I can’t believe I was paired up with Toni for our anatomy project. Of all people, why did it have to be her?
I’m one of the only openly queer students in this nursing program. Most of my classmates are cool, but things got a bit, well, complicated during anatomy class last week.
Practicing our assessment skills means taking off of our clothing and getting very close to each other. So far we’ve had to identify ribs by touch, feel for the liver, and hear the sounds of the lungs. The majority of my classmates are really mature about these practice sessions. We’re going to be nurses, after all; nudity is part of the job.
Toni seems to be fine practicing with everyone except for me. If I’m honest, I think she might be homophobic, or maybe worried I might seduce her or something.
Last week we were paired together for abdominal assessments. She wouldn’t make eye contact as she listened to my stomach with her stethoscope, briefly touched the skin of my belly, and ran out of the room before I could even pull my shirt back down.
For our final exam we have to perform a cardiac examination in front of the professor. I’m worried about my grade, needless to say. The exam is tomorrow and I don’t even know if she’ll let me practice on her.
I texted Toni this morning: “Hey, do you want to come to my place to practice tonight at 7?”
Her response: “K.”
It’s 7:15pm and she’s still not here. A while later there’s a knock on the door.
I open it and see Toni standing in her backpack. She looks down at the ground as she walks in, not saying a word.
“Nice to see you too, Toni,” I say. I can see her blush and wonder if she’s embarrassed about how awkward she’s been around me.
She sits on the couch and pulls out her stethoscope. Without looking up at me, she says, “I won’t be taking off my shirt today.”
Sigh. Here we go.
“I mean, okay,” I say. “That’s fine, I guess. I’m going to have to touch you, though, are you okay with that?”
She nods and blushes. It’s going to be really hard to learn how to do this exam through her clothing.
“Why don’t you start?” I ask. I pull off my shirt and sit up straight against the the back of the couch.
She blushes again, deeper this time, and takes out her stethoscope. She starts talking to herself as she looks at my chest.
“Second rib, third intercostal space…” She pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose and I can see that her hands are shaking. Toni exhales deeply and leans in towards my chest. Her trembling fingertips feel their way along the ridges of my collarbone, working their way down to the rib cage. She’s sitting so close to me that her knees dig into the side of my thigh.
Suddenly, she leans away. Her eyes close and she covers her eyes with her hand.
“I, uh. I need you to take off your bra.”
Oh.
“Yeah, sure, no problem.” I reach around behind me and undo the clasp. According to the textbook, it’s easiest to hear the heart right under the nipple line, and I’m really curious how she’s going to handle this.
As she leans forward, her hair falls over my chest and I can smell the rosy scent of her shampoo. Her fingers feel their way along my body and I feel the cold metal of her stethoscope on the underside of my left breast. My nipples harden and I try not to shiver.
She pauses there, listening to the beat of my heart as it contracts, pumping blood throughout my body.
The silence and stillness feels suddenly intimate. Her discomfort melts away as she relaxes into her task, listening to the animal sound of my beating heart. After a long minute she removes the bell of the stethoscope.
Her face hovers near mine as she moves away and, to my surprise, she stays there, so close that I can see my eyes in the reflection of her glasses. Her lips, her soft lips, are close enough to kiss. Her breath is quick and hot near my face. I’m not sure if I imagine it, but her face moves closer for a second, a movement that’s barely perceptible.
Suddenly, she pulls away.
“Where’s your bathroom, Lane?” she asks.
I point, reeling, and she disappears into the washroom.
She stays in there for what feels like forever. I sigh and put my bra back on. As I’m pulling my t-shirt over my head, Toni walks slowly to the living room and sits down on the couch.
“I think you should practice on me now,” she says, folding her arms around her. She’s still looking at the ground.
A theory flashes across my mind: Toni isn’t awkward because she’s homophobic, Toni is awkward because she has a crush.
My frustration and anger slowly morph into sympathy. I’m not sure if I’m right, but the thought makes it easier to be patient with her.
“Sure, Toni. Let me know when you’re ready.”
To my surprise, she pulls off her shirt and sits there, flushed. Her face and neck are red, and small splotches of embarrassment blossom on the skin of her chest.
“Are you okay if I touch you here?” I ask, pointing towards her rib cage.
She nods quickly and pushes her glasses up her nose.
I grab my stethoscope and gently touch the bones of her chest. Her skin is prickled with goosebumps, and I think she’s breathing faster.
“I’m going to listen to you now, okay?”
She nods.
I nudge the metal wire of her bra aside and insert my stethoscope just underneath her left nipple. This would be way easier without the bra, but I don’t want to test my luck here – I need to pass this exam.
I insert the stethoscope into my ear and listen to her heart: lub dub, lub dub, lub dub. It’s beating really quickly.
