The test was pretty simple. Not only did I know the subject matter pretty well, I had hours of practice teaching someone else about it, so it wasn’t a shock to see the “100%” on my page. Mrs. Li gave me a congratulatory smile as she gave me the test, and it was clear from the quiet groans that my score wasn’t exactly common in the class.
That said, I was still nervous. As Li walked around the room handing out tests, I stared straight at Taylor as Li made her way over to her. I couldn’t see Li’s face as she dropped off the test, nor could I see any markings on the page. It wasn’t my neck on the line, but, even without what happened last night, I didn’t want to let Taylor down.
The lesson went ahead and class was over before I knew it. I was gathering my things and almost hoping Taylor wouldn’t approach me – I was very aware of my social awkwardness at this point, and was fully aware I was in completely uncharted territory.
“Hi, Quinn,” Taylor’s voice greeted me.
She was standing in front of me. My head bolted up to face her. “Hi. Hi, Taylor. Taylor, hi,” I blurted out quickly and nervously.
To my relief, she broke out in a pitying smile instead of anything else. “Do you, like, have a sec?”
“I mean, uh, yeah,” I mumbled as I instinctively sat back down. “How, uh… h-how did you do?”
She smiled and held up the test. “It wasn’t perfect, but I got a 72!”
I did my best to smile back. “That sounds good, congratulations!”
She gave me a sarcastic smile. “Yeah, okay. You probably got, like, a hundred.”
I chuckled nervously but said nothing.
“Anyway, I was, uh… wondering, would it be okay to like, keep going? I don’t want this momentum to stop, you know? Especially if things might get harder from here.”
They certainly were. “Um, yeah,” I mumbled.
“Do you have a shift next Thursday?”
I brought up my phone, fumbling with it a bit, and looked up my work schedule. “Th-thursday is fine for me!”
She smiled triumphantly. “Great, see you then!” And with that, she walked away, leaving me alone in the class with Mrs. Li.
Mrs. Li looked at me approvingly. “I’m so glad to see she wants to keep going with it. Good job, Quinn! I knew you’d be the perfect tutor for her.”
I didn’t know about ‘perfect,’ but it sure was interesting.
***
When Morgan first got in the car with us, I didn’t think much of it – Taylor would usually drive her home before going to the library to study with me – but this time was different. Taylor stopped as we got to the library, instead of going past it to Morgan’s house. With me being who I was, I didn’t say anything, although I thought perhaps she just forgot to go to Morgan’s house first, until Morgan hopped out of the car with her.
Morgan went into the library with us, and sat down with us, pulling out her phone and ignoring us. Taylor practically acted like she wasn’t there from that point onward, and encouraged me to get on with the lesson.
For the entire lesson, I was somewhat distracted. Why was Morgan there? It didn’t make any sense. She was never here before. She wasn’t taking the class. She wasn’t even paying attention, she was just on her phone the whole time. Did Taylor suddenly not trust me or something? She didn’t seem to give off that impression.
Taylor and I continued with the lesson. It went well, seeing as instead of cramming for a test, we were just recapping the lesson Mrs. Li just gave us, at our own pace. At some point Morgan stretched and got up.
“I’m gonna get McDonald’s,” Morgan lazily announced. She turned to us. “Want anything?”
She stared at me until I realized I was supposed to answer. “Oh. Uh, I don’t really, uh, have the money for that.”
She continued staring at me, and gave me a confused shrug. “So?”
Taylor rolled her eyes at me. “Get him a junior chicken burger. I’ll get the usual nuggets.”
“Cool,” Morgan replied disinterestedly, and walked out of the library. My confused face turned to Taylor, who just had a slight smile on her face. “So, the lesson…?” she asked, nudging me.
I had no clue what was going on. I shook my head. “Um, yeah. So, uh, an event is written as A in probability. Its complement is written as A apostrophe. So, if an event has a one in four chance of happening, its complement has a three in-”
“I think she likes you.”
I raised my head from my book. “Huh?”
“Morgan. I think she appreciates you. She doesn’t do that to, like, a lot of people, you know,” Taylor continued, as if this was the conversation we were having all along.
Oh,” was all I could think to say.
“She normally hates anybody new I hang out with, even if it’s for something like this.”
“Your group seems to deal with people that disrespect you a lot, so I guess the bar isn’t high there,” I commented.
“Huh?”
“Well, like that Mitchell guy you guys were talking about. And you seem to have a lot of in-fighting.”
“What’s that?” she asked, leaning into the conversation.
“As in, your group disagrees and bickers more than other groups I’ve seen,” I clarified.
“Do you think we don’t get along?” she challenged me.
“No, it’s just that it’s different from what I’m used to. Maybe she likes me because I’m new.” I gave Taylor a shy smile.
She returned it with a slight head shake. “I guess,” she added with a light chuckle. “I think you don’t give yourself enough credit.”
“Credit for what? This is new to me.”
“Talking is new to you?” she challenged me again.
I chuckled in frustration. “Yes,” I agreed. “Talking to anyone that isn’t a family member isn’t something I do often.”
“Well, Morgan thinks you do a good job,” Taylor replied with a shrug.
“Does she do your thinking for you? What you think should be more important to you than what she thinks.”
