Help Me Dear Diary

Dear Diary:

I am writing this … well because I need a way to organize my thoughts, and my emotions and, well to sort myself out.

I don’t think anyone will read this, but in case you do…

I’m middle aged (choose for yourself how I look — but I’ll tell you now I’m fairly happy with my body image even though I am not the perfect sex goddess), 2.4 children (two daughters and a dog) and married.

To date I’ve been satisfied with my life. I married Brian quite happily, if at a young age. We’ve lived together for 20 years – also happily, well for the most part. Like any relationship we have our ups and downs. Jenna and Sharon are wonderful daughters. I have a job, a family, hobbies. I have a life that many people would envy. Nothing extravagant, we don’t have a mansion, but we have a nice house in a small town with some land. We have a pool and a hot tub, and we go on vacations to the Caribbean and are planning on a trip to the Med or Greece. Jenna is going to university and Sharon will be in a couple of years.

What more could I want?

I don’t know. I’ve been growing more and more dissatisfied with my life. I guess a man would just feel trapped and break from routine by forcing change, at least on the surface. He’d go out and buy a small red sports car and find a young blond to try and recapture his youth.

I feel … well less. I’m less needed. Jenna certainly doesn’t need me now and Sharon is living her own life if under our roof.

Less desired. Sex with Brian has become routine, the same … dull. God don’t let him read this.

Less interested in life. I still read and run and golf and cook and I do all the hobbies I enjoy, but I get less satisfaction out of it. I used to be able to read for hours. A good book I’d finish in a couple of days. Now I put the book down after an hour.

I’m horny, Dear Diary. Really horny all the damn time. I don’t remember being this horny ever. Nor this … interested, that’s the best word, interested in sex. Porn never held any fascination for me but now, after the house is empty for the day, I will spend hours on line; reading porn, watching porn. I masturbate daily, multiple times daily. Brian doesn’t know, he wouldn’t understand that I have a treasure chest full of toys.

It isn’t that the vibrators replace him, rather that they … they … supplement him. With Brian it’s like I have permission to have sex, that it is normal, even expected that I let him fuck me. But with my toys that seems slightly taboo. Slightly naughty and that is EXCITING.

—–

I was naughty again this morning Dear Diary. Brian had left for work and Sharon was gone, so I went back to bed and lay on my back. It feels so good to just touch myself. I get wet so easily. This morning I was watching porn and this girl was getting fucked in her ass. I couldn’t help but wonder how that would feel. So …

This is actually hard to admit in writing … even if it’s just in my diary.

I took a slim vibrator and lubed it up and put it in my ass. Oh fuck Dear Diary, why does that feel so good? My ass is not for that, not for pleasure. It was wrong, obviously, but being wrong it was exciting. I came I actually squirted, really hard, I had to change the sheets I made such a mess. I’ve never squirted before.

—–

I … met someone.

I never thought I’d ever cheat on Brian. But …

I went golfing today.

Okay so Heidi, Tamara, Lisa, and I normally go to the golf club in our little town. It’s old, there’s no real clubhouse, and the greens are not great, but it’s cheap and local. But for a change we decided to try this new place. It’s about twenty minutes away in the neighbouring town. New meant that it didn’t have a lot of trees, it did have long open fairways and a new clubhouse with a bar, which our local golf club didn’t. I got there early.

I had to, frankly. I needed to get out of the house, or I would soon be watching more porn. And as much as I enjoy masturbating like that, I don’t want it to become an addiction. I’d heard people can get addicted to it.

So I’d been there maybe fifteen minutes, still an hour and a half before the round of golf. I was on my phone, and I will admit I was reading porn. Yes, I know what I said a moment ago, but I was weak. And you know something, it was kinda hot getting all turned on in a public place like that.

So I was sitting in the clubhouse drinking wine, alone and this guy comes and sits down at my table. There were plenty of other empty tables, but he sits at mine without so much as a ‘May I join you?’ and says “I’m David.”

Nothing more; no pleasantries, no pickup lines not even, “Do you come here often?” or “Haven’t seen you here before.” just, “I’m David.”

What do you do when someone does that? I could have glared at him and ignored him or been rude in reply to a dumb pickup line. But how do you respond to “I’m David”? So I said “I’m Anna”.

