

“Do you know who I am?”

“Dexter. You just said that.”

“Do you remember me?”

“No, I thought you were Frankie.”

It was Hal. He looked tiny and frail. All his hair was white and yellowed with age. He smelled faintly like urine. Or the bed did.

Just then a nurse came in and was startled to see someone in this room. “Can I help you?”

“I checked in at the front desk. I’m here to talk to Hal, but he doesn’t seem to remember me. Are you Frankie?”

“No, I’m Darla. Frankie quit about five years ago. Henry only seems to remember him even though he worked here for just a few months.”

“Is it dementia or Alzheimer’s? What’s wrong with him?”

“Who are you? I can’t give out his medical information to you, sir.”

“I’m his son, Dexter. We’re estranged but I’m the one who signs all the checks you guys get for his care every month.”

“Oh, well, yes, he has alcohol-related dementia. He’s diabetic and has had numerous skin cancers removed.”

“Typical. Everything that’s wrong with him he brought upon himself.” I said it more to myself, but Darla heard me.

“Yes, well, he seems to have had a rough go of it before he got here. You’re his son? I didn’t know he had a child.”

“Children. He has two children. I have a twin sister.” I looked at Hal again, who appeared to be listening to our conversation.

“I need to get back to work unless you need anything else.”

“No, thanks. Actually yes, wait. He said thank you to me earlier. Is that normal for him?”

“To say thank you? Yes, he’s a pretty evenly keeled old man. His dementia makes him get frustrated and upset sometimes, but he’s still not too bad.”

“He used to be violent and vicious and abusive. I didn’t think he knew the words ‘thank you’.”

“I guess people can change.” Darla parted with that.

“Can they?” I said it to Hal, who still looked engaged but he wasn’t. He didn’t answer. He barely moved.

“Delilah?”

“What did you say, Hal? Why did you say her name?”

“Syd? When’s dinner?”

Sydney was my mom’s name. She died when I was six. Hal had beaten me after her funeral for crying too much. Delilah had run across the field to get my cousin. It was the first time she saved my life. He would have killed me if she hadn’t gone for help.

When I was twelve Hal brought home a toothless whore to fuck on the couch. She slapped Delilah and I attacked her. I clawed her face and bit her finger until I broke a bone in it. Hal tried to shoot me, but Delilah screamed and he fired wide.

That was the second time she saved my life. We had run away and hid at a friend’s house for a few days until Hal was in a drunken stupor and we were able to sneak back in.

When I was fifteen, I tried to overdose on sleeping pills. I was struggling with being gay and Hal was extra cruel to me all the time. I just wanted out.

Delilah found me and made me vomit and drink some charcoal stuff they gave to dogs who ate human meds or poisons. She was volunteering at a vet clinic at the time and she’d seen it used, so she tried it on me. I survived thanks to, or regardless of her treatments.

At seventeen, we both left home for good. We rented a room from a school friend’s parents until we graduated. I had my first a job at a salon and started running around with a bad group of kids right after graduation.

I was supposed to go to a party right after we’d turned eighteen but Delilah was adamant that I didn’t go. I finally relented because she was screaming at me and was going get us kicked out of our rented room with her dramatics.

The girl I was supposed to ride with that night was drunk and crashed her car into a mom in a minivan, paralyzing the woman. The guy in the passenger seat that I was supposed to be sitting in was killed on impact.

I never doubted Delilah’s intuition after that and less than a month later we left Philly and went to Sacramento. Life started looking up when we both got into college and tried to leave the pain of our childhood behind.

Two years later I met Sean and we fell in love. I think he really thought he loved me in the beginning. But it didn’t last. We were already in trouble before we got married just two years into our relationship.

He cheated on me all the years we were married, but I didn’t find out until he divorced me. He fucking divorced me! How fucking pathetic is that shit?

I credit Delilah for saving my life again during the divorce. I almost burnt Sean’s retail building to the ground, but she intervened and prevented that. I’d be in jail right now if it wasn’t for her.

