Merely Players

Belinda leaned back in her chair and pulled out her ear buds. “Um, yeah, maybe not. Charlotte, you’re trending on TMZ. Some guy just gave an interview saying that you’re here in Davis. He’s a struggling music store owner who supports the local indie scene. Said he approached you about doing a signing and you told him you’d get him a signed poster and to leave you alone. They have photos of his daughter and his wife. His employees are talking him up and so are some Davis musicians. You’re not looking good.”

I couldn’t catch a fucking break.

Mike looked at Jerry and they seemed to share the same thought. It occurred to me yet again that my oldest friend had stayed close to my ex despite the miles between them. Or maybe it was just a man thing. Then Jerry, not Mike, spoke.

“Charlotte, we have a plan, it’s a good plan. You’re in a much better place than before. Now tell me about this store owner, what’s the story? Is he lying? When did he see you?”

Heading to the kitchen, I got a glass of water, drank it down and thought.

“It’s a mix. He did approach me. It was at Daniel’s soccer game. He wanted me to do a signing at his store. I explained that I was keeping a low profile and I was just here for my nephew. I told him I’d get some premium marketing stuff, sign it and he could auction it or sell it or whatever. That shit brings in big money.”

Jerry nodded. “Okay, it’s not good, but it’s not the end of the world. We can patch up the PR issues, but your anonymity is gone. Do you have someone that handles marketing for you?”

I laughed. “Yeah, the label.”

Belinda spoke up. “Let me look into it. I’ll head over to his store tomorrow and see what we can do.”

I smiled. “That works. Mike’s going to be busy looking for a studio to rent, and Daniel and I are going with Jerry to LA.”

We’d been dancing around the subject for months now. I needed some alone time with Jerry to see if our embers could be fanned back into a flame. I couldn’t leave Daniel home with strangers, but I’d figure something out.

Jerry turned to me. “You are?”

“Yup, I am. Daniel, you ever been to Pink’s?”

“Is that a strip club?”

Some of the water I was drinking when he answered shot out my nose. I started a mix of coughing and laughing.

“No! No, no, no. It’s a hot dog stand. A strip club? You’re way too young for that. Remind me when you’re twenty-one.”

He frowned. “They better be good hot dogs.”

Mike and I laughed and whatever tension in the room broke apart. Things seemed manageable somehow. We continued speaking for another hour before Jerry went home and Mike worked with Belinda on googling studios we could rent. I packed an overnight bag and had Daniel do the same. I was often the opposite of domestic, but I could be in the packing-light-for-travel Olympics.

I hugged Mike before Belinda drove him to his hotel. “Thanks, Mike. I wouldn’t have bothered you, but I’m glad you’re here. With the lawsuit against Brian’s estate and the final hearing about custody and now this shit with the studio… Well, it’s good to have friends when things aren’t so great.”

“You’d do the same for me. We’ve got too many years in to be worrying about shit like that. You need me, I’m there. I need you, I know you’ll come running.”

When I went back inside I poured some orange juice and made a turkey sandwich. While I was eating, my phone beeped. It was Jerry.

Three tx bought and ready. Pick you up at 5:45.

I smiled.

You know one of us is a teenager, right? 5:45?

He can sleep in the car. See you in the morning.

Night, Jerry. Thanks for everything.

Night, Charlie.

A shiver went down my spine. He hadn’t called me Charlie in over twenty years. I knocked on Daniel’s door on the way to my room.

“Hey, we need to leave at 5:45. Early flight.”

Nothing.

“Daniel?”

From his tone, he was back to being angry. “Yeah, I heard you. I’m packed, okay? Can I get back to the game now?”

I shook my head. “Sure.” I wasn’t going to let it get me down.

Brushing my teeth, I thought of the text, Jerry calling me Charlie and how we were going to be spending time together. Staring at my wrinkles and grey hair in the mirror, I realized that I didn’t feel old. I didn’t feel tired. I didn’t feel afraid.

I felt happy. And horny. Definitely horny.

I’d had to shake Daniel’s foot to wake him up. I’d have given a great deal to be able to sleep like a teenager again. Jerry showed up like the Patron Saint of Short Flights, complete with strong coffee, hot cocoa and bagels. He looked good. Very, very good. This was Battle Jerry, dressed for war. The man knew how to wear a suit. We flew out of Sacramento and it felt like we were descending almost as soon as we took off.

We were waiting in line for a cab when Jerry turned to us. “So, anyplace other than Pink’s that you want to hit up?”

“No, I think that’s it.”

“Really? Daniel, would you like to see the Whiskey A Go Go or the Palladium?”

I was shaking my head, hoping he’d drop it when Daniel replied. “Sure. I can find something to eat wherever we go, but the first one sounds like a bar.”

Jerry looked shocked. “They… You’ve never heard of either of them? What about the Roxy?”

Daniel shrugged. “Sorry.”

Sighing, Jerry looked to the sky for a second. “They’re sort of legendary clubs. Your aunt played them. Hell, she owned them. Maybe we could just drive by.”

“Yeah, okay.”

My nephew wasn’t a fan of rock history. We piled into a car and gave them the address for Black Hat Records. We were there within the hour, which wasn’t bad for early morning LA traffic. Daniel seemed much more impressed by the tall gleaming building than he was by the idea of clubs that introduced some of the biggest bands in music history.

Approaching the desk with a man wearing black pants, a sweater over a white shirt and with a perma-smile on his face, Jerry pulled a business card out of a metal holder he had in his pocket and handed it to the man.

“Jerry Weiss, representing Charlotte Kahale of Charlotte and the Bobcats. We’d like to see lead counsel for Black Hat.”

The perma-smile didn’t waver. “Do you have an appointment?”

Jerry tilted his head and gave him his own smile. “After seventeen albums, all gold, eleven platinum, thirteen Grammys and twenty-four top-twenty songs, they’ll make some time.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll let them know you’re here. One moment.”

While we waited, Jerry looked at us and nodded towards Daniel’s bag. “What’s with the luggage? We’re headed back tonight.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, I thought that if we had to stay overnight we’d be set.”

“Okay.”

Someone came down to get us and we were soon sitting in a better class of waiting area. They were making us wait. It was a juvenile power move. They could have at least gotten us a room and had someone in talent chat us up. Daniel wouldn’t stop fidgeting.

Leaning over, I nudged him with my shoulder. “Everything okay? This is all BS. Don’t sweat it. Fancy as it is, it’s all paid for by people like me.”

“Yeah, no, I don’t care about that. I, uh, that guy? With the record store? I’m on the team with his daughter. It’s going to be weird.”

“Belinda will figure it out. The guy was a prick, but I’m thinking TMZ was paying and he needed the money.”

“Yeah, right, but… Maybe you could just not make a big deal about it? I mean… Like, I see her all the time, and…”

It took me a minute. “Daniel, do you like this girl?”

“No! It’s just, you know, um, maybe her dad being pissed off at me isn’t such a great idea.”

I nodded, not wanting to embarrass him. “Sure, that makes sense. I’ll call Belinda and have her, um, I don’t know. Be nice?”

Daniel gave me a half smile. “Thanks.”

Squeezing his forearm for a second, I leaned in again. “It’s too bad you don’t like her. If she’s the girl I’m thinking of, she was cute.”

He turned red and put in his earbuds.

Pulling out my phone, I texted Belinda just as Tony, the smarmy fuck, walked up, arms open wide.

“Charlotte! So great to see you. I wish I knew you were coming, we could have had something ready for you. Let’s go to my office. You were taken care of, right?” He turned his head and spoke over his shoulder. “Amity, did you take care of Ms. Kahale and her guests? Tell me they had something from the new juicer!”

I held up a finger. “Tony, calm down. I need to take care of this.”

Belinda, make sure the store owner is happy with us. Give him the carrot, not the stick. Important.

Putting the phone in my pocket, I stood. “Get a conference room. Get the lawyers. Get my contract. Get out of my face with that air-kiss bullshit. I’m not here to play games and listen to your lies.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Well, you definitely didn’t try the juicer. Life changing! That attitude wouldn’t stand a chance. Okay, give me fifteen.”

Twenty minutes later we were in a small conference room with two lawyers, three people from talent management and a vice president of something or another who did the talking.

“Charlotte, we appreciate your coming in, and–”

Jerry interrupted. “Speak to me. I’m representing Ms. Kahale.”

He turned to Jerry. “And you are?”

“The lawyer representing Ms. Kahale. I thought we just established that.”

“I see. And your name?”

“Mr. Weiss.”

“Well, Mr. Weiss, Charlotte is in breach of her contract. Our lawyers can give you all the legalese, but it comes down to this. We want the albums or we want our money back plus penalties.”

“You’ll be happy to hear that we want this resolved as much as you do. Ms. Kahale would like to terminate her relationship with Black Hat. She’ll provide an album within twenty-one days and will buy back the rest of her contract for $75,000.”

The man smiled. “Is that a joke? To be honest, it’s insulting. Our interns make more than that.”

“It’s not a joke. We have wriggle room on that number. What we also have is wriggle room on points on the album. Ms. Kahale is willing to give up half of her proceeds.”

“Half?”

“Half.”

“How much are you willing to go up on the buyout?”

“Here’s the truth. If she doesn’t talk up the final two albums, they aren’t going to earn you anything. You’ll have to bury them and they’ll be worth nothing. Charlotte will go full out on PR for this last album, give up half her points and pay you $150,000.”

“$500,000.”

“$250,000 and I’ll have the money wired to you within forty-eight hours.”

The VP turned back to me. “Charlotte, we have your word on promoting the album?”

“As long as it can be done remotely, absolutely. I’ll do radio interviews, blogs, whatever.”

“Well, this is a sad day for Black Hat. You’ve been a part of the family far longer than I have. We’ll be sad to see you go, but we appreciate everything you’ve done.”

What bullshit. “Sure, just not enough to not sue me when my brother died and I took some time to be with my nephew. Fuck you. Get the paperwork for me to sign.”

The VP turned to one of his lawyers. “How long will that take?”

“We can have things ready by tomorrow morning.”

I spoke up before Jerry could complain. “That works. We’ll stay in town and be back in the morning. Nine good?”

Mr. VP stood. “That will be fine, Ms. Kahale. Tony will show you out.”

“Wonderful. It’ll be the most productive thing he’s done since he was assigned to me. What’s it been, Tony, seven years?”

“Eight, Charlotte.”

I shrugged. We picked up Daniel where we left him in the luxurious lobby. Someone had gotten him something from that miracle juicer. He asked for another one before we left. I realized he may as well drink up. I probably paid for the damned thing.

Our Uber was waiting when we got out of the building and it suddenly struck me that Daniel was going to have to learn to drive in less than two years. For some reason that really bothered me. It was my own fault, but I’d missed so much of his life that I didn’t want him growing up.

We got in and I sat in the back with Daniel while Jerry was in the front with the driver.

“I’m sorry, what’s your name?”

“Phillip, ma’am.”

