There is more to life than sex; there is more to Amsterdam than the Red Light district. Yes, really. The next day, we had a stroll along the canals, had a coffee, and then went to the Rijksmuseum. And it was in there, as we looked at the seventeenth-century Dutch masters, that I saw her again. I heard a voice behind me, speaking in Dutch, but I recognised the voice of the dominatrix from last night. So I turned and there she was, looking at a picture on the other side of the room with one of the slave girls – the one who had been whipped. But if I was surprised to see them, I was even more surprised by how they were. For one thing, they were both dressed perfectly normally. No, the domme wasn’t in a long leather coat or furs or anything of the sort: she was in jeans and top and jacket; her slave girl was in a jeans and jumper – apart from the fact that the domme was taller than her slave, there was no hint of any sort of sexual power relationship at all.
In fact, if anything it was the slave girl who seemed to be in charge. Certainly she seemed to know more about the paintings – she would point out little details and the domme would nod. And it was the slave girl who seemed to be leading as they went round and the domme who was following. I sat on a seat and just watched them for a while: soon I realised that I wasn’t thinking of them as domme and slave, but as two friends – lovers, probably – one taller than the other. It might have been a let-down, but it wasn’t: somehow it made the sexual spark of last night more real – this might be their everyday reality, but I had seen their other reality. I knew. I was intrigued by them, no question.
I tried not to make it too obvious that I was following them round the museum, but I was still quite relieved when they went into the museum cafe. I told Cathy and Sue I’d meet them there.
The two women were sitting at a table with their coffees, chatting quite normally. I bought myself a coffee and tried to summon the courage for what I knew I must do next. I sat down at a table near them, sipped my coffee, took a deep breath – and went over to their table. They looked up.
“I’m sorry to interrupt,” I said, “but I had to say – I saw your show last night.”
To my surprise, the domme looked rather alarmed but the slave girl gave me a big smile.
“And?” she asked. “Did you like it?”
“Oh, I loved it,” I said. “It’s what I’ve been waiting for all my life.”
Then they both smiled.
“Pull up a chair,” said the domme.
Her name was Lisa; her slave was Miriam. Lisa worked full-time, or as ear full-time as she could, performing in shows and taking clients, but Miriam worked in an insurance company. She had a degree in Art History – hence the knowledge about Rembrandt and Vermeer.
“Was it the first time you’d seen something like that?” asked Lisa.
“Yes.”
“And how did you feel about it?”
I looked at Miriam. “To tell the truth,” I said, “when I saw you kneeling there and worshipping Lisa, I just wanted to be you.”
Miriam reached out and gave my hand a squeeze. She understood.
Cathy and Sue came in at that point, so it was introductions and how do you like Amsterdam? and did you enjoy the show? and so on. All very nice, but not very private. But then Lisa said to me, “Why don’t you come over to the flat this afternoon? About two? We can talk some more.” I hesitated – this was still very new and it all seemed to be moving rather fast, but Cathy said I should and that Sue and she could look after themselves. We would all meet up again about four. Lisa nodded: that would be enough time. I was still hesitating – “Oh, I don’t know…” – but then Sue decided it for me.
“Louise,” she said, “we brought you here to help you get back on your feet. It seems to me Lisa can help you do that. And it seems to me you need what she can give you. You should go.”
So I did.
Her flat wasn’t quite as I had expected – somehow I had imagined something modern, whereas it turned out to be old and traditional, on the top floor with no lift. I did wonder what it must be like living on the floor below a professional dominatrix but maybe Amsterdamers were used to it. I rang the bell and Miriam answered. “Come in,” she said, smiling. Lisa was sitting watching a film on television, but she switched it off and went to make the coffee. Again, this surprised me – shouldn’t her slave be doing that? Miriam saw the look on my face.
“You see, Louise,” she said, “there are lifestyle Dommes and slaves, sure, but you don’t have to go that far. To be honest, I don’t really understand how people manage it, though I know they try. There are still bills to pay, jobs to be done and someone has to remember to buy the milk and phone your mum. You can’t spend your whole life in a bondage chair. Lisa and I are lovers and we mix ordinary love with our sex life like anyone else, I guess. In ordinary life we are – as you see.”
“But when it’s time for sex, things get very different,” said Lisa, coming in with the coffees on a tray. I sipped mine – it was good, better than I had been expecting.
“So,” said Lisa, “what do you want to know?”
