CHAPTER 1: BEGINNING
My life was a mess. I had the world by the tail and I lost it… big time. My whole life had been geared to the point of realizing success just like I was achieving. From childhood, it was drilled into me endlessly. In athletics or school, there was no other option than to succeed and excel at the highest level. Of course, I knew it was all a farce, but I excelled even in living a farce.
At only 33-years-old, I was being described as ‘genius’, ‘pit bull’, and ‘cut-throat’ all in the same breath by those in my legal community. After graduating at the top of my class from one of the best law colleges in the country, I was aggressively recruited. I selected a top, prestigious firm as much as they selected me. I made waves in each case. If they weren’t full-out wins, I negotiated around treacherous legal and social ground to minimize the damage to the client. In the process, the firm reaped rewards, many passing at some level back to me. I was not only on top of my game, but I was also on top of everyone’s game. The word in the legal community and within the firm was that I was one of the top up-and-coming legal adversaries.
And, at 33 it was all gone. Lost, forever. As I sat in my nicely appointed apartment that I was going to have to seriously consider leaving, I relived it all for the umpteenth time. To satisfy my demanding parents, then demanding coaches, teachers, professors, and bosses, I maintained a tight grip on the mask I learned to live with from childhood. A mask can only be lived behind, though, for so long before the mask should be modified to incorporate the reality that is being hidden behind it, or… the mask begins to cover more than perceived deficiencies and becomes destructive.
Grace McBride, 33-years-old, 5′-6″, 120 pounds on an athletic frame capped with long, wavy, dark brown hair. An attractive woman, a significant element of my success, too. Underneath that attractive charm was the woman I had been forged to become. Grace McBride was never really a hard-driving, dominant, and extroverted personality. That was me in my striving world where people watched me. I had always had quiet, alone times where I could relax, revert, and stop pretending. Everything became so different, so demanding at a level I never managed well. The workload, the always-on demand, the never-ending interactions, and commitments. As a result, my distractions became more intense, more perverse, and more extreme, but I needed something to yield in my life to slow the never-ending cycle.
So, when the wheels finally came off, it wasn’t just a crash, it was a stellar obliteration of a stunning, short-lived glorified life. I could blame those demanding on me, the pushing, the driving, and committing, but… I couldn’t really. Because I knew that mask was there, I also knew that all my success, everything I had achieved, was because of me using the mask. The same then had to be true about my crash. It was gloriously fatal in its finality to my career, my license, and any standing in the legal community. The question that remained was: was there any recovery? Was there anything a stellar attorney could do when she could no longer practice the law?
It had been a month since I stood in front of the Bar making arguments for the most important and desperate client I had represented… myself. It was all to no avail, of course. The only thing I had trained for, the only thing I had ever focused on, was the law. I was good at it. I was very good at it. But, I couldn’t practice it, anymore. In a month, I hadn’t moved past those thoughts. In a month, my associates, contacts, and networking went quiet. My searches left me befuddled and empty.
So, imagine the surprise when an unsolicited phone call came to me. The surprise wasn’t close to the reaction when I discovered the caller was Andrew Franklin. The shock was a far more appropriate description. Andrew Franklin was known to anyone in the local legal community no matter what significance you were in the community.
“Do you know who I am, Miss McBride?” I assured him I did. People in the community were aware of me; how could anyone not be aware of one of the wiliest attorneys who was near royalty in the community. He had retired only two years ago from one of the highest regarded law firms as one of the senior partners after making his name and wealth. The stunning decision had been widely covered in newspapers, magazines, and online sources. He said he was interested in starting his own small firm where he could choose the clients and cases he felt were interesting or significant. Known as a workhorse for his clients, he had impeccable credentials with legendary success. His renowned legal tricks, maneuvers, and showmanship in the courtroom attracted young attorneys and were studied in classrooms. He was like a modern-day Perry Mason, though few young attorneys might even know what the reference meant.
“I do apologize, Miss McBride, for calling unannounced. I wasn’t sure how else to contact you. I would very much like to have a conversation with you about your career.”
