“Jennifer, where’s your tent?”
My dad was standing in the bed of his truck moving all the camping supplies around. It was late Friday morning and we had just arrived at the makeshift campground adjacent to the venue where a three day music festival was taking place.
I’m not sure who originally came up with the idea to camp at the venue instead of staying at a hotel, because none of us seemed thrilled. We weren’t a camping family. I had to go out and buy a tent just for the occasion. But, my parents raised us on rock and roll so we all shared a love for the music and were apparently willing to do anything.
“I’m not sure, Dad. Luke moved the stuff from my car to yours.”
I glanced at my brother where he was setting up his own sleeping accommodations. He had a smirk on his face, but he didn’t look at us.
“I don’t see it.” My dad put his hands on his hips and looked around, puzzled.
“Oh shit, did I forget to grab it?” Luke asked. He still didn’t look up from his task which is a shame because I was glaring at him hard enough to burn a hole through his skull.
“It’s ok,” my mom said, effectively reading my murderous vibe. “Just have Kevin drive to the house and bring it with him tomorrow. Or buy a different one if he doesn’t want to go out of his way.”
Luke’s smirk faded and the muscles of his jaw clenched. I ignored it and shot off a quick text to my husband. He couldn’t get the day off to come with us for Friday’s shows, but he planned to meet up with us first thing Saturday.
Kevin was less thrilled about the camping than all of us combined. He liked the music to some extent but hated crowds so this weekend was akin to torture for him. I’d begged him to come so I wouldn’t have to tag along with my parents all weekend. It was that, or be alone. Luke and I didn’t spend time together.
When Kevin didn’t answer right away, I put my phone in my back pocket and started helping my mother.
“You did that on purpose,” I hissed, alone with my brother inside the venue. Mom and Dad wandered off towards a side stage, but I wanted to hurry in to get close to the main stage.
“Did I?” His smirk was back. My glare hadn’t left.
“You did.”
I stomped off toward the gathered crowd and took my place at the edge, even as more concert goers filtered in after us. Luke was still hovering nearby.
As the crowd continued to thicken, he stepped up behind me. Our bodies weren’t touching but I could feel his warm breath close enough to ruffle my hair.
“I can’t figure out why you think I would do that?” His voice was whisper quiet in my ear. “I won’t be able to hookup with a hot chick if my ‘sister’ is sharing my tent.”
He emphasized the word sister like it was profane. And between us, it was. The stab of jealousy I felt thinking that Luke might use that weekend, the atmosphere, to hookup with someone pierced through my stomach so unexpectedly I wanted to double over.
I’d put a stop to our indiscretions almost two years before when things with Luke became so intense I thought it would ruin one of us or our whole family. Sharing an apartment hours away from the house we grew up in had turned our innocent relationship into a scandalous one. A secret one that meant we only had each other. I couldn’t ask anyone’s advice or vent with my friends about my infuriating boyfriend, because he was my brother.
Kevin had been a friend from my internship. My supervisor’s assistant, actually. I was agitated a lot towards the end and he offered to let me move in with him if things with my roommate were bad. He didn’t even know I was living with a man, much less my older brother, whom I’d also been sleeping with. I jumped at the opportunity and our relationship quickly morphed from friends to lovers and then one day, it was just decided we were going to get married. Less than a year after leaving my brother, we were.
Luke stopped taking my calls once I moved out of our apartment. He said maybe ten words to me at holidays. He didn’t come to my wedding or my graduation. I’d decided if he wanted to act like a child, I didn’t need to concern myself with him. And now he was playing games. Games that shouldn’t have an affect on me, but they absolutely did.
“Maybe you’ll have the tent to yourself tonight and I’ll find someone else to sleep with. I mean, somewhere else to sleep.”
I turned my body enough to look back at him, but he was watching the stage.
“That’d be fine with you, right?”
“Of course.” Something was wrong with my voice. It sounded like I swallowed sand paper.
Everyone around us suddenly started cheering as the first band appeared. Luke looked down at me and nodded towards the stage. “You’re going to miss the show.”
I turned back around but missed watching the entire set anyway. I was too aware of my anger, my surpise at feeling it, and the aura of Luke’s presence behind me.
Things got pretty wild after that. It was a music festival, afterall. Hard rock. Heavy metal. Mosh pits. Crowd surfers. Sweaty bodies. Spilled drinks. Flashed tits. And through it all, my brother, who hated my guts, stayed glued to my side.
It was a short day of music, but by the time it was dark and the headliner was on stage, I was exhausted while the energy around me was at its highest.
The crowd moved like one entity, pushed and shoved in waves that originated far away from where we actually stood. It was a hard fight just to stay upright. Luke’s arms came around me.
“You ok?”
I nodded since talking was an exercise in reading lips anyway.
He scanned my face and must have disagreed. “Up ya go,” he said, suddenly hoisting my body into the air.
Hands from all around us grabbed at me and I started moving. Unable to stay upright, I laid my body down and stopped fighting it. I was terrified I’d be dropped and hit the hard cement under everyone’s feet, but there were so many people to cushion my fall.
I was tossed around, rolled, like an unmoored buoy in an endless sea of people. I was dizzy and drunk off the bright lights that flashed and spun in my ever changing field of vision. It was surreal, exciting, and by the time hard hands grabbed at me and lifted me over the barrier just feet from the lead singer, I was smiling.
“Get going.” A man over a foot taller than me pointed toward the side of the crowd.
I made my way along the barrier, wondering where Luke was, if I should find him or feel relieved to be separated from him. I tried not to wonder who he would shadow now that he was rid of me and his self appointed title of bodyguard.
It felt good to be out of the mass of bodies though. Cool night air finally reached my skin, replacing the humidity of strangers’ sweat. Based on the time, I figured the show was about over and I should just casually make my way back to the tents though I was a little nervous to be alone.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the reply from Kevin.
Kevin: Hey babe, hope you’re enjoying yourself. Our client’s aren’t satisfied with the latest mock up so the team needs to start from scratch.
Kevin: They need me tomorrow. I’m really sorry. I’m hoping I can still meet you guys Sunday morning.
Kevin: Ok, well don’t have too much fun.
I didn’t have a chance to figure out how I felt. Arms suddenly wrapped around me from behind and lifted me off my feet. I yelped in surprise, but I wasn’t afraid. My body seemed to recognize his.
“That was fucking awesome!” Luke called over the music.
He didn’t put me down, instead carrying me along the side barrier of the crowd, jostling me in his arms, until we were back to wide open space several yards from the stragglers in the rear.
It was crazy how much quieter it was. My ears were ringing though and Luke sounded like his head was in a bucket.
“What’s wrong?”
I pasted a smile on my face. “Nothing.”
He stared at me for a second before asking, “Ok, well what do you want to do?”
“I was just going to head back to camp.”
“I’ll come with you.”
He moved around me and started walking. I jogged to catch up, thinking about his threats to hookup. At least they’d sounded like threats to me, but it could’ve been my imagination.
“You don’t have to.”
“I know that.”
“Then why are you?”
He stopped walking and looked down at me.
“Would you rather be alone?”
Would I?
I swallowed the imaginary thing blocking my throat. “No, not necessarily, I just didn’t think you’d want to spend time with me. I’m a little surprised you stayed with me that whole time.” I motioned back towards the crowd.
His laughter came out as a huff. “Seriously?”
I had no idea why he was irritated. “Um, yes?”
He was on me before I knew what was happening. His body was pressed against mine and he put one arm around my waist one around my shoulders to pull me in even closer.
“I want to spend every second with you.”
I hadn’t heard that tone from him in a long time. It was the way he spoke to me when he wanted me to stop over thinking. It was also the voice he used when he moved slow inside me. I answered as breathless as when he use to move inside me at any pace. “What?”
