You Ain’t Alone

“You ain’t alone, so why you lonely?

There you go on the dark end of the street.

Are you scared to tell somebody how you feel about somebody?

Are you scared what somebody’s gonna think?

Or are you scared to wear your heart out on your sleeve?

Are you scared of me?”

“You Ain’t Alone” by the Alabama Shakes wafted through the speakers of Julian’s Toyota Tundra as he stared at taillights on the freeway. His right hand lazily gripped the top of the steering wheel, while his left elbow was propped next to the window of the driver’s door; his left hand balanced his head, while his eyes, half-closed, kept shifting focus between his knuckles on top of the steering wheel and the taillights on the road.

It was the home stretch, now. He began to see things he recognized: businesses, exits, street names. The sun had set long ago, and he was quickly approaching hour seven of his trip back home. He glanced at the clock glowing back at him from the dashboard: 12:47 am. He’d technically left on November 19th, but it was now the 20th.

“Technically”, he thought to himself, “Lily’s 18.”

He reached for his phone to send his sister a text to mark the moment. Just after unlocking the screen, though, he paused and thought better of it. He locked it back and pitched it to the passenger seat. “I’m almost there, anyway. I can tell her in person.”

Being November, he was nearly halfway done with his final year of college. Both of his parents had made a living as accountants, and his sister was set to follow in their footsteps. Crunching numbers never interested Julian, though. Ever since he could remember, he’d been interested in exactly the sorts of things his parents told him he could never make a career in. In short, Julian loved to think. His body may have been firmly planted on the ground, but his mind was always in the clouds. Reading… considering… contextualizing… applying. Julian loved to see the wonder in the otherwise mundane things in life.

Once, as a child, he refused to come in from recess. The rain had started falling, and the teachers were frantically herding the students back into the building before they got absolutely soaked. Not Julian. When everyone else ran toward the school, he stood in the middle of the playground, arms spread, face tilted to the sky, with an enormous smile. His teacher, Mrs. Morrison, ran under the protection of an umbrella to retrieve him. “Julian! It’s time to come inside!” When she swung the umbrella over his head to shield him from the onslaught of raindrops, he simply looked up to her face, shook his head, and stepped back out into it. Mrs. Morrison watched him curiously.

“Isn’t it amazing?” he remarked.

He watched the raindrops slowly trickle off his fingertips.

“This water evaporated from somewhere at some point.” He paused before he looked back up at his teacher. “Isn’t that right?”

“That’s right,” she said, “but if you stand out in it, you might catch cold. Come along, Julian.”

As she held the crook of his elbow guiding him back to school, he openly wondered, “I wonder where this water came from. I wonder how far it’s traveled to get to this playground.”

As a young adult, not much had changed. This sort of behavior made Julian a bit peculiar to some, but he didn’t care.

When asked by his father what he planned to do with a degree in this whole charade of wonder, Julian considered it for a moment before replying with a curt but honest, “Hell if I know.” But if his parents insisted he go to college, he was going to spend the time studying something he loved. It didn’t go down well at first, but they eventually tolerated his decision. Truth be known, Julian wanted to be a professor. If he could open someone’s eyes to the world he saw… only one person… he would have considered his career an overwhelming success. He certainly had the chops for it, too. His voice immediately commanded the attention of anyone within hearing distance of it. It was deep. It was strong. It was clear, and it was concise. His freshman year, he’d been told by a classmate awkwardly trying to flirt with him that he should be in the phone sex business. It was common on campus for people to tell him they recognized his voice if they heard him talking outside of the classroom. His voice also just happened to perfectly match his body. Julian was tall. He stood at 6’2″, and he carried a stocky frame. He’d started for his football team in high school, and he’d kept his muscular build well into college. His shoulders were broad, his body was tall, and his voice was commanding. Everything about Julian was imposing… except his personality.

He was confident, but it was a quiet confidence. He carried himself as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He somehow managed to juxtapose his physical frame with an unassuming nature. He was usually far too distracted with something that no one else would have even noticed.

