I found this survey on one of the incest boards of a popular website which hosts a lot of horny content. Usually people’s stories about it or asking for advice about a (likely imaginary) situation, One thread though was different. This was just a survey by someone who was posing the questions for some implied legitimate research, either academic or journalistic. I usually just lurk but for some reason I felt compelled to answer, after all amongst the horny fantasists that make up the majority of respondents I had some real IRL experience on incest that I had rarely got the chance to share. Once that seal was broken I have to admit it felt good, so here we are. What follows is the response I gave to the survey, but I’ve added a few details of some of the specifics I didn’t give initially that I know there’s a few out there who’ll enjoy reading:
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I’m a bi, kinky male in my 30s. You can call me Vee. Have only had two incestuous sexual relationships in the past. Will probably tell the story of these at length here at some time in the future but happy to answer the questions for now.
The skinny is I had an incestuous relationship with a male cousin (MC) from my late teens to early 20s. It started when we became friends while we attended the local community college and ended at the end of university. I had a more recent ongoing affair with my girl cousin (GC) when she was about 19/20 and I was in my early 30s. It went on for a couple of years but is over now.
Is it a family tradition?
No, definitely not. In my culture we used to have large families, my mother is one of 13 siblings which was normal in that generation, the two affairs I’ve had are with cousins from that side, to the best of my knowledge there was no generational abuse of a sexual nature. I have normal relations with my immediate family (2 sibs, both parents still alive) and all my other cousins aside from those two. Me and GC sometimes would joke and fantasise when we were together about how we’d run away and start an incest family where we’d raise our children and their subsequent generations of offspring, inducting them into that lifestyle when they were of age. But that was just pillow talk and never taken seriously. It’s a hot fantasy that many people probably have but very rare IRL (and ethically dubious where it does happen).
How does this affect your day to day life with your family member?
These were stealth affairs that happened under the nose of our families. The first affair with the male cousin, we were living together, flat sharing as we were both at the same Uni, for 2 years and were essentially a gay couple with an open poly relationship (though we didn’t call it that at the time, this was the early 00s and we’re a bit backward in this part of the world :)). Conversely we kept the fact we were cousins secret when we were around the gay scene in our city (which we were a bit) or the kink scene (which we sort of got into together).
The recent affair with GC was more an ongoing fwb thing and pretty informal. When she was studying at the same university me and MC had went to she lived at home with her family in neighbouring town that isn’t accessible by public transport at night. Her social and uni life was based in the city so she’d often “crash” with me as I lived near by. When it started it was from a drunken conversation on one of those nights and that was the cover we used with our families and the rest of the outside world. There was no day to day life (she never moved in with me or stayed longer than and a “long weekend” the odd time).
Do you set limits and boundaries?
MC – we played everything by ear. We’d only met a handful of times growing up but we attended the same city college starting the same time (though he was a year older) and started hanging out together a lot. Initially it was just because we were family and were both into the same music scene (what you’d broadly call alternative, we both wore a lot of black). He had been in a gay relationship in school for a while and was very comfortable with that part of himself, I was young awkward, dorky and just coming to terms with my queerness in a serious way. He was very much the cool one and I was just growing into myself. With him it was a safe way to explore those things, especially as we were both still closeted. I also may have had a bit of an incest kink even
before that. Before he instigated things I don’t think I’d have considered ever doing it for real with him or anyone else though I had always found him attractive. As we hung out and got close he developed an interest in me. Maybe he was feeling charitable to his hopeless younger cousin or perhaps he was feeling a little GSA (it’s a thing, look it up), who’s to say? What started as flirty banter escalated into us fooling around, Initially this was “practice” snogging “for fun”.
That started the night of my 18th birthday. As a present he got me a DVD which I already had and he’d have knew if he’d have just asked someone, so “to make it up to me” he promised that if I closed my eyes I’d get the best present ever. I did, not knowing what to expect, his humour could be very random, what I got was along slow passionate kiss while he stroked the left side of my face with an index finger and held me close. This wasn’t to be an isolated incident, that sort of weird half-serious physical intimacy went gradually from an occasional thing, like for a while if we’d been partying with our friends over a weekend and it ended up just the two of us left we’d get it on, to us planning to meet up just for sex or arranging whole days around it. I think he liked being the one in the teacher role, but after he’d shown me how men fuck or give head we did end up trying things out together we’d always fantasised about but neither of us had tried.
Mainly I was his submissive but as we progressed into the more extreme end of things we switched roles a lot while exploring all this new territory and it became more like a true partnership Spanking, tying each other up with whatever we had to hand, paddling, roleplaying dark fantasies (CNC was a big one of his), D/S. Watersports. Enemas. Sploshing was one he was really into but I didn’t get anything out of except the enjoyment of doing it with him. He was the first person to put his cock in me and he taught me as most of what I know about hygiene and proper lubrication.
