Rebound

“Any left?” I said. Russell groaned as he turned to face me with the jug of coffee.

“The fuck Nate? Isn’t it enough that I have to work with your ugly mug every day?” He whined and looked at me blearily. “Why are you in my flat?” I bit my lip and glanced over my shoulder. Russell raised his eyebrows at me and sighed as I shrugged, motioning to his flatmate Darius’ room with my head. He sighed.

“Still?” He muttered.

“Not proud of it.” I shrugged. “Give us a lift to work?” Russell sighed.

“You can walk.” He said. I nudged him in the ribs.

“Get fucked.” He raised his eyebrows pointedly at Darius’ bedroom door.

“That’s more your thing.” He yawned. I hit him playfully. “Yeah, alright.” He looked me over. “I’m leaving in 20 minutes. You remember where the towels are?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” He rolled his eyes at me as I helped myself to coffee and went to take a shower.

—–

Work. Same fucking old. Russell only gave me the bare minimum of shit for yet again caving and fucking his flatmate- which was quite a lot of shit, I’ll be honest. But I can take it.

“You hate him.” He said once the morning rush was over.

“I don’t HATE him.” I sighed and decided to get stuck into soaking the teacups. “He’s ok.”

“He hates you.”

“Yeah I think that’s why the sex is so good.” Russell spluttered and lost half his coffee over his t-shirt. I laughed. “That’s karma for drinking on shift.” I said. He rolled his eyes.

“No coffee on shift huh? Boss man? Then I guess you won’t mind if I…” He reached for the mug of filter I’d been filling up all morning and I slapped him away.

“Fuck off.” I laughed. “Go get another apron anyway- you can’t work like that.” Russell looked at his chest and sighed.

“Guess not.” He said. “Oooh.” He glanced at the door and I followed his gaze. “New favourite customer incoming.” He muttered as the guy from yesterday approached. I grinned and shooed Russell away. I watched Mr Contractor approach. He was staring at his phone and frowning, his thumb hovering over it as if he couldn’t quite work out what to say.

“Quad USA?” I greeted him. He smiled at me, looking up from his phone.

“Good memory.” I bit back the actual response to that which was well, handsome, you’re pretty memorable. Instead I shrugged.

“I’m good at this.” I laughed. “Easier with weird coffee orders.”

“Is it weird?” He leant on the counter and I winced. Don’t call customers weird.

“Not at all.” I smiled at him. “Unusual.” He thought about that.

“Do you drink a lot of coffee?” He asked as I took his keep cup.

“Oh- more than you.” I smiled.

“How much?”

“Well…. Don’t freak out but since I gave up smoking like maybe eight or a nine a day?” He looked kind of impressed and smiled at me as he rested his arms on the bar, watching me work.

“Congrats on the smoking.” He said. “I’m still not quite there.”

“Well if you need any advice.” I shrugged. “I’m not saying replacing one addiction with another is the best resolution but it does help.” He laughed and took his cup off me.

“I already have a coffee addiction.” He said.

“Well there’s always heroin.” I joked before I could stop myself. Come onnnn, Nate. Just for once maybe show a little professionalism? But he grinned. Phew. Heroin jokes in a Government office don’t always go down great.

“You know anyone?” He asked faux seriously.

“Well I know a guy who’ll sell you laundry powder and pretend it’s heroin. I can give you his number.” He shrugged.

“Tempting.” He said. “I’ll let you know.”

“Can’t get you anything else?” I asked as he stood up. He shrugged. “Saw you eyeing up the cheese scones.” He bit his lip. “They’re better than down the road.” I winked. “I know I would say that, but I’m not lying.” He sighed and handed me a $5 note.

“You’re a damn good salesman.” He said. “This better be shit after all. I’m on a diet and I really don’t need a scone craving every morning.” I laughed and wrapped it up for him.

“There you go. Healthier than cigarettes.” He sighed.

“If I finish this contract with anything less than a six pack I’m blaming you.” I tried to stop myself from running my eyes over his body. God I bet he did have a six pack. I bet he was hot as hell under that suit. Hirsute and like, totally built.

“Fair.” I smiled and handed him the scone. He waved to me as he departed and I heard Russell clearing his throat as I watched him with a stupid smile on my face as he made it to the lifts and turned to Russell. “Did he get taller?” I sighed softly. Russell rolled his eyes.

“You know the crazy thing is, you’re actually better looking.” He said. I grinned.

“Stop it!” I grinned, delighted. “My ego can only get so big.”

“You’re literally a model.” He said flatly.

“Oh come off it.” I mean. I was literally a model. But not like, a real one. I wasn’t any good at it. I just photographed well and I had a few creative friends who liked my face in their clothes or holding their bags or whatever. Russell sighed. “Anyway I’ve told you how it is when you’re gay. Your face barely counts.” Russell rolled his eyes. He thought he knew so much more than me about everything, even gay men. He said I watched too many shitty sitcoms and reality TV shows and it had fried my brain. I told him if anything had fried my brain it was porn and believe me, most other gay men watch porn, and believe me, the face barely counts.

“You could have probably any single gay man out there.” He said.

“Look, just let me fantasise about the married straight one.” I said. “It’s not going anywhere.” Russell grunted.

“You’re insane.” He said. “You insist on fucking a guy you can’t stand, you fantasise about rich married cunts and you can’t be arsed to even TRY getting on Tinder or whatever to find a nice gay man who you think is hot and you like.” I shrugged.

“Doesn’t exist.” I said. I came to that conclusion when I was like 14. Obviously my options were a little limited back then but I asked out Tommy Newton after school one day and he was gay, and he was nice and I thought he was hot and he said no- so I never tried it again. Turns out rejection sucks ass. Or doesn’t suck ass which was more my problem.

“You are SO lucky.” Russell said as he finished up with a customer and idly started putting away the latest batch of caramel slices. “And you insist on doing absolutely nothing with your genetics.” Blah, blah, blah. Russell hasn’t been properly single since Year 10, so his well meaning lectures are pretty hard to swallow.

“Your genetics are just fine.” I said absentmindedly. I heard Russell cough and I glanced up at him as he folded his arms and glared at me.

“Uh….” He raised his eyebrows pointedly. I cleared my throat. Well yeah, apart from that one kinda major thing…

“Ok, well obviously not ideal….” I tried to recover.

“Not IDEAL.” He grumbled. “I got COMPLETELY the wrong body!” I bit my lip.

“Well, you made it work.” Russell sighed and gave me a little smile. Whew. Not actually mad at me. He continued working as he rolled his eyes.

“Yep. Cloud 9 here, surgery and shots is so totally working, just super great, no residual dysmorphia at all…” I nudged him in the ribs.

“You’re still taller than me.” I pointed out. He grinned.

“Well, if your Dad wasn’t a midget…”

“See- now that’s unfair.”

“You’re losing if we start the ‘unfair’ game.” He said. I sighed and grinned at him.

“Yeah, but God loves a trier.”

—–

Russell always had me beat in the ‘life’s unfair’ game. I mean, yeah- it’s not a competition but I think trans beats gay regardless, at least these days. I was the first person he came out to, naturally- I’m his little brother, not that you’d guess. We look way different because his Dad is Kiwi, and my Dad is Tongan, and Mum is ostensibly from Croatia although we never could quite pin her down on family history. I’ve always been a little bit worried our great grandad was a Nazi or something. People say we’re close, which, no shit. We’re brothers. Of course we’re close. I guess working together is a little closer than most, but it’s just temporary, Russell has a really big gig lined up in his field of psychology, not that I understand any of what he’s gonna be doing, and he just needed something to pay the bills in the meantime. And I needed a full timer. So it worked out.

When Russell came out to me I remember staring at him and laughing.

“No shit.” I’d said. He’d rolled his eyes.

“What do you think Mum will say?” I looked at him and shrugged.

“No shit.”

Which is pretty much exactly what she did say. And Russell did get lucky in a way- because he knew so young and could get on hormone blockers before his body went way too far in the wrong direction. We knew a lot of people our age now who were struggling with that. Mum didn’t care. She had more than enough on her plate just trying to raise two idiot kids from two idiot men who hadn’t stuck around. She only just had the energy to get us fed and clean and to school on time- she really couldn’t have given less of a shit what pronouns we were using. So Russell came out and the only problem she had was that she had to deal with changing his name on every dumb bit of paperwork the school sent home, and she had to argue with doctors who thought they knew Russell better than he knew himself.

And then obviously I came out in my own way like 2 years later and by that point her patience was pretty thin and she sighed.

“Nate, sweetie.” She said. “I love you very much. You are welcome to date anyone you like, as long as they’re good to you. Now will YOU PLEASE DO YOUR HOMEWORK BEFORE DINNER.” She was actually pretty great to both of us, on the whole.