And we started chatting. He is thirteen years older than me, has a handicap of 15 and is married. They have one son who has long since moved out.

That surprises you doesn’t it? That he is married I mean. Well he is married. So what? So am I.

He sat next to me and touched me. Just his hand on mine. I didn’t flinch away. His left hand, the one across from me, the one with his wedding ring, drew little circles on my hand. Then gently slid up my wrist caressing it. I was happy, we were talking. Under the table his right hand landed on my knee…

Have you ever really looked at golfing skirts? They are actually pretty damn short. Some of them have shorts underneath. Some of them, like the ones I was wearing, don’t and sitting at the table it had ridden somewhat higher than mid thigh.

As his hand slid up my leg I thought ‘I’m glad these aren’t lined.’ The thought shook me. I was glad, I was enjoying the caresses, I smiled at him. I guess he took it as encouragement because his fingers slipped up under the hem of my skirt.

I think three things aligned at that moment. One I was horny. I always seem to be these days and it didn’t help that, when he came to the table, I’d been in the middle of a story of a woman deep in the throes of pleasure at the hands of a very dominant personality. Two David was paying attention to me. Not just to be polite. He was genuinely interested in me, smiling, and reacting to things I was saying. Three he was confident. He was confident in his approach, confident in his talk and confident in his touches. In retrospect he was probably good at manipulation, looking into my eyes, responding to what I was saying, tricks of the trade to ingratiate yourself with someone.

But it worked. To be honest I felt a bit of a jellyfish in his company, weak willed and controlled.

I admit here, now freely … I liked it. I was melting a little inside and a velvety fist was clenching quite firmly somewhere around my abdomen. A mixture of anxiety and arousal and, I’m afraid to admit, lust had me on a boil. Just being noticed though, being wanted, and treated as a person was enough. When he leaned closer to me, his fingers gently tickling my labia through the thin cotton of my panties and suggested we find somewhere more private.

Well, what would you have done?

His house was on the golf course, near the fourteenth green. It was new, and small. I found it almost sterile in its styling. But it was clean.

He kissed me in the front hall with passion; tongues probed and licking.

He’s hand was firmly under my skirt and inside my panties. He called me a slut. I should have slapped him and walked away. Instead, I melted against him, my knees week. I liked it, the thought of being easy and of being bad.

He pushed me into the bedroom, forced my legs apart, pushing the crotch of my panties to one side and licked me.

I screamed, I moaned. He yanked my panties off pushed my skirt higher and dove right between my legs. I was a slut for him, I begged him to eat me, to lick my pussy, to eat my cunt to make me cum.

I squirted, and he ate me. He continued to eat me right through the fountain. I was cuming and couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop.

I was in a daze when he climbed off me. He pulled me around so I was on my back with my head hanging off the side of the bed and pushed his cock into my mouth. I moaned staring up at his balls as he fucked my throat. I’ve never been dominated like that. It felt so demeaning, so perverted. I was helpless. It could have been called rape except I was loving every second.

He manscaped. I don’t know if you’ve ever been with a guy who shaves, but it’s better! There is no smell, the hair doesn’t tickle your nose or get caught in the back of your throat. You have a fantastic view of his scrotum. I don’t know if you’ve ever examined a scrotum. Most of the time I don’t think of them as attractive, but with a throbbing cunt and a cock deep in your throat it was the hottest view I could have at that moment.

When he pulled back I sucked and slurped on him, I licked his cock from stem to stern and sucked on his balls. I jerked him off and sucked him some more. I have never really stretched my oral skills, but I tried to be like the girls in the porn videos I’d seen. I didn’t consider the kink, or the risks. I just … sucked him, licked him, made him fuck my face. It felt … weird and good.

I never gagged even as his cock brushed the back of my throat. If he was watching, he could have seen my throat bulging around where he was forcing his cock.

He swore at me, called me a bitch and a whore and a slut. He called me a cunt. I was. “Fucking suck that cock you whore,” made me hotter, “Fucking cheating bitch,” made me wetter, “Swallow my cum cunt,” made me eager to please.

Every word was true, I was a whore and a slut. I was a cheating bitch. None of it mattered. It turned me on being called those things. I should have been insulted, instead it spurred me on to new heights of depravity.

