Uker
Thomas picked up his phone from the nightstand. His sister was calling. Again. Thirty-three times so far. He was sorely tempted to smash the thing. But he couldn’t. April might call. There was no way in Hell April was going to call. But she might.
She hadn’t just left him. No. One day, they’d been living together in a comfortable almost-marriage. And then, Thomas came home from work to find a note. April had packed up all of her stuff, some of his, and run off to marry Debbie Karnuck in New York. Now they were both living in Portugal.
Except for going to work, and occasionally eating or using the restroom, Thomas hadn’t gotten out of bed since. But now, his sister was calling him for the thirty-fourth time today. Melissa was not going to give up. Not easily. In high school, as a joke, Thomas had pasted a small picture of his sister in the dictionary over the definition for “Stubborn.” She had taken it as a compliment. It was now fifteen years later and she had only gotten worse.
He answered the call. “What do you want?”
“Hey, bro. I just wanted to remind you that your girlfriend ditched you in a huge way.”
“Thanks for that. I had just about forgotten. What a comfort you are. Have you considered a career in counseling?”
Melissa laughed. “You’ve still got your sense of humor. That’s something. But I wanted to remind you of your tragedy before you reminded me. I was planning to invite you out to lunch, but I knew you would bring up your troubles again as an excuse for standing me up. So, I beat you to it. April’s gone, Tom. She ain’t coming back. Not ever. It’s high time you man up, grow a pair, accept that she’s gone, and move on.”
“And how do I do that?”
“Well, I like to pretend she’s dead myself. Sometimes, I fantasize about doing the deed myself. Other times, I just want to watch. One of the fantasies involves a train.”
“Believe me,” Tom assured her, “I have had a few ideas along that line myself. But it isn’t helping.”
“Then come to lunch. I have something very important to talk to you about. Hop in the shower because you reek, then take another shower because oh, boy, do you stink to high heaven. Then come out to my house.”
“You come here. My car was totaled, remember? I’m on the bus now. Your house is two hours away.”
“I’m sending you a car, big brother,” Melissa informed him. “I scheduled it for 11:30 am. You have a little over an hour to get ready. The car service will let me know when you’ve been picked up. If you’re not on it, believe me when I tell you that this brooding misery will soon be a pleasant sugar-coated holiday compared to the terror I will make of your life.”
It was not a threat to take lightly. Thomas got up and showered. He was surprised to find that he still had some clean clothes left. He hadn’t done any laundry in two weeks. But he hadn’t been changing his clothes much either, which explained it, he guessed.
At 11:20, he received a text message from an unknown number, informing him that his car was almost there.
By 11:25 am, Thomas was waiting outside his front door. Precisely five minutes later, a massive black van pulled up in his driveway. It was like a mini tour bus. The driver, an attractive blonde female in her mid-20s, wearing tight black leggings, a white t-shirt, and a black chauffeur’s jacket, stepped out and smiled at him.
“Thomas Weiss?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“My name is Angel. I’m your ride. Thank you for using Uker.”
“Uker? Do you mean Uber?’
She shook her head dismissively. “No, sir. We’re a new service. A better service. We are Uber plus Lyft plus so much more. Uker, we’re called. Please climb into the cabin area.”
Angel pressed a button on her watch and the van’s side door opened automatically. The interior was pure luxury. A deep, soft carpet, a large sofa, with a bar and a fridge. Thomas stepped inside and sat on the sofa.
As the door closed, part of the ceiling hinged downward to become a television. It came on and a video started playing, depicting four nude women bathing each other in a shower. It was incredibly erotic and it took Thomas several moments to realize that Angel had actually entered the cabin with him and was watching him watch the video.
“Is this satisfactory?” she asked. “I have some public nudity videos, wet t-shirt contests, or hardcore porn if you prefer. All in 4K definition.”
“Um…This is fine,” Thomas stammered. “I wasn’t expecting anything like this.”
She smiled at him. “We’re a very special luxury car service, catering especially to men. Can I fix you a drink? Would you care for a snack?”
“Er, sure, I guess. A drink sounds good. What do you have?”
“I have beer, wine, and the makings for dozens of different cocktails. How about a mojito?”
“Yeah. I’d like that,” Thomas said. He watched as she expertly mixed the ingredients, then he gratefully accepted the glass she handed him.
He sipped at it as she opened a sliding door in the wall. It led to the driver’s seat and dashboard, where she quickly strapped in. “All set?” she asked. “Is the video acceptable or do you have another preference?”
“It’s fine,” he said, looking at the girls on the screen. Two were busily soaping up a third while the fourth carefully shaved her pubic hair. The video kept his mind off April and his sister while Angel pulled out of the parking lot and started negotiating with traffic on the streets.
“Hey, Thomas, do you prefer blondes, brunettes, redheads?” Angel asked him as she drove.
“I’m not particular,” he said. “My last girlfriend was blonde, though. Why?”
“I told you, this service caters to men. It tries to match the customer with a driver he’ll find attractive. Am I a good match or would you prefer a different type?”
“You’re beautiful,” Thomas assured her.
