The next morning, I awoke determined to act normal despite what had happened between me and Aaron the night before. I knew my brother would feel guilty about what we’d done, and I wanted to reassure him that I was fine, that we were fine.
I grabbed a quick shower and then dressed in my waitressing uniform – black slacks and a t-shirt with the restaurant name and logo printed on the back. Not bothering to blow-dry my long hair, I pulled it into a ponytail before applying a little eyeliner and lip gloss. Mama always said she envied my perfect skin, that it was one of the only admirable things I’d inherited from my father’s side of the family. I figured I wouldn’t cover up a good feature with a lot of make-up.
Aaron was in the kitchen, sipping a cup of coffee as he gazed out the window over the sink. He turned when I entered the room, and his eyes searched mine. “Good morning,” he said, his voice tentative and unsure.
I gave Aaron a bright smile, wanting nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and plant a kiss on his full lips. But I also didn’t want him to think that I would be clingy or needy after what happened, demanding something from him that he wasn’t able or willing to give.
“Good morning,” I said, pouring my own cup of coffee. We stood side by side in silence for a long moment before he turned toward me.
“We need to talk about what happened last night,” he said.
I looked up at him, already shaking my head. He looked as tired as I felt; I’d slept fitfully, and I wondered if he had slept at all. Despite his exhaustion, I could sense the tension rippling through him. The same barely contained energy was sparking every nerve ending I had. “No, we don’t,” I said. “I don’t regret it, and I hope you don’t. Everything is fine.” I took a few more sips of coffee before rinsing out my cup. “Yikes, it’s getting late. We need to get going,” I told him, feigning a worried look at the clock on the stove.
We had plenty of time, and Aaron surely knew it. Still, he went along with my suggestion and gathered up his things.
It was Friday, and I didn’t have classes that evening, so I could leave my books at home. Grabbing my purse and car keys, I followed Aaron out onto the porch and waited for him to lock the door behind us.
“Gonna be a hot one,” he said, and I was grateful at his attempt at casual conversation.
“Yeah, a big change from the last few days.”
In the driveway, we turned toward each other. Normally we shared a quick hug as we said goodbye, but now we both held back. Before the discomfort could stretch on, I slipped my arms around my brother and pulled him to me. Standing on my tiptoes, I whispered in his ear, “Have a good day, Aaron. I love you.” Then I went to kiss his cheek as I usually did, but my lips landed at the edge of his mouth.
To my surprise, he turned into the kiss, his lips grazing mine. When we drew apart, I recognized that same heat in his eyes, and it was all I could do not to grab his hands and urge him to call in sick. We could both skip work, and then he could take me to his bed…
Imagining that made a fierce blush spread across my cheeks. Between my thighs, I was aching for my brother to touch me.
Aaron cleared his throat and took a step back. “Love you, too. Have a good day, and drive safe.”
I didn’t look at him again as I got in my old clunker of a car. It sputtered to life and chugged down the road toward the highway. Glancing in my rearview mirror, I saw Aaron in his truck behind me, dark glasses shielding his eyes. “Fuck, he is so sexy,” I whispered to myself, then shook my head and let out a shaky breath. I focused all my attention on the road before me. “So much for pretending like everything’s normal…”
*****
Fridays at the restaurant were busy, especially during lunch, but for me, the day dragged. I had to force myself to listen to each customer’s order, even those from the regulars I knew by heart. At one point, I brought Mr. Hayes, a favorite customer and an excellent tipper, a cup of coffee instead of his usual tea. He even had to point out the mistake to me.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, flushing with embarrassment. “I’ll be right out with your tea.”
Mr. Hayes grinned. “It’s all right, sweetheart. You look like you have your head in the clouds. Must be a new man in your life, eh?”
“Who could hold a candle to you?” I said with a wink. Mr. Hayes was old enough to be my grandfather, but he was a shameless flirt.