I don’t normally like being manhandled violently. But when he picked me up bodily and threw me on the bed I let him. I let him yank my legs apart, forcing my skirt up around my waist. I helped him as he yanked on my hips positioning my ass high in the air and my face buried in a pillow. I pulled my back down and my pussy out so he could fuck me.

He fucked me from behind. Doggy style had never been so … animalistic. I didn’t even think about protection. I wanted him, skin on skin. I wanted to feel him inside me. I begged him to fill me, cum inside me. All I could think about was the feeling of his cock pulsing. I swear I could feel his cum shoot inside me, hot and gooey and … deep inside me where no one has actually ever cum other than Brian.

I left.

There was no cuddling, no soft romantic talk. I didn’t want any nor did he, I guess. I just left.

—–

I just re-read what I wrote yesterday. I am holding myself back from editing it. I want to record my feelings at the time. As badly written and as … unforgiving as it may be.

Don’t see me in a bad light. I needed that that afternoon.

After I left, I drove back to the golf course, my panties soaked against my pussy, the thin cotton the only thing preventing David’s load of cum from dribbling down my legs. I sat in the car for a few minutes. I didn’t regret what had happened exactly, I felt guilty about Brian, yes, but didn’t regret David.

The fact that … I’ve had sex a fair amount in my life, no more no less than your average women I’d guess. But with the exception of Brian they had ALL been wearing condoms. Brian is the only man … was the only man ever to cum inside of me. Now David had too. And that put him in a very small fraternity of two guys who had had me like that. In a way it means I belong to him. And that thought makes me wet all over again.

I met the girls, we played golf, I didn’t do too badly. I went home.

Why don’t I feel more guilty?

You know what I did last night? Masturbated again, this time with only my fingers. David’s cum was still inside me and I stuck my fingers as deep as I could, pulling it out of me. I licked my fingers. I’m sure I could taste his cum.

I betrayed Brian. I don’t feel bad about that. I have no intention of leaving Brian. I have no intention of seeing David again.

Really I don’t.

I masturbated again today. Not to porn, but to memories of David.

—–

You know I just realized that when I fucked David I didn’t get undressed. I still had my golf shirt and skirt on. He never saw my breasts. He didn’t strip either. Just his pants on the floor.

We were animals, so … desperate for each other.

I wish I had his phone number.

—–

I was a bad girl today. I went back to the golf course. Not to golf, not this time. I hoped David was there.

Stupid wasn’t it? I went expecting to feel good and I’m disappointed I wasn’t.

He wasn’t there and I’m disappointed about that too. Why am I disappointed that I didn’t see him? I don’t love him.

I was a slut…

NO

I AM a slut. I liked being used like that. David did use me. But that excited me. Brian never used me. He cared for me, he still does. But David…

I want to be used again.

I’m going back to the golf course tomorrow. If I see him, …

—–

He was there.

He saw me and smiled.

We talked about the sex. About what he wanted, what I wanted.

We didn’t have sex. He’s coming here, tomorrow. Just after eight. Brian will be gone, he leaves about half past seven to get into the office. Sharon leaves at eight for school. Jenna is away.

We’ll have the house to ourselves until three. Sharon gets home at half past.

I’m going to be his slut again.

This is a deliberate decision this time. An arranged tryst. Last time I cheated on Brian it was… accidental. This time it isn’t.

I’m soaking just thinking about it.

—–

Oooh fuck. David just left. It’s two thirty. Where do I start.

I met him at the door in jeans and a t-shirt. He was wearing a golf shirt and golf pants. I guess that’s what he told his wife he was going to do, golf.

Do you know what his first words were to me? Not “Hi,” or “You’re beautiful” or any other pleasantry. He just smiled and said “I’m going to use you like a whore today.”

And you know what I did? Guess. It shouldn’t be hard, not if you’ve guessed my state of mind.

I stepped over the threshold of our house and melted against him like some sort of bimbo brained, air headed, teenage slut. Anyone could have seen, neighbours, what if Brian had forgotten something and come back. He has before, or Sharon? I didn’t care. I kissed him on the front stairs like a sexed starved slut.

First he took me in the living room where he sat on the couch and had me suck him off. This time he wanted me to make him cum so he’d last longer. He came on my face, spraying a load of cum on my cheeks and chin and across my mouth. He liked watching that, seeing me get so messy.

