Atlantea

Three days passed before I got a text from Alicia.

“Mr. T, could you swing by our place tonight?”

Apparently Ruby and Alicia were not going to call me by my actual name. I presumed “T” stood for “Toy”? I was not particularly bothered by this, and responded in the affirmative. I showed up at their condominium, a spacious two bedroom unit in a solidly-built downtown high rise, a little after nine, and they ushered me in to their living room. To say it was messy would have been an understatement. Clothes, including panties and bras, were strewn across the floor, as were books, newspapers, and blankets. I could see two cats, whose names I later learned were Elrond and Shiva, as well as a slowly-crawling tortoise. The reptile was about the size of a dinner plate and was known as Otello.

Neither Alicia nor Ruby were wearing any garments, and I got a good look at their bodies as they stood, side by side, facing me. Ruby’s nipples and areolae were bigger, but otherwise their slight breasts looked to be the same size; they could clearly share bras. As with their faces, their smooth, cinnamon-colored bodies were soft and slightly plump. Ruby had a higher waistline, but other than that it was hard to tell them apart from belly buttons on down. Both sported carefully trimmed, bushy triangles of pubic hair on their mons. Their large asses were the same size and both equally out-of-shape; I suspected they went to the gym, but only sporadically. Overall they were visions of loveliness, and I must have been standing there staring at them like a fool.

“What are you doing, Tee?” Alicia asked, hands on her hips; I had lost Mister status, it would seem, since we had texted.

“House rule: no clothes!” Ruby clarified.

“Unless the Pope’s on a visit,” Alicia added.

I could not refuse two pretty naked ladies, so began to disrobe. My cock was embarrassingly stiff already, and it bobbed up as I pulled down my underpants.

“Thank God you’ve waxed,” one of them said. “You will keep that up, right?”

“As you wish, my ladies,” I replied formally, excited by the implication that this might not be the last time we all got together.

Ruby came over, grabbed my penis, and tugged me towards the bedroom. I followed, my eyes glued to the two luscious posteriors jiggling in front of me. In the bedroom, a fat, orange cat was sitting on the bed; later I learned her name was Quetzal. They shooed it away.

“Could you lie down, please, Tee?” Alicia said. “We won’t need that sheet like frumpy old Rosalind used, but we would so appreciate it if you kept your gross man hands to your side and, you know, basically just lie there and stay out of things?”

I nodded.

“And could you wear this?” Ruby asked, holding up a purple mouth dildo.

The dildo had a small nub near the base, pointing upwards so that they could grind their clits against it. Ruby inserted one end in my mouth and fastened the leather straps around the back of my head. They had not washed the toy since last using it, as I could taste someone’s dried saliva on the part that went in my mouth, and faintly smell dried pussy juice wafting down from the dildo section. I suspected this oversight had been intentional. Alicia put a small pillow under my head for comfort. The two women then ignored me for about an hour.

I was lying on one side of their queen-sized bed, and Alicia and Ruby were on the other. They began to kiss each other and roll around, sometimes one on top, sometimes the other. They were so similar-looking, it was difficult to tell who was who. Their kissing turned into frantic tonguing, and then Alicia began to suck on Ruby’s nipples, making her lover moan with a surprising amount of pleasure. At one point I thought she would cum from this stimulation alone.

Next, Ruby gave her wife a massage, rubbing small splashes of oil all over her body. Alicia first lay on her stomach with her feet near my head. With my neck at an angle from the pillow, I had a clear view of her hairless pussy and anus. Ruby rubbed oil into her butt cheeks, then rubbed around her perineum, teasing her lover until she began to whine. Then she gently stuck an oil-coated thumb up Alicia’s ass, while fingers from her other hand investigated her pussy. Patiently, she brought her wife to orgasm, her vaginal muscles bulging as her body flushed red. Alicia turned onto her front, receiving a gentle massage along her arms, breasts, stomach, and thighs. Ruby took special care to rub the bushy, perfect triangle of pubic hair on her mons. Then Alicia repeated the process for Ruby, in almost identical fashion.

Lastly, the pair assumed the sixty-nine position and began to lick. Each knew exactly what the other liked, as they both came after what seemed like a short time. My penis was fully erect the entire time, despite not having been touched even once. I had faithfully lain still and kept my hands at my sides.

“Time to get some sperm in here, Lover,” Alicia said to Ruby, her mouth only an inch from Ruby’s vagina.

