The letter from T took me by surprise since he wrote it in Portland, right after he left Boston. One-night stands do not follow through with a handwritten letter within three days. During our first night together, T had said he did not embrace email as a form of correspondence.
His opening line “Just a quick note to say…” may appear rather hurried, but his words were sincere. T enjoyed our brief encounter and hoped to see me again, even though I was down to my final semester. He had even included his home address in Memphis, Tennessee. “He did not seem concerned about letting me know where he lived,” I thought and noted down his address.
This classy yet risk-taking American was endearing. So, my thoughts about him were soon based on romantic fantasies rather than reality – that despite being married, he was indeed boyfriend material. I assumed this forbidden fruit was too sweet to be true. I replied to his letter and grew fonder of him.
Conflicted with mixed emotions, I imagined he would love the Eagles song “Take it Easy”. Those were his farewell words after our first night. “Take it easy, buddy” he had said.
I played this song often as I thought of him flying from city to city. To me, the lyrics aligned with his straight persona as well.
“Well, I’m running down the road
Tryin’ to loosen my load
I’ve got seven women on my mind
Four that wanna own me
Two that wanna stone me
One says she’s a friend of mine
Take it easy
Take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels
Drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don’t even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
And take it easy
Well, I’m standing on a corner
In Winslow, Arizona
And such a fine sight to see
It’s a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed Ford
Slowin’ down to take a look at me
Come on, baby, don’t say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love
Is gonna save me
We may lose, and we may win
Though we will never be here again
So open up, I’m climbin’ in
So take it easy
Well, I’m running down the road
Trying to loosen my load
Got a world of trouble on my mind
Lookin’ for a lover
Who won’t blow my cover
She’s so hard to find
Take it easy
Take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels
Make you crazy
Come on, baby, don’t say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love
Is gonna save me
Oh, we got it easy
We oughta take it easy”
I did not realise I had changed after that brief encounter with T. I felt empowered that this handsome married man was passionate about me. I began to have recurring thoughts of our passionate love making during my final semester in the university.
Against all odds and despite my limited time in America, I wanted to be with him again.
That summer 25 years ago, I took a vacation after my final class had ended. I drove cross country through America, hopeful that I could meet him. Memphis would be my pitstop during my one-month road trip from Boston to Texas and back. I thought of surprising him and meeting him in his family home. And I knew I needed to remain hopeful yet calm.
Besides other road trip songs, I listened to “Take it Easy” while I was driving.
America was such a big country with wide open roads and never-ending vistas. The scenery was spectacular across pastoral landscapes, magnificent lakes and mountains.
The Americans I met were friendly and curious about my background. I knew that in their mind, their idea of the typical Asian man from another country was short, reserved and had poor command of English. But I was different. I was tall, good looking, outgoing and spoke perfect English with a unique accent.
I had thoughts about staying on after my graduation but knew I was fooling myself because I had to return to my country. There were bigger plans waiting for me back home.
After two weeks on the road touring American cities and countryside, I finally arrived in Memphis and checked into a hotel. I was ready to reach out to T since I had his name and home address on hand. I called the operator and requested for his telephone number. To my surprise, the operator was forthcoming and gave me his landline.
For about 30 minutes, I contemplated. Should I call him? Did he remember me? What if he was alarmed to hear from me? Nervously, I dialed the number and a woman answered the phone.
I froze.
Not entirely clear what to say, I did not speak and hung up. I could not stop trembling, conflicted about how to proceed. Why am I doing this? How should I introduce myself? Was T at home? What if she listened in while we spoke?
As these thoughts crossed my mind, I composed myself and called again. The same woman picked up. She was friendly on the phone. She greeted me, said she is the wife and that T was not at home. I told her I was a friend from Boston and was in Memphis for a short visit.
To my disappointment yet surprise, she told me T had just arrived in Boston that day. “Oh bummer”, I thought. Nonetheless, I left her my hotel telephone and room numbers. Said I would be happy to speak to him and thanked her for relaying the message.
