Eric Rowe Meets Connie

It really wasn’t a big deal when I met Connie Q last month at Kerri’s party. It was like meeting anyone else. Hello, nice to meet you and are you enjoying the party? The fact that Connie Q was a crossdresser didn’t bother me at all. Live and let live, as they say.

I’m clearly not qualified to define Connie Q’s level as a CD and I’m not going to tag her with a number, but I can say that I met a fairly attractive person in female clothing at the party. It actually bothered me more that a few folks at the party gave Connie Q a hard time than it did knowing that she had a dick under her shorts. It even made me smile to myself as I watched her make the best of her time at the party, regardless of the two butt wipes, who Kerri kicked out anyways.

And then life went on. Even the best parties come to an end, right? You go back to work, you watch some sports, you go to the grocery store and to the gas station, right? Wake up, do stuff and go back to bed, rinse and repeat.

But every now and then, life throws a curve ball somewhere between a quiet evening down by the river and the 10 pm news. The curve ball that life threw me two weeks ago was named Kerri. My very curvy friend Kerri, party host supreme.

She had contacted me and asked me to stop by her house to look at her game box set up. She wanted my opinion before she called the expensive repair geek guys because the system was acting up, which actually sounded reasonable at the time.

However, I wasn’t inside of her house for ten minutes before I knew something was up. First of all, there is no dog in the world who is going to unplug all of the cables and cords and neatly curl them up behind the gaming system table. Especially when each cable had a piece of making tape wrapped around it that identified where each cord came from. I mean, come on Kerri, I can understand the game box cables being identified as A, B and C, but seriously? The wall electrical cord is pretty obvious to everyone.

It was also obvious that Connie Q purposely stood near the couch as I reconnected all of the cords. And again, seriously, by saying “thanks Eric” and “while you’re here” wasn’t fooling me. However, they both seem to put in a little effort, so I didn’t call them out. Besides, Kerri was smart enough to make me a coffee after I finished working and it was clear to me that it was delivered to me by Connie Q on purpose. Not only did I know it was on purpose, the delivery also had another purpose and that was to give my nostrils a chance to become filled with Connie Q’s perfume. A trick for sure, but a pleasant one.

The other trick was Connie Q’s manner of dress, which wasn’t unusual for a Wednesday evening, but was of a manner that made a clear statement that she looks good in white Denim shorts. It was also extremely clear that Connie Q has practiced how to stand, how to sit and how to flick her leg as she sat cross legged on the couch.

I spent about an hour at Kerri’s and again, I just let the moments flow. There were no awkward questions or odd statements. Just three friends pretending like I wasn’t tricked into spending a little more time with Connie Q. And that’s how we left it at the end, LOL, for a while.

Connie Q didn’t contact me over the next few days, but Kerri sure did. She never came right out and said anything directly, but she must have provided me 100 lines to read between. I get it, Connie Q is interested in going out with me and I don’t have any other dating prospect anyways. And by the way Kerri, telling me very directly that the world wouldn’t stop spinning if I ask Connie Q out for a Smoothie isn’t exactly letting me read between the lines.

Even though Kerri was right about my suck ass dating life, I played it cool and by that, I mean I walked right down the middle of the street. I didn’t say yes and I didn’t say no, I just said that I would keep it in mind. Apparently, holding your ground in the middle is code for “pick her up at 7 pm” because that’s where Kerri took the conversation. I didn’t do that, but I did share a few casual texts with Connie Q over the following days.

And I’m not apologizing for not jumping up to plate and taking a swing. Just because Connie Q is cute, or should I say can look cute and has two amazing legs, I would still be going out with someone who has a bat, just like me. It was exciting for sure to have someone seem interested in me, but confusing at the same time. I mean, only one player swings a bat at the plate, right?

And by the way Kerri, having me watch the old movie “The Crying Game” didn’t help. I know he fell for a Tranny, but he ran away when he discovered her secret. And granted, he came back because he was in love and it didn’t matter to him anymore, but he died at the end, so his world did stop spinning. Also, next time, maybe you should suggest a more modern movie, you know, at least one that was shot in color.

