Saving the Doctor

Author’s note:

For those who have read my two other stories, I’m taking a step back from the betrayal theme on this one, at least to some extent. This is a longer, multi-part novel(la?), that’s been in the works for more than a while, but the finishing touches are finally being put on the (mostly happy) ending, so I’m going to start posting it.

As a warning to everyone, you’ll notice the tags do include both Romance and Cheating, so if it’s not already obvious, the protagonists will partake in cheating behaviour (though I’m trying to keep it real and not glorify it too much here). Also, the later chapters will involve brief instances female-on-male physical violence and non-consent. Just in case any of that is a non-starter for you.

Otherwise, cheers, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy.

*******

Saving the Doctor,

Part 1. A Shoulder to Lean On,

“No. No way. That’s not what I came here for.” he said.

Jon took a breath and tried to look at his patient reassuringly, “It’s a routine medical exam. It’s not as bad as you think, and it’s necess-”

“No! You’re not comin’ anywhere near my ass. Just gimme some pills or some shit.”

“You told me you’re having trouble urinating, and at your age if you’ve never had a prostate exam before, you should actually have one regardless,” Jon explained.

“Forget I said it then. I’m peein’ fine,” he said crossing his arms stubbornly.

Jon sighed. “Well I can’t make you, but I want you to know it IS recommen-”

“Yeah that’s right you can’t make me,” he interrupted. “I know you’re a newbie but you can’t go shovin’ your fingers at everyone who walks in the door. Goddamn waste of time like I thought. At least I get to tell my wife I was right. Can I get some percocets at least?”

“Wh… Excuse me?”

“Percocets, er, oxy-whatever. My buddy lends me some for when my gut starts hurtin’ worse than usual. Works like a charm, at least for a while.”

“That is… not appropriate. Look if you’re having ongoing abdominal pain we should at least talk about that,” Jon said, not wanting to, but knowing he should.

“Well… it HAS been getting worse. And um… I’ve been noticing some blood in the toilet every now and then, but it’s usually just- hey DON’T give me that look you’re still not stickin’ your finger up my ass!” he said, pointing at Jon’s concerned face and leaning back.

Jon furrowed his brow and tightened his mouth, trying not to glare, and spoke carefully, “I know you’re not comfortable with that… today, and that’s… fine for now, but I think I should ask you a few more questions, because honestly it’s sounding like you might need a colonoscopy. Again, at your age…”

“I think I’ve heard of that. Is that like a scan?” the man asked suspiciously.

“It’s a scope, a camera that they look inside your colon with,” Jon explained.

The man narrowed his eyes, “…and how do they get the camera inside you?”

Jon watched the door slam and stared at it blankly for a few seconds before turning back to the computer.

After the last patient had finally gone, Jon rubbed his hands over his face in front of the computer screen. He tried to breathe out slowly, calming the tension that had been building up steadily throughout the day. The whirlwind of patients was over, the clinic closing up, but he had a ton of chart notes to catch up on. Maybe he could make it home before 7:30 today.

Five weeks into his new practice as a rookie MD and it wasn’t feeling any easier. He knew it would be tough, and he had tried to prepare and streamline things as best he could, but if he was honest with himself probably nothing really would have prepared him for being on his own.

Ten years of post-secondary education and I still feel like I know nothing, he thought to himself.

Deep down he knew that wasn’t really true. He had done well in med school and residency. He passed his exams, not with ease, but with respectable marks. His preceptors were usually impressed and recommended him. It wasn’t really the medical details of things that challenged him though. It was everything else.

It was the pace, trying to do everything that he knew needed to be done for these people in the short time given to him for each appointment.

It was the entitled, aggressive front so many patients put on, often demanding tests and treatments that were completely inappropriate. He knew it ultimately came from a place of fear and vulnerability, but that doesn’t help much when a man’s yelling at you that he’ll sue unless he gets exactly the amount and strength of valium that he’s entitled to as ‘a goddamn taxpaying citizen’…

It was their skepticism in knowing he was new doctor, and the implication he would never be as great as Dr. Orson – the recently retired doctor he had inherited a lot of patients from. He had never met the man, and he was sure he was a fine doctor overall, but he probably couldn’t work the EMR on the computer to save his life, and it showed in his abysmal notes on everyone’s disorganized charts.

So, Jon went into most appointments essentially blind, but with patients expecting him to know their every detail. He was still able to get most people on his side eventually, and explain why they needed this or that, instead of whatever it was they were expecting. Most left reasonably satisfied, but it took so much time, and so much mental and emotional effort, that every patient seemed to drain more life out of him.

Okay, enough belly-aching, get the fuck to work Jon, or you’ll be here till midnight.

He started typing away at the remaining notes and consults he had to finish.

“Hey Dr. Davidson, I’m heading off unless there’s anything else you need.”

He looked up to see his assistant Beth in the doorway. She was in her early twenties, very good looking, with a peppy friendly exterior, but with a bit of a snobbish streak that slipped out on occasion. She was a waitress part-time as well, and her personality seemed more suited to that than a clinic assistant, but she did her job well. Very well, if he was being honest. Despite her somewhat ditzy personality she was always on the ball, and her tight organizational skills were the only thing keeping him afloat some days. She layered on the makeup more than he thought she needed to, and dressed a bit more provocatively than a lot of women in the workplace, but she was obviously free to do so, and he wouldn’t dream of mentioning anything; he just worried about a girl with her body grabbing too much attention from some of the sleazier male patients.

He realized he was staring blankly at her and finally remembered to speak.

“Oh, uh no I’m alright, thanks Beth,” he replied, turning quickly back to his computer, worried his staring had come off as creepy.

“Okay, you sure? You’re always here so late and I like, kinda feel bad,” she said, looking at the wall and fidgeting with the hem of her miniskirt.

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s been a long, rough day again, but don’t worry about it, you can head home. You were a great help today as usual, so thanks,” he responded, wondering why she was lingering.

She smiled at his compliment and stood awkwardly for a second as if she wanted to talk more, but another doctor came up the hall behind her.

“Hey Jon, how’d clinic go?” Doug interrupted.

Beth said a polite “Hi Dr Pauls,” with a slightly annoyed look, and left silently.

He took her place in the doorway without acknowledging her.

Most of the other GPs the group practice were nice enough, but they were a little in-their-own-world. At least the one’s he’d gotten to know so far. It was a mix of 5 other men and 2 women, but he was the youngest by far. The closest to his age was almost 10 years older than him, and as far as he could tell so far, the guy’s entire lives outside of the clinic consisted of golf and poker, two things he couldn’t help but find painfully boring. The women were friendly and down to earth, but wrapped up in their school-aged families whenever they weren’t at work.

“Oh, hey Doug. Yeah it was busy enough that’s for sure, still working on keeping up with the pace,” Jon said.

“Yeah you’ll eventually get used to it. Damn computer’s not giving you trouble is it?” he asked.

“No actually that’s one thing I think I’m okay with” Jon replied honestly.

He didn’t know why these guys were so fixated on that. They kept offering advice and tips for the computer system that he didn’t need. In fact many of their “tips” were flat out wrong, and he’d actually helped a couple of them realize they’d been mis-charting stuff for years. What he needed advice on was how not to spend an entire hour filling out ridiculous insurance forms while work piled up, and how to tactfully hang up on a phone call from a hypochondriac.

“Tough luck on your first go at the poker table on Saturday hey?” Doug joked.

“Yeah, like I said I’m not much of a player,” Jon said, trying to smile through a tinge of bitterness.

They had cleaned him out mercilessly. Thankfully the buy-in wasn’t horrid, but it was still a kick in the nuts. He had figured he’d give it a try and attempt to bond a bit with these guys, but in the end he couldn’t help but feel taken advantage of. Mostly he was pissed off at himself for caring at all about a game he didn’t even like.

“Well if you want in again sometime just let me know. You had a couple decent hands. You might eventually get better if you can stop us from leaving you bankrupt,” he said, laughing at his own joke.

“No I think I’m good, thanks though,” Jon said politely.

“Just not much of a card player I guess?” Doug asked.

He actually was, he loved playing bridge with his grandfather when he was back home, and lots of other games. Just not poker, or gambling in general. He preferred board games actually, but he knew that wouldn’t be “manly” enough for their crowd.

“Just more of the D&D type,” he ventured, against his better judgment.

Doug made a neutral face that clearly gave away that he had no idea what Jon was talking about.

“No worries, see you tomorrow Jon. Don’t work too hard,” He smiled and left.

He didn’t resent them, they were just different people, with different interests.

Jon was a nerd at heart, and had long since come to terms with it. He liked it that way. He had always been into sports, but never came close to identifying as a jock, considering himself more of an ‘athletic geek’ and disconnected from that crowd. However, as time went by med school and residency took over more of his life, anything more than jogging and a bit of strength training fell by the wayside, and now he missed the camaraderie of his old teams. Doug and the rest of these guys acted like jocks but didn’t seem like they’d played a sport in many years, if ever. Preferring to argue about stats and trades that he could only feign a passing interest in.

What he missed more than his sports teams were his old nerdy friends. They’d lost touch through the last few years as medical school swallowed up his life. Back in the good old days they’d always have some new board game to try out, the more obscure the better. Or a really bad sci-fi horror flick from the 60’s to get high and giggle at, and then debate the scientific merits and plausibility of whatever premise it had, the more ridiculous the better. The last straw was when he couldn’t even make time for the occasional online game after he moved cities for residency. They eventually stopped asking him if he was free.

He occasionally sent a text or email checking in with one or two of them. They seemed like they were doing well. He made it seem like he was too.

He broke out of his reminiscing trance. Okay back to work.

He tried to focus as best he could but sleep had been an issue recently as well. So many doctors tried to pretend they didn’t need sleep, but he knew they were still as human as anyone else. No one gets completely used to it, and it wears you down, as he had experienced firsthand rotating through his residency. What he hated most now was that he had no excuse. He wasn’t up all night at the hospital anymore, he was simply lying in his own bed trying to shut his brain off and he couldn’t do it.

The stress will fade, he kept telling himself, just power through and you’ll find your groove.

They were his fiance’s words. They didn’t feel any more reassuring now than they did when she had said them.

He was about to close out of a note when he suddenly caught the prescription name out of the corner of his eye. It wasn’t the one he had wanted. He must’ve mis-clicked the next one down. Fuck. It was still the same general type of medication but in another class. Not a horrible mistake but still… Stupid and careless. He must’ve been in too much of a hurry to notice.

