Girlfriends’ Reunion

The old school bus trundled along happily with the eighties disco music blaring through the surprisingly clear audio system. There were lots of people that I didn’t know except Ana, Jackie and our husbands. They were mouthing the words, swaying and clapping to the rhythms and even Simon, driving the bus joined in with his head nodding with the beat and glancing behind occasionally with his usual charming smile.

Then, unexpectedly the bus stopped and a bevy of girls, about nine or ten of them hopped on. They all looked pretty, young in their twenties and unknown except for one that looked familiar from my school days. Someone behind said that they were domestic workers. No one knew where they were going and why they were so skimpily dressed; in shorts and mini skirts with tube tops, halters and sleeveless shirts. As soon as they got in, they started dancing in the aisle!

They swayed their butts and shook their boobs with a comfort of mysterious familiarity. Then they shocked us, at least me, as they started taking off their clothes. Some had their tops off and some others took off their skirts and shorts and they kept dancing! Their bare breasts, buttocks and genitals were shamelessly on view, much to the delight of our hubbies! I certainly noticed, Jagath, my man sitting with a sly smile behind his large shades. One of the girls, wearing only a bra, went up to Phil, my friend Ana’s husband and made a very crude male masturbation gesture. Even more shocking was that neither of them said anything.

Then there was knocking on the side of the bus. It changed to banging and then loud banging. Why or how would anyone bang on the side of a moving bus?

Now I heard Ana’s voice: “Yash! Yasho! Are you there?’ That jerked me out of slumber land! Ana was at my door! And I just had the weirdest of dreams.

“Coming! Coming, Ana!” I skipped out of bed and went to the door. “Sorry, I just dozed off.” I yawned. “The day was so tiring,” I looked at my watch. “Wow! It’s 6:35. I slept for an hour and a half.”

“Yes, the day was great.” She observed my eyes. “You had a good nap?” I stretched in agreement. “Listen. Jackie has something special planned for our night session. Dinner is at seven.”

“What’s she planning now?”

“Don’t know. She won’t say. I just came to let you know. See you soon.” She left for her room down the hallway.

Living in Livera

it was Friday evening and we were at the end of our eight-day holiday. I made my daily call to Jagath and exchanged the regular notes. Six days ago, we took a four-hour train ride to the hills and were picked up at the railway station by Simon, the elegant, smart and incredibly polite estate manager. The three of us were celebrating a girlie reunion after almost twenty years. Annapurna, whom we called Anna then, and now had become Ana was visiting from New Jersey, USA. She usually comes for flying super short visits to see her ailing father but this time she had a leisurely six weeks that presented this opportunity for us, college friends, to make this trip, albeit without our hubbies. We didn’t imagine then, what an eventful trip this was going to be and for me a life changing one.

We used the picturesque train journey and the car ride through the mountainous terrain to catch up. Jackie and her man, Krish lived in the same city as me and they were a successful business couple dealing in textile dyes. My husband, Jagath was a thriving dermatologist and I was the lazy housewife. Ana and Phil were in the USA for over a decade and they too had launched and prospered in some entrepreneurship that dealt with automobile parts or some such. As we drove past the gates at the foot of a hill that announced the ‘Livera’ in brass, the most interesting snippet we heard, much to my disbelief was that Ana and Phil had an open marriage. What that really meant, I was going to learn soon. Ana was also brought up in the same conservative, Hindu cultural setting as me and therefore shared a similar civic disposition. Thus, my astonishment at an unexpected transition.

The Livera was inherited and now owned by Jackie’s uncle Olie, whose full name was Francis Gautmann Oliver De Livera and had quite unimaginatively named the property after his Goan family name. The handsome rectangular granite and wood structure that sat on the hill top, was a two storied and eleven-bedroom mansion with an indoor swimming pool, games room and home theatre that now was a swank bed and breakfast place. Jackie came here quite often and Uncle Olie was kind enough to offer this pristine residence in the hills at six-thousand feet, to us for our little reunion.

The eight efficient staff members under the immaculately organized manager, Simon Cardoza within this magnificent Victorian abode, was the ideal setting for us.

“I think Jagath would have enjoyed this place.” I chipped in when we were unloading our baggage into the foyer.

“Why do you want them here?” Jackie’s rejoinder was typical. Then she added softly: “Unless you want to fuck.”

I inserted a smile on my face. Ana gave her take. “We don’t need hubbies for that. Do we? That Simon guy looks cute.” That shut me up on the topic.

Jackie, unlike Ana, was just the same from College days and I guess I was myself, save the inevitable changes of motherhood, of a teen kid and the approach of middle middle-age.

We had bedrooms with spacious ensuite five-piece bathrooms more than adequately furnished and finished with tasteful linen, rugs and curtains. Everyday I would go for an early morning walk in the backyard square walkway that slopes down to the edge of the property among thick vegetable shrubs and a dark green gazebo that stood right at the centre. I estimated that one square trip was about 400 meters and with the incline up which was moderately steep, four rounds would be a good workout before my shower.

The three of us would sit at the huge teak wood twelve-seater dining table for a sumptuous breakfast that had a variety of eastern and western menus each day, served by Mary the multitasked pleasant in charge of domestic help. Then we would go out on planned trips to botanical gardens, parks, flower shows, shops or simply take a stroll through the charming little town chatting laughing and munching cashew nuts.

Back for lunch and a quiet afternoon siesta or a lazy walk within the property brought on teatime and perhaps another trip to the town before we either came back for a quick swim and dinner or ate at one of the cozy little restaurants. All these delightful outings had the sprinkling of sharing and bonding that dissolved the years that had hurried by.

After dinner we often played Scrabble, Monopoly or Rummy the card game. On two nights we saw movies on the home theatre system. The library was huge and selection was difficult. Jackie suggested a girl friendly porn. The thought was abandoned as I made a face. Though I occasionally watched porn at home with hubby, I was always of the opinion that they were plotless, sensationless, raw and aggressive acts of male dominated unrealistic sex. It was at this session on that day that Jackie was hinting at ‘something special’. I did not want to be late, somehow.

I quickly went into the bathroom brushed my teeth, had a quick shower and went to pick some casual lounge wear when I went past the reflection in a full-length mirror. I saw myself naked and not being used to even that self exposure, I looked away and stepped out of my own view. Then I remembered Ana and Jackie say that my butt was looking quite sexy nowadays and just to quench my curiosity, I stepped back and turned to look at my own backside; something I don’t remember doing for a long time.

Just a couple evenings earlier, we had our dinner and were sitting on the rooftop terrace as it was a relatively warm night. Ana, being the swimmer and water lover wanted to jump into the hot water tub there. She switched on the underwater lights and having no swim wear available, stripped down to her bra and panties and jumped in and gestured to us. Jackie was not far behind. Our swimwear was in the washer after our afternoon swim.

“Come on, Yash. You are wearing your underwear, no?” She shed her clothes dropped them on the tiled floor and jumped in. Now both of them were prodding me.

I was thinking ahead. What would we wear when we come out? How would we dry ourselves? I asked.

“I’ll get someone to get us some towels.” Jackie provided a half solution.

“What will we wear?” I was possibly overthinking. “There are staff all over.”

“Mary is here and I can get her to help us. Now shut up and join us.”

Extremely reluctantly I stripped and with my hands and arms dancing around my nakedness I quickly stepped into the warm rippling, bubbling blue water. I was happy I had modest panties on unlike the other two that had the bikini variety. The feeling was great and relaxing with the tropical stars above in a cloudless sky, the warm currents touching and tickling and the closeness of very special company.

When it was time to get out, I realized that my modest panties had gone absolutely transparent and clingy!

“Wow! Look at that sexy arse!” Jackie laughed. I looked down to be horrified.

I sat down again in the tub as Ana joined in. “And look at that bush! This is one sexy dish!”

Presently seeing my derriere in the mirror, hmm… it did look filled out and I palmed the twin mounds. I remembered that Jagath held them tight as he climaxed during sex and I loved it. I parted my cheeks and felt good at forty-one. A few weeks prior, after a period of scorching intimacy, Jagath was exploring that part of my body and had said something like: “I’d like to go in there someday.” I had expressed immediate and unequivocal disgust! I smiled at that memory; I could never like anal.

I felt a flush of pride as Jackie was the queen in the butt department while Ana, being a sportswoman, carried an average sized bum full of firm muscle.

Somehow, I felt the need to wear something to show off my freshly appreciated asset that night and chose a tight-around-the-hips crimson pyjama slacks. I had worn that before on this trip but now I chose a short yellow shirt that would expose my curves. I was going to impress my girlfriends tonight! No men around to worry about too much.

Been there; want that!

It was when Mary had brought out our soup which was a Sri Lankan seafood specialty called Kool that Jackie spoke about the plan.

“We’ve been sharing some great stories and lots of interesting anecdotes. Let’s go a little deeper and more intimate.” She looked around and my heart skipped a beat. “Let’ share the first time we did it, without mentioning too many details, of course.”

“First time we did what?” That was me.

“The first time you ate chocolate cake, stupid.” They both laughed. “Of course, Yash, it’s the first time you had sex!”

“But that’s very private isn’t it? And there is another person involved; that’s not fair.” I protested.

“No, woman. We don’t want names, places or dates. We want feelings; fears, anxieties, thrills or moments of enlightenment or interesting happenings that you may have not have shared with anyone because it had a context that couldn’t be revealed.”

“That sounds doable.” Ana chipped in. “It will be fun and we are sure it won’t travel beyond us, right?”

“Of course not.” Jackie reassured.

I was quiet. All three of us were silent. I mulled over it over the rest of the dinner that I even forgot what I ate. A tiny bit of fear settled in my chest. It is when the fruit bowl was brought in that Jackie spoke again. “I’ll go first.” She offered. “It will put you at ease and we’ll add a fantasy to finish off. How about that?” She waited for Mary to leave. “What would you wish to happen now? Your wildest sexual fantasy!”

“Wow! Very exciting! I am ready to go.” Ana beamed.

Obviously, these two were quite different from me. In fact, in college, all three of us were so dissimilar that friends were amazed that we hung out so much together. I simply followed the direction given and shown by my parents and family. I never went out too much and never with boys alone. Yes, I did have those thoughts about boys but they were sanitized by too much of moral preaching and red flag waving at home. I trusted my parents as I loved and respected them as much as they displayed so much kindness and love towards me. I continued that well beyond my marriage and though I smiled through all the naughtiness of my close buddies I could never be totally a part of their exploits.