Taylor laughed and shook her head. “Oh, Quinn. Quinn? I’m a fucking idiot.”
“Huh?” That wasn’t the response I was expecting.
“I’m not good at figuring out who to trust, Quinn. I’ve dated some absolute scumbags before.”
“Yeah, I could guess that,” I admitted. “No offense.”
“Even friends, it took me a long time to figure out, like, who I could even trust. Or who I could get along with,” she continued. “Morgan is like the ultimate… knower of these things. She just has a gift for it.”
“She seems like a very moral person,” I said diplomatically. Of course, were I talking to someone else I may have used a different word, like judgmental, but hey.
We continued with our lesson until Morgan got back with a greasy bag of fast food and a tray of drinks. She tossed the bag on the table. “Is Coke okay, Quinn?” she asked me, putting a drink down in front of Taylor.
“Uh, yeah, but…” I looked up at the library’s rules. “I hate to be a party pooper, but doesn’t the library have a rule against food?”
Both of the girls looked at me weirdly, as if no person would ever bring that up. Taylor’s look, though, soon turned into a cheeky grin. “I guess we’ll have to go somewhere else. How does my place sound?”
I got hard immediately. I hated my mind sometimes. “Uh, I guess if we have food, we don’t have much of a choice.”
Morgan gave me a tired smile. “Okay,” was all she said. She was a lot harder to read than Taylor. With that, we were soon in her car, on the way to Taylor’s place. As usual, I sat in the back, and the convertible was open this time, so I couldn’t even hear what Taylor and Morgan were talking about in the front seats, although I occasionally heard giggling.
When Taylor got home, she, Morgan and I all walked inside to find the same situation I saw the night prior – the same cleanliness to the house, her mom sitting in the exact same seat, probably doing the exact same thing for all I knew. We quickly filed into the basement.
Credit where it was due, Taylor was clearly a pragmatic person. Morgan went off to some other room in the basement, but Taylor pulled out her book and immediately resumed the lesson, albeit while eating a chicken nugget. I bashfully pulled out my food and began to eat too, making sure to never speak with my mouth full.
Eventually, Morgan returned, carrying a bottle of vodka. She gestured the bottle towards Taylor and smiled slightly.
Taylor grinned. “Morgannnn, I’m still doing my lesson,” she whined. “If I start now it’s gonna take forever. Just hold off for like, what, one hour?” She looked towards me.
I wasn’t even fazed. “Yeah, about an hour, tops.”
Morgan rolled her eyes. “I’m starting without you,” she replied in a sing-song voice that I hadn’t heard Morgan use before. She took a generous swig of her Coke and started to replace the empty space in her cup with vodka. Afterwards, she eyed me. “I assume you don’t…”
Drinking. Another thing I had never done, and it sounded like a terrible idea to start now of all times. “Yeah, better not,” I agreed. Morgan nodded and set the bottle aside, trying to swish the contents of her cup around without letting any spill. It was clear that, to Taylor, this was commonplace. I did my best to return to the lesson.
I was glad she had the foresight to wait on the drinking. After about twenty-five minutes, we had made more progress than we thought, so we elected to take a five-minute break. I had neglected my food so I turned back to it to eat. Taylor rolled over to Morgan and sat next to her, both of their backs on the wall, Taylor’s head cutely moving down to Morgan’s shoulder.
Morgan took full advantage of Taylor’s new availability. “Oh my god, Taylor, look at this.” She shoved her phone in Taylor’s face. I wouldn’t have called her drunk, but it was clear she was less stiff than usual.
“What?” Taylor grabbed the phone and looked intently at it. “What is it?”
“Just trust me, check it out,” Morgan replied emphatically.
A few seconds passed before Taylor’s free hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God, Morgan!”
“Right?!” Morgan enthusiastically replied. “Ugh! It’s seriously like every fucking time. Like, fuck, get a life!” She shook her head and took another drink. “He’s so fucking clueless. Like, he – oh my god, I have to tell you this – I…” She paused, looking over at me, seemingly remembering I was in the room.
It took a lot of energy to prevent me from rolling my eyes. I still sighed, practically reading her mind. “I’ve probably heard worse. Go ahead.”
“Thanks,” she replied, turning back to Taylor. “So, like, I let him finger me last week, and he had no fucking idea what he was doing. No fucking idea! You’d think he was trying to start a fucking fire between my legs. Just up and down, no rhythm, no fucking – just no fucking – ugh!”
“Oh my God, I know!” Taylor replied enthusiastically. “Don’t even get me started on boobs.”
“Yes!” Morgan agreed. “I didn’t even let Jerrad touch my boobs. He doesn’t fuckin’ deserve to! After what he did to my poor vagina I am not down to see him squeeze my boobs until it hurts and think I’m gonna cum from that.”
“Mine have been so sensitive lately,” Taylor commented, nudging one of hers.
That was my limit. I dunno how many guys had fantasies like this, but I felt too awkward to let this continue and coughed loudly.
Morgan lazily turned her head towards me. “Listen, Quinn. It may not have happened yet but you’re going to need to please some girl someday yourself too. You should be taking notes about what we’re saying!”
It may not have affected Morgan but the spell was definitely broken for Taylor. She turned a light pink and looked down at the floor. “Uh, morgan, if we’re making him uncomfortable we should probably stop.”