After hanging up, I wondered to myself “What have I done??” I continued trembling as the feeling of rejection and guilt engulfed me.
Later that day, the hotel phone rang… It was T.
In a calm reassuring voice, he said “Hello. Welcome to Memphis.” He asked what I was doing there, how my trip was going and where I was heading. I responded and he listened with enthusiasm.
Unfortunately, as he had just arrived in Boston that day, he could not meet. But he would be returning home the next day and asked if I could wait for him. He could pick up his car after landing at the airport and drive straight to the hotel. His suggestion lifted my spirit and we agreed to meet tomorrow.
I spent that day in my room, pacing around and feeling excited. Uncertainty and possible rejection were replaced by an unimaginable high. I went to bed that night filled with anticipation and expectation.
Next morning, the ringing phone woke me up. T had called and said he could not see me as he needed to be home after landing. By the time he picked up his car and met me, it would be too late. I assured him and said “That’s alright”. I would be in Boston for another month before I had to return to my country, so we could meet again at his next trip. He said that would be good, as he had some vacation leave and could arrange to spend some time in Boston. He then wished me a safe and happy journey on the road.
I felt incomplete after the phone call. After all, I had driven more than 1300 miles from Boston to Memphis for about two weeks and while I enjoyed the trip with wonderful memories so far, I needed to accomplish one more task.
I wanted to see where he lived even if I did not get to meet him.
So that afternoon, I checked out of the hotel and drove to the suburbs. Navigating with a paper map, I drove through the freeways and a wide tree-lined boulevard with magnificent trees before arriving at a huge house. His house was remarkable in a quiet leafy neighbourhood. I parked across at the road junction and admired the surrounding grand homes.
Pensive for a few minutes, I sat in the car and reflected upon my state of being. I was not myself, really.
Here I was, a single Asian man with self-esteem. People enjoy my company. But alone in the car, I was confused. I started to question my obsession with this man who had one steamy night of sex with me. Why was I stalking him? What if his wife spotted my car? Was I obsessive-compulsive? Have I become a psycho like Glenn Close in the movie “Fatal Attraction”?
I controlled my thoughts. Despite not meeting, I had already spoken to him and realised he wished to see me again. I may have the opportunity to spend a few more days with him during my final month in Boston. So onward and forward, let’s see more of America. I did not stay any longer and drove off.
The rest of my journey was filled with hope and possibilities. For the next two weeks, I drove to New Orleans, Dallas, Austin, Houston, San Antonio and finally Corpus Christi to meet my friend and her family. I knew I was done after I touched the beach in Corpus Christi. I had been on the road for more than 1 month and was ready to return home. My family would be flying in for my graduation ceremony in a few days.
It was a marathon drive back home, with more than 2000 miles to cover in just 3 days. I remember driving for 24 hours in one stretch, stopping only for meals, gas and short naps. I spent two nights in my car, occasionally fantasising about my final rendezvous with T.
As no other men had evoked such an odd behaviour in me, I knew my desire for him was deep. His tenderness, his straight forward easy manner, his good looks, his hairy muscular body, his cock, his bubble butt, his fucking, his multiple orgasms… everything about him was addictive.
His marital status was the only downside. But I had avoided alarming his wife. I thought about the risks I had taken this far in my journey and was amazed by what I had done. Forbidden fruit could be eaten again.
Lo and behold, after I reached home in Boston, I found his handwritten letter in the mailbox. He wrote that he would arrange to fly to Boston to spend some time with me in July 1996.
Next day, my folks arrived for my graduation. We then spent our holiday in New England, New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Phoenix. During that holiday with my folks, I thought of T often and even imagined that we could take a road trip together. Once in a hotel bathtub, I could almost see him lying in the tub, waiting for me.
My folks left after a week, and I was alone once again. But T would be meeting me soon. His passion was palpable because in that letter, he wrote an unforgettable line that went “I am extremely happy you tracked me down. If I knew you were coming to Memphis, boy, would we have had a good time…”
I reminded myself, patience please…