Reopening Old Wounds

I made it through the flight unscathed, considering flying was one of my worst fears. When I landed I called my husband to let him know I arrived in one piece. But arriving in a brand new country alone was a little overwhelming for me. I went to my hotel and changed out of my shabby travel clothes and into something more appropriate for meeting a friend I’ve known since we were teenagers.

I had two outfits to choose from for our initial meeting and I ended up choosing the distressed red denim skirt, a sleeveless black shirt with strategic slashes down the back, going from the neck to my waist, and more slashes along the neck, down to about where my boobs were, with a graphic of Freddy Krueger’s glove coming up from the bottom hem with blood splatters all over it, a pair of black thigh high stockings, boots, and a white button-up top, which wasn’t buttoned but tied at the front, just above the claw graphic.

I did my makeup and hair. Ensuring my long, blood-red curls with black roots were all in their appropriate places, and not the wild mane it tended to be, then topped the look off with a worn-down brown fedora.

It was a look that was sure to grab attention but, mostly, it was a look that would draw my friend’s eye in immediately if I happened to pass him before actually letting him know I was here. It caught the attention of a lot of guys who took it upon themselves to test my knowledge of all things Nightmare on Elm Street.

Now, with some franchises, I would get tripped up on details from time to time as I didn’t care enough to memorize things. But I’d seen the entirety of the Nightmare series so many times that I couldn’t help but retain the information.

One of the guys I happened across ended up taking me out to dinner after I proved myself a true fan and not a pretty girl posing to get attention. Now, I stressed to this guy a few times as he was quizzing me and getting more and more enamored, that I had a husband, but he brushed it off and that should have been a clue to not take him up on the dinner offer. But he was charming and a dinner invitation from a local seemed welcoming and sweet. I could be so naive sometimes. I always wanted to see the best in people.

Things came to a head at the little pub he took me to. This guy would not take no for an answer, he kept trying to get me to drink with him, but there was no way I was taking any kind of drink besides water from someone in a country where I was, currently, very much alone. I was naive, not stupid. He tried to scoot closer to me in the booth and kept trying to run his hand up my thigh and under my skirt. I pushed his hand away over and over again.

Then he crossed the line and grabbed my wrists, holding them down by my waist while he forced a kiss on me. I got a hand free and slapped him, hard. He didn’t take kindly to me embarrassing him in a place where he seemed to be a frequent customer. He grabbed me by the throat and pulled me closer to him. A bartender, server, and another patron came over to the table and pulled me out of the booth then stood the guy down. A female server came over and brought me to the bar where she poured me a drink, which I saw her pour, and handed it to me, “Here,” was all she said.

I pulled out some cash to pay for my dinner and the drink, but she pushed it back at me, “We’ve got you,” she said with a smile.

Not going to lie, it was nice to feel protected in a place you didn’t know, absolute strangers came to my rescue with nothing to gain for themselves. Back home, the people would have shifted in discomfort and tried not to make eye contact. One of them might have called the cops, and the restaurant might have kicked him out once the cops got there, but no one would have intervened on a personal level, or so immediately like that, at least from my experience they wouldn’t.

My hands trembled and I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder, “I thought I was seeing things,” a gentle voice said as he walked around in front of me.

My forehead crinkled and I looked him over, “I didn’t expect to run into you yet,” I said.

“Want to tell me what that was all about?” he asked as he looked at the table where the guy was currently getting kicked out with a rough grip from multiple guys.

I pointed to my outfit, “He quizzed me, I aced it and he offered me dinner as a prize. I took him up on it like an idiot,” I said with a smirk.

“Like a naive girl, not an idiotic one. Many of the people here would have taken you to dinner without incident. Some are assholes. Did he hurt you?” he asked.

I shook my head, “He just got a little more insistent on a kiss than I would have liked,” I said.

Brendan smiled and grabbed the hat off of my head, “This does not suit you, ‘Ven.”

I laughed, “It goes with the outfit,” I said as I stood up and twirled around to show him our fandom on display.

He grabbed my hand and put one hand on my waist to guide me back to the barstool as he smiled at me, “Maybe it does suit you then.”

My friend lifted my chin and looked at the red marks on my neck from where the guy grabbed me, “Even in another country you have a knack for bringing trouble in your wake,” he said, his fingertips trailing along the lines.

I smiled, “My screen name was apt right?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I’d have taken time off work to show you around proper,” he said.

“Sorry, I wasn’t even sure I was going to tell you I was here. Traveling alone has been a fear of mine for a long time. I mastered the local train and subway system where I lived, so my therapist thought it was time for me to branch out and do a big gesture trip. This was the only place I could think of that I actually wanted to see.”

The waitress came over as my friend sat down on the seat next to me. He held my glass with ice in it against the darkest marks on my neck.

“Are you okay?” she asked, eying my friend with suspicion.

I nodded and took the glass from his hand, “He’s an old friend, I’m good now, thank you.”

The waitress smiled at me but gave my friend the stink eye as she started to walk away.

He smiled at her, “Can we get some ice for her neck?” he asked.

The waitress nodded and disappeared into a back room for a bit before coming out with a bar rag wrapped around some ice. He held it to my throat and ordered us both another drink. We sat and talked for a while and the ice began to melt on my skin, soaking into the top of my shirt.

He seemed reluctant to pull the ice away and I was hesitant to ask him to. His fingertips kept rubbing my neck as he adjusted the melting ice pack and I kind of liked the way his hand felt on my skin. When I started shivering he finally relented and pulled the ice from my skin then rubbed the cold reddened area of my neck. He scooted a little closer to me then seemed to think better of whatever crossed his mind as his phone made a noise and snapped him out of whatever daydream he’d been in.

Brendan pulled his hands away from me and opened up his phone, looking it over before he looked back up at me, a clear disappointment on his face.

“Something wrong?” I asked.

“The wife’s annoyed that I’m not home yet. I suppose that’s my cue to close up and head home. Are you staying nearby?” he asked as he paid his bill and started to pay mine, but I pushed his money back and paid for both of us myself.

He glared at me and I smirked, “For not warning you an AngelicNightmare was on the way,” I said.

He relented, “And are you going to answer my question about where you’re staying?” he asked as he put his money back in his wallet.

I smiled, “No. I can walk back from here though, B,” I said.

His eyes darted back to the table where the guy nearly assaulted me and shook his head, “Yeah, that doesn’t work for me. It’s dark and unless it’s upstairs, I will be either walking or driving you back. You’re way too much of a target ‘Ven.”

“I can take care of myself,” I shot back.

He nodded, “I’ve no doubts of that. What I’m worried about is a religious nut trying to convert you along the way and you falling prey to our alluring accent.”

I smiled, “I’m not done for the night yet. It’s what? Like ten?” I asked.

He nodded and I put my hand on his thigh. It wasn’t an intentional gesture, but his breath caught as I spoke, “You drop me off at my hotel and I’m just going to go out around there and walk around until I stumble across some trouble.”

Brendan pouted at me, “That’s not fair,” he said, “that guy you were here with might be waiting out there for you and I don’t think I can leave knowing that.”

“Then don’t leave. Take me somewhere interesting for half an hour, and then I will let you drive me to my hotel,” I said.

He looked at his phone and typed something out then said, “Alright, come on.”

Brendan drove for a while and I kept catching him glancing over at me as I looked around at the scenery we were passing. It went from old-world city-esque to not-quite-dilapidated village, to pure countryside — a carpet of sea asters and red clover as far as the dim moonlight could show me. Then he pulled up a trail and parked his car. It was a remote area and I could hear waves crashing from somewhere but all I saw was a large open space of grass, a spattering of the wildflowers we passed along the way and groups of trees off to our side.

“Where are we?” I asked.

He turned off the headlights and the surrounding area descended into intense darkness, save for the soft glow of a waxing crescent moon, “Remember when I told you I had this place I liked to write not long after we first met? This is that place.”

I smiled and got out of the car, he did the same and walked over towards me, “Don’t go out very far, we’re on a cliffside and it ends abruptly,” he warned.

I looked over at him, “I have faith you’d catch me if I fell,” I said, a mocking grin on my face.

He shook his head, “No, I’d fall trying to catch you if you fell, let’s not make this a suicide meeting, please.”

I was being a jerk and kept inching my way backward as I watched him following me, “Raven…” he said, “please stop before you fall? There’s a specific area I wanted to show you.”

I stopped backing up walked towards him instead. He took my hand and led me over towards the cliff’s edge, “Kneel down,” he directed.

I arched my eyebrow and he blushed, which was barely visible in the pale light surrounding us, “Must you make everything dirty?” he asked.

My lower lip caught beneath my upper teeth as I knelt down in front of him and looked up, “What am I supposed to think?” I asked.

He knelt down with me and smirked, “That we’re both married and that hasn’t been on the table for five years now,” he said.

He leaned over and put his hands on the ground, facing away from me, then looked over his shoulder, “Follow right behind me,” he said.

We crawled about sixty feet over towards the sound of the crashing waves and he felt around the edge of where he was then took my hand and guided me up on the cliff beside him. His arm went over me as I trembled. We were at least a hundred feet above a rocky cove. He pulled me closer to himself and looked at me as I peered down into the water.

“I can’t be here,” I said as I started backing away from the edge.

He smirked at me, “Have I finally found something the fearless Raven can’t handle?” he mocked.

After a few feet of crawling backwards, I got up and ran back towards the car, completely ignoring his taunting me. He seemed taken aback and followed me away from the cliff’s edge. I sat on a rock near where he parked the car, my hands safely tucked beneath me.

He knelt down in front of me and wiped the tears from my eyes, “I didn’t know you were that afraid of heights,” he said.

I shook my head, “I don’t have a problem with heights. I mean, I don’t like them, but they also don’t bother me.”

“Then what was it that freaked you out?” he asked.

I bit my lip and avoided his question, smiling slightly, “How about we look at the stars instead?” I asked, my voice trembled almost as much as my hands would have been if I weren’t sitting on them.

He moved closer to me and lifted my chin, “What’s wrong? What did I do?” he asked.

“Showed me a stunning sight that I should have admired and soaked into my mind without a word,” I said.

“Why didn’t you?” he asked.

I half-smiled and looked him in the eye, “Because everything in me told me to stand up and jump.”

“That’s not a good idea,” he said.

I laughed and shook my head, “No, there are a lot of things that go through my head that aren’t good ideas. I can usually keep myself from acting on them, but…there are times when that pull is very strong and even the risks don’t deter me,” I said.