“Well, he didn’t say he was uncomfortable. Are you uncomfortable, Quinn?” Morgan tested me.
“Well, I, uh…” I couldn’t say it.
“See? He’s probably just turned on or something. He’s probably not used to, you know, the way we talk.” Morgan turned to me and gave me a humorous ‘fuck yeah’ smile. “We own it!”
“Morgan, seriously…” Taylor protested.
“Seriously?” Morgan asked Taylor in turn. “Look, Quinn, whatever. You’re a virgin, we get it, but we should be allowed to talk about what we want, okay? Just because you’ve never seen a pair of boobs doesn’t mean we can’t talk about ours.”
Taylor was red by this point. “Morgan, I’m getting uncomfortable talking about this in front of Quinn. Can we stop?”
Morgan sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fiiiine. But as soon as the lesson ends and Quinn leaves we’re talking about this.”
I clicked my tongue. “Tell you what Taylor, it sounds like this is important to Morgan. Why don’t you just drive me home now?”
“No, no, it’s okay, we only have a bit to go,” Taylor protested.
“Well, I’d… still like to go home now please. If that’s okay.”
There was silence for a few seconds. “Yeah, it’s okay,” Taylor said quietly, standing up. “Let’s go. I’ll be back in a few minutes, Morgan.”
Morgan clearly didn’t know what to say, so she defaulted to staring at her phone and shirking any responsibility for the situation. Taylor and I got our things together and quickly left, getting in her car, putting up the top of the car, and driving off without so much as a word.
“Sorry,” Taylor eventually said after most of the drive was done. “Morgan’s a good person, but sometimes she gets passionate about what she, like, says and…”
“It’s fine. I just… too much, you know? Too much,” I reasoned.
“Of course,” she accepted graciously. “Thanks for not bringing up… the, uh…”
“There was nothing to bring up,” I interrupted her. “Whatever you’re thinking of never happened. I was just uncomfortable because, y’know, she started… being unfair.” I chose my words carefully again.
Taylor smiled. “Yeah,” she mumbled, mostly to herself. Eventually, we arrived at my place. “I, uh… yeah, sorry again.”
I felt another surge of adrenaline bolt through me for whatever reason. “If it’s hard to fit me into your regular lifestyle, that’s okay, I’ll accept that. I don’t want you to feel as though I have to work with your friends and if I don’t it’s your fault. I mean, this is just tutoring. Right?”
Taylor’s bashful smile faded. “Just tutoring?”
I sighed. “Okay, maybe this is the other side of the different worlds thing. I’m phrasing things wrong. I appreciate you and like you, I just assume that once this tutoring is over we’ll drift away from each other.”
Taylor was now definitely scowling. “That’s really unfair to think of people like that.”
I lowered my eyelids in a rare show of defiance. “Morgan used my lack of sexual experience to shame me for feeling uncomfortable.”
Taylor still looked mildly angry, but didn’t say a word. “Yeah, she did,” she finally mumbled. “But what does that have to do with drifting away?”
“I just assume that we’re in different worlds and you won’t need me around after I finish tutoring you.”
Taylor gave me a look of disbelief, then looked straight forward in discomfort. “I sent you that picture because I trusted you.”
I looked from side to side. “I guess this is on me for assuming, but was this meant to be anything more than casual?”
“Well, no, but I don’t just show anyone those kinds of things.”
“You even said you didn’t want to show me. What changed?”
“I felt-” She stopped herself.
I paused. “…Were you about to say, ‘sorry for me?'” I asked, my turn to have a heat to my tone.
She sighed. “I-”
“If it was just that, I would have rather you not sent me anything.”
“You literally asked me to! Do you think I would have sent you a nude without you asking me to first?!” she practically yelled.
I didn’t say anything for a while. After a bit, my house neared. Taylor continued. “And if you decide to send my nude around as revenge for this, I’m gonna make sure you’ll wish you were never born.”
I gave her a weird look. “Why would I do that? You sent it to me privately. For my eyes only. I don’t care if we just fought or whatever, I’m never not going to respect that.”
Taylor gave yet another tired sigh. She put the car into park and looked up at the ceiling. “Are we angry at each other or not?” she finally demanded.
I had to give a small laugh. “I’m definitely okay with not being angry if you are.” I cleared my throat. “Okay, so, let me try to untangle this. You sent me the nude because you felt bad that I’d never experienced anything like that.”
Taylor took a second to process what I said and eventually nodded. “Yeah.”
“Okay. And given that it seems like a business transaction from the outside, I assumed we aren’t that special to each other and that I won’t exactly stay in your social circle after tutoring ends or whatever.”
“I just don’t get what that means,” she began. “What does ‘not special’ mean? It sounds, like, harsh.”
“Okay, then let me rephrase,” I replied. “I assume that… despite this new element… what we have… isn’t special to you, and I accept that. Because, like, it’s clear you can get sex easily, so that doesn’t play into it, and we only see each toher because I can teach you math, and I’m okay with that too. I don’t think we’d have a lot to talk about if we ever hung out outside from math tutoring, right? Plus, not to pull the stereotype out, but you’re one of the most popular girls in school and I’m a gifted kid.”
