Being a femcel fucking sucks.
Don’t know what a femcel is? Well, you probably know what an incel is–it means ‘involuntarily celibate.’ Unlike incels though, femcels don’t resort to violence or act out towards the opposite sex–instead, we usually just fangirl over fictional characters or celebrities we’ll never have a chance with, or simply just daydream about the kind of guys we’d like to be with.
I don’t like to admit that I’m a femcel, it’s embarrassing. I’m twenty years old and still haven’t had sex? Preposterous! People say it’s so easy for girls to lose their virginity. Sure, maybe it’s easy for pretty girls, but I’ve never been one of those. I’ve always been kind of on the chubbier side, and I was one of the only colored girls in my community growing up, surrounded by skinny, pretty white girls who all the cute jocks would jokingly tease and flirt with.
Every time my friends and I would hang out somewhere, the guys would always flirt with them, but never with me. I never got hit on, even as a joke. I guess guys just thought flirting with me even for fun would be like torturing a dead animal on the road that already got run over a few times.
It didn’t help that I also was terrible at doing my makeup. I tried to follow the makeup tutorials on YouTube using my makeup that I saved up to buy, and I ended up looking like a cheap clown.
I hated it, I hated being the only one of my friends who was still a virgin, I hated not being one of the ‘pretty girls’ that could just get any guy they wanted. The fact was, I was doomed to end up with some mediocre guy I was only sort of attracted to because he liked me for my ‘personality.’ Ugh. All I wanted was one of those gorgeous and outgoing ‘cool’ guys, the ones that were much too cool to ever talk to me.
I thought I would be chained to this lame and dull life of being a sad, pitiful virgin–but all that changed when I got a text from my best friend, telling me about a house party she wanted to go to with me.
That party was the night that all changed. It was the night I met Cameron Hayes.
My eyes were closed as I sat back in the desk chair, letting Sierra work her makeup magic on my face. I wasn’t used to this, but Sierra insisted that she’d give me a makeover. So, of course, I let her. I couldn’t refuse if she wanted to that badly.
I heard her sigh before she pulled away, taking a few steps back. “Okay, you can open your eyes,” she said before I slowly opened my eyes, seeing that she had a big grin on her face.
“Do I look okay?” I asked her, feeling a bit self-conscious. “See for yourself,” she said, gesturing towards the mirror. I got up from the chair before walking to the mirror, gasping and widening my eyes when I saw myself.
I looked like a completely elevated version of myself–Sierra knew exactly what to do to make me look absolutely stunning. The way she contoured my face and used eyeshadow and eyeliner plus fake eyelashes to enhance my eyes, and the shimmery lip gloss upon my lips was the perfect finishing touch. Makeup truly was magic.
Along with the long strands of hair that stuck out from my ponytail framing my face, my high-rise skinny jeans that hugged my waist and legs, and the tight shirt that showed off my cleavage, I actually looked hot. Sierra and I went shopping at the mall the week before, and she picked out these clothes for me–and she sure knew what to pick.
“Wow,” is all I could say, cracking a smile. I almost felt like I could cry at how beautiful I looked. I actually felt as if I could fit in to some Instagram influencer’s squad photo.
I turned to look at Sierra. “Thank you,” I said, feeling genuinely grateful for her help. It was like I was Cinderella and she was my fairy godmother. Or, perhaps my fairy best friend?
Sierra just giggled and took my hands. “You look so good. I’m sure you’re going to steal some hearts tonight.”
I blushed and shook my head. “I doubt it…”
“Come on, Nadine. You gotta have more confidence in yourself,” she encouraged. “We’re gonna go party and have a great time, okay?”
I exhaled deeply before closing my eyes and nodding. “Okay,” I said, trusting her words. I knew that Sierra was almost always right about everything–so I just hoped that she would be right this time…
Sierra and I took an Uber to the house party. I was a bit nervous, I had never been to a house party before–I was never invited to any in high school. I was mostly excited though, I always wanted to go to one of those crazy house parties that I’d see in TV shows.
We arrived at our destination and thanked the driver before climbing out of the car, standing in the driveway of a fancy suburban home, and we could already hear the music blasting from inside the house as people our age were sitting on the lawn or on the porch, having drinks and talking to each other.
“Ready to head in?” Sierra asked me, and I took a deep breath before nodding. We headed into the house, and it was a fuss just trying to get through the front door from how many people were gathered around it. After politely excusing ourselves and asking people to move aside, we made it in.