“Well, yes, of course. I know that. That’s a requirement for anybody going to drive for Uker. But are you attracted to me or would some other type of girl be more to your liking? You won’t hurt my feelings. You’re stuck with me for this ride, but if you look around back there, you’ll find the Uker website printed under the TV. You might want to call for another ride sometime and get a girl more to your preferences.”
“I’m definitely attracted to you. Are you interested in going out with me?”
“We’re on a date right now, Thomas. I hope you’re enjoying yourself.”
“I am, yes. Thanks.” He stared at the wet, naked girls on the television, now licking each other clean. He relaxed as Angel navigated the city, and enjoyed the pure eroticism of the beautiful femininity presented to him in the luxury of this fine vehicle. He sipped at the mojito, savoring the buzz and blessed his sister for summoning him this way.
All too soon, the journey came to an end. Thomas felt the vehicle slow, turn into a parking lot, and come to a stop. He sensed the changes in engine vibration as Angel put the van into Park. And by turning his head from the beauties on TV, he could see his sister’s house.
Angel came back through the door into the cabin area and sat with him on the sofa. She seemed in no hurry to get going, so Thomas made no move to leave. Angel watched the video with him until he finished his drink, then took his glass and put it on a rack behind the driver’s seat.
“Does this video make you hard?” she asked him.
“Um, are you supposed to ask me that? Isn’t that some kind of harassment?”
“Probably,” she admitted. “Are you offended?”
“I guess not.”
“Then answer the question. Is your dick hard from watching the movie?”
His face red, Thomas said that yes, it was.
“Good.” She put her hand high up on his high. “Can I touch it?”
“Do you want to?”
“The real question is, ‘Do you want me to?'”
“Yes. Very much.”
“Perfect. Because I do want to. I like dicks. That’s why I have this job.
“You’re an Uber driver because you like dicks?” That was bizarre. His mind was a little cloudy because she was stroking him through his pants, but her words made no sense.
“Not Uber. And not Lyft. The best of them both. I’m an Uker.”
“I don’t understand.”
Angel smiled. She opened his pants and pulled out his cock. Holding it lovingly in her fist, she said, “As we can both see, this proud boy has already achieved lyft.
“As for Uber, the word, ‘uber’ is German. It means ‘super.’ And ‘super’ is an old Latin word that means ‘above’ or ‘on top.’ So you’re going to take off your clothes. And I’m going to take off my clothes. And then you’re going to uber me.
“Understanding yet? I’m not your driver. I’m your ride. Get naked and climb aboard the Angel Express, nonstop service to Heaven. I’m your Uker.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Put an ‘H’ on the front of it. H-U-K-E-R.”
“Hooker?” Thomas realized. “You’re a hooker?”
“I prefer ‘Uker.’ And I”m not just any Uker. I’m your Uker. I’ll drop you off at your destination, but first you get to go where every man most wants to be.”
She stood up and started shedding her clothes, in a slow striptease, one garment at a time, and tossing them through the door into the driver’s seat. Thomas struggled to drag his shirt over his head and pull his pants off with his shoes still on his feet.
“Let me,” Angel told him. Naked, her skin smooth and unmarked, not even a tattoo to mar that lovely surface, she knelt at his feet. She scooted in close and took his cock between her lips.
She stared into his eyes as she gently suckled him, but her fingers were busy, untying his shoes and removing them, then taking his socks and finally easing his pants and boxers down his legs and off.
Slowly, as if with great reluctance, Angel let go of his cock. When it sprang free of her lips, she sighed and gave it a fond kiss, then stood up.
“Okay,” she said, in a very businesslike tone, “If you want me to continue, this is usually where we negotiate a price. And I’m very expensive. Just to get to this point costs two hundred dollars.”
Thomas could believe it. And if he’d had the money to fuck her, he would absolutely fork it over. She was absolutely worth it. But he was broke. That bitch April had cleaned out their bank accounts.
“But you’re a lucky man,” Angel continued. “Somebody has already paid the initial fee and has added enough to buy you anything you want. So, instead of negotiating price, you just have to tell me what you want to do to me. It’s all covered.”
“It’s covered? By who?”
“I don’t know,” Angel said. “Does it matter?”
“No. I know who it was. My sister.”
“She must love you a lot. I am not cheap. But the point is, I’m paid for. What would you like me to do? Shall I finish the blowjob? Do you want me to sit on your cock? I have some handcuffs if you’d like to restrain me.”
“I like your earlier suggestion,” Thomas said. “Can I uber you?”
That’s a good choice,” Angel approved. “If you’ll stand up for a moment, I can lie down and you can get on top of me.”
“Do you have a condom?”
“I do if you really want one,” Angel said. “But it isn’t necessary. It’s complicated and scientific, but the chances of either of us getting an STD is about 1 in 35,000. You’re welcome to ride me bareback.”
Thomas stood up and said no more about it. Angel smiled in amusement and lay on the sofa, opening her legs in invitation. Thomas came down slowly on top of her, scarcely able to believe his good fortune, expecting at any moment to wake up.
“Slow down,” she told him. “We’re in no rush.”
“It’s been a long time,” Thomas said. “I need to be inside you, if that’s all right.”