It had already been forwarded to the pharmacy. It was the one that most of his patients used, just beside the clinic in the same strip mall. He picked up the phone and dialed.

“Hi, it’s Dr. Davidson, can I speak with a pharmacist please?”

He waited impatiently through the godawful elevator music as he was transferred.

“Hello,” a friendly female voice finally answered.

“Hi, this is Dr. Davidson, from the Creekside clinic.”

“Oh hi! I’m Carly. I’m one of the pharmacists here. It’s good to put a voice to your name finally, I’ve been seeing it more and more,” she said.

“Yeah, I just started at the clinic. It’s uh, good to meet you too Carly,” he said, a little thrown off by her congenial tone. Then he asked himself why, and felt almost sad that he was so unused to a normal friendly conversation.

“…How can I help you Dr. Davidson?” she said, sounding amused at the few seconds of silence.

“Right, sorry I need to change a prescription I sent in. I made an error, and I’m hoping it hasn’t been filled yet,” he said, his voice sounding flustered despite himself.

“Oh no problem just let me log in. Might take a few seconds.”

“Sorry, it was a stupid mistake, but I’m glad I caught it.”

“Pssshh, no worries, happens all the time,” she reassured him casually.

“Really?” he said, doubtfully

“Oh yeah, I get a few a day at least. Yours couldn’t have been that bad a mistake otherwise I would’ve caught it and called you.”

“That’s… good to know,” he said, still a little embarrassed.

“Don’t worry I got your back, it’s what I’m here for.”

“Thanks,” he said, feeling gradually more comfortable.

“It’s taking a long time to log in just bear with me. I was signed off getting ready to leave.”

“Oh, sorry to keep you,” he said.

She giggled, “Quit apologizing, I’m just doing my job.”

“Okay sor-” he caught himself and couldn’t help but chuckle as he heard her snort in laughter.

“How do you like working at the clinic so far?” she asked, with a giggle still in her voice.

“Oh, well it’s… a nice clinic, really modern, well designed,” he said, not wanting to gripe.

“Yeah they just renovated it last year,” she replied. “It’s nice the construction’s finally done so I got my parking spot back.”

“Yeah I bet.”

“Kinda stressful just starting out?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he replied automatically without thinking, “It’s uh, just a lot of work, there’s always a lot of patients and it’s tough to keep up. Plus adjusting to all the ins and outs of all the practical things, when you’re new it’s… yeah it’s a bit stressful,” he admitted.

“No kidding, I get it,” she said. “For what it’s worth you’ve already got a good reputation.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, well I mean, myself I can tell you know what you’re doing, you’ve already corrected a lot of antiquated crap that Dr. Orson had people on, and the way you’re really meticulous about dispensing instructions, and you’ve done a lot of careful tapers. I can just tell you put a lot of thought into it. Unlike some doctors, believe me.”

“Thanks,” he said, smiling and feeling the first gratification in weeks.

“Plus so many patients are beaming about you. They say you’re such a nice man who takes the time to talk to them and explain things. All the old ladies are conspiring about how to set you up with their granddaughters. And, the people who don’t like you, are the one’s who I’d be concerned if they did. Honestly, I’ve been wanting to stroll down there myself and meet the new hotshot doctor in town and find out what all the fuss is about.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, “That’s good to know, thanks. Try to steer the old ladies in another direction for me if you can though okay?”

She giggled again “I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise anything.”

It felt good to be smiling on the phone for once.

“Okay it looks like I’m all loaded up, what’s the patient’s name?” she asked.

He gave her the info.

“K. She hasn’t picked it up yet but… there’s nothing wrong with this prescription,” she said, sounding confused.

“Yeah it’s not the medication I wanted though.”

He explained to her the change he wanted to make.

She laughed, “Mr. perfect here making sure guidelines are strictly followed I see. You were sounding like you’d given the woman cyanide or something.”

“Thankfully we don’t have an auto-template for that so my ham-hands are spared,” he joked.

“Hey at least you’re using templates. Even with a mis-click here and there it spares more mistakes then it causes. Most of the other guys down there keep typing theirs in by hand still. The spelling mistakes I tell you..”

“Seriously? The template menu is literally at the top of the prescription box.”

“Right??”

He told her the dose and duration to make the prescription out.

“Well thanks Carly, it was really nice talking to you.”

“Yeah you too Dr. Davidson, maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah. It’s Jon by the way.”

“Bye Jon.”

“Bye.”

He hung up the phone. Dumbfounded at how good he felt from just a simple conversation. God, she sounded cute, and just had this reassuring, soft, friendliness like they’d known each other for years. She had taken 5 weeks of built up inadequacy and soothed it out of him for a brief few minutes like magic. Maybe he was just starved for normal human contact, he thought.

He needed to get home to his fiance.

Elaina. She was the one he should be opening up to. That hadn’t been easy lately. She’d been caught up in her own work, but seemed to find it much more satisfying despite being even busier than he was. She had already texted him that she was picking up supper, so she’d probably beat him home. She always seemed annoyed when that happened; implicitly, or sometimes explicitly, judging him since he only had a clinic, while she also had hospital patients to take care of. He worked through the last few charts as quickly as he could and headed out the door.

Elaina was the reason they had moved here. She was a nephrologist and had searched a long time to find the perfect spot to set up practice. The assumption was that he, as a family doctor, could pretty much work wherever they ended up, while openings for her were harder to find. It was technically true, but he had felt kind of pulled along for the ride, without much say in the matter.

She had settled on this small city, with a decent sized regional hospital and fairly middle-class population. It had a very suburban feel. It wasn’t a long drive from two larger centers should they feel the need to escape to a metropolis, but too long to commute. Jon had done a lot of work with inner-city clinics during his education, taking electives and extra training in that type of work, hoping to eventually make it a large part of his practice. He was more than a bit disappointed when he found out where she wanted to move to, and he did make a case for looking elsewhere, but ultimately her needs were more important.

He had met her in his first year of residency, when they were on the same hospital rotation. She was a few years ahead of him, and as a senior resident she seemed like she was on another level and frankly, out of his league. It was she who asked him out, to his surprise, the day after the rotation was finished.

He had always thought she was beautiful, and had initially assumed she had a boyfriend or husband already. She had a fashion model type of body, with tall skinny legs, narrow hips, and a torso to match, a long slender neck and a defined jaw line. Her medium length straight black hair was usually kept in a tight bun. Her eyes were beautiful and piercing.

Before she asked him out he had thought she hated him, because she was always grilling him with questions during rounds, and would go to him more than others to do this or that on the wards. It turned out that’s just how she expresses her attention on someone. Her piercing eyes, always seeming to be on him, weren’t annoyed with him, but were actually carefully assessing and calculating whether she wanted him. Turns out she did.

He always thought she was a woman that could make what some men called a resting-bitch-face, look sexy. He tried telling her that as a bad joke once. She didn’t take it well, coming back over to him every hour through the evening with new retorts on why that wasn’t true and why he was an asshole for saying it. He knew he wasn’t the only one that thought it though. She had a reputation in the hospital, especially among the men. The “wicked-hot witch of the wards” was one name thrown around. The way they talked about her, it sounded like she had been asked-out by every man in the hospital, and turned down each one. When he eventually told the other guys on his next rotation that they were dating and that SHE had asked him out, he was met with disbelief until word got around that she had confirmed it.

Their relationship developed slowly. A series of highly scheduled dates whenever their limited time-off synced up. The first time he met her at an upscale restaurant and saw her fully dolled-up in a cocktail dress he almost left. He felt like a hobo walking up to the queen’s dining table, regardless of his new suit and haircut. She radiated class and elegance, looking like she deserved to be on the arm of some billionaire play-boy, not his awkward nerdy self. They stayed together though, despite him always thinking she was one bad date away from dumping him.

The sex came after a few dates and it was something else. The same unstoppable effort she put into being the best in everything else, she put into being the best in bed. So, it was her version of perfect. Which was still amazing. A determined progression through positions and moves that she had planned beforehand, trying to give him as much pleasure as she could.

It always worked. Too well at first, actually, and he was really embarrassed his first couple of times with her, when he climaxed fairly soon, but she acted like she didn’t know why he would be. He quickly learned that she refused to take her own pleasure into account, and would never answer him when he almost begged her to tell him what SHE wanted, and what would make HER feel good, other than the satisfaction of driving him wild. It took quite a few times before he finally got her to orgasm. She always seemed to fight it, and acted embarrassed afterwards, but in those few precious moments when she was cumming he discovered a passionate, delicate girl clinging desperately to him like he was life itself. It was incredible.

Eventually he learned a few of her kinks and what set her off and their sessions became a competition of who could make the other one cum. She almost always won but his score count increased more and more. He wondered afterwards how rare orgasms had been for her up to that point, but she would never talk openly about it, other than to admit that she’d never had as many as with him.

Despite this, their sex always seemed to lack a true emotional quality. She was beautiful, her body was incredible, and they did it often, so he really shouldn’t be able to complain, but sex always seemed like a procedure. A very well done procedure, but still, it never felt like a natural spontaneous love-making between two deeply connected people.

She shocked him again when after 8 months she asked, or more told him, that they should move in together. It made sense after all, since it was so hard to see each other with their work schedule. She made it seem like a simple logical step, but he already at that point could sense a real emotional longing buried deep behind those piercing eyes. The thought of not seeing him as much was unacceptable because it would be unbearable. It ironically made him see her firm, determined exterior as a passionate and intense desire for him. She put so much of her Type-A effort into scheduling and running their relationship because losing his love and affection was unthinkable.

He probably wouldn’t have stayed with her, had he not discovered this deeper underpinning to her domineering ways. She never admitted it of course, but he was sure it was there. It came through on the few nights they were able to fall asleep in each others arms on the couch after she had found the perfect movie for them and the softest blanket to snuggle up under. When she looked at him expectantly over top of the delicious breakfast that she had gotten up early to make for them the next day. He could always, just barely, sense a very human vulnerability there, and he cherished it.

Then things changed in the last half of their final year. Her nephrology program was longer than his family medicine stream, so despite her seniority they would graduate at the same time. They had started to have conversations, and eventually arguments about where they would work afterwards. It got to the point where he was beginning to seriously question the long-term viability of their relationship.

