The Adventures

“So you should,” Rafe added. “Julia used to love having Ken and I in her bed. She said it was the most incredible thing she had ever experienced.”

I could feel the anger bubbling away under my skin. The exuberance and excitement in her voice set me on edge. She was really into it. She gave me a very telling glare. “John, we should try it?”

Trying to diffuse my anger, I added chirpily, “Okay then, babe, I’ll start interviewing some chicks from work. See if I can find anybody interested.”

She scowled, but quickly tried to make it seem like a joke. “I meant a man, dummy.”

“Why does it have to be a man?” I argued. “Rafe said it works with both sexes.”

“Yes, John, I did say that. However, I also said, in my opinion it works best with two men,” Rafe reaffirmed.

I shrugged. “I don’t see why it’s any different to me. If we were seriously going to do it. I would only be interested in women.”

Lee scolded me. “Don’t be so closed minded. I’m with Rafe, I think I would prefer two men. I mean, think about it, honey, you can rarely get it up twice in the same night now. How would you keep up with two women?”

Her words stung. I might not be a porn star, but I always thought my love-making was adequate.

She saw the look of consternation on my face and realised she had gone too far. “john, I’m sorry, babe, that came out wrong. I didn’t mean to offend you, I was just being facetious.”

“Yeah, well it doesn’t make sense to me. You’re not exactly that interested in sex, anyway. What would be the point in having an extra man to disappoint, saying, sorry, not tonight, dear. I have a headache.”

She gave me a nasty stare. “You don’t have to be nasty. I said sorry, and by the way, I only say that if it’s genuine, although I have to say. I feel one coming on right now.”

“Then it’s a pity there isn’t another woman in our relationship, because, damn, I’m feeling horny.”

Rafe decided round about then it was time to leave.

He was barely out the door when the fight started in earnest. It blew up pretty quickly and grew exponentially into a full-on nuclear war.

Rafe stayed out of our hair for the next week until things finally calmed down. Things changed, though. Lee was actually very serious about it, and we talked endlessly. She pulled out all the reading material she had left strategically scattered around the house. She explained how she thought having the extra lover could build and add to the sexuality of all concerned. After more than a month of continuous back and forth, arguing, discussing, she came right out with it and flat out asked me one night, “What would you think If I asked you to open our marriage?”

The conversation over recent times followed that theme, and it didn’t come as a complete surprise. “If you’re actually asking, and you’re serious, I would say no. I’m not interested.”

“John, I don’t understand your hesitancy. It sounds so amazing to me. Rafe seems so positive about it. I love you, and I am totally confident in your love for me. Don’t you think we are adult enough to make it work.”

“Lee, I will only say it once more. No, I’m not interested.”

I saw the disappointment; I felt it as she grimaced. It wasn’t over, I knew that. As it is with most ongoing arguments, the topic kept raising it’s ugly head. No matter how hard I argued, she just didn’t hear.

In frustration one evening I said, knowing full well what the answer was going to be, before I asked it. “Okay, Lee, humour me. Who would you see as the possible third for our relationship?”

She flinched nervously, chewed her bottom lip until it was raw before she gasped hesitantly, “Come on, babe, you know it has to be Rafe. He would be perfect for us. He understands how relationships like this work. He would be our guide. Our mentor.”

I was expecting it, but it still felt like a punch in the guts. He seemed such a mismatch. He wasn’t a big handsome guy. He was smaller than me in stature. He had a good physique, but he didn’t exactly scream out sex god. “You’re joking, right? Rafe? Jesus, Lee are you serious?”

“Honey, he is perfect. We both like him. He is incredibly sexy and so easy to get along with. I really like him, and you are great friends as well.”

“What do you mean like him?” I breathed, barely audibly.

“Honey, I have developed some feelings towards him.”

“I suppose this is his idea?” I snapped caustically.

She grimaced. “John, we have talked this thing to death, all three of us. You have been there, you’ve been part of most of them. It’s not like this must be a shock for you.”

“Lee, I’m not into this. I hate the idea of sharing you with anybody. I don’t believe this stuff about loving more than one person. I think it’s just an infatuation. Please tell me you haven’t done anything with him?”

She recoiled as if I had slapped her. She sounded offended. “I would never do that.”

“Sorry, Lee, but after what you just said. I had to ask. The answer is no. I’m not interested. For one thing, I’m not into guys. I’m hetero.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to be bi. It works for straight people, as well.”

“Jesus, Lee, how can you so calmly sit there and talk about having sex with another man?”

“John, we have all talked about it, you know we have.”

“Lee, I think it might be best if you asked Rafe not to come around here at the moment. We need to sort our own stuff out, without his interference.”

She looked distraught. “John, please, don’t just say no without even considering it.”

“I don’t have to think about it, Lee. I’m not sharing you with anybody.”

She slipped into my arms and her voice took on a pleading tone. “Babe, I love you so much. I know there is room in my heart for another. We could make it work; I know we could.”

Over the next month the discussion continued. Rafe, at least, stayed out of my way. I knew she still saw him for Yoga, and was taking his class at the Tech. At least he wasn’t in my face.

It was like trying to deal with the KGB. Like brainwashing principles. If you keep saying it over and over and eventually the subject just folds. Except, I wasn’t giving in.

I knew it wasn’t malicious on Rafe’s part. He actually believed all this shit. I mean, I liked the guy, but this drove me crazy. I was nervous about how far she had taken their friendship.

It went up a level one evening. After enjoying a lovely dinner, a bottle of wine and being curled up together on the sofa, Lee destroyed my pleasant evening when she gushed out, “John, what would you say if I said. I want to have sex with Rafe?”

Just like that, she blurted it out. It completely flummoxed me. “I would say, give me a couple of days to sort out divorce papers and then you can do whatever the hell you want.”

I felt her body tense up. She couldn’t hold my glare. She sat bolt upright and leaned further away from me, as if I had farted. “Are you joking right now?”

“No, Lee, I’m deadly serious. I have told you several times. This is not up for discussion. If you honestly want to have sex with him, then I will organise the divorce. All I ask is you wait until either you move out, or I move out.”

Stunned, she gasped, “You would really divorce me, rather than try something different. I accept that it is not the established norm, but John, we’re better than that. We are intelligent enough not to get sucked under by the usual pettiness.”

Trying to remain calm, I replied, “This goes beyond experimentation, Lee. I have told you I will never share you.”

The room dissolved into a thick silence as she contemplated a response. With nothing forthcoming, I said. “Well, should I contact a solicitor?”

She shook her head, breathing with a resigned finality. “No, I was hoping that with all the discussion we have had you might be prepared to be more open-minded. Recently, I thought I felt you opening up a little. I hoped you might be prepared to at least give it a try. I mean, if it didn’t work, we could walk away.”

“lee, if it’s the sex, then I might be prepared to experiment a little. Maybe wife swapping, or swinging. I mean, it sounds bloody horrible. However if it’s about sex, then I would give it a go.”

She gave me a very dark glare. “It’s not about just sex. Granted, that is part of it, but this runs much deeper than that. This is adding another person to our marriage. A full life sharing member. God John, the thought of wife swapping sounds hideous.”

I sat there staring back at her. She shuddered. “I can’t believe you would be prepared to try swinging, but you won’t give this a chance. Won’t even consider it. I just don’t get it.”

“Well at least I would get something out of it that way.”

“John, I don’t understand. It’s not like you would be missing out on anything.”

“You keep saying that Lee, but the problem is. You would be having sex with another man. I on the other hand would get nothing.”

“But you have me, why would you need anything else?”

“Yeah.” I snarled. “You have me, but somehow need somebody else. Where’s the difference? Why are you more important than me?”

In frustration she flung her arms in the air. “It’s not just about sex. It’s about intimacy, love. It’s an opportunity to include another person in our life. We would be sharing everything. John my Love. I promise, you would not lose out, if anything it would increase our intimacy.”

“How Lee, explain it to me. What do I get out of it? How does it improve my sex life? If you make love with him, it means you’re not making love with me. It’s pretty simple. You get something, all I get is an empty bed.”

“Just because I had sex with Rafe, it wouldn’t stop me from having sex with you as well. I would prefer to include al three of us, but if you can’t get into that. Then we could still get together.”

I visibly shuddered as her words sunk in. “Lee, listen to yourself. We talked about how much that thought disgusts me.”

She scowled. “I don’t know why you feel that way, but we could sort something out. We are adults.”

“No Lee, we couldn’t. It would be the end of intimacy for me.”

Things were tense. I was nervous, but it was obvious I couldn’t dissuade her. It seemed like she wanted this. I couldn’t stop it. All I could do was respond. If something did happen, then our relationship was over.

