The world was just a giant blur and everything hurt.
Please, please, let it be there!
Blindly rummaging around the top shelf of the pantry, my fingers bumped into something rectangular and heavy. I seized it and the weight and feel of it stirred up a host of familiar emotions. A little ray of warmth that dulled the pain.
Before it had a chance to fade, I unwrapped the chocolate bar and tore a big chunk out of it — Nelson’s Premium Bar, milk chocolate with hazelnut chunks, my absolute favorite. For a brief moment, I was in heaven. Nothing mattered except for the familiar, comforting, rich, delicious, intoxicating flavor.
Then the world came crashing back down. Everything was wrong. Everything was broken. I slumped against the kitchen wall and began to sob between bites of chocolate. Salty tears mixed with Nelson’s Premium.
Once the chocolate was gone, so was the small buffer of happiness holding back a torrent of misery. I didn’t have the strength to stand up so I grabbed the first thing in my reach, a bag of potato chips. I hate the barbecue-flavored ones but I tore open the bag anyway.
Anything to dull the pain. Anything so I wouldn’t have to think about her.
***
“Shaun, what the fuck is — are you alright?” someone asked.
Bleary-eyed, I looked up and wiped tears away with the back of my hand. I blinked and saw my little sister, Amanda, looking at me with a great deal of concern. She had good reason to be. Two empty bags of potato chips, the Nelson’s wrapper, half a dozen empty Reeses, and a ton of broken chips that didn’t make it into my mouth.
Amanda knelt in front of me and laid a comforting hand on my knee. “What’s going on? Can I help?”
“No,” I said and tears welled up again. My lips trembled. “She dumped me.”
“Oh, no!” Amanda squealed and threw her arms around me. “I’m so sorry.”
Saying it out loud elicited a wave of misery.
Alexis, my girlfriend — no, ex-girlfriend now — was gone and left behind a broken heart.
We met in college almost two years ago, in a math study group. She was a friend of Terri, who was my friend Jack’s girlfriend. Gorgeous, with long, brown hair, and a fitness buff. I had a crush on her from day one.
In retrospect, it was more the fact that we hung out so much than anything else why we ended up dating. After all, what could she possibly see in me, a tall but chubby keyboard warrior? Okay, fine, I was a little more than chubby at the time, I was at two-eighty-pounds. It didn’t look as bad as it sounds, since I’m just a smidge over six foot tall, but nobody who looked at me would ever think I was anything but fat.
Yet when I finally worked up the courage to ask Alexis out at the end of the first semester, she said yes. I was over the moon and didn’t question it but it was obvious from the start that she wanted me to lose weight. Our first official date was a walk around campus that left me sweating and she never wanted to get dessert when we went out, even though I offered to pay.
I didn’t care, I was overjoyed to have a girlfriend. My first serious adult relationship. We hung out, juggling classes and homework, and even went on double dates with Jack and Terri. Alexis thought I was smart and funny. Everything was great except our sex life — or lack thereof.
We had done some kissing and a lot of cuddling and hand-holding, but nothing even close to second base. She rebutted two attempts already, so when I put my hand on her stomach one evening while we were making out, I didn’t have particularly high hopes.
Alexis pulled back and looked at me with an odd smirk on her face. “I’ll let you touch my boobs if you lose five pounds.”
I thought she was joking at first but she wasn’t, she was dead serious. Five pounds, under her conditions, and I could play with her tits as much as I wanted.
That’s pretty much how our relationship started for real.
The first step was buying an accurate, digital scale, which I did that same evening. But Alexis said I had to wait until the next morning for my official weigh-in. The next morning, she let the next hammer drop — I needed at least two weeks’ worth of weights to average it out.
I didn’t let that, or the 284 on the display, deter me. I was a man on a mission to touch some titties.
The day started with a light breakfast, that is to say, no second bowl of cereal, and I didn’t have my regular between-class snack. Lunch was the same cafeteria food as always but I skipped the dessert. My stomach was growling but I stoically ignored it. For dinner, I only ate some fruit.
The result was I lost three pounds in a single day. Alexis just laughed and said it was mostly water weight, we’d see the real change at the end of the two weeks. Nevertheless, I was motivated to ignore the hunger and lose weight. The second day was tough, the third tougher.
On the fourth day, I broke down and Alexis walked in on me stuffing my face with an entire box of chocolate-chip cookies. I just wanted to eat one, I hadn’t even realized I ate the entire thing until I saw the frown on her face.
“Guess you don’t want to touch these after all,” she said, flashing me her tits.
It was the first time I saw them in the flesh. Small but perfectly perky with big, brown nipples.
After that rekindling of my motivation, Alexis sat me down and we had a long, serious discussion about nutrition, dieting, and weight loss. We had a lot of those, actually. I learned a lot about how the body works and how everything I thought before was wrong.
It felt like we spent every waking hour of the day, other than classes, together. We exercised together — I walked while she jogged circles around me — and we cooked together. Some nights she even stayed over — in the same bed — and it felt like we were closer than ever.
It was obvious a few days before the two weeks were up that I was going to beat my target but Alexis stood firm. On goal day, after averaging out both weeks, I had lost almost seven pounds.
Touching Alexis’ boobs was even better than I imagined. Soft but supple at the same time. Nipples that grew the more I played with them and made her sigh. When I wrested my gaze away from her chest the first time, her face was flushed with beads of sweat on her forehead.
“Should I stop?” I asked.
“No,” she purred.
That day was also the first time I made her climax. I didn’t think it could get any better, alternating between making out and sucking her nipples, until she grabbed my face, pulled me close, and pitched her next deal.
“If you lose another five pounds, I’ll let you finger me.”
The next few months were incredible. Alexis’ tantalizing offers pushed me to my limits but every drop of sweat was worth it. We exercised several times a week, regardless of rain or now. I signed up for a gym and bought a bicycle. I fingered Alexis until she breathlessly begged me to stop.
All my friends noticed the changes and I drowned in compliments. I ran out of my last junk food reserve and didn’t feel like buying any more. I got my first ever lapdance and blowjob from a woman who dressed in incredibly sexy lingerie for the occasion. Somehow, even my grades were going up.
I was happy and have never felt better. I was in love with Alexis. I seriously considered asking her to marry me.
There was only one fitness goal left, the biggest one so far, of twenty-eight pounds.
“If you reach two-twenty-five, I’ll take your virginity.”
***
“What happened?” Amanda asked a long time after my tears subsided.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I replied. It was less embarrassing for her to think that she dumped me than the truth.
The memory was still too painful to even think about. The lecturer failed to show up, so the class was unexpectedly canceled after half an hour. Alexis would have been busy until at least four with her own classes, and I figured I could get a quick run in on my own. I just needed a protein shake and a change of clothes.
Riding up the elevator, I already logged the shake into my calorie tracker app. I unlocked the door, threw my bag on the ground, and grabbed the shaker. That’s when I heard noises from the bedroom. I thought that maybe Alexis left the TV on since she slept over again tonight and didn’t think twice about entering the bedroom.
Only to find Alexis, naked, writhing on top of someone who wasn’t me.
Nausea overcame me. The only thing I remember afterward is the look of surprise and pity on Alexis’ face. Then I was back in my childhood home, seeking comfort in the pantry.
“That bad?” Amanda asked.
I nodded.
“I’m sorry,” she said and hugged me closer. “I never liked her anyway.”
That made me laugh, erupting a fountain of snot.
“Liar. You told me to marry her.”
“Sorry, I didn’t see it coming.”
“Me neither.”
“My leg is falling asleep.”
“Oh, sorry.”
That was the end of the longest and possibly best hug I ever received. Too soon. I sighed. Amanda, instead of getting up, sat down next to me, leaned against the wall, and put her arm around me again.
Sometimes it was really fucking nice having a sister.
It hadn’t always been that way, particularly when both of us were in our early teens. She was born only eleven months after me, so for roughly one month out of the year, most of August, we were actually the same age. That’s why it always felt like she was right behind me, trying to catch up. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get ahead.
Until college, at least. That’s when our paths diverged. I moved into an apartment closer to campus, she stayed at home and went to veterinary school, working at a shelter on the side. I was finally free from her but that only made me miss the good parts of having her around. There was always someone to talk to who wouldn’t judge you and, more importantly, not shy away from telling you things you didn’t want to hear but should.
Sifting through the pile of wrappers on the ground, Amanda found an unopened Reese’s. She tore the package and ate it in one bite. We were alike in many ways — same dirty-blonde hair and slightly crooked nose, the gap in the left brow, and large feet — but Amanda had never been fat in her life. Curvy, healthy, and shapely, sure, but it looked good on her.
“So what are you gonna do now?” she asked, mouth still half-full of peanut butter cup.
“I don’t know,” I groaned, leaning my head back.
“You can’t eat the pain away,” she said after swallowing.
“I know.”
Amanda scooted closer and put her head on my shoulder. She was nice and warm. Just like Alexis had been. Tears welled up in my eyes again.
“It’s okay. Let it all out,” my sister said, rubbing my shoulder.
***
Fuck. I stepped off the scale for the second time, let it turn off, turned it back on, and stepped back on. It displayed the same number again.
It was official, I gained six pounds.
The apartment was a mess. Empty pizza boxes and cans of beer everywhere. A light coating of chip crumbs on the couch. A treasure trove of wrappers piling on the coffee table. Takeout stinking up the kitchen sink. An empty spot on the wall where the progress pictures of me and Alexis used to hang. A still-bleeding hole in my heart.
It was the first time in two weeks I weighed myself. I was scared of what the result would be, with good justification. Weeks of hard work, undone. The thought of exercising always made me think about Alexis, and thinking about Alexis was painful. Alcohol and junk food were the only comforts in my life now.
I sank into the couch and opened pizza boxes at random, hoping for a slice in one of them. Dogs barked outside. The doorbell rang. I groaned and ignored it, hoping it would go away.
It rang again, and again, and again. I slammed the button for the intercom.
“WHAT?” I grunted into the mic.
“Put on some shoes and get your ass down here,” Amanda said sharply, accompanied by barks.
“I don’t want to.”
“I don’t care.”
“Just leave me alone,” I snapped and let go of the intercom.
The doorbell rang again.
Five minutes later, I stood in front of the apartment block’s door in the chilly morning breeze. Amanda was gloating, of course, holding six dogs on six leashes. Four of them were smaller breeds, lapdog types. The other two were medium-sized, though I only recognized the bulldog. His name was Frank and he was a senior.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The animals sniffed my legs with interest.
“When was the last time you were outside?” Amanda asked.
“I don’t remember. Not this week.”
“You stink.”
“I can go back–”
“Oh no, you’re not. Take these,” she ordered, holding out the leashes of Frank and the other medium dog. “You haven’t forgotten Frank, I hope. The other one is Spot. She’s a beagle.”
And off we were on a walk around the neighborhood. The college campus was situated on the outskirts of the city and my place was fairly close. It only took twenty minutes at a leisurely pace to reach wide, open fields. Fields that were perfect for running. That I ran on a lot with Alexis.
“Still thinking about her?” Amanda asked as if she could read my mind.
“Yeah,” I sighed.