Holy shit! I needed to fix this. I needed to stop making Delilah save me. I needed to stop blaming everyone and fix myself. But how?

I refocused on Hal and I realized the monster of my childhood, my whole life really, was gone. He was merely a husk and he couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.

I stood and stepped right up to the edge of the bed. “Goodbye Hal. I’ll never forget the abuse you heaped on me but I forgive you. I don’t know what happened to you before mom died that made you into this person, but I forgive you anyway. You don’t have any power over me anymore.”

“I’m sorry Sydney.” His eyes were unfocused and he seemed to be speaking to someone in the distant past.

“That’s better than nothing.” I said it out loud but I knew I was talking to myself.

I thought about driving by the old house but I didn’t need to. I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my sister and I wanted to try to fix things with Eric. I had one more hurdle in my way to deal with first.

I landed in San Francisco and I got my car out of the parking garage. I drove to Sean’s office and texted him from my car.

“I’m in the parking lot. I would like to speak to you for a minute, if you’re available.” I hit send.

“I’ll be right out.” And sure enough, he was walking across the lot towards my car just a minute later.

I rolled down the window as he approached from the passenger side. “Thanks for coming out.”

“Can I get in?” He tried the door handle, which was still locked.

“No, this won’t take that long. I just wanted to see your face when I told you I forgive you.”

“You forgive me? You were so insistent that I was the one that needed to apologize to you. How the tides have turned.” He smiled smugly as he was bent down to look into the car window.

“I finally realized your apology would be meaningless. You’re unable to feel regret and I enabled that behavior for far too long. I’m ready to start a new life and I’m cleaning up my loose ends. I forgive you, Sean. Our story is finally over.”

“What? You met some other fool that’s willing to put up with your crazy emotions and……” I rolled up the window, cutting off his words. I pulled away and never looked back. For once his words didn’t sting.

When Delilah got home from work in the morning, she found me on the couch looking through old photo albums. She burst into tears and flung herself into my arms.

We cried and talked for hours. We talked about stuff we’d shoved aside when we were little kids. We shared all our feelings, bonding like we had when we were all that was keeping each other alive all those terrible years.

Hours in, Delilah admitted that she thought she was aro/ace. She wasn’t sure if our childhood had made her that way, but she didn’t have any desire to have a sexual or romantic partner. She did want a life partner, just one that wasn’t me.

“I know. Trust me, I’m looking for a life partner that isn’t you either sis.” We laughed through our tears.

“You need to talk to Eric. He’s been devastated the last few days, babe.” She brought up the subject I knew had been on her mind since I’d run away from him three days ago. She’d patiently held it in until now.

“How are his burns and stuff?” It was a lame attempt at asking about him.

“Honey, he doesn’t care about his burns right now. He’s scared and upset. He didn’t tell me what happened exactly, he just keeps saying he gave you too many mixed signals.”

“I’m just as guilty of that as he is. But I think I’m ready to deal with this. I’ve closed the door on Hal and our childhood. I’ve closed the door on Sean and my failed marriage. I’m ready to face my fears and accept that I’m someone worthy of love.”

Delilah grabbed me around the neck and hugged me hard while we both cried. “Finally! Remember your own words when you feel weak. Or come to me and I’ll remind you. You are so worthy of love, Dex.”

“I’m going to call Eric from my room. I’ll tell you about it later. I promise.”

I sat in my room and stared at my phone. I had Eric’s contact pulled up, I just needed to hit the “call” button. I finally touched the screen and hit the speaker while it rang twice.

“Hello, Dex? Are you okay? Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

“Hey Eric, yeah it’s me and I’m alright. I’m the one who’s sorry, I’m the one who freaked out and ran away.”

“No, it’s my fault. I’m such an idiot.”

“No, please don’t say that.” I blew out my breath I’d been holding. “I want to talk to you in person. Can I come over?”

“Yes, please come over Dex. I need to see you, too.”

“Are the girls there?”

“Yes, they just got home from school. They’ll be so happy to see you.”

