Ten Years Later

As he pushed the clutch shifting into fourth, the low drone of the engine steadily hummed and he made his way down the highway. His mind wandered back and forth between his work day and the years he worked diligently, living beneath his means and saving for a life he dreamed of. It was an easy way to kill the time between leaving the city and reaching home and often something he did, so as to not forget just how good he finally had it.

His children had spread about, his girls staying behind to finish school, while his son moved to be closer to him across the United States and held down a job just across the boarding state of Virginia. The depths of pride he held for the man and women they had grown into beamed from him with every thought of them. It was a blessing he was so very grateful for.

It was beginning to get dark. Only quick flashes of light peppered through the tall trees lining the dirt road he turned onto with the sun beginning to set. The sky was changing with brushes of light pinks and oranges streaking behind the clouds. He let his mind finally drift to what was waiting up the drive. It would be a slow evening spent with a woman who’d remained a constant in his life, even during the time she wasn’t in it. The lingering impact her spirit left behind kept a smoldering ember lit when disappointment and let down after let down had dowsed a fire in his soul he always thought would rage.

There were nights he shared his bed with women who might as well have been strangers, willing his body to take comfort in the caresses from the woman of the moment. It was never the skin his body ached to be against and he never gave away any piece of his soul he kept tucked away tight but it got him through the loneliness he faced after his marriage imploded. After those encounters he always thought about Emily. He wondered where she was, if she was doing well. If he should even try to find her, but he knew it was an empty endeavor. So much happened and with years passing by, there was no real hope anything good could come of such a foolish action. He’d prayed she healed from the hurt she endured and didn’t want to be further cause of any more.

Day in and day out he concentrated on what he could control, which in the beginning did not feel like much. His wife, someone he imagined he’d hold the rest of his life had changed her mind. Relationships were not perfect. In the beginning it felt euphoric, something he’d put so much heart into. As time wore on the grind of daily life interjected itself between them, driving their connection so far apart they couldn’t see their way back to one another. Quitting was not what he wanted, not typical a word he would even entertained in his vocabulary. Once he was in something, he was in it for the long haul. Eventually the new wore off and he found out that kind of love was not reciprocated. The words ringing in his ears “I don’t care for you like that anymore,” kept repeating as he turned to walk away.

In the days following days, he found there was a void where he’d put his trust and no one would dare be let in again to fill it only to disappoint him. His broken heart felt as though it could never heal, he knew it never would with each let down he’d been through. The drinking began to take hold, night after night drowning out memories of so many failures. Failures he began to convince himself he was made of. It was a cycle of abuse he put his mind and body through under the guise it was helping him cope.

One evening he came across a message sitting in an inbox of his device he rarely checked. His palms became damp; his heartbeat quickened as he opened it and clicked the photo above the text. A radiance around this woman’s face pierced into him, forcing his cheeks to rise and lips to curl as he took the photo in. She looked both different yet the same. He did decide to respond, briefly just a quick exchange of pleasantries. Never did he imagine she’d be close again, or reaching out. Why was she reaching out anyway, he pondered? It really didn’t matter, there was electricity running from his fingertips to the glass of his phone as he typed each word before hitting the arrow to send.

Lights glowed from a large bay window in the dining room of the house. It was tucked just inside the wraparound porch and really something to see when snow fell and his family was altogether like last Christmas. Another piece of heaven he’d been gifted since his life had seemed to come back together. Before he turned his truck off, he looked up to see her swinging the screen door open, barefoot on his porch. She was waiting patiently with a glass of wine in each hand.

I could see the day weighing on him in each step he took toward me. Once he exited the truck, I sat down the wine glasses. It was my earnest desire to comfort and relax this man after a long day of care he was sure to have shown to strangers in need. It was all a part of his job, his calling in life. Once he reached the porch she stood up on her toes to be able to wrap herself around his shoulders. She took him in deeply. The feel of his arms gently encircling her, he smelled of ozone and the remainder of his shower from the night before. It was all I dreamed of for years, holding on to a man, this man, who held right back on to me. I pulled back to look up at him, smiling. I found his lips with mine to finish our embrace before reaching to hand him a glass of wine.