We reached the city limit and the dogs, getting wind of the change, began pulling harder. My legs were stiff from sitting around so much and began to ache.
I felt like the same fat loser that I had been before meeting Alexis. I lost everything. Everything. Without the strength to take another step, I just sat down on the grass at the side of the road and began to cry.
Immediately, Frank licked the back of my hand. Amanda, after noticing, sat down next to me and rubbed my back.
“I feel like such a loser,” I sobbed.
“You’re not.”
“Then why did she — ”
I cut off abruptly before blurting out that she cheated on me. That was the part that hurt the most. Not knowing why. Was it something I did? Was I not good enough? Maybe I had been just a dumb toy for her, to keep her entertained until something better came along.
“Did she cheat on you?” Amanda asked cautiously.
So she knew or at least suspected. Frank leaned against my legs and looked at me with reproach.
“Is it that obvious?” I asked after a while.
“No, just a hunch. If it was an argument or something you would have already told me about it. Had to be something awful.”
“One of my classes got canceled and I came home early.”
“Oh no,” Amanda muttered apprehensively.
“Walked in on her in bed with someone else.”
My sister sucked in her breath sharply.
Spot was eager to keep going and tugged on the leash. I sighed and pushed myself up, avoiding looking at my sister. I didn’t want to see the look of pity and commiseration.
We walked in silence after that, watching the dogs eagerly sniff every flower and stalk of grass as if it were the most exciting thing in the world. If only I could have been a dog.
We walked for nearly two hours in total. My legs hurt but I wanted to feel the pain. It was a good kind of pain. Even the dogs seemed glad to reach the parking lot.
“She’s not worth it,” Amanda finally broke the silence.
“What do you mean?”
“You changed a lot over the past year. For the better. You’re not so…”
“Fat?”
“…husky anymore,” she said with a smirk. “Seriously, you look good. You seemed happier than ever. More confident and outgoing.”
“I was happier,” I sighed. “I felt like a real adult.”
“Don’t throw it away. Not for her. She’s not worth it.”
“It’s not that easy.”
I certainly wasn’t going to tell Amanda that the only reason I lost weight was because Alexis bribed me with kinky favors.
“Why not? Did you forget how?”
“Just lacking the motivation, I guess.”
“We’ll see about that. Now help me load these brats into the trunk.”
***
The doorbell rang. I already knew who it was — my dear little sister. She had already unceremoniously invited herself via text message ten minutes ago. I pressed the buzzer for the entrance and opened the door.
Usually, she stopped by in the morning or noon, dogs in tow, but not today. She emerged from the elevator wearing an outfit I’ve never seen before on her. Running shorts, a sports bra, and a tank top. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail.
Amanda usually favored jeans and a blouse. I’ve never seen her work out. Ever.
“What are you wearing?” I asked, letting her in.
“What does it look like?” she countered, setting her purse on the table. “We’re going for a run. Go get changed or whatever.”
“You… want to go for a run?”
“Don’t look at me like I suddenly grew horns. Yes, I want to start exercising more and I need your expertise.”
“That’s really nice of you, but I really don’t need — ”
“It’s not for you. I’ve put on some weight over the years and I’d like to get rid of it. I’m sick and tired of another pudgy summer. I finally want to look hot in a bikini without worrying about what people think.”
“You look good already.”
Amanda rolled her eyes. “Are you gonna help me or not?”
“Sure. Let me go get changed.”
Ten minutes later, I was dressed for running as well. Each of us carried a water bottle, leaving everything cumbersome behind.
“We should probably start with a brisk walk,” I suggest.
“What good is that gonna do?”
“So you don’t pull a muscle.”
“I walk dozens of hours every week, I know how it works.”
“Running is different. You want my help, right?”
“Fine,” she sighed.
“Okay. We’re gonna walk fast for a minute, then jog for a minute, then go back to walking.”
We set out at a rapid pace. I slowed down enough to keep abreast with my sister, who clearly hadn’t expected it to be more difficult than a leisurely stroll with her dogs. She began to sweat before the one-minute mark.
Thirty seconds into the jog, I hear a squeak of complaint five feet behind me. Amanda was doubled over, catching her breath.
“Why the fuck aren’t you sweating?” she snapped at me.
“Because I’m not as out of shape as you. Come on, let’s finish jogging and do another cycle, then we can take a break.
A little shy of two-and-a-half minutes later, Amanda collapsed into a patch of grass next to a recently tilled field. I sat down next to her and wiped away the three drops on my forehead before my sister could spot them.
“I saw Alexis yesterday,” I said.
“Oh?”
“On the way to class. She sat on a bench in front of Edison Hall, making out with a guy.”
“That guy?”
“I don’t know, I never saw his face.”
“What’d you do? Punch him?” she chuckled.
“No, I fled. Alexis must have seen me because she caught up with me in the hallway.”
“What’d she want?”
“She said she was sorry. That I shouldn’t have found out like that.”
“Then she shouldn’t have fucked someone else,” Amanda scoffed. “What’d you reply?”
“Nothing. I just walked away.”
“Good for you. I bumped into Harrison once. You remember him?”
“The guy who dumped you on Valentine’s?”
“That’s the one. I just went completely nuts. Yelling, punching, screaming, the whole nine. I’ve never seen anyone so scared,” she laughed. “What a piece of shit.”
I laughed, too. Amanda was very good at yelling, I had plenty of experience being on the receiving end.
“Are you saying I should have gone off on her?”
“All I’m saying is Harrison now leaves the room whenever I enter.”
“I don’t think I could do that. I just want to forget about her. Speaking of, are you ready to keep going?”
Amanda groaned but pushed herself off the ground.
***
“Owwwwwwwwwwwwww,” Amanda whined on the phone.
“What’s wrong?”
“Your stupid exercise doesn’t work. Both of my legs hurt like hell and I gained a pound.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did. I weighed myself this morning and I went up by one pound.”
“That’s just water weight.”
“Your face is just water weight,” she grunted.
“I suppose we better start with the basics. You got some time?”
“Sure, just let me put on some clothes.”
I sighed. That was information I did not need to know. I waited for Amanda to return.
“Alright, I’m all snuggled up now. Lay it on me, teacher.”
I took a deep breath.
“Alright, well, the scale doesn’t measure how much fat you have, it only measures how much you weigh.”
“What’s the diff?”
“You’re made up of more than just fat. You also have muscles and bones and a bunch of other stuff. And water. About sixty percent of your body is water. Your body uses water for almost everything you do. Like repairing muscle. When we exercised yesterday, you probably used a whole bunch of new muscles and now they need a lot of water to repair themselves. When I lifted weights the first time, I gained almost four pounds.”
“So you’re saying I shouldn’t run to lose weight?”
“No, you’ll lose the water again after a couple of days. You need to weigh yourself every day for a week and then average the results. After two weeks, you’ll find out how much fat you lost.”
“Two weeks?” Amanda shouted. “That’s forever.”
“Yup. Losing weight takes a lot of energy and patience.”
“Where did you get the damn motivation to do all that?”
I gulped, remembering exactly how. To touch boobs.
“I don’t remember,” I said after a short pause.
“Liar,” Amanda snorted. “But you don’t have to tell me if it has to do with that bitch.”
“Okay, well then, you better start logging everything you eat.”
“That sounds like more work.”
“Yup. And there’s math involved. One pound of human fat is about thirty-five hundred calories. To lose one pound, you have to eat thirty-five-hundred fewer calories than you spend.”
“Makes sense so far.”
“And that’s it, really. You need to write down all the calories of what you eat so that you can figure out what kind of deficit you want to eat at.”
“How do I know how many calories I’m using?”
“That’s a lot harder. I have a spreadsheet where I put in all my data and it does the math for me.”
“Nerd.”
“I’ll send you a link.”
“Thanks. And you really did all that every single day?”
“Yup.”
“Respect. All that hard work really paid off.”
“Thanks.”
“You wanna go running again today?”
“Sure, if you’re not too sore.”
“Five?”
“Sure.”
After we hung up, I looked down and my suspicions were confirmed. Alexis had conveyed a lot of the same information during our cuddle and makeout sessions. Or better. Now I was hard.
Great. Horny from talking about calories with my sister. But what was set in motion couldn’t be helped. I unbuttoned my jeans and began to work.
***
It was great to get back into a routine, even if there was a lot less bedroom action involved. Three days of the week, Amanda and I went walking with the dogs for about an hour. I attended all my classes and fortunately managed to avoid running into Alexis. Twice a week, Amanda and I went jogging and it was getting easier every time.
I even had the motivation to go to the gym. Somehow, I didn’t manage to lose my all-time-high of two-forty on the bench. And, on account of my newly rekindled enthusiasm, I lost all the breakup weight and more.
Whereas I was on cloud nine, Amanda was dour. I opened the door and my deeply scowling sister stood there in her running outfit.
“I only lost half a pound,” she said accusatorily.
Today was the official two-week mark.
“Nice. Good job.”
“I was hoping for more.”
“Sounds like you need to eat less.”
“Shut up.”
“Less junk food, no alcohol.”
“Okay, maybe half a pound is okay,” Amanda relented. “Let’s run.”
And run we did. Alternating between a slow jog and a fairly rapid sprint, Amanda kept pulling ahead of me. She was clearly upset about her results but I didn’t mind the faster pace. It felt like the old times again, with Alexis, when I was constantly pushing myself.
Both of us were sweating our asses off. We stopped to drink but were too winded to talk. Amanda flashed a bright smile at me.
The weather was perfect. Warm but with a light breeze. Blue sky for miles. The fields around us were sprouting green leafage. I wished I had my phone with me to take a picture. Summer was here.
When Alexis and I started on my journey last fall, the temperatures were already getting frosty in the morning. She always talked about how wonderful it would be to finally be able to run under the blazing sun wearing only a few scraps of clothes. The wind blowing against your naked skin, carrying away sweat.
Now I’m finally doing what I looked forward to all winter, only without Alexis. Even if she was a cheating whore, she was right about one thing. Running in a warm but not quite stifling breeze was incredible.
It was like I was in a trance. My body worked too hard for me to think about anything at all. One foot in front of the other. The thud of every step reverberating in my body. Amanda’s ponytail, whipping back and forth.
I was happy. For the first time in a long time, I was truly happy.
Laughing, Amanda slowed down, twirled around in a circle with her arms in the air, and laid down on the grass, arms and legs outstretched. Her chest rose and fell with deep breaths. I flopped down next to her, looking up at the bright blue sky. The sun bore down on us, like being wrapped in nature’s warm blanket.
Without thinking about what I was doing, I leaned over and kissed her. Her lips were so soft and her mouth parted slightly. It was magical. My heart beat a million times a second.
Until I felt a hand on my chest and realized I was kissing my sister.
I sat up in an instant and looked at Amanda, horrified. Her nose was scrunched up and she looked at me with an odd expression. Disbelief? Disgust? Anger? Her mouth fell open with an unspoken question.
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” I blurted out.
My lips still tingled. My heart was beating even faster. I just fucked up hard.
“What the hell was that?” Amanda asked, more in shock than anything else.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered again.
“You said that already.”