“I want to know about submission,” I said. “About slavery. About what it is and how it feels and – I suppose – why do you do it?”
They both reflected a moment, and then they looked at each other. Lisa gave Miriam a look as if to say she should answer me.
“Tell me,” said Miriam, “when you watched the show last night, what did you think? Not about Lisa: about me?”
“That’s just it,” I said. “I admired you, Lisa – I was in heaven just looking at you. But I couldn’t understand you, Miriam. And I needed to, because when I saw you kneeling like that, naked, with your collar on, I knew I wanted to be the same as you. But I need to know what that means.”
“Well,” said Miriam, “when I go into the zone, when I become Lisa’s slave, it’s as if I find a new me. It’s hard to explain, but it’s a sort of liberation. I surrender everything – everything – to my Mistress. My hopes, my worries, my fears, everything that troubles me – ”
“And your body,” I said.
“Oh yes,” she replied, “definitely that. It’s the ultimate in sacrifice, in trust -”
“In love,” added Lisa.
“Love?” I asked – genuinely surprised.
“Of course,” said Miriam, laughing.
“I have the easy part,” said Lisa. “I get to strut around and crack my whip and have everyone falling at my feet and licking them – anyone can do that, if it’s in their nature. It’s in mine, as you saw. But what Miriam does -” and here she brushed her hand gently over Miriam’s cheek – “takes real courage. To give yourself so completely, to take whatever punishment I choose to give – and I can whip hard – that is a sign of true love, of true devotion.”
Before I could say anything, Miriam added: “And on Lisa’s part too. She knows I need to be hurt, I need to be punished. And she gives me what I crave. Not many people will do that for you in life.” And she reached out and squeezed Lisa’s hand.
They were obviously deeply in love.
“What about you, Louise? ” asked Lisa. “Do you need to be punished?”
“Oh, yes,” I said. “Oh God, yes. For so many things.”
“Don’t tell me,” she said, “unless you really want to. I’m not a therapist. But if you need to be punished, I will punish you.”
“Oh, thank you. Thank you!” I said it without thinking. But what had I said? What had I allowed her to do? I was excited – but a bit scared.
“Take a moment,” she said. “Think of what you have done, why you need to be punished. And when you are ready, I want you to stand up.”
“All right.”
I closed my eyes. I thought of all the things that had gone wrong in my life, of the divorce, of the mistakes at school, of bad decisions and people I’d hurt – there was just so much of it. I couldn’t choose just one; I felt I needed to be punished for them all. I needed this – I needed it in all ways possible. Because it was right, because I owed it to so many peopIe, because I owed it to myself. But above all – and I realised this now – because I wanted it. I wanted it more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. Somehow, that letter of Beth’s came back into my mind – “Spank me! Please spank me!” I understood her now. I wanted punishment, I craved punishment. I wanted to be chastised, to be spanked, to be beaten – maybe even to be whipped. (Okay, that was Advanced level punishment. I was in the beginner’s class. All in good time.) I opened my eyes and, looking straight ahead, I stood up.
“Good,” said Lisa. “Now take off all your clothes, one by one. Fold them neatly, and as you take off each one, tell me what you are.”
“What I am?”
“Yes. Tell me what you are.”
I was puzzled for a moment, but I started with my jumper: I took it off, folded it up and laid it on a chair. And as I did so, I knew what to say.
“I am shit,” I said.
I took off my boots and placed them neatly under the chair.
“I am fucking shit. A pile of fucking shit.”
I undid my belt and unzipped my jeans and slid them down my legs, stepped out of them, folded them up and placed them on the chair.
“I’m a whore.”
I unbuttoned my shirt, slipped it off, folded it, and placed it on the chair.
“I’m a bitch. A fucking bitch. A fucking bitch in heat.”
I slipped off my socks.
“I’m a dirty fucker. I look respectable and clean, but inside I’m a dirty, filthy cow. I’m a dirty, dirty girl.”
Fuck me, but I was getting turned on. I unclasped my bra and hung it on the back of the chair. I hesitated a moment about showing my tits, but then I stood boldly before them, my tits sticking out firmly, my nipples proud.
“I’m a fucktoy. A filthy dirty cocksucker. A whore, a fucking whore. I’m your fucktoy.”
I slipped my knickers down my legs and stepped out of them, straightened them and laid them on the chair.