So, the summer went on and things between Connie Q and I stayed about the same. We shared texts and a few phone calls and things seemed to chill out. Until one day, sort of out of the blue, Connie Q sent me a photo text with a question asking me if I liked her 4th of July party outfit. She followed up with a text stating that she hoped I seen it in person at Gino’s party this weekend.

Two things came to mind. One, there is no way I’m not going to Gino’s party this Saturday and two, look, where is the rule book? Do I refer to Connie Q as a “he” or a “she” as I’m letting Kerri know that I will be there. I mean, seriously, I hope it’s interchangeable because I think that was what I was doing.

What I did know for sure was that she was red, white and blue and I have never seen eye makeup that appeared to be white and I mean white, just like her hair. I’m sure there is an official color name for her eye lashes, but to me, there are white and very alluring. Oh, and flashy.

I can’t confirm this, but when Kerri called me two minutes later and just happened to mention that Connie Q’s fake boobs could be bigger if that was something I was interested in, I’m pretty sure Kerri took a victory lap when I responded that I find “small chest bumps” to be just as appealing. I can confirm that I made a mental note to think before I spoke next time.

And now I might be able to confirm that Kerri was running a victory lap because I could hear her huffing and puffing as she told me to make sure my SUV was clean because there was a 99.99% chance that I would be giving Connie Q a ride home from the party.

I swear I didn’t drop my SUV off at the Auto Detail shop because of Kerri or those selfies Connie Q sent me. I mean, it was just time to do that. I mean, it was dusty and all.

And why in the hell I responded to Connie Q letting her know that her stars and stripes bikini top under her sheer white top looked great, I’ll never know. I mean, I was sitting in the Sports Bar across the street from the Auto Detail shop having a burger and it just happened. And I swear, someone used my phone while I was in the bathroom and sent her a text suggesting that “We Be Shoes” may just carry a line of stars and stripes high tops for the holiday. It was probably the bartender. However, the joke was on the joker because Connie Q’s follow up text was one of those POV selfies. Right down her legs to her new high tops that were stars and stripes with one red shoe string on the left and one blue show string on the left.

As soon as I realized that I may have just talked myself into somewhat of a half commitment, I quickly replied that I couldn’t hang out with someone who wore red on the left and blue on the right. I probably don’t need to tell you what the color scheme was on her follow up text five minutes later. This one is a smart one.

Or in other words, one of us is thinking that hanging out at the party will lead to something more and by that, I suppose I can admit that we both may be thinking that right now. However, let me state that Connie Q may be thinking a little differently than I am. I mean, I’m just having my SUV detailed because it was dusty and she was asking me what time I would have her home by and by that she meant that she didn’t care what time I had her home just as long as we kept texting each other.

When the Auto shop sent me a text telling me that my SUV was finished, I walked across the street, found a pile of stuff and stepped in it knee deep. I say I was knee deep in stuff because I sent Connie Q a text, again before thinking clearly, and said something about how I hoped her bikini bottoms matched her stars and stripes bikini top. Again, I was saying something without thinking about it and I found myself knee deep in a pile of stuff.

Her reply was swift and to the point. It was a firmly padded bra and not a bikini top and she included a rear shot with her shorts pushed down and a hint of her butt crack and yes, she has a matched set on. I also called foul. I swear I could smell her perfume when I opened her text and it’s not just fair to send a confirmation photo text like that. But it did make me smile to know that her lingerie matched.

And then I realized that what I was smelling was the air freshener that the Auto Detail shop squirted inside of my SUV and the attendant told me that the pile of stuff I was standing in was everything they pulled out of my “it’s only dusty” SUV.

And why I stopped by the clothing store and asked the girl to help me find a new pair of shorts and a new shirt that said “I’m dressing nicely to impress my date” is totally beyond me, but I think I’m glad I did. I mean, look at me in dressing room mirror, will you? No wrinkles, no holes and no dirt. Add a new pair of white athletic shoes and I’m ready for a date, which is something that shocked me when I thought it, but it was the what crossed my mind.