“Well, sure. Whatever you need. I just thought you might like to take your time and savor the experience.”
“If I take my time, I’m going to embarrass myself and make a mess of you.”
“I hope you do make a mess of me. But if you’re that close, then inside is better than out. Go ahead.”
Angel took his cock in her hand and pointed it at her sex. He slowly lowered himself onto her and she guided him into herself. “Ohhh, that’s nice,” she sighed.
“You don’t have to do that,” Thomas grunted.
“Do what?” she breathed.
“You don’t have to pretend to be enjoying this. I realize it’s just a job for you.”
Angel laughed and put her arms around him. “It is a job. You’re right. But I have a degree in Art and design logos for companies. This is my second job. And while the money is great, I took this because I just love getting fucked by men I’ve just met.”
Thomas was skeptical, but he chose to believe she was telling the truth. Slowly, he pulled out of her, then eased back in. She seemed plenty wet enough to be turned on by this and he hadn’t seen her applying any lube.
“How many guys have you been with?” he asked.
“What does it matter, Thomas?” Angel said, her eyes closed in bliss. “More than one. And I know I’m not your first girl. You just enjoy yourself in my pussy and I’ll enjoy your cock filling me up.”
That seemed like pretty good advice, Thomas decided. “You do feel wonderful,” he said.
“That’s right. My cunt was designed by nature to massage a hard dick as it slides in and out. You just keep on fucking me. But I’m not fragile, you know. You can go faster. You can do me harder. A lot harder.”
Thomas took her at her word and picked up his pace, pulling almost all the way out, then driving as deep as he could with each thrust. He fucked her almost violently, stabbing her with his cock over and over. Angel was grunting appreciatively each time he filled her and whimpering as he pulled back.
But Thomas hadn’t been with a woman since the day before April had walked out on him. He was right on the brink. Just a few more strokes would push him over that sweet edge.
“Fuck me,” Angel pleaded. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!” And he was lost. Thomas’ self-control dissolved into nothing. He groaned in ecstasy as he poured into her.
Angel moaned her pleasure as the man above her emptied his balls into her. This was why she took this job. The money was nice, better than nice, but it wasn’t her real motive. It was this moment, over and over and over, when some man she’d just met came deep inside her.
She looked up into Thomas’ face, sweaty, trembling, and twisted up in orgasmic ecstasy. It was beautiful. Every guy was so different, but they looked almost alike in this moment, vulnerable and experiencing the greatest joy a man can ever know.
It was exciting, and gave Angel a sense of purpose and power to provide them with that. She would happily do this for free, but the money was fantastic. And the girlshare company did all the arranging and gave her this wonderful van to make it all happen.
Thomas opened his eyes and gave her a bleary smile. Like most men in this moment, he seemed a bit disoriented. Angel squeezed her pussy muscles gently, a friendly massage for his poor doesn’t warrior.
“We have reached your destination. 421 Edmond Street and an orgasm. How was your ride?” she asked.
“Good,” he said with a tired nod. Angel had learned to take such lame praise as a true compliment. Post-orgasm, a man’s vocabulary was pretty limited. He literally didn’t have the words to describe what had just happened to him. In his own way, Thomas had just given her the highest praise he was capable of expressing.
Very, very slowly, he got up, withdrawing his spent cock from her pussy. “Thank you,” he said, feeling awkward now. “Is it customary to tip you after?”
“It’s customary for the customer to tip, yes. But the customer in this case is your sister, who paid for me to service you. You can recommend that she tip me, if you think I deserve it, but there isn’t currently a way for you to do it yourself. When she sees that grin on your face, I think she’ll approve of the job I did.”
“How about in cash? I have some cash.”
“A bit crude and low-tech,” Angel commented. “But traditional. If you want to give me cash, and understand it is absolutely not required, then I’d be happy to take it.”
“Can I see you again?”
“I’m available 24/7. If you want the whole Uker experience, book a few hours in advance on the website. You might even want to try some of the other girls available. There’s Angela, Angelina, Angelica, and Angelique. I would personally recommend Angelina. She will do anything. Literally anything.”
“I’m guessing that ‘Angel isn’t your real name,” Thomas ventured.
Angel only smiled. “On the other hand, if you want me in your own bed, or in your shower, maybe in your back yard, you can reach me at the number I texted you from earlier, when I told you I was on my way. Put me in your contact list as ‘Emily.'”
Thomas scrambled for his pants, pulling out his phone to enter the information. Angel laughed at his eagerness. “You don’t have to rush,” she told him. “We’re done for now, true. We’re at your destination. But I’ve also been booked for the return trip. I’ll meet you right here in three hours. If you have any special requests, like costumes or handcuffs or a particular brand of vodka, tell your sister and she can post it on the website.”
Slightly disheveled, but happier than he’d been in weeks, Thomas stepped out of the heavenly van and staggered toward his sister’s front door. He didn’t bother to knock. Family was always welcome.
He found her in the kitchen. Melissa took one look at his face and gave him a satisfied nod. “Excellent. Much better. Just what you needed.” Thomas couldn’t help but agree.