Keeping the relationship secret wasn’t always easy but its easier explaining to your mum why your cousin is sleeping in your bed with you after a night out than some stranger. It got easier when we successfully applied for the Uni in our city and moved in together to our own flat and we’d just started living together by the time things started escalating.
During the “couple” co-habitation period as I said it was open but if we fucked anyone else it would have been considered bad form to keep it a secret. We’d also mostly stay away from anyone we knew the other “liked”. No PDA, but that was more because we were queer men in a homophobic society than in case someone we knew saw us. Definitely no limits when it came to the sex.. He was completely gay and very good at it so he usually had his casual encounters with other men. He knew I was Bi though at that point hadn’t been with a lot of women and liked to encourage that side of me so he didn’t begrudge me the odd casual fuck or short relationship with girls here and there.
And yes, we did have the odd threesome, MMM threesomes are more fun in my experience. MFM threesomes can get a bit awkward but can be a lot of fun. Double penetration isn’t as pleasant for the girl involved or easy as some of the stroke stories I’ve seen would have you believe but when done right can be very satisfying.
With the GC the relationship started from and proceeded on the basis of exploration of various kinks and helping her get some more sexual experience in general. So there was a lot of talk about what exactly we were going to do, boundary negotiation and situational limits for playing out scenes with gear and equipment or roleplays.
The only thing that was completely off the table that we agreed to from the start was it turning into a proper committed relationship. The stress of going public and having to tell the rest of the family, too much and really not what either of us wanted.
Why did you choose your family over other prospect(non-incest)?
With MC, at the time I was still feeling things out with myself and coming to terms with my sexuality. I still suffer from confidence issues and he made things easy.
With GC it was kind of the other way around. To answer the question original question, she choose me. At the time I was single but still active in the local kink scene but dropped out of active participation. I also maintained a few profiles on vanilla dating sites but stopped really giving them any attention for much of the duration of that affair. I’m generally good in relationships, but getting into them has always been difficult for me and while I had that going on I stopped feeling the need for a little while, even though it wasn’t going to be a permanent arrangement.
It all started about half way through her time at university. One particular night while she was staying with me she’d been out with some of her uni friends and ended up at some house party with a crowd of people she didn’t know. She’d done a little coke for the first time earlier that night but didn’t like feeling that way around people she didn’t know so she left the party she’d been at early and come over to hang out with my apartment so she could go to bed. The coke had enough of an effect that she couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to leave her on her own like that so I thought it I’d better sit up with her and have a drink with her myself while she came back around to feeling ready to go to bed and try to sleep. That might explain how we got into a very deep, very frank heart to heart conversation in which she told me about how bored she was with her love life and general frustrations with online dating culture.
She wasn’t (as I thought at the time) a complete virgin but her experience with sex was limited and mostly dissatisfactory. Like me, she’d been chubby and felt unattractive as a teen, spent most of her school years pining over some boy in her year who barely knew she existed, at uni it seemed like all her girl friends were having all these intense dramatic personal lives going on while nobody noticed her. One thing that came up in that conversation was that she was into some really weird kinks (big hentai fan) but hadn’t ever found anyone to explore any of that with and I was the first person she’d even talked to about it irl. As I’d been involved a little in the local BDSM scene with and after MC we got chatting about some of the stuff I’d done and then my sexual history in general, which eventually led to me telling her about the earlier affair with MC. She found that very, very interesting and didn’t mind telling me so.
Nothing happened that night even though we were both obviously turned on by the whole conversation which got a little bit flirtatious after that revelation – sort of jokingly at the start but then not really. We did actually finish up as I tucked her into the sofa bed at the end of that long night by saying that we’d be sensible, sleep on it and if after we’d both sobered up it still seemed like a good idea we could get together and talk about it and try some stuff.
She went back home the next afternoon pretty hung over but from the next day after that we were in touch constantly by text and chat and it all got stated properly the next weekend.
We took it in baby steps. At my suggestion we started off just getting to know each others bodies by hanging out at my apartment and doing normal stuff, we’d do together except dressed as we might if we were at a sex club. I told her to just wear whatever she always wanted to wear to feel sexy in but couldn’t at home so she brought this devil girl anime cosplay thing that was basically red lingerie with a set of horns, there was a dress that she’d worn over it to go to a con a few years ago but hadn’t been in just the underwear part of it in front of anyone else before, just sometimes when she was home alone for her own amusement. I just had a tight leather thong and a chest harness combo.
So we spent an afternoon together like that, watched some anime, played some Xbox, chatted, admired each others body a little. Turned out she’d a fairly average body and build but everything was nicely proportioned. At that time I was skinnier than I am now and regularly shaved all my body hair from the neck down and have some body art and piercings which she found interesting.
Just before our evening meal I confirmed if she felt good and wanted to continue and she said she did. After we ate I suggested we try watching some porn together, which she was agreed to. So we showed each other some of the porn we liked, which led to us eventually getting naked together so we could masturbate ourselves and took turns watching each other. After we had made ourselves cum in front of each other I checked with her to make sure everything was okay, which it was.
