SWAP?

One day a while ago my wife Janet asked me about ‘swapping.’

Janet and I — Toby Jordan — had been married five years. We were both twenty-eight, and had been talking seriously about starting a family that year. I’m a slim fellow, 5’8″, dirty blonde hair. I work for myself doing repairs on computer systems that have been problematic. Lately, I’ve been doing quite well.

Janet is 5’6″, with a pretty face and nice figure. We met at the YMCA where we both work out. She does normal stuff. I do gymnastics, as I have done since grade school. It’s good aerobic exercise and keeps me strong and flexible. She was watching me one day, and she looked good in her spandex. When I finished I asked her out. A year later we married.

All that time Janet worked at Mason and Mason, proofreading legal documents. She made good money, and provided our health insurance, since I worked for myself.

We were always sexually active and compatible. I don’t recall any time that she has been left wanting. We averaged three times a week. Sometimes we got a little kinky, tied each other up. Nothing extreme. But not vanilla.

At Mason, Janet’s best friend was Laura Blanton. Laura was a little younger, married, and at least a 9.5. She’s blonde, with a great figure. Her husband, Steve, is a big, dark haired guy, into golf. He’s a lawyer at Mason, and maybe thirty years old.

The swapping conversation involved Laura and Steve. Janet wanted to know what I thought of the idea of switching spouses one night.

“Toby,” she said, “are you attracted to Laura?”

“Laura is very attractive.” I said, diplomatically.

“What would you say about…..swapping?”

“Swapping what?”

“Mates, spouses. With Steve and Laura.”

I gave this some thought. There was no way that I would agree to it. I was, and am, a firm believer in monogamy. That’s what we promised in our wedding vows, and that’s what we should deliver. But this request caused me to pause. Not because Laura is so beautiful. Or even because Steve is a big guy. Although that was a little worrying.

No, I paused because I needed to think of a way to deal with this without blowing my top, and/or blowing my marriage. My immediate reaction was that if I rejected this outright, Janet would keep at me. I knew her. If she wanted an expensive mixer, and I said we didn’t have the bucks, she’d keep at me. She would just peck and peck about the mixer. It wouldn’t be obnoxious, but annoying. If the matter was just a mixer, I would usually give in.

Once or twice, she would go ahead, and have some excuse. A vacation house we disagreed on, she said the price came down. She also got the mixer — a great deal, she said.

But this wasn’t a household appliance. It could easily destroy the marriage. I loved Janet, and wanted her to be the mother of my children. However, if she was now inclined to want other cocks, I wanted out.

I said, “I don’t want any woman but you, my wife. No matter how beautiful Laura is, I wouldn’t want to have sex with her. Only with you.”

“But…..don’t you……”

“Are you actually serious? Or is this a fully hypothetical discussion?”

“Well, Laura suggested it. She said she read about it, and that it can perk up a marriage.”

“So, do you believe that our marriage needs perking up?”

“Oh, no, baby. We’re just fine. I don’t mean to….you know, doubt our sex life.”

“Then why bring it up? Why didn’t you just laugh it off?”

“Laura wanted to…..perk up Steve. That’s why she mentioned it. Steve….Laura hasn’t been as satisfied as she had been. Steve seems listless. She thought that, if he…if we swapped, he might be rejuvenated.”

“That just seems weird.”

“Not the way she explained it. She had research articles. And, she said she would welcome….a good experience with you.”

“I want you to look at it from my point of view. You recall we did discuss fidelity before we got engaged. So, if you have sex with Steve, maybe he’ll rock your world. Maybe he’ll be better than me in bed. And….where would I be then?”

“I don’t think you have to worry.”

“He’s a big guy. He probably has a big cock. In fact, I’m sure Laura has told you about him. Does he?”

‘Does he…have a big cock?”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“How big?”

“She says he’s nine inches.”

“So, are you looking forward to having his nine inches inside you?”

“You shouldn’t look at it like that. It’s not an ego thing. It’s to help a friend.”

“I say no, baby. Too dangerous. I would never risk it.”

“What’s the risk? I wouldn’t leave you. It would be a brief thing. One night.”

“Suppose he rocks your world, like I said. Or suppose he’s a dud. There’s really no difference. If you told me he was great, I’d be crushed. If you told me he was a dud, I wouldn’t believe you. So, either way….we’re toast.”

“Oh. What if he did rock my world? It’s just….oh, shit. You’d always…believe I was thinking about it. I may be ruined for you. I see. Let me consider.”