“How was your day?” I asked.

“No MI’s or codes, just some angina and a dog bite. You know the normal overdose or drunkard calls.” He sighed.

It went without saying that she did know and could understand. She knew exactly how demanding his days could be, and it was a relief to have someone who could sense it, who could see it. She knew exactly what needed to be said or even when no words were needed. She picked up her glass and as they entered the home, he could smell she’d been cooking when his stomach audibly rumbled. Hearing it she laughed and he shrugged. He headed to shower and change and she told him it’d be ready when got back.

A fiddle filled the air of the kitchen as my music played, also a constant in the home. A deep love of red dirt from Texas had settled in my soul and followed me to the East coast. I was finishing up a loaf of fresh yeast bread in the oven when he returned. And like so many times in my past dreams, he turned me to face him. Just like that late night with the west Texas wind blowing around us, outside his pick up, his hand reached for mine and took it with complete confidence. I closed my eyes remembering because it was my favorite part, him raising my arm slightly out, elbows held up and his lead taking me from one foot to the other in a steady swaying motion.

My left hand made its way up rest against the back of his neck. The pieces of his wet hair left my fingertips cool as I scratched the nap of his neck gently. He shivered slightly, tipping his head down to taste my lips. The red wine was still lingering, tart and sweet between the intimate rolls of our tongues together. It was another night in heaven for my heart that was still healing. Each passing day that he remained constant in character only further bound the cracks and filled craters that were formed over the years spent without him.

“Where’s Beau tonight? Will he be home from practice soon?” Micah breathed.

“Staying with some team mates at Liz’s house. I do need to call and check in with them before this goes much further though.” I winked.

So they separated as she retrieved her phone and dialed their son’s number. While she was talking to him, Micah checked the stove and made the decision to grab two bowls, filling them with the chicken soup and setting them at the table in the bay window. He didn’t realize but as she was talking to Beau she was studying him. He had no idea what it meant to her for someone else to be dishing out a meal for her. Setting it at a table where they would share their day, or share even just the calm they brought one another, versus sinking into a couch and zoning out to a tv, while she finished up putting food away and clean up.

I told Beau I loved him, he reciprocated and told me to tell the ‘old man’ he said hi and to have a good night. I promised I would and we hung up as I came around the corner. I knew how ridiculous it sounded in my head as I stared at the back of the man waiting at the table. That this was the ‘norm’ for so many couples, but I was so unbelievably grateful in this very moment to be sitting down with the love of my life for the evening. It had grown dark and the cicadas sang out, building their triumphant call to one another and then descending gracefully to a low pitch throughout supper.

Once we were full, we shared the kitchen space yet again, him washing and rinsing our dishes before setting them out on a t-towel to dry and me, scrounging through the cupboards looking for a bowl and lid to mismatched Tupperware for the remainder of soup and bread. I tidied up and we both retreated onto the porch, setting down on a swing he’d built from the saw mill purchased shortly after moving in. The creak of the wood as our weights shifted was comforting in the damp night air. Moss swaying from the trees with a moon backlighting the darkness was their scenery. She held onto his hand, remember it’s coolness from the first time they had touched and mapped the print of his palm and the tips of his fingers in her mind.

I could hear thunder off in the distance and it were nights like these I enjoyed the most. Before long, I would be naked, before this man I was clinging to. I knew my heart would be racing with anticipation of the various pressures he would be placing upon my body. It was amazing to physically feel someone truly care about me, care about what I was feeling and to have a man who longed to learn me inside and out. It was an adventure, a challenge he was always up to. Still my nerves got the best of me, worry setting in about my body, about what I would look like between flashes of lightening.