It certainly was crowded, I was surprised that people my age actually partied like this and not just in the movies. Sierra held onto my arm as she led me through the crowd, the smell of sweat and alcohol in the air as loud trap music blasted through the speakers while a bunch of drunk frat boys sang along.
I was definitely hoping I could maybe snatch one of those frat boys for myself for the night.
Sierra and I finally made it to the kitchen to get some drinks. There seemed to be a plastic bag filled with disposable shot cups stacked neatly inside. “Let’s do a few shots to get ourselves going,” Sierra suggested, and I nodded back at her before she took two shot cups and put them down, then began to open up the glass bottle of clear liquor and poured liquor into our cups. She then handed me the cup before we silently clinked our cups together, then downed them. I didn’t really drink alcohol, ever actually, so after I finished my shot I began to go into a coughing fit.
“Are you okay?” Sierra asked me, and I nodded before sticking out my tongue. “Yeah, I’m fine…” I managed to say in a weak voice as she laughed. “C’mon, let’s do two more.”
After the four shots were kicking in, I was beginning to feel more relaxed and sociable. Sierra and I didn’t know anyone here–apparently Sierra got invited to the party by some college guys who came up to her on campus and hit on her. That would have never happened to me.
Sierra and I stood against a free space on the wall and tried to hold a conversation despite the loud music blasting all throughout the house. As we were trying to chat, a pretty girl with really nice eyebrows smiled as she came over to talk to us. “Hey, I wanted to tell y’all that you’re both pretty as hell,” she said with a giggle. “What are the two of you doing with your back on the wall?”
We shrugged. “I’m still scouting for some cute guys,” Sierra said.
The girl nodded. “I actually think those guys over there have been eyeing you two,” she said as she subtly gestured towards a group of tall, good-looking guys wearing jerseys of their favourite hockey team. They seemed to be checking us out, but they were definitely looking at Sierra.
Sierra smirked. “Know anything about them?” She asked the girl with a curious lift of her brow. “Hockey jocks from Halton University.”
“Ooh, I love hockey jocks,” Sierra mused. I wanted to question her and ask, ‘since when?’ But I knew she thought they were hot. They certainly were!
“Let’s go dance,” she said before pulling me along to join the crowd. I just followed Sierra’s lead as we danced a little bit, getting into the music as we moved our bodies.
The more the music played and the more I danced, I couldn’t help but get lost in the loud music that was blasting, feeling the rhythm in my blood as I continued to dance with a smile on my face. I felt so good, it felt so fun dancing and losing myself to the music. I didn’t care who was around me, I felt like I was completely on cloud nine as I swayed to the song.
“Nadine, look,” Sierra shook my arm and looked over at the hockey jocks. They looked us down up and back up before smirking or winking at us, but I definitely knew they were looking at Sierra…
The dark-haired guy who appeared to be the leader of their crew made his way over through the crowd with a solo cup in his hand. He smiled when he came up to Sierra. “Hey, couldn’t help but notice your moves. You’re pretty hot,” he shouted over the music to her as she giggled. “Thanks, you’re pretty hot yourself,” she shouted back with a smile.
He smirked. “I’m Vince, you?” He asked as he raised a brow at her.
“Sierra,” she said. He nodded. “So, Sierra… You wanna maybe… ‘talk’ upstairs where it’s quieter?” He asked her. Sierra looked at me with a pleading look, and I nodded at her before she smiled and turned back to him. “Yeah, let’s go,” she said and offered her hand before he smiled back and took it to lead her through the crowd to head upstairs.
I just pursed my lips and stood there, getting jostled around by the crowd before sighing and deciding that I needed to get some air. I made my way through the crowd to head for the backdoor of the house, opening up the glass door before closing it as I could finally have some peace and quiet.
I sighed and sat down on the steps that led off the porch and to the backyard. There were a group of people talking amongst each other in the backyard, and some girl on the other side of the porch, smoking a cigarette and minding her business as she seemed engrossed in her phone.
I sighed and just took my time to relax for a moment. Of course she’d end up getting to hook up with a cute guy… And I’d end up alone again. I looked up at the evening sky, listening to the crickets chirp. I was right… No matter how hard I try to be one of the pretty girls, I’m doomed to still never get any guy to notice me. Why should I even bother?
