Amelia watched Tamara’s eye’s cloud over with heaviness, concern became etched again onto her face and her body seemed tense as if some other, forgotten secret had been cast up from within.
“I cheated on him once.” She blurted out. Rubbing her head in her hands as if to help the bitterness escape through her face, now she had opened her lips.
“Yep, cheated on him.”
Amelia lent forward in the chair and listened. The room seemed to pause in silence.
“I got friendly with….this guy back when we were playing pool down the Endevour.” She takes a long outward breath. ” One night I’d left a bit earlier than the others, made up some excuse……he follow’d me shortly after. Next thing y’ know I’m on mi knees to ‘im in an alley way be’ind third avenue.”
There was a sticky silence to the room and Tamara added. “So what about that then?”
Amelia couldn’t find a response.
“Do I tell ‘im about that?” There was another silence, Tamara stared out the window.
“Have there been any others Tamara, any others at all?” And she looked at Tamara with a calm concern.
“No, it was just the once, until the other night.”
“I think I’d keep that one to yourself Tamara, for now.” She added. “You’ve got enough on your plates at the moment don’t you think?”
“God yea!”
“Yea I know….it’s just, it’s meant to be a sacred vow in’t it, marriage.”
“And it still is Tamara, still is!” She tried her best to reassure. “Come ‘ere.”
Tamara lay her head on Amelia’s lap for comfort and the solace of friendship, her dainty hands running a pair of deft white fingers in her hair. She felt the tie being pulled from the back of her head and her fine, dark hair loosed from its hold.
Feeling the softness on her fingers as her hands calmed and soothed her, she stroked her cheek and peered over to see a tear once more well up and streak, mascara laden down her troubled face.
“Don’t worry Tamara.” She almost purred in her ear. “I know it’s gonna be fine.” Her voice had become so soft it was almost angelic to the ears and a warm sleepy feeling fell over Tamara as she uttered “Is it?”
“Yea of coarse it is” She came a little more sprightly and sat up. “Without you realizing it you’ve stumbled on his wildest fantasy!”
“He was so anxious about sharing it with you in case you rejected him, well now you have a dam good reason to share it with him, and who knows what amazing things it could lead to, things that most couples would never dare try because they’re too bound by convention and would rather live out a lie.” “But you two!” “The world’s gonna be your oyster with this one Tamara.”
“But one thing at a time.” Piped Tamara slowly.
“Well, yes.” “But don’t forget what I said.”
“What were that?” To Tamara quite a lot had been said that evening.
“Well, that this is his thing so forget the guilt trip, flip it around and own it!” “Use it to tease and seduce him.” ” You have the power Tamara!” “And besides, he will love that.”
Tamara was still and silent, absorbing and musing over Amelia’s words, the idea that cheating on her soon to be husband could be something other than a disastrous mistake still seemed a bit unreal to her, and she bobbed like a cork between the excitement and thrill of having been with another, and the love and security of her relationship with Simon, the institution that was the marriage they were about to embark on. She felt those two ships coming together as she straddled the two of them, as yet unsure of her footing, the ocean under her a great unknown beneath the mass of those grey hulks, that were like ginormous great clogs beneath the soles of her feet.
Amelia continued to caress Tamara’s soft fine hair, staring wistfully, contemplatively in the direction of the curtains well after her little pep-talk. Then suddenly aware of her surroundings she looked down at Tamara fast asleep on her lap, little snips of air being channelled through her nostrils, her face tight but at the same time relaxed, as if some deeper realm was yet to be breached, some small remnant of her conscious self still holding on to the illusion of the world. And Amelia soon followed, both carked out together on the sofa.