When he was a teenager, he regularly spent time with his best friend, Jacob. Their personalities didn’t match in any way, but they played on the same defensive line, got chewed out by the same coach, and went to the same proverbial war together every Friday night. They couldn’t help but to have a connection. Once, while at Jacob’s house, Jacob was playing Call of Duty: Nazi Zombies. He screamed and swore at the TV screen when he got a pistol from the mystery box instead of the ray gun he desperately wanted. Frustrated, he put the game on pause and looked over to see Julian propped in the window sill reading “Metaphysics” by Aristotle.

“Why do you do that, man?” Jacob asked. “I mean, honest to God, why would you read that over playing this game with me? Explain it to me. I’m serious.”

Julian smirked over his book before he replied, “Don’t you know bad boys move in silence and violence?”

Jacob immediately picked up on the Notorious B.I.G. reference. “I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean reading Aristotle all day, dumbass.” Jacob scratched his head before wandering into the kitchen. “I guess you’re the Big Aristotle, huh?”

“That’s Shaq,” Julian shot back.

Jacob laughed. “Shaq wouldn’t know how to spell his first name if you gave him the first three letters.”

Julian smiled as he recalled the memory. Maybe Jacob’s in town, he thought. Julian had gotten an early jump to be there for his sister’s birthday, but next week was Thanksgiving. There was a good shot Jacob would be around at some point.

Julian ran his left hand through his coal black hair before softly scratching his square jaw. This drive may well have been torture for others, but for him, it was his happy place. It was quiet. He liked quiet.

His phone startled him when it began to blare a ringtone that he immediately recognized: his girlfriend, Amber.

“Hey baby.”

“Hey, yourself,” Amber replied, yawning immediately after she said it.

“What can I do for you this evening?” Julian sarcastically asked.

“Ohhh, I don’t know. A million dollars, a diamond ring, and a new Bentley would be a good start.” Amber was familiar with Julian’s sarcastic sense of humor, and she’d learned to dish it right back to him. It was a sort of dance that they both loved, and Julian found it attractive. They’d been dating for about a year, now. They didn’t exactly operate on the same wavelength, but she was kind, he could tell that she genuinely cared about him, and, well….. she had a secret weapon.

“I knew it. I’m just a bag of money to you, aren’t I?”

“A girl’s gotta eat.”

“Mmm…. You can eat if I can eat.”

“Oooooooo” Amber said coyly into the phone. Julian laughed and stretched in his seat.

“Did you make it back home?” Julian asked.

“I did. I was literally falling asleep, but now I’ve had two cups of coffee. I didn’t want to fall asleep without knowing you made it, too.” Amber headed home for the Thanksgiving break earlier that day, too. He smiled at her genuine concern for his safety.

Julian saw an opportunity to tease her. “Amber loo–oo–ves Ju-lian, Amber loo-oo-ves Ju-lian!”

Amber laughed at his chanting.

He kept it up. “Amber and Julian sittin’ in a tree…. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

“Shush, weirdo. But seriously… are you almost home?”

Julian clicked on his turn signal to exit the freeway exactly as those words left her mouth.

“I’m literally exiting the freeway right now. That was impeccable timing. 10 out of 10.”

“OH! Speaking of 10 out of 10, I was watch–”

Amber’s voice was interrupted by an incoming call. It was Julian’s mother.

“Baby hold that thought, mom’s calling. You gonna be awake in 30 minutes or so?”

“I’m pretty sure I’ll be awake until tomorrow morning, because I’m still drinking coffee. FaceTime?”

“Sounds good. I’ll let you know. I love you.”

“I love you, baby.”

Julian ended their call before patching his mother through.

“Hallo?”

There was a brief silence on the other end of the phone.

“Hallo??”

“….. Julian?” His mother inquired.

“Ich spreche Deutsch.”

“…… What????”

Julian laughed. He was often the only one that laughed at his quirky behavior, but that never really bothered him.

“What on earth is wrong with you?” His mother said in a frustrated voice.

“Well I’m my mother’s son, I guess that’s a good place to start.”

“Go ahead and turn that truck around. Right now.”

“No!!!” He heard Lily’s protest in the background and smiled.

“Sounds like you’re outvoted, old mother old pal,” Julian said with a purposefully lowered voice. “Now here’s what’s going to happen… You’re going to meet me outside, and you’re going to have a bellhop ready to carry my bags to my room. You’re going to immediately have my truck washed and serviced. And there will be refreshments in–”

“Are you almost home, dear?” His mother asked, cutting off his fake monologue in between laughter.

