Goodbye for Now

Disclaimer: All characters depicted are 18 years old or above.

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Victor tried to compose himself as he walked. He was nervous. It’d been a long time since he last did one of these. Usually, he’d just stay in his hotel room and jerk off to some porn. But today, in addition to being bored and in need of release, he also felt a strange compulsion to live a little. He decided to reinstall Grindr. To his surprise, his old profile was still intact. His pictures from three years ago, which showed a younger and fitter version of himself, still remained. Begrudgingly, he took a new photo of his torso in a tank top, leaving out his face just like before.

He got a few hits from blank profiles, which he didn’t reply to because he’d always thought those were sketchy. After a few scrolls, he decided to message “Anon Fun,” who was allegedly 33 years old, and had a pic taken from their hips down. The man was wearing a pair of skimpy gym shorts that showed off his beautiful tan legs, thick thighs, and a nice bubble butt. Victor could see a bit of black hair right above the waistband of the shorts, a treasure trail that led up to what he could assume was a very toned body.

“Looking to get dicked down good and have a load dumped inside me,” the profile said.

Victor didn’t expect a positive response, but “Anon Fun” surprised him. Thus, he was now walking to the address he’d been given, an apartment building not far from his hotel, trying to calm his nerves. Within the last three years, he’d only had sex with one man, so he wasn’t the most confident about his abilities, especially considering that “Anon Fun” seemed to be very experienced.

The door to the building opened mere seconds after he pressed the buzzer. When the elevator opened, he was met with two teenage-looking boys kissing each other. They turned to him with blushing cheeks before running out, hand in hand. Victor pushed the button for the sixth floor and sighed as the doors closed.

When the elevator opened again, Victor checked his phone before heading down the hallway. “Apartment 603. Front door is open. Bedroom is first door on the right,” he’d been told. He stopped before the correct number plate and took a deep breath as he turned the handle. A single lamp beside the sofa lit up the living room and the kitchen. Victor quietly closed the door behind him.

It wasn’t a huge space, but it was cozy. The furniture had a minimalistic but homey feel. A big bookcase stood next to the TV in front of the sofa. Potted plants were scattered around the apartment. There were a few big ones by the large window opposite the front door, a few small ones on some of the shelves of the bookcase, and one little cactus plant on the dining table.

To the left of the front door was the kitchen, and Victor looked to the right where there were two doors. The first one was slightly open. Victor gulped. He took off his shoes and slowly walked towards it. When he opened the door, the sight before him made his heart pound. “Anon Fun” was naked, lying on the bed with his bare ass up, pointing almost straight at Victor, while his face was pushed into a pillow.

Victor controlled his breathing as he took off his pants and underwear, dropping them onto the floor. He got on the bed, kneeling right before the beautiful ass. And beautiful it was. Plump cheeks covered with a light dusting of black hair. A hole that looked incredibly delicious. Victor stared at it with envy. He was jealous of guys his age who could still beef up and maintain their body in the gym. And by the looks of the man’s muscular back, arms, and thighs, “Anon Fun” was definitely one of those enviable guys.

The man wiggled his ass in front of Victor, inviting his entrance. Victor put a finger at the opening, caressing the ring of muscle, while his other hand stroked his hard cock. The hole winked at the touch of his finger, which made Victor’s boner throb. Realizing that he needed lube, Victor turned to the bedside table. But just when he was reaching over to fetch the bottle, Victor stopped, his eyes drawn to the photo next to it. There were four people in the picture: an older looking couple standing arm in arm, a handsome man and a younger, pretty woman sitting in front of them. All of whom Victor recognized, even though it’d been two decades since he last saw them.

“Wait,” Victor gasped and snapped to the side, staring at the back of the man’s head. “C-Caleb?”

Startled, the man lifted his head up from the pillow. Both of their eyes widened as they registered each other’s faces.

“Holy shit,” Caleb said. “Victor?”

Victor could not believe it. Caleb was right here in front of him. It’d been twenty years since they last saw each other. And Caleb still looked as handsome as ever. No, he looked more handsome than when he was 18. He had a fully-fledged beard now. His hair was longer and more wavy. And he certainly didn’t have this body back then.

“You’re… you’re here,” Victor stammered. “You’re actually here.”

“This is so fucking crazy,” Caleb suddenly sprung up from the mattress. Victor’s eyes instantly darted to Caleb’s torso, which was just as toned as he imagined from the Grindr pic. Caleb’s pecs were nicely formed, not bodybuilder-size but still bulging, and coated with a light mat of fur. His stomach was flat with a hint of abs. Victor followed the treasure trail of black hair down to Caleb’s hard cock. He was admiring its upward curve and the messy bush around the shaft when he realized that Caleb was staring at him.

“Oh shit, sorry,” Victor turned his attention back to Caleb’s face and gave him an apologetic smile.

“It’s all good,” Caleb smiled back. “Not like I wasn’t looking at yours too.”

Victor looked down at his crotch, his cock now a semi. He turned back at Caleb and blushed. They stared at each other, and a beat passed before both of them chuckled.

“This is so weird,” Victor said.

“I know, right,” Caleb scratched his beard. Another silent moment passed before he continued.

“Um, so, I know we were going to… fuck,” Caleb smiled shyly. “But do you wanna just hang out and catch up? I can break open a bottle of wine for us.”

Victor looked at his old friend, still in disbelief that Caleb was in front of him. “Yeah, of course,” he said.

“Awesome. Um, give me a moment to get dressed. Wait for me in the living room, okay?”

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Caleb fumbled around his cabinets for the corkscrew. He thought he’d put it in with the utensils, but it was nowhere to be found. The bottle of red wine sat impatiently on the counter.

“Everything good?” Victor called from the sofa.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I just can’t find that damn corkscrew,” Caleb answered. He checked the fridge, but of course it wasn’t there. What was he thinking?

“The corkscrew? It’s right here,” Victor said. Caleb turned around to see him pointing at the coffee table. The corkscrew was there, lying between the TV remote and a short stack of books.

“Oh, damn,” Caleb sighed and smiled. He walked over to Victor and took a seat on the sofa. Their thighs touched. They made eye contact with each other, but neither of them pulled away.

“This is fucking crazy, dude,” Caleb said as he began screwing into the cork. “It’s been twenty years.”

“I know, twenty fucking years,” Victor said. Caleb felt Victor looking at him, so he turned to the side and found exactly that. Victor’s tender eyes boring into him.

“Wait, why did you say you were 33 on your profile?” Victor asked.

“It’s Grindr,” Caleb answered, matter-of-factly. “If you want to get dick, you have to play the game. And it’s not like I can’t pass for 33, right?”

“Fair enough,” Victor nodded.

“So what’s going on with you these days? Finally became a big-shot professor at an Ivy League?” Caleb said. He realized that he forgot the glasses, so he hurriedly ran to the kitchen.

“Ivy League, yes. Professor, no,” Victor said as Caleb returned with two wine glasses in hand. “I’m an admissions officer at Cornell.”

“Oh, cool,” Caleb nodded and started pouring. He remembered in high school, Victor was bent on becoming a lawyer. It saddened him a bit to see that Victor didn’t accomplish the dream that, from freshman all the way to senior year, Caleb had heard him plan out.

“What about you?” Victor accepted a glass from Caleb and brought it to his lips. “You didn’t even go to our ten-year reunion.”

“Oh, yeah. I was in Spain back then,” Caleb said. “I was there to train with this doctor I met during med school, but I have my own clinic here now.”

“What kind of clinic?”

“Dermatology.”

“Very nice,” Victor said, taking another sip. “CPR finally became a doctor.”

Caleb let out a small chuckle. It was his nickname from high school. Caleb Pham Rodriguez. CPR. Everyone joked about it back then, but he never thought he’d actually end up working in the medical field.

“So you’re living in New York now?” Caleb asked. Victor nodded. “What brings you all the way to Texas then?”

“Just some info sessions. I go to high schools and, you know, tell kids to apply to Cornell.”

“Oh, how long are you gonna be here for?”

“Um, let’s see,” Victor counted with his fingers. “Today’s Saturday. I got one school on Monday and another two on Tuesday, so that’s… four days. Then Wednesday morning, I’ll head for San Antonio.”

“Right,” Caleb muttered. Four days. Only four days.

Victor spoke after a second of silence. “You like men?”

Caleb’s brows shot up, then scrunched together. “Uh… yeah. But I thought you already knew that.”

“What? No, you never told me.”

“Dude, how many times did I say I wanted to get under Liam Calloway? Our school’s quarterback?”

Victor looked like a deer in headlights. “You were being serious? I thought you were joking the whole time.”

Caleb laughed. “No, idiot. I guess I never told you explicitly but, come on, you really didn’t know?”

“I swear I didn’t. Everyone was making gay jokes back then,” Victor shook his head and laughed. “This is so crazy.”

“Fine, it’s my fault for not actually coming out but if anything’s crazy here, it’s you liking men,” Caleb said. “You literally had a crush on, what’s her name, um, Allison… Park? Yeah, her. You liked her for basically three years.”

“Two years,” Victor shot him a glare. “And I still like women, okay? I just did a lot of discovering in college.”

“Yeah, I bet you had a wild time,” Caleb said. “What did you do? Take a shot every time you finish a twenty-page paper?”