I don’t usually like getting messy, it’s … messy, sticky and cum dries leaving a crusty residue if you don’t clean up.

He made my wipe it off with my fingers and lick them clean.

Then he had me undress. He wanted to see me naked this time. Not the hurried fuck we had at his place but a more leisurely chance to explore my body. I sat on his lap, naked. He was dressed. We kissed and he played with me. He pinched my nipples, the sharp pain an exciting counterpoint to the pleasure of his fingers on my clit. He fingered me deeply, two and three fingers stretching me open as I leaned against him, my legs splayed wantonly apart like the whore I was.

I was soaked, squelching wet sounds filled the living room as he fingered me.

He took me to our bed. My marriage bed. He stripped off and lay on his back and had me crawl over to him and play with his cock. He wanted me to make him hard again. I kissed it and licked it, sucking on him. He had me jerk him off gently while I licked his balls, sucking one ball sack, then the other into my mouth.

He had me lick his ass.

I licked his ass. Oh fuck I felt so dirty, so perverted, so horny. I LICKED HIS FUCKING ASSHOLE.

I rimmed him while I jerked his cock, then took the crown of his penis in my mouth as he came. He liked me being messy, so I was. I let his cum dribble from my mouth, down over my hand, over my wedding ring.

That caught me for a moment, then my pussy clenched at the thought of cheating on Brian. I realised I was getting off on fucking David in my marriage bed, on cheating on Brian on being David’s slut.

I let his cum dribble down my chin and smiled at him and asked him if he liked being sucked off by a married woman. He said he wanted to fuck my married pussy.

Oh god. It has become something between us. Not just the sex, but the cheating. We are getting off on cheating.

He made me lick him clean and swallow his cum.

We lay there talking, he was gently fingering me. I hadn’t cum yet, and I wanted to. He had me touch myself, finger myself for him. He told me he wanted to fuck me, to give me a messy cream pie. I told him about how I’d licked my fingers clean of his cum after masturbating the night we’d first met.

He grinned at me. He was getting hard again. It was almost one.

He climbed on top of me. We were both naked this time and I reveled in the feel of his body against mine. He told me to guide him in, and I rubbed his cock over my dripping cunt, then positioned it so he could push.

I can feel it now sliding into me. Fuck.

He fucked me slowly. Stretching out the moment, his cock sliding achingly deeper and deeper into me, then pulling out then oh so frustratingly slowly back in again and again.

Then he was on top of me and he whispered in my ear, “I’m going to cum and I want you to make your husband eat my cum out of you.”

I exploded, he exploded. We saw stars, we swore, we panted and sweated.

I have to change the sheets and shower.

—–

I did it.

What David wanted. I showered after he left yesterday sort of. Removing the sweat and cum from my face and hair. But I didn’t wash my pussy, except a light rinse of the labia.

I felt like such a slut. The rest of the afternoon. I couldn’t wait for Brian to get home. I imagined I could feel my pussy squelching every time I took a step, squelching from cum inside me.

I dressed in a nice dress.

I kissed and made a fuss of Brian.

I seduced him.

I made him eat me. And all the time his tongue was on my pussy I thought of David fucking me. Of David telling me to feed Brian his creampie.

I clenched my Kegels, cum oozed from within me, I moaned, I gyrated, I pulled Brian’s hair forcing his face deeper into my cunt. I clenched again and ground my cummy pussy into his face.

Brian moaned into my cunt. I was sacred he knew what was happening, I felt like such a slut. I felt evil obeying David like this and betraying Brian.

I was so turned on.

Brian didn’t know. He commented afterwards how turned on I’d been, how wet and musky. He told me it had been so hot to have me grind on his face like that.

I almost blushed. I kissed him gently, tasting David on his lips. I let him fuck me afterwards.

It was good, it wasn’t David.

—–

I feel guilty about Brian.

I still find myself getting turned on at what I did. I’ll do it again if David tells me to.

I was watching porn this morning, I deliberately looked up creampie eating and cuckolding. I guess that’s what I’m doing is cuckolding Brian.

I get turned on thinking about cuckolding Brian. Why does it get me horny thinking of him eating David’s cum?

I gave David my mobile number yesterday. I hope he texts. I’m not going to text him first. I may be a slut but I want him to …

He texted. Right as I was typing that last line, he sent me a text. It wasn’t nice, he called me a whore, and a slut and a pervert … he said he was going to use me. I am so fucking wet.