“As a matter of fact, I am. I’m actually shocked that you’re awake. I was figuring I’d end up letting myself in when I got there.”

“Well your father is down for the count, but you know me better than that. The girls are up, and we’re waiting for you.”

“Give me five minutes, and I’ll be there.”

“Be careful, dear. See you soon.”

Julian ended the call and tossed his phone back to riding shotgun in the passenger seat. “1-2-3, are you scared to dance for me? Bite the bullet or tug my sleeve? Or are you scared out on your own two feet?” He mumbled along to the music still softly filling his truck cab. He’d had the same song on repeat for at least an hour, now.

Street lights illuminated a road he could navigate blindfolded. It was the road that led to his childhood home. He consciously relished a few more moments of solitude. Down the road a piece, his attention was drawn to a large, open field just outside of his parents’ neighborhood. It was pitch dark outside, but it was usually around this time that he would be in that field as a teenager. While his teammates partied the weekend after a game, where was he? In a dark field looking through the eyepiece of a telescope at Saturn. Late summer was typically the best time to see it, but it was still visible in the fall. No matter how many times he looked at it, he couldn’t take it in. It mystified him… as if some strange power gravitated his attention to it and held it there forever. He would stare at it for hours, contemplating ten thousand different questions that came buzzing into his mind like a swarm of bees: “How insignificant am I? Is there a God? I know we’re beyond that point, now, but… what about Galileo? He was supposedly the first person to see Saturn through a telescope. I know people argue back and forth about whether he believed in God or not. Who knows? But I’ve gotta say… after seeing Saturn for the first time, I wouldn’t blame him if he did think there was a God. I mean… look at it. How many people lived their entire existence before Galileo? How many people lived without knowing that something so majestic was up in the night sky staring down at them? How many people lived well after Galileo and just… didn’t care?”

Once, when he was 16 and Lily was 12, she begged to go with him one Saturday night. She did everything she could to peer through the eyepiece herself, but even on her tip-toes she couldn’t quite get there. She stumbled and knocked the telescope out of place.

Julian teased her. “Hey, you’re knocking it all over the place! Go get your own telescope!”

Lily pouted, and a huge smile spread across his face as he put the telescope back in position.

“Alright, squirt,” he said. “Come here.” Julian held his arms out to her, and she immediately raced into them. He turned her facing away from him before wrapping her in a huge bear hug and lifting her off the ground effortlessly. Lily giggled before she took a sudden gasp of air once the eyepiece was in plain view. “Oh………. Oh my.”

“My thoughts, exactly,” Julian responded. He stared up at the sky with his naked eyes while holding his sister as still as possible. “My thoughts, exactly,” he trailed off.

“It’s like it’s not even real.”

Julian nodded in agreement and swallowed, though she didn’t see it. “It’s like it’s too beautiful to be real,” he said. “It really is sad what we miss out on, Lily.” Julian opined while she listened. “We’re too busy brushing up our Facebook profile to notice.”

There was a long, comfortable silence between them as she continued to watch in wonder. She reached her arms down around his and clutched onto them.

“And we think fireworks are impressive,” he quietly said.

“Hey!” She protested, wriggling free of his grip before planting her feet on the ground to stand down her brother. “I love fireworks!”

Julian grinned down at her. “Aren’t they amazing?”

He snapped himself back to reality after losing himself in the flashback. He took a deep sigh before quietly muttering to himself, “I can’t believe she’s 18.”

*********************************

The front door immediately opened when his truck pulled into the driveway. Lily sprang onto the front porch, bundled in sweatpants and a sweatshirt that was way too big for her. He could tell even from the driveway that she was wearing her fluffy house shoes that tapered off to look like polar bears at the ends. He snorted in amusement.

Julian slid his phone into his pocket and heaved the large duffel bag from behind his seat onto his shoulder. Lily bolted down the sidewalk toward him as soon as he emerged from behind his truck.

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!” Lily squealed before burying her face into his chest. Julian easily heaved her up and over his shoulder. She squealed and feigned an escape attempt. He noticed his mother standing in the doorway clad in a robe and coat. He could tell she was tired, but the smile on her face was genuinely warm. She was so glad to see her son.