We ended the conversation and watched a movie, went to bed. She wanted sex. I didn’t. I was about certain that she was ruined for me. I had to think things through. When she fell asleep, I went downstairs, pulled her phone from the charger, and installed a monitor program on it. I downloaded the phone’s content. I also installed a monitor on her little laptop. And our house computer.

I decided to just let it sit, and try to resume normal life. The next night I made a move on her, and we had straight sex. It was good. She came several times, and was enthusiastic. As I fell asleep, I wondered if she was thinking about Steve’s nine. It took me a while to drift off.

Six weeks went by. We were back to normal. I had stuffed the swapping conversation into a small compartment in my mind, tried to seal it off. I had success. Monitoring her phone yielded nothing much. Of course, she and Laura and Steve worked together. They didn’t need to text or call much. My monitoring gradually waned.

One evening after a nice meal, we went upstairs and had a session of hard sex. Janet wanted it from behind. I was more than willing. The night became highly erotic and intense. After over an hour, and two orgasms for me, several for her, we collapsed onto the bed.

“That was great,” Janet whispered, “you’re so good to me.”

“I love you. And you’re sexy as hell. You always get to me.”

“Thanks.”

Just as I was drifting off to sleep, Janet said, in a small voice, “I invited Laura and Steve over for dinner Saturday. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Why? We haven’t really socialized all that much. I like her, but Steve can be overbearing and opinionated. Although, it may be worth it if Laura wears something sexy.”

Janet chuckled. “I’ll tell her you said that. She might oblige.”

I had a bad thought, then. “This isn’t about that swapping thing, is it?”

“No. Not really. They understand that you’re against it.”

“What? What they? You mean Steve understands. Why was he even in the discussion?”

“He wasn’t. I’m sure Laura spoke to him, though.”

“Why would she do that? Surely, she’d want to be sure that the two of us agreed, before she spoke to Steve.”

“I don’t know whether that’s what she did.”

“Well, if Steve comes over here and tries to promote a swap, that’ll really put a damper on stuff. Not just the evening, either. I smell a rat. What are you up to, Janet?”

“Nothing. I’ll tell them that they shouldn’t bring it up.”

“Them? Again? Are you going to tell Steve?”

“No, I meant Laura. I’ll tell Laura. She’ll tell Steve.”

“Wait. Why should she have to tell Steve not to bring it up? Was he going to bring it up?”

“He might have. He…..knew it was a possibility. Until you said no.”

“I believe strongly that you should disinvite them. I don’t like the guy, and if he’s his normal self, and he believes that he might get to fuck you, he WILL bring it up. Wouldn’t matter what he’s supposed to do.”

“I can’t disinvite them. She’s my best friend. I want to be able to socialize with her. I’ll make it clear to….her…that there’s to be no discussion of swapping.”

“This is dangerous territory. The guy is a loose cannon. The minute he brings that up, he’s out of here.”

“I understand. I’d like to try a dinner. It could be fun.”

“It won’t be fun. But….I concede that it might get interesting. When?”

“Seven.”

That was three days off. I had preparations to make. The next day, I also checked the phone and computer material, when Janet left for work. I ran her phone through a program, and it spat out some numbers. One was Steve’s cell. Steve worked at Mason as well. Why would he be calling Janet? The calls were always between 4:30 and 5:00pm, weekdays. Janet was home at five-thirty like clockwork, though. So, no tryst was being arranged for weeknights. And the calls had all happened within the last two weeks.

I packed a bag with clothing, and some camping stuff. I left it in my pick-up. It had what I’d need for a week. My laptop would also be needed, but I could stash it in the truck before the dinner. If things went well, it would be easy to put back in the office.

I visited a lawyer, to find out about possible separation and divorce. He advised me that in our situation it would be simple. A 50%/50% split, no support, since Janet had a good job. We were renting, so no real property. My business wasn’t worth anything, apart from my own energy and expertise — so far as anyone could tell at that time. I had him draw up a divorce petition, ready for signing. I signed it. I put it in an envelope.

On Thursday and Friday nights, Janet and I had great sex. Thursday was straight, but intense. Friday, I tied her up. Teased her until she begged. Then I flipped her and fucked her hard. She had a huge orgasm, that I could feel all the way to my balls. As she did, I had one that I felt all the way to my toes and chest.

We fell asleep soon after I untied her.