“I can’t wait to see them too, but I want to talk to you one on one first. Can I come over later, after they’ve gone to bed or something?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll text you once they’ve turned in. Can I tell them you’re back home and doing okay?”

“Yes, please. I’m going to text them myself as well.”

“Great. I’ll talk to you later then?” Eric sounded so hopeful, it nearly made me lose it.

“Yes, I’ll see you later.”

Around eleven that night Eric texted me to come over. The door would be unlocked and he said he couldn’t wait to see me.

I drove over and let myself in. I didn’t remember ever being this nervous. I needed to salvage this relationship, even if it wasn’t going anywhere.

I loved Carrie and Paulette as if they were my sisters or my own kids. I loved Eric, even if I could only be his friend. I wanted the fairytale, but I wouldn’t leave here without a friendship, at the very least. I was going to fix this.

I found Eric on the couch, the lights dim and a nature show on the TV, the volume low.

“Hi.” I felt so nervous, it practically squeaked out.

He turned to look at me. I noticed his bump was gone and the black eye was starting to turn yellows and greens. I looked at his hands which now had smaller bandages, including individually wrapped fingers on his left hand.

“You’re looking better. How are your hands feeling?”

“My hands are doing good. I won’t need further wound care on my left, so that’s a relief. Come sit down Dex.” He finished the pleasantries and now he was clearly ready to talk.

I walked around the coffee table and sat on the couch, a full space between us. I didn’t want to make any kind of assumption. I had no idea what he was thinking after I ran away and disappeared for several days.

He’d had time to think, just like I had. Considering all that I’d been through, and how much I felt ready to change, I had to realize he could be in a totally different headspace by now too. Especially since I’d acted like a psycho the last time he’d seen me.

I found a good place to start and told him about my trip to Philadelphia. I told him about going to see Sean. I explained that I never wanted to act the way I had several days ago ever again and I was going to fix myself. I planned to see a therapist.

I steered totally clear of “us” and my feelings about him. I needed to sort out the rest before I tackled that subject. I also kind of wanted him to bring it up.

He listened intently as I told him my whole story. He asked a few questions along the way to understand better, but he was really supportive and attentive. I couldn’t help but remember why I was so infatuated with this perfect gentleman.

I found it surprisingly easy to look right into his sparkly amber eyes and open myself up bare. He reached out his right hand to me and I took it while I continued to tell him about my past.

After I finished he started to tell me about his past. I started to understand him in new, deeper ways and it all made me love and want him more. He’d been through a lot in his lifetime as well.

He’d grown up in rural Minnesota. He was an outcast throughout his entire schooling, with one friend until high school and then his only friend had moved away.

He’d been surprised when the twins mother had shown interest in him and while he wasn’t really into her, he was starved for attention from anyone that wasn’t negative.

That attention led him to being a teenage father of twins. He and their mom were never together and they weren’t even on friendly terms by the time the girls were born.

He’d fought her in court for joint custody but he lost because of his age and lack of familial support. He stayed around anyway, hoping for any contact he could get.

He’d been in a few short, failed relationships with women. He’d had cravings for men and had found several sexual encounters with guys in Minnesota. But small town living meant rumors that ended up causing him to get even less opportunities to be around his girls.

It created an even bigger shame spiral and nearly two years went by without any contact with his children. He finally decided to leave it all behind and he moved to the gayest place he could think of, San Francisco.

He thought if he was going to figure out if he was gay or not, he’d need to be somewhere that it was accepted and no one knew him. He couldn’t see his babies anyway, so it didn’t matter it was so far away. It was better that it was far away.

He took the first job he could find working as an apprentice electrician. He tried to date women with the same success he’d found in Minnesota.

He’d gone through a period of time where he’d go to gay clubs and go home with a random guy for sex nearly every weekend. He found himself unsatisfied no matter how many men he fucked.

When he was a licensed electrician and financially secure he took the girls’ mom back to court. He’d finally got visitation, two weeks every summer here in California and a weekend during the holidays that he’d go back to Minnesota to see them. They were eleven at that point.