Once the bustle of the lunch crowd had come and gone, I ate a sandwich during my break. Myra, another waitress in her early fifties with an unbelievable memory for orders, sat across from me, picking at her own meal. She was normally jovial, laughing at her own jokes hard enough to trigger her smoker’s cough, but today she was quiet.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
Myra wouldn’t look at me. “My daughter got laid off from her job last week, and money’s tight for her. I’ve sent her as much as I can, but I’m thinking I’ll have to try to get a second job, something part-time, so I can help her out more.”
“I’m sorry, Myra,” I said. “I hope she finds a new job soon.” Myra gave me an appreciative smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Hey, I’m scheduled to work all day tomorrow,” I went on. “Sometimes we get pretty busy on Saturdays, and there’s a chance to get decent tips. You can have my shift if you want.”
Her expression brightened. “Are you sure? I know you need the money, too.”
“Aaron and I are doing okay right now,” I assured her. “And I need to get some studying done anyway.”
Myra reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “You are a lifesaver, Kelly. Thank you.”
“It’s no problem at all.”
I genuinely wanted to help Myra, but I had an ulterior motive as well. Aaron didn’t work weekends, and now my entire weekend was free, too. Imagining all that we could do together during that time, with no distractions, got me instantly wet.
“You and Aaron should do something fun,” Myra suggested, and I found myself blushing, fearing my filthy thoughts about my brother were somehow obvious. “It’s not often you have a weekend free. Is he still single?”
“As far as I know,” I said, struggling to keep my voice nonchalant.
“Well, you can remind that hot brother of yours that I’m still single, too.” Myra hooted at my shocked expression. “I might be old, honey, but I ain’t dead!”
I burst out laughing. “I’ll be sure to tell him,” I said.
“Ain’t any sense in letting a fine young man like him go to waste.”
I suppressed another giggle. “You’re impossible, Myra!”
Little did she know, I had no intention of letting my brother’s sex drive go to waste. I wanted it all for myself.
*****
He was waiting for me on our front porch when I got home. I’d taken my hair from its ponytail and brushed it until it shone, and now it fell past my shoulders in waves. Nothing could be done about my decidedly unsexy work uniform, but I hoped I would be out of it soon enough.
We exchanged greetings as I climbed the porch steps, and while his smile was warm and welcoming, I still felt as if he was keeping me at a distance. Sinking down into the chair next to his, I stretched out my legs and regarded the cloudless sky. The air was hot but lacking its usual summer humidity. The scent of peonies wafted up from the flowerbed.
“Want a beer?” he asked, offering me a cold can from the table beside his chair. There were a couple of empties already there. I took the beer from him with thanks.
“How was your day?” I asked, glancing over at him.
“Long,” he said. “It was hard to focus on the job.”
I started to apologize, knowing that his lack of concentration was due to me, but Aaron turned in his chair so he could look at me straight on. “Kelly, we have to talk.”
I knew from the fixed line of his jaw that it was no use trying to argue with him. Instead I simply nodded and placed the beer can on the porch floor next to my chair. I wished I’d been drinking something stronger before this conversation.
Aaron sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “What happened between us last night, that was my fault, Kelly. I don’t want you feeling guilty about it.”
“I don’t!” I started to protest, but Aaron held up his hand to stop me.
“It shouldn’t have happened. You’re my sister, and I’ve been giving you mixed signals,” Aaron went on. I stared at him in confusion. He dropped his gaze to the porch floor, unable to meet my eyes. “I don’t understand why I did that, but it was fucked up of me, and I feel like shit because of it.”
“How did you give me mixed signals? Aaron, what are you talking about?” I reached for his hand, but he just shook his head, still refusing to look at me.
“These last few months, Kelly, we’ve gotten closer and closer, and I can admit I wanted more of that.” Finally his eyes met mine, and I could see the shame overwhelming him. “You’ve asked me why I don’t date, why I don’t bring women home. God, women can be…” He let out an exasperated laugh. “They can be exhausting. Relationships are hard for me, and I’ve always wondered if it’s because of all my baggage from our family. But when I’m with you…” His gaze softened as he regarded me. “It’s so easy. You know me, all my flaws and hang-ups, and yet you still look at me with so much love in your eyes.”