He remembered she had walked up to him silently, with a serious look on her face, and he steeled himself for another of her long-winded rehearsed explanations of why her plans made more sense. However, all she did was look at him, open her mouth in a rare hesitation, and then speak the words:

“I love you.”

He remembered the words sneaking into his brain before he could register their meaning, then exploding like a bomb smuggled into a building. Her expressionless face didn’t change, but his eyes welled up with tears and he said back what he suddenly realized he had been wanting to say for so long.

“I love you too!”

He kissed her and hugged her close. Tears rolled down his face. She never cried, but she kept her arms around him, clinging to him for minutes on end, which was rare, compared to her usually brief hugs.

He never questioned whether she meant it, but he wondered, much later on, if there had been some tactic behind the move, because he ended up agreeing to her plans not long after this.

A month later he proposed to her. He remembered blubbering in tears again after she said yes, while she stood cool and collected, but her beautiful eyes shone into his with pride and happiness.

She seemed to find a new level of devotion towards their relationship after that. She used the word “fiance” at every opportunity. They shopped for houses, started to make plans for the wedding, though they hadn’t set a date yet. She organized their lives and worked hard to keep everything perfect, because he was her man. It was a simple, obvious, unchanging fact, like anything else. It mostly felt good, but it became overbearing at times, and she was developing more and more of a jealous streak when it came to him being around other women that she considered attractive.

Still, he always felt like she was out of his league. She never indicated anything of the sort though. She had actually joked before that he would be her trophy husband, or her arm-candy. He knew he was decent-looking. She, and a fair number of other women throughout his life had convinced him enough of that, but he was never able to find any true confidence from it.

He knew he ticked the boxes; good-looking, tall, athletic, doctor, pushing 30 but not yet balding or greying, above-average penis, tolerable foot odor. (He secretly, only-half-jokingly wondered if Elaina had exactly that list squirreled away in a box somewhere from when she first met him, with “comes from money” crossed out at the bottom). Despite all the facts, he was just naturally self-conscious.

It was part of his job as a doctor to question and doubt and decipher, and he couldn’t help doing that everywhere, including to himself, over-analyzing and picking apart everything he did and said. Sure, he could put on the front of a suave, confident, totally-has-his-shit-together caricature of a doctor, when the need arose, so whoever’s anxiety he needed to quell in that moment could trust him with their life. It was a thin veneer though, and he honestly couldn’t understand how anyone could do it every second of their life, let alone believe it.

Jon knew too well that life was uncertain. The universe was uncertain. Nothing was ever completely ruled in or ruled out, only a rising or falling level of probability. To live in denial of that was to lie to yourself in false reassurance. He had tried to talk to Elaina about this stuff a number of times but she was too facts-driven to care. Everything was a chemical equation with a clear solution to be found, and he and his philosophizing were impertinent to that.

He knew psychologically it wasn’t good to wallow in self-doubt, and so far, he was always able to pull it together and get the job done when he needed to. The more stressed, the more sleep deprived he became however, the more it creeped in and threatened him with an existential crisis.

Maybe the uber-jocks of the world have it right, he thought as he stared down the street in front of him. Just stick your head in the sand and wag your dick around pretending like you got the whole world figured out.

No, he quickly thought again. Just find your balance like you know you have to. The day I start acting like that is the day I should get in a Corvette with a leather jacket and designer sunglasses and drive myself off a cliff.

He pulled his Toyota into the garage of their new home. It looked out of place rolling up to the sprawling monstrosity of a house they had bought. She had told him to trade up to a higher-end vehicle a number of times, and even started car-shopping for him, but he had a soft spot in his heart for the thing. It was only a few years old, still nice enough to look respectable, and ran well. He’d had it since the start of residency, and it was one of the last things connecting him to his old life.

The house was beautiful, but felt impersonal. He knew it took a few months before any place started to feel like home, but he had a hard time believing he’d ever feel comfortable here. He hadn’t grown up dirt poor, but definitely lower-middle-class. He had learned very early on to always be careful with money. This house and their lifestyle was very quickly becoming everything he wasn’t. The price tag seemed insane to him, but with both of them working now, he eventually conceded that the math worked out. The mortgage was easy to approve. He just felt that it was a lot of debt to go into when he still had student loans being paid off.

He had to admit it had some very nice features though. The high ceilings, the huge windows, a nice large deck with a spectacular view of the rest of the city in the valley below and a huge hot tub. Elaina was disappointed there was no full sized pool, but he couldn’t fathom why they would need that in addition to everything else. She had already suggested tearing up the small garden and putting a pool there instead, but he had been a bit excited to try out his green thumb. There was more space than they could use. Four bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a huge finished basement with a den. He wondered why all the space when they had no plans for kids.

They had talked about it a few times. He had said that he did want kids eventually, and that it didn’t really matter when, knowing that no one’s ever fully ready. She was much less enthusiastic, eventually conceding ‘maybe’, far off in the future. Really he suspected she was just afraid of saying no, and starting another argument. So, they had no plans of growing into this place as any kind of family, but she explained how they could each use a room as an office, and keep one as a guest room. He had suggested they could get a dog, but she quickly rationalized how they didn’t have the time to look after one, and the problem of the messes it would make.

Yep, the house was perfect.

He couldn’t feel less at home.

He went to check the mail before going inside, and saw his neighbor Tabitha weeding her flower bed. She was a tiny young woman, much shorter but not quite as skinny as Elaina. Though she looked like she weighed absolutely nothing, she had a bit more accent to the curve of her body, as he found his eyes lingering on her backside as she bent over the flowers. He broke out of his careless staring and chastised himself for it, then decided to say hi to feel less creepy.

“Hi Tabitha,” he said politely.

She startled and popped up suddenly straightening her sun hat and tank top.

“Oh! H-hi, Jon!” she stuttered. She invariably had this bubbly nervous excitement whenever she talked to him. “Long day at the clinic?”

“Yeah. There’s been a lot of those unfortunately. The flowers look great.”

She blushed and gave an embarrassed smile. “Aw thanks. It’s a struggle to keep them nice, or at least as nice as everyone else’s around here. I don’t know how they do it.”

“Honestly I think most of them just ‘cheat’ and hire gardeners for it.”

She giggled “Maybe. I like gardening actually, I’m just kinda self-conscious. Elaina had pointed out a few dandelions that had snuck in.”

“I never would’ve noticed,” Jon reassured her. “Hey thanks again for the carrot cake the other day that was really thoughtful, …and delicious.”

“Aw thanks. I’m glad you liked it. It was the least I could do to welcome you guys here. Can you remind Elaina to bring my pan back though?” she asked timidly. “I thought maybe you guys were still eating it, but it’s been a week.”

“Oh! Yeah of course I thought she had already. Anyway, I’m already late getting home so I’d better head in. Take care.”

“You too. Stop in any time!” she gave a friendly wave and nervously turned back to her work.

Jon walked in the house to find Elaina organizing the take-out food on the kitchen counter.

“Hi honey, sorry I got caught up with paperwork and phone calls again, and Doug got talking to me for a bit.” He took a plate of food and they sat down at the huge solid wood table.

“Well, I’m getting used to it at this point. I still don’t know what takes you so long. Do you think you need a different assistant?” she asked.

“No Beth’s fine. The clinic runs smoothly enough,” he reassured her

“I still don’t like that girl, something about her rubs me the wrong way.”

“You’ve only met her a couple times.”

“It was enough. She just doesn’t seem… professional enough. I don’t like the way she looks at you.”

“She’s worked at the clinic for over a year already, as far as I can tell no one else has had a problem with her,” he tried to reassure her.

“Fine,” she shrugged, not seeming satisfied.

“I’m just.. not quick enough with visits, and documentation. I’m still trying to do too much I guess. It’s getting harder to focus recently too,” he said.

“Oh?..” she sounded concerned. “Something distracting you?”

“Just, my sleep hasn’t been the greatest. I’m just way more stressed. It’s a different kind of stress than being on the wards. It’s hard to explain.”

“Oh,” she replied, seeming to have expected a different answer. “Well like I’ve told you it comes with the territory honey,” she shrugged. “I still don’t get why this is suddenly an issue for you.”

“Like I said, it’s different than the wards. When we were training there was always that light at the end of the tunnel, even with the hardest rotations that there was an end in sight. I just figured starting into my own practice finally would be a bit more freeing. It’s felt like the opposite.”

“You’ll get used to it, everyone does,” she reassured him lamely. “Honestly I’m wishing I was busier.”

“You’re 1 of only 3 nephrologists, you’re on call every 3 days,” he said in disbelief.

“It’s every 2 right now until Debra gets back actually,” she added, “but it’s a smaller hospital than what I was used to, and consults don’t come as often. I’m not billing as much as I had hoped. The clinic’s nice and full, and the dialysis unit’s consistent, but still.”

“We’re doing fine for money,” he countered. “Hell I’ve been wanting to cut back on my clinic numbers, but the wait times would get out of hand.”

“Honey, we need to save up for the pool,” she reminded him.

“Yeah about that, I was thinking we could wait a year, just try a small garden and see if we like it.”

“We aren’t going to entertain guests with a garden,” she said.

“Depends on the guests,” he shrugged. “Also what guests?”

“I want us to start hosting parties honey, we talked about this,” she said with a sigh. “We’re new here, and we’re staying long term. We need to network and socialize.” She left out the “obviously” but it was clear in her tone.

He dreaded the idea, but agreed anyway.

“Besides,” she said. “If you keep a garden I don’t know if I can trust anymore that you’d only be growing vegetables in it.”

He sighed, “It was ONE TIME, one joint, I couldn’t sleep. I’m not smoking up regularly I promise you.” he stood up to start clearing the table.

“Where did you even get it?” she asked angrily.

“It was left over from a long time ago, I found it stashed away. It was stale as hell if that makes you feel any better.”

“It doesn’t. Why would it?” she crossed her arms angrily.

He facepalmed, and sighed. He looked back at her, with her crossed arms pushing her breasts up, her hips leaned to the side, and her eyes piercing a hole through him.

God she was sexy when she was angry. It sucked that she was never horny at the same time though. One time in an argument he had tried to kiss her and lift her on to the kitchen table knocking a few dishes to the floor. It was the only time she had ever slapped him in the face. Then screamed about the broken dishes. She hadn’t talked to him for a full day after that.

