“You don’t mean that,” Magda said, as she sat sideways in her seat and leaned into the headrest. “Come on. You are being way too harsh on yourself right now. You always used to do this.”
But Donna just shook her head. “No. No, this time, I earned it.”
***
Magda laughed so hard that she hit the back of her head on the window, as she was sitting sideways now that they were parked, and continued laughing even as she put her hand back there to cover it.
“It’s like two inches thick!” Donna cried, this time much more lively. “I’ve had to start driving Ollie’s old pickup instead out of sheer embarrassment.”
“I promise,” she replied, as she wiped a tear from her eye, “I’ll come over and help clean it.”
“No, leave it. At this point, I think it’s funnier to watch the birds wade into that mess to find all the birdseed you’re throwing. I sit out there with my coffee and watch ’em. I hate birds.”
Magda continued straddling the line between laughing and sobbing, and reached for her empty coffee cup for at least the twentieth time.
“It’s empty!” Donna said, emphatically. “You drank it all like an hour ago! It’s not gonna magically refill!”
“We have not been sitting here for an hour,” Magda said, blinking furiously as she composed herself a bit more. She straightened in her seat and looked around. There were fewer straggler cars still parked in or around the Millers’ expansive driveway than there had been when they’d first arrived, but it was definitely fewer than when they’d arrived. “We’ve been sitting here for an hour?”
“Eh,” Donna said, looking at the clock. “One and a half?”
“No wonder I keep reaching for coffee,” Magda said, almost under her breath. “I’ve usually had my second cup already.” Then she reached for the key, ostensibly to turn her car back on, and paused with her hand on the ignition.
It felt like a really long pause, and Donna’s stomach leaped up into her throat as she said, “Do you wanna… go get a cup? At, like, Starbucks or something?”
It was agony to watch Magda remain almost completely still, staring very hard at her dashboard like she was reading something. Again, the pause, and again, the pain in her throat. She was going to say no, and it would hurt. Just when everything had been getting better.
Eventually, though, Magda said, “Yeah. Do you wanna just follow me there?”
“Oh thank God,” Donna gasped. “I can’t stand my GPS. It always gets me lost, and I really need more coffee! I don’t have the bandwidth for winding up out in Stockwell again.”
The other woman’s shoulder torqued, ramping up like she was going to start her car finally, but she backed off just before the key turned enough. “How did you end up in Stockwell? That’s like ten miles away.”
Donna grabbed the door handle and shook her head. “It’s Sunday. I’ve got nowhere to be. I’ll tell you all about it over a latte.”
To her immense surprise, Magda just smiled. Donna had almost forgotten how subtle a smile Magda could manage when she wanted to. She, herself, smiled all the way back into town.
***
At the knock on the door, Donna actually jumped. “Coming,” she called, as she scurried down the stairs. Her chest bounced so much it took a little of her breath away, and Donna was surprised at her energetic response even as she laid her hand across them to keep them from moving too much. It also surprised her that her response was to mitigate the bounce so she could keep hurrying rather than slowing down, which was what she felt like she’d been doing since she was fourteen.
“Hey,” she said, breathlessly, as she opened the door.
Magda held up two bottles of champagne, one in each hand, and smiled.
“Oh, that’s thoughtful,” Donna said, “but what will you drink?”
“Har har,” her friend fired back.
Donna stepped back, opening the door wider, and gestured toward the living room. “I’ve got some nibbles and bits laid out. Figured you wouldn’t mind if we just snacked until the ball dropped.”
Magda strode in, nodding, and said, “That sounds amazing.” Magda had a good stride too. It didn’t occur to Donna that it was strange for her friend to be in a skirt, even if she’d only had to walk next door; all she could focus on were Magda’s long legs and her—
“You still wear Vans?” Donna heard herself say.
Magda snickered, and continued through the house.
“Ugh,” Donna said, “you know, I once told Henry that he wasn’t allowed to buy a pair of Vans sneakers. He must’ve been… what, sixteen? I wouldn’t let him have them. Was totally irrational about it.”
Magda set the champagne down on the counter and looked back over her shoulder, incredulously. “Because I wear them? You associated them with me?”
“Probably,” she said, throwing up her hands in resigned frustration. “Maybe not consciously. I don’t even remember anymore. I just remember seeing red.”
“How did Henry take that?”
“Ollie swooped in before it became too much of a fight, and showed him a pair of Sambas. He’s been wearing Adidas ever since, I think.”
“Good to hear,” Magda said, smirking. “I own stock in Adidas.”
She just stared at her neighbor, blinked, and shook her head as she chuckled. “Anyway, help yourself,” she said, and bustled into the kitchen to fritter away a minute or two.
Magda popped the cork on her champagne bottle and plopped back on Donna’s couch, just holding the whole bottle in her hand. “I… cannot believe I’m here.”
Donna had just picked up a sponge, intending to clean a spot on the counter that could clearly wait, and had to put it down. “You know,” she said, “I used to… I used to spend so much time just… I was so focused on the little things. A few droplets of water splashed out of the sink while I’m doing dishes, and it would just sit there in the back of my head.” She walked to the edge of the living room and leaned against the wall. “I’d be thinking to myself about a couple little droplets of water, and counting the seconds until I could go back and dry them up, because that was all my life was.”
“Well, you can’t have water spots,” Magda said, giving her a wildly arched eyebrow and sipping liberally from her open bottle of champagne. “That’d be madness.”
Donna watched her neighbor drinking straight from the bottle, as Magda sat back on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table, and said, “Move over.”
“I’m not moving,” Magda said, irritably. “I just sat down!”
Donna moved quickly across the room, making shoo-ing motions with her hand, and took the bottle right from Magda’s fingers. “I’m too short to put my feet up from anywhere else on the couch. Move over.”
Magda grumbled good-naturedly, and shifted a few feet to the side.
“I’ve never actually done this,” Donna said, as she leaned back. “I only ever put my feet up on the ottoman in the other room.” Then she took a long sip straight from the bottle: another thing she’d never done before. It tasted good.
Magda took it back with a smirk, and said, “Who the fuck still owns an ottoman? Get a recliner like a normal person.”
***
9:37
“It was tenth grade,” Donna said. “You were wearing plaid. It was your grunge phase.”
“It was ninth,” Magda said, repeating herself, “because Billy Daniels moved away that summer. He wasn’t at Marshall in tenth grade.”
Donna fired back, “Billy wasn’t there. You’re thinking of Andy Nguyen. They both had that same slicked-to-the-side hair. He was the one standing behind you when the fight broke out, and you got knocked backwards.”
“I never kissed Andy!”
“Yes you did,” Donna said, becoming more emphatic. “You absolutely did!”
***
10:51
Magda tilted her head back, draining the last of the second bottle of champagne, and smacked her lips. “Well, that didn’t last as long as I thought it would.”
“Which way is the bad way?” Donna asked, head lolling slightly. “Up or down?”
“Beer before liquor, never been sicker,” Magda replied. “More alcoholic content is bad.”
“Okay,” Donna said, grunting as she got up. She felt a little woozy while standing, and giggled. “Oh, that champagne did a number on me.” She moved slowly but steadily into the kitchen, and frowned at the pantry. “I don’t think we have any wine that’s good for just drinking. A lot of reds.”
Magda made a non-commital grunt.
“Ollie liked reds. Now I’ve got a whole bunch of ’em just sitting here.”
“What else have you got?” Magda asked.
Donna focused very hard and thought. “Chrissy threw a party a couple years ago, and I think there’s still, like, a case of wine coolers in the basement. They don’t go bad, right?”
“I don’t think so,” Magda replied, smirking, “but what will you drink?”
***
11:39
Donna’s eyes glazed over as she watched a Korean idol band dance around on her television. “I don’t understand what’s so exciting about this,” she said.
“They’re basically the New Kids On The Block,” Magda said, “except prettier.”
“They are pretty,” Donna said, and as the words left her mouth she realized she’d kind of drawled it out. Preeeeetty.
Magda hadn’t missed it, and nudged her with her elbow as she laughed. “You like a boy band!”
Her body recoiled from being elbowed, and she slid toward Magda and laid her head on the taller woman’s shoulder. “I’m too drunk for this,” she mumbled.
“You gotta sit up,” Magda said. “You’re not gonna make it to midnight if you don’t sit up.”
“You sit up,” Donna fired back, belligerently.
Donna couldn’t help herself once Magda started snickering, and soon the two of them were full on laughing. When she accidentally snorted, because sometimes breathing is hard, their laughter turned riotous.
“I haven’t laughed like this in forever,” Magda said, gasping for air to compose herself. “I feel like a kid again.”
“You do?”
Magda smiled. “Yeah, like your mom is gonna just walk in here any second now and tell us we’re being too loud again.”
“Oh my God,” Donna said, suddenly feeling a little queasy, “did I become my mother?”
“We all become our parents,” Magda said, sadly, staring off into her own memories.
“You have my permission to shoot me if I ever start playing canasta.”
Her neighbor gave a short, barking laugh, which triggered Donna’s snickering all over again.
“Canasta is,” Magda asked, “what, like shuffleboard or something?”
“I don’t know!” Donna laughed, collapsing even further into Magda’s side. “Probably?”
Magda leaned over and kissed the top of her head, mumbling something Donna didn’t catch, and Donna made a purring noise quite unintentionally. The next few seconds, as she wound down, saw her sliding along the couch a bit so she could rest her head in Magda’s lap, and she did not make it to midnight after all.
***
The first day of new year found Donna waking up on the couch. Her mouth was so, so dry. How could one get so thirsty from drinking? she wondered, somewhat drunkenly.
She had one of the decorative pillows under her head, and her favorite throw blanket wrapped carefully around her. Why was she on the couch? Oh right, she’d had Magda over for new year’s, and— she had passed out before the main event. Bits and pieces bubbled up, and it was all very murky, but she definitely remembered Magda playing with her hair for a bit. It had felt really nice.
Donna raised her head carefully and peeked around in the gloom. Magda was nowhere to be seen. She reached for her phone from the table. It was only 3 am, but she was so thirsty she had to get up to have a drink of water.
Except, the one she grabbed wasn’t her own, it was Magda’s. She was just about to put it down when it showed a preview of an incoming message.
Happy New Year! If you don’t like the…
It was from Chrissy. Donna blinked and set the phone down beside her own, just as it, too, lit up with incoming message. She opened it and read the message from Chrissy.
…road you’re walking, start paving a new one!
Donna snorted. No doubt Chrissy was referencing her and Magda’s animosity. It was just like Chrissy to include educational messages in New Year’s wishes.