“It was just… just like how it should have been. With me and Alexis, I mean. We used to come out here a lot but it was always cold. She used to talk about how wonderful it would be once it was summer and we could run in the warm sun and just run until we’re exhausted and lie in the grass and kiss and…. it felt just like that right for a moment and I… forgot.”
“I see,” Amanda said curtly.
I let myself drop back down on the grass and stared at the sky. A single cloud in the shape of a snake slithered past.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to keep apologizing. I get it. Caught up in the moment and everything. It happens, you didn’t mean to do it.”
“Right.”
She was taking it a lot better than I expected. Probably just as mortified as I was.
“It was a pretty good kiss. Just, you know, a little weird.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.”
“At least now I know why you were so motivated. My whole body is just… I bet you two doinked like bunnies after you ran.”
“Not exactly.”
“Will you please fucking tell me how she got you to lose weight, then?”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“Well, after what just happened, I’d say you owe me.”
I sighed.
“She wasn’t really into me at first, I think we just started dating out of convenience. Never really made it past first base until she told me one day that she’d let me play with her boobs if I lost five pounds.”
Amanda began to giggle. The giggling soon turned into full-on laughter. Deep, belly-rumbling, tear-flowing laughter. I started laughing, too. It seemed so stupid after I said out loud.
“Fuck,” I said after what felt like an hour. “I think I just realized that she was never actually into me.”
“My condolences.”
“I was in love with her and to her, it was just entertainment.”
“Probably not entirely, I mean, you two did seem like a great couple and you always made her laugh. I don’t think she’s that good of an actress to have faked that. And it sounds like you two had a pretty good sex life.”
“Well… about that…”
“Oh, no,” Amanda guffawed. “Please tell me you didn’t work that hard and never actually — ”
“Everything but,” I sighed. “I was twenty-eight pounds short.”
Amanda burst into laughter again. That time, I didn’t join in. I folded my hands behind my head and sighed.
What a weird day it was.
***
The kiss, it seemed, had been completely forgotten. Amanda never mentioned it and she showed up with Frank and the gang the next day as if nothing happened. That was good.
What was also good was the two of us getting into a good rhythm. Exercise, hanging out, and watching TV. I think I spent more time with my sister over the last few weeks than I did in a year of living under the same roof.
It was really nice not to be alone and I really looked forward to the sound of my doorbell. Whenever she wasn’t around, I wondered what she was doing. We texted a lot during the day, talking about everything and nothing. Schoolwork, movies, selfies with the dogs.
I pulled into the parking lot of the shelter and Amanda already waited with Frank and the gang. She broke out into a wide grin.
“It worked!” she shouted with enthusiasm over the chorus of barks.
“What did?”
“I lost a whole pound!”
“Nice, good job.”
“What about you?”
“Almost two,” I replied, taking over Frank and Spot.
“What? Really? Are you doing secret exercise I don’t know about?”
“No, I just weigh a lot more than you. Hence I lose more weight than you.”
“How does that work?
“The more you weigh, the more calories you spend in a day. A lot more, actually. Plus I’m a guy, that gets me a bonus.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Percentage-wise you might be losing more than me.”
Amanda harrumphed loudly to show what she thought of that idea.
“So is running the best way to get rid of my tummy?” she asked.
“Any exercise works, really. You can’t target a specific area to lose fat from, that’s mostly up to genetics and your body. If you lose fat overall, you’ll also lose tummy fat. You can, however, exercise muscles in your stomach and it’ll help shape it.”
“Like what?”
“Situps, crunches.”
“That’s no fun.”
Our destination was the dog park, a ten-minute walk from the shelter. The dogs knew the path well and were pulling harder the closer we got. Roughly two acres of dog paradise.
We unleashed them as soon as we locked the gate behind ourselves and strolled over to a free bench. Apart from us, there were about five other people and six dogs. Most of them were regulars but it still caused a lot of butt-sniffing — the dogs, not us.
The weather was alright. Clouds covered the sun and it was cooler than it should have been.
“Brr, it’s cold,” Amanda exclaimed, rubbing her arms, despite wearing an oversized sweatshirt.
“I like it,” I said.
“Showoff,” she muttered and scooted closer on the bench, leaning into me. “That’s better. You’re warm.”
“One of my many fine qualities.”
Amanda scoffed.
“I still haven’t really seen any changes in the mirror.”
“That takes a while. The scale doesn’t lie. Keep it up long enough and it will happen.”
“But it takes so long…”
“I know, the waiting is the hardest part.”
“I’m glad I don’t have to do it alone,” she said, smiling at me.
“Me too.”
Something cool and soft bumped into the back of my hand. At first, I thought it was one of the dogs appearing from behind but when I looked down, I saw it was Amanda’s hand. She grabbed mine and intertwined our fingers.
“Nice and warm,” she purred.
Of course, she was cold. That’s why she did it. My body felt like it was on fire. She probably didn’t even consider what an intimate gesture it was. Or she did and thought it was no big deal because we were brother and sister.
But it hit me just at that moment. Being around Amanda for the past two weeks felt like having a girlfriend again. And now we sat on a park bench, holding hands. I took a deep breath and tried to relax.
“I think I could do this forever,” Amanda said.
“What?”
“You know, all of this,” she said, squeezing my hand. “Working at the shelter. Going to vet school. Exercising. Hanging out with you. It’s just all so… balanced. I sleep well at night. I feel good about what I eat. I feel happy. Stable.”
“I know what you mean. I feel the same.”
“That’s good,” she said and leaned her head on my shoulder.
It was anything but good! It was thoroughly confusing. Did she know the effect she apparently had on me? How could she? I hadn’t even realized until a few minutes ago.
No, I was just being stupid. Amanda was my sister, not my girlfriend. I was just imagining things because I still missed Alexis. We were just watching the dogs frolicking around.
Life would have been easier as a dog. I sighed.
“What’s wrong?” Amanda asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “Just that life would be so much easier as a dog.”
Amanda giggled. “It’s not too late to get you neutered.”
“Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad,” I sighed.
“You’re in a weird mood today.”
“I know.”
“Wanna make it weirder?”
“What?”
Suddenly, Amanda’s face was right in front of me. She darted in and placed a quick peck on my lips that barely lasted a heartbeat. I looked at her in confusion. She went back in, slower and more deliberate, tilting her head.
Unlike her hand, her lips were warm. She dragged them gently across mine. I tasted coconut or maybe strawberry. Reflexively, I opened up. Her tongue flicked across the threshold. I’ve never felt lips so nimble before, so tantalizing.
And then it was over. Amanda pulled away, leaving me gasping for breath. She looked at me and smirked.
“What?” I stammered.
“Now we’re even,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Even?” I asked. My brain wasn’t quite working right.
“Yes. You kissed me. Now I kissed you. We’re even and you don’t have to be all awkward anymore.”
I just sat there, dumbfounded. My kiss had been an accident. Hers was deliberate. And amazing. A real kiss.
“We better get the pack leashed up before Frank gets too tired and you have to carry him home,” Amanda said abruptly, let go of my hand, and stood up.
Still dazed, I watched her expertly round up the dogs one by one and put a leash on them. The process involved a lot of stern commands and some light chasing, but ten minutes later she had managed it.
“We’re good, right?” she asked, looking at me with concern.
“Yeah,” I lied and summoned the energy to stand up.
Why did she act like nothing was wrong? It wasn’t possible to kiss anyone like that and not feel something, let alone your own brother. Yet there she was, just strolling along as if nothing was amiss.
Did I have a stroke? Was I going insane?
“Why’d you kiss me?” I asked with the shelter already in sight.
Amanda stopped and looked at me. “I thought that was obvious.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Now you don’t have to feel bad about accidentally kissing me anymore. We’re even.”
I still didn’t understand but she said it in a tone of voice that implied only an idiot wouldn’t understand. I didn’t want her to think I was an idiot.
“We’re still on for our run tomorrow, right?” she asked.
“I guess so, yeah.”
“Good. Now everything can go back to normal.”
***
The last few days were anything but normal. We met up like usual, but we just went for a run in complete silence. No jokes or talking about movies, barely even hello or goodbye. The weather was getting hotter by the day but both of us dressed in big t-shirts and too-long shorts, returning completely drenched.
But it was for the better, right? We were going back to a normal brother and sister relationship. Siblings didn’t cuddle on the couch while watching shows or hold hands in the park. It was exactly what I wanted,
Yet it hurt.
It was a Friday evening and I was all alone. Amanda was out at a friend’s birthday party, so I couldn’t even talk to her if I thought it was a good idea. What was I supposed to do?
I downloaded Tinder, knowing full well it was a bad idea.
Three hours later, shortly before midnight, I still hadn’t swiped right on anyone. Sure, there were more than a few pretty faces among the bunch but I just didn’t care.
The doorbell rang and I jumped in surprise. Who the hell would show up unannounced that late at night?
I pressed the button for the intercom and heard giggling. A familiar giggle and a less familiar one.
“Lets us in, Shaun,” my sister demanded with a heavily slurred voice.
“Yeah, Shaun, let us in!”
The unknown companion turned out to be Olivia, a good friend of Amanda’s. Both of them were dressed in cocktail dresses and made up for a night out on town. The party, I remembered. Maggie’s twenty-first. Undoubtedly plenty of booze.
“Our driver was a rude jerk and didn’t want to drive us home,” Amanda whined. “Can we crash here tonight?”
“Pleeease,” Olivia added.
“Fine,” I sighed, though secretly I was glad I wasn’t alone.
“I knew it, you’re the best,” Amanda beamed at me.
Olivia was a year older than Amanda and quite pretty — okay, that was an understatement, she was damn hot. Sultry green eyes, lavish brows, and a killer rack. Definitely one of the prettiest women I’ve seen in real life.
Particularly now that she stood in my apartment, looking at me intensely.
“I remember when you used to be a lot chubbier,” she said and bit her lower lip, not hiding the fact that she was checking me out.
That was unexpected. She’d never given me a second glance before.
Amanda returned with two glasses of water, handing one to Olivia, who was intensely staring at my chest area.
“Good party?” I asked.
“Yeah, pretty damn good,” Amanda said and nudged Olivia in the side. “Here, drink.”
“How tired are you? I’ll go prep the couch.”
“Thanks,” Amanda said and yawned as if on command.
“I’m not tired at all,” Olivia piped up. “You got any more booze?”
“Nope.”
“That’s okay, I know of another way we can keep ourselves entertained,” she said without missing a beat and took a step toward me.
“Bathroom, now,” Amanda barked and grabbed Olivia by the back of the dress to physically drag her away.
Well, definitely more interesting than Tinder, I supposed. I wasn’t sure what to make of it quite yet.
While the two of them were in the bathroom, I got the spare sheets and blanket from the bedroom. There was a lot of giggling coming from the bathroom and some banging noises. Hopefully, nothing that couldn’t be easily replaced.
The couch would be a tight fit for two people but both of them were fairly small. I turned around to wait for them to leave the bathroom only to discover the door was open. I investigated to find it was empty.
I found them in my bedroom, cuddled up in my bed. Olivia was already asleep, lightly snoring. Amanda looked up at me and I saw a content smile by the faint light from the living room.