He tried to switch gears. “I could grow you some flowers,” he said, and smirked apologetically.

She rolled her eyes, “I don’t need flowers.” She turned away and walked towards the kitchen. “Ask Beth, maybe she does.”

“Oh COME ON!”

He left her to clean up the dishes herself, knowing he’d just dig himself a deeper hole if he remained in the room.

He found a beer and sat out on the deck to cool down.

A beautiful sunset washed across the sky. Why was his life seeming like such shit? This should be the culmination of years of work, finally paying off, yet here he was, fighting off a crushing depression and losing.

He had long since done away with any illusions that medicine was anything close to the flashy, exciting bullshit they showed in the movies and TV. Even before getting into medical school he had fairly realistic expectations of what most day to day life entailed.

He was mature enough now to know that he wouldn’t want endless ‘excitement’ and adrenaline either, because those situations meant people fucking dying. Only a certain percent of lives could come back from the brink, no matter how many right moves you made, and he felt like he’d have to be a sociopath to want to see that non-stop. Each to their own, he supposed, and even the ER guys had their own type of drudgery.

He always knew there would be drudgery. He knew there would be bad days, but still… everything felt so soul-sucking, so thankless, so hopeless when the root cause of so many problems was beyond his control. He knew he should still be finding satisfaction in the things he WAS able to change, but he just couldn’t.

He knew he was so privileged, with money, intelligence, his health, a beautiful fiance, so what if she was frustrating as hell to talk to sometimes. He dealt with so many people who had real, terrible problems.

Especially during his time back at the inner-city clinics. People with literally nothing struggling to survive day to day. Many of them were miserable, and they had so many legit reasons to be. Some of them though, still seemed genuinely happy. A war vet with one leg, who was always all smiles, lightly bumping people with his wheelchair and making a “beepbeepbeep” as he backed up to make them laugh. An immigrant father beaming with pride at his daughter’s grades now that her vision was finally fixed, talking excitedly about saving up to buy an old cheap computer…

Here he was, feeling broken and empty, while people like that could find meaning and peace in their lives. The guilt of it ripped him apart even more, and he fought away tears, sitting alone in the cool breeze.

Dusk was setting in as he sat there contemplating everything. The screen door eventually opened and Elaina stepped through, a glass of wine in hand.

“Netflix and chill?” she asked.

He raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Do you know what that means?”

“Yeah it means, turn on Netflix and then.. the ‘chill’ implies sex right?”

“It all means sex,” he corrected her.

“Can’t it be both?” she asked.

He laughed as he stood up and put his arms around her. “You’re too cute sometimes.”

“There’s a documentary I wanted to watch.” she said flatly.

“Sure, let’s go downstairs. Sorry for raising my voice earlier,” he said. “Today was just a tough one.”

“I know honey,” she hugged him briefly. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”

They curled up on the couch and silently watched the documentary. He couldn’t really focus on the subject matter though. Too many thoughts were still bouncing around in his head.

Two hours later it finally ended and they headed upstairs, and passing the kitchen jogged his memory.

“Hey honey before I forget, Tabitha mentioned we still haven’t given her pan back.”

“Oh. Why were you talking to her?”

“Because… she’s our neighbor. I ran into her out front working with her flowers.”

“Ah yes, in that huge gaudy hat she insists on wearing. With the amount of time she spends out there you’d think those things would look less overgrown.”

“I think you’re being a little harsh honey. Anyway, the pan?”

“I think I threw it out. It was old and scratched from what I remember.”

“Why would you throw out a metal pan?”

“It looked cheap to begin with. If she’s that hard up I can buy her a new one. Or better yet just hand her the ten dollars she’d need to get a better one,” she said calmly, turning away. He sighed and followed her up to the bedroom.

They climbed into their massive, plush king bed with dark baroque wooden frame and headboard. It still felt like he had snuck into some rich miser’s castle.

He turned off the light and crawled under the covers while she put her book away.

How long until I finally fall asleep tonight? he thought.

He felt her move up next to him and rub her hand over his chest, sliding her thigh over his.

“Want some help falling asleep?” she whispered close to his ear.

He smiled. “Yeah, if you want to?” He rolled to face her and kissed her.

“That doesn’t matter I just want you to feel good,” she whispered back.

He closed his eyes, thinking she would never get it. “Elaina, please I don’t want to have sex with you if I know you don’t want it.”

“I want… to feel you wanting it,” she purred in his ear as her hand found his cock. “I want to feel you needing it… Loving it…” She started to stroke him with each word. “That’s what I want.” she smiled and kissed him again as he groaned.

“Hnnng okay I’m convinced,” he smiled and chuckled.

He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her deeply as she stroked his engorging cock harder and started to moan.

“Mmmm I can’t wait until we’re married,” she said moving his shirt up to slip it off. He did the same to her and exhaled as he slid his hands over top of her round perky tits that fit perfectly in his palms.

“I can’t wait till it’s official,” she continued as she slipped the waistband of his pants down. “When you’ll be all mine.”

He slipped hers off and moved his hand between her thighs and gently explored.

“And everyone will know that you’re all mine. Completely,” she moaned as his fingers moved over her quickly moistening pussy.

“Hnnng! All mine, forever,” she breathed heavily in his ear.

She moved his hand away from her and slid her wet entrance over the tip of his cock teasing him at the edges.

“Mmmm, honey tell me,” she purred as he moaned in agony.

“Ugghh I’m yours honey,” he kissed her neck and squeezed her small firm butt with both his hands, pulling her into him but she resisted.

“Forever? No matter what?”

“Uhhh of course honey, no matter what. I love you!” he bucked up into her.

She finally sunk onto his shaft as they moaned together as he bottomed out inside her.

“Ohhhh Jonathon! I love you too!”

She started rocking, gradually increasing her pace. He groaned and gasped as she started fucking him harder, slapping their skin together until he almost got too worked up and then holding his full length inside her and gyrating. Her face determined and confident. She nibbled and licked his ear as she slid him all the way out of her and held him at her entrance until he bucked up into her in desperate need, then slowly slid down onto him again and gradually fucking him harder and harder again.

He kissed her neck passionately and massaged and caressed everywhere he could reach over her smooth back, her hard ass, her long slender thighs.

Eventually he rolled her onto her back. She looked like she almost wanted to protest, but relented and looked up at him with satisfied pride as she panted along with him and he grasped her thighs for dear life and pumped into her.

She closed her eyes and her moans heightened in pleasure as he slowed down and drove deeper. He thought she was getting close but she suddenly stopped and told him to get on his back again. He eagerly listened and she climbed on top, this time facing away from him, and sunk down on him again.

He watched her ass and the curve of her back rolling in waves as she slid over him and grasped his thighs for support.

She rotated and angled him into every part of her, squeezing her pussy over his cock as he bottomed out again and groaned. She started fucking him quicker and harder again, digging her nails into his thighs and he moaned out as his crescendo built. She looked back at him with a satisfied smile. Her face seemed so far away and he loved the feelings she was giving him, but he wanted her closer to him when he came.

That became less of a problem when she suddenly bit down on his toe.

“OW! Goddammit!” he blurted out instinctively and his foot jerked away, and his knee came up and hit her in the chest.

“Ah!” she exclaimed stopping and bringing her hands to her chest and pushing his knee away.

“Sorry honey”. He said sitting up and leaning forward to see if she was okay.

“I thought you might like that but I guess that’s a no,” she said breathlessly.

He wrapped his arms around her and brought his hands over top of hers on her chest.

“Are you gonna be okay?” he said, kissing the back of her neck.

“I think so. We can…mmm, we can keep going.”

He was still inside her, and he pulled her back up against his chest as they sat on the bed. He started rocking into her and caressed her breasts as he held her firmly against him. Her body moved up and down as he thrust into her and she felt precious in his arms as he held her tightly. His fingers slid over her hardening nipples and he caressed one hand down her torso to find her clitoris.

“Ahhh!” she moaned out.

He quicked his movements and she threw her head back and twisted around to kiss him.

“Mmmm say you’re sorry again,” she said, biting his lip.

“Ughhh I’m sorry honey. I love you.”

She moaned louder as he pushed her body up with his cock.

“Ohhh Jonathon!”

He was getting quickly worked up again but was getting strained.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and tipped her forward onto the bed. Her face hit the mattress and he lifter her hips into him and fell ontop of her. He kept his arms wrapped strongly around her waist as he panted into her neck and started pistoning in and out of her. She grasped the sheets in her hands and started moaning more quickly.

He kept an arm around her and moved his hand to find her clit again and started to tease and rub.

Her cries became more frantic and he put every bit of determination he could into keeping up his movements to bring her to climax.

“Ah! Jonathon! No! Oh! Jonathon!”

“Elaina!!”

“Ah! No! NO!! Stop Jonathon!”

He pulled out of her, feeling disappointed and confused.

“Sorry. Was I hurting you?!”

“No it was good I just… I didn’t want to… Here. come here.”

She laid him down on the bed and took his throbbing member into her mouth. Looking up at him with those beautiful electric eyes. She very quickly got him to orgasm and he jolted in pleasure as he shot his load into her mouth, crying out her name.

She smiled and raised an eyebrow in almost arrogant satisfaction as he panted through his aftershocks.

She straightened up and tickled his toes, then walked over to the bathroom to spit everything out.

He sighed as he relaxed back onto the pillow. He supposed he should have known better. She never liked cumming when he was in control. Sex always seemed like a power struggle between them, and one that she was never willing to lose. He didn’t mind really. Losing always felt just as good as winning to him, and if it kept her happy then so be it.

She finally came out of the bathroom and they curled up under the sheets together, pecking kisses and sliding their hands over each other as they relaxed.

“I wish you worked at the hospital. I miss seeing you on the wards.”

“I hated the wards, you know that. The clinic’s not all sunshine and roses but hospitalist work just makes me cringe.”

She sighed “If you insist. I just always remember back when we first met.”

She nuzzled into him

“I remember you were such a tall handsome slice of a man, but so scared and vulnerable looking.”

He chuckled “I WAS. First year rotations were intimidating as hell.”

“I remember, you worked so hard to make up for it. You were diligent, you jumped to do whatever I needed, whenever I wanted it. You were like my dutiful little pet, it was perfect.”

He smirked. “Well those days are over.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Are they?…”

He wished he could be certain if she was joking or not.