“I still don’t think I’m ovulating yet, Allie,” Ruby responded.

“Better safe than sorry, you know how inaccurate all this stuff is.”

They were talking as if I were not there, but I could not really blame them, as they each had their face in the other’s pussy.

“Alright,” Ruby said petulantly.

She got up, flounced around the bed and then knelt on top of me, straddled my midsection, and slid her wet pussy down onto my dick with relative ease. Her vagina clamped down hard from time to time.

‘She really must do a lot of Kegels,’ I remember thinking.

Alicia let her ride me for a few minutes, and her smile broadened as Ruby began to make soft, uncontrollable sounds of pleasure. Then Alicia herself sat on my face and, with her thighs behind my shoulders, slid her vagina onto the mouth dildo. She pushed down until it was fully inside, and her clit made contact with the small nub at the base. She gyrated her hips, pushing down on my head with great force at the same time. I was having trouble breathing with her big ass right above my head. The pair then both leaned forward, and began to French kiss noisily and fondle each other’s boobs.

“Let’s get off together, baby,” Ruby said.

Her wife nodded, and began to grind with greater intensity. She also slid a hand down to rub her clit from above, complementing the rubber protrusion from below. Ruby began fucking me with a fast, piston-like motion of her hips, taking as my cock as deeply as possible each time. I soon realized they were not just making sexy talk, they really were familiar enough with the other’s reactions to pull off cumming simultaneously. Ruby slowed down, at times, when she could tell Alicia had fallen behind, and vice versa. I decided to see if I could time my orgasm to theirs, as well. It would not have been possible mere months ago, but after so many blow jobs, and being inside so many vaginas, I had developed a measure of control.

“Oh baby,” Ruby said to her wife.

I could tell by her tone of voice that she was about to come. Soon I felt her pussy muscles contracting more tightly around my dick, and simply let my thoughts run wild: I visualized the scene I was currently in, except how it would look to an observer standing off to the side. Sperm shot from my cock as by body flooded with heat, and at the same time, Alicia’s thighs both began to shake and squeeze my head. I made uncontrollable, unintelligible groaning noises through the gag in my mouth, and both women, still leaning forward, were kissing noisily.

Ruby dismounted, lay back next to me, and grabbed her legs behind the knees, rolling up so that gravity would help my sperm reach her cervix. Her wife decided to pass the time by mounting me, and began to rub her pussy lips along by semen-coated cock. The feeling was divine, and some time later I got a full erection and slid inside her. Ruby, meanwhile, got up, straddled my face and impaled her vagina, still dripping cum, on the dildo extending from my mouth. A small amount oozed around into my mouth, which I was unable to prevent as the rubber between by teeth kept my lips parted.

* * *

Exhausted, the three of were lying, sweaty, on the queen-sized bed. Ruby and Alicia were spooning, and I felt like a fifth wheel, so I got up and started for the living room. I heard an annoyed whine come from their side of the bed, and when I glanced back, a brown arm was patting the sheet next to them. Gratefully, I lay back down; I had not been relishing making my way back to my apartment. Within minutes, the sleepy women were breathing heavily, and I myself must have nodded off shortly thereafter, because the next thing I remember, I was being woken up again.

Glancing bleary-eyed the red digits on their alarm clock, I learned it was around 2:13AM. What had woken me was Ruby rolling me over onto my back, and then straddling my waist. Yawning, she began rubbing me with her genitals until I got hard, then perfunctorily reached down to slip me inside. To tired to remain upright, she lay down on my chest. I thought she might kiss me, but instead she snuggled her head in the crook of my shoulder. I moved a tentative hand to her right butt cheek, but she swatted it away. Slowly, she moved her hips up and down. Although less wild and stimulating than before, I enjoyed the undulating, sensual connection we were making, and despite being bone-tired, was pleased that we went at it for over twenty minutes before I came inside her. She rolled off me, sperm leaking from her pussy, and resumed spooning with her softly snoring wife. And then she woke up up around 5AM for another round.

“Insurance,” Ruby said.

* * *

I was rousted once more, not feeling rested, around 9:30AM. Four small feet were pushing me out of bed.

“Yuck!” Alicia said, “What is this sweaty man thing doing in our bed!”

I started to protest that my staying the night had been their idea, but they both made shooing gestures with their hands, stifling any protest. After dressing in the living room, I made for the door.

“Thanks for the sperm!” Ruby called out in a sing-song voice, just as I was leaving.

