The Conference

Glossary

Click- the enlarged anatomy of a Transman.

I wasn’t ready for this was all I thought as I continued to check into my hotel room. Why had I decided to do this? You don’t do this. You talk to people at most through video games. To meet and see people like you, crazy. But this was crazy. And there goes that word again. Crazy. Why use it? I’m experiencing a bout of anxiety.

But a conference? With people? Alone? What the hell was I thinking? This wasn’t something that someone like me would do. I liked screens and headphones and avatars. But I was desperate. Desperate for connection. Desperate for finding other queer people like me. And internally, I knew I would have regrets for missing the one Black Trans conference on the east coast which happened to be in my state of North Carolina.

I couldn’t turn back now. I’d made the 1.5 hour trip down with a rental car I could barely afford with the incentive of a free scholarship to attend the conference. And as much as I kept telling myself that this was meant to be, everything was working out, internally, my animalistic instincts were telling me to hightail it back to Winston-Salem where I belonged.

But I was here, in Charlotte, NC where the skyline with it’s hefty structures looked like something out of The Wiz. You wouldn’t think anyone would settle within the valley bowl that sits at the foothills of Appalachia. And compared to Winston-Salem with its rolling hills, wooded neighborhoods and local farmer’s markets, Charlotte was the polar opposite with it’s growing Uptown and money flowing through all crevices within the banking industry. It was growing. Diverse. So much so to host a trans conference in the South.

And I wasn’t technically alone. I knew my homie Liem would be my roommate. We met in Second Life at a gay bar within the virtual world. We started talking after I mistook his avatar as a girl. He thought it was a compliment and we’ve been tight ever since, even Facetiming a few times. I just need to get to the room I thought as I retrieved my room key from the front desk clerk. Did I even register what room number I was in? Thankfully it was on the key.

The elevator doors dinged opened and I rolled my bag into its interior. I hit the button for my room floor. As I look back up at the closing doors, I see a group of feminine figures in flowing multicolored summer dresses walk across the lobby. They almost appear angelic, the wind catching the dress hems as they moved towards the open automatic doors of the hotel. As the doors close in front of me, I swear I caught the eye of the prettiest one.

***************

I get up to the hotel room, and Liem is already there waiting.

“Dude, what took you so long?” dragging my luggage from my hands and unceremoniously tossing it into the hotel interior. His designer sunglasses were the only thing outside of black leather vest on his torso. His head was even more clean-shaven than what I’ve noticed on Facetime. Ripped faded jeans lead down to some expensive looking dress shoes. Liem’s trademark style. He immediately dabs me up like we’ve always done this. I guess we have in the virtual world.

“Not everyone has their own schedule like you. I had to get off work first.” And it was the last thing I wanted to talk about. The coffeehouse gig had seemed like a good idea at the time. But as time went on and micro agressions grew from the faux-libreral hipster types that frequent and work the place, it was getting harder to walk into the building most days.

“Hey, I have deadlines,” Liem says feigning insult, clutching imaginary pearls. “Ya know Bryce, logos don’t get done overnight” dumping himself onto his already claimed twin bed. His vest flapped open to reveal light scars across his chest. The line from his top surgery incision barely noticeable against his glistening black olive skin.

“Please, I saw you do that logo for that coffeehouse in Orlando in a matter of hours overnight. Sat up with you because you were just shooting the shit doing it,” taking a seat at the foot of the opposite bed.

“This is true,” Liem says with a smirk. Liem has always been good at his work, first making logos for grassroot orgs and student union groups back in college. About a year ago, his work started to get noticed and recognized as a signature style, and now he’s got a packed schedule of paid gigs. Certified boss shit. “This isn’t the time to talk about work stuff,” waving off the compliment as he always did. “You got here just in time. Opening banquet just started. We can still get dinner before we go out tonight,” Jumping from the twin bed with a start..

“Damn, can’t I get changed first?” I argue back.

“What for? Do it before we go out!,” Liem says pulling me up and pushing me back through the door, before slamming the hotel room door behind us.