“I’m your slave. Your fucking whore. Your piss slave. Your slut. Your dirty, fucking bitch. Your cunt slave, your cocksucking cunt slave. I’m a pile of shit and I need to be treated like one. I’m your fucking teacher whore.”
I stood defiantly and looked Lisa in the eye. She looked back at me – there was a hard glint in her eye now. She was changing: I could see it, I could sense it. She stood up.
“You are a whore,” she said. “Nothing but a whore. You’re not a teacher: you’re a pile of fucking stinking shit. What are you?”
“I’m a whore. I’m a pile of fucking stinking shit.”
“Put your hands on your head, you whore!” I did as she said. “Stay there. Don’t move till I come back. You piece of filthy, ugly shit.”
She got up and left the room.
I stood there, my hands on my head, not daring to move. Miriam sat absolutely still, staring straight ahead. She was getting into the zone, becoming the slave again. Everything was still, quiet, expectant. Lisa came back in. She had changed into gear. She was in black trousers and boots, with a gorgeous white shirt and a black leather waistcoat and carrying a riding crop. My heart missed a beat. But there was more.
And she had turned her shirt collar up. My knees early gave way — it was my turn-on, the thing that would never fail to get me. I gave a little mew of pent-up sexual frustration. She heard me and her eyes blazed. Suddenly she strode over to me and slapped my face hard.
“You shit fucker! How dare you stand in front of me! Get on your paws like the dog you are.”
I was so surprised, I obeyed immediately and got down on all fours.
“What are you? Tell me!”
“I’m a dog, Mistress. I’m a fucking dog.”
She bent down and grabbed my ponytail, putting her snarling face straight into mine.
“What did you call me, you whore?”
“I called you Mistress. Isn’t that right?”
She slapped my face again, really hard. My cheek was stinging.
“I am not your Mistress. I am no Mistress to an ugly bitch like you. You are ugly, aren’t you, you cunt?”
“Yes — er — what shall I call you?”
“Call me Madam, you fucking pile of shit.”
“Yes, Madam. I am ugly. I’m a cunt. I’m an ugly pile of shit.”
“You whore. You suck cock, don’t you?”
“Yes, Madam. I suck cock.”
“You’re a teacher and you want to suck your students’ cocks, don’t you?”
“Yes, Madam, I’m a cocksucking teacher whore.”
“And you want to lick your students’ cunts, don’t you?”
“Oh yes, Madam! I do! I really do!”
“Tell me what you want to do with your students, you teacher whore. You teacher pervert.”
“I want to be on the floor with them all round me. I want them all naked from the waist down, thrusting their cunts at me and their cocks. I want to lick their sweet, tight, hairy young cunts and suck their gorgeous, juicy clits.”
“What about their cocks? Don’t you want to suck them? Don’t you want your students’ cocks in your mouth, you whore?”
“Yes, Madam, I want their cocks. I want to suck them. I’m such a whore.”
“But you want the cunts more, don’t you?”
“Yes, Madam.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I’m a lesbian. I’m a lesbian teacher whore, Madam. I lust after my girl students. I look at their bodies, I look at their pert bums, I yearn to see their young tits. I long to feel their cunt juices on my face. I want to bathe my face in their wet cunts. I want them to call me a bitch and a whore. And I want them to piss on me. I want to be dressed and to feel their piss on my clothes. I want them all to piss on my face so I can open my mouth and take their piss. I want to be their classroom whore.”
“You want them to fuck you?”
“Oh, Madam, I want them to rape me. I want them to line up and rape my teacher cunt. I dream of it. I want them all to gangbang me — girls and boys.”
“And who do you want most, whore? Who’s your favourite?”
I thought for a moment. But I knew the answer all right.
“Her name is Lizzie, Madam. She has long dark hair and the most gorgeous tits. I’ve seen them through her shirt. They’re so big and juicy, they press out against her shirt. You can see the shape of her nipples. She likes to wear shirts and sometimes she shows a bit of cleavage with her big tits. I want to open her shirt and suck on her tits for ever. I want her fingers in my arse and her tongue deep in my cunt. I want to be her bitch, her three-holed whore. I want her to own me. I want her to fuck her teacher bitch, and to spank me hard, Madam. I want the whole class to spank me. I want Lizzie to tear my shirt open and my skirt down and force me down onto my desk and then I want them all to spank me till I howl.”
“I knew it. You really are a pervert teacher” said Lisa. Then she grabbed my face and squeezed my cheecks in her hand. “What are you, you cunt?”