He was luckier than I was in dating- although there were a few nights when we were younger when he’d come home in tears and refused to talk about it. He never had a problem picking up girls, and never even seemed to have a problem holding on to the right girl. He didn’t seem to consistently go for 100% the wrong person every time like I did. I don’t know what was wrong with me, actually. I mostly do very causal fuckbuddies- only, hold the buddy. I’ve had a couple of boyfriends, for a couple of months, but… I dunno. Maybe I’m just not built for anything you know… special. Which is fine. Sex is good too. I thought about Russell’s advice re Tinder… I guess he had a point about that- it’s not like it was unusual for people to end up meeting the love of their life there… or just like, an awesome hookup…. I wondered if it worked for gay men. I’d never tried.

—

Jude

—-

God, Levi was being a needy little shit. It happened every now and then. He would, you know, just go way out of his way- sending me texts every five minutes, calling me for no reason. I knew WHY he did it. I didn’t need a degree in accounting to put two and two together. I thought it was a stupid way to go about it though. Levi and I worked- back when we used to work- because we were both independent. Him suddenly becoming a clingy fiance who checked in every five minutes was never going to be the way to make me forget about our problems. I frowned at his texts and tried to think of a reply as I walked into the coffee shop and glanced up. The barista was beaming at me.

“Quad USA?” He asked. I blinked.

“Good memory.” He blushed furiously. God, he blushed so easily. I wondered if he did that for everyone. I hoped not. It was suddenly my personal mission to make him blush everyday. Ok hold up Jude, calm down. You’re engaged. Not that there’s anything wrong with LOOKING at another guy. Another guy you’re going to see every day. And trying to make him blush. Nothing wrong with that. Not when your fiancé is probably literally fucking other people. Maybe.

We engaged in idle conversation as he made my coffee and I held back a laugh as he joked about the most inappropriate stuff. God, he really was hired based on his looks. I can’t imagine any supervisor would let this guy talk to customers for too long. Although- he did make damn good coffee. That’s actors for you. Probably. It’s not a marketable skill- even if you do look like this guy… but making coffee- now that you can do anywhere.

He talked me out of more money and into a scone I didn’t need.

“If I finish this job with anything less than a six pack, I’m blaming you.” I heard myself say. Jude! Stop flirting. He smiled and stared at a spot just over my shoulder intensely. I almost turned to look at whatever was holding his gaze but then, for a fraction of a second, his eyes ran over my torso longingly. I tried so damn hard to hide the self satisfied smirk that I could feel struggling to come out. Yeah, that had worked as intended.

I made my escape as quickly as possible. I didn’t trust myself around him.

——

Nate

—–

I tried to catch the bus home but I’d forgotten my mask and wasn’t let on, so I tried to enjoy the walk and passed the time downloading Tinder. I started laughing as I realised exactly how fucking appalling the Wellington gay scene was. It was kind of like a game- fake, fucked already or friend. Every now and then someone I really truly didn’t recognise would come up but I quickly realised there was a reason I didn’t know any of them.

-So… I have a confession.-

They all did.

Threesomes usually, which I wasn’t opposed to in theory, but so damn many of them were with a woman and I’ve tried women and it’s ok, but I knew I could never really get off with one.

Only one guy really caught my attention. Raf. He was funny, he worked in hospitality part time, he was super cute but…

Well. Call it an extra gaydar sense. I just knew.

Hey, look…. You’re a bottom right?

😳 That obvious?

I laughed at his reply.

Me too. Sorry dude.

Actually… that might be ok…

Ah here we fucking go.

… Look, I’m definitely a bottom but I’ve been wanting to try topping- and if you’re ok with someone who ah… doesn’t know what he’s doing that could be cool. But all good dude if not. I know it’s not a turn on.

I had to think about that. But.. why the hell not? I was actually vers too, I just knew what I was looking for at the moment. And Raf seemed awesome. Who even cared. Even bad sex is still sex.

Let’s at least meet somewhere public.

I suggested.

See how we feel after a drink or two.

You can go after a drink or two?

Bottoming is a lifestyle 😂😂

Amen.

—-

Wednesday

—-

Nate

—–

Raf and I agreed on 7 at Rogue and Vagabond and I saw him chatting to the guy behind the bar.

“Oh hey.” He grinned as he saw me. “This is my mate Ali.” I introduced myself and Ali gave me that look. Raf laughed. “No chance.” He said to Ali. “I bagsed that ass.” I blushed but Ali shrugged.

“It’s ok, I bring a boyfriend home and my family cut me out.” I glanced at him. “Gay.” He said slowly. “Muslim. Bad match.” I nodded in agreement. Huh. Guess almost everyone has me beat for a rough dating life. Raf took my hand and ordered us some wine and we went to sit in the smokers section. As usual there were a bunch of people there I knew and we ended up drawn into a circle of some of the cooler people in Wellington- the guy who ran the best bar on Cuba street, one of my tattoo artists- Soph and her girlfriend, and the duty manager from a restaurant down the street who was getting way to cosy with one of the pizza chefs given I knew she had a boyfriend….

“How do you know Raf?” Soph asked me. I blinked at her as Raf laughed.

“Tinder!” He yelled loudly. I blushed. “He’s letting me go on top!” He said loud enough so that everyone could hear. Oh god. I so should have suggested somewhere else. This was really not the intimate get to know you I’d had in mind. I blushed and Soph looked me over.

“Huh.” She said. I made wide eyes at Raf and leant in close to him.

“Would you mind… not?” I asked. He laughed at me.

“It’s fine.” He said. “These are our people.”

“Our people don’t need to know…. Everything.” He rolled his eyes and I heard him mutter something about me being closeted as he pulled away. As if. I rolled my eyes and went to talk to Zephyr and Gussie, who I’d last seen two years ago before the pandemic, marching with me in New York for Climate Change… which seemed a world away now.

“Still at the front of every protest?” Zephyr asked. I laughed.

“I have a job now.” I admitted. “Mum got fed up with me not paying rent and kicked me out. I get out when I can though.” Gussie hit me.

“You are such a liar!” She laughed. “He still works at the SPCA on the weekends, and he organises clothing drops for the kids in Gender Minorities, and he volunteers at Everybody Eats AND you were badgering the Uni for stronger mental health assistance…” I stopped her.

“Ok.” I sighed. “I guess I’m basically a hero.” I shrugged in fake modesty and Zephyr hit me and yawned.

“You can be a hero all you want- it will NEVER make up for calling me a…”

“THAT WAS A SONG LYRIC!” I blushed. “I FUCKED UP!” I buried my head in my hands and groaned. “You’re never letting that go are you?” Zephyr shrugged.

“Absolutely never. Not even if you become the next Bill Gates.” I snorted.

“That’s about as likely as you learning not to hold a grudge.” I sighed. “So you played the ‘I once said the n-word’ card which means I totally owe you a round. Oh… and my date I guess…” I glanced around and saw Raf was still here, arguing animatedly with Soph over something. He caught my eye and grinned at me. You know, he did have a really nice smile. And he was pretty good looking… tall and tanned- probably part Maori based on the sleeve he had running up one arm. His face was soft and his lips were full. I smiled back at him. Ok. Not the night I had planned but we could probably get there. I pointed at his glass to offer him another and he nodded.

“Cute.” Zephyr said, looking him over as he accompanied me to the bar. “How long have you been seeing him?” I checked the time.

“An hour?” I laughed at Zephyr’s expression. “Yeah, my reputation for terrible dates and ok one night stands is still untarnished.” Zephyr shrugged.

“Not sorry for you.” He said flatly. “You’re definitely choosing to shoot yourself in the foot. Russell always said you go for guys who put up red flags so that you can run away more easily.” I sighed.

“Russell should really take that psychology degree and shove it up his arse until he starts a real real job with it.”

“You’re one to talk, Mr Economics with honours first class.”

“Get bent.” I grinned at Zephyr. “Nice to see you.” He smiled at me.

“You too.”

I planted myself next to Raf again when we went back outside and we smiled at each other. I guess winding each other up didn’t matter too much. We ended up chatting peaceably about queer culture in Wellington which is both somehow the most boring thing in the world and also a topic I can never shut up about. At some point I realised our fingers were entwined and I was resting my head on his shoulder. I smiled at the warmth of pretending I was with someone. He squeezed my hand.

“So you’re not an axe murderer or a rapist.” He muttered. I laughed.

“Na- you?”

“I mean… I’d RATHER have consensual sex than murder you but I’m easy.” I smiled at him.

“I’m actually just round the corner.” I told him. He didn’t waste time- he leapt up and stretched out, already making his goodbyes. “Wait!” I laughed. “You’re not scared of or allergic to animals?” Raf looked dubious.

“What animals?” I winced.

“Dogs? Or cats? Or bees….? Or chickens? Or lizards?” Raf’s eyes widened.

“Do you live in a petting zoo?” I shrugged.

“Uhhhhh… yeah kinda.” I admitted as I grabbed my stuff. “I work for a non-profit in the weekends and I foster some of the babies, and some of the adults who people don’t adopt….” I winced. “Turn off?”

“Big turn on.” He waved goodbye to everyone as I took his hand and we headed around the corner to mine. “Only tell me they’re not invited into the bedroom.” I looked straight ahead.

“Well….” I said eventually. “Not while you’re in there, anyway.”