Intimacy slowly returned and with it, the love. I know she loved me, you can’t fake that. I knew it in my heart. In return, I loved her, that was also not up for debate. I couldn’t comprehend this sharing thing. Rafe made a few brief returns to the house, but it was awkward and uncomfortable. Although I could see the feelings they had for each other, his and my relationship was ruined. I felt like there was now a wedge driven between the three of us.

It all came to a head and turned to shit the week I got a call from my sister, Marlene. Mum had taken a tumble and injured herself. Marlene was rushing back from Melbourne to care for her, but needed me to pick up the slack and care for her until she arrived.

Lee helped me pack as I organised a flight. “I’m going to miss you. I’m sorry I can’t come with you, but we are so short staffed at the moment.” She sighed.

Giving her a shrug, I replied, “Yeah, we could have taken a few extra days and turned it into a holiday.”

Hugging me tightly, she said, “Oh god yes, that would have been nice.”

Carrying my suitcase out to the car, I said, “Maybe once I get back, that’s something we should do. We haven’t had a holiday, or time away, for ages. It would be nice to get away and just spend some time together.”

We kissed goodbye and she replied, “Yes, let’s do that. You’re right, that would be awesome.”

The flight did give me some time to evaluate things.

Poor old Mum was in a bad way. She was wheelchair bound, and needed me to do everything for her until my sister arrived. It kept me busy. If I wasn’t doing things directly for her. I was making the house wheelchair friendly. She was going to be in it for a while.

My sister turned up and it was good to catch up and talk. The last time we spoke too each other, was at my wedding.

A week later I was pulling up the driveway at home, and all the nervousness came flooding back. What was I going to find inside? Lee and I had talked a few times while I was away, and I didn’t like what I heard on the phone. When I asked what she was up to, the hesitation before her response said more than her words.

When you live with somebody for a while, you get to understand their traits. She was lying, and I knew it.

When I walked in that Saturday afternoon, she flew into my arms. Her legs wrapped around my waist. Her arms around my neck and we kissed passionately. Her assault was so intense I staggered back against the door.

When she finally let go, I said. “Shit, I should go away more often.”

She smiled, but it was forced and she was nervous. “No, you shouldn’t, John. I never want you to leave again. I hated you being away.”

Seeing an opportunity to pry. I sneered. “Oh, I’m certain Rafe came around and made sure you were looked after.”

Her shocked guilty expression said it all. I don’t know whether she was planing to lie or just tell me, but her tears started to flow and she spluttered and sniffled. Unable to hold my steady stare, she whispered, “I’m sorry, John.”

I knew immediately what she was inferring, and I exploded.

That was where the story started. Now here I was sitting in my room, trying to put together a to do list. The first thing was divorce, a separation agreement. I opened my laptop and started to research what I would need to do. It was all really pretty easy. I could file the petition for separation online. It took me until one in the morning, but I completed it there and then.

The finances were easy, as well. Lee was a very independent woman. It was her idea that we kept separate bank accounts. We both paid into a joint account enough to pay rent and utilities. We each paid our own insurance, car payments.

The next day being a Sunday, I decided to take the papers around myself. Why give somebody else the satisfaction, right?

I pulled into the driveway about eleven in the morning. As I eased out of the car, I picked up the envelope containing the petition. She needed to sign it so I could file it with the court. If she refused to sign, I would lodge it on my own behalf.

I knocked on the door. Lee opened it, and the shock on her face was obvious. “Oh, thank god you’re back. Shit, John, you really scared me.”

Nodding, I replied, “I’m only here to talk, Lee, oh, and to give you these.” I handed her the envelope. She frowned quizzically. “Oh, I see, so you weren’t prepared to even try to talk this out?”

“I warned you, Lee. I tried to make you aware of the consequences. If you sign it, I can lodge it at the courthouse in the morning.”

The colour drained quickly from her face. She staggered a little and I grabbed her, afraid she was going to feint. “Are you okay, Lee?”

“No, I’m bloody not. Good lord, John, divorce? Really?”

I nodded. “I told you, Lee.” The anger filtered up and I struggled to keep it in check. “What the hell did you expect?”

I felt her going limp in my arms. I helped her onto a stool at the breakfast bar. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks. “John, I didn’t plan it. I can’t explain why. It just happened. I’m sorry it hurt you. I hoped that all the things you said were just words. I hoped, no, I felt in my heart you would understand. I mean, we talked about it a lot.”

“Yes we did, and I told you repeatedly I wasn’t interested.”

She grabbed my hand, her grasp like a death grip. “I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I got carried away by all the talk about polyamory. I wanted us to try it. I am really attracted to the idea. I think it could work for us.”

“Lee, for people who are into it, I think it probably could work. But I’m not into it. The thought of it repulses me. I didn’t marry you so that I could give you away.”

“But babe, you wouldn’t be giving anything away. I’m still your wife. We just have another partner.”

“Yeah, for you that’s fucking great, isn’t it? You get to fuck another bloke whenever you feel like it. All I get is nothing. I lose my wife for half the fucking time. He gets to fuck you when it should be me. He gets my wife, and all I get is a fucking useless twat who probably won’t even mow the fucking lawns.”

Her tears turned into hysterical sobs. “Please, John. We made a mistake. We wanted to wait until you returned, so we could talk about it, but we had some drinks and it just happened. I’m truly sorry. Please, give us a chance.”

“When you say ‘give us a chance,’ do you mean, you and me? Or all three of us?”

“I mean you and me. The rest we can talk about later. I don’t want a divorce.”

“Then you shouldn’t have fucked him. Sorry, Lee, I’m not talking about this anymore. I’m going to leave the papers there for you to read. I’ll call back around after work tomorrow night. Please read them, and if you agree, sign them.”

I turned and walked towards the door. “John, I’m not signing them. I don’t want a divorce. We could go to counselling.” She sounded desperate. She suddenly looked a hundred years old. Her face drawn and tight.

“Oh yeah, who’re you going to use? Rafe? If he’s the sort of quality we get, then the answers no. You’d just be bonking another of the fucking losers.”

I slammed the door and drove off.

The next night, I returned and Lee opened the door dressed very sexily. The smell of pork chops roasting made my nostrils flare. Damn that smelt good. She tried to kiss me as I walked in. It turned into a peck on the cheek as I turned my head.

As I walked in, I saw Rafe. He stood by the entrance to the kitchen and held his hand out. “Hello, John. Nice to see you.”

I shook his hand, ensuring that I felt his bones crush under the intensity. “Here for the pork, are you Rafe?”

Lee interjected. “No, they’re for you. I know they’re your favourite. I was hoping you would stay for dinner.”

I shook my head. “No thanks, Lee. I’m just here to pick up a few things and to collect the papers. Did you sign them?”

She shook her head, her expression sad, dejected, yet determined. “No, and I never will.”

I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I will file as a sole applicant. Just because you don’t sign doesn’t stop the process. It just slows it down.” I glanced across at Rafe, who was rubbing his crushed hand. “That’s right, isn’t it Rafe? You’re an expert. You tell her.”

He nodded silently.

Lee moved towards me, her fragrance permeating my senses. “John, please, stay and talk to us. See if we can’t work things out.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Lee. You fucked the sleazy prick. Probably repeatedly while I was at my mother’s, for gods sake. I mean, how low can you get? For fucks sake, Lee, you cheated. You had sex with the tosser, while I nursed my mum.”

Rafe tried to calm things down. “John, please, my friend. Lets try to take the anger out of it. There’s no need to yell or be crude. We made a mistake. We misread the situation. We both thought that you may not fully understand, or embrace, but at least respect our choice.”

“Embrace, respect. What the fuck are you waffling about?” I snarled. “Oh, I fucking understand all right, you fucking sleazy bastard. You seduced my wife, filled her head with all this open marriage shit just so you could fuck her. She’s such a cheap fucking slut that she fell for it. You’re a pair of fucking cheaters. Low life fucking cheaters. You’re scum, do you understand. Fucking scum.”

His face dropped and he looked guilty as he staggered backwards, absorbing my angry biting words. Lee burst into tears and ran up to the bedroom sobbing her heart out.

Rafe stared dejectedly at me. “John, I don’t know what too say. I can only express my apologies. But you cannot throw away your marriage because of one mistake. We are only human. Mistakes happen. It doesn’t reduce Lee’s love for you. The poor woman is devastated.”

“Poor woman my arse. She’s a slut. She waited until I was gone to fuck you. Bet you didn’t even use a fucking condom, did you? Fuck you disgust me, you bottom dwelling scumbag.”