My head tilted as I looked at him. I brought my hands out from under me and glanced up at the sky, pointing towards a series of stars, “See those stars?” I asked as he looked up and followed my fingertips with his gaze, “That’s the constellation Draco.”

My eyes were back on him as he looked toward the sky. Now everything in my head was telling me to lean over and kiss him and I almost did, but his eyes lowered from the sky, settling on my face as I backed off, “It’s one of the easier constellations to see,” I continued.

“I only see a lot of stars scattered about, Raven,” he said.

“You’ve never been one to see what was right in front of your nose, B,” I said, “ready to take me home?”

He reached his hand out to me and I took it. We headed back to his car and I kept my word, giving him the name of my hotel. He drove slowly, looking over at me from time to time as I looked out the window at the scenery. I fell asleep in the car and he woke me by pushing my hair back behind my ear. I opened my eyes and looked at him, “Call me when you get home?” I asked.

“What’s your room number?”

“213.”

“I’ll call. I’m going to see about getting some time off of work this week,” he said.

“I’d like that,” I said as I got out of his car to go inside. I forgot my fedora in the backseat of his car and didn’t even notice it missing until I went to the bathroom to wipe the makeup off of my face.

I examined the marks on my neck, they faded but still held a red discoloration, then I turned on the shower before I pulled off my clothes. I figured I had about half an hour before he got home and got settled enough to call so I tied up my hair and took a quick shower to wash the yuck of the day away.

I called my husband and told him how the day went. He was proud of me for not freaking out for running into my friend unexpectedly, but I left out the guy that bought me dinner. It didn’t seem important enough to mention.

Roughly five minutes after I got off of the video call with my husband, my room phone rang and I picked it up, “Hello?” I said.

“I am back home and getting ready for bed. I can’t see you tomorrow, prior plans with the family. However, Monday I will swing by and pick you up around nine, you game?” he asked.

“Isn’t nine a bit late?” I asked.

“In the morning. I reached my boss tonight and I’m playing ill for the day and we are going to marathon the movies we always wanted to watch together but couldn’t,” he said.

“Sounds like a plan, for now, I’m gonna crash in bed. It was a longer day than I anticipated,” I said as I yawned at the end.

“You should know, I’m in trouble for staying that little bit later. The wife thinks I was out with workmates. If she knew I was out with you she would think something happened,” he said.

“Something did happen though, you kept me from jumping off of a very beautiful cliff in the moonlight,” I said, a bit of whimsy to my pronunciation.

“Yeah, I’m going to be watching you closely from here on out, if you do something stupid I’m going to be right there with you,” he said.

“So what you’re saying is I need to get all of the stupid out of my system on Sunday?” I asked.

He stifled a laugh and went quiet for a moment, “Don’t make me worry about you all day,” he tried to scold.

I laughed, “Are you hiding from your wife to talk to me?” I asked.

He hesitated a moment before answering, “Yes, now go to bed before I get in more trouble because of you.”

“Wait,” I said, “I just have one more question…”

“What is it?” he asked.

“Does your wife even know I exist?”

“Does your husband know I do?” he replied.

“Yes, he knows all about you and our friendship and that visiting you was my reason for coming here. I’m not lying to him to be here,” I said.

He was quiet and I heard a knock and a muffled female voice, then him answering “Just a minute,” before turning on the sink.

“She knows of you, that you’re an old friend. She doesn’t know we’re still in contact at all,” he whispered.

“I’ll see you Monday, Brendan,” I said as I hung up.

I logged into my various social media apps and fucked around on them a little, updating people about where I was and getting reamed by relatives for going to a foreign country alone. My husband got a little reamed on that as well. I’m only twenty-three. I can’t possibly survive on my own without an adult male to hold my hand along the way.

I got snippy in my replies to them.

At some point, I got fed up and blocked them all. That shit is why I never did anything. The crushing pressure of a familial unit that aims to keep the younger generation children whether it hinders them in personal growth or not.

B texted me in the morning with a picture of him wearing my fedora. I smiled as I looked at it, No fair looking so put together first thing in the morning, I replied.

Had to tell the wife it was a gift, so I suppose I owe you a hat before you leave, he said.

Nah, it looks better on you, consider it a gift for not freaking out about what I told you last night. Most friends don’t handle me being so honest very well. They prefer me smiling and pretending everything is perfect, I replied.

I prefer you exactly as you are: unfiltered, raw, and kind of a bitch.

I’m going back to bed, have a fun day! I said before putting my phone down on the bedside table.

I ended up spending the day around the hotel. A comfy pair of jeans and some flirty locals at the bar downstairs was enough fun for me. I found myself back in bed earlier than I expected and had a series of texts and messages from B that I’d missed as I’d forgotten my phone in my room.

I responded to the last one with Sorry, didn’t have my phone, decided to explore around the hotel.

Do me a favor and keep your phone on you so I don’t have a damn heart attack worrying about you encountering the wrong group of people around here. You attract danger, you always have, Raven.

Yes, Daddy, I responded.

I scrolled back up to the picture of him wearing my fedora. He looked way too serious for a twenty-seven-year-old. I did a dumb thing and got some chocolate syrup from room service and staged a death scene for myself, snapped a picture, made it black and white, then sent it to him.

The phone in my room rang and I picked it up, “That’s not funny,” he said before I even said anything.

“When did you get so uptight? A few years ago you would’ve laughed.”

“A few years ago you weren’t a tourist in an area that has had some militia starting shit up again. Anyone finds out you’re an American atheist and I can think of four groups off-hand that would put a target on your back. Add feminist to the list and there’s even more that would want to make an example of you. I live in a beautiful country that is amazing the majority of the time but, as I said, you have a way of attracting trouble to you ‘Ven. I know the area, so trust me, please?” he sounded upset and I wasn’t sure how to respond.

“Sorry,” I said, “I didn’t know.”

“I know, and I don’t want you to know, so heed what I say and be safe while you’re here. Phone on you at all times, please?”

“Okay.”

“What’d you use for the blood?” he asked, sounding a little more lighthearted and like himself.

“Chocolate syrup. Tastes good, too,” I said with a laugh.

“I bet it does,” he replied.

He cleared his throat and said, “I’ll see you the morning, Raven,” then hung up before I could say anything.

I cleaned up the syrup and went to bed. I slept fitfully and woke around five in the morning to get breakfast and get dressed. B showed up half an hour early and I was still finishing my makeup, but I let him in the room. He watched me applying my lipstick and it was making me nervous, to be honest.

“Why are you bothering with the makeup?” he asked, “You’re just coming home with me today.”

“Have you ever seen me without makeup?” I asked.

He shook his head and I smiled, “And that’s how I’d like to keep it. ‘No-makeup-me’ is for the person I wake up next to every morning, not friends.”

Brendan drove me back to his house and we went inside, settling in a room towards the back of the house with his gaming and movie equipment in it. He set up the Nightmare on Elm Street series and we sat back to watch them while we talked. We had a blast for hours and nothing illicit went on beyond me leaning on his shoulder at one point then a little later he laid his head on my lap while I ran my fingers through his hair.

Our excellent day together ended abruptly when we heard the front door open and he looked at his watch, “Shit, that’s my wife…”

“And?” I asked, “We watched movies all day, we didn’t do anything…”

He cut me off and motioned behind the couch, “Hide, please?”

I climbed down behind the couch on the opposite side of the door. He sounded so fucking nervous and I felt bad, but I had zero ways out of the room. There wasn’t so much as a window in here. I think it used to be storage space.

I tucked myself into the corner as tight as I could as I heard his wife become more and more suspicious that something was going on. Her voice was getting louder, which meant she was getting closer to the room I was hiding in. I felt like we’d got caught fucking, but again, we hadn’t done anything but talk and watch movies all day.

I didn’t know how to explain who I was and what I was doing in her house alone with her husband, but I got a reprieve when the doorbell rang, diverting her attention from the room I was in. A very loud male voice boomed from the front of the house. I knew that voice, he’d taunted me and B when we were younger, it was his older brother, Grady.

I got an idea at that as I heard his wife run up the stairs, I ran out to the room with Brendan and Grady. Grady grabbed onto me as soon as he saw me, he appeared to be very drunk at the moment, so I used that. Brendan’s wife came back down into the main room and looked me over, “Who’s this?” she asked.

“Angelica,” I said, “I’m a friend of Grady’s and he told me this was his house while I was driving him home, didn’t realize it wasn’t until I saw you two come to the door. So sorry, if someone could just tell me how to get him home I’ll get him out of your hair,” I said while trying to keep Grady’s hands in check as he drunkenly groped me.

Brendan’s wife laughed, “He’s about three houses up, sweetheart, we can walk you all home.”

“That would be amazing,” I said.

I held Grady up on one side and Brendan grabbed him on the other, trying his best to prevent his brother from feeling me up and failing to do so. I tried not to laugh as I heard Grady whispering about me to Brendan, clearly taunting his younger brother. B’s wife got Grady’s keys out of his pocket and opened the door as B and I got him into the living room and onto the couch.

“How is it you’re friends and don’t know where he lives?” Ceri asked.

I laughed as Grady pulled me down onto his lap, I was trying very fucking hard not to blush and scream at the lout. “I’m American, this is my first time actually visiting and he went and got drunk off his ass on me,” I said.

He put his hand under my shirt and I dug my fingernails into his wrist and pulled it away, “Grady!”

I yelled.

“Is this a brewing romance for him then?” Ceri asked.

I shook my head, “Maybe that’s why he got so drunk,” I held up my hand, “I’m married and I’m visiting as a friend and…Jesus Christ, Grady, you aren’t drinking for the rest of my trip if you don’t keep your hands to yourself,” I snapped.

Ceri laughed and my cheeks flushed as I pulled myself out of his grip. Brendan looked disturbed, if not outright angry as he balled his hands into fists, “Thank you for helping me get him home, but now I have to figure out how to get back to my hotel. I’m not too keen on driving his car again, I may have ended up on the wrong side of the road once or twice,” I said.

Ceri looked to Brendan, “He has a guest room, I can set you up in there if you’d like, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

I arched my eyebrow and looked at her, “Does the door have a lock on it?”

She laughed again, she had a nice laugh, light and airy, “Yeah, it does. Grady can drive you back to your hotel in the morning, I’ll go find one of his shirts for you to sleep in for tonight if that’s alright with you?”

I nodded, “That sounds like a plan,” I said.

She disappeared down the hall and Brendan grabbed my hand, “What the hell, Raven?”

