Just a warning, this story had a lot of “loving wives” content, some “Good Sam” stuff and no graphic sex scenes. It’s not fit for anyone to read, so you have been warned.
I really appreciate the comments. Entertained me for hours. Thank you all.
*
It was in the desert that I found my salvation. I took a job on a remote farm working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week that included room and board. The hard work kept me from worrying about other things, as I tried to get myself back together. Once a week, I drove into “town” and called my parents, letting them know I was ok. Honestly, I never even thought about trying to date at this time. I just worked pretty much all the time, and that was by design. My mind was a mess, and I wasn’t ready to deal with anything else.
Every week, they informed me that Mary had called or stopped by, looking for me, but they would not tell her where I was. She was still acting crazy, so I had no desire to talk to her. It was nearly comical when I talked to my parents every week, and they updated me on her appearance. She added tattoos and piercings. Then came the weird hair colors and dramatic make-up. Every week, she had looked more and more like a freak. This went on for 4 years. 4 freaking years! Then she suddenly stopped calling and stopped visiting my parents looking for me. She just disappeared.
My father did some asking around and found out Mary’s father had been recalled to Japan, and he took his daughter with him. Apparently, she wasn’t very happy about it either. It took me another year in the desert after that before I finally felt free of her. Five years is a long time, but that’s what it took to put myself back together. I was finally free from the spell she had held on me for so long.
I realized it was my own insecurities that had landed me in this situation. If only I had put my foot down and put a stop to all of her nonsense things might have been different, but I was always worried she would dump me if I did. The only way I could have gotten out of the whole mess with my dignity intact would have been to have said no the very first day she told me to ask her out. The entire enterprise was doomed from the start. There was never an alternative that would have ended well for me.
It was a hard lesson for me to learn, but that is what happens when you try to date someone out of your league. It had taken a toll on my own self-worth. Working out in the desert helped me recover that. Now I know that there was nothing wrong with who I was, but I should have just stuck to my own level.
The irony to the whole thing now is, after the past 5 years, I was considered a “good catch” by most women I talk to and Mary would be lucky to ever find even a decent guy to date her ever again. She had piercings and tattoos, plus two black children. No decent guy would look twice at her despite how beautiful she had once been. In a way, I felt sorry for her, but she had brought this on herself.
After 5 years on the farm, I decided to move to an actual city and get a regular job. It was time. Slowly I reconnected to the world and got back out in it. It was about 2 months after that when I was contacted by a Japanese woman I didn’t know. She had talked to my parents, and they agreed to only give her my email. I opened her email message one night after work.
“Mr. Jason, my name is Myuki, and I apologize for disturbing you, but this is a matter only you can help with. I am a psychologist at SuchandSuch University, and one of my patients is your wife, Mary. Her father has obtained a power of attorney over her, as she is currently being treated at our facility. He has authorized me to discuss certain aspects of her treatment with you. Please understand that it is a very unusual circumstance that has brought me to this point.
Mary has attempted suicide in two separate occasions, and as I uncovered during my discussions with her is the root cause for this issue is her guilt over the breakup with you. She believes she must pay a penance before she will recover enough karma to be worthy of being with you again. Therefore, she believes she must end this life in order to start paying the debt she feels she owes.”
(Note – Mary is Buddhist and believes in reincarnation. She believes once she has repaired her karma, we will find each other again in another life. This is something they believe takes multiple lifetimes to accomplish – thus the desire to end her own life.)
“Therefore, I am asking you to travel to our facility to meet with her. I think you are the only one who can convince her to move off this belief. I believe it will greatly benefit her treatment if she is allowed to apologize to you and ask for your forgiveness. Please understand, this is not an attempt to have you return to your relationship with her. She only hopes for forgiveness. She has accepted that a reconciliation is not possible, but she feels it is important, not only for the redemption of her soul, but for your happiness as well. She fears you suffer daily from her actions, and I believe forgiving her and demonstrating your own wellbeing will relieve her of this burden, and hopefully eliminate her desire to end her own life.
I would not have reached out to you had we not come to an impasse in her care. No matter what I try, I cannot move her from this belief. She is determined to end her life, and you are the only one who can help move her from this position. Her father has made arrangements to provide for your travel and stay, at his expense, if you are willing to meet with her. I strongly request you to consider this action in order to help her.