***************

The opening banquet was being held in one of the larger hotel banquet areas. When we entered, the space was much bigger than I had imagined. Maybe it wasn’t just the space, but the amount of people. A lot of people in varying levels of melanin efficiency. Some were in Sunday best attire, varying colored ties and dresses. Others looked like they had come off work like I had rocking company logo shirts or khakis with some color polo. Others wore bright colors on top of blue jean pants and jackets. There were a few that even had on traditional garbs representing their faiths and heritages. Truely a rainbow coalition. Liem found seats towards the back as the opening conference remarks were finishing up before being served.

“And as we gather here this weekend, I hope that we find the community and connections that will help us to continue to live our best lives, our most authentic lives. Black Trans Con is is a human experience. A queer experience. And obviously a Black and Brown Experience. Enjoy one another!”

“That’s Bishop Sands. They helped create the board for this conference,” Liem leaned over and whispered to me.

“That ain’t no Bishop Sands, Liem!” the southern drawl coming out hard in my surprise.

“I’m telling you that is Bishop Sands! Listen to their voice,” Liem insisted.

As this version of Bishop Sands started reading out the schedule for the rest of the evening, I did catch a familiarity in cadence and timber. The Bishop Sands that I was most acquainted with existed in Second Life as an avatar. They had a huge following because they, well, talked common sense. Holding large gatherings within the virtual world Bishop Sands posed questions to the crowd. What is purpose? What makes you a better person? Did you see RuPaul’s Drag Race last night? The magic happened during the small group discussions. It seemed like behind avatars and the security of a watchful Bishop Sands, people were willing to be honest. I’m sure the mystical avatar Bishop Sands used also helped. Think nature wizard: robes and hat made of burlap. An ever present staff in hand.

But this Bishop Sands looked nothing like their avatar, the most noticeable thing being the many tattoos that covered their arms. They even had a few face tattoos. They were shorter than their avatar, but the voice couldn’t be denied. And even in their real life persona, Bishop Sands still carried an air about them that oddly read comfort and security.

As I was about to concede to Liem that he may be right about this person being the real Bishop Sands, I saw the goddess from the elevators again. This time they were 4 tables diagonally to the left in front of us. They were at a table of the same people with the dresses from before. Were they looking in this direction?

******************

That night, Liem dragged me out to a club that was doing a special mixer in honor of the conference starting. As we approached, the line to get in was long but moving. Liem had changed into another variation of his outfit before, now rocking custom Nikes. The spray painted graffiti on the shoe leather seemed to glow under the neon of the sign over the entrance. Club 704. Ah a Charlotte area code. Got it. I’d opted for basic straight leg jeans and an Invader Zim shirt, rainbow ChuckTaylors for the occasion.

Every kind of person was in line to get in. Masculine of center folks flanked by feminine of center folk and vice versa. Androgynous people that wore their best suspenders, hats. Someone walked by with many glow sticks hanging from their neck. Singles and couples. The spectrum of genders within just one line. The bass from the club got louder as our turn to enter came up.

Once we got inside, everyone became a mass of moving bodies. Neon lights flashed in time with the deep tones. The bass shook the floor beneath me. Clubs were not a place that I normally frequented. But with all the Black and Brown Queer bodies in the room, I was transfixed. Even with the loud noises and not being able to hear myself or others talk, there was a feeling of safety amongst my people. Even this sea of unrestrained movement made you feel free. My people.

After a lot of pointing and yelling at the bar, Liem and I finally got beers. Liem saw someone he knew and immediately left me on the sidelines. I didn’t mind. I liked to people watch. And while there wasn’t much to look at in the dim light of the bass driven party, just being in the presence of people that were like me was enough for tonight. Enough to forget otherness of the “real world”. To forget, for a moment, that I’m not an oddity or some Thing to people at home. I grab a spot on a wall to hold up.

“Hey I know you!” I heard right next to my ear.

I turned expecting to see someone that I really did know from some other gay function, but it wasn’t. It was them. The divine being from the elevators earlier. They had done a wardrobe change and donned a silver cocktail dress that came right above the knee. Their honey skin glistened under small straps holding the garment on their shoulders.

From this close up they were even more beautiful than I had gleaned before. Their defined cheekbones even in the club lighting highlighted the braids that cascaded down the backside. They smelled so much like vanilla and cinnamon my mouth watered, my senses now intoxicated. And they smiled and I felt even more drunk but not from alcohol.

“From the elevators earlier.” Of course they had seen me gawking.

“And the banquet,” they say. So they were looking.