Saturday Janet went shopping for the food. Salmon, rice, vegies. I had a good wine to go with that meal, a light red. I also had some port for after. Of course, there was beer and ale for anyone who wanted it.

I spent the day, mostly, on yard work. We had sandwiches for lunch. Janet seemed distracted. That worried me. But, it was on her, whatever would happen. This was her deal.

I spoke to her in the late afternoon, after I completed the garden work.

“I want to say this to you, so we have absolutely no misunderstanding. If this evening is some set up, we won’t survive that.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean,, that if this dinner devolves into some pressure on me to agree to Steve fucking you, I will divorce you. If, you’ve set it up. Do you understand that?”

“Yes. There’s no……But what if he’s an asshole and tries it on?”

“I’ll throw him out. And, you better be with that.”

“Okay. But I…want a good evening.”

“If you’re scamming, baby, I can’t put up with that. You should call and cancel.”

“No. I don’t want to do that. I’m sure things will work out.”

“Your deal. Our risk, though. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t. In the end, I’m only for you.”

“If it’s not all the way, then there’s nothing.”

“I got you.”

I went upstairs, took a shower. I stopped to consider the entire situation. I found that I had no trust in any of the other three. That included Janet. We’d just have to see. I went into my gun safe. I got out a.22 magnum boot gun. I stuck it in my pocket — chinos. Steve was a big guy, and if he bucked, I wouldn’t waste time fighting. I thought about that. I took the gun out of my pocket, and put it in the drawer of my nightstand.

Then I considered what might happen if the three of them had some sort of plan. Or even two of them. Or one. The idea of drugs came to me. Ecstasy, or some date rape drug. I decided to carefully monitor what I ate and drank.

As I was considering this, the entire situation weighed in on me. I didn’t want to live like a paranoid. And, at bottom, whose fault was it? I would find out, or not.

Steve and Laura arrived at seven sharp. I had casually watched Janet prepare the dinner. I saw nothing to alert me. I had opened the wine bottles, and descanted them. The white for snacks stayed in the bottle. I hoped, fervently, that I wasn’t overreacting.

I answered the door. They were dressed casually, but Laura’s teal dress was low cut and swishy. She wore high heeled sandals. She looked great. Steve had a sports jacket and slacks. Open neck shirt. I gave Laura a hug, and shook with Steve.

Janet came from the kitchen, gave them both a quick hug. I asked about drinks. Laura took the white. Steve had a pale ale. I joined him.

Janet had the dinner ready. The salmon was being served room temperature, with the salad. But we had snacks, and sat in the front room to drink and eat the snacks. We discussed the state of play in the local school board election. Not scintillating. Steve was chummy. He cracked jokes, tapped Laura on the arm, and got up and paced. Laura was less active, and seemed hesitant. Janet was uncharacteristically chatty. I thought she was nervous. After a few minutes, she ushered us into the dining room, and we took our places. The table was square. Janet and I faced each other. We passed the salmon and salad, bread. I poured the wine. The conversation was more animated. They discussed their work colleagues. And, although I knew them only slightly, it was interesting. Things loosened up. Wine kept being poured — by me. I was not loose. I tried to participate, and probably made a good show of it.

Janet asked me to get the dessert. Tapioca pudding. When I returned with it, she had poured port for the four of us. Not what I would have expected with pudding.

I said, “The port probably should wait until after the pudding.”

“Oh. Of course,” Janet was now nervous. “We can take it in after dessert.”

We ate the pudding and Steve and I talked about the local high school team. As we finished, Janet stood and asked us to move to the front room. I knocked over my wine glass. Not the port. Steve jumped back. I picked up the two port glasses that were near the spill. I switched port glasses with him. Pretty deft. Janet was dabbing his jacket because some wine got on it. Not too much.

“Don’t worry, Janet. It’s a synthetic. No problem.”

We moved into the front room, where there were two facing two person couches. I had two port glasses with me, and was last into the room. Janet and Steve were seated on one couch. Laura was on the other. I sat down next to her, after putting Steve’s port on the table.

Steve proposed a toast. “To good friends, and close friendship.”

We raised our glasses. I sipped mine. The other three took larger amounts. There was a pause, and Steve put his arm around Janet. I looked at her. She was looking at him. I felt Laura move closer to me.

So, this was the play. I stood up abruptly. They all looked at me expectantly.

“Time to end this, people. Time to end a lot of things.”

Steve said, “Is something wrong. We were getting along, I thought.”

“Why don’t you take your arm from around my wife.”

“She doesn’t seem to mind.”