Two days passed without any contact from the Twins. I had no idea whether or not Ruby had gotten pregnant, nor even if they would have me over again. It was therefore a pleasant surprise when Alicia texted me out of the blue.

“Booty call?” she wrote. “You and R still got a baby to make, Tee!”

The Twins were nothing if not mercurial. When I entered their living room, they were naked, as usual, but everything else seemed different. They must have spent hours cleaning the place: whereas before it had looked like a tornado had swept through the living room, this time it was spotless. Even their three cats were lying sedately on the couch, one per cushion.

After stripping in front of the ladies, who watched me impatiently with their hands on their hips, they had me lie down in the same spot on their bed, and then began to assume their respective positions straddling my waist and head. They had seemingly forgotten something, however.

“I think you forgot the mouth thing?” I asked Alicia, as she swung a knee over my face.

“Tee,” Alicia chided, “are you scared of using your tongue?”

“No,” I said with rising excitement, “It’s just that Rosalind and Phoebe were dead set against it.”

Both Alicia and Ruby made a dismissive blowing noise.

“Well, I don’t know what their trip is, but a tongue’s just a tongue. It’s not like I’m kissing you,” Alicia said.

“Be careful not to do too good a job down there, Tee, she can get very very demanding,” Ruby teased her wife.

“There’s not much chance of me doing a good job,” I said ruefully. “I don’t exactly have much experience.”

“You mean you didn’t go down on your ex? Oy, no wonder she stepped out on you, chico! What’s wrong with you men, anyway?” Ruby said.

“No no, it wasn’t like that! I wanted to do it more than anything. She’s the one who didn’t like it. None of my exes would let me eat them out, actually.”

The two women looked aghast.

“What can I say, there be a lot of crazy bitches out there. They don’t know what they missing out on,” Ruby replied.

“So hang on, Mr. Tee. ‘More than anything’ is quite a statement from you,” Alicia added, emphasizing the word anything.

“Yeah!” Ruby chimed in, picking up on where her wife was going, “Are you really sayin’ you like it more than, oh, I don’t know… fucking pussies?”

“Yes, actually, I am. It’s at least equal,” I said, dead serious.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why would I lie? You’re about to have sex with me anyway, so it’s not like I need to sweet-talk you into it,” I countered.

Alicia, to my disappointment, swung her leg around to get up from her position straddling my head, taking with her the delicious view of her pussy. Ruby stood up from my midsection.

“Huddle, baby? Don’t move, Toy!” Alicia said.

They went into the living room to talk in private, returning a few minutes later.

“Here’s the deal,” Alicia said, “If you’re really such a pussy lover, you’re going to have to prove it to us.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“If you can get us each off three times with just your tongue, we’ll believe you, and as a reward we’ll both do anal tonight. If you can’t, though, it’ll be back to mouth dildo for you.”

They took the big, stupid grin on my face to indicate assent, and Ruby sat on my face. She was facing away from my feet so that my tongue would have a better angle. Having little idea of what to do, I started with just kissing her bare vagina all over. She had a faint, cheesy odor that made my brain turn to mush. Even this limited contact was sending shivers down my spine.

“Rube, you should turn around and check this out! His toy, like, pulsated or some shit, just from kissing your vag,” Alicia said. “I ain’t even touching it, I swear!”

Ruby let me fumble around, happily but ineffectively, for a few minutes. I explored the folds of her inner flesh, savoring the earthy taste with my tongue. She squirmed every now and then, indicating mild enjoyment, but did not show any of the telltale signs that would indicate mounting pleasure, let alone the loss of control that I so craved to produce. In desperation, I began to focus on her clit, licking and sucking on it, with mediocre results. She began to breathe more heavily, but that was all.

Alicia had been commenting on my pulsating cock every now and again. Although not particularly interested in men, except, as in my case, as occasional living sex toys, the behavior of my penis seemed to fascinate her. Even without being touched in any way, it was proving just how much I really liked what I was doing to her wife. Presumably for this reason, she, at last, took pity on me and lay down sideways on the bed, propping up her head with her arm so she could see what I was doing to Ruby.

“So Toy? We weren’t really being fair. It’s hard to get Rube here off without using your fingers along with your tongue, and even then you have to know what you’re doing.”

“Hey, no helping him!” Ruby complained.

“Woman, you’re going to enjoy this so just chill. Toy? You’re focusing too much on her clit; she only likes it if you tease it. You need to spend most of your time getting your tongue way up inside her canal and licking as best you can, then switch to sucking on her lips. And just suck her clit a little bit, every now and then.”