“Phillip, we’re going to be doing a lot of driving around today. What are the chances we can just pay you a flat fee and keep you as the driver? Are you free this afternoon? Most of it will probably be you just hanging in your car while we do stuff. Not a whole lot of driving. We’ll pay what you normally make in a day and we’ll buy food and drinks and stuff. That’s on top of this trip. Cash.”

“Um, yeah, sure.”

“Thanks, Phillip. You like Italian?”

He drove us over to La Cienega and Daniel seemed impressed that we were in Beverly Hills. I popped out when we got to The Stinking Rose, picked up our meals and we were soon headed to Santa Monica Boulevard. Jerry turned, looked at me over his glasses and lowered his phone.

“You did some planning?”

“A little.”

The driver pulled up in front of Troubadour. I pulled out his meal and handed it to him.

“I went with pasta. Everybody likes pasta, right? We’ll be about an hour. Feel free to take off for a bit if you need to get a drink or something.”

I had no idea what Uber drivers made in a day, so I gave him six-hundred dollars. If it wasn’t enough, I was sure he’d let me know.

Jerry turned to me again. “They’re closed.”

“Not to us. Daniel, remember that Elton John movie? This is the club he played when he first came to LA.”

He looked at the sign and the entrance. “Did you play here?”

“A couple of times a week when I first moved to Cali. C’mon, let’s have lunch.”

We stepped out into the brutal LA heat and then thankfully into the air-conditioned club. We were met by the manager, who I had spoken with earlier.

“Charlotte! It’s wonderful to see you! Let me show you to your table. We’re just getting set up for the day, but ask anyone if you need something to drink. We’ll sneak behind the bar and get you what you need. Are you going to be in town for a while? Can we convince you to play a set?”

He was a very tall, thin man who had his long grey hair in a ponytail. “Thanks, Bill, but we’re not going to be here long. Next time.”

Bill kissed me on the cheek. “I’m going to hold you to that. Let me know if you need anything. Enjoy!”

They had a table set up for us in the middle of the floor. I pulled the containers of food from the large bag and passed out the plastic utensils. Daniel opened his and the aroma of garlic wafted out.

“I thought we were going to the strip club for hot dogs?”

He was smiling, so I knew he was joking. “Later. Pink’s is a nighttime place. Late night, if possible.”

Jerry got up and walked to the bar. I’m not sure who helped him, but he came back with three waters.

“The first time I saw your aunt was right here.”

Daniel took a swig of his water. “Yeah?”

“Yup. It was a screw-up that paid off. I had the date wrong and thought I was going to see Jackson Brown. She, uh, made quite the impression.”

I laughed. “I’m sure I did. Have you seen the photo, Daniel?”

There was no question of what photo. For my career there is always the photo. I was onstage wearing a black leather bikini and screaming into the mic. I couldn’t have been more than nineteen. When I die the articles will have that picture and something from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction.

Daniel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’ve seen it.”

I’m sure I caught a lot of crap from Tipper Gore and the Moral Majority, but Mike shielded me from most of the bullshit. It still pissed me off. I did that during the same time guys in bands were wearing more makeup than the Joker and stuffed socks into their skin tight pants to enhance bulgitude, but I was the bad influence.

Jerry raised his eyebrows lasciviously. “Still have that bikini?”

“Um, no. I’d need something twice that size now.”

It somehow felt right that I was there with Jerry and Daniel. We enjoyed the food, talked about the good old days that weren’t always that good and answered my nephew’s questions.

“Were you here when Elton John played that first time?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “How old do you think I am? I was like six or something. I’m not that much of a dinosaur.”

We thanked the staff and I left a fifty on the table. The previous few hours were some of the best I could remember. After the label, I felt free. Turning at the doorway, I looked back into the club and smiled. I hugged Daniel and he didn’t flinch. I was with people I loved. I was with family.

Belinda, Jerry and Mike were helping, but I was putting in the hard work. I was the one steering this ship, even if I leaned on friends when I needed to. We needed to get ahead of the PR shit-storm, handle the rumblings from venues about suing, protect Brian’s estate and get the guardianship taken care of permanently.

It was big. All of it. But somehow, it felt manageable.

Jerry opened the door to the car for me. “What now?”

“Let’s hit the hotel. I could do with a nap.”

“You’ve planned out this whole day, haven’t you?”

“Lots and lots of plans. You might star in a few.”

Phillip pulled out into traffic and closing my eyes, I leaned back into my seat.

I could make out Jerry’s cologne from where he sat, or maybe it was a memory of our yesterdays. It would be like him to not change his preference over almost a quarter of a century. Listening to him talk to Daniel as we drove, pointing out landmarks that had been such an important part of my life was comforting. It felt… Domestic. Jerry was a good influence.

There was some mild irritation that the label let me out of my contract so cheaply, but that was my pride talking. They probably thought that I was retiring and after the TMZ thing, I was toxic. Screw them. This was nothing. I’d gone through worse a dozen times.

“Ma’am, we’re here.”

I opened my eyes and saw we were in front of the Chateau Marmont. “It’s Charlotte, Phillip. Listen, we’re going to be good for a while. Can you pick us up at nine and take us over to Pink’s?”

“Sure. Call me if you need anything.”

“Have a great night.”

They tried to take our overnight bags, but that was ridiculous. Still, I wanted Daniel to have the full experience, so we let them take the bags. The man at the front desk pulled out a box and put it on the counter.

“Welcome back, Ms. Kahale. You have a delivery.”

I smiled. “Thanks. Jerry, this is yours. I guessed at the sizes. And there’s a toothbrush and stuff.”

He gave me a mock frown. “Who are you? Where’s the woman that did everything on the fly and was sure that things would work out? I like this planning, Charlie.”

“Good to hear. I have a few more things planned.”

The bellman, knowing he had a mark, talked up the hotel’s fabled history to Daniel. He led us to our three rooms, opened the door for each, gave us a spiel about the amenities and waited graciously for his tip.

I gave Daniel a bunch of small bills. “Call for room service if you need something. Charge it to the room, but tip the staff. Play some games, get some rest or watch a movie. Part of La La Land was filmed here. Please don’t go exploring. If you need me, call. You good?”

“Yeah, fine.”

I’m not sure if I was hoping for a thanks or a hug, but he just closed the door. Teens can be assholes. Jerry and I headed to his room. He plopped the box down on the bed and looked over at the wall.

“There’s a connecting door.”

I tried to look surprised. “To my room? That is a complete shock. Who would have thought that would be there? Let me check and see if it works.” Walking over, I unlocked it and opened the door. “It does! I’m so surprised. Just to be on the safe side, maybe we should leave it open while we’re here. You know, in case one of us needs something.”

He sat down on the bed and gave me a smile that let me know he was gently amused. “What’s going to happen if this doesn’t work out? Am I going to lose the friend I’ve rediscovered? I was also friends with Brian. Will I lose being able to see his son? Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Sitting next to him, I leaned my shoulder against his. “We’re not kids, Jerry. It’s obvious that I want to try, but if it doesn’t work out, I’m not going to be shattered and fall to pieces. We’ll still be friends.”

Putting his hand on my thigh, he leaned over and kissed my neck. “You know, I still dream about that bikini.”

Goose bumps skittered along my shoulders. “Maybe I can see if they sell them in larger sizes.”

He pushed gently on my shoulders and I laid back on the bed. He followed me, lying on his side, and ran his hand along my arm, my waist and to my hip.

“Larger? I think it’ll still fit.”

Smiling, I put my hand behind his neck and pulled him in. My lips found his and we explored each other in a way we hadn’t for decades. When we finally pulled back, I sat up and pulled off my shirt.

“You’re a lovely liar, Jerry. Either that or you need stronger glasses.”

His silent gaze as I unhooked my bra ignited my desire. All of those college professor Jerry-substitutes over the years and here I was, with the man I always wanted.

“I’m not going to be the only one naked here. Get your shirt off.”

He blinked then smiled. Neat, staid Jerry just pulled his button down over his head and tossed it next to the bed. Lifting up with his back and feet, he pulled his pants down and then kicked them off.

“How’s that?”

I almost laughed. Jerry had changed. All those years ago he would have carefully unbuttoned the shirt and carefully placed it somewhere. He certainly wouldn’t have shucked off his pants like a horny eighteen-year-old. It had been a while for me and I began to wonder how long it had been for him. He’d kept himself in shape. The sparse blondish hair on his torso had some gray, but that was the only concession he’d made to age.

My eyes ran down his body and back to the smile on his handsome face. “Not bad. Not bad at all.”

He rolled towards me, his lips finding mine again. Eventually they moved to my jaw, my neck and to my breasts. I squirmed and held the back of his head. He spent an eternity there before continuing down to my navel.

Lifting his head slightly, he looked up at me. “Why are you still wearing pants?”

I shrugged then giggled. I actually fucking giggled. “Can you help me out there?”

Growling lightly, he grabbed my waistband with his teeth and pulled. When I laughed, he sat up with a smile and slowly unbuttoned the pants. They soon found their way to the floor. His actions mirrored mine as he ran his eyes from my face to my toes. Again, I felt that heat. When he pulled his Jockeys off, I saw my old friend. He had risen to the occasion.

Jerry continued kissing his way south and I lifted up as he tugged my panties down. He was slow and careful as he entered me.

“I’ve missed you, Charlie.”

*****

The phone was ringing, shocking me awake even though I wasn’t actually asleep. I was languorous, I was relaxed, mind drifting, just skin and nerves and breath. Jerry was next to me, he was breathing in the same rhythm, or he had been until the phone shrilled for attention. I felt him start, or maybe it was me, and reaching out I grabbed the phone next to the bed.

“Yes.”

“You said to call you.” It was Daniel. I sat up as he continued. “So, I did some reading. They say you shouldn’t nap more than half an hour. Otherwise, it messes up your night. It’s been two hours.”

Seriously? He called me to make sure I didn’t ‘nap’ too long? I almost fell back into my before persona. I mean it was a hotel room, far removed from Davis, this was Charlotte and the Bobcats standard fare. The patterns were so easy to slip back into.

“You needed something?” My tone was, perhaps, a tad harsh and Jerry’s hand squeezed my arm. That alone, his simple presence next to me after all these years, was enough.

“Sorry, Daniel. What was it you wanted?”

“You told me to order stuff from room service and I found a menu. The burger…” He lowered his voice like he was about to share state secrets. “Is twenty-four bucks! I mean, yeah, it comes with fries and has bacon, but twenty-four bucks?”

I almost laughed. “Daniel, order the burger. Get some ice-cream or something. Don’t worry about the money.”

“Um, okay, I just thought… Okay, whatever.”

“Hey, listen, you did the right thing. I appreciate you looking out. We can afford it, but I like that you checked, okay? Good thinking.”

“Alright. Can I have the chips in the cabinet? They’re the little bag and they want four dollars.”

“Go crazy. Don’t touch the alcohol, but everything else is fair game.”