I pulled out my phone and decided to check how my Instagram meme page was doing, being greeted with tons of likes and messages from other people in my online friend circle. Ha, at least online, people actually care about me… Or at least the persona that I present.
I heard the door slide open as I heard the music from inside for a brief moment before the door closed again. Someone else must have wanted to step outside, too.
“Hey,” I heard a voice say, presumingly male. I assumed that he wasn’t talking to me, so I just continued to scroll on my phone. It wasn’t until I felt someone nudge my side, and I looked over to see a high top shoe and khakis. My eyes followed them up to see an attractive guy with slicked back light brown hair in a hockey jersey, giving me a little smile. “Hey,” he greeted again. I recognized him as one of the guys who were checking Sierra and I out…
“Oh, hello…” I awkwardly greeted back with a tight smile. “Mind if I sit with you?” He asked me, and I widened my eyes. What? He wants to sit with me? Why? “Um, sure, yeah,” I said before scooting over to let him take a seat beside me on the stairs. He sighed when he finally got to adjust himself to be comfortable. I felt so shy having a cute guy like this sitting so close beside me.
He smiled. “How’s your night going?” He asked me and I looked away from him and nodded. “It’s… It’s okay, I guess,” I said. I can’t possibly look him in the eyes–he’s so attractive it’s intimidating!
“Where are you and your friend from?” He asked. “Not that far… We live about fifteen minutes away, I think. We took an Uber here,” I said.
“Oh, cool. I’m Cam, by the way. Full name Cameron Hayes, if you’re interested, though,” he said with a soft chuckle that made my heart flutter.
“I’m Nadine,” I said quietly, feeling my heart beating a bit faster as this guy talked to me. “Nadine Perez.”
“Nadine? That’s a pretty name,” he said. “What’s your background, Nadine?”
He thinks my name is pretty? I blushed and tucked a loose piece of my hair behind my ear. “My parents are from the Philippines, but I was born here,” I said.
“Ah, I see. That’s cool, one of my buddies is from the Philippines. He’s chill,” he said with a nod before taking a sip from his solo cup he was holding. “I was born here, too. I’m half-Dutch, but that’s all I know, really. My mom is Dutch, my dad was probably some white dude. I mean, I’m white as fuck, so…”
I just gave him a little smile and nod in response before looking down again as we sat in silence for a few seconds. “So, how old are you, Nadine?” He asked me, breaking the silence.
I sighed. “Twenty,” I said with a bit of sadness. I don’t like saying it out loud, I feel so old…
He seemed relieved to hear my age. “Nice, so am I,” he said with a smile. “You go to school?”
I shook my head. “Not currently, no. I work part-time at McDonald’s.”
His face twisted into a pained expression. “Oh man, I’m so sorry. I used to work at McDonald’s a few years ago, it suuuucks.”
I couldn’t help but giggle. “Yeah, it really does. But you know… Gotta get that bag.”
“Yeah, for sure, wishing you good luck though,” he said. “So, what made you come to this party?”
I shrugged, looking down at the ground as I kicked a pebble off the step that landed down on the cement path. “My friend got invited and wanted me to come with her, but I don’t usually go to parties.” I sighed. “I just hoped maybe I could have fun just for one night, but she’s already off hooking up with a cute guy, and I’m out here…”
“You don’t know what the party is for?” He asked me with amusement as I shook my head. He sat up and popped the collar of his jersey to show it off. “The Sea Lions won last week!”
“Ah, I see…” I said with a slow nod. “I don’t watch sports.”
“Ha, it’s cool. What are you into, then?” He asked, going back to his sitting position where he was actively listening. It surprised me that he actually wanted to talk to me and know about me, I wasn’t used to it…
But somehow, I was beginning to feel more comfortable talking to him.
“Well… I like posting on Instagram,” I said sheepishly, feeling a little embarrassed to admit that. “I run a dumb meme page.”
“Oh wow, really?” He began to pull out his phone. “What’s the username? I wanna check it out. I like memes.”
I widened my eyes and blushed deeper. I thought he would think I’m a loser… But he’s actually interested…!
I told him my username as he pulled up my meme account on Instagram, making me feel so shy seeing my own profile on his phone screen. “Oh shit, you’ve got a ton of followers. You’re like, famous,” he said with a light chuckle. “I’ll follow you,” he said before tapping the ‘follow’ button with his thumb. “Do you have a main?”