“And the banquet,” not really knowing what else to say. My heart is racing. The loud music is distracting, almost as if my heart is trying to keep time with the deep base instead of providing a bodily function of keeping me alive.

“I’m Dani” extending out a hand to me. I take it after a moment’s brain fart. It’s soft. The nail color is cobalt grey.

“Bryce,” I yell out over the music. “He/Him/His pronouns.” It felt weird to add pronouns to every introduction when I first started. And sometimes I still get weird looks. But then I thought about how many times I got actually introduced or met someone new. I better take the chance to set the record straight before it has any chance of getting off track.

Dani didn’t flinch at my awkwardness. They yell something back at me, but I don’t catch it.

“What did you say!” I respond back.

“I’m still trying to figure that out!” they say over the music close to my ear. I don’t know how to respond, so I look over at Liem out on the dance floor. He is well occupied in multilayered dance sandwich. Drink laden hands in the air while two unidentifiable people bump and grind on his front and back side. Black Queer Bliss. Dani sees me looking at Liem and asks, “Is that your partner?”

I’m a bit thrown off by the question, but recover. “No just my homie and hotel roommate. Making sure he doesn’t do anything he will regret later,” growing hoarse from yelling over the music.

“Looks like he is having a great time to me,” Dani says directly into my ear again. I can feel the heat from their lips close to my sensitive lobe. I’m officially turned on. And Dani’s right, Liem’s got it.

“You want to go outside and talk? Would love to actually hear what you have to say” speaking closer to their ear than may have been appropriate for just meeting someone. They didn’t pull back.

“I’d like that,” And we make an exit out of the club into the night air.

********************

We stepped out into the night on a mostly empty boardwalk along a man-made lake. Nothing special, but there is something sensual about bodies of water, even if it’s surrounded by asphalt. Very instant date worthy. The boardwalk led to other restaurants and shops in the immediate area that were all closed at this hour. We chose a direction at random while exiting out the cacophony from the club into the cool Carolina fall night.

“Clubs aren’t really my thing. My boy Leim convinced me to go,” I say, slightly more elevated than intended. Still adjusting from yelling in the club.

“Yeah, me neither. But if I’m going to go to one, it might as well be this one. It’s our people,” Dani says, adjusting braids over their shoulders.

“Exactly! I don’t know, it’s oddly safe. Majority in numbers kind of vibe.”

“You mean like a gang?” It makes me laugh. “Exactly like a gang.”

We find a gazebo by the water and the breeze picks up making us sit instinctively close. The silence isn’t awkward. There’s something happening here.

“So do you know anyone here?” I ask.

“No, not really,” Dani says looking out over the water. The security lights from the parking lot make the black water glitter. “Just some people online.”

“Oh, so you have groupies. I see,” nodding my head in acknowledgement. It was their turn to laugh now. “You got jokes.”

“You really don’t know who I am, do you?,” they say.

“Besides the pretty one I saw at the elevators earlier, no idea,” I say. And it’s honest. Was I supposed to know who they were?

“What about my handle: daglamtransdiva,” Dani says as if it should have been obvious. I felt myself growing hot even under the cool breeze. I was bombing.

“Yeah, no idea,” I admitted. “What do you do?”

“Just make up tutorials,” they say. “Nothing you would be interested in,” playfully nudging me.

“Hey, that is a bit stereotypical. I may want to relearn how to do eyeliner. It’s changed since the last time I tried,” a sly grin coming to my face. We both laugh at that.

Another awkward silence, then Dani says, “You know that actually makes me feel even more comfortable.”

“What’s that?”

“You not already knowing my online life. A lot of people expect you to be exactly how you are online,” Dani confides.

“I wouldn’t know. No one knows who I am online outside of people who know me IRL,” I say trying to keep the conversation going. I didn’t want to stop talking to them.

“This your first time at the conference?” Dani asks.

“Yeah and if it hadn’t been for the scholarship, there would be no first time,” just letting what comes to mind roll. Comfortable was an understatement for what I was feeling right now. I knew I could sit here for hours.

“Why did you come?” Dani asked right behind my answer.

“I don’t know. I wanted to seek connection. Connection with something that saw my true self, you know?” I don’t know what I really mean, but I know it’s honest.

“I know what you mean. To be seen in your true form. I get that.”

“You said you were trying to figure it out before. What are you trying to figure out?” I ask.