“You just say that like it’s impossible for either of us to see the other as, like, an equal,” Taylor replied with slight disgust. “And that just makes me think you don’t see me as your equal.”
“I mean, I don’t. I see you as my superior,” I replied with a slight humorous smile. “You have friends, you can charm any teacher into an extension, you have way different hobbies and pastimes than me, and you, uh, haaaaave a reallyattractivebody.” I mumbled the last part. “We’re in entirely different worlds here.”
Taylor shrugged at me. “You have a twin. He’s popular.”
“Yeah, he says that too. But, like, he knows how to socialize and I don’t, and he has connections to popular kids and can go to parties, and he looks more attractive. It’s just not fair to compare us.”
“I actually find him less attractive than you,” Taylor bluntly said.
I stopped in my tracks. “…Really?” I finally asked.
“Yeah,” she replied, then smirked. “Don’t get any ideas.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course. Um… huh. Thanks.”
Taylor shook her head and giggled again. “Believe in yourself more, Quinn. And yeah, it’s not like we’re going to hang out doing anything else together, but it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your company when we do hang out. It’s just that we’re going to hang out in, like, certain ways. It looks like you wouldn’t want to drink with Morgan and me and talk about sex anyway.”
Morgan and I. “Yeah, good point,” I admitted.
Taylor took her purse out from between the seats and found a twenty dollar bill for me. I waved it away. “Keep it,” I ordered. “It was a half lesson anyway.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
I gave a nervous chuckle-sigh. “The, um, payment you gave me last time could pay for the whole year if you wanted.” I admitted, blushing.
She shook her head and laughed again. “Okay,” she told me. “See you next week?”
“See you then,” I politely replied, exiting the car.
***
It was nice talking things out with Taylor, but she wasn’t the only one I needed to talk to. Over the weekend, I got a text from, who else, Morgan.
Hey Quin. sorry for the stuff I said yesterday, I was just blowing off some steam, its how I unwind when me and Taylor hang out
I stared at the text for a few seconds, my tongue running over my top row of teeth in thought. After a bit, I reasoned to myself that I was here for Taylor’s benefit, not Morgan’s.
It’s “Quinn.” Do you always unwind by pointing and laughing that I’m a virgin and that I get flustered around sexual topics, or is that only when I’m there? What was that you told me about acting like you’re better than others?
It felt a bit vindictive, but I hit send anyway. At the end of the day, I’d rather Morgan be not talking to me and think less of me than misspelling my name and assuming she could walk all over me anyway. I don’t know what kind of response I was expecting from here, but I never received one, and that suited me just fine.
GameStop was still alright, though it was annoying to balance my school life with my work life now, even before tutoring. I guess this was how most students felt. I couldn’t imagine doing extracurriculars on top of all this. I couldn’t imagine how Kevin was surviving.
“How do you manage to do school, work, and extracurriculars?” I asked him while he was gaming.
He shrugged. “You get into a rhythm, I guess,” he answered, eyes still on the television. “Honestly, fast food isn’t that terrible. You just have to switch your brain off and just do the thing in front of you. It’s like you’re a part of a machine. You watch, dude – all fast food is gonna be automated by, like, 2020. I assume GameStop is kinda the same.”
“Nnnnot really,” I admitted. “It’s more dealing with people than anything. They have questions, they want to know ‘what games are on the PS4’ and expect you to list five games, they ask, like, ‘what’s the game that has a sword in it’ and look at you funny when you say you need more information…”
Kevin paused the game and turned to grin at me. “You would think the worst part of the job is talking to people,” he joked.
“I’m just saying, it’s annoying. I mean, like, I guess it’s better for me, but, I dunno, I just want them to… know their own stuff, y’know?”
Kevin unpaused and resumed playing. “Well, it’s definitely affecting you; you kinda talk different now.”
“How so?”
“Maybe last month, you talked like a politician fresh out of a scandal that just inhaled a Speak & Spell. Like, very careful wording. Now you’re a little more free with it and you say ‘like’ and ‘y’know’ a lot.”
“Is that bad?” I felt myself getting worried. How long has this been going on?
“Nah dude, it’s fine. It’s even great. It’s a common part of learning to speak like a human being.” Kevin shut up from that point forward since he was fighting a boss. I knew not to talk to him when he was fighting a boss – last time I did, he lost, blamed me, and got decently upset.
Was I talking differently? Was it a good thing? I didn’t know, but I guess I trusted Kevin’s judgment. There were worse fates than talking like everyone else, I suppose.
***
Morgan didn’t accompany us when we went to the library after that, even just to get driven home. Part of me felt bad – she did buy me food, and in general she had at least a sense of justice, which I respected. I didn’t feel bad for standing up for myself though. I submitted too much around the house. To Kevin, to Mother, to Father, to anyone with a loud enough voice. I doubt I would have been able to stand up to Morgan like how I did if it wasn’t over a phone.
Another thing changed. We ended up going to the library less and less, and her house more and more. I guess the library was just an idea she had. To Taylor’s credit, somehow she was able to pick up on concepts faster at her own house. That said, every single time I went to her house, it was the same level of clean, the basement was the same level of messy, and her mom was even in the exact same position. I don’t know why that sameness bothered me so much, but it just baffled me.