After that we had a little kiss and a cuddle together and slowly, tentatively started feeling each other up which led to a bit of caressing and fondling as we each got used to the feel of the other’s body. There was a lot of that sort of thing that first time. After using our hands we progressed to using our mouths on each other to intercourse. We did go out together on the Saturday to see some music (the gig and “seeing uni friends” was her excuse for being away from home all weekend) but went home alone together after the gig. Most of it was in my bed. We did go from fondling to fucking but didn’t try anything too crazy (I think fingering her anus while vaginally penetrating her was the most unusual thing that happened), all that would come later.
Our get togethers weren’t so frequent so when they happened there was usually a lot of time in the run up when we knew one was coming up for one of us to plan something to try. She had a long checklist and she wanted a little go at everything. Mostly I let her lead the way.
She would buy sex toys online which she’d give my mailing address for so when we had our little sessions there’d generally be something new for us to use. As well as the sex toys I introduced her to shibari (which she found pretty but boring to do as a bottom or top). As I said earlier we’d talk about really weird dirty fantasies we’d had or seen online somewhere to each other while we were fucking or playing. We both enjoyed that.
Sometimes we’d play some of them out where practical. For her birthday one year I procured the services of a fem-domme who could lactate on command. A lot of that play session involved her having her legs and arms restrained and being vaginally stimulated while suckling (she loved the novel Weaveworld so realising that particular fantasy was something that went deep, if you know the book you’ll know what I mean).
I introduced her to impact play, but it wasn’t easy as we had to be careful (no marks that couldn’t be easily explained). MC and I had always really enjoyed spanking both giving and receiving and could be quite rough with each other at times (he liked wearing a leather glove), GC really didn’t like it hard but enjoyed it when it was done strictly bare-handed and sensually while receiving. She liked spanking me well enough though she wasn’t always great at gauging how hard she was going. I personally despise receiving tickle torture, tickling other people does nothing for me and generally don’t let anyone do it but she loved it, so occasionally made an exception for her when she made a real effort to ask nicely, or promised to do something really nice for me in return. She could be very persuasive when she wanted to be.
Pros and cons of having incestous relationship?
Pros there’s the emotional connection. Finding new levels of what are already hard bonds can be interesting and rewarding. It also helps if you have a kink for it. There’s definitely a level of trust there that can take years to develop between new lovers but is already pretty solid with a family member. For me this was particularly the case with GC.
Cons, too many to list! The lying, secrecy, having to watch your step all the time. I know for some people that can be a turn on and part of the appeal but for others it’s a constant source of anxiety. Not being able to talk to your partners or prospective partners about big formative life events in case it squicks them out.
Another is that you’re never rid of the person from your life so say if it ended badly (which the affair with MC did, at the time) there will still be lots of situations where you’ll have to see them when you’d rather not, and you can’t explain why. That said we did eventually make up and are on good terms now, though had he been literally anyone else I’m not sure I’d have bothered.
The affair with GC when it was happening did leave me with the occasional feelings of guilt and anxiety about whether we were doing the right thing. Because although we were all adults when it started we’d grown up close, much closer than with MC (who I was aware of but only saw occasionally until we were in our late teens). I’d watched GC grow up and we’d been in each others lives all of our lives. At those times I felt like I was taking advantage of her and of that connection selfishly just to satisfy my own perversion. As it was happening it all seemed like it had developed organically but I did doubt myself. Had I been letting her stay at mine the whole time subconsciously craving the opportunity to take advantage of her naivety? It was more like I was really doing something wrong when it was with her but that kind of made it better in the moment that the taboo was being transgressed. Usually those feelings would be when I was on my own hung over or coming down and basically evaporated when we were in each others company.
The few times I did raise this with her she always did her best to reassure me that she was an adult doing exactly what she wanted. As far as she was concerned she’d instigated things (that night it had been her who was the one that had asked first, she’d been more keen about the whole thing after and was the one that usually wanted to push things further sexually) and that it wasn’t going to be forever anyway, which it wasn’t.
She had a tendency to get obsessed with our get togethers and had almost got us caught a couple of times, so there were periods of weeks where I insisted we cool it to allay any suspicion (her Dad once asked me in private while this was going on did I know of some secret boyfriend she had, so there were definitely some who thought something was up). GC had continued dating very occasionally with guys closer to her own age, and during one of these periods she started going out with someone from work, when that started getting serious and they decided they were going to be exclusive she contacted me to let me know. I was sad about it ending, I miss that time of my life but it had run its course and we’d both got what we wanted out of it. I don’t know if she still does any of the stuff with him that we used to do or if all that was something she wanted to get out of her system before settling down into a more normal romantic arrangement with long term prospects. He seems like a normie but he seems to be really into her and they’ve stayed a couple through the whole pandemic. I wish them well.
Anyway I’ve practically written a novel over here. I hope that this is of some use with your research. Feel free to get in touch with me if you’d like to ask any further questions..
PS if you’ve read this far and enjoyed you can let me know by leaving a comment.