“I got myself out of your house without your wife finding out about me and I gave you an out as far as me needing to get back to the hotel. It’s one night, I can handle your brother,” I said.

I sat down near Grady as Ceri came back out with an old t-shirt and held it up. Brendan got mad and grabbed it, “That’s not Grady’s it’s mine. I’ve been looking for it for a few years now,” he scowled.

It was a shirt I’d sent him for his birthday.

Ceri grumbled, “Her wearing it for one night isn’t going to ruin your shirt, you can get it back from Grady tomorrow.”

He handed it back to his wife who handed it off to me and I couldn’t help but notice a slight smirk on his face as he looked away from me. I think he liked the idea of me wearing his shirt to bed.

I smiled at his wife, “Thank you, it’ll be fine for tonight.”

I didn’t want to confess to sleeping in the nude on a normal night without coming across as rather crass and, well, whorish.

Ceri grabbed Brendan’s hand and I followed them to the front door, “Thank you for helping me get him home. He’s a lot harder to handle drunk than sober,” I said with a laugh.

Ceri smiled, “We’re down the road. If you need anything and he passes out. Just give us a call, our number’s on a board by his phone.”

I shook my head, “You’ve both done more than enough, have a nice night and thanks again.”

Brendan looked crushed as I closed the front door on him and his wife. I wasn’t certain if it was because I’d be sleeping at his brother’s house or because I let his brother grope me more than a fair bit as a way to get myself out of his house without his wife discovering he’d spent the day alone in their home with a female friend.

It didn’t matter.

I sat down next to Grady and he smiled at me, “No one has to know…,” he said as he reached for me again.

I dodged him and shook my head, “I would know, Grady. Go to bed before I hurt you.”

“My bed’s better, you should sleep in it,” he said.

I patted his hand, “Oh Grady, I’m not going to sleep in your bed.”

He shook his head, “By yourself,” he clarified, “Brendan’d disown me otherwise.”

“I’m good in the guest room,” I said.

He shook his head and grabbed my hand, “No you’re not. You can’t sleep in the guest room,” he insisted.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Cameras…” he said, “all around the room. Sleep in my room. I’ll sleep in the guest room,” he said.

“Alright…”

I helped him into the guest room then helped him get ready for bed, I thought he was on the verge of passing out, then he sat up and asked for a beer from the fridge as I struggled to get his feet up on the bed. He wasn’t unsteady or slurring, he looked fine, completely sober.

“Were you completely faking being drunk?” I asked.

He nodded and smiled, “I saw him come home with you this morning, never saw him leave though. Then I saw Ceri come home and knew he’d get caught with you if I didn’t create a distraction of some sort.”

“Hey, Grady?” I said.

“Yeah?”

“Did B ever talk to anyone about me? I can’t help but feel like I was this forbidden secret in his life,” I said.

“I’m the only one that knew about you and that was because I walked in on him…” he trailed off and grabbed my hand, “it broke his heart, you know?”

“He’s the one that called it off,” I said.

Grady nodded, “I know. It still broke his heart. He thought he’d have another chance when you got a little older but you got married the day you turned eighteen,” he said.

“I had to,” I replied.

“Were you pregnant or something?”

I shook my head, “The only way I got to leave home was to get married and I had to leave home. Getting married kept me alive, Grady.”

“Do you love your husband as much as you loved Brendan?”

I pursed my lips, “Does it matter? I’m alive because of my husband.”

“Do you even love your husband?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Are you in love with your husband, Raven?” he asked.

I got up to leave and Grady pulled me back to him, “Answer me and I’ll show him the tape after you leave,” he said.

“I love a lot of people, but I’ve only been in love once. Knowing he’s never told anyone about me… kind of makes me regret coming here. I told everyone about him. I wasn’t ashamed of being in love with your brother, but there’s something about me that makes him refrain from telling people about me. I can’t help but think it’s shame and that I was never good enough for him,” I said.

Grady hugged me, “He loves you, Raven. He doesn’t tell people about you because he doesn’t want to share you, not because he’s ashamed of you.”

“Put the t-shirt on then come to my room and lay down in my bed with me,” he said.

I glared but he held his hands up, “I won’t touch you except to get a picture of you lying with me to send to him. I guarantee he’ll sneak out of the house and come over here to kick my ass.”

“That feels manipulative,” I said.

“It is, but he’s too chicken shit to outright tell you he’s still in love with you, so I’m gonna make him,” he said with a smile.

I went to the bathroom and washed my face then changed into the t-shirt and went down to his bedroom, where he was lying down. I climbed into the bed with him and he leaned down to me as he pulled me over to his shoulder, “Pretend to be asleep,” he said.

I closed my eyes and ignored the feel of his hand on my hip, under the shirt, as he pushed it up to uncover my body a bit. He rubbed my hip, “Okay, you can open your eyes again,” he said.

He showed me the picture and the message he sent with it, She had a few drinks with me after you left, was all it said.

My eyes went up to Grady’s, “I didn’t drink anything,” I said.

“And he’ll find that out when he gets here,” he replied.

“That’s extremely manipulative, Grady.”

“I’m his brother, I’m allowed to manipulate him,” he laughed as he said it.

I reached over to grab my phone and he took it away from me, “Nuh-uh. No spoiling my fun, I let you use me to get out of his house, now I get to use you for a little bit of fun at his expense.”

“I preferred you being off your ass drunk,” I said.

He nodded, “You’re not the first girl in my bed to say that.”

We heard a door slam downstairs and Grady grabbed me and pulled me to him in a deep kiss, which I most definitely did not return.

I was panting when he let go, my hand balled into a fist and I was about to slug him for that when he looked towards the doorway, “She tastes like cinnamon,” he said, taunting his younger brother as Brendan came into the room and pulled me out of the bed.

“I’m taking you back to your hotel, come on,” he said as he pulled me towards the door.

I pulled my hand free, “I’m not a little girl,” I yelled at him, “I don’t need you to protect me from my choices, B.”

His eyes were glossy when he looked at me, “You want to cheat on your husband with my brother?” he asked, a pained look on his face.

“I didn’t say that,” I said.

He lifted his phone and showed me the photo Grady had taken, “This is cheating on your husband, Raven. I thought you loved him?”

“I do,” I said.

“Then why are you in bed with my brother?”

Grady got up and looked at his brother, “I wanted to prove something to her,” he said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him.

“What does sending me a picture of you in bed with her prove?” he asked.

“That you still love her,” he said.

“Of course I still love her. We’re friends, we always will be.”

Grady shook his head, “No, Brendan, that you’re still in love with her. Don’t deny it, man, I know you’ve been dying to touch her. Just kiss her already so you two can get this tension out of the way.”

Brendan looked up at Grady, “We’re both married and we both love our spouses.”

I lifted myself up on my tip-toes and kissed Brendan as I pushed him back against the wall of his brother’s bedroom. It was an attempt at a passionate kiss, but he did not return the movements or affection. I pulled away from him and looked at him as his cheeks went red and he stormed off out of the house. I sat down on the floor by the door with my back to the wall and Grady shook his head.

“He’s being cowardly, Raven,” Grady said as he sat down next to me and held my hand.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and sobbed.

That was a choice, and, as usual, I made the wrong one.

Grady sat beside me and rubbed my back as I cried. I wasn’t a bold person, so why I decided to be bold right then, I didn’t know. He sighed and I looked over at him, my eyes red and cheeks wet with tears, “You were wrong,” I said.

“No, I wasn’t. He just can’t bring himself to admit it yet,” he said.

He wrapped his arm around me and rubbed my shoulder, “I’m sorry I kissed you,” he said, “I thought it would push him to react.”

“I want to go for a walk,” I said.

“Alright, let’s get dressed and I’ll go with you,” he offered.

I shook my head, “I want to be by myself.”

He grabbed my wrist and turned it over to show the underside of my forearm, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea right now,” he noticed the scar that Brendan hadn’t yet.

I pulled my arm back from him and crossed it over my stomach, “That was a long time ago,” I said.

“When he broke things off with you?” he asked.

I started to get up and he pulled me back down beside him, “Don’t avoid it, talk to me.”

“What do you want me to say? I was a sappy sixteen-year-old in love with a twenty-year-old that I’d never even seen and lived on another continent and he didn’t seem to want to be in love with me and I was really good at making dumb choices.”

“He was in love with you though. That four-year age difference was why he fought it so hard. He felt like a predator luring you in. He didn’t want you to feel like he was manipulating you or using that age difference against you,” he said.

I scoffed, “My husband was thirty-two when we got married, he didn’t seem to mind looking like a predator to be with me.”

“Your husband was thirty-two?” he asked.

I nodded.

“You were eighteen?”

I nodded again.

“How long did you date before you got married?” he asked.

I bit my lip. I didn’t want to tell him that the first time I met my husband in person was the same day I married him.

“Is your husband in love with you?” he asked.

“He says he loves me.”

“Yet he let you take a trip across an ocean alone to meet another guy?”

“He doesn’t treat me like a kid. He taught me to fight, so he knows I can take care of myself, he wants me to grow and explore and be happy,” I said with a sigh. “He trusts me and considering I have now kissed three different guys in this country, maybe he shouldn’t trust me as much as he does.”

“Maybe he wants you to explore so you know he’s the one you want and you don’t grow to resent him for marrying you so young. Your husband, on some level, knows he was predatory towards you,” Grady said.

“You’re only a few months younger than my husband, Grady,” I said.

He laughed, “Which is how I know he was being predatory. You were just a kid at eighteen, Raven. You didn’t know shit about life and he took advantage of that.”

“He took care of me,” I said.

“No, sweetheart, you took care of him. Did it even cost him more than meeting your basic needs? Was that all it took for you to bow to him as soon as he asked?” Grady snapped.

I looked away from him and clenched my jaw before saying, “Why’d you give Brendan so much shit when you found out about me and him?”

“A virtual connection didn’t seem like a real connection. I was wrong about that,” he said.

I raised my gaze to meet his, “And now, Grady? Do you think I’m still a naive eighteen-year-old that can’t make choices for herself?” I asked as I moved closer to him.

He pulled away from me and brought his hand up to my jaw, “I think you’ve learned what kind of power you wield over the years and I think you’re looking for a way to ease the hurt my brother caused you tonight,” he said.

I looked at him, my chin trembling as I moved to wipe the tears from my eyes, but he wiped them away before I could.

