Frankie Follows

Frankie Follows 01

Let me be perfectly clear with my opening statement. I am innocent and I’m looking for someone to lay the blame on!

My roommate claims that he is innocent, but I’m not buying it. I mean his story is that it was my responsibility to double check the TV schedule. I cry foul on that because he should have been absolutely clear when he announced that his friend was going to watch a college football game at our house. He told me that on Tuesday, implied that it was on the weekend and we all know that college football is played all day, all afternoon and all night on Saturday’s, right? I mean, it’s been that way for 126 years!

No where in the roommate rule book does it say that the crossdressing roommate has to fact check the other roommate when friends are invited over! It’s just not there and I read the rule book from cover to cover.

So, my roommate, Scott, is partially to blame, right? 50%!

And then, it’s on to the NCAA. I mean, how was I suppose to know that they have regular Friday night games? I mean, I am used to having my Friday nights free while Scott hangs out with his work friends, which has left me the house to myself to watch my cooking competition shows. And with my attention solely dedicated to Chef G degrading the contestant’s, I don’t have time to flip through the channels or check the TV schedule. Foul, I tell you. Innocent, I tell you.

NCAA Friday nights lights blame? 25%!

Oh no, I’m not forgetting Scott’s friend Juicy either. I spoke with Juicy twice during the week on the phone and not once did he say that he was looking forward to stopping by this Friday! He said he was looking to watching a game this weekend and enjoying the snacks I always serve up. I mean, is Friday really considered the weekend? Well, never mind all that. What’s important is that Juicy could have said that he was coming over on Friday.

Hah, Juicy comes in with 15% of the blame!

The remaining 10% of the blame is reserved for Julia, who isn’t even a part of this story, but I’m certain that she texted Cody and let me him know that I would be home alone because she thinks she’s the match maker of the crew. You know what, even if Cody just crashed the football watch gathering on his own, I’m still throwing that 10% at Julia just because she abandoned me after showing me how to apply makeup! I mean I still struggle with the slants at the far tips of my eyes and I still need her help.

Whew, I feel so much better now that I have proven my innocence! Innocent I tell you!

Now, I’m not saying the sky was falling down on me because the guys just happened to catch me in my new Chanticleers capri pajama bottom and Teal crop top, but come on, it’s all about communication! And for the record, it’s not unusual for me to, well, maybe wiggle out of a piece of clothing every time an over-cooked New York Strip goes flying across the kitchen, so catching me at something could have been so much worse.

But just the same, imagine my surprise when I was home alone, curled up in my favorite arm chair with a bowl of popcorn on my lap and in comes Scott and Juicy, you know, half drunk and ready to watch some football. OMG, on a Friday night when the house belongs to me!!!!

“Oh, holy WTF Frank? You’re not supposed to be Frankie tonight! I told you that Juicy was coming over to watch a game. Oh no, don’t look at me like that, I’m innocent I tell you and I told you, clear as day!”

Oh no, I didn’t say anything yet. I was too stunned to speak or move, but my eyes were shooting fire at Scott and the flame was on high! Well, I also couldn’t move because the bowl of pop corn was the only thing that was hiding my fem boy boner because one of the contestants has amazing hips and I’m a sucker for those.

“OMG, Scott dude, you got us a hooker for the game? You are the man bro!”

Oh yeah, the flame throwing eyes just went into hyper drive and Juicy is my next target.

“Ah, no Juicy, this is Frankie and Frankie is not a hooker or a slut or your girlfriend or any of the other things that about to come out of your mouth. So, shut it and live longer.”

“BS dude, this is how you watch a game baby! Come on Frankie, drop those whatever there are and serve me up a beer honey. Let’s see what you wearing under there babe.”

“Scott!”

“OMG, Juicy, settle down and then sit down. Frankie, maybe you should go change. And by the way, stay away from the kitchen knives while, you know, you go get decent.”

You see what’s happening here, right? There’s blame to my right, blame to my left, some blame on the TV schedule and the remaining blame towards Julia because I still need help matching lip gloss shades to eye lid shades. I mean, it’s clear as mud, right?

And guess what? I am decent and I’m not changing!

“Shut it, both of you. Scott, sit down. Juicy, give me that box of beer and sit on the couch. Now boys!”

“Oh yeah, I like it feisty baby. Now, be a good little girl and drop those, hey, are those PJ’s or what?”

POP

“Ouch, damn girl, I was just messing around. OMG Holy snap, is that you Frank?”

SMACK

“Shut it, put the game on and I’ll get you a cold one. We may or may not have chips. Hah, a hooker huh?”

POP, SLAP

Like I said, I am not changing out of these capri’s because OMG, they feel so soft on me. However, I did get the boys a couple of cold ones and I somehow managed to find some chicken spread and made them each a sandwich.

“Happy?”

“Ah, I’m afraid to say anything, but yes. So, have a seat on my lap, Frankie?”

POP

I wasn’t about to sit on his lap, but I was going to, you know, mess with him, so I straddled his lap and leaned in really close to his face and let it go.

“What the hell is this down here Juicy? You got a boner for little ole me? Are you happy to see me or are you just drunk? Well, say something!”

Huh, look at me, being the bold one and stuff. OMG, more importantly, look at me twisting his fat rod through his cargo shorts like he was my boyfriend.

“Hey, answer me Juicy! Did you want something? Or are you just all talk? OMG, did you just release in your shorts? That’s disgusting!”

Huh, look at Juicy making a quick exit from the house. And look at that, will you? He was so busy trying to cover his crotch that he didn’t even see Cody walking up the sidewalk and boom, down they both went. And what the hell, look at me running out of the front door to check on Cody.