“Okay,” I said, although it came out more like “Orph” due to presence of the the vagina lips I was speaking into.

“Also, bite her lips sometimes, okay? Super gently, just a nibble, but enough so’s she can feel it.”

“Oh. My. God! Allie, I will get you for this!” Ruby said in mock outrage.

I began to enthusiastically, and faithfully, execute Alicia’s advice. After making a few corrections regarding my timing and the force with which I nibbled on her wife’s labia, Alicia was satisfied and moved to the foot of the bed. There she sat cross-legged to observe her wife and me. As her passion mounted, Ruby grabbed my head and dug in with her nails. Even with Alicia’s advice working in my favor, Ruby seemed to be on a glacial trajectory towards truly climaxing. I suspect, although she did not say so, she decided to help me out, just as her wife had. Using the leverage she had from having her hands behind my head, she began methodically moving her hips aggressively in an up and down motion, holding my mouth tightly to her vagina all the while. It was the closest she could come to fucking my mouth. Afraid of ruining things, I ignored the ache in my jaw and tongue and diligently kept up the same routine as before.

“Rube! You gotta see this! Toy is, like, goin’ crazy down here!” Alicia marveled as my cock continued to pulse, now with increasing vigor, even in the absence of physical stimulation.

Just at that moment, I pulled my tongue out from Ruby’s vaginal canal and took one of her labia between my lips, sucking gently, then nibbling. Ruby could not take any more and pulled harder on my head, encouraging me to insert my tongue back inside her. Wetness flooded her vagina, and I sucked it down greedily. To everyone’s surprise, including my own, I had an orgasm, too. Cum sprayed all over, some even hitting Ruby’s back.

“Did you jerk him off?” Ruby panted as she felt blobs of hot semen hit her flesh.

“I didn’t touch him!” Alicia said defensively. “I couldn’t have reached if I’d tried. He just… went off! Like, right after you did.”

“Toy, can you explain this?”

“Not really, it’s just, when Ruby started to go and I tasted her cum, it was like, I dunno… I just fuckin’ lost it.”

“Okay, you know what?” Alicia said, “If I hadn’t just seen that with my own two eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it. But anyway, I don’t think you were lying about how much you love vaginas. Even if you don’t get me off three times, I’ll still do anal on your toy.”

“Girl, you know you was gonna do that anyway!” Ruby chided, getting back at Alicia for her earlier transgressions.

Alicia actually blushed at this, confirming the truth of the matter.

“Wait,” I said, “I can still try to get each of you off three times first, though, right?”

As it turned out, both women were eager to see how far they could push me, and over the next several hours took turns riding my face. Ruby coached through giving Alicia her first orgasm, although “coaching” is probably too grandiose a term. Alicia was a lot easier to get off than her wife.

“Just suck on her clit, then flick your tongue on it, then suck again. You basically can’t go wrong, Toy,” Ruby said. “It’s still gonna take a while since you can’t use your fingers, though, so strap in, amigo!”

“Oh come on, at least make him work harder for it,” Alicia complained.

“We are so past that level of wifely unity right now!”

* * *

Hours later, we were done. I was lying in my usual spot next to the cuddling couple, exhausted. My jaw and tongue ached from hours of cunnilingus, and my body was spent from cumming in both pussies and both asses. They had also dragged me into the shower with them to wash off.

I had assumed they would want some privacy, so at first I hung out in their bedroom while they padded off to wash together. Their condo was not cheap, and the unit featured a spacious master bathroom directly off of their bedroom.

“Tee, what are you doing!” Alicia called. “Get in here, hombre!”

In the shower, the beautiful, naked, and nearly identical women were soaping and massaging each other’s soft, slight bosoms. Ruby explained, breathlessly, that my dick needed to be cleaned off so that it would be safe for her to have inside her vagina overnight. As before, the plan was to have vaginal intercourse twice more, in the middle of the night, to improve the chances of conception. She insisted on cleaning my penis herself.

“I gotta make sure you don’t miss anything, men are so careless!” she rationalized.

The two of them, despite the late hour, seemed in no hurry to get out of the shower. Perhaps for my benefit, they made a show out of washing each other off, taking their time with each area of their lover’s body, lingering excessively on erogenous areas like the vagina and ass. Then they washed each other’s hair, rubbing in shampoo, massaging each other’s scalps, and then working in lavish quantities of conditioner.