“I would love to be alone with you, but I’d put up with thousands of strangers around us every day if it meant you were with me. Only me. Not just in my presence while you stand next to that sack of shit you married.”
“Luke…”
“Shut it, Jen. He’s a sack of shit. He saw an opportunity and he pounced on it and you let him.”
I wasn’t sure where he got his information since he rarely spoke to me, but I really wasn’t looking forward to admitting Kevin wouldn’t be joining us tomorrow as planned.
“Thanks to Mom, I know he works all the time. And thanks to you, I know he doesn’t let you be you. Hell, he probably doesn’t even know the real you.”
I thought back to Kevin’s texts. ‘Don’t have too much fun,’ he’d said. But that was probably a joke.
“I’m willing to bet, at most, he gives you five minutes of missionary twice a week before rolling over and passing out while you finish yourself off.”
I looked around us, embarrassed, but no one was paying attention. Why were we talking about this right then? At all?
“More often than not, he probably eats the dinners you cook and falls asleep in a chair before 9 pm. Am I right?”
I didn’t answer him. I could feel the heat under the skin of my cheeks and the tingle around my nose as my eyes became damp.
“But that’s safe, right?” He gave me another huff of pseudo laughter. “Marrying an older guy you’re not even that attracted to because you’re scared of me.”
I started to shake my head but all that did was make a few tears finally fall, so I stopped. “I’m not scared of you.”
“You are.”
“I’m not.”
“Good. Then you won’t be scared when I tell you that I absolutely left your fucking tent in the trunk of your car so you’d be forced to sleep in mine with me and maybe just maybe I could remind you how much you like what I do to you with my fingers, my tongue, and my cock.”
I’d stopped breathing somewhere around ‘what I do.’ “We can’t.”
His hand at my shoulders slid up into my hair. “We can.” His face moved in closer.
“I’m married, Luke.”
“Barely.”
“I’m happy.”
“You’re comfortable. Don’t get confused. We fought as hard as we fucked and all of it scared the shit out of you because I can hurt you. He can’t. And he can’t hurt you because you don’t. Fucking. Love. Him.”
I pulled out of his hold and swiped angrily at the traitorous tears that had escaped my eyes. “I’m going back. Don’t follow me. We’re not doing this.”
I turned and started walking away.
“Wake up, sis!” He called after me. There was laughter in his voice. The kind that only a big brother could use on his little sister. “You might feel brave right now, but you’re just the bravest little chicken shit that ever lived.”
I made it back to our tents without incident. People, probably drunk, had called out greetings to me, but for the most part the atmosphere was friendly and everyone left me alone. It didn’t seem like my parents were back but I was not stupid enough to curiously approach their zipped up tent at a music festival just to find out.
I gathered what I needed from my bag and hit the small community bathroom. There were no showers but I made the most of the hot, running water before brushing my teeth and walking back to the tent in sweats and a tshirt.
I left my clothes outside to air out and got into my brother’s tent. Part of me hoped he wouldn’t show up. Part of me desperately wanted him to.
Despite the noise of nearby partiers and the raging thoughts in my head, I fell asleep easily.
When next I opened my eyes, the walls of the tent glowed with outside light. I could hear Luke lightly snoring behind me and everything he said the night before came rushing back.
I carefully rolled over and watched him sleep. He was on his back, one arm behind his head, the other was at his side, but bent so that his hand rode the rise and fall of his belly as he breathed.
Luke was three years older than me and God, he’d tortured me growing up. Up until the last couple of years of high school, after he’d graduated and moved away to college. A college I later attended as well. When he’d come home on breaks, he would still tease me, but it became more about how pretty I was and how many hearts I was breaking or how many guys he was going to have to beat up.
When I joined him at college, I lived with him but his girlfriend did too. Something our mom and dad never knew. It seemed like they fucked constantly. Kim was loud no matter when or where they did it. She was still living with us the first time he kissed me.
We argued that day. It was so stupid, I don’t even remember why, but it happened in the kitchen while Kim was gone. It lasted awhile and turned into him griping about nearly everything I did.
“Stop treating me like a child!” I screamed. “I’m a grown woman.”
“You don’t act like it, but trust me Jen, it hasn’t escaped my attention.” Then his eyes scanned my body.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
One minute we were screaming at each other and the next I was pushed into the refrigerator with him at my front grabbing my face and forcing my lips open with his tongue. I would be lying if I said I’d never thought of him that way. He was the most gorgeous guy I’d ever seen and I’d spent almost a year listening to him have sex. Of course I thought about it.
There was no comparison though. Daydream Luke was a chump compared to real Luke. And real Luke probably didn’t know what it was like to fumble around trying for 10 minutes to unhook a bra or sneeze in a girl’s face going in for a kiss or come while a girl unbuttoned his pants. The boy who took my virginity knew all about each of those things.
I could feel how hard he was the second he kissed me so I knew it’d been building while we fought. I didn’t understand it, but I liked it. And no, Kevin and I never fought. He’d also never kissed me like that. Almost every kiss from Luke was like the first one.
He’d groaned into my mouth that day, up against that refrigerator and my insides clenched. I felt like I was on a roller coaster, flying fast, out of breath, wanting something that I couldn’t have even known waited around the next curve.
My hands gripped his forearms where they pushed into my shoulders and that was fine. But when one of my palms slid up and I dipped under his short sleeve to feel his flexed bicep he jumped back.
“Fuck.” It came out so quietly compared to our previous yelling and the roar inside my own head.
Then he walked away. I heard his keys jingle and waited for the door to slam, but it didn’t. It made a barely perceptible snick as he closed it gently. I didn’t see him for three days after that.
I would learn later that he’d gone to the store where Kim worked and intercepted her before she could come home. They both stayed gone and when she came back a day earlier than he did, it was to pack up her things.
“Why did Kim leave?” I hovered in the doorway of his room where he sat at his laptop with his head in one hand.
I’d startled him, but he recovered quickly. “Because I asked her to.”
“You didn’t tell…”
“No, of course not.”
He looked back to his screen and left me standing there awkwardly. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know where to start. In hindsight, I think I wanted to ask for another kiss.
“Go to bed, Jen.” But he was back to treating me like a child.
Four nights later, he’d climbed in bed with me while I slept. It was similar to the way I woke up in the tent. He was close, but not crowding. The difference was I’d woken him up that morning by yelling at him. Asking incredulously what the hell he thought he was doing in my bed.
He’d grabbed me and rolled over on top of me before kissing me again. My anger melted away immediately and I expressed that by fisting his hair and meeting the thrusts of his tongue with my own.
He found my naked sex under the blankets and long tshirt I wore and brushed his fingertips through my folds.
“Fuck, Jen. You’re already wet for me.”
The covers were thrown off the bed. He rolled onto his back, taking me with him. His strong hands squeezed my hips and he pulled me up his body, knocking me off balance.
I steadied myself by clutching the headboard and gasped when I realized what he was doing.
“Need to taste you,” he mumbled, settling my knees on either side of his head. He swiped his tongue through my crease and I cried out.
I’d had sex twice. I’d never been eaten out and I’d certainly never sat on someone’s face. I had no clue what to do. Turns out, I didn’t have to do anything. He made me come so hard my screams rivaled Kim’s. I always thought she was being dramatic, but no. Luke was just that good.
My face was practically against the bedroom wall. I had no idea he was jerking himself off while he licked and sucked my pussy. When I finally twisted my body and fell back to the bed, he had lines of thick white cum decorating his stomach.
I reached for my phone trying not to disturb him. No messages.
Luke’s sleepy voice filled the tent. “What time is it?”
“Just after six.”
