‘I know what you did last night.’
Those were the words that ended my life as I knew it.
My brother had just walked in to the lounge room, hair wet from the pool, towel around his waist.
He had a look of disgust on his face. He had the rare ability to convey so much with so little. A hint of inflection, the whisper of a frown. Eyes that danced so much when they were happy, so empty when they weren’t.
‘What are you talking about?’
I had always hoped that I’d greet my end with some dignity. Scrambling for time, dry-mouthed, pretending ignorance – this was not dignified. But the words were out of my mouth before I could attempt anything else.
His hard expression hardened further, and I blushed and quivered.
‘Do we have to play this game?’
He was a devastatingly handsome man. I had always pretended not to notice it, rolling my eyes whenever he was mobbed by female attention, raising my eyebrows whenever asked for my opinion. But in reality I had always known it, deep in my soul, delightfully through my body. He was tall and broad and comforting, and had the face of a Greek God.
There’s a reason the Greeks feared their gods.
He threw a backward glance at me and strode from the room.
I curled over on the couch and a sob escaped my lips. I knew what I had done was wrong, was a betrayal to my family, but I had had no choice.
I had slept with the man who had ruined our father’s business.
I grabbed my phone, flicked through it desperately, listlessly.
You fucking slut. I told your brother everything.
A text message from a number I didn’t recognise.
I checked my conversation with Ethan. Last message received, 3:21pm yesterday: Side door will be open.
A burning, corrosive knot was forming in my chest. If our parents ever found out, I would be exiled from the family. And judging by Alex’s reaction, he’d be happy to see my back too.
I’d have to plead my case.
His room was upstairs, at the far end of the corridor. Our house had more rooms than we could ever need, and with our parents on vacation, its long halls felt lonelier than ever. I knocked.
‘Story straight yet?’ he called out sardonically.
I inched open the door. His back was to me as he rifled through his cupboard for a change of clothes.
‘Alex please,’ I began, ‘it’s not as bad as you think.’
I watched as he pulled on a fresh shirt. My eyes flickered over his body, unable to meet his gaze. He was impassive.
‘We have been given a great life here,’ he said patiently. ‘Very little has been asked of you. An iota of respect for your family is about it.’
‘I had no choice. He was making threats.’
‘What threats?’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t say.’
His eyes narrowed in fury.
‘Get out, I don’t want to hear your excuses.’
I fled from the room, fresh tears in my eyes.
—–
I left for class early the next day. The bus was crowded with the usual assortment of grey, absent individuals. Walking across campus I felt the uncomfortable sensation of eyes on me. Were people stopping to stare? I couldn’t say.
The return of our parents three days from now felt like a ticking time bomb. I had to find some way to fix the situation before then. I had no doubt I’d be kicked me out. I was 19 without a cent of income to my name. My scholarship covered tuition only, and nearly everyone I was close to was a part of the broader Greek community. I thought about my brother, and about what a strange person he had become. The mischievous, unruly kid was gone and in its place an austere, perfect statue. The hours we had spent together – he with his water polo and me with my swimming, traveling the country for meets, the long bus rides where more than once my head found his shoulder – were gone now and had been for some years.
I composed several texts to Alex as I flitted from class to class, deleted all of them. A boy tried to talk to me in Econ, but my glazed eyes deterred him before he embarrassed himself. A small, insignificant thing, too scared to persist – I didn’t have to fake my boredom.
During lunch break I went to the aquatic centre. Its squeaky tiles and stench of chlorine felt like home. Echoes of slapping backstrokes and barking coaches floated up to the high, cathedral ceiling.
The water was freedom. It felt fresh over my skin, like a million kisses. I swam two dozen laps, a fierce freestyle, clawing at the water. Swimming had been my only talent through school, and I had clung to it desperately. My crowded mantle-piece validated that desperation.
It also gave me the space to think. I lay on my back in the deep end and watched the world wobble and shimmer above, so far away. From here, it was an object I could inspect dispassionately, impartially.
I made my mind up.
Are you home tonight? I texted Alex.
Yes. The replay came almost instantly.
That afternoon I decided to get off at a later bus stop. I wanted to enjoy the walk through the park, but more importantly I wanted there to be no chance I’d stumble across Ethan or his kids. His gloating the other night had been bad enough.
When I got home, Alex was seated cross-legged on the large fluffy rug, perfect posture, a large textbook in his lap. He looked up, irritated. I breezed past him and made for the shower.
I brushed my hair straight, selected the most virginal of my many dresses, tested my contrite smile before the mirror, and returned to the living room.
‘Make it quick.’
I steadied myself, clenching my fists.
‘I know what I did was wrong, but please don’t tell the parents. I feel awful, really awful. It hurts so badly that you now see me a certain way. Please, I’m begging you.’
I searched his face for a sign of his softening, but he was inscrutable. He sighed, dropped his head, and when he raised it again, his face was set.
‘It’s not a matter of how you or how I feel about it. It’s about what is right. They must know the truth.’
‘Please, don’t do this.’