“I remember enjoying having you there, but I didn’t realize how I really felt about you until I heard the nurses start to talk about you. Wondering if you were single. The thought of any of those little bitches getting their hands on you made me sick with jealousy.”

He smiled “Well I guess you won in the end.”

She looked at him seriously “You’re damn right I did.” She kissed him again and nuzzled in to him and closed her eyes.

He did the same, but it felt hard to relax.

He could never be sure with her. Was he loved or owned? Was he cherished or trapped? Maybe it was all of the above. Did he care? Did he like it anyway?

He tried to tell himself he was overthinking it and worked to settle his mind down.

An hour and a half later he finally found sleep.

**********

Two weeks later,

“Okay Garrett, well I’m glad to hear you’re starting to feel better, so like we planned we’ll titrate up your dose slightly and we’ll follow-up in a month. Is the pharmacy next door okay again?” Jon asked.

“Yeah for sure. Thanks again doc, I really appreciate it,” Garrett replied with a courageous smile.

“Yeah no problem. Just remember to keep that appointment with your counselor, and keep going with that mindfulness stuff okay?” he reminded him.

“Yeah you got it.”

Jon smiled as Garrett left the room. He was a good kid, it was nice to see him improving. He was 20, going to the local community college. He had come to him a month ago as one of his first patients, hopelessly depressed. Not quite suicidal, but if he had been left to spiral down much longer he guessed he would have been. The antidepressants and the counseling were thankfully working. They didn’t always.

These last two weeks had still been tough, but he felt that his own downward spiral was leveling off, and maybe even starting to improve. There were more second or even third appointments with patients which seemed to always go more smoothly and easily than the first. He realized Carly was right and he was actually winning most of them over. He still was stressed. Elaina was still uncaring, his days were still longer than they should be, and he was almost always the last to leave the clinic, but he didn’t feel like he was out of control as much. Thank goodness, or he would’ve ended up like Garrett, or worse.

He clicked on the prescription after double checking it. An error message came up. He checked the web connection and it was still reading fine. Clicked again, nothing.

He picked up the phone. “Hey Beth can you come help me with this computer, it’s not sending the prescription out.”

She walked in after a couple minutes. She was wearing a well-fitted button up red collared blouse, with the top few buttons undone to reveal a maybe slightly unprofessional amount of cleavage. No that wasn’t fair, other women dress essentially the same, just with the size of her chest, it was more noticeable. Why was he even thinking about this?…

“Hey Dr. Davidson. What’s the issue?”

“It’s just showing me this error message, some kind of connection issue, I can’t make it send.”

“Well you’re the whiz kid with these things honestly, I don’t know if I’ll be much help, but let’s see.”

She leaned over and put one hand on his shoulder and other over top of his hand on the mouse. He could feel the warmth of the side of her chest, fractions of an inch from his cheek. He gulped and leaned away slightly.

“Yeah, it’s just not connecting. Everything else is, so that’s kinda weird,” she said seeming disinterested. “If you want you can print it out and I can just old-school fax it, or run it over later I guess,” she offered.

“No it’s just a simple dose increase, I can probably just phone it in.”

“K sure,” she slid her hand off of his on the mouse and squeezed his shoulder before letting it go. “Do you work out?”

Her question caught him off guard. “Uh, yeah a bit, but not that often any more, kinda hard to find the time… why?”

“You’re lucky, it still shows. You know my boyfriend works at a gym near here, he could probably get you a sweet deal on a membership,” she said.

“I’ll… think about it. Thanks Beth,” he said politely, turning back to the computer, watching her saunter away out of the corner of his eye.

He told himself Elaina was just making him paranoid. She just said she had a boyfriend so she wouldn’t…

He shook his thoughts away and picked up the phone.

“Hi can I speak with a pharmacist please?”

He finished his note while he waited.

“Hey Jon!”

“Oh hey Carly! How are you?” he said, grinning widely, glad it was her again.

He had talked with her a few more times already since their first encounter, the peppy spirit in her voice always brightened up his day. It was just simple prescription issues like this one, but they always got slightly off track and chatted for a couple minutes each time.

“Peachy as always.”

“You guys really gotta get some better on-hold music, that crap’s getting stuck in my head.”

“Oh my God tell me about it. I have no control I promise. What would you prefer though if I somehow figure it out?” she asked.

“Maybe some Zeppelin?”

She sighed “I love it. Stop being so cool, you’re making the other docs look bad.”

He laughed “You’re a fan?”

“I’ve got the box set my man!”

“Nice!”

“Buuut, it might scare the old ladies away. They’re kind of a big part of our clientele.”

“True…”

“Speaking of which, I have it on good authority that Mrs Bolton’s grandaughter Dara is about to be set up on the most splendid of dates with you. She’s a physiotherapist you see, and that makes her a perfect match for you, don’t you know,” she teased.

Jon sighed “Did you remind her I’m already engaged?”

“Hey if there’s no wedding ring you’re fair game apparently, these old bittys are saucy that way.”

He laughed again.

“So did you just call to chat or do you got some work for me doctor?”

“Naw I just called to annoy you and make all our patients wait around,” he joked.

“Sounds good to me,” she giggled. “I don’t think you could be annoying if you tried.”

“Tell that to my fi-…” he stopped himself and felt a pang of guilt suddenly. “Actually yeah I got a prescription change, it wouldn’t go through on the electronic system for some reason.”

“Sure thing, what’cha got?”

He read her the name and information, and the increase in dose.

“Looks good, that’ll be teed up right away,” she said. “That’s all then?”

“Yeah I guess,” he said. Then thought. “Hey do you guys stock melatonin there?”

“Yeah of course, just on the shelf, but you can send a prescription over if it’s a coverage thing.”

“No actually it’s for myself, I might swing by to pick it up later,” he said.

“Oh! Yeah totally, anytime,” she said sounding a bit more excited.

“Just a bit low on sleep these days,” he explained.

“Yeah I get it. I could call and sing you a lullaby later too, I hear that’s just as good,” she joked.

He laughed “Thanks, but I’ll try the melatonin.”

“Are you sure? One ‘rock a bye baby’ from me and my nephew’s out like THAT.”

“Yeah I’m sure,” he chuckled. “It was really nice talking to you again Carly.”

“You too. Never hesitate to call Jon.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

He smirked and went to call in his next patient, with a bounce in his step.

Unfortunately his good mood was short lived as the day was all downhill from there. Patients were taking longer to get through, either because they were complicated or they weren’t seeing eye to eye on things. He fell behind on notes and consults and ultimately ended even later than usual. He texted Elaina to warn her, but apparently she was running late as well, and asked him to take care of food.

“Hey Dr. Davidson,” Beth walked in. “Your last patient just called back after she left saying she forgot to mention something to you.” She handed him a slip of paper with a phone number on it. Was that fourth button undone before?

She sat down on the patient’s chair next to his desk and crossed her long fit legs as her skirt rode up. “Anything else you need?” she asked in a casual, slightly bored tone as she rapped her nails on to the desk.

“No Beth, you’re always such a great help. Head home and enjoy the evening. I always feel bad keeping you later when the clinic runs overtime.”

She shrugged “I don’t mind the extra cash honestly.”

“That’s good at least,” he said and turned to continue typing his note.

She hesitated as if to say more, but then got interrupted as another doctor stepped into the doorway.

“Hey Jon, you got a minute, I’m looking for someone to do me a favor?”

“Oh hi Dr. Gould,” Beth replied.

Jon turned to catch her giving the man an annoyed side-eye as she stood up, pulled the hem of her skirt back down and gently cleared her throat as she left the room.

“Yeah sure. …Jeff right?”

“Yeah, I guess we haven’t spoken since we said hi on your first week, I’m not around as much as the other guys, and when I am my office is kinda hidden down the end of the other hall.”

“Yeah no worries,” Jon said.

Jeff seemed like a nice enough guy. He was one of the ones relatively closer to his own age, likely late 30’s. He had a very intellectual look to him, even for a doctor, with thick framed glasses, a ginger complexion with red hair just starting to recede, but wasn’t ugly by any stretch and seemed in good shape, and he had a cool down-to-earth demeanor.

“How are you finding things so far?”

Jon sighed. The only thing more exhausting than the work was trying to re-iterate how it was making him feel.

Jeff laughed before he could speak, obviously reading his face “What are you, one, maybe one and a half months in?”

Jon nodded “Yeah around there”

“I can remember those days. I don’t envy you. Thinking you’re finally free of residency, then it’s out the frying pan into a whole different kind of fire. It’s always a hoof to the schnutz those first few weeks trying to find your stride.”

Jon made a tight smile “It’s felt like that, yeah.”

“Look if you’ve got issues and questions, or just the stress is getting too much, just let me know. I might not always have a quick or perfect solution, but we’ve all been there,” he offered.

“Thanks, I appreciate that.”

Jeff hesitated “You know what, nevermind.”

Jon was confused “No it’s okay, what did you need?”

“I’m just looking for someone to cover my Saturday walk-in shift, my kid has a recital that suddenly got rescheduled to that day. I can probably find someone else though, it’s okay.”

Jon thought for a second “No, you know what? I should do it.”

“No really, I can find someone” he persisted.

Jon shook his head “I should get more experience with doing quick simple visits. That’s part of my problem is keeping the time management under wraps. I haven’t actually done any of the walk in shifts yet, they keep getting gobbled up by the other guys.”

“Yeah they pay pretty well, so they usually fill up. That’s why I said, I could find someone else, but if you’re sure, then thanks. I’ll owe you one.”

“Yeah don’t worry about it.”

“Are you a beer drinker?” Jeff suddenly asked.

“Uh. Yeah, actually,” Jon perked up

“Let me buy you a case of beer at least then, what’s your favorite?”

Jon told him his favorite craft brew.

“Dark stuff, nice. I don’t think I’ve tried that one yet. Don’t mind if there’s one missing from it?” Jeff asked.

Jon laughed, “Of course not. Thanks.”

“Give me your cell number, I’ll get directions to your place sometime, and drop it off, or just leave it on your porch if your not around?”

“Sounds good to me,” Jon said, and they exchanged numbers.

“And like I said, feel free to text or call if you need help or advice with anything.”

“You bet, thanks again Jeff.”

“Take care.”

He got back to work, feeling revived again. It still took a long time to finish all his documents.