Sincerely, Dr. Myuki”
I talked to my parents, and upon her return to Japan, Mary’s parents had put her in rehab and got her into therapy. Apparently, Dave had kept her on high on Ecstasy and other drugs most of the time, which explained some of her behavior. Eventually the therapist made her realize not only what she had done to herself, but to me as well. It was then that she had a breakdown, mostly over the guilt that she felt over how she had treated me. That is what led to her suicide attempts. The first attempt may have been just a cry for help, but the second attempt was the real thing.
In a bit of irony, I had accidently saved her life on that second attempt. Mary had gone to a bridge, determined to jump. She climbed up on the retaining wall, and had to jump over a fence, but she was wearing my hoodie when she did, maybe as a message to me as it was my favorite piece of clothing. Had it been clean the day I left; I would have been wearing it. The hood caught the fence she had jumped over and held her there long enough for bystanders on the bridge to get to her and keep her from freeing herself and completing her fall. It was then that her father took control over her and they admitted her to the hospital. She was a thin piece of material away from being dead.
I replied to Dr. Myuki that I would consider her request. The next morning, I was woken by my phone ringing. I answered the phone, and it was Mary’s father. I wasn’t even sure how he got my number, but I knew he was connected so I wasn’t that surprised. It was a very discouraging call, as he was not the same man I had known before. While he had always publicly demonstrated a humility that is rare of very successful men, that man was gone. The man speaking to me was devastated. I could feel the pain in his voice as he literally begged me to come see Mary.
If I had any doubts about going, that call destroyed them. Yes, I had a lot of different feelings about Mary, but this was no longer about me. I had resolved things in the desert long ago. I had to help her and her family. I couldn’t turn my back on a person in need. I knew I couldn’t hide in the desert forever, but I was not prepared for what I was about to face.
I flew into Tokyo and was picked up by a car that took me to my hotel. At Dr. Myuki’s suggestion, I went to the hospital where Mary was being treated. She gave me a brief tour and then took me to her office where she showed me the video feed from Mary’s room. She was under constant surveillance – suicide watch. She looked nothing like the woman I had known before. She had lost at least 25 pounds – practically skin and bones, and a total wreck. It was a disturbing sight.
“I wanted to prepare you Jason.” Dr. Myuki told me. “Tomorrow will be a difficult day, and I have told Mary you are coming. This is actually a good day for her, because of that news. Most days she won’t even get out of her bed. I assure you, she won’t be allowed to touch you in any way. I will have attendants present to prevent that. It will be very emotional, but I need you to stay calm and let her talk. She is carrying a deep guilt, and the only way for her to start to recover is for her to give up the desire to end her own life. I have talked over and over with her about it, and she knows not to expect a reconciliation. She just hopes for forgiveness.”
I told the doctor I understood, and I had prepared myself for it, but the truth is, nothing had prepared me for what I saw when she showed me the feed to Mary’s room. I could barely believe she was the same person I was married to five years ago. She looked so thin and frail. Now I understand why her father was so distraught.
I didn’t sleep that night at all. I’d like to say it was jetlag, but the image on the video screen in Dr. Myuki’s office haunted me. How could things have gone so bad? How could that be the same confident, vibrant woman I had once married? The woman who wasn’t willing to compromise on what she wanted in life. A part of me wanted to say she got what she deserved, but I didn’t want to be that man. That would have made me no better than her.
Getting into the patient area of the hospital was much like what I imagined going into a prison was like. I had to remove my belt and shoelaces. Then I was thoroughly searched for anything that could be taken from me. Finally, Dr. Myuki and I sat in a brightly lit room with only built-in benches. Not a single piece of furniture. It looked so sterile.
The door opened and two attendants escorted Mary in. Tears immediately started rolling down her face when she saw me, but she stayed calm. They escorted her to within a few feet of me and the doctor, as we stood up.
“Mary, do you have something you want to say to Jason?” Dr. Myuki spoke in a calm voice.
“Jason,” Mary started. “I want to apologize for my behavior. I hurt you and you did not deserve it. I was wrong to treat you as I did. Please allow me to beg for forgiveness.”
Then she dropped to her knees and pressed her face to the floor in an act of humility. Literally begging for my forgiveness. This is a big deal for the Japanese. That deep of a bow is normally reserved only for the emperor, but she was trying to demonstrate her sincerity.
