Here’s a story of when I really started digging younger men. It started on a regular day. Freshman orientation at Fresno State. There was this guy among the fresh faces. You know how old you are by how young college freshmen look and I was sprouting a bit of grey. It was Tom! Tom Dixon from home. I didn’t really know him. His uncle Roy and I played football together. Roy’s brother, Tom’s father was 10 years older than us. I’d see Tom every holiday in Merced, watched him grow from afar. And now here he was, going to college at Fresno, where I taught and was working on my doctorate. I had a double major, Phys Ed and Psychology. My dissertation was on the mind body connections, psychosomatic responses out side of…. oh sorry I just can’t stop blapping about this stuff and I know you want to hear about me and Tom doing the dirty boogie, and we did, more than once… wanna take a guess at how many?
Tom was slim, a nice swimmers body, very narrow waist, which I love and lean muscles. I saw him one day getting in the water, he played polo. Water polo is an interesting sport, part agility and part brute. But there were rules that made it safe. At least in the water. Sacramento State had just barely won a game and wouldn’t you know it, chock full of knuckle dragging brutes. I was walking past the locker room attached to the showers and I hear, “That fucking faggot!” and then a bang.
I walk in, Tom is on the floor, over-towered by a few of the Sac Staters. I start barking, “Back off!!”
The Sac State guys turn as if to challenge me, except one guy who knew immediately to back off. Another guy had about 5″ and 30lbs of muscle on me. “Maybe you’re next, what do you think about that?”
I started cracking up. What this Beave didn’t know was that the study of the mind-body connection had led me through the halls of philosophy in trying to sort out my bewilderment of this planet. So much beauty and love in contrast to a vast panorama of horrid violence, death, pain and an inherent mean streak that seemed to run amok. The Eastern Schools talk of the sufferings of human experience and how to gain peace of mind. The Chinese have the Tao, the Way that talks about everything including the subtle energies that are portrayed as super-powers in the fairy tales told. Yet…. blah blah about Chi and how to work it.. blah blah Chi Gong… blah blah Tai Chi, so the Beave doesn’t know I’ve studied Kenpo, a fighting art, and other Eastern Arts, and philosophies. It gave me a sense of my bearings in this world, a comfort.
“Well Buttleak, I’m faculty here. You lay one hand on me and you’re thrown out of that turd school. You’ll go to jail. Even the progeny of mendacious pariah can think this one out. Or, do I just break your back?” How I stood and the voice I made put ole Poindexter’s tail between his legs. I turn to Tom who was shook up but didn’t look damaged, at least physically as the slithering Sac State slugs exited stage right.
Tom said. “Thank you.” but kept his head down as I helped him get up. “I got to take a shower.” He reached for his locker but his hand started to shake and he started to sob. “I hate this, I hate it so much….” he was gasping as if trying to say something that he just couldn’t say, “And now I’m crying like a little girl in front of you”.
I lifted his face up, “Your face gets wet, so what?” I looked him up one side and down the other, “A couple of bruises, and, ah,” I let him look up before I said, “And you don’t look like a girl”. He seemed better but I could see the storm of turmoil he ventured with in life.
I found myself often hanging out around the locker room right around the time polo practice was finishing. One day I saw Tom standing by the bulletin board. As I passed I said “Hey Tom.”
He was looking at one of the flyers about the extra-curriculars. I had two classes there. One in Tai Chi Chuan and one in Kenpo. “Hi, Mr. Wilson, you teach martial arts? I really feel I need that… I’ve been such… it’s why I was crying.. I..”
Tom was flustered, tongue tied, which I hoped was in part because of me. “Yes, Tom, I do teach those classes. And please, call me Brian when we’re alone together.”
There are no words that go beyond ‘perfect’ as was his body. I had felt this attraction and it was obvious it was mutual but how to broach the subject. It is often done by acts and not words. He felt comfortable being naked in front of me clothed. His muscles were long and well defined, supple must be the right word to say. As he walked his hips swayed but not like Marilyn Monroe but like a lion as muscle rise and fall under their smooth skin of soft. His back was wide and hips narrow. Imagine how good it would feel to feel his abs.