She received a message from Henry, who was attending the same party Chrissy was. He, at least, didn’t include any opinionated quotes. Magda’s phone lit up just as she finished reading, and from what Donna could see from the preview, it was also from Henry and worded exactly the same as hers.
Donna sat a while, browsing through her messages. Peter probably wouldn’t send anything at all, and the other kids had sent theirs earlier in the day. She was now curious to know if they had also sent Magda the same message as her. She got up, slowly, groaning when her head throbbed. And where was Magda? Had she left her phone behind?
One and a half pints of water later she found Magda in the guest bedroom that used to be Peter’s. She placed a glass of water and Magda’s phone on the bed stand and curled into her own bed. She tried to wrap her head around the idea that her kids sent the same exact messages to her and Magda, minutes apart, but couldn’t form an opinion about it before drifting off again.
***
Magda stepped into the kitchen and froze, mid-stride. Donna wiped her hands into her apron and beamed. “Good morning! Good next year! Or, I mean this year! I hope you slept well? How do you take your coffee, was it black? Just sit down, I’ll pour you a cup!”
Magda sat, eyeing the table.
Donna bustled around her, serving her coffee, then sat opposite after hanging her apron to its peg. It was her favorite; the pink one which said World’s Greatest Mom. “I thought I’d make bacon and eggs, Ollie always had that, but then I thought maybe you’d want something sweet instead.”
Magda’s gaze glided over the blueberry muffins and pancakes and halted. “You made chocolate croissants?”
Donna nodded enthusiastically. “They’re your favorite, right?”
“Yes, when I was twelve,” Magda said, and reached to take one. “I haven’t had one in…”
Donna watched with keen interest when Magda tasted it, then smiled and sipped her own coffee when Magda’s face scrunched in exaggerated ecstasy. “So what do you usually have for breakfast?”
“Coffee.”
Donna tensed up again and looked around at the selection of food on the table. Suddenly all of it looked silly. It looked like a cafeteria brunch table, enough for five people. Ten. Why couldn’t she do anything in moderation? This wasn’t normal, was it?
“It’s a bad habit, really,” Magda said, licking her fingers and eyeing her over the coffee mug. “I had this job with a longer commute, and I was always so tired. I tried to sleep until the last minute, so I just started skipping breakfast. But, you know, the most important meal of the day and all that. What a better way to start a new year, eh?”
“I… could… pack you some of this to go?”
They held eye contact for a while.
“I would love that,” Magda said and reached for a muffin. “These are so good! My kids always said you made the best food, but I thought they were just trying to guilt me for all the takeaway and frozen TV dinners I fed them. If you cook anything like you bake, they were probably right! You could start your own bakery.”
Donna smiled gratefully and picked up a muffin herself. “I’ve always loved baking. Cooking, too, even when Janet had that vegetarian phase and I had to cook two dinners every night. But now… now it’s almost like a chore. It’s so pointless to cook for one.”
They spent a happy moment just munching away. Donna liked to listen to something while toiling in the kitchen, and the local radio station was playing music and reading listeners’ New Year’s wishes between songs.
Donna got up to pour them more coffee.
“Hey,” she said, stopping with the coffee pot in hand as the thought suddenly formed. “How about I cook for you sometime? Would you like to come over for dinner?”
“Sure, as long as you’re not expecting me to reciprocate,” Magda said, grinning. “Unless you’re into takeaway and frozen dinners, that is.”
Donna laughed and sat back down. “Oh, I don’t mind! We can meet at my place! So how about tomorrow?”
“No, I have to pack for a business trip. I’ll be back by Thursday next week, but then I had something… let me check…”
Donna reached for one more pancake while Magda checked her calendar on her phone. She didn’t need to check hers to know it was mostly empty. Even the book club was on break for the holidays.
“That Saturday? Two weeks from tomorrow?” Magda looked at her.
Donna made a show of taking her phone and checking. As expected, the fifteenth was as empty as the days surrounding it.
“Great!” Donna said with a well rehearsed bright smile. “Seven o’clock okay? Do you have any wishes?”
“Oh, anything, as long as it’s not me who’s cooking,” Magda said absent mindedly and added the event to her calendar. “Oh, look, Lennox sent a funny pic.”
“The pig in the party hat?” Donna asked as Magda started to turn the phone for her to see. “He sent the same to me. Actually, I think most of them did. I was awake when Chrissy’s and Henry’s messages came in, and I saw them come into your phone too.”
“Oh?”
Magda circled the table and sat next to her. They compared, and sure enough, every kid had sent the same message to both of them only minutes apart, except Peter who never bothered.
“So weird,” Donna said. “So what is it, they have a shared alarm to remind them it’s time to appease the Mom squad? I wonder if they’ve done that more often?”
They scrolled back a few holidays and confirmed that yes, indeed, this was not a one time occurrence. Then Magda drew a sharp breath. Donna watched her mouth form a perfectly round ‘o’ and felt her own eyebrows shoot up.
“Mother’s day!” They said in unison and started to scroll frantically.
“The bastards!” Donna said.
“Technically, I think only Laurie is,” Magda said.
Donna stared at her, uncomprehending, and then they collapsed into giggles.
“I mean, we got married right after, but still!”
Donna sighed and shook her head. “I still can’t believe they mirrored their messages to us. All of them. I bet one of them started doing it and told all the others.”
“One weird trick the Mom industry doesn’t want you to know about,” Magda said, wiping the tears from her eyes. After taking a second to compose herself, she added, “I suppose there’s no reason to not do that. I mean, it’s not like we would ever compare, right?”
“Oo,” said Donna. “I wonder if they have more moms on the side?”
“Bastards!”
***
Donna cursed when the egg timer went off.
“Okay hold on,” she said to Janet, whom she was Facetiming with. “I need to get that out before it burns.”
She had a busy minute taking out the roast, wrapping the pan in tin foil to keep it warm, stirring the sauce and checking on the veggies. It was hot in the kitchen, and she felt a few sweaty curls that had escaped her ponytail sticking to her neck.
“Okay!” she beamed and turned back to the pad displaying her oldest daughter politely waiting. “Where were we?”
“What are you cooking?” Janet asked and squinted trying to see behind Donna.
“Oh, just a little something,” Donna said, smiling brightly. “You know how it is!”
“I don’t, actually,” Janet said and frowned. She looked a lot like Ollie when she did that. “All autumn we were worried that you didn’t cook for yourself at all and lived only on sandwiches, and now it looks like you’re cooking for an army! Are you hosting the book club this week?”
“No, June is,” Donna said and then bit the inside of her cheek for missing that opportunity. She could have said yes, and that she had guests coming, and then it wouldn’t have seemed so out of character. Worse, she needed to get rid of Janet because she needed to have a quick shower before Magda got here, and time was running out.
“Okay,” Janet said slowly. She was suspicious, that much was clear. “I’ve been worried about you. You’ve hardly called any of us in weeks, and you haven’t complained about Magda even once! Are you feeling alright?”
“Oh, I… I’ve just been… well, it’s,” Donna said. Another timer went off, this time on her phone, and she lifted it for Janet to see. Saved by the bell, she thought to herself. “Just a sec, honey!”
She lingered by the stove longer than was strictly necessary. She didn’t have answers for Janet and she berated herself for not preparing for this kind of a conversation. She’d been so wrapped up in getting friendly with Magda again, and then cleaning the house for New Year’s when Magda had come over, and then trying to figure out what to cook for Magda so it would be good enough but not make her seem desperate, and… she had maybe skipped one or two phone calls, but was that such a big deal?
“Listen, Janet,” she said brightly. “I really should be going, I’m sorry but I have something to do! How about I call you tomorrow?”
“Mom, are you having an affair?”
Donna burst out laughing, and hoped it was spontaneous enough to convince Janet. She saw her daughter grin, and was momentarily relieved, but then the doorbell rang and her heart skipped to her throat again. “Oh, shoo, darling, you’re hilarious! But now I really have to go! I’ll call you tomorrow!”
She closed the call abruptly and hurried to the door. Magda grinned at her and showcased the wine bottle like the best waitress.
“Honey, I’m home!” she said. Then she looked at Donna’s face more closely and her grin faded a little. “Am I too early?”
“No, no, come right in, food is almost ready!” Donna said, stepping away from the door to let her friend pass.
“I didn’t know what you’re cooking, but I brought white because we both like that better than red,” Magda said, as she walked toward the kitchen.
“I set the table at the dining room,” Donna piped up, hurrying behind her.
Magda looked at the table, then at her. “Suddenly I feel like I should’ve dressed better.”
The final timer went off and beeped in the kitchen. “I’ll be right back!”
“Can I help?”
“No, no, you just sit down! I’ll be right there!”
“What are we, a fifties couple?” Magda asked, and when Donna turned she was standing in the doorway, leaning on the frame. “There must be something I can do.”
Donna looked around the kitchen, sweeping her stray strands of hair behind her ear. “You could… help me carry these to the table?”
Between the two of them the table was quickly ready. Donna looked at it, pleased with herself. She almost sat down, then realized she still had her apron on. She took it off, only to reveal her frumpy homewear, and suddenly she felt off her game completely. “Um.. I was going to take a shower and put something on, something… more…” She trailed off, mumbling under her breath.
“You were going to dress up? For me?”
“Well not like that, but… yes.”
“So I was too early.”
“No, no, it’s just that Janet called, and…”
Donna shrugged, flashed a small smile, and went to put the apron back on it’s peg in the kitchen. When she came back to the dining room, Magda was still standing behind her chair, next to the carefully set table.
“Do you want to go and take a shower? I can wait.”
“No, I just… thought… I…”
“You wanted to look nice? Because I already think you look nice.”
Donna looked at her, raising her eyebrows. Then she looked down on herself. Gray yoga pants, a little worn out and sagging on her bum, and a purple top with different shade purple dots. She looked at Magda’s sharp business suit, then down at herself again. She didn’t know what to say.
Magda tilted her head, and when Donna didn’t say anything, she took control. “Okay, listen,” she said. “You wanted to take a shower, you go take a shower. I’ll put the tin foil back on these so they’ll keep. Now shoo!”
She turned Donna around by the shoulders and pushed her toward the stairs. Donna wanted to argue, but couldn’t find the words, so she just obliged. She showered as quickly as she could, dressed in the dress she had planned on wearing, and dried her hair. She considered makeup, but it felt like an overkill, and so she just headed back to the dining room. Magda catcalled her as she came around the landing, she laughed, and just like that, Donna felt like herself again.
They sat down and passed dishes and pots around until they both had their plates filled. Magda’s wine was excellent, and it felt such a rebellious act to drink white wine with red meat Donna felt elated from that alone. She was slightly embarrassed by the number of dishes she’d prepared, considering it was just for the two of them, but Magda’s delighted oohs and aahs after tasting each one soothed her mind.
