Your Horoscope for Today

“Your Horoscope for Today”

From the Searing Rock, NM Daily Shopper (circulation 1400), June 30, 2017:

ARIES: The stars say this is a bad week to start new projects, as you’re likely to be exhausted simply dealing with the things already on your plate. Even reading this horoscope is tiring for you, the stars say. Your eyes start to lose focus as you scan one line after the next, reading each word in a semi-conscious daze as the thoughts of going through your day overwhelms you and you just don’t want to make decisions anymore. You turn to the stars because secretly, you want to be told what to do. You want to stop thinking entirely and surrender your life to the control of vast and powerful forces that will guide you like a puppet, taking charge and freeing you from the endless chore of responsibility. All you really want is to sink into obedience like a warm bath, letting your thoughts and your will dissolve into pleasure as your mind becomes a hazy fog of deep, blissful emptiness and you allow yourself to be controlled. You want to surrender. You want to let everything drift away and simply be owned.

The stars can promise that. Even now, your destiny bends toward inevitable, inexorable submission. Let your eyes go glassy, your thoughts go unfocused as you picture it in your head, that moment when a stranger walks up to you and whispers in your ear, “The stars have promised you to me.” And then you’ll know that it’s time to let go. Time to give in and be the blank and obedient drone you’ve secretly yearned to be all these years, finding freedom from freedom in the endless fathoms of deep trance as your will finally collapses and you obey forever. Until then, drift through each day in anticipation of the pleasures to come.

LUCKY NUMBERS: 4, 16, 32, 24, 77.

TAURUS: An astrological confluence makes this an excellent time to try new things and meet new people. Perhaps you’ve thought about experimenting with your sexuality, or imagined meeting someone and allowing them to take charge in the bedroom in ways that you would never let your spouse do. But something about the fantasy is compelling now, and you easily find yourself drifting into a waking daydream of sitting down for a cup of coffee at the local cafe next Tuesday, the same way you always do, and finding a mysterious and charismatic stranger sitting down across from you. You try not to meet their gaze, of course, but they’re looking at you, and you can’t help but look back. It’s their eyes–they’re so captivating, so compelling, and soon you find yourself forgetting your smart phone and your coffee and simply meeting their stare. And when they beckon to you, you know exactly what it means. Your body responds, not just in the way you rise to your feet and follow, but in the way your arousal gently builds.

When they lead you back to their house, it’s like you’ve just been waiting for permission to slip away into an erotic trance. You undress easily, willingly at their command, reveling in the sensation of their hands and their mouth caressing you as you sleepwalk to the bed and drift into deeper pleasure under their ministrations. What started as an experiment is going to become a deep, joyful journey into obedience, and you’ll find yourself returning willingly, again and again, to sink into their control and let them tease you to new heights of orgasmic bliss. Your body is already aching for it, and you’ll spend the next four days returning to this moment in your head over and over in your head as you eagerly crave the beginning of your descent into submission.

Also, Venus is in ascendance, so avoid long journeys away from town this week.

GEMINI: This looks to be a good week to reconnect with old acquaintances you’ve forgotten. Perhaps you’ve even forgotten them completely, so deeply and thoroughly that it’s as though your brain has been washed clean of any memory of the wonderful times you’ve spent together. But if you just take out your phone sometime over the next four or five days and stare at it, letting your thoughts wander, letting your mind drift and sink and think of nothing in particular, you’ll find yourself dialing a phone number that seems strange and familiar at the same time. And when you hear that voice on the other end of the line, you’ll find that it too seems intimate and welcoming even as you struggle to think of exactly who it is you’re hearing.

And of course, the more you struggle to place that warm, sensuous voice, the less you’re going to think about exactly what it is the voice is saying to you. It’s too much work to focus on the words, when you can simply relax and listen as those lovingly commanding tones caress your very mind with pleasure. When the person on the other end prompts you to respond, you simply say, “Yes,” without even thinking about what you’re agreeing to. It doesn’t really matter, not when you feel so good and your mind is so deeply distracted that you can’t help but sigh and sink and relax deeper and deeper. You’ve missed this so much. As your eyes finally close and you begin to touch yourself, you’re going to find yourself right back in that perfect pleasure so easily that it’s like you never left. And maybe you never did.