I got to my knees, and stumbled towards him. He recoiled, and I toppled over, clutching at his body. He shifted uncomfortably, but I collapsed further on to him. He was warm and the skin on his arms felt somehow electric. It had been years since we’d been physically so entwined. I reached out a hand instinctively to grasp at his back.
‘Please,’ I repeated, softer now.
He levered me off and edged to the side. I was now slumped on the floor.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said curtly. I twisted my head up at him and finally looked properly in to his eyes. I saw finality.
—-
The night was long. I couldn’t distract myself, and thought only of my waiting doom. I opened and shut my mouth wordlessly, pleading with my pillow, I scratched and tore at my sheets, I gasped for air.
I checked my phone.
Somehow it was only 9 pm.
Ethan’s stupid face leered at me from my contact list. I wanted to punch him.
I stumbled to the bathroom and bent my head to drink direct from the tap. I stopped outside Alex’s room. Placed my hand on its wood. I had to try one last time.
I barged through this time. He was lying down, head propped up, a smile on his face as he used his phone.
‘You’re going to listen to me,’ I said, voice raised. A jumble of words shouted in my mind. I advanced on the bed as he watched, a tiny trace of smugness now written on his face.
‘You’re going to listen to me,’ I repeated, this time shouting. He sat up properly, alert now, as if waiting the next act of my little performance. The angry words still jostled, but I couldn’t choose one. I felt powerless.
He reached for my wrists and held them.
‘You’re embarrassing yourself,’ he said.
The truth of it struck me. I nodded sadly.
It was then that I noticed that same electric feeling across my skin. A bright feeling, lighting a pathway out of this mess. I shook my hand free from his now slacked fingers, and draped it down his firm chest. Moistened my lips. Remembered all the times I’d marvelled at him, and at my luck, to have him as a brother.
A strange expression crossed his face.
‘Don’t you fucking touch me like that slut,’ he said, his voice like ice.
I jumped.
‘Alex,’ I tried to talk. I reached for him again, this time lower.
I felt a crack across my cheek and the world went white. He had slapped me. My ears were ringing, my face was burning. I could hear someone crying, shrieking even, and knew that it was me. I fell to the floor. He stood over me, his eyes barely seeing me, barely seeing a person.
I don’t remember how I got back to my room, but I did. This time the hours flew by. My sobs lengthened and shortened, my body ached with a pain so total that I thought it would crumble to dust.
Then a tiny voice spoke in my head.
Why did he look at you like that.
So angrily?
No, before the anger.
Before the anger. I replayed it in my mind. That look, the look of wild alarm. Alarm at what? It was the look of someone who was scared, shaken to the core, but not angry.
I finally managed to sleep.
—–
I woke at 5.30 am, feeling fresh and alive. I pulled on clean pyjamas and slipped out of my room. I ate a slice of apple and brushed my teeth.
Then I went in to his room.
He was still asleep, I knew he would be. I slipped in to his bed oh so silently. Curled my body up around his, tentatively at first, touching lightly his chest, his stomach, eventually pressing myself against him. I could feel the heat emanating from him. I nuzzled into his dark hair.
His body stiffened.
This time I was ready for his words and his anger, because I knew what they meant. I knew what his fury at Ethan and I really meant.
‘What about last night made you think this was a good idea’.
He turned over and stared at me, eyes wild. He gripped my shoulders. I made no response.
‘Slut!’ he shouted.
I said nothing.
His fingers began to dig in to my skin and he shook me.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’
I absorbed it all.
He shoved me hard from the bed, and I fell off the side. He came at me and I was ready, ducking beneath his blow. I fled to the other side of the room, and stood there. I knew I looked radiant, my chest thrust out, my arms readied at my side, full of life.
‘I am,’ I finally spoke up, my voice quiet.
‘You’re what?’
‘I’m a slut,’ I said, slightly louder. He simply stared back.
‘I… I want you to use me. Please use me,’ I said, turning my body slightly so he could see the curve of it.
He howled with rage, and was across the room in an instant. His body was over mine, pressing me into the wall. He was huge and I was tiny, completely enveloped in him. He grabbed my wrists again, pinning them against the wall, hurting me.
‘You’re disgusting, I wish you were never born,’ he spat. He freed a hand and smacked me hard across my ass.
‘I don’t care’, I snapped back. ‘Use me already. Take me.’
He paused, confusion again across his face. This was a scene no script had been written for. All his neat orderly thoughts were useless.
He smacked me again.
‘Hurry,’ I whimpered. ‘I’ve been waiting so long.’ I wriggled against him, up and down his body.
He peeled back my shorts and this time his hand felt like fire on my naked skin.
‘Alex I’m your slut.’ I was driving him wild. The triumph roared within me. There was no way he could help himself.
He hit my naked ass again, harder. Then grabbed it, gashing it with his nails.
‘You’re an abomination’, he said, but some of the power had left his voice.
‘I’m a toy with one use. And one owner.’
He released his grip, and slowed. His chest was heaving.
‘And who is that owner,’ he said, experimentally.
‘You, my brother.’ I pressed my rear in to him again, writhing.