It was just after 7 o’clock as he finally logged off and grabbed his things. Last to leave again. He started to walk to his car.

Oh right the melatonin.

He turned around and headed towards the pharmacy. He looked down to check the time on his phone, remembering he still had to pick up food after this. His stomach grumbled. He looked back up to see a larger blonde woman walking the opposite direction running her eyes over him. She quickly diverted her gaze as he made eye contact. Then she briefly glanced back to see him give a polite smile, and she blushed and smirked as they passed each other.

Still got it I guess. He thought to himself.

She had actually been really good looking. Maybe a bit on the rounder side, but that was comparing her to Elaina’s slim figure. Girls with bodies like that could still rock it. They definitely didn’t get enough credit, he thought, having noticed her very large breasts parted by her purse strap. His mind wandered to thinking about Beth despite himself. There was nothing there right? I mean, obviously some women still found him attractive… but a girl like her? I mean the age gap alone… at least 7, maybe 8 years. He decided Elaina’s jealous paranoia was just infecting him.

He looked around the pharmacy, having never been inside before. It was a nice place, clean and modern. He found himself strolling to the back of the building where the pharmacists desk was, even though he didn’t need to speak to them, but was disappointed when he saw the cage around the darkened counter. The posted hours showing they had just left at 7.

He had hoped to finally see Carly. She was the closest thing to a real friend he had made since moving here. Jeff seemed nice though, there was potential there too. He turned back into the aisles and found the melatonin and went through the till. He’d have to find another excuse to come by some time, he decided.

He arrived home finally with a bag of takeout food. He checked his phone which had buzzed during the last minute of the drive. Elaina had just eaten supper at the hospital cafeteria and would be home in an hour. Fair enough he thought.

He decided to fit in a work-out downstairs for the first time in a while, telling himself it was NOT just because of Beth’s comments. Halfway through the doorbell rang and he ran upstairs, sweating and panting in his shorts and tank top.

He admittedly opened the door a little fast and obviously scared the poor tiny woman behind it who gasped and dropped the container she was holding.

“Oh! Shit. Ohhh damnit. Hi- Sorry,” Tabitha bumbled picking up the plastic container and opening it gingerly to look inside.

“No I’m sorry I startled you, I was in a hurry to make it to the door.”

“That’s okay,” she said.

“What can I do for you?” He tried to give her a sympathetic smile but she seemed flustered and embarrassed.

“Is…Elaina home?” she asked looking shy and almost scared to look at him. She was such a mousey little thing, with a timid high pitched voice. She was about his age, maybe slightly older, but her size and demeanor made her seem younger.

“No she’s running late at work.”

“Oh okay, well these are for you. Sorry, I think one or two just broke.”

He took the container and saw home-cooked muffins inside. “Oh no worries. Thank you so much they look delicious.”

She gave a brave smile and pulled her curly brown hair behind her ears and fidgeted with her glasses. He picked up one of the broken muffins and took a bite.

“Mmmmm, still warm. God that’s good. I feel like I’m back home.”

“I’m glad you like them. I was worried Elaina and I got off on the wrong foot, so I thought I’d make a peace offering.”

“Oh? What do you mean?” he asked.

“She didn’t tell you? Umm, well she was upset with me a few days ago because of the front lawn, cause I was mowing the clippings on to your side. I’ve been careful not to do it since though, and you can take these as my apology.” she said looking genuinely sorry.

“Oh.” It was Jon’s turn to feel embarrassed. “Well thanks Tabitha, but honestly I don’t have a problem with that at all. It’s fine.”

“K. Well… your fiance seems to think differently.”

“I’ll… talk to her. Thanks anyway for the muffin’s though, I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome, I hope she does too.” She gave one last polite smile, still seeming intimidated by him despite his best efforts.

“And I’ll make sure we get the container back to you this time, sorry again about that.”

“Oh that’s okay,” she sighed. “Well I guess I’ll head back, Brad’s home for once and I should spend some time with him. Don’t hesitate to stop by any time!” she smiled and turned away.

He said goodbye and went back downstairs finishing the muffin. It was genuinely delicious. Brad’s a lucky guy, he thought.

He heard Elaina come in the door an hour and half later. She found him in the den with his tablet.

“Hi Honey,” she said, sitting on the other end of the couch. “There was a problem at the dialysis unit, and then there were still 2 consults pending on the ward after that. It’s nice I’m finally getting busier though.”

“Yeah. That’s… good,” he said, never understanding how she could be such a workaholic.

“Are you looking through some of the wedding stuff I sent you?”

He was reading a new sci-fi novel on the tablet.

“Uh, I had looked through a bit of it, but there’s a ton of stuff you linked, it’ll take me a while to get through.”

“Did you look at the dresses?”

“Elaina I am the last person you want to go to for fashion advice. Besides you could wear a paper bag and make it shine.”

She looked at him silently as if trying to decide whether to be annoyed or flattered.

“I want us to drive down to the city on Saturday to look at a few venues. I already called and booked an appointment at one of them. They schedule at least a year or more in advance, so if it’s what we want we need to get on the list soon.”

He sighed, “I just took a walk-in shift this Saturday.”

“Can you change it?”

“I was bailing out Jeff, he had this recital for his kid. I’d be an asshole to back out suddenly.”

She looked at him expressionless and thought, then said, “Fine, I’ll try to reschedule it.”

“Thanks,” he said, surprised she hadn’t argued more.

“I’m glad you’re taking on more work at least.”

He chose not to respond to that comment.

“Although, try to keep your weekends free for the next little while,” she continued, “or at least talk to me first. Besides venue-shopping I want to try to throw a party before the weather starts to turn too cold, so we can use the back yard and the jacuzzi.”

“Who would we invite?” he asked.

“Work colleagues, neighbors. It’ll be fun Jonathan,” she reassured him, not thinking to try smiling for effect.

“Okay, well let me know what date you want, and I’ll try to think of some people to ask. Speaking of which, Tabitha would be a good start. She stopped by with some muffins for us, they’re on the counter.”

She frowned. “Oh. That’s odd. Why?”

“Well… It’s just a nice neighborly thing to do, but in this case it was as an apology. Did you really have a problem with her mowing the grass onto our side of the front lawn?”

“It was rude!” Elaina put her hands on her hips. “Anyway, I don’t need her to feed me, her tears at the time were enough to let me know I got my point across.”

“You made her cry?!”

“Not on purpose,” she shrugged. “It’s not my fault she’s a fragile little pipsqueak. The way she fumbles around that house and yard, I feel like she’s out of her element in this neighborhood.”

“Well maybe her and I can bond over that,” he muttered.

She squinted and frowned at him. “I don’t like her. She’s annoying. That grating high pitched voice and the way she stutters. I don’t know how Brad puts up with her. It’s no wonder he spends so much time away on business.”

Jon shook his head and shrugged. “I thought she seemed nice enough.”

“Well the muffins are all yours, if I want some I’ll buy some better ones from the store,” she said, turning around and heading back upstairs.

Later that night he took the melatonin, and an hour later crawled in to bed. He would start with this, but he really wanted to avoid going on any heavier sleeping pills, knowing the potential problems.

She crawled under the covers next to him 20 minutes later. He felt a single small hand on his shoulder.

“Jonathon” she said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I’m serious that I don’t want you hanging out with Tabitha. Especially if I’m not around.”

Jon closed his eyes and cringed. “Okay,” he relented.

“Thank you,” she said coldly.

After a few seconds of silence she spoke again.

“Jonathon… I love you. You know that right?”

“Yeah, of course. I love you too, honey,” he said cautiously.

He rolled over to kiss her but she had already turned away again and curled up to sleep.

30 minutes later he drifted off.

That Saturday the walk in clinic didn’t go as badly as he feared.

Beth had taken the shift to work the front desk for him, even though any of the assistants could have done it. She was dressed more sporty today with a zipped up thin fleece, and tight black slacks, almost resembling yoga pants.

There were a lot of patients, but he found their expectations were nicely in line with a walk in clinic, just wanting one issue fixed, and usually a simple one at that. He was able to keep pace fairly well, to his surprise. He had to call the ER to refer a couple patients there who had more serious symptoms than they realized, but he was able to get through the entire roster only 20 minutes after they officially closed up. His notes weren’t even that far behind.

Beth slowly walked in and leaned against the wall. With everyone gone she had decided to unzip her fleece and had a very tight, very revealing black tank top underneath, clinging to her large breasts and flat stomach.

“Hey Dr. Davidson, almost finished up?”

“Yeah Beth, it went pretty well today, thanks again for your help.”

“Anytime. You were like a machine today, I’m impressed.”

He chuckled “Thanks. You were efficient as always,” and turned back to his computer.

She took a step forward. “Dr. Davidson… can I ask you a favor?”

“Yeah sure Beth,” he said as he kept typing.

“It’s nothing, just… like don’t make a ‘visit’ or a note out of it, but can you look at something for me?”

“Uh, Okay.” he said looking up at her.

She slipped her fleece off and threw it on the chair, the smooth flawless skin of her shoulders and the tops of her breasts jumped out at him. “I noticed a mole on my shoulder, and like, maybe it’s nothing, but it’s new, and I go to tanning salons sometimes…”

“You know those aren’t healthy Beth,” he said, standing up to take a look as she turned to the side.

“I know. I just go sometimes. I like my skin to look nice. …My boyfriend likes it.”

She moved her thumb under the strap of her left shoulder and, to his surprise moved both the tank top and the bra strap down to the side of her arm. She was still decent, but only barely.

“Well in my opinion you should keep your skin looking nice by avoiding those places, I think you’re fine how you are,” he countered encouragingly.

“Thank you,” she whispered as he placed his hands delicately on her shoulder on either side of the lesion.

She was not the first attractive female he had examined, by far, and he had developed an instinct for going into ‘doctor-mode’, which to him meant forgetting the fact that a hot woman stood in front of you and instead focusing intently on the medical details of what you’re examining, picturing the cells, thinking of the physiology. He noted the contour of the lesion, the shape and colour. Going through the list of possible skin issues in his head. It didn’t take long though, it looked like the most normal benign mole he had ever seen.