His arm wrapped around her shoulder, he bent his forearm up to entangle his fingers in her straightened hair. The locks were smooth as he combed through them and he felt her body relax deeper against his torso. She raised her face to his and their lips grazed tenderly while he felt her tongue flick against lower lip before she let out a whimper. That was his queue, a signal he’d long ago picked up when they first became caught up in a whirlwind of passion. With the final sway of the swing he raised off, stopping the chains with his hands on either side. He then took her hand leading the way inside the house and shutting the door behind them.

A long hallway with a soft rug lead them to a cozy bedroom. A rustic style of wood lined the floor for base boards with the walls painted a gentle cream grey surrounding a large bed adorning the master. She lit a large pillar candle and shut their door, falling back against it looking deeply into eyes watching the flicker of the candle flame dance along his irises. Maybe it was passion rather she was seeing, but she did know for certain passion is what she was feeling.

The sheer curtains fluttered in and out as the storm in the distance neared the area with the wind picking up speed. Micah walked slowly across the room, his eyes never departing until he stood in front me. He reached out, placing his right hand on my left shoulder, dragging the thin strap of my dress to my upper arm, as his face moved forward, it also fell to my left, settling his wet lips on my shoulder bone working up my neck. I knew he was listening to the quickening of my breath; this was a moment he knew to linger over as it would make me more desperate for him. Nothing satisfied him more than knowing he was in control of my body and the pleasure it was seeking and that he knew he’d soon have me in euphoria only he could provide.

Hugging his arms around me he began bunching the cotton dress up, preparing to take it over my head, stopping just above my chest to take one nipple into his mouth before groaning. I felt my eyes rolling back in intense pleasure, mostly from his audible enjoyments and partly because where his attention was. He released my breast to continue removing my dress, leaving me naked. I could see he was thrilled to find me without panties as I reached down to feel his excitement growing. We walked over to the bed and I lay down, as he took a comfortable position next to me after removing his clothes too. I lifted up to kiss him deeply while the palm of his hand took my face holding me still to deepen our kiss.

I know my whole body was relaxing, my weight falling into the mattress beneath me but my mind, my soul felt as though it was floating above us both. As relaxed as I was, when his finger tips began to trail down from my face, down my throat and over my nipple barely grazing it’s flesh, my back arched and I tensed sucking in my breath. I couldn’t tell if it was my body being so sensitive, or was it the years of neglect before Micah that made me react to his touch the way I did. I couldn’t help it though. I’d tried to make sense of it and control myself but this time it was useless. Something always took over and my body did what it was going to do.

The time he could spend working my body beneath his palms was mind blowing to me. Never before had I experienced a man so eager to learn all he could about me. From the inside out he’d studied me from day one and to look back, to remember how I felt in those moments, wondering if I’d just felt his eyes searing into me behind his glasses or had it just been my imagination? I often escaped into these fantasy lands and chalked it up that, but now; now I knew it hadn’t all been in my head and the excitement it still gave me was a rush in itself.

Micah’s hands were slowly moving further down my body. It was agonizing feeling him intentionally skip over my breasts, run across my hip bones, from left to right and trailing down the top of my thighs before moving inwards, just barely brushing the lips between my legs. My whimpering escaped sounding muffled to my own ears but I could tell it was exactly the reaction he wanted to tease out of me before he really worked his magic. Knowing this made me all the more desperate for him. It made me ravenous to want to gift him the same pleasure and I began to squirm out from him and try to lift myself up. He knew what I was trying to do and without being rough, he silently ordered me to lay back down with one look.

Like a child that had been told no, they could not have another piece of candy, I sulked back down, onto my back as he proceeded to spread my legs before lowering his face down in front of what he had finally been able to make his own. He paused and I could feel his breath on my right thigh before the familiar wet lap of his lips meeting my skin and his tongue tasting enveloped me. I felt my eyes roll back in intense arousal knowing what he was going to do, which caused a sudden jolt of electricity to roar through my abdomen and the small pearl he was about to search out.