Julian heaved his sister and his bag through the doorway and into the house, while his mother closed the door behind him. “So, I found some chick outside that claims she’s 18, now. I told her she doesn’t look a day older than 17, but she said I’m wrong. Do you know anything about that?” Julian dropped his bag on the floor and continued the conversation with his mother while Lily laughed over his shoulder.

“Why, yes, as a matter of fact I think I even have proof she’s 18 now,” his mother laughed.

Julian let his sister down and held her by her shoulders. He lowered his face next to her ear and purposefully whispered just loud enough so that their mother could hear. “In that case, I think I’ve got a carton of cigarettes in the truck for you.”

“JULIAN MADDEN!” His mother swatted him on the shoulder.

Lily responded with a loud whisper of her own. “Okay. I’ve already got the chewing tobacco, so we’re good to go.”

Their mother shook her head at both of them. Julian wore a wide grin on his face and stepped back to look at both of them. “It’s so good to see you two.” His mother stepped forward to embrace him for several seconds. Lily threw her arms around both of them to make it a group hug.

Julian shed his leather jacket onto the coat rack before glancing back down at his sister. “Look at you,” he said. “You look like you’re ready for a North Pole expedition.”

Lily stuck her tongue out at him. “At least I’m not cold.”

Lily’s hair was as black as her brother’s, and her eyes were just as blue. She had her hair pulled into a messy bun going in no, particular direction. She stood with her arms crossed tightly across her body under heavy layers of clothes.

“Come sit, Julian,” his mother said. “I’m not good for very much longer… but I want to talk for at least a few minutes.”

“Sure… would it be okay if I take a minute to use the bathroom? That was a long drive.”

“Of course, dear. We’ll be in the living room when you’re ready.”

Julian slipped into the downstairs bathroom, taking his steps carefully to not wake his father. Once inside, he took several minutes to unwind. After relieving himself, he splashed some warm water on his face and stretched his body some more. He fished his cell phone out of his pocket to text Amber:

“Hey baby. Family wants to talk for a bit. You still up for talking later, or do you want to go to bed?”

The three response dots immediately appeared. He grinned and stretched his legs a bit more. He also unbuttoned the sleeves of his button-down white shirt and rolled them up his forearms.

“Have you ever seen a show called Love is Blind on Netflix??”

Julian rolled his eyes. “Oh, yeah. Totally.”

“Whatever. We’ll fix that when we’re back together.”

Julian shook his head. “Not a chance,” he muttered to himself.

“Okay, you’re definitely awake. I’ll call you in a bit.”

Julian slid his phone back in his pocket and went to join his family.

The three of them made their way into the living room. Julian immediately took over the end of the couch that he claimed as a teenager, lazily leaning back, sprawling his leg up over the middle section. Lily quickly hopped onto the opposite end of the couch, sitting with her legs crossed Indian style, her entire body pointing directly at him.

“Are you hungry, sweetheart?” Their mother asked. “I can make something for you.”

“Mom…” Julian said, staring at the time on his phone. “It’s 1 in the morning.”

“I don’t mind, Julian.”

“Well, I do. You’re not cooking something for me at 1 in the morning. I grabbed some food before I left campus. I’ll be fine until tomorrow…. I mean…. later today.”

Lily slowly shook her head while smiling at her brother. She knew him well enough to see through his attempt at humility. He was hungry.

Julian looked back at her and furrowed his brow. She was still tightly crossing her arms against her body.

“I thought you said you weren’t cold.”

“I’m not,” she said, not moving her arms.

Julian rolled his eyes and rose to his feet. His work boots made dull thuds as he made his way across the wooden floor back to the coat rack.

“Take those off, Julian, you’ll wake your father,” his mother said in a hushed tone.

After he slipped them off and laid them by the door, he lifted his leather jacket and took it with him to the living room.

“I’m kind of warm, actually,” he said, towering over his sister. He didn’t notice it, but while he fumbled with his jacket to get it unfurled, his sister was staring directly into his eyes. After he got it unfurled, he draped it across her shoulders. The jacket was used to his much broader set of shoulders, so when it was lowered onto his sister, it swallowed her whole. He lowered himself down to one knee as he pulled it closed, zipping it all the way up. She continued to look into his eyes while he didn’t notice. A subtle grin appeared in the corner of her mouth.