Victor giggled as he chugged the rest of the glass. “Fuck you. I’m wild, okay?”

“Sure,” Caleb nodded. “I guess you did come to fuck an anon bottom from Grindr.”

“Oh,” Victor sighed. “Let’s not talk about that. That’s the most awkward shit I’ve ever experienced.”

“Come on, it’s not awkward.”

“It is.”

“It’s not.”

“I was about to finger you, Caleb.”

“And?”

They looked at each other and burst out laughing. Victor punched Caleb in the shoulder. For a split second, Caleb thought about how good it’d feel to have Victor’s arm around him, or Victor’s hand on top of his body.

“Oh, God,” Victor slumped back onto the sofa. “I miss us.”

“Yeah, me too,” Caleb nodded.

“Hey,” Victor looked at Caleb, his face somber. “I’m sorry I stopped calling. School was busy and I got a boyfriend and-”

“Dude, it’s fine,” Caleb raised his palm. “I stopped calling, too. It’s just how things go.”

“But,” Victor looked down at the empty glass in his hand. “It’s… sad. We used to be best friends and, now,” he sighed. “We’re just… two strangers trying to hook up.”

“Trying? So you still want to…?” Caleb lifted a suggestive eyebrow.

“No, you perv,” Victor grinned. “I’m just saying, it sucks how people just fall out of your life like that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Caleb sighed. He looked at Victor. He no longer knew much about his life anymore, but Victor still looked more or less the same. His hair was still short and messy. His dark brown eyes still looked gentle as ever. Even his stocky build didn’t really change.

Caleb studied Victor’s face for a while. He felt a sudden urge to go in for a kiss.

“Um,” Victor said, snapping Caleb out of his thoughts. “It’s late. Maybe I should… go.”

“What?” Caleb’s eyes shot up. “No, stay. It’s barely past midnight.”

“Yeah, but maybe I should turn in early. I haven’t been getting the best sleep lately. Aging, am I right?” Victor set his glass onto the table.

“No, we still have so much to catch up on,” Caleb said. “Come on, dude.”

“We can still meet tomorrow,” Victor said. “We can go out for lunch. Or dinner. Or both.”

“We totally will, but,” Caleb grabbed Victor’s arm and looked intently into his eyes. “Please, stay.”

“Caleb…”

“Stay the night. With me.”

Victor seemed hesitant. Caleb noticed him glance down at his wrist where Caleb was holding and loosened his grip.

“If you’re tired then we can just sleep, okay? I promise. Nothing else.”

“I… I don’t know… ” Victor muttered.

“Please,” Caleb said, softly. “I can lend you a toothbrush, a change of clothes. Just… sleep in bed next to me. That’s it.”

Caleb searched Victor’s eye for an answer. He knew he was being pushy, and he didn’t like the position he was pushing Victor into, but he also needed this. It’d been years since he last slept next to someone. Victor just had to say yes.

Finally, Caleb saw Victor’s face relax. He took a sigh of relief.

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Victor was on his side turned away from Caleb. He didn’t know whether Caleb’s back or face was behind him, but he didn’t want to find out. Instead, he stared at the columns of light on the wall that cast a gentle glow in the dark of Caleb’s bedroom. Their blueish color somewhat calmed him, but he couldn’t sleep, which was exactly what he expected would happen if he stayed with Caleb. If he was already struggling any other day, then how would he fall asleep with his old friend, who was now unbelievably hot, on the other side of the bed?

Victor shifted his body, Caleb’s t-shirt and shorts rubbing against his skin. Caleb had a slimmer build, so his clothes were a tight fit on Victor’s body, but they weren’t uncomfortable. They smelled faintly of flowers, though Victor didn’t know what kind. He wondered if this is what Caleb smelled like now. Back in high school, all boys smelled like sweat and hormones, including Caleb and himself. But they weren’t in high school anymore, which made Victor a bit sad, now that he thought about it.

Victor could hear Caleb’s steady, soft breaths behind him. The thought of leaving crossed his mind. He knew Caleb was a heavy sleeper. Countless times he had barged into Caleb’s room in the morning, with Caleb’s parents’ permission, and quite literally wrestled him off the bed so that he could drive him to school. But no, leaving would be immature. And what if Caleb wasn’t such a heavy sleeper now? They were thirty-eight, and as Victor reminded himself again, he didn’t know Caleb anymore.

“Victor?” he suddenly heard and turned his head around. Caleb was looking right at him.

“Woah, I thought you were asleep,” Victor said.

Caleb slightly shook his head. “Can’t,” he said.

“Me neither,” Victor rolled his body over, face to face with Caleb. Even in the gloom of the night, Caleb looked great. The soft light was casting off his cheekbones and his eyes were shining like brown crystals.

“What do you do when you can’t sleep?” Caleb asked.

“Um, just try not to think about stuff, I guess.”

“What stuff?”

Victor took a deep breath, then let out a sigh. “This is so embarrassing.”

“I saw you choke on milk once, Victor. Straight up milk. And two hours ago you saw my asshole. We’re way past that point,” Caleb smirked.

Victor laughed quietly. “Fine,” he said. “I was just thinking about… my past relationships.”

“Tell me about them,” Caleb said. Victor saw a warm sparkle in his eyes.

“Well, I had that boyfriend in college. It wasn’t that serious, now that I think about it, but it lasted a year.”

“He broke up with you?”

“Eh, I think we broke up with each other.”

Caleb grinned. “Sure, who’s next?”

“Then I met a girl in grad school. Her name was Olivia and we… got married.”

“Woah,” Caleb’s eyes widened. “For how long?”

“Almost four years.”

“Woah. Any kids?”

Victor shook his head. “Neither of us really wanted kids. I still don’t.”

“So what happened?”

“She was cheating towards the end of our marriage,” Victor said. “It wasn’t really a shock. I knew we kinda lost that spark for some time. So we divorced and I never saw her again. That was before I moved to New York for Cornell.”

“Right,” Caleb said. Victor noticed his eyes space out for a bit before they turned to him again.

“And then I dated this girl named Prishna for a couple months before I called it quits. Then dated this guy named Dean for almost a year before he called it quits. They weren’t awful. It’s just… I don’t know, something felt off after a while,” Victor let out a deep breath. “Then I met Reed.”

“A guy?”

“Yeah. He was amazing,” Victor said. “He was kind, loving, adventurous, funny. He was a photographer, mostly travel stuff, so he took me to a lot of places. It was just… fun to be with him.”

“Why did you guys break up?”

“I think it was just that both of us were traveling a lot. We barely had time at home together, so…”

“I see,” Caleb said. “That sucks.”

“Yeah,” Victor licked his lips. “I don’t know. I think I haven’t been in, like, a bad relationship, you know? They just don’t work out in the end for one reason or another.”

“Wait, how long ago did you break up with Reed?” Caleb asked.

“Just a year ago. Took me a while to get over him.”

“Wow,” Caleb said. “You’re always the romantic kind. That never changed, huh?”

“What do you mean? I was literally about to fuck you without knowing who you are.”

“But do you do that every other day like me?” Caleb raised an eyebrow.

“Every other day? Are you serious?” Victor’s voice rose a pitch. At this age?

“Yeah,” Caleb said. “But my point is you’re the type for long-term relationships, which is nice and very… you.”

“What about you?” Victor asked. “There’s no way you’ve just been getting dicked down by random guys for the past twenty years.”

Caleb snorted. “No, but… that’s a story for another time. I don’t really want to get into it right now.”

“I respect that,” Victor nodded. Caleb seemed a bit sad, but he didn’t want to prod despite curiosity.

They continued to talk, face to face, inches away from each other on Caleb’s bed. Victor found out that Mr. Rodriguez had passed away, which made him feel bad that he couldn’t say his goodbye, for Caleb’s dad was always exceedingly nice to him. Mrs. Rodriguez lived with Rosie, Caleb’s sister, and her husband, Ethan, but she was actually in Vietnam for a month-long visit. Apparently, Rosie and Ethan were very happy that she was out of the house, even though they didn’t mind her living with them and the kids. Victor had always liked Caleb’s family and their warmth, which stood in stark contrast to his own family, most of whom he hadn’t seen in years.

“Years?” Caleb asked.

“Yeah. I visit my mom sometimes, but my dad and brothers can suck it,” Victor said.

“Still homophobic?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care,” Victor scoffed.

As the night went on, the conversation took several turns. They talked about their jobs, including the funniest patients Caleb had ever met and the cringiest essays Victor had read. They talked about hobbies, where Victor boasted about his recent endeavor into baking and Caleb described his workout routine, which made Victor realize that he’d much rather stick to eating pastries. They talked about aging and joked about their impending midlife crises, which Victor planned to preemptively attack by jumping into therapy the day after his fortieth birthday.

“It’s like we’re on a date,” Caleb suddenly said. “Getting to know each other, you know.”

Victor tensed, but then nodded. “Yeah, it kinda is. But that’s a good thing, right? I feel like we’re friends again.”

“I like to think we never stopped being friends,” Caleb said. “We just took a break. A really long one.”

“Yeah,” Victor chuckled. “But we’re here together again. CPR and… well, just Victor.”

Caleb’s lips squished together. “You’re leaving so soon, though,” he said.

“I know,” Victor sighed. “But this time we’ll definitely keep in touch and we can visit each other once in a while.”