—–

We had a little more wine at mine while he got to know the whole gang. He was staring at me wide eyed as I introduced him to the two dogs we have at the moment, and the separate room with the cat who gave birth just two nights ago- I was up till like 4am helping with that. Not helping much since I’m not exactly a vet, but I think Socks appreciated the emotional support into motherhood. I’d named the kittens- Waffles, Pancakes, Crumpets, and Sausages… and there was little Avocado who I didn’t tell Raf about because she’d been stillborn and I was still sad about it.

I showed him the garden which is now mostly covered in chicken wire to protect the silverbeet from Besty and Bertha, the two chickens who ended up in the SPCA and were never going to get a home so I now had to deal with. They were both good layers and they totally fucked up my once 5 year strong Vegan diet because there’s only so many people you can give away eggs to… I showed him the beehives and the honey and Raf was in awe that I went in without protection, but after beekeeping for this long you learn exactly when it’s safe to go in and show off to people.

I showed him the tuatara that I absolutely wasn’t going to have for more than a couple of days- she just needed a halfway house before the specialist Vet could see her and Raf laughed as I finally pulled him to my room to drink more wine alone. I reluctantly locked out the dogs and put on a record. We lay on my bed and held hands.

“You’re really interesting.” He said slowly. I smiled.

“Is that good?” He laughed.

“It’s obviously GOOD.” He said. “It’s intimidating.” I choked on my wine and had to sit up, spluttering as he patted me on the back halfheartedly.

“Sorry.” I breathed heavily. “Uh… yeah. That’s me. Totally intimidating.” Raf laughed and wrapped his hand around me before slowly lifting the wine glass out of my hand and placing it on the bedside table. He looked at me seriously as he directed my hand to his waist.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked. I moaned, even as I bit back a smile. God, that line. Always works though. I leant into him and let him draw me in.

His kiss was soft but probing and kinda dominant. I kissed back with enthusiasm and we fought for dominance, pressing our bodies firmly against each other and ripping off each other’s clothes. Raf won because he cheated by pulling on my hair and I moaned and went limp in his arms.

“Oh yeah.” He moaned. “Oh you like that, don’t you?” I moaned incoherently and fell back against the bed, feeling my legs spread for him. Raf knelt over me and grinned, and he jerked my head up again. “I asked you a question slut. You like it when I pull your hair?”

“Yuh.” I moaned. Dirty talk- not my strong suit- because I’m usually way too busy falling apart. Raf could see that, and he smirked and finished undressing me, which was pretty easy because my body was already his.

He was so tender… he felt me up, touching my body gently and moaning as he caressed my thighs, and my stomach, placing his lips to my nipples which made me shiver in pleasure and kissing my chest and my neck… my legs wrapped around him as I fumbled with his trousers and he chuckled and obliged me, sitting off me for a second to strip properly. I bit my lip as I watched him. He seemed a little cautious- a little shy- he glanced at me as he sat up and I reached for him eagerly. He laughed at me, which I didn’t mind. As long as I could make him feel comfortable.

“Jesus.” He said, running his hands over my torso. “I’m feeling inadequate.” I laughed and ran my hands over his body. He was softer than me… soft and tall and lithe and lanky where I verge sometimes on stocky if I don’t watch my weight. He was hairy where I’m fairly smooth and I bit my lip as I wrapped my hand slowly around his throbbing cock. He thrust into my hand with a moan.

“Inadequate?” I murmured. He grinned and swept my hair off my face. He smiled as he looked down at me.

“Well.” We grinned as we caught each other’s eyes. His dick was ungodly. It shouldn’t be legal. I swallowed as I glanced down at it and bit my lip as I glanced up at him again.

“You’re a BOTTOM?” I laughed. He grinned and pressed me back against the bed.

“I know.” he sighed. “Such a waste.” He wrapped his hand around my cock and chuckled as I turned pink and limp and moaned for him. “Although both of us are doing ok, Nate. You’re not small.”

“I am.” I whispered. “Below average actually. But it doesn’t matter.” He frowned and looked down at me, and I pulled his head back to look at me. “It looks bigger because I’m short.” I mumbled, and I pressed myself feverishly against him.

“You’re not SHORT.” He pulled away. “Jesus Nate, you’re like a model, look in a mirror.” I swallowed.

“Can we get back to you fucking me with that obscene cock and forget about the ‘Cheer up Nate’ bit?” Raf grunted.

“Maybe.” He said. “Maybe I only fuck guys who practise self love.”

“Ok, I’m well practised in self love.” I laughed and raised my eyebrows and Raf laughed as well.

“Nate, you are so damn hot.” He moaned. I stopped him.

“I’m not asking for reassurance Raf. I know I’m pretty.” I grinned up at him and pushed his short fringe off his face. “And you’re very lucky to be with me tonight.” Raf laughed and swatted my ass playfully.

“Ok stud.” He looked me over thoughtfully and traced my stupid chest tattoos. All flash work. Nothing remotely impressive. I love them all anyway. “Look… you have a dildo I can do you right with if this doesn’t work out?” I kissed his forehead.

“Sure. I think I’d prefer you though… your fingers or… whatever….” I bit my lip. “Where do you want to start?” Raf stroked my hair.

“On your hands and knees.” He whispered. I acquiesced immediately, turning away from him and arranging myself in the sluttiest way I could- my knees spread and my back arched and my head looking over my shoulder. Raf grinned and slapped my ass. “Nice.” He moaned. “Fuck you look good, Nate.” I grinned.

“Thanks.” I grinned over my shoulder at him. He ran his fingers through my hair and I almost purred. Embarrassing yes- but I think when your hair gets to a certain length it turns into its own erogenous zone. Raf leant down and spread my legs even wider, and I moaned. He ran his fingers over my thighs and cradled my ass. He parted my cheeks and I shivered as he dove between them.

Oh Jesus, he was indescribable. I moaned and let my head fall to the pillows as I stuck my ass out and enjoyed him. His hands massaged my cheeks as his tongue caressed my crack, and made its may to my hole…

And I was absolutely putty beneath him. I moaned and writhed and I heard him chuckle and prop me up at some point because my legs had gone so weak. Raf was a master at loosening me up- playing with my hole gently then firmly, then teasing me with a finger and I could feel myself getting looser and limper as his tongue started to send me into a trance like state.

“Oh… Raf… please…” I managed to choke out eventually. He grinned.

“Where do you keep your condoms?” He whispered. It took a second for me to process that, because my brain was mush…. And I managed to get myself back on my hands and knees and pant at Raf over my shoulder.

“Bedside table.” I whispered. He retrieved them and gently pulled my head up. He clasped my chin and pressed his face to mine and I let him kiss me, melting again. He pulled away and looked at me thoughtfully.

“Your ass is fucking beautiful, Nate.” He said. “If I can’t keep it up it’s nothing to do with you, you should know that.” Raf was trying his best but there were just too many words for my slutty horny brain to comprehend. I gazed up at him in wonder and let my head fall to my chest.

“Please…” I whimpered. Raf sighed and moved behind me.

He got me nice and wet and loose again- I didn’t think we were even going to need lube, my body was welcoming him so eagerly.

“You want this dick?” Raf panted.

“Yeah…” Raf grabbed my hair and pulled my head back.

“You want this dick? Then beg for it.”

“Please… Raf…” Raf must have realised he was asking too much of me in my addled state to beg properly and he relented- I felt him pushing in and I sighed and stayed relaxed. He was… just so big. A tiny thrill went through me- kind of nervous and also kind of horny as hell knowing he was about to stretch me further than I’d ever been stretched. I moaned and he grunted as he pressed in… way rougher than I was expecting, but I could take it.

He let me adjust for a minute before pressing on my back- oops, I must have fallen out of my perfect stance… I arched my back for him again and waited for him to start thrusting before I met him with equal enthusiasm. I’m not really one to lie there and take it- even when I’m on limited functionality. Raf chuckled as he realised I was bouncing back on him, giving as good as I got and he placed his hands on my thighs.

“You like this?” He grunted, trying to hold me still and slam into me.

“Oh fuck yes.” I grinned. He moaned and bit my shoulder gently as he pounded me, and I cried out. Raf laughed as I threw my head back- hitting him across the face with my hair which she quickly grabbed it again and pulled my head back to keep my back in that arch that boys like so much. He was shaking and warm against me, and I reached behind me to hold him even closer- but to my dismay he slowed down and pulled out. I whined and he laughed as he squeezed my ass.

“You’re taking me so good, Nate.” He whispered. “You’ll like this.” His head fell between my thighs again and he wrapped one hand around my leaking cock as he gently started to play with my puffy hole with his tongue again. Oh GOD he was good. I moaned and let myself fall back to the bed, pressing my ass up and letting the rest of me melt into the covers. It didn’t take long for the way he was teasing me to get me really fucking close and I managed to pull myself together enough to warn him.

“Raf… I….” I panted. He breathed heavily and I whined as he penetrated me again, and I fell almost prone to the bed. He fucked me so hard, grunting with each thrust as I turned to jelly underneath him. I could feel him getting closer and I moaned his name. He pulled me up roughly by my hair and held me tight against him so his hand could drift back to my cock. I fucked his hand as ruthlessly as he fucked me- and both of us were panting and grunting….