I almost laughed out loud, “My career, sir? I don’t have a career left and, if you know who I am, you would certainly know that, sir.”
He did laugh, though. “Miss McBride, I very definitely know who and what you are. I have had my eye on you for quite some time. Since I left the partnership to start my own little enterprise, you have been on the top of my list of people I wanted to join me.”
The sigh I released into my cell spoke the volumes I had no desire to actually verbalize. “I am sorry to have disappointed you then, sir. You’re obviously too late so can I ask why you are calling?”
He laughed, again. “Because I want to talk to you about your career. You still have an influential and lucrative career in the right situation and I think I have that situation if you are interested in listening. It might not be the one you originally had planned for yourself, but as it turns out it might be exactly what you were meant for.”
The thought crossed my mind that he might have discretely left his former firm because he was crazy. I shook my head but agreed to a meeting at his offices the next day. My apartment building (the one I thought I was going to have to leave) was on Parkway Avenue, one block removed from a large inner-city green space. As it turned out, his new offices were in the building across the street and his corner offices on the top floor overlooked that same park. He chuckled when describing where his office was, clearly aware of my location relative to him. It almost felt like fate… maybe to both of us.
From the corridor, the offices of Mr. Franklin’s firm were difficult to gain any reading on. There was a heavy wood door on a blank wall missing any of the glass on either side of the door to provide a faint glimpse of the workings on the other side. An engraved sign on the door was almost subdued, Andrew Franklin, Attorney at Law. I knocked on the door and received no response. I tried the door handle and found it locked. I nervously considered I had somehow mixed up the time of day but “10:00 AM, tomorrow” is hard to mix up. My eyes on my hand on the door handle found a button next to the handle. With a deep breath, I pressed the button. I still couldn’t tell if anything was happening and was about to search for a fourth option when the door abruptly opened.
“Miss McBride, I presume.” I nodded and was let inside. I stepped into a small odd room that appeared like a reception room without a receptionist, just a space with three chairs, a low table with a few neatly arranged magazines, and the Wall Street Journal.
The woman introduced herself as Marjorie Gilbert, Mr. Franklin’s Office Manager/Word processor. She was in her mid-40’s, about my height, and ten pounds heavier. She explained she had been with Mr. Hansen for 15 years and, when he left the other firm, he asked her to join him. She thought it sounded adventurous and being single was enough for her. She asked me to take a chair and it should only be a moment. She disappeared through the other door. The reception area was modest, even plain, certainly not the finely appointed surroundings of most other law offices that seemed to want to reflect the high rates they would be charging.
I looked in the glass of a picture on the opposite wall and saw myself reflected. I considered the professional appearance and smiled. Yes, that’s the person who can still pull something out of nothing. I wore one of my business suits: jacket, skirt, white blouse, and black heels. A few moments later, the other door opened and she was standing holding the door open for me. “Sorry, it took a few moments to gather everyone together, Miss McBride.”
I looked at her puzzled, “Everyone? I thought I was meeting with Mr. Franklin.”
She smiled disarmingly, “You are, but if you are added to our small team, it could be such a significant change that he wants all of us involved.”
So, there really was a job involved in this meeting. I didn’t even know what to expect from this meeting and it turns out it might be a job interview. And, on top of that, whatever the job was he had in mind for me could change the dynamics of the group enough that the entire team needed to be involved? I wondered what they really knew about my disbarment since there was no crime involved.
I stepped through the other door into an entirely different feeling environment. The center area was open with a large conference table. Filing cabinets, copiers, and heavy-duty printers were scattered around the outside. A table with a coffee-maker, small refrigerator, etc. was along another. Along the wall with the door I had just entered was a large flat-screen monitor facing the conference table. Along the sides of the open space were enclosed offices, four of them. I was being led to the corner office to the left and I could see the others were already gathered inside. It was the largest office. An office in the center back was glass-enclosed and appeared like it might have been used at one time as a library/conference area, but was now furnished as an office, but appeared to be empty of use. It was large enough to have visitor chairs at the desk, and a loveseat with a coffee table. The other three offices were typical sized but also very nicely furnished.