“Now then,” he said. Lily contentedly nuzzled herself into her brother’s jacket.

“Thank you,” she said in a genuinely appreciative tone.

“You’re welcome, squirt. You still look like you’re on a North Pole expedition, you just look like you’re doing it for a biker gang, now.”

Lily crossed her eyes at him, and he grinned back at her as he collapsed back onto the couch.

A strange silence hung in the room, and after a few moments, Julian looked back and forth from his mother to his sister. “…So… What’s up?”

“Nothing, dear. We’re just so happy to see you,” his mom replied. “Julian… it’s almost been a year. You’ve been gone for so long.”

Julian nodded. After he finished his spring semester, he’d stayed away from home over his summer break. He’d found work loading and unloading freight trucks near campus. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was work that was readily available. He worked extended hours to make himself as much money as he could. Actually, he was still working for them now, just on a reduced schedule while his classes had resumed.

“I know,” Julian said quietly. “I missed you.” He paused to look back and forth at the two of them. It seemed like they both had suddenly started wearing very serious faces. “You know I love you. I just saw an opportunity and felt like I needed to go with it.”

“I understand, dear. You’re growing up. You have a life of your own, now. I just hope you don’t forget about us while you’re out there forging ahead.”

He picked up on the fact that his mother seemed to be choosing her words deliberately. He looked at her slightly confused. “I’m sorry… did I do something wrong?”

“No, of course not, dear.”

Julian furrowed his brow and slid his hands awkwardly down his thighs. “I guess… I didn’t realize that me not being here was that big of a deal.” He paused, suddenly aware that his family had missed him much more than he had realized. He quickly tried to think of something to say. “I mean, you’ve got my number. You know I’m always just a phone call away.”

“Of course we do, dear. It’s just nice to see you. I’m so happy you’re home.” His mother smiled at him, and another silence settled over the room.

“I am, too. I’m sorry if I made it seem like I wasn’t interested in being here. Honestly, that’s not what I intended. I’ve been wanting to do as much as I can to prepare myself for graduation. What are my next steps? How do I proceed? I guess I’m just getting used to flying on my own….”

Lily sat quietly on her end of the couch, gently chewing on her bottom lip. After talking to his mother a few more minutes. Julian noticed that Lily’s eyes began to water. He suddenly stopped his life update mid-sentence. He peered at her a little bit closer to make sure he was seeing things clearly, then he shot a quick glance over to his mother, who gently nodded at him and motioned her head slightly toward Lily.

“Lily?” Julian said. The tears collecting in Lily’s eyes began to spill over. She lifted the sleeve of her brother’s jacket to dab at them.

“Hey…” Julian said as he scooted to be closer to her. He wasn’t prepared for what was happening. Where was this coming from? All of 10 minutes ago she was squealing and laughing with him.

“Lily?” He placed one of his strong hands on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Lily, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Their mother rose from her seat long enough to grab a tissue box from the bathroom to bring it back to her daughter. Lily took it and continued to silently cry. Julian once again looked at his mother for some type of insight as to what was happening; once again, she gently nodded and motioned her head back to Lily. “Talk to her,” his mother mouthed.

Julian took several moments, trying to think of what he could say. He hated to see his sister crying, and he had an acute sense that he was the reason she was crying.

“Lily, can I tell you something?”

She didn’t respond, almost covering her face now in embarrassment. Julian reached down and took one of her hands, holding it in between both of his hands. He gently stroked the top of her hand while he waited for her to make eye contact with him.

“Lily… there’s nowhere on this earth I would rather be right now than here with you.” A noise escaped from Lily’s mouth. It sounded like a laugh, but that would have been such a poor description of what it was. Hearing her brother say that to her made her heart swell so much that her body couldn’t help but to react to it with an uncontrollable squeak. It wasn’t a laugh, it was a genuine outburst of emotion.

Lily wiped her eyes before looking up at her brother. Their eyes locked for several seconds. He continued to stroke her hand until she was finally able to mutter, “… I missed you, Julian.”

Julian smiled at her and held his arms out. “Come here, squirt.” His sister scrambled to bury herself in his arms. He closed his arms around her and rocked her back and forth. “You don’t have to miss me, anymore. I’m right here.”