They gazed into each other’s eyes as silence hung in the small space between them. Victor was overcome by a desire to embrace Caleb, feel his body against him, and maybe even give him a deep, affectionate kiss. But he couldn’t find the courage to do so. Yet, he knew that if Caleb was the one to make the move, he wouldn’t resist. He would let himself melt into Caleb and be subsumed by his warmth, the floral scent of his clothes, and his overwhelming passion. If only Caleb would lean in. If only.

“Crap, what time is it?” Caleb yawned and grabbed his phone from the bedside table. The glare of the screen made Victor instantly shut his eyes.

“Almost three a.m. already,” Caleb said, putting his phone back down. “Maybe we should go to sleep.”

“Yeah,” Victor said quietly. “Sorry for keeping you up.”

“I don’t mind. It was really fun,” Caleb smiled. “Night, Victor.”

“Night, Caleb,” Victor replied and turned his body away. This time, he managed to drift to sleep, even though he was still thinking about Caleb and the kiss that didn’t happen.

At some point during the night, Victor awoke to find Caleb’s arm around his torso and Caleb’s lips and nose slightly grazing the back of his neck. He turned his head around to see if Caleb was awake, but he wasn’t. Still, Victor let himself ease against Caleb as he returned to sleep. After all, it was the most comfortable he’d felt in a long time.

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When Caleb awoke, he found that the man in his bed had disappeared. For a second, he panicked.

“Victor? Victor!” Caleb called, at once sitting up from the bed and darting his eyes around. Streaks of sunlight shone through the window, where the curtains had been slightly opened.

“I’m out here!” Caleb heard and sighed. Of course Victor wouldn’t leave him in the middle of the night, but after all this time, Caleb couldn’t be so sure.

A fragrant smell hit Caleb’s nostrils as soon as he stepped into the living room. Pancakes.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Victor appeared from the kitchen, spatula in hand. “I saw you had some pancake mix in the pantry.”

“What?” Caleb muttered. He’d only sort of heard what Victor just said, distracted by the handsome face smiling at him. Victor’s body also looked delicious packed in Caleb’s t-shirt, his fatty arms spilling out from the sleeves, the curves of his chest and belly bulging against the fabric.

“Maybe you should go wash your face and brush your teeth first,” Victor said. Caleb’s heart fluttered as he realized what was happening. A man was making breakfast for him. Victor was making breakfast for him.

“Okay, give me a minute,” Caleb said, walking to the bathroom. As he brushed his teeth, Caleb thought about the night they just spent together, during which he’d suddenly awoke and decided to wrap an arm around a sleeping Victor. Overcome by the warmth of Victor’s body on his skin, he moved in closer and placed a small kiss on the back of Victor’s neck. He wanted to do more. He wanted Victor to catch him in the act, even. But he closed his eyes and dreamed of Victor instead.

Now fully awake, his face damp with water, and his hair combed into neat waves, Caleb joined Victor at the dining table, where two plates of pancakes, each covered in syrup and topped with a dollop of ice cream, along with two cups of orange juice, had been set. It was a simple meal, but Caleb felt like it was the most special breakfast ever.

“You didn’t need to do all this, dude,” Caleb said.

“I wanted to. You’re my friend,” Victor smiled and held up his knife and fork. “Now, dig in.”

Caleb nodded and began to slice into the stack of pancakes. The smell was beyond inviting. He let the sticky syrup coat the cakes before bringing it into his mouth.

“Mmmm,” Caleb uttered as the sweetness struck his palate. “This is amazing. I haven’t had pancakes in a while.”

“Really? Makes sense. You probably have scrambled eggs and a protein shake for breakfast or something like that,” Victor said.

“Basically, yeah,” Caleb chuckled and took another bite. “But I gotta say, your pancakes are worth a cheat day.”

“It’s just a box mix,” Victor laughed. “I wish you could have the pancakes I’ve been making at home. Coconut oil, oatmeal, chia seeds. The recipe is honestly genius.”

“Well, you can make some for me tomorrow morning,” Caleb said and looked up at Victor, who stopped cutting into the pancakes.

“Tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah. Where are you staying right now? A hotel? You can come stay here with me for the rest of your time here.”

Victor licked his lips and looked down at his plate. “That’s very kind of you, Caleb, but…”

“Dude, are you seriously turning me down right now? Come on, we’re friends. Who knows when we’ll see each other again?” Caleb said, staring into Victor’s face, waiting for Victor to look up at him. Victor did.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Caleb added.

Victor took a breath. “Alright,” he exhaled. “Let’s do it.”

“Yes!” Caleb flung his fists in the air in happiness. Victor smiled and shook his head before returning to his plate.

“What are your plans for the day?” Caleb asked.

“Um,” Victor chewed and swallowed. “I’m gonna finish up my presentation this morning, but I don’t know what I’m gonna do for the rest of the day, actually. I’ve been here quite a few times so I’m not sure what else is there to see. I was thinking of just wandering around.”

“Okay,” Caleb pondered. “How about… the science museum?”

“Been there. Not that interesting.”

“The zoo?”

“I hate both wild animals and kids.”

“Oh, that’s right. Hmmm, how about doing some shopping? I know this place that sells cool, sort of, vintage-inspired knick-knacks. Wanna check it out?”

“Sure, but my house is pretty cluttered already,” Victor said, lifting the glass of orange juice to his lips.

“Okay, we’ll keep that in mind,” Caleb said, before looking at Victor with a grin. “Oh, how about a bathhouse?”

Victor choked. Caleb saw some juice fall out of his mouth back into the glass.

“Are you serious?” Victor asked.

“Why not? I go there once in a while. And don’t tell me you’ve never been to one with all the travelling you do.”

“Yeah, but,” Victor said, a tentative look in his eyes. “You wanna go… together?”

“Um,” Caleb thought about it for a moment. “Nah, I’m just kidding. We’re here to hang out with each other like old times, not to fuck around.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Victor nodded. Caleb also nodded. Both of them took a bite in silence.

“You know what?” Caleb set his fork down. “How about you head back to the hotel and finish up your work? Then gather your things and come back here at noon, then we’ll go out for lunch. There’s this great sushi place around the corner. We can decide what we want to do afterwards.”

“Okay, sounds good,” Victor nodded. “What are you gonna do in the meantime?”

“Um, maybe I’ll do some reading, reply to some emails, check in with a few patients I’m meeting tomorrow…” Caleb took a swig of orange juice.

But after Victor left, Caleb did none of those things. Instead, when he returned to his bedroom, he plopped himself onto the bed where Victor had slept. He inhaled Victor’s lingering musk on the pillow and the sheets. He wanted to be bathed in that scent. Caleb got hard. He hurriedly slipped off his shorts and planted his face onto Victor’s pillow, pumping his cock as he fantasized about his friend.

“Fuck, Victor,” Caleb muttered. He spat on his hands and stroked even faster. He thought about last night and what would’ve happened if Victor hadn’t recognized him. Victor would’ve taken the lube, smeared it over his hole, and started to finger him. He would’ve pushed back and moaned into the pillow as Victor pushed into him, as his insides squeezed against Victor’s fingers. Then, Victor would’ve covered his cock with lube and beginned to fuck him.

“Fuck me, Victor. Please fuck me,” Caleb moaned. He sucked on the middle finger of his free hand and pushed it into his hole, fucking himself at a quick, needy pace. How would Victor have fucked him? He’d asked for someone to dick him down on his profile, but would Victor have used his hole like a fucktoy and pounded into him right away? Or would he have started slowly, beginning with deep strokes and building up to a crescendo? Would Victor have slapped his ass as he drilled into him, or would he have pressed his body tight against Caleb’s back as he thrusted?

“Fuck, fuck, Victor. I… I need you,” Caleb panted, both of his hands moving relentlessly, one up and down his cock, one in and out of his hole. He wondered how Victor would’ve sounded during sex. Caleb didn’t like guys who were quiet, so he imagined that Victor would’ve grunted and moaned as he fucked. Caleb wanted to hear Victor’s groans echo throughout his apartment. He wanted Victor to tell him how incredible his hole felt, or what a good fucking slut he was, or… or that Victor loved him.

“Fuck, Victor. You’re gonna make me…” Caleb yelped. The image of Victor dumping his load inside him sent Caleb over the edge. His cock spasmed and his hole clenched around his finger. Caleb squeezed his eyes shut as he began to cum. He felt a shot hit his cheek, another one his chin, and several more shots before he finally felt dry. When Caleb opened his eyes, he saw his t-shirt covered in white spurts and a few dark spots on his sheets.

Maybe he’d change the linens before actually doing some reading. Maybe.

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“Wait, wait,” Victor stopped and hunched over, his hands on his knees.

“You good?” Caleb turned around.

“Yeah, just,” Victor panted. “Give me a minute.”

“You should really work on your fitness, dude. We’re getting old. Our health is only going to get worse from here on out unless we maintain it.”

“Okay, okay, doctor. Just hold a sec,” Victor tried to calm his breathing, but his heart was pounding like a drum and his legs felt weak. He’d thought a jog wouldn’t be too bad, especially if he was with a friend, but it turned out he was wrong.

“Maybe we should take a short break,” Caleb said.

“Short?” Victor looked up. “How short are we talking?”

“Five minutes.”