“I’m a teacher pervert, Madam. I’m a cunt. I’m a teacher to be fucked and pissed on and punished.”
“Yes, you are,” she said. “So, let’s start. Crawl over to Miriam and lick her cunt.”
I turned. To my surprise, Miriam was naked apart from her boots. How did that happen? She was standing with her legs apart and her cunt was hairy and open and inviting.
“Oh, yes, Madam. Thank you, Madam.”
I crawled over to Miriam and looked up at her. She stood still, towering over me. Believe it or not, I had never licked a cunt before and I wasn’t quite sure how to go about it. I tried staying on all fours and stretching my neck up, but the angle was awkward. So I knelt up and put my hands round her bum. And put my face into her hairy crotch and licked.
I thought I was going to start with little licks, but I no. I went straight in with a huge lick, all along her cunt lips. Another. And another. Like licking an ice lolly. Then I opened her cunt lips and licked inside, tasting her, relishing her. Her juices were flowing now, and I could hear her gasping, so I gripped her more firmly and buried my face in her cunt, nuzzling her, lapping up her juices, really bathing my face in her juices. I flicked her clit with my tongue. Once, twice, again, and again, sucking her clit into my mouth, driving my tongue deep inside her. I could feel her beginning to tremble and her legs began to buckle.
“Oh God, yes,” she said, gripping my head in her hands, “make me cum. Please make me cum!”
Could I really do that? I didn’t know: I’d never done this before. But I had dreamed, I had fantasised. I kept licking and flicking. I was concentrating on her clit now, licking it, sucking it, flicking it — until suddenly she gripped my head even tighter and her whole body began to shudder. She let out a huge sort of groan followed by a long squeal of pleasure.
Well. There. I had made a woman cum. I actually felt pretty pleased with myself. I looked up at Miriam, but her eyes were still closed. She was putting her fingers into her cunt juices and then sucking them. She looked at me with a huge smile, stuck two figers deep into her cunt and held them out to me. I leaned forward and sucked the juices off her fingers. The taste of her sex was just heavenly.
“Oh God,” she said, “you are fucking wonderful, Louise. You suck cunt so beautifully.”
I felt really pleased, like when I learned to ride a bike! But there was no time to relax.
“You filthy cuntlicker,” said Lisa. “You are such a filthy slut. Bend over that table!”
I stood up and looked. She had cleared the dining table. I walked over to it and then Lisa pushed me down on to it roughly. I reached out and gripped the two sides in my hands.
“You filthy whore. You are going to be punished.”
I couldn’t believe this. I actually closed my eyes for a moment. All my dreams were coming true at once. At that moment my only fear was that I might pass out from pleasure.
“Miriam, spank the bitch!”
“Yes, Mistress,” said Miriam. I was quite glad about that. I wasn’t sure what to expect from a punishment, but I was pretty sure I couldn’t take Lisa’s sort of punishment. I felt Miriam’s hand on my bum. She was stroking it, caressing it; she even bent down and kissed it. Then, suddenly, she slapped. It was sharp — it was the contrast with the tenderness that caught me out rather than any actual pain. She slapped again — sharp, angry. Again, and again, once on each bum cheek. Sharper, harder, real slaps now. Faster. It was beginning to feel uncomfortable. I began to squirm a bit, but suddenly someone grabbed my ponytail and pulled my head back.
“Don’t you dare move, you ugly bitch!” That was Miriam!
She was spanking much harder now. The slaps had become spanks and they were stinging. I gritted my teeth: I was determined to go through this. I’d always wanted to be spanked and now I was being. I had a to find a way to go through it, so I sort of turned my mind off, just let my bum absorb the spanks and absorb the pain. I told myself, this is what I deserve. This is the punishment I need. I really am a bad girl, I really do need to be spanked. And now I am being.
It sounds strange, but I closed my eyes and I fell in love with it. I was a naughty girl; I always had been a naughty girl. A dirty girl with dirty thoughts and filthy desires. And so foul-mouthed! I was a filthy, dirty-minded schoolgirl again, and I was finally getting the spanking I deserved. It felt right.
WHACK!!!
I gasped. It felt as if I’d been electrocuted. My eyes were round — what was this? What happened?
“Thank me, you teacher whore. And ask me for more.”
It was Lisa. Of course. She had taken over the spanking from Miriam. I wasn’t sure what she was using, but my bum was on fire.