“How I want others to see me.” Dani looks out over the water, gears obviously turning on how to frame their words. “I know who I am. It can’t be explained and I’m fine with that. But it seems like as much as I try to be myself, everyone still tries to label me into something they can comprehend.” I let that digest for a bit.

“Well I don’t know you, so you can tell me anything you want about yourself and I will believe you.”

“What makes you think I will tell you the truth?” Dani says looking directly into my eyes.

“I don’t know. Why lie? Who am I?”

“Other than hot, I don’t know.”

I turn so many shades of timid and shy. But I don’t retreat like I normally would have. I stay.

“Let me show you this funny meme I saw today,” pulling out my phone.

We exchanged funny memes and tweets with each other while the party continued on. Content.

**************

“I think the party is over now,” I say as I realize the time.

“Yeah, I figured. Are you tired?” Dani asks.

“No, not if you aren’t,” I say quickly. Even as the night turned brisk, I didn’t want the night to end with Dani.

“Then let’s go back to my room. I have a single,” Dani offers.

“Hey what makes you think you can’t come back to my room,” I say back jokingly.

“Because you mentioned your homie Liem and I’m pretty sure that’s him over there,” Dani said pointing in the direction of the club. Liem was there alright. The club doors had long been closed, but he still held the attention of a few of the people he was dancing with earlier. Doing some dance move and making the group laugh.

“Yeah, he may be a bit busy, and tipsy” I say with a chuckle.

“You can come up for a night cap,” Dani says taking my hand. I feel my palm have a tingly sensation. The butterflies in my stomach flutter even more. The tingle soon turned into a sweat as Dani interlocked our fingers.

Dani continued to hold my hand as we entered back into the hotel and headed for the elevators.

********************

“I’ve got brown and white. Which do you prefer?”

“I’ll take whatever you are drinking,” I say, taking a seat on Dani’s queen bed. I’m anxious about being in a hotel room with someone I just met. Liem let me know he got back to the room alright and I told him where I was. Dani posted a picture of the gazebo and man-made lake to a private chat with some of the conference goers.

“Jack and Coke it is,” Dani says handing me a red plastic cup.

They turned on the tv and we watched something halfheartedly, laughing at the appropriate times. My attention now on how close Dani was sitting next to me. My hand grazes Dani’s bare leg as they hang over the bed. The line between coincidence and intention blurring quickly.

I sit back against the headboard hoping that Dani does the same. They do and lay their head on my chest. My heart is beating out of my chest as they throw one leg over my outstretched ones. Breathe in and out. Play it cool.

“Are you ok?” Dani asks.

“Yeah, I’m more than ok,” I say. “Just a bit anxious. I don’t really know who you are.”

“Well you know more about me than most people at the conference” Dani jokingly replies. “Besides, you were searching for a connection. Isn’t this connection?”

Dani starts rubbing my stomach and chest slowly. It immediately drives me insane, breathing accelerating.

Then Dani starts to slowly rub my thighs slowly inching in between my legs.

“Is this ok, too?” Dani asks, looking up at me.

“Yeah that is ok,” I say

I can’t take it any longer. I lean over and kiss Dani and she pushes into the kiss, making out with pent up gusto. Our hands roaming each other bodies wildly. Our kisses trying to catch everything above the collar bone, restaining to go further.

Dani’s body is pressed up against mine and I run my hands down their slender body. My fingertips finds their thigh, their stomach, their pelvis.

Then Dani bolts up and lays their head against the headboard.

“I have to tell you something,” Dani begins.

“Shoot,” grabbing a vape pen out of my pocket and taking a good drag. I pass it over to Dani. “It’s a THC homebrew blend,” I say as they take the pen and inhale. Exhale.

“I’m still trying to figure out the gender thing. I’m not comfortable with anyone touching me…there,” they said, making a circle hand motion right below their navel.

“Ok. That’s alright. I’m not even sure if I’m comfortable yet. I really haven’t been

with anyone since all the physical changes, you know” I confess. And that was truth. Testosterone had made changes to my body at both a slow and quickened pace. It seemed like it took forever to get the slightest facial hair.I had to readjust. What feels good anymore? One change that was evident earlier on was how large my click was now. Figuring out how to use my improved equipment had been fun, but just a one person endeavor so far. I wish it would stop feeling aroused as Dani was trying to tell me something important.