“Oh, hell no,” Victor lifted his torso up with great effort. “At least ten, please.”

“Fine,” Caleb let out a pointed sigh before motioning to a nearby bench. “Let’s sit over there.”

Victor plopped down onto the bench and Caleb took a seat next to him. They were both sweaty, but Caleb looked good, his tan skin slightly glistening in the afternoon sun. Victor, on the other hand, had almost half of his t-shirt soaked in sweat and was struggling to hold it together.

“You’re a beast, man,” Victor turned to Caleb, admiring his form. “I’d kill to get stamina like that.”

“Then why don’t you exercise?” Caleb gave Victor a look.

“Ugh, I just don’t have the time or energy to,” Victor whined. “I also really, really, really like food.”

Caleb chuckled. “You were pretty fit in high school. What happened?”

“Age, but I know that’s not an excuse,” Victor said. “Three, four years ago, I was still going to the gym but… I guess I got lazy.”

“Well, there’s still time to get back on track. It’s never too late,” Caleb smiled. Victor thought about it as he watched people move past him. Runners, joggers, cyclists, dog-walkers. Passing in streams, one after another.

“Hey,” Victor said. “I’m really glad we got to see each other again.”

Caleb’s brows lifted slightly. “Yeah, me too,” he answered.

“We’ll keep in touch, right? I just… don’t want to lose this again,” Victor said. “Us.”

“Why are you getting mopey all of a sudden?” Caleb asked, raising a hand to ruffle Victor’s hair.

“I…” Victor uttered. He knew what he wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure if he should say it.

“You… what?”

“I… I don’t know,” Victor sighed. “It’s just hard to make friends as adults, you know? So I don’t want to lose a good friend like you.”

“Awww,” Caleb patted Victor’s cheeks, which made butterflies gather in Victor’s stomach. “Me too, dude. I promise this time we won’t fall out of touch.”

“Great,” Victor nodded. His heart felt heavy. Time was running out.

“Anyways, that’s a long enough break,” Caleb suddenly jumped to his feet. “Ready to keep going? Just two more rounds.”

“Two?” Victor whined. “We should’ve just gone to the fucking zoo.”

“Come on, soldier. Get up.” Caleb grabbed Victor’s hand and lifted his body. Caleb was unexpectedly strong, and Victor’s knees weren’t at their best state, so Victor fumbled forward as Caleb pulled him up.

“Oh shit,” Victor said as his knees almost buckled, his hand still in Caleb’s tight grip. Victor felt Caleb’s other arm grab his back and his body stabled. But when Victor made eye contact with Caleb, he almost lost his balance again. Their faces were almost touching, so close that Victor could feel Caleb’s sharp inhale as he kept him from falling. Victor could barely breathe. Face to face with Caleb, all he could think about was what he did in the hotel room this morning while thinking about his friend.

“Um,” Caleb muttered, loosening his grip on Victor’s hand and taking a step back. “Maybe that’s enough for today. It’s best to take it slow if you haven’t worked out for a while, so.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Victor steadied himself on his feet. He breathed, trying to get rid of the images that just flashed up in his head.

“How about we go back to my place and take a shower then get dinner early?” Caleb asked. “Then we could just chill and watch a movie or something.”

“Cool,” Victor nodded and they walked back to Caleb’s apartment.

Something had shifted, Victor felt. Maybe he was projecting, but throughout dinner, he swore he could sense something different in Caleb. Sometimes he’d notice Caleb momentarily zone out, looking at nothing in particular. Other times he’d spot Caleb staring at him before snapping back to the conversation. Perhaps Caleb was just bummed that he’d be leaving in two days. Perhaps Caleb was unsure whether they’d actually keep in touch.

Or perhaps, Victor wondered, hopefully, Caleb liked him. Because if taking secret glances at someone was a tell-tale sign of affection, then Victor was very much guilty. Throughout the meal, he admired Caleb’s beautiful face, his almost shiny skin, and his muscular arms. Earlier at Caleb’s place, he’d considered jerking off in the shower. Caleb had showered before him, and the smell of his body wash mixed with the hot steam of the bathroom made Victor chub up as soon as he entered.

More than anything, however, Victor was occupied with what he was going to tell Caleb once they got back after dinner.

“Hey, Caleb?” Victor said as Caleb closed the door behind him and flipped a switch. Dim yellow lights warmed up the space.

“Yeah?” Caleb placed the grocery bag onto the kitchen counter. They’d stopped by the supermarket to get ingredients for Victor’s pancakes.

“I want to tell you something,” Victor said.

“What?” Caleb asked as he plopped down on the sofa.

“I like you.”

Caleb cocked his head to the side and grinned. “Yeah, I like you, too, dude.”

“No, I’m being serious,” Victor sat down next to Caleb and looked straight into his eyes. “I like you.”

Caleb’s eyes shot up. “Oh, you mean…”

“Yeah,” Victor said. “I know this might make things weird but I just wanted to shoot my shot before I leave. I only have two days left, so… ”

Caleb stared at Victor for a bit, his eyes unreadable, before turning away and rubbing his face with his hands. “God, Victor. What are you doing?” he mumbled.

“What?” Victor inched closer. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know what to do,” Caleb moved his hands to his forehead, looking down at the ground.

“Well, um, do you… do you like me?” Victor asked. Caleb nodded, which made Victor’s stomach do a somersault.

“S-so what’s the problem?” Victor asked.

“You’re leaving in two days.”

“Okay, I know long distance is rough, but like we said, we’ll still call and text and everything. I’ll come visit as much as possible.”

Caleb shook his head. “But what if we fail? And then we won’t even be friends anymore.”

“We…” Victor swallowed. “Okay, I can’t guarantee that it’ll work out perfectly, but it’s worth a shot, right? And if things go south, we’ll just talk about it and we can still be friends. No hard feelings.”

Caleb shook his head again. “No, Victor. It’s not worth the risk.”

“Oh, come on, Caleb,” Victor put a hand on Caleb’s shoulder. “Don’t pull the ‘I don’t want to risk our friendship so I won’t let things go further’ with me. That’s what I thought at the park today. I was going to tell you but then I thought it might ruin this reunion we got going on. But we’re thirty-eight, for God’s sake. If we want something, we should just go for it, right?”

“But I’m… I’m gonna end up hurting you,” Caleb said, his voice croaky.

“Why would you say that? You’re-”

“Because,” Caleb finally looked up at Victor, his eyes red and wet. “I hurt… I hurt someone really bad, Victor.”

.

.

.

Caleb tried to relax, even though he knew he couldn’t. Still, Victor’s presence eased his nerves to some extent. Having changed into more comfortable clothes, they were lying on their sides on Caleb’s bed, face to face and inches apart again.

“You’re ready to tell me about it?” Victor asked, softly.

Caleb nodded. He took a deep breath and exhaled before he spoke.

“A couple of years ago, after I came back from Spain, I started working at this clinic in LA. Then I met this guy. His name was Zach,” Caleb sighed. “And he was the best boyfriend I’d ever had. He just made me feel… loved, you know? Like I was the most special and luckiest person in the world.”

“He sounded like a great guy,” Victor said.

“Yeah, he was awesome. But then I ruined it,” Caleb gulped. “Um… God, you’re gonna hate me for this, Victor.”

“I won’t,” Victor took Caleb’s hand and laced their fingers together. “I promise.”

Caleb looked at their intertwined hands, feeling like he was about to cry. “I… I cheated on him,” he said.

“It’s okay. You must’ve had your reasons,” Victor said, gripping Caleb’s hands tighter, which made Caleb want to cry even more.

“No,” Caleb shook his head. “I was a fucking douchebag. I didn’t have the guts to tell him that he wasn’t doing it for me anymore but I still wanted to be with him because he was the nicest person ever so I fucked around behind his back. We were together for five years. I cheated on him for almost two of them.”

“You didn’t mean to hurt him.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Caleb sobbed. “After Zach found out, he… um, he started drinking again. I knew he used to be an alcoholic and I still fucking hurt him.”

“It’s okay. You-”

“No, it’s not fucking okay. He died, Victor,” Caleb cried out. “He crashed his car into a tree and died. They found a goddamn vodka bottle next to him. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”

“Oh, Caleb,” Victor scooched forward and let Caleb’s head fall onto his shoulder. Caleb’s tears began to wet Victor’s t-shirt and the back of his neck.

“I can’t do relationships, Victor. I just can’t,” Caleb coughed as the tears continued to stream down his cheeks. “I’ve never made anyone happy and I won’t ever.”

“Don’t say that. You know that’s not true,” Victor said. “You have to forgive yourself and move on, okay?”

“Forgive myself?” Caleb scoffed. “What, I drive a person to death and I get to just say ‘Lesson learned’ and continue living as usual?”

“Why not?” Victor said. “Nothing’s gonna bring him back. Are you just gonna deny yourself love for the rest of your life? What good does that do for anyone?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Caleb said, his voice hoarse. “I just don’t think I deserve it.”

“Fine, you wanna be a good person and deserve it?” Victor pulled away and looked into Caleb’s puffy, tear-filled eyes. “Then believe that you are one. You don’t become a good person by constantly demonizing yourself.”

Caleb blinked through his blurry vision. Victor’s kind expression made his heart warm, like a crackling fire being kindled.

“Just try to,” Victor said. “Try to forgive yourself. Trust me, Caleb, you deserve it.”