Jerry and I had an encore and then showered separately. Eventually we went to Daniel’s room and the three of us watched forgettable movies until it got dark.

*****

“Phillip, you close by?”

“Yes, ma’am. Right across the street.”

“Great. We’ll be down in a few minutes. And it’s Charlotte, not ma’am.” I hung up and we headed down.

We slid into the car and Phillip had some cold bottled water waiting for us. I wondered if he had a cooler up in the front seat.

“Pink’s, Charlotte?”

“Yup.”

“Okay, shouldn’t be long. They’re right over on La Brea. Is this your first time?”

I chuckled. “No, not even close.”

There was a line when we arrived. Jerry got out of the front and then opened my door. I stood on the sidewalk and waited.

“Daniel?”

He poked his head out and looked around. “Where are the strippers?”

I couldn’t keep a straight face and started laughing. “Get out of the car, doofus.”

Wearing my ball cap low and my large sunglasses, we went to the end of the line. Daniel had clearly googled Pink’s. He struck up conversations with other people in line and discussed what they were ordering. Jerry began massaging my shoulders and I leaned back into him. We were halfway to the ordering window when a limo pulled up and five douches piled out. Everything about them screamed pretentious asshole, from their scarves to their skinny jeans to their overly loud laughing.

There was a buzz as people began murmuring. One of them waved in a general way to the people in line and stepped in front of Daniel. The others from the limo joined him. My nephew turned to me and raised an eyebrow and then tapped the guy on the back.

He turned. “Hey, dude, be cool, okay? No pics, but I’ll sign a menu after we order.”

“Um, yeah, I don’t want a picture or an autograph. What I want is for you to go to the end of the line. We’ve been waiting like half an hour. Dude.”

One of the douches laughed. “Look at the balls on this kid. It’s cool, bro. It’s all good.”

Daniel looked at them and probably realized he was outnumbered and a kid. He shook his head and began playing with his phone. I stepped in front of him.

“Hey, asshole, get to the back of the line.”

The picture-denying prick looked at me and then spoke to Jerry. “We’re just getting some hot dogs. Leash her up, dude.”

“Don’t talk to him.” I snapped a finger in front of his face. “Hey! I’m the one talking to you. Get to the back of the fucking line.”

“Calm down, lady. You ever see Tomorrow Knight? Netflix? I’m on that show. Shut your mouth and eat your hotdogs or I’ll get you tossed out of here.”

I smiled. “Really? When they toss me out of here, will they take my picture off the wall and let me take it home? Maybe I can keep it with my Grammys, what do you think? Who’s your agent?” I turned to Daniel. “IMDB Tomorrow Knight and find out who the producer is.”

The douche stared at me, confused. Then he looked to his friends and shrugged. “Who the hell are you?”

“I’m not an asshole who’s deluded enough to believe I’m somebody I’m not. Ever hear of Charlotte and the Bobcats? That’s me. More importantly, I’m a customer that’s been waiting in line, just like the rest of these people.”

I handed my glasses and cap to Jerry.

The guy still seemed confused. “Yeah, I don’t know you. You’re a singer? Look, we’re just getting some food before we go out. Why are you being a bitch?”

“Call her a bitch again and I’ll–” I put my hand on Jerry’s chest.

“I’ve got this.” I turned back to the douche. “Because you’re not better than anyone else in line, idiot. You think you’re the only person here who has plans for tonight? Get to the back of the line or get back in the limo.”

There was more murmuring and I heard people whispering my name. He looked to the people in line and then back to me.

“You know what? Fuck you! We don’t need some fucking hotdogs. Let’s go.”

He stalked away and his friends followed. I felt a little bad for the tourists who would have snuck a photo of the actor and maybe tried for an autograph. I put the cap back on but left off the glasses now. Anonymity was no longer an option.

When the limo pulled off there was a smattering of applause that grew louder. Someone began playing my stuff from their phone and two little girls came up followed by a man I assumed was their father.

“Are you the dragon-song lady?”

My heart melted. I did two songs for the soundtrack of an animated movie a decade earlier. It was way, way out of my normal demographic, but the songs crossed over and did well.

I squatted down so that we were around the same height. “That’s me! Did you like the movie?”

We took some photos and the girl’s father pushed them to sing one of the songs. They were shy and nervous and just shook their heads.

“It’s okay, girls. I don’t always like to sing either. How many hotdogs are you going to eat? This is my nephew, Daniel. He’s going to eat ten. Are you girls married? Isn’t he handsome?”

The girls giggled and more people came up asking for autographs.

I signed a couple and then called out. “Hey, folks? I don’t want to mess with the line or slow down sales. After we get our dogs, we’re going to hang out right over there. I’ll sign whatever you’d like. Cool?”

We ordered and the staff apologized for the douche. I assured them that it wasn’t their fault.

“Listen, I’m going to give you some extra money. Use it for whoever’s getting food until the money runs out, okay?”

“Sure, of course! We’re not allowed to ask for autographs.”

I realized why she volunteered that info, read her nametag and signed a napkin for her.

Phillip found a few chairs for us and we divvied up the sodas and hotdogs.

“Daniel, can you find ‘Clouds’ on your phone?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“That’s the song from the movie.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know where it’s from.”

“Great. Play it and see if you can get the beat down.”

We soon had a small crowd around us. I made sure that if someone asked me a question or for an autograph, I asked them something in return. It could be if they had kids or who their favorite author was or if they were fans of the Dodgers, but I tried to make every encounter personal.

When the girls made their way over, they hung in the back, shyly watching. I motioned them forward.

“Can you do me a favor? My handsome nephew? He’s learning how to play the bass. Maybe if we sing the dragon song, we could help him learn how it goes. What do you think?”

One of them grabbed the other’s hand. She nodded while her sister whispered, “Yes.”

“Okay. You’re going to have to help me out. It’s been a long time and I may have forgotten some of the words. You ready?”

Daniel kept the beat while I sang with the girls.

It was a lovely night and the staff kept bringing out bottled water. We stayed until after they closed. The cops came by a few times and the crowd got fairly large. There were times when we had half of them singing along. It was a street-corner, hotdog-fueled karaoke and I had a blast.

I tipped Phillip pretty heavily. It had been an insanely long day. “Can you pick us up tomorrow at eight-thirty?”

“Absolutely.”

We stopped at Daniel’s door and I kissed him on the cheek. “Sorry about the lack of strippers.”

He smiled. “No problem. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Daniel closed his door and Jerry and I walked towards his room. Daniel opened his door again.

“Hey!”

I turned.

“You can’t stop playing. You were really good and you looked happy. And the people there? They loved it.”

I smiled. “Maybe once in a while. We’ll figure it out.”

My arm was over Jerry’s chest when I woke up. For two people who were approaching decrepitude, we’d been pretty active. I rolled off of him and headed to the bathroom. When I was done, he watched me walking back, a smile on his face.

“Charlie, this was great, but–”

“I know. I’m not expecting anything. We were able to have a good time together. I’m grateful. If anything else comes our way, I’ll be grateful for that as well. I’m fine. Let’s just take it one day at a time.”

“That’s a very mature approach.”

“We’re very mature, Jerry. I’m not looking forward to getting senior discounts without requesting them.”

He laughed. “That’s a long way off. We’re good?”

“We’re good.”

For now.

We knocked on Daniel’s door at a quarter after eight. The door was yanked open immediately. He was showered, packed and ready to go. I think that goes against whatever ethos governs teenagers.

“You gotta see this.” He was shoving his phone in my face.

“Yeah, okay, but let’s head down and get some fruit or something for breakfast. Phillip’s gonna be here in fifteen minutes.”

“Okay. Yeah, alright.”

He pulled the phone back and was staring at it down the hall, in the elevator, to the restaurant and as we quickly ate. Daniel had four donuts and a banana. Not exactly the breakfast of champions. Jerry and I picked at a fruit platter.

We were in the car heading to the label when Daniel thrust his phone in my face again.

“Seriously, watch this.”

“Okay, what is it?”

As I took his phone, mine started ringing. It was Belinda, so I let it go to message. He had a YouTube video up of the two girls singing with me.

“That’s too cute! They’ll love that. So will their dad. Nice.”

“Look at the hits.”

I scanned down. A hundred and thirty-seven thousand views, forty-eight thousand and change likes.

“What the heck?”

“Yeah, and that’s not the only video. There’s like eight of them.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Nope.”

My phone started ringing again. I picked up.

“Good morning, Belinda.”

“Do you want the good news or the good news?”

“Um, the good news?”

“You own a music store in Davis. I saw the TMZ guy yesterday and he sold for three times earnings. We’re keeping him on for two years as manager. He’s going to make an announcement this afternoon. He’s very, very happy.”

I laughed. “Okay. Great. One problem solved. What’s the second good news?”

“Whatever you did last night knocked the TMZ stuff out of the water. Did you know you’re up on YouTube?”

“I just found out. Daniel showed me.”

“I don’t know if that was planned or not, but great job. When are you getting back here?”

“This afternoon.”

“Great. I’ll hold off on the announcement with the soccer dad until you’re back. We’ll get some pictures of you at the store shaking hands.”

“Okay, whatever. Good job, Belinda.”

We were let in immediately this time and there was no wait for a meeting room. The same crew from the label were there. Mr. Vice President welcomed us and then got down to business.

“Charlotte, we’ve been putting a great deal of thought into this and you’re a member of the Black Hat family. We don’t want to lose you. Why don’t we give you nine months for the album due, eighteen months for the last album on the contract? Let’s just put this all behind us.”

I smirked. “It’s amazing what some positive press can do, isn’t it? The Black Hat family? It took me a long time to remember what family really is. Too long. Fuck you and fuck Black Hat. Let me sign the paperwork and get out of here.”

“What if we were to throw in some incentives?”

I shook my head. “Let me guess, you saw a bump in my back catalog since last night? Let me check with my business consultant. Give me a minute.”

I pulled out my phone. Hey, can you come in here? Right now?

Daniel walked into the meeting room, one of the super juices in his hand.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we can get by without the label?”

“Um, yeah, I guess. If you do.”

I turned back to Mr. Vice President. “Sorry, gonna have to go with my consultant. The papers?”

It was surprising that he slid them over. For a moment I thought he’d just rip them up and hold me to the existing contract. I signed, Jerry signed and we were out of there.

We were back in Davis that afternoon. Daniel invited a friend over to play video games. I ordered them some food.

“I’m going out to the store. Do you guys need anything?”

They looked at me and Daniel answered. “No, we’re good. Oh, maybe some Cherry Coke?”

“Okay, soda. No problem. Tim, anything for you?”

“No, thank you. Except, maybe if they have M&M’s? I have some money.”

“Keep it, sport. It’s on me.”

“Thanks, Mrs. K.”

That was a little depressing. Do kids think any woman my age is a Mrs? Groceries would be a quick stop on the way back. I drove down to the strip mall my new record store was in. A little early for the signing, I sat in the car for a few minutes. I finally got out and walked in the door. Wearing my hoodie and sunglasses, I looked like someone’s schleppy mom shopping for elevator music.