“Alright, you’re all caught up,” I announced as I closed the textbook. “We could work ahead a little more, but something tells me…”
“Yeah, pass,” Taylor laughed. I gave her a smile in response. “Thanks, Quinn. You have no idea how much of a load off my shoulders this is.” She took out her phone and began fiddling with it.
“It’s actually really, uh, cool to see your growth in all this. It’s really clear you actually want to learn and stuff. I’m, uh, proud of you,” I borderline stuttered.
Taylor flicked her eyes from her phone back to me and smiled distractedly. “Ha, thanks,” she replied. “I’m sorry if I was, like, out of it for some of the lesson.”
I stared confusedly at her. “You weren’t, it’s fine. I didn’t notice anything at least.”
“That’s a relief,” she mumbled to herself.
“Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, just… y’know, more boy trouble,” she sighed.
“Anything you want to talk about? Like, only if you want of course.”
She sighed and put down her phone. “It’s just, like, boys being boys again really. I don’t wanna get too into it, but like, Cliffnotes version…”
I smiled. Of course she knew Cliffnotes.
“…I was super close to getting with a new guy. We, like, hit it off really well, had a lot to talk about, and holy shit, he looked good. Like, I’m serious. Like, the genetics in his whole fucking family is like… out there, you know? Anyway, so like, we start talking and I think, ‘oh my God, I got a chance with this guy,’ and then he just has to go and ruin it.”
“Ruin it? How so?” I asked, listening intently.
She sighed. “I probably shouldn’t tell you that,” she mumbled. “Red flags. The kinda shit you were talking about at the lunch table that one time. Just men. Just, fuckin’… men.”
I nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry, Taylor. It must be frustrating to have things go so well for you in a certain way and then lose it.”
She chuckled bitterly. “Yeah, thanks for spelling it out,” she replied.
“Sorry.”
“Nah, don’t be. That is totally how it is. That’s how it is a lot. I appreciate you understanding it, at least. I bet a lot of gifted kids look at me and go, ‘oh, she can’t complain, she’s popular.’ But it kinda sucks to be popular and still feel like you’re going nowhere, because, like… what am I doing wrong?”
I sat in thought for a second. “I think the question there is flawed.”
“Huh?”
“Well, if you and this guy are hitting it off, and he gives you a bunch of red flags, and you step away for that reason, what actions did you even have control over besides choosing to protect yourself and walk away? The independent variable here was the level of respect he gave you. If the dependent variable’s result was you walking away, that can’t be blamed on you. You and him interacting as you normally do are just, like, a control variable.”
Taylor gave me a sarcastic look. “Relatable,” she quipped. “I think I understood like half of that.” She shook her head. “But anyway, I still feel like I could have acted better or something. I dunno. It keeps happening, so in your words, aren’t I the, uh… the, um, the control tester?”
“Common denominator?”
She shrugged. “Probably.”
“I think that’s just confirmation bias. Honestly, I think a lot of high school guys are just douchebags.”
She bit her lip. “Yeah, I sure have seen a fucking lot of that.” She nodded to herself for a bit. “Thanks for not being one of them. You could have easily sent my nudes around for clout or some shit.”
“The school year – no, my entire high school career is almost finished. Even if I wanted to, what would it get me? A few high fives? You sent that to me knowing what it meant to me, so I dunno, the absolute least I can do is respect the source. Besides, that should be the standard, not a kindness I extend to you. If you give me what I want and ask me to show you common respect, and I don’t respect it, I didn’t deserve it in the first place. It’s not a kindness to respect you, it’s what you deserve. I don’t care how popular you are.”
Taylor smiled toothily with her tongue sticking slightly out between her teeth. It was cute. “Fuck, I wish you were popular, Quinn,” she admitted. “I’d like the popular guys to want to listen to, like, people like you.”
“Maybe it’s not coincidence that I’m unpopular and have these opinions. Maybe popularity corrupts a lot of people,” I replied slowly.
“Do you think it got to me yet?” she joked.
I chuckled. “I think it gets to all of us in some ways or another. Unpopularity too. There are a few things I wish could have happened, even just for curiosity’s sake.”
“Like what?”
“Like just knowing how to talk to people or something. Or having firsthand knowledge of relationships so I don’t look like a dork when I get my first girlfriend at age twenty-eight. I bet there were a few times you wished you could be unpopular, just to see what it’s like.”
“Honestly, it’s like, never crossed my mind.”
I shrugged. “Fair enough. But it’s like this weird segregation. Us even talking like this is a fluke. And you like to date and stuff – have you ever dated anybody unpopular?”
Taylor lowered an eyebrow at me and smiled sarcastically. I rubbed the back of my neck in embarrassment. “I’m not insinuating anything, I swear,” I nervously laughed. “Just asking for curiosity’s sake.”
Taylor rolled her eyes, still smiling slightly. “Alright, no. No, okay? It’s not like I avoid it, but it just… never happens.”
“I guess it’s just the way high school is,” I mused. “And again, not trying to insinuate anything. I want to be able to talk about this as your, um… is it cool to say, ‘friend?'”
“Quinn, you’re such a dork,” Taylor grinned. “Of course you can say it.”
“Okay. Yeah, as your friend. I’m not trying to win you over or convince you to date me or anything. Sometimes I even feel bad about the picture thing.”