“It smells nice,” she mumbled and buried her face in my pillow.
Sighing, I closed the door and made myself comfortable on the couch. It was perfectly comfortable for a single person. Even though I had just been ousted from my own bed, I felt happy. Amanda had that effect on me.
***
Something was wrong but I wasn’t sure what. Cool air brushed against my side. The weight of the blanket was missing.
My eyes flew open and by the moon’s silvery light, I saw a woman stand next to the couch. She was almost naked, wearing only elegant, dark panties and a matching bra. Her boobs were too big and her hair too long to be Amanda.
Suddenly I was wide awake and aware of Olivia’s smooth leg slipping in next to mine.
“What are you doing?” I snapped.
“Shhh,” Olivia hushed me. “Let’s have a little fun,” she added, slurring her words.
“You’re drunk.”
“And you’re cute,” she giggled, sitting down on the couch.
“No,” I said firmly.
“Oh, yes, very cute,” she purred and put a hand on my stomach, sliding it further down.
I jumped off the couch and grabbed her by the upper arm, perhaps a little harder than necessary. I was not in a good mood.
“Ow, let go,” Olivia snarled.
Ignoring her, I carted her into the bedroom. Amanda sat up, blinking and rubbing her eyes.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Your friend forgot where her bed was,” I said diplomatically.
Both of them giggled. I grunted in frustration and let go of Olivia.
“Just let me sleep in peace, okay?” I said over my shoulder before shutting the door.
***
“Sorry about last night,” Amanda said and yawned.
It was about nine and Amanda had just emerged from the bedroom, wearing one of my old t-shirts. One of the really old ones before I lost weight. It fit her like a dress. I handed her a cup of coffee.
“It’s okay,” I shrugged.
“You could have just doinked her, that would have been easier.”
“She was drunk.”
“Only a little and besides she’s been wanting to jump your bones for a while now, the alcohol didn’t influence that decision.”
“Gee, thanks for bringing her to my apartment.”
“Hey, you’re the one that needs to get laid,” she giggled.
“My ears are burning,” Olivia announced from the bedroom door,
Unlike my sister, she hadn’t bothered to put on anything more than her fancy lingerie. Even with her tousled hair, she managed to make it look sexy.
“Good morning,” I said, noticing a red area on her upper arm roughly hand-shaped with some guilt.
“Do you mind if I take a shower?” she asked.
“Go ahead. Towels are in the cupboard.”
“You look like you could use a shower, too,” she said coyly, looking right at me and gestured invitingly with her head. “Shower’s big enough for two.”
“No thanks.”
Olivia rolled her eyes and disappeared into the bathroom.
“What’s wrong? She’s not drunk now,” Amanda said accusatorily.
“You want me to have sex with her?” I asked.
Why was she pushing me so hard?
“Why not?” she replied and shrugged.
“I don’t want to.”
“Why? You don’t think she’s pretty?”
The water in the bathroom turned on. Olivia would be naked now. That image definitely had some merit.
“No, she’s very pretty. That’s not the problem.”
“Then what is? Do you already have someone else?”
“No,” I blurted out immediately, then revised. “I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
“Oh? Tell me more, maybe I can help.”
I seriously doubted that but I was close to my wit’s end.
“She’s really nice and makes me feel happy,” I said.
“That sounds like a good start. Is she pretty?”
“Very much.”
“But she doesn’t like you?”
“I don’t know. She keeps sending me mixed signals.”
“I see.”
“One day we’re cuddling on the couch, the next she’s trying to set me up with her friend.”
“Has she ever signaled she wants to be more than just friends?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. She kissed me, once.”
My heart was hammering in my chest. Was I really having this conversation with Amanda? I felt lightheaded and couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore.
“Sounds like she’s into you.”
“Then she wanted to pretend it never happened.”
“Ah, I see. Was it a bad kiss?”
“It was amazing. For me, at least. Maybe she didn’t like it.”
“Have you asked this chick out?”
“No, I can’t.”
“Why not?” Amanda asked as if we were having a normal conversation.
Did she really not figure it out yet?
“It’s complicated.”
“What’s complicated? You like her, it sounds like she’s pretty into you. Seems pretty simple to me.”
It was too insane. I took a deep breath to try and stop the ache. Tears welled up in my eyes.
I looked up and noticed that Amanda wasn’t as composed as she sounded. Her lips were pressed together so tightly, they turned white. A tear rolled down her cheek. Was she upset or terrified?
“Because… because she’s my,” I took another deep breath, “sister.”
Amanda’s lips quivered. Tears streamed down her cheeks. I fought back my own tears but I couldn’t stop the hurt in my chest.
I said it out loud. I actually said it out loud.
We just looked at each other, frozen in time. The fridge droned on monotonously. The shower prattled merrily.
Her beautiful, blue eyes.
I couldn’t take the tension anymore and lunged. Amanda moved at the same time. We met in the middle.
I tasted salt. Her lips. Her hot breath. Her body pressed against mine. Her darting tongue. I slipped my hand under her shirt and ran it across her soft back, fingertips rippling over goosebumps. Her hand squeezed my butt.
It was an explosion, like a million fireworks at once. This time there was no confusion. No hesitation. We both wanted it.
Until Amanda pulled back and shoved me. I stumbled backward, tried to grip the chair, only to discover it had already tipped over and laid on the floor. I followed soon after, landing hard on my butt.
“What?” I asked, looking up at Amanda in confusion as she tried to frantically rub away the tears.
“What happened here?” Olivia asked.
Shit. I had completely forgotten about her. Panic bubbled up in me. Did she see anything? Oh, God!
“Just sibling stuff,” Amanda said, snuffling.
“Looks like you kicked his ass,” Olivia snorted.
“Come on, let’s get out of there,” Amanda said, pulling Olivia into the bedroom.
I just remained sitting on the ground, thunderstruck. Amanda had more than reciprocated. I felt the same need in her every touch. She was into me. I wanted to scream with joy.
When the two returned, dressed in their evening garb, they found me still sitting on the floor, sobbing tears of joy.
“Ugh,” Olivia groaned. “I am o-v-e-r that.”
“Bye,” Amanda called out.
“Bye,” I replied.
Before closing the door, Amanda poked her head through the gap and mouthed the word, “Sorry.”
I set the chair right again, cleaned the coffee mugs off the table, and pulled the sheets off the couch. My own bed was a mess. Alcohol sweat and makeup that might never come out. Wet towels on the bathroom floor.
I switched out the sheets from the bed with the ones from the couch, no use in getting fresh ones. Besides, I didn’t have the strength to clean properly, not with my mind still swirling. My lips tingled and part of me wondered if I made it all up or if I really just made out with my sister. The faint taste of her lingered on me.
A loud pounding on the door interrupted my dream-like haze. The pounding intensified. I yanked open the door.
It was Amanda, red-faced, sweating, and out-of-breath.
“Where’s Olivia?” I asked.
“I… ditched… her…” she panted.
Was it a dream again? I reached out and brushed a strand of matted hair off her cheek. Her skin burned to the touch. She closed her eyes and sighed. I cupped her face and pulled her in for a kiss.
Somehow, we ended up in the bedroom in a blur of lips and hands. Driven by our mutual desire for each other. I fell on the mattress, back first, and Amanda climbed on top of me. She reached behind herself and unzipped the dress.
“Are we really doing this?” I asked in the momentary pause.
The dress slid down, revealing Amanda’s wonderful breasts, held back by a red bra. My jaw dropped and I was definitely hard.
“I want to. Do you?”
I nodded fervently. Amanda beamed and unbuttoned my jeans. Everything happened so fast, I barely noticed. My heart was pounding in my chest. Was I really about to lose my virginity? I took a deep breath to try and calm down.
A flash of Amanda’s bare butt. Her naked breasts dangled in front of me, plump with dark nipples. Her face in front of mine, smiling kindly. Her lips on mine, hungry.
And then she grabbed my erection and guided it inside of her. It was so wet and warm and wonderful. I gasped but her mouth took my breath away.
I couldn’t tell how long it lasted, only that she kept sliding up and down my cock. Slowly. My entire body felt like it was on fire.
And then I came. A powerful burst of happiness, followed by aching release.
When I opened my eyes, Amanda looked down at me, mouth open, smiling broadly. I grinned back at her. I’ve never felt anything like it.
“Wow,” I said.
“Been a while, huh? How long do — aah!”
I grabbed Amanda and rolled her off me. My penis might have been down for the count but my hunger only grew stronger.
It was the first time I saw her fully naked. Her breasts were still fairly big even though she was on her back. Her stomach was unblemished and she had an innie, just like me. She even had the same dense, dark curls of pubic hair, though hers was trimmed more than mine.
Leaning in, I grabbed ahold of her nipple with my lips. She let out a soft sigh. My hand caressed her inner thigh until she parted her legs enough for me to reach in. Two fingers inside, thumb massaging outside. I kissed along her collarbone, up her neck, and over her cheeks to her earlobe.
“You are so damn beautiful,” I whispered into her ear.
With one hand on my waist, she pulled. I let her guide me until I realized she wanted to kiss. We kissed passionately while I fingered, faster and faster.
“Ohhh,” Amanda moaned and I used the opportunity to nuzzle her other nipple.
Feeling her entire body tremble underneath me was almost better than my climax. Mouth open, eyes closed, head tilted back, she panted for what felt like minutes. As she came down, I pulled my hand away to caress her stomach and gently kiss her.
“Ohhh,” she sighed. “That was…”
Her eyes fluttered open and we looked at each other, smiling.
“It’s been a while for me, too,” she said.
“Does this whole thing feel unreal to you, too?” I asked.
“I know exactly what you mean,” she said, scooting closer.
I ended up on my back with her cuddling up to my side, one hand flung over my stomach. I had my arm around her and brushed my fingers across her back.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked.
“Of course.”
“That day when we were running, was it really just an accident you kissed me?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh,” she said, sounding disappointed.
“Well, I don’t know. It was a really confusing time for me. I still wasn’t quite over you-know-who but that day I was really happy for the first time in weeks. You were a big part of that. I didn’t really figure it out until later but it really felt like you were my girlfriend. We hung out a lot, we talked a lot, I missed you when you were gone, and I was happy when you were around. I think my body knew way before my head did.”
“Awww,” Amanda cooed, mollified.
“What about you? That kiss in the park?”
Amanda giggled. “I just really wanted to kiss you again.”
“Really? You already knew back then?”
“I already knew when you kissed me.”
“Oh. You’re a lot smarter than I am. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I was terrified.”
“Me, too.”
“So when did you figure it out?”
“When I saw how much you were hurting after Alexis and my heart nearly broke. I wanted to… comfort you.”
“That’s a lot earlier than me.”
“Yup.”
“So the whole exercise thing was just a ploy to hang out with me?”
“Pretty much, but now it actually feels good. I want to keep doing it.”
“And Olivia?”
“Oh, that,” Amanda said, sharply sucking in her breath. “That was a mistake.”
“So you knew what she was going to do?”
“Pretty much. I was pretty close to the breaking point of not being able to handle it anymore, I figured that if you and Olivia hooked up, I’d know you weren’t really into me, you just wanted to get your dick wet. Then I could move on with my life.”