We had coffee once and really talked. This became a regular thing. I was his confessor as he talked about his not knowing how to handle all his feelings, deep feelings about sex and relationship. “I’m not sure but I might be gay but I don’t even know what that is. I get turned on around guys but I’m not sure they are what is turning me on.”
“Exploration, experimentation, is how one learns.” I looked at him holding his gaze, “No harm in taking a few models out for a test drive.” He seemed to relax as my hand rested on his thigh, after a pat or two.
We talked more about wading into sexuality. Sexuality starts with how one relates to their own body. Sometimes, as I’d walk through the locker room I knew he was watching me, letting me be alpha and I love being that, stopping in front of a mirror and flexing after a workout. I could tell he fell into emulating me. He gained confidence.
I’d just closed the door to the mirrored exercise room. I was excited. This was to be our first sexual yoga class. We chatted as we crossed the ever loved and loving wood floor. The conversation started to approach our activity as I said, “Yes, I know, who would have thought the Chinese did any kind of yoga, and it’s a sexual yoga. Now lets get naked.”
I don’t know whether Tom knew how much I was checking him out in all the mirrors, or maybe he was letting me perv on him. Still trying to be a teacher, I said, “Fundamentally, it’s jacking off without shooting. At least that is what it looks like on the surface. What is going on inside is depthful, intricate, and full of sludge.”
We stood about 5 feet away from the mirror. The very first part and end all of any yoga is, relax. You have to feel comfortable in your skin, to be unarmored, facing yourself and the world. Then this yoga, naked with your hand on your cock. I was turned on and my cock responded to the long loving strokes I took. I breathed deep, deep to the bottom of me. My eyes drifted to shut as I saw myself disappear into the softer world of sexual love energy. I saw Tom drifting with me. He seemed taken by the sight and sound and the energy I generated. I smiled inside and bit out too as I saw his hard on becoming what it’s called.
I was moving from a demonstration stance to telling him, “You stand on the balls of your feet, this is called The Bubbling Well, it brings chi up into your body. When you put your weight on the heel you are flowing energy down from Heaven.
I walked over putting one of my hands on the small of his back, “Lean forward, now feel as if you are fucking the material world, flowing Chi into Her.” I put the other hand on his chest. “Now, arch backwards pushing your ass out, and be fucked by Spirit. Now breathe while you do that. Breathe to here.” I reached down below his balls, and rested the palm of my hand on his mound, flexing up. Tom breathed down to my hand, I could feel it. The current was switched ‘on’.
I turned to Tom, taking my cock in my hand. “And this is what it looks like”. My cock was swelling. “It’s ok Tom, take a look”. I could see excitement in his eyes and the breathing that results as his eyes wandered down my body watching me jack my cock. “Now Tom look me in the eyes. Do what I am doing.”
We stood a few feet away from each other, facing each other, very turned on by each other. “The first step,” and I commenced teaching “Let all of your armoring relax and fade to away.” Tom knew what I was talking about. To be totally seen while knowing everything checks out is a big release of our knotted energies.
I stepped closer so our hands made contact on some of our strokes. Each contact brought our energy closer in sync. As our eyes met, the reality was set at happy, playful, sexy, and full of male fuck energy. “I want you to look at my cock, my eyes are on yours.” I coached. I loved his look as I changed my rhythm, laying it out in the palm of my hand. “Does my cock turn you on?”
I knew it did but loved hearing him say slowly “Oh.. yeah..”
I continued with the class. “You can not expect another to make you complete. You need to present this world with as complete, and positive you as you can to this world. The Tao says we are both Yin and Yan. Do you know what those words mean?”
“Yes,” he replied. I could feel he didn’t want any mind in it now, “Male and female.”
“The words Male and Female to define Yin and Yan attenuates the wisdom and knowledge of the Tao. Defining the world by what it does is always sound method. Yin nurtures, Yan challenges. Yan is the sail that has been set – Yin is the wind. These are prime, radical, can’t be reduced elements that make up everything. We must awaken both, grow them, and store them to walk the world free and as a sign of good.” Tom had slowed his stroking taking in what I was saying. I stepped forward and took Tom’s wrists. Lifting his arms over his head. Our bodies were close to being glued. The sensations amazing as they took runs for the spotlight, from cock, to chest, to throat, then feet and all around again. “Leave your arms up.” as I stepped back.