“C-can I?” Caleb sniffled.

“Of course you can,” Victor gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s gonna take a while, but I know you can.”

Caleb sighed and rubbed his eyes. “How are you so mature about these things? You used to choke on milk.”

Victor chuckled. “Exactly. People change. You can too, even though you’re pretty damn awesome as it stands.”

“Stop it,” Caleb let out a small laugh.

“I’m not wrong. And you know I’m not wrong,” Victor said. Caleb looked at the smiling face before him. He leaned in.

Caleb’s face was hot, but he wasn’t sure if it was more because he’d been crying or because he finally got to kiss Victor. Caleb didn’t move his lips or his tongue, simply letting his mouth pressed onto Victor’s. Remnants of tears made his cheeks damp and sticky, but it was as if the heat emanating from Victor’s face was drying them. Caleb didn’t want to pull away. He wanted to savor this moment forever, even though his eyes were closed and he wished to look at Victor. A kiss like this, Caleb thought, was meant to last. But as kisses do, they eventually end.

Caleb’s eyes opened to find a light smile on Victor’s lips. He smiled back.

“That was… nice,” Caleb said.

“Yeah, it was,” Victor nodded. “I’m glad you did it.”

“I’ve been wanting to do that since yesterday.”

“Me too.”

Caleb took a hand and put it on Victor’s cheek, feeling the skin underneath his palm. “You know, I- Woah, your skin is really dry.”

“What?”

“I thought it looked dry but I didn’t expect straight sandpaper. Do you not moisturize?” Caleb narrowed his eyes at Victor.

“Uh… I wash my face every morning, if that counts as-”

“It absolutely does not, Victor. You have to moisturize. That’s the very least you can do for your skin.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Yes,” Caleb said, pointedly. “God, Victor, you really need to start taking care of yourself. First you’re unfit, now you have dry skin? What’s next? You start going bald?”

“You fucker,” Victor suddenly rolled over and Caleb found himself under Victor’s body, their stomachs touching, their faces mere inches from each other. Caleb’s heart skipped a beat.

“Is this what you do to every guy you kiss? You give them medical advice?” Victor said.

“You’re not just ‘every guy,’ you’re my…” Caleb trailed off.

Victor had a naughty twinkle in his eyes. “I’m your what?”

“Uh, very, very, very good friend?” Caleb lifted an eyebrow.

“Oh, okay,” Victor nodded. “I was gonna give you a kiss but I guess-”

“No!” Caleb blurted. Immediately, he laced his hands around Victor’s neck and pulled him down. Their lips crashed on to each other, but this time, Caleb didn’t want to stay still. He tugged and pulled on Victor’s mouth, sucking on his rough lips, enjoying Victor’s distinct taste. Victor reciprocated hungrily as their tongues collided with each other. Caleb moaned into Victor, kissing him until his breath ran out.

“So,” Victor grinned as their lips parted. “I’m your what?”

Caleb smiled. “Boyfriend,” he said. “You’re my boyfriend.”

“There we go,” Victor leaned down and gave Caleb another quick kiss. Caleb felt a funny feeling inside him, a giddiness he hadn’t felt for a while.

“So what do you want to do with your boyfriend for the rest of the night?” Victor said and rolled over to his side of the bed.

“Well,” Caleb hoisted himself up on his elbow and snaked a hand towards Victor’s crotch. “I have some ideas in mind.”

“Oh, um,” Victor grabbed Caleb’s hand before he managed to feel what Victor was packing. “I’d love to, but it’s been a long day.”

“Dude, really?” Caleb pouted.

“Yeah, I know, I know. I’m sorry,” Victor sighed. “I’m just not as energized as I used to be. And besides, you had a very emotional moment today. How about we just… enjoy each other’s company for tonight?”

“Victor,” Caleb said. “You seem to be suggesting that I shouldn’t use sex to distract myself from my trauma.”

“Uh…” Victor stared at him. “Well, I guess you shouldn’t?”

Caleb snorted. “I’m just messing with you,” he went in for a quick peck on Victor’s cheek. “Fine, let’s just chill today. You wanna watch a movie before bed?”

“Yeah,” Victor smiled. “Let’s find something to watch.”

.

.

.

Victor was dreaming, and it was a good one. Incoherent memories of Caleb and him in high school were flowing into his mind one by one in a pleasant blend of sensations. He saw Caleb by his side as they bounced down the school hallway. He heard Caleb cackling like some type of bird after he just choked while drinking a glass of milk. He felt Caleb’s arms wrap around him at the airport before he got on a flight to college. But Victor also saw flashes of his exes. Olivia’s face on one of their teachers. Dean instead of one of his neighbors. Reed smiling at him from afar before disappearing into one of the terminals. Still, it was a good dream. A great one, even, because Caleb was at its front and center.

“Victor?” he heard Caleb’s voice, but Caleb was nowhere to be seen.

“Victor,” he heard again, his eyes darting around, trying to find Caleb. “Where are you? Caleb!” he tried to call out, but he found that his mouth couldn’t open.

“Victor!” he heard a final time. Victor awoke to find Caleb’s face.

“Wh-what?” he asked. His eyes fought through the fuzziness to take in his surroundings. The room was still dark. Caleb was still under his arm. Warm and comforting.

“So sorry for waking you, but, um,” Caleb said. “You’re holding me pretty tight.”

“What? Oh, sorry,” Victor pulled his arm back and Caleb’s body eased.

“It’s fine. It’s not everyday that a sexy guy tries to suffocate me.” Caleb smiled and rolled around to face him. “Did I interrupt a good dream?”

“Y-yeah,” Victor said. “But it’s okay.”

“Were you dreaming about me?” Caleb asked.

“I… was, actually, yeah. How did you know?”

“Because that was pressing against my ass,” Caleb said as he glanced down. Victor followed his gaze to find a tent in his shorts.

“Oh shit,” Victor blurted. “Oh, I mean, this is, like, natural, you know. I wasn’t having a sex dream or anything.”

“Uh-huh,” Caleb nodded, but the distrust was clear on his face.

“I’m being honest!” Victor exclaimed. “Boners just happen when you’re sleeping, right? It doesn’t have to be a-”

Before he could finish, Victor was suddenly attacked by Caleb’s lips. His eyes went wide for a second, but then they closed as Victor let himself ease into the kiss. Caleb’s body was turning even closer towards him, to the point where their chests and ribs were touching. Victor felt a hand on his stomach, rubbing the space right above the waistband of his boxers. He suddenly tensed. Caleb pulled away.

“Victor,” Caleb whispered, looking longingly into Victor’s eyes. “Can I?”

“Yeah,” Victor nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

“You’re the fucking best,” Caleb said with a grin. Slowly, he slipped his fingers through the elastic band and into the fabric. Victor felt fingertips graze against his pubes before they landed on his shaft.

“Aw, fuck,” Victor uttered. Caleb’s hand wrapped around his shaft and began to pump. The strokes were slow, taking time to travel Victor’s entire length, but it was enough to make Victor squirm.

“Mmm, how did I not know you were uncut?” Caleb asked as he pulled on Victor’s foreskin.

“I… uh, didn’t tell you?”

Caleb chuckled. “You’re so sexy, Victor,” he said. In the dark, Caleb’s eyes glowed with lust. Victor lifted his head to meet his mouth in a stream of wet, sloppy kisses, while Caleb’s hand kept nursing Victor’s shaft. When Victor tried to grope for Caleb’s, however, Caleb broke from the kiss and pulled his hand away.

“What?” Victor asked.

“Just enjoy it,” Caleb said.

“But I want to-”

“You’ll get what you want soon,” Caleb smirked. Victor tried to protest, but a whimper stifled his words as Caleb squeezed his thumb and index finger against the sensitive head.

“Pull them down for me,” Caleb said. Victor hurriedly bent his knees and pulled the boxers down to his calf. His cock sprung free and plopped against his stomach.

“Nice cock, dude,” Caleb said in his straight frat boy voice, which made Victor giggle.

“Thanks, dude- Oh, yeah. Just like that,” Victor moaned as Caleb’s hand returned to stroking his cock. The room was a bit cold against his bare thighs, but his crotch was hot as a furnace against Caleb’s skin.

“You know what I did yesterday morning? While you were back at your hotel?” Caleb turned to him, a lewd look in his eyes. “I jerked off where you’re lying right now.”

“Wh-what?” Victor said, breathily.

“Yeah. I was so horny for you, Victor. I thought about you pounding me with this cock,” Caleb lightly gripped the shaft. “And I came so fucking much. I came on the sheets but I didn’t change them because I wanted them to smell like you. So I can keep jerking off on this bed to your scent.”

“Fuck,” Victor exclaimed. “Me too.”

“What?”

“I mean,” Victor gulped. “I jerked off thinking about you, too. While I was in my hotel room.”

“You did?” A sexy grin appeared on Caleb’s lips.

“Uh-huh,” Victor nodded. Caleb’s pace pumped up a notch.

“What were you thinking about?” Caleb asked. “Fucking me?”

“Yeah- mmmph,” Victor whimpered. His cock was throbbing against Caleb’s palm. “But it was more… complicated.”

“How so?”

“I… I imagined that we were at the bathhouse together,” Victor explained, making sure he was looking straight at Caleb as he did so. “There were so many guys there, but I knew I just wanted you.”