He glanced back up at his mother who nodded her approval and gave him a subtle thumbs up.

“Hey…. Has anyone wished you happy birthday, yet?”

Lily shook her head, not removing her face away from her brother’s chest. She could feel the vibrations of his deep voice as she was pressed up against him.

“You mean… I get to be the first one? The first one out of everybody?”

Lily smiled, wiped her eyes, and nodded.

“Happy birthday, Lily.” Julian held his sister close and slowly rocked her.

*********************************

After a longer than expected conversation and saying goodnight to the two of them, Julian found an excuse to wait downstairs while his sister climbed up to the second floor. Once she had disappeared, he stopped pretending to search through his bag and motioned to his mother to come join him.

“What was that, mom?” He asked quietly. “Be honest with me. What WAS that?”

His mother shrugged. Her tired eyes stared out the window for what seemed like an eternity before she offered up a very simple explanation. “She missed you, Julian. More than I think you realize.”

*********************************

Julian found himself standing in his old room. It was located on the second floor, along with his sister’s room and a shared bathroom. It had been cleared of most of his possessions, although there were still some miscellaneous items that belonged to him in the closet. Since he left, it had been transformed into a very inviting guest room. The dark wood furniture and floor was offset by white and blue accents. The lamp on the nightstand shone a warm light that made him suddenly realize how tired he was. After staring at the room absent-mindedly for several moments, he glanced at his phone. It was after 2 am “Oh crap,” he said to himself. “Amber!”

Julian pulled his dress shirt off, revealing a white muscle shirt underneath that tightly clung to his body. He hung his dress shirt neatly in the closet before opening his laptop to FaceTime his girlfriend. Amber answered without looking at the screen, absent-mindedly thumbing through Netflix on her TV.

“That was some 30 minutes, baby,” she said sarcastically.

Julian was silent, balancing his laptop on his stomach while he laid on his bed. He melted back into the mattress and let out an exhausted sigh. He folded his arms behind his head and simply stared at her, grinning. He didn’t offer up any sort of response.

She adjusted her black framed glasses while she continued to look at the TV. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and the left strap of her tank top had slid off her shoulder.

“I think you misspoke, I think you meant 30 hours, not 30 minutes. You’re actually early, right?”

His silence eventually pulled her eyes away from the TV. When she saw him, those same brown eyes immediately lit up. “He-LLO, Mr. Madden,” she grinned.

“Hey little lady.” Julian stretched and gently scratched his chest.

“You read my mind. I was literally picturing you in that shirt about 10 minutes ago.”

“Oh, yeah? Tell me more.”

Amber clicked off her TV and tossed her remote across the room. She smirked and reached up to let her hair down. “Why don’t I show you more, instead?”

Amber had a slender body. Someone as slender as Amber wasn’t typically Julian’s type. He honestly preferred curvier women. She was sweet, she genuinely cared for him, but they honestly didn’t share many of the same interests, if any at all. Still… as he was constantly reminded, Amber packed a secret weapon. Julian was an ass man, through and through, and Amber’s was fantastic.

Amber picked up her laptop and balanced it on her bed, standing on the floor beside it. She slowly crept her hands down her sides until she gripped her hips with them. She smirked and slowly turned her body around to give him a better look. She was wearing black leggings that looked like they were stretched to their absolute limit. Her ass was perfectly round and perfectly full. Even with Julian’s large hands, it was an absolute handful. She knew the effect that her ass had on him, and she regularly leveraged it. She smiled as she watched him silently ogling her from the screen and slowly backed it up closer to the camera. She reached her nails back behind her and slowly dragged them across her ass. She did this several times in a row, then gently smacked it with an open palm. It jiggled for a few seconds in response. She reached back again and slowly and gently squeezed it over and over again. Julian took a sharp breath in when he saw it, remembering how soft it always felt in his hands.

“Do you like what you see?” She already knew the answer, but she teased him anyway. She slowly leaned forward and shook it gently from side to side.

He grinned and hiked an eyebrow. “Do you remember last night?”

Amber dropped her head before turning around with a devilish smile on her face. “I DEFINITELY remember last night,” she said.

*********************************

Julian closed his eyes so he could remember properly. Knowing they would be apart for more than a week, they decided to make the most of their last night together. He remembered in vivid detail Amber on all fours on her bed while he ass-fucked her from behind. He remembered her ragged breathing and how tightly he gripped her waist.