“Why? I, like, sent it to you of my own free will.”
“Yeah, you did, but… I dunno. I feel like I’m still seeing you sexually or sexualizing you, and the more I learn about your dating history, the more I want to be able to be there as a friend that you trust to not be after you sexually in the long run or anything.”
“I’ve got Morgan for that,” Taylor replied. “And the others. You asked, I gave it to you. Honestly? It was kind of exciting.”
I felt my throat get drier and my pants get tighter. “Y-yeah?”
“Yeah,” Taylor repeated, her voice noticeably getting quieter. “It was just nice to be like, ‘hey, you respect women, you should get at least the same that other guys are getting.'”
“I, uh… yeah.” I replied flusteredly.
Taylor grinned at me. “See, you’re getting flustered now, but, like, you were the one that point-blank asked to see a picture of me.”
“I have no idea where that came from, to be honest,” I told her breathlessly with a laugh. “I don’t think I’d be able to do that again.”
“Oh yeah? Would you want to ask again?” she asked, a hint of something in her voice.
“I mean maybe someone down the line, but-”
“I meant me, dummy. Like, asking me something else.”
A beat of silence passed between us. “L-like, what do you mean, ‘something else?'” I asked nervously.
Taylor sighed softly, shaking her head and biting her lip. “Like… for example… after the whole Ben thing – his name was Ben – I dunno, I’m feeling kind of pent up. Like I want to do something about it. Kinda like, similar to the picture thing, but if you were to ask to, you know, do something with me, you’d get the experience and confidence or whatever, and maybe I might get to feel better about guys. Plus, it… you know… would feel good for me.” She was now blushing too. It was very clear that, number one, she was not used to initiating, and number two, something about my boldness last time inspired her. Probably because I just said I was not going to be that bold a second time.
“Are you asking me to h-have sex with you or something?” I asked nervously.
Taylor chuckled in my misunderstanding. “Not that far. I’m just saying, maybe if you got a thrill from it, I wouldn’t mind teaching you about, like, foreplay or something… if you wanted.”
“So, like the picture, but interactive.”
Taylor gave me a ‘you weirdo’ smile. “Sure, Quinn. Just like that.”
“Well I dunno!” I defended myself. “Is this the best place to do it?”
“Have you ever seen my mom come down here?” Taylor asked. “We could, uh, do it here. If you’re sure you’re comfortable with it.”
“I’m comfortable with it. Are you comfortable with it?”
“I offered, didn’t I?”
We sat there staring at each other for a little bit, with no one moving, me with a raging hard-on that Taylor couldn’t have not known about.. Finally, I huffed and looked at the floor in embarrassment. “So, uh, how does this begin? With you taking your shirt off, or…”
“Yeah, I guess it does,” Taylor admitted softly, an uneasy look on her face.
“If you’re having second tho-”
“Shhh,” Taylor soothed me. “I’m just not used to it being so… matter-of-fact. I’m, uh, also used to a guy doing this for me, I guess.” She began taking off her shirt – some high-fashion shirt that didn’t cover her shoulders but covered a bit of her arms – and I couldn’t help but stare.
She breathed in and out a few times, staring up at the ceiling, before turning pinker and starting to take off her bra. Right before she did, she caught me staring and smiled shyly. “Nothing you haven’t seen before, right?” she reminded me.
“I mean, I’m just… really excited.” I started off saying that shyly and ended in a nervous laugh. “Is that okay? Am I allowed to say that?”
Taylor gave me another one of her ‘you weirdo’ smiles. “Yes, you’re allowed to say that,” she soothed me, before taking off her bra, looking at me nervously the whole time.
“Holy fucking shit,” I found myself mumbling aloud. I had no clue what cup size they were (cup sizes were just confusing to me) but I did know that her tits looking big for her frame was not just a phenomenon when she wore clothes. Her breasts looked just as huge in person, bereft of clothing. Despite her nervousness, her small adorable brown nipples stood, erect and hardening, adjusting to the fresh air.
Taylor gave a single nervous snicker. “As good in person?” she asked.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. My cock throbbed in my pants. “Yeah,” I mumbled.
She shook her head. “Men,” she remarked humorously. “Okay, so like, the basics are simple. Most girls like having their boobs touched. Most guys go too hard though. You want it to be gentle. Remember it’s a human being you’re touching. A good rule of thumb is ‘caress, don’t squeeze.'”
My eyes flew to hers and my mouth dropped. “You want me to… touch them?” I managed to get out.
“Quinn,” she replied, almost disappointed with me. “If I just wanted you to look, I could have just sent you another picture.” She sat up straight. “Come here.”
I didn’t move for the first few seconds. Slowly, nervously, inch by inch, I shuffled over to her until I was right in front of her, looking everywhere but in her eyes. Mostly, my eyes fell to her chest. Her amazing chest.
“You didn’t teach me math by solving the equations for me,” she pointed out, surprisingly wittily. “Go ahead.”
My hands were shaking but I stabilized my left one long enough to reach forward and grab one. The feeling was amazing. Soft, light yet firm, full yet malleable. Playful. I made extra sure not to dig my fingers into them, and I found myself almost swirling my hand around it, letting my fingertips dance across its surface. My cock was twitching at this point. Taylor watched my hand, a mixture of smiling playfully at my naivety, and occasionally shuddering slightly.