I scratched my head. “I do, but I don’t really post on it that much…”
“Can I follow your main?” He asked me, and I nodded. “Sure, if you want to…”
I gave him the username of my main account, the account that I use for family and people who knew me from school to follow. He searched it up, and went onto my profile to check out the few pictures I posted. He opened my recent selfie and left a like on it.
I went on my phone to log onto my main Instagram account, and saw that I received a new like and follow from cam.hayes21. I smiled to myself before following him back.
“What’s the twenty-one in your username for?” I asked him as I looked through his profile. He didn’t seem to post much either, only pictures of him with his friend group or family, or of him with his hockey team, and some nature photos. “My team number on the hockey team back in middle school. I kept it ’cause it kinda means a lot to me, I miss those days. Some of my best friends today were on that team.”
I locked my phone before Cameron slightly adjusted his sitting position, leaning his back against the wall as he smiled at me. “Your makeup’s nice. You do it yourself?”
I shook my head and softly chuckled. “Ah, no… My best friend who I came here with did it for me.”
“Well, she did a good job. You look really pretty, but I’m sure you look really pretty too without it.”
I blushed deeper and looked away from him. “No way… I only look decent tonight because of the makeup…”
“Nah, I doubt that. You’re cute,” he said as he smiled wider. I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heart felt warm at his words.
“Guys never paid any attention to me growing up… I just have myself convinced that I’m completely undesirable,” I said sadly.
“Then they’re all idiots,” he said seriously, as if he was angry that I would say that about myself. “I think you’re cute as fuck, I seriously haven’t been able to take my eyes off of you since I first saw you inside.”
I was speechless. A guy like this really is attracted to me…? I must be dreaming…
He sipped his drink again, and I could tell he was noticing how insecure I was. “If I wasn’t interested in you, I wouldn’t go out of my way to talk to you,” he pointed out. “In fact… I think I wanna do more than just talk.”
I raised my head and looked at him with wide eyes, and he smiled–it was a warm smile, like he was being genuine. “You wanna find a room inside? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I really would love it if we could head somewhere more private together.”
My heart was beating strong and hard in my chest, feeling as if it would explode. He’s offering to have sex with me… This is the first time I ever had a guy notice me and felt attracted to me, so… Why not? I’m not getting any younger, this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to lose my virginity to a cute guy that I always dreamed of being with!
I nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that,” I said with a smile. He smiled wider before standing up, offering me his hand to pull me up as well. We headed back inside the party, and I followed him through the crowd to go upstairs.
All the rooms seemed occupied, but a couple had just left one of the bedrooms, leaving it vacant for use. Cam looked at me as I nodded in confirmation, letting him know I wanted to head in. We got inside the bedroom and closed the door behind us. The bedroom was simple and neat, but the bedsheets seemed to be messed up from the couple who spent time here before us.
I stood there by the door awkwardly as Cam went around the room inspecting everything before sitting down on the bed. “You can sit down if you want to,” he said with a light chuckle, gesturing beside him.
I gulped nervously and nodded before walking over to sit beside him on the bed, hearing the mattress slightly squeak once I sat down. We took off our shoes before Cameron and I just gazed into each other’s eyes. His green eyes were so beautiful, I felt myself getting lost in them.
I’m really sitting alone in this bedroom with this cute guy with me, I never thought this would actually happen, I thought to myself.
Cam tucked my loose strands of hair sticking out from my ponytail behind my ears as he moved closer, his face slowly moving towards mine as he began to close his eyes. I… I never kissed anyone before… I thought before I closed my eyes and let him press his lips against mine. There weren’t fireworks or anything, but it felt really nice kissing someone for the first time.
His lips were soft as they moved against mine, and I awkwardly just sat there, kissing him back as I let him take the lead. He brought his hands to the sides of my face as we continued to kiss, the scent of his cheap cologne and the feeling of his breath against me giving me a bit of butterflies.
I decided to place my hands on his shoulders as we continued making out, and I was beginning to feel a little bit more comfortable kissing him. It was my very first time making out with someone, so it was unfamiliar and new to me–but it was getting a lot less awkward and more enjoyable. Cam didn’t seem to be complaining and continued to kiss me, so I just hoped that he was enjoying it too.
Our kisses began to grow hotter and more messy while we made out, his hands moving from my face to my sides as he held my waist. I felt his tongue against my lips as I softly gasped, his tongue entering my mouth as it twined with my own. It felt so weird having someone else’s tongue against mine–but I liked it.