“I think even if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have slept with her. That’s not really how I imagined losing my virgin — ”
Amanda sat bolt upright.
” — ity.”
“Your what?” she exclaimed loudly.
“Uhhh,” I stammered.
“Well that explains a lot,” Amanda said, more to herself. “I thought you just hadn’t done it with you-know-how, not never.”
“Sorry.”
Amanda barked a quick laugh. She grabbed my penis with one hand and began stroking while leaning over me and kissing me.
“This is great. You get to be all mine,” she murmured.
As soon as I was hard, she straddled me. It felt better, now that I wasn’t freaking out at the same time. She began slowly, just rocking back and forth, before moving up and down as well.
“I take it you’re not — ”
“No,” she smirked, shaking her head. “But now I kinda wish I was.”
“Don’t. You’re perfect the way you are.”
Tears welled up in her eyes and she pressed her lips together. She leaned forward and we kissed.
“It feels so good to hear nice things,” she murmured.
Amanda tried to sit up again but I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. Our naked bodies pressed against one another. I thrust my hips, pushing in and out of her. She burrowed her face on my shoulder. Her hair tickled my neck.
“You can go faster if you want,” she murmured
“Is it okay if I keep going like this?” I asked.
“If you want.”
“It’s kinda hard to move faster like this but I don’t want to let go of you.”
“I don’t want to move either.”
“Then we stay like this. We have the rest of our lives to try other stuff.”
That made Amanda perk up. She raised her head and looked me in the eyes.
“Do you mean that?”
I nodded.
We stayed just like that, just looking at each other — no, marveling at each other, while we made love. It was the longest time I’ve looked at my sister and I wanted to memorize every square inch. Every little bump, every tiny hair.
“Ohh,” she moaned and her eyes closed briefly.
It didn’t take long after that, which was good. I was barely able to hold on long enough to feel her quiver before I let go.
We came together in a shower of euphoria that lasted for an eternity.
Amanda collapsed on top of me. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it over the both of us.
“Mmm, this is nice,” she murmured.
“It is.”
I looked over at the alarm clock.
“Wow, it’s only ten. It feels like a month since this morning.”
“Ten?” Amanda said alarmed and rolled off me. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“What’s — ”
“I’m supposed to be at work!” she yelled, jumping out of bed.
“Can’t you call in sick?” I whined.
“I’m not sick and I don’t want to,” she snapped, putting on her underwear.
“Sorry, it’s just…”
“I know,” she sighed, pausing. “I know. What just happened was… I’d like to stay, but…”
“I get it. Go. We can talk later.”
Amanda nodded and then flashed me a smile. “If it makes you feel any better, I won’t be able to think about anything else at work other than your dick.”
“You know, it does a little,” I chuckle.
“More than a little,” she laughed.
And then, she was out of the bedroom, I listened to her curse while putting on shoes, then the front door opened and closed. Then everything was silent, save for my thumping heart.
I couldn’t believe all that happened in a single morning. I lost my virginity. To my sister. And I couldn’t be happier. I couldn’t stop smiling.
At eleven, the afterglow wore off and I realized just how sweaty I was and how sticky the sheets were. I got up, showered, cleaned the bed, and did laundry. Then I texted Amanda.
SHAUN: I miss you
AMANDA: ♥
AMANDA: I miss you too
At noon, I remembered that I had two classes that day. I decided to skip them, since both of them would have recordings I could watch later. It was too hard to concentrate on anything else.
A short while later, I changed my mind. I got dressed and headed for class, hoping it would make the time pass more quickly.
***
Amanda had showered and changed her clothes to something more ordinary since the morning, though she was no less beautiful. She held out a small bouquet of daisies, hand-picked. It was the first time in my life I’ve ever received flowers and I wasn’t sure what to do, other than to hold them.
“Did you know we have the same pubic hair?” I said.
“Really?” she asked and her eyebrows shot up.
Unceremoniously, she grabbed the beltline of my pants and pulled at it, peering inside. She pursed her lips and pulled forward her own pants. I leaned in to get a look, too. My pulse quickened at the sight.
“Huh, I guess we do,” Amanda said and looked up at me. “What kind of greeting was that?”.
“I just wanted an excuse to see it again,” I say and grin.
“Is that so?” she asked, grinning too.
Amanda spun around and shook her butt back and forth rhythmically. She undid her ponytail and whipped her hair around. She smacked herself on the butt. I stood there like an idiot holding a bouquet of daisies, staring with rapt attention.
“Bet you’d like to see these, too,” she said, whirling around and grabbing her boobs.
I nodded.
Slowly, teasingly, Amanda removed her shirt while undulating, revealing an emerald green bra. She sashayed closer, pressed up on me, and went in for a kiss. She stopped just shy of our lips touching, laughed, and my pants fell to the ground.
It took a very long minute for her to remove her own pants, lowering them inch by inch, dancing to an unheard beat. Her eyes kept flickering down to my crotch until I did, too. Yup, I was turned on.
When I looked back up, her bra was off and her breasts bounced with her movements. She slipped her fingers under the elastic band of her green panties and teased.
“What do you want to do now?” she asked in a husky tone.
I turned around and reached the cupboard in two large strides.
“Hey! Where are you going?” she yelled.
I grabbed a glass, quickly ran it under the tap, and put the daisies inside. Then I turned around to face my almost naked sister.
“Sorry but I need both my hands for what I want to do.”
Amanda laughed. I scooped her up and half-carried, half-dragged her to the bedroom. I tossed her on the bed, pulled down her panties, and opened her legs. Going in, it smelled of berries until my tongue made contact with her labia.
It reminded me of home. Like waking up on a lazy Saturday morning and just lying in bed for a few hours. Only wetter and more intense.
“Ooooh,” Amanda squeaked.
Either Alexis had been a good teacher or Amanda was easily pleased but it did not take long for her breathing to become faster and shallower, interspersed by the occasional soft moan.
When she climaxed, her thighs pressed against the side of my head and did not let go until she was finished.
“Ohhh, I needed that,” she sighed.
“You taste really nice,” I said, crawling up on the bed, over her.
“Really?”
“Yeah, way better than Alexis.”
I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it aside. Amanda propped herself up on an elbow and pulled me in for a kiss.
“Mmm, I do taste nice,” she said.
I pushed my boxers down.
“Do you need a moment to recover?”
“No,” Amanda giggled. “Please fuck me.”
It took me a moment to figure out the position but I was aided by my sister, who wrapped her legs around my waist and left me little choice in the matter. I guided the tip in with my hand, then descended the rest of the way.
Amanda gritted her teeth and sucked in her breath.
“What?” I asked, freezing. “Does it hurt?”
“No, it’s just very sensitive.”
“Should I stop?”
“Don’t you dare,” she growled and dug her feet into my back.
The message was clear. I pushed in, slowly at first, wondering if the weight of my body hurt her but if it did, she didn’t show it. After a few hesitant strokes, I grew more confident.
“That’s better,” Amanda cooed.
Bracing myself on my elbows, I leaned down to kiss her. It felt a lot more intimate than the last time. I ran a hand through her hair and massaged her scalp. Her eyes rolled up into the back of her and she purred. She brushed her fingertips along my side, raising goosebumps.
I kissed her on her beautiful and luscious lips, losing myself in the moment. We made passionate love, gently touching each other all over until we both came.
I rolled off of her and laid down, drained of energy.
“I had an awful day at work,” Amanda said.
I turned on my side to look at her and she already faced me. I reached out to brush a strand of hair out of her face.
“What happened?”
“Well, I didn’t have time to change, obviously, so I had to do the walk of shame into the shelter. Everyone noticed, of course. Lots of friendly jabs. Fortunately, I got a change of clothes in the locker.”
“That sucks.”
“It gets worse. Turns out the dogs were all really interested in the exciting new smell, so I had the whole pack following me around trying to sniff constantly.”
“Oh no.”
“I tried my best to manage it without attracting too much attention but eventually Pam pulled me aside and told me it was disruptive. I should either go home or take a shower.”
“What’d you do?”
“I showered in the dog grooming room, much to the amusement of everyone else.”
“Did it work?”
“Yup, but now I have a new nickname.”
“That can’t be good.”
“I’m Dognip now.”
I chuckled. She rolled her eyes.
“Sorry,” I apologized. “How much of that was my fault? Maybe they could smell my stuff.”
“I don’t know. I’ve never gone to work post-coitus before.”
“That reminds me, should we be having sex without a condom?”
“I’m on the pill and STD free. And I’m pretty sure you’re STD free, virgin.”
“I see. That’s good to know.”
“In other words, feel free to blow your load in me as much as you want.”
I wrinkled my nose. “That sounds so dirty when you say it.”
“Bad dirty or good dirty?”
“Hmm, I don’t know yet.”
“How was your day?”
“My morning was indescribably amazing, and so is my afternoon. Everything between that was really boring. I couldn’t concentrate on anything the lecturer said.”
“Have you thought about what we’re going to do now?”
“More sex?” I asked, grinning.
“No,” she laughed, “well, yes, but I meant what’s going to happen with us in the future?”
“I wish you weren’t my sister.”
Tears welled up in her eyes. “It makes everything harder, doesn’t it?”
“It does,” I said, brushing away a tear on her cheek. “But I don’t think we can go back now.”
“Seems impossible.”
“You make me happy. I want to be around you, always.”
“I feel the same.”
“I think I love you.”
“I know that I love you.”
“Then we’ll make it work.”
Amanda nodded.
“It’s a good thing you have your own apartment. Imagine trying to sneak around at home.”
“Have you thought about what’s gonna happen if someone found out?”
“Loads.”
“And?”
“It would suck. You?”
“Yeah, it would suck. But I still want to do it.”
“My secret boyfriend,” Amanda said and smiled.
The smile faded quickly. It was a depressing topic of conversation and we both knew it. The lustful mood was gone for the moment and without saying a word, we both got up, putting on only underwear. Amanda went to the bathroom and I headed for the kitchen.
Two minutes later, Amanda emerged wearing the shirt I just took off.
“I have clean shirts, you know.”
“I know but I like the way this one smells.”
“I hear it’s real dognip,” I quipped.
“Did you just call me a bitch?” she asked and stuck out her tongue.
“You know what would be good right now?”
“Pizza?”
“I was thinking of a good, hard run. To be honest, I’m afraid I might explode with all these feelings inside me. A run will calm me down.”
Amanda groaned.
“Don’t tell me that now you successfully seduced me, you want to give up exercise?”
“Excuse me, who kissed who first?”
“I’m going on a run with or without you.”
“Fiiiine,” Amanda sighed. “But I have to go home and get a change of clothes first.”
***
My feet hurt, my knees ached, and my thighs still tingled but at last, I felt calmer. We ran hard and even during our breaks we were too winded to talk. Nothing but our feet on the ground, the fading sun on our backs, and wind rushing through our hair.
Calmness and happiness.
And now we sat on the couch in front of the TV with a pepperoni pizza in front of us, huddled up in a warm blanket. Post shower, of course. There were limits to how good we smelled to each other.