There were two customers and a cashier in the store. I went up to the counter.

“Hi, I’m Charlotte. Is the boss in?”

Wide eyed, she looked at me as if she was trying to find the rock star behind the schleppy mom. She couldn’t be more than sixteen years old and seemed nervous. The girl brushed her dyed black hair to the side.

“Um, yeah, in his office. The office. Your office? I’ll get him.”

“That’s okay, let me surprise him. And it’s still his office. He’ll be in charge.”

She nodded and pointed to the back of the store. I took my time, looking over the merchandise and the condition of the store as I meandered my way back there. I knocked twice, walked in and closed the door behind me.

He was on the phone pleading with a vendor.

“Yup, I totally understand where you’re coming from. We’ll get you fully paid up on Monday, but I need something for the weekend.”

There was a pause while he listened.

“Right, I totally agree and you’ll have that on Monday. I’ll tell you what, how about we cut back to two mixed cases and a half-refill on the candy?”

Another pause and he sighed, shoulders slumping.

“Okay, I’ll put half on my personal credit card and the rest on Monday. Can we do that?”

Pause, then he nodded, still not happy.

“Great. Thanks, John. Anytime Monday.”

As he reached for his wallet, I tossed him my Amex. He raised an eyebrow and I nodded. He took care of the transaction and pushed the card back across the desk to me before speaking.

“We have a guy who does food wholesale deliver to us. Soda, water, iced tea, candy, cookies; all that crap. It has an excellent margin. We’re, uh, sort of behind.”

I nodded again. “Yeah, I could see that.”

“So, we’re doing the signing and getting some photos taken?”

“We are. I wanted to talk first. I get that this isn’t a totally happy day for you. This shop was probably a dream you’ve had, and having to sell it can’t be fun. On the other hand, you’re getting a lot more than it’s worth. I’m going to give you the option to buy it back in five years for what you were paid. I can’t be more fair than that.”

“I… Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously. We still have an issue, though. I want to explain what’s going on and why I might make sure that buy-back doesn’t happen. My nephew’s parents died in a car accident. My brother and his wife. I was on tour when it happened. I came here to check on my nephew and I found the woman who ran his foster home about to hit him. It didn’t matter if it was the first time or not. I didn’t even ask him if it was. Once was too many times.

“So, I decided to do what I should have done all along. We’re trying to work it out that I’m his permanent guardian. With who I am, I drag a lot of extra bullshit around with me. I wanted to be anonymous. I needed to be anonymous. How’s it going to look to the court if my life is a circus and I pull Daniel into that? I kept a low profile. The rock star me was gone.

“When you approached me, I tried to be as nice as I possibly could be. You completely shit on that and sold me out to TMZ for some money. I get it. You had bills and this place could use a major upgrade. Still, I extended a hand and you made me out to be a cold, uncaring bitch. Well, if this fucks things up and Daniel has to go back to a home, you’re going to get the actual cold bitch. I’m going to be pissed and I’ll be looking for someone to blame. You just volunteered yourself. Do we understand each other?”

He leaned back in his chair. “Yeah. I understand, but–”

“There’s no but, there’s no wheedling, no excuses about your business or family. Just reality. If you lying about me and letting everyone know I’m in Davis hurts Daniel, I’ll be making sure you’re hurt worse. If that doesn’t happen, we’re all good. I’ll make sure that Belinda gets you some cash reserves until everything is in my name. Ready to take some photos?”

He nodded.

Belinda had some clothes for me to change into. Jeans, a leather jacket and a new top. We took some photos of me shaking hands with the old owner, some with a few local musicians and I answered questions from a local reporter.

I was back at the house with the soda and M&M’s less than three hours after I left. The boys didn’t look like they’d moved an inch as they mashed their thumbs down on their controllers. They must have bladders the size of beach balls.

Daniel was on edge that night, so I was glad his friend was there. He was quiet most of the next day. I shrugged it off to him being a moody teenager. He did show a hint of a smile when he found out about the store and that the owner was anything but angry with me. I was going to have to meet that girl he was interested in.

Jasmine from the book club called me that afternoon.

“Hey, meeting tonight and we’re not taking a no. Seven-thirty at Christy’s.”

“I, uh, I’m not sure… You know what? What the hell. I’m in.”

Since we’d returned from LA, I’d spent almost every waking moment working with Belinda and Mike on preparing for the album. We had some cool concepts and Mike had gotten a stack of songs that he thought were right for me. I was working my ass off and I needed a couple of hours out and doing nothing related to music.

I showed up with a coffee cake and found myself being the last one to show up. Every single member of the book club was there and they were all staring at me.

“Um, hi?”

Christy raised an eyebrow. “Hi? That’s what you have to say? Okay, well, let’s get this taken care of. We know who you are. We feel like idiots, but we’re going to get past that. We’ve made up a list for you of things that we demand and questions we want answered. Here.”

She thrust a piece of paper in my hand. I was royally pissed. “You have demands? Here, take the damned coffee cake. I quit.”

“Read the list, Charlotte.”

I was going to tell her to fuck off when I took a deep breath, calmed down and looked at the paper. Their demands consisted of two bottles of cheap wine, chips and a bean dip. The questions were so filthy, so absolutely raunchy that I couldn’t speak. They were about famous musicians and actors and I was stunned. I finally burst out laughing and my friends joined me.

Christy put her arm around me. “C’mon, I spotted you the wine and dip this week. You can make up for it at the next meeting.”

When I left for the night I realized that they were, indeed, friends. Some of the first I’d made outside of the forums in years.

*****

I woke up, went to the bathroom, stumbled into the kitchen and pulled out the eggs. After pausing for a minute to shake clear the cobwebs, I went to Daniel’s door and knocked.

“Hey, you want some breakfast? Daniel?”

Assuming he’d been up half the night with video games, I left him to sleep it off. When he wasn’t up by one, I knocked again.

“Daniel! C’mon, let’s grab lunch. We can hit that bakery for sandwiches.”

Again, no answer.

“I’m coming in, so cover-up if needed.”

He wasn’t in his room. I checked the backyard. Not there. He didn’t answer his phone. I made some tuna and picked at the sandwich trying to not panic. Texting didn’t work. I called again. Nothing. I tried a different angle.

“Hi, Kathy, this is Charlotte, Daniel’s aunt. Are the boys practicing today? They usually use the garage, so, yeah, I just wanted to check.”

She seemed pleasant and not freaked out. “No, we’re heading to Sacramento to see my sister, so no practice today. Listen, if they get to be too much, let me know. We can clear out the shed and run extension cords.”

“Um, yeah, great. Thanks. I’ll do that. Have a great trip.”

What the hell was going on? I tried the parents of three more friends. None had seen him. I called Mike.

“Hey, Jollo, what’s up? I’m–”

“Is Daniel with you?”

“Uh, no, why?”

“Is Belinda with you?”

“Yeah, what’s going on? Where’s Daniel?”

“I don’t know. I think he left before I got up. I’ve called his friend’s parents and they haven’t seen him. I’m going to head over to Guitar City. Can you try calling him? Maybe he’ll answer for you.”

“Of course. You want us to come back to the house?”

“Um, maybe one of you? Can you ask Belinda?”

“Sure. Call me as soon as you find something out.”

I was halfway to Guitar City when Belinda called.

“He’s at the cemetery.”

“Hold on.” I pulled over to the side of the road. “He’s at the cemetery? Did he call you?”

“Um, no. I sort of forgot to tell you, but when I got you the phone for him, I had them put a find phone tracking function in it.”

“That’s… I don’t know. I guess it’s good, right? He’s not an adult. Do you have the address?”

I was there within fifteen minutes. It took me a while to navigate the small streets on the grounds, but I remembered how to get back to the graves. There he was, alone, his bike beside a tree.

Getting out of the car, I leaned against the hood and waited. He had a right to his privacy. There were some flowers by one of the headstones. Eventually, he made the sign of the cross, turned to get his bike and noticed me. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever. He finally wheeled the bike my way.

“Why are you here?”

“Because I was losing my mind worrying about you.”

“Don’t. Let’s just not pretend or whatever this is, okay? I don’t want to go back to a foster home and you don’t want to feel bad about Dad, so we’ll get that guardian thing done and everything will be fine. You can tell the court you did your due allegiance stuff and when it’s over we’ll just move on. You can go back to doing your stuff and I’ll do mine.”

I nodded sadly. “Due diligence. Is that what you want, Daniel? I thought we… I thought we might be getting better. Maybe closer.”

“I’m not stupid, Charlotte. You don’t care about anything but finding a way to stop feeling guilty.”

I wanted to slap him. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to scream. Instead I took a deep breath and continued. “If that’s what I wanted, I could have moved Belinda here, have her work remotely, have her apply to be your foster and doubled her salary. I want to be here, Daniel. I want to try to fix things.”

Defiantly, he locked eyes with me. “Yeah? You care about family now? Let me ask you this, did you find their graves easily? How many times have you been here since they died?”

“That’s not because I don’t care. It’s… I don’t know if I can explain it right. It’s sort of a slap in the face, a wake-up call that tells me I was a shit sister. I couldn’t bring myself to come.”

He nodded. “Sure. Did you ever think to ask me if I wanted to come? Maybe you could’a offered to drive me? Or was it so bad you couldn’t even drive near here?”

It took me a while to answer. “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking about you and I’m sorry. I should have. But when I screw up, I need you to tell me. We’re getting better, Daniel. We are. I’m new to this and I need your help.”

“Whatever.”

“Can we put your bike in the trunk and I’ll drive home?”

He nodded again.

Daniel didn’t speak until we were halfway home. His voice was soft and guarded. “I should have gone more often.”

“I sure as shit didn’t make it easier.”

“I couldn’t hold the flowers right. They got messed up.”

“Trust me, they won’t mind. They loved you more than anything. Still do, I guess.”

“They were messed up. Petals falling off and stuff.”

“It doesn’t matter, Daniel.”

“It does. Today’s her birthday.”

My eyes began blinking so fast I thought I might have to pull over. I considered it, and he was probably right. I couldn’t remember the date, but we were close. He rode all the way to the cemetery to see his mother on her birthday and he was worried about the condition of the flowers he’d clutched along the way.

I awkwardly reached out and grasped his shoulder. “It was a beautiful thought and I’m sure she’d love the flowers. I, um, I saw you make the sign of the cross. I’m not really into religion or anything, but would you like to stop at a church? I think we can do that, right? Just sort of drop in and pray? Or is that the sort of thing you’ll do on Sunday when you go with the pastor?”

We stopped at his church. They had a beautiful stone bench before a large wooden cross. The area was shaded by well-tended bushes. We both prayed silently, with me fumbling my way through it. I didn’t know what I was doing or what I was supposed to be saying, but if He was out there, I was sure He’d understand.