“Are you okay?” I ask her. “Your heart is beating really, really fast.”
I look up at her and see she’s staring right at me. I put the stethoscope down and move away from her breast. Maybe she just needs a minute.
I’m still sitting quite close to her so I slowly lean forward to get off the couch.
“Wait,” she says, and grabs my arm with her hand.
She pulls me back to sit beside her and stares at me for a minute without saying anything. Then, all of a sudden, she reaches her soft hands for my face and pulls me in to kiss me.
Her lips are shy at first, but then she kisses me harder. I feel her tongue gently push into my mouth and rub along mine. She pulls me in closer, pressing her chest against mine, and sighs into my mouth. I can feel myself growing wet and I have to stop my hips from grinding up against hers. Suddenly, she pulls away.
“I have to go,” she says. Before I can say anything, she’s dressed and runs out of my apartment, the door slamming behind her. Clearly I was right, then: Toni has a crush.
———–
Our test is the next morning and Toni is nowhere to be found. All of my classmates mill around nervously, waiting for their turn in the examination room. Pair by pair, everyone is being called in. We’re up next and there’s still no sign of Toni.
“Where are you???????” I message, texting her for the sixth time.
Suddenly, the door of the exam room opens and the professor sticks her head out into the hall.
“Toni? Lane? You’re up,” she says.
I walk towards the door and look over my shoulder, just in time to see Toni rushing through the hallway towards me.
The exam passes quickly. Toni is steadier than last night, confident in her skills. We both complete the assessments in a few short minutes and are happy to find out we pass.
When we walk out into the hall, most of our classmates are gone. We must have been one of the final pairs to complete the exam.
To my surprise, Toni turns to me and looks into my eyes. “Can I talk to you for a minute? Somewhere privately?”
I nod and follow her as she walks towards an empty exam room at the end of the hall. Most of the professors have gone home for the day, and our classmates will all be in the library by now, cramming for our next test.
She sits on the edge of the examination table and doesn’t say anything. After a moment of silence, she quietly says, “I’m sorry if I’ve been really weird around you.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “Honestly, I kind of thought you might be uncomfortable around me because I’m gay.”
She nods sadly. “I am. I’ve never been with a woman, and I -” she stutters and stops. “I don’t know how to act. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
I nod, unsure what to say. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot since last night.”
Her face blushes. “Yeah.” she pauses. Quietly, she asks, “Can we do it again?”
She looks up at me. Suddenly, all of her awkwardness seems endearing. I remember how my first crushes on women felt, the rush of adrenaline and the inability to say anything without blushing.
I lean towards her and take her face between my hands. She kisses me more urgently this time, pushing her tongue into my mouth and running it along the edges of my lips. She leans back and pulls me on top of her.
I want to touch her everywhere, to feel the softness of her skin. I kiss the sides of her neck, running my tongue in small circles, and she sighs into my ear. Her hands run through my hair and pull my head closer to her. I straddle her and feel her hips grind against my leg.
Her hand slowly makes its way under my shirt and shyly reaches for my breast. She squeezes gently and I moan quietly into her neck.
She pulls my head towards her face and kisses me again, directing my hand underneath her shirt, too. All of her shyness morphs into an urgent desire for my touch.
I rub circles along her nipple and she pushes her hips into me more urgently. The warmth of her crotch on my leg has my heart beating faster. I need her. My clit swells along the hem of my panties; the friction makes me shiver.
I kiss her neck again and pull her shirt over her head. My tongue runs along the curve of her neck and I plant slow, wet kisses along the skin of her chest.
I’m kneeling over her now, and I pull aside the cup of her bra to take her nipple in my mouth. I want to taste her so badly. As I run my tongue along her hard nipple I can hear her moaning quietly.
I touch her everywhere I can: the soft skin of her stomach, the inside of her arm, and make my way along the inseam of her pants until I’m at the zipper, desperate to feel her clit between my fingers.
I reach for the button of her jeans and she says, “Wait, wait.”
I keep licking her nipple and wait for her to continue.
“I’ve never done this before and I, uh…” She hesitates. I stop kissing her and look into her eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” she eventually says.
“I have an idea,” I say. I sit on the end of the exam table near her feet and slide out of my pants. “Why don’t I show you what I like and you show me the same?”
She pauses for a minute, thinking, and takes off her pants.
We sit across from each other, hesitant, and she reaches in to kiss me again. As her tongue slides into my mouth, I can feel her body shake with the movement of her arm as she touches herself.
I reach for the crotch of my panties and start to do the same. She’s kissing me harder now, and her body bucks forward and back as she starts to feel waves of pleasure.
I slide a finger into myself and feel that I am dripping wet. I slide this moisture to the top of my clit and move side-to-side with slick fingers.
We continue like this until she quietly asks, “Can I watch?”