“This,” Amanda said, chewing on pizza, “this is perfect.”
I had my arm around her and she was halfway on my lap. I had no idea how she was comfortable but she made no indication to move.
“A perfect day,” I agreed.
“Hard to believe it’s only been a day.”
“I know. Is every day going to be like this?”
“I doubt it. Maybe for a few weeks, then it will slowly fade. Then we’ll be used to each other and it will feel normal. In a few months, we’ll have less sex. Maybe by the end of the year we’ll resent each other.”
“That got dark fast.”
“Sorry. That’s just been my relationship experience so far.”
“This is different. I think you’re wrong.”
“I hope so.”
“We’re brother and sister, it’s going to either be amazing or it’s going down in spectacular flames. I don’t think there will be a middle ground. No slow growing apart.”
“I don’t want to talk about this again.”
I kissed Amanda on top of her head and reached for another slice of pizza. She wiggled closer as if she were afraid I might suddenly disappear. I pulled her closer and held her tight.
The detective serial provided enough distraction. We watched and we ate and we just held each other silently.
The third episode ended. The pizza was long gone. It was after midnight. Amanda yawned and stretched her arms, It was the first movement in a solid hour.
“It’s already pretty late, I commented. You could sleep here tonight if you want. If that’s not too soon.”
Amanda grinned impishly at me. “I already packed my toothbrush and jammies.”
I laughed.
“Same bed?”
“Same bed.”
It was odd to suddenly share my bed with another person again. Amanda wasn’t that much bigger than Alexis but she wanted to cuddle up a lot closer. I happily played the part of the big spoon, even if it meant having her hair in my face. A minuscule price to pay. She rested her head on my left arm and I held her tight with my right.
What a day.
***
Something was wet that shouldn’t have been wet. At first, I thought that I had drooled so much in my sleep that it covered my entire cheek but after a split second, I realized it wasn’t my fault. There were lips, kissing me. Soft, gentle lips.
“Mmmm,” I sighed.
“Good morning,” Amanda whispered.
“That’s an… interesting way to wake up.”
“You don’t like it?”
“I don’t know, it was unexpected. I thought I drooled myself.”
“You did but don’t worry, I cleaned it up first.”
“Thanks. And good morning.”
“Honestly, I was hoping for a better reaction.”
“Sorry. It really was just unexpected, the kiss was nice.”
“Good thing I didn’t go for the blowjob then.”
“You do that?” I blurted out.
Amanda rolled her eyes, smirked, and dove under the blanket. A second later, I felt the same wonderful lips place a kiss on my rapidly hardening shaft. A wet tongue on my tip.
The answer was yes, she did do that. She did it very well. Exceptionally well. She fit half of my cock inside her mouth, more than Alexis ever managed. And she seemed to be having a lot more fun.
If only it lasted longer. Embarrassingly fast, I came. Amanda seemed unperturbed by that, effortlessly swallowing it all.
She re-emerged, red-faced and grinning. She licked her lips.
“Now that’s a way to wake up,” I marveled.
“I slept so well tonight,” she said, lying back down, face to face.
“Me, too.”
“You’re nice and warm.”
“You’re nice and soft.”
“Maybe I should stop exercising then so I stay nice and soft.”
“Not a chance.”
“So you’ll still like me when I’m all ripped and muscley and taut?”
“Sure,” I laughed, “but that’s going to take a very, very long time and a lot of very hard work. You don’t accidentally build muscle.”
“Oh,” Amanda said, sounding disappointed. “I’d like to get stronger.”
“We can start going to the gym and get you lifting weights, then.”
“You really don’t mind?”
“Why would I?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you like the way I look right now.”
“I’ll like you with muscles, too.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
***
The first few days of us living together were incredible. Like a waking dream that never ended. We used every opportunity to make love to each other. We went to the gym together, where Amanda was disgruntled to find out she was only able to bench press the bar itself without any weights.
She woke me up with a blowjob most days, except for the one day I intentionally drank a lot of water before going to bed so I’d be up first. It wasn’t a total success, since me dashing to the bathroom woke her up before I could eat her out, but she nevertheless commended me on my effort. We spent every evening cuddling on the couch and just enjoying each others’ presence.
But as it turned out, despite everything that happened between the two of us, my sister was still my sister.
That meant I came home to candy wrappers littering the coffee table. Not a lot and it wasn’t a big deal to clean it up but it was still an annoyance. So were the wet towels on the bathroom floor. The tea bags in the sink.
It reminded me of living back home under the same roof and all the reasons I moved out in the first place. It wasn’t like Amanda was a slob, far from it, she just did some things without thinking about it. I asked her to hang up her towels twice and both times she said sorry and said she’d do it next time but she didn’t.
It was a little over a week in when I opened the door, saw Amanda lounging on the couch, watching TV, with an open carton of half-eaten ice cream on the coffee table. The ice cream had melted, leaving a stain on the wood.
The thought hit me like a nasty odor. What if living together wasn’t going to work?
I felt guilty immediately afterward. Nothing else had changed. I loved her so much it hurt and I was happier when I was around her, but it would have been nice not to have to clean up after her. I grabbed the ice cream carton to return it to the freezer.
“Hey, I’m still eating that,” Amanda yelled.
“It’s melted.”
“Yeah, so?”
“If you’re not gonna eat it all, you can just scoop out a little instead of letting it melt all over the table.”
“I am gonna eat it all.”
“Really?” I asked, holding up the quart that was still half-full. “You’re gonna eat all that?”
“Yup,” she replied smugly.
I ignored her and put the carton back into the freezer. Amanda got up, opened the freezer, and took it out again.
“Really?”
“I told you, I’m not finished.”
“Are you going to at least clean up the table this time?”
“Sure.”
“You always say that and then you don’t do it.”
“I am gonna do it, you’re just too anal and don’t give me time.”
“Just like the towels that lie on the floor until the late evening and get moldy.”
“None of them are moldy.”
“Because I always hang them up.”
“Wow, good job, you get a medal,” she snapped and returned to the couch.
“I don’t want a medal, I just want my apartment to be reasonably clean.”
“Your apartment? Oh, right, I forgot that I’m apparently just a guest here. Sure we’re in a committed relationship but it’s your apartment, not our apartment.”
“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just used to this place looking nice.”
“And now that I’m here it’s not nice anymore?”
Tears welled up in Amanda’s eyes but anger kept them down. Everything was going wrong and it felt like the conversation was spiraling out of control.
“That’s not what I said. I like having you here.”
“Apparently not, because you keep complaining about the things I do.”
“I don’t complain about everything, it’s just a few things.”
“Just a few things. Every day. How am I supposed to live here if I can’t be myself?”
“You can be yourself,” I snapped, “but that doesn’t mean you should destroy the table.”
Amanda shot to her feet and glared at me.
“Fine, if your stupid table is more important than me — ”
“It’s not!”
” — then maybe you can your stupid table can get married.”
“You’re being unreasonable!”
Amanda huffed loudly and turned her attention back to the TV. She grabbed the carton of ice cream and dug her spoon in, ladling some of the half-soup into her mouth.
Anger was boiling inside of me and I only knew of one way to deal with it.
“I’m going for a run. Do you want to come?”
“No. Wouldn’t want to ruin that for you, too.”
I stomped into the bedroom and got changed. A minute later I was out the door, riding down the elevator. I started running as soon as I hit the pavement but I didn’t get very far.
Before even reaching the edge of town, I collapsed against the side of a building and started crying. Big, ugly, heaving sobs. I was so angry but at the same time, I didn’t want to be angry. I hated the way the discussion went.
Was that really where they were at? Eight days of living together and we already failed as a couple. What if we hadn’t been meant to be a couple after all? We were both just horny and that drowned out everything else?
And it was impossible to ever fix what we used to have.
After fifteen minutes, the tears finally dried out. At last, I was able to run. I ran and I ran until my legs burned and I couldn’t think about anything other than the pain. I didn’t bring any water and my mouth was parched. I forgot to put on sunscreen and would undoubtedly get sunburnt.
I welcomed the sun’s punishment. It’s what I deserved. Fucking towels and a table, really?
It took me half an hour to walk back on sore feet but I felt calmer. I wanted to apologize to Amanda. That wasn’t how I wanted our relationship to end.
When I opened the door, the apartment was empty. The coffee table had been meticulously cleaned, not a single trace of chocolate anywhere.
“Amanda?” I called out.
No response.
The bed in the bedroom looked almost like it had been ironed. My sister’s pile of clothing was nowhere to be seen. All the towels in the bathroom hung perfectly straight. Her toothbrush was missing. I felt like someone punched me in the gut. Her purse and shoes were gone, too.
I picked up my phone and called her.
No response.
My chest felt tight and it was hard to breathe. I screwed up and lost everything because of a stupid table I bought at a yard sale for fifty bucks. It wasn’t worth it. I wanted to kick the table. Smash it to pieces.
Instead, I went to the kitchen and opened the cupboard. There were plenty of snacks in it now, all Amanda’s. I grabbed a packet of chips at random and almost had it open when I stopped myself. I took a deep breath.
No, food was not the solution. As much as everything hurt, I shouldn’t fall back into old habits. It cost me all the strength I had but I put the packet of chips back and closed the door.
Exhausted, I dropped on the couch. It still smelled of Amanda, who had been sitting on it all day. I buried my face in a pillow and started to cry again.
When I woke up, it was already dark outside. I called Amanda again.
No response.
***
I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and only followed my classes remotely, unable to concentrate. Life was pain incarnate.
Almost forty-eight hours and I still hadn’t heard a word from Amanda. She didn’t respond to my text either. The message was clear, so I stopped trying.
What a miserable, stupid idiot I was. I managed to screw up two relationships at the same time, both with my girlfriend and my sister. It hurt. It hurt a thousand times worse than when I caught Alexis cheating on me.
It hurt so much I couldn’t breathe sometimes. I’d give anything to have her back. To just hold her and tell her I’m sorry.
When the phone buzzed, I didn’t react. It felt like an intrusion into my world of misery. It buzzed again. Who would dare to send me a message in my time of grief? And again. A bubble of anger formed, giving me the strength to move. Groaning, I leaned out of bed and looked at the display.
It was Amanda.
Instantly, all the lethargy I felt was wiped again. I dropped the phone trying to open the message, caught it in midair, and fumbled to press the button.
AMANDA: can you come to the shelter
AMANDA: now
AMANDA: please
Part of me wanted to be a bratty, spoiled child and ignore the request. Hurt her like she hurt me. That part was quickly drowned out by a wave of longing.
A minute later I had changed my clothes, brushed my teeth, found clean socks, and given my face a quick rinse. There wasn’t much I could do about his scraggly stubble and time was pressing. I put on my shoes and took the stairs instead of the elevator.
What was normally a fifteen-minute drive, I managed in twelve. Undoubtedly, I broke several traffic laws but my mind was something else.
That something else sat on the curb in the parking lot in front of the shelter. Head buried in her knees, hair disheveled, shaking like a leaf in the wind. I pulled into the empty space one over, cut the engine, and got out. My heart beat too fast.