When we moved into the adjoining television room where we used to play our board games, Jackie was ready to begin her story. The doors were shut.

Jackie’s First

“It was just after school days and we were madly in love. A couple of weeks earlier an older cousin had told me about how much sex was enjoyable as a woman. That thought played in my head.

“It was carnival time in Goa and we were together with friends. He wanted to peel away in the dark and he took me to a quiet place in someone’s backyard. The setting and the rebelliousness were exciting. The breaking of rules to get into each other’s arms intimately was quite titillating. I remember leaning against a coconut palm and being crushed by his powerful shoulders as he kissed me repeatedly. I could feel his urgency as his hands were everywhere. I remember I wore a denim skirt and a blouse with buttons. I didn’t know what to feel in the sense of rights and wrongs. I only felt terribly good, wanted, loved and desired. Even when he kissed the top of my boobs opening my upper buttons I encouraged him. But when I felt his hand down there, I resisted. He asked me why and I gave that standard ‘not here’ answer.

“Just then a group of people came towards us with flashlights and talking loudly. It looked like they were going back home or somewhere and we were in their path. We moved a little towards a small shack in the shadows and held ourselves flush against the mud wall.

“The people walked by on their way. I had to leave as it was late and I somehow convinced him. We said we will meet again soon.

“At home I thought a lot about that night and what might have been. Thoughts of intimacy floated in my mind making me terribly horny.

“He was pretty good at organizing another meeting the very next day. I had to spin a quick yarn at home and told them that I was meeting friends close to my cousin’s place that was pretty far out of town. My guy had a place ready so close to home. I was fooling myself if I thought that was for anything other than sex. It was a friend’s home where the family were away.

“I went willingly, knowing as well, as not knowing what I was in for. There was nothing to do in a strange house except fuck.

“So, we got ourselves undressed, or rather he undressed me after the preliminaries and then it happened. He wore a condom That was the first one I saw. The happiness was only that I was desired and I made the one I loved happy. The entry was painful and even when he did it I had some pain and as you know there was some pleasure that comes with the circumstances. It helped that he seemed to know what he was doing, though it was his first time as well. When he climaxed, I felt his body go rigid and then flow into spasms that synced with his thing expanding and contracting in me. I wanted to feel what he was squirting into me that was barricaded by protective rubber.

“Yes, the overall feeling was good; but there was a good deal of pain as well.”

Ana applauded. And I smiled my appreciation.

“Do we have question time?” Ana asked.

“Go ahead.”

“What position did you employ?”

“Missionary. Why? Would you think of anything else the first time?”

“I heard that doggy style is less painful for virgins.” That was Ana’s insights.

“What would have happened if you parents phoned your cousin?” I asked, my cautiousness to the forefront.

“Oh, I called her that morning and told her to tell them that I went fishing to the lake. But they never called.” Jackie looked at each of us. “OK. It’s Ana next?”

“Yes, I’ll go.”

Ana’s First

“You guys know me in those days. I was the shy girl I was. The first night was a mixture of excitement, anxiety, hmm…, fear and bashfulness. You know the excitement is because you are beginning your new life with someone and acquiring a new status. The anxiety is of the unknown and fear is the ever-present sense of inadequacy. The bashfulness is obvious. I was swimming at state level meets and would be so shy in the changing rooms while some girls wouldn’t bother and get naked so very casually.

“I had not been seen by any man so it was quite a big hurdle for me to cross. I tried to postpone the inevitable by going out of the room for this or that and even wanted to watch the evening news! He took all that quite well.

“Then he went into the bathroom to change into an obviously new blue checked pyjamas. I followed after he came out and wore the much revealing nightie underneath and a modest gown over it. After much thought, I wore my panties before I went back in. I quickly went to the switch and turned the lights off. I heard him giggle.

“With all that is said about men being clumsy and insensitive my guy was super. He was very gentle and let me go at my own pace. He showed some surprise when he found an extra layer of clothing and soon he got himself completely naked.

“I carefully avoided looking down below his neck! He was busy getting my nightie off and then smirked when he saw my panties. I apologized and said I was very shy. He seemed quite fascinated with my body and was fondling and feeling me everywhere for a very long time. It was quite arousing for me and I can say that was when I started feeling frisky. I wanted him to kiss me everywhere and he read my mind.

“When he went down, he horrified me as I cringed with shyness and he softly pulled my panties down. He exclaimed: ‘You are shaved!’ I told him the woman who got me prepared suggested it. He did snigger saying something like I looked like a baby but soon after, his lips went there and took me to heaven. The shyness, anxiety and fear disappeared and instead raged a fire of desire. He held my hand and brought it down to his erection and my imagination of a penis matched what I felt. Remember, Jackie, we watched a porn in your bedroom on your laptop! Somehow it felt like the one I saw on the screen, He made me stroke him and I learnt the art of thrilling a man ever so tenderly.

“When we did it, there was pain but a moment later I was consumed by this feeling of being filled. A joyous feeling of your whole body belonging to someone else and yet being separate enough to require a union of flesh. The gentle acceleration was exquisite and not only did I participate with physical effort but was very vocal as well. His explosion was sweet with warm, warm, warm flowing into me as he grunted and moaned his ecstasy.

“I think it is that moment that I told myself I want to change and be more open and truthful to myself; accept my real feelings and desires and not bury them deep within.

“Wow! Very real and with a lot of feeling, Ana.” Jackie looked genuinely impressed.

I was, of course, stunned and speechless!

It was my turn.

My First:

“Sorry, but my narration is going to be quite boring compared to yours. Obviously, it was with my husband and you girls know a part of it. Here’s the reason why my mind was programed to act in the way it did.

“Everyone that was involved with anything to do with my honeymoon preparations were obliquely referring to the act of sex. How I should be wearing the off-white negligee that my mother bought for me, how I should serve him milk and be subservient to him. There stood this bed hideously decorated with flowers and what not. This is apart from the tiring rituals that were blatantly sexist. I had no problem with my husband as he was chosen for me and I was in agreement but yet that day he was just an acquaintance and not even a close friend! How does one turn oneself on for intimacy? Was there no respect for the woman or her consent for the ultimate consummation of marriage? Unknown to my mother, I packed another traditional nightie.

“That’s why on the first night long before we were alone, I told him we need to get to know each other and not jump into what is expected. He sort of agreed. So, we chatted and shared stories of our youth and our likes and dislikes and believe me he went to sleep first! We were very tired, of course.

“We went out the next day to do our first shopping trip. We had both showered and walked out of the bathroom decently dressed. He bought me a lot of gifts. He got me something that looked like a silver necklace with pearls but he said it was a waist chain. That night, I was still not prepared to go all the way but we hugged and kissed for the first time. He wanted me to wear the chain he bought and with due reluctance I went into the bathroom to hook it on under my nightie. Then of course he wanted to see it! I had on my panties and after a long back and forth I very coyly lifted one side to show him. Mind you, he was a thorough gentleman and never forced me into anything. He simply wowed his appreciation. That turned me on a bit but not adequately. We had wine with dinner that night; my first time with alcohol. I was sleepy and dozed off in his arms.

“Next day after the morning rituals we went out for a long walk through unfamiliar paths and sprawling fields, among shrubs and huge canopies of trees. I felt very romantic and remember holding his hand most of the time. Still when it came to bedtime I was unprepared for sex. Yes, we hugged and kissed and I felt his urgency against me. His hands were all over and when he held my butt to pull my pelvis towards him and was rubbing and grinding against me, it was uncomfortable and I withdrew. I think that upset him so he turned away and as I couldn’t bring myself to say anything even remotely sensible I was quiet and we slept.

“Now this part is very personal. I woke up in the night and noticed it was about 3:00 AM. I turned towards him and I found him sitting up facing away with his feet off the bed. I remained quiet without movement and listened. Yes, I heard it. The soft muffled sounds of sobbing! He was crying. It took a while for me to respond. When I did, I sat up and moved towards him and put my arms around and soothed him. No words were necessary for a while. I wiped his tears away and said I was sorry and that I did not want him to feel rejected or unwanted. He said the sweetest thing. ‘No, it’s not you. I am just feeling sad that I cannot control this desire to make love to you!’ That just ripped through my heart like a hot dagger. I got off the bed, stood in front of him and peeled off my clothes like a trained striptease artiste. I stood naked except for the silver waist chain. In the dim light, I saw him wipe his eyes, then look at me and then smile very diffidently. He actually surveyed every inch of my body with a gaze of pure love. I resisted sending my hands down to cover myself. I turned around to show him my backside. I think I did it to get his attention off from my front. His arms reached out and I fell onto him and we made love like we had done it a thousand times before; no pain or discomfort, ungainliness, ineptness or shame. Just only love! It was a beautiful moment that I realized was maximized by our own innocence and the sheer intensity of desire for each other as man and wife.

“I was so happy I realized marital bliss the first time we were intimate. I was blessed!”

“What a wonderful story. You had told us that it took three days to do it but this was a masterpiece in romantic sex.” That was Jackie.

Ana smiled. “I can’t wait for your fantasy, Yash. That will be exciting as well.”

So, it’s fantasy time. As decided Jackie started.

Jackie’s Fantasy:

“I was in Las Vegas in the biggest hotel in the world, the MGM Grand. In the elevator going up, who do I see? Derek Kingdom, the actor! Just being the two of us I struck a conversation and quickly asked him if he was alone and he said he was. Being the once in a lifetime chance, I asked if I could come up to his room and he said, sure, I could. With my heart going at a hundred miles per hour and knees buckling under me I walked into the Sky loft suite. It was a huge place with the expected luxurious trappings all around. He was honest. He asked me if I knew what I was getting into when I came there and also if I was over eighteen. I was thrilled about the age bit, as I was over thirty and I said I understood. I mustered up some courage to stay focussed and bold. I was so engulfed in the situation I did not even notice how dashingly handsome he was. Of course, that, the whole world knows.