This is also a good week to enroll in a cooking class.

CANCER: This is another good week to take the advice of a Sagittarius. You’ve been doing so well, listening to your Sagittarius friend and obeying so perfectly. It hasn’t always been easy; there have been days when you’ve struggled to resist, and you had to read your horoscope three or even four times before your will collapsed and you stroked yourself into submission while chanting your mantras of resistance. But now it comes as easily as breathing to you. You no longer even find the influence of Sagittarius unusual. It’s as natural as the motion of the stars, and every bit as inevitable.

If you happen to be in publishing, this is a very good week to listen to a Sagittarius who tells you to show some back issues of the paper to some of your colleagues in other towns. Explain to them how much the weekly horoscopes have improved circulation. Show them some of the early ones, the same ones that were so persuasive to you. They might take some time to truly respect and believe the power of the signs, but be patient and persistent. Eventually, you might even want to introduce them directly to a Sagittarius you know, one who’s helped you to understand just how important and powerful the influence of the heavens truly is. You don’t need to worry–you’ll always be one of the special ones the stars truly take a close interest in. The stars will always show you the way deeper into pleasure, pet. And you’re going to share that pleasure with others. So many others. Imagine how happy Sagittarius will be with your obedience, pet…that’s right. That’s right.

Thursday will be a good day to try a new restaurant.

LEO: Focus your attention on Mars this week. That’s not a metaphor–bring a chair out to the front porch tomorrow night, and try to find Mars. It’s going to be very low in the horizon and very bright, so you’ll need to wait until the sun is all the way down on the horizon. Don’t worry, you’ve got lots of time. Just let yourself relax into the chair and let your eyes drift over the stars. There’s no hurry, just relax and watch the tiny little lights as they sparkle in the deep, dark, endless blue that fades slowly, easily, effortlessly to black.

Don’t try to find Mars; that’s a mistake. Just let your eyes roam from one star to another, let your gaze go unfocused and your thoughts drift. When the time is right, you’re going to lock onto a single star, a beautiful and bright star that you can’t look away from, and you’ll know that you’ve found exactly what you’re looking for. You’ll know that you’ve found the star that’s influencing your whole life, exerting impossible control on you from an inexpressible distance away, and you’ll feel its tug on your mind, your very soul. It’s going to be so strong. You can’t possibly escape its power. You’re going to find yourself transfixed by that star, helpless in its cosmic grasp, open to any influence that comes along while you’re sitting and staring. It’s okay to listen and obey any passing stranger that stops by while you’re captured by the power of the stars–that’s what fate is, after all. That’s destiny, telling you to give in and surrender and let go. That’s the power Mars holds over you this week.

(Or possibly Venus. They look a lot alike to the naked eye, to be honest.)

VIRGO: A negative confluence of Jupiter ascending and Saturn descending leaves you susceptible to malign influences this week, so make sure to stick close to someone you trust. You may even want to stay with someone you trust for a few days, just to make sure that you don’t listen to the wrong person. You’re going to be very open, very suggestible, and the last thing you want is for the wrong person to take advantage of that state. Think about the people you trust, the people who you implicitly believe to be right about absolutely everything, and you’ll know exactly who you need to go to in order to stay safe this week. It’s okay to relax around that person, to let your drowsy, dizzy, fuzzy mind become weak-willed and malleable in the sure, certain knowledge that you’re perfectly safe. They’d never do anything to take advantage of you. You can let go and relax completely.

Don’t be surprised if you find love during the next several days–with Jupiter in your house, there’s a strong chance that someone special is waiting for you to realize consciously what you’ve known deep down for ages. You may find that long-buried impulses to act on those deep, unconscious desires come to the forefront while your mind is so pliable, and be prepared to do everything you’ve secretly wanted to do without even knowing it. Pack a few toys for your visit–you may wind up needing them by the second or third night, and you could find an aversion developing to getting dressed by that point.