Everything was quiet. Late night partiers were no doubt still sleeping. Luke was no longer breathing heavily. The silence was uncomfortable.
I risked a glance in his direction. He was watching me. I was grateful he couldn’t read my mind or he would know I’d been reminiscing.
“What is it? You have that line out again.”
When I was deep in thought, a crease formed between my eyebrows. Luke always said it was bad news whenever he spotted it.
“What did you do last night?”
It was absolutely none of my business and I wanted to punch myself for asking. He should’ve given me a hard time about it. That’s what the brother I remembered would’ve done. Instead, he answered like it was easy between us. It had never been that.
“I came back here.”
I waited for more. Nothing came. “That’s it?”
“Yes. I followed you. Hung back, made sure you were safe. Built a fire when you went to sleep.”
I suddenly felt like a horrible bitch. “Luke…” I didn’t know what to say.
“What time is Kevin gracing us with his presence?”
I felt my face fall and a chill slid through me.
Before I could answer, Luke sat up. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He threw the blankets off his body and crawled towards the zippered exit. Before he left, he spun around and pointed at me. “He’s a sack of shit, Jennifer.”
I didn’t see Luke again until my parents and I were walking to the venue. He just magically appeared, falling in step with us. He looked good. Really good. I figured he must’ve returned to the tent for fresh clothes when the rest of us went to breakfast.
“Do you have sunblock, Son?”
I heard him chuckle beside me. “Yeah, Ma.”
Our folks split off again just after we flashed our armbands to the attendant.
“It’s gonna be hot today, want to just grab seats?”
He nodded and gestured for me to proceed him. I led the way, feeling his eyes boring into my back the whole way. We were early enough to snag great general admission seats. The outdoor stadium was chairs on the lower level and bleachers on the top. The sun would beat down on us until mid afternoon, but we could relax instead of fighting for our lives on the open field below.
“Why didn’t your girlfriend come with us?”
Luke looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “What girlfriend?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. On the way down, Mom said you were seeing someone.”
“I always tell mom I’m seeing someone.”
“Why?”
He lowered his voice so the people around us wouldn’t overhear. “I can’t exactly tell her I’m hung up on you, now can I?”
The air abandoned my lungs. “What? You haven’t been with…”
“Of course I have, Jen. I’m not a fucking monk. But they’re just hookups. No dating. Tried that. Didn’t work.”
It should have been a tense conversation, but again, he was so casual about it. It was different.
“I’m sorry I was nasty to you last night.”
“Yeah, well.”
“Yeah, well what?”
“You’re still scared. Defensive. In denial.”
“About what?”
“About everything. That you want me. That you don’t want Kevin. That taking what you do want would be hard. Every day.”
“So what, you’re just waiting for me to change my mind?”
I infused my accusation with ridiculousness, because I thought that it was. But the way he looked at me fiercly and said simply, “Yes,” sobered my mind real quick.
“Luke.” I shook my head.
He didn’t say anything else, just grabbed my hand and held it against his thigh.
Three bands later he put his phone down saying, “Mom and Dad are coming to take our seats.”
“What are we doing?”
“I don’t know, but I need to move around, piss, and get something to drink.”
“You could’ve gone and done those things anytime.”
He looked at me like he had before. “Not leaving you by yourself, Jen.”
After we checked off all of Luke’s objectives, we found ourselves wandering over to a side stage. There was still several hundred people standing and watching the band playing. They were good. Unfamiliar to me, but good. And theatrical.
The woman singing on stage was hot, with long blonde hair, barely dressed, but she screamed some of the lyrics with rage and grit. When I really started to listen to her words about blood in her veins, hating someone for the way they smiled at her, for choosing her, and loving them for dominating her and never giving her her way my skin started to prickle. Thousands of needles of awareness assaulted my body from my scalp to my soles until I couldn’t stop myself from looking up at Luke where he stood next to me.
My action caught his attention and he looked at me as well. I don’t know what he saw, but his body tensed, the sudden pause in his easy movements shifted the air around us. I thought he’d been fierce before, but that was nothing. I hadn’t felt intensity on that level since the last time he’d moved inside me, telling me he loved me and holding my gaze while I came, and he followed me.
“Luke.”
He couldn’t have heard me because I didn’t even hear myself over the music and the singer’s pained screams. Still his head swooped down and his mouth crashed into mine. For the first time in nearly two years, I tasted him. He controlled the kiss, but it was more of an offering to me, to drink him in. We weren’t touching anywhere but our lips, our tongues mimicking everything we used to do with our bodies.
I reached for him and lost his mouth instead. He pulled back, breathing heavy and wiped a hand down his face. Shit. I lost him and as such, I had time to consider the ramifications of just that one kiss.
My body leaned away from his, telegraphing my intention to get away, fast. But his hand captured my wrist and he tugged me back to his side.
“Do not fucking run from me,” he growled.
We stared straight ahead, watching the end of the set and when the crowd around us thinned considerably we stayed. His strong fingers hadn’t let go of me and we were both still breathing too heavily.
Everything around us quieted and he whispered, “If you touched me, I would have fucked you right here.”
I twisted my arm gently, urging him to release my wrist. He did so with a pained expression, but I didn’t do what he expected. I didn’t run. I didn’t snap at him. I took his hand and threaded our fingers together. He instantly relaxed.
With a sigh, he said, “I’m guessing you want to be on the field tonight for the last two bands?”
A smile took over my face. He always anticipated what I might want. “Yes.”
He nodded. “Let’s relax then. Save our energy.” With that, he pulled me toward a beer tent.
It was shaded and cool inside. Comedians performed between main stage bands when the most people would filter in, but as soon as chords and beats began again, activity in the tent faded to nearly nothing.
Luke had taken a chair at my side instead of across from me. Once he started talking, I guessed it was so I was more likely to answer since we weren’t face to face.
“Why’d you move out, Jen?”
I’d told him at the time it was because I couldn’t do ‘this’ anymore, which was true. His underlying question then was, why couldn’t I do it anymore. Be with him.
“I didn’t want to fight anymore. You were angry with me all the time.”
“I was angry because you weren’t letting yourself take the next step with me.”
“There are no ‘next steps’ in our relationship, Luke.”
“Yes, there are. You just won’t consider them.”
“Enlighten me, then.”
“It’s called commitment, Jen. I make one to you, you make one to me. Just like any other couple on the planet.”
“We can’t get married.”
“No shit, baby. But is it really a piece of paper that you need? You have my name already, that’s all anyone will know.”
“It’s not though. Everyone we know, knows you’re my brother. So we lead some sort of double life? How long before mom and dad wonder why their 30 year old or 40 year old children still live together?”
“I would be willing to tell them.”
“What? You’re insane.”
“No, I’m serious about this. About you. I would risk my relationship with them, for you. But I guarantee you, it won’t come to that. They’d never turn their backs on us, Jennifer.”
“And our friends?”
“Who? All three of them we have between us? I know you think the people you know now are the people you’ll know forever, but that’s just not the case.”
“Luke.”
‘It will be hard for awhile, but it will get a lot easier over time.”
“What about kids?”
“I don’t see you rushing to have kids with Kevin.”
I flinched. Both because Luke finally said his name and it sounded awful to my ears. And because I didn’t see myself ever wanting children with Kevin. It was a terrifying notion that I worried about not having them if I were to be with Luke.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “If you want to be a mother, I’ll make you one. Whether one of us adopts as a single parent but we raise them together or we do our research and figure out the best way for you to have your own. It’s not impossible.”
“You make it sound simple.”
“If you loved me as much as I love you, it would be.”
He stood up and I started to panic, but he looked down at me, still calm and in control. “Want another beer?” He asked.