I came first, fractionally, and I could feel my hole clamping down on him. He moaned as he slowed his thrusts, and I swear I could feel him throbbing in me. I pulled him close before he pulled away. I wanted him to stay in me forever.

We lay down, caressing each other as our breathing returned to normal before Raf pulled out with a sigh and I whined at the emptiness.

“Well.” I slowly turned over to face him as my brain started to reboot. “I’d say you can safely go out and top.” He smiled at me.

“Thanks, Nate.”

“I would stay in bed forever and let you have my ass whenever you wanted but I really have to walk the dogs and feed everyone.” Raf started laughing.

“I almost forgot about your menagerie.”

“Me too. I was going to make you take me home with you.” I laughed and Raf sighed.

“I could…” He paused. “Never mind.” I sat up.

“Walk the dogs with me?” He blushed.

“Well. If you didn’t mind.”

“I’d love the company. So would Horse and Radish. But Alex will probably be home before we get back.” I sighed. “You probably don’t want to meet him.” Raf lifted himself on his side and raised his eyebrows.

“And who’s Alex?”

“My homophobic flatmate.” Raf stared at me and slowly traced his fingers through my hair as it lay on my chest.

“Nate- why do you live with a homophobe?” I sighed.

“Well. He didn’t know I was gay and I didn’t know he had a problem with it until a few months in… and I can’t move out because believe me there isn’t a single other flat in Wellington that allows the animals- I’ve looked.” Raf laughed. He sighed as he lay back on the bed, watching me slowly get up. Oh god. He’d destroyed me. I winced as I re-learnt how to walk, and stretched out. “Shower?” I suggested. Raf agreed and let me drag him out of bed and into the shower.

He came with me to walk the dogs and we talked about nothing in particular. He paused as we approached my street and leant against a wall, his hands in his pockets. He sighed as he looked at me. I smiled at him.

“So long, farewell, auf widershen?” I guessed. Raf smiled.

“I had a great night.” Raf said. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again.” I shrugged. Probably. The scene is so small. He bit his lip. “You… you’re really wonderful Nate.” He said slowly. “I know we’re not right for each other, but I just thought you should hear it.” I cleared my throat.

“Thanks.” I said quietly. “And ah…. While I respect your decision that we’re not right for each other… If you ever change your mind…” Raf grinned and straightened up.

“It will never work Nate.” He reached out and squeezed my shoulder. “Because I lied. I am allergic to dogs.” He grinned and shook a packet of claratyne at me, popping a couple of pills as he walked away.

—-

Thursday

——

Nate

——

I broke a tray of glasses, and I tripped when I went for the brush and shovel and ended up knee deep in the aftermath.

“Fuck it!” I swore- way too loudly but it’s only me to tell me off and I let myself off this one time. I managed to clean up the mess and bandage myself up but followed that up with spilling a tray of drinks on a really nice lady, then stubbing my toe, then getting the coffee orders wrong for three people in a row…. And that was just the breakfast rush.

Russell pulled me aside as soon as the place emptied out.

“What. The. Fuck.” He said. I sighed and folded my arms.

“I know.” I said. “Didn’t sleep well.” Russell raised his eyebrows.

“Didn’t get laid, you mean?” I poked my tongue out at him.

“Did get laid, for your information.”

“That bad huh?” He started polishing a tray of glasses and I hopped up on the bench. DEFINITELY not allowed but we were empty.

“Oh Russ.” I sighed. “So, so good.” He grunted.

“Too short then?” He asked. I shook my head.

“Perfect height. Tall enough that I could rest my head on his shoulder and short enough that I didn’t feel emasculated.”

“Not political enough- or too political!” Russell widened his eyes. “Did he vote for Judith Collins?” I kicked him gently.

“Ew, never discuss politics on a one night stand- total boner killer… but he was pro environment and UBI so I’m guessing not a Nat.” Russell sighed and turned away from me, unstacking the coffee cups.

“I give up.” He said. “What was it?” I put my head in my hands.

“Perfect height…” I said slowly. “Beautiful big brown eyes. Strong jaw… actually hella strong jaw…” Russell gagged as I winked at him. “Charming, friends with everyone, kind, loving… god SO good in bed… and he was smart and had good stories… he was perfect! I was in love! I was about to start guessing his ring size! And that beautiful motherfucker with a cock carved by God himself is… get this…. Allergic to dogs!”

I heard laughter- and oh no, that wasn’t just Russell laughing. I turned bright red as I slid off the counter to look behind me. Oh god. Of course. On the fucking dot. I closed my eyes.

“I am so, so sorry. That was so…” He cut me off, waving his hand as he chuckled.

“Shouldn’t have crept up on you.” Russell snorted beside me.

“You didn’t creep up on him, you busted him slacking off.” He muttered.

“Russell!” I hissed. Although, he was right. I silently started to make the contractor’s coffee as he leant on the counter.

“So you like dogs?” He said. I glanced at him. If he didn’t stop talking my face might turn permanently red.

“Yeah.” I said, trying hard to sound normal. I cleared my throat. “I like all animals but you know…. Dogs are the best.” He smiled and looked at me.

“Dogs or boys?” He teased. Russell laughed.

“Don’t make me choose!” I joked. “Ugh. Dogs, but only because that’s the right thing to say. You? What would you give up women for?” He gave me a weird look as I handed him his coffee. He stared at me and glanced at Russell. Russell looked as bewildered as I was.

“Men.” He said, eventually. Oh god. I bet there is no one else on earth who can wrangle a situation to be this awkward. I swallowed and managed to meet his eye.

“Oops.” I said. “Bad gaydar. Sorry.” He laughed.

“You’re ok.” He said. “And you’re actually right, believe me. Dogs are a safer bet than men.” His voice was flat and a little bitter. I glanced at his hand and back to his face- and he avoided my eye. Huh. Gay. And even better- trouble in paradise. Interesting.

—–

Friday

——-

Jude

—–

I tried not to groan as Caroline asked if anyone else had anything to say in the weekly morning meeting. Because they always did. I shot her daggers with my eyes as Ryan opened his big fat stupid mouth and she smiled benignly at me. He followed her gaze and I quickly rearranged my face. Not quick enough. Ryan bit back his words and stretched out.

“You know, I’ll think I’ll email it.” He said with a grin. “Jude looks like he needs to stretch his legs.” I blushed a little and tried to recover gracefully.

“Sorry Ryan. I’m late for my mid morning coffee.”

“Ah.” He said. “Yeah I’m due for my round actually, come with to La Cloche?” I wrinkled my nose.

“I go downstairs.” I said.

“Coffee’s cheaper down the road.” Ryan said. I snorted.

“Yeah, there’s a reason for that.” I said. It’s shit, I didn’t say, and the baristas are all dull as ditchwater. Caroline raised her eyebrows at me.

“Yeah, the eye candy’s not as good, eh Jude?” Well, yeah. And that.

“Hey!” I threw up my hands as the others started to pack up. “The coffee just tastes better downstairs. It has absolutely nothing to do with a certain long haired tattooed barista half my age.” Ryan laughed at me and Caroline shrugged.

“Not my type.” She said thoughtfully. Ryan scoffed.

“You don’t have a type.”

“Well he’s definitely YOUR type.” She said. “He’s like a bizarro world taller, scatter brained Sam, have you met him?” Ryan grinned at me.

“Sounds like I should stay well away.” He laughed. “Long hair and tattoos huh? Jude you’d LOVE my husband. He’ll be at the piss up when this bloody investigation is wrapped up. Maybe I won’t introduce you.” I glanced between them as I grabbed my briefcase. Husband? TATTOOED husband? I would have lost money on that for sure. Ryan screamed jock with a girlfriend tucked away somewhere who probably ran yoga classes or something equally middle class and bougie. Ryan had no trouble interpreting my silence. “More of us around than you’d think.” He winked. Caroline sighed.

“Aw Jude- you really don’t have gaydar do you?” I shrugged.

“Gaydar is often, in my experience, confused with wishful thinking.” I swallowed. Made that mistake more than once. “Guess I don’t need it anyway…”

“Because you’re such a catch?” Ryan teased. I rolled my eyes.

“Because I’m engaged.” I said. Ryan grinned.

“Aw. Congratulations.” He stretched as he stood up and grabbed his laptop. “Well, I’ll see you soon then. Need me to hold your ring while you go flirt with the kid downstairs?” I rolled my eyes and Caroline laughed.

“He needs the protection.” She smiled at me. “That barista flirts up a storm with you, ring notwithstanding.” I shook her off as I made my way downstairs. Although… well. He does flirt with me. I assume he flirts with everyone. That’s probably why their tip jar is always full.

To my surprise the place was almost full when I came in, and I watched him working for a minute. Huh. He was actually really professional. His smile was bright- but it was different to the one he gave me. Polite. Respectful. I leant on a bar at the back of the cafe and watched him. He was actually… kind of good at this huh?