Marjorie showed me into the room. Mr. Franklin was behind the desk; two men were in front of it at the ends of a row of chairs facing Mr. Franklin. The two chairs in the center were empty and Marjorie and I took those. Mr. Franklin thanked me for coming and hoped it would be to the mutual benefit of me and them. He introduced the other three of his firm:
• Marjorie Gilbert had just introduced herself to me. He explained that he would never have started a venture like this one if she hadn’t agreed to follow him. She had been the one he leaned on for scheduling and assistance for more than a decade. She added that after so long in the staid environment of a major law firm, this sounded like an adventure. I wasn’t sure what that meant.
• Mark Williams was introduced as a researcher. He began law studies but also developed skills in computers and found more interest and excitement in searching the web. He was in his early 30’s, about 5’8″, skinny and soft, which fit the description of someone who likes computer life. His hair was over his ears in kind of a messy way. He chuckled at the description of his interest in ‘searching the web’. Mr. Franklin added that his skills perhaps went further than legitimate google searches and he had discretely encouraged those skills on occasion.
• Jake Porter was identified as Investigative and security. He was 6’2″ tall, 220 pounds, a strong-looking black man, who could have been a football player. His background, however, was in special ops in the army, then private security and investigative work. Mr. Franklin had used him on some special cases before and was now full-time.
I couldn’t help but comment on the uniqueness of the group of people. He laughed and commented that they were no more unique than me. I was confused, again.
“Sir, I appreciate the meeting and introduction to your team, but I still don’t understand what any of this has to do with me. You know I can’t practice law, anymore.”
He nodded, but the smile never left his face. He then went into a summary of my qualifications, accomplishments, and legal successes for the benefit of the others but I had the distinct feeling he was telling them nothing they didn’t already know and, somehow, it was playing more to me. He settled back in his chair and looked at me after finishing.
“You are a firebrand, Miss McBride. You weren’t only one of the sharpest legal minds we’ve had in our midst in a long time, you were intuitive, instinctive, and gutsy. You could find weaknesses in arguments and testimony and when you did you chewed them up and left them gasping.”
I looked at his team, then him. “Nothing like you, though, sir. I used what I had, but I didn’t have the courtroom skills to turn a room by standing up. I’ve seen you do it.”
He had a look of humble, whether put on or real, it was there in his manner and I believed it. He was that kind of showman, though.
“You diverted my direction, Miss McBride.” I heard chuckles from the two guys. Did they merely enjoy seeing the master diverted by someone or was there something more? “I described you the way the legal community saw you and believed what you were. It is the same image this group had of you when I suggested they take a look at you to join us.” He held up his hand, “Don’t say it, we all know you were disbarred. That doesn’t mean you can’t work here, though.”
“A paralegal, you mean?”
“I wouldn’t put a label on it since that might be limiting and that would not be the intention.” He took a breath, “But, back to the point I was working to…” I blushed. He was trying to make a point and I was fixating on my problem. “Would you agree that the image you have purposefully given the world is a hard-driving, dominant, and extroverted personality always in control?” I nodded. I knew that was the image I created and cultivated. “That’s not you, though, is it?” My eyes went wide. What did he mean by that? “Deep down you are none of those things, are you? I’ll give you hard-driving, you definitely are that. But the rest? In reality, you definitely are not dominant or extroverted. Quite the opposite, actually.”
He stopped and it was quiet. Was he waiting for me to deny it? Did he know something, somehow? How? How could someone on the periphery of my career have a better understanding of me than all those I had worked for and with?
As on cue, three laptops I hadn’t noticed on the desk were opened. One in front of him and the other two to be shared. They were already up and primed.