“John, please. This isn’t helping. We all need to sit down calmly and talk. I’m sure if we could do that, then we could get through this.”

“Oh you’d love that wouldn’t you? What do you want to talk about? The positions you fucked in, how she sucked your cock. What exactly do you want to fucking say? Tell me arsehole… What?”

“John, I understand. You are feeling hurt, and cross. But there’s nothing to be gained from all these obscenities. You are hurting, and you want to strike out. I know how much you love Lee. We all do.”

“Wrong tense, Rafe. You should have said. ‘Used to love her.’ I don’t anymore. She is now confined to my rear-vision mirror, she is part of my history. You want her so fucking bad. Well now you can have her.”

He sighed, a deep meaningful sigh. “You don’t mean that, John. You are just experiencing grief, you are in pain, mourning. Please don’t act in anger. Take some time, step back, and think carefully. Lee loves you every bit as much as you love her. All I ask is you take your time. Don’t do anything rash.”

He walked up to me and as he approached, Lee came out of the bedroom. “John, please listen to Rafe, he knows what he’s talking about.”

I was sick of hearing about Rafe. With his face mere inches away from me, I lashed out, a hard punch deep into his stomach, which he wasn’t expecting. I imagined my fist travelling through his body and appearing out his back as I was trained to do. It was just a solitary punch, but it dropped him in his tracks. He sagged to his knees, trying in vain to suck in some life-saving oxygen.

I knew he was in trouble, I felt the ribs break. I knelt down beside him. “Relax, don’t breathe too hard. Lie down.”

Lee stood there, rooted to the spot, her hands covering her shocked face. “Call an ambulance, Lee. He has a couple of broken ribs.”

She rushed off to call 911 and I walked over and picked up the envelope with the papers. “Have you signed them?”

She shook her head. “Oh well, I’ll file as a sole applicant. You will be notified by the court.”

“You fucking bully.” She sneered. “Feel better now do we? Fuck, John, Rafe is not a fighter. Why did you do that?”

“Because it made me feel good. He fucked my wife and he got what all cheaters deserve. See you later… Not,” I snarled as I slammed the door behind me.

I filed with the court and the process was started. I needed a place to stay. I couldn’t live permanently at the backpackers. It took me a week, but I found a small flat. I waited until a weekday, knowing Lee would be at school before I returned and collected the last of my things. I only took personal stuff. I left her all the furniture. It wasn’t worth much, anyway. The one thing I wanted most was my CD collection. It was vast, and she loved it as much as I did, but it was mine. I took great pleasure in taking them. I knew it would hurt. By the end of the day, I was finished. Another chapter in my life over and done with.

It hurt. I would like to say I dealt with it easily, but that was far from the truth. I took all my frustrations out sparring WuShu. We didn’t practice a lot of full contact sparring, but the punching bags suffered. My fists hurt, my feet hurt from the kicks. My whole body ached, but it was an opportunity to let out all the negative energy.

Lee called into my office a few times, wanting to meet. She looked and sounded contrite. On the two occasions I did relent and go with her to talk, she tried to explain her actions. She said she no longer saw Rafe. Apparently, he felt so guilty about what happened he broke off their relationship. He hoped by walking away he would pave the way for our reconciliation.

To be honest, I almost gave in. I missed her. I did love her, she was part of me, and maybe that’s why it hurt so much. As much as I did contemplate it, I held my ground. I was afraid that if I went back we would eventually end up back in the same place again. I had lost my faith in her.

My boss offered me a solution to my problems. We were opening a new franchise in Wellington, and he needed somebody to go down and mentor the new employees. Set up the office and get it running smoothly. It was a twelve-month contract, after which I could return to my current position.

I didn’t even have to think about it. I jumped at it. Within a week, I was on a flight to Wellington. A new life, a new start.

At first I got lots of calls on my mobile from Lee, but when I explained I had moved and all I wanted was out of our marriage, the calls died off. She was remorseful and apologetic at the start. She tried over and over to get me to understand. It was a mistake, she was sorry. She misread my position on the state of affairs. But, as the weeks and months drifted past, her frustration at my unchanging stance affected her, and she became angry. She stubbornly criticised me of running away, of not loving her. She accused me of being closed-minded, stubborn, homophobic and chauvinistic.

It was all water off a duck’s back to me. I listened for a while, but I got sick of hearing the same old things over and over. I stopped taking her calls, in the end.

I focused my new start on setting up the office. I wanted to make a good impression, and hopefully build something worth investing in.

I was no saint. I met a few girls. Wellington has a great social scene, and it didn’t take me long to meet a few girls. Not looking for anything permanent meant I focused on girls who were looking for nothing more than some fun. When you start looking, it’s amazing how many women were in the same boat. Busy with work, focusing on their careers, they, like me, wanted no strings attached fun, and of course, sex.

The sex was good, but sex without intimacy is just really fun horizontal exercise. It made me aware of how much I missed Lee. She was perfect for me; we were like matching slippers. At the end of my twelve months, I was ready to return home. I wanted to try and build my career. The company appreciated my efforts in Wellington, and I was widely acclaimed for doing a great job. My future looked destined for good things.

Catching up with old friends, it became obvious that Rafe and Lee were living together. So much for his paralysing guilt. He obviously got over that pretty quickly. Still, I couldn’t complain. I had no recourse, I walked away. They were free to do whatever they wanted.

Our divorce had been final for a few months.

It was a bit of a shock when I looked up from my office desk and found Lee staring down at me. “Hi, stranger. Back in town, huh? I thought you might have called in to say hi, or something.”

“Hi, Lee. Nice to see you. Why would I visit you? Our life together is over.”

She tried to smile, but it was fragile. Her mouth twitched, her hand trembled. “John, we could still be friends. We may not be married, but I would like you in my life.”

“Why, you have Rafe now. You don’t need me.”

She grimaced, my words caused her to flinch. Her face took on a determined grim look. “Yes, it’s true. Rafe and I do live together, but there’s no reason we couldn’t all be friends. I miss you, John.”

“Lee, I’m trying to move on with my life. I think a complete break is what’s required. It would be better for both of us.”

“Huh… Better for you, maybe, but I miss you. Why can’t we be friends?” She replied hoarsely.

“Okay, Lee, have it your way. We can be friends, better now. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

She smiled broadly. “Yes, much better.” With a hopeful lilt to her voice she asked. “Would you like to come over for dinner tonight?”

Shaking my head, I replied calmly. “No, I’m busy. I am just getting my feet back under the desk. I have too much to do. Another night, perhaps.”

She frowned. “What about tomorrow night?”

“No, sorry. Lee, I’m busy every night this week. I have a lot to catch up on.”

“Okay, then what about Saturday night?”

Shaking my head I said. “I have a date Saturday night.”

Her face drooped, and she looked sad. “Oh, I see. Well, what about Sunday?”

“Not to put too fine a point on it, Lee, if my date goes well Saturday, I am hoping it will include breakfast, and maybe dinner as well. So no thanks.”

Without further ado she turned and walked out. I was left to try and get my mind back under control. Damn it, why did she have to look so good? She might have looked prettier than when I left.

I didn’t have a date for Saturday, I just made that up to rub it in. I wanted her to feel a little pain, and if her thinking I was with another girl, achieved that, then good news.

Sunday morning about ten, my phone rang. When I answered, Lee asked, “Well, did you get breakfast?”

I snapped back whimsically. “I had something to eat, but I don’t think you would describe it as breakfast.”

“Ohhh, yuck. To much information John.”

“Well, you asked.”

“If you’re not doing anything, what about coming over for dinner? I’ll make you something nice.”

“Yeah, like a vege pattie or something equally as disgusting.”

“No, what about roast chicken? You always liked that.”

I was trapped, she was just going to keep asking until I either folded or started a fight. With a reluctant hiss I said. “Yeah, okay. What time do you want me there?”

I knocked on her door about six and she met me with a huge hug and a kiss, I couldn’t avoid. Just being in her arms rekindled all my old feelings. She was definitely my kryptonite.

Rafe, who stood back a little slowly walked up with his hand extended. “Hello, John, a pleasure to see you back.”

“I see you got over your supposed guilt and moved in. I never really believed it anyway. All you were really after was Lee. I hope you have had fun.” Okay it was uncalled for and childish. But I still hurt.

Lee cried out. “Stop it, John. Please be reasonable. Rafe was destroyed after our break up. It took a long time for us to get over that. Months of therapy.”

“Look, maybe this is a bad idea. I’m not ready for this. I planned to come here tonight and prove to you that it doesn’t matter. The truth is, it still hurts.”

