“No, not really. I only met her when Kelly started playing netball.”
“Wow, really. God, you seem pretty tight with her.”
“Yes, we have sort of become good friends.”
“I guess you met some of her earlier boyfriends?”
She frowned a little. “Why so nosy?”
“No reason, just curious I suppose.”
Her smug giggle annoyed me. “Which one do you want to know about?”
I shrugged, trying to keep it appear casual. “Oh, none in particular. She teases me sometimes about some of her experiences.”
There was that nasty smug giggle again. “Oh, Honey, you have no idea. Tabby was a very busy girl before you came into her life. Damn, we were all jealous.”
“Why so?”
“Because she seems to attract only really hot guys. There’s something about her that men love. She is one sexy bitch.”
I nodded. “Yeah, she sure is,” I said in agreement.
She sniggered. “Did she tell you about the two guys she dated? Fuck they were hot, and the greedy bitch had them both.”
Although it twisted a knot in my guts I chuckled softly, trying to sound complicit. “Oh yeah, she has told me on several occasions.”
She scowled a little. “I have to say, Dave, we were all a bit shocked when we found out you guys were dating. I mean she lived such a carefree life, and without sounding mean, you can be a bit of a wet blanket.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, lets face it, that whole thing about the swap. You couldn’t even loosen up enough to participate in that. Christ, Both Maike and I offered to make it up to you. Then you fried Kelly in oil, but you just accept Tabby, and let me tell you buddy boy, she has done way more than that.”
“Yeah, well, what she did before we met, is none of my business.”
“That’s a healthy attitude, Dave. Very grown up.” She sniggered, taking a big gulp of her drink, finishing what was left in her glass. “Pity you couldn’t have been that understanding for Kelly. You would still be married and I wouldn’t have had to put up with her crying on my shoulder every night.”
She stood quickly and said with a nasty sneer, “You destroyed her, Dave, you absolutely fucking ruined her whole life. She was in counselling for bloody months.”
She stormed off. Kelly must have seen our interaction and came over to sit beside me. “Wow, that looked pretty deep.”
“Nothing serious, just Elise giving me a piece of her mind for my behaviour in our divorce.”
She rubbed my arm, in a friendly motherly fashion. “Sorry, babe, she can be a bit over the top defensive over me.”
“Hells teeth, that is a damn understatement.”
We both laughed and she said. “Come on. Let’s go and get a drink.”
That night as Tab and I snuggled up in bed. I asked, I couldn’t help it. I wanted to know.
“Tab, we have never talked much about your private life before we got together.”
She kissed my shoulder as her hand slid down my body. “No we haven’t; what do you want to know?”
“Oh, I don’t know. How many serious relationships have you had?”
“A couple, but they were a while ago. Mostly just casual relationships.”
“How many guys did you date?”
“Wow, that is personal, a few. Does it matter?”
“No, I’m just curious. You know everything about me. I know nothing about you.”
“Fair enough. I didn’t keep a count, but I dated a few guys.”
“At the same time?”
I felt her body tighten, and when I looked into her eyes, she frowned. Her forehead etched deep. “Ahhhh, I see. So you heard the rumours, huh?”
I tried not to sound tetchy. “There were a couple of rumours. I just want to clear the air, I want us to be honest with each other.”
She rolled away from me, laying on her back and staring at the ceiling. “What do you want to know Dave? Did I fuck two guys at the same time? Did I have a threesome, suck off one while the other one fucked me? Is that what you want to know?”
“Jesus, Tab, I was just asking.”
“Well, it’s true. Yes I had a threesome, in fact I had more than one. I dated lots of guys and some of them got lucky. What do you want to know? Did they all have big dicks? Did I swallow? What exactly do you want to know?”
I heard her sniffle a little. “Tab, all I was asking was were any of them serious. I don’t want details or shit. All I wanted to know was a little about your life.”
“Yeah, well now you know. Yes, I like sex and I dated, I experimented. You know what?” she snapped, “I don’t have to justify myself to you. It’s none of your damn business.”
She rolled away from me, and pulled the blankets over her.
I did likewise and suddenly our loving relationship developed a crack.
Over the next couple of weeks, that little crack creaked and groaned, it grew into a rift, then a yawning chasm. The intimacy dried up and we lost our connection.
I wasn’t surprised when I arrived home from an open house after lunch one Saturday to find her loading her stuff into her car. “What the hell are you doing?” I asked.
She gave me a sad flustered glare. “Don’t pretend, Dave. This isn’t working. You must feel it?”
“Okay, yeah, we have some stuff to deal with, but I didn’t want you to leave.”
“Bullshit, ever since I told you about my dating you have barely wanted to touch me. It’s like you’re scared you’ll catch something.”
“That’s not true. Yeah I guess I was shocked, but I don’t want you to leave.”
“Liar!” she almost snarled. “You can’t even look at me anymore.”