They started having regular phone calls every two weeks and he’d grown close to the twins for the first time. He’d been happy with that and hadn’t tried to date or hook-up with anyone in all that time since then. He focused on work and his children.

The girls planned on going to nursing school in San Francisco and they wanted to live with him when they did. He’d been ecstatic and had started preparing for them several years before they would be ready to move here for college. He bought a house.

Not even a year ago their mom went to prison for domestic abuse, fraud and several other charges. She was a terrible human in general and it caught up with her and her last boyfriend in a long string of horrible boyfriends.

The girls felt mixed emotions about finally getting to live with their dad, who was loving and stable with a beautiful house and a clean kitchen always full of good food and leaving behind their established life and high school friends a year sooner than planned.

The first few months were a bit rocky but then Eric had met this great guy who’d offered to help him, out of the kindness of his heart. Everything had changed after that.

He’d found himself having feelings he’d never had before. He’d been sexually attracted to men his whole adult life but he’d never dated a man, emotionally and romantically.

He had planned on staying single, especially since the girls were living with him now. He didn’t want to mess up the new family dynamic. He didn’t want to put the girls through the relationship drama they lived with back in Minnesota. It felt selfish.

But he hadn’t been able to help himself. He was falling harder everyday. And once the twins realized, they had encouraged him to go for it instead of the negative reactions he’d expected.

It turned out the girls loved this guy. They loved his family and they loved how he made their dad feel. They told him he seemed genuinely happy for the first time in their lives. It was more selfish to not try. But now he had to figure out what this meant, about him and to him.

He didn’t just want sex, he wanted everything, he wanted something real. He’d only ever tried that with women before. And when it inevitably failed he’d seek sexual release with men. The two things never blended. In the last few days he’d realized that was obviously the problem.

He’d feared being this negative idea of gay that he’d been labeled as back in Minnesota. But since being here for the last bunch of years, he knew that was an outdated outlook. He needed to let go of that fear, that stereotype and listen to his heart and listen to his kids. His kids were insightful romantics and impossible to resist. It was futile.

I realized I had tears pouring down my face. Our fingers were twisted together, holding each other’s hand so tight my fingertips were starting to feel numb. I still remembered to be careful around his burns.

“Dexter, I think I started to fall in love with you when you handed me that coffee and a pink donut. And I’ve fallen further in love every day since then.” He paused and brushed some tears off my cheeks.

“By the time we had brunch with your sister, I was already completely infatuated with everything about you. I wanted you.”

“I wanted you then, too. I tried to deny it but Delilah was already on to me. She was all like “you have a crush on the dad!” and even though I protested, I knew she was right. She always is.”

“I’m kind of scared, but not of you, or being with you. I’ve just never done this. I’ve never had feelings for a man. What if I suck at this?”

“That’s actually a good thing with a man.” I couldn’t help myself. I started laughing and he looked at me so confused. I saw realization hit him and he started laughing then too.

“You’re ridiculous. Oh my god.” He was still giggling as he said it. The mood was shifted, the tension broken. We smiled at each other, like googly-eyed teenagers.

“Oh Eric, all I’ve ever wanted was someone to love me, laugh with me and raise a family with me. You’re so fucking perfect I just can’t believe it could ever be possible.”

“I always wanted someone that was caring and funny and loved my kids as much as I did. I wanted someone to go to concert date nights with and someone to depend on. You stepped up and became that without a second thought about it.”

“It’s so easy to be there for you and them.”

“Dexter, you knocked me off my feet. You are exactly what I need and everything that I want. Imagine my surprise that you were a man and the person I’m more sexually attracted to than anyone I’ve ever met before.”

“Really?”

“Really. I’ve been dying to kiss you. I want to hold you.”

I stood up and tugged on his arm, getting him to stand as well. I pulled him down the hall and into his room. He closed the door behind us. I stopped at the edge of the bed and turned to him.

“I want you to kiss me and hold me all night. I don’t need more unless you want it. We can go as fast or as slow as you need as long as you sleep in my arms every night.”