I cried out unable to maintain my composure as I brought my hand across my eyes in embarrassment. After all this time back together, so often I still felt the knots in my tummy, worried about what he would think of my reactions to him. I felt so out of control, even though I knew he was in complete control of me at all times. He held every part of me within his grasp, I could do nothing except give myself to him. In movements like these, this was all I felt like I was in control of, relinquishing every part of myself to Micah.

“Baby relax, you know I won’t hurt you.” He said softly.

Of course I knew and I wanted to explain my response to his touch, but in that moment there was no way I could form anything that would make any sense. I wasn’t afraid of him, of his prowess; I was just overwhelmed before he’d even begun to love me. He overloaded me in a way I hadn’t quite figured out how to put into words. I think he knew that already though and so I tried to still my mind and focus again listened to the growing thunder approaching and the smell of rain blowing through the window next to us.

The air flowing over our bodies was cooling and Micah deepened his flurry of attention between my legs, reaching under each of my thighs to wrap his forearms around them. I braced myself for what was to come and finally I felt his wet tongue glide over my smooth lips as I began to squirm. His grip around my thighs tightened to hold me in place as he parted me with his tongue, increasingly aware of my sensitivity.

In our first moment’s together years ago, he had latched onto me, one heated evening in a hotel room. I remember my entire body physically quaking beneath his mouth. My whole body was shaking and I didn’t know what was happening to me. While I knew it wasn’t an orgasm, the pleasure he gave me the night was something I’d never experienced again outside of him. I also never longed to have that again with any man but him. Here we were though and the anticipation of living it all over again was nearly in my grasp and I wasn’t sure I would be able to bear it.

Micah did not latch onto me however, but instead began a steady rhythm of flattening his tongue against the protection of skin covering the bud he desperately wanted to find, but knew he couldn’t give way to yet. He rocked his tongue back and forth between her lips, listening for her approval. He could hear it in her breathing, often times in the silence when she was holding her breath. He knew he was doing exactly what her body craved and he was addicted to it. He paused after a few minutes and raised himself up to her, his face hovering over hers before he lowered down to kiss her lips.

I hungrily pressed into his puffy bottom lip, tasting myself between our tongues dancing and moaning into his mouth. He stopped abruptly and fell back down between me to continue his mission. My breathing has quickened as my heart raced with affection and lust for Micah. I moaned out his name between my heavy breaths and I felt the vibration of his groan against my swollen clitoris. It was pounding and aching for his attention, though I was afraid how sensitive it would be between his lips, the sucking and dancing of his tongue. With one reach of his tongue he felt the treasure popping out from her hiding place, but he also felt me tense again.

It was agonizing to hold back but he slightly lapped against her when she shuddered hard. Reading her body, he kept his patience on point and performed the same act again, once again her body stiffening, but not pushing him back so he continued. His tongue was now in sync with the needs of her flesh and he worked her diligently. Micah could tell it wouldn’t be long before she was crying out and he wanted to hear her let go all around him. His focus was uninterrupted and there was no stopping the flood of pleasure rushing straight around him when her legs tightened and her hips briefly bucked against his face.

“Micah!” I screamed wildly while my hands came down, tangling in his hair trying to hold his face still as I rode the wave he’d just sent through me. Ever knowing, he let me finish pulsating with his mouth still gently latched onto me.

His mind finally allowing thoughts of slipping inside of this woman consume him now. He knew how tight she would be after a moment like this and he longed to feel her gripping his manhood.

As relaxed as I’d become, worn from what he’d just done to me, my mind quickly returned to getting my hands on Micah. I wanted to share the love I was feeling so deeply with him and quickly raised up to motion him to lay where I had been. He obliged and I nestled next to him for a moment, kissing him intensely and trailing my hands over his chest, across his nipple and lower, coming to rest as his stiffness. It was a sight I loved to see, more over loved to feel in my hand. He was the perfect specimen of a man in every way and I was so grateful to have him and to be able to show him my affection.