“Your kids were right about your cooking,” Magda said and gestured with her fork. “So, how’s Janet? I haven’t talked with her for ages.”
“Fine, she’s fine. Started in that new job a while back, and it seems to be a good place for her.”
Donna poked at a cherry tomato on her plate. She wanted to say, ha-ha, can you imagine, she asked if I’m having an affair, but she was certain she couldn’t get the right amount of levity into the statement. She cleared her throat. Maybe a little more wine first.
Magda was eating like she hadn’t been fed in weeks. Occasionally she looked at Donna, and smiled, or winked, or toasted with her wine glass. Donna wanted to eat, too, but she felt like she had something stuck in her throat.
“Say,” she said, “what should we tell the kids?”
Magda leaned back and chewed thoughtfully. She took time to sip some wine, looking at Donna, before asking, “About what? Our affair?”
“We’re not having an affair!” Donna’s laugh sounded shrill even to her own ears.
“No? What is it, then, when you’re using my sex toys?”
Donna stared. Her mouth formed a few false starts but no voice came out. She was certain she’d covered her tracks. She had carefully observed which dildo had been on the machine when she’d gone in, and reinstalled it when she was finished (and oh boy had she finished). She had even taken over her own small towel to put under her posterior, so no fluids would spill on Magda’s bed.
Magda smiled at her, then leaned forward and touched her hand. “Relax, I’m kidding! I don’t mind if you use them. I have more than one woman could ever use, as you well know.”
Donna blushed deep red and reached for her own wine glass. She emptied it, and Magda poured her a refill. “You… knew?”
“I suspected. Now I know,” Magda said, and smirked. “Seriously, I think it’s more funny than anything else.”
“Why do you have that machine?” Donna said, sitting forward in her chair, and as soon as the words left her lips she wished she could take them back.
Magda just raised her eyebrow, and skipped past teasing her with the stupid, obvious answer by saying, “I mean… you know why.”
Donna looked down and said, quietly, “Yeah, I do. It’s been less than a year, and I’m already… I can’t imagine.”
“Whoa,” Magda said, eyes flaring wide as she reached for her wine. “That escalated quickly.”
“You know what I mean though!”
“Mmm-hmmm,” Magda said, as she drank. Then she swallowed, gasped, and added, “Yeah, I do, I just… You know, I haven’t really talked about it out loud. It’s one thing to click buy at one in the morning on Saturday when you’re drunk and horny. It’s another to… explain.”
“My eyes just about fell out of my head when I realized what it was.”
The other woman snickered, and then giggled, and then laughed, and Donna followed right along with her.
“I own a fuck machine,” Magda wheezed, hysterically. “What the hell is wrong with me?”
Donna couldn’t think of anything to add on top of that, so she simply raised her glass in a toast. “To fuck machines.”
Magda couldn’t stop laughing enough to respond, but she did gesture with her glass.
Donna sighed as she put down her glass, and made sheepish eye contact. “So… what now?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, about…” Donna used her head to point back toward Magda’s house, and Magda laughed again.
“Help yourself. That’s what it’s for, you know?” They looked at each other, and Donna’s words failed her once more. Magda laughed. “You’re so easily flustered! Okay, so we don’t need to tell the kids I have a fuck machine that we share. I’ve gone years without them knowing about it and I see no reason to tell them now.”
Donna coughed. The wine had somehow gone down her windpipe. “Ahem, yes. Let’s not tell them that. But should we tell them, now that we’re… we’re not… what are we?”
Magda smiled jovially and swirled the wine in her glass. “We’re friends again, aren’t we? Do you think that’s so embarrassing you don’t want our kids to know that?”
“I’m not embarrassed to be friends with you! I just think it’s… it requires some kind of an… I dunno, an explanation… for…”
“…why we’ve been so stupid about it for thirty years?”
They shared a look.
“Are we now finishing each other’s sentences?” asked Donna.
“Do you remember when we made that pact? When we were nine?”
Donna looked at the small scar in her right palm, and got very pensive. Very introspective. “Of course I remember.”
Magda raised her hand and said, “We promised we would be best friends forever and ever!”
Donna smiled, raised her own hand, reached across the table, and they pressed their palms together. Magda’s mom had had a fit that they had actually spilled blood over their oath, ruining their church clothes in the process, and they had both gotten grounded. All of that hot childhood summer flashed through Donna’s head.
Donna wiped her eyes with her free hand. “Where did we go wrong?”
“You want to go over that again?” Magda looked at her. The moment stretched out, and they didn’t let go of each other’s hands. “Dylan Winger?”
Donna had such fleeting, vague memories of some of the fights they’d been in at that age, and didn’t want to drudge it up. It hurt just thinking about it, so she shook her head.
“You want me to tell the kids?” Magda asked.
“What would you say?”
“I don’t think this needs to be complicated,” she said. “Just tell them we’ve made up. What else could you tell them? Make up pranks we haven’t done? Tell them you killed me and buried me in your backyard? I could play along and not answer their calls. That could be fun.”
It sounded so obvious when Magda put it like that, and Donna frowned. “But what if they ask why we stopped talking in the first place?”
“You mean they haven’t asked before?”
“Sure they have, but…”
“But you haven’t told them? Then don’t tell them. You know, you are not accountable to your kids for everything you do. You’re an adult, you’re allowed to have your own life.”
Donna stared at her friend and felt her mind expanding.
***
“Okay,” Tiffany said, as she shuffled some papers around. “Motion carries. Next item of business. Ricky, do you want to take this one?”
The entirety of the gathered homeowners association turned to face a man who stood up from the front row. He smiled and gave a little wave. “I, uh… I brought up to Regina and Tiffany that the, uh, the storms this past winter have finally started to pick away at my roof. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. It, uh… Most of the houses in the development are twenty five years old this year. A couple are twenty four, and I think one might—”
Tiffany cleared her throat, and that seemed to snap the man out of his ramble.
“Oh, I, uh, I thought we could maybe look into getting our roofs redone this year. En masse, sorta, if you, uh… so…”
“So,” Regina said, taking up the end of that sentence, “I already talked to Lane Greenfield, our agent.”
Seated next to Donna, Magda grunted.
“Lane represents all of us, and he dug into our policies, and we’re good. We’ve met the requirements. We can get every house redone, bing bang boom, all the way through the neighborhood.”
Some people in the assemblage started to speak out and raise their hands, but Tiffany calmly waved them off. “Yes, all of them. I know a couple of you have already had yours redone, I think mostly from tree damage and maybe one or two ten years ago when that blizzard just buried us. Don’t worry. Since we’re doing them all together, we’re getting some good discounts. The insurance company is on board.
“We’ve already got some inspectors lined up. They’re gonna be making some visits to every house, checking everything out, and we’ll prioritize any houses that look like there’s any weaknesses, but then otherwise they’re just gonna start over on Concord Drive and work their way around from there.”
“As usual,” Tiffany said, stepping in with a smirk, “we’ll be bringing back our favorite contractors—”
Donna’s stomach lurched, and she sank a little lower in her chair.
“—Antonio Buletti and Sons. We love their work. They’ve done a lot of additions and pools, and… just, so many things. We’ve already got them procuring a quantity of shingles. All black slate. We’re gonna get them all the same color. It’s gonna look really great.”
Donna pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head.
“As of right now, we’re expecting this to take about six months. They’ll be most of the way done the next time we meet, in May, and then by the time we meet in September it should be all taken care of. Even the worst case scenario Antonio gave me, where there’s some scary cases, they’re done by August. Well before we start getting any really severe weather.”
“No,” Donna whined.
Magda leaned over next to her, brow furrowed, and repeated, “No?”
That shook Donna out of her slump, and she sat up straight and shook her head.
“As I’m sure you all remember, those of you that were here last time anyway, we’ve got kind of a tradition with Buletti and Sons. Last time we had them doing the concrete work for the sidewalk, and the line of trees, we had some lovely volunteers providing some yummy baked goods.” Regina tilted her head to look between a couple people and make eye contact. “Donna, we know you want in.”
Donna smiled weakly.
“We don’t want to put this all on her shoulders, so we’re gonna try to get a few people to be splitting days with her most of the time, and then we’re gonna ask everyone to chip in a little at least once. Even if you just go out and buy donuts for them, or whatever, that’s fine. We just want to spread that out a little bit, so it’s not all on Donna like last time.”
Magda turned to her, voice low, and said, “Do you want to do this at all?”
Donna rolled her eyes when she was pretty sure no one else was looking.
“Um,” Magda said, very loudly, turning heads toward her and stopping Regina in the middle of her litany.
Donna quickly grabbed her elbow and said, “Don’t!” Then, when Magda turned to stare at her, she hissed, “It’s fine.”
“Awesome,” Tiffany said, as she leaned over her pad of paper. “Thank you so much, Donna. We’ll be sending around a signup sheet for everyone else. Expect one of us at your door in the next week to see where we can schedule everyone in.”
The rest of the meeting passed in a blur while Donna did her best plastic smile impression, but her newest/oldest friend saw through it, and glared sideways at her the whole time.
“Why did you stop me?” Magda said, as they walked out into the cool, January evening air. “You clearly weren’t happy with that.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Donna groaned. “It’s just some muffins.”
“It is a big deal! They’re talking about months and months! Every day! You really want to do that?” The way Magda stared at her said she was asking rhetorically, so Donna just rolled her eyes. “No, you don’t.”
“It’s fine,” Donna said, more antagonistically than she really intended. “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it!”
“Donna,” Magda said, turning bodily to face her straight on, “if you don’t want to do it, then you have to say something! They just signed you up for—”
“Em,” Donna said, loudly, cutting in. “Just… let it go.” Then she folded her arms very tightly, which she hated doing because she had to do it over her boobs and it never looked as angry as she meant it, and started walking. She half expected Magda to catch up to her and continue to argue, and in truth she maybe wanted Magda to continue to argue with her, but that didn’t happen. After walking a few hundred feet, Donna looked back over her shoulder to see that Magda was still standing outside Tiffany’s house, carrying on a conversation with someone Donna couldn’t see clearly.
It honestly didn’t matter who. Magda didn’t like anyone, so anyone would be a surprise. She couldn’t stand and wait, not without looking like a bitter spouse, so she continued on alone and whined under her breath about baking.
***
A week went by.
***
Two.
***
Donna grumbled as she got dressed. She grumbled as she put on a little bit of eye liner. She grumbled as she wrapped the box. And then, at a knock on her door, she grumbled at being interrupted. When she peered through the window beside the door, and saw Magda there looking about as pissed off as she was, she reconsidered her bad mood.