Finished with each other, Ruby at last came over to me. I was still spent from our earlier escapades, so my dick was only slightly firm as she gingerly lifted it by the head, and began to rub body soap all over the shaft, removing layers of crusted on vaginal fluid and semen. Her fingers also gently lathered my balls and ass. She then rinsed me off with the shower attachment.

“What do you think, Allie?” Ruby asked her wife, pointing at my now clean member.

“One sperm injector, ready to go!” her wife said, in a mock nasal voice.

That night, at the same two times as before, Ruby woke me up and mounted me. After getting me hard and inserted my dick as far inside her as she could take, about half of its length, the sleepy woman slumped onto me.

“I’m too tired, Tee, you gonna have to do the work tonight.”

She tilted her head to the side and laid it down onto my chest. Tentatively, I slid my hands to her large butt. It felt firmer than it looked. Rather than swat my hands away, as she had before, she snuggled her head more firmly onto my chest and made a purring noise. Using my new-found leverage, I began to swivel my hips back and forth. My dick only moving a few inches each time. Ruby continued to purr, and I took my time, only cumming after about half an hour of slow, languorous intercourse. She rolled off, half-asleep, to resume spooning with Alicia. Three hours later she woke up, and we did it all over again.

* * *

The next morning I awoke, not to feet pushing me off the edge, but to an empty bed, with the smell of pancakes drifting in from the kitchen. I staggered out of bed, followed my nose, and found the nearly-nude twins in matching blue aprons, huddling over a griddle. They motioned me to sit down at a table, which was set for three and already had a steaming hot mug of coffee set for me. There was a towel on the chair, in anticipation of my own nakedness. Soon the three of us were enjoying an amiable and leisurely breakfast. There was no mention of my being a stinky male this time. We spent time talking of movies, TV shows, dancing, and even more serious topics like the upcoming mayoral race and new sales tax initiative. Eventually the conversation drifted to sex.

“So, who tastes better?” Ruby asked.

“You both taste amazing,” I answered, attempting to worm out of the obvious trap.

“Girl,” Alicia said, coming to my rescue, “stop causin’ trouble, you know he can’t answer that!”

“Okay, well, what does Allie taste like to you?” Ruby said.

“Hm,” I said, “honestly her vagina does not have much in the way of flavor, it is maybe kind of like tasting my own saliva, you know? I can just barely taste it at all?”

“Weird,” Ruby said, with interest. “It’s damn sure ain’t flavorless to me! She tastes super salty. What about me?”

“Earthy,” I said. “And wonderful. Very slightly like Gruyere cheese. Which is my favorite.”

“See!” Alicia said triumphantly, “that’s what I keep telling you babe!”

“Okay, babe, let’s do a taste test right now,” Ruby said. “Spread your legs Allie. And come here with me, Toy.”

Alicia spread her legs and scooted to the end of her chair. Ruby and I crawled together under the table to her waiting vagina.

“Okay, you take a lick and tell me what you think.”

I was about to dive in when Ruby put a hand on my shoulder.

“Oh wait!” she said. “Alicia, you gotta get yourself off a bit first, or you won’t be wet. Duh.”

Ruby and I watched in fascination as Alicia began to masturbate, mere inches from our faces. She mostly rubbed her clit, as expected, with occasional forays into her vaginal canal with two fingers.

“Okay,” Alicia said breathlessly.

“Just lick a few times,” Ruby told me.

I did as commanded. As before, there was not any notable taste.

“Yeah, the best way I can describe it is kissing a pussy filled with my own spit,” I said.

“This is crazy,” Ruby said, “let me in there.”

Ruby stuck out her long tongue and drove it inside Alicia’s vagina, picking up a lot of fluid in the process.

“Salty as ever!” Ruby exclaimed. “Maybe you two are, like, genetically matched or something. Now do me!”

We repeated the process, except this time Alicia joined me under the table. After both licking her wife’s vagina and comparing notes, we both nodded.

“Gruyere!” Alicia said happily. “I hadn’t quite thought of that one, but that’s exactly what she tastes like!”

“Thanks a lot, buddy”, Ruby chided me. “You know I’m never going to hear the end of this, right?”

“Hey, wait a second, I just realized we’ve been indirectly kissing this gross man here!” Alicia exclaimed suddenly. “His yucky boy spit was all over our pussies before we had a taste!”