“And then what?”

“But I was scared, and I think you were, too, so we didn’t do anything with each at first,” Victor swallowed. “But then we ended up in the center of a room. A bunch of guys were around us. They… they made us kiss.”

“Mmm, and did we?”

Victor nodded. “I imagined that you grabbed my face and started kissing me. And I kissed you back while the men around us cheered us on. We were so into it that… you pushed me to the ground and kissed me while you were on top of me.”

“Hot,” Caleb said, his hands stroking even faster, making Victor’s brain go wild. “Then what happened?”

“Then you started to go down on me. Sucking my cock,” Victor moaned, trying to keep his words coherent while Caleb’s hand worked his shaft. “I imagined you taking all of it in one go. And I… I imagined the other men pushing your head down on my cock, making you gag. Fuck, is that fucked up?”

“No, it’s fucking hot,” Caleb licked his lips. “Tell me more.”

“And then my cock was fucking dripping with your saliva, so you straddled me and sat down on it. It was so fucking hot, Caleb. You were riding me like a pro, bouncing on my cock while the men shouted things at us. Things like ‘Ride that cock you slut’ and… and ‘Fuck that tight hole.’ And the more they said it the faster you went.”

“Fuck yeah, you liked imagining me ride your cock, Victor?” Caleb taunted, jerking Victor with ever-increasing zeal.

“Y-yeah, I did. Aw fuck, don’t stop,” Victor groaned. “And then the guys picked you up from my cock and placed you on the floor, face down, ass up. I still… I still remember how your hole looked when I first came here. You looked so good with your ass up and ready to take dick, Caleb. So I started to fuck you, making you moan. You were begging for my cock, begging me to fuck you harder- Fuck, fuck, Caleb, I’m close.”

“Yeah? Did you cum in me, Victor? Load me up with your seed?” Caleb was now panting as hard as Victor was. Caleb swiveled his wrists as he pumped, almost as if he was wringing Victor’s shaft. Cum was being coaxed out of Victor with every motion.

“Fuck yeah, I did. I ima- imagined that I came inside you, but I didn’t stop fucking. I kept churning that fucking cum inside you until it oozed out of your- Fuck, I’m gonna cum. Fuck, Caleb. Aw, fuck!” Victor yelped as his cock began to pulse inside Caleb’s hand, which continued its strokes even as Victor was cumming.

“Cum for me, Victor. Cum for me,” Caleb said. Victor didn’t know whether Caleb was looking at him or his cock. His eyes were closed shut as shots after shots of cum flew out of him. His legs trembled and his toes curled as his mind went dizzy from the pleasure that Caleb just gave him.

When Victor was done, his t-shirt was covered in seed. A line of cum oozed from the tip of his cock down to the base.

“Fuck,” Victor panted and looked at Caleb, who looked at him with a satisfied smile.

“You’re freakier than I thought, dude,” Caleb said before kissing him.

“I… Yeah,” Victor muttered and relaxed against the mattress, completely drained.

“Alright, we can go back to sleep now,” Caleb said and rolled over.

“You really don’t want to get off?”

“I’ll get my fill soon, don’t worry,” Caleb winked.

“Okay. Wait, should I change into a clean t-shirt?” Victor asked as he was about to turn his body and spoon Caleb again.

“Sure, if you want to, but,” Caleb turned his head around and grinned. “I’d prefer you don’t.”

.

.

.

When Caleb opened the door, he was immediately struck with the smell of meat being cooked, followed by the sound of sizzling oil.

“Woah, what are you cooking?” Caleb asked. Victor was standing at the stove, spooning something into a pan.

“Oh hey, you’re back!” Victor briefly turned around. “We’re having steak tonight.”

“Goddamn it, Victor,” Caleb flung his bags onto the sofa and ran towards Victor to give him a tight hug from behind. “You’re gonna get me hooked on your cooking. Are you trying to make it even more painful for me when you leave?”

“Maybe. But mostly I just want to make our time special,” Victor smiled and gave him a kiss.

“It smells so good,” Caleb said, looking at the pan, where a hefty piece of steak was being browned in butter and rosemary.

“And you smell like sweat,” Victor said, turning back to the stove. “You don’t shower at the gym?”

“Perhaps I really wanted to get home early to see you,” Caleb smiled.

“Sure, dude. Take a shower. Steak’s almost done and I got vegetables roasting in the oven, too.”

“Damn,” Caleb sighed as he let go of Victor. “Can I give you a blowjob later as thanks?”

“What?” Victor’s head snapped back at him.

“I thought you wanted our time to be special,” Caleb grinned.

“How are you still so horny at our age? You make me feel like I’m fifty.”

“Well, if you want,” Caleb leaned into Victor’s ears and whispered. “I can make you feel like you’re eighteen again tonight.”

When Caleb pulled away, he saw Victor blushing and his mouth slightly open.

“I’ll go take that shower now,” Caleb smirked and retreated to the bathroom. “Oh, and I brought some stuff from the clinic for you. Moisturizer, cleanser, serum,… They’re in my gym bag. I’ll show you how to use them later.”

“Okay, babe,” Victor answered. “Thank you. Love you.”

Caleb stopped in his tracks and spun around. Victor looked like all the blood had run from his face.

“Did you just…,” Caleb said. “… call me ‘babe’?”

“Oh,” Victor relaxed his shoulders. “Do you not like that?”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Caleb turned back to the bathroom. He looked at Victor before closing the door.

“Love you, too,” he said.

After dinner, they ended up on Caleb’s sofa. Caleb nuzzled against Victor’s shoulder, while Victor had his arm around his. They turned on the news.

“Are we boring?” Victor asked. “We stayed in last night. We’re staying in again tonight.”

“I guess,” Caleb said. “But I don’t really care. I barely go out at night.”

“Yeah, but you also invite random guys over,” Victor gave him a look. “That’s exciting.”

“Sure,” Caleb let out a small laugh. “But I only do that every other day, remember? Other days, I just lounge around and watch TV and stuff.”

Victor nodded silently, his eyes staring at the television, but Caleb was sure he wasn’t actually paying attention.

“Hey,” Caleb lifted his head. “Is this about Reed?”

“What?” Victor frowned. “Where did that come from?”

Caleb shrugged. “I don’t know. You were talking about how fun it was to be with him, so I thought maybe you miss that kinda life.”

“No,” Victor shook his head. “No, I’m good.”

“Victor,” Caleb narrowed his eyes. “I thought you were all about being honest with each other.”

“Wha- I…” Victor stared at him for a bit before he sighed. “Fine. Maybe I do. But I swear I’m not still hung up on Reed or anything, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”

“It’s okay if you are, you know. I get it. If there’s anyone guilty of not moving on, it’s me.”

“Wow, look who’s the mature one now,” Victor smiled at him.

“It’s your fault,” Caleb grinned. There was a pause, before Caleb spoke again.

“Are we gonna work?”

“What?”

“I’m just… worried. None of my friends’ long distance relationships worked out. I don’t know if we can, you know, have the sort of relationship that both of us want.”

“Hey, look at me,” Victor put his hands on Caleb’s cheeks and turned his face towards him. “I’m sorry if what I said worried you, okay? But we’ll try our best. Maybe… someday, if we’re lucky, I can find a job here and move in with you. Or you can move to Ithaca with me.”

Caleb stared into Victor’s eyes. The thought of moving in with Victor was exhilarating, but a part of him dreaded it. What if Victor did decide to uproot his life and move here with him but the relationship didn’t work out? What if he did something stupid to hurt Victor? Wait, why was he assuming that Victor would be the one to move? Was he not into Victor enough to make the move for him? Could he leave the current clinic and start a new one in New York for Victor?

“Oh no, I’m scaring you with all this long-term stuff, aren’t I?” Victor sighed. “Hey, I’m sorry. What I was trying to say was… we don’t know what’s gonna happen, but we’ll try, and it’s good to be hopeful, right?”

“Yeah. No, you’re right. Sorry, I’m just… in my head,” Caleb said. “We’ll try. And I’ll stop being such a downer. You must be getting tired of having to convince me.”

“It’s alright. I’m scared, too,” Victor held his hand. “I’m just trying to be brave.”

Caleb grinned. “Well, between being so brave and cooking me one hell of a meal,” he slid down on his knees in front of Victor. “My boyfriend surely deserves a treat.”

“Yeah? And what might that treat be?” Victor smirked at him as he grabbed the remote and switched off the news.

“I think you know very well what it is, babe,” Caleb threw him a wink, before grabbing the waistband of Victor’s boxers. But as he tried to tug, they remained weighed down to the sofa.

“Um, a little cooperation here?” Caleb asked, but when he looked at Victor, he saw a sly smile.

“What are you- Ah!” Caleb yelped as Victor picked him up by the armpits and tackled him onto the sofa. He found himself on his back and Victor on top of him, his full weight bearing onto his body, rendering him helpless. Before he could protest, Victor had already shut him up with a violent kiss, viciously chewing on his lips. Caleb hummed into Victor’s mouth as he eagerly took the surprise attack. Between his legs, his cock was chubbing up against Victor’s hard-on.

Suddenly, Victor pulled away. Caleb opened his eyes to find a mischievous grin on his face, and an almost animalistic look in his eyes to match.