This time I managed to take his hand in mine, squeezing it as I blinked back tears. “That’s because I love you more than anything in this world, Aaron.” He smiled tenderly, looking down at our hands clasped together. “But you didn’t give me mixed signals…”
“I did,” he insisted. “That night you were in the tub, I could have just taken a piss and gotten the hell out of the room, but I stayed. Maybe I was hoping to catch a glimpse of you.”
I couldn’t help but grin. “You got more than a glimpse.”
He grinned back, but then his expression grew serious again. “And you know what? Later that night, I thought of you, naked and wet and so fucking beautiful, while I jerked off.”
I drew in a sharp breath, but my exhale was a moan of desire. A surge of heat spread between my thighs at his words. God, how I wanted him! It was all I could do to keep from throwing myself at him right then.
But he wasn’t finished. “And when you walked in on me last night, I yelled at you, but I’m the one who left my bedroom door unlocked. I knew you would be coming home soon. Maybe I wanted you to catch me. And that makes me the shittiest brother in the world.”
“No!” I cried. “No, Aaron, it doesn’t. I’ve had these feelings for you, but I couldn’t ever imagine that you felt the same. I knew what I was doing, pulling back the shower curtain so you could see me naked. You can’t pretend that this is all your fault. Why does it have to be anyone’s fault? Why does it have to be wrong?”
“Because you’re my sister,” he said gently, stroking my cheek. “We have a good thing here, Kelly. We got away from our parents and all their issues, and we’ve made a home for ourselves. I don’t want to ruin this.” His voice pleaded for me to understand.
I shook my head, refusing to accept his words. “We won’t ruin it,” I said. “Nothing could make me stop loving you. If you met the woman of your dreams tomorrow, would it hurt me? Yes. But I want you to be happy, Aaron. If you find that with someone else, then I would accept that. And I’d still cherish all that we shared up to that point. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give, because you’re all I want.”
He leaned to cup my face in his hands. “Kelly, you are nineteen years old. How can you possibly know what you’ll want in the future? There are so many things I can’t give you. Marriage, a family…”
“I don’t want any of those things!” I cried.
“You don’t want them now, but who knows what you’ll want down the road? I love you too much to put our relationship at risk.” He pulled away from me, and I missed the warmth of his hands on my cheeks. “I am not going to lose my sister because of my own selfishness.”
I grabbed his arm. “Please don’t turn me away, Aaron. Please…” I hated how needy and pathetic I sounded, but I could sense a door closing inside him. Panic gripped my insides as I imagined him growing more and more distant from me.
“I will always be here for you as your brother. You know that.” His voice was so tender that I fought the urge to burst into tears.
Instead, I nodded and stood on shaky legs. What else could I do?
Aaron stood, too, retrieving our beer cans and handing my purse to me. “Have you eaten?” he asked. “I could fix you something.”
“I ate at work earlier,” I said, unable to look at him as we went inside.
I stopped short when I saw the dozen roses in a vase on the coffee table in our living room. “What…” I turned to Aaron, my face a question.
He smiled sheepishly. “That A you got on your essay is cause for celebration. You should be so proud of yourself, Kelly.”
This was too much, after the conversation we’d just had. I felt my lips tremble as I picked up the vase. The glass was cold in my hands. “They’re beautiful,” I said, willing myself not to cry. “Thank you so much.” I planted a quick kiss on my brother’s cheek, then carried the roses to my room and shut the door quietly behind me.
If Aaron was waiting for me to come back out, he finally gave up and turned on the television in the living room. I heard the sound of a ballgame, and the thought of him sitting by himself, having another beer, while my heart felt like it had been shredded, made me double over.
I cupped my hands over my mouth to muffle my cries. I had to do what Aaron asked of me and pretend I loved him only as a brother. It killed me, but I had no choice. If I didn’t respect his wishes, I risked losing him altogether.