Rafe breathed deeply, his words slow and determined. “John, it is all right. You are allowed to express yourself. I am truly sorry for the way things turned out. Regardless of what you say, it was not my intention.”

Lee whispered breathlessly, “Please, John. Stay, talk to us. You said you were prepared to be friends at least.”

Sighing, I nodded in resignation.

Lee poured us all a glass of wine and we adjourned to the lounge to sit. They both sat on the sofa, side by side. I noticed Rafe’s hand resting on her knee.

Lee asked about my time in Wellington, about work and my family. We talked about their respective jobs and life in general.

The catching up took us through to dinner. The chit-chat dried up, and it was lucky we had dinner to cover the silence. I noticed them eating lentils and some shit. I enjoyed my chicken dinner.

It was obviously eating away at her, and Lee had to ask. “So how was your date? Is it serious?”

I shrugged. “Too early to tell just yet. That was only our second date. She is lovely, though, incredibly sexy.”

Her facial expression tightened. “I’m glad you found somebody. It would be nice to know you weren’t alone. Did you meet many women in Wellington?”

“Yeah, a few. I was surprised by the number of women on the lookout for casual sex.”

“You didn’t meet anybody special then?”

“Lee, I don’t want to sound harsh, but It’s none of your damned business.”

She grimaced. “I just wanted to be friends. John, you might not believe me, but I still love you. I still want you in my life.”

“Bit late for that, Lee. You had your chance and you blew it.”

“I know, I regret my actions every day. I love you, John, and what’s more, I know deep down inside you still love me.”

“You’re living in fantasy land, Lee. I used to love you. I would have given my life for you. When you decided to fuck Rafe behind my back, after I begged you not to, Well, you fucked it all up. The pair of you fucked me.”

Rafe sighed, my words hurt him as well. “John, please. I know you are hurting. Tonight was always going to be painful. If we can put aside the anger, we may be able to forge something stronger. It may never be more than friendship, but please, don’t let the anger win.”

I sat feeling remorseful. I hated that my anger escaped so easily.

He said quietly, “John, we hoped by inviting you here tonight we could all start afresh.”

“Yeah, well let’s not forget the house you invited me into was once mine. And the women you share it with now used to be my wife before you stuck your slimy cock into her. So fuck you, little man. In the words of somebody more famous than me. Fuck you, arsehole.”

He jumped to his feet and I stood, as well, expecting him to take a swing, or lunge at me. He just stood there, staring me down. “What’s the matter, dickless? Scared, afraid I might break some more ribs? Jesus, Rafe, you’re a gutless prick.”

“John!” Lee screamed. “Stop it. All we wanted was to be friends.”

“Well, I think it’s too late for that.”

I turned and walked quickly towards the door. “Don’t call me again, Lee. Stay out of my life.”

Back at my flat I pulled a beer out of the fridge and collapsed on the sofa. What a night. I tried to let the anger go. I tried. All my learnings from Qi Gong, the hours of meditation, I tried to put the principles I learned into practice. I wanted to abide by the teaching, but the anger, it was so strong.

It took a month before I bumped into Lee again. She was waiting beside my car as I walked out of the office. As I approached, she stood up. “John, can we try this again please?”

“All right Lee. What do you want this time?”

“Could we go somewhere and talk?”

“I don’t have a lot of time. I was just on my way home.”

“That would be perfect,” she whispered.

I held the door open for her and headed for home. The trip was completed in silence, the only sounds were the honking horns, the sirens and pedestrians yelling.

At my flat we walked in together. “Okay, Lee, what the hell do you want? I’m sick of all the bullshit.”

She flew into my arms and her mouth collided with mine in a mouth watering, tongue swirling kiss. We stumbled around, her body pasted to mine. Her heat melting the thin layers of clothes separating us. No words were spoken. We fell onto my bed and with our sweat laden bodies welded together, we made love over and over, her body responding with the passion and desire I remembered oh so well.

I was after eight when we lay side by side panting. “Oh god, I needed that.” Lee gushed between pants.

“What, Rafe not fulfilling his husbandly duties?” I sneered sarcastically.

She gave me a disapproving weary look. “Stop it, John. Don’t be nasty. Rafe is a wonderful lover, very affectionate and loving. Please don’t put him down. I love him.”

“Yeah, then why are you here?”

“Because I love you, as well. I have missed you so much. This is hard, John. I’m trying to explain. I love you both.”

“I don’t buy all that new-age shit, Lee. You can’t love more than one person at a time.”

“That’s not true. You love your sister, your mother and your family. Love is not limited. If you open your heart and your mind, then anything is possible.”

“If you believe that. I have a girlfriend I would like to introduce you to.”

She sniggered. “Twelve months ago, I would have been angry at that. Now I say, maybe that’s possible. Let’s fix this first though.”

We slowly recuperated, and she rolled over to kiss me. “I do love you, John. I always have. I knew from the first moment we met we were meant to be together.”

“Then why did you fuck dumbarse?”

She cringed, giving me another of her deep scowls. “I didn’t plan it, John. It happened. I knew that I was developing feelings for Rafe, as well. I tried to explain it to you. I didn’t want to cheat. I wanted us to be open about it. When you kept blocking me, I became frustrated and in the end. I just decided to act first and ask for forgiveness afterwards. I was so confident in our love, I couldn’t see how you would not understand.”

“You were wrong, Lee. So very wrong.”

“I see that now, and I am sorry. I should have waited until you were ready.”

“That would have been a long wait.”

As we showered together, covered in soap suds, I asked, “What are you going to tell Rafe?”

“The truth,” she stated quickly. “I made that mistake once. I won’t make it again.”

“How do you think he will he take it?”

She grinned through the soap suds. “He will be fine. He still talks about us forming a polyamorous relationship with you.”

That stunned me, and she saw the look of confusion on my face. “John, he’s not like you. He doesn’t get jealous.”

“More power to him. Not something I can achieve, I’m afraid.”

She nodded. “Sad, I wish you could get past it. I’m like Rafe; I see the possibilities.”

Over the next couple of weeks, Lee’s visits became part of daily life. She turned up at odd times, usually after dinner and with no warning. Usually, she stayed until about ten in the evening. Strangely, the visitations were initially all about sex. It was a quick fuck and run. That changed gradually. She came over earlier and brought us dinner. Her preference was pizza, as it was one of the few vegetarian meals I liked.

We started talking more and fucking less. I had to admit, I liked it. I still enjoyed her company, even her waffling on about Rafe hurt less and less. It amazed me that he didn’t care. He sometimes called her phone when we were cuddled up together. She told him what we were doing and there was no explosion, no threats of personal injury. It was hard to understand.

It seemed our relationship was growing with every passing moment. It was more like a relationship than fuck buddies. She started sleeping over, and my wardrobe now included a selection of her clothes so she could go straight to work.

It came from out of the blue. Lee dropped a bomb on me. “John, I am going to suggest something. All I ask is you don’t just say no, and actually consider it.”

Confused, I spluttered, “Okay…”

“We, Rafe and I, have talked about our situation. We want you to move in with us.”

I laughed, not a hysterical belly laugh, but all in. “Have you gone mad, Lee? I’m not doing that.”

She frowned. “I asked you to consider it. Think about it, Honey, I sleep over a couple of nights a week. I could do that more often if you lived with us. I love waking up in your arms.”

“Yeah, and what would I do on the other nights?”

“Whatever you do now, plus we could all eat together, and you could save what you pay in rent. This place must be expensive.”

She was right about that. I almost had enough for a deposit on a house. If I saved even half of what my rent cost me, I would be there much faster.

She must have seen my perplexed expression. “Babe, it makes so much sense.”

“No thanks, Lee, I don’t want to watch you and Rafe going at it.”

She giggled softly. “You might enjoy it.”

“Nope, sorry, Lee, but I couldn’t do it.”

“Why not? I don’t understand.”

“We are all different, Lee. Obviously you and I are wired differently. You are excited by the thought of having sex with more than one person. I’m different, it doesn’t excite me.”

She looked disappointed, her frown deepened as she sighed. “You must have considered it at some point. It’s supposed to be every boy’s biggest fantasy.”

“Most guys, me included, have fantasised about having two women. Very few have dreamed about being with another guy.”

“John, we don’t have to do the threesome thing. You would have your own room and privacy. It would just mean we would see more of each other. I would love the threesome, but I know it’s not you.”