“I’m sorry, okay?” Magda said, without looking up or making eye contact. “I shouldn’t have tried to speak for you. I was doing exactly what they tried to do to you, and that I knew was pissing you off. I just…” She trailed off and looked up. Her eyes got about as far as Donna’s shoulders, but no further. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” Donna said. “You were right. I wasn’t speaking up for myself. I never speak up for myself, and I get stuck in these roles that I don’t want to be in. You were just trying to be a good friend.”
“I was being stupid,” Magda said, louder, “okay? Stupid, and stubborn, just like always. I haven’t learned a damn thing. I knew why you were mad but I wanted to be right, like that somehow makes a fucking difference.”
Donna knew that they could go round and round like this for hours, and so, in order to shortcut this, she turned around and headed back into the house. Toward her bedroom. With the front door open behind her.
“Donna?” Magda called. “Are you… should I come in?”
Before an answer to that was necessary, Donna bustled back around into the front hallway carrying a wrapped gift, with a little pink bow on it.
Magda just stared at it. “You remembered my birthday?”
Donna just smiled and held it out in front of her. “I was about to come over and do the same thing.” Then, after a second in which she felt like she was being vague and hated it, she added, “Apologize. I was about to come over and apologize.”
“Do you want to come to my party?”
Donna smiled and bit her lip. “We are such little girls around each other.”
“Shut uuup,” Magda replied, rolling her eyes. “Are you coming or not?”
“Of course I’m coming,” Donna snapped, though with a twinkle in her eye that made Magda grin broadly.
“The kids are all coming later.”
“That’s why Henry and Chrissy said they were both coming over to visit today. They were already coming to see you! Those little shits made it seem like it was…” Donna nodded once, firmly, and squared her shoulders. “Don’t tell them. Let it be a surprise when I’m there. That’ll teach ’em.”
“I gotta say, I like the new, devious you. It’s a good look.”
Donna tucked the box under her arm, and as she stepped across the threshold Magda moved to walk alongside her. “So, did you make any snacks?”
“The kids are bringing things,” Magda said.
Donna scoffed.
“What? They are!”
“I bet you have nothing in your pantry either.”
“I have plenty of food!” Magda said, defensively, “but it’s fine because the kids are bringing things!”
“Do we have time to go to the store before they arrive?”
“I have plenty of food!” she repeated, more exaggeratedly.
Three hours and one trip to the grocery store later, Donna smiled proudly as she slid the tray of homemade eclairs into the refrigerator. “Now we just need to make the glaize.”
“That’s enough eclairs to stop the French Revolution,” Magda said, as she leaned on the kitchen island.
“You know, she never actually said that. The cake thing. Or, wait…” Donna stood up and frowned. “She said something similar, but the actual quote was from when she was like ten. Or nine, and, you know, didn’t understand dietary needs.”
“Really?”
Donna nodded. “The French Revolution did a really good job of assassinating Marie Antoinette’s character. I read a book about her, years ago, and… yeah. Interesting. Lovely woman.” She pointed at a brick of baking chocolate, and said, “Melt that, would you dear?”
“Dear?”
“Melt the damn chocolate,” Donna said.
“That’s more like it.”
While Magda was watching over the microwave like a hawk, the front door opened, and Donna’s heart leapt into her throat; the moment of truth.
“Hey mom,” Lennox called. “Happy birthday!”
“In here,” Magda replied.
Donna pulled the foil off the tray of pigs in a blanket that she’d made, and smiled at Lennox as he came around the corner with his girlfriend. “Hello!”
“Oh, uh, Mmmm… uh…”
“Oh my God,” Magda said, straightening and staring at him. “Do you call her mom too?!”
“This is surreal,” he said.
“You didn’t tell her?” Donna said, extending her neck for maximum height.
“Wha…I… ah…”
His girlfriend’s eyes sparkled, but she was standing behind him so he didn’t see her smiling when she added, “Oh my God, Babe, have you been cheating on your mom with your other mom?”
Lennox whipped around, looking mortified.
“Oh,” Donna said, smiling slyly, “I like her.”
“Hang on,” Magda said, still scowling. “We’re not done with that first part. You call her mom?”
“You’re gonna burn the chocolate,” Donna said, softly.
“Ah fuck!” she said, whipping back around.
Behind her back, Donna shooed them back out into the living room and winked.
“Hot, hot, hot,” Magda whimpered, as she held the bowl with the tips of her fingers. Then she picked her head up and looked around. “Did they run away?”
Donna pulled out the eclairs and gave her a flat stare.
“Fine,” Magda said, after about one full second of direct eye contact. “It’s fine.”
“Of course it’s fine,” Donna said. “Now, glaize.”
Twenty minutes later, when Henry arrived, they had the same fight albeit this time about him using the term with Magda. Donna got such a rush out of being in on the bit, and using a little bit of annoyance at having the tables turned on her to fuel her fake outrage, that by the time Laurie arrived, fashionably late as always, they had the whole performance down to a science.
Except…
“Oh! Hi,” Laurie said. Magda had gone to meet her at the door, and the second Donna came around next to her, Laurie’s eyes bulged wide. “I… wasn’t expecting to see you here!”
Magda stepped aside and gave Donna an unreadable look just as the door moved behind Laurie.
“Rhea!” Laurie jumped and turned, stepping slightly to the side to reveal one of the most butch women Donna had ever met in real life. She had all the hair on the side of her head shorn very close to the skull, and what was left on top curled over and around to the side of her face like a wave. She was broad in a way that Laurie wasn’t: in the jaw, and the shoulders, and the chest. “Rhea, this is Donna, Chrissy and Henry’s mom?” Then, turning back to Donna, she said, “This is my… friend. Rhea.”
Rhea looked very hard at Laurie, just for a moment, and then smiled and extended a hand toward Donna for shaking. “Nice to meet you,” she said.
Donna shook her hand, smiling openly, and after they had headed into the living room to convene with the rest of the kids Donna whipped her hand back and forth in the air and mouthed ow to Magda.
Magda just rolled her eyes, and the two of them headed back into the kitchen.
***
Once things got going, Donna stepped into the background, and that gave her some room to think. She was proud of Laurie for having a gay friend, but that opened up all kinds of really strange thoughts. On the one hand, that seemed like the sort of thing that ought to be perfectly normal behavior, and should simply be expected. Just from a statistical standpoint, literally everyone should have some gay friends. On the other hand, having a gay friend probably meant that Laurie wasn’t one of those awful homophobic nuts, and that seemed like a fact worth praising.
She had to know, right? Donna thought. It didn’t look like Rhea was wearing anything rainbow colored, but there was no way Laurie could be so dense as to not notice. Donna had terrible gaydar, and even she knew Rhea was gay.
A few different times throughout the evening, Donna noticed that her kids were having a really good time at Magda’s birthday party. On the one hand, she was elated to be able to share that with them, and a little bit guilty that, on at least a few occasions, this had been something she would have made them choose to do in such a way that they were also choosing not to do something with her. She wasn’t beating herself up too bad about it, because in the moment she was just glad to see it, but it was there. On the other hand, she also couldn’t stop repeating the conversation she’d had with Henry the year before, and how small she’d thought Magda’s influence on them had been.
Clearly, along the way, the woman had played a part in their becoming functional, well-adjusted adults, and she made a mental note to express her gratitude for that later.
***
Later that evening, Donna was alone with Magda. The kids had left for the motel they were staying at, and Magda had invited Donna to stay for a few more drinks. Donna had accepted, both reluctantly and excitedly, and followed Magda up the stairs in mid-conversation to the taller woman’s spa-like bathroom. At some point, Magda had filled her huge tub, that was maybe large enough to be a full on hot tub, but Donna hadn’t noticed. The taller woman tried the water with her hand and turned the bubbles on. “All set,” she said. “Just climb in.”
“Right,” Donna said, slowly, turning her gaze from a big window facing the forestry side of Magda’s lot to the inviting, swirling water. “I didn’t bring my bathing suit, so I’ll just—.”
“I usually go naked.” Magda looked at her, flicking her wrist to get the rest of the water off. “We can do that, if you don’t mind.”
Magda didn’t wait for her answer but started to unbutton her blouse. Donna looked around, undecided, but the water looked very inviting and it would have been prissy to leave the house for her swimwear when Magda was already half naked. She took in Magda’s pearly white bra, the kind of pretty and sexy flimsy little thing she had never worn in her life. Bra manufacturers seemed to lose faith before they upscaled to her cup sizes and opted for simpler, sturdier designs. Industrial strength support. Magda’s dark nipples peeked through the laced upper half of the cup, and Donna turned her back and started to unzip her jeans.
Donna’s heart thumped when she folded her clothes to a bench beside the wall. She was acutely aware of her wide hips and wobbly, round tummy. She didn’t even want to think about her breasts. She couldn’t wait to hide under the water. Magda sighed when she climbed into the tub, and Donna hurried to follow her. She felt clumsy and too short by far when reaching to step over the edge, but managed to climb over.
The tub was circular and had four vaguely bum-shaped seats all facing the middle. Donna searched for the edges of hers with her hands before sitting, and as she positioned her posterior a forceful and warm current of water swept along her vulva, causing her to shudder. Images of her bathtime masturbation technique flashed through her mind, and she blushed a little. She hadn’t known about the hot tub at all; it was the only room in this house she hadn’t searched thoroughly in her break-in sessions. Part of it sat behind a shower stall, and Donna had never really come into the bathroom during her snooping excursions except to note that it was the bathroom. Now she felt tempted, but thought that sneaking in to use the hot tub was somehow even more suspicious than using the sex machine. That seemed backwards somehow, but while she was contemplating the idea, Magda noticed they had forgotten to take their champagne glasses along and rose to get them.
Donna stared shamelessly at Magda’s figure as it emerged from the bubbling, swirling water, sleek and streamlined, drops of water clinging to her skin in the most beautiful and enticing way. Her breasts were perfect for her frame, round and just the tiniest bit saggy with nipples the exact size to suit them, giving her a wonderful, mature look. Donna admired her long, slim legs, when she effortlessly stepped out of the tub, and noticed her toenails were painted the same shade as her fingernails. Magda positioned the champagne cooler next to her spot in the tub. She stepped closer, offering Donna her glass, and belatedly Donna realized she had just been caught admiring Magda’s neatly trimmed pubic hair.
Magda looked down at her, one eyebrow arched. “Like what you see?”
Donna slumped lower in the water, and was horrified by how her boobs didn’t slump with her. They stayed on the surface, floating like a pair of buoys. She tried it out, flexing her back, but sure enough, her boobs didn’t leave the surface if she didn’t go so far down they were forced to follow.
Magda had climbed back on her seat while she marveled at her floaty body parts. She grinned at Donna when their eyes met. “Fun, isn’t it?”