“Soon, we were on the giant super king-sized bed and without even the preliminaries he took his clothes off and to match him for eagerness I stripped too. He said I looked beautiful and then the tigress in me took over. He wasn’t big down there. He was average and that helped. I wanted to dominate him and there was much arousal in me because of the exceptional circumstance. I was wet and crazy to engulf him. I jumped onto him took his thing and pushed it inside me and rode him breathlessly cowgirl style, until he came. We didn’t even worry about protection. Once he was done I flopped over him with exhaustion. He smiled as I slipped out of bed and dressed quickly. He asked me if someone was waiting for me. I did not answer him. He asked me if he owed me anything. I shook my head and ran out of the room.”

“Do you think celebrities are that easy?” I asked.

“I think they are.” Jackie defended. “Nobody will believe if it happened and I told the story.”

We laughed. It was Ana next.

Ana’s Fantasy

“I am not going too far away from here. So, you guys don’t get shocked. I am going back a couple of nights when we were in that hot tub upstairs. Yasho’s wetness turned us on! I am giving the evening a different ending. Jackie went out and called for Mary for some towels and instead Simon comes up. He is in his cream pyjamas looking smart and well groomed as ever. I know he is separated from his beautiful wife and slightly horny so I invite him in. Yash gives me the stare and Jackie is shocked but seems OK. Simon hesitates but only for a minute. He glows with enthusiasm when he hears that all of us are in our undies and he strips down to his red shorts to hop in. I get close to him while I can see Yash inching away with an odd look on her face. I say the weather and the water are very nice and he agrees.

“We splash around for a while and all get a little used to each other while I get very close to Simon touching him here, and then there and allowing my boobs to touch his arm. I know I am causing some stirrings of arousal in him. Then I put my arm around his shoulders like an old friend and tell him how lucky he was to be with three beautiful women in underwear in the same tub. He nodded his agreement. At the corner of my eye I can see Yash gesturing to want to go out but she knows she will expose that beautiful ass of hers if she does! My other hand was dropped nonchalantly on his thigh. There was not a semblance of discomfort on his face. The tub lights were showing where my hand was if anyone cared to take a focussed look through the ripples and bubbles. While we chatted on what we might do the next day and Simon providing his insights on interesting places, I unhurriedly moved up his thigh. He didn’t show any inclination to touch me, though. When I reached high enough, I realized that he was semi hard and thought the presence of you two was causing some impedance. I reassured him: ‘Come one Simon. These girls are cool. Relax!’. I saw Yash scowl at me! He glanced at us and then surreptitiously stole a peek downwards to see what was on show. I guess he was satisfied with the discreteness. He pulled his cock out for me to fondle. Soon I was jerking him off with all inhibitions gone. Jackie was enjoying the show with an awkward grin while Yash looked away. I asked him to stand up and he did after a bit of hesitation. He had a beautiful cock. You know, the ones that curve sexily upwards with a sexy knob at the end. I started sucking him, slurping noisily, while stroking him and that’s when even Yash started acknowledging the show. I had his sac in my palm caressing it like a bag of precious diamonds. Simon moaned and groaned and was demonstrating signs of impeding orgasm. He almost came in my mouth! I managed to pull out.

“Once his cum was floating in the water both of you were in a hurry to get out. Simon was out in a flash, pulling his shorts up, picking up his clothes and then handed over our towels. He disappeared down the steps.”

I was rather embarrassed as this included us and more importantly poor me. I would never have allowed

that to happen, I thought. Then I figured that my own embarrassment was because Ana’s narration was

so picture real! “Would you really do that, Ana?” I asked.

“This is a fantasy, Yash. Enjoy it for what it is. I was mindful of your views on things like these and I did

say that you were shocked and angry, didn’t I?”

I had to agree to that. She had made me like an innocent bystander-victim in a crime scene. Jackie and Ana went on to describe how Simon was very horny and had hit on Jackie many times in the past and that he had even put his palm on Ana’s butt. I didn’t know all this. They also whispered that he was ‘fucking Mary’, in their words. All this seemed like fairy tales to me as Simon was extremely well behaved and polite and was in his best behaviour with me.

Ana also added the covert information that he was ogling my boobs when I was browsing my phone and then had his eyes fixed on my posterior when I walked ahead, the other day. I was used to that a bit and also with other people that were gentle and decent otherwise. So, I let that go.

I also saw no evidence that he had a sexual liaison with Mary. You know, when you see two people that have been intimate, interact. The signs of extreme familiarity are stark.

Now, it was my turn.

My Fantasy:

“My story has to be at home as you would expect. You have seen the solarium or sunroom at the back of my house. Hubby often suggested we have sex there on the sofa. Though three sides were safe on our right our neighbour’s balcony was situated at a height and angle that someone standing there against the railing could see in. Not that at night time anything was visible but during the day the neighbours waved to us sometimes.

“The day that he suggested it to me was a cloudless night and even though it wasn’t a full moon, there was starlight and a bright crescent brought in a quite romantic blue hue to the ambience. I just wanted to please him and I was ready for anything. He was unusually more enthusiastic with his fingers and lips. He grunted repeatedly with happiness as I made every effort to make him happy. I moaned with desire too. We made passionate love and I ended up on top of him when he climaxed. It was then that he told me.

“Our neighbors are watching, he said and I quickly pulled the blue velvet sheet over my bare back. He giggled and said they saw everything. I thought to myself that they should be the ones to be ashamed but I convinced myself that I had made my husband happy. We were the exhibitionists though, and they were the voyeurs. “

It was almost midnight and time for us to retire and we said our goodnights.

I went back to my room very thoughtful. I had a lot of information to process; not too much about my friends but more about myself and my attitudes. One thing stood out. When old friends hang out for a few days together, inhibitions simply melt away!

A Sportscar and an SUV

I was just about to get into bed and do my usual ritualized pre-sleep analysis of the day’s events, when I heard a soft knock on my door.

It was Ana. “Hey Yash, it’s me. Already in bed?”

“No. About to. What’s up?” I walked up to the door and opened it to find Ana with a bottle of wine. She was in her pyjamas.

“Just thought I’ll smoothen stuff out. Thought maybe you were upset.”

“No. Not at all. What made you think that?”

She thought for a while. She placed the bottle on the nightstand and sat on the bed. “The part of about you watching me blowing Simon upset you?”

“Not upset. Just thought it wouldn’t happen with me there. That’s all.” I gestured towards the bottle. “What’s with the wine?”

“Oh, it’s a bottle of Maria Christina; Canadian. My favourite. Thought we’ll wet our tongues a bit. Have something to pour this into?”

I brought out two Styrofoam cups and placed it by the bottle and Ana poured out a drink. We sipped and it was really rich and flavourful to my taste. I had a thought.

“Ana, tell me about your open marriage. How did that come about?” I looked at her intently. “I don’t want to be too nosey; just give me a gist of how it was initiated and how it makes you both happy.” Somewhere deep within me, there sprang a doubt. Was I making a mistake asking too much?

Ana laughed. “So, we are still in story telling mode, are we?”

“But this is not a story. It is real and more insightful for me than all the stuff we shared today.”

“OK, hon. I’ll tell you. Let me know if it gets too offensive for you, OK?”

“Sure. If it is a true story it can’t get offensive. Here, bottoms up and we’ll start with a fresh drink.”

After we refilled, Ana began.

“Phil had mentioned his fantasies to me earlier. Oh gosh, we are still into fantasies! Anyway, he was honest. Did you know that Jackie’s first was with Phil?”

“Oh! I knew they were seen together in College but didn’t know they had a thing going. Wow!” I was genuinely surprised. I had also a bit of apprehension of Ana revealing too much for my own comfort. That fear again!

“Yes. So, two of the firsts mentioned today were with my hubby, Phil! Anyway, he described how he liked Jackie and some other common friends that he always liked looking at.” My heart almost stopped! “After the initial trepidation I got used to it as he was not messing around. Then he asked me to get turned on by some of the nice looking men. I, the way I was, never thought that was even possible. There was a lot of porn at home as well, after the kid went to bed. He would always want it on TV in the basement; big and nice. He went into depth and detail about women’s body parts and also talked about penises and positions. Yes, there was some disgust that I suppressed and you know what, this is my man and he loved me and was faithful and I joined in on the journey of discovering an alternate sexuality. At least I started participating in the discussion of sexual attraction outside of marriage. I realized that he was more passionate and intense after these thoughts and discussions and that rubbed off on me. There was some excitement in variety with adventure and being a part of something that is societally forbidden. I started liking it too. I loved role playing to be one of his favoured girls and also imagine that I was being fucked by a random someone else. It was erotic fun!

“Then came the first time we really went out of our comfort zone. We heard of a swingers’ club an hour away from our place and we said we’ll just go there to see and not participate. Among other stuff, there was a bed behind only lace curtains which was apparently for a couple’s session of sex with the possibility of being seen. We stripped naked and did it there and it was really exciting! The curtain was parted twice when we were at it and people had a peek. I moaned loud to exaggerate my enjoyment. That was a great adventure!”

“My heavens, Ana!” I was totally amazed by this girl’s apparent conversion. She was so much like me. “You felt nothing? I mean, no shame or shyness at all? What if someone who knew you was there?”

“That’s the best part. What are they doing there, would be my question.” She laughed. “Then we went into lengthy and often philosophical discussions about fidelity and polygamy. We ended up with a woman who called herself s guide for open marriages. She was quite cool. She let us know that this is not for all and we should know what we are getting into, that we should be brutally honest with each other and, here’s the punch line; you stray only because in some way, maybe in a twisted or perverse way your sex becomes better. Our fantasies were doing that to us so we were halfway there. Another thing that we learnt was that we should not be breaking other relationships or families and that the other partners were in the know.

“With many discussions on mutual reassurances we launched our open marriage. It is remarkable that during all this, we never once told ourselves that this was not going to work nor did we verbalize doubts of a bad out come. We said first we will look around our own circles and I found this cute Jamaican guy, Lendl in our office. He had mixed African lineage and was a recent divorcee. We were friends and had coffee often and when I suggested dinner he was excited but showed signs of doubt because I was married. I calmed him by saying Phil was cool with the meeting but I didn’t use the phrase ‘open marriage’. I knew that was too fast as from the minute we met that evening he looked like and behaved like he wanted to screw. He hugged me tight on arrival, put his arm around my waist walking into the restaurant and with every opportunity he was touching and holding. I chickened out! End of scene one.