“We can take things slow,” I say grabbing their hand.

“I want to touch you,” Dani says as if they have been wanting to say it all along.”Can I touch you?” Dani asked looking into my eyes.

I don’t know Dani. We just met. But Dani was really cooll. I liked Dani a lot. The moment was here and now. And I wanted to take it.

“With you, yeah,” conceding to Dani’s request.

“I’m happy you said yes,” Dani says kissing me on the lips again. And again. And again.

“Take off your pants,” Dani demands.

“That’s a bit of a rush don’t you think?” I say, but I’m still unbuttoning my jeans.

“Yeah it is. Does this help?” and they reach over me and turn off the hotel lamp. The room is in darkness except for the glow of the tv.

We lay on the bed again, me in my boxers and Dani has their head on my chest. They start rubbing one hand under my shirt. I can feel the new hairs there, fuzz being caressed. Soft and faint. Dani travels downward and stops right at the elastic of my boxers. They softly play with the band there, purposefully touching and rubbing all the skin beneath the band.

“Is it ok to go further?” Dani asked.

I nod my head. I knew my answer when the lights when out. I wanted connection. And I had connected with someone well beyond my expectations.

I hold Dani’s hand resting on my stomach and lead her further down into my boxers. Dani finds exactly what they were searching for.

“Oh wow,” Dani says. I see my boxers shorts breath in and out as Dani’s hand rubs my click. I still don’t know how to feel about getting wet. It’s different than it was before. A seeking sensation versus a forthcoming if that makes sense. But right now, I didn’t care. Dani didn’t mind at all. And the slow strokes of their fingers on my enlarging member was awesome.

I raised my shirt over my head. I was ecstatic to take to take my shirt off in this moment. Nearly 9 months out of top surgery and no one had really seen my new chest. I was proud of it. And I wanted to share this moment with Dani.

Dani pressed kisses against my scars, the warmth of their lips heightened along the incisions. Conflicting sensations of arousal and tingling overcome me as Dani tongued my nipple. The feeling made my feet twitch.

“Can I see?” Dani asked, nodding their head back toward my boxers.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to take off my boxers.” And Dani didn’t argue back on the notion. They inched their way down to my crouch to be in between my legs.

“Is this alright?” they ask as they play with the open fly in my boxer shorts.

“Yeah, definitely,” I reply a bit too eagerly, but Dani doesn’t mind or doesn’t care. They open my boxers and my junk is out for all to see, my click beyond gorged. Dani continued to rub and massage my girth with her fingers.

Dani then wraps her tongue around my click. The moan I emit from my deepening vocal cords is agreement enough. The sensation is nothing I’ve ever felt. Warm. Taste buds slide frictionless across the entire shaft and tip. I’m beyond turned on. This is sexual nirvana. The once questioning wetness is in full effect now. I thought I would feel too exposed, but I’m ok. I’m more than ok.

In that moment, any dysphoria I might have had lingering in my head was banished into a world of ecstasy. As I led Dani’s head in slow up and down motion along my click, I realized that this is what getting head means for me.

Dani’s movement increases up and down my click. They are sucking me all in and I can’t help but yell out in arousal. Dani grabs my hand and puts it behind their head, giving it a slight push. I need no further instructions. The soft head turns into all out face fucking, me thrusting myself into Dani’s willing mouth.

As the thought of never wanting this to end, the ecstasy bubble exploded in a firework of an orgasm. Dani moaned as my click pulsed erratically between their lips, the tip reaching the roof of their mouth.

I lay there spent. Exhausted. Dani came to lay on my chest once again, my shirt gone, my chest bare. I don’t recall falling asleep, but when I woke up, it was definitely morning. My shirt and pants were laying on the side that Dani was laying last night. No Dani. I roll over and see a note on the dresser:

@daglamtransdiva

DM me

~Dani

*******************

By the time I got back to my hotel room, washed up and got back into the thick of the conference, it was midday. Might as well catch lunch and get to a panel for something. It is a conference that I’m here on scholarship after all.

Once I get into the banquet hall, Liem waves me over immediately to his table. I dab him up and walk past him to the buffet table. Once I get back with my laden plate, I realize how hungry I am and start immediately eating without further greeting to Liem or anyone else at the table. My mind was still with Dani and last night.