Magda’s smaller tits floated, too, but the effect was nowhere near as dramatic as Donna’s. Donna realized her tummy floated, as well. For once it didn’t press on her upper thighs when she sat, but hovered around her middle in a very unfamiliar way.
“I… I haven’t…”
Magda leaned back and sighed, closing her eyes. “Ah, this is life.”
Donna looked at her hideous, massive boobs bouncing in the water, then towards her more stylish and well-proportioned friend. “I… I think I hate this.”
“Hate what?” Magda opened her eyes again and looked at her. “Too much bubbles? I can turn them down.”
“This, I… I look awful,” Donna blurted out.
“What?” Magda looked at her with an expression of genuine disbelief.
Donna gestured to her boobs and swallowed hard. She felt like crying, and didn’t want to get all emotional. She couldn’t find the right words.
“Hey, I can turn the lights down if you want,” Magda said in a conciliatory tone and stood up again. “The controls are on that side… excuse me.”
She leaned over Donna, her slick body brushing lightly against hers, and fumbled on the side of the tub. Donna held her breath. The water was warm and in constant motion, but she felt the other woman’s closeness very strongly. The lights in the bathroom dimmed to pleasant dusk, small lights illuminated the swirling water from below, and when Magda settled back opposite to her it was more difficult to make out her expression.
“Donna,” Magda said. “Your breasts are magnificent.” Her tone of voice was serious and quiet.
Donna shrugged. “You don’t need to do that.”
“Do what?”
“Try to make me feel better about it.”
“Better about what?”
“My body! I know what I look like, okay? I’m short and fat. You don’t need to sugarcoat it for me.”
“What? No! You were always the pretty one!”
Donna snorted. She started to get agitated. “Don’t be stupid! You’re perfect! Your body is perfect and it always was! Mine is… obscene. Too much boob, too much ass, too much everything! It’s supposed to be a good thing but too much is too much! I’d need to be at least a foot taller to have enough frame to spread all this… femininity! I know what I am!”
“No! Listen to me!” Magda’s voice was so tense Donna shut up out of sheer astonishment. They stared at each other across the dusky gloom.
“I was so envious of your body when we were young!” Magda continued, more quietly but just as intensely. “I wanted your curves. I felt so boyish and-and stupidly tall at your side. Clumsy. Bony. Graceless. I was always so conscious of whether the boys I was dating were shorter than me. I turned down a few dates because of that, and I’ve regretted it so much afterwards. I really liked some of those guys.”
“Really?” Donna’s mind raced. “Well… I… I certainly never was taller than any of my dates, but I was constantly afraid I’d be heavier than they were. I… I turned down a few dates because of that, and… I’ve regretted that. A lot.”
They looked at each other.
“Wow,” said Magda
“Yeah,” said Donna. “Wow.”
“To body issues,” Magda said and raised her glass. Donna clinked hers against it. A delightful, clear, crystally sound echoed from the tiles.
“Seriously, I didn’t know,” Magda said after they’d sipped. “I wouldn’t have suggested nude bathing if I didn’t think you were okay with it. I’m sorry.”
“I could’ve declined, ” Donna said. “It’s stupid, anyway. I’m too old to be hung up on stupid things like this.”
“Hey, no, it’s okay,” Magda said. “You can tell me these things. Honestly. I got over my body issues somewhere after having kids. You know, I just… I finally felt comfortable, and I just… thought you had, too. I would’ve been more sensitive if I’d known.”
Donna shrugged, eyeing over the beautiful, dimly lit bathroom and letting the silence stretch out for a few moments. She didn’t want to continue with this discussion, and searched for another topic. “What do you think it means that our kids were always friends? I mean, it’s been years since we got along but it seems like they always kept in touch.”
“It means they knew better than us.”
“Fuck,” Donna said, rolling her eyes and sliding a little lower into the water. “I was hoping you wouldn’t say that.”
“It’s true though, isn’t it?”
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I might incriminate myself.”
Magda snorted and reached for the bottle of champagne from beside the hot tub. “Refill?”
Donna nodded and extended her glass. Magda filled it almost to the brim, and Donna giggled. “Careful, or I’m gonna spill it!”
“Nah, just sip, it’ll be fine. These glasses are so stupidly small.”
“They’re big enough to get the job done,” she said, raising her glass. “Happy birthday.”
Magda rolled her eyes, but clinked her glass all the same.
“Do you use the tub often?” Donna asked. “This is so nice. I can feel my muscles unclenching, even the ones I didn’t know I had.”
“I usually don’t,” Magda said. “It seems like too much trouble just for me, so I usually wash it and prepare it only if the kids are coming over. Like now.”
“But… they didn’t stay?”
Magda bit her lip. Her expression was difficult to interpret. “No, they didn’t.”
“Were they supposed to?”
“Laurie and Rhea were going to stay here overnight. They had a change of heart and decided to join the others at the motel.”
“Because… of me?” Donna was puzzled. “But why would they change their plans because of me? Isn’t that kind of rude, it being your birthday and all? They came all this way.”
Magda just looked at her. Donna frowned, sipping her champagne. Thinking of the kids made her forget all about her body and how it behaved in the water.
“Do you think they’ll be sharing a room? I mean, Laurie must know her friend is gay, right?”
Magda pressed her champagne glass against her forehead, and her shoulders were shaking suspiciously.
Donna splashed a little water towards her. “What?”
“Donna, they’ve been together for two years.”
Donna didn’t understand. She just stared at her friend, cogs slowly turning in her head. “They’re… a couple? But…”
“Yes, they are a couple. And Laurie does know her girlfriend is gay, if you can believe that.”
“Her girlfriend? So.. she’s gay? Laurie’s gay? Little Laurie? But she’s never told me!”
Magda sighed deeply. “Yes, she’s never told you. She moved to Chicago where things aren’t quite as backwards as here, and the gay community is larger, and she’s never told you.”
“But I’m the kind of mom my kids tell everything to!”
Magda just looked at her. Donna’s mind was spinning in circles. She had honestly believed her kids —which extended to Laurie and Lennox— could tell her anything, at any time. She had prided herself on her availability, on how she was always there to listen to them, always there to answer the phone; she had comforted them during their teenage heartaches, always ready to listen and understand. She’d been always ready to help them even after they’d moved away, ready to lend them money for rent or deposits, ready to give advice on any field of life.
And yet…
Laurie hadn’t trusted Donna with her sexual orientation. Obviously, she had told Magda. Her real mother. Donna had a sinking feeling that maybe this wasn’t all of it; maybe the rest of them also held secrets they hadn’t confided in her? She remembered the easy, relaxed atmosphere Magda’s party had, and thought that maybe the vibe at her house wasn’t exactly like that. She couldn’t really pin down the difference, though. It was much less… formal under Magda’s roof. If she was being uncharitable, she’d have said that things were much stiffer under her own roof.
Something in Magda’s choice of words made Donna defensive. “Backwards? This is a small town, sure, but backwards? And you’re here! This is her hometown! If this is so backwards, why have you stayed?”
Donna paused and thought about all the people she knew. She could kind of see what Magda had meant. She thought about discussing Laurie’s partner at the coffee table at the book club and she had to admit there was some truth to this assessment. But she had never thought she was backwards. She was quite modern and tolerant, wasn’t she? Wasn’t she?
She tried a different approach. “But… but… why wouldn’t she tell me something like that? I’m not gayphobic!”
Magda sighed. “No, maybe not. But you’re so focused on… how should I put this now… appearances. And Laurie just… didn’t feel like rocking the boat.”
“And you… and the other kids… and nobody told me?”
“It’s Laurie’s decision. Well, except that now I made it for her, it seems, but only because you were so close to figuring it out anyway. You shouldn’t hold it against the others that they honored her wish, because that’s what they… we… were doing.”
Donna blinked and looked at the small lights flickering from the bottom of the tub. “But… I’m the kind of mom my kids can tell everything to.”
***
Later that evening, Donna sat on her back porch in near dark, and sipped at a decaf coffee. It was her favorite after-dinner drink. Warm, and with that coffee bite that she loved, but without the caffeine that would keep her up for hours. She sat in the dark, and she thought lots of big thoughts until her brain hurt. She turned Laurie’s sexuality, and her own obliviousness/being kept out of the loop, over and over and over until she was blaming everyone including herself. She was hurt, but it was more a mark on her pride than anything else.
Pride could be swallowed. She had fences to mend, and clearly some part of Laurie’s trust in her had been damaged somewhere along the way. She couldn’t imagine when it had happened, but it was on her to-do list now and no task escaped Donna’s keen eye once it was on a to-do list.
It was past midnight when she went inside, cleaned her mug and set it to dry, and headed to the bathroom to wash up. As she moved through her bedroom, she saw, just for a moment, that the light was on in Magda’s play room.
That was what they were calling it. The play room, because it was full of toys. That made her giggle as she brushed her teeth, just as it always made her giggle, and she had a big smile on her face for the first time in hours as she came back out to bed…
…and noticed that the light was off. It had taken her no more than a couple minutes to get through her nightly routine. What were the odds that she would catch the tail end of Magda getting her money’s worth on that fuck machine?
“The world just keeps getting smaller,” she said to herself, as she shed the light shawl she’d worn to stay warm while out on the porch.
Then she froze. There had been a flash in the corner of her eye. The kind of trick of the light that could mean she had a tear there, a bubble of moisture bending the light just a little, or that a car had pulled into the Donnelly’s driveway two doors down and caught her little glass unicorn figurine, on the windowsill, with its headlights for a moment…
…or it was Magda, and those binoculars she’d seen once upon a dream. Had they really been binoculars? Did Magda really need something so elaborate to see her from so close?
Did Magda really want to see her in that much detail?
All these thoughts swirled in her head very quickly, and her skin flushed with color at the thought that her friend might be watching her.
Another beat. She was tired, and had been planning to just put something on TV to fall asleep to. It would have been uneventful, but she had an audience now. Should she put on a show? Could she?
It was the longest heartbeat of her life between that pinprick of light in the very corner of her eye and the decision to sit down, very purposefully, on the side of her bed, and pull her nightie over her head. Exposing herself. Carefully not looking up or out the window, or giving away the knowledge that she knew. She didn’t know, not really, but maybe…
…maybe Magda was watching. Maybe Magda wanted to watch. Maybe Magda wanted to see her pleasure herself. That thought drove her wild, making her heart race, and she reached down to probe herself with the pad of her middle finger.
Just the beginnings of moisture, but more was coming. Especially once she started teasing the very tip of her clit. Her head rolled back, neck sinking into her shoulders, and she did something she had never done before, something she had never even considered doing; she raised her wetted fingertip to her lips, and tasted herself.