“Yin is attractive, now be attractive.” I started to jack off as Tom started to express exactly what I was talking about. Flexing, then posing. I took on some swaying movements. Hips swaying is very Yin and natural in women. “We are not trying to be women. We are finding the Yin in our bodies and souls. We cultivate it to balance us, always growing.” I walked back to Tom. I massaged his biceps. He saw me eyeball-loving and eyeball-fucking his body. I could feel how much he loved it, loved being a turn-on. I turned him to face the floor length mirror. “Now, check yourself out Tom.”
Tom took off, hitting escape velocity quickly. He was obviously taken by how he looked. It is one thing to assert to others how great you are – And, a totally different thing to enjoy yourself, digging yourself, enjoying your own company, enjoying lifting sexual energy with yourself as a workout. When social judgements of what looks good are set aside and a person deals with the energies, the feelings, not looks, are the only thing of import.
I got close to Tom. Speaking in his ear, “Feel how much you turn yourself on.” His eyes squealed in delight to know that was OK, and so true.
“I’ve never felt this… oh fuck… this is so…. mmmmm” Tom broadcast on all channels the alert he was feeling. No words can convey how David-by-Michelangelo he looked.
My breath and moans mixed with his as my hands and fingers traced and roamed his beautiful design. I massaged his pecs, deeply, taking one of his rock hard nipples in between my thumb and forefinger, with my chest pressed against the arm that he jacked his cock with. “You are so fucking hot. You are beautiful.” My hand slid down his back and slowly down his ass. Then feeling down his ass crack. “Aren’t you? Check out that hot bod, so hot!” I could tell Tom was into it, into how hot he was. That is one hot sight, fucking gorgeous, say it – Tell me how hot you are!”
Tom was so turned on. You could see how much he loved looking at himself. He tried to say it, “I’m… I’m, hot.” His voice trailed off barely making the last sound.
“The chakra around the throat must be known and developed, sounds made, oral acts of many kinds are a singing bowl emitting vibrations into the ether. It is where we conduct the fundamental sound of OM. Let your balls hear that sound of the Universal Fuck.” His response to my words were immediate. His moaning, louder, and sexier. I felt that a climax was coming. His hand gravitated to his cock, even when I was telling him to pose. The sexual tension had taken on a different dimension, more primal, more instinctual – More; ‘I gotta cum!!’
We were both exchanging looks at the reflection in the mirror and looking at each other directly, and also looking at ourselves directly. Tom was full of sound. “Breath in through your nose and out your mouth Tom.” Again he responded immediately with an immediate different octave of moan. “Hold your load.” A new look of determination crossed his face. It didn’t last long. Orgasm was impending.
It is impossible to define a point in time when an orgasm actually starts, but you know when eruption is coming. Tom’s cumming was coming. My hands massaged the energy up his frontal line, and down his back. The circle of energy was now complete. Though, not for long for spasm was happening. Tom was shocked as I grabbed his arms and pulled them back. Now it was time for the exquisite sensation, some even call it pain. The external motions on the cock bringing the orgasm have stopped. Yet, a slew of undefined and ill-defined energies of will, desire, and need are on fire, sparked by the need to release.
Tom’s cock started to buck. His moans were now shouts of pleasure and need. He was understanding. The look of wild in his eyes walked with a new look of getting it. I lifted his hands to behind his neck. I reached down to the bucking cock and squeezed it. Tom, “Ohhhhhh, fuuuukkk”, as I pumped more energy into his lower coil. His cock jerked again and again as I stroked it, relaxed and then tighter. I moved in front of him, his cum, what there was left of it, splashing on my abs. Tom’s arms became wrapped around my neck. He had shifted some of his weight onto me. I loved holding up the remaining convulsions he spent.
Finally, he stood up. We moved back to take in each other’s eyes. His look was questioning, probably of what just took place. And, a new sense of understanding. We both surveyed the beloved wooden floor splooged with Tom’s cum.
Grinning I said, “Better get a mop.”