I’m going to send him a nude.

I sent him a nude. LOL This makes me so horny. I haven’t felt like this since I was a teenager. So I stripped off completely, then put on stockings. I only have one pair, but all the girls in porn seem to wear stockings, not tights. I put on high heels too, but wore no bra or panties. Then I grabbed a couple of toys, one glass dildo and one slim butt plug.

Okay, yes I’ve gotten more into ass play. I like it and I bought more toys after my first experimentation. I wonder if David wants to fuck my ass?

I’m rambling …

I put the butt plug in my ass. It takes a bit to ease it into place. You have to push it deep enough that the ring of your sphincter clenches around the neck, which leaves only the much wider base. But it won’t slip out that way. It took me a bit of experimenting. It’s weird, there is resistance when you push it in, of course, then you reach the neck and it seems to suddenly get sucked the rest of the way in. That’s when you know it’s lodged in properly.

Anyway, this isn’t meant to be an instructional diary…

So I masturbated for a few minutes to get very wet. I didn’t need to, just doing what I was doing had me soaked. But I wanted to masturbate some more. David’s cock would have been better but … needs must. Then I pushed the glass dildo up my cunt.

Then I took my camera and click, click, click. I rolled on my side, on my back. I spread my legs, I pinched them shut. I took a three or four dozen photos. I was only going to send David one, but … in the end I sent almost a dozen to him.

Do you find it weird my typing all this out? I can’t talk about this with anyone. Brian would … well I’m hardly going to admit to cheating on him right? And I’m not exactly going to discuss this with my daughters. And the girls. Sometimes I think Heidi would understand but not Lisa (she almost got divorced over being cheated on). Tamara I can’t read.

David is, of course, not an option either. He’d be biased if just to continue to have access to my pussy.

Thirteen years. Did I mention that he’s older by thirteen years? That fact kind of turns me on too.

What have I learned in the past couple of weeks? OMG only a couple of weeks.

 

1. I like older men.
2. I get off on being verbally abused.
3. I get off on porn and masturbation.
4. I get off on anal sex.
5. I get off on cheating.
6. I get off on bareback sex.
7. I get off on cream pies and cuckolding.

 

Is that everything? It’s enough. That list alone makes me horny. It should disturb me.

Before all this, I thought sex just felt good.

I just re-read everything I’ve written. I wish I could explain it in real time. It seems like it’s wham, wham wham and that David cums on my face, in my mouth and in my pussy in the course of an hour. It isn’t that way. We spend all day in bed together. If he cums three times, it is only because its an hour or even two between orgasms.

And the rest of this is happening much slower than it appears here. Like, I started this diary over a month ago now, now, seven weeks. Holt shit, it’s been seven weeks!

—–

Cuckolding. This is, apparently, the act of a woman having sex with another man while her husband/boyfriend either knows and is belittled while it happens or doesn’t even know about it. Then is forced to have unwilling sex (or not) with the person previously reveling in the arms of another.

I think. I didn’t actually look this up in websters, it’s just what I’ve gathered from the video’s that David and I have been watching. If you’re curious search for Creampie eating cuckolds.

He has perverted fantasies about impregnating me. About Brian getting sloppy seconds. He’d like Brian to be there while he fucks me, then for me to straddle my husband and squeeze his fresh cum out of my cunt over Brian’s mouth while David kisses me. Then have me grind down on him coating his face in David’s cum straight from my cunt.

God help me I want to do it! After I’ve fucked David I’ll go home, and, far from being satisfied, I’ll masturbate fantasizing about Brian walking in and catching me, diving down on me, licking me clean and never knowing that he’s eating cum.

I’ve done it to Brian several times now. Gotten fucked, come home and not showered properly before seducing him. But … there is too much time between fucking and being eaten. I’m not … messy, it’s not fresh cum. I want … I want Brian to watch me get fucked, I want him to see David on top of me, and have David cum, with just the tip of his cock in me, splash a shot or two in me, then pull out and spray more cum over my cunt, on my labia, over my clit. I want to rub his cum into my pussy with my wedding ring hand, and then I want Brian to lick me clean. Lick his cum off my labia, off my clit. I want to squeeze the cum out of me for Brian to catch on his tongue, spread it over my pussy, then lick me clean swallowing it all.