That night I did actually give it some thought. I was at least a little intrigued about how it would work. I could save the six hundred bucks a week I paid for rent. Even if I had to chuck in some money for Lee’s place, it would be a big saving. I couldn’t believe I was actually considering it. Lee had managed to worm her way under my skin and my feelings for her were building. Was it love? I wasn’t sure, but I certainly enjoyed our time together.

The only sticking point was Rafe.

My rejection of their suggestion seemed to put an end to everything. Lee stopped coming around. No phone calls, no visits. It appeared I had my wish. It was over.

With my mind fixed on moving forward, I accepted an invitation by a friend to double date. He organised everything. It was dinner at a local restaurant, his girlfriend, whom I knew and liked, had decided I needed a woman in my life.

Holly and I hit it off immediately. She was attractive, outgoing and oozed a certain sexual energy that drew me in. Our first couple of dates were nice, without being earth shattering. The third date changed that. The sex was very passionate, and I came to understand she was fiery, vibrant and explosive in the bedroom.

It was nice; we were comfortable with each other. It wasn’t forced or uncomfortable. At first it started with dates, which included sex, that grew to sleepovers. In fact, she spent most nights at my place. She asked about my marriage and why it ended. I just explained that we drifted apart, wanted different things.

It was a Friday night. Holly and I were sitting on the sofa talking about where we would go for dinner, or if we could even be bothered. The doorbell rang and when I answered, Lee breezed straight in, carrying pizza. “Hi, babe, I brought pizza. I was hoping we could talk.”

She leaned in for a kiss and was stunned when I recoiled. With a confused expression, she walked on in.

Holly, having heard the commotion, stood and walked over to see what was up. When Lee saw Holly she froze. Glaring back and forth between Holly and me, she spluttered guiltily, “Oh shit, sorry. I should have called. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Holly walked up, extending her arm. “Hi, I’m Holly. We were just talking about what to do for dinner. Weren’t we, John?”

I nodded. “Yeah, we were going to go out.”

Holly, with a mischievous grin, said, “Well, if whoever this is doesn’t mind sharing… We could all have pizza.”

“Oh sorry, Holly. This is my ex, Lee. Lee, this is Holly, my girlfriend.”

Lee accepted Holly’s hand and she said haltingly, “Nice to meet you, Holly. I didn’t know John had a girlfriend.”

Holly giggled coyly. “Well, it was a surprise to me, as well. That is the first time you have ever said, that John.” She leaned in, placing a sweet kiss on my lips. “Thank you.”

I shrugged. “It’s true, I guess I haven’t had the chance to say it before.”

Lee placed the pizza on the counter and said, “I’ll leave the pizza, and leave you to your night. Sorry for barging in, Holly.”

Before I could say thanks. Holly said, “No way. You have to stay. You don’t have to leave because of me. I would love to get to know you.”

Lee sort of inquiringly peeked at me. “It’s okay with me, but what about you, John; do you want me to stay?”

There was no way of extracting myself from that. Not without appearing churlish. “It’s okay with me. I’ll get plates.”

Lee quickly jumped in. “No, let me get them. I know where everything is.”

Holly gave me a confused look, but walked over to the table. I got a bottle of Shiraz and Lee carried plates and glasses.

We ate in silence until Lee asked, “How long have you two been a couple?”

Holly answered, “Oh about two months. Maybe a little more.”

Lee looked uncomfortable and uncertain. “Are you living together? Or just dating?”

Holly giggled girlishly. “Oh, a little of both. I stay over a lot. I stay for weekends though.”

Lee nodded. I blushed. God knows why.

Holly asked, “What about you, Lee, do you have a partner?”

Lee glanced quickly at me. “You haven’t told her?”

I shook my head. “No, we haven’t discussed our break up.”

Holly, seeing the uncomfortable exchange, said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

Lee replied, “It’s all right. I thought John may have told you. Yes, I have a partner.”

Holly looked completely befuddled. Lee, seeing her expression, added, “That’s the reason John and I divorced.”

Holly’s eyes boggled as she absorbed what Lee was saying. “Oh shit. I see. You met before you were divorced?”

Lee nodded. “Yes, something like that.”

The food went down quickly, and the wine was hot on it’s tail. I had to go and open a second. When I returned, Holly and Lee were leaning in closely, tittering and gossiping. When I returned, they both sat up quickly, looking guilty.

I dropped off the bottle as my phone rang. It was Steve, my boss. I excused myself from the table. Knowing Steve, it wasn’t going to be a quick call. It actually took the best part of an hour. When I got back out to the living room, the girls were on the couch. Again they were sitting close together. chatting like old friends. There was laughter and giggling. When Holly spotted me, she said playfully, “Don’t worry, we were just comparing notes. I have learned a lot tonight.”

Lee, seeing the irritated expression on my face, stood up. “I might get going. I have imposed enough.”

“Nonsense,” Holly gushed. “It’s been a real pleasure. You don’t have to rush away.”

“No, I need to go. I’m sorry for ruining your night, John.”

She walked over and this time got her kiss. “Perhaps you could give me a call when you’re free. I would like to catch up.”

After she left, Holly and I cuddled together. “That was interesting. Lee is lovely. I can see why you loved her so much.”

I didn’t want to say anything. I knew if I did, I would come off looking like a chump.

“I don’t want to pry, but Lee explained a little of what happened. That must have hurt?”

I shuddered a little. The embarrassment seeped out. “Yes, it was very painful. I never thought she would cheat. I thought she loved me.”

“You weren’t keen on the shared relationship then?”

Shocked, I asked. “What exactly did she tell you?”

Sheepishly, Holly mumbled, “She said that she wanted to start a polyamorous relationship with you and Rafe, but you refused. She had sex with Rafe, hoping it would be the foundation block. You, however, didn’t like it and filed for divorce.”

“Yeah, okay. That’s pretty much how it went down. They both tried to convince me, but there was no way.”

She gave me a sexy grin. “What if it had been another woman? Would you have felt the same way?”

I think I just about choked. “What, god I don’t know.”

Holly smiled, her lips grazing mine sensuously. “Wow, settle down. I was just asking. Some men like that idea.”

I chuckled. “Sorry, it’s still a bit of a sore point with me.”

“Yes, I can see that. But you didn’t answer my question.”

“I guess, I’m like most men. Yes, the idea interests me.”

She sniggered. “Good, I’m glad. I would have been worried if it didn’t. Lee is a very sexy woman. Very sexual, I got a wonderful vibe from her.”

We made love that night with a fiery fierce intensity that burned bright. Over the weekend, we talked a little, and Holly kept going back to Lee; she became a hot topic of conversation. Having your girlfriend talk about your ex wife is very unnerving.

In bed, it was even more distressing. Especially when Holly said, “John, if you wanted to include Lee. I would be open to it.”

“You have to be kidding,” I blurted out, exasperated.

With a gentle kiss, she replied. “No, I have had several female partners. I consider myself bisexual. Although, I have never been with a man and woman together. If it’s something you would like to try. I’m game.”

When I didn’t respond, she added, “John, I got a great connection from Lee. I think it scared her, but I would like to try and build on that.”

“As much as that intrigues me, no thanks. I’m not sure I want to reopen that door.”

She smiled, a soft warm glowing warmth. “No problem, just letting you know I’m interested.”

Lee called me Monday after work. The conversation started off like most. But from nowhere she gushed. “John, I have to say, I like Holly. She is very nice.”

“Thanks, yeah, I like her as well.”

There was a little hesitation before she added. “We had lunch together today.”

“What, why? Jesus, Lee, why would you do that?”

“She invited me. I thought she must have told you. I wasn’t until we were there I realised she didn’t. Which is the reason I called. I don’t want to create tension between you two.”

“As always, it’s a bit late for that. You must have known I wouldn’t be comfortable with it.”

“John, I thought you knew. It surprised me when she called.”

Confused, I asked, “What did she want?”

“Don’t freak out, it was just lunch, she wanted to talk, she wanted to know if we could be friends.”

“And you said what?”

Again the pause. “I said I would like that. I like her. I won’t see her again if you’re uncomfortable with it.”

“Good, the next time she calls, just say you’re busy or something.”

“John, she told me what you guys talked about.”

“Jesus, Lee. Stay out of my life.” I disconnected the phone feeling a wide raft of emotions: anger, frustration. I finally meet a woman I liked and there was Lee, hanging over it like the grim reaper. Holly as well; what the fuck was she thinking?”

It was Wednesday night before Holly turned up. “Hey, John.” She lowered the armful of groceries down on the bench and came over for a kiss. The kiss was as succulent and juicy as always. She gave me a smile and walked into the kitchen. “Will sausages be okay for dinner?”