We didn’t talk about us or our feelings for each other the rest of the day. We ate, we drank, we wandered, usually hand in hand. We did put our masks back on and meet our parents for dinner in a different tent. Shortly before we finished up, my phone vibrated across the plastic table top.
When I saw Kevin’s name, I immediately looked at Luke. He saw it too. The muscle in his jaw jumped again.
I connected the call saying, “Hang on one sec, I need to find somewhere quieter.” Giving Luke an apologetic look, I excused myself from the table and slipped out of the tent.
The best I could do was walk around the side where it butted up against a cement wall of the stadium. There was a three foot path and I was alone.
“Hey. How are you?”
“I’m exhausted, but we’re still not finished. I just wanted to call you real quick and let you know I’m not going to make it tomorrow. I expected to just leave a voicemail.”
“Oh. Ok, I understand.”
“Even if we do wrap it up tonight, I’m not going to have the energy for a day long concert.”
“Sure, I get it.”
“It’s not really my kind of thing anyway.”
“Kev, I said I understand.”
“Right. What’s it like?”
“It’s fun. It’s hot though. Crowded. But the music is great. Everyone here is on such a high. It’s really exciting. Plus, I’ve been able to catch up with Luke. We haven’t talked in awhile.”
“If you ask me, that’s a good thing.”
“Why’s that?”
“Your brother is… well, he doesn’t really do much, does he?”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s got this fancy engineering degree, but he hasn’t accomplished anything else. Lives in a shitty apartment. Works as a bartender. Hangs out at three day music festivals.”
“I’m not sure what…”
“Yeah, Kelly, I’ll be right there. Sorry, I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow night at home.”
“Ok, Kevin. I love…” He had disconnected.
I stood there with my phone still held to my face for several moments trying to understand what I was feeling. On one hand, that conversation was typical Kevin. On the other, I really didn’t like it and I was trying to figure out if I’d ever liked our conversations or if I just accepted them at face value. What was Luke doing to me?
I turned around to head back to my family, determined to act normal in spite of all the uncertainty swirling around inside my head. He was there. Standing maybe five feet away, waiting for me to find him.
“I hate that look on your face.”
I jerked my chin back, surprised at his tone, but not his honesty. His words were angry, but he sounded sad.
“You look like you just realized how lonely you are.”
Goddamn him for knowing me better than I knew myself. And for giving me this look in the first place. I was blissfully ignorant two days ago.
“It hurts to look at you.”
I walked towards him but stopped with still enough distance to turn and run if I had to. I was always ready to run.
“Then make it go away.”
A flash of surprise lit his face before he grabbed me and pulled me to him. His mouth slammed down on mine and I could feel everything he felt as he poured it past my lips.
I took hold of him the same way I had when he kissed me in my bed, pulling his hair and forcing him harder against my lips. There was nowhere for him to go except deeper, turning the kiss from hot and arousing to scorching and desperate.
He lifted me and pressed my back to the cool cement. I groaned, finally having his body alligned with mine again. His cock was hard and pressed against me. I couldn’t stop myself from rocking my pussy along the hard ridge.
“Fuck, Jen.” He moaned, skimming his mouth down my neck and sucking on the skin at my collar.
His hips moved with mine, forcing my shorts to drag across my clit and making my core clench with a need to be filled by him again.
“Excuse me.”
“We froze.”
“You need to move along. Sorry.”
Our heads turned. A man in a security shirt stood at the end of our hiding place. He did look sorry to interupt, especially for my brother’s sake.
“Sure.” Luke lowered me to my feet. “Sorry about that, man.”
He took my hand and led me back the way I’d originally come, smoothing down his hair where I’d messed it up.
Our parents were still at the table watching for us. I tried to jerk my hand away, but Luke squeezed it tighter. I thought it was for him, but then I remembered the phone call.
“So, Kevin’s not gonna be able to make it.”
“Well, that’s too bad,” my mother said. She meant it. She liked Kevin. The look she wore said she felt sorry for me. She glanced down at our hands. “Are you ok, sweetie?”
“Yeah. A little disappointed, but I get it.”
I met my father’s eyes. They didn’t hold any sympathy. They moved from me to Luke to our hands then back to Luke. My heart crawled up into my throat and I insistently shook my brother’s hand off.
He slid his hands in his pockets and told them, “We’re going to head out on the field now. Jen really likes tonight’s line up.”
My mom’s expression was chipper. Her cheeks flushed from the sun. “Ok. You guys have fun!”
They stood up and started past us, but I noticed my father grab Luke’s arm and say something to him too quietly for me to hear. Luke just nodded.
On our way, I asked him about it. “What did Dad say to you?”
He smiled and threw an arm around my shoulders. He said, “You keep her safe, Son.”
We reached the edge of the crowd. Luke made to squeeze us through so we could be closer, but I pulled back. “This is fine.”
He nodded and I smiled.
“What,” he asked.
“Someone should tell Dad that being with you isn’t safe.”
I was joking but he didn’t take it that way. He maneuvered our bodies so that I stood in front of him, my back pressed to his front. His arms came around me, caging me, and he rested his chin on my shoulder.
“Please don’t get scared again, Jen. I swear to God I won’t let anything happen that we can’t get over or get passed.”
I closed my eyes and relaxed into him, wanting him to know that I did trust him.
“Remember the first time we had sex?”
I nodded.
“It all made sense then didn’t it? Didn’t it feel exactly right?”
Again, I let my body answer for me. I nodded while I bent my arms to hang on to his where they curled around me.
After he snuck into my bed and made us both come, we tiptoed around each other for days. He didn’t avoid me, nor I him, but we didn’t address the huge safari animal in the room.
He came home from work one night, surprised that I was still awake. I’d always been asleep long before his bartending shifts ended. But that night, I just wasn’t tired.
I told myself I’d initiate a conversation about us when he got home. Thinking about what we’d done was driving me crazy. Especially since it seemed to be a fluke occurrence. I needed to know.
But he laid his keys down and came deeper into the living space and all my plans flew out the window. There was nothing special about his actions, his appearance, but everything felt different. It was the first time we’d ever been alone, living together, just the two of us. It felt like he was coming home to me. Not because it was where he slept every night, but because it was where I slept every night. Like I could be anywhere and that is where I would find Luke.
“What are you watching?”
He was looking at the television. I had no idea what was playing, because I’d been lost in thought, but I couldn’t answer him anyway. My mouth wouldn’t work.
“Jen?” He said my name louder like I wasn’t listening, but when he looked at me it was obvious he had all my attention. “You alright?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that so I stood up from the couch. From ten feet away, we just stared at each other unmoving. We probably looked foolish, but it didn’t dawn on me to feel that way. I felt more comfortable with him than I ever had.
He never told me what was going on in his head, but given his most recent words to me, I had a pretty good idea.
Suddenly, we just moved. Both of us at the same time until we collided. He kissed me while he walked me backwards down the hall. He made a choice and pushed me into his room instead of my own.
We undressed ourselves quickly. I finished first having no shoes or socks on, no bra or panties. He didn’t have enough patience with himself to finish just then. He picked me up and laid me down on his bed coming over me and sucking my nipple into his mouth.
My back arched and I moaned. One of his hands slid up my bare thigh and just like before, he sought my wetness. He dipped his fingers inside me and continued licking and sucking on my breasts.
“Open,” he growled when the sensations had me pressing my thighs together. I did what he said and his thumb did laps around my clit.
“Luke!”
“Shhhh,” he whispered before biting me lightly and scraping my nipple with his teeth.
He wasn’t helping me be quiet. He was making me cry out every time his fingers thrust inside me. He sucked so hard on me, I knew he was leaving his marks all over the flesh of my tits.