*****

Old habits returned quickly, even the ones that were very old. I reached for my phone after Daniel took the dinner to his room. Jerry’s voice didn’t fix anything. I didn’t feel any better for forgetting my sister-in-law’s birthday. What changed was that I didn’t feel quite so alone.

“Hey, Charlie. How’s the album coming?”

“I, uh, I had a really crappy day. Any chance you could come over?”

Jerry didn’t hesitate. “Can I bring dinner?”

“We ate. Get whatever you’d like.”

“I’ll hit a drive-through. See you in thirty.”

He knocked and walked in, a paper bag in one hand. “Sorry, I skipped lunch.”

I tried to summon a smile. “No problem. Did you get a drink? We bought some lemonade from a farmstand that makes it fresh. Let me get you some.”

We went into the kitchen and talked about the mundane. Some problem with his lecturing schedule, a TA that was lazy or unmotivated, and how he was planning on buying some new golf clubs were the topics that took the place of anything substantive. I enjoyed the normalcy. It was soothing to just sit there and talk to a man I’d loved for almost three decades.

I tried not to dwell on the fact that while I had loved him, I’d loved my career more.

He finished his salad and we moved to the living room.

“So, what’s going on, Charlotte?”

“Nothing. Just the usual. I’m working on the songs for the album, and–”

“No, Charlotte, what’s wrong? What happened?”

I sighed and couldn’t meet his gaze. “You… Jerry, you had your wife, and it’s clear how much you loved her. Brian and Samantha were perfect together. Even the old-time fans that come to the meet and greet, they come as couples, often with their kids.”

Jerry clearly wanted to say something but remained quiet. I continued.

“I wake up every morning with a reminder of what I gave up. Daniel, he’s… I’m not going to say he’s perfect, but I will say he’s everything. How did I not see that until now? I’d step in front of a bus for that kid, and until now I barely knew him. What the hell’s wrong with me? And I promised Brian, back when I saw that woman about to hit Daniel. I told my brother I’d step in. I’d finally be the adult and do what’s right and I failed again. I keep letting him down, Jerry. It’s tearing me up.”

He nodded and moved over to the couch with me. “I’m not some expert on kids. Far from it. But I can tell you this; you’re going to keep making mistakes. So is he. You’re both human. The only thing you can do is try to learn from your mistakes and love him. It’s going to be two steps forward, one step back. Just keep moving. Your best is more than good enough.”

I raised my hand and gently cupped his cheek. “What happened to us?”

Raising his eyebrows, he smiled sadly. “We were at different points in our lives. I wanted the Norman Rockwell life in the suburbs and you wanted to reach the stars. It wasn’t wrong, Charlie. It was sad, but not wrong. We both found what we wanted. You can’t tell me you haven’t led a great life.”

“It was half a life, Jerry. Without you, it was half a life.”

Leaning in, he pulled me close and just held me. I felt safe. I felt at peace. I felt loved.

“Tell me about today.”

I did. I told him of my panic, of finding him at the cemetery, of the revelation that it was Samantha’s birthday. Of how all of the progress I’d made with Daniel seemed miles away. He held me tighter for a few minutes, finally pulling back.

“I’m sorry. That sounds horrible. What can I do?”

“You’re doing it.”

Jerry stayed the night, sleeping on the couch. He was hesitant to share my room with Daniel in the house. I heard shouting at three in the morning and jumped out of bed. Pulling my door open, I checked and Daniel’s was still closed. Reaching back into my room, I grabbed the lamp off my desk and slowly stepped out into the darkness. The light in the kitchen flipped on and I stepped around the corner to see Belinda and Jerry sitting at the table drinking orange juice.

Belinda looked up at me. “Maybe you can text me when someone is lurking in the dark when I get back after working fourteen hour days to find you the right venue. And what’s with the lamp?”

“Lamp?” I looked at it and put it behind my back. “That was you with the yelling?”

“Um, yeah. Were you going to brain me with the lamp?”

I shook my head. “No, of course not. Maybe. I don’t know, I was asleep. Stop picking on me.”

She laughed. “We found a very interesting option. Mike is looking into the logistics. Keep your fingers crossed.”

“A new studio?”

“Not exactly. Let me work this out with Mike and we’ll loop you in tomorrow. Well, later today, I guess.”

“I’m too tired to argue. Enjoy your juice.”

Putting the lamp on the kitchen table, I went back to bed. Pulling a pillow close, I wrapped my arms around it and wished it were Jerry.

*****

I’d long thought that the day the electric guitar was created was the greatest day in the history of everything. Then I found out that good quality bacon and coffee could be delivered and realized the error of my ways. Jerry liked his bacon extra crispy, so I threw some in the microwave for a bit. By the time I had the table set up with fruit and delivered food, Daniel had made his way to the kitchen.

I had him believing that me putting out his favorite cereal to go along with the rest of breakfast was due to me trying to be a good aunt. The truth was that he could eat like a voracious plague of locusts and if I wanted any left for anyone else, I needed to get him started on something other than bacon and eggs.

He poured his sugar-fruity-pop-crispy-corn thingees while I knocked on Belinda’s door.

“Breakfast!”

When I got back, Daniel looked towards Jerry. I shook my head. “Let him sleep.”

By the time Daniel was done with his second bowl, Mike was walking through the door. He sat down and opened his package. I was dumbfounded.

“Are… Are those chili cheese dogs at nine in the morning?”

“Hey, they’re turkey dogs and the chili is vegan. It’s all good. I’ve been on a health kick for a while.”

“You’re a vile man. So, what’s up with the venue? Belinda said something was going on?”

Jerry walked by the kitchen, headed to the bathroom. Daniel called out, “Pants!” Scurrying back to the couch, Jerry grabbed his pants, grumbled something, tugged at his shorts and made his way to the bathroom.

“So, the venue?” I looked at Mike and his unholy breakfast.

“Let’s wait for Belinda.”

People seemed to be forgetting who was in charge. Okay, maybe they were forgetting who liked to pretend to be in charge. Sulking, I nibbled on my bacon. Belinda finally joined us. I waited until she had a cup of coffee before jumping in.

“Okay, spill.”

Mike looked to Belinda and began. “Well, UC Davis has a pretty active performing arts program. It’s actually part of the university’s mandate. The Mondavi Center is a nice, intimate theater, and we thought it might be cool to make it a live album. Then we found out that they are a few weeks out from debuting an outdoor theater. They’re doing some Shakespeare thing. I did some digging, and everything is pretty much good to go for the venue. If we can talk to someone at the university, we might be able to convince them to let us use it for one night. Fill the place up with students, make it free, have a famous musician play the venue for its opening night. Sounds good, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Only we don’t have the songlist fleshed out and we haven’t done any rehearsals. A live album sounds like suicide.”

Mike rolled his eyes. “So, get the fuck to work. I can see it like one of those folk albums from the early sixties coming out of the Village in Manhattan. Talking to the audience, restarting a song if necessary, that sort of thing. Casual and intimate. You’ll crush it, Jollo.”

I shrugged. “Regardless, there’s no way the school would let us use the venue. I mean, what do we have, a week and a half? That’s not enough time to properly rehearse a new set, let alone get all the permissions we’d need. You and Belinda would have to meet with whoever is in charge over there, sweet talk them and get all the bullshit taken care of.”

“Ahem.” We turned and saw Jerry standing at the door to the kitchen. “I’m on the Advisory Council for the Mondavi Center. They needed a designated legal guy, and I was volunteered. I may as well get something out of it. I’ll call in some favors.”

“No, we don’t need you sticking your neck out. We’ll take care of it, but thanks. That’s really sweet.”

He leaned against the wall, looking at me. He was always clean shaven and his stubble was really doing it for me.

“I’d like to see you play there. It… I don’t know. It would be sort of a melding of my two worlds. Does that make sense? Please consider it?”

Well, that was it. How was I going to say no to that? The Mondavi Center it was. They had it locked up within forty-eight hours. Belinda began reaching out to the band. We were going to fly everyone in and pay them well.

*****

I dithered. Instead of doing what was necessary, I sent notes to Bryn about his songs that Mike wanted me to use. Instead of doing what was right, I drove to the store to buy groceries. I simply didn’t want to bite the bullet and tell people I loved that I’d been lying to them. I finally forced myself to sit down and compose a note..

Friends,

You are my friends, and that’s why this is so difficult. I’ve asked Belinda to post this for me in the announcements section. I know what you’re thinking. AlohaGirl34 is nice and all, but why would Belinda care what she wants? You all know her. She’s sort of in charge and doesn’t take anything from anybody.

Well, the truth is, she works for me. AlohaGirl34 is actually Charlotte. Some of you may feel that I’ve deceived you. For that, I’m terribly sorry. Let me explain where I’m coming from. I needed friends and a community. People that didn’t see me as the woman on stage or the celebrity. I just needed… friends.

I’m so incredibly lucky that you were there for me. We’ve been there for each other, through good times and bad. You were who I turned to when my brother died and I needed a shoulder to cry on. You were who I talked to about being there for a teenager whose parents had died.

A lot of stuff has become public and I’m sure some of you have put two and two together. I’m not here to plead my case as much as to just say thank you for being there throughout the years.

I’m recording my final album for Black Hat Records the Friday after next. It’s going to be a live album and I’ve reserved 1000 seats for people from the forum and your families. I know it’s short notice, but if you can make it, your seats are free until we run out. Some are open seating on the lawns, some are next to the stage. I grabbed what I could. I’ve also rented a block of rooms at the Marriott. First come, first served. I’m paying for fifty rooms for three nights.

Seating is open. It’s an outdoor venue on the grounds of UC Davis. I’m hoping we can turn it into a celebration. Bring some food to share, trade some bootlegs, meet people you’ve only known from the forum.

Again, I’m sorry if anyone here feels lied to and thank you so much for always being there when I needed you.

Belinda posted it. I knew it would be the topic of conversation for quite a while. While I blocked off one thousand seats, I expected we’d have less than five hundred show up. There was almost no advance notice, flights would be prohibitively expensive and people had other plans.

I’ve rarely been that wrong. Belinda had to hire someone from a temp agency just to handle the ticket requests and sort things out. I was going to be saying goodbye to Black Hat with the friendliest audience possible.

*****

I had a guitar in hand and was noodling my way through one of Bryn’s songs. The guy was a genius. He was a songwriter, a song doctor for other people’s work, and had begun recording his own stuff. His most amazing talent was being able to decipher my vague and not-very-helpful feedback and intuit exactly what I meant.

Bryn had some great songs that he sent over that were undeniably fantastic but didn’t have the feel I was going for. I’d try to explain what I meant by that and he’d have a few fixes back to me in less than a day.

Putting down the guitar, I jotted down some notes when my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Kahale, this is Edith Morgan, Daniel’s court-appointed Special Advocate. I’ll be stopping by your home tomorrow between nine and noon. Will you both be available?”

I looked at the inch-thick stack of papers spread out in front of me. Being home and working my ass off wouldn’t be a problem. “Yes, ma’am. Anything specific we need to go over? Should I have my representative here?”