“Wha- what was- Woah!” Caleb yelped again as Victor spun his body and lifted it upwards, his back on the back pillows of the sofa. In a flash, Victor was kneeling before him and tugging at his boxers, which fell to the floor in an instant, releasing Caleb’s hard cock.

“Now there’s the treat I was looking for,” Victor said, throwing him a grin. He put a hand on Caleb’s shaft and gave it a few deep strokes.

“What?” Caleb muttered, stunned. “But I was about to-”

“I know,” Victor moved his face closer to Caleb’s cock, his nose lightly touching the head. “But think about it like this. I fed you a delicious piece of meat earlier. Now, you’re gonna feed me yours.”

Caleb couldn’t help but snort. “Okay, if sucking my cock means you stop saying corny shit like that, then help yourself, dude.”

“Fuck you,” Victor said. He stuck his tongue out and gently tickled Caleb’s balls while still slowly stroking the shaft with his hand. The wet muscle flicking against the sensitive skin made Caleb shiver.

“Are you just gonna tease me?” Caleb asked.

“Maybe,” Victor murmured. He took each of his nuts into his mouth, sucking on them and rolling them around on his tongue. Caleb watched him with a focused gaze, admiring his boyfriend’s handsome features while Victor alternated between his balls.

Finally, Victor released his testicles from his mouth with a pop. “Liked that?” he asked.

“Mmm-hmm,” Caleb nodded. “But what I’d really like is for you to start sucking.”

“Yeah?” Victor wrapped both of his hands around Caleb’s shaft and pumped it at a leisurely pace. “You get your cock sucked a lot? Or do you just let guys dump a load in your ass and go?”

“The second one. That’s why I would really love it if you took care of my cock. Right now.”

“I see,” Victor said, his warm, firm grip making Caleb feel like his cock was being filled with lava. Still, Victor didn’t change his movements. His hands were still pumping, his mouth nowhere near Caleb’s cock, his eyes fixated on his painfully slow motions.

“Victor,” Caleb whimpered. “I love a good handjob, but come on, dude.”

There was no response. At this rate, Caleb was not getting off anytime soon. Even though Victor’s hands felt good, the experience as a whole felt more like a punishment. His cock was impossibly hard and aching for Victor’s mouth.

“Do you… do you want me to beg for it? Is that what this is?” Caleb said. “Alright. Please, Victor. Please suck my cock. I fucking need it. Please, baby, I’m begging you.”

Victor glanced up at him and inched his face forward. Caleb took a sigh of relief. But Victor didn’t take his cock into his mouth. He didn’t even wrap his lips around the head. Instead, he flicked his tongue over the slit and picked up a bead of precum. The sticky transparent string pulled with Victor as his head moved backward and eventually disappeared into his mouth. Victor licked his lips. His hands continued to pump.

“What the fuck?” Caleb said. “Dude, stop playing with me, please. Please, Victor. Tell me what I have to do so you’ll suck my cock. What do you want, babe? Just tell me and I’ll do it.”

Victor glanced up at him again, a challenging expression in his eyes. He moved his face forward, this time planting a small kiss on the head of Caleb’s cock. Caleb got hopeful again, but all Victor did was swirl his tongue around the head before returning to his initial position. Caleb was frustrated. The feeling of Victor’s wet tongue on his cock only left him wanting more.

“Dude!” Caleb cried. “Can you just tell me what you want already? I thought you wanted me to feed you my meat or whatever.”

Victor suddenly looked up at him with raised eyebrows. Something shifted in his eyes. A playful twinkle.

“What?” Caleb frowned. “Wait, is that what you want? For me to… feed it to you?”

Victor nodded, obediently swift.

“Ahhh, I see,” Caleb smiled and leaned forward. “I thought you wanted to be all dominant all of a sudden. But no, you want me to take control, don’t you?”

Victor nodded again.

“If that’s the case, hands off my dick. Now!” Caleb bellowed. Victor’s hands fell to the ground. Caleb realized that he was now kneeling like a puppy.

“Good boy,” Caleb said. He put a hand at the base of his cock and another on the back of Victor’s head. “Now, show me that tongue.”

Victor immediately stuck his tongue out. Caleb took his shaft and swatted it against the thick slab of muscle, feeling Victor’s saliva wetting the underside of his cock. He grinned in satisfaction.

“Alright. Open that mouth wide,” Caleb said. Victor followed. Caleb bent over and spat into his mouth. He could see Victor’s eyes widen a bit, but Caleb knew it wasn’t an objection.

“Good boy. You can have your treat now.” Caleb pulled Victor’s head forward as he guided his cock into Victor’s mouth. Victor quickly clamped his lips down on Caleb’s cock and began to suck it in earnest.

“Fuck yeah. There we go. There’s my good little cocksucker,” Caleb said, watching Victor’s head bob up and down his cock. He could tell Victor was working towards the base, trying to take more and more of his length as he went down while his tongue was continuously rubbing against Caleb’s shaft.

“Fuck, that’s good. Keep going. I want to see you take all of it.” Caleb looked at Victor, who, for a brief moment, made eye contact with him. Caleb loved when guys did that during blowjobs, and Victor had the sexiest eyes out of all of them. Still, Victor didn’t maintain the look for long, for he started to gag as the head of Caleb’s cock touched the back of his throat. But there was still more of Caleb to take.

“It’s okay. Don’t stop. Keep sucking. You can do it,” Caleb said, stroking Victor’s hair. Victor slightly nodded, not letting Caleb’s cock drop from his mouth. Caleb moaned as Victor’s suction made his cock throb.

“Fuck yeah. Almost there, almost there, and- Fuck! There you go! Good boy!” Caleb grunted, Victor’s nose now buried in his pubic hair and the entirety of his cock lodged inside Victor’s warm mouth.

“Look at me,” Caleb said and Victor looked up at him, pride and pleasure brimming in his eyes.

“You’re doing such a great job, baby. You want me to cum in your mouth?” Caleb asked. Victor nodded so enthusiastically that Caleb thought his cock would slip from Victor’s lips.

“Yeah, I know you do,” Caleb threw him a smile before resting his back against the sofa. “Go as fast as you can for me, okay? I’m pretty fucking close already. Be a good boy and you’ll get your reward real soon.”

As soon as the last word left Caleb’s lips, Victor went back to devouring his cock. His neck was working like a machine, his head moving back and forth impatiently on Caleb’s shaft. Victor was going all the way down and all the way up again. Everytime Caleb felt his lips hit the base, Victor was already pulling himself to the top of his dick again. The amount of saliva that Victor was excreting onto his shaft made Victor’s movements smoother, and thus made Caleb much more riled up.

“Oh, fuck yes! Don’t you dare fucking stop. Keep sucking my cock until I shoot that fat load inside you,” Caleb growled as he watched. His heart was racing. He could feel cum beginning to gather at the bottom of his cock. He groaned and groaned. Victor sucked and sucked. His apartment was filled with their moans and the lewd slurping noises that Victor was incessantly emitting.

“Fuck, it’s coming. Be a good boy and take it. Fuck, fuck, here it comes. Ahh!” Caleb shouted, his eyes rolling back. His cock started spasming inside Victor’s mouth, which had stopped moving and was now securely hugging Caleb’s shaft. Caleb’s thighs stretched out as he spurted. Grunts after grunts escaped his mouth before they finally faltered, and Caleb could relax against the cushions.

“Fuck,” Caleb let out and looked at Victor, who had let go of his cock. Victor was breathing heavily, but he had a satisfied smile on his face.

“You’d better come here and kiss me,” Caleb said. Victor quickly got off his knees and wrapped his arms around Caleb, their mouths meeting in a slow and sloppy kiss. Caleb could taste his salty, tangy seed on Victor’s lips and tongue. He surely did not mind.

“Victor,” Caleb pulled back. “You have to fuck me.”

Victor looked at him for a second. “No,” he said.

“What? Are you serious?”

“We’ll fuck tomorrow. I’ll still be here tomorrow night, right?” Victor asked, an intense look in his eyes.

“Yeah but… I’m really horny after all of that.”

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to wait,” Victor sneered and slid his arms away from Caleb.

“Come on, don’t torture me again! We can fuck both tonight and tomorrow, you know,” Caleb whined.

“I want to save my load for tomorrow,” Victor said. “And I want you to think about me for the whole day and be so fucking horny when we finally fuck that you’ll drive me wild.”

Caleb stared at him. “Wow, you really are freakier than I thought.”

“You have no idea,” Victor gave him a small kiss. “Now, I believe you have some skincare products to show me.”

Caleb grinned, pulled up his boxers, and got up from the sofa. As he set out the bottles in front of a wide-eyed Victor, he thought about what would happen tomorrow. It would be a great night. No, an epic night, that was for sure. But it’d also be the last night Victor would spend with him before he left. That thought sent chills down Caleb’s spine.

.

.

.

Victor walked to his car, backpack in hand. The info session had gone well. After all, it was his third time at this high school. It wasn’t one of the top schools in the state, or even the county, but Victor met a few bright kids who would get generous financial aid packages if they needed them.

Victor had barely settled in the driver’s seat when his phone rang. When he pulled it out from his pocket to see the caller ID, his brows furrowed together. He didn’t even realize that he still had his number.

“Hello?” Victor picked up the call.