“Meanwhile my darling Phil was eyeing a gorgeous Ukrainian girl we used to meet at the gym. I knew he was watching Shanna in her tight pants and sleeveless top as she did her exercise routine. I think all the men were ogling her bouncing boobs and shapely ass. She didn’t believe in sports bras. She was really something to look at with perfect facial features and a beautifully tanned complexion. She used to come alone and that encouraged him. To me she looked like she had a boyfriend; she was too good to be left unnoticed. He had been trying for a few weeks. I knew what the block was; she knew he was married. So, I started to help him. After befriending her I got her out for a coffee and leant that she lived with her father. She denied having a boyfriend and after our second coffee date, I invited her home one day for tea. I hinted to her what our marriage status was. It was at our place that Phil really got to know her and talked to her. I managed to get them alone and when she left he came to me with a smile. That meant he had made some progress.

“He went out with her a few times that couldn’t be called genuine dates and he had another unique stumbling block. He had no place for privacy. Her father was at her home and I was there at his. So, I had to stay away when he wanted to bring her and I went out with my girlfriend for a late night at the local pub and he brought her in and bingo!

“As planned and decided and as required he described everything that happened. If you can believe me I was thrilled because in his own words she was a bad fuck! She had done it with a boyfriend a few years ago but was unwilling to suck his cock and complained of pain when he went in and was generally not very participatory. The only thing good, he said, was her body. He said, she was supple and feminine, her boobs were big shapely and soft, her ass was a smooth cushion and her cunt was crafted well but tight. His bottom line was that I was better and we had a rollicking session of prolonged sex afterwards.

“I had held back on Lendl until Phil succeeded as I thought it was much tougher for him. I think we girls have it easy. We just give the signal and any man will jump in.”

I looked thoughtful and raised my eyebrows and Ana looked like she was about to ask me something but continued with her story. I had that same fear in me and I was happy she didn’t ask me what was on my mind.

“Lendl was an easy lay. I just went to his place and we had sex. I don’t think we even kissed and he never asked me about my marriage. In all this the debriefing was the interesting part that made our married lives better. Phil was so focussed on learning about Lendl’s cock. It is commonly believed that Africans are well endowed down there and I did not find him very large. He was average. To Phil’s repeated interrogation I had to admit that Lendl was smaller and there he was, rejoicing. He did it OK, though. His lovemaking was what I would call intense with rapid deep strokes with prolonged energy and sexual stamina. Phil promised to last longer with me henceforth.

“After that I had Ivan, Vlad, Juno, hmmm…, Kapila and Stefan. And Phil had a few after Shanna. Don’t remember many of their names except Fumi, Chloe and Farzana. We were quite into the game with some well gotten experience. It was then that we met a couple in their thirties, that was willing to swing; Alicia and Conrad.

“We went out to a log cabin in the woods at Culver Lake. Conrad was a muscular guy about six feet and I was so excited about his manly frame. Both Alicia and he had never been with Indians and they were fascinated about the variety. I think what they meant was our smallness! Alicia was as tall as Phil and shapely, big in the breast department and, like Conrad was physically well toned. As soon as we reached the rustic cottage and let ourselves in, Conrad was in his underwear in the little living room. He had rippling muscles all over and a sexy Afro style butt.

“Alicia was not far behind. She slipped out of her clothes and sat in a skimpy bra and shorts. She said she had nothing underneath. These guys were experienced swingers and Conrad was quick to smash the ice. He suggested that we all get into our undies and see who gets excited first. We got out of our clothes too and we hadn’t unpacked or even seen the bedrooms. There were two and we sort of decided by hanging close to the respective doors. Conrad moved towards the common bathroom and he lowered his undies while walking, holding his penis. He left the door open while he peed. We all needed to piss after the long drive and in an effort towards gradual familiarity, one by one we went in to pee and we all left the door open.

“Conrad and Alicia had games to play. Conrad explained: ‘The boys get their underwear down and the girls do what they feel is the best ‘no touch act’ to get a quick erection. OK? So, Ana, come over here with me and Phil and Alicia can go over to that corner.’ Then Alicia added: ‘The girls need to call out the finish. Got it? And boys, no touching at all but girls can touch themselves.’

“So, I sat opposite Conrad who was on his feet and he counted down to the start and pulled his undies down. I looked at the clean-shaven groin and his circumcised penis and kept staring at it and felt like touching it in its innocent flaccid state but touching was not allowed. It was of good size and not massive and I praised it using adjectives like cute, pretty and shapely. His balls hung innocently. I called them beautiful. I saw no reaction. I took off my bra and felt my nipples to hardness. Did I detect a semblance of stirring in his manhood? I turned around, and in porn star style a wriggled out of my panties sticking out my butt. I saw that Alicia was out of her shorts but still wearing her bra and Phil staring at her crotch. Alicia blocked my view of Phil’s cock. I heard Conrad groan an appreciation and I slowly turned around to face him with my pussy exposed. I realized that some men like Phil are pussy lovers. Wondered what Conrad was. He gave me no indication as he looked me up and down and perhaps dwelt a little long on my 34C boobs. Then I noticed his having the beginnings of an erection. He was also breathing heavily as he surveyed my torso. Then he looked down into my core and sighed his liking. Then we heard Alicia yell: ‘Hard on!’ Phil had reached home before Conrad.

“We all laughed and Alicia walked with Phil, holding his erect penis towards us. It was a very erotic scene. ‘Look at this, Con. This guy has got a giant!’. She was referring to Phil’s cock size.”

I was frozen with a thought and had that same fear. I said nothing but I know Ana felt it too.

“Conrad also looked down at Phil, who was sheepish, and agreed. I was obliged to hold Conrad’s penis and make him erect and I did. Just a couple of strokes and boom, he was there and throbbing. It’s very horny when I make a man erect. It’s so very different from seeing their junk randomly. After that introduction it was quite easy for us to have sex. Conrad actually carried me to a bedroom and put me down on the bed and kissed me for the first time. For a tough guy he was gentle and sweet. He felt me all over almost lovingly and let his lips follow his petal like fingers. Then he did the most wonderful thing down there. He kissed my pussy lips, sucked in and gently bit on my clit and then flicked his tongue on and around it. He dwelt a little longer on the tiny gutter like crevices on either side of my bud. Or at least I think that’s what he did. It had me squirming and bounding while he struggled to keep his head in my crotch. I think I almost came and very quickly he went inside with practised ease. I was in such a state of arousal and wanting to please that I begged to suck his dick and fondle his balls. He said he would let me later. Another technique he was employing was that he was directing most of his weight onto his bent elbows. He was being considerate as he was big and heavy. I somehow wanted his muscle mass on me as he pumped into me. I grabbed his beautiful butt and pulled him towards me. He released some of his delicious weight on me. That gave him more thrust. I exploded just then. He felt my contractions and grunted his satisfaction and through clenched teeth he murmured that he was close. I promised to come again with him and then he gloriously wrapped his arms around my upper torso, rested completely on me crushing me delightfully into the soft mattress, took my lips in a passionate kiss, searching for my tongue and then I felt the expansion of his cock within as he groaned and I instantly brought forth a climax. He went on and on with climactic convulsions and I matched him with mine with intensity. His lips were still eating mine and he separated only to say how wonderful it was. He pulled out and only then that I noticed that he was wearing a condom. Surprised, I asked how he managed to get that on and he laughed. I was on the pill but the additional protection was always prudent.

“I was wondering how Phil and Alicia were doing. Conrad read my mind. ‘Let’s go out and see what those guys are up to,’ he said while discarding the condom with cum. We heard nothing from the other room. We went back to the living area and I sipped some water while he walked behind me and spanked my bare bottom and said that I fucked well and that my pussy was nice, tight and warm. I thanked him and returned the compliment and I had to mention his pussy eating. He just finished calling it his sweet Indian caramel pie when the other door creaked open.

“Phil and Alicia also walked out wearing only a half smile. They had to. Their clothes were in the living room. All greeted each other with the generic cliché ‘Howazzit?’ and the answers were a synchronised ‘great’, ‘awesome, and ‘fab’. As is customary Phil and I and the other couple had to reconnect. That meant a mandatory mental and physical getting back to your original partners for a debriefing and togetherness. It is also when the discussion of what had just taken place ushers in another round of awakenings and, maybe sex. We sat at the little table, however and had some beer and lunch first. It was fascinating how you become comfortable with nudity in a group. It is imperceptibly normalized. Am I boring you?”

“No, no. Not at all. Wondering if you are telling me too much. But I am beginning to understand all this. Tell me what was the reconnection like? If that’s OK…”

“No. I wanted to make you understand what swinging is all about. Yes, it would be hard for a conservative mind to accept; not only the non-monogamous or polyamorous connections but also the over expressed and hyper portrayal of sexual desire with no apparent boundaries. So yes, the reconnection is important and it needs to happen sooner rather than later and as Conrad put it: ‘We screw but don’t sleep together; we fuck someone else, so that we can fuck better.’ So, the reconnection is beautiful. It’s the core objective of re-examination of our intimacy while we discover new ways to satisfy each other.

“That day, after our snack lunch, we went to our bedroom and Phil couldn’t wait to tell me. He was so excited. We lay down with our arms and legs entwined and he described how Alicia was on top all the time. She was amazed by his girth. She sucked him first but said she couldn’t deep throat ‘that’ size, then straddled him and pushed her sex onto his face. He enjoyed eating her fleshy shaved pussy. When she engulfed him, he felt like he was going deeper and deeper, yet she was encasing him with a delicate grip. He said that she had a twist of her hip when she moved, that further enriched his enjoyment. I promised to learn that. And I told him about the way Conrad ate me and he promised to do that immediately and he did under my instructions! We had sex, so very much into each other with profound physical connection from genuine love.

“Really, I don’t want to bore you but this is what we learnt from this couple. We had another session that night after a walk in the woods. That wasn’t as good as the first and we wanted to get back to our partners. There were others that made us aware of different things. Vlad was an older guy about seventy and single and he owned a garage and was one of our regular customers. I used to drive out to his place for delivery of orders placed and we used to sit down for a beer and sandwich. He confided that he was anxious to go out with women but was timid as he was impotent. He was a sweet kind of person and an otherwise good seventy. I took him on! In his office then and there and though we didn’t have sex he had a good erection and he jerked off.”