“That’s certainly your right, Ms. Kahale, but I don’t think it will be necessary.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow.”

Checking the time, I was shocked. The hours had slipped by. “Daniel! I’m ordering food. Chicken okay?”

I heard a muffled reply from his room and assumed it was a yes. After I ordered, I called the lawyer that Jerry had me retain for the guardianship hearings. She called me back just after the food arrived and I told her about the impending visit.

“Okay, we’ve been expecting this. They are actually late. There should be two more before the final hearing. You have all of the records accessible, right? Tutors, therapists, soccer schedule, doctors appointments, all that stuff?”

“Yeah. I keep the folder over the fridge.”

“Then we should be fine. I could be there if you’d like, but it would probably look stronger if I wasn’t. Nothing has changed since we last spoke, right?”

“Well, there was something the other day.”

I told her about the cemetery and our little blow-up.

“I see. That’s not great, but it’s not the end of the world. He’s a teenager mourning his parents. I’m surprised there haven’t been more outbursts like this. Did you speak to his therapist?”

“Um, no. I thought that wasn’t allowed. Aren’t their sessions supposed to be private?”

“Well, yes, to an extent, but that doesn’t preclude you from telling the therapist about major events in either of your lives. What the doctor does about it might be privileged, but I don’t see an issue with informing them.”

“Alright, I’ll call now. Should I call you tomorrow after the visit?”

“Yes, please.”

I called the office of Daniel’s therapist and again had to wait for a call-back. When I spoke to the doctor, she thanked me and I was assured that it would be addressed. Going back to the kitchen, I ate my cold chicken and tortellini salad. When I was done, I washed all the dishes by hand. Then I got out the tub of chocolate chip cookie dough and made some cookies.

I was stalling. Things just weren’t clicking.

“Daniel, let’s go. I need to get out of the house and hit something.”

We went to the driving range. The kid at the food stand was able to break two fifties into fives for us. We were loud and a little rowdy and delighted in hitting the balls as hard as we could and making fun of each other. We were surrounded by people that looked like they starched their underwear and thought gosh darn was over-the-top swearing.

That was the evening when I learned that Daniel was funny. I’d given him half the fives and we’d bet on every time we hit the ball. He started imitating what he imagined the people around us sounded like whenever I was about to swing.

“I say, Martha, those two are a disgrace to the good name of golfitude!”

He wasn’t far off. Most people there were disciples at the church of golf and we were clearly heathens. They looked at us with barely disguised disdain.

“I’m going to have a word with the management. We shouldn’t have to sully our clubs on the same plastic grass as these barbarians.”

I laughed and completely missed the ball. “I saw a putt-putt course on the way over here. You wanna go play with our sort of people?”

He nodded. We returned the bucket of balls and the clubs and were heading down the stairs when Nancy Yee walked up.

“Charlotte?”

She was annoyingly beautiful. “Nancy, good to see you. This is Daniel, my nephew. We were just heading out. Enjoy your… I don’t know what they call it. Driving?”

Nancy laughed. “He’s a ladykiller. Any older nephews, Charlotte?” She winked at Daniel.

“Nope, sorry. Gonna have to wait for Daniel to grow up a little.”

“Well it was great to see you again, and Daniel, nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, nice to meet me. You. Nice to meet you. It was… Whatever.”

His face was beet red as we left. “Who was that?”

“She’s the golf instructor at the university. Friends with Jerry.”

“She’s hot.”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks for the reminder.”

“No, I mean… I’m sure Jerry is fine with you. That didn’t sound right. I mean–”

I had to laugh. “It’s fine. I know what she looks like, I know what I look like.”

He had put the ball through the clown’s mouth and ran around to the other side when I realized that the lingering tension from the cemetery was gone. When we got back home, I saw the stack of notes, songs and revisions. It didn’t look quite so daunting. I dug in and got some work done.

I thought of just dunking my head in a vat of Visine the following morning. I’d gotten about two hours of sleep and was feeling it. My days of seventy-two hour parties were long gone. After showering, I made that wonderful call for delivery again. Bacon, good coffee and pastries all delivered by a man who should be nominated for sainthood.

Summer wouldn’t last forever, so I let Daniel sleep. Belinda shared some breakfast and we got caught up on the venue and acquiring the rights to some songs I was considering.

“Would you like me to stay?”

Smiling, I shook my head. “No, thanks. We’ve done this before. I’m nervous, but everything is fine.”

“Okay. What are you going to do while you wait?”

“I’m hoping she’ll be here at nine, so we can get this over with and I won’t have to wait. Otherwise, I have something I need to talk to Bryn about.”

“Is he, uh, is he single?”

“Sorry, I’m pretty sure he’s with someone. Cute redhead.”

She rolled her eyes. “I have no luck. Alright, I’m out. You need to make some decisions soon about the set list so I can get it to the band. Speaking of which, we have three guys coming in tonight. I rented them a house about a mile from here.”

“You’re the best.”

Belinda looked at me for a second. “It almost sounded like you meant that.”

I shrugged. “It’s the new me. Trying to look beyond my own shit. Be a little more objective.”

“Well, I like it. I’ll call you later with an update.”

A cleaning crew was there by eight. I sat on the patio and called Bryn while they worked.

“Hey, is this too early for you?”

He laughed. “I’m in New York. It’s almost lunch time.”

I loved his accent. He could be swearing and would still sound cultured.

“Listen, I need help with something personal. Charge me your normal rates, but this isn’t going public. I’m going to send you the music to “A Kona Hema ‘O Ka Lani”. You might recognize it when you hear it. I used to sing it to my brother when he was a kid. It’s a traditional Hawaaian song. I’d like to slow it down a bit.”

“Yeah, alright. I’m a little confused. What’s this for if it’s not for release?”

“You know about my nephew, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Okay, I’m going to try to have Mike speak to him and get him talking about his parents. It’ll be filmed, but Daniel won’t know. I’ll have some video guy put up photos and I’ll include the song. It’s for Christmas, but I’d like to get it done asap.”

“That’s sweet, Charlotte. Send it over. The song is about family?”

I grinned. “No, actually it’s about two districts in Hawaii. It’s an old chant that someone put to music. It was just noise to my brother, but he loved it. He had the biggest eyes, Bryn. And dark! He was the smartest kid and… I made so many fucking mistakes. I’m swimming in them. Anyway, enough of that. Whatever you could do would be great.”

“Sure. Happy to.”

I’d narrowed down the set list to thirty songs. More would get tossed when I spoke with the band. If we were doing covers, I collected any version I could find of them into a playlist to send to Mike, Belinda and the band.

There was a knock on the door about forty minutes after the cleaners left.

“Ms. Morgan, come on in.”

She had a smile and a tablet. “Good morning, Ms. Kahale. I hope I’m not keeping you from anything. This shouldn’t take too long.”

“Not at all. I was working from home anyway. Give me two minutes and I’ll get Daniel.”

I walked down to his door, knocked twice and called out. “Cover up if need be.” Opening the door, I stuck my head in. “Inspector lady is here. Get up, wash your pits and brush your teeth.”

She tried to be unobtrusive as we did a walk-through of the house.

“The soccer net is new?”

Did she remember a lack of one? This woman had her shit together.

“Uh, yeah.”

“And the spare room is in use. Someone else is living here?”

“Temporarily. Should I have reported that? My business manager is in town until next weekend. I can get her her own place if that’s an issue.”

She typed something on that little tablet. “I’d like to speak to her. Can you have her call me?”

“Yeah, of course. Um, you want to go over Daniel’s schedule?”

We went back to the kitchen and I grabbed the file from over the fridge. As she went through it, Daniel entered and sat down.

“Hi, Edith. Can I get something to eat?”

She smiled. “Good morning, Daniel. Of course you can eat. I know that this is odd and intrusive for both of you, but I’m not an ogre and we just want what’s best for you. Relax. This is your home. We can talk a bit while you eat.”

I was a bit pissed off that he was using her first name, but rolled with it. “Can I get you some juice or a roll?”

“No, I ate. Thank you. So, we’d normally speak to Daniel’s teachers and guidance counselors. Being summer, that’s not going to work. Do you have any concerns with us talking to his soccer coach, tutors and clergy?”

“None. You can add his therapist to that list, if Daniel’s okay with it.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, fine.”

She was there for another forty-five minutes. I immediately called our lawyer and gave her a summary.

“It sounds fine. Great job. I have a client on his way in, but call my office if there is anything else and I’ll get back to you.”

After hanging up, I leaned back and sighed. Going back out to the patio, I called Mike.

“Hey, I need another favor. Can you get Daniel to talk about his parents?” I explained my plan for the Christmas gift.

“I can try. Can you bring him down here? Tell him I wanted to take him to lunch or something. No, tell him I wanted to check out that record store. You said his girlfriend’s dad runs the place, right? He won’t say no.”

I laughed. “Okay. See you about one?”

“Sounds good.”

Going back in, I knocked on Daniel’s door.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” My nephew wasn’t a wordsmith.

I opened the door and immediately regretted it. “Are you storing a dead racoon under your bed? What the heck is that funk? I’m gonna get the Febreze. Open your windows.”

Before I could exit, I saw him sniff his armpits. This was worse than pit odor, but maybe I needed to talk to him about regularity of hygiene. When I got back, I sprayed pretty aggressively.

“I wanted to talk to you about the lady from the courts. Are you okay with everything that went down this morning? Did you have any questions or want to talk about anything?”

Daniel shrugged. “No, I’m good.”

“Okay, then shower-up. You’re having lunch with Mike.”

Nodding to his laptop, he frowned. “I was just getting into this game. We can do it tomorrow or something?”

“Maybe, but I don’t know how long he’s going to be in town. He’s just here to help with the album. It’s just lunch, Daniel. Oh, and shopping, I guess. He wanted to stop by the record store.”

I could see the wheels turning. “Um, yeah, okay. I guess that’s fine.”

We were driving over to a small studio Mike had rented. He was working with members of the band that had flown in and a few locals we wanted to work with. It was more of a rehearsal space for them than anything else and I knew they were growing frustrated with how long it was taking me to finalize the set list.

The phone rang through the car’s speakers and I answered. “Hello?”

“Charlotte, it’s Bryn. I couldn’t get that song out of my head. I listened to at least twenty versions and it’s eaten its way into my subconscious. I’m having a cuppa and have my notes in front of me. What if–”

“Bryn, I can’t talk right now. Can I call you back in half an hour?”

“Right, of course. Let me just get this one part–”

“Sorry, driving! Can’t talk. I’ll call you back.” I hung up and sighed in relief. Daniel was staring out the passenger side window, oblivious. This whole song was for and about him. I’d apologize to Bryn later, but I couldn’t let the surprise be spoiled.

We parked outside the studio and went in. I hugged the old band members and thanked them for flying in. Mike updated me on my backup singers. Two of the three would be able to make it and he was again getting local talent to fill in.