“Mary, I don’t want you to be unhappy. That was a long time ago. Of course, I forgive you.” was my practiced line, and I recited it perfectly.
Without lifting her head from the floor, Mary said “Thank you Jason. Please know, that I will always love you.”. Then she rose to her knees and shouted something in Japanese. It was just then I saw what could only be called a “shiv” in her hand. I was frozen, I couldn’t move. Very quickly she slashed one of her wrists, then the other. With blood already pooling on the floor, she slashed again and again and again, until the attendants finally came to their senses and grabbed her arms. The entire scene was horrifying, and I was screaming for her to stop.
Dr. Myuki pushed me out of the room as the attendants carried Mary out, with her still shouting the same phrase in Japanese. It shook me to my core. I’ve never been so disturbed in my entire life. I actually fell onto the floor I could not hold myself up. Dr. Myuki picked my head up off the floor and was saying something I didn’t care about. I didn’t want to hear her excuses. For those of you who think I’m a wimp, let me tell you. It is very different seeing it in person than in a movie. I will never get over it as long as I live.
Dr. Myuki took me to her office, and I laid down on a couch for a half an hour before I felt strong enough to get up. Immediately I asked what had happened to Mary, and they told me she was in surgery. I guess the one good thing was she was already at a hospital, so they had acted quickly.
I had to know, so I asked Dr. Myuki what it was Mary had been shouting the entire time. My Japanese was only basic, and there were some words in there I didn’t recognize. Mary had kept repeating the same thing over and over, and the doctor knew I wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer, so she finally just told me.
“I will find absolution in the next life.” Dr. Myuki explained was the phrase Mary had been shouting.
That broke my heart to hear. Even though I had told her I forgave her, I don’t think she was capable of forgiving herself. I think she looked at our meeting as a way to say goodbye to me. It hurt knowing another human being had felt that way because of me. No matter how justified I was, I didn’t wish this upon her.
Dr. Myuki tried to send me back to the hotel, but I would not go. I got a little “American” on them and pressed the fact that technically, I was still her husband, and I would cause I big stink if they kicked me out. Finally, they allowed me to wait outside in the surgery waiting room and Dr. Myuki disappeared. A few minutes later, Mary’s parents showed up, looking as distraught as I felt. They both greeted me warmly considering the circumstances, after all it wasn’t my fault what had happened.
They asked me what went wrong, and I told them everything that happened. Then Dr. Myuki returned, and Mary’s father spoke to her. Dr. Myuki had been observing the operation they were doing on Mary. She told him in English so that I could hear that Mary was still alive, but there were two teams of surgeons fighting furiously to get the bleeding stopped. Mary had done a lot of damage, and her very life was hanging in the balance. This had not been a cry for help, this was a strong effort to end her life.
Even after the surgery was finished, they weren’t sure if Mary would live. Basically, the chief surgeon said the next 24 hours were crucial. If Mary survived those 24 hours, the odds were much better that she would recover.
I waited at the hospital overnight and all the next day. It wasn’t until the following night that Mary woke up. Now, this isn’t the movies, and she wasn’t happy, and all her problems were solved. She was still distraught and had to be physically restrained to prevent her from hurting herself further. Dr. Myuki suggested we all briefly visit with her. She needed to know people cared about her and wanted her to recover.
I’ll be honest, up until that point, I had carried a lot of feelings for Mary that I had kept suppressed. I had still had some anger and bitterness for her but seeing her in that condition over the last couple of days had silenced those feelings. She was a human being in need of help. She was a human being I had loved at one point.
When it was my turn, I spoke to her.
“Hi. How are you feeling?” I asked her.
She was weak, but just nodded.
“Mary, I’m sorry I made you feel this way. I’m sorry I cut you off like I did. I was not strong enough to face you, and that is my fault.” I told her, getting a little emotional.
“Jason,” she quietly replied. “I’m sorry. This is entirely my fault. I want to pay for my actions.”
“If you really are sorry, then stop trying to hurt me again.” I tried a different approach. “I will always care for you, and it hurts me that you tried to kill yourself. If you really want to pay for your actions, then get better and get out of this place. Repay me by being a good friend to me. I’d be much happier if you were that again.”