I reached down and was able to brush my hand along his cock, proud and hard inside his boxers and bursting through his open jeans. I found the very end of him and rubbed him harder.
His head came up, his jaw slack and his hips pushed into my hand. “Take it out,” he whispered.
My right hand dove into his underwear and wrapped around his length, while the other pushed his clothing out of the way. I freed him and stroked my hand from root to tip.
“Jen,” he groaned, fucking my fist while I worked my hips fucking his fingers.
He kissed me softly again and again, barely grazing my lips with his tongue. His pre-cum kept leaking into my hand and my pussy became so wet his fingers could be heard plunging in and out.
“I’m close, Luke.”
“Come, baby. I’m gonna slam inside the second you do.”
“Oh fuck.”
“That’s it. I can’t wait to feel you on my cock.”
“Luke!”
I felt the first wave of orgasm crash into me only to slip away when Luke robbed me of his fingers.
“No!”
And then I was full, stretched tightly around his cock. My brother’s cock. I screamed when it hit me again, harder, threatening to drown me.
“Fuck! Jen, baby.”
He fucked me hard and fast while my whole body pulsed with the strongest orgasm I’d ever had. It wasn’t sweet, but it felt like the strongest love I’d ever felt as well. I wanted to meet his thrusts, but I could barely move save the involuntary jerks of my body whenever he brushed my too sensitive clit. I wanted to make it good though so I squeezed him as hard as I could with the walls of my pussy.
“Jesus, Jen,” he growled giving me his weight and hiding his face in my hair. “You’re gonna make me come.”
I moaned, feeling as much pleasure from knowing I could affect him as I did from his big cock filling me over and over. I wrapped my arms and legs around him and pulled him in, crushing him with everything I had left. The drag it created inside me every time he moved felt deliciously sexy.
Consequences were the furthest thing from my mind even when he tensed in my arms and cried out near my ear. His frenzied thrusts stopped and instead he fucked with me with deep, powerful, punctuated slams of his hips as he spilled his cum inside me.
I had almost forgotten he was supposed to be off-limits.
“What are you thinking about?”
I opened my eyes again and found myself still in his arms, but we’d been swallowed by the crowd. People moved and danced and laughed and sang all around us, seemingly materializing out of thin air. I realized I was moving too, squirming, almost grinding my body against Luke’s. His cock was hard where it was pinned under my ass.
I leaned slightly so I could turn my head and meet his eyes. He was smirking, but the fire he had every time he looked at me was still burning hot. I raised my arm until I could grab the back of his head and pull his mouth down to mine.
He let me lead. I coaxed his mouth into moving with me, our tongues dancing while hidden by our lips. Still our eyes were open and speaking without sound.
One of his hands slid up and cupped my breast. I arched, filling his palm with my roundness and pushing my ass into his hips. He had to pull his mouth away to breathe harshly in and out. He hugged me so tightly I felt the tremble in his arms.
“You’re mine,” he whispered. “No more running.”
I nodded and he kissed me again until we had to stop or we’d be putting on a show of our own.
Later, when the last band of the night was on stage, my favorite in the whole lineup, Luke still stood behind me. His hands were at my hips as they occasionally moved with the music. It wasn’t music you typically danced to, but I found a way.
Luke and I had shared several more touches and kisses like we were a normal couple having a night out in our favorite way. Probabily like a lot of people in the crowd, there with the person they loved, whether it was permanent or for one night.
The current song ended and the lights fell, bathing the crowd in darkness. No moon or stars could be seen even though I knew they were there.
A single spotlight shone down on the lead singer, just as the easily recognizable chord of their next song rang out from massive speakers next to the stage. Everyone cheered. My heart stuttered in my chest.
It was a brutal love song, my favorite even though I couldn’t stand to hear it anymore. It was slow and quiet, something I never thought they’d play at a huge festival with the immeasurable energy of 50,000 people.
Luke knew what it was and he knew the significance of it. It defined the ugliest time in our relationship. A song about begging someone not to love you because they can’t love you enough. Taunting them to run away. To stay away because your love unreturned would turn it into violence. You hate them because you love them too much.
I’d called Luke over and over after I moved out. When he never answered, I resorted to texting, every day, to let him know I loved him, worried about him, missed him. My brother.
After weeks, I got one reply. A line from the song that I couldn’t escape just then. I couldn’t turn it off or plug my ears. I could run, but it would chase me, probably still easily heard back at our tents. I had no choice but to let the music assault me like his pain had two years before.
“You refused to fight,” he’d said out of the blue while I’d been eating dinner with Kevin. “I’m done, Jennifer. Stop fucking texting me.” I’d had to excuse myself to cry in private.
He pulled on my hips until my body rested along his once again. He hugged me tightly and pressed his mouth to my neck.
“I take it back,” he whispered. “I’ll take any part of you you’re willing to give me.”
Tears spilled over and ran down my face.
“Shhhh. Please don’t cry, Jenny.”
His use of my childhood nickname made me cry harder, but I knew I wasn’t alone. The song resonated with a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. I was sure there were others in the crowd giving into their emotions. Still, I stared at the back of the person in front of me.
Luke’s hand slid across my belly and snuck under the hem of my tank top. The rough pads of his fingers stroked my bare skin. I shivered.
“I fucking love you so much.”
I sucked in a breath and he took advantage of my dipped stomach, inching his hand down the front of my shorts until his fingers met the elastic of my panties and he moved beyond that barrier as well.
He pushed me forward gently, closer to the stranger in front of us. Using the man to partially shield his actions. I leaned back into Luke, afraid I’d accidentally bump the stranger.
I took in skaky breaths as my brother’s fingers dove farther, over the hair I still kept trimmed just the way he’d once shaved it to his liking, and into the heat between my legs. He separated my folds, being neither careful, nor rough, just confident. I willed my body to absorb just a little of his bravery. I felt disarmed and torn wide open. I hadn’t felt this vulnerable in two years.
“It’s going to be ok, baby,” Luke whispered in my ear, reading me regardless of how hard I tried to hide from him.
He found my clit and circled it slowly, waking me up with tenderness. His other hand moved up the front of my shirt. My nipples were hard peaks by the time he made it to one of them. He pinched it through the lace of my bra.
I needed to do something or the desire I felt was going to make me explode. I slid one of my hands behind my back, arching to make room, and palming his hard cock.
“Just let me make you come, Jen.”
I shook my head, brushing our temples together as I squeezed his package.
“So stubborn,” he moaned. He barrelled through the green light I’d given him and plunged a finger inside my pussy. “I missed this warm little pussy.” He moved in and out several times and then a second finger joined the first. “You don’t know how much I want to slide my cock inside you.”
I bit down on my lip and concentrated on unbuttoning his shorts. He not only let me, his breath betrayed his anticipation of having my hands on him again. When I slid behind his boxers and felt him hard, ready to fuck, and leaking arousal, everything else was forgotten, including my fear.
I manipulated his cock, trying to stroke him as best I could with limited movement. He had no issues finger fucking me like we were the only two people in the world. His hand at my tit squeezed hard, leaving his palm to graze my nipple.
“I wish I could suck on this right now.”
His fingers bent and the sudden impact to my g spot had me sagging against him.
“I bet you still taste delicious.”
I squeezed his cock and he let out a huff of laughter along the side of my face.
“Mmm she wants to ride my face again.” He spoke to no one, maybe himself, but his words were like hot wax on cool skin, landing with a burn of intensity that made my sex clench. “I know the feeling. I miss your mouth on me too.”
My groan was swallowed by the sounds of thousands of people, all singing the same lyrics. My hips undulated, dancing again, but not to the music, to the beat of the hand at my pussy, fucking me faster and harder than the slow agony of the song.