“DON’T STOP! DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE! DON’T YOU FUCKING STOP, JULIAN, FUCK ME HARDER!!”

He remembered slapping her ass as hard as he could in response and reaching forward to grab a handful of her hair. He pulled it backwards as hard as he could. He remembered every muscle in his body tensing up, fucking her as hard and as fast as he possibly could. He remembered the loud, rhythmic slaps that filled the room every time he slammed his cock back into her. It sounded like a metronome.

“FUCK THAT ASS, BABY! OH GOD, FUCK THAT ASS HARDER!”

*********************************

Julian opened his eyes again, Amber’s orgasmic voice from last night falling silent in his memory. He felt his erection begin to swell inside of his jeans. Amber had resumed her show for him, clicking on some R&B music for a beat to sway her hips with. She was now on all fours, rolling her ass on each downbeat. He couldn’t take it. He was tired, but he couldn’t resist what was happening right in front of him. He raised his laptop off of his stomach and rested it on his chest, giving himself room to unbutton his jeans to free his rock hard dick. Amber knew exactly what he was doing.

“Good boy,” she said, seductively.

Julian responded in his husky voice, “God, I love to see you on all fours.”

Amber changed positions again to face the camera. Still on all fours, she raised her ass high in the air and lowered her face to the floor. She slowly gyrated her hips with the music. Julian let out a low moan and started to stroke himself.

“You want to see what my face looked like last night? When you were taking me from behind?” Amber barely slid her tongue out of her mouth to wet her bottom lip and smiled.

Before Julian could respond….

***KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK***

“Shit!” Julian said out loud.

“What’s wrong?”

“…. I don’t know. Someone’s knocking on my door. Give me a second, hang tight. Stay quiet.”

Julian placed the laptop on his bed with the screen facing away from his door. He shoved his dick back inside his jeans and somehow managed to get them zipped and buttoned again. After a few deep breaths, he walked across the room and cracked the door open.

“… Lily?”

His sister stood in the hallway, shifting all of her weight to one foot while nervously dragging the other across the floor.

“Hey…” she said, looking down.

“…Is everything okay?”

She took several moments to respond.

“I… I just wanted to say…. I’m sorry for spazzing out earlier. I’m sure that was awkward for you, and I just wanted to say… I’m sorry.”

Julian relaxed against the doorframe when he realized nothing was urgently wrong.

“You didn’t spaz out.” He thought of a way to phrase it. “You… you wore your heart out on your sleeve is all.” He reached his hand out to lift her chin up. “There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing ever wrong with that.”

Lily was still wearing his jacket. She had slid both of her hands into the jacket’s pockets. Even though he had lifted her face up to him, she continued to look down. Julian was still very much confused by her emotions. He swallowed hard after several seconds of silence and decided to keep talking. Maybe that would make things better?

“You know, Lily… I was actually thinking the other day…” Julian’s eyes drifted away from his sister’s face out into the darkness of the hallway. “It’s actually something I think about all the time… There’s the side of people that they want you to see. You know? The side of people that they present to everyone, because they think it’s socially acceptable. But then there’s the other side of people… the side that they spend their whole lives hiding away. It might sound weird, but I want to know that side of people. You know? I want to know the real side of people. At least it’s honest. And if we’re not being honest, then w–”

When Julian returned his eyes to his sister, he words suddenly fell flat. Lily wasn’t looking at the floor anymore. Lily was looking directly into her brother’s eyes.

He stopped everything, because everything else stopped. He stopped talking. He stopped thinking. He stopped breathing.

Lily didn’t look away. And strangely… neither did he. Her eyes. Her eyes…. He’d seen them so many countless times in his life, but there was something different happening right now. They had such a….

He desperately searched for a word in his head to try to describe it.

Such an….. intensity.

He looked back. He couldn’t help but to look back. He was mystified.

There was something going on in her eyes that commanded his attention. It was as if they were two magnets, and his entire body was a solid chunk of metal.

She looked as if she was staring at him with every ounce of emotional energy she could muster. It looked like she was screaming something to him through her eyes, but he just didn’t have the tool he needed to hear what it was. It was honestly… captivating.