At the party, LOL, I made an effort to let everyone know, or see me I should say, to announce that I might be in the top five for “best dressed” tonight. Now, guys don’t acknowledge that kind of stuff, but the girls noticed. And even though Connie Q and I were both playing it cool by not clinging to each just yet, she made a few references to my new clothes when we passed each other during the mingling process.

And she made every effort to make sure that I and everyone else noticed her star bangled banner outfit for the evening. Her white Denim shorts, which I had seen before, were filled with two sexy and smooth legs that lead right down to her striped socks and down to her high tops. Which by the way, had the proper orientation of red and blue show strings, untied of course, which she also made sure that I noticed and acknowledged her outfit. And moving my eyes back up her long legs and past her white shorts lead me right up to her sheer white top, which I think qualifies as see through, and to her red, white and blue bra that stood out like a bra in a sheer top. All of which was fine, until I gazed into those sparkly white eyelids and eye lashes capped off by her platinum blonde hair. Apparently, shiny white works for me because I was totally fixated. LOL, and she knew that. And I knew that her stars and stripes panties perfectly matched her noticeable bra. I was pleased much more than I should have been. I should be guessing what I’m doing flirting like this, but all I do was to, well, all guys like it when they see a bra through a shirt, right?

Again, I called foul. The little painted stars on the side of her eyes and cheeks were just too perfect for me to handle. It just wasn’t fair.

It was clear that she would be the catcher and I would be the batter, if we ever made it to game time.

I didn’t mean it, but as the mingling and party went on, I was hoping that someone else would be just as taken with her and steal her away. I thought I meant it when I tried to tell my dick to stop it, but that didn’t work either. Her legs were not going to be denied.

I was happy every time I seen her chatting it up with other guys, but I seemed to be even happier to know the chit chat was just harmless mingling. I was pissed off when Jimmy got a little too close and friendly with her, but went back to grinning when she proved that her legs were not only sexy, they had another purpose too. And yes, Connie Q, our eye contact after every kick you gave meant we both knew that we were keeping one eye on each other.

However, I still had my original issue. Although I will admit that my attraction to Connie Q was on the rise, there was still the fact that we would both go to the same shower room after the ball game. I guess I was riding about 50-50 all night long. So, I turned to the party crowd for help in tipping the scales. If the crowd would have been rude by calling her out, I could have been embarrassed and left the party. That wasn’t happening. If the crowd would have given me the business for acting sweet with Connie Q, I could have gotten embarrassed and left the party. That wasn’t happening either. I found myself leaning against the garage with a weight scale that still read out as 50-50 and we still our eyes on one another. All night long.

So, Just as I figured it was time to throw the scale away, enjoy the party and the moment, who do you think popped her head in my thoughts? Kerri, Kerri the cheer leader. And by the way, how Kerri managed to still fit into her school cheer leader uniform was beyond me. Kerri has always been an attractive girl, but Kerri was not this curvy in school. How her little cheer leading skirt contained those hips today says a lot about the skirt designer. And by the way, that designer deserves a raise because her pronounced hips create a rise.

So, Kerri casually walked us to the same location by the picnic table and by that, I mean she manhandled me by the arm to the picnic table. In her own version of being subtle, she clearly stated that Connie Q and I just might have fun if we finished watching the fireworks in my SUV, down by the river. When I responded that it was too late for that because all of the parking areas along the river would be taken, she elbowed me in the ribs and told me to read between the lines, again. In other words, I should take Connie Q to my house because we could see the fireworks from my back porch. I suppose that Connie Q confirmed the suggestion by placing her hand around my arm meaning “walk me to your SUV idiot” again, in code.

I was still caught up with that 50-50 thing, but I complied. And damn be the party goers who joined Kerri’s cheer leading team by giving me support and their kind comments. The scales seemed to have tipped to 60-40 in Connie Q’s favor. When I opened the door of my SUV for her, she looked at me with alluring white sparkly eyes and said:

“It’s OK Eric. It’s 70-30 in my favor, but you don’t need worry too much, not tonight anyways. You’ll still be all manly and macho and stuff in the morning, maybe.”

To my surprise, our conversation during the drive to my house was easier than I expected. As a matter of fact, Connie Q may have been more nervous than I was, but we chatted like we had been dating for weeks. When I tried to wish that she wore long jeans, my brain slapped me and told me to stop being a fool and check them out. My brain said, “dude, they’re right there” all the way to my house.