“What do you think?” she asked after a bit.
“I think you’re really beautiful,” I told her. “I can see why every guy wants you. I bet guys only want you more after getting to play with these.”
“Well, like, I mean… you’ve only played with the one,” she offered quietly.
I took the hint, shakily moving my other hand up and mirroring my left hand’s actions. Eventually, I stopped treading and tracing my fingers around the flesh and cupped both breasts in my hands, making sure not to squeeze as much as… what the heck even was caressing? I hoped I was doing it right.
“Like this?” I asked.
“Yeah, you’re doing well,” she breathed. “It feels, um, good. Kind of, like, shift the power from your palms to your fingertips, like you’re kneading bread or something.”
My face slightly scrunched in confusion at her words. I took my left hand off of her breast and tried to mimic her advice in the air, watching my left hand. She rolled her eyes and shooed my right hand away. “Watch. Like this,” she told me, grabbing her breasts in her hands.
It frankly looked like she was squeezing them, but in a certain way. I nodded and she removed her hands, only to be replaced by mine a second later. I mimicked her actions and listened for her reactions, and they came in the form of her arching her back and breathing a little heavier.
“How about the nipples?” I asked.
She had her eyes closed, but opened them lazily and grinned slyly. “You like ’em?” she asked. “Don’t twist them like in porn. They’re, like, super sensitive. Just, like, play with them. Lightly roll them between your fingertips. Maybe apply a bit more pressure every so often, but listen for my reactions. Moans mean it’s good, me going all ‘ahh’ is bad. Every girl is different. I’m kinda more sensitive than other girls, so maybe go easy. Easier than you think you should.”
“Most guys go harder than you’d prefer, I’m guessing?” I asked.
Her grin got a little bigger. “Maybe,” she teased.
I slowly moved my hands inward, still trying to caress her breasts, and moved my thumb and forefinger of both hands towards her nipples. I positioned both nipples between them and, as gently as I could, took both nipples in my hands and began to move my thumbs and forefingers in circular patterns.
“Ooh,” I heard Taylor say in the slightest of voices, albeit an impressed one. A look of pride was on her face. “That was actually really good, Quinn. Nice job.”
I smiled at the compliment and kept up my efforts as Taylor arched her back and my throbbing got more intense. I think my breathing quickened more rapidly than hers. As I rubbed her nipples, she bit her lip, closed her eyes and slowly ground her hips against the air, clearly enjoying herself as much as I was.
“This is, uh, really good, Taylor. This is… this is really nice,” I clumsily stated. I could feel all of my nerves jumping and I felt like my vision was almost going dark, like I was beginning to get tunnel vision. I kept on caressing her breasts and playing with her nipples until the sensations became too much. It was like a spring was being wound down. I was going to shoot a load in my pants if I kept this up for too long.
I took my hands off of Taylor’s breasts, breathing heavily. “Hey, so, uh… I’m having such good – such a good time, but I think I just need to stop for now, for a moment…” I panted, practically out of breath, feeling like all of the blood in my entire body was going straight to my dick.
Taylor slowly opened her eyes and looked down in between my legs, as if for the first time. There was no way she couldn’t see what was going on, and there was even less of a way she couldn’t have guessed. “Oh, are you about to cum in your pants or something?” she asked.
I didn’t know if she was going to make fun of me or something. She asked so flatly, so matter-of-fact. It made me hesitate for a second, but I had no reason not to trust her. “Yeah,” I admitted. “I-I’m sorry if that’s weird or anything.”
She smiled a little cockily, as if she was proud of herself. “Huh. That’s, uh, kinda hot that I made that happen,” she admitted.
I cocked my head and chuckled in acknowledgement of what she said but said nothing myself. My eyes were closed and I was breathing heavily, just trying to regain control of myself. I didn’t hear her lean her head next to mine, but I did hear what she whispered into my ear.
“Honestly, my pussy’s kinda quivering right now too, Quinn.”
A breath left my body on its own. My eyes shot open but I still saw nothing. I felt my spirit leaving my body as I exploded. If I were naked, I would have known it was the largest load I had ever shot in my life – and the feeling went on for way longer too. Breath after breath left me, as if I was laughing in slow motion or something. I went from leaning back on my arms to my arms giving out and just lying on the floor, catching my breath.
Finally, once the feeling was starting to subside, my eyes fluttered open and I just saw Taylor sitting on her knees, a half-smile on her face, watching me. “Oh, uh, sorry,” I mumbled.
“Don’t be,” she replied quietly. “That was, y’know, interesting.”
“Interesting?” I replied with a shy chuckle.
“Yeah. I dunno, I never really had an experience like this before,” she admitted. Sensing we were probably done for the night, she put her shirt back on but not her bra. Her still-hard nipples poked their way through, clearly visible. It was hot.
“Don’t stare, horndog,” she laughed.
“Sorry, sorry. I don’t suppose there’s a washroom down here?” I asked.
She shook her head at me and pointed off to some hallway I hadn’t seen past the stairs. Not bothering to even look at her as I did so, I borderline waddled to the washroom to clean myself up.