“I thought you would be happy if I died.” she started crying.
“No, I wouldn’t be happy at all. It would upset me greatly.” I quickly replied. “No matter what, I wish you to have a happy life and it pains me to see you in this condition. I want Mary back. I want to be your friend again.”
Mary just nodded. I don’t know if I reached her or not. Only time would tell.
“They want you to rest now, but I am not leaving. I will be here today, tomorrow and every day until you get better.” I told her, and I meant it.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized, I could either go home and go back to my do-nothing job and my life of hiding – only worrying about myself, or I could stay here and actually do something to help. I had a rare opportunity to really impact another person’s life. I realized that this was the reason Mary crossed my path years ago. I was sent here to help her at this very moment.
So, I went back out to the waiting room, and Mary’s father asked if I was going back to my hotel. “No.” I replied. “I’m going to stay here as long as I’m needed. I promise you; I will do everything in my power to help you get your daughter back.”
I nearly fainted again when he hugged me. Very out of character, and I heard him say “Thank you” to me. He didn’t even hug me on my wedding day. Once again, I was impressed with how much he cared about his child. At that moment, he was not an executive or a businessman. He was just a father who was very worried about his daughter. I knew I was doing the right thing. I think forgiving and helping someone who wronged you is what makes a man a real man. Not being violent and angry. That’s the easy way out. Doing what is hard just because you know its right is what being a real man is all about.
We all stayed at the hospital overnight. Mary woke up the next morning, and once again, her doctor thought it was best if we all visited her again briefly. She really wanted to impress upon Mary that there were people that cared about her. She didn’t talk a lot, but I just chatted away about my trip over here and the things I saw in Japan. She seemed to be out of the woods as far as her immediate physical health was concerned. Her surgeon even let me eat lunch with her. I think she ate half a banana, but at least it was something.
That afternoon, Mary rested, and her father told me to go back to my hotel and take a nap. He would stay there until I returned. I was exhausted, and everything seemed to be ok, so I took the opportunity to get a shower, at least. I finally laid down for an hour before I woke up and wanted to go back to the hospital.
We all got to see Mary again that night, and afterwards, her father took the opportunity to go home and get some rest. We talked and decided we would take turns on the over-night shifts. After 4 more days, Mary was moved into a less restrictive area of the hospital, and we were able to visit her at the same time, and for longer periods of time.
Mary’s psychologist, Dr. Myuki also started meeting with her at this time. She jumped right into the problem and tried to find out why Mary had hidden her intentions from her. They met for two hours a day for the next 6 days before she asked to meet with me and her father.
“It’s very early, but I am optimistic.” Dr. Myuki explained. “I don’t know what you said to her Jason, but she seems to have grasped onto a goal now. She says she wants to become your friend again and has realized how her suicide attempts hurt you and her parents. I think she wants to move past it now. Something I haven’t seen from her the entire time I have been treating her.”
Several days later, Mary was transferred back to the mental health ward, and was to start rehabilitation on her wrist injuries while continuing counseling for her emotional problems.
I visited Mary every day for two weeks, and she seemed to be making progress. Dr. Myuki said she was a completely different person in counseling. She had opened up unlike before and began treatment in earnest. It was this time that I talked to her father. I needed to return to the US, and get some things squared away. He said he understood, and then he said something that surprised me.
“Jason, I want you to live here, temporarily at least. I know the US is your home, but I want you here as much as possible to help Mary. You have already done so much for her, and I don’t want to lose the progress she has made. Would you consider it if I made arrangements to take care of everything?”
I told him I needed time to think about it, but I would consider it. At the least, I needed to get a new supply of clothes and restock the other supplies I would need over the next few weeks. I told him I would go home for 5 days, and then return. I also promised I would explain it to Mary before I left. I wanted her to understand I would be returning.
Mary was understanding, and I felt like she believed me when I told her I would be back in 5 days. That made me feel better as I didn’t want her to think I was abandoning her because I wasn’t.
I got home and dragged my ass into my apartment to take care business. I had a long chat with my parents, who still loved Mary dearly despite of what she had done and told them everything that had gone on. They were shocked and very saddened at the events. I paid my bills and got my laundry, then went to my work and asked for an extended leave of absence. I had used all my vacation and sick days.