It was wild. She couldn’t believe herself. All this showy, flashy, porno-style exhibitionism on the ridiculous, flimsy chance that her lifelong frenemy was next door watching her, and yet the chance that it might be true, that Magda might be watching and touching herself, was so wild and uninhibiting a thought that she couldn’t stop herself.
She planted one arm behind herself, for support, and spread her legs. Feet arching, so that just the tips of her toes were touching the floor, with her knees forming perfect ninety degree angles. Shaping her calves, which were just as curvy as the rest of her.
Donna had never been so aware of herself as a sexual creature, but something about what Magda had said to her, about how Magda saw her body, had emboldened her. Made her feel a little more confident. Made her feel a little more at home in her own skin.
Quietly, whispering, but with an exaggerated lip movement bordering on pantomime, she said, “Magda,” and touched herself again. It was ecstasy. Sheer joy spreading outward from her core as she played with her clit. On a whim, she pulled her finger back and traced it gently over her nipple, leaving a trail of fluid behind that quickly cooled in the night air. She drew a sharp breath as her nipple hardened, visibly, under the sensation, and it was like the pull of gravity that she fell backward onto the bed to use both hands. One to play with her clit, the other to pinch and squeeze her left nipple. The sensitive one. The responsive one.
The simultaneous sensations played a sweet harmony within her, and she was barely aware of what she was doing with her legs. When she realized she’d pulled them up in the air, her toes pointed, she almost put them back down. It was so unnecessary, so superfluous to her own pleasure, that it seemed almost absurd, but then she remembered the way Magda had gotten out of the tub, with such grace and poise, and those very long legs, and it began to dawn on her that she might very well be a leg woman.
The orgasm washed over her, making her shiver and rock, and she tried to push through it to see if she could pull off one of those really zany multiple orgasms that porn actresses always managed, but her nerve endings were quite fried, thank you very much, and Donna slumped in delirious exhaustion. It was, by far, one of the most exhilarating orgasms of her life.
Again, she found herself saying, “Magda,” out loud, to an empty house, in the unlikely scenario in which the woman herself was still watching. In her head, it was seeing her lips form that word again that finally pushed Magda herself to orgasm, not fifty feet away. Sitting in her little chair, with her perfect little tits and her perfectly trimmed—
“What the hell am I doing?” she gasped, and pulled a pillow over her face to scream.
When she sat up, the light in the play room was still off. No sign of anything. No telltale splash of clear fluid on the window where Magda had ejaculated, which was by far the most absurd fantasy in the whole bunch. Donna caught her breath, slid under the sheets, turned on the TV, and sleep came quickly.
***
“I was thinking about last night,” Donna said, very carefully looking down at her hands.
Magda had just taken a sip of her coffee, and barely got the mug back up to her lips to catch what she spit back out. This wasn’t an explicit admission that Magda might have spied on her, but Donna felt comfortable upping her estimation of having been watched from slim to possible.
“Yes?” Magda said, eventually, after catching her breath.
“Ollie loved this house. We were gonna live here forever, no matter what, but… you know, Christina is three hours away. Lennox is an hour, and he’s the closest one. They all stayed in motels last night, because they’ve all got boyfriends and girlfriends, and we’ve still just got their childhood bedrooms still.” She paused for a moment, catching her breath, and said, “Why are you still here? Why didn’t you… move closer? Or farther, I don’t know.”
Magda’s eyes got wider as she listened, but by the time Donna was done talking she was staring into the distance. Past Donna. Through the yard. “You know,” she said, slowly, dragging out the o’s, “I thought about that, after you mentioned it. And I thought I have my work here, and my husband is buried here, and my kids grew up in this house, but… none of that is it. Not really. I think that I would have left if you weren’t here. I don’t think I’d have wanted to get used to another new neighbor.” She cut off abruptly, lips still open like she was going to say more, but no more came.
This seemed like at least part of an answer, but Donna was afraid to push it much further. She didn’t worry about pissing Magda off anymore, but she had a feeling of being on thinner ice than she’d realized. Or maybe it was that Magda was the one on thin ice, and she didn’t want to see her friend fall under. Instead of asking a follow-up, she said, “Only another couple weeks.”
Magda blinked, and focused on her again for a moment before her eyes widened dramatically. “Oh. Right. Has it been a year already? What day was it?”
“March third.” She took a sip, and added, “It’s a Tuesday this year,” as if that was an important detail that added context. It didn’t. Then she frowned. “Isn’t Leo’s coming up soon too?”
“It’s, um… it’s the week after. The ninth.”
Donna squinted, except that she was trying to look into the past rather than off the distance. “It was the day of the wake, wasn’t it?”
Magda licked her lips, and then smiled. It wasn’t her normal smile, though; the one she’d make when she had something to smile about. It was different. “Not my best salvo in the great prank war.”
Donna put down her mug and reached across the kitchen table to lay her hand on top of Magda’s. Magda, for her part, made her hand into a loose fist and squeezed the tips of Donna’s fingers.
“I’m sorry,” Magda said, looking down.
Donna opened her mouth to say you don’t have anything to be sorry for, and then almost said don’t be, but instead she took a breath and said, “Me too.”
***
Three weeks later, Donna stood next to Magda, with her hands in the pockets of her puffy, sleeveless jacket, and looked around. “It’s really pretty back here.”
Magda didn’t look up. “He was one of the first when they opened up this part of the cemetery. Leo always wanted to be around trees.”
There was a big maple tree that was close enough that it would probably cast some shade there in the afternoons, and the edge of the space was lined with big pine trees.
Donna said, “He used to go on all those camping trips. So many times, I’d see the roof rack on that old Cherokee of his all loaded up with a canoe and that big orange tent. He’d love it out here.”
At this, a smile finally broke across Magda’s face. “I hated going on those trips, but he was always so excited to show me all these weird, out of the way waterfalls, or a little pond that was off the normal trail.”
“The kids used to love going on those. He was such a good dad.”
Magda nodded slowly. “And a good husband.”
Donna had never felt she was a very intuitive person. It felt like a lot of her life, for a very long time, consisted of a series of lists she’d been keeping, some on paper and some in her head. Things she had to do for Ollie, or the kids. Things she had to do for the HOA. Clothes she had to buy. Feelings she was allowed to feel, or express. Being a woman means I have to… Being a mom means I have to… She couldn’t feel her way through the things she needed to do, so she kept lists.
On a whim, she put her arm around Magda’s waist, from the side, pulled her in close, and leaned her head against the taller woman’s shoulder.
“Thank you for coming,” Magda said, softly, leaning her head over so that her temple rested on the top of Donna’s head and wrapping her arm around Donna’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry it took me this long for me to come back.”
“You’re here now,” she replied, easily.
That made Donna smile. “I’m here now.”
They stayed like that for a while before Magda planted a quick kiss on top of her head, and then they started back toward her car.
Magda sat in the driver’s seat, with her hand on the key, and turned to face Donna. “You know, about that work trip next week. The one that stretches over the weekend.”
“Yes? Oh, you want me to take Peanut?”
“What? No,” Magda said. Then she paused before adding, “You’d watch Peanut? I thought you hated him.”
“Well, I… I guess he’s grown on me,” Donna admitted.
“I have a kennel I always… he loves it there. No.”
Donna had a fleeting feeling of disappointment that this was not about Magda needing her help, which was tantamount to needing her. “So, what about the trip?”
“Well, I thought I’d ask if you wanted to join me.”
Donna blinked. “Join you?”
“Yes, come along. I thought it might cheer you up a bit. We could meet the kids on the way, some of them at least. And you’d be able to hang out with Laurie and Rhea in Chicago while I work, well if they can spare the time, that is. I haven’t asked them. I thought I’d ask you first. And if you want, you could come to that company event with me and be my plus one. On Saturday night?”
Donna bounced a little on her seat. “I could go?”
Magda smiled at her. Immediately, in her head, she went over the following week, already thinking of what to pack, and uninvited came a thought of how she had planned on using Magda’s toy room while she was gone. The disappointment that came with that, though, was outweighed by the excitement over imagining their road trip to Chicago, and suddenly she was anxious to go.
“I could go!”
Magda laughed and started the car.
“Oh but, next week… there’s that church fundraising event.”
“Yeah?” Magda’s voice didn’t give out what she thought about it.
Donna went through the event in her mind. She had promised to sew ornamental pillows for the drawing, but they were almost done. When she thought about it, her presence was not actually required. This time around she didn’t even have an allotted sales turn at the cafeteria. She just needed to supply the pillows, which were already mostly embroidered.
“I can go. I can skip the fundraiser. They don’t need me there on the night.”
Magda flashed her a smile before turning back to the road again. Donna looked at her silhouette, how she frowned a little when she concentrated on the driving, and felt more excited than she had in months.
***
Christina laughed. “Mom, slow down, or you’re going to burst!”
“Oh, I know! Look, yellow or purple?” Donna held two scarves on either side of her face.
Chrissy leaned closer to the camera and said, “Yellow.”
Donna nodded happily and started to fold the yellow one to pack it in her suitcase. She was so excited about Magda’s business trip she had packed and repacked two times already, but she wasn’t about to tell that to her nosy eldest daughter.
“I heard you’re going to hang out with Rhea.”
“Yeah, how amazing is that? She took time off work just to spend a couple days with us! Me!”
“Yeah, she and Laurie are really keen to get closer to you now.”
“I know, and I appreciate it, but I have to say, I still don’t really understand why Laurie didn’t tell me. I mean, I understand that this place is not the most open minded, but I’m a little hurt that she didn’t know me any better than this.”
Chrissy bit her lip. “Umm… yeah.”
Donna picked up a beige blouse, looked at it evaluatively, and decided it should remain in the closet. It was slightly the wrong shade for the yellow scarf. She thought she should ask Magda what she was going to wear for the company event, so that she could pick her own outfit to compliment that. “Umm yeah what?”
“Well, we… told her not to tell you. I mean, almost all of us.”
“You did what?” Donna’s attention snapped back to her pad, propped against a pillow on her bed. She forgot all about packing. “You all thought I was some kind of homophobic backwards prissy jerk?”
Chrissy exposed her teeth. It wasn’t a smile. “Yeah… I mean, Dad was, you know.”
“No, he wasn’t! Ollie didn’t have a hateful bone in his body!”
“He was good to all of us, true, and don’t tell Janet I said this but… don’t you remember all the gay jokes he used to tell? How he would comment on the gay characters on tv shows and movies?”