“Long night?” Liem questions. A sly smile coming across his face.

“I should ask you. I saw you leaving the club last night,” trying to distract from myself.

“Yeah, but that was just a night cap somewhere. I came back to the hotel alone. You didn’t, my friend,” Liem said through a mouth full of food.

I smirk down at my food, remembering last night, anxious to text Dani when I am outside the presence of an audience. An awkward silence comes over the table. The clink of silverware on plates makes up the white noise.

“So how was it?” Liem finally asks.

“Not telling. I’m still processing it myself,”I say habitually grabbing my phone but remembering I wanted to text Dani alone.

“Did you have a good time at least? You gotta tell me that. Safety, you know,” Liem said. It was a bullshit excuse.

“I definitely had a good time,” I relented.

“My dude!” Liem says jumping up and shaking my shoulders.

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, which panel you going to next?” finishing off my plate.

“Hadn’t decided yet. Trying to decide between ‘Queering Social Media’ or ‘Radical Justice Gardening’. They are both happening at the same time,” Liem says.

“Yeah they both sound good. Can I see the descriptions?” I ask. Liem hands me over his conference schedule. I find the panel slots right after lunch:

1:30-3pm Radical Justice Gardening: Explore ways that city dwellers can introduce gardening within their home landscape. Hear from organizers that work with LGBTQIA+ youth to introduce the basics of gardening and how the act of growing food is a form of resilience.

1:30-3pm Queering Social Media: You won’t want to miss this panel discussion from some of the top LGBTQIA+ social media influencers. They will discuss how these influencers gained their following and how they use their platform to promote the lives of queer people.

“We can split the sessions if you want. I go to one and you go to the other,” I say. I wanted to go to both too.

“Sweet! I’ll take the gardening one and you take the social media one. We can share info at dinner, cool?” Liem asked checking their phone. I did the same out of habit. Like seeing someone else yawn. Damn it was already after 1pm.

“Yeah that’s cool,” I say to Liem’s back as he starts to head out.

After dumping my plate, I figure out the room of the panel discussion I’m suppose to be going to. Got the correct meeting room and started walking that way, passing both hotel and conference participants in the same hallway. The conference goers were not only distinguishable from the lanyard name tags we all wore to get into events. But there was a queer energy in the hallway. Seeing people attempting to live their most authentic lives next to people that are trying desperately to do the opposite. And yet we all decided to project these intentions by how we dress ourselves up. Trying to project an image that we normally don’t have agency to accomplish.

I got to the meeting room for the social media panel. The meeting room was one of the larger ones and the room was packed. My phone buzzed with a message:

Dani: Hey I see you.

My heart immediately raced. I didn’t know if they had gotten my message when I DM’d earlier. But Dani had seen it. And they had spotted me in the crowd. I looked around. It made sense that Dani would want to hear this panel. They had mentioned they had a social media following last night. And after last night, I could have spotted Dani’s long braids in a football stadium. But I never saw them before I gave in and found a seat before the start of the panel.

That’s when I saw them. Dani wasn’t coming to see the panel discussion. They were the panel discussion. At least 1 of 4.

****************

I waited after the panel discussion to see Dani, but they were essentially mobbed after the panel. Dani mentioned that people knew them here from their social media pages, but they didn’t say they had a FOLLOWING following. The way people were talking and taking pictures with Dani she was apparently a star amongst the people.

“Hey there handsome,” Dani says as they come up to me.

“You asked if I recognized you from your handle. I must live under a rock.” It’s true. My social media presence is passive at best.

“Not unless you like makeup tutorials and Tuesday Transformations,” Dani said, grabbing my hand. My heart fluttered at how easy it was for them to touch me.

“Where are you headed to now,” they inquired.

“I don’t know. Another panel I guess.”

“I’ll go with you,” they immediately say.

“You don’t even know which panel I’m going to. Could be a non-interest.”

“As long as you are there, that is all the reason I need,” as they linked arms with me and rubbed on my chest. How did they know exactly how to make me feel like a dude?

*************

I was in the shower when I heard Liem come into the hotel room.

“Man, when you said you weren’t coming back last night, you didn’t say you were with daglamtransdiva!” he exclaimed through the bathroom door. I could hear him loud and clear through the shower.

“I didn’t know who they were. I just liked talking to them,” I said wrapping a towel around my waist.