“Thank you, Madam. Thank you. Please may I have another?”
Another loud crack and my body jolted forward with the shock. The pain was intense; I was breathing in gulps.
“Thank you… Madam…. May… may I…. have another?”
I wasn’t sure how many I could take.
Again, my body shot forward. The pain was all through me now. My bum was a furnace, and I was gasping for breath.
She gave me eight. After the fourth or fifth, I thought I would collapse. I could hardly speak my words. By the seventh, I just shut my eyes and my teeth and told myself I would get through it, it had to end some time. By the eighth I thought I couldn’t take any more.
And then it stopped.
“Well done, darling!” That was Lisa!
“I’m so proud of you!” Miriam ran to me and threw her arms around me. She kissed my face, and then Lisa came over to hug us both, soothing me — “Ssh, ssh, it’s all right — we’ll put some cream on your poor bottom, don’t worry”. I just gasped out, “Thank you. Oh, thank you.” And then I sobbed. I sobbed as if my heart would break. I had wanted this for so long, and I thought I would never find it. And these beautiful women had found me. The tears ran down my cheeks and I kissed them both as if I could kiss them for ever.
A bit later. I had washed and cleaned myself up and got dressed, and we were all sitting having another coffee.
“How do you feel now?” asked Lisa.
“It’s too much to take in,” I said. They nodded, sympathetically. “I think you’ve changed my life.”
“You’re definitely a slave, Louise,” said Miriam. “A submissive. I’m so happy for you.”
“It’s a wonderful thing to be,” said Lisa. “You were born for it.”
“You’ll find it so liberating,” said Miriam.
“But what now?” I asked. “What do I do when I get home?”
“Find a Mistress,” said Lisa.
“How? Where do I look?”
“We advertise in Contact magazines,” she said. “You can find English ones over here.”
“Contact magazines?” My face must have given my thoughts. They seemed so — well — seedy. Lisa laughed.
“We have to advertise somewhere!” she said. “We can’t have ads on TV, you know!” I must still have looked dubious, because she said: “I know some Mistresses in London. Wait there.” And she went to get her address book. When she came back, she and Miriam looked through the names together:
“Amber?’
“A bit tough for a beginner.”
“Louise can take it.”
“Even so.”
“What about Nicole?”
“All right.”
“Julie?”
“Oh yes.”
In the end, Lisa gave me a piece of paper with the names and addresses of four Mistresses: Nicole, Julie, Annette and Samantha. I scanned the addresses. Nicole lived far too close to where my school was, but the other three were on the other side of London.
“What about toys?” asked Miriam. “You’ll need some. Do you have any?”
You won’t believe me, but for a moment I genuinely thought she meant children’s toys.
“I have a vibrator,” I said. “It’s nice, but it’s fairly plain.”
“You should get a proper dildo,” said Miriam. “You’ll need it. A good Mistress will tell you not to cum without permission, even when you’re at home, but even a good slave can’t resist.”
“Miriam!” said Lisa, in a shocked voice.
“I know. Terrible, isn’t it?” said Miriam, with a cheeky grin.
“Get a butt plug,” said Lisa. “Nothing too big, but don’t go for the smallest ones either; they’re uncomfortable without being sexy. It’s like having piles. Get a good medium-sized one.”
“And a collar?” I asked.
“Definitely,” said Lisa.
“But choose it carefully,” said Miriam. “Your collar is the mark of being a slave, it’s part of who you are, so it’s important you feel right with it. Make sure it enhances your beautiful neck.”
“And get one with a ring so your Mistress can fix a lead to it,” said Lisa.
“So I can crawl like a dog,” I said. Just saying the words was such a turn-on. “I’d better head back to the Red Light district and do some shopping. Sue and Cathy and I are going to a concert this evening, and then we have a ferry tomorrow afternoon.”
“That’s plenty of time,” said Lisa. “Just don’t spend all your time on it. Make sure you see the city as well.”
“I will,” I promised. “I hope the others don’t mind that I need to do some sex shopping.”
Miriam showed me out. As she did she suddenly caught my arm.
“Louise, you kept saying you want to be pissed on. Do it. It’s wonderful: you’ll love it. But keep it on your body. If you cover your hair, it’s really difficult to wash out.”
“You know, don’t you?”
“Oh, yes,” she said. “I know.”
Cathy and Sue had no problem with me doing some sex shopping. Funnily enough, they had their own to do too.