“I’m not wrong about him still being in love with you. You didn’t see him when he got that marriage announcement you sent out. Even when he did start dating again he wasn’t into it. Then he married the first girl that wasn’t put off by him being half-present in the relationship,” he said.

“It was cruel to send him that, wasn’t it?” I asked.

Grady nodded but turned my hand over again and ran his fingertips over the scar going from my wrist to my elbow, “Something tells me you needed to be a little cruel to be able to let go of some of the hurt.”

“Are you seeing anyone, Grady?” I asked.

He shook his head, “Not since I got divorced last year, why?”

“Because I want to go out drinking and there aren’t many people I trust. I’m pretty sure your brother isn’t going to want to be around me for a while, or maybe even the rest of my trip,” I said.

“You want me to take you out drinking?” he asked.

I nodded.

“You’d rather Brendan took you though, right?”

“No. Brendan would cut me off long before I started having fun,” I said with a laugh.

He looked towards me and I kissed him. It startled him and he pulled away from me, “Raven, to fuck with my brother’s head is one thing, but I’m not going to…”

I knelt in front of him and kissed him again, pushing him back against the wall as I climbed over his lap. He wasn’t kissing me back, but he wasn’t pushing me away either. I pulled my lips from his and leaned close to his ear, “No one has to know, right?” I whispered.

“You’re using me?” he asked as he pulled me back and looked me in the eyes.

I nodded and he put his hands on my waist.

“I can’t do that to my brother, Raven,” he said as he lifted me off of him.

I smiled, poorly trying to hold back tears, and nodded, “I’d like to go to sleep now,” I said.

He got up and left and I sat on the floor by the door for a little while, then I sneaked down to the first floor, put on my shoes and walked out the front door. The t-shirt I wore was more like a micro-mini skirt on me, but I didn’t care. I just…I didn’t know what I wanted, but I knew I needed to not be around either of them.

Down the street a man was sitting on his front steps, smoking as I passed by, “Hey, you alright?” he asked.

I glanced at him and nodded. He put out his cigarette and jogged over beside me, “You don’t look alright,” he said.

I stopped and looked at him, “What’s it to you if I am or not?” I asked.

“I’ve got some stuff back at my house that might help you feel more alright,” he said.

“Like drugs?” I asked.

He laughed, “And drinks…come back to my place and we’ll see what will work for you,” he said as he grasped my hand.

I went with him.

I don’t know why I did. I knew it was a bad idea and it would likely end with me doing things I’d regret, but when he tugged my hand I nodded and said, “Okay,” then went with him.

When he got me inside I realized I didn’t have my phone on me, it was still on the bedside table at Grady’s place.

He wasn’t an unattractive guy. Maybe mid-fifties with strong facial features and a scruffy beard. He led me over to the couch and pulled open a drawer, retrieving a packet of little yellow pills with a smiley face imprinted on it, “What do you say?” he asked as he held it up.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Comfort and happiness in a quick swallow,” he said as he took one of the pills out of the packet, “Open up.”

I parted my lips, he placed the pill on my tongue and I swallowed it.

He followed suit, swallowing one of his own as he tossed the packet on the table and put his hand on my neck, pulling me to him as he started kissing me. I tried to pull away and he let me. Then he guided me onto his couch, “Who are you staying with in the circle?” he asked.

“Grady Burke,” I said.

“I’ll walk you home after,” he said as he started kissing me again.

I nodded.

He grasped the hem of the t-shirt and started lifting it up my body, kissing my hip bones, stomach, beneath my breasts, then over my breasts as he uncovered them. I let him pull it off over my head. I didn’t know how I should be feeling, how fast the pill would take effect, what effect it was actually meant to have, but I felt butterflies in my stomach as this man, whose name I didn’t know, began kissing my neck and rubbing my side.

I moaned and tilted my head, letting him bite down on me roughly as his hands groped my tits. He pulled me up into a kneeling position on the couch and guided me over his lap, I pressed down against him and felt his bulge beneath me. His hands slid up and down my back, hooking over my shoulders to pull me down tighter to his crotch as he lifted his hips towards me.

I closed my eyes and he tipped my face towards him, kissing me as he rubbed over my panties. His fingers hooked in the waistband of them and I helped him slide them down my hips. He smiled as he slid his hand over my bare pussy and rubbed his ring-finger between my pussy lips, making me moan against his ear as he bent his finger and penetrated me with the tip of it. I grasped his shoulders and his finger pushed a little deeper into me.

“Don’t think I’ve ever felt a girl so wet before I even started trying to get her there,” he said as he pushed and pulled his ring finger in and out of me. My hips rocked towards his hand and I leaned back to look at him. He took the opportunity to put his mouth against my skin, sucking and teasing my nipple until it came to a stiff point above the swell of my breast, then he switched to the other. I moaned and his finger moved a little faster in me.

I pulled myself off of his digit and he groaned as I slid off of his lap and started unfastening his pants. He helped me pull them down off of himself, along with his boxers, and I immediately lowered my lips to his balls as I held his dick in my hands. He wasn’t circumcised and I’d never been with someone like that before, so I wasn’t sure how to approach things.

I pulled my lips from his balls and looked at him, “How do I do this?” I asked.

He laughed, “How old are you girlie?”

“Twenty-three… I’ve just… never…”

“Had an uncut cock?” he finished.

I nodded.

“Run your tongue under the skin, around the head of my cock,” he said as I lifted myself towards him.

He was already hard and the tip of his cock was protruding from the sheath of skin surrounding it. I licked across the tip of him and pointed my tongue as I slid it between his cock and foreskin.

He tasted sweaty and had a musky scent but it wasn’t gross or anything. He pulled his skin back as my tongue swirled beneath it. With the head of his cock exposed I started sucking and licking it as he stroked his foreskin towards my lips then pulled it back down from them.

I lifted my head and looked him in the eyes as I started to swallow his cock. He groaned and lifted himself towards me. I pushed well past the halfway point on him before I had to pull back and push down again.

It made my eyes water as I worked my lips until they were flush to his pelvis and fought off the gags that tried to push forth as my throat opened and tightened against his head. He grasped my hair and held me there as he rocked his hips against my lips, the head of his cock hurt my throat a little.

He pulled my head off of him then pulled me up onto the couch, getting me to kneel beside him with my head down on the couch and my ass in the air. He played with my pussy, pulling my lips apart and sticking his tongue in me with little zeal before he climbed up behind me and started to push the tip of his cock against me.

He was bigger than my husband and I pulled away, but he grasped my hip and yanked me back to him popping his cock into my cunt with an almost brutal force. I cried out and lifted my feet from the couch and he pushed deeper into me.

I whimpered and again tried to pull away, a painful ache and burn coursed through my pussy as he stretched me over himself. He pulled me back to him and his strokes became slow and deep and the pain began to subside.

I felt the head of his cock rubbing against me inside with each thrust. The underside of his head pulled at my flesh as he pulled out. He groaned and I squirmed in his grip as he plunged himself back into me, making me grit my teeth and gasp. It hurt, but I also didn’t want him to stop. I wanted to hurt, felt like I deserved it.

Tears gathered in my eyes and I clenched my fists as his body slapped against mine. My thighs tensed and my body stretched, pulling myself away from his as he pushed towards me. He groaned and tightened his hand on my waist as he yanked me towards his cock.

He gathered my hair in his other hand and pulled it hard, forcing my head up and arching my back as he thrust into me faster and deeper. I cried out and he grunted, “Fuck me back.”

I pushed myself back towards him each time he thrust forward and his hand on my hip tightened as he pulled my hair a little harder. I reached beneath myself and started rubbing my clit as he fucked me, my hips began to rock towards him and he groaned as I clenched around his cock.

He laughed, “So, are you Grady’s girl?” he asked as he thrust.

“No,” I said.

“Why are you staying with him then?” he pushed hard into me and I yelped as his dick slammed into something sensitive inside of me.

“I’m a friend,” I whined through gritted teeth.

“Did he try and fuck you and you ran off?” he asked.

I shook my head and he pulled my hair harder, pulling me up until my back was flush to his chest, his breathing heavy on my ear and neck as both of his hands went to my hips to fuck me a little harder. I rolled my hips as I reached a height of pleasure and the pain began to subside. His hands slid over my body until one hand was on my neck and the other groped my breast roughly.

“Fuck girlie, don’t tell me he turned you down?” he groaned.

I nodded.

His hands slid back down my body and he grasped my thighs, pulling me tighter to him as I felt him cum inside of me. I gasped and tried to pull away but he held me still and kept thrusting, “Not done yet one more round?”

I had tears streaming down my cheeks but nodded.

His hand slid down between my legs and he pulled his cock from me, “Good girl,” he whispered as he pushed me back down onto my hands and knees, a thick wet glob slid over me and dripped from my clit and onto the couch below me. He pulled my hips back up and I heard the drawer beside my head open again then a cold squirt of something against my ass as he rubbed it into me, “Let’s see how this feels for ya,” he said as his dick pushed hard against my asshole.

I pulled away and he groaned, “You’ll like it once I’m in,” he said.

My hesitation was evident but I lifted myself back towards him and bit my arm as the head of his dick spread open my asshole, “Atta girl,” he cooed as he thrust.

I’d had anal sex before, so it wasn’t like I was completely inexperienced. It’s just that he wasn’t my husband, who had, what I had assumed to be an average dick, but compared to this guy maybe less than average? It took a little getting used to. After the initial pain, I gave in to it and he laughed as he fucked my ass hard and deep.

He guided my hands behind my back and leaned over me as he pressed his hand on the side of my head, forcing my cheek down against the couch as he pounded into my lifted ass.

I moaned and whimpered accordingly with the pain and pleasure of it. I turned to look at him and he smiled at me as he leaned down and kissed me, a quick hard thrust made me whimper as he pulled his lips from mine.

He pushed deep and rocked his hips against my ass, his hands moved back to my hips, holding me up to him as I felt him cum again. He pulled out of me when his cock stopped twitching and left me on the couch so he could go clean up. I just lay there, looking at the coffee table in front of me and wondering how much of that was my actual enjoyment and how much got amped up by the drug he’d given me.

When he came back out he grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head, but he kept my panties. I saw him tuck them into his pocket as I slipped my shoes back on. The sun was starting to come up as he walked me back to Grady’s house. He rang the bell and kissed my cheek, “Stop by my place any time,” he whispered to me.

He smacked my ass beneath my shirt, causing me to cringe as it still stung with a slight pain, then he turned around and left me standing there with his cum and a little blood trailing down my thighs and tears drying on my cheeks.