I waited for the crowd to abate before I approached the till. Can’t imagine anything worse than queuing for coffee.

The barista gave me a smile when I reached him. God, I could feel the little pink arrow hitting me square in the side of my head. That smile was different. It really was MY smile, just for me, which meant he was totally into me- even if he didn’t know it. I smiled back and watched his cheeks go pink. Na, he knew he was into me. He also knew he shouldn’t be flirting and his co-worker DEFINITELY knew he shouldn’t be flirting because he was suddenly hovering and scowling at me. Ugh, I really shouldn’t encourage flirting. But it’s harmless. I wondered how old he was? Not half my age, definitely not. Probably pretty close to me actually, although firmly in his 20s and regretfully I can’t really get away with lying about being 29 forever- although I still tried, at 32. I always did look older though. I never got ID’d when I was a kid. My barista berated me for being late and asked about my mother in law. So he had seen the ring. So it was fine then, we were definitely just mindlessly flirting to make the day more interesting. That’s good. I can do that.

As I walked away I sighed. I really should call my mother in law.

—-

Nate

—-

9.45. I glanced at the clock as I served the strangely swelling crowd. We’re not normally this busy at this time of day but there was a conference on somewhere in the building and my whole routine had been thrown off. I put my head down and Russell and I called one of the chefs in for backup as we got through it.

“I’m actually in a hurry.” Someone said impatiently. Yes. You and every single one of these people. I smiled and apologised and retaliated the only way I knew how- by using full fat milk instead of trim. Take that bitchy lady who always calls me ‘boy’. There’s only one context I like that in and it’s definitely not here. Russell’s even worse. He’ll give people decaf. But I’m not a cold hearted asshole. I sighed. Worse than this horrific meeting of share holders or whatever- Mr Contractor was late.

Ok. Late might be grandiose. It’s been like a week. But he struck me as so consistent. He never wavered from his order in the morning. He had the same stubble everyday, which meant he probably spent inordinate amounts of time getting it right, and he wore the same cut of suit, almost impeccably matching his tie to his shirt, and he somehow managed to come in every day exactly at the time. He was my on the dot, missing the crowd, new favourite customer.

So he was late, which meant maybe he was cheating on us with La Cloche- the nice French place two doors down. Can’t say I blame him. We’re good, but we’re also generic as hell. I sighed as the crowd dissipated as quickly as it had arrived. Oh well. Always the crossword.

“Ivan.” A voice said. I glanced up at him with a smile. He was smiling back. God, I bet people tell him all the time he has a nice smile. He looks so moody when he’s not smiling- but when he does it’s like the sun comes out.

“Olaf.” I said. He looked down at the crossword again, frowning slightly. “Because 13 down will be opaque.” I explained as I filled it in.

“You’re right.” He said as he settled in at the bar opposite me. “How’s your day?”

“Riveting.” I rolled my eyes. “Just had 15 people in a row tell me they’re kind of a big deal and if I could actually do my job properly they wouldn’t be late, and they know the manager, which they do, because it’s me, and frankly I can’t wait for the emails… The usual?”

“Na, dry cappuccino with coconut milk. And I’m kind of in hurry, so make it snappy” I blinked at him and he laughed at my expression. “Yeah, the usual. And please take your time, I’ve just had the most boring meeting, need a breather.” I grinned and started to make it, forgetting on purpose to take his money.

“I noticed you’re late.” I chided him. “I was worried the barista at La Cloche had stolen you away.”

“The barista at La Cloche wears the most obnoxious perfume.” He said absentmindedly. “Elizabeth Arden. I used to sell it at Farmers. I can’t go there without overwhelming recollections of horrible early morning team talks and pushy old women trying to set me up with their daughters.” I laughed.

“Did it ever work?” He rolled his eyes.

“Well I made some good sales.” He said. “Gift of the gab. Like you.” He sighed. “But can you imagine a mother in law who smells like Elizabeth Arden?” I smiled and leant on my hand.

“Sounds sort of nice.” I couldn’t even imagine a mother in law. I glanced at his hand. “So what does she smell like?” He shrugged.

“Whiskey and cigarettes.”

“What a woman.” I grinned and handed him his coffee. He grunted.

“Hmm. Maybe.” He sighed and stood up, reaching in his pocket. “Keep the change.” He handed me a $20 and I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll use it for a new perfume.” I joked. He smirked at me.

“Nothing wrong with Tom Ford.” I blushed as he swept away. I wish he wouldn’t do that. He was beyond disarming. You know, it could really send the wrong idea to a bored and impressionable young barista.

—–

Jude

—-

“Well.” Denise picked up the phone. “Someone’s feeling guilty. To what do I owe the honour, young man?” I smiled to myself. Denise is every bit as charming as her son and twice as perceptive.

“I have an hour over lunch Denise. Should I come and visit?” She cackled into the phone.

“Oh someones feeling REALLY guilty.” She said. “I’d be delighted Jude.”

I had to uber over which is a pain in the ass and expensive to boot, but I don’t back down from a promise. I got her flowers, nice ones because she’d know if they weren’t and greeted her in her semi detached single room in the retirement village out in Kilbirnie. She sighed as she looked me over.

“Not eating enough.” She said. I rolled my eyes.

“It’s called staying in shape, Denise. And if you wanted a portly son in law you should have taught Levi to cook.” She laughed and welcomed me in, fussing over the flowers and arranging them as she absentmindedly threw me her cigarettes.

“As if it would have made a difference.” She said. “Levi won’t learn anything unless it benefits him.” I smiled thinly and tried to change the subject, asking her about the Symphony Orchestra and how getting out had been since she was vaccinated. She sat down heavily on the couch and frowned at me. I found myself avoiding her gaze. She sighed.

“No wedding date yet?” She asked. I shook my head. “You better hurry or I’ll cark it.” She threatened. I tried to smile but Denise sees through that. She sighed heavily. “He’s upset you again.”

“No!” I lied too quickly and she rolled her eyes.

“Judey.” She said softly. “I know my son. What idiotic thing has he done now?” Not what. I thought. Who. I glanced at her. Strange that his mother was my closest confidant. But I didn’t have a mother to complain to. I helped myself to a cigarette after all, chiding myself silently even as I lit it. No smoking inside, obviously, but Denise got away with anything she pleased.

“Oh, no…” I said cautiously. “No, he’s just been… late at the office a lot. You know. End of the financial year.” Denise sucked on her cigarette and raised her eyebrows at me. She said nothing. The silence wore on until I couldn’t stand it. I hate how she does that. She used to do therapy and it was a trick she’d learnt. Say nothing because your client will fill the silence. I fell for it every time. “He’s…” I couldn’t say it out loud.

“He’s fucking around again.” She said. Well. Trust her to just fucking say it. I sighed.

“Think so.” I said quietly.

“You can still visit if you call off the wedding.” She said. “You’re still my most handsome son.” I laughed.

“Stop it, you old flirt. You’re worse than he is.” She grinned.

“He gets that from me. He gets the other stuff from his good for nothing father but that’s men for you.” She reached over and touched my knee. “Judey.” She said quietly. “Have you talked to him?”

“Yes.” She shook her head.

“Properly?” I winced. She nodded in understanding. “Talk to him.” She said. “Don’t set a date until you’ve talked.” I nodded and stared at the carpet. “He won’t change who he is.” She said slowly. “But maybe you two can reach an understanding.” I swallowed. “And if you don’t, well, Judey, I’ll forgive you.” I looked at her and my eyes pricked. But that was probably just the smoke in the room.

—–

Saturday

—

Jude

—–

Levi spent so long letting our relationship fall apart he didn’t have the slightest clue how to heal it. So he did what he always does. He had flowers sent to my office. He offered to take me out to dinner. For a week that was charming. And then it began to wear thin.

He swanned into the apartment after a day of hard work shopping I assume, based on the obnoxious amount of bags in his hand, and told me to get dressed up because we were going out. I sighed and sat him down at the kitchen table.

“Lee.” I said. He sighed.

“Why do I feel a lecture coming?” I smiled at him. He smiled back and took my hands. “Go on.” He said quietly. I gestured around the house.

“The dishwasher needs unloading. The laundry needs putting away. The bench needs clearing.” Levi slowly looked at everything.

“The place looks fine.” He waved his hands. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“You won’t, baby. When was the last time you did the laundry?”

“Well- I mean you do the laundry usually. I do the rubbish and the plants.”

“Ok but there’s laundry almost every day. There’s rubbish once a week. You don’t get to be a goddamn hero and do the rubbish once a week and that’s it.” Levi started pouting.

“I just wanted to take you out.” He muttered.

“I’m exhausted.” I said. “I worked all day, I cleaned up and the house still isn’t clean and if we go out this still has to get done.” He sighed.

“I was busy all day too.” He muttered. “And I’m exhausted too. And I don’t see why this can’t wait another day.”

“Because another day and it’s twice as much work and you’re twice as unlikely to help.”

“I help!”

“You don’t.” He frowned at me and stood up.

“Fine.” He said. “I’ll go out by myself.”

The door slammed behind him and I sighed and put away the laundry.