“Cody, are you alright? I’m your witness that he tried to injury you. You’re innocent.”

“Whoa, yeah, I think so. What the hell is his problem and where the hell is running off too?”

“Oh, you know Juicy, he’s just drunk and delusional. Let me help you inside.”

“Ah, thanks, um?”

“Frankie. Frankie Follows. Aren’t you here to meet me? Didn’t Julia send you over here?”

“Oh, my back hurts. But yeah, Julia may have mentioned that I would enjoy a good football game tonight. Damn, help me up.”

“Come on, let’s get you inside and on the couch.”

“Cool, but what else did I miss? I mean, Scott was live streaming a fight in your living room. Should I even be here?”

“Oh, so Scott went live streamed on that, did he? I guess I missed that. Can you walk and what else did Julia say?”

“Oh, you know Julia. She was all like “you better kiss Frankie or I’ll stab you” and stuff like that. You know, right?”

“Oh, I know what you mean and I can’t WAIT to speak with her tomorrow. Come on, we’re almost there. Hold me tight so you don’t get stabbed, Cody.”

I’m sorry, but I have to call foul again because Cody smells way to good right now and I’m only gripping the, well, never mind what I gripping right now, just know that his cologne is really nice.

“Oh, hey Cody. What the hell happened to you? OMG, you didn’t call Frankie a hooker, did you? Frankie, you have to stop smacking people!”

“Shut it, Cody is injured and needs to relax on the couch. Take a beer with you and go find Juicy. I think he’s down by the corner. He can come back without too much fear. Sit here Cody and I’ll get you a few pillows to support your broken dick.”

“Hey, it’s my back that hurts!”

“That’s what I said silly. Scott, take a few beers and take your time finding Juicy. I think his shorts need more time to dry anyways.”

“Is that code for us to have a few beers in the park and the game will still be on later?”

“See? You are just that smart. Here Cody, lean forward and let me stuff you pants with these pillows.”

“Ah, you mean stuff them behind me?”

“That’s what I said silly. There, now lean back while I loosen your shorts. They do it in every medical TV show.”

“Ah, they loosen the shirts so help with their breathing?”

“That’s what I said silly. OMG, just lift your hips a little. I mean, you want to be able to breath, right? Oh, holy look at that snap! Cody, you may need more attention that I thought.”

“Whoa, I never watched too many medical TV shows, but maybe I have been missing something, right?”

“Let me get you a beer while you talk to Julia on my phone via face talk. BRB.”

Oh, holy who am I snap, what is going on with me? Hah, I know what it is, his cologne is actually a magic potion and he has plans to put me in a deep trance and do something with me. Or you know, whatever Julia suggests.

“Hey Frankie, Julia says I’m supposed to say that your capri’s are cute. So, are they?”

“Of course, they are silly. Here, three beers and a can opener. Shoot away Cody. Oh, hey Julia, what’s up?”

“You owe me a lunch. Wait, maybe a dinner if you really you know, take care of his injury. Bye.”

Holy shooting beers snap, I never actually seen anyone do that before. LOL, I thought it was a myth, but there they go down and I mean down quick. Who in the hell invented beer shooting anyways?

“It’s OK Cody, you can touch me there, I don’t mind. Ah, are you going to take me out soon? Like maybe to the Fall Festival? I have some really cute capri jeans for an event like that.”

“Well, (hic), I suppose we can go this (hic) weekend. Where’s Scott?”

“LOL, Juicy has wet shorts, so, well, never mind. Is your back feeling better yet or should I relief some of the pressure?”

“How are (hic) going to relief (hic) the pressure, Frankie Follows (hic)?”

“Well, I’ve never done it before but I think I start by taking your temperature with this and then these will open up the relief valve and, well, I think that’s it.”

Oh, holy first-time sex snap, what the hell did I just talk myself into? I mean, seeing other people do it on video is one thing and having his throbbing thing pointing right at me and I mean it’s right there, is another thing. However, I’m in trance and he is injured and we’re alone in the house, so down I went.

“It won’t be good Cody. Don’t be mad???”

“It’s all (hic) good Frankie. Can I keep touching (hic) you?”

“Of course. But we’re dating now, right?”

And I’m sure I was absolutely terrible. I mean, his pressure relief shot off alright, but I don’t think he will be calling me tomorrow.

“That (hic) was good (hic) Frankie. Did you (hic) swallow baby? I thought I heard choking and gagging.”

“I did the best I could Cody and might I say that you had a large pressure build up. Come on, we need to get you in a prone position. You’ll feel better on my bed.”

“(hic) did you (hic) hang up your (hic) live talk call?”

“Ah, I think so, why?”

“Damn, Frankie makes a great nurse!”

“Yay, way to go Frankie Follows.”

“OMG, did Frankie Follows just admit that she swallows?”

“Woohoo Frankie. Turn the camera lens a little.”

“Whoa, Frankie makes it a date!”

“I’m newly single Frankie, dump Cody!”

“Oh yeah, take the camera phone in the bedroom. Make him prone, again.”

“Holy I can’t believe it Frankie. LOL, I owe you lunch and dinner.”

“Anyone capture that with slow motion capabilities?”

“I got it on zoom. What is that lip gloss Frankie? Your famous Red Raspberry?”

“Is it posted yet? My Chang is running slow.”

“Trending #FrankieFollowsSwallows.”

“Viral @FrankieFollowsFallFestivalFallout.”

Hah, I know better than to fall for all of that noise. I mean, my phone was on the couch facing up and my face was buried deep in Cody’s lap, OMG, right? And without a clear facial image, I’m innocent, right?

End Frankie Follows 01