Grady opened the door and saw his neighbor jogging down the street back to his own house as I pushed past him.

He grabbed me and turned me towards him, “Hey, are you okay?” he asked me.

I nodded, “I need a shower,” I said.

“Raven, what did you do?”

“Some guy at a house down the road,” I said.

He sighed, “I won’t tell Brendan, did you at least use a condom?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“Okay, I’ll take you to a family planning place, get you tested, are you on birth control?”

I shook my head again.

“And emergency contraceptive. What the hell were you thinking?” he asked as he grabbed my arm.

I yanked my arm from his grip and fell to the ground.

My shirt lifted up and my knees were together with my feet out to either side as I looked up at him, “I was thinking that I’m only wanted when I make myself available to people who don’t really give a shit about me. I was thinking my only value is in how usable I am” I said.

Grady averted his eyes from me and shifted as he said, “You’re… not wearing any panties.”

I laughed, “I was. The neighbor still has them in his pocket, or maybe not by now.”

My hands grabbed the bottom of the shirt I was wearing and pulled it up and off of me. I dropped it on the floor and looked at Grady, “Are you going to tell me you never jacked off to thoughts of me before?” I asked.

“My brother has a key to my house. I’m not risking getting caught with you,” he said.

“Then take me to my hotel,” I said as I leaned back on my hands and smiled as he glanced at me but tried so hard to keep his eyes averted.

“Please put your shirt back on, Raven,” he begged.

I stood up and ran my hand between his thighs as I looked him in the eyes, “I’ll be sleeping in your guest room if you decide to man up,” I whispered.

My hand slipped into his boxers and my fingertips grazed his cock before I wrapped my hand around him, he throbbed beneath my grip and kept staring at the t-shirt I’d been wearing, now crumpled on the floor with a stranger’s cum and my own blood drying to the bottom hem.

He pushed me away and I tilted my head, dropping my hand back down to my side, “A video it is, then” I said as I turned and walked up the stairs to the guest room. I lay down on the bed, completely naked, and looked around, trying to pinpoint where the cameras hid as I spread my legs and began to touch myself.

I closed my eyes and bit my lip, my finger pushed in and out of my pussy then slid up around my clit and rubbed back and forth before slipping back down into me. I changed position a few times, finally settling into a spot where my lower legs were bent under me and my upper body lay back on the bed, my back arched as I brought myself to a gentle orgasm. I ignored the drying red-streaked cum on my inner thighs and let my mind wander.

Sweat glistened on my collar bone, between my breasts, along my stomach and forehead as I breathed in deep, looking up at the ceiling. My legs were spread, pussy open and on full dripping-wet display as I heard the door open. I didn’t look towards it, I simply lay there, catching my breath and swirling a glistening finger around my sensitive clit.

The bed shifted and I finally turned my attention to Grady. He climbed up beside me, already naked with his hard dick in his hand. He was also uncut, but his foreskin seemed much tighter than the neighbor’s was.

He knelt between my legs and I said nothing as he moved forward and pushed into me, “You’re not going to wear a condom?” I asked as he lifted me up onto his lap.

He shook his head and pressed his lips to mine, hard. I kissed him back and rolled my hips as he pushed himself up into me a little harder. He groaned and I curled my arms behind his back until my hands curved over his shoulders from behind so I could lift myself up and down on his cock.

“I guess we’re making you a souvenir of my visit?” I whispered as I pulled my lips from his.

Grady seemed almost pained as he looked over my face and watched me gasp as his cock slid into me. He was close to the same size as the neighbor and felt so good as I felt the head of his cock spread my cunt and pull it each time I moved my hips. His hands grasped the back of my neck and my hip, guiding me down on him as he fucked me.

My breasts rubbed against his chest and he moaned as I leaned my head back. His hands slid down from my neck and up from my hip holding my body to his with his hands beneath my shoulder blades. I brought one of my hands over to the back of his head and pressed my lips to the side of his neck as he pushed deep.

He started to say something but I moved my hand and put it over his mouth, “Shhh,” I said.

He smelled so much like his brother.

He groaned and I rocked my hips against his pelvis. I could feel his hands tightening on my body and the strain of his throbbing dick. I brought my lips up to his ear and whispered, “You want to cum in me too, right?”

He nodded and I moved my hand from his mouth and brought my lips to his and moved my body against him, encouraging him to keep going until he did what he wanted with me. He groaned against my lips and guided me down onto my back on the bed but held my hips elevated as he pushed deep and released himself inside of me.

He was looking at me, but I was staring at the ceiling just to the right of his head. He pulled his cock from me and he went to kiss me again but I pulled away and got up.

“I guess we should both get tested now,” I said as I left the room.

I went to the bathroom, turned on the shower and sat on the shower floor as I cleaned the cum of both men from me. Maybe this is what this vacation was now. A week of being good enough for all of the wrong people while the right one avoided me.

I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel as I walked out of the bathroom. I heard heated voices downstairs and I ignored it, opting to go to Grady’s room to put my clothes from the day before back on.

I had no makeup with me, no hairbrush, no toothbrush, nothing with me, so I gathered my hair up and pulled it into a loose messy bun at the back of my head. Jeans without panties on while your cunt is still a little swollen from being freshly fucked is not super comfy, by the way. I made my way down to the angry voices and found Brendan and Grady scowling at one another.

Brendan held the shirt I’d been wearing the night before in his hand. I wondered if he’d found the cum stains and attributed them to his brother.

Grady looked away from me as Brendan looked me over, a clear heartbreak on his face, “Which one of you is going to take me back to my hotel so I can hit the town in a more presentable fashion?” I asked.

Brendan threw the shirt at his brother and cleared his throat, “I am.”

Grady still couldn’t look at me, but I walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek, “Thank you for everything,” I said.

Brendan rolled his eyes and headed for the door and I chased after him. The neighbor I’d fucked earlier that morning was jogging past and saw me and Brendan leaving Grady’s and stopped to run back to us, “Hey, you feeling better?” he asked.

I nodded, “Thank you for listening,” I said.

He leaned down and whispered, “Stop by any time for a quick pick me up,” as he slipped a small plastic baggie into my bra through the loose neckline of my tank top. I blushed as he brushed his fingertip over my nipple before putting his hand on my cheek and tried to pull me to him in a kiss, but I looked away from him and pulled out of his grip.

Brendan’s hands balled into fists and I grabbed him and pulled him towards the car, “Taking me home, remember?” I said.

When we got in the car he drove away from his little cul-de-sac in silence. I curled up on the passenger seat and watched him drive. Neither of us said a thing along the way. When he pulled up at the hotel I started to say something but stopped myself and opened the car door. He grabbed my hand before I got out and looked at me, “I…,” he started.

I pulled my hand out of his grip and looked him in the eye, “If you want to say something, you know my room number. Otherwise, it was nice to finally meet you, B.”

I got out of his car and went up to my hotel room without looking back. Once inside I pulled out my phone and hit up an adult forum for the area I was staying in.

I stripped down and took a photo of myself from the neck down and posted it with the message, Who wants to help an American girl well versed in making all of the wrong choices get over her broken heart in the worst way possible?

I went into the bathroom, fixed my hair, brushed my teeth, and otherwise made myself more presentable while responding to various offers to make me forget all about the fool that would break my heart. Then I got messages on the site from Grady.

Take this down, Raven, please? You’re going to get yourself hurt, he said.

And? I replied.

Hurting yourself isn’t going to make him cave to wanting you.

I’m not trying to make him cave to wanting me. I just want to feel… something. Worthy, I guess, I retorted.

Worthy of what?

Taking up space, breathing, being alive, burdening the people around me, take your pick, I said.

He didn’t respond to that, no one ever does. It’s uncomfortable. So I went back to conversing with my potential fuckboys. After a few hours of chatting, I sent four of them my room number and two different times to show up.

One if they were down for a group, a second if they preferred an individual encounter. I spread the options out over six hours in the evening. Two of them asked me how much I was charging before committing. I stressed that I wasn’t a prostitute, just a sad girl looking to make some bad choices.

As the individual times passed and no one showed, I started to wonder if they’d even show for the group timing. I spent all morning prepping myself for it. I finally looked at the little plastic bag the neighbor had slipped into my bra.

I didn’t know what many of the things actually did, but there were four single pills, two were clearly homemade and two were not, a couple of mushrooms, some weed, and LSD, I think? I’m sure he meant for me to use them with him, or maybe they were payment for being a good early morning whore, I’m not sure.

I took one of the pills, the same one I’d taken with the man who slipped the bag into my bra. I figured it was safest since I knew what to expect, roughly. I picked up a few bottles of liquor and wine a little earlier in the day and threw in a large box of condoms to add to the mix, even though I knew at this point that I wasn’t likely to use them.

With the room all set up and the little yellow pill exciting my body and mind, I waited in my room with a sense of impending dread. I knew there was a certain amount of danger to this and even if it went smooth, there was no coming back from it.

Then there was a knock on the door and I opened it, a glass of scotch in my hand and nothing but an emerald bra and panty set, a black garter, black thigh highs and strappy emerald high heels.

Brendan stood at the door and I laughed as I leaned against it, “Come to watch?” I asked with a smirk.

He grabbed my hand and pushed me into the room, locking and latching the door behind us. He took the scotch from me and downed it himself as he guided me over to the couch in the room, “They aren’t coming,” he said as he sat down with me.

“Who’s not coming?” I asked.

“The guys you were talking to online. I…I guessed my way into your account and canceled it then deleted the post.”

“Why?” I asked, “You don’t own me, B. I can make bad decisions if I want to make bad decisions.”

I pushed him away from me.

He grabbed my wrist and my jaw, forcing me to look at him, “How much have you had to drink?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I said as I pulled my wrist, trying to break free of his grip.

“Don’t fucking lie to me, ‘Ven,” he said as he pulled me closer to him.

“I haven’t had anything to drink yet. I’m not out of it, I know what I’m doing,” I said as I looked at him.

“What did you take? Your eyes look dilated and red,” he said as he grasped my jaw.

“Same thing your neighbor gave me before I fucked him this morning,” I said.

“Which was?”

I shrugged, “I didn’t ask. Yellow pill with a smiley face on it.”

“Do you still have any?”

“Why, you want one?” I asked, a smile curling the corners of my lips.

He shook his head, “No, Raven, it’s important. A lot of drugs here get botched, they need to get tested to know what they actually are because people fuck around and add shit they shouldn’t to the formula.”