“Wait, how do you know who I was with?” I ask, opening the bathroom door, steam coming out into the hotel room.

“Dude, people talk. I even saw you talking to them, but I didn’t get a good look. You know, drunk,” he says tipping back an imaginary drink.

“What for? I’m sure plenty of people hook up during these things,” I say.

“So you did hook up!” Liem said grabbing my head and giving my head a noogie just like an older brother would do a sibling. My towel almost came off, but I recovered quickly.

“No comment. But why does anybody care?” I wasn’t the type to have my business out amongst strangers.

“No one knows who you are. Everyone knows Dani though,” Liem said as they launched themselves onto one of the hotel beds. Had anyone of us slept in our room while we were here?

As Liem got absorbed in something on his phone, I contemplated if I wanted the potential attention that came with being with Dani. Maybe it was too late to consider that.

“You going to the ball later?” Liem asked.

“I might.. I heard it’s nothing like the ones in New York, but it’s tradition,” I say as I pull a red polo over my head. Black slacks and shoes lay on the bed. I was going somewhere tonight.

“Yeah, true, but it’s still going to be a good time. Still a party,” Liem says without looking up from his phone.

“Well see,” I say. My phone beeps where it sits on the corner of the bed.

“Paging loverboy,” Liem jokes, still without looking up.

I playfully threw a pillow in his direction, missing. The DM from Dani was distracting.

Come see me at the ball tonight was all it said.

“Yeah, I guess I will be going to the ball tonight,” I say locking my phone again and tossing it on the bed.

“Oh yeah, Dani is going to be there,” Liem said sagely.

********************

The banquet hall that held the first day’s reception had been transformed for the ball. Round tables and red carpet removed revealed a wooden floor. The stage remained but now it held a dj instead of organizers and leaders of the conference. Rainbow disco balls caused a flutter and twinkled to appear on every surface as they turned in time with the upbeat house music. Bulbous garden lights criss-crossed above the dance floor.

The room was already packed with people. Some folx were dressed in formal European-style attire. Dark suits and evening gowns dotted the crowd. Some folx had their best on. Their best Chucks. Their best jeans with all the associated patches. Their best shirts ranging from rock bands to dashikis. Their best tutus. The people wanted to be seen in their true forms tonight!

“Alright y’allllll! I know that’s what y’all say down here in Cack-ca-lackey, am I right!,” the MC up front said. The crowd roared with agreement.

“Now that we done got that out the way, let me introduce myself, because I’m worthy of being introduced. I am Minister and I will be calling this ball this evening. Now, what we not going to do is have this ball last until 5-6 o’clock in the morning. So if you are walking the ball this evening, you got 20 minutes to get yo shit and get in line. I repeat, 20 minutes. Not 21. Not 30. Not ‘Let me go back to my room and grab my wig’ time. See you fine folx in 20,” and the music resumed as Minister stepped to speak with someone off stage.

I went over to the cash bar and grabbed a beer. Looking out into the crowd, with all its loudness and chaos and moving bodies touching each other, a snug feeling came over came me. This place had my people here. My family in our shared experiences. And you can always get rowdy with family.

“Ok people! Ok people! We need a 6 foot wide runway in front of the stage. Go on now! A runway is needed!

The music changed to appropriate runway music. Something to really pump to. I bobbed my head to the beat, feeling the bass come up from my feet, hit my shoulders and reside in my skull.

“Now as I said before, we don’t have all night for categories and all that,” Minister said over the music. “What we got is a runway and a moment to feel free on the floor. So if you think you got what it takes to turn it out, come up and see if you can take it!”

The 6 ft wide clearance for the runway had just been cleared, when I saw them. They had on a short, red cocktail dress, their long braids coming down past the hem. Their long legs glowed melted caramel brown. Their red heels highlighted the glow. Dani came out and immediately hit a few old school vogue poses before turning into spinning renegade. Their hair whipped about their body as they turned creating a personal vortex of just awesome. They continued to twirl and spin, using their hair to create twice and triple rotations. Dani hit dips at the end of each rotation, the crowd going wild every time they hit the floor. Dani was free and it was freeing to watch. And it seemed crazy at the time, it seemed like they were catching my eyes everytime they spun or dipped in my direction at the end of the runway by the bar.