Amanda looked up. Her eyes were red, her cheeks covered in tears. As soon as she recognized me, she jumped up and flung herself at me. She threw her arms around my waist and clutched hard like a vice. She buried her face in my chest and continued crying. Big, heaving sobs. Not the happy kind. I held her and tried my best to comfort her with whatever was wrong.
“W-w-we h-had to p-p-put down,” she stammered, snuffled, and swallowed, “put d-down Frank.”
“Oh no,” I said, feeling tears well up in my own eyes. “What happened?”
“Cancer. Too much pain.”
“Fuck.”
Frank had been at the shelter before Amanda even started working there. A long-term guest of the establishment. I had known him for a good three years. He had always been friendly. He had to have been old for a dog but deserved a better end than that.
We stayed like that for a long time. The wet spot on my chest grew bigger and her vice-like grip was strong but I was numb to the pain and discomfort. I stroked her back, unable to hold back tears of my own.
“I miss you,” she said quietly.
“I really miss you, too.”
“I hate fighting with you.”
“Me, too. I don’t even care about the stupid table. I care about you. I don’t know why I was so upset.”
“I can be a bit of a slob sometimes.”
“You were right, I thought of it as my own apartment.”
“It is, I just kinda invited myself.”
“I want you to be there.”
“I want to be there but only if you’re happy.”
“The last couple of days without you have been the worst of my life.”
“Mine, too.”
“I don’t ever want to fight with you again.”
“We’re gonna fight again.”
“Okay, then I don’t want ever want to fight with you about something so stupid again.”
“We’re gonna fight about stupid things.”
“Do we have to?”
“Yes. But maybe we can handle it better in the future.”
“I hope so. I’m sorry for blowing up at you.”
“I’m sorry for making a mess sometimes.”
“I’m sorry for not making our apartment more of a home for you.”
“I forgive you.”
“I forgive you, too. And I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
At last, Amanda raised her head to look at me. Her eyes were still red but the flow of tears had stopped. Even so, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I leaned down for a kiss.
I forgot how great it felt to kiss Amanda. Even though she said we were going to fight in the future, I made a silent promise to myself to do everything I could to never lose her ever again.
“I’m sorry about Frank,” I said. “Was it sudden?”
“No, he’s been in a lot of pain this week and could barely move. He was just crying all day yesterday and the medicine didn’t soothe it. We decided it was better to take his pain away. Gave him a last afternoon in the warm sun and then…”
“I hope he’s happier now.”
“I hope so, too.”
“Are we okay?”
“Yeah, we will be.”
“Good.”
“I wish I didn’t have to go back to work.”
“Do you want me to wait for you?”
“No… but can you hold me? Just for a couple more minutes?”
“Of course.”
***
The apartment looked different now. There were a lot more plants. The pillows were all colorful. We had a rice cooker and an electric kettle for making tea. Bedsheets with flowers printed on them. The bathroom counter had more bottles on it than I could count.
And I just spent all afternoon installing a bidet faucet.
“You wanna give it a test?” I asked.
Amanda looked at it like Christmas had come early. She stood on the tips of her toes with her hands folded in front of her face, grinning. She nodded.
Two minutes later, she barged into the living room and gave me a big hug.
“Thank you for everything.”
“Thank you for everything, too.”
I haven’t seen a single towel lying on the ground since our fight.
“We should move.”
“Really?” I asked, a little bit disgruntled. “After everything we just did to make this place nicer?”
Amanda chuckled. “Not right away. After you finish college and I finish vet training. We should move to a different city where nobody knows us.”
“That’d be nice. We wouldn’t have to be afraid of being seen in public anymore.”
“But we have to get a place that allows pets. I want a dog.”
“Deal.”
We kissed again, a kiss filled with the passion of dreams. The kiss turned into groping. Groping led us to the bedroom. We made love the way we liked it the most, missionary, her legs wrapped around me, able to look into each other’s eyes, able to kiss.
“Do you want to go for a run?” I asked, cuddling with her in bed afterward.
“Yes but I don’t think my legs want me to. That orgasm was… too good.”
“Do you want to go for a walk?”
“That sounds better.”
On the ride down the elevator, Amanda assured me once again just how useful the bidet was. My legs itched for a good run but we didn’t change into our running gear, which meant we definitely wouldn’t be running. A walk was also good, though.
Hand-in-hand, we headed for the fields. Summer was in full swing now, the hot sun bore down on us. The fields had grown. Wheat, higher than either of us, flanked the first stretch of our usual path. Amanda tied her hair back into a ponytail and undid a few buttons on her blouse.
After many, many runs, we discovered there was a small lake nearby, at least according to its name. It was less of a lake and more of a small pool but it was nice nonetheless. Good for skinny dipping. Only a five-minute run.
Sauntering leisurely, we arrived there in thirty minutes. We sat down at the bank and stretched out on the warm grass. The summer sun kissed us both.
“Our new place should be somewhere close to nature,” Amanda said, hands folded behind her head.
“Yeah, that would be nice. Maybe next to the ocean.”
“Ooh, that’s even better. A private beach.”
“I don’t think we can afford that.”
“A few weeks ago I didn’t think we could ever be together and look at us now.”
“Fair point. A private beach it is,” I chuckled.
“I’m serious,” Amanda said, rolling on her side to face me. “With you being a nerd and me being a successful vet, we’re gonna have a pretty good income. We could buy a house somewhere. Not right away but a few years from now.”
“Years,” I sighed. “Sometimes it’s hard to think about tomorrow.”
“That’s why you have me. I’ll do the planning, you just say yes to everything.”
“Yes, that sounds great.”
Amanda giggled.
“Do you really have plans for years from now?” I asked.
“Yeah. The next two years are pretty fixed, of course. Doesn’t make much sense for you to transfer to a different school now. The apartment we have now is pretty good. I’m making okay money at the shelter and actually, I noticed that I’ve been spending a lot less money on wine and snacks. It’s adding up. By the time you graduate, I should have a few grand saved up. If you get a part-time gig, we would have a lot. After two years, we can move to somewhere far away. I’m thinking the west coast, probably California. Good weather and it’s close to the ocean. Plus plenty of job opportunities for you. I should be able to get a job in any medium-sized city, vets are in demand. Three years, if we live frugally, we should have enough saved up for a house, sooner if the market crashes. So about four years from now, we should be all set. After that, my goal is to open up my own practice. How long that takes depends mostly on our salaries. That’s my five-year plan. My own practice, a house, a dog, and you.”
“Wow,” I said. “All I’ve been thinking about is how your breasts look bigger now that your stomach is getting more toned.”
“I noticed that, too.”
“I like it.”
“My boobs or my plan?”
“Both. I’ll start looking for a side gig.”
“You don’t have to if you want to focus on your studies.”
“But it’s gonna make the plan go faster, right?”
“Right.”
“I want to help.”
Amanda leaned over and we kissed.
“It means we’re gonna see less of each other, though,” she sighed.
“That reminds me, you were wrong, by the way.”
“Oh? About what?”
“You said that after a few weeks our sex life is gonna start to fizzle out but every time we have sex, it feels as amazing as it did the first time.”
“Yeah, it does. I’m glad I was wrong.”
“Tell me more about our future. What kind of dog are we going to have?”
“I don’t know what kind yet, but we’re going to adopt from a shelter. Some sort of mutt. Depends on what they have, I guess. A medium-sized dog, nothing too small and yappy. We’re gonna name him Frank if he’s a boy and Frankie if she’s a girl.”
“I like that.”
“I’ll take care of him and I’ll find a job where I can take him to work. He can come on runs with us.”
“You think he’ll be able to keep up?”
Amanda laughed. “We are getting pretty good, aren’t we?”
“Yup. I’m still losing weight.”
“I noticed. You’re looking fitter every day.”
“You remember my deal with Alexis?”
Amanda giggled.
“Yeah. Why?”
“I hit two-twenty-five this morning.”
“Oooh, was that the sex amount?”
“Yup.”
“Are you angling for your reward?” she chuckled.
“Nah, we already had sex twice today.”
“But I didn’t know it was supposed to be special sex,” Amanda pouted.
“It’s always special sex with you.”
Amanda leaned in for another kiss. She fumbled at my belt. I aided her.
Before long, my pants were down to my knees and Amanda was on top, riding me. It was incredible how good it felt to be inside of her, no matter how often we did it.
Neither of us was in any particular hurry. The afternoon sun was starting to set but it was still blazing. The air smelled of grain and flowers. Crickets chirped. Amanda swayed back and forth, lips pressed tightly together.
A perfect day. Another perfect day, really. There seemed to be a lot of those lately.
We knew each other’s bodies well enough by now to know how to time our orgasms. Amanda went first and I joined in when she was at her peak. A powerful, euphoric wave washed over me.
“Congratulations on finally losing your virginity,” Amanda purred.
“My life would have been so different if I stayed with Alexis.”
“Yeah.”
“Definitely worse,” I said and frowned.
“Why are you making a sad puppy face?”
“I don’t want to ruin the mood.”
“Tell me,” Amanda said, bending forward and planting a kiss on the tip of my nose.
“I just realized that I could have married Alexis. Had children.”
“Oh,” Amanda said and frowned, too.
“Sorry.”
“Do you want to have kids someday?”
“I never really thought about it, to be honest. That sort of stuff was always something so far ahead in the future I didn’t think I’d need to think about it.”
“And now?”
“And now the decision is already made. I’m never gonna have children.”
Amanda sighed. “I never wanted kids, if it helps.”
“Never?”
“Never. Not even before this whole thing with you. I like working with animals. I’ve always wanted a dog. The thought of growing a child inside of me is…” Amanda shuddered. “Weird.”
“That’s good. Then being with me doesn’t ruin any of your dreams.”
“Well, I did want a wedding.”
“Oh.”
“It was never like a fantasy or anything but it would have been nice to stand at the altar and declare my love for the man of my dreams.”
“Sorry.”
“Dreams change, my love. I can live without a wedding. I cannot live without you. And I cannot live without a dog.”
I propped myself up on my elbow and kissed Amanda. “I’ve already accomplished all my dreams.”
***
My jaw dropped.
We decided that for our big celebratory date night, we’d get fancy-dressed and not show each other until we were both ready. We got a reservation at Amor, one of the fanciest restaurants in the city, for seven.
I wore a suit, which I had to rent. A real three-piece suit, in a charcoal gray, with a light purple dress shirt, and — at the behest of the sales rep — an aubergine tie. It was the most dressed-up I’ve ever been and the best I ever felt about my body. Technically, I was still overweight according to BMI but it certainly didn’t feel like it. That’s why I now had at least two dozen selfies of me in this suit.
But no matter how good I looked, I might as well have been a pig rolling in mud compared to Amanda. She wore a red, strapless cocktail dress. I have no idea how it could possibly have been held up considering the amount of cleavage it exposed. It hugged her curves the way my hands usually did. For once, her hair wasn’t bound back in a ponytail, it was wavy, styled over to one side.
And her face was immaculate. Thick, full red lips and remarkable eyebrows. Her eyes glowed a chestnut brown. In heels, she was as tall as I was.
“Damn, you look good,” she said, beaming.
“You look… breathtaking.”
I didn’t think it was possible but her smile grew even wider.