“Deal.” Before I could sit on the bed, he took my face in his lightly bandaged hands. We looked into each other’s eyes. His warm golden eyes held my light blue ones.

“Please kiss me before I die.” I begged him.

“Very dramatic.” He smirked but he was leaning in.

I couldn’t help myself, I met him halfway, our lips connecting softly at first. I heard him moan as his arms came around my waist. The kiss deepened, his tongue slipped between my lips. I sucked him in.

He pulled back slightly. “Let’s lay down.” I nodded in agreement.

We both quickly stripped down to our underwear and t-shirts and crawled under the blankets. He turned off the lamp and rolled over into me. We quickly found each other’s lips and kissed until we were nearly senseless.

At some point we were snuggled together, softly talking about the girls and the near future for us. I drifted off to sleep in Eric’s arms, his face buried against my chest. It felt perfect.

In the morning we decided to just be honest with the girls. They knew I’d slept there. They knew we were going to see where things went, but there was no pressure. We told them that they could talk to either of us, or Delilah, if they had any questions or concerns.

As I assumed they would, the girls squealed and hugged us and basically welcomed me to the family, ignoring everything we’d said. Eric and I just smiled at them as they finished up breakfast and headed off to school.

“We’re all alone again. What should we do?” Eric wasn’t subtle at all and I couldn’t help but laugh.

I stepped closer to him and pulled his hips to meet mine. I kissed him deeply and he ground his pelvis against me, proving his attraction to me easily. He felt mine, too.

“Damn, what’s going down there?” He looked a little shocked.

“Yeah, you did that to me.”

“Can I touch you?” The look in his eyes had turned hot.

“Fuck yes.” I blurted out my reply.

His hand ran over the front of my pants. He traced my length with his palm. His eyes got even bigger. I was starting to worry he was afraid. But then he was trying to open my fly.

“Let me do that. Your hands are still healing.” I gently pushed his hand away and undid the button and zipper on my jeans.

Even with his fingers bandaged, he quickly had his right hand down my pants. He gripped my erection through my thin underwear.

“Fuck.” I hissed out the one word as his strong hand closed around me.

Still gripping me, he looked into my eyes. “Wow. What do you usually do? Top?”

“Yeah, usually.” I realized it didn’t matter with Eric. I would take him any way he wanted me. I assumed he topped exclusively based on his history. “But I’m flexible about it.”

“No, I want you to fuck me. I used to feel ashamed that I desired cock, but I don’t feel ashamed any more. I love cock.”

He gave me such a funny look that I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. He just shook his head at me, blushing furiously and grinning like a fool.

“Oh my god, I love you, Eric. You make me so completely happy.” The words spilled out, confessing more than I’d intended. So much for taking it slow.

“I love you too, Dexter.” He looked serious all of a sudden. His lips crashed back into mine. “Bedroom, now.” He managed to get his words out between our feverish kissing.

I took his right forefinger and thumb in my hand and quickly led him back to his room. He pushed me down onto the bed and helped me pull my pants off.

We were both naked in a few seconds and he was crawling onto the bed giving me the most primal look any man ever had. My stomach flipped and my body strained towards him of its own accord.

His lips met mine as our chests met. We lay back on the bed together, touching each other from head to toe. His body felt scorching hot all along mine.

His muscles were even more incredible than I’d imagined. And I’d imagined them many, many times. His skin was smooth, sprinkled with the perfect amount of hair and untouched by ink or piercings. He looked purely male and it drove me wild.

His smell was intoxicating and the way he kissed me was incredible. I’d never been kissed before, at least that’s how it felt after kissing him. He was completely present, which was brand new for me.

We took our time and kissed and caressed for a while. Slowly the touching got more heated and I started to take the lead. I pushed him back into the pillows and kissed my way down his chest, over his stomach and finally, between his legs.

I took his sizable manhood into my mouth and started pleasuring him. He intently watched me and his words were all so sweet and loving, making me want him even more.

“Your touch is incredible, Dex. I love how you love me.” His eyes slid closed as he savored the sensations.