It was hopeless to try to study, but I curled up in a chair next to my bedroom window with a book, letting the warm evening breeze dry the tears on my cheeks. Every so often, I glanced at the red roses. Not pink or yellow or white, but red. The flowers a man would buy his lover, not his sister.
Tossing the textbook aside, I stood and stripped naked, standing before the window with my eyes closed. I was bone tired, my body swaying with exhaustion. Making my way to the bed, I climbed between the sheets, sighing as another breeze drifted over me. The room darkened as night fell, and just before I slipped into sleep, I noticed the silence of the house around me. Aaron must have decided to turn in early as well.
It wasn’t a sound I heard but a sense that I wasn’t alone that woke me. My eyes fluttered open, and I started at the sight of someone standing next to my bed. I realized it was my brother. “Aaron?” I murmured. I started to reach for him but then decided against it. If he was really here, if this wasn’t a dream, I didn’t want to shatter the spell between us.
For a long time he didn’t speak; he simply gazed down at me with an expression I couldn’t read. I realized the sheet had slipped to reveal my breasts, but I didn’t attempt to cover myself. I wanted him to see me, to want me.
“I’m so afraid of hurting you,” Aaron finally said, his voice thick with emotion.
I didn’t try to convince him that he wouldn’t; I wasn’t sure I could. Instead, I moved over in the bed and lifted the sheet, welcoming him inside.
Wordlessly Aaron climbed in next to me. He wore a t-shirt and boxers, the fabric soft against my bare skin. As he gathered me in his arms and held me close, I released a sigh of pleasure, feeling his face buried in my hair. He breathed me in, and before we had even kissed, I felt his erection against my thigh.
“Aaron,” I whispered, stroking his hair. “I want this, and I want you, more than anything. But we’re not going back from tonight, okay?” He lifted his head and fixed his gaze on mine. “We’re not going back to being simply brother and sister.”
He traced my lips with his fingertip. “I know,” he said, the words a mix of resignation and desire. “We can’t go back from last night, either. I was crazy to think we could.”
Before I could speak again, he covered my mouth with his. The kiss was long and slow and tender, and his hands sliding over my body were gentle, as if he thought I might break.
Up to this point, I’d had sex with two guys. Each relationship was little more than a hook-up, and each sexual encounter was frantic, with their hands pawing at me and their bodies slapping against mine before they came all too soon.
This was nothing like that. My brother’s full erection made his desire evident, but he took his time kissing my mouth, my neck. When he discovered how much I enjoyed him sucking my nipples, he settled in and gave each one ample attention.
I buried my fingers in his hair, letting out breathy moans as I heard and felt his suckling mouth. At that point, I was so wet and ready that he could have taken me then and there; I would have begged for it.
But still Aaron traveled slowly downward, his tongue circling and dipping into my belly button before he slipped between my legs.
I watched, breathing heavily, as he slid his tongue along the length of my outer lips, teasing. Just as I thought he would make his way to my clit, he kissed my inner thigh, his stubble grazing the tender skin there. A plea escaped my lips, and Aaron looked up at me, a wicked grin on his face. He knew just what he was doing, drawing out my need.
“All day I’ve thought about tasting you,” he said in a low voice, his breath hot against my clit. “You can’t rush me now, sweetheart.”
I propped myself up on my elbows, eager to see his mouth pleasure me. My face felt feverish, and I couldn’t stop myself from arching my hips, pressing myself harder against his mouth. He laughed softly, obviously delighted with my reaction.
The feeling of his tongue lapping at my inner lips, sucking at them, made me moan until I was crying out. Finally, after Aaron had lapped at my wetness until he was satisfied, his lips circled my clit.
“Ooh, fuck!” I wailed. “Yes, oh god yes!”
I was writhing on the bed now, and he grasped my hips as he alternated between licking and sucking my swollen clit. The sensation of him drawing that sensitive pearl between his lips, working it with the tip of his tongue, brought me right to the edge.