“Shall we go in, handsome?”
The Amor looked like it was very busy that Saturday evening, as expected. Every table was either full or reserved. Despite that, the atmosphere was more cozy than hectic. A lot of paneling and interior walls divided the large room into smaller, quieter sections. We were seated at a table for two near the side.
I pulled out Amanda’s chair, which made her raise her eyebrows, but she accepted the gesture. The waiter lit two tall, pink candles and began reciting the menu. There were no printed copies, that was far too gauche for the Amor.
In the end, both Amanda and I ended up picking the same appetizer, a mixed greens salad with candied walnuts, goat cheese, and a honey vinaigrette. We also picked the same dessert, a triple chocolate mousse. For the main course, I got herb-crusted tofu with mushroom risotto, and Amanda selected a vegetable spiral tart.
“This feels weird,” Amanda said, sipping from her glass of red wine.
“Good weird or bad weird?”
Amanda scrunched up her face and shook her head indecisively.
“I’m constantly terrified that someone is gonna recognize us.”
“Who do we know that’s rich enough to eat here?” I chuckled.
“Good point,” she mused.
“Even if, we’re celebrating good news. Nothing wrong with that.”
“How does it feel to be a working man?”
“Really boring but there’s less anxiety when looking at my account balance.”
Amanda laughed. Yesterday, I received my first paycheck from working part-time at a computer repair place. It wasn’t a hard job, mostly running a pre-build diagnostic program on computers and then fixing simple problems, but it paid seventeen bucks an hour and I was good at it.
“To money and our future,” Amanda said, raising her glass.
We toasted.
The salad was hands down the best salad I’ve ever had and Amanda agreed. We talked about our day but it was obvious that my sister was somewhat uncomfortable. She kept glancing around the room as if we were being watched. She wouldn’t let me hold her hand and kissing was definitely out of the question.
“I can’t wait until we move somewhere else,” she sighed.
“That’s gonna be a while.”
“I know,” she said glumly.
At least the main course distracted her from her worries. Her tart looked like a vegetable rainbow and she broke her own promise of not using our phones throughout dinner to take a picture. She was grinning at me when I heard a very familiar but unexpected voice.
“Shaun? Is that you?”
It was Alexis. Dressed up nicely but not even close to Amanda’s level. She hadn’t changed at all since the last time I saw her. Still fit with the same coquettish smile. A burst of pain bubbled up but I quickly realized it was more of a memory of pain than pain itself.
“Alexis,” I said curtly.
“You look… handsome,” she said, letting her eyes wander all over my body. “I see you’ve been keeping up with the weight loss.”
“No thanks to you,” Amanda muttered.
Alexis’ head snapped around. “And you are — holy shit, Amanda? I barely recognized you.”
“Unfortunately, I can’t say the same,” Amanda said disdainfully.
“What are you doing with your little sister? I thought you were on a date at first,” Alexis laughed.
“We’re celebrating,” I said.
“Oh?” Alexis asked, one eyebrow raised.
“It’s — ”
“It’s none of your business,” Amanda interrupted me.
Alexis took a deep breath.
“Look, I know I hurt you but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. Really. I’ve been thinking a lot about our time together lately and what we had was pretty good, right? We were happy, right?”
“Until you cheated on him,” Amanda said to Alexis’ back.
“It was an accident. It won’t ever happen again.”
“Yeah, it won’t, because you and I are never going to be dating again,” I said.
Alexis sucked in her breath and took a step backward.
“Things are different now,” she pleaded. “I mean, just look at you.” She lowered her voice and smirked at me. “I bet you’re under two-twenty-five,” she said and winked.
Amanda’s lips were pressed together so tightly there was a white outline around the lipstick. Her fists were balled up and she was shaking with fury.
“No, Alexis. We’re over. Never gonna happen.”
“But — ”
“Please leave,” I said sternly.
Tears welled up in Alexis’ eyes. She turned on her heels and stalked off.
“That… utter…” Amanda hissed through clenched teeth and let out a snarl.
“You have nothing to worry about. I love you.”
The words startled her and she whirled around frantically to check if anybody overheard. Nobody was paying attention to us.
“I love you, too,” she whispered so faintly I barely heard it.
“You’re right, it will be nice to move far away.”
Amanda nodded eagerly. She looked around the room again and her eyebrows shot up.
“That bitch is on a date with someone.”
I followed her look and saw Alexis, sitting at a table on the other side of the room, opposite a well-built man with a scraggly beard and a tan jacket. Alexis’ type, apparently. She didn’t appear to be too happy at the moment, however, and shot a wistful glance at our table.
“I wish I could kiss you right now and see the look on her stupid bitch face,” Amanda said.
“There is no need to be jealous. I’m over her.”
“I know but I haven’t forgiven her yet.”
The mood was different after that. Not quite ruined but definitely more uncomfortable. Amanda wouldn’t do anything even remotely girlfriend-like, not as long as “the enemy might be watching”, in her words.
After a wonderful dessert, we went for a leisurely walk in the fading sunlight. At first, Amanda wouldn’t even hold my hand, so I just wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close until she relented and at least put her arm around my waist.
“This is harder than I expected,” Amanda sighed.
“I know. It sucks. Can you bear it for another two years?”
“I’m gonna have to, don’t I?”
“We could… take a break and — ”
“NO!” Amanda said immediately.
I chuckled.
“Yes, I can bear it,” she sighed. “At least we always have the apartment.”
“And the fields,” I reminded her.
“And the car,” she giggled.
“And the elevator.”
“And the changing room at the mall.”
“And the alley.”
“The alley?” she asked, confused. “We never did it in an alley.”
“Not yet,” I laughed, pulled her into a sidestreet, and kissed her.
***
3 years later
***
The car slowed down and I pulled into the parking lot. Gravel crunched under the tires.
“Can I open my eyes?” Amanda whined.
“Not yet. Soon.”
“So we’re here?” Amanda asked excitedly.
“Almost.”
I got out, rounded the car, and opened the door on the passenger side. Amanda still had both her hands clasped over her eyes. I gently grabbed her right hand and she dutifully covered both her eyes with her left. The gold band sparkled on her left ring finger, matching the one on mine. They were one of the first things we bought with my first big boy paycheck.
A bark erupted from the trunk.
“Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you, Frankie,” I laughed. “Careful, the parking lot is gravel. Don’t trip.”
“Ooh, I can smell the ocean,” Amanda said, stepping out of the car.
“Good nose. We’re about three miles from the pacific.”
“Can I look now?”
“Almost. Turn around. A little bit more in this way,” I said, turning her toward the house. “Okay, you can look now.”
I didn’t need to look at the house, I’d already seen it. Not too big, since we weren’t a big family, but still roomy. I only wanted to look at Amanda, see her reaction.
Her eyes fluttered open, squinted from the sunlight, then went wide. Her mouth opened, closed, opened again. A wide grin as if it were Christmas morning. She looked at me, back at the house, back at me, back at the house.
“That one?” she asked in disbelief as if there was another house nearby.
I nodded.
“We can afford that?”
I nodded again.
A loud, high-pitched squeal pierced the air. She took a step toward the house, turned around and stepped back to me, spun around to take another step, then changed her mind yet again. She flung her arms around me and kissed me on the lips.
“I love you,” she said and planted another kiss on my lips. “I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “I love you so much.” Kiss.
“I see the wife approves,” said a woman behind them.
Amanda froze and looked at the newcomer. A woman in her fifties wearing a power suit — all pink.
“Amanda, this is Mrs. Kelly, the realtor. Mrs. Kelly, this is my lovely wife.”
“You two look adorable together. How long have you been married?”
I looked at Amanda and we smiled at each other.
“Two years,” I answered.
“Really?” Mrs. Kelly said, surprised. “You still have that honeymoon glow about you.”
“It feels like it,” Amanda said, kissing me on the cheek.
Another bark from the trunk.
“Is it okay if I let the dog run around?” I asked the realtor.
“Of course.”
Amanda approached the house while I opened the trunk of the car. As soon as it slid open a few inches, a blur of brown and white shot out of the gap. Frankie was a very active border collie-labrador retriever mix. Playful and good-natured. She immediately ran after Amanda and begged to be petted — successfully.
By the time I caught up to Amanda again, Frankie was mollified enough to begin exploring the grounds.
The building was a two-story California ranch-style home. A stone facade on the lower three-quarters, dark European oak panels above that. A black, slanted roof.
“Three bedrooms, two bathrooms. The upstairs one has a hot tub and a bidet. Living room and kitchen. Even a separate laundry room. It was built in the eighties. And the best part, a three-acre backyard, though most of that is a steep slope.”
“And we really can afford all that?” Amanda asked.
“Yup. The bank approved the loan. I can write the check for the down payment right now. The only thing missing is your approval.”
“What’s the catch?”
“It’s a thirty-year-old house, so we’re due for some repairs. It doesn’t have air conditioning and the boiler needs to be replaced. I already accounted for both of those in the budget. And some other minor repairs, of course. The biggest catch is that my commute is going to be at least thirty minutes.”
“And you’d be okay with that?”
“Yeah. This house is everything we ever wanted. Except for a private beach, of course.”
Amanda laughed. “I can live without a private beach, I think. And Frankie seems to really like the backyard already.”
“I can live anywhere as long as it’s with you.”
Amanda lunged at me and we kissed. Not just a peck on the lip but a full, passionate kiss. Until Mrs. Kelly cleared her throat.
“Sorry,” Amanda giggled. “I suppose we should look at the house.”
The interior was fairly dated. According to the realtor, the previous owner had been an eighty-year-old widow, whose husband had been the one to build it. She passed away earlier that year of cancer. The house had been cleaned out since then and the heir, who lived in Europe, decided to sell it rather than renting it out.
“Wow,” Amanda marveled, seeing the spacious living room.
“Ooh,” she squealed, seeing the upstairs bathroom with a bidet.
“What are we gonna do with three bedrooms?” she asked.
“Well, I figured we could use one as an office and one as a gym. Or maybe Frankie gets her own room.”
“Oh please, like she’d move out of our bedroom now,” Amanda laughed. “Office and gym sound good. Or maybe we can keep one as a spare room for visits.”
“We don’t have to decide now. We’ll have years. The rest of our lives.”
Tears welled up in Amanda’s eyes. She hugged me tightly.
“I love it,” she said.
“You haven’t even seen the pool in the backyard yet.”
“There’s a pool?” she squeaked.
“And the closest neighbors are a quarter-mile away.”
“Write the damn check.”
“Alright. I’ll talk to Mrs. Kelly. You should still take a look at the backyard.”
“How soon can we move in?”
“Depends on the paperwork. We’ll still have to draw up the contract and I want to get a second inspection done. The bank has to release the money and so on. I’d say about a month?”
“A month?” Amanda groaned. “I don’t even want to leave now.”
“We’ve worked three years for this, you can wait another month.”
“Yes,” Amanda sighed. “I can wait another month.”
“I love you so much, Mrs. Burke.”
“Mmm, and I love you, Mr. Burke.”
Amanda and I kissed. My heart fluttered in my chest. No matter how often we kissed, it felt as magical and wonderful as the first time.