“Grady,” he said as he struggled to hold me in his grip with one hand, the other held his phone up. I didn’t even see him pull it out of his pocket, “Go talk to Nat and see what he gave her, yellow pill with a smiley face on it, call me back when you know.”

He put his phone down and grabbed my jaw, turning my head towards him, “You had no right to cancel things,” I said.

“I know,” he replied. “I can understand that I upset you and you went and got high and fucked Nat, but why Grady?”

My eyes focused on his face, “It’s not obvious?” I asked.

Brendan looked me over and pushed my hair behind my ear, “To hurt me?” he asked.

I shook my head and leaned close to him, my breath must have felt warm against his ear because he pulled away slightly, “You wanted to be faithful to your wife and I didn’t want to push that again, so he was as close to being with you as I could get,” I whispered.

I pressed my lips to his cheek, just in front of his ear then pulled back as I looked at him, “You’re hurting me, Brendan. Let go, please?”

He released my wrists and I reached up to his face, running my hand along his cheek, “I love my husband, but I’ve never been in love with him. You… I’m going to be in love with you for the rest of my life,” I said, the loneliness was enveloping me and I could feel my heart breaking all over again. “I never should have come here.”

Brendan moved towards me, his fingertips on my chin and beneath it, holding me still as he leaned in closer. His lips were above mine and his phone rang, causing us both to jump. I sat there, looking down at the floor as I listened to him talk.

“So she’ll be okay? I don’t have to rush her to the hospital or anything? She has to ride it out? No, no I’ll stay with her. I don’t know. I’ll figure something out, yeah, most likely, yeah,” he said before saying bye and hanging up on his brother.

He grabbed my chin again and closed his lips over my lower lip then slipped his tongue into my mouth.

I kissed him back, pushing him and guiding him over to the couch where I climbed over his lap. Tears streamed down both of our cheeks as we kissed in a somewhat hurried and messy embrace. He pulled his lips from mine as he looked at me, his thumb rubbed across my lips and I sucked on it as he pushed it past my lips when they opened.

“Raven,” he said while his other hand slid back and forth over my hip.

I slid myself along his lap as he pulled his thumb from my lips, “Yes?” I asked.

“I’m not okay with what you did last night,” he said.

“I know. I’m not either but I can’t take it back.”

“I’m not okay with what I did last night either. I shouldn’t have asked you to hide. I should have been upfront with my wife about who you were and what you meant to me instead of making you feel like a shameful secret,” he said.

“I get it,” I said, “I put you in a tough spot by coming here and I should have warned you, given you time to talk to her and air things out if you wanted to. I didn’t expect to run into you on my first day here.”

“Some would say fate stepped in to ensure we finally got our connection,” he said as a smile lingered on his lips.

My lips were warm against his as I kissed him again. His hands sent a chill up my spine as the weight and warmth of them caressed my thighs. I brought my hands down between us and lifted his shirt up and off of his body, “I’m sorry I make such bad choices,” I whispered.

He lifted me off of his lap and I protested until he started unfastening his pants and pulling them down. He stood up and kicked his shoes and pants off then climbed back on the couch with me and kissed me, “Was I a bad choice?” he asked, slipping his fingers beneath my panties.

“You were the only good choice I ever made for myself, that’s probably why it went so wrong,” I said as he guided my legs apart, the heels I had on were getting caught up on the cushions and were annoying me.

I started to take them off but he pushed my hands away, “Leave them on. Leave everything on.”

His fingers pushed my panties aside as he knelt on the couch in front of me and lowered his lips to my cunt. I started to push him away, thinking about the neighbor and the risk I’d put Brendan in if that guy wasn’t clean. How careless I’d been.

“I… I haven’t been…,” I started as he pushed my hands away from stopping him.

“I don’t care,” he said before lowering his lips back to my clit.

I moaned as he brought me to a height I’d never achieved before. I was still arching and trembling beneath him as he guided me over onto my stomach and pulled my hips up. I turned my head toward him and moaned as he worked his cock into my cunt from behind.

His own groans as he pushed into me sounded sensual and needy, as were his hands as they gripped my hips and guided me back onto his cock a little deeper each time.

My panties kept sliding back over me and he kept tugging them out of the way, “Just tear them off,” I whined.

He did, tearing the fabric at my hips then began thrusting harder into me. Everything about him felt better than it should have. Brendan pulled out of me and I whimpered as he pulled me over onto his lap, “I need to be able to see you,” he said as he guided his cock back into me.

I kissed him and rocked myself over him. His hands caressed my breasts through my bra then slid down along my ribs and waist. He unfastened my bra and I helped him pull it off of me. His hands were soft and warm as he groped and rubbed me.

I looked him in the eyes as I rode his cock, he had one hand on my thigh, his thumb rubbing my clit as he made slow thrusts up to meet my rocking motions. I smiled as I leaned my head back and he kissed my neck, “I love you, B,” I said as I squeezed his cock in my cunt, reaching a stronger second orgasm with his touch.

He pulled me down against him and bit down on my neck as he moaned and held me to him. I felt his cock release deep within me and I started crying as I wrapped my arms around him.

He pushed me back and looked at me, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” he asked as his fingers wiped at my cheeks.

I wiped my eyes and looked at him, “I fucked up. I…I…didn’t think you’d ever…and we only have a few more days together. Why do I fuck things up so horribly, B?” I asked through my tears.

“You didn’t think I’d ever what?” he asked.

I motioned down to us, still connected and tilted my head, “Fuck me,” I said, “I…need to…I have to try and prevent a pregnancy and you just made me not want to.”

“You’d want to…”

I nodded and he pulled me to him in a tight hug, “And you can’t because of Nat and Grady?”

“Yeah.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t want you to have a kid by them either,” he said.

“Why not? It has no bearing on you. We have a few days together at best. What would it matter?” I asked.

“If you go home pregnant, your husband is going to assume it’s mine and might tell my wife,” he said.

“Odds are better that it wouldn’t be yours since I fucked them first. I’m going to tell my husband about sleeping with your brother and neighbor. I won’t say anything about you, so there won’t be a risk of your wife finding out,” I said.

“When do you leave?” he asked as he tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Saturday morning,” I said as I started to climb off of his lap.

His hand grasped my hip and held me to him, his brow furrowed as he studied my face, “You never gave me a chance to come back into your life. You were just no longer an option one day and I hated that. It has taken an effort on my part to stay your friend. Some days it’s hard to see a message from you, especially if you’re down or hurting over something. I am trying to be a good friend to you but you constantly give me these mixed signals. Flirting one minute then talking about your husband and how great he is another. I don’t know whether to flirt back or back off. You confound me to a point where I don’t know how to interact with you,” he said in an exasperated breath.

“Is that why you left after I kissed you?” I asked.

He shook his head, “I left because I didn’t want you to look at me like I was just another bad choice. I left because I still want to be your friend once you leave here,” he said.

“And what changed your mind?”

“Grady showed me the post you put up and he explained to me why my shirt that you had been wearing was on the floor, not on you, with cum dried to it,” he said as he looked away from me, “Then he told me what you did after you came home and he confronted you about it. He said he was weak, horny, and very sorry because it was obvious you were using him. He said you got up right away and ran to the bathroom to take a shower.”

I was blushing and turned away from him, “I’m sorry,” I said.

“I know you are. I want to be furious with you. But, I know you’re impulsive and reckless, especially when you’re feeling hurt. I know I hurt you by walking away last night,” he said with a sigh as his gaze fell back on my face as I continued to watch him only from the peripheral of my vision, “Did either of them… force you at all?”

I shook my head, “I know you want that to be the case, but no, they didn’t. Your neighbor gave me a drug but I didn’t feel out of it or unaware or anything like that, I knew what was going on and I wanted to do it. I can’t take any of it back, Brendan and I won’t pretend I didn’t do exactly what I wanted to at the time.”

I tried to get up again and he was still reluctant to let go, so I turned and looked him in the eye, “Tell me, B, would you be here right now if I hadn’t fucked your brother? And be honest with yourself and me. The only reason you came here tonight is ’cause you were jealous of the idea of him having me and you not knowing how it felt to be with me. If it had only been your neighbor you would have called me a slut and washed your hands of me, right?”

“No, you’re not right. I wouldn’t have washed my hands of you,” he said with a slight smile.

“You know, until last night the only person I’d ever had sex with was my husband,” I said.

He brought his hand up to my cheek and pulled me to him in a kiss. Being the greedy whore I am, I kissed back, rubbing my hand along the back of his neck. I pulled back and looked at him, “I’ve upended both of our lives and I’m so sorry.”

“I never should have broken up with you, ‘Ven.”

“But you did and we both moved on, right?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said as he looked me over, “we clearly moved on.”

“Why are you here with me right now?” I asked.

“Because with you is where I’ve wanted to be since I was twenty. I got so much shit for wanting to be with you. No one understood that we’d been friends for nearly two years before I started falling for you. They thought I was crazy for spending so much time with an American girl I’d never see in real life.”

“Was I worth the wait or did the fantasy not live up to reality?”

His hand slid down my hip and over my thigh as he looked my body over, “Worth the wait. Were you a virgin when you got married?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Then I really hate how things went between us because I was waiting for you to be my first too,” he said as he caressed my cheek.

“Is your wife…”

“The only woman I’ve been with until now,” he said. “I never even knew you were dating someone when I got that wedding announcement you know?”

I looked away from him, “I never actually went on a date with Ron before I married him. He was someone I talked to about stuff when you weren’t around. Things were bad at home and he saw that when my dad made me kneel and pray for forgiveness for being a whore because I was talking to a guy without the family’s knowledge. He talked to my dad and convinced him to let me get married.”

“You used to talk to me all the time… Did you get in trouble for that?” he asked.

I nodded, “Remember when I wasn’t around for a while? I missed telling you happy birthday for your nineteenth?”

He looked me over, “Yeah, you didn’t talk to me for almost six months and when you started again you were short with your replies for a while.”

“I got sent away to a religious camp that was basically constant slut-shaming for even looking at a guy, let alone talking to them. I played along to get out. I got scared I would get sent back if they found out I was talking to you again. I had to learn how to make an app on my phone so I could make the key logger my dad put on it turn all of my messages to you into verses and chapters of the bible just to talk to you and it wasn’t easy. I had to be very careful in what I said to you.”

“When you broke things off with me, it felt like I was being punished for lying to my parents and family. Ron became easier and easier to talk to and I already felt worthless so when he started saying he loved me it felt nice. I felt wanted and he wanted more and more of me while you wanted less and less,” I said.