“I’m sorry baby,” Ruby cooed, “Come here and let me wash that nasty stuff outta your mouth with wholesome girl saliva.”

The two women embarked on an extended make-out session. Without turning around, one of them, I could not tell who, held out a brown arm and shooed me away.

* * *

Over the weeks following our first sessions at their condo, the Twins contacted me regularly, if unpredictably. Sometimes they would invite me over for multiple nights in a row, sometimes they would skip a day or two. Sometimes their abode was a frightful mess, and other times it was spotless; it was never in-between. Mornings at their place were a crap-shoot, too. I never had any idea whether they’d kick me out of bed and eject me unceremoniously from their residence, or whether they’d pamper me instead with a lavish breakfast and over-the-top flirtation. Once, they went radio silent for around ten days. Later I learned this interregnum was due to Ruby having her period and then timing her next ovulation.

When I was invited over at last, Alicia seemed to be at her wits end.

“Relax, Allie, I just wasn’t ovulating before,” Ruby said, in an attempt to calm her nervous wife.

“Baby, I’m getting morning sickness now, and I wanted you right there with me,” Alicia pouted, about to cry.

Ruby hugged her wife, patting her back.

“I’ll be just behind you babe, I can feel we have the timing down this time.”

Ruby looked exasperated.

“Toy, can you please knock me up so that my wife stops being mental?”

The three of us had sex for the next three nights straight. I would come inside Ruby at least once during our three-way sessions, and then, as always, again at 2AM and 5AM. I finally noticed that she was not removing her watch, and must have had it set to wake her up at those times. After the third night, a Wednesday, I did not hear from them again until late on Friday morning, shortly before lunch.

“Can we swing by your place?” Ruby texted.

“Sure,” I replied.

I knew better than to try to get her to clarify anything about the visit, including when they would arrive. The mercurial Twins did not like to be pinned down, and rarely answered that sort of question clearly. So I was pleased when, only five minutes later, there was a knock on my door. ‘They must have been right downstairs!’ I thought.

“Hold on!” I shouted.

Knowing their preference for nudity, I decided to please them by taking off every shred of clothing before answering. Then I opened the door.

“Hello ladies!” I said in a loud, theatrical voice.

* * *

“What. The. Fuck.” Meg, my ex-girlfriend, said, standing stiffly in the frame of the doorway. “And what the hell happened to all your hair?”

“Oh shit,” I said. “Wow, um, this is embarrassing. I was kinda expecting someone else.”

“I can see that! Would you mind putting some clothes on? It’s not like I haven’t seen it all before, but I think we’re past all that, at this point,” she said, waving her hand at me.

Despite the embarrassing opening, I was pleased to see my ex-girlfriend. It turned out she needed a box of papers she’d left in the bedroom closet, and had happened to be nearby. After getting the box for her, we chatted about how our lives had been since breaking up. She had moved in with the same man, Derek, whom I had caught having sex with her.

“I’d have never thought he’d be my type,” she said. “But I’ve never been happier.”

He was shorter than her, and also, unlike me, stocky, albeit in a muscle-bound, robust way. A few weeks earlier, I would have found this conversation difficult. But with the almost non-stop wild sex I had been having, I felt like I had moved past the failed relationship and felt genuinely happy for Meg. Phoebe’s strategy had worked.

“So,” she said at last, “who are these ‘ladies’ you thought you’d be greeting at the door in your birthday suit?”

“Oh, Ruby and Alicia?” I thought about making something up, but decided to go with the truth; I did not care what Meg thought about me, anymore. “They’re some lesbians I met through Phoebe and Rosalind.”

“Lesbians? What do you do, sit around and have tea in the buff or something?”

“Well, Alicia’s pregnant and Ruby’s still trying, so I’m helping out.”

“Helping out how?”

“By trying to get her pregnant, too.”

“Doesn’t that mean they’re not really lesbians?” Meg said, now sounding annoyed.

“I’ve wondered about that! These two might be a little bi. The rest are lesbians through and through, though.”

“The rest?”

Meg’s face was turning red, as she tried to decide whether to be amused, offended, or both.

“Oh yes, there were five other lesbians; six if you count Phoebe.”

“Phoebe’s pregnant? And you’re having sex with her?”

“Yes, and, well, it’s not exactly sex. It’s kind of… stylized.”

“Are you mad at me?” Meg asked, in an apparent change of subject.

“God, no!”

“‘Cuz it really seems like you’re just trying to fuck with me right now, and if you’re trying to piss me off, it’s working!”