Donna sat down on the edge of her bed. “Yeah, but that was just joking. His sense of humor was a little… immature at times. He didn’t mean it like that.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” Chrissy said. “All I’m saying is that Laurie isn’t even his daughter, and she felt better not risking it. Sometimes, you know, it’s more complicated than just saying ‘Dad didn’t hate anyone’. If there was even a chance he might disapprove, or take it badly, that’s a hard conversation. And you… you always agreed with him. You were kind of in his shadow, so we didn’t really know which way you would go. In the end, she was scared, and felt better not to risk it.”
Donna drew a breath to talk, then let it out. Then again. She had a lot of thoughts in her head, but somehow they didn’t morph into words. “But… now… I’m not in his shadow anymore, because he’s dead?”
“There’s that,” Chrissy said, “and the fact that you’re packing to go on a road trip with your girlfriend.”
“Magda is not my girlfriend!”
“Whatever you say,” Chrissy said, rolling her eyes like only Chrissy could. “Anyway, I have to go. See you in a few days then!”
Donna huffed and tapped to end the call. She looked at her half-packed suitcase, and then towards Magda’s house. Her eyes were drawn towards the playroom window. Magda wouldn’t be home for hours. Picking a dress for a company get together was not important enough to call her and interrupt her work. In fact, Donna had decided it wasn’t important enough to check at all, that she should just pack a dress and trust that it would be appropriate for the occasion, and not worry what Magda would wear or if they would match. She had made that same decision more than once before. Somehow it didn’t seem to stick, because she kept returning to it. She wanted to look her best, however meager that might be. She wanted to look good for Magda.
Donna pursed her lips and continued packing the rest of her gear. Sensible shoes for sightseeing, a sensible coat in case it would be cold, and the lighter one she could wear when they drove. Sunglasses, just in case. The weather forecast had said it would be overcast for almost the entire trip, but it was still so far away they weren’t entirely reliable. Her beauty bag and makeup, because they were going to that semi-formal occasion, and while she knew she wasn’t actually Magda’s date she didn’t want to embarrass her. She paused again to ponder this. Magda thought enough of her to take her along to this kind of a party, and it felt somehow really significant.
But… they would be gone for almost a week, and… it had been a while…
Donna looked towards Magda’s house again. Christina said she was my girlfriend, she thought and rolled her eyes. The rest of what Chrissy had said was still rolling around in her head. Had she really been that much of a nonperson when she’d been with Ollie? Hadn’t she always been herself? She thought about their lives together, their routines, and yes… she could see how it could be seen that way. She had gotten so used to Ollie’s stupid jokes she had learned to filter them out, not pay attention to them. She hadn’t considered how they might sound to someone else. Someone who was the target of those jokes.
They would be sharing hotel rooms. And they would be gone for almost a week. And it had been a while.
Donna made up her mind and left for Magda’s. She would have plenty of time to have a go at the sex machine, and that may or may not last her until they got back.
***
Big Tits At Work 11 was Donna’s favorite. The whole series appealed to her more than most she’d watched because they featured very busty women being praised for their large boobs, but 11 was her favorite. The star was a gorgeous little brunette with boobs even larger than her own, and unlike most of the stars of the series hers were natural. She was short, like Donna, and she was shy, like Donna, and the plot (such as it was) was about a woman getting her first office job. There was a naiveté to her that resonated with Donna, even though the whole thing was ridiculous.
Preposterous, even. She had sex with three different male coworkers in the span of a couple hours, on her first day, and when Donna had the time she often just watched the whole thing and let the machine slow down during the talky parts. At that moment, though, Donna was very focused on getting in as many orgasms as she could manage in a short period of time. She still needed to research the directions they’d be taking when they left the next morning, and she wanted to bake them some road trip snacks, and…
Donna shivered, shook her head, and tried to focus. Those were thoughts for later. On the screen in front of her, the woman, Gibby, was being called into her boss’s office. Gibby’s boss was a stern woman who’d been frustrated by Gibby’s first day escapades, and her lack of focus. At first glance, the movie played it off as frustration with unprofessionalism, but by the end of the movie it came out that her boss just really wanted to worship Gibby’s big, bouncing boobs. At the end of the day, Gibby ended up on her back, on her boss’s desk, getting the most sensual oil massage Donna had ever seen, and Donna could reliably orgasm three times just from that scene alone.
The best part was in the middle, when Gibby’s boss sat on her face, backwards, and played with Gibby’s boobs, and Donna was using the remote to step up the speed of the fuck machine to match her racing heart, feeling that moment of perfect pleasure start to wash over her, when she heard a sound behind her at the door.
Magda stood there, smirking at her, with her arms folded, leaning against the door frame. “Good choice,” she said.
Donna had already passed the point of no return, and all she could do was clench to try and hide what was happening inside of her. To try to hide an orgasm. She bit her lip, and squeezed down on the toy, and raked her fingers across the bedsheet beneath her. Her face felt ridiculously hot, and her ears were pounding with the sound of her own heart beat. She’s watching me come, she thought. Oh God, she can see everything.
When she could finally get her fingers to answer her brain, she reached for the remote, but instead of turning it off she turned it up by accident, and she let out a long wail as the veiny rubber dong railed her with gusto. Magda cackled beside her, and by the time Donna got the machine under control she could hear Magda’s heels clacking back down the hallway and down the stairs.
“Don’t stop on my account,” she called, as she hit the landing. “I just forgot to bring my lunch. Do you want me to warm you up some soup? I’ve got chicken noodle.”
Donna’s jaw fell slack, and she propped herself up on her elbows. “I… I already ate,” she yelled back, which was technically true.
“Okay,” Magda called back. “Hey, I got a new one last week that has the same girl in it. Gilly, or… G something. What was her name?”
“Gibby,” Donna said, voice quavering.
“Yeah, her. I don’t watch the plot scenes in these, so I don’t really know what that one is about. I always just skip to the fucking. The disk for that new one might still be in the closet, but check it out. She’s got her hair dyed red in that one. I think you’ll like it.”
“You don’t… mind if I keep going?”
“We’re gonna be gone almost a week,” Magda yelled back, laughing. “I did the same thing last night. Knocked out four of them and felt a whole lot better.” The sound of keys jangling. “I’m gonna pick up lunch instead, give you a little privacy, so you keep going for as long as you like.”
“Th…thanks?” Donna said, just as the front door closed shut. She laid there for a moment, still catching her breath. She could hear Magda laughing outside as she got into her car and drove off, which was a good sign that Magda hadn’t been lying and that it was, in fact, okay for her to be there, and that she really didn’t mind.
Donna fell back on the bed, closed her eyes, and turned the machine back on, but this time she didn’t turn the DVD back on. She just let the feeling feel as good as it did, and retreated into her mind.
***
Early the following morning Magda walked into Donna’s kitchen. Donna, harrowed by a poorly slept night agonizing over getting caught in action, scurried around and tried to get her thoughts in order.
“Do you want ham or turkey in your sandwiches? I’ve got coffee in the thermos, and…” She made a sound in her throat as she rifled through her refrigerator.
Magda raised her eyebrows. “You’re packing food?”
“Well… I thought… it’s a long drive, and Ollie always wanted to drive str…” She trailed off when she saw Magda smiling. “What?”
“I thought we’d stop for lunch at this lakeside diner on the way. I always stop there. It’s the best.”
Donna nodded, then looked at her half-made sandwiches and didn’t know what to do. Her cheeks were burning, and even when Magda seemed completely natural she felt anything but. “I’ll just… dump these then.”
“Hey, please don’t,” Magda said. “How about you finish them and we can eat them for breakfast on the way?”
In a hushed voice, Donna said, “Ollie never let anyone eat in the car. I still don’t.”
Magda smiled when Donna stopped long enough to look in her direction. “I’m not Ollie. My car is a yes-eat-zone and most definitely a yes-drink-coffee-zone.”
“Okay, okay then,” Donna managed and finished the sandwiches.
Ten minutes later, the country road stretched in front of them. Donna held a mug of coffee, very careful not to spill it, and marveled at the ridiculous naughtiness of eating in the car. Magda drove with one hand and nibbled on the sandwich in her other hand.
“Mm. You make the best sandwiches.”
Donna sipped her coffee. She was too nervous to eat.
Magda cast glances at her and the package of sandwiches in her lap. When she’d finished the first one, she wiped her mouth with a paper napkin and reached for her coffee cup, which was in the cupholder on the center console, dropping the sandwich wrapper carelessly on the floor.
Donna gasped and reached for it. “You’ll spread the crumbs all over!”
“And?” she said, with a grin that begged for Donna to answer her. “It’s okay, really. I’ll clean it later. It’ll be fine, and that was insanely good. What were the others you made? Turkey? You know, I’m not even hungry but please give me another one.”
Donna unwrapped one with shaking fingers and handed it over. Magda bit in and let out an exaggerated moan of delight.
“Why aren’t you eating?” Magda asked, her voice garbled from chewing.
“I’m just… I think…”
“You’re thinking about yesterday?”
“Mm-hm,” Donna said, and busied herself with unwrapping her sandwich. Suddenly, eating seemed like a good way to get out of answering. She could feel her cheeks burning and knew she had bright red patches on her cheeks.
“Hey,” Magda said, and when Donna didn’t look at her, nudged her shoulder with her sandwich arm. They locked eyes for a few seconds, and then Magda turned her eyes back on the road. “I did know you were using it, didn’t I? What are you so flustered about?”
Donna shrugged and took a tiny bite. The sandwich tasted like cardboard and she washed it down with coffee. She usually had her coffee black, but Magda drank hers with cream, and she had filled the thermos with creamy latte. It tasted decadently greasy and smooth in her mouth.
“Hey, Donna, you need to own that shit. So you masturbate. So what? It is a happy thing! Did you know that some percentage of women never masturbate in their lives?”
“What? Really?”
“Yeah! I read this article once. Forgot the number though.”
“But… never as in never?”
“Yes.”
Donna considered this and took another bite, slightly bigger. “Never?”
“That’s what the article said. It was some kind of questionnaire survey if I remember correctly.”
Donna chewed and sipped her coffee. She could get used to coffee with cream. “Actually, if asked a few years ago, I would have been in that category too. I mean, I did when I was young, but with Ollie… I don’t even remember the last time. Before he… you know.”
“Uh huh?”
Magda glanced sideways at Donna, then finished her second sandwich and let the wrapper float to the floor. Donna thought she probably did it on purpose. Magda reached for her cup, and Donna almost reached to hand it to her, but her gestures were so well accustomed that it gave the impression of doing this daily. Ollie had always been the kind of driver who kept his eyes on the road and his hands at ten and two. There was no mucking about.
“Okay,” Magda said happily. “Maybe I’m just a wanker, then, because I always did. Even when Leo was still around.” She stopped to wipe at her lips with the back of her hand. “Look, what I’m trying to say is that it’s very much okay for you to do that, and I know you do, and I even know you use my equipment. I’ve told you to be my guest. There’s no need to be all worried, okay?”