Oh fuck what have I become. I have to finger myself.

—–

If I want David to cum quickly all I have to do is beg for him to ‘put a baby in me’ while he’s fucking me. I save that though, for when his orgasm is inevitable, or it will end him too quickly. But I can easily turn him on by talking about cheating, about using my left hand, the one with the wedding rings, to jerk him off. Which is awkward because I’m right-handed.

But I have to admit the sight of his cum dribbling down my fingers over my wedding and engagement rings is hot. Even hotter when he makes me masturbate afterwards and push his cum into my cunt.

It is hot when David cums inside me. Of course, but there is something even more perverted about taking his cum and pushing it up my cunt myself. I did that today out of curiosity. I think David liked it.

We were playing in the living room (his in case you’re curious). Kissing and fondling. He was mostly dressed, me, as usual totally naked (although since I sent those pictures he often has me wear stockings and shoes. I have a dozen pairs of stockings now, and garters and matching lingerie).

Anyway, where was I … so on this occasion I was naked, and I was kneeling on the floor kissing and playing with his cock, my head resting on his thigh. I was gently jerking him off and we were talking about cheating again. How it gets both of us hot to cheat on our spouses.

Suddenly he said he was about to cum, so I sat up and was about to wrap my mouth around him to suck him off again when I had a perverted idea. I just used my right hand to grip his cock and jerk him off, making him cum in the palm of my left hand. I made sure to catch as much of his cum as I could.

Then, as he watched, sat up, spread my legs and deliberately finger fucked myself with the cum soaked hand forcing his sperm into my cunt.

I felt so wanton doing that. This was more than just being fucked, more than just cheating and letting someone else fuck their cum into me. This was me symbolically telling my husband I was a cheating whore. It was me saying ‘Brian not only do I need another man to fuck me, I can have better sex with just his cum than I can with you.’

I came hard again, my orgasms keep getting better, stronger, fiercer as I ratchet up my perversions.

David is my handler … I admit that. He is the one that brought this side of me out. He controls this, he … I’ll do whatever David want’s me to as long as this continues.

—–

David is a fucking pervert. I’m pissed at him … I mean really fucking pissed. BUT…

He called me over to his house today. So, like the good little whore I am, jumped into my car as soon as the house was empty and drove over.

He kissed me, and we played on the couch in his living room. We were watching porn on television. Noting specific, random videos. We were talking about cuckolding and creampies and I confessed how much I enjoyed cuckolding Brian. We both agreed that bringing Brian into our games would be too risky.

We were watching two women go down on each other. David confessed that he found that hot. I laughed and asked how it was that lesbians, basically the one group of women men couldn’t get with, were such a turn on to guys. He admitted the oddity but we came to the conclusion that it was the sight of aroused women as much as it was the sight of women licking pussy that got guys off.

He asked if I ever had or would.

I said I never have.

He said would I?

Do you know I haven’t really ever thought about it. The idea doesn’t disgust me, it’s just never been part of my sphere of influence. I mean I lick my fingers while I’ve fingered myself. Can’t be too much different than that, can it?

I was so turned on, and we were talking fantasies. I admitted to some curiosity about women. Not much, but some. He said it would turn him on to watch that. I said I liked turning him on. He said he’d like to see me with another woman. I said I wouldn’t want to be with one for myself. He said what did I mean ‘for myself’. I said that I’d do it to turn him on, like I’d do it with him in the room, but wouldn’t want to fuck another woman with just her and me.

He was playing with my nipples, he was fingering my pussy…

Somehow I agreed to try and bring one of my friends to his house so we could put on a lesbian show for David.

FUCK. The things I agree to when I’m horny.

Okay, I’m not pissed at David, I’m pissed at me. I’m such a jellyfish.

—–

David surprised me and came to the house today. I thought, initially, that he was scared that he had frightened me off with his request to bring over another woman and wanted to make sure I was still eager to play without giving me the opportunity to refuse.

He must have been watching because Sharon had literally left moments earlier. He came into the house without knocking. I wasn’t even dressed, just in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

He kissed me, messy hair, and all. He pushed down my sweatpants and underwear (cotton, reliable comfortable and hardly sexy) and bent me over the back of the couch.