I looked at Janet. She stared at me, seeming to expect something. I stared right back at her.

“I believe that it’s time for you two to leave.” I pointed at Steve and Laura. “And for Janet to make a decision. Either way, you two are leaving, NOW,”

Laura said, “Come on, Toby. We can have some fun, here, among friends.”

“No fun. No friends. And, as of now, no Janet, because you all set this up.” I looked at her. “I warned you.”

“Toby,” said Steve, slurring, “You’re a stick in the mud. We all just want to have fun. Janet wants my big cock. Laura wants….I donnn…..” He slumped. He was breathing slowly. He passed out on the couch, fell toward Janet.

They all thought I would be the one to pass out. Both women realized at the same time that I wasn’t going to collapse, and that Steve had – in my stead.

Janet said, “Fuck. You….you….fuck.”

“I cannot believe you did this, after all the warnings. You’re a psycho. Good riddance.” I took the divorce papers out of a valise I had by the loose chair. I tossed the envelope down in front of Janet.

“This is a fair ending to us. A fifty fifty. Sign. If not, I’ll file a complaint with the police.” I picked up Steve’s glass, tucked it into my pocket. “What was it? Ecstasy?”

Laura said, “Please, Toby. Janet just wanted some spice.”

“She wanted a big cock, and she was willing to lie and basically poison me to get it. Why not just fuck him at work?”

“We thought you’d agree, tonight.” This was Janet. “Laura looks so good.”

“I was never going to agree. Too bad. I thought we were doing okay, good even. I guess I just wasn’t enough.”

Laura said, “You can’t prove that we did it. We can say you gave it to Steve.”

I pulled my phone out. The record light was on.

“Oh, shit. I’m such a dolt. So stupid.” Laura was stamping her foot.

Janet said, “Toby, I’m sorry. I was just….fascinated when Laura showed me the pictures of his cock. I thought if we swapped, I could, you know, have it both ways.”

“Your mistake. I can help you two get Steve into the car. He can’t stay here. How long will he be out?”

Laura said, “I don’t know. Three hours? He won’t be out completely. See, he’s moving.”

“Does he have a pulse? I can’t have him dying here. You’d be charged with murder.”

Laura took his pulse. He was breathing and alive. The three of us hoisted him, and walked him out the door, to the car. I stuffed him into the back seat. It was warm enough, they could just leave him there until he woke up.

Janet started to go back inside. “Oh, no. You go with them. That’s what you wanted. Sleeping with Steve.”

“No. I want to stay here. It’s my house, too.” She walked back inside. I closed the back door to the car. Lauren drove away. Before she did, she said, “Sorry, Toby. This is my fault. I showed her the pictures and said how great his cock felt.”

“Why? I don’t understand.”

“He was mostly impotent. Soft. I thought if he had a new person, he could get it up again. He always liked Janet.”

“You need to have a couple inches cut off his dick. Not as much to get up. He wouldn’t cause as much trouble. Why did you marry him, anyway?”

“He was assertive, funny. But mainly because he has a big cock. My downfall.”

“Janet’s, too.” I said sadly.

She drove away.

I went back inside. Janet was cleaning up. I helped her. We didn’t speak. We finished up.

“You know, I meant exactly what I said earlier.” I said this with sorrow.

“I know. I’m a fool. I wonder what it would have been like, though.”

“Well, you can find out after the divorce. If you sign the papers, it won’t take long.”

She started tearing up. “A slut. A stupid slut. No husband, no kids. Nothing.” She was sobbing. I just looked at her. What the fuck?

“You can sleep in the guest room. I’ll bring your toothbrush there.”

She slept there for a week. Then she found a place — a room — nearby. I didn’t see much of her after that. The divorce came through in three months, because there was no contest, or kids. I was really sad when the decree arrived.

Laura divorced Steve. She told me about it one day, about a year later, when I saw her at a coffee shop.

“He woke up and was angry. I took him inside. The next day I tried to have sex with him. He couldn’t get hard. I bought him some Viagra. It worked a couple of times. But then it stopped working.”

“Did Janet ever get with him?”

“She did. After she moved out, but before the divorce came through. She had no more success than I did.”

“What is it, then? It sure can’t be you.” She smiled.

“Thanks. His doctor said his heart was weak, so he didn’t get enough blood to ‘extremities.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed.

She looked at me. “How’s your heart?”

“It’s just fine. I have plenty of blood in my extremities. More, now that I’m looking at you.”