I wanted to say something, but all the words that rolled through my head sounded trite. In the end, I watched as she piled her stuff into her car and drove away.
“Fuck!” I shouted to the universe, my words echoing vacantly around the garage.
It was later that night, I sat in the lounge, the lights off, just a glass of bourbon in my hand. My phone rang and I answered. Before I could say anything I was assaulted by a woman screaming at me. “You fucking idiot, what have you done? Tabby is in fucking tears.”
“Elise, I didn’t do a damn thing. She left me.”
“If this is because of that shit I said the other night Dave, I’m going to fucking kill you.”
“No, I already told you, she left me.”
“You better get your shit together, Dave, or you’re going to lose her as well.”
“Why do you care, Elise? I thought you, for one, would be happy.”
“Oh for heavens sake, Dave. It took Kelly a long time to get over you. She’s finally there. Tabby was so happy, now you screwed that up, as well. What exactly is it with you? You put all of your women up on unachievable pedestals. Then when they can’t maintain it, you dump them.”
“Elise, stay out of my life. The one good thing to come out of this is. I wouldn’t have to put up with your shit any more.”
I hung up and tried to get the whole thing out of my head.
I was awakened Sunday morning by a phone call. “Hey, do you want to come for a ride this morning?”
When I realised it was Maike, I moaned. “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not feeling it.”
“Don’t be a sissy, come on. It’s going to be a beautiful day.”
“Yeah, all right. Where are you?”
“Parked outside, waiting.”
Our ride was pretty good. We picked one of the easier trails up in the Waitakere’s.
On the ride home, Maike said, “Dave, I don’t know what happened, but Tab and I were supposed to go for a ride this morning; we planned it weeks ago. When I talked to her last night she was in tears and said she left you. It’s none of my business. I just want you to know, I’m here for you if you need me, and yes, I said the same thing to her.”
Monday morning came and Tab totally ignored me. She put her nose in the air and totally ghosted me. It was like I didn’t even exist.
I wanted to talk, but she wouldn’t let me get close enough.
It was about a month later when I got a knock on the door. “Hello, Kelly. What can I do for you?” I asked as I swung open the door.
“I was hoping we could talk?”
I waved her in and asked, “Coffee?”
“Yeah, that’d be awesome,” she responded.
We sat at the breakfast counter staring across at each other. “Okay Kelly, what do you want?”
“I want to know what happened between you and Tab.”
“I don’t know. One minute we were living together, and the next moment she was walking out the door. I can’t explain it.”
“She said you got uptight about her previous boyfriends. That you were disgusted with her.”
“I never said anything like that. Yeah I was shocked, but I didn’t say anything. She’s the one who exploded and shut me out.”
She pouted, her gorgeous lips full and rich. “Dave, she got defensive, she thought you were judging her.”
“I didn’t say a damn thing. She’s the one who walked out on me.”
“Dave, she loves you. Don’t blow it.”
“I didn’t do a damn thing wrong. All I did was ask about her previous relationship. Nothing more. Christ, I didn’t know she banged half of Auckland City.”
Noticing her scowl, I added. “Anyway, she never mentioned love.”
“Well she did to me. Dave, she’s a lot different to the happy go lucky person you see on the outside. Do you know she has never said I love you to anybody else?”
“She hasn’t said it to me, either.”
“Only because she was scared. She was waiting for you.”
“Kelly, why do you care so much?”
“Because she’s my best friend. Okay, I haven’t known her that long, but she is wonderful. She got me through our breakup.”
“I thought that was Elise.”
“Who told you that? Elise, I suppose. Actually, Elise and I had a falling out over that. She kept putting you down. She told me I was better off without you. She said you were juvenile, and paper thin.”
“Doesn’t surprise me. She’s a bitch.”
“Maybe, but she is my friend. It was Tab who helped and guided me. She talked to me, it was her who saved me.”
“Saved you from what?”
“From myself, I felt so terrible after our breakup. I missed you so much it killed me. I also knew it was all my own doing. It was my fault. I did a terribly stupid thing. I caused the destruction of my marriage and my life.”
“Kelly, it’s in the past. Let it go.”
“I have, I still feel bad for what I did, for how I hurt you. It was Tab who helped me. She opened the window and let some light in. She got me back into netball, introduced me to new friends and people.”
I nodded. “Yeah, she’s a nice person.”
“Dave, this is going to sound stupid, but it’s how I feel. When I saw you walk into that function with her I was blown away. She told me about her new boyfriend who she worked with. She had spent the last couple of months talking about nothing else but you. Then when I saw it was you, well, I was shocked.”
“I felt the same way. Seeing you again was difficult. The only way I could deal with our breakup was to try and forget you.”
“Dave, I was getting to something else. When I saw you two together, it made my heart swell. I wasn’t jealous, I was happy. After what she said about your relationship, I was happy to know you had some light in your life.”