My suspicions were answered. Dani started walking straight towards me as they ended their march down the runway.

“Hey handsome,” Dani says sliding their arm into mine. They had a slight perspiration that made their skin twinkle in the dark lighting.

“You keep coming with the surprises. You know you are amazing right?” I say loudly over the music. I hate yelling over loud music, but I want them to hear me.

Dani leaned over and said into my ear “Let’s get out of here,” and pulls back to look at me for my reaction.

“Say no more,” and we leave the ball, the music dampened as the double doors close shut behind us.

***************

We were outside my hotel room now.

“I just need to grab something,” I say swiping the keycard in front of door.

“What, your third arm?” Dani says fesceiouly.

I’m freeze a bit at her dead on assumption. “Does it make it weird for you?” I ask.

“Why would it? The anticipation is hot,” Dani says kissing my neck from behind. “And the confidence in thinking you are about to get something from me is really hot.”

I open the room before the urge to turn around and wrap my arms around Dani’s waist and pull them into my room now overwhelms me.

“Wait here. I’ll be right back,” as I close the door and hastily look for what I came for. I rummage into my suitcase and pull out Mega and my harness. I pull off my pants and strap up there in the room. Seeing Mega stand out in front of me, the skin-tone silicone pressing against my already lengthening anatomy is a turn on. I pull my boxers and pants back over my strap, button up and walk back out. Dani is in the same place as before, putting away their phone.

We walk away from the room, and head towards the elevators. Once we get on the elevators, the energy seems to intensify with each level we rise up towards. Dani reaches over and rubs the front of my pants where the bulge is obvious.

“Is this ok?” they ask as they continue to slowly rub the length of Mega. It’s like my senses are on overload. I feel my neck get hot and the rubbing Dani is doing continues to grow my member, pushing it against the back of Mega.

I can do nothing but nod in agreement.

**************

Dani closes the door to their hotel room. They kicked off their red pumps and slid onto the single queen size bed in the room. The intensity in Dani’s eyes was deafening all sensibilities within me. I slid right beside them and started kissing everywhere. Their neck. Under their ear lobe. Their collarbone. Dani moaned in satisfaction.

I ran my hands down their thighs, feeling the muscles that assisted with the tips and spins tonight. The muscle was firm under soft skin. My fingers slowly caressed their outer thigh working my hands until I was rubbing inner thigh, going north.

“Is this ok?” I ask between heated breaths, Mega pressing against myself and Dani as I slowly move my hips on their thigh.

“Just don’t touch the covered part, ok?” Dani says looking intently into my eyes. I nod in agreement and continue to kiss and caress. My fingers skirt the edge of the cloth covering their privates. I run my hand past the cover, to their stomach up to the two mounds that were on Dani’s chest. I rubbed the nipples through the silk fabric of the red dress. We start to kiss passionately, our tongues interwining as if we are in search of each other’s erotic hot spots.

Dani starts to unbutton and unzip my pants, their hands reaching down and finding Mega. They pulled out my matching skin tone piece. “Nice choice,” Dani says admiring Mega in the dim lighting of the room. They rub the shaft and I feel Mega press against the enlarged click behind it. I moan in utter submission.

Dani then takes Mega into her mouth and starts to blow me off. The sensation is nothing I’ve ever experienced. The mind has a way of fulfilling desired sensations with enough stimuli. And Dani’s head going up and down the full length of Mega made me turned on in a way I had not felt since transitioning. I felt whole as I gained a rhythm as Dani took Mega all the way down..

After Mega was slobbed down, Dani rose up from the bed, dragging me by the hand as well. We kissed for a moment standing there, my pants having fallen to the floor, Mega standing out glistening.

Dani crawled onto the bed on all fours and lifted up their red dress. Had they been naked the entire time? At the ball too? No, it was a jock strap. Dani’s rosebud proudly displayed to me. It pulsed in anticipation.

I knew this moment was going to happen this weekend. I was surprised it didn’t happen the first night we were together. But I knew it was coming and I knew what I had to say now.

“I….I’ve never done it with someone with your body,” I blurt out. “But I want to, very much,” I stammer out. I’m transfixed by round brown butt cheeks as Dani is bent over. Dani looks back at me, sees my honest concern and smiles.

“I can teach you if you like,” Dani says. They haven’t moved. Maybe they want me to learn just as bad as I desired.