And Levi did return, half an hour later with a sad look on his face.

He bit his lip and begged for forgiveness.

“Levi.” I whispered. “Come on. We’re broken.”

“Maybe.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “The sex is still good.” He raised his eyebrows at me.

“I don’t think we can sustain this on sex alone.” I laughed. He grinned.

“We could try?”

We tried. I was the furthest thing from horny, but he helped me finish cleaning, and we started debating what we’d do for dinner. He curled up with me on the sofa and I stroked his hair as I scrolled through delivereasy. We agreed on curry eventually and I ordered.

“Dammit.” I mumbled. “An hour away.”

“An hour?” Levi turned to look at me and smiled wickedly. “Darling, that’s perfect.” I watched him as he slowly unravelled himself and climbed over me to straddle me. “That’s just the right amount of time to do another load of washing.” I laughed and he stretched out, letting his shirt come untucked and giving me a glance of his stomach, which was flat and tanned and had the most delightful sexy trail of hair. I found myself reaching for him, running a hand up under his shirt and tweaking his nipple. He moaned softly. “Or we could scrub the bathroom.” He said. “That needs doing, right?” I started to unbutton his shirt and he ran his fingers over my chest, feeling the taut muscle under my clothes. I moaned as I slipped his shirt off over his shoulders and mirrored his movements, touching his softer body and caressing his nipples with my thumbs. He closed his eyes. “Change the sheets…” He mumbled. “When was the last time you changed the…” I cut him off by clasping his chin and gently pressing my thumb against his mouth. He obediently opened it and wrapped his warm pink tongue around me.

“Do you ever shut up?” I asked. Levi grinned and briefly opened his eyes.

“Only when you make me.”

“That can be arranged.” I shuffled back on the couch and looked at my cock pointedly. Levi bit his lip as he reached for my trousers and shuffled them down. I helped him as he wrapped his hands around my dick and pulled it out reverently. “See something you like?” I teased, pushing his hair off his face as he practically drooled over me. He’s like that- an utter whore. You put a cock in his face and whatever witty, sarcastic, intelligent thoughts he usually has fly right out of his pretty little head. He smiled dopily at me.

“Please.” He asked quietly.

“Be more specific.” He moaned as I ran my hands over his body again. He leant down and kissed the tip of my cock reverently. A drop of pre or spit dribbled down his face as he pulled away.

“Please let me suck it.” I stroked myself, looking at his big puffy lips and he moaned. “Agony.” He said, watching me. “Do you want me to suffer?”

“Na.” I whispered. “You love begging for it. Beg for it Lee.” He moaned and buried his face in my balls, sniffing them and kissing the base of my cock chastely.

“Please, please, can I suck you?”

“Mmmm.” I played with myself, and ran my fingers through his hair. “Alright, slut. You can suck me. Go slow. Savour it.” He moaned and wrapped his tongue around me, looking in my eyes as he did. His eyes were unfocused and bleary- he was such a drooling moron was a dick in his mouth. Just the way I like him. “That’s good, baby.” I whispered as he closed his eyes. I let him tease me for a bit, using his tongue and his hands, sucking on my balls, and slowly licking and kissing every inch of me. He’s a fucking good cocksucker, I’ll give him that.

I wrapped my hands in his short hair as he took me in his mouth and held him in place. Ugh. That was so good. Using his mouth like a toy. Good baby boy, just taking it, letting me use him like this…. I told him as much and I watched his hand drift to his own cock as he moaned around mine. I caught it and twisted his wrist back, which made him fight harder- as he blinked up at me with a flash of anger in his eyes.

“Thought you were my good boy Lee?” I whispered. “You should know that my cock is the one that matters.” He struggled with me- stronger than he looks- and we fell off the couch as he fought in my arms. Eventually I rolled on top of him, pinning him down. “This what you wanted?” I breathed heavily down his neck as I rubbed my dick up his crack. He whined and turned his head to face me, nodding furiously. I clasped his chin and nibbled on his neck. “Lube?” I panted. I lose track but Levi usually knows exactly where some is. He rolled his eyes at me, killing the mood a bit.

“Literally right there.” He widened his eyes at the occasional table in the middle of the room. Oh. Huh. Did we often leave lube out? Thank god we never had guests over. I reached out to retrieve it before pinning Lee down with a grunt again, to send him back into horny dumb territory… which worked as intended and he thrust his ass up at me. “Oh fuck Jude.” He moaned as I splashed lube all over him. “Fuck me, no prep… just….” You know normally I’d ignore a hysterical bottom who thinks he’s good to go… but I knew Levi’s ass better than my own hand.

“Yeah baby.” I grabbed his waist and parted his cheeks and impaled him. He cried out- nothing the neighbours hadn’t heard before, and I slowed down so he could adjust.

“Shit.” He whined. “You’re so big, Daddy.”

“I know, baby boy.” I whispered. “You want me to fuck you with this big dick?”

“Please, sir.” Lee whimpered. “I need you so bad.”

“Good boy.” I whispered. And I didn’t hold myself back. His ass was so good, and he was so relaxed beneath me- just soft and inviting and moaning affectionately. We fucked on the floor, and then I sat him on the couch and had him ride me, and then I took him from behind and reached for his dick.

“Close.” I warned him. He started working harder, squeezing me and milking my dick.

“Breed me.” Lee whispered.

“Oh fuck yes…” I grunted, and throbbed in his ass, coating him with my seed. I didn’t let up on his cock and it wasn’t long before he was cumming too, squeezing me even tighter and moaning.

“Shit.” He panted. “You sure we can’t save our relationship with sex?” I laughed and ruffled his hair, holding him tight against me and listening for his heartbeat.

“Well…”The doorbell rang and we exchanged horrified glances. I laughed at Lee- ok, definitely me who should get the door, at least I wasn’t covered in cum- and quickly wrestled a shirt and pants back on.

“Thank you so much.” I said sweetly to the delivery driver. He swallowed.

“You ah…. Your flies undone.” He said. I glanced down and turned red. Dammit.

—-

Monday

—-

Nate

—-

“Don’t get up.” Darius complained as I tried to slip away.

“I have work.”

“Be late.” He gripped my hips tight and started rubbing his morning wood against my thigh. “5 minutes?” I looked at him in disgust.

“Sounds so good, baby.” I said sarcastically. He shrugged.

“5 minutes now or next time you come crawling into my DMs I’ll ignore it.”

“As if.” I swallowed. Maybe not the emptiest threat in the world. Darius was kind of a total jerk like that. “My ass is a bad idea.” I warned. “It’s on a schedule.” Darius grinned at me.

“Lie on your side and let me fuck your hot thighs then.” I sighed. But I lay down. He moaned and slipped his dick between my thighs and wrapped his arm around my chest as he started humping. I grabbed his other hand and directed it to my dick. It wasn’t fair if I couldn’t use him just as thoroughly as he used me. He wrapped his hand around it and panted in my ear.

“Cute.” He murmured. He always teased me about my dick. He had a thing for it. I hated that, but I hated him, and I hated his stupid dick, and for some reason all that hatred always got me hot as hell. I moaned and he moved his hand to my mouth.

“Your brother will be up.” He cautioned. I would have said something back to that but he was holding my mouth really firmly and all that came out was a garbled moan. He chuckled as he humped harder, pumping my dick. “Cute little slut.” He teased. “Can’t say no to your Daddy. Can’t say no, let’s me use him like the cumdump you are, yeah? Good boy, good little boy….” I moaned and thrust back into his hand. I hate him so much.

We thrust hard and fast as he murmured in my ear about what a little whore I was, what a waste of a dick I had, how needy and desperate I was for him… and almost bang on 5 minutes later my breathing hitched and his grunts got shorter and we came together. He slowly pulled his hand away from my mouth and moved over. He smiled down at me, and I let him fall into me, kissing me gently, his stubble tickling my face.

“Nate, you’re so pretty.” He said. I smiled up at him.

“Get bent, D.” I leapt up and stretched out. “You’re the worst.”

“I’m clearly not the worst or you wouldn’t keep coming back.” He said. I rolled my eyes, but there was no sharp response because- well. He had a point. I grabbed my clothes from last night and quickly got dressed.

“I’ll see you later.” I said.

“If you’re lucky.” He said. Ass.

Russell was indeed up, and he rolled his eyes as I slumped into the room, trying to look cool and calm and collected.

“Morning.” I said. Russell shook his head and pointed to the jug of coffee. He’d made extra. Oops. Too loud last night. I reached for it and he sighed.

“Shona’s over.” He said quietly.

“Who?”

“Shona.” He nodded his head in the direction of the shower. “Love of my life, fire of my loins.”

“Ew.”

“You’re one to talk.” He sighed and carefully rationed out the coffee for the three of us. “Need a lift?” He offered. I shook my head.

“Brought the Prius over.” I glanced up as Shona entered the room.

“Shona, this is Nate, my…”

“Boss.” I said with a grin. Russell hit me with a copy of The Listener. “Ouch!” I mumbled.

“Baby brother.” He explained. “He works with me at Mojo.”

