Private Study

Anna opened her eyes slowly, disturbed on feeling him leave her bed; not by the early morning sounds of traffic and the rumble of car tyres on the canal side’s cobbled carriageway that was just outside her bedroom window. The pale early morning light could be seen through the thin curtains. It seemed to make his tanned skin gleam as he walked softly, in his bare feet, to the chair where his clothes had been casually cast the night before.

Every move that she saw Vito make stirred renewed longing for him. She held her breath. Nothing like this had been felt before, not even the first time, when he had turned up at her basement apartment’s front door, late in the evening, and she had heard his knock, rhythmic and slow.

‘Yes? Who is it?’ she had called out, cursing for not having had a spyhole fitted into the heavy timber planks, of a deep green painted door. It gave her a sense of security. Dealers and pimps roamed this part of Amsterdam and she took no chances; was grateful that migrants had yet to set up camp under the trees that lined the waterway. The cops moved them all on. A fragile hold on what passed for gentility, these days, still remained.

She was a Mathematics tutor at a local college. A term ago she had agreed to offer Vito extra tuition; work that had begun at the college, in one of the small, glass-fronted, meeting rooms and that saved them having to explain anything.

‘It’s Vito,’ she just heard him tell her, his voice muffled.

‘Vito? But…but how do you know where I live?’ He must have followed her, and she had not been aware of it. ‘It’s late, Vito…and I’m about to go to bed.’

Anna tugged tight the belt o her dressing gown. She had been sitting in her small kitchen reading through some course notes for the week ahead and drinking on a juice. She had felt drawn to the young man who now loitered outside her door; had refrained from giving any sign of how far that had gone. She was, after all, a forty-year-old woman and single; he a sleek, black-haired youth of twenty, from a good Groningen family; an undoubtedly handsome young man with brooding eyes and vulnerable. He was unsure of what the future held if he persisted in his business degree. Vito Delissen kept to himself she had learned.

She received no answer to her question.

‘I’m sorry to bother you…but I wanted to explain why I was so late in submitting some work to you after all that you’ve done to help me. I’ll go…I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘Wait! Tomorrow’s Saturday!’ she exclaimed.

She heard his disbelieving laugh. ‘So it is…I’ve just checked my iPhone…I’ll be going…leave you in peace.’

If only, she thought, her mind filled with images of him and how broodingly serious Vito could so often become.

‘Wait!’ she yelled again, quickly, her doubts about what she now intended to do pushed to one side. ‘You’ve interrupted my evening and there’s some coffee left from earlier. You…you may as well come in, Vito…just for a moment.’

‘Are you sure?’ he asked her after Anna had been heard to unlock the door, pull back a bolt, and open it to him, the security chain still in place.

‘Yes,’ she said somewhat curtly and in denial of what others would think; those in authority at the college, if they ever learned of her actions. ‘Come in…come in,’ she urged, then shoving shut the door and locking it, only once. ‘Wait here a moment…I’ll clear some things away. We’ll sit in the kitchen. We should fit in, just about.’

He soon saw the soft glow of what he took to be a lamp, the shadows of items close-by cast onto the walls. Anna came to him. Vito noted that she still wore her large trademark watch on her strong wrist; saw the glint of her stud earrings as she brushed back at the tumble of her blonde hair. She had always been seen with it neatly tied back. Now, he thought her to be even more engaging than ever.

Anna drew her dressing gown’s belt a little tighter. She must be crazy to be doing this, but Vito seemed lost…captivated by her and in how she looked. His wandering eyes took in everything about her now.

Vito followed in silence.

‘You needn’t apologise for being late with an assignment,’ she said to reassure him. ‘I’ve been in this work long enough to know the distractions you have…social life and so on.’ She said it as two small glass coffee mugs were set out and she put a pan with the remains of coffee, from a cafetiere, on a ring of the stove. It was soon ready, each of them waiting in what felt to her like a brooding, heavy silence. ‘So, what distracts you?’

He was startled by her question. ‘Oh, I just have my sport…’

Anna looked at him. ‘Is that all? Sit down…please? There’s nothing formal about this, you know, Vito?’

He smiled wonderfully, to her ways of seeing it. Anna saw him glance over her shoulder at the softly ticking wall clock, a family heirloom. She turned to look at it, her dressing gown stretching open and over her full breasts. As she turned to him she saw Vito avert his gaze from her.

He sipped on his coffee, quickly, even nervily. ‘I didn’t realise how late it is. I’d better go…’

‘You’ve only just got here,’ she said, reaching across the space between them to pour out what remained of the coffee. She had yet to drink at her own cup. ‘There’s more to this…your reason for being here, isn’t there, Vito?’