“Okay, well, I’m going to get going.” I gave Daniel forty dollars so he could buy something at the store, either for himself or the girl he liked. “Mike should have you home in time for dinner. Anything special you want to eat?”

“Pizza?”

I smiled. “That was a stupid question, wasn’t it. Okay, pizza it is.”

Back in the car, I called Jerry. He didn’t pick up, so I called Bryn back.

“Hey, I’m so sorry. Daniel was in the car with me. I told you the song is for him, right? It’s going to be a Christmas gift. The video will have images of his parents, aunts and uncles and where we grew up in Hawaii. I want to keep everything underwraps until he sees it.”

“Of course. The whole idea is simply lovely. It gave me a few more minutes to tighten things up. So, the beat is rhythmic and repeating. I’ve woven in some variants and changed the tempo at the end. I truly think it works. I’m pleased, as immodest as that sounds.”

“Wait, are you saying you’re pretty much done?”

“Well, yes, unless you aren’t happy with what I have.”

“Bryn, are you some sort of machine? How could you have done this so quickly?”

“It’s not difficult when it captures your attention. I was hearing it in my sleep. It’s in my Dropbox. I sent you a link.”

“You’re the best. I’m on the road, but I’ll listen as soon as I get home. Please let me know what I owe you.”

“Why don’t we just arrange for a percentage of royalties?”

“Bryn, this isn’t going public. It has an audience of one.”

“I know.”

Smiling, I shook my head. “No. I’m definitely paying you. Nice try, though. Send me a bill for your time or I’ll ask Mike what you usually receive and double it.”

He chuckled. “Alright, how about this, you do some vocals on my next album?”

“Deal.”

Soon after I hung up with Bryn, Jerry called.

“You called during my office hours for students. The last one just left. What’s up?”

“I have the next four and a half hours free. Daniel is with Mike. You have any ideas about how we can kill that time?”

Jerry’s voice sounded deeper somehow. “I’m in the parking lot. I can be there in twenty.”

Smiling, I put down my window. “Don’t bother knocking. I’m ten minutes out.”

It had taken us a while, but things felt right with Jerry. Natural, somehow. There was still so much that I didn’t know. I was curious about the class-action lawsuits he won and what that meant for him. My successes were public, but his weren’t. I wanted to celebrate them with him. And then there was his family. I didn’t want to broach the subject of his marriage and the loss of his wife. If he wanted to discuss that, I’d be more than willing to listen, but it felt intrusive to bring it up.

I was in my room and under the sheets when I heard the door open. He quickly made his way to my room. Jerry was staring at me with hunger in his eyes and all he could see was from my neck up. I slowly lifted the sheet, baring more and more. I laughed as his eyes grew wide.

“Where… Where on Earth did you get that?”

“This old thing? A catalog with twenty-four hour shipping.”

I was wearing a leather bikini that was very similar to the one that had put me in every music magazine in the world decades earlier. I started to unfasten the top.

“No, hold on. Let me.”

The look in his eyes was so intense that my stomach tightened and I shivered. The leather bikini was worth every penny. We spent an hour in each other’s arms and I eventually had to get up to get some work done. We took separate showers and Jerry made some tuna sandwiches and iced tea for us while I hopped online to grab the file from Bryn.

Belinda’s voice made its way through the screen door. “Are you two done?”

Walking over, I saw her sitting on the stoop. “Um, yeah. We’re done. For now. How long have you been out here?”

“About half an hour. Do me a favor? Either make more noise or close your bedroom door. That was not a sight I was prepared to see.”

Smiling, I opened the door for her. “Sorry.”

It was a little embarrassing for me, but Jerry looked like he was going to die.

The three of us listened to Bryn’s rendition of the song twice. I split my sandwich with Belinda. On the third time through I sang the lyrics softly. There are songs that reach out and grab a hold of you. For me, this was one of them. Bryn was amazing. It was somehow sweet and wistful while remaining powerful.

When it ended and I stopped singing, I looked up. Jerry and Belinda were stunned. Jerry shook his head.

“That was… I don’t know what to say. That’s my new favorite Charlotte Kahale song.”

Belinda nodded. “Beautiful, Charlotte. Really.”

My eyebrows lifted and I grinned. “I think you’re right. More Bryn than me, but I think you’re right.”

A few hours later Mike walked through the door with two teenagers. Daniel seemed nervous.

“Aunt Charlotte, this is Mia.”

She was a cute little thing with platinum blonde hair and huge eyes. “Hi, Mia. What do you like on your pizza?”

They were going to go to his room to play video games when I asked him to help me in the kitchen.

“Play in the living room. We have a console there.”

“Oh, c’mon, seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously. I’d be more comfortable, but more importantly your room reeks.”

That shut him up. They played in the living room while the rest of us spoke in the dining room. I played the song for Mike, singing along again. He had a look that wasn’t stunned like Belinda and Jerry. Mike looked voracious. A huge smile crossed his face.

“Damn, that is good. Really, really good. Bryn did that in a day?”

I nodded. “Pretty much.”

“No wonder he’s got all those Grammys.” He lowered his voice. “Okay, so we had a good conversation and I got Daniel talking about his folks. We had cameras set up, so I just left one rolling. Come down tomorrow and we’ll get you with Bryn’s recording and sync everything up.”

“Perfect. Thanks, Mike.”

We talked business for a few hours. Jerry had to get back to the university and Mike needed to return to the studio, so Belinda took advantage of the rare time that we were alone to talk finances.

“You’re okay. I’m sure your money people would have reached out if you weren’t, but I do want to keep you in the loop. We’re paying the band, flying them in and putting them up. The amphitheater isn’t cheap to rent. You laid out the money for the buy-out of your contract, you’re paying for everything with you and Daniel, you bought the record store and you’re paying the lawyer for the stuff with Daniel’s custody.”

I nodded. “Okay. Good to have a reminder. Anything else?”

“You’re paying my salary. You’re covering our drummer’s salary and his health insurance. We need a new drummer while he’s getting chemo, so that’s a doubling up of a salary. You covered the room rentals for the people from the forum. That’s about it off the top of my head. You’re still fine, but we need to look into finding some revenue.”

“Yeah, I hadn’t put much thought into that. It wouldn’t be a big deal a year ago, but I was touring then. Any ideas?”

“Actually, yes. Have you considered doing a podcast? Ad revenue can be tremendous and between you and Mike, you know everyone. You could record from the house, so you’ll still be here for Daniel. If you had one A-lister a week, you know enough people to go for a year without worrying.”

“That’s… Interesting. I’ve never done anything like that. Not even a radio show. The closest would be the Q and A’s with the audience at shows.”

She smiled. “Well, the good news is that this isn’t an uncommon problem. Almost every successful podcast has at least two people, and it’s often the star and someone who is a seasoned pro at this stuff. Likely a comedian.”

“You’ve put a lot of thought into this. Okay, look into how much money we could make and potential… What? Co-hosts?”

Belinda walked over to her valise and pulled out a folder. “A breakdown of potential revenue and a list of seven comics based out of San Francisco. All of them have experience.”

I looked from the folders back up to her. “How long have you been working on this?”

She shrugged. “A couple of days.”

“You did this while working on the stuff for the live album and concert?”

“Uh-huh.”

I’d been underestimating her for too long. “This is great stuff. Really. Thanks, Belinda. I appreciate this. Please take the reins. I’m on board.”

She wasn’t out the door five minutes when I grabbed my laptop. I found her parents’ information quickly and called.

“Hello?”

“Um, hi. This is Charlotte Kahale. Belinda works with me. Are you her father?”

“Is everything alright? Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. I was wondering if you and her mother had plans next weekend? I’m–”

“Thank you so much for sending her down for the party. She’s always telling us what a wonderful boss she has. The wife and I suspect you had something to do with the catering, but Bel wouldn’t say yes or no. Was that from you, Ms. Kahale?”

She thought I was a wonderful boss?

“I, uh, I may have chipped in a little, but happy anniversary. We’re having a small concert here in Davis next week. I’d love to fly you in and put you up for the weekend. You, your wife and any brothers or sisters. Are you free?”

“That’s… That’s very generous, ma’am. Would it be okay if I spoke to the missus about that. We’re free, but, well, that’s in California, right? Near Sacramento? We might be able to get reasonable flights in and stay with Bel for a few days.”

“Um, no, sir, I was trying to say that I’d be happy to pay for it. The flight and hotel rooms.”

“That’s very nice of you, ma’am, but I’m not sure how comfortable we’d be. We like to pay our own way.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. “I understand. First off, please call me Charlotte. And don’t worry about the costs. I won’t have to pay a cent. We fly in the band everywhere and both Belinda and I fly all the time. I have more mileage points than I could ever spend. I know Belinda would love to see you, and I’d like this to be a surprise. Please talk to whoever you have to and call me back at this number. If you can work it out, it would be wonderful for Belinda. She’s put in a lot of work for this concert and I’d love for you to be able to share in it and see what she does. You raised a remarkable woman. I’d be lost without her.”

“Well, that’s the kindest thing I’ve heard in a dog’s age. I’ll get back to you this evening, if that’s alright.”

“That would be fine and it was nice to finally speak with you.”

“You too, Miss Kahale. Belinda was right, you’re a good woman.”

I hung up and sat there in my chair. That was decidedly uncomfortable. Belinda’s family seemed like salt of the earth people and she only praised me to them while I treated her like crap.

“Aunt Charlotte! Do we have any frozen burritos?”

I shook my head. “You don’t have to yell. Did the two of you finish off that entire pizza?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Two microwave burritos coming up.”

“Can you make it three?”

The amount of food that kid could eat was unreal.

Mia called her father and we dropped her off at the store. She was a quiet girl, but I think most kids are like that with adults they don’t know. I never was, which made it hard to empathize. Always the talkative kid, I’d prattle on about anything to anyone.

Going into the store for a moment, I signed a couple of autographs for shoppers who requested them and saw the handwriting on the wall. My anonymity was drawing to a close. Mia’s dad was in the office.

“Hey, we just dropped Mia off. I wanted to stop in and exchange info. Give you my phone and get yours. If the kids are going to be friends, I thought it would help. She had pizza and a burrito, so she’ll probably be good for dinner. They played some video games in the living room. She’s a polite girl.”

He beamed. “Yeah, my pride and joy. Belinda was in yesterday. She hooked us up with two labels that have marketing programs for small stores. I, I think we’re going to be okay.”

“Lean on her. She’s way better than I deserve. Let’s ramp stuff up so you can buy me out quick.”

We went through In-N-Out for me on the way home and Davis Creamery for Daniel. I gave him a twenty and told him to go crazy. He came back with both a bag of ice cream and some frozen drink. My nephew was a gastronomical marvel.

Staying up until two that night, I finished the set list and emailed it to the band, the back-up singers and Mike. He must have also been up late, because Mike responded immediately.

You’re happy with the arrangements? Need Bryn to do anything to his songs or are we good to go?

I just wanted to go to sleep.

I think we’re good. I’ll have Belinda reach out to him to get contracts signed. Going to bed. Goodnight.