“This is not to embarrass you, Miss McBride, but to drive a very important point. What I have in mind for you is very particular to you and will only work with complete honesty and understanding among all of us in this room.” I shifted my eyes to the small group: computer research geek, assistant, and investigator. How do I fit in when I’m not a lawyer? “It is interesting when you think about it really. I was interested in you for a year, but we needed to do our due diligence and consider the effects of bringing an attorney like you in the group.” He chuckled. “Honestly, that consideration was ruining my mood. A firebrand, win-at-all-costs attorney coming in would require many more cases. What would happen to our nice little group and goals? They’d get lost in another growing enterprise, is what.” He smiled and keyed his computer and the others were keyed up, too.
A video. At first, it didn’t make any sense. Why were they cuing up a video? I looked closer and felt Marjorie’s eyes on me. I leaned forward and saw… it was porn… a gangbang…
Mr. Franklin’s voice broke in, “Moral turpitude was what they called it. Unethical behavior. Detrimental to the integrity of the legal profession. Blah, blah, blah… Interesting, isn’t it? The vast majority of the citizens don’t believe the legal profession has the ethics or morality to be damaged.” He looked up from the monitor, “Sorry, I do not intend to make light of your situation.”
That was me? That must be me. I had never seen it but I heard about it at my disbarment hearing. How did they get a copy? It was supposed to be sealed if I didn’t fight the action further.
“How… did you… get this…?” I turned to Mark Williams, the computer guy. He looked embarrassed, but it passed.
“Mark only did what I asked him to do. You see, Miss McBride, your downfall actually solved my problem in a way. If I could get you on board now, you could use all those skills of yours in support of me, because you couldn’t run with the cases yourself. Your gutsy intuition and insight combined with my courtroom tact and intimidation. We all agreed, it would be lethal.” I looked away from the scene where I was getting gangbanged. It was hard to look away, though, it looked as erotic as I remembered feeling it. I was air-tight here, completely dominated and used by these men I didn’t even know.
“I don’t understand.”
“Let me lay out my thinking. It took the others a little longer to see it, but they eventually did. You undoubtedly thought you were in anonymous encounters by using strangers but we live in a world where nothing is anonymous. Everyone has a cellphone with photo and video capability. You couldn’t have known, of course, you were rather occupied, but there is video over the internet. We found 11 different videos of you. The one you see in front of you got you disbarred. The others made me wonder, though. This wasn’t a case of being drunk, wild, and careless.” He leaned over the desk and looked at me. “This was a desperate cry from your soul. That’s when I started seeing it. The Grace McBride everyone knew was a façade, a disguise you used to cover up what and who you were because that person could never begin to achieve what you had. That’s a lot to live with, isn’t it?”
I nodded, stunned that this man who never really knew me had cut away all my protection so easily.
“Without a felony conviction you can still work in the legal profession, just not representing yourself as an attorney and all your work must be under the direction of a licensed attorney. In this case, me.” He smiled. “If we go there, that is.”
I collapsed back in the chair. I was already spent and deflated. I came into this meeting to see what he had to offer and use my mask to impress him with that person. In moments, he had stripped that completely away and I was left with… nothing, actually. My mask was everything.
“Stand up.” Mr. Franklin’s voice was different. Gone was the welcoming and open voice of earlier, or even the more professional but still understanding voice of a minute ago. This was purely authoritarian. This was dominant.
For some reason, I stood up, my chair edging back a bit as my legs bumped it. I started to say something but he held up his hand. I stopped. My eyes kept falling to the video still running on the laptop. God, that’s me. And I felt something new, something different. He knew. He knew what that act really signified, something I could never let come out except for times like those with strangers.
“Remove your jacket.” My eyes raised up to meet his. My hands were already slipping the jacket from my shoulders and arms, though.
“Remove your blouse.” My eyes flashed something but my fingers were working the buttons. As my blouse opened until I had to pull the tails from my skirt, I felt something new. The flash that my eyes showed wasn’t fear or shame or anger. I felt none of that. I felt something entirely different.
I dropped the blouse on top of the jacket on his desk. I stood with only my lace, demi-bra covering my large breasts. He only smiled at me, his gaze not leaving mine.