Anna saw his eyes dart over her once more as her dressing gown opened; she saw him blush and she glanced down at her body. The thin cotton nightdress she wore, in the summer months, was like a second skin; it was all but transparent. She sought to cover herself once more, but the sudden rush of heat had taken a hold from that look upon her. She pressed her thighs together to quell the ache of longing aroused in her. It seemed to now be a matter of whom was pursuing whom.

How could she have been so foolish as to open the door to him, dressed in the way that she was? Sharing in intimate talks in public places was one thing; but in her small basement apartment, and alone with a young man? It was crazy.

Anna felt weak as she put her hands on the table for an instant. She chose not to see if her dressing gown covered her adequately. His eyes were still averted from her when she spoke. ‘Vito?’

‘Yes…yes, Anna,’ he replied in a soft, deep tone of voice, but looking down into his coffee cup as he swirled its contents around slowly.

Anna felt her breaths catch in her throat; her heart beating furiously in her breast. ‘You’ve been looking at me…but…but why not now, Vito?’

A sudden need to touch him overwhelmed her. She brushed her fingers over his hand as it rested on the table, close to the now empty coffee cup. She was possessed by a rush of keen anticipation for all that could follow.

‘I…I couldn’t keep away. And…and now, I see you in your robe. It…it’s…’ Vito couldn’t finish what was now on his mind on seeing her body exposed to his gaze.

‘I…I want you to look at me, Vito…do that for me as you have wanted to,’ she heard herself say, the words sounding strangely certain to her ears.

Anna saw him shift, push a hand down to where she imagined a bulge was forming in his jeans. She saw how his hand trembled as he took hold of the empty cup and raised it to his beautiful mouth; Vito’s eyes falling on her again before meeting her enquiring look upon him.

Anna moved closer. She touched his arm and then gripped it. ‘Put the cup down, Vito…do that now,’ she said gently. ‘Have you ever been with a woman…or a girl…before?’

He again averted his gaze. She took in the profile of his face, at the luxuriant colour and curls of his long hair that framed it rebelliously and so wonderfully. She knew what had been at work in him for so long and that had now brought Vito to her door.

‘No, miss Delissen…Anna,’ he corrected quickly, and on a whisper of embarrassment.

‘Then…then dealing with what you feel is difficult to let go of…to find a release from those feelings…when you have them…and are excited.’ Anna let the words slowly register.

Vito didn’t answer her. Nor did he look her way.

‘You must have ways to release those feelings. You can’t carry them around with you, Nico. Your sports…and walking the streets, that bring you to my door, are not enough, are they?’

She had moved to now stand close to him.

‘No, they’re not.’ Vito still didn’t look up at her. He clutched at her robe before he slipped one hand through to touch the smooth skin of her thigh; offered caresses until he felt her crack, the moisture and warmth to be found there. She shivered in longing. ‘I…I jerk off…’

Anna heard his sigh of disbelief that he should be telling her this.

‘Often?’ she chose to ask, gently; her fingers brushing his cheek. ‘Do you do that often?’

Vito shook his head and looked up at her in acute embarrassment before taking his hand from her. ‘I shouldn’t be here…telling you all of this….doing what I’ve just done.’

‘Yes you should,’ she murmured. It felt so deviant to be teasing a confession from him. She felt an acute cramp of longing in her belly and the seep of moisture between her thighs. ‘When…when you jerk off…who are you thinking of?’

He looked up at her with widened, stilled eyes. ‘I think only of you….of your figure…of your body…what I imagine you have and would bring to a man.’

She saw Vito pout, as if relieved to have confessed of it all to her at last.

Anna bent to him; her gown opened, thus allowing him to see the tumble of her breasts; the faint outlines of bikini bra cups visible on her lightly tanned skin. ‘I…I want to see you, Vito. Let me see you…please?’

‘No…I’ve intruded on you…and I’ve let my feelings and imagination run away with me. I’ve behaved like a deviant. I’m sorry to have said it all.’ Anna prevented him from standing up.

‘Don’t be sorry, and it’s not deviant. You were letting go…’ she soothed on placing one hand on the swell in his jeans. His prick seemed to throb through the fabric. Vito now squirmed as she unzipped the fly and reached for him; tugged at the waistband of his briefs until his straining flesh sprang free.

She gasped on seeing what he would bring to her.

‘You…you wonder!’ His rigid phallus trembled as she touched it. She saw its veined surface and the pink swollen roundness of his cockhead; every caress seeming to make it ever more likely that he would burst. Anna could not help but gasp again. ‘You wonder…you wonder, Vito.’

He reached up to her; and pulled Anna down to him as he kissed her. The sight of what she would bring and her clamping touches upon him too much too bear.

‘Oh…oh I’m sorry!’ he cried out as he lost control; the spurts of his semen splattering up onto her breastbone.