“I need you, Eric.” I growled the words as I climbed back up to meet his lips again.

“I need you. Please make love to me.”

“With pleasure.” I found some lube and worked his entrance until he was ready for more.

“That feels so good, my love. Yes, Dexter, touch me just like that.” He was breathless.

I watched his handsome face as I stretched him open with my fingers. He looked like he was in heaven, biting his lower lip as he moaned my name. It turned me on in ways I’d never experienced.

I reached for a condom but he stopped me. “I want you raw. You told me you’re clean and I haven’t been with anyone in six years. Please.” He sounded desperate. “I’ve never had anal without a condom, ever.”

“I got tested after I found out Sean wasn’t faithful. I’ve never been without a condom with anyone else.” I kissed his neck as I stroked my massive cock, spreading my pre-cum and some lube along the length.

“I trust you and I love you, Dex.” He looked vulnerable which I found incredibly beautiful. No one had ever been vulnerable with me and I’d never felt safe like I did right now with Eric in my arms.

“I love you and I trust you with my whole heart.” I moved over Eric, spreading his legs, touching his hot hole with my fingers again.

“Take me. I need you!” He begged, driving me beyond my control.

I quickly lined myself up and pushed the head of my swollen shaft against him, finding less resistance than I expected. I pressed into him causing him to make the sexiest sounds I’d ever heard.

I slowly pushed into him, feeling him relax around me, ready to accept more and more.

“Dexter! Oh god, you feel so good, fuck fuck fuck!” He was gasping for breath as he accepted even more of my thickness. It was a joyous sound as he writhed in pleasure beneath me.

“Jesus, Eric, you’re so fucking gorgeous. Look at you! Damn, you feel amazing. So fucking good.” I’d never experienced pleasure so fully.

“I want everything, please, give it to me.” His pleas made my blood pound even harder through my veins, pooling in my giant hard-on, nearly fully buried inside Eric now.

I pushed forward the final inch and half until my shaft disappeared completely. Eric’s head fell back and the sound that he made was more primal growl than anything else.

His eyes met mine, glassy with his pleasure and need. Before he could get his words out, I answered his unspoken request. I pulled out several inches and pushed back in. I slowly worked up to pulling my whole length out, leaving just my bulbous head within his tight hole.

My long strokes got faster and I felt Eric’s heels digging into my glutes as he tried to take more and more. His cries got louder and less coherent as I plunged in and out of him.

My own pleasure was building to a blinding peak and I couldn’t stop myself from fucking Eric wildly, faster and harder. His continued affirmative shouts of pleasure assured me he was enjoying it as much as I was.

“I’m going to cum!” He barely had the words out before I gripped his throbbing cock and pumped it twice, causing him to explode in my hand. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!” His hips went rigid and he pushed up off the bed as his body released his massive climax.

His ass squeezed my cock so hard as he came, I thought I would pass out for a second. It was the most incredible thing I’d ever felt. Watching him cum, making him cum, made me happier than anything I’d ever known.

He flopped back onto the bed, his eyes opening to look at me in wonder as my body slammed into him still.

“Cum for me Dex. Breed me. Claim me.” He sounded so needy I swore under breath and doubled my efforts between his legs.

I was grunting like a wild beast as I furiously pounded into him. Sweat ran down my temples and chest. I heard him urging me on but I couldn’t hear the words clearly any more.

The friction was nearly unbearable, the pleasure indescribable. I felt my balls clench as the feeling finally overwhelmed me. I screamed as my body started pumping out my orgasm. I pulled Eric up into my arms and kissed him as my body emptied itself inside him.

We were wrapped in each other, covered in sweat, kissing between struggling breaths. We both grasped for as much of each other as possible. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt. It was a passion and love I didn’t believe existed anywhere outside my imagination.

“That got loud.” It was the first thing he said as we neared normal heart rates again.

Still in each other’s arms, I laughed at his observation and kissed his forehead. “Sorry about that.”

“No, it was amazing. Besides, I was just as loud as you. I was just thinking about how we’d do this when the girls are home.”