My hips arched upward sharply, but his mouth continued working at my clit. He was merciless in delivering pleasure, his nose nestled in the pubic hair covering my mound. Just when I was about to beg for him to stop, that it was too much, oh god I couldn’t take anymore…
I came so hard against his mouth that my thighs gripped his head. He moaned in encouragement, and the vibration against my pussy only fueled my orgasm. My cries grew louder until I ceased making noise altogether, the climax stealing my breath. Each delicious spasm gripped me and left me spent before yet another overcame me.
I slumped back down on the bed, gasping, still shaking, when Aaron spread my thighs wider.
“I can’t!” I moaned. My clit was so sensitive from his attention, I could feel my pulse pounding in it.
His mouth moved lower until I felt his tongue circling my entrance. A feral cry escaped me when I remembered his words from last night and realized what he was about to do.
I was limp as he angled my hips, working me into the position he wanted. Lifting my head, I caught his stare just as he slipped his tongue inside me. The heat in his eyes was enough to coax forth the start of another orgasm, but the sensation of him exploring and tasting, and then rhythmically tongue fucking me, caused my thighs to tremble.
All he had to do was graze my clit with the pad of his thumb, and I was spasming and releasing guttural groans, sweat beading on my skin. I gripped his hair, rocking my hips once more, and he made his own sounds of desire until I finally released him and stopped shivering.
Slowly he worked his way back up my body and then gave me a deep kiss, laced with the taste of my pussy. I pulled at his shirt, and he hurriedly sat up to take it off, along with his boxers. His erection sprang forth, and despite the fact that I’d had two mind-blowing orgasms already, I wanted nothing more than to have him inside me.
“Need a break?” he whispered, caressing my face. His own face was slick with my juices.
“No,” I said, shaking my head emphatically. I reached between us and stroked his cock, feeling the pre-cum on my fingers. My brother trembled with need.
“I should get a condom,” he said, his voice strained.
“You know I’m on birth control,” I replied, my own voice urgent. My periods were agonizingly painful if I didn’t take the pill.
“Still,” Aaron said as he rested his body on top of mine, “we need to take extra precautions.”
“It’s fine,” I assured him. He released a loud groan when I took his cock in my hand and guided it to my entrance.
Our eyes locked just before we crossed this final forbidden line. I could feel him holding back despite his own desperate need.
“Take me,” I whispered.
With a deep thrust, Aaron buried himself all the way inside me. We both cried out, and I wrapped my arms and legs around him. Soon my rhythm easily matched his, our movements and sound in perfect sync. His mouth came down hard on mine, our tongues mingling as his body grew slick with sweat.
I’d never had a vaginal orgasm before; I wasn’t even sure I was able to. But I still reveled in the feel of his cock moving in and out of me, the wet sound as our bodies met. I feared he was waiting for me to come, and I started to assure him that he didn’t have to hold back, that he had more than satisfied me.
Then he began rocking his hips with each hard thrust, and his cock put an exquisite pressure on a place deep inside me that I didn’t even know existed.
“Like that, just like that!” I begged. I was so close…
“Come for me, Kelly!” he demanded.
My cries bordered on screams as the fierce contractions began, my pussy gripping and milking his cock with each one.
“Ah, fuck!” he roared, slamming all the way into me before his body shuddered with his climax.
Aaron didn’t pull out once his orgasm subsided. Instead, he stayed buried inside me while placing gentle kisses on my forehead and nose and chin. And then on my mouth, a deep kiss full of yet more wanting. I returned the kiss eagerly even as I struggled to catch my breath.
“My god,” he whispered. “That was fucking amazing.”
My face flushed even deeper with the pleasure of hearing his words. There was no regret in my brother’s eyes. Instead, they were filled with something like peace. He looked completely at ease. He looked like he’d come home.
Aaron buried his face against my neck, and I held him to me, a blissful smile dancing on my lips.
“You’re right, Kelly,” he murmured against my ear. “There’s no going back from this.”