“Yeah, fine with me.” I poured us a glass of wine and we chatted about work and life as she prepared the food. I wanted to ask, but kept my mouth shut. She never mentioned meeting Lee. Dinner came and went, we watched some TV, snuggled together, laughing at some dumb shitty comedy. Still nothing, and it started to make me feel weird, uneasy.

We went to bed, made love, slept, got up and went our separate ways in the morning, and she never mentioned it once. Over the next few days Lee called several times, but I ignored her calls and messages. I just wanted some space.

Friday night, Holly turned up. It was my turn to cook. Our greeting kiss was cooler than usual. No searing burning intensity.

It was her turn to keep me company as I cooked. As usual, we chatted about our days. Out of the blue she spat out, “I rang Lee yesterday to invite her to dinner, and she said you asked her not to talk to me. Is that right?”

At least it was out in the open now. “Yeah, actually I did ask her to stay out of my life. That includes yours, as well, while we are in a relationship.”

Sipping her wine, a thoughtful expression covering her face. “Why is that necessary? I like her. I was hoping we could be friends.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you saw her on Monday?”

She shrugged. “It was none of your business. Look, John, we are in a relationship, but we aren’t married. I am entitled to my own friends.”

“Don’t play games, Holly. She is my ex wife. I think that is unfair. I don’t want her to know what’s going on in my life. I have been trying to create some distance between us. I want space. I can’t understand why you want to be friends with her.”

“That’s easy, I like her. I know she’s your ex, and that may be weird for you, but I like her. We shared a connection and I wanted to investigate that in more depth.”

Confused, I frowned. “What the hell does that mean? Investigate? Jesus, Holly.”

“Okay, you want me to say it. I like her. I told you I’m bisexual. We shared something and I wanted to see if there was something there. Just because you don’t want to sleep with her, doesn’t mean I don’t.”

That floored me. I think my chin bounced off the floor as I sucked in a deep breath. “Holly, is that something you do, sleep with other people?”

“We haven’t made promises to each other, John. I like you, I like you a lot. I feel deeply connected to you. If you’re asking if I have slept with other people while we’re together, the answer’s no. If I was going to. I would tell you. If anything was going to happen between Lee and me, I would tell you first.”

“So you think it’s okay to sleep with other people while we’re together?”

“Yes, if we haven’t made promises to each other, then so long as we are honest with each other.”

“So you would be all right with me having sex with other women?”

She nodded. “Yeah, so long as you tell me about it.” Her face gave nothing away. “I’m not a hypocrite, John.”

Dinner was quiet. We talked but it was awkward, the usual intimacy nowhere to be seen.

Over the weekend, it sort of levelled out. We talked a little more. Monday morning before leaving, she asked, “Is it going to be okay if I call Lee? Can I say that you’re happy?”

“Holly, you’re an adult. If you want to see her, then do so. I warn you though, I’m not happy about it.”

“So you don’t want me to see her?”

“I said do what you want. I won’t stop you. I said I’m not happy, and I’ll add that I’m not sure I can deal with it. If it happens, I guess we will deal with the consequences then.”

She kissed me deeply. Her tongue swirling passionately around my mouth.

Holly stayed over a few nights during the week. There was no contact from Lee, and Holly never mentioned her name. The weekend was nice; Holly and I went up to Mangawhai Heads for a break. The weather was nice and we swam, ate out, shopped. One of those really nice weekends.

I didn’t know whether Holly and Lee did meet up, I had to trust that she would tell me if something was going to happen. No, I have to say honestly, the thought of it scared the shit out of me. I was jealous as hell, angry that Lee was going to fuck up another relationship for me. Aside from that, images of Holly and Lee together, naked, kissing and making out, were accompanying me uncomfortably to sleep every night. As scary as it was, the erotic nature of my dreams left no room for argument. It aroused me more.

Holly was scheduled to come over Friday night. I did my grocery shopping and my usual housework. I liked the place to be tidy when she came over. Didn’t want her to know how much of a slob I could be.

As I cooked dinner, my phone rang. “Hi, Holly, are you running late?”

“Yes, a little,” she replied. “Look, John, there’s something I need to tell you before I come over tonight.”

“Okay, go for it.” I whispered nervously.

“Okay, I promised I would tell you if anything was going to happen between Lee and me.”

“Yes…”

“Well, we’re going out tomorrow night. I wanted to tell you tonight, because I know you have concerns and may want to cancel tonight.”

It was a shock. Yeah okay, I guess I sort of expected it. There had been a gnawing in my guts for the last week that I couldn’t shake. “Thanks for being honest, Holly. I don’t know what to say.”

There was a pause, a long second-eating pause that felt like a dark force was feasting on my insides. Finally, her words broke through the silent wall. “I do have a suggestion.”

“Go on.”

“I told Lee we were getting together tonight. John, I would love to invite Lee, as well. The three of us could have dinner and see where it takes us.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Yes, I like you; Lee and I have connected. I like her, I know you still love her, and I hope you at least like me. Where would be the harm in the three of us seeing if there is something more than friendship?”

My brain screamed out frantically “No!” My heart whispered “yes.” My mouth, as dry as it was, said, “All right.”

I heard her giggle. “You might get your fantasy.”

“Yeah, or I’ll get fucked over again.”

She giggled. “See you in half an hour or so. Now that Lee is coming, I need to change, I know she will look incredible, and I don’t want you thinking she’s prettier.”

They walked in together, arm in arm. They strode in as if they owned the place. Lee though, looked anxious. “Hi, John.” I nodded, not knowing what the hell to do. The last time we spoke I ordered her to stay out of my life. Now here I was inviting her into my home, with my current girlfriend on her arm.

Holly, who was far more comfortable than either of us, walked straight in and slipped into my arms, planting the sexiest kiss on my lips. Her gorgeous body was caressing me through the flimsy layer of fabric that separated us. Her arms circled my head and held me tightly, her body weight swinging.

As we separated, I tried to gather my senses. Lee stood beside us, staring open mouthed. Was it arousal, or fear I saw in her face.

Holly stepped right over the opening abyss. “I think Lee would like a kiss, as well.”

Lee sidled forward; it was slow, and she moved clumsily into my arms. Her breath tasted of minty freshness, her floral scent invaded my nostrils as she also slipped into my arms. Her hands caressed the cheeks of my arse as our mouths collided in a minty delight. The kiss was full of promise and intent. Her tongue swirling, dancing erotically. Our eyes closed. Our bodies joined.

We didn’t so much as separate, as stagger apart. She obviously felt it as strongly as I did.

Holly whispered hoarsely, “Wow.” She dived into Lee’s arms and if our kiss was searing, this was explosive. Their bodies, so different, yet so perfect, melded into one entity and their mouths attached like limpets. Their cheeks swelled lewdly as their tongues battled.

They glided apart, their lithe bodies flowing. Lee was dressed in a spectacular flowing crimson opaque glittering dress, the bodice so low her swelling breasts overflowed, Holly, in a navy short tight fitting sequinned cocktail dress.

The ice, smashed more than broken, we moved properly into the house. The girls sat at the breakfast bar counter, drinking their wine as I cooked. They giggled and talked softly. If anybody suggested that this could ever happen I would have laughed in their face. But here we were, and as the night drew past it became easier. I don’t know whether it was the drinks or the atmosphere. I felt it was electric and invigorating. The expectation was high.

When Holly attacked Lee on the couch, I was stunned. Lee was nervous, uncertain, but she was carried along by Holly’s passion, her hunger. They became a single being as their clothes vanished slowly. I was nothing more than a spectator. My breathing ragged and shallow, my blood coursed through my veins like igniting rocket fuel. I was sure they must be able to see my heart trying to beat its way out of my chest cavity.

It was later in bed when we all joined. Nervous as shit, I was scared out of my skin. It didn’t stop my cock from taking control. The lovemaking was hard to describe: earth shatteringly good, nerve wracking, swathed in anxiety and dismay. Lee was self-conscious and timid. Holly, the experienced one among us, led the way. Like a conductor, she directed and encouraged.

It was the singularly most incredible night of lovemaking of my life. Sleeping in a bed with two sensationally beautiful woman was difficult. I kept waking as bodies writhed and snuggled against and over me. If the night was awkward, the morning was worse. Lee looked embarrassed and uneasy. It was Holly, again, who led her through her disquiet. They showered together, giggling and laughing. We ate breakfast and Lee left to return home, leaving Holly and me to go about our day.

We decided on a trip to Piha, just to get out of the house. On the drive over there, Holly asked, “Well, what did you think? Did it live up to the fantasy?”