“Just out of curiosity,” I asked, “what did you do to cure him?

We laughed. “Men are visual. Some more than others. I Just had to lower my pants teasingly. He got there pretty quickly and later on he started dating again and was happy.

“Phil tackled this very conservative women, Farzana, that even wore a head scarf. He was out of town for a dealers’ conference that she also attended. What helped was that she had an abusive husband but she kept telling Phil how an extra-marital liaison was wrong and unacceptable in her society. He somehow went to her hotel room and he said he held her from behind and rubbed himself into her butt crack and moved his hands from her belly upwards to her tits and she yielded. He lifted her long skirt and bent her over and had her fully clothed even with her head scarf! According to him, she was the loudest moaner during sex. Phil’s theory since, is that when you approach them like that they will always submit.

“You know I am a bit small in the boobs, 34C, and ass department and I know Phil senses it but never makes me feel inadequate. My build was good for my swimming and tennis but not ideal for my swinging and penes!” Ana had those hilarious lines. “Some guys like Conrad whose wives have huge tits, tend to like mine for a change; just a handful with a perky nipple.”

I had to interrupt Ana as she was too harsh on herself. “You are not really flat you know.” I looked directly at her boobs. “They are, I think bigger than average and your butt is quite sexy.”

“You think so? Thanks. Another thing was that my pussy, Phil thinks, is not very pretty. He says…”

“Hey! What’s beauty in that place. They’re all the same!” I argued. Abruptly she stood up in front of me and pulled down her pyjamas to expose herself. I smiled but kept looking at her face.

“Look,” she smiled back. “My inner lips are too prominent and curled.” I reluctantly looked at a neatly trimmed inverted triangle of hair on a genital area with Ana holding both her inner labia stretched and then she let them go to uneven skin folds leading down from her clit. “See? Phil has descriptions of the ideal that include the bush, the slit, clit, cheeks, everything. He’s crazy, I know, but he is hubby and I need to be best for him. Wondering whether I should do a cosmetic job.”

“Are you crazy? Don’t do something super silly like that, you idiot.”

“OK. Let me see yours.” Looking at my shocked countenance she mock pounced on me and lifted my nightie. I resisted calling her rude names but she was adamant. “What’s it with you? Have I not seen you before? We are friends and women for god’s sake.”

She didn’t wait for me to comply. She simple forced my clothes up and since I was not wearing anything underneath, she saw me. “Wow! You are so beautiful. So very pretty! I know…” She stopped. My heart stopped too. I knew she was going to ask and she did. “I told you so much about myself. Now you tell me. Tell me your story. About you and… I know and you know it. Tell me what happened between you and Phil in New York?”

For a moment I was silenced with shock. In one big rush, soon after, a plethora of emotions, guilt, shame and regret came crashing into my chest cage and manifested in an overflow of tears and sobs from me as I leaned against Ana who sat next to me and cradled my head. She pulled my nightie down to cover my nakedness. I cried into her bosom for a good five minutes.

Now I had to share the secret I had kept deep within me for two years. I had to. The memory of that event was what was troubling me with fleeting bits of fear and anxiety every time the three of us discussed relationships and sex.

“It’s OK, Yash. We are both good people. You are like a swanky two-seater sports car. There are only two of you at a time. I am a luxury SUV. I carry many that ride together.

Ana and her smart lines!

Calming of Qualms

After giving it some thought and dismissing the suspicion that Ana had come to my room late that night just to get this confession out of me, I organized my story.

It was summer two years ago and I was on a trip by myself to the USA. My interest and indulgence in topics of womanhood coupled with my infrequent writings had attracted a loose group of ethnic ladies that invited me for a few meetings and discussions. The first was in Boston where I reached after visiting my brother and other relatives in Chicago, Cleveland and New Haven. While there, as I did every day and as I continue doing even now, I called home to speak to Jagath. I found that his widowed cousin was there at home with her daughter. Now, may be unfairly, I disliked this woman. She was extra friendly with Jagath, while her dresses were not exactly modest and she, Nandini and her daughter Nisha, were super flirtatious at most times. I was uncomfortable to say the least and Jagath’s assurances that she was there as her brother-in-law had a serious illness and was admitted in a city hospital, did nothing to alleviate my, maybe irrational apprehensions. It bothered me even more that she hadn’t left the next evening after assurances that she would that afternoon. I call usually between eleven and noon which is late evening and she was still there and seemingly reluctant to Facetime with me. That evening I left for New York and was in a cozy little hotel in Bronx. My mind was filled with Jagath and his cousin. It is here that Phil called me and told me that Ana’s father had taken ill and she had left but that he would visit alone.

He was there the next morning at the hotel by breakfast time. The drive was only about an hour and he had left early to avoid the traffic. We had a leisurely breakfast on the patio and remembered old times and caught up on all the news. He thought that I was distant and wore a look of anxiety. I thought that was very smart of him to perceive and when he pressed further I confided in him. That may have been my first step out of line but he was very practical and reassuring. He told me that as long as the love, trust and confidence in each other was strong nothing else mattered even if there was that one off-the-beaten-path episode. He was speaking from his soul genuinely from what he believed and what Ana had told me. We hugged and I actually cried on his shoulder in gratitude, insight and reflected peace. He kissed me on my forehead. It was time for my daily call so I was back in my room.

I Facetimed Jagath. I was joyously relieved when I heard that Nandini and Nisha had left. He was talking to me sitting in his office and behind his chair was a huge glass bookshelf. After a minute or two of filling up on details including Phil’s visit, I saw the reflection of someone moving in the glass behind. I was sure it was Nandini. I froze and then asked who that was. He seemed surprised at first then assured me Nandini had left. I saw my marriage crumbling that very moment. My dearest soft spoken, loving and honest husband had betrayed me shattering my dreams and my poor heart. I was faithful to him to the utmost and I was cheated. Jagath tried to convince me by walking through every room in the house to show me that the place was empty. That upset me even more as not only was it possible to avoid a person on the phone camera but also that if this was happening, Nandini was complicit and playing on with him. I finished the call and sat in my room and cried. I sobbed until the phone rang and Phil asked me about lunch.

I joined him in the restaurant and it was obvious I was upset with puffed eyes and what not. I needed someone to bawl with and Phil was there again. Amidst my tears I said I wanted to change the topic and then Phil said that he had taken a room in the same hotel as he did not want to undertake the two hour drive more than once. He suggested a bike ride to White Hill which had a quiet trail on the west side of the Hudson river. He had made plans to hire the bikes and paraphernalia. After I changed to shorts, T shirt and walking shoes, we were off to the most beautiful country sites within a city. Phil carried a backpack which had cold water for both of us and when I abraded my knee on the kerb, he had the first-aid kit to take care of me. He said he always carried cycling stuff in his car. Then when he stuck the Band-Aid, he said I had beautiful legs and I blushed proudly.

I don’t want to sanitize my thoughts at the time to justify myself to Ana or anyone. Yes, I was hurt by my hubby but I had no complete justification to feel very good when Phil commented on my legs, or hugged me and kissed my forehead. His gentle words and cheerful nature took some of the pain away. The chatting on the bike ride in idyllic environs was also a latent panacea. I simply liked being with Phil that day. Period.

He suggested we go out for dinner and I agreed. I showered and chose my favourite dress in purple with a black jacket and we had a long chat when Phil touched on some of his philosophy of marriage and the question of monogamy being unnatural. I simply nodded as I did not want to disagree with anything he said. He patted my hand on the table several times and I wished he did it more. He did not call it an ‘open marriage’ as Ana had, but he laid out the broad values of what he believed in. We had almost finished an entire bottle of wine when we were done with desert and were prepared to leave.

I don’t want to blame the wine or Phil but my own deviation from my normality is that I allowed him to come to my room. He had asked me if I was sleepy and I had said no. At that point if someone had asked me what was I thinking when I invited a man to my room at ten at night, I would have said we were good friends. Later I would think that this was simply an excuse that I told my traditional mind. I was aware of the possibilities and I was building a case for my conscience to allow me the freedom I wanted. Afterall Phil was sure of what he was doing and what I held with great value as my marriage, was just badly damaged.

Again, my normal guard was down and I was strictly passive but I did let things happen. There were lots of moments when I could have stopped the progression of events. The first was when he sat on the bed by my side. We were still chatting about quite innocuous things and it didn’t feel wrong. When I was reminded of what was happening at home and I got emotional he had his arm around me. I was OK with that as well. He hugged me and I felt so looked after. Then he kissed me on the cheek and I loved the heat of his breath on my ear and neck and then he kissed me again but this time on my neck. I had goosebumps all over and almost instinctively my face turned towards his with obvious invitation. He took my lips and my soul soared as my heart raced. Then in a sudden moment of comprehension I withdrew. I stood up and I shrugged my coat away and walked with it to the hanger.

Phil walked behind me and held me around my waist and pushed himself into my buttocks while his breath burned my neck. I almost fainted with a gush of emotion. I reminded Ana the technique he employed with reluctant women and she acknowledged with an awkward smile. He was crushing his hardness into my cleft behind and he drew delectable vertical lines along the length of me there. He was hard and unmistakably eager. Just as I was thinking that my last defenses were dropping he made sure they absolutely disappeared when he moved his hands up to my waiting breasts. He caressed with expert fingers and my coat dropped to the floor. He danced around my nipples and then sent his right hand to feel the flesh directly. I am sure I moaned audibly. He manipulated me to the edge of the bed and exerted gently pressure for me to bend over. He expertly lifted my favourite skirt, hooked his fingers to pull my panties to one side and he entered my slipperiness with incredible ease. I felt filled like never before. When he moved I thought I will explode instantaneously. I made him stop.

This time I did ask him to hold on so that we can get more comfortable. “We are still fully dressed!” I whispered. I wanted this to be special. I began undressing myself. I lay down and he was between my legs with his mouth. He did me till I sprouted wings and was a few feet off the bed. My head was spinning and I don’t remember if I turned around myself or if he asked me to. But I was on all fours when he went in again. He took it nice and easy until I declared I was close and he said he was too and when he climaxed I synchronized with him not knowing or caring if it was genuine or fake. I felt his cum in me and felt so warm everywhere and a sense of fulfilment in my soul.