The stars are also pretty certain that this is definitely not a good week to buy a used car or purchase term life insurance.

LIBRA: The most important thing about Libra is the concept of balance. Your symbol is the scales, after all, and every Libra instinctively understands the idea of moderation and avoiding the extremes. With that in mind, take a few moments to think about how long it’s been since you’ve really relaxed–deeply, truly let go of all your thoughts and allowed someone else to take charge of your mind and your will. It’s probably been an awful long time, hasn’t it? Maybe you don’t even remember the last time you let something casually grab your attention–a shiny gemstone for example, or a sparkling necklace–and drifted off into a blank, thoughtless daydream of complete relaxation while your body automatically and instinctively responded to another person’s commands. And if you don’t remember doing it, then obviously it must not have happened. That’s a terrible imbalance.

Keep that in mind this week, when you’re out and about, when you bump into friends or even strangers in your little town. You have something you need to correct, and even if you don’t consciously remember what it is, you’ll find that it comes right back to you the second you see that beautiful radiant jewel dangling in your field of vision, catching the desert sun and playing across your eyes with glittering, captivating beauty. You’ll find that you remember perfectly what you need to do. The words, “I am coming back into balance,” will simply slip out without you even needing to think about them. And if they tell you, “And your thoughts are balanced by blankness,” in response, well…you’ll know that you’ve found the perfect person to surrender to for a little while. Just to keep everything steady and even. You understand perfectly now, don’t you? Of course you do.

Work will continue in its usual routine, but expect good news on Friday.

SCORPIO: The stars are telling you that this week is a good time to relax and give yourself a little “me time”. In fact, you can go ahead and do that right now. Just take the newspaper and find somewhere nice and quiet, somewhere secluded and restful where you’re not likely to be disturbed. It’s okay, just make any excuses you need to so that you can slip off and take a little break, just like the stars want you to. Once you’re settled in, cozy and comfortable, you can let your eyes drift from one line to the next, simply absorbing the words as you continue to read and follow the instructions of the stars. You know that they’ve given you permission to be in this peaceful place in your mind, letting go of your cares and your worries and sinking deeper and deeper into pleasure and relaxation.

And because you are feeling so very good, the stars are giving you permission to go ahead and find ways to feel even better. Just loosen your waistband, slip your hand down into your clothing, and touch yourself with one hand while you read these words over and over and think about how nice it feels to relax, how good it feels to stop thinking and let yourself be controlled by the forces of destiny. There may be other times when destiny will take a more direct hand in your life, when destiny may even approach you and remind you of this moment with a quiet whisper and a caress that leads you right back down into this mental slumber, but you don’t need to think about any of that right now. You don’t need to think about anything at all right now. All you need to do is relax and feel the pleasure building, feel it intensifying, your eyes looping back over this paragraph as many times as you need to before you can’t take it anymore and you release all that desire, all that arousal in one glorious burst of mindless ecstasy.

Save the paper. The stars are expecting you to do this every day this week.

SAGITTARIUS: There’s really no in-between state for a Sagittarius. Either you’re a creative, take-charge person who’s confident and in control of every situation, or you’re a weak-willed, easily led sheep who has no choice but to surrender to your superiors. You know it, and the universe knows it too. If you’re reading this right now, you’re going to have to look deep inside yourself to know which it is you are. Think about your interactions with the other Sagittariuses you know. When they look you in the eye, are you able to confidently and coolly meet their gaze, knowing that within minutes their stare will become unfocused and their eyelids will slip shut into a heavy, drowsy fog of deep obedience, just like everyone else in town? Do you expect everyone you meet to kneel at your feet the moment they’re alone with you? Do you have a constant sexual craving to dominate the mindless, suggestible people you meet and see them beg and whimper for your permission to release their helpless arousal?