“You never told me about any of that,” he said.

I shook my head, “No, I didn’t. I wanted you to like me so I only showed you the best parts of my life.”

My hand slid over his cheek, wiping a few tears from his skin, “You know, Ron never actually asked me to marry him. He said ‘I convinced your dad to let you marry me. We decided it would be on your birthday.’ And that’s what we did. I’m grateful for it. He didn’t control me like my family did. He let me talk to you. He didn’t care that I loved you still. The only thing he ever said about it was, ‘Love who you want, talk to who you want, just be home at night for me,’ and for five years I was.”

“Why’d he let you come on this trip?” he asked me.

“I started therapy a few years ago and I realized that not only were my parents abusive towards me, but my husband took full advantage of that abuse to force a relationship with me. This trip was an ultimatum. I take it, whatever happens happens and we go to a marriage counselor when I get home, or I don’t go, we get divorced and I call him out on being an opportunistic pervert so he could fuck me on my eighteenth birthday. I told him that if he wanted to go that route, eventually I’d make this trip on my own anyway.”

“Are you actually going to try and salvage a relationship with him?” he asked.

I finally climbed off of his lap and he let me, “I don’t know. He takes care of me. I don’t want for anything. Staying married and having sex with him seems like fair compensation for getting me away from my parents and keeping me alive. I don’t have to be in love with him for that.”

I took his hand and pulled him up to his feet, leading him towards the bathroom with me. Without another word, I shut the bathroom door and guided him down to his knees in front of me then put my high heel on his thigh. He unfastened the buckle at my ankle and slid the shoe off of my foot then did the same with the other.

I felt powerful in that moment, with him looking up at me from a more subservient position, looking to me for direction as his hand caressed my ankle. It wasn’t a common position for me and a flutter of butterflies tingled through my midsection.

I leaned down and ran my hand over the back of his neck and guided him to me. He didn’t resist me at all, letting me pull him towards me as his hands slid up the backs of my legs until they rested just below my ass. I moaned as his hands grasped me and his lips closed over my clit, such warm and soft licks across my skin.

I was trying to stay in the position of power but standing up while someone sends cascades of pleasure through your body in seismic waves from the epicenter that is your cunt is much harder than I thought it would be. My legs nearly buckled and his hands grasped the back of my upper thighs tighter, lifting me onto the nearby bathroom counter, where I leaned back and accepted the warm, wet invasion of his tongue in my cum-filled pussy.

I moaned and he lifted my feet onto the edge of the sink so that my thighs were fully spread for him. I grasped my breast and he worked his tongue over my clit, laboring over it until his tongue could press flat and rub roughly back and forth across the swollen, nerve-filled flesh.

It didn’t slide side to side with his tongue, it was firm and the deliberate movements he made coupled with his fingers pushing into me and curling forward, rubbing me roughly, made me curl my hands into fists, my back pressed against the mirror behind me and I lifted my hips as my body trembled and my voice came out in pathetic, needy, gasps.

He kissed his way up my body and looked me in the eye, “Did I ever take advantage of your situation?” he asked.

“You didn’t know my situation,” I said, my voice trembled as much as my body as he moved closer to me.

“I didn’t have to know it to use it. Did I ever make you feel like you had to be a certain way for my affection?” he asked.

“Only once,” I said as I felt him slide his cock up and down my cunt.

“What did I do, Raven?” he asked as he started to push back into me.

I could feel myself spreading open to accept him and I looked him in the eye, trying my best to speak, “You told me… you said… said… ohh,” I moaned as he eased himself back into me, his lips found their way to my neck and I squirmed, pushing myself against him as he clasped his fingers in mine.

“What did I do, Raven?” he asked again as he pulled back and thrust into me again.

My eyes closed and the peppery bourbon scent of his skin made me lean towards him and bite his neck.

He groaned and tightened his grip on my hands.

I gasped and arched my back as he deepened his hard thrusts into me, “You… said… that… that you wanted me… wanted me to be mature, and to not be so… so needy of… you,” I said, gasping and moaning as he fucked me.

My lip quivered as I thought of it but my mind was trying to root itself in the feel of his cock rubbing me inside while his thumb moved down between us and rubbed my clit as his other hand grasped my hair at the back of my head, pulling it as he got me to turn my head and arch my back.

His lips closed over mine and he kissed me with the same rhythm he was fucking me with, teasing me with his strength and obvious want. I was breathing heavily and sweat was collecting at the center of my breasts, I don’t know how much was mine and how much was his as I felt drips of his sweat falling onto me as well.

I tried to fight the building orgasm, to hold out on him. All he had to do was pull his lips from mine and lift my upper body towards his for me to reach the crest of that orgasm.

My hands had found a comfortable place on his right shoulder and the lower left side of his back, pulling him to me in another kind of need as I felt him twitch within me with a deep thrust that pressed his body as firmly against mine as it could go.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, “I gave you the space you asked for. I stopped reaching out and being so needy of your time and attention,” I said in a gasping breath, “then Ron begged me to need him and I needed someone and you weren’t there,” my eyes glistened with tears as my lower lip quivered, “I just did what you asked me to do and it wasn’t enough because I still lost you.”

He held me to him in a tight hug and I tried to squirm out of his grip, “Let me go,” I begged.

Brendan squeezed tighter and I gasped as he shook his head, “No,” was all he said as he held me.

“You’re hurting me, B,” I said, trying to sound as pained as I could.

His grip loosened and I pushed him away from me, slipping as I hopped off of the bathroom counter and ran out into the room. I don’t even know what clothes I put on, I think some of mine and some of his. He scrambled out of the bathroom after me and I pushed him away from me again then left the room, nothing on me besides a shirt that was much too large for me and my jeans.

I didn’t even have any shoes on and I only noticed it as I cut my feet on the sharp gravel outside of the Inn.

I winced but kept running, though I didn’t know where I was running to, or if I was running from him or myself. What I’d done… what I’d tried to do? It all raced through my mind as an ache began to sting my side. I looked to the ground and held my side as I tried to catch my breath. It hurt, my feet hurt too, and then I noticed the blood on them. I was leaning against a sign on the road when headlights fell over me, stopping just behind me. I opened my eyes and looked back, expecting to see Brendan step out of the car.

Instead, I watched as the form moved closer to me and a feminine voice said, “Angelica? I believe we need to talk,” it was Brendan’s wife, I was sure of it, though I couldn’t see her over the brightness of the headlights in my eyes. I quietly walked back towards her car and opened the passenger door.

Once my eyes cleared, and before I got into the car, I looked at her, “My feet are bleeding and I don’t want to stain your car,” I said.

She looked around and grabbed a blanket from the back seat. I looked behind us as another car came around the bend in the road and slowed as it passed us. I saw Brendan look at me as he passed us and his wife spread a blanket in the bottom of the floorboard, then I climbed into the car and shut the door.

Ceri looked over at me, “Why are your feet bleeding?” she asked.

“I cut them on the gravel outside of the Inn.”

“Why aren’t you wearing your shoes?”

“I didn’t want to take the time to put them on,” I said, reciting my response to her like a robot listing off meaningless facts.

“And you’re wearing my husband’s shirt because?”

I was quiet.

“You’re not Grady’s friend are you?” she asked.

“I am…”

“My husband was at the Inn for well over an hour before you came running out the front door,” she said.

I was quiet again, fiddling with my thumbs and looking to the floorboard at my still bleeding feet.

“Is your name even Angelica?” she asked.

“In a way,” I said, “My screen name is Angelic Nightmare. Angelica is what Grady called me before he knew my real name.”

“Is it also what Brendan called you?”

I said nothing.

“You’re Raven, right?”

I nodded.

“Brendan talks in his sleep. I know more about you than he thinks I do,” Ceri said.

I looked at her, she was smiling as she drove, “Where are we going?” I asked.

She ignored my question, “You know, I’ve wanted to talk to you for years. When we first started sleeping together he would wake me up, apologizing to you in his sleep. Weepy, begging apologies for betraying you. Somehow I doubt that if you had fallen asleep next to him tonight he would have woke you with those same apologies to me,” she said.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked again, a little louder this time.

She glanced over at me, “A clinic that a friend runs,” she said, as though this were the most normal thing in the world.

“What kind of clinic?”

“The kind that can make sure you’re not a diseased whore and won’t get pregnant with my husband’s child,” she said with a sigh.

Her phone rang and she laughed then put it on speaker, “Hello, love,” she said, her bubbly and chipper tone was off-putting to me.

“Ceri… where are you?” Brendan asked.

“On the road. Grady’s friend was running down the road and I spotted her and picked her up. Silly girl wasn’t even wearing shoes and got her feet all cut up,” his wife said, it seemed like she was trying to bait him.

“Where are you two headed?”

“I’m going to take her over to Grace’s place, get her feet cleaned up, make sure you’ve not caught anything from her and such,” she said.

Brendan was quiet for a moment before he said, “Am I on speaker?”

“Yes, love,” Ceri said.

“Okay, I’ll meet you over at Grace’s so we can talk,” he said.

Ceri laughed, “What makes you think I want to talk to you right now?”

“We need to talk,” he said.

I stayed quiet, her expressions ranged from amused to almost maniacal as she gripped the steering wheel.

“Why isn’t Raven saying anything?” he asked.

“Ah, now you’re open to telling me her real name,” Ceri said.

“Raven? Are you okay?” he asked.

Ceri sighed in disgust, “Relax, dear husband, I’m not going to hurt your whore.”

“I’m not his whore,” I said under my breath.

“Would you prefer trollop? Slut? Slag? Harlot? Tramp? What would you, as the married woman fucking another woman’s husband prefer I call you?” she asked.

“I said I’m not his whore. I didn’t say I wasn’t a whore. Brendan only had sex with me because I had sex with Grady. He was jealous and I took advantage of him. I won’t speak to him again if you don’t want me to,” I said as I looked at her.

She was smiling, “Isn’t Grady like twice your age, girlie?”

“Fourteen years older than me, just like my husband,” I said.

“And how’s your husband going to feel about you running around like that?” she asked.

“What makes you think my husband wasn’t watching the whole time?” I asked.

She looked at me for a moment too long and missed a curve in the road, sending us off the main road and down a lightly wooded hill near a ravine. We both screamed as the car rolled. I don’t know what happened to her phone, but the last thing I heard was Brendan’s panicked voice asking if we were okay, I tried to say something, but everything went dark.