‘Don’t be…don’t be,’ she cried out in unison with his heated breaths. Anna sank to the floor and kissed his flesh; pumped his sac and stroked his length. Her tongue and lips traced a path over his prick as she nibbled kisses that had him push his hands through her hair; to have Anna work him some more. ‘That you’ve wanted me so…wanted me so badly, Vito!’

‘You have no idea…no idea,’ he groaned, shifting on his chair as she claimed him.

Vito bent to kiss her upturned face then her lips; reached into her gown once more, this time to fondle one breast; then to smooth his fingers over it until her nipple was there to know of; his lips and wondering touches upon it and that she did nothing to prevent as she was drawn up into his embrace.

‘Tell me about it…’ she whispered; felt his hands trace a path over her skin until he embraced her under that thin dressing gown.

‘I study…but I cannot help but wonder about you. I’ve jerked off so many times during the day…three or four times…just to be free of the ache I have for you. It’s a madness…even, an obsession that only being with you can cure.’

Anna was startled by his directness; the ease with which he had confessed to his feelings and means to satisfy them. There was no one in her life to share it with. That did not excuse what she now wanted to happen, but what she felt also served to offer some explanation. They each had a loneliness to bear, somehow.

‘You beautiful…beautiful wonder,’ she kissed to his mouth. ‘Come to bed…and stay with me.’ The young man had breached her every defence, at last. He had pursued her, not the other way about.

She lay in her bed and in Vito’s embrace.

She had explored his body and he had been taken to her in ruts that had her thighs aching from their exertions. Her skin was again wet from all that had burst from him. She languished and drifted between memory and the livid reality of every sensation that his touches continued to arouse in her. She had never known it to be quite this way; the learning and instinctive sharing that Vito had brought to her with his plumbing flesh and his quest for an all-consuming climax that made him claim her after moments of rest.

‘Anna…?’

‘Wait…wait for just a while,’ she whispered, moving to clamp his sac, cupping his hard testicles and encouraging him to move so that he could kiss her aching breasts; to feel his lips gently tug on her nipples then move down to where she had learnt of him.

Her claims served only to encourage Vito to take her to him once more.

‘Don’t rush it, darling,’ she could not help but say, ‘not yet. Make love to me slowly…ever so slowly and deeply. I’ll help you…show you, my love.’ She met his soft kisses.

‘I…I didn’t dare to believe that it might happen in this way between us.’

She nodded her reply against his mouth but could not still him in his movements. He took her in long, slow and gentle strokes…in moves that she had so quickly learnt to love of him.

‘Is that better?’ he kissed gently; looking down over her body to where he again was.

‘Yes…yes, much better,’ the movements of their bodies now in sync and slowly rising in tempo.

‘Tell me…show me, Anna…what to do. I’ll soon learn…’

‘You will…you have!’ she squealed as he brought her to a shattering climax, that had her convulse in pleasure and in fear of his energetic and unceasing claims upon her until they fell into a restless sleep.

She had yet to cure him of using her surname, and not Anna; not even in the passionate heat of lovemaking when she heard him gasp and yell like a captured animal in a cage, and she was yelling out his name shamelessly as they shared in what they had perfected; a mutual orgasm.

Outside of her bed, or when they went away for a weekend, she had seen her lover change. Passionate attentiveness was now matched by real progress in his studies; the deployment of intellectual rigour that she was pleased to acknowledge and hear of through discreet enquiries. He had even told her that it was all on account of his dreams of her becoming an only too livid reality.

The weeks of the semester flew by; his energy never flagging and his devotion to her disconcerting.

Anna dared not think of what she had opened his eyes to, and when he had first taken her to bed.

Vito bent down to kiss her, thinking that Anna was still asleep.

She reached up to him and felt one of his hands cup her breast, then the other; move to press his fingers to the tangle of moist hair, where he had been so emphatically.

‘I can’t get enough of you and our loving. I’ll be with you after the weekend with my folks. They’ve been asking me why I have stayed away from them for so long.’

‘What did you tell them?’ she asked drowsily.

‘That my teachers have me working all hours but that I am learning…’

Anna turned and met his deepening kiss.

‘You are…and I’ve learned that I cannot live without you.’

‘Are we allowed to say it to each other, then, Anna?’ he whispered against her lips and easing out of her embrace.

‘Yes…I love you,’ Anna told him, crazy as it was to speak out the words when she knew of all the obstacles that they would face, and that could so easily wreck all that she had discovered with him, and that they had shared in so passionately.

She had not seduced or been seduced, by a minor, but by an infatuated adult; a young man who became her lover and whom she had hungered for but had dared not approach. Anna knew that they would have to keep on meeting away from prying eyes; behaviour that made their times together only too special.

Anna chose not to think how long their affair would last. She only knew that she was sublimely happy and honest in what she had confessed to him.