Julian’s mouth dropped open a bit as he continued to stare back. It felt like she had the power to hold him in that very spot for as long as she wanted. It felt he was helpless to what was happening. There was some sort of strange energy that he felt.

“What is this?” He asked himself. He didn’t know what to make of it. But he also didn’t speak. He didn’t move. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

They watched each other in silence, almost daring one another to be the first one to break this strangely powerful spell that had fallen over them.

His mouth stayed slightly open as the blue in his eyes intertwined with the blue in his sister’s eyes. He frantically searched them for a clue… a tell…. anything.

“What is this?” He asked himself again.

Lily took a slow breath of air through her nose and shifted her weight back over to her other foot. She chewed on her bottom lip and started fishing around in one of the jacket pockets. After a few moments, she pulled out a packet of pop tarts.

She smiled up at him as she extended them to him. “I know you’re hungry. You don’t have to be so modest. I brought these up for you.”

Julian blinked several times. He didn’t speak. How could he? He was still lost in the fog of whatever had just transpired between them.

“Julian? You should eat something.”

He blinked again and did his best to snap himself out of it.

“Pop tarts? What am I, 12?”

“No… you’re 22. But now you’re a 22-year-old without pop tarts.”

Lily started to draw them back into her (well… his) jacket pocket, but he snatched them away from her before she had the chance. She scrunched her nose at him and grinned.

“Blueberry?” He asked.

“Would I give you anything other than blueberry?”

Julian smiled and rustled his sister’s hair. “Thank you, Lily.”

He opened the packet and began chewing on one. Lily went back to staring at the floor, slowly dragging her finger down the doorframe.

“Lily… I meant what I said down there.”

She took a deep breath before exhaling slowly and wrapping her arms around him. “I know you did,” she said against his chest. She held onto him for what seemed like minutes. Suddenly, she broke away. “Sweet dreams,” she quickly muttered and turned to walk away.

“Night,” he said back to her as she walked down the hallway. “Birthday girl.”

Julian closed the door… locking it behind him. He turned around and slumped his back against the door, suddenly becoming disinterested in the food his sister had brought him. He slid his back down the door until he was sitting, setting his snack on the floor next to him.

There was complete silence in the room.

All he could see was his sister’s piercing blue eyes.

“…. What WAS that?” He asked himself in his head. Not once… not twice. Not twenty times. More like a thousand times. “What WAS that?” Julian’s mouth continued to hang open, as if some invisible force was preventing him from closing it.

“…. Babe?” Amber’s voice cut through the silence. Up until that moment, he had completely forgotten her existence. Julian shook his head and blinked his eyes furiously.

“Snap out of it,” he said quietly to himself. He rose from his seated position and flopped back on his bed in view of the camera. “Sorry, baby… that was my sister.”

“Oh… Lily? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine…” Julian’s voice trailed off as if he wasn’t at all convinced of what he just said.

“Okay?” Amber said.

“I don’t know, Amber. Lily… she’s kind of like me in a way. She may be quiet, but I can tell there’s about a million things going on in her head…. I can see it. I can. I see it. I just…….. I don’t know……”

There was silence.

“…uhh…. What are you talking about, Julian?”

Julian shook his head and blinked his eyes again. “Nothing. I’m really tired, that’s all. I’m not making sense right now.”

Amber nodded. “Not at all. But the stuff you say never makes sense to me, anyway.”

Julian was quiet.

“But I know what does make sense to you.” Amber grinned and rolled back over on her stomach. She seductively lifted her ass back up in the air.

“Babe?”

Julian was quiet. He wasn’t just quiet… Julian wasn’t even looking at her. He was actually using his right hand to twist one of his left fingers back and forth, staring intently at them as if they were the answer to existence, itself.

“BABE?”

“Hmm?” Julian looked up, but she could see it in his eyes. He was present, but only in body.

Amber scoffed. She was actually a bit annoyed that their intimate moment had suddenly ground to a halt all because his stupid sister was having emotional issues or some bullshit.

“Nothing, baby. You’re right, you look tired. Go to bed.”

Julian feigned interest in continuing their conversation.

“No, baby, I don’t want to go to bed. I want more of you.”

“Go to bed, baby. Text me when you wake up. I love you.”

“… I love you, too.”