I kept the same time with my own hand, squeezing Luke and dragging my palm up and down his flesh, before circling the swollen head of his beautiful cock.
“So good, baby.”
I had to agree. It was always so fucking good when he touched me. Nothing about it felt forbidden. It felt meant to be.
On that thought, I lost control of my body, my cunt fluttered around his fingers and my back arched. His thumb hit my clit and I came, shaking in his arms, my sex drumming out my orgasm against his fingers.
“Fuck yeah, come for me.”
I felt wetness gushing out of my body, soaking my panties and dousing the flesh around my pussy toward the cheeks of my ass. Luke abandoned my breast to pull my hand away from his cock and wrap my arm around myself where he held it firm.
I whimpered, still coming from his refusal to still his hand at my pussy. He fucked me even as he rocked his own hips into my ass.
The wet head of his cock brushed against the skin at the small of my back and my sex weeped more in anticipation. He was going to mark me. Out in the open. In a crowd of thousands. My brother was going to claim me.
I was wanton again. The way I always was with him. The beast of desire awake after I thought it had been slayed. I wasn’t prepared to fight it again. I didn’t want to. I wanted to free it instead.
I tugged at Luke’s arm, pulling his hand out of my shorts. When he tried to wrap that one around me as well, I intercepted. I forced his wet fingers to my mouth and sucked my cum off of them. It took him less than a second to respond.
“Fuck!” He pulled at my hips and ass harder, rubbing our bodies together.
I used my tongue to lick between his fingers and clean him. He wasn’t still. He fucked them into my mouth like he’d been fucking them into my cunt. Groaning and breathing like he was the beast itself.
“Let me taste you. Now, baby.”
I turned my head and his lips crashed against mine before he sucked my tongue into his mouth, searching for the taste he longed to devour.
I watched him. His eyes were closed but still I read the ecstasy he felt as his brow creased and hot cum hit my skin, painting my back. He grunted in my mouth, over and over, as two years of want poured out between between our bodies.
We both went still and quiet, even as the crowd raged around us, the music having long since returned to the raucous nature of the event. Luke’s lips left mine and his hands slid down to button me up.
I tried to meet his eyes but they were still closed. “Luke?”
“I need a second.” He panted hard, fighting to regain his composure. His arms dropped from around me but he held on to my hips either to make sure I was steady or to encourage me not to move just then.
“You’re wearing me,” he whispered causing a shiver of new desire to heat my blood. I could feel his hands moving between us, righting himself. My shirt stuck to my back, absorbing his cum, which cooled immediately once he stepped away.
I turned my body to face him and met his satisfied gaze. Leaning in he said, “Do you want to stay?”
Seeing my favorite band perform on one of the world’s largest stages wasn’t a once in a lifetime experience. Hopefully, neither was getting lost in Luke, but I found myself unwilling to risk it so I shook my head.
He grabbed my hand and led us through the crowd and out of the stadium.
We were quiet on the walk back to the tents. I don’t know what went through his mind, but he occasionally squeezed my hand tighter until I squeezed him back. He led us directly to the building with the bathrooms and kissed me quickly before we separated.
I used the facilities and cleaned up as best I could. I removed my soaked panties and thought seriously about just throwing them away. There wasn’t much I could do about my back, but I wasn’t in a hurry to wash him off of me anyway.
When I walked back out into the night, he was waiting for me, but my feet stopped working. He stood under the halogen light, one hand in his pocket, and the other holding, what I assumed was his wadded up tshirt. He was naked from the waist up and while there was a lot I loved about his body, his bare chest and abs were works of art.
He’d looked serious until he realized I was struggling. A bark of laughter sounded out as He walked to me. “See something you like?” He teased.
I swallowed, my throat dry even while I felt my mouth watering for him. “I mean, you’re ok, I guess.”
“Funny.” He grabbed my arms and turned me around. “I took it off to wet it a little bit,” he explained, pulling my shirt away from my back and swiping his own back and forth over my skin. It was cold from the water or maybe my body was just especially hot. Either way, I jumped at first contact.
He wiped the remnants of cum away and made to take my hand again. He wasn’t the only one who’d made a change to his wardrobe though and he found the panties I’d balled up in my fist.
He pulled them loose and held them up, unsure at first. “Seriously?” He groaned.
My shoulders lifted in a shrug. “They were too wet.”
He stuffed them in his pocket and successfully took my hand on his second attempt. “Hope you don’t expect to get those back.”
“I do,” I teased.
“Too fucking bad, baby.”
We decided it was best to build a fire and wait for our parents to come back, even though every look we shared seemed to scream at our longing to zip ourselves in the tent and fuck until we couldn’t move. The flames were licking high into the air when he settled in the camp chair beside me, handing me a barely chilled beer from the cooler.
“So this weekend isn’t going according to plan,” I joked taking a long pull from the brown bottle in my hand.
“Yes it is.” Luke winked at me when my mouth opened in surprise. “I’ve been waiting a long time.”
“Why did you?”
“I was so fucking pissed at you. For a long time.” He took his own drink. I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “At first I didn’t care how I felt about you, I wasn’t about to give you the satisfaction of begging you to stay. That’s why I stayed away from the wedding. I would have fucking begged you not to go through with it if I had you alone for two seconds.”
“Maybe you should have.”
“Don’t.”
“What?”
“Don’t look back at that time now and fool yourself into remembering your feelings differently. You wouldn’t have heard me back then. I wasn’t kidding when I said you’re stubborn. You thought you were doing the right thing and nothing I could have said would’ve made a difference.”
He was probably telling the truth. I was so afraid of what he felt for me that I dug a hole for my own feelings and didn’t bother marking their grave.
“Eventually the anger faded and I figured my feelings toward you would do the same. I kept waiting for the morning I’d wake up and innocently think, ‘I wonder how Jen’s doing.’ That would be the day I’d accept my professor’s job offer, move to Denver, and simply look forward to seeing you on the holidays, like that year between us had never happened. ”
I was pretty sure my heart stopped. “What?” It came out as a whisper I wasn’t sure he could hear, but he did. He always heard me, even when I said things that hurt him. “What offer?”
“Jared Price stopped teaching at the college shortly after I graduated. He emailed me one day and offered me a position at the firm he started with his brother-in-law out in Denver.”
My heart had stopped for a moment, sure, but then it started pounding wildly and forcing blood to rush through my veins fast enough for it to heat my body from head to toe.
Luke had graduated a couple months after we started sleeping together. I moved out ten months after Kim did. After he started talking about the future. Our future. Because he’d had an amazing opportunity to build one and not only did I convince him I didn’t want it, I made him not want it too.
“Why haven’t you taken it?”
“I haven’t woken up feeling that way.”
“You have to take it, Luke.”
“Not leaving you by yourself, Jen. Remember?”
“I’m not.’
“You are.”
“Is the offer still good?”
Luke sighed. “Yeah. He checks in with me regularly.”
I set my beer down and covered my face with my hands. Kevin’s hateful words about Luke coming back to me.
“Hey.” He reached over and pulled my hands away from my face, but I couldn’t look at him. “I’m a grown man, Jen. I’ve made my own decisions and I’m fine with them.”
“You can’t throw that opportunity away.”
“I’m not. I’m going to take it the second you agree to come with me.”
I shook my head, panic crawling up my throat. I was about to scream or run or kiss him, fuck I didn’t know which.
“Hey you two!” Our parents appeared around the tent, Mom in her tipsy happiness, Dad holding onto her, keeping her steady. I realized then how much Luke was like our dad. Devoted, unwavering, in his adoration for Mom. She was a free spirit, spontaneous and constantly finding joy in life and at times it seemed like he existed to keep her world spinning rightly on its axis.