At that very moment, there came a knock at the door. I left the fuming Meg seated at the kitchen table and went to answer it. This time it was Ruby and Alicia. They were wearing identical outfits consisting of high-heeled shoes, hose, tight black mini-skirts, and tight black tube tops.

“Are these your ‘lesbians’?” Meg asked from behind me, apparently not content to wait in the kitchen.

Turning around, I saw a familiar pinched look on my ex-girlfriend’s face, one that used to drive me crazy. I was certain she thought the Twins were real-life twin call girls. Alicia and Ruby realized this, too.

“Tee, dyoo know dyoo gotta pay extra if you knock us up, donchoo?” Alicia said, in a Spanglish accent I had never heard her put on before.

“Why is this woman calling you ‘Tea’, Jason?” Meg asked.

“Chicka, Tee is for Toy, dyoo know? If dyoo ain’t seen that toy down there, dyoo missin’ out, girl!” Ruby said, pointing at my midsection.

Meg turned bright red, while Alicia wickedly poured gasoline on the situation.

“Manny’s da one who make these rules, vato,” she said to me, inventing a fictitious pimp’s name on the fly, “So don’ get mad at me ’bout the money!”

As she said this, Ruby held up a pregnancy test stick that she had just fished out of her purse, showing me the telltale plus sign. I think Meg could also see clearly enough that the result was positive.

“This is getting too weird for me,” she said, “I’m out!”

The door slammed behind her. Ruby and Alicia waited until her footsteps had faded down the hallway, holding their breath and turning red, then finally burst out laughing. I tried to get mad at them, but found it impossible to begrudge them their mischief; it was like trying to get mad at a pair of naughty cats. Instead, I doubled over with laughter, too.

“Thank you so much.” Ruby said, wagging the pregnancy test stick at her wife, “This woman here was driving me loco.”

“Girl, you sound all smug now, but you’ll be crey-crey too in a couple weeks,” Alicia retorted.

Both women hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

“We think you’ll like your reward,” Ruby said, as she began to strip.

“Since you have done your duty to our pussies, today will be all-anal,” Alicia clarified.

“If this is a reward, can I make a request?” I asked.

“Maybe,” Ruby said, bringing an index finger to the side of her mouth.

“Could I eat you two lovely ladies out first?”

Ruby and Alicia looked at each other and shrugged.

“Suit yourself!”

* * *

Five weeks later, Ruby, Alicia, Phoebe, Rosalind and I were all at the Caps bar. It was early evening on a Tuesday, the light just starting to fade outside. The bar was festooned with helium-filled, rainbow-colored balloons, and the five other women I had impregnated were also there, apparently now comfortable giving up their anonymity. I did not recognize any of them. They, along with about thirty other women, as well as a few men, were here for a mass gender reveal party; even Ruby was now far enough along to have had a definitive ultrasound. The other expecting moms had known for a while, but had kept the results secret so that all could be revealed at once.

Phoebe went first, standing up, holding a karaoke mic, and showing a print out of a grainy ultrasound scan.

“It’s a girl!” she said loudly.

The woman I had known as Mary went next, holding up a sheet of paper and saying, proudly, “Mine’s a girl, too!”

By the sixth woman, Lucy, more sarcastic elements of the crowd were shouting, “Let me guess, a girl?” before she could announce the sex of her child. So far it had been all female babies. The sixth woman was at least able to surprise the crowd by announcing she was having twins. Twin girls, to be specific.

“You do have some boy sperm down there, don’t you?” Phoebe asked me, punching me lightly in the arm.

Next Ruby announced her baby was female, too. The crowd hooted and Phoebe punched me again. Alicia was last. She stood up, and took the mic.

“Girl here too,” she said, grinning.

Laughter and exaggerated oohing noises percolated throughout the crowd.

“Just kidding!” Alicia shouted triumphantly, “it’s a boy! You can see right here,” she said, pointing to an indistinct blob on the grainy photocopy.

I was about to say something clever, to get back at Phoebe for her earlier comment about my lack of male sperm, but then Rhea, whom I had recently helped with a research project, stepped out of the crowd with another woman in tow.

* * *

“I hope it’s okay I invited Rhea; this was kinda her idea, in some ways,” Phoebe explained to me as the two women approached us.