When our breathing returned to normal, we lay down and I put my arm across his chest and asked him if it was good. He said it was wonderful and praised me for nearly everything. I remember him saying distinctly that I hid more under my clothes than he expected. Whatever that meant I will not know. He kissed me again and left.

“I am sorry, honey,” I apologized. “I stole your husband. I couldn’t sleep after that, even though the intimacy was good. Waves of guilt ran over me as several doubts claimed my consciousness. Did Jagath actually cheat? Was this justified?”

“Well I know what he meant about what was under your clothes.”

“Did you discuss this episode?” I knew they had. Theirs was an open marriage.

“Yes, we did. He said your body was so beautiful and here’s what he said and don’t feel embarrassed. He said you had the most beautiful pussy he had ever seen! Promise. I agree with him. Even a few months ago he repeated that.”

“How silly. I don’t understand that. I don’t even take care of it like you do.”

“I had to trim as I have a massive growth down there and it becomes too yucky to look at. I saw you just now and I agree with Phil. Your bush is just about ideal! He says that far eastern girls have the best bush. One of his girls, Fumi, was a Japanese and he says she had a great naturally groomed look with soft, sparse straight hair.” She thought for a while. “When I mentioned the list of girls Phil fucked I knew you were worried I’ll mention you, right?”

“Yes, I was.” I admitted.

“Did you not do it the next day as well? I thought he said you did. And what did you think of his…?”

“No, we didn’t.” I lied. He did come over to my room again the next morning and tactfully asked but I vehemently refused as I was simply consumed with guilt. We got naked though, as there was now irreversible familiarity. I was just wearing my towel after a shower. Since he kept pressing I hesitantly agreed to give him a hand job and then, I saw him and he was big and circumcised. I recollected I felt abnormally filled when he entered me the previous night. Some illicit desire returned as I enjoyed stroking him, drawing the skin back, admiring those engorged blue veins in random design and pleasing him to that bigness I had never imagined. Circumcised penises had a different type of attractiveness. My lips yearned to encircle his awesome manhood. I was even salivating with undisclosed craving but I held back. My fingers hardly met as they curled around his girth. He felt me up; running his hands over my breasts, butt and his fingers went into my vagina when he squirted copiously into some tissue pretty quickly. I felt the contractions and the fluid being discharged through his fleshy member in my right hand while I caressed his soft sac, the source of that love stream. I simply loved giving an orgasm. I decided Ana need not know all those details.

We had a short chat afterward, but it was awkward for me after that confession.

Presently, Ana yawned and the sleepiness infected me as well. She looked at her watch and said: “Wow! It’s two-ten. We’ll hit the sack. It’s been a day of tales.”

“Sorry again about the New York episode. No one else knows, right? Does Jackie know?”

“Not another soul knows. No one will ever. Trust me. And no apologies please.”

She left and I went to bed. I was tired and had no inclination for my usual reflections. I was somehow a tad gratified that I had unloaded my guilt, confessing to my friend Ana. Inevitably I thought of that naughty night with Phil. I couldn’t help feel the tingle of that single random, occurrence of cheating and straying. There was a thrill no doubt. Almost unconsciously, my hand moved downwards and my fingers gingerly slipped into my sensitive folds. That part was beautiful, they said. In school and college what people admired was my boobs. Girls would pay me direct compliments on the fullness and shape. Now I am being noted for my butt and also for my pussy! What a change!

Phil, with his friendly smile and naked body floated over me. His large erect penis appeared between my thighs and I rubbed myself to remember more. It was throbbing and hard but smooth. I shut my eyes and imagined me ravaged by that powerful organ while the contrasting gentleness of his lips devoured my face and mouth with genuine respectful fondness. A series of delicious spasms claimed my torso as I reached the heights of fulfilment with a soft moan into my pillow.

I felt no guilt or shame as there was none of that in a fantasy.

Smashing Maria Christina

After going to bed a little after two, I was surprised to be fully awake by half past six. I quickly did the morning stuff and was in a track suite and shoes for my walk in the backyard square walkway. It was actually a relegated term to call it a backyard as it was quite massive. I skipped down the single flight of stairs, greeted the staff doing the morning cleaning in the hallways and slipped out of the glass doors and was onto my brisk steps. There were threatening dark gray clouds and a chilly breeze but I would run back if it rained.

As a distant thunder rolled I recollected the rather unusual events of the previous day and reminded myself that I had to clear up something with Ana. I did not tell her that I had checked on Nandini’s departure from my home on that fateful day and I discovered that just at the exact time I was on the phone with Jagath, her BIL had taken a turn for the worse and the family was all there at the hospital. I decided then, a few days after I returned home to, absolve Jagath of all guilt and decided to ignore the reflection in the bookshelf that I saw as a figment of my own feminine, emotion infused imagination. I needed to get this across to Ana who might have had a different take of what transpired. Also, quite strangely, Jagath was never told of what happened with Phil, even though he knew we met.

Still, on my second ’round’ on the rectangular walkway that I negotiated clockwise for some reason and as I was on the ascent section thick drops started tumbling down and in a second or two there were sheets of torrential downpour. I thought I would reach the building but running uphill was trying with the wetness underfoot and the refuge of the gazebo was the only thankful alternative to getting soaked.

I sat on the green metal bench and listened to the rain. I loved everything about the rain except getting wet in it. I took some pictures as this may be my last walk. Thoughts of my life and the importance of introspection and insightfulness this trip was carrying into my otherwise sequestered mind was increasingly amazing. It was not about the perception of others but rather of my own understanding of self; the values, pretensions, facades and yes, my sexuality, that I wore simply because the society, often comprised of people of lesser intelligence and education had put those pseudo standards up on a virtual public board.

I spotted a red and white umbrella moving towards me through the vegetable shrubs from the building and wondered who that might be, maybe coming to fetch me. I looked down at my tracksuit top and ensured that the wetness hadn’t affected my modesty. See? That was me!

Who would it be, but good old Simon. He waved and I waved back and instantly wiped the doppelgänger I had of him as described by Ana in her fantasy. That was rude! Sexual fantasies were for strictly personal consumption and not to be shared.

“I saw you on the security camera.” Simon explained.

“Oh, thanks so much. Very thoughtful of you.”

He caringly let me get to the centre of the umbrella while he trailed behind my left shoulder. We walked briskly and in remarkable synchrony except when we took the right ninety degree turn at the corner of the walkway. I guess I turned slower than him and his shoulder slipped passed me in front and my left breast rubbed against him. It wasn’t a simple brush by, but a full-blooded squeeze as I even felt the bounce back. It was only a few yards to the door and I took off in a dash. I didn’t think. The embarrassment drove me quite involuntarily.

Simon walked back and looked at me with a questioning smile to which I had no answer but a further expression of awkward gratitude.

The rain stopped while we had breakfast and we discussed our options for the day. It was our last full day at the Livera. We were to visit a shawl boutique run by some folks from Kashmir and a store for women’s odds and ends. Good, I thought, for a change we would be getting away from our overload of intimate stuff. A picnic lunch was planned thereafter.

We hopped onto our mini van driven by Simon of course, and we were off as the sun peeped out. I sat in front next to the driver as an effort to offset my unnecessary, rude sprint that morning away from the offer of the gracious shield from the shower.

We were dropped off at the shawl place and we made some bargain buys. The choice was ordinary and there were only two of the one that all of us liked. Jackie gave up hers like a true hostess. We trudged to the next store walking along the wet, muddy and busy streets lined by leafy shrubs, damp from the morning rain. We stepped along the edges gingerly. We were made aware of mountain leeches; horrible creatures that cling to your flesh.

We passed a group of youngsters and one of them called out: “What an ass!” It was obviously directed at Jackie who wore a pair of jeans and had the gait that accentuated her posterior.

“What an asshole!” Came the quick, sharp retort with a look back stare. Silence.

We stepped into the next store that was more established. After not finding anything interesting, Jackie gestured that we go upstairs. There she sprang another surprise on us. That was an adult store in the loft. I was done with all this overkill of carnal stuff and was about to politely decline but then I realized that I had not been to one of these and was now in my fifth decade! Imagine dying without knowing what these stores carried? Curiosity got the better of me. I was learning a lot about the sexual relationships around me and why not add this accessory to the list?

It was a narrow, cramped place that reeked of a peculiar perfume or some olfactory stimulant of arousal. It was manned by a slim young studious looking bespectacled girl that looked completely out of place and an older guy that would fit the perverted uncle description. The girl moved with us behind the counter, while this guy walked alongside with that lecherous grin. Jackie told him off. “Sir, we’ll ask you if we need help. Thank you.” He moved away sheepishly and sat at the cashier’s desk.

Obviously, it was divided by men and women’s sections. It was amazing to see the different types of goods that were on display. There were erotic under clothes, aromatic sprays and candles, lubricants with many outlandish promises and more stuff for kinky people. For the more conventional, spindle and cylindrical vibrators of all sizes and colours, some with a ‘U’ shaped clitoral stimulator were available with exorbitant price tags, I thought. Right at the end was a dildo with an authentic shape and colour that was quite realistic. It evoked a whisper from Ana. “Does this remind you of anybody?” She dropped the question in my ear and did not wait for an answer. I knew what she meant and I smiled to myself. The men’s section was full of artificial vaginas and other electric masturbators. Most of them were with a bum of various sizes and shapes with the all-important oval opening below. They were well crafted with representative sentinel labia advertised with the word ‘realistic’ being employed to describe sensation, feel and all. Yes, the men may find these handy as they sometimes are lonely and the drive is stronger. But women? Why do they need all this? How is a real man worse than these inanimate objects? And men are quite easy to have sex with. I shelved those thoughts for further study later as we left the shop.

Simon was there right on the dot to pick us up. I hopped in next to him again. He made polite conversations with a knowing smile about our day and I was a bit worried that he had somehow heard that we were in that naughty shop. No evidence there but just my overactive sixth sense working overtime. He cracked a few borderline jokes that were indeed quite funny. I smiled without laughing.

We picked up some sandwiches from a stand that was recommended by Simon and drove along to a park by the falls for a wonderful milieu endowed bite. It was a marvelous spot for a quiet rendezvous and we chatted about mundane stuff with Simon joining in. The laced veil like waterfalls and the sound of the frothy gush hitting the rocks below was both soothing and relaxing. We all snapped some excellent photographs. We spoke a lot about holiday spots we had been to, sharing some useful snippets that might come in handy later.