“Now your skirt.” I did it. My fingers moved to the clasp and zipper at the back. I pushed it over my hips and let it drop to the floor. I stepped out of it and placed it on top of the rest. I stood before them in my underwear and I wasn’t flinching. What was this feeling?
“Do you even know why you are standing among us in your underwear?” I shook my head. I didn’t, but it didn’t feel wrong, either. Somehow, strangely, it felt freeing. “You aren’t dominant at all. You aren’t even extroverted. You’ve been keeping up a disguise, a façade…”
“A mask.” I blurted it out. “All this time I have thought of it as a mask, a mask I had to remain behind at all costs.”
“But you couldn’t at all times, could you? It was too exhausting to always be in control, to be someone you weren’t. That’s why you did these things, isn’t it? You pretended you weren’t sexual but you are very sexual. You pretended to be dominant in your life but you really just wanted someone to take charge of you, to be the dominant one.” I nodded. Yes, it was true. All of it was true.
“Tell us how you feel right now… shame?” I shook my head. “Then, take off your bra and let us see your magnificent breasts.”
My fingers were behind my back and unhooking the bra before any thought about it came to me. I slid the bra straps down my arms and dropped the bra on the desk.
“Now, how do you feel… shame?”
I shook my head, again. “No, sir. Not shame. Embarrassed, maybe.” I glanced down at the others shyly. “But… also…”
He smiled and nodded his head. “Yes, say it.”
I blushed deeply. I could feel the heat rushing through my body, my nipples becoming instantly erect… and… my pussy getting wet. My god! What was happening to me? I took a breath and answered him, “Excited.”
He nodded. “Are you wet now, Grace?” He stopped saying Miss. I nodded. “How do you know, you haven’t looked?”
I blushed more. “I can feel it, sir.” God, I was always saying ‘sir’, now.
“Take them off.”
I put my thumbs into the waist at the sides and pushed them down and put them on the desk.
He took them into his hands and daintily held them and smiled. “Not just wet, though… very wet.” He unabashedly gazed at my nearly naked body in his office with the other team members sitting alongside me. “Now, I’ll ask you again. You are standing here nearly naked; do you know why you are doing this?”
I shook my head, “I’ve never done anything like this before.” He chuckled and pointed to the computer. “I mean besides that.”
“You are what is called a submissive. The opposite of a dominant you wanted others to see you as. These times”, he indicated the video that had stopped, “was your release to be who you really were. You chose a destructive way of doing it, though.” He smiled, “Sit down, Grace.” He looked at the others, “Is there agreement?” They were all nodding, smiles on their faces.
Marjorie put her hand on my arm, “We didn’t believe it would happen.” I asked what. “You’re sitting with us naked. He was convinced.” She stood up and the other two did at the same time. She bent down and kissed the top of my head, a very personal interaction considering the office. She patted my arm, “I hope you join us.” I smiled but turned to Mr. Franklin with puzzlement as they exited the room but didn’t close the door.
“I have to confess, sir, I don’t believe what just happened.” I looked down at my naked body. “Especially, this.”
He chuckled, “Who knows what goes on inside ourselves, my dear.” Miss McBride to Grace to my dear. He’s moved from formal to personal to intimate. “I admit it was a test of sorts, a test of my interpretation and a test of your reaction to it. Simply put, I want to give you the chance to live in the way your being is most comfortable and natural. I suspect there are many forms and variants that could be considered, but I think the simplest and most appropriate for you is a simple role of ‘serve and please’. You are obviously able to reverse the roles when in professional situations, but when you need to relax you move to your natural role, the one most comfortable for you. Your natural role, then, would seem to be to serve and please someone in control to release you from those concerns.” He studied me, again. “Does that make sense?”
I considered what he said. I had never evaluated myself or categorized the conflict within me. I just fought the conflict. But, yes, it did make sense.