“You work FOR me.” I corrected him.

“Technicality.” He said. Shona sipped her coffee and sat down beside Russell, resting her head on his shoulder.

“You work together and live together? God, that’s a lot. I can’t stand my brother.” Russell cleared his throat.

“He doesn’t live here.” He looked at me pointedly. “Although are you thinking of moving in? You’re here a lot lately.”

“Shut up.” I glanced at Darius’ room and sighed. Yeah, my bad habit was getting worse. It’s not that it was HIM. It was just nice to know there was someone out there with a warm body who thought I was hot, and sometimes whispered nice things to me when he thought I was asleep… Shona looked me over. She looked at Russell and raised her eyebrows. Great. I bet he’d told her all about his disappointing little brother who was stuck in a dead end job and fucking a dead end guy. Russell wasn’t stuck. He had a fucking job lined up. I sighed. At least in the meantime working with someone I could stand was infinitely better than working with another lazy hipster with a BComm he wasn’t using. There really wasn’t room for more than one of those in the cafe.

“I think it’s nice that you two get on.” Shona said as she sipped her coffee.

“We don’t.” Russell and I said together. We grinned at each other.

“You should shower.” Russell said. I thought of the cum drying on my legs and blushed.

“Yuh.” I grunted. “Thanks.”

——

Jude

—-

“Good morning.” The barista’s head jerked up. Whenever I come in he gives me this look like he’s shocked to be interrupted. Then he gives me his devastating grin and I feel weak at the knees. I grunted and handed him my mug. Levi and I fought in the morning and I felt like hell. See, sex for us is like a bandaid. It works brilliantly well at covering whatever stupid shit we’re trying to ignore, but you know, you have a shower and it peels right off. And then you’re fighting because he’s wanking in bed at 8.30 in the morning on facetime to someone and it’s really deeply upsetting but he just lies and says it’s work which is the one of the stupidest things to come out of his mouth but I told you, put a cock in his face and he IS stupid…

“It’s free today!” The barista interrupted my internal anguish with a cheerful smile. I glanced at my coffee card and frowned. “Buy 9 and your tenth is free…” I looked at the 7 stamps on my card. He shrugged. “Math- not my strong suit.” He said. “You looked like you could use a pick me up.” I bit my lip. Yep. But a free coffee was probably as about effective as good sex in the long run for whatever Levi and I were doing. Not a forever solution. The barista frowned a bit as he saw my face. “Damn.” He read my mind. “Coffee won’t do it today huh?” He winked as he pulled out a scone from under the counter. “Coffee and a scone!” He laughed. “Now that should fix almost anything.” I laughed in spite of myself.

“No- let me pay you.”

“Absolutely not.” He folded his arms. “One of the perks of my job, trying to cheer sad handsome men up.” His eyes widened and he went red as he caught what he’d said. “Or sad beautiful women. Or sad ugly people!” He quickly continued. “I can’t stand sad people.” I took the coffee and scone gratefully.

“Well, I’ll see you next time. Happy, I promise.” He grinned.

“See ya.”

—–

Nate

—–

“Did I… just call him handsome?” Russell winced.

“Yeah dude.”

“Oh god.” I cringed. “I recovered ok though, right?” Russell shook his head slowly.

“On the plus side, I think people like it when you flirt with them.” He said. “He definitely did.”

“Oooh really?” Russell rolled his eyes.

“Still married though.” He reminded me.

Well. Enough living in fantasy land Nate. That’s when you say stupid stuff to regular customers and probably scare them off for life. I winced. Oh well. Plenty more married guys in the sea to moon over.

To my surprise he did actually show up again. The same day even. He grinned at me and told the lady he was with that I made the best coffee in Wellington. I rolled my eyes at him and told him flattery would get him nowhere… and then I very almost gave them the drinks on the house again but Russell must have sensed I was in a dumb mood because he frowned at me and I controlled myself.

They sat down in the almost empty cafe- we close at 4 and the bar next door opens and all our customers are drifting over there at this time of day. Hot married contractor and his colleague were discussing something loudly. Someone had a mental breakdown out of nowhere and they were getting behind on admin.

“You don’t know like… someone’s adult kid who wants an after Uni job?” Married guy was running his fingers through his hair. “Preferably one who knows excel and studies economics.” I bit my lip.

“Hate to interrupt.” I called out to them. “But uh…. I majored in economics and I get off at 5. If you’re that desperate.” Married guy’s face lit up with relief.

“Oh my god really?!” He jumped up and reached over the counter- pulling me into an unexpected hug. “Oh my god you’re my hero. Cash ok?” I laughed.

“Cash more than ok.”

“I’m so sorry.” He blinked as he stepped away from me. “I never got your name.”

“Nate.”

“Jude.” He smiled at me warmly. “I’ll finish up upstairs and I’ll come get you at 5 and go over what we need.”

—–

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Russell said, examining his fingernails.

“You don’t need to.” I bit my lip. “Extra cash.”

“Sure.” Russell said. He raised his eyebrows at me and kept his mouth shut.

“It will look good on my CV.” I said.

“Yeah, it will.” He said. I winced.

“And like… you know they really did need the help.”

“I agree.” Russell said. I sighed.

“Ok, ok, I KNOW he’s married! I swear I know. I swear, I absolutely promise I won’t flirt or anything. It’s just…” I trailed off as Russell caught my eye.

“Sounds good.” He said dryly. I threw my hands up in disgust.

“Fuck you.”

——

At 2 minutes after 5 Jude appeared and nodded at me from the doorway. I ran to meet him and tripped on the step outside the cafe, swearing as I righted myself. He was doing a really admirable job of trying not to laugh as he offered me a hand, and we both pretended I wasn’t the world’s most idiotic person as I locked up.

“I’m so grateful, Nate. Thank you for this.” He shook my hand and led me to the elevator. I felt a little like a kid being shown to the teachers staff room or something. The big building felt taboo outside of my coffee shop, especially after most people had gone home. I walked a step behind him, glancing around. He looked over his shoulder and paused.

“You ok Nate?” I laughed.

“Offices freak me out.” I explained, skipping to catch up with him. He smiled.

“Me too. It’s why I contract. As much time as possible away from a desk.”

“And in a cafe.” I teased. He turned the tiniest bit pink.

Jude sat me at his desk and explained a bit about the department and what he needed. He was involved in an internal investigation regarding some really fucky misplaced funds from the brief summary he gave me, which was way over my head. All he really needed me for was inputting data and following some basic economic modelling… making some hypothetical projections for the other projects under the Maori economic development umbrella which was apparently his specialty. I’ll be honest. I kind tuned off. I think halfway through Jude suddenly panicked that maybe I wouldn’t understand a word he was saying- but I wasn’t lying about my degree. Barista wasn’t exactly my first career choice. I’m just too lazy to get out of it, and just because I didn’t quite follow the nuances of whatever he was going on about didn’t mean I couldn’t follow instructions pretty well. He frowned a little as I double checked I was on the right track.

“So why aren’t you in this kind of work then?” He said, watching me. “You clearly have the right mind for it.” I shrugged.

“I’m doing it now.” I said. He smiled.

“Guess so.” He sat in front of his laptop and we worked for about half an hour, and he let me kind of natter on to fill the silence which was nice of him. I’m not great with silence. God forbid I have to listen to my own thoughts. Can’t fucking stand it. We’d been sitting in silence for a fraction too long when his phone rang. “Hey darling.” He said softly. Ah. The husband. “Working late.” He laughed. “I thought you’d understand! You’re always working late!” He drew a sharp intake of breath and I glanced at him. He looked like he’d been slapped. “Well that’s you.” He said quietly. “I’m not that guy.” He frowned at the phone. “Darling…” He sighed. “Darling.” He said. “Shhh, darling please. Come pick me up if you like.” He turned away from me and I tried very hard to pretend I wasn’t trying very hard to listen in. “Levi, we just lost Moana, I’m just showing Nate the ropes. Come up if you want, I just have to supervise in case he’s as thick as he looks,” Oooh. I felt my cheeks grow red. Wow, Jude was kind of an ass after all. He glanced at me and winked. Oh. Or not an ass. Just a guy who knew I was listening in. I tapped as loudly as possible on the keyboard and hummed to myself. I could play it cool.

He obviously placated his husband because he hung up laughing and exchanging I Love Yous. Gross. The second he put down the phone though he sighed and hung his head. Oh wow. Really, truly trouble in paradise. I kept humming to myself. Do you ask if someone’s ok when they look like that?

“You ok?” It slipped out before I could stop myself. Jude’s head jerked up.

“Yeah!” He said too quickly. “Just a long day.” He looked at me. “For you too I imagine. I can’t believe I roped you into this. I really appreciate it.”

“It’s good fun.” I said. “Haven’t had a real job since Uni, I was starting to think my brain had eroded.”

“Can I be an absolute arse and get you in for the rest of the week? Just a couple of hours after work?”

“Of course! Only Friday I have a gig I’m going to.” I didn’t. But Friday was usually a good night for Darius and even though I swore every time it was the last time I usually kept it open.