I had forgotten that the mass-impregnation had been something Rhea had suggested to Phoebe, originally. Before I could open my mouth to thank Rhea, I saw the woman she had brought along, and then the universe seemingly collapsed down to a single point, and everything around me began to blur, save for the crystal clear image of this singular person standing before me. I had never experienced a moment like this before.

“Phoebe, Rosalind, Jason,” Rhea said, her voice sounding like she was whispering from the far end of a long tunnel, “this is my acquaintance, Calista.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Jason.” Calista said after greeting the others.

Although I’m sure it was just my emotions getting the better of me, I felt dizzy as I stared into her eyes. She touched me on the shoulder, then pulled her hand back with a confused look on her face. All I could do was continue to stare at her with my mouth slightly agape. Phoebe elbowed me.

“Yes, uh, I’m Jason, nice ta meet you as well,” I stammered out.

Calista was tall, only half an inch shorter than me, with thick brown hair done up in a ponytail. Behind the lenses of her black, full rim glasses, she had large gray eyes with the merest hint of blue. Her nose was aquiline, her lips were full, and her dark olive skin looked Middle Eastern. There were traces of acne scarring on her face. Rather than detract from her appearance, I felt this ostensible flaw made her look even more intriguing. Although not a classic beauty like Rosalind, for me, no woman I’ve met has eclipsed Calista in utter attractiveness. Here was a face I could never get tired of.

Although their appearances were different, I guessed she must come from whatever country Rhea did; they both had the same lack of accent that marked someone who had learned English from a book, and, while they did not look similar to each other, the fact that they neither one had an obvious ethnicity seemed like a point in common.

Rosalind must have picked up on some kind of chemistry between Calista and me, because she made up some excuse, which I did not hear, to drag both Rhea and Phoebe away. I barely noticed, my mind so caught up in trying to maintain Calista’s attention. I blurted out the first idiotic thing that came to mind.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

‘Fuck, that’s the worst pick-up line in the known universe!’ I thought to myself.

“That is, if I am not mistaken, what is called here a ‘pick me up line’? A famous one?” Calista said.

I made a vow, at that moment, never to lie to this woman.

“It is,” I admitted. “Sorry,” I added, lamely.

“An Old Fashioned would be nice,” she said, her smile fomenting a hammer-like pounding in my chest.

“Sandra?” I called out to the bartender, “Could you make an Old Fashioned with Stokely and Bennet for the lady here?”

“You got it!” she replied, openly ogling my new companion in the process.

“What is this ‘Stokely and Bennet’?” Calista asked.

“Oh, it’s a local distillery; Sandra once told me they’re the best for Old Fashioneds, so I figured, hey, what the hell.”

Calista looked confused, possibly unsure of what “what the hell” meant. Fortunately, when the drink arrived it was popular.

“Hell must be a nice place.” Calista said. “I cannot recollect drinking a better example of this beverage before.”

She smiled again, making me dizzy. My heart was still racing from the earlier smile.

“May I ask what country you’re from?” I said, hoping to keep the conversation going.

‘Fuck, another lame cliché!’ I thought inwardly.

“Do I not sound American to you?” Calista asked.

“No,” I said, “For one thing you speak far too clearly. If you wanna sound Amurican, ya gotta work on makin’ yer pronunciation a whole lot worse.”

Calista started laughing. She never did answer what country she was from.

“So,” she said, changing the subject, “Rhea was saying you are the biological father of the eight unborn children being celebrated tonight?”

“Well, nine actually, there is one set of twins,” I said. “But yes, I am the, as you say, biological dad. Weird, I know.”

My heart raced faster; I felt faint. What woman would be interested in me after learning that!

“Why do you say it is ‘weird’? I do not think it is ‘weird’,” Calista asked, brow furrowed.

My heart slowed down a bit. ‘Maybe I still have a chance with her!’ I thought.

“Well, you know, it’s more normal for a mommy and a daddy, to, you know, decide to make a baby together?”

Calista looked at me with a blank expression.

“That is one methodology, yes,” she said after some thought, “but not the only one, and perhaps not even the best. And only one of the fetuses is male? That is unusual, is it not?”

“I think it would be for most people, but I can’t say I’m completely surprised. My family tree is very woman-heavy for some reason. I got four older sisters for starters, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

“I see.”

She had a funny way of talking in a near-monotone that I could imagine some people would find annoying but which I found charming.

“Are you a professional athlete?” I asked, then hurriedly added, in an attempt not to seem like I was hitting on her, “I’m working on my Masters in Athletic Training, so I can kinda recognize the look.”