Cam pulled away and smiled before asking me to lay down on the bed. I was a bit hesitant, since I didn’t know who was on this bed and what they were doing, but I pushed those thoughts away as I moved myself and laid down, my head resting on the soft pillow as Cam climbed on top of me before we got back to kissing.
My mind felt so hazy, the alcohol still affecting my body as I was getting even more drunk off of Cam’s kisses. We continued to sloppily make out, our bodies heating up before I felt his fingers beginning to undo my jeans.
“Wait,” I said out loud, making him stop and look at me with concern. “You okay?” He asked me.
I just closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I… I’m a virgin,” I said in embarrassment, feeling my face heat up. He widened his eyes and raised his brows. “Oh shit… Do you wanna stop?” He asked me.
I took a moment to think. The thing is, I don’t want to stop, I thought. I like where this is going, and I really like Cam, even though I just met him… I know people always say to save your virginity for someone you love and trust, but I really do want to go further with him. I do, I really do.
I exhaled deeply before shaking my head. “No… I want to keep going,” I said surely.
“You sure? ‘Cause if you really don’t want to, we can stop.”
“I’m sure,” I confirmed. “Just… As long as we have protection. I’m not on birth control or anything,” I said with a bit of worry in my voice. “I can’t risk getting pregnant…”
Cam nodded. “Yeah, I get it for sure. I got one in my pocket,” he said, reaching for his back pocket to pull out a packaged condom. “Okay,” I said. “Then… Let’s do it.”
“Alright. Since it’s your first time, do you wanna take things slower?” Cam asked with concern.
“Um… We don’t have to,” I said. “I liked what we were doing, so I’d like to go further with you.”
Cam smiled. “Okay. Then let’s continue,” he said with a nod as I nodded back. He pulled my jeans down my legs before helping me take off my top, leaving me in my bra and panties. I felt so embarrassed being exposed, but Cam seemed to be pleased with what he saw.
He took his jersey off along with his undershirt, revealing his gorgeous physique. He then undid his pants before pulling them down along with his underwear. His cock sprang out, making me widen my eyes seeing a man’s cock in real life. It was cut and a nice size, not too big nor short, and it had a healthy color to it. I couldn’t wait to feel it inside of me…
He got out the condom package and began to open it, pulling out the condom to roll it onto his length. After it was on, he went back to kissing me, getting himself harder as his hands grabbed my bra-clad breasts, making me softly moan into his mouth.
We continued kissing before he pulled away, his fingers looping under the waistband of my panties. He looked at me as if asking for my consent, and I nodded before covering my face in embarrassment as he pulled them down. His hands pushed up my knees and I spread my legs for him, and although I felt so shy spreading my legs for a stranger, I felt so excited.
I uncovered my eyes to see Cam position himself between my legs as he held his dick against me, and I could feel him rubbing the tip against my folds. Just knowing that I had a hot guy rubbing his dick against me was turning me on.
“You ready?” He asked me, and I nodded. He then began to push himself inside me, making me widen my eyes and gasp as I felt his dick slowly enter me.
Oh my God, I thought, feeling him penetrate me and stretch my tight cunt open, taking my virginity from me as I winced. My first time having a real penis inside me…! It was slightly painful, but his dick seemed to slide inside me fairly easily.
He sheathed himself inside me until he reached the limit that I could take him, holding himself there for a bit as I looked up at the ceiling, just reeling in the feeling of Cam warming his dick inside of me. It felt different–but somehow, I really liked the feeling.
He then began to move, his hands gripping onto my hips as he pulled himself back, feeling his cock slide within me before he thrusted back into me, making me let out a moan as I widened my eyes. It hurt, but it also felt really good. The bed kept creaking with each movement we made.
He repeated this action again, over and over, slightly picking up the pace as I felt the pressure of his dick fucking me, stretching me open with his dick as he kept thrusting within me. The pleasure outweighed any pain, and I found myself craving more and more, just wanting him to keep fucking me.
Cam was beginning to let out pants as he continued thrusting into me, and I gripped onto the pillowcase under my head as my other hand led down to press against my clit. I bit down on my lip and moaned at the dual pleasure of Cam pounding into me and my fingers rubbing my clit.