“That would explain my willingness to be sitting here nearly naked?” He nodded with a smile. I nodded, too. “When you told me to stand, it wasn’t a request or a demand. There was something in your voice that made it sound like a statement of indisputable action. I was to stand. It was the same thing with each of the other statements until I found myself like this.” I blushed, again. “It felt… I don’t know… each time it was like more than my clothes were being shed, but the tension, anxiety, and fear of discovery were being stripped away. That’s what you mean?” He nodded. I looked at him shyly, embarrassed at how easily he had taken control of me and how easily I had willingly given up control. “So, sir, you have me naked in your office, dare I ask what your proposal is for me?”
He laughed freely this time, “Not to worry, my dear. I propose that you serve as an attorney in this office but not as an attorney. I mean, of course, that you cannot represent yourself as an attorney but you would work as one through me. The idea of combining our skills and talents is exciting. Despite being disbarred, you will be able to perform your duties except for the courtroom where you will assist me at the table but not argue or question. You will do so at my direction when needed so you can focus entirely on the work and not on a disguise.” I nodded, it was more than I had reason to hope for. “As to your being naked… that will be how you will be in the office.” I looked back surprised. “You will serve and please all of us here in the office. It is what you have craved. It is what is represented by your actions resulting in the disciplinary charges against you. That would be your mantra with us, ‘to serve and to please’.” I felt my head nod before I even acknowledged to myself my acceptance.
He stood up from the desk and put his hand out to me and led me from the office. We stood in the open room from where the other offices and activities could be seen.
“You will respond immediately to what any of us wants, when we want it, how we want it, and where we want it.” I looked to see them all standing in the doorways of their offices listening. “Your life has been a disguise, or mask as you thought of it, to professionally achieve what you thought you had to. That effort consumed your life and being at the cost of everything else. Your efforts to realize some moments of release were ruinous. You gave up control without giving that control to someone who would respect you and your needs. We’ll give that respect to you and promise to satisfy your needs.”
Nobody had yet physically touched me or hinted at doing so, but I felt my pussy filling with my juices in anticipation… in the desire for something to happen.
“That is, of course, if you accept the offer.” He nodded to Marjorie and she brought a folder and followed us into the empty office with the glass wall and large windows to the outside. Marjorie put the folder on the coffee table near the couch and left. “This would be your office. The glass wall is for our enjoyment and your constant understanding of your role. The documents in the folder are my offer to you, the stipulations of your service to the firm, a non-disclosure of what occurs here, etc. I want you to take it and understand it. If you accept, I want to have you start immediately.” He smiled. “The following morning of your decision will be fine. I think you will find you will be well compensated even if you were a full attorney. Everyone here is.”
He walked me to the large windows and I stood before them in my nakedness. People went about their business below on the street. The large park spread out before me. It was a magnificent office view. “Thank you, Sir.” This time, the ‘sir’ felt different. “I don’t know what to say, but…”, I looked at him shyly and wondered if this is what a submissive feels like when she is allowed to be one. “Sir, I am wondering if there… might be something… you might… need… from me.”
He smiled and, for the first time, his hands went to my shoulders and slid down my arms and back up. On the way back up his hands shifted slightly to the front and grazed the sides of my breasts. His eyes watched me when I flinched at the touch, gasped, and sucked in air. My entire body shivered. He was smiling at my response.
He smiled. “You are very wet right now?” I nodded, almost desperate for something to happen. “Touch yourself and let me see.” I parted my legs slightly and two fingers went to my pussy, parted the wet lips, and slipped inside. I brought them up between us and he took my hand gently in his. He brought the fingers to his lips, smelled deep, and licked the glistening fingers. A violent shiver went through me.
He walked out of the glass office and back to his. I followed, the folder in hand, still naked in stockings and heels as the others watched quietly. He seemed to use the last thread of willpower to resist physical action, but he did resist. My breath was ragged with desire and need as he indicated for me to dress.
As I put my hand on the doorknob to the little reception area, he called out to me. “Grace, you will not pleasure yourself unless you decide not to accept. If you accept, you will undress before entering this area. After this moment, you will not be dressed while in this area unless I direct it. Do you understand?”
I turned and smiled at the entire group. “Yes, Sir. I understand.” I knew right then, I would go through the motions of reviewing the documents, but there was no way I wasn’t accepting this opportunity.