“Hey,” Reed said on the other end. Victor realized that he’d almost forgotten what his voice sounded like.

“This is a surprise,” Victor said.

“I know. I’m sorry for calling you so suddenly.” There was a pause, before Reed continued. “Listen, I was just cleaning out the bookcases and I realized that you left some books here. A lot, actually. I know you’ve probably read all of them but in case you want them back, I can send them over. They’re still in pretty good condition so I figured you could at least sell them to a store or something.”

Victor thought about it for a moment. “No, it’s fine. You can do whatever you want with them.”

“Are you sure? Some of these are really good hardbacks.”

“Yes, I’m sure. There’s a reason why I didn’t even think to take them when we broke up, Reed.”

Victor heard a sigh on the other end. “Fine. I’m not gonna lie, part of me was hoping you’d take them so I didn’t have to figure out what to do with them.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m moving in a month,” Reed said. “To South Korea.”

“What?” Victor said. But then he realized it wasn’t that surprising, considering Reed was half-Korean.

“Yeah. One of my uncles recommended me to a travel magazine based in Seoul. And I’ll get to live with my family over there, too, so I took the opportunity.”

“Wow. Congratulations, I guess.”

“Thanks.” There was another pause. “So, uh, are you on the road right now?”

“Yeah, I’m in Texas.”

“Cool, cool, um… I guess I’ll leave you it then. It was nice talking to you, Victor.”

“You too, Reed. Have a safe flight.”

“Thanks.”

“Bye,” Victor said.

“Bye,” Reed said and hung up. Victor looked at Reed’s name in his contacts and, after a second of hesitation, deleted the number, before driving back to Caleb’s place.

When he opened the door, he saw a half-naked Caleb emerging from the bathroom with wet hair and a towel wrapped around his waist. Once again he was reminded of how sexy his boyfriend was.

“Hey, babe,” Caleb greeted him and walked over to give him a kiss.

“Mmm,” Victor hummed as he enjoyed Caleb’s lips and the pleasant smell of his freshly showered body. “How about I just fuck you right here?”

“I thought you wanted to make me wait and get me all bothered,” Caleb grinned at him. “Which worked by the way. I thought about jerking off over lunch break just to spite you.”

“Then how about we fool around a bit before dinner? That’ll get you even more pent up for tonight,” Victor whispered as his hand traveled down Caleb’s stomach, his fingers heading for the flimsy towel.

“Tempting,” Caleb said, before grabbing Victor’s wrist and pulling his hand away. “But you need to shower right away or we’ll be late.”

“What?” Victor frowned. “I thought you said we’re going to a taco truck at the park.”

Caleb sauntered away to the bedroom. “Yeah, but the first ten customers get a free cup of their new horchata ice cream. The truck opens at seven so we should line up at 6:45 the latest.”

“Six forty-five? But that’s still-”

“Factor in the traffic and how long it’d take to find a parking spot!”

“Are you serious?” Victor grumbled.

“I like to be punctual, Victor. Get used to it.” Victor heard a chuckle.

“Says the dude who had to be tackled out of bed to wake up for school!” Victor called out.

“And I was never late thanks to you, sweetie,” Caleb said. “Now get showering or I’ll strip you down and throw you in there myself.”

“How about I skip the shower and suck your-”

“You smell like a public high school!” Caleb yelled. “Get to it!”

“Fine, Mom!” Victor yelled back.

They were eighth and ninth in the queue. Caleb had a wide smile on his face as they sat down at the wooden table, with tacos brimming with meat and two cups of fragrant ice cream on their trays. Caleb had gotten lemonade, and even though Victor wanted a Coke, he settled for a glass of limeade at Caleb’s command.

“This had better be worth the fifteen minutes we spent in line,” Victor mumbled.

“It’ll be. My friend Nicole told me it’s amazing,” Caleb said as he spooned some of the ice cream into his mouth.

“So you haven’t even tried it?” Victor’s eyes bulged at Caleb, who licked his lips and grinned at him.

“It’s fucking incredible. Try it,” Caleb said, taking another scoop. Victor grudgingly dug into the cup and pulled up some of the ice cream. It smelt nice.

“Holy shit,” Victor’s eyes shot up as the cinnamon struck his taste buds followed by the pleasantly rich flavor of cream and rice.

“Told you,” Caleb smirked. His cup was already half empty.

“Fine, you were right,” Victor nodded. “It is worth the wait.”

“Yay, I win!” Caleb threw a fist up in the air. His smile shone with a child-like joy.

“It wasn’t a competition.”

“Dude, just let me have this. I’m already crushed enough that you’re leaving,” Caleb pouted as he chopped into the ice cream with the wooden spoon.

Victor sighed. “You know our twenty-year reunion is coming up, right? You’ll literally see me again in two months.”

“What?” Caleb said. “I thought that was last year. It got cancelled because of the pandemic, no?”

“Delayed, not cancelled. They’ve moved it to this year. You didn’t get the invite?”

Caleb shook his head. “Nope. It must’ve gotten lost in my emails. I’m gonna find it tomorrow.”

“You’ll go, right?” Victor asked.

“Of course. If you’ll be there,” Caleb said. He swiped his tongue across the spoon then put it in the now empty cup.

“I will,” Victor nodded. A beat passed before he continued. “Hey, I’m really glad we met. Like, really glad. You have no idea.”

Caleb looked up from the tray, halfway through folding up the taco, and smiled warmly at him. “Me too,” he said.

“You know, at first when I realized I like you,” Victor said, “I thought it was just kinda like… nostalgia, you know what I mean? Like, I wasn’t sure if I actually liked you or if the sudden reunion was overwhelming my emotions and stuff. But I do like you a lot. Because you’re really awesome, Caleb.”

“Well,” Caleb let out a deep sigh. “That’s disappointing.”

“What?”

A wry grin appeared on Caleb’s lips. “I thought you already said you love me.”

“That was a…” Victor uttered, but then hung his head down in defeat. “You’re right. I don’t like you. I love you, Caleb.”

“I love you, too, Victor,” Caleb said. Victor thought about how much he loved seeing Caleb’s smile, a smile that he’d do whatever he can to protect. If he had the power to, he’d want to see the outcomes of all of his future choices in an elaborate guidemap so that he could know exactly what to do to maintain their happiness. He didn’t want them to fizzle out. He didn’t want them to part ways in the face of challenge. He wanted them to last. For as long as possible.

“So, two months from now,” Caleb picked up his taco and took a meaty bite, quickly swallowing before he continued. “After many, many texts and many, many Facetime calls, we’ll go to the reunion together. And then we can talk about where we want our relationship to go from there. Like a… performance review.”

“Hmmm,” Victor thought as he chewed. “That’s an interesting way to put it, but yeah, I’m totally down.”

“Um… and I was thinking,” Caleb bit his lips. “Since we won’t get to have sex with each other…”

“Yeah?” Victor lifted an eyebrow.

“I’d be open to… well, an open relationship, if you think that’s a good idea,” Caleb looked at him nervously.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to it, but if I’m being completely honest,” Victor said. “You’re the one who’d be having more sex.”

“Hey, are you calling me a slut?” Caleb asked.

“What? No, I’m just saying-”

“I’m kidding,” Caleb laughed. “And as if I’d be offended if you called me a slut. If anything, I’d be very turned on.”

Victor almost choked on a piece of meat. “Um… I’ll keep that in mind for later,” he said, taking a sip of limeade.

“You’d better,” Caleb grinned. “So, back to the open relationship thing, would you be up for it?”

“Hmm, how about we stay exclusive for a month, do all of the phone sex and stuff. Then if, um, your needs aren’t met, you tell me and we’ll establish some ground rules?”

“Sounds like a plan. And speaking of… unmet needs, how about we hurry up and get back to my place?” Caleb grinned. Victor felt a shoe rubbing against his crotch under the table and startled.

“Dude, cut that out!” Victor said as he swatted Caleb’s legs away. “People can see us.”

“Then,” Caleb licked his lips. “You might want to chew a bit faster.”

Faster did Victor chew. Though they continued to talk about random topics such as who they were and weren’t excited to meet at the twenty-year reunion, it was clear from the pace of swallowing that both of them had their mind on sex and only sex. They were practically running to Caleb’s car when they were done with the meal. On the way home, Victor couldn’t help but rub his boner through his jeans. Caleb smirked at him on seeing what he was doing, but he didn’t lend a hand. Victor could barely keep his hands off Caleb’s ass when they got into the elevator.

As soon as they stepped foot inside Caleb’s apartment, Victor pushed Caleb’s back against the door, shutting it with a loud bang.

“Fuck, I’m horny,” Victor growled as his lips tugged at Caleb’s neck.

“Okay, I like verbal guys but you can be more sophisticated with it,” Caleb snorted.

“We’re about to fuck like pigs, Caleb,” Victor slid a hand down to Caleb’s crotch, feeling the mound in his pants. “Who needs to be sophisticated?”

“Pigs, huh? That reminds me,” Caleb suddenly lifted Victor’s head up from his neck. “I have to clean myself first.”

“What? No, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care if you shit on my dick,” Victor said as he nuzzled his face into Caleb’s neck again, only to be pulled away immediately.

“Yes, you do care, Victor. It won’t be long, I promise. And besides, I’m out of lube. Run down to the pharmacy to get me some?” Caleb said with a smile.