Honestly, I didn’t care if they approved it or not. I could collect unemployment if they fired me, but they said it was no problem, and they granted me the leave. Once I got everything arranged, I asked everyone I knew to write a letter of encouragement for Mary, and I took them back with me, as she was not allowed internet access.
Mary was happy to see me when I got back, and after I spent an afternoon with her, I gave her the letters I printed out and gave her time to rest. Her father met me outside her room. He had been busy when I was gone. He gave me a phone that worked in Japan, and keys to an apartment nearby. It was fully furnished and paid for, so I didn’t have any expenses other than my food, which he said he also had arranged for. He contracted a housekeeper to clean my apartment once a week, and stock my pantry with any food I asked for. He was trying his best to make sure I had plenty of time to spend with Mary.
Mary’s physical health improved, and she regained most of the use of her hands, and her concealing sessions showed remarkable improvement. In just a few short months, they started letting Mary go outside of the hospital with either me or her parents for a short period. I was especially happy to see her enjoy the simple things again. Just being outside in the sun was a treat to her, and she would just enjoy sitting outside as we talked.
While her doctor agreed that the immediate threat to her life was past, they still needed to find out the reasons why she acted out like she had. As with most psychology, there was never a clean answer, but her doctor gave her mental tools to use when faced with adversity rather than turning to sex as her release.
Her doctor theorized that it was a coping mechanism, and that Mary had long disguised a feeling of inadequacy and low self-esteem. The sex was compensating for those feelings – like a crutch to prop up her self-esteem. Being wanted makes anyone feel better, even if it’s just physical. She said it was difficult to arrive at that diagnosis, because Mary was an expert at hiding her feelings.
She may have expressed those feelings at some point, early in her life, but It was dismissed because she appeared so beautiful to everyone else. Nobody took her admission seriously, but inside she didn’t feel beautiful. All the piercings and tattoos had been an effort to make her outside look as ugly as she had felt inside.
One of final steps in her counseling was for her to volunteer at the hospital, helping other patients. The doctor said it was important that she learn to find joy in helping others, and not depend upon things like drugs and alcohol for her happiness. Mary told me she especially liked working with the kids in the children’s ward and said she would like to continue there even after her release. Her doctor was especially pleased at that request.
The day came, nearly 6 months after her suicide attempt, that she was going to be released. Her doctor called us all in, and she told us we should all be proud of Mary, as she had come a long way from where she was. Her doctor told us that we didn’t have to treat her delicately. She had prepared Mary for the harsh reality of life, and she wanted to demonstrate Mary’s newly developed skills to deal with difficult situations.
She flat out asked Mary, in front of all of us, if she would ever consider suicide again. Mary was nervous, but confidently replied that she would not. She said, she has learned how her actions have consequences to others, not just her, and committing suicide is a selfish act. She now worried that the people she loved would suffer if she did something like that again.
Then the doctor asked her, “Who are the people who love you?”
Mary smiled for one of the first times since her hospitalization.
“My mother, my father, you and Jason.” she replied.
“And do you believe Jason will be your husband again?” the doctor asked, making me feel very uncomfortable.
“No.” Mary replied very definite. “I hope he can become my friend though. I miss having him in my life.”
Sensing the tension, the doctor moved on. “What are you going to do if someone makes you feel uncomfortable?”.
“I will express my feelings to them, and if they do not respect my feelings, I will try to remove myself from that situation, but most of all, I will talk about it with the people who care about me.”
The doctor smiled. “And who are those people again?”
“You, my parents and Jason.” Mary replied.
“Mary, you have all the tools you need to live a happy life. It will be difficult at times. Everyone goes through tough days, but you don’t have to carry that burden by yourself anymore. You have people who love you who and will pick you up when you are feeling down. Most of all, I want to remind you not to be scared of your feelings. It is normal to feel down sometimes. We are all here for you. You can depend on the people in this room, but you have to allow yourself to trust us.” Mary’s doctor stood up after the speech, and Mary smiled again.
Mary stood up and hugged the doctor for a long time. Then she whispered something to the doctor, and they parted. Mary’s parents took her home, and I was invited to join them. Mary was especially happy to see her children, and I was impressed how much she loved them. I mentally reminded myself not to blame them. Sure, they were the product of Mary’s infidelity, but that wasn’t their fault. I had forgiven Mary, and I wanted to treat them with nothing but kindness.