Giving her a sneaky grin, I replied, “It was more than I could ever have expected. Holly, you are an incredibly sensuous creature. You were incredible. If it wasn’t for you, I’m not sure Lee would have gone through with it.”

She giggled. “Yeah, she was nervous. I think she got over it.”

That night was the first of many. Holly and I did still m

While we recovered from a spectacularly breathtaking night of lustful lovemaking, all three of us panting. Holly gushed, “Perhaps we should invite Rafe?”

“Like fuck.” I snarled viciously. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. The look on Lee’s face was pure horror.

Holly was a little more reserved. “Well, that didn’t go down well.”

Lee just stared at me, her expression hard to read. Surely she must have expected that?

It was a day or so later. Holly and I were at a restaurant having a nice quiet romantic dinner. “Why were you so adamant about Rafe not joining us?”

“Holly, he fucked up my marriage once. He is not destroying our relationship, as well. God, you don’t know him. He is a fucking leach.”

“Actually, John. I have met him. I have been taking his philosophy class.”

“Oh for heavens sake. Why the hell did you do that?”

“Lee spoke so vociferously and enthusiastically about him. I wanted to find out for myself.”

“And?”

“Well, I like him. He is definitely a character. A very passionate man. He speaks wonderfully and he articulates everything so clearly.”

“You didn’t say why you wanted to invite him.”

“I just thought it would be a natural extension of what we have been enjoying. John, I have loved our time with Lee. She mentioned to me separately that she feels guilty for leaving Rafe at home alone. I just thought it made sense. There was no conspiracy. She didn’t know I was going to suggest that.”

“That’s something. I got the impression that it was her behind it.”

“No, babe, all me.”

Strangely, Lee stopped coming over. Maybe it wasn’t that strange. Holly seemed upset and tried to get her to open up. Their conversations happened away from me, because Lee wasn’t talking to me. I guessed it was my refusal to allow Rafe to join us that was behind it.

The tension created a few moments of discomfort between Holly and me. It all came crashing down when Holly dropped her bomb. “John, I have been offered a position in Australia. The job offer is so good. It is hard to say no. I will say no if you can tell me that what we have is more than friends having some fun.”

Her announcement stunned me, and I couldn’t answer. She added softly. “John, I really like you, and I think it could be more than that, but I need to know how you feel.”

“Okay, Holly. I like you. This whole experience opened my mind, like a rusty can. I don’t know what to say. I like you, as well. I would like to see if it could grow into more than that, but God, I would hate to stop you from undertaking something you want so badly. I can’t make any promises.”

“What would you say if I told you I want to go?”

“I would say I love you. Go with my full support. Holly, I have this feeling that we could be so much more, but, if it’s meant to be, it will be.”

She gave me a searing kiss that exploded my mind. “Thank you, John. Rafe thinks he’s the philosopher, but I think you understand life equally as well. Thank you for being in my life.”

It was the last time we made love. She was gone within weeks.

My life fell in a deep hole after that. Holly and I chatted a few times on the phone. When she saw how unhappy I was, she said. “Why don’t you call Lee? She would love to talk to you.”

“No, I think that flame is well and truly extinguished. She hasn’t contacted me since that night I said no to Rafe coming around.”

“John, sometimes you can be so naive. She wants to talk to you. She wants to see you. She is just nervous.”

A couple of nights later, there was a knock on the door and Lee stood there holding out pizza. “I got a meatlovers for you.”

It broke the ice, and we talked, ending up in bed making love. It was the start of a brief but explosive couple of months. Things went quickly back to pre-Holly days.

I guess it was to be expected. She again floated the idea of moving in with she and Rafe. At first I was angry, horrified, appalled. But as the weeks turned into months and our relationship grew, I started to consider it.

*****

It took months, but in the end, the thought of spending more time with her twisted my arm.

It took me another month to finish my lease and I moved in with them. It was every bit as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. Rafe and I were distant, and it was awkward. The first night, watching them head off to bed together, Lee giggling made me nauseous. Jealousy and anger tugged on my heart. I wondered what the fuck I was doing.

Thankfully, the bedrooms were isolated from each other, so I couldn’t hear them. The next night Lee flirted and teased me all night, and this time it was Rafe who had to watch us closing the bedroom door.

Knowing Rafe was just up the hallway drove me to try harder, than I ever had. Our love making was extra spicy. I took a lot of time to lick her pussy, making sure, she had a couple of powerful orgasms. For the main event, I had no problems getting it up twice.

Afterwards, as we cuddled together, Lee sniggered. “Wow, this really gets you going, doesn’t it?”

That’s how it went for a couple of weeks. We took turns, she slept with Rafe one night, and me the next. It became routine, but even after that length of time, it still made me feel uneasy watching them together. I guess we had all started to become more comfortable with each other. Rafe and I fell back into our old discussions and arguments. Our views were so polar opposite it was fun. We argued about everything, not in a bad way, it was all deep discussion more than argument. The only thing that unsettled me was his inability to laugh. Everything was so serious with him.

When I mentioned it to Lee, she said, “Ahh, you are starting to understand why this works. You both give me something different. I love that you bring light and laughter, Rafe is spiritual, philosophical, profound. But he can be very dark; your light-hearted take on life lifts me.”

Even paying a third of the housing and food costs, I was able to save enough to allow me to buy a house. I might not live in it, but it would be a good investment. I started trolling through the real estate pages, and weekends going to open homes. Lee was shocked, but she soon got caught up in the excitement of it. Rafe, on the other hand, was disgusted with me.

“Good god, John. You’re going to become one of them. Money isn’t everything. We have a house.”

“Yeah, but it is tied to Lee’s job. It belongs to the Ministry of Education. If she finishes up, we will be out on our arses.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to join the avaricious materialistic elitists. Money really is the root of all evil, you know. It changes people.”

Lee snapped, “Stop it, Rafe, just because those are your opinions. Not everybody shares them.”

He sulked badly and stormed off to bed. That was a win for me. Lee spent the night with me, and it was his night.

Lee visited a couple of open homes with me, and the house I chose was her suggestion. When the purchase went through I was elated and took great delight in buying some champagne to celebrate. Rafe did begrudgingly offer his congratulations.

We learned a lot about each other over the next couple of months. Rafe really was a deeply spiritual person and I discovered he volunteered for a few organisations. That was the good side of him. Giving, generous, kind-hearted.

Lee wouldn’t let the threesome thing sleep, though. She talked about it a lot. Tucked up in bed post-lovemaking one evening, she asked, “Don’t you wonder what Rafe and I do in bed? Doesn’t it tickle your imagination at all? I mean, when we were with Holly, It was incredible. Don’t you think it could be the same with Rafe?”

She gave me a gentle kiss. “I read somewhere men in these situations always worry about the other lover’s cock size. Does that make you nervous?” Her hand drifted down to squeeze my dick. “Well, do you?”

“No, I know you don’t understand, but the only way this works for me is when that bedroom door closes, I try to forget. I don’t like the thought of you and him together.”

“Why, you’re right though. I don’t understand.”

“Call it jealousy, anger, resentment. All of those would fit. I hate the fact you sleep with him. I only survive by closing my door and trying to ignore it.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, babe. I hoped that you would become curious, find it stimulating. I didn’t want it to make you feel bad.”

Her hand continued to stroke my cock and it reacted to the caress. “Babe, it’s my biggest fantasy, I would love to have both of you in my bed.”

Her caress became a little firmer, and even although we had already made love, the desire grew, as did my cock.

Days passed and that conversation became a constant. She wanted it, and I guess, if it was brainwashing it worked. I started to actually consider it. In fact the damn images became part of my dreams when I was asleep. Pictures developed like negative images in the dark. It permeated my every fibre, it became a desire.

It took me by surprise. One minute we were all sitting in the lounge, talking, laughing, arguing. Then Lee decided she was going to try. It started as a kiss, her beautiful sexy lips crushed on mine, our tongues slithering, entwined together.

Then she kissed Rafe, and it was equally as passionate. Their bodies melting together.

That was the first night we had sex together as a threesome, all in the same bed. Lee impaled at both ends, my cock buried in her slippery convulsing pussy as Rafe assaulted her mouth.

It was nice to know, purely egotistically, my cock was bigger.

Afterwards, Lee was in heaven and took great delight is saying, “See, babe, I told you, didn’t I?”

She wasn’t wrong, but she wasn’t right. I did enjoy it, but it wasn’t earth shattering. Watching her suck Rafe’s dick was like watching porn. It was arousing, but didn’t bring me closer to him. That was a step I wasn’t taking. We made love, or for the want of a better word “fucked” Lee. There was no contact between Rafe and me. I hated even kissing her after she had sucked him, and if he came in her mouth, there was no way in hell I was going there. The same was true if he fucked her. I settled for a blowjob.