Again, he responded super quick.

You’ll be there tomorrow to record Daniel’s song?

Yes.

It had been an excellent day. The best I could remember in years. The lady from child welfare seemed decent, Jerry was more than decent, the song was perfect and Belinda’s parents confirmed they were coming. I fell asleep easily.

Daniel was at one of his friends, so I took that opportunity to drive to the studio. There was a comfort there that I’d missed. I’d been at dozens of studios around the world and they tended to blend together in my memory. What never grows stale is the feel. Like the first day of school, I always walk through the door and feel like I’m embarking on a journey where anything is possible.

“Jollo! We’re getting lunch brought in. Hungry?”

Smiling at Mike, I waved to members of the band. “No. Just some tea and lemon. They have a Keurig or something, right?”

“Yeah, but there’s a Starbucks around the corner and a place called Tea List that’s pretty good. We’ll have someone get whatever you need.”

Mike introduced me to Alyssa Kincaid, the new back-up singer. I spoke with her for a while and then hugged the band members. After we hung out for a bit, Mike had me do a quick run-through of the song and Bryn’s arrangement.

“Do you have the video of Daniel? Can I take a look?”

“No.”

I raised an eyebrow. “No?”

“No. It was emotional, Jollo. Let me get it all set-up. I don’t want you seeing it before we get your vocals down.”

I chuckled. “Only you, Mike. People haven’t been telling me what I can or can’t see in quite a while.”

He shrugged. “They’re not me.”

The grin wouldn’t leave my face. Maybe I’d been the boss for too long. Nobody tells me no anymore. We went through the song with just my vocals six times. While listening to Mike play it back and adjust levels, I heard Kenny mouthing the beats. He was our bassist and one of the band members Belinda flew in.

I put my hand on Mike’s. “Hey, what if we dropped the drums and had Kenny doing that? He can do the percussion verbally.”

Tilting his head, Mike shrugged. “We can give it a shot.”

“And what if we dropped the guitar back a bit and emphasized the beat and the vocals?”

“Alright, let’s see if it works. Totally stripped down, I like the idea.”

Within ninety minutes we had a new version that kept Bryn’s reworked “A Kona Hema ‘O Ka Lani” structure, but removed the instruments. There was clapping, foot stomps, my vocals and the backup singer supporting me.

Mike had a huge smile on our last run-through. He spoke to the engineer and then turned to me.

“Okay, I’m not a sound tech, but I know what I like and that was big. Really big. I’m going to let the engineer work his magic and I may get some feedback from a friend, but I really like it. You have some time? Can we try something else in the same style?”

I checked my watch. “Yeah, I have a little time. Let me check my messages, but we should be good. What are you thinking?”

“Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress.”

I let that sink in for a second. “I like it. Can we do it? Who has the rights?”

“Let’s see if it works, first. If it sounds good, we’ll look into the rights.”

We finally wrapped things up and I was leaving to pick up Daniel. Mike walked me out to the car.

“Okay, I’ll talk to our video guy and loop in some of the footage with Daniel. I should have something decent for you in a couple of days. This was a good afternoon. Things are coming together. The band is gelling fast, but they’ve been playing together forever. I like your set list. We can definitely get two albums out of this.”

“How’s the venue? When can we do a full rehearsal?”

“You good tomorrow?”

“Daniel has therapy in the morning but I don’t think he has practice tomorrow, so if I can drag him along, sure.”

“Tell him to ask that girl. He’ll jump through hoops to come down if she wants to go.”

Laughing, I gave him a quick hug.

Daniel and two of his friends piled into the car when I picked him up.

“Can we get some dinner and hang out for a while?”

I looked at him in the rearview mirror. “This is getting a little crazy, Daniel. Do you have any idea how much teenagers eat? Are you chipping in for the food?”

One of his friends started fumbling in his pocket. “I have some money, Ms. Kahale.”

Shaking my head, I chuckled. “I was joking, honey, but thank you. Yes, we can get some dinner. We taking it back to the house?”

Daniel replied. “I was sort of thinking about the food place at the miniature golf?”

“Where you trounced me? You know that was a fluke, right?”

“Sure, if you say so.”

“Okay, miniature golf it is.”

I pulled out my phone while they put their seatbelts on.

Up for putt putt golf? Heading there now.

By the time we pulled into the parking lot, Jerry had responded.

On my way. We need to talk.

If that was his idea of flirting, he needed help. I spent a small fortune on hotdogs, french fries and pizza. I saw a few people staring at me and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up. When the boys were finishing their sodas I saw Jerry walk in.

“Everything okay?”

He shrugged and looked at Daniel meaningfully. “Later.”

We let the boys play as their own group and we were on the second hole when I saw Mia with a group of girls. They were trying not to be obvious about scoping out Daniel and his friends. When the boys saw them they tried to be subtle, but were strutting around like peacocks. I took the opportunity to drag Jerry away.

“What’s going on?”

He sighed. “You sure you want to talk about this now?”

My heart was beating like a Bonzo drum solo.

“How bad is it?”

“It’s not really bad, but… I don’t know. It’s more sad and infuriating than anything else.”

Taking a deep breath, I nodded. “Okay, hit me.”

“The accident wasn’t Brian’s fault. His car, it had an existing problem with the ABS. The car locks up and pulls severely to the left. I had people check. Experts. It’s happened hundreds of times that we know about. All of them were exactly like Brian’s. I’ve tracked down the car and it wasn’t destroyed yet.”

He was quiet for a moment, waiting for me to say something. When I didn’t, he continued.

“There’s almost no doubt that we can get them to release Daniel’s estate and the trucker and the company can go after the car manufacturer. It’ll take a little time, but, yeah, I’m confident. Then we can decide what we’re going to do. If the two of you want to sue the manufacturer, we can go that route. I suggest that you do. It’ll make sure that Daniel at the very least has college paid for and has a nest egg.”

Walking away, I found a seat and plopped down. “I don’t care.”

“You… You don’t care?”

“About the money. I don’t care. Brian could be alive! If it wasn’t for the fucking car, my brother would be alive. Jerry, if they knew about this and did nothing, I want that company destroyed. Sue the fuck out of them.”

He sat next to me. “Of course, but it’s not going to be easy.”

“I’ll help however I can.”

“I didn’t mean easy on me. I’ve done it before, more than once. I meant on you and Daniel.”

I shook my head. “I don’t care what it does to me. If they knew, just… Jerry, whatever there is between us… I need you. Please. If they knew the cars did this, I need for them to… I don’t know. Pay somehow.”

Wiping away some tears, I felt Jerry put his arm around me.

“If you’d like, I can tell Daniel. He knows I knew his parents. It wouldn’t be weird.”

Watching my nephew goofing around with his friends and flirt with Mia, I took a deep, shuddering breath.

“I’ll do it. Tomorrow. Let him have tonight.”

Jerry pulled me close and kissed my temple.

As we were leaving, Daniel walked over to me, hands in pocket, and bumped me with his shoulder.

“If, um, Jerry wants to come over, it’s fine. You know, I mean, like sleep over. With you. I’m not a kid. It’s totally cool. Just let me know and I’ll leave music playing. Loudly.”

I smiled and gave him a side hug. “Thanks. Just so we’re clear, this isn’t a two way street. The only overnight guests for you are the platonic game-playing type.”

“Like Shawn?”

Laughing, I gave him a small shove. “Sure. Make sure it’s okay with his mom.”

When he walked away to tell his friend, I thought of how much Daniel resembled his father. Closing my eyes, I held it together. Jerry hugged me again. Turning into the hug, I wrapped my arms around him.

“Stay the night?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to be alone, but that’s not all of it. I want you. I want us.”

He kissed the top of my head. “Okay, Charlie.”

*****

I’m not big on cooking, but I was up early making oatmeal. Some butter, cinnamon, sliced bananas and raisins went in. By the time Jerry was out of the shower, I heard the boys rising from their slumber like teen nosferatu. I tossed in a dash of maple syrup and set the table.

We were eating and Shawn had his phone out and earbuds in. “Hey, dude, you’re on the internet?”

Daniel’s eyes furrowed. “What?”

“Yeah. Some song and you talking about… Um, about the… About your parents.”

“What!”

He grabbed the phone and ripped the earbuds from Shawn’s ears. He must have swiped to play it from the start and all I could do was stare at him in horror. I could hear his tinny voice coming from the speaker. Daniel moved the video along and I heard myself singing “A Kona Hema ‘O Ka Lani”.

I couldn’t force any words out of my mouth. He looked up at me in disgust and back to the screen. He started it again from the beginning. Daniel’s sad voice talking about his parents, dear memories shared with someone he considered a friend of the family. My voice following, singing a song mired in tradition, but reimagined.

Standing, Daniel hurled the phone against the wall.

I’d never seen anger and hurt mix that furiously in someone’s eyes.

“Right back to the top of the charts. Nice. Glad my parents dying could help your career. Don’t ever talk to me again.” He turned to Jerry. “I’m your client, right? Not her? I want to…” He started crying. “I want to go back to the foster home.”

Jerry looked to me and then back to Daniel. “Um, maybe we should–”

“Just do it! If, if you care about me at all, if you cared about my parents, just do it!”

Turning, he stormed off to his room.

The kitchen was silent until Shawn spoke up.

“I, uh, I think my phone’s broken. Can I borrow someone’s to call my mom?”

Jerry slid his phone across the table. I used mine to call Mike.

“Morning. We gonna do the rehearsal?”

My voice was a low growl. “Get over here.”

“What?”

“I’m at the house. Get the fuck over here, now. If you’re not here in half an hour, then just keep going until you hit Pueblo.”

“Jollo, what’s–”

“GET OVER HERE NOW! Mike, if you’re not here in half an hour… Just get here, you backstabbing son of a bitch.”

I hung up. Biting my lip, I tried to calm down. I took a deep breath and turned to Shawn.

“I’m sorry about the phone. I’ll buy you a new one. Can I… Can I ask you to please wait on the porch?”

He nodded, picked up his phone and headed out the front door. I turned to Jerry.

“Don’t even think about it. Don’t do a damned thing until we straighten this out!”

Getting up, I wiped my hand through my hair, closed my eyes for a moment and headed to Daniel’s room. His door was locked and I could hear my own voice coming from the speakers in his room. It stopped and then I heard him talking about Brian. He then had an anecdote about his mom and my singing started. He listened all the way through and started it again.

He wouldn’t answer the door. Leaning against the wall, I slid my ass down and sat there, listening to what he must consider the greatest betrayal of his life. I held my head in my hands until Mike stormed through the front door.

Standing there, Mike glowered at me. “What the hell is up your ass?”

I looked to Daniel’s door and back to Mike. “Out on the porch.”

“What?”

“Go back out on the porch!”

“What the fuck is going on?”

I couldn’t see them from where I was in the hallway, but Mike looked to both his right and left, I assumed at Jerry and Belinda. He finally turned and walked back out the door and onto the porch.