“Kelly, this is hard for me. I struggle with this friend-zone thing we are in. It just doesn’t seem right.”
“Get used to it, because I love having you back in my life. Let me help. You have to fix this with Tab. She is hurting.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“She thinks you did. Just talk to her. Tell her you don’t care.”
“I tried, but she doesn’t listen.”
“Do you care?”
That hit me, and it made me think. “Did I?”
“I don’t know, Kelly, maybe. I mean if she was that promiscuous, can I trust her?”
“Of course you can. Jeez, Hon, that was before she ever met you. Since you have been in her life, it’s all she talks about. It drives us mad, it’s Dave this, or Dave did this. I love him so much.”
“Yeah, then why did she run off like that?”
“Because she’s embarrassed about her earlier life. She sees some of it as pretty stupid and self-indulgent now. She never wanted anybody, especially you, to know about some of that stuff.”
“Dave, her biggest fear after you told her about our breakup was that you would judge her badly on some of her past.”
“We all make mistakes, Kelly.”
Life can be twisted, it can be cruel. Tab never showed me that she wanted anything more than for me to dematerialise. I tried several times to talk to her, but she cut me out of her life. Kelly and I remained friends, although she seemed far more committed to Tab than me. Even Maike, the few times I called to see if she wanted to go mountain biking, said she was already going with Tab.
As they say, life goes on. I realised while we both worked in the same office it was going to be impossible to forget, or ignore her, so I made a big decision. I asked around and found that a different franchise was interested in taking me on.
When I announced I was leaving, Richie, my boss, flipped. He dragged me into his office and we had a big heart to heart. I couldn’t tell him why I was leaving, although I think everybody knew. He literally begged me to stay, to reconsider. He offered me a few lucrative enticements to stay on. Begrudgingly, I promised to think about it.
I announced my intention at the Monday morning staff meeting. The look on Tab’s face was one of shock. Several times during the day as we passed each other, it was apparent she wanted to say something, but either couldn’t or wouldn’t.
That night at home while I ruminated over Richie’s proposition, there was a knock on the door.
When I opened it, I was shocked to see Tab standing there looking pensive. “Can I come in?”
I swung the door open and she walked in. Before I said anything she exploded. “Are you leaving because of me?”
“Yes. Tab, it’s impossible at the moment. I feel it everyday at work. Shit, we can’t even be civil to each other. We can’t talk, say hello. I feel it every day. Surely you must feel the same?”
“Yes, I do. But I don’t know how else to deal with it.”
“I understand that. I feel the same way. That’s why I decided to leave. At least that way we can both move on.”
I watched as she sagged, wilted like a thirsty flower. “Dave, I don’t want you to leave. Not because of me.”
I walked to the kitchen and got glasses and a bottle of Merlot. I poured us both a drink and she smiled as she picked hers up. “Dave, I want you to stay. You put too much work into that company to walk away.”
“Yeah, well make me a suggestion, because I can’t keep going the way things are.”
“Can we just agree to be friends? Can that work? I mean, you found a way to forgive Kelly, why not me?”
“What?” I spluttered. “You have done nothing wrong, there’s nothing to forgive. Granted, I feel pissed that you just cut me out of your life, but that’s nothing.”
“Why did you get so judgemental about my past?”
“I didn’t. I was a little nervous about what you really wanted. After you told me some of that stuff, I thought perhaps I wasn’t going to cut the mustard, but it was you who cut me out, not the other way around.”
“I was embarrassed. I made some bad choices, did some stupid shit. I thought like every other guy, you would think I was a slut.”
“I never said that. Never once did I say anything like that.”
“Your eyes did. I could see the way you looked at me, you didn’t even want to touch me.”
“Yeah, okay, it surprised me, and it made me be self-conscious and worry about where we were going.”
She sipped her drink thoughtfully. “Dave, I didn’t want to leave. I just couldn’t stand that every time you looked at me, you hated me a little more.”
“I never hated you, Tab, I was stunned, shocked, but all of that stuff was in the past. I felt you pulling away from me, and I stupidly did the same. I should have tried harder.”
She sighed, wiping away a little tear. “I wish you had. God, I wish you had.”
She placed her glass on the bench, reached out and carefully, slowly took mine from my hand, placing it beside hers. She stepped closer, slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. She leaned closer, her sweet breath wafting lazily across me face, her lips grazing mine.
Our lips touched; it was gentle, like a breeze. Inexorable, the kiss flourished, our mouths opening, accepting, welcoming. Wet succulent lips, caressing sensuously.
Her body closer, pressing, crushing and her arms, embracing, circling.
Desire, a gnawing hunger, exploded and her body was the nourishment I craved, God I had missed her so much. It was wild, passionate, brutal and wanton.
Totally sated, covered in sweat. We lay together, facing each other, her hands sliding over my face. “I love you,” she breathed.
I smiled, reached for her hand and kissed it. “I love you, as well.”
We slept, sated and fulfilled.