Then Simon walked away to take a stroll or something and Jackie began: “How did you guys like the sex shop? Anything interesting?”

“Interesting because I have some questions that popped up in my head.” Ana chipped in.

“Like what?” Jackie asked.

“Not directly based on what we saw, but why do some men like certain girl parts?”

“Yeah. Some like ass and others like boobs.” Jackie answered. “I think I read somewhere that they aren’t aware but they are actually choosing a healthier match for procreation. That’s the expected biological outcome of sex, right.”

“OK. The attraction makes sense but how does a big bum mean a healthy baby?”

“I think they say more fat in your butt means you are fertile, Ana, and also a wider hip means childbirth will be less traumatic for mom and baby.” Jackie looked at me. “What does the expert say?”

“Me? Expert? No way. But I know that there are studies to show that certain areas in your backside having more fat signifies fertility and health while the contrast of a narrow waist to flaring hips below is attractive because the male is looking for a non-pregnant female. But here’s my question,” I asked. “Why do women admire male butts?”

“You tell us, Yash.” Jackie smiled. “You read a lot about this ‘psychology of attraction’ stuff. Who is that favourite author of yours?”

I didn’t remember whom she was referring to. I told her. Ana came up with this: “Do you look at a guy’s bum, Yash? You do as you said so, you can tell us what goes on in your mind.”

I thought for a while. “The thing about this stuff is that we aren’t sure why we like something romantically. At least we have no insight until we read about it. As you all know we girls like the entire package and a well shaped bum is the cherry on the cake.” I giggled. “Butts are made of muscle and when there is tough mass there, it signifies power and may be more masculinity. Another male attribute is wide shoulders and men move more with a side to side movement of their shoulders while we women move with the swing of our hips. The proportion of wide shoulders tapering down to appropriately shaped gluteal globes is the male eye candy we talk of.”

We saw Simon walking towards us that aborted further conversation. Perhaps ushering in some relief for me as beyond a certain depth of detail in this area I feel embarrassed even with my closest buddies. Ana, in her own inimitable style reminded us that Simon was eye candy on this holiday.

We rode back home a little tired and sleepy. Simon tried to engage in small talk and I pretended to be asleep to avoid being drawn in. We needed to pack and be ready the next day to take the two-hour drive to the railway station before catching our train back home.

Back in my room I did a bit of packing before the routine of a short catnap, shower and a phone chat with hubby. Tea time was full of recollections of our week together with plans for another trip. We shared our collection of hundreds of photographs. We were all chirpy and happy while also keen to get back to our routines. Jackie put it, typical for her, crudely: “I haven’t had cock for a week. About time or I might do something I’ll regret.”

“Hey, what about me?” Ana argued. “I haven’t fucked for years! I am getting arthritis in my fingers rubbing.”

I smiled as usual and said nothing, though I had masturbated myself. Profanity didn’t come to me naturally. In fact, it never resided even in a deep recess in my vocabulary. Jagath also was never loose in its use unless he was very angry. Once, early in our marriage, when we were both aroused and ready to have sex with me on top, he said: “Fuck me!” and I went quietly confused. I thought the vulgarity was undervaluing a beautiful act of love. That was defining me, again.

We took a walk within the property in front and went passed the gates onto the narrow dirt road and walked onto a path lined by some tall shrubs. It wasn’t creepy except for the thought that there may be some unfriendly bugs or reptiles. I expressed that fear and the other two agreed. Jackie brought up something.

“Hey, girls. Have you peed in the open? I think I want to feel the breeze on my parts that don’t get it.”

“Sounds good to me.” Ana was ready as usual for any mischief. Actually, my bladder is full. “Come on Yash?”

“No, thanks.” I declined. “You guys go ahead. I’ll keep watch.”

They mumbled something about my prudishness and added what a thrill it could be to be seen by some ‘cute’ villager.

They moved to the foot of a tall tree and stepped around it among the shrubs and I saw Jackie bring down her shorts and panties and squat and then the unmistakable sound of the flow of piss. She certainly had a prize-winning butt; full, rounded, wide and deep clefted. Ana joined her on the other side and as she was wearing a skirt. It was much easier for her. Both finished with a look of achievement on their faces. “What a woman. You can’t let yourself go.” Jackie chided me.

“Yes, liberate your self.” Ana joined in. “The guys have an advantage. They just pull their dicks out and do it anywhere. We should fight for equality.”

“Yeah. We should fight for their things to be much smaller or some way for us to shoot accurately through an open fly without soiling our clothes.” I suggested.

All laughed.

We walked back with dusk approaching and the zing of mosquitoes in the air. A wash, change and dinner were followed by a session of Scrabble, shortened to enable us to sleep early. I got back to my room and prepared for bed and got into my nightie when there was a knock. Ana again?

I went to the door and it was Simon.

“Sorry, Yashoda,” An apologetic smile appeared together with the formal addressing with my unabbreviated name. “There is a leak downstairs in the storage space and I can approach the valve to close the flow from your bathroom bulkhead. I know it’s your bed time but can I just run in there and take care of it. I won’t be a minute.”

“Sure. Please come in.” I opened the door for him and he went straight to the bathroom. It was funny that he was in his pyjamas with a flashlight. I was incredibly conscious of my state of dress and kicked myself for not wearing more. My nightie was not revealing and very modest but my nakedness underneath was killing me. I already had my arms crossed across my breasts. I slipped on a T shirt I couldn’t wear anything else below with this guy in my bathroom. It was not that he looked at me in any way or his behaviour was unusual. This was just me!

It seemed like hours before he came out saying: “OK, done.” He was walking towards the door. “You are leaving tomorrow, right? So, you go straight home? How was your stay here?”

“It was really good, thank you. Also meeting up with my friends was very special. Enjoyed every minute. Thanks for driving us around and all the other help.”

“You are most welcome.” He beamed. He stopped at the door and turned around. “Please tell your other friends about the Livera and do come again.” We discussed a bit about the location, the resort and the facilities. Simon spoke more than me describing various other guests especially honeymooning couples and other youngsters and how they all enjoyed the place. He thought a bit gazing at the floor. “You like to go without your husbands? For a bit of girlie fun, huh?”

“Oh, they are busy, you know. Like all men.” I shrugged.

“Your husband is a doctor, no?” He was leaning on the door.

“He’s a skin specialist.”

“Oh, OK.” He looked at me a bit awkwardly and the first time I felt a flutter in my chest. “Did you miss him here?” He took a couple of steps forward. “I mean this is a very romantic place for couples.”

“We are going back tomorrow, aren’t we? No, it’s a bit of a change for us and them, I guess. “I chuckled to normalize the conversation, taking a few tiny steps back. Then I noticed the look in his eyes. The softness was gone even though his sharp features were prominently attractive. There was that look that I could read on the face of men that meant only one thing. With a chill down my spine I realized it was lust.

In a split second he reached out and held my elbow. I shook him away and backed off further. “Please leave, Simon. You finished what you came to do. Now go.”

A wicked smile emerged. His even white teeth now looked cruel. His well-groomed facial hair seemed evil. “I know about you! I know you go around screwing; you and your hubby! Why can’t we have some fun?”

“That’s not…” I realized I may have begun giving away Ana as he was obviously mixing up our stories. Even before I finished he lunged at me and I stepped back hurriedly and fell over backwards on my bed. It was so sudden my nightie lifted and my legs parted momentarily. He looked between my legs.

“Beautiful!” He sneered. Oh god, I thought two in two days! My heart was racing while my body trembled.

“I’ll call somebody! I’ll yell for Jackie.” I thought she being the owner’s niece will scare him. Instead while looking at me with that evil grin he pulled down his pyjamas exposing himself. I didn’t have to look directly to note that he had an erection. “Get out!” I yelled.

“Come on, Yash. Don’t make a scene. Let’s enjoy this.” He put one knee on the bed and reached out for my ankles. I managed to keep my knees together while I picked up the empty bottle of Maria Christina on the nightstand and flung it as hard as I could at his head. I struck his defensive fingers that deflected the bottle, clunked the side of his head and crashed into the wall and shattered. Larger pieces splintered on the concrete floor.

I might have missed hurting him. He did flex sideways and seemed to be stunned for a moment.

“Fucking bitch!” He snarled when he recovered, pulling his pyjamas back up. “You can fuck around but can’t do it with a decent man that helped you have a good holiday? And after talking to me so seductively in the van and giving me those looks, opened some buttons to show me your cleavage and swayed your arse inviting me and pressing your boobs against my shoulder this morning. You can even piss in the open field and now you behave like you are some holy angel!”

“I asked you to get out, Simon. Just go. Right now!” I was almost screaming, not caring if I was heard outside. In fact, I wanted to be heard if the bottle smashing was inaudible.

He picked up his flashlight that was on my bed and walked briskly to the door and I observed him snap open the lock. The wretched pervert had even locked the door when he was leaning against it! What a creep! I heaved a sigh of relief when he left. I ran and swiftly secured the door again and the first thing I did was to grab a pair of panties from the bathroom and put them on. Then I cleaned up the mess of the broken bottle.

I sat on the bed, and for the second day on the same spot, I wept. I was about to be sexually violated and I was forty-one. I had never had that experience before. Hit upon, yes; vulgarity yes, molested, oh yes; suffered exhibitionism, yes; but never been this close to rape! Imperceptibly, anger replaced shame. How dare he think I was available. He was mixing me up with Ana. How did he know her story? He said I was giving him signals. How was I misunderstood so much? And he saw these two pissing in the shrubs more than a hundred yards away from the building. Was he stealthily following us around or did he use binoculars? Again, why did he implicate me? I keep away exactly for these reasons.

I wiped my face and thought of calling Jagath. Wait a minute, I thought. He’d panic. What good would that do except share and help unload my burden. Then I thought I’ll tell Jackie or Ana or both. What’s the benefit now at night? They should know sometime; at least Jackie. They can’t have someone work here that’s a threat to the guests. I’ll give it some thought while the immediate menace had waned.