I was nervous for several nights after Mary went home. I was scared to get that call. I woke up in a panic sometimes, afraid she had hurt herself again, but that call never came. Mary took baby steps. She started a routine of seeing her therapist three times per week, followed by volunteering at the children’s hospital. She was content with that for now, as she continued to get her feet back under herself.
It was at this time I started thinking about my own future. Mary needed me less and less as time went on. Some days, we only spoke by phone, but she always contacted me to see how I was doing, and I always asked how she was doing. I was very pleased when told me for the first time when she had a bad day. I offered to rush over, but she stopped me, saying she just needed to talk about it, and we did exactly that. I had to learn just to listen sometimes, and not try to fix everything for her. For example, there was a doctor in the Children’s hospital who was cold to her. Instead of internalizing it, Mary talked about it, and decided that it was ok. Not everyone had to be friendly to her – it is part of life. It didn’t mean she was a bad person.
Her father sensed my desire to start moving forward with my life and made me an offer. He knew I would not just accept a position working for him, but he offered to arrange an interview with a business associate of his. He made it clear, I was totally on my own, and he would not interfere in the process, but it was a good job that would keep me in Japan, and in Mary’s life. I agreed to go on the interview.
The company made products for a sister company in the US, and they needed someone to become their point of contact for all issues with the US branch. They had tried several Japanese engineers in the position, and it hadn’t gone well. Yes, we Americans can be difficult to deal with sometimes.
I instantly liked the guy, as he was one of the rare Japanese people who was both very funny and very happy. I literally believe he can’t go five minutes without laughing. His philosophy was when it was time to work, you did the work, but when the work was finished, it was time to enjoy life. The people working for him seemed very happy, and I wanted a boss like that, regardless of what country it was in.
He gave me a tour, pointing out that he didn’t have time clocks or attendance sheets. He said he trusts his employees, and all that matters was getting the job done, not spending a certain amount of time at your desk. A forward thinker, and I really liked what I heard.
We sat down in his office and he asked all the usual questions. Then like it was an announcement, he said, “Ok. Interview over. Now is time for chatting. Jason-san, Mary’s father told me what you did for her. You are a good person, and I think good people deserve a chance. I can teach you about our business, but I can’t teach you to be a good person. I need people like you at my company.”
And just like that, I agreed to go to work for him. Everything was different. I was thousands of miles away from “home”, but I settled into a routine. Mary was a big part of my life. We talked every day and spent many evenings together. She needed a steady influence in her life, and I provided that. We became much better friends that we had ever been before. It’s funny how things change when sex isn’t part of the equation. She went out of her way to show me respect. It was a little late, but better late than never.
Things go on, as they tend to do. Slowly, I developed a small circle of friends, and Mary did the same, although she only talked to females. Just an observation by me. Even with our developing social lives, we always connected every day. Even if for just 5 minutes.
I usually skipped the drinking sessions Japanese men are famous for. Never has been my thing, but a few of the guys in my group of friends took me to a baseball game. It was completely different that games in the US. The fans had a real comradery. Each section selected a player to root for, made signs, created choregraphed cheers and generally had a rousing good time.
I fell in love with it, and I became a regular at the baseball games. It was a nice escape from the boredom that can set in when you are an outsider in a foreign country. I very quietly went out with a few girls, but none of them ever really progressed to a relationship. They were nice enough, but just never seemed to have the connection and chemistry I thought a couple should have.
By then it had been over 5 years since Mary had gotten out of the hospital, but she refused every attempt to set her up on a date. Her friends tried, her parents tried, hell even I tried, but she shut it down before it could even start. Finally, her father asked me to try one last time, and I hatched a plan.
I was dating a girl at the time, and I asked her if she had any male friends I could set Mary up with. She produced a cousin who seemed to be a reasonable guy. So, I invited Mary to meet me one night at a restaurant and brought the girl I was dating and her cousin along with me without warning Mary.
Mary came, and I introduced her to them, but she went totally quiet. Barely said a word the entire night. She wasn’t rude, but just totally unenthusiastic about the entire time. The next day, the girl I was dating told me her cousin tried calling Mary, but she didn’t take his call. I text Mary that I’d like to see her that night, and after work, I went over to her parents’ house where she was staying.