LOL, also to my surprise was how hard difficult it was getting into my driveway. I forgot about how close my street was to the river and the neighbors were having a little fireworks block party. I had to slow my SUV down below idle by keeping my foot lightly on the brake and Connie Q took full advantage of the situation by leaning closer to my side of the seat and pointing out which neighbors not to run over. And by took advantage, I mean she has one hand on my shoulder and pointed with her other hand. I also mean that by leaning closer to me her perfume over whelmed my senses and she knew it.

75-25.

Connie Q took advantage of the block party attendees too and made several efforts to make sure I was being the “good neighbor” and exchanged greetings with everyone who walked over.

And damn be all the neighbor housewife ladies who were glad to see that I was “finally on a date” and damned be, well, not be damned Mrs. Jenkins. She gently kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear that “it’s about time” before she walked all the other ladies away.

But damned be all the horny old neighbor men who felt the need to introduce themselves over and over and over.

And lastly, damned be Heidi Kunz for holding her bath robe so tightly closed tonight. I mean, any other night she is happy to show off her lingerie, but tonight, well, I guess there were kids around. But just so it’s said, damn that woman has some huge titties. LOL, a limp dick hubby for sure, but OMG, those Mega Milkers, right? Mr. Kunz must have ED medical condition or something.

Oops, the last be damned was when Connie Q said that was enough gawking.

“80-20 in my favor, Eric, but you can look for one minute more. I’m not a monster. By the way, if you like her animal print lingerie that much, just say so. I may have something that we work with, you know, on our next date.”

We spent the hour or so enjoying the fireworks and chasing off the dirty old men. After that, as we were going to retreat inside of my house for the night, I had to fight off Heidi Kunz. LOL, Heidi may have a few beers tonight and four more from my refrigerator, but Heidi made it clear very, very clear that she wouldn’t be mad if she could join Connie Q and I later tonight. Like all night. LOL, I told her to put a pin in it and she mumbled something about that’s exactly what she had in mind as long as she was the pin cushion because her limp dick husband couldn’t compete with a pin. Ahh, beer. It brings out the best in people, doesn’t it?

Once we were safely in the house after the grand finale, I pulled Heidi out from under the covers of my bed so Connie Q and I would be alone. And for the lack of a better word, it got weird, but not all that weird, but I don’t know to explain how I felt when she starting speaking and OMG, did she ever lay it out for me:

“Relax, it’s 90-10, you can’t resist me and we will go out again and the truth is that I can’t resist you either. So, listen, I don’t kiss, but if I slip up and kiss you because you made me a chilled Raspberry Vodka shot, then don’t kiss me back. I know you’re confused, but believe me, you don’t need to be get concerned about taking me in your bedroom so I can be a “good date” tonight and I’m not going to walk you in there either. Besides, that Heidi lady snuck back inside you know that, right? But forget her, I had a great time spending most of tonight with you and I’m willing to let you figure everything out in your head before something happens that you might regret. Now, how about that shot and would you ask Heidi to go home? But before you go kick her to the curb and make us a tray of Vodka shots, do you mind if I find a vampire movie on TV? And by the way, 90-10 might mean that I could be a “little bit of a good date” if that’s something you’re interested in, Eric. And by the last way, while Heidi is looking for her bra, you can remove your new cargo shorts while we watch “Elizabeth, Blood Slut Queen 5″, you know, so they don’t get wrinkled.”

I’m sure you can all see my frustration. The odds already say I lost, or won, depending on your point of view. But if I sit on the couch with Connie Q, then I’m going to a place that I never thought I would be visiting in my life time. But, OMG, Connie Q is so nice, so cute and knows what to say and just when to say it.

“It’s alright Eric, you can watch Heidi struggle while putting her bra on. I know you were hard before she started to do nude yoga in your bedroom. Just, you know, change the sheets later. Now, get our Vodka shots and sit with me. Lizzie is about to take her first victim.”

“Whoa, don’t vampires usually bite on the neck? What’s she doing down there?”