‘Yes’, he said, firmer, ‘no-one else’s. You’re not fit to see the light of day.’ He pressed the length of his body against mine and finally I felt it, his rock hard erection, undeniable as a mountain
I bent over against the wall, sticking my ass out, curving my back. His hands ripped my shorts all the way down, and there was a pause as he completed his own fumbling. Suddenly I felt his hot breath at my ear.
‘You belong in the gutter,’ he said.
Then I felt his cock at my entrance, huge and hot. He paused again, on that final precipice. And then plunged.
My life truly changed forever.
I bucked and writhed on the end of it, that magnificent cock, my brother’s huge rod. He pound in to me again and again, powerfully, brutally. Something in him had been unlocked and I could scarcely recognise him, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he continue. The walls of my cunt sang out with recognition each time my brother penetrated me. I whimpered and moaned and murmured about how I was a disgusting slut, his disgusting slut. He grabbed my hair, my legs, all over me, as he slammed so deep inside. Curiously, his verbal abuse let up, perhaps as he focused his energy entirely on the physical process of claiming me.
Then suddenly it stopped. He left me and I felt empty.
‘It’s not enough,’ he gasped, somehow surprised.
‘What do you mean?’
‘What I did just now, you deserve worse.’
Something about his expression left me genuinely concerned. I thought I had been in control of the situation, but maybe things were about to become dangerous. He paced back and forth, while I shrank against the door. Not ready to flee, because my body still yearned for his touch, but not comfortable approaching him while he was in this state.
Eventually he stopped, his mind made up. He grabbed my hair and pulled my upright, as if I was a doll. Bundled me out of the room and across the corridor. In to the shower.
‘In the gutter,’ he muttered to himself.
He forced me down, and I lay there, sprawled in the corner of the shower, he over me.
I opened my mouth at the shock of what was coming.
His liquid began to splash over me. My legs first, then higher, my chest, my neck, his piss cascading all over my body. I yet out a yelp.
‘This is your place, slut. This is what you deserve,’ he said, voice rising. ‘You need to be cleansed.’
I tried to turn my head, tried to blot out what was happening, but then something strange happened.
Like a million kisses across my body.
I felt cool and calm, I felt at peace. I positioned my mouth under the stream and took it directly. It tasted of him. It was my brother. His piss in my mouth. His eyes met mine, widened in shock, and his knees buckled. I rose higher and higher, still taking it directly in my mouth, until I reached his quivering cock head. Enveloped it, and started to suck him greedily. His stream had stopped by now, and he was letting out groans as I endeavoured to take his full length inside me. His scent was strong, all of me, dripping down my body, and I revelled in it. I touched his balls, his thighs, caressing him, exploring him properly for the first time while I pleasured him.
‘More,’ I murmured, ‘I need more of it.’ He groaned and let forth a fresh spout. I let it splatter all over my face and my tits. My hands were soaked in it and I caressed my own body, my own cunt. I felt so exhilarated to be coated in his essence.
I launched myself at his cock again, pumping my head up and down. It grew even harder, if possible, and I gagged as I impaled myself on it. Its sensation was everything.
I felt a gentle hand at my head, and I relented. I looked up in to his eyes. He cried. Not a moan or a groan of pleasure, but a sob.
I released him fully.
He sank to his haunches beside me.
‘What am I doing,’ he said, ‘what am I doing. I’m so sorry. You’re my sister, I love you.’
I kissed him. A lover’s kiss, hungrily.
‘Just love me then,’ I replied.
He nodded solemnly.
He picked me up then in his arms. Washed me like a child under the shower, clean. Carried me to his bed, and laid me down softly, carefully, like I was the most precious object in the world. Positioned his body over mine, and guided my eager legs apart. I traced his cheeks with my fingers, and finally he smiled. This time when he penetrated me it was gentle. My hips bucked to meet his, as he slid all the way inside me. If anything, I felt even more stretched than before. He rested, fully impaled, and kissed me on the neck, lingering there.
‘Keep going,’ I told him.
He began to build up a slow rhythm, sliding his huge cock in and out. I loved watching his face, the way he grappled with the sensations, the experience, the look of wonderment. His hands were so careful and tender as they moved over my body, playing almost shyly with my nipples, running his fingers over my lips, my cheeks.
‘You are the most precious thing in the world,’ he said.
The breathe caught in my throat. I hadn’t realised how much I wanted to hear those words. An exultant yet serene energy filled my body and I pressed my body in to his harder than ever.
‘Just take me, please, that’s all I need,’ I said.
He picked up the pace, forcing my legs wide apart. I was back to being a slut, this time on my back, legs spread in the air, panting as he slammed in to me. I tilted my head to watch the mesmerising sight of him penetrating me and I knew he was watching it too, my tiny tight hole endure obliteration.
Suddenly he flipped me over and I obliged, thrusting my ass in to the air. His cock found my soaked, overflowing hole instantly, and the thrusting resumed.
‘Don’t ever stop using me, please Alex’, I whimpered. He grunted, gripping my hips harder. Our bodies bucked together, all I knew was that I was his, I was his, and I needed this to never end.