The back of his mind however, seemed to have a direct line of communication to his peripheral vision, in which her left breast was becoming more and more revealed from his vantage point above her. The cup of her bra slightly separating from it and the hint of a silhouette of a nipple taking shape as she took a deep breath in and it rose and fell. He didn’t think it directly, but more felt it in his lower instinctual brain, that a large, supple breast of a young woman in her prime hung below him in the corner of his eye. He couldn’t decide if it was intentional or not when he stole one quick direct glance as he pulled away from her. In that fraction of a second he could see the top side of her nipple and the remainder of her perfect D-cup breast, jutting out proudly, despite having lost its support. She clearly didn’t wear much padding in her bra, and in fact looked bigger than he had thought.

He quickly stepped away and sat down again. “It looks benign Beth, I wouldn’t worry about it. If it starts to grow or take on a weird shape or color then have someone take another look,” he said trying to sound professional, and deliberately keeping his eyes on the computer screen.

He pretended to look at another chart note, but was too busy noticing her standing there out of the corner of his eye. She hadn’t pulled the strap back on her shoulder yet, her top was still hanging loose on one side just barely covering the lower half of her left breast. She just stood there breathing.

Finally she hooked her thumb under it and pulled it back on top of her left shoulder. Only then did he have the courage to turn his eyes back to her. Only then did he notice that while she had been standing there, she had brought her other hand up under her right shoulder strap, as if she had planned to release it too…

She looked flushed, and stared at his eyes for a brief second before turning away and reaching for her fleece.

“Thanks Dr. Davidson. That’s a big relief,” she said in a surprisingly normal voice.

“Yeah no problem,” he said looking back at the computer screen.

“K bye,” she said, and left the room quickly.

He let out a long sigh.

Suddenly she walked back into the room as quickly as she had left.

“Hey I meant to ask you something else,” she said seeming slightly out of breath. “So, my boyfriend Jared and I are throwing a house party tonight and it probably won’t be like, huge, but there’ll be music and drinks, and games and hopefully it’ll be fun, and if you maybe wanted to stop by that’d be cool, like you could, um, you could bring your fiance, if she’s into that, and like, no pressure but just if you’re not doing anything. It’s whatever.” She had her fleece bunched up in a ball and was hugging it tightly into her stomach, pushing her breasts up even higher.

He looked at her nervous eyes, sharp and defined under her heavy makeup. He was speechless for a moment.

“Uhh, thanks Beth I appreciate the offer. I’m… not sure if we’re free tonight, or if that’s… our ‘scene’ per se. I mean, I’d feel like a bit of an old fart showing up to party with your friends I think…”

“What? No. I promise they’d be fine with it. I mean, yeah you’re a BIT older but like, you seem like a cool guy and… wait how old are you?

“Twenty nine.”

“Pffft, whatever, look you have my cell right? Just send a text if you wanna come and I’ll give you directions.”

“Sure Beth, thanks.”

“K,” she smiled and let out a long breath. “K,” she said again and bounced out of the room.

He was starting to become more certain he wasn’t imagining things.

Shit.

How much trouble was this girl gonna be? Was he sending his own signals and not realizing it? Why the hell did Elaina have to be right? Goddammit.

His cock was pressing into his underwear, wanting to swell larger, and he could tell his heart rate was up. He didn’t want to think about it right now. He turned back to the computer.

The last couple of notes that should only have taken him 5 minutes, took him 20. His head was a mess. His palms were still sweaty. He quickly got his stuff and set the alarm to the clinic and closed up.

He was almost at his car when he felt his pocket and suddenly realized his cellphone was still sitting on his desk in the clinic. Shit! He quickly spun on his heel in a 180 and walked straight into a woman he hadn’t realized was behind him.

Two very big soft objects squished into his abs and a head of blonde wavy hair slammed into his chest.

“OH!” she cried out in surprise.

He grabbed her by the shoulders to steady her and stop both of them from toppling over. She pulled her head away and looked up at him. It was the same slightly-large woman who had been checking him out in the parking lot a few days earlier. She looked up at him with doe-eyed surprise, her light blue eyes locking with his and her mouth partway open. He could see down her button-up sweater into her deep cleavage as her tits pressed into him and she breathed quickly.

“Sorry!” was all he could muster.

She whispered “I’m okay” barely audible, and he more read her lips than heard her as she stared up at him and her face turned red.

He snapped back to it and let go of her and kept walking quickly back to the clinic, too embarrassed and flustered to give more of an explanation.

He spared one look behind him to make sure she was really okay, and saw her staring at him from behind her car, the one parked right beside his in the reserved area. She quickly diverted her eyes and got in her car.

His cock never had completely settled down since Beth’s encounter, and now it was growing steadily despite him trying to distract his mind and breathe more slowly. He punched in the code to the alarm and walked through the clinic. By the time he got back to his office his cock was straining painfully against his slacks and interfering with his walking. He picked up his phone and saw a text.

– Hey Dr. Davidson, it’s Beth just making sure you have my cell number, maybe see you later… 😉

He closed his eyes. His erection wasn’t going anywhere, he could barely stand upright. He rationalized that he probably wasn’t safe to drive unless he took care of his… problem. He looked back at the door and walked over to close it. The security cameras in the hallways were set up so they couldn’t see into the rooms at all, but he felt safer with the door closed.

He unzipped and his cock sprung to rock-hard attention. He grabbed a disposable packet of lubricant from the exam table, closed his eyes and set to work. He couldn’t let himself think of Beth. It just wasn’t healthy. He needed to get that girl out of his mind. So he focused on the other woman. The blonde stranger from the parking lot. She was the safer bet. Honestly he wasn’t sure which of the two women was more to blame for his erection at this point, but he didn’t really care.

He pictured the woman’s tits, mentally undressing and revealing them, remembering the feel of their huge surface pressed against his abs, imagining them bouncing against him as he fucked her, driving himself up into her soft wide hips. He could see her blue eyes shining up at him and her mouth partway open. He surprised himself with how intensely erotic the image felt, and he stroked harder and grunted, lost in his fantasy. He quickly felt himself cumming, picturing his hands digging into her soft ass and unloading deep inside her, or in this case a balled up tissue. It was a powerful orgasm, taking him off guard, he lurched forward and groaned, almost falling over, and the tissue almost didn’t contain everything.

He disposed of the tissue and made sure he and everything else was clean. His breathing slowed and he felt much more relaxed, if a bit foolish. He still had the face of that blonde woman in his mind. It wasn’t like he had never fantasized about a woman like that before, but she wasn’t his usual type. He certainly had never dated a woman with her kind of plump but voluptuous curves, though he had always found them attractive.

He put is phone in his pocket, double checked he hadn’t forgotten anything else and headed back out the door. Feeling much more clear-minded.

As he drove home he worked through the situation in his head. Beth technically hadn’t done anything inappropriate. It was still conceivably possible that she was just unintentionally sending signals and acting awkward, while trying to be nice, but he found that hard to believe.

He worked through how he could breach the subject on Monday, trying to think of how to bring it up in a way that was tactful and diplomatic. He certainly didn’t want her fired, but he needed to make sure that things stayed professional.

He got home just in time for supper. Elaina had made a beautiful spread of sauteed fish with rosti potatoes and vegetables. It tasted amazing.

“How was the clinic?” she asked as they ate.

“It actually went really well, it felt easier to keep things flowing. There was a chest pain I had to send over to ER, and an abdo pain too, might have been an appendicitis.”

“Hm, sounds interesting,” she replied, “Was Beth there?”

“Yeah actually…” he said cautiously.

For once she was able to read his tone because she followed quickly with, “I only bring her up because I wanted to apologize about how I’ve talked about her. I know I can get jealous sometimes, and I was reading some articles about couples and divorce and I realized I might have some… unhealthy habits about how I express my feelings.”

He tilted his head curiously. This was new for her.

“I have to accept you’re going to have to work with other women, and that some of them might be attractive, but that’s where trust comes in to play. So I’m going to trust you. …because I love you.” she forced a smile, after what were clearly difficult words for her. Granted, they sounded half-rehearsed, but he believed them.

“I… that means a lot Elaina. Thank you,” he smiled back astonished at her new found insight. “You know if it makes you feel any better she mentioned she has a boyfriend.”

Elaina seemed to think for a second “Actually yes. It does. Thank you.” Then she got up and started to clear the table. “What’s his name?”

“Um, Jared I think she said.”

“Have you met him?” she asked.

“No. She just mentioned him in passing.”

“Okay, do you think we should invite them over?”

He went bug-eyed for a split second. “No they’re-”

“To the party I mean, when we host it,” she interrupted to clarify.

“I… maybe,” he struggled for what to say. “Actually incidentally she technically invited us to a party at their place tonight but th-”

“Oh we should go then!”

Jesus Christ… he mentally facepalmed.

“No. Elaina I was trying to explain, she’s like 21, 22 maybe. I’m pretty sure it’ll be like a college frat party, we’d be like fish out of water. We’re not old, but we’re not THAT young.”

“But she invited us…” she countered, genuinely not getting it.

“I’m almost certain it was just to be polite. Look, I already deeply regret bringing it up. I really just want to watch a movie tonight,” he begged.

“Okay… I still think it’s rude. You should call her and tell her we’re not coming at least.”

“I’ll…text her and let her know. But don’t worry it was a very open-ended, soft invite.”

She shrugged, “We need to make some friends Jonathon.”

He sighed, “I know. Hey why don’t we set a date for that party. When were you thinking?”

She smiled. “Three weeks from now would work the best I think. Do you have anyone to invite?”

“Yeah I can ask at least a few of the docs from the clinic, Doug for sure, and actually I’ve gotten to know Jeff a little bit too.”

“Oh he dropped off beer for you yesterday. I meant to tell you but you came home late. It’s in the fridge in the den. He seems like a very nice gentleman.”

“Perfect, I could use one,” he said.

“And we should invite Beth and Jared,” she continued. “It’s the least we can do for missing their party.”

He bit down on his tongue for 5 long seconds and stared at the wall.

“K.” he finally replied.

“Did you text her yet?”

“Nope.”

“Well tell her Jonathon, hosting parties is stressful when you don’t know how many people are coming,” she insisted.

He glared at the back of her head as she worked in the kitchen, then walked over to the living room and sat on the couch.

He opened his phone. Very tempted to just lie to Elaina and not send anything, but against his better judgment he did.

Hey Beth it’s Jon here, we won’t make it out tonight, but I hope you have a fun time. See you Monday.

There. He went downstairs to grab a beer.

As soon as he cracked it his phone buzzed.