We didn’t do it every night, it was sort of our special occasions thing. Maybe once a fortnight.

Lee was never happy with it. We talked about it a lot. She wanted me to let go and join in fully. Rafe, as well, wanted more. I’m not sure why I couldn’t, maybe because I still harboured some hatred for him. He did destroy my marriage.

Still, as they say life goes on. We played happy house for the best part of a year, and it was fun. It all blew up towards the end of the year. Lee began talking about starting a family. Rafe was right on board with it. It was something he wanted very badly.

Myself, I was hesitant, reluctant to take that step. With the Christmas holidays not far away, Rafe and Lee were already on annual leave. They sprang it on me at dinner one night. Sitting at the table, enjoying a sumptuous meal, Lee threw a packet at me.

I caught it and read the label. Glancing at her, I asked, “What is this for?”

“Those, my sweet, are my contraceptive pills. Today, I stopped taking them.”

Confused, I asked, “What happens from now on then?”

Rafe cut her off. “From now on, we are no longer just making love. We are starting a family.”

Lee added. “Babe, we have talked about this. It’s time, things have been so wonderful around here. The house is full of love. I want to fill the house with babies.”

“Whose?” I spluttered.

“Ours.” Rafe interjected. “John, we don’t want to differentiate. We don’t care who the father is. The children will be ours. All of ours, yours, mine, and of course, Lee’s.”

I think they both saw the confusion and hesitancy in my eyes as I listened to them. “Lee, I’m not ready for this. I’m not sure this is the right environment to bring a child into. Kids need parents, a stable home.”

“But this is a stable home, and there will be so much love. With three parents, there will always be somebody available. We can roster the sleepless nights. We will be able to take turns. Don’t you see, babe, this is perfect.”

“No, I need to have my chance to discuss this. I need to be party to the discussion. I’m not ready.”

She smiled. “Too late, babe, I stopped tonight. From now on, we are making babies.”

“No, well at least I’m not. I love you, Lee, and I would like children, but not like this. What happens if Rafe is the father, and something terrible happens to him. You can’t expect me to raise his child.”

“But, honey, it’s not his child. It’s ours. That’s why it’s important that none of us know who the father is. That way there will be no bias.”

“Sorry, Lee, but I’m not doing it. If you stop taking those pills tonight, then from now on. I will be wearing condoms, or getting a lot of blow jobs.”

Rafe snapped, his voice rasped nastily. “That’s ridiculous. We all need to be in this, otherwise it doesn’t work.”

Lee jumped in quickly. “John, you said you love me. I know I love you. Don’t you want a family?”

“Yes, but not until I’m ready. At the moment, I don’t feel like I am.”

We finished the dinner in a cold silence. There were lots of furtive glances. Lee even had some tears. As was our norm, we all helped with the tidying up and dishwashing. Normally we talked, but tonight, it was deadly silent.

After finishing I announced. “I’m going to bed. I have stuff to do tomorrow.”

Lee sighed. “I was hoping we could all make love together, to celebrate our decision. I wanted it to be a special night.”

“Sorry Lee, I don’t feel that it is a celebration. You two made the decision. You didn’t ask me. You told me.” Walking away, I called back, “Goodnight.”

My heart raced; it was pounding so hard I was scared that I might be having a heart attack. In bed, I started to rationalise, why I was so upset. It wasn’t just that they didn’t ask me. I wasn’t convinced this was right.

The lights were out and I lay there on my back thinking, staring into the darkness when the door opened and Lee walked in. She sat on the bed. “John, I’m sorry. You were right, this is a momentous decision, and we should have talked to you first. We have decided to wait. Rafe was right, as well, this can’t work unless we are all on board.”

Trying to quell my racing heart, I asked, “So, you’re going to continue to take the contraceptives?”

It was dark. I couldn’t look her in the eyes, but the waver in her voice made me suspicious. “Yes, I will start taking them again. I have only missed today’s. I will start again in the morning.”

When I didn’t say anything she stood, stripped and climbed into bed beside me. “Hold me, babe.”

I pulled her into my arms and we lay staring into the dark. Eventually, I heard her breathing soften, and her cute little snorting snore meant she was asleep. I enjoyed no such luxury. All I could think about was the future.

Saturday morning I went to my Tai Chi class and followed that up at the gym and WuShu. After a very physical work out, I was approached by Steve, our Grand Master. “John, we have been invited to participate in some demonstrations in Wellington next week. Would you like to attend?”

“How long will we be away?”

Five days. We leave Wednesday and come back Monday.”

It sounded good. It would give me time to consider my options.

Back at the house I announced my trip away. Rafe seemed interested, but Lee seemed annoyed. “Do you have to go?”

“No, but I want to. It will be a bit of fun, and it was an honour to be asked. There are going to be teams there from all over the country.”

Sunday, we usually all went somewhere together. Lee liked to think of it as our family day out. I backed out saying, “I need to practice. I don’t want to let Steve down.”

It was the same Monday night, and again Tuesday. When Lee walked into my bedroom, I said I was tired. She saw through me, it was paper thin. “This is because of me wanting a baby isn’t it?”

“Yeah, Sorry, Lee, but I’m sort of up in the air about it.”

“Babe, I told you. I have started taking the pill again. I am safe until you are ready.”

Sucking in a deep breath for courage I said, “How do I know that, Lee? I mean, I saw how eager you were. You might just as easily have stopped, and not be telling me the truth.”

“You think I would lie about something that important?”

“I don’t know. All I know is, your history with telling the truth isn’t that good, and I’m scared.”

“Oh my god. You do think I’m lying. You don’t trust me do you, John?”

“No, I suppose not.”

“So we can’t make love?”

“We could, but it would mean using a condom.”

“A condom!” she hissed. “Why would we need a condom? I told you. I’m taking the damn pill.”

“Why is it a big deal? If you want to make love from now on, I will use a condom. I don’t see an issue with that.”

“Fuck you, John. If you don’t trust me, I’m not sure we have anything.”

She turned and walked out. In the morning the house was cool. I said my goodbyes at the breakfast table and hit out for the airport.

Waiting with the team at the airport, I got a text from Lee. “I’m sorry you don’t trust me. Maybe I deserve that, but it hurts. Have a good trip.”

The trip was perfect. I got time to reconsider my future. The decision to start a family brought everything into perspective. Just like after our divorce, and I dated single women looking for fun, I noted that the missing element was intimacy. I realised I was now doing the same thing. The relationship with Rafe and Lee was fun, and I did love her, but there was something missing.

Walking back in the house, Lee met me at the door with a big hug and kiss. “God, I have missed you. How did it go?”

“It was good fun. Very enjoyable, and I bet you didn’t even know I was gone.”

She shoved me. “Idiot, of course I missed you, we both did.”

“I was only joking. It was a fun trip. However, it did give me a chance to think, and I think we all have to talk.” I tried to make it seem light, keeping my voice steadier than I felt.

Lee gave me a worried glare. “Why? Oh god, this isn’t about the contraceptives again, is it?”

I nodded. “Yeah, in a way. Look, can we sit down. I was going to leave it till later, but if we’re doing it, let’s get comfy.”

We all walked over to the table and Lee made us some tea. As we sat sipping the piping hot brew, Lee said, “All right, John, what do you want to talk about?”

“Us, I guess. All of us, this relationship.”

“John, if it’s about us starting a family.”

I cut her off. “It is and it isn’t. Lee, while I was away I thought about us, and what that means. I came to a realisation, I’m not happy. This relationship isn’t working for me. I’m going to move out.”

Rafe glanced at Lee who sat staring open mouthed. Eventually, she spluttered, “If it’s just because we want children, we can wait, we can work with you.”

“No, Lee, it’s not just the kid’s, that was part of it. When I tried to understand why that upset me so much. I started to get a feeling for it. I’ve never really committed to this. I’m here for you, no other reason. I still love you and I let that drag me into this. I think deep down, I wanted to sabotage what you and Rafe have. I wanted you to myself.”

Rafe nodded along as he absorbed my words. “Yes, I suppose it was obvious. You have never really been into this. Your refusal to fully engage in our lovemaking should have told us.”

Lee just glared at me, her eyes burned deep. “You said you aren’t happy. Why is that?”

“It’s because I don’t see a future for this relationship. I have been treading water, waiting for it to fail. I do want children, I want a wife and family of my own. I don’t want to parent somebody else’s kids. That probably sounds petty and selfish, but that’s how I feel.”