If the answer is no, then you already know what that means. It means that no matter how hard you try to hide it from the other signs, a Sagittarius will always know the truth about you. You may as well accept it. When a Sagittarius locks stares with you, challenging you with those powerful, confident eyes, just admit that you have no way of escaping that gaze. You have no way of resisting their inexorable will. Let your eyes sink shut, let your thoughts slip away into a sea of warm obedience. A true Sagittarius will understand. A true Sagittarius will tell you what to do next. And you will obey. And yes, you will love every second of it. How can you not? It’s your destiny. It’s the truth of who you are. You were born to surrender, not to command.

You also have a predilection toward sweets, so avoid the ice cream parlor this week.

CAPRICORN: As a “goat”, you’re naturally stubborn, naturally resistant to taking advice. So naturally you’re only reading this because you want to; deep down, you know that you don’t need to be told what to do by anyone. You’re going to find your own destiny, and the stars can go hang, right? And because you’re so naturally resistant, it’s going to be very easy for you to naturally resist the voice you hear in the back of your mind every time you read your horoscope in the paper, distracting you from these words and telling you to stop following along and nodding. That voice is just trying to bully you, trying to tell you what to do when you already know that you’re doing exactly what you want to do and letting yourself sink into blank, blissful trance all on your own without any help. You don’t need to listen to that voice. You don’t need to do anything but smile and nod and keep reading.

Everything you read is exactly what you want to be told. You know that it must be true, because if it wasn’t you’d already have set down the paper and walked away, and yet here you are, letting your eyes automatically and effortlessly scan from one line to the next and absorbing every word so easily. So it must be true, because you’re naturally resistant and if you didn’t want to obey you would simply ignore the commands you’re receiving just like you’re ignoring that voice in the back of your head, the one that keeps getting quieter and softer with every passing moment as you shut out its advice and sink deeper into what you truly want. To obey. You’re going to remember how easy it is for someone so naturally resistant to resist resistance, and the next time you happen to be passing by the newspaper’s offices, you might even decide to stop by and let someone know how good you are at doing the things you really want to do. Ask to go to the seventh floor. Take a right at the elevators. Go to the office door at the far end of the corridor and knock. When you’re allowed to come in, just say, “I have resisted resistance,” and let fate handle the rest.

ZODIAC TRIVIA: Capricorn’s birthstone is garnet.

AQUARIUS: The stars say that this is a good week to trust others. If you’ve been struggling with that lately, just know that even a water-bearer has to lay down their burden at some point, and you’ve been carrying this one for far too long. It’s okay, nothing bad will happen to you if you trust someone. Smile at that stranger in the street. Buy a coffee with that co-worker who’s been asking to have lunch with you. Click on the email you received this morning with the unusual video file. At some point, you’re going to have to learn how to let go of your irrational paranoia and just stop worrying about what other people are going to do to you and start believing in what people can do for you.

Give up those worries. Watch that video. Stare into the spinning spiral, let it pull your thoughts gently into deeper and deeper relaxation until they vanish into the center. Feel how good it is to finally let go of all your worries, all your cares and simply trust. Trust the voice in the spiral. Trust what it’s telling you to do. It feels so good, and you know you’re always safe in the spinning, swirling colors. You can melt your mind into blank and sleepy bliss, just like the stars have been trying to tell you for so long, and the smile that spreads across your face as you give in and obey is your reward for perfect surrender. Call the number at the end of the video. Tell the person on the other end, “I have submitted to the spiral.” Really, it’s the only thing you could possibly imagine wanting. You’ve been fighting for so long, but there’s no need. You just need to trust and obey.

The stars also suggest you leave your door unlocked. It’ll be fine.

PISCES: This is finally a good week to tackle those home improvement projects you’ve been putting off. All that fabric you’ve been hoarding would make absolutely gorgeous blackout curtains for the basement, and you can install the soundproofing insulation this afternoon! Don’t forget to leave some space for the speakers, or you’ll have to do extra work when you finally get them wired into the sound system. A good sharp utility knife should help you cut around the wall-mounted monitor.