Aww that sucks. If you change your mind you can still show up later. We might go to a bar. Just text me 😉

He ignored it and went to find Elaina.

Instead of a movie they binged through a few episodes of a Netflix drama. At 11:30 she went upstairs to start getting ready for bed.

His phone buzzed again. Another message from Beth.

– Heyyyy Dr McDreamy, cum strip for us!!! 😀

He stared at it in shock.

a GIF appeared. It was a short clip from Magic Mike.

– Can U do that?? Get down here and show us!!

He ignored it. He took out his tablet and started to read, trying to focus on his book.

Another buzz.

– OMG Im sososo sorry, my friends are a-holes. Pls just ignore that. Sorry.

He smirked and turned back to his book. Then after a few seconds frowned. She must have mentioned him. What would she have said..? he quickly did a risk/benefit analysis of thinking about it any further and decided to focus on his book instead.

Elaina came down to say goodnight and asked him to come to bed, but he didn’t feel tired.

He stayed up until 1 o’clock and then tried to go to bed. He lay there unable to feel tired, too many things going through his mind. He tried the relaxation techniques he sometimes taught to his patients, but they only helped slightly. Finally he checked his clock. 2 am. Goddammit.

He decided to get up and read some more. He grabbed a snack and another beer and headed back down to the den to find his tablet.

Suddenly his phone buzzed. Beth.

– U still up?

He texted back, too tired to care whether it was a good idea or not.

– Unfortunately yeah. How was your party?

– OK I guess. Kinda lame. You should’ve been here.

– Maybe some other time.

– I really really wanted you… to come tonight.

His heart rate picked up, he decided to stop and tried to focus on the book.

-Goodnight Beth

After a while there was another buzz.

– I really want you…

Goddammit. He was in trouble. He stared at the tablet screen, trying to escape into the book but not comprehending the words. Another buzz.

A picture message. He almost dropped the phone when it loaded. It was a frontal view of her chest. The same black tank top she had been wearing earlier that day, but her hand was pulling down in the center of the neckline stretching it to show her entire cleavage. He noticed the same pink nail polish on her fingers as earlier that day. Her tits were squeezed together, the flesh bulging out from the stretched neckline and a tease of her areolas peaking out on either side. Another buzz

– U wanna see more?

He was erect and his hand had instinctively moved to his shorts.

– I wanted you to take me in the clinic today…

He stared and stared, reaching down under his waistband.

He closed his eyes. Then stopped. He deleted the messages and turned off his phone. He sat with his hand over his mouth staring at the wall. Finally he stood up and went back to bed.

He climbed under the covers and stared at the ceiling. Then looked over at Elaina and slid towards her wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck, his still erect cock pressing into her from behind.

“Whuh? honey what…” she groggily woke up confused.

He turned her shoulder toward him and moved to kiss her lips.

“Mmmm honey, how late is it?” she asked, half awake.

He reached up her shirt and grabbed her breast feeling hornier than he could stand.

“Ow! Don’t squeeze too hard. Jonathon why, why are… Okay just… okayokay come here” she moved underneath him and wrapped her arms around him, trying to kiss him gently back, but he was worked up and stuck his tongue in her mouth hard enough that she turned away. He brought his kisses down her neck and over her tits, he squeezed two handfuls of them and pushed them together, slobbering into her cleavage.

“Oh, what-… honey what’s gotten into y- oohhh!” she moaned as he flexed up to slide his erection over her groin and her mound while he manhandled her breasts.

He brought his hand down and started fingering her and she gasped. He brought his other arm around her waist and lifted her hips off the bed and into him, sliding his cock over her clitoris and mound and fingering inside her entrance as she grew wetter and wetter. His mouth coated her breasts in saliva and he nibbled slightly at her nipple.

“AH! Honey I’ve told you no biting! why a–aaaahhh! Honey!” he moved his fingers deeper in to her. then brought his kisses down her stomach and over her mound, lifting her hips higher off the bed and holding her tightly with his arm he moved his mouth over her clitoris. He rarely went down on her, because usually she stopped him, but tonight he was in his own world.

“No! Jonathon, you don’t need t-ahh! why are… Oh! okayokay… Jonathon! Ah! ohhhkay!”

She had tried to move but he held her hips tightly with his arm wrapped around her while licking and sucking and fingering. She seemed to be fighting it and loving it at the same time, growing wetter and her cries less cohesive.

Finally he pushed her hips down on the bed and moved up to put his painfully hard cock in position. He slid into her, stretching her out and pushing into her in one smooth motion. She wailed out at the unusually rushed entrance. He began pumping in and out of her quickly. She braced herself by grabbing his arms and flexed her hips, bringing her legs up for better positioning. He couldn’t help himself from increasing his pace.

He tried to focus on her body and her face, but every time he closed his eyes he saw that picture of Beth’s tits burned into his vision. He fought it and leaned forward to kiss Elaina.

She was panting hard and her face was red. He just wanted to come inside her and get it all out of him. The look on her face was awestruck and maybe even scared, but passionate as well. To his surprise he felt her begin to tremble.

“AH! HONEY! I..NO!” she grabbed his shoulders and began to look panicked, her orgasm starting to tumble out of her.

“JONATHON! AH! NO! NO! JONATHON!!” she shook into him and he wrapped his arms around her and held her as she spasmed and started to cum.

“AH! JONATHON! AH! I LOVE YOU!” she cried out.

He came inside her shortly after, yelling out as an intense orgasm hit him, his cock flexing and his body jolting with each stream of cum he shot inside her. He held her head in his hands and looked at her beautiful pleasure-filled face as their orgasms subsided. He kissed her.

“I love you too,” he said.

His body and mind slowly relaxed as he stroked her and kissed her. Endorphins washed over him and the fog in in his mind seemed to fade, his previous frustration seeming silly. He lay there feeling his chest breathing with hers, feeling guilt for his momentary selfishness, but new found affection for his devoted fiance. He moved his hands over her breasts, her back, her ass, her legs. He stared into her beautiful, tear-filled eyes. There was nothing Beth could give him that she couldn’t.

“I’m sorry honey, are you okay?” he asked.

Her voice was shaky “Yeah, don’t worry it’s okay honey. That was… that was good. It was different, but it was… really good. Maybe just warn me next time.”

He smiled and kissed her, relieved that he hadn’t hurt her.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms.

They slept in Sunday morning and he eventually woke up feeling surprisingly well rested. She was still asleep so he went downstairs and decided to cook her up a traditional English breakfast, knowing it was her favorite. She eventually padded down the stairs, looking somehow both disheveled and elegant.

“Coffee’s on,” he said as he took the frying pan off the heat and grabbed some plates. “How are you feeling?”

“If I’m being honest, a bit sore… What happened to you last night honey?” she asked looking at him with concern.

He handed her a plate of food. “I’m sorry,” he said delicately, and walked to the table. “It was… a lot things. Issues… building up. I feel a lot better now though I promise,” he said. It was all technically true.

“They say sex is good for that I suppose,” she replied. “I’m just… still not sure how I feel about it.”

“It seemed like we both enjoyed it I thought?” he ventured.

“Yes, I wouldn’t deny that, but I’m just not sure. It felt good but also not good.” she looked annoyed at herself for not being able to articulate it.

“I think what I mean is… I just don’t like losing control,” she said, satisfied with her answer.

“You don’t always have to be in control,” he said offhandedly.

She squinted her eyes at him and frowned like he had just spoken pure gibberish.

They finished their meal, and she found her laptop and curled up in the living room. He went to the back yard and mowed the lawn. When he finished it was just before noon. He checked his phone and saw a new text from Beth.

OMG I’m so so sorry. Last night those texts weren’t from me I promise. My idiot friends got my phone again after I went to sleep. Pleasepleaseplease don’t tell anyone. I’m so sorry.

He stared at the message for a long time.

He decided that whether or not it was her friends or her was a moot point. Either way she was clearly taking back everything that was said. She was probably extremely drunk. He would talk to her on Monday and work it out. What would come of it, he wasn’t sure, but one thing he felt confident about was that he wasn’t going to let her ruin his relationship. She wasn’t worth it.

**********

He walked into the clinic Monday feeling less nervous than he expected. He popped over to Jeff’s office to thank him for the beer, and they ended up talking for a while about different brews and their preferences as Jeff had indeed stolen one from the case and enjoyed it. Jeff actually did a lot of his own brewing as a hobby, and Jon made him promise to let him try one sometime. Jon invited him to the party and he said he’d definitely make it. He made it back to his desk and started looking through his patient list for the day.

The door softly closed and he looked up to see Beth facing him. She looked like a ghost. Her face was pale and troubled. Her eyes slightly bloodshot. She looked like she had already been crying that morning. She was wearing a plain green turtleneck, her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. She was still beautiful.

“Hi Beth,” he said, in as neutral a tone as he could

“Dr. Davidson I’m so sorry,” she croaked. A tear was already rolling down her cheek. “Have you told anyone?” she asked, looking like she was already starting to panic.

“No. Sit down Beth. It’s okay.” He gestured to the patient chair next to his desk, but she hopped up and sat on the exam table instead.

“It’s NOT okay. I can’t believe what I sent you, I just got way more drunk than I should have. I’ve been going through some crap and…” She stopped herself. She closed her eyes and hugged her arms into herself.

She breathed out and spoke more slowly, “What I mean is… I’ve been going through a lot, so I got more drunk than I should have. And I didn’t realize my very immature friend figured out my phone password. And um, I was too drunk to realize that’s how she was getting into my phone. And after I blac-… was sleeping, she must have sent those things. So just… None of those messages were true. This weekend sucked.” She started to sob.

His instinct was to reach out and give her a comforting touch on the hand but he thought better of it, and instead handed her a box of tissues.

“Please don’t tell anyone, please don’t make them fire me Dr. Davidson please, I like this job, I like working with you please…”

He looked at her for a moment. Her explanation seemed very rehearsed and didn’t quite add up, but he decided everyone’s lives would be better and simpler if he just believed her, so he decided he would.

“It’s okay Beth, I won’t tell anyone. Look, we’ll just pretend it didn’t happen. We’ll move on… but we need to keep things professional between you and me, for both our sake’s,” he said, looking at her seriously.

She nodded “Okay.”

“I deleted the picture of course,” he said, standing up.

“Oh, um, yeah. Thanks.” She turned away, almost looking disappointed for a split second.