I giggled again. I loved his train of thought. It spoke to his sweet, loving nature to me. “We’ll have to figure it out, because I need to go to work tomorrow while they’re at school, so…….”

“So when you come back here, they’ll be here for the rest of the night. And the whole weekend.”

“Exactly. So I guess we can get loud and crazy when they’re gone, but we’ll have to try something different the rest of the time.”

“You don’t mind? Working around the twins?”

“Of course not. I love everything about this.” It was true. I’d even fantasized about sneaking around with my husband while our kids slept or watched a movie. I always wanted this passionate love mixed with an equally wonderful domestic family life.

“Good, because I’m going to want you all the time, whether they’re here or not.” Eric looked earnest as he stared into my eyes.

“That’s exactly what I want, too. You’re exactly what I want Eric. I’m completely crazy about you and your kids.”

A few months later the girls finished their junior year. The four of us went to Minnesota for a long weekend so the twins could visit their mom and some of their old friends.

From there we went to New York for a week, sightseeing as a family. None of us had been anywhere, so it was even more fun to experience it with them.

Once we returned home we talked to the girls about me officially moving in, permanently. They both couldn’t believe I hadn’t moved in already. They wanted me there.

Eric and I had been a bit cautious. I was there most of the time, but I didn’t live there yet. We’d both thought the girls had been through enough changes in the past year already.

As usual, they were more adaptable than we expected, which at this point we should have expected. They seemed to be a few steps ahead of us most of the time.

A year later Carrie and Paulette graduated high school, with excellent grades and nursing school all lined up for the fall.

At their graduation party, Delilah attended with her platonic monogamous life partner, Stef. They were living together in aro/ace bliss.

Eric and I had found a few issues and struggles early on, but we loved each other so deeply, we always found a way to fix it or get over it.

I still saw my therapist once a week to deal with my childhood trauma. Delilah usually came along every other session, as her work schedule permitted. She found she needed it nearly as much as I did.

The twins and Eric came along a few times and Paulette decided she wanted to see a therapist for a while. Carrie was curious, but she didn’t feel the need to seek therapy right then. We trusted them to make good decisions.

The main crowd of party goers left in the early evening and the six of us family members, now including Stef, had a big Japanese feast delivered as requested by the graduates.

Carrie caught my eye as dinner wound down. I nodded and she tapped Paulette under the table. Delilah and Eric looked suspicious immediately, but Stef was still unaware of the twin-twin undercurrent that ran through our every action.

Eric had the advantage of being a father of twins as well as the partner of a twin, so he couldn’t easily be fooled most of the time.

The girls and I started clearing the table while Eric and my sister led Stef into the living room where we were going to open some graduation gifts.

We all gathered around as Eric and I gave the girls a few small gifts. Delilah got them gift cards and planned a trip to take them shopping in Los Angeles over the summer for new school clothes.

Everyone was happy and looking forward to everything in the future. Eric finally pulled out one last gift.

“This is from Dex and I and it’s for both of you.” He handed the box to Paulette who put it between her and Carrie to open together. Carrie saw inside first and screamed.

“Dad! Dex! Oh my god, really?”

By now Paulette was pulling the present out of the small box. There were two similar keychains with keys and fobs on them.

“No way!” Paulette looked at the keys with a “P” on the keyring and handed the “C” ring to her twin.

“It’s in the garage.” Eric said as they both stared at us with their mouths hanging open.

The girls jumped up and ran through the house to the garage. Inside they found a three year old Toyota RAV4 in a bright blue color that they both liked. There was much screaming and jumping up and down.

“C’mon ladies, we’re going to have dessert and then you can go for a ride.” I herded the family back into the living room for the twins’ favorite Ghirardelli chocolate cheesecake from a restaurant near the wharf.

Eric and I served up the six desserts and sat with the family. I excused myself to use the restroom. I went into our room and quickly changed into the suit I’d bought for the occasion.

All dressed up, I returned to the living room. Everyone’s head snapped around to see me in my finery. I approached Eric and took his hand, pulling him up to stand with me.