I wasn’t like her though, carefree and kind. She never tried to control the world or second guess her place in it. If I had a man like Dad, if I had Luke, could I let go and live free too? Would he be there to pull me back from the edge or help me jump off it, ever my safety net?
Had I become this way because I walked away from my brother? The months we spent together were infinitely better than any time before or after. I was beginning to think it was less about who Luke was and more about who I was when I was with him.
‘He doesn’t let you be you.’ He’d said about Kevin. The men in my life had an awful lot to say about each other. Who did I want to believe had it right?
I glanced at Luke and realized he was watching me closely even while Mom blabbered on about the show. She must’ve been tipsier than I thought because she ignored our silence and pulled Dad into their tent.
“Are you finally figuring it out?” Luke asked, keeping his sharp eyes on mine.
I nodded. “Yes,” I whispered.
He said nothing else, just stood, grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my chair. I followed him to our own tent and went in first. He sealed us in and then took my hand again and pulled me down to the floor.
We sat facing each other, one of my hands in one of his, his other brushed the stray hairs out of my face.
“Talk to me,” he said.
“I was happy with you.”
He took a deep breath like he could inhale my words and fit them into the very cracks I had made in his heart when I left.
“Even fighting with you, I was happy. I didn’t want that to change. It all felt so fragile and I got scared that I was betting all my happiness on something that shouldn’t be happening in the first place.”
“And how do you feel now?”
“Even more terrified.” I don’t think it was what he expected or hoped I’d say, but he took it in without losing his calm. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be that happy again unless I have you. I’d rather be happy than safe.”
I didn’t know I was crying until he started brushing the wetness off my face. My voice trembled as I told him, “It’s wrong how much I love you.”
His hands slid down my torso until he could hook his fingers under the hem of my shirt. He pulled up and I raised my arms without question. With it gone, and his still missing, I was hungry to press my body into his.
His arms went around my back where his fingers deftly unhooked my bra before sliding the straps down my arms and tossing it aside.
He leaned his body into mine, lowering my back to the floor. Still saying nothing, he opened my shorts and pulled them down my legs. He left me laying there naked and exposed as he got rid of his remaining clothes.
Starting at my feet, Luke skated his hands and his lips up my entire body. He paused once to nip at my hip before his tongue traveled up my torso, between my breasts and ended at the hollow of my throat.
He loomed above me, his body stretched out with mine, his hips resting btween my thighs. His skin felt like warm velvet to my torso, his light chest hair tickling my hard nipples.
“Let me show you how not wrong this is.”
He kissed around my jaw line, one hand cupping my cheek, the other running it’s fingertips up and down the outside of my thigh. He’d been slow and tender before but it was more typical for us to crash together and fuck like we’d never get the chance again.
Finally claiming my mouth, I opened for him, taking him in and moving with him. I considered giving up everything just to have a kiss like that once everyday, even if I never felt him slide his cock inside me again. It was deep. We consumed each other. And it lasted long enough for us to both pull away panting.
“Luke.”
“Tell me, Jen.”
“Please.”
“Please what baby?”
His fingers dipped into my heat, testing me.
“I need you inside me.”
I lost his contact only to feel it replaced by the blunt head of his cock. He nudged me open and pushed forward, sinking himself into my body.
I started to groan, but he covered and absorbed it with his mouth. My arms wrapped around his shoulders. His hands slid beneath me and grabbed my ass, tilting me up to accept as much of him as possible.
I rocked my hips against him, unable to stand his stillness. “Luke, move please, baby.”
He did as I asked, pulling out and gliding back in. He felt like heated steel taking me, branding me from the inside. The whole time staring into my eyes.
“You fit me perfectly, Jen.”
He found a rhythm, slow but steady, fucking me silently which was new. My body stretched around him even as I forced myself tighter. He moaned for me. Giving up my eyes, he dropped his head to the side. His teeth scraped my neck and his hips moved faster.
“You feel so good.” I was so wet for him.
“I need to watch you taking me,” he whispered. And then we were rolling until I was laying on top of him, his hips still making use of our connection.
“Sit up and ride me baby so I can see that pretty pussy.”
I separated my torso from his and straddled his hips. His hands immediately went to my tits, but his eyes were watching his cock, seeing more and then less as I claimed him back, leaning with my hands braced on his legs, showing off my cunt.
His face was covered in awe, like he couldn’t believe how good the very thing he’d advocated for could be. When I increased the speed of my movements, dropping my body down over and over, it was for my sake, but he liked it too. He threw his head back and arched. I had less distance to fall as his hips started thrusting up and meeting me on my way down.
I took giant leaps towards my own orgasm. His cock was hitting the right spot and everywhere else, and my clit was impatient for the next slap of his body. I stopped working myself up and down, choosing instead to grind my pussy against him, staying full of his cock.
I couldn’t stay upright. My hands slapped against his chest and his went to my hips, helping them fuck him. Our eyes locked.
I tried to stay quiet but little sounds of warning slipped past my lips as I grew tighter around him.
He nodded. “I know, baby.”
My body passed the point of being concerned with my thoughts or insecurities. It moved only to get what it needed and it needed to come. It needed to show Luke how much I wanted him since nothing I ever said seemed to tell the whole truth. I was his. Only his.
“Luke,” I gasped.
He nodded again while his jaw tensed.
I started coming. Exploding. Shaking so hard I locked my muscles to fight for stillness and to focus on the spasms of my pussy. I clamped down on him over and over and still tried to squeeze him tighter like he was in the way of my mission to close completely.
Then Luke was there, sitting us up, pushing my face into his neck where I let out a little sound. Holding it in was almost painful. I wanted to scream for him.
He helped me stretch my legs around his hips. “Don’t stop fucking me, baby.”
My heels hit his ass as I tried to restart my movements. As always, he was there, encouraging me with his own body, forcing my muscles to unwind and give him more.
We embraced while I moved my hips again, still riding his cock, but in a more intimate way than I’d ever experienced. Forward and back, I pushed and pulled our bodies together taking him deep, all the way back, where his cock could tease my cervix.
He hissed at the contact and it made me want it more. I wanted to fuck him just like that as often as possible, anticipating the next time, while he was still buried inside me.
He used my hair to pull my head up until we were face to face, expressing the perfection we felt with just a look.
“I want to come inside you,” he whispered.
I hadn’t considered anything else as an option, too greedy to let him pump out his own orgasm while I watched. I wanted it. My pussy tightened again, craving his seed. I nodded as I slammed my mouth against his, swallowing his grunts.
Heat spread through me. His thick cum bathed my insides, washing away any doubts I had. I fused us together mouth to mouth, sex to sex, until I could feel the tip of his spurting cock at the door to my womb.
Lukes arms shook where they squeezed around my back. His thighs trembled under my ass. And a sound of pained need poured into my mouth from his own, setting my body on fire again and causing my pussy to milk him dry.
The sound of my name woke me up. I thought Luke was there coaxing me out of slumber, but my back was cold where he should have been.
“I hope you know what the fuck you’re doing.”
My father was speaking angrily, but his voice was quiet. He used to scold me using that same technique when we were in public. His feathers weren’t easily ruffled. He was a guy that listened first and if you could make your reason make sense to him, it didn’t matter what he wanted or if he agreed with you.
I absently wondered what my brother had done this time, mistaking present day for one from the long gone past.
“All I’m doing is loving her.”
My eyes snapped open as denial tried to put up shields around me. Luke and I had spent all night acting out our feelings for each other and now he was outside the tent having a heated exchange with our father using words like love.
I sat up so gravity would help pull my panic out of my throat and shove it back down to my stomach where all my anxieties about Luke lay aching. I was still naked, still sore between my legs, and still carrying my brother’s seed somewhere inside me. I still had the IUD I’d implanted after a nearly fatal pregnancy scare with Luke. It was the beginning of the end when instead of a child, fear had been planted inside me and eventually grew out of control.