When I opened my eyes the bright white of light glared down on me. I lifted my hand to block it but someone grabbed it.

“What do you remember?” A familiar voice asked.

“Screaming,” I said.

“Am I alright?” I asked, “Why is everything so bright?”

“You’re okay,” he said.

“Why didn’t that sound very convincing?”

“You aren’t going to be able to travel for a while. Do you recognize my voice?”

“I think you’re a friend of mine,” I said.

He leaned over the bed and looked at me, “Do you recognize me?”

“Grady?” I asked.

He smiled and nodded, “Yeah. I’m guessing you remember your name?”

“Raven,” I said.

“Good, no long-term memory loss is a good thing. You have a pretty severe concussion.”

“Are we at your house or your job?” I asked.

“My job, needless to say, I didn’t expect to see you come through my ER, especially not with my sister-in-law,” he said.

“Ceri…did we get into a fight?” I asked.

“You were in a car accident,” he said.

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she has a few bumps and bruises but she’s okay, she’s at home with Brendan,” he said.

“Was Brendan in the car with us? Is he okay? I think I heard him…”

“He wasn’t in the car with you, he’s fine,” he said as he cut me off.

I looked him over, “I had sex with you didn’t I?”

He blushed and looked over at the nurse fussing with tubes going into my arm. I didn’t even see her at first, “Sorry,” I said.

“It’s okay. Yes, we did and yes, Brendan is still pissed at me for it.”

I grabbed his hand and looked at him, “How long do I have to stay here?” I asked.

“Until I get off of work. Normally we’d keep you overnight for the concussion but I said I’d bring you to my house and watch you overnight myself. Are you okay with coming back to my house with me?”

I smiled, “Depends on your motives, Dr. Burke,” I said, making the nurse giggle at Grady’s bright red blush.

He checked in on me a few times and gave me an outfit to wear, generic surgical scrubs, but at least it wasn’t an open-back gown. Grady took me home and we talked along the way, he told me that I was out for a few hours and Brendan stayed with me for a while, but once Ceri got released he had to take her home.

I ached all over.

I was dizzy and nauseous and could barely walk. Grady called the airline and changed my flight home. He wanted me to stay for two more weeks. Something about the air pressure and wanting to make sure I didn’t have any residual effects from the accident.

I don’t know, I wasn’t capable of soaking in the information he was offering. He brought me up to his bedroom and put me in bed, “You can stay,” I said as he started to leave, “I’d actually like it if you stayed.”

He smiled and crinkled his nose, “You know Ceri crashed because she found out you and Brendan had sex, right?”

I shook my head, “The only thing I remember is you asking me to take down that listing, then waiting for the guys to show up,” I said.

“Did they show up?” he asked.

“I don’t remember.”

“I did some tests while you were in the hospital, you didn’t pick anything up in your questionable activities.”

“Was that just in case you wanted another go with me?” I teased.

“No, Raven, I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said.

I leaned over and grabbed his hand, “Aren’t you supposed to be observing me overnight anyway?” I asked.

He let me pull him up onto the bed but leaned over and grabbed a bedpan just before I threw up.

“Fuck. Well, that’s attractive,” I said as I put my hands up to my head to soothe the throbbing.

“You have a concussion and I’m a doctor. I’ve seen worse, kid,” he said as he rubbed my back.

He helped me up and half-carried me to the bathroom. “I’m going to put you in the bath. I don’t think hot water is a very good idea right now, but if I remember right, baths are one of your comfort things?”

I nodded. He sat me down on the bathroom counter and ran a warm bath with bubbles before he turned around to me and stood me up, “I’m going to undress you to put you in the bath.”

“Okay,” I said.

He grasped my shirt, helping me lift my aching arms until he pulled the top off of me. Then slid the bottoms off of me and picked me up and sat me in the tub. I looked at him, but he was avoiding making eye contact with me as he grabbed a cloth and washed me with the warm water.

I looked at him, “I don’t remember sleeping with Brendan but I remember sleeping with you. Is that a sign that I’ve been in love with the wrong person this whole time?”

“No,” he said, “It means you have a concussion with normal symptoms, memory loss being a common one.”

“Does he know I’m here? With you, I mean?” I asked.

“I told him you’d be overnight in the hospital,” he said as he tipped my head up and washed my neck and shoulders.

“Is sex allowed with a concussion?” I asked.

He smiled, “No, it’s not. But you have two extra weeks here. I called your husband and told him you were in a car accident and couldn’t travel for a little while. I promised to keep him updated on your condition and when you’ll be able to fly again. Medically, I can keep you here for about a month if you’d like,” he said.

“I guess that depends on if either you or Brendan want me to stay,” I said.

Grady stroked my cheek, “I can’t do what I did again. I barely got Brendan talking to me again.”

I closed my eyes and scooted down in the tub, pressing my cheek tighter to his hand, “Yet you’re here taking care of me and he’s not.”

He pulled his hand from me and sighed, “That’s not fair and you know it, Raven.”

I taunted Grady for days and he kept taking care of me, checking me out of my hotel early and bringing my stuff back to his house. I saw Brendan in passing, but he didn’t reach out. Even the neighbor, Nat, reached out to see how I was.

Ceri hated me, obviously. Grady told them both I didn’t remember much of that day. It took a week to stop throwing up and for the massive headaches to ease.

It was the following Saturday before Brendan finally stopped in to check on me. My face and body were still bruised from the accident. I was standing behind Grady as he stood at the front door. I wanted to go over to the door, talk to him, but he didn’t even try to look around his brother to me. Then Grady shut the door and turned around to see me leaning against the wall.

“He’s worried about you,” he said.

“Did he even ask to see me?”

Grady shook his head and I nodded as I looked him over, “How much longer before I can travel? I think I want to go home,” I said.

“One more week and I’ll take you to the hospital for a follow-up. If everything checks out you can head home after that,” he said.

I reached out to him and took his hand in mine then led him upstairs to his bedroom and pulled him onto the bed with me. He sat up against the headboard and I curled up against him, “I’m not him,” he said as he stroked my back.

“I know,” I said, “can we just lay like this for a while?”

He pulled me closer to him and curled his hand over my hip. We ended up falling asleep together and I vaguely woke up to the feel of someone pressing themselves against my back. I opened my eyes and saw Grady laying in front of me, my head on his chest. I turned my head to see Brendan lying behind me.

He smiled at me and guided me to turn over towards him and I did. He was quiet and his hand slid up and down my hip as I looked up at him. “You…” I started to say but he pressed his lips to mine to quiet me.

The warmth and weight of his hand on my jaw made me moan. He smiled and kissed me harder.

His hand guided me up from the bed and he led me out into the hall then down to his brother’s guest room. I stopped him at the door, “He has cameras in there,” I said.

“I know.”

He pulled me into the room and closed the door behind us. I pulled out of his grip, “You haven’t spoken to me in days and now you just show up and want to fuck me?” I said.

“You think I haven’t wanted to talk to you? It’s been fucking hell knowing you’re three houses down from me and I’ve had to keep my distance for no other reason than to keep my wife from murdering me, or you,” he said.

“So why are you here now? Go save your marriage and be happy,” I said.

He scowled and pulled out his phone and showed me a message he received from Grady. It was a picture of me sleeping on his chest and a very simple message, I get it now. It was much easier to fall for her than I anticipated.

“So this is jealousy? Your brother is falling for me and you don’t want him to so you… you what? Fuck me to make sure I keep wanting you?” I asked.

He looked at me, “I don’t want you to love him,” he said, his voice catching towards the end.

“Are you in love with me, B?” I asked.

He nodded and I shook my head, “No, that’s not good enough, tell me why I shouldn’t turn my affection toward your attractive and available older brother. Tell me why I should let you sneak into your brother’s bedroom to steal me away to make a fucking sex tape for you to enjoy whenever you want after I’m gone?” I asked.

“I’m in love with you, Raven. What I want is for you to divorce your husband and me to divorce my wife and for us to move forward in life the way it should have been five years ago,” he said.

“Just like that?” I asked.

He nodded, “Just like that.”

He rubbed the back of my neck and tilted my head up so he could lean down and kiss me. I started undressing him and he grasped my clothes, pulling them off of me as we made our way over to the bed.

I knelt in front of him as we stood beside the bed.

His hand tangled in my hair and he moaned as I lowered my lips down over him and started sucking his cock. I stroked the lower part of his cock and pulled his foreskin back as I looked up at him.

He closed his eyes and groaned, his hips pushed towards my lips as his hands pulled my head down his shaft, “Raven…” he whispered as I continued sucking on him.

My hands gripped his hips, pulling him to me a little harder. My head bobbed on his dick and he looked down at me, whimpering as he tightened his grip in my hair, “Raven, I love you.”

I pulled my lips from him and he guided me up to my feet as he sat back on the bed. I didn’t say it back. I was still very much in love with him, I just didn’t believe him. I felt like once he got off he was going to thank me then go back to his wife. I was okay with it. I didn’t mind him using me; I was getting what I wanted too.

I pushed him back on the bed and climbed up on his lap as he scooted back so my knees were on the bed and I eased his cock into me. I wanted to push down onto him hard, but he gripped my hips and forced me to go slow. I think he liked the way it felt as his cock pushed me open a little deeper each time. Once my body was flush to his, his hands left my hips and slid up my back and over my sides until he was grasping my tits.

I leaned forward over him and he lifted his head, pushing his lips to my breast, sucking on me, flattening his tongue to drag it across my hardened nipple then pointing his tongue to flick back and forth and swirl around me before sucking and pulling his lips from me to repeat the attention on my other breast.

I don’t think he heard the bedroom door open, it was a subtle click, but I heard it. Brendan moaned while I rode him, his eyes stayed closed and his hands were on my hips, guiding me in a rolling motion down onto his cock as he thrust up into me. I looked behind me for a moment and saw Grady standing by the door, watching. I turned back to Brendan and put my hands on his chest.

“B, would you still love me if I wanted more than this?” I asked.

He opened his eyes and looked at me, “What do you mean? What more?” he asked.

“Grady,” I said, “We’ve gotten kind of close with him taking care of me the past week or so.”

“I like that you two are getting along, ‘Ven,” he said.

I shook my head, “Not just getting along, B,” I sat up and pulled Brendan up with me then looked towards Grady as he leaned back against the door, watching me with his brother, an equal mix of lust and heartbreak evident on his face. Brendan followed my gaze and his grip on my hips tightened as I felt him tense up beneath me, “What if I want you both?” I asked.