I nod, reach in for another deep kiss, and then slide to the end of the table. She leans back against the wall and spreads her legs. I do the same.
I can see how turned on she is, her vulva slick and shining in the light. She takes her clit between her fingers and rubs in slow circles, breathing quickly with pleasure.
I continue to pleasure myself, feeling waves of orgasm building. She’s breathing even faster now, staring at my fingers and rubbing herself faster.
“Oh my god,” she moans. “I’m going to cum.”
I crawl across to her and kiss her deeply, touching my clit with one hand and grabbing her nipple with another. Her tongue slides against mine and she cries out into my mouth as she rubs herself faster and faster.
I feel myself nearing the edge, too, but stop touching myself. I want to wait and watch her. I lean back and take in the sight of her, her gorgeous body in the throes of pleasure.
She reaches for my chest, hungrily grabbing under my bra to take my nipple between her fingers. Her hips are bucking even harder now, and she’s moaning louder and louder.
I kiss her to muffle the sound, and she pushes her hips into me as she cums, her fingers brushing along my pussy as she guides her clit through each pulse of her orgasm.
When she finishes, her breathing slows and she kisses the side of my neck.
“That was really, really hot,” I say. She blushes as she looks in my eyes and then down at my waist.
“Can I try touching you now?” she asks.
I kiss her and nod.
She guides my head to the other end of the table and now she’s straddling me. She licks her way down my chest as she guides her hands towards my pussy, her wet crotch grinding against my leg. She’s soaked with her cum and the feeling of it on my body makes me want her even more.
Her fingers are gentle and quick at first, touching the skin above the hood of my clit and then exploring the lips of my labia.
Once she has touched me everywhere, she says, “you’re really wet,” and reaches for my clit. She kisses me deeply as she rubs my pussy. Unsurprisingly, she’s timid at first, but when my breathing quickens and I start to moan, she rubs me harder.
While she massages my clit she kisses my neck, my nipples, and runs her tongue everywhere she can. The friction of her hands, her quickly moving fingers, is driving me over the edge.
“I’m going to cum,” I whisper into her ear. She moans softly and continues touching me.
She kisses me deeply and the friction of her tongue on mine makes my orgasm break through. I cum in deep waves, moaning as her vibrations pulse through my clit. I feel myself grow wetter and my pussy contracts as my hips buck harder into her fingers.
When I am finished, I exhale and lie back on the examination table. I feel her eyes on me, staring expectantly. I look up at her.
“Can I taste you?” she asks, blushing again.
I normally need a few minutes between orgasms, but she’s so gorgeous I can’t stop myself. “Only if I can taste you, too.”
This time I push her back towards the other end of the table and straddle her face. We’re in a 69 position, and her pussy is inches from my mouth. She is hot and wet and I want to taste her so, so badly.
I slowly lick my tongue down her slit and work my way along her labia. She is sighing softly when she, too, reaches her tongue up into me. After I taste all of her wetness, I make my way to her clit.
I lick her pussy in deep circles. I alternate between fast and slow, and her pelvis grinds into my mouth as she arches her back.
Her tongue is wet and rough on me and I can feel another orgasm building already. Suddenly, I feel a finger, too: she pushes into my pussy and I contract around her. She reaches deeply into me and I gyrate on her hand.
I can hear her moaning into me, and the sound adds extra friction to the movements of her tongue. I swear I could cum again already.
I lift my mouth from her. “Does this feel good?” I ask. She nods, her tongue pressing into me harder.
She stops licking and says, quietly, “It feels so good.”
I start tasting her again, rubbing into her harder, and I can feel her moaning again. Her finger pulses in and out of my pussy, and I am so, desperately close.
“Fuck, I’m going to cum,” I say into her quietly, before I lick her even harder.
She starts moaning and fingers me even faster. My orgasm builds and swells. I nibble her clit between my teeth for a second before I cum loudly with my tongue against her clit. I feel my hips writhe against her face, and her fingers reach deep inside of me.
As my pussy rubs against her, she starts pushing her hips up into my tongue. I’m riding a wave of orgasm, feeling myself grow wet around her hand, when I hear her say, “I’m coming, too,” and her clit swells against my tongue.
She’s moaning now, even louder, and her noises drive another pulse of pleasure from deep within me. I moan into her pussy. As my tongue moves along her clit, her body tenses and she squirts a small stream of fluid onto the table. Her cum sprays into my mouth and I am wild with the taste of her.
When her writhing slows, I ease my movements and lick her everywhere as she moans softly, her body calming.
Eventually we sit up and kiss each other for a moment. I give her my sweater to clean herself and after a quiet moment she looks at me.
“Did I pass the anatomy exam?” she asks.
I laugh. “Yeah,” I say, “You definitely did.”