“Oh shit, of course- and you probably have a life… it’s ok if you’re busy Nate…” I laughed and cut him off.

“I don’t have a life.” I told him. “I like this. I’m yours for as long as you need.”

“I’ll make sure it’s worth it.” He said. He checked his watch and sighed. “Levi will be here in an hour, let’s see if we can knock out today.” I agreed and we worked in silence for a minute.

“Can I put my headphones in?” I asked him. He blinked at me.

“Yeah.” He frowned. “You don’t need to ask.”

“Oh.” I blushed. “Ok.” I put some music on, which made the time fly by and before I knew it he was standing up and talking to me.

“What’s that sorry?” I ripped my headphones off and got tangled in them and managed to launch myself off the seat. Nice one Nate. You’re the king of cool. He tried not to laugh at me but it was ok, I was laughing at myself. “Sorry, I’m such a klutz.” I apologised as he helped me up.

“Yeah.” Rude. He wasn’t meant to agree with me. Although it was hard to put up a defence. “I was just saying Levi’s here and you’ll need my card to get out so that’s us for the day.”

“Oh, cool, sweet.” I quickly saved my work and grabbed my stuff to follow him.

“Need a lift?” He asked.

“Na, I have a car.” I sighed. “Parked halfway to Kelburn but I like the walk. I listen to music.” He smiled.

“What do you listen to? You were having a dance party over there.” I blushed furiously. Oops. I can’t help it though, I just start nodding along you know? And tapping my feet. And moving my shoulders…

“Uhhhh..” Think of something cool. What do cool people listen to? Nothing I’ve ever heard of. “Uh just, you know, whatever.” I’m such an incredible conversationalist aren’t I? Jude nodded.

“Probably nothing I’ve ever heard of.” He said with a grin. I grinned back and pretended he was right and I hadn’t been listening to Gary Numan. I have a thing for 80s synth, what can I say?

“What’s your genre?” I leant on the wall of the elevator and looked at him. Hmmm. Hard to say by looking. Maybe he just wasn’t a music guy.

“Tom Waits.” He said. “Leonard Cohen. Neil Young…”

“Oh God.” I said. “Have you tried therapy?” Jude looked at me frowning for a second before he burst out laughing.

“Ouch!” He said. “That’s good music!”

“Maybe, but you can’t dance to it.” I smiled at him as we excited the elevator together.

“You can cry to it.” He said.

“You can cry to Bronski Beat and dance at the same time. Although you have to be on a fair bit of E to do that…” I widened my eyes as I remembered who I was talking to. I mean, Jude was basically my employer for the next week. “Not that I do E.” I said quickly. Mmm. Smooth. He rolled his eyes.

“Right.” He laughed at me. “Bronski Beat huh?” Ugh. Dammit.

“Sure. If I was gonna do E, which you know, that’s illegal so I wouldn’t, and if I was gonna go to a club full of strangers and dance for hours and cry while I was doing it well… Smalltown Boy would probably work.” Jude looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

“I don’t know it, sorry.” I shrugged.

“You’re probably a bit cool.” I smiled at him. “Is that Levi?” I pointed to a… shit. Fucking beautiful Maserati. Damn. Jude was loaded or something huh? “Fucking sweet ride dude. Oh, sorry.” I caught myself way too late to stop swearing in front of him. Jude gave an exasperated sigh.

“You know I’m not wasn’t born in the 18th century right? You can swear, Nate.” I think, if it was possible, I went even redder. I coughed to hide my embarrassment.

“Uh yeah, but, you’re like my boss, and a customer…”

“Fuck off, Nate.” He grinned at me. “So is that what you’re doing Friday night? E in some seedy club?”

“It’s not off the table.” I grinned at him. “Well. See ya.”

“See ya.” He waved to me as he went to jump in the car.

—–

Jude

—-

“He’s cute.” Levi said with a tinge of something I’d never heard in his voice before. I turned to him.

“Lee…” I said slowly. “You’re not jealous?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Should I be?” I laughed. Well, actually, if he knew how much time I spent daydreaming about Nate….

“He is cute.” I agreed. “Kind of an absolute ditz. Good at models though.” Levi snorted.

“Airhead who’s good at numbers. You have a type, darling.”

“Huh. Guess I do.” I grinned at Levi. “You’re prettier.”

“That’s just a fucking lie.” Levi laughed. “I’m not blind. Jesus, is he a model?”

“I dunno.” I shrugged. “He’s the barista downstairs. Turns out he majored in economics.”

“Gross.” Levi rolled his eyes.

“What do you want to do for dinner?” I changed the subject. He sighed and started moaning about the new diet he was supposedly on and I politely nodded and mmmmed as though that wasn’t the most boring thing I’d heard all day. Eventually he shut up and turned the radio on and we drove around the bays in silence.

——

Friday

—-

Jude

—–

I’d run out of friends to talk to. We had couple friends, you know, we’d all do dinner parties and barbeques and weekends away together- but Levi and I would never let our dirty laundry air in front of them, God absolutely fucking forbid. And frankly Mark and Steven or Ally and Andrew or Ray and Leslie were all… you know. X and X. Which I guess Levi and I are as well. You just end up being a fucking four armed love monster at some point.

My Uni friends- well. I’d been avoiding them for months. Since the engagement actually. Because we would get drunk, and I’d let something slip and suddenly everything would come out and Rita would tell me to leave him and Ethan would look at me the way he always does when I’m chopped and probably tell me I could have him if I wanted… and it would be messy and awful and I’d cry, and boys don’t cry.

And I don’t have work friends because I don’t work anywhere for long.

I only needed an ear. Anyone. Because he didn’t come home last night and my heart was being ripped apart.

—–

I was working late after I sent Nate home. I loved having Nate in the office. Not that we talked. He just danced in his seat and inputted data with a goofy smile on his face. I was actually running behind because… well… he was a tiny bit distracting…

I sent him home when I realised he was ahead of schedule. He was actually pretty good at office work. Maybe less of a flake when he could listen to music. I touched his shoulder softly- I’d sort of learnt how to approach him when he was in his own world- but he still flinched and got a little tangled in his headphones. I hid my smile as he swore and blushed and apologised.

“You’re way ahead.” I said. “Didn’t you have plans tonight?” He blushed again.

“Ugh. Sort of.” He glanced at his phone. “I’m happy to stay…”

“Absolutely not, it’s Friday, go… do pingers and listen to house music.” He laughed and started to collect his stuff.

“Not house.” He said seriously. “Not enough synth.” He paused as he looked at me. “You’re staying on?”

“Yeah, I should finish up. I won’t be long.”

“Ok.” He stood up. “You don’t want the company?” He asked cautiously. “I could probably finish this tonight- then you won’t need me next week.”

“Oh… I mean if you didn’t want to come in next week that’s fine, Nate…”

“Oh no, I like this.” He grinned. “Ok. We’ll leave it. I’ll see you soon dude.” I rolled my eyes as he stood up and walked to the elevators- and remembered. “Oh.” He turned back to find me behind him. “Duh. I guess you gotta let me out.”

There was something really hard about being in an elevator with him. The space was too cramped. He had his arms folded and was staring intensely at the floor and I was trying to pretend I wasn’t looking at him. He glanced up and caught my eyes. He smiled. God I love his smile.

“So what do you do Friday nights?” He asked. “Date night?” I snorted.

“Ah… bit busy for dates at the moment.” I said. “Levi’s an accountant…”

“Right.” Nate didn’t let me finish. “End of the financial year blah blah blah.” He smiled. “Well if D doesn’t call you’re welcome to join me at Ivy.” I laughed.

“Who’s D?” Nate blushed furiously.

“No one!” He stammered. “Just a friend. I sometimes see him on Friday’s.”

“Yuh-huh.” I teased him as we walked to the front desk so I could let him out. “So Friday’s date night for you then?” He wrinkled his nose.

“Definitely not date night.” He muttered. “Uh. Thanks Jude. See you Monday.” I smiled at him.

“Thanks again, Nate.”

I watched him walk away before returning to the building with a sigh. I went to get another mug of the terrible freeze dried instant shit the office calls coffee. That’s the worst part about working after hours, all the coffee places are closed… I was mumbling to myself about shit coffee when I was startled by a light I hadn’t noticed. I peered into the gloom… I hadn’t heard anyone and I really hoped someone had just left the light on, because in the dark office at night my mind was jumping to some stupid… fast zombie or slasher in a scream mask… I sighed with relief as I turned the corner and saw Ryan. Huh. I think I would have been less surprised by the zombie- Ryan usually operated on a last to arrive, first to leave basis. He smiled at me as I caught his eye.

“Should have known you would have been working late.” He smiled and waved me into his space. I cautiously sat down on his desk. Ryan looked at me and frowned. “Something on your mind?” I stared at the carpet. Weird timing. But actually yes, something very much on my mind. I swallowed and looked at him.

Dare I? I didn’t even know the guy. But he was married, he was my age-ish, and he was gay. I mean, really I couldn’t have magically walked in on anyone more perfect to spill my soul to. I swallowed.