Donna managed a small smile and took another bite. The food had regained some of its flavor.
“Now, be a doll and put on some music, will ya? I’ve got a playlist for driving. See if you can find it in my iTunes, and just put it on shuffle.”
Magda nodded towards her phone. Donna reached for it and found the playlist. Magda started to sing along, and Donna felt her mood lighten as she finished her sandwich. Sun was shining, the highway opened before them, and everything felt like an adventure.
***
Magda was right; the diner was delightful. It was small and homey and all its windows gave a pretty view of a small lake. On the other shore a few houses could be seen, and Magda explained the small village extended beyond that. They had salads, having binged on Donna’s sandwiches on the way, but couldn’t resist cheesecake with coffees. Their server, a cheerful older woman named Delilah who Magda said was actually the owner of the place, even sat down to chat with them for a few minutes when she had nothing coming out of the kitchen.
“Mm,” Magda said with the same exaggerated moan of ecstasy she had used with Donna’s sandwiches. “This cheesecake is to die for. Isn’t it? Almost as good as yours,” she said and smirked to Donna.
Donna tasted her raspberry flavored cheesecake and nodded enthusiastically. “Really, really good! But I usually add just a hint of mint, I think it brings out the flavor even better!”
Delilah laughed. “Too bad Sandra isn’t here to hear that. She’s my granddaughter, she bakes everything we serve. Me, I love the cooking, although Tom usually handles that when I’m out front, but I can’t bake to save my life. In a few months you’ll have to do with store-bought cookies.”
“Oh?” Magda stopped with a spoon halfway to her mouth. “She’s opting out?”
“She’s moving out,” Delilah said. “It’s a shame but it is what it is. Her husband got work in Detroit and they have to go where the bread is. Small places like these have so little to offer.”
An old man, a few booths down, gestured at Delilah, and she got up to go. Donna reached over to sneak a spoonful of Magda’s lemon cake, and Magda did the same with hers.
“So good,” Magda moaned. “But I’m serious that yours are better. You’re an amazing baker, Donna.”
“The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker,” Donna said, and looked evaluatively at their plates. “Want a refill?”
“Dinner at Henry’s, remember?” Magda looked off into the distance and smiled faintly. “I bet Deirdre made some dessert. She usually does.”
***
Two hours later they stopped at Henry’s. Henry and Deirdre were both at work, but Magda fished for a spare key with seasoned touch from a fake rock it was hidden in, and let them inside. Donna raised her eyebrows.
Magda said, “You didn’t know where the key was?”
“Well, no,” Donna said. “I… they usually visit us. I mean… me.”
“Uh huh,” Magda said. “I go by here once or twice a month since I have to come to the home office anyway. I don’t always stop to visit, but I do often enough that Dierdre showed me where it was.” She let them inside, replaced the key, and shut the door behind them. “Listen, I need to make a few phone calls so I’m gonna use their office. Will you be okay out here?”
“Of course,” she replied, heading toward the living room. “I can entertain myself. I’m not five.”
Magda gave her an unimpressed smirk. “Henry and Deirdre should be home in a few hours.”
Donna sat on the sofa and leafed through a few magazines. She felt oddly unsettled. How come Magda visited her son more often than she did? And why, indeed, was it that Henry was the one who almost always drove to meet her? It was the same with all the kids, once she thought about it. She eyed around in the neat living room and it felt new, even when she had visited before.
Were they all afraid of her judging them?
***
Donna woke up with a start. She jolted again, when she realized she wasn’t alone in the bed. The room was dark, and for a moment she was wildly disoriented.
“Ssh,” said Magda, sleepily, and pulled her closer. “Mm o-kay.”
She pulled Donna back, more tightly into her arms and spooning her from behind, and from the way she relaxed Donna was pretty sure she fell right back to sleep. Donna felt her breath on her upper back, how Magda’s arm was heavy around her, holding Donna’s wrist with a loose grip. Magda’s body pressed along her back, following her all the way around her ass and to the crook of her knees. She was warm and comforting, and Donna let out a long sigh.
They had arrived at the hotel the previous night. It had been quite late, because they’d had such fun at Henry’s that they had called ahead and asked for a late check in. When they’d arrived at the room, they were surprised to find only a single bed in a room large enough to fit the two queens they had requested, but as it was very wide they had decided not to make a fuss and just share the bed. By the feel of it, they had drifted closer together in the night, and now they were huddled together in the middle of the bed. Donna touched the sheet and it was cool in front of her. She must have slept close to Magda for a while now.
Magda let out a little snore. It made Donna smile.
Magda’s proximity felt amazing. Donna felt safe and calm, and it took her a while to understand that the wonderful feeling was close to what she had once upon a time felt with Ollie. Mostly in the moments when they’d spent cuddling after sex. Ollie wasn’t much of a cuddler. He was a heavy set man and got hot easily, and as they’d gotten older he had refused to sleep close to Donna anymore. But sometimes, right after sex, they had shared this kind of intimacy for a moment or two.
Donna lay in blissful peace and drifted in and out of sleep. All her concerns diminished, the world shrunk around them until all she focused on was Magda’s heavy breathing. Maybe this was the mindfulness Christina was always going on about.
Magda’s alarm went off and both of them startled. Magda let out a low rumble of curses and rolled over to get her phone from the nightstand. Donna turned on her back and watched Magda fumble with the snooze button. She put the phone down again and yawned the biggest yawn Donna had ever seen. Then she stretched, thoroughly, in a manner that reminded Donna of big cats: panthers maybe.
Magda turned towards Donna and smiled. She extended her arms tentatively, and without thinking Donna crawled closer and let Magda hold her. Magda pulled Donna’s head against her neck, held her body with her other arm and yawned again.
“Good morning,” Magda said. “Did you sleep well?”
“I… I think I’ve gravitated closer to you in my sleep.”
“Oh, no, that was me. You were restless. I thought it might help.”
“I was?”
“Mm-hm,” Magda said and stroked Donna’s hair. It felt so good that Donna almost purred. “I thought that maybe you’re not used to sleeping in strange places. When the kids were small, it always soothed them to be held. Well, Lennox, anyway. Laurie kicked something awful, and no one wanted to sleep in the same bed with her.”
Donna snorted. “Henry was like that, too.”
Magda rubbed her cheek against Donna’s hair, and let out a long breath that washed over her skin. “Don’t wanna get up.”
“But you need to get up?”
“Mm. I need to get to the office, but… I have a few more minutes.”
“Are you always this slow to get up?”
Magda just hummed and relaxed again. Donna basked in her warmth, savoring each passing minute. Magda’s alarm went off again, and she cursed and reached for the phone. She didn’t let go of Donna.
“Breakfast, shower, and then we should get going,” Magda said sleepily. “You want to shower first or second?”
“I can go first,” Donna promised, guessing that Magda wanted to sleep for a few more minutes. “Should I order breakfast from room service?”
“Mmh, that’s a good idea.”
Reluctantly, Donna detached herself and got up. Magda curled up as soon as she was alone, and fell asleep again.
Donna ordered two different breakfast trays, because she wasn’t sure what Magda would have preferred and didn’t want to wake her up again. Turned out coffee was the only essential, and Magda perked up considerably after her first cup.
When they were leaving, Magda for the office and Donna to spend the day with Laurie and Rhea, Magda stopped her as they stepped outside. “Should we ask for a new room? With separate beds?”
Donna looked toward the reception, then shrugged. “I don’t think we need to? Unless you want to?”
Magda looked at her, then smiled.
***
Laurie was a nervous wreck, bouncing back and forth between the table and the kitchen. Refilling glasses after one sip. Making sure everyone knew there were extras, because she’d cooked enough for a battalion.
“Babe,” Rhea said, “It’s fine. Sit down.”
It was the first time Donna had heard another woman use a pet name for her little Laurie, and even though she’d prepared herself for it, and even though she’d had no reason feel any kind of way about who Laurie loved, or was attracted to, or who loved Laurie, it was still a little jarring. She realized, immediately after, that that was her problem, and not anyone else’s, and made a mental note to do a better job of acclimating herself.
This all happened in the span of a second, but Donna still felt like she’d missed a part of the conversation.
“I’ve got plenty,” Magda said, “and this is all really delicious.”
“We’ve had such good food since we left,” Donna said, nodding and digging into her plate. “I can’t remember the last time I had such good cooking that wasn’t mine.”
“I mean,” Laurie said, laughing nervously, “it sort of is. Yours. You were the one who taught me to cook fish.”
Donna shook her head, and pointed with her fork. “I didn’t teach you to season like this. There’s a little bit of heat to this, but it’s not a pepper-y spice, and I love it. Not black pepper, anyway.”
Laurie beamed. “I sorta got the recipe from Iron Chef.”
“You still watch that?” Donna said, gasping and laughing.
Laurie clapped gleefully, and said, “It was an old one. Rokusaburo Michiba, because of course. He was the best.”
“Watch it,” Donna said, wielding her fork. “I will hear no disrespect to Iron Chef Sakai!”
Laurie rolled her eyes and continued, saying, “I forget what battle it was, but he had octopus going as a side. I forget why. I think he was doing, like, a bunch of proteins with some dipping sauces in, like a bunch of little tiny square bowls. Why am I telling you about the bowls?” She shook herself and laughed. “Anyway, he had these Japanese chili peppers that are kind of mild, and the way they were describing it mixing with the texture of the octopus I just thought well octopus is gross, but, what about cod?”
In the corner of her eye, Donna saw Rhea and Magda sharing an eyeroll. Neither one of them shared her and Laurie’s love of food, but at the same time, there was a kind of… pairing off that happened that made her happy. From the sound of their conversation, Rhea was some kind of engineer, and she and Magda had some common ground in their careers that made conversation easy, but Donna was so excited to talk food that she and Laurie just babbled to each other for what felt like hours.
It was good. Really good. Comfortable, which was all Donna could have hoped for.
“I want to say something,” Donna said, some time later. She’d lost track of her glasses of wine, which was a bad sign, but it didn’t matter. She needed to say it.
Next to her, Magda looked over, and her eyes grew wider with every second. “Noooo.”
“Yes.”
“We talked about this,” she said, tilting her head. “In the car. We agreed it was a bad idea.”
“No,” Donna said, barrelling forward. “You said it was a bad idea, and I didn’t argue with you, because it didn’t matter. I was always going to say it anyway.”
Rhea and Laurie shared a brief, sideways glance, and it looked like they might have been holding hands under the table. Donna couldn’t be sure, but she kind of hoped that they were. Magda drained her mostly full wine glass, and stared up at the ceiling.