As is wont to happen I had a flash of guilt on two fronts. Jackie and Ana had warned me that this guy was horny in his single status separated from an apparently stunningly beautiful wife. I had mentally argued against it. My fault. Second, he definitely implied that I was signalling positive vibes. That, even beside his confusion of who was having an open marriage. I stupidly sat beside him in the van the whole day. Damn!

No! I was fine and only being nice and polite. This is bloody depravity. The guy was a carnally frustrated wreck. I had a sudden nauseating thought. He was in that bathroom for about five minutes; maybe more. The panties I was wearing was hanging there on a hanger just next to the bulkhead! I sprang to my feet and pulled my panties off and inspected. I was looking for semen. Would this pervert have masturbated on it? There was no sign of it and I had definitely seen his penis erect. He couldn’t have managed that arousal in a short refractory period. Maybe he rubbed himself on it. I was gagging and I had to wear another piece of underwear.

I turned the lights off and tucked in. My breathing was easier now and my introspection was therapeutic as it always is. I tossed around a bit but the emotional toll was enough to bring in some restless slumber. It was to be the last day here and I thought, good riddance.

I woke up a little after seven and wondered if I should do my customary walk. The events of the night stubbornly sat front and centre in my head. As I reran the thoughts I had before I slept, I goaded my inner self to move on with the new day. Yes, I would walk. There was no rain predicted and there was the pleasantness of the morning sun. I got ready and changed and went down the stairs.

I noticed unusual activity on the main floor. There were many staff and some others near the main entrance. Through the glass doors I saw an ambulance parked on the large porch. I started walking towards the front just to inquire if everything was OK. I saw Jackie coming out of the office with a seriously worried look. She waved to me and hurried towards me.

She reached me with Mary by her side and looked like the latter had been crying. She broke the news with a shaky voice.

“Simon was found dead this morning!”

I froze. Then disbelief gripped me. “What?!” I picked myself up. “I was…” my god, what was I beginning to say? “We were with him the whole day yesterday.”

Jackie replied: “I know.” Before I asked what had happened something hit me in the chest like a loaded truck. I had killed him with that wine bottle! I had hit him on the head and cerebral bleeds can be latent and fatal! Oh my god! “Mary had gone to his room to wake him up for Sunday mass at 5:00 AM. There was no response to her knocking and then she noticed the door open and she found him on his bed absolutely lifeless and cold. We called the ambulance and the paramedics declared him dead and the doctor just came in to certify. He says we have to call the police.”

My knees were buckling and I had to sit down. Jackie put her arm around me. I heard Mary sob beside her. I said I wanted to go back to my room.

“Are you OK?” asked Jackie.

“Juts a bit shaken. I’ll be OK.” I replied and slowly walked up the stairs with my head spinning and my heart racing. Even though it was quite cool, I started sweating. As I entered my room and shut the door, fear like some sharp clawed, bird-monster, settled on my shoulder.

The Fivesome and a Flick

I simply lay down to gather my thoughts. I hit him on the head in the temple area but was it forceful enough to cause internal bleeding and thereby, death? I was in self-defence. He did not loose consciousness. He was quite coherent, in fact. It was an empty bottle after all. He could have died of a heart attack. Or something else. The police are coming. Will there be a mark on his head? Did he bleed? Should I get a lawyer? Disconnected, random and rapid, the thoughts flooded my fear sodden brain.

Through the haze I was convinced of one thing. I needed to talk to someone; confess and come clean. Why is that even a confession. He attacked me and I repelled him. Was there a water leak or was that a clever fake? Nevertheless, he has died and the events of his last few hours alive needed to be known.

I called Jagath. He didn’t pick up. I called again. No answer. I didn’t leave a message simply because I didn’t know what to say. It was Sunday and, where was he? It would be so nice to get his advice on how I should proceed. I needed to tell him everything.

I decided the police and the folks at Livera needed to know, at least something, first. I sat down and took a notepad and drew two columns; one with a plus sign and another with a negative. I decided what I was going to disclose and what I needn’t. On the left side I wrote a number to denote the order in which the events occurred. I thought hard as to not forget anything. I should recollect every minute detail and then sieve what was relevant and required. The rest I can keep to myself to reveal only if interrogated. Whether I was going to reveal something or not, the facts should be chronologically and otherwise coherent.

I thought for a long time on my life and what this moment meant for my future. Was this going to be watershed in my family? What a mess!

Yet, I was innocent. I was sure of that and I had to reinforce that in my head so that I don’t waver in my stance to give rise to doubts.

There was a knock on the door. Jackie said: “Yash, open the door. Are you OK?”

I shoved the notepad under my pillow and went to the door. Ana was there with Jackie.

“It was suicide!” Jackie revealed. I almost swooned with relief. “The cops were here and the sub inspector guy was smart. He found the bottle of sleeping pills and found a note next to it. He refused to show it to us but asked one of the office guys to confirm his handwriting.”

“Oh!” I tried hard to suppress my reprieve. “Why did he do it, though? He looked quite OK yesterday.”

“He had issues. Major issues. He may have been taking mood elevators. That’s why I gave him a long rope. He married that beautiful woman and she had an affair with this army guy. He caught them in bed. Then he had some cash worries that are settled now, I think. His ancestral property is in dispute. So, heaps of troubles.”

Ana added: “When Mary went there in the morning, his door was left unlocked. He may have done that intentionally to make it easy for all.”

“OK. Here’s what I needed to do. I called uncle Ollie and he asked me to stay back till Tuesday to take care of stuff here. So, I called Krish and asked him to come over to keep me company. He’ll be driving and I am sending someone to cancel my ticket.”

“Hey, I can stay back too. That’s if Yash can. Don’t want her to ride back alone.” Ana offered.

“Yeah! Why not? Let me talk to Jagath. The idiot is not picking up his phone. Oh, he can come too, isn’t it? Can we all hitch a ride back with Krish?”

“Yeah. Krish will bring the SUV.”

There was a flurry of phone activity as we contacted people and cancelled tickets and we were all set to stay for a couple of days more. Jagath, who said he received no calls from me (these bloody networks!), would join Krish on his drive here. The men cancelled their professional appointments. All five of us will return on Tuesday. They weren’t pleasant circumstances at all but I needed Jagath by my side and we needed to let our emotions settle down. Especially me. I was not sure if I was out of the woods yet. In the current scenario, I decided I won’t tell anybody anything unless absolutely necessary. I tore and disposed off the notes I had made.

We decided to meet down for breakfast; a coffee at least. None of us had an appetite. I dragged myself downstairs and settled for a large mug of aromatic South Indian decoction coffee. I drugged myself with the aroma and taste to extract some blunting for my restlessness. We were to make our own breakfast if we chose to, as Mary was struck with grief and the staff were in disarray. None of us wanted to eat.

Then a young staff member came to me.

“Madam, we need to check something in your bathroom. The water supply to the cleaning sink outside seems to be blocked.” I almost fainted again. Simon had actually turned off that valve.

“You want the key?”

“No, I have a master key, madam. Just wanted to let you know.”

“Oh sure.” I said with a smile squeezed onto my face.

He left and I decided there were too many moving parts here and I needed to tell my friends all that happened. We can work it out together. I must tell them. Now!

“Look, I need to talk.” Ana and Jackie looked at me awkwardly. My face hid zero. Somehow, they figured it was something to do with the death. “Let’s go up to a room. Mine has that guy in there.”

We made another cup for ourselves and went upstairs. On the way we saw the youngster and he told us that the valve was shut and asked if I knew about it. I told him that they had the master key and anyone of them could have gone in as we were out a lot. That satisfied him.

With the guy gone we went up to my room and we sat down and I started. I told them everything that happened including some of my inner thoughts. I repeated almost word for word as my memory allowed me, the reasons why he thought I was available to him for sex. I pointed to them the exact spot where things took place and showed them the shattered glass. I told them how I was most distressingly exposed and how he shamelessly exposed himself. I repeated the filthy words he used when he got livid. I did not mention Anna’s open marriage part that had him confused, as she had told me much more than Jackie knew.

They sat there in stunned silence. Tears filled my eyes again and Jackie came by my side to hug me. “Take it easy, sweetie. We are in this together.” Then she also cried. “Never thought that he would do stuff like that. Rape? Not him.”

“Sorry, I made it sound like that, I guess,” I corrected. “on introspection later, I realize he thought I was willing.”

“You know Yash,” Ana jumped in, “you didn’t give him any hints. We were there and I think you were pretty normal and friendly but never slutty. Don’t beat yourself up. That guy was sick horny.”

Jackie agreed but said some men who are lonely lose their marbles when a pretty woman is around and very friendly. I needed to point out my fear: “All that is fine, I am scared there will be some injury in his head that might have caused his death.”

“No way!” they both went simultaneously. Jackie added: “There’s a suicide note and evidence that he had sleeping pills and frigging problems all around him. It’s Sunday and I don’t think a post mortem will happen today. But we’ll know.” She thought for a while. “We’ll be there, don’t you worry. And uncle Ollie knows people around here. He didn’t touch you, did he?”

“He held my elbow and then grabbed at my ankle.”

“Oh, good you did well to dissuade him.”

I had to live for the moment with that assurance.

The rest of the morning and afternoon dragged on like a decade. I was restless waiting for Jagath and Krish to arrive especially after he texted me when they left. They should arrive by 4:45 PM or so. The drive was shorter than the train and car ride. I wanted my hubby’s warm body next to me and wanted to hug him tight and tell him all that happened. I wanted to feel his hair and his face and look into his deep brown eyes for the comfort he always gave me. Why, I could even feel him all over and let him make love to me to heel my soul of this awful nightmare.

I was downstairs at half past four and sat in the comfortably cushioned chair in the foyer. On the walkway above I saw Jackie walking towards my room and called after her. She waved and came trotting down the stairs at the far end.

“They did the autopsy. Declared suicide and the body is ready to be handed over. Relax!” she hugged me. I felt one ton lifted off my chest.

“That’s brilliant. How come? It’s a holiday.”

“Ha! Help comes from the most unlikely of sources. His ex-wife’s boyfriend, the army guy got hold of the forensic medical officer who is his buddy, I hear. They are planning a trip sometime and they didn’t want that delayed.” She hugged me again. “You poor thing. Had a tough few hours. Take it easy now. They should be here anytime.” She looked at her watch.