He fucked me. I was wet, I admit it. I was wet from surprise and pleasure he was there, that he was using me so wantonly, that I was his toy.

He spread cool gel over my ass and gently eased his cock into that. I am such a whore for anal sex, he knows that. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him, his cock deep in my ass. Then he started playing with my clit.

That drives me nuts. I’m jelly when he does this to me. He doesn’t really fuck me, just lets his cock nestle in my asshole, throbbing away while he fingers my clit, and slips a couple of fingers up my cunt. We’ve done this with toys. He like’s me using vibrators like this, mainly, I think because he can feel the vibrations in his cock through the thin membrane between cunt and asshole where his cock is buried.

He started whispering in my ear, perverted things, calling me a whore and a slut. I was his cheating cunt to use, to fuck. He kept saying things like, ‘are you my slut?’, or ‘are you my little cheating cunt?’ I just nodded, breathing hard, and panting ‘yes,’ to each question.

I think the idea of me with another woman had hooked him. I think he must have been thinking about it all night. I think that the purpose of his visit wasn’t to ensure I was still his, but to reinforce the idea of me playing with another woman. I think so because his perverted whisperings turned from cheating cunt talk to ‘I want to watch you lick a pussy,’ and ‘I want to watch you suck on her tits.’

I was hardly listening, just letting the words roll over me, so it was sometime before I realized what I was once again agreeing to. And I was agreeing as I was cumming for him. And somehow he has managed to tie arousal and lesbian sex into this and I don’t know what to think.

All I know is that I’m turned on by the idea. Tamara or Heidi? They are my best bet.

—–

Okay so …

Heidi. She’s shorter and slightly chubbier. But she has long dirty blond hair that has a nice curl to it. She’s married to Keith and they have three daughters.

Can I see myself going down on her? Well before this week, no way. But now? I think about it and have to admit that I wonder what it would be like to kiss her, to finger her. Is fingering another woman the same as masturbating? Does it feel different? Does she taste different to me?

I assume she shaves her pussy? Don’t most women these days?

Would she be into it? I have no idea.

Tamara: She’s skinny and has short dark hair. She’s single, after a couple of failed relationships.

Same question, can I see myself going down on her. For some reason the thinner physique appeals to me. I have nothing else to base this on. I mean I like them both as people. But if you are talking about sex appeal, and we are here, then I think Tamara is the hotter of the two. The big advantage to Tamara is that I wouldn’t have to convince her to cheat on her husband as well as to have lesbian sex.

OMG just saying that is starting to turn me on.

I’m going to eat Tamara’s cunt.

—–

Fucking hell … what a weird day.

I … told Tamara about David. That’s step one to all of this. I mean how can I convince Tamara that I want to have sex with her with another man in the room, that isn’t Brian, without telling her.

I suppose I could have just tried to seduce her without telling her about David. And to be totally honest, my feelings about lesbian sex are more ambiguous than they were. A week ago, I told David I wouldn’t want to without him in the room. Now? Now I think I’d be happy to be in bed with Tamara, alone.

Anyway, I told her about David. She didn’t react how I was afraid she would. Rather it was …

Okay, so Tamara doesn’t believe in monogamy. The idea of one man for one woman for the rest of their lives doesn’t make sense to her. Sex feels good, if you enjoy another person’s company, then fantastic take advantage of the situation. Apparently, this is what lead to her two previous divorces. They were not into polyamory — or whatever having two lovers is called.

I call it cheating. But get off on that idea as well you know diary.

So hurdle number one passed.

Hurdle number two was lesbian sex. A hurdle that was somewhat lower than expected. Tamara’s last marriage ended because she had an affair with a woman. I did not know that.

Hurdle number three and four were jumped together shockingly. Three was the idea of kinky sex. If I was going to get her to … forget the euphemisms, if I’m going to get her to agree to sex in front of David then she’d have to be a bit of perv herself — exhibitionism isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

So admitting to her some of the things that David and I got into, while embarrassing got into rather an intense conversation. That lead to some very experimental (in my case) kissing and touching. Which quickly got us over the fourth hurdle — the two of us having lesbian sex.

Okay we didn’t. Not yet, but it will now, inevitably, happen.

I’m both excited and nervous.

FYI she agreed to say nothing to Brian about either David or our plans.

—–

Fucking hell, oh fucking hell. Wow.