“That doesn’t make me feel better.”
“What would? Tell me how I convince you that she’s safe with me.”
“I’m concerned for both of you, Lucas, not just Jennifer.”
Luke’s voice got louder. “You only have to be concerned for us if we can’t be together. Hell, you should have been out of your mind with concern for the last two years while that prick has been chewing her up and spitting her out. Or while I’ve laid alone in an empty apartment every night hoping that wasn’t all there was for me.”
“What’s wrong with Kevin?” My mom’s high pitched voice came from nowhere, and sliced through me. She knew too.
“All those times you assured me she was doing fine,” he emphasized those last two words like the lies they were, “was that for my benefit or are you really blind to that asshole’s level of bullshit?”
“Calm down, Son.” My Dad warned. It was a thinly veiled order for him to watch his mouth around my mother. Always protecting her.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “But can you honestly tell me that you’d rather see her miserable with someone else than happy with me?”
My Dad muttered something I couldn’t hear.
Luke’s voice was a lot closer when he said, “I have to stop talking about this right now.”
I laid back down, pulling the blanket up to my chin. Tears threatened to spill over the edges of my eyes.
“But if you convince her to run away from me, now that I finally have her back, it’ll hurt me more than you guys know.”
I did cry then. Biting my lips to hold in a sob. I should’ve gone out there and stood by Luke’s side, but I was a coward. I wasn’t afraid of my parents wrath. I was afraid, as was Luke apparently, that they would talk me out of being with him.
Before I knew it, his heat surrounded me and he pulled me into his hold. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered. “I promise everything is going to be ok, Jen. Don’t pull away. He squeezed me tight. Please, please don’t run, baby.”
I rolled over in his arms and wrapped him up in me too before crying myself back to sleep.
The next time I awoke it was to Luke’s lips, kissing along my collarbone. Music could be heard drifting across the landscape from the concert venue meaning it was at least 10am.
“Look at me,” Luke whispered somehow knowing I was awake.
My eyes opened and found his. They were red rimmed and swollen like mine felt. He’d cried too. At least for awhile.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He smiled at me and I had to hide my blushing face in his neck. Something about waking up to him hit the reset button on my troubled brain and heart.
I slid my skin against his and felt him hard and pressing my into my stomach. I moved my hand down and wrapped my fingers around his cock.
“Are they gone?”
I felt his nod against my temple.
I raised my leg and hitched it over his hip, opening the path to my body, inviting him to protest if he didn’t want me to fuck him. Instead, he helped, angling himself away long enough for me to move his cock out from between us and slide it along the lips of my pussy.
“Take what you want, baby.”
“I just want you.”
I pointed him at my entrance and rolled my hips, trapping him inside. We scooted our bodies around just right and he pushed inside me.
“I want to see you.” He tugged lightly on my hair until I gave him my eyes. His arm slid down until he palmed my ass, holding me steady to take his cock. His movements weren’t gentle regardless of the intimacy arcing betwen us like electrical current. We’d done gentle and tender. This was about want.
“Talk to me,” I whispered, fisting a hand full of his hair. I was a sucker for the dirty words he could aim at me while we fucked.
“Mmm,” he moaned. “You want to hear how much I love your tight little cunt?”
One sentence sent a surge of lust through my blood stream. “Yes.”
“You love my cock too, don’t you baby?”
I nodded.
“Tell me.”
“I love your cock, Luke.”
“Fuck yeah, you do. If I wasn’t so addicted to filling your pussy with cum, I’d be fucking your mouth right now until you swallowed every drop.” He paused to groan and find a faster tempo with his hips. “God your cunt gets so tight when I say something you like.”
“It’s so good.”
“My favorite is still the time in the library.”
“Oh God.’
“You made yourself come while you sucked me off. Swallowed all my cum while you clenched around your own fingers.”
“Luke.”
“Tell me, Jen.”
“I’m close.”
“Already?” He chuckled and rolled us so he was on top. He thrusts turned brutal, fucking me like no other man ever would. Our bodies slapped together and I cried out, no longer having to hide him.
“Fuck! I can feel you about to come all over my cock.” He spoke through a clenched jaw. “Do it baby. Come all over your big brother’s dick.”
“Oh fuck, Luke!” We’d never fetishized our relationship before, pretending we were just like normal people. The rush of wetness I made when he reminded me who was fucking me caught me off guard.
“Jesus!” He sensed my response, probably felt me gushing all over his cock. “Come! Do it, oh fuck, come for me baby sister.”
I shattered. Squeezing him tightly, I screamed his name. His hips collided with mine with unbridled force, punishing me for wanting my own brother’s cock filling me. My own brother’s seed.
“I’m coming!” He yelled. “Oh fuck, I’m coming inside you sis.”
My own orgasm intensified as we embraced everything wrong about our relationship and took away its power to hurt us.
“Oh! Fuck! Take your brother’s cum out of that dick, baby. Just like that. Fuck! Fuck!”
He slammed inside of me to release each volley of cum, eventually losing the ability to taunt us with his words so I took over.
“You made your little sister fall in love with your cock, Luke. Give me every drop of your hot cum. I want you to fill your my cunt every day.”
He bellowed and with one final shove emptied himself.
We listened to the concert that day from our tent, leaving only to use the facilities or hit the vending machines. We talked. We napped. We fucked.
I learned my Dad had heard us fucking the previous night. Mom passed out quickly and he left to use the bathroom. He told Luke that he heard me as he walked by the tent. We should have heard him too, but we were so involved in each other, in our reuinion.
When Luke got out of the tent in the morning, Mom and Dad had been waiting. He said they were mostly confused, knowing we’d had a strained relationship for awhile. Luke came clean about everything.
He said Mom had cried. That made me sad, but to my surprise, not sad enough to doubt our choices.
We talked about the future too and as he listened, holding my hand, I called Kevin. Unfortunately I had to leave him a voicemail and let him know I wouldn’t be back until Monday, instead of Sunday evening as planned. I was going home with Luke. I told him we needed to talk when I got there and to please not make plans.
Since we had a two hour drive and no interest in breaking the spell we were under by going to the venue or getting forced into a conversation with our parents, we decided to leave early. We packed up the entire camp so Mom and Dad wouldn’t have anything left to do and took off in Luke’s truck.
“I texted Dad,” he told me, once we were on the highway. “Said we needed some space but asked if we could come to the house next weekend for dinner.”
“Did he answer?”
“He said Mom would call you.”
“Me?”
“She’s worried, Jen. Don’t avoid her. Just take her call when it comes and ease her mind.” He took my hand and laid it on his thigh. “They love us more than anything. I promise, they’ll come around.”
“They’ll be really upset that we’re moving to Denver.”
Luke’s hand twitched over mine and his head jerked to me. Then back to the road. Then back to me.
It was the one thing we hadn’t revisted during our day. Yes, I was leaving Kevin and moving back in with Luke. Yes, we were in agreement about making things right with Mom and Dad. And before we took the tent down, I’d been riding his cock again when he rubbed at my stomach and whispered, I want to put a baby inside you one day. I’d come almost immediately.
“Are you serious?”
I laughed and leaned in, kissing him quickly on the lips and then sliding my hand up his thigh. “Serious and sure, big brother.”
I cupped the bulge in his pants and felt him begin to harden.
“What are you doing?”
I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled him through the front of his boxers.
“I want to rub my clit while I suck my brother’s cock.”
“Fuck,” he groaned. “I love you, Jennifer.”
I licked my lips and lowered my head. Against the skin of his shaft, I whispered, “I love you too, big brother,” and felt him pulse with desire.