I felt kind of embarrassed. I just creamed myself in front of the hottest girl in school. Granted, her tits were out at the time, and this was an odd scenario for sure, but it was still a thing I did. I had to breath in and out a few times and clear my thoughts before sheepishly coming out of the washroom to face her.
“So, uh… should I ask to go home now?” I asked, not looking her in the eye.
“Do you feel embarrassed?”
“Yes,” I flatly admitted.
“Don’t, it was interesting. I don’t, like, think any less of you.” Her words clearly didn’t move me, so she cleared her throat and continued. “It’s happened before. This was like, the same thing that happened the first time Fabien touched me.”
That got my attention. Fabien was a member of the Student Council. One of the uber-popular guys. One of those very European-looking guys, the kind that got a lot of girls at American high schools like ours. “Really?”
She nodded. “He was, like, really sensitive. I don’t mind. I actually think it’s kinda, like, flattering. It’s not like we were going to go all the way or anything, so it’s, y’know, no loss to me.” She ended her statement with a laugh. I joined in.
The possibility of us going all the way was so alien to me until she said that. Even with me asking her before if she wanted to have sex with me – that was more out of disbelief than anything else. I guess it was more impossible a few weeks ago, but still, even the situation we were already in, it was like a dream. A trance. Like if I breathe the wrong way I might wake up or something.
“So, uh, do I need to change my behavior or something? Is there something that changes now?”
Taylor shrugged. “Nope. Just the same as, like, when you received the picture. This never happened, don’t blab, y’know, the usual.” She stood up and pointed a finger at me. “Especially Kevin. I know you guys have, like, a brotherly bond and everything, but he is such a blabbermouth. You can’t let him know about any of this. Including the picture.” She paused for maybe a second before adding, “Did you already tell him about the picture?”
“No, no. Oh, God no. He would never believe me anyways,” I replied. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him. I meant more like… do we pretend we’re just friends and this never happened, or do we acknowledge it happened in the past, or like, do you want me to do this anytime you need… you know, relief?”
Taylor, as always, smiled and shook her head. “It depends. If I get some dick, I think I’ll be set. But if you don’t mind teaching me data management, I think I can enjoy teaching you how to please me. Does that sound good?”
“Any opportunity to do that again sounds amazing,” I admitted.
“There’s the bluntness again,” she teased.
“You bring it out of me,” I teased back.
She laughed quietly but said nothing. Before long we were in her car on the way back to my place. We’d stayed out longer this time, and the sun was beginning to set when I got to my apartment.
“I hope I didn’t keep you too long,” Taylor said to me.
“I don’t mind. As long as I don’t have work, however long it takes to do the lesson,” I replied.
“I’ll see you in class tomorrow. Thanks for the lesson,” she said sweetly.
“Th-thanks for yours,” I replied bashfully. Taylor rolled her eyes and drove off, leaving me with a spring in my step.
When Mother heard me enter, she turned to face me, hands on her hips. “Quinn! You’re home later than normal.”
“The lesson ran a little late, Mother. But for my time, I got paid a bit more than normal.”
A smile brewed on Mother’s face. “Ahh, Quinn! You are learning. Your skills and time are worth money! You are worth it.”
“You know, Mother, I think I’m starting to believe that I am,” I admitted, mostly to myself, as I walked towards my room.
I knocked on the door out of courtesy. “Come on in,” Kevin’s voice greeted me. I opened the door and flopped down on the bed.
Kevin turned back from playing Infamous Second Son and laughed. “She really took it out of you, huh?”
“I’m just tired all the time. School, job, tutoring. I dunno how you do it,” I mumbled into the bed.
“If I was tutoring Taylor Wise I’d be just as tuckered out as you, just for different reasons,” he replied, with probably a more suave delivery in his head than his voice. “Zing!”
“Yeah, bro, nice,” I told him, rolling my eyes.
“Nah, I’m just kidding. Honestly even with my experience I’d probably just shoot a load in my pants from just being around her that often.”
I sat up. “Yeah, that was me. I shot a load in my pants then had to use her bathroom to clean up, then I just awkwardly left.”
Kevin laughed at my ‘joke.’ “Man, I can’t wait until you get a real girlfriend. I’ll have so many things to tell her.”
I snickered in self-deprecation. “If you think I’m getting a girlfriend before we split up and go to different universities, you’ve been spending too many hours playing games; you’re living in a fantasy world.”
“Aiya! Bèn dàn! What are you, Mother? I didn’t expect you of all people to criticize me of all people for enjoying my own down time. I’m working hard here. Sorry for assuming you’re getting better at being around people. If you get a girlfriend before the end of the year you owe me twenty dollars.”
“And if I don’t…?” I challenged him.
Even though he was facing the TV, he still grinned. I could feel it. “Then you only owe me ten dollars.”
I threw a pillow at his head. It was nice to go from ‘why can’t I talk to anyone’ to joking about getting a girlfriend. Things were actually going really nice for me. Nicer than I ever thought they’d be going in my entire high school career, that was for sure. If me from the beginning of grade twelve could see me now… I would have loved to have seen the look on my face.
And sure, things were moving at a bit of a quick pace, but that’s what growing up was all about, the new stuff. The unexpected. And hey, it wasn’t like anything was happening that I wasn’t prepared for. Sure, there were curveballs, but it was clear I could take whatever this weird situation was throwing at me.