We sat in her room and talked. I asked her why she would not talk to the guy.
“Jason, you are the only man who could make me happy again. It is my destiny to die alone, as punishment for my actions. I will never entertain another man in my life, no matter how long I live.” she told me.
So, I left it alone, and we went on with our lives. I’m nowhere near smart enough to council her on that issue. It wasn’t really my place either. If her father hadn’t asked me, I would not have gotten involved. It was incredibly awkward setting up a date for your wife, but we were just friends, so I did it at his request. I briefly thought about going ahead and getting the paperwork done to officially divorce us, but decided in the end it was just paperwork, and wouldn’t really change anything. I didn’t think I’d ever be interested in getting married again, so it really didn’t matter.
I really liked my job, and I seemed to do pretty good at it. Even when I had an offer to move back to the US, I didn’t take it. Mary and I didn’t drift apart, but our contact became less and less frequent as she needed me less and less. I was still there for her when she needed a friend, but we were both busy. Instead of every day, it slowed to every other day, and eventually once a week. Sundays were our day to socialize, and occasionally, her parents invited me over to their house to have dinner with them. She was my best friend.
Once again, life goes on, and somehow it had been 4 years since I tried to set Mary up on a date. I was now 36 years old, and thoroughly tired of the dating scene. It was the one area I did not enjoy in Japan. So few women were willing to date a foreigner, and even fewer still that weren’t crazy. I commonly referred to the pool of Japanese women available to foreigners as ducks on a pond. On the surface, they all seemed nice enough, but underneath the surface, a lot of them were bat shit crazy.
I was getting old and I seriously considering returning to the US for good. Mary really didn’t need me anymore and my better years were behind me. I needed to sort my own life out. I needed to find that one person I could spend the rest of my life with romantically. I tried really hard to find that person for a long time in Japan, without success. After so many failures, I was ready to give up.
One of my good friends I attended baseball games with told me he knew a girl who wanted to meet me. Since we were going to the next game anyway, he said he would just give his ticket to her and arranged for her to meet me at the ballpark. I had very little expectations of this date, even if she did show up. I had become use to disappointment.
I arrived at the stadium and made my way inside to our section of the stands. I took my seat and watched as the players warmed up before the game. I looked up, and Mary was standing next to me. Of course, I said hi to her, and asked her why she was here. She told me that our friend had told her of my frustration and that I was considering returning to the US. She was the one who had asked him to arrange the “date”.
“Jason,” she looked at me, with tears running down her face. “I know you haven’t thought about me in this way, for a long time, but I think enough time has passed and I was hoping you would be interested in letting me start over with you. I’m not the same person I was before, and I would very much like to spend an afternoon with you, as your date. No pressure, no big declarations, no expectations. Just a casual date with a girl you might want to get to know again. I have not even held hands or kissed another man in more than 10 years. As I told you before, I will never entertain another man for the rest of my life.”
I was a little stunned. Not at her presence, but at her statement. In a way, I was proud of her confidence. She had truly been broken 10 years ago, but the woman standing before me wasn’t broken. I think she was determined to prove to me that she was a different person now. She actually had the confidence to date all along, she had just chosen not to. Once again, she knew what she wanted in life, and wasn’t going to settle for anything less. She was taking her shot before it was too late.
And I did look at her differently for the first time in those 10 years. She was right. She isn’t the same girl I had fallen in love with before, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. That girl had betrayed me in the worst way possible. This girl was different. She had a humility I’d never seen from her when we last dated. I can’t explain it well. The underlying arrogance was gone. She was more concerned about others than herself now. I honestly believe she would rather die than lose my trust again. She was right. I did want to get to know this girl more.
Mary stuck out her hand, like for a handshake.
“Hi Jason. My name is Mary. It’s nice to meet you.” she wiped the tears away and smiled as she said it.
I took her hand and shook it. Nobody in the world would blame me if I turned her down, but honestly, I wasn’t the same person I was all those years ago either. I like to think I had grown up some too. I had learned to forgive her, not just in actions, but in my heart. More importantly, I had accepted myself and learned that what I wanted was important too. No matter how beautiful she was, what I wanted was just as important, and I would never get pushed into the background again.
“Hi Mary.” I smiled back at her. “It is very nice to meet you too.”