Okay, I went to Tamara’s house today.

 

1. Women taste similar, or at least Tamara tastes similar to me — does pussy change flavour with diet? Cum sort of does. It’s all pretty damn salty anyway.
2. She does shave.
3. She has a couple of very interesting tattoos.
4. I find lesbian sex very hot, weird but hot. The weirdness makes it hotter.
5. I have a lot to learn about lesbian sex.

 

Lesbians do use substitute cocks. Or maybe that’s bisexuals. Am I bisexual now? I’d heard that lesbians totally distance the use of any man shaped toys. That is apparently false, which when you think about it, makes sense. Cock shape is, after all, a good shape to enter a pussy.

Anyway …

Tamara likes using dildos and vibrators and it is great fun to have her ‘fuck’ me with one of her toys, then for me to turn around and fuck her with the same toy, still wet from my cunt.

Do you know what tribbing is? Well, that’s rhetorical of course. Tribbing is when two women sit facing each other on opposite ends of the bed, they angle their legs so that one leg is behind the other person and one is being hugged by the other person. This is good because it gives you lots of leverage when you push your labia together and grind down on the other girl’s labia like you’re humping her leg. It feels amazing.

Squirting as lesbians isn’t as embarrassing as I feared, especially since Tamara is a squirter herself. We discovered this while tribbing and we each came on the other. We were quite honestly soaked and ended up showering together giggling.

Yes we have plans to do this again. No we aren’t going to tell Heidi, or Lisa who definitely wouldn’t understand.

—–

She agreed.

I was reluctant to bring it up to her. Mainly, I think, because I want more of the lesbian sex and didn’t want to scare Tamara away. However David has been texting me and pushing me, so I asked.

She was rather nonchalant in her agreement, ‘sure, sounds fun,’ was all I got.

I asked her if she’d mind being fucked by David if he wanted her to?

She said not a problem, it’s a while since she’s had cock and could use a good fuck.

I asked about protection, she likes bareback too and is tied (one advantage over me).

I asked her why she was so eager, she said she likes sex and isn’t as uptight about it as some people.

I asked her about David cheating. She reminded me about the polyamorous thing.

She kissed me, and asked me to stop asking questions. She was up for it.

—–

Okay, today it happened.

I fucked David again.

I got fucked in the ass again.

I ate Tamara out.

She ate me out.

She licked my ass (OMG).

David fucked Tamara while we 69’d.

I ate her creampie because when David came, my face was centimeters away from where his cock was buried in her cunt and when he pulled out, a large gob of cum came with his cock, which I caught on my lips before attaching my mouth to her creamy pussy.

We outlasted David. His two orgasms in the few hours were enough.

Tamara continued to play.

David likes watching us, and I have no problems with him doing so.

—–

I went back and reread this diary. I have a few observations.

I do not have good written English skills. I’m not going back to edit this though. Somehow the language and poor punctuation and grammar get across how horny I was and how hot some of this is.

I wish now I’d dated the entries so you could see how fast I slid so deep into this depravity. That’s not a bad thing by the way. I’m enjoying myself.

The word ‘golf’ has become a euphemism in the language between David, Tamara and myself. To go golfing definitely does not have anything to do with fairways and greens anymore, but it is a safe way of planning around others or talk on the phone if overheard.

I’m definitely bi. I very much enjoy Tamara. We very much enjoy sex.

Squirting … Squirting is now the challenge for us. We pride ourselves on the ability to make the other squirt first. Or to see who can make the other squirt the most. David likes watching us. The other day he had me lie in the bath, while Tamara stood over me and masturbated herself into squirting. She did, very successfully. I think she peed some too.

—–

Okay, something totally new. Not sure how I feel about this, but it turns me on even if it is disgusting.

Do you know what watersports are? It’s peeing. Yes, being pissed on or pissing on.

It started with the squirting. David liked watching it. So we did it more and more. Only sometimes there is less squirting and more peeing and now …

There is something degrading, hot, and fucking incredibly degenerate about lying in the bathtub while Tamara pees on me and David watches. We’ve … started planning it. Like I’ll have two coffees after I get up in the morning, then a big bottle of water on my way over to Tamara’s or to David’s. Then more coffee when I get there. Tamara will do the same. But the time it’s ten or eleven our bladders are literally bursting to be emptied.