“You feel really good,” Cam breathily said, continuing to fuck me as I looked at him through my eyes that were beginning to tear up, my vision beginning to become blurry. “You look really pretty like this, too.” He seemed to be beginning to sweat as his light brown hair was starting to come loose and become messy. He looks gorgeous like this…
My arousal was at an all-time high as nothing but pure lust and euphoria filled my body as Cam slammed into me, over and over again. I could only let out soft mewls and moans at the feeling of this gorgeous boy taking my virginity. Holy shit, I never thought getting fucked could feel so good…
His thrusts began to become more rushed and sloppy, and it seemed as if he was getting close to his climax. I continued to rub my clit faster while he fucked me, feeling myself getting close as well.
“Fuck, Nadine…” Cameron muttered as his hair fell in his face while he let out soft groans with each thrust into me. It only took a few more thrusts until I felt him hit a certain spot within me, making me throw my head back as I shut my teary eyes and pushed my fingers into my clit, absolute pleasure hitting me like a tidal wave as I was completely in ecstasy.
I was so lost in my own orgasm that I didn’t even notice that Cam had cum too, spilling himself inside the condom that was within me. He pulled himself out immediately, making me feel empty again.
We took a few quiet moments just to catch our breaths, and I just stared up at the ceiling, still in total shock that I just had sex for the first time. I really lost my virginity to a cute guy I just met… Holy shit… I seriously can’t believe that actually happened. Thoughts in my mind were running a mile per second.
Cam carefully rolled the condom off of himself before tying it. He tucked himself back into his underwear before pulling his pants back up. I wasn’t sure if I should have been getting dressed again too, but I decided to anyway. I picked up my panties and put them back on.
“So… How was it?” Cam asked me as he put on his shirt.
I picked up my shirt from the floor and put it back on as well. “Honestly, I… I really enjoyed it,” I said with a smile. I couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore, I felt much too embarrassed to. “Thank you…”
Cam chuckled. “No problem. I liked it as well,” he said as he put his jersey back on, making me blush. I’m glad I didn’t screw up my first time…
I put my jeans back on before buttoning it back up as Cam disposed of the condom. Both of us spent some time checking ourselves out in the room’s mirror. I sighed in frustration when I checked myself out. “Great, my makeup’s fucking smudged now…” I complained, using my fingers in an attempt to salvage my look.
“I think you still look pretty,” Cam said as he ran a hand through his hair and smiled at me in the mirror. I couldn’t help but smile back. “That’s sweet of you to say.”
“I mean it, though. I honestly think you could have been diving in the sewer and I’d still think you’re pretty.”
I just blushed and giggled softly, not exactly knowing what to say. He’s so nice…
After we were done fixing ourselves in the mirror, we put our shoes back on and headed out of the room. It seemed that most of the bedrooms were vacant now.
We headed downstairs to join the party again, and there were less people than before. The party was still going, but the massive crowd was gone and the party seemed to be reduced to a more comfortable number.
I checked my phone to see a new text from Sierra. I unlocked my phone to see what it said.
“Where did you go? I won’t leave the party until you text me back. If you’re looking for me, I’m just hanging out on the porch with Vince.”
“You looking for your friend?” Cam asked me, and I nodded. “Yeah, but she texted me and told me that she’s hanging out on the porch, so…”
“Alright. You want me to come with you?”
I widened my eyes and blinked. “You don’t have to.”
He shrugged. “It’s cool. I’ll just come with you,” he said with a smile, making me smile back. We headed outside to the front porch and there was Sierra and Vince talking together as they sat on the bench, laughing about something. Sierra gasped when she saw me and smiled. “Hey, Nadine!” She greeted me, getting up to walk over to me and take my hand. Her hair was a bit more messy than it was before… “Where’d you head off to?”
I blushed. “I was hanging out with Cam,” I said, gesturing to Cam as he waved. “Hey,” he said to her.
Sierra smirked at me. “Oh, cool. I hope you had fun,” she said coyly, making me playfully swat her.
Vince stood up from his seat. “You two ladies are heading home, or do you wanna hang out a little bit more?” He asked us. Sierra and I looked at each other. “What do you say, Nadine? I kinda wanna stay a bit longer, but I can arrange a ride for you if you’re tired and want to head home.”
“Um…” I looked over at Cam and Vince, who seemed like they wanted us to stay. I was pretty tired, but I also wanted to be there for Sierra in case anything happened to her. Plus I’d get to spend more time with Cam!
“Sure, I don’t mind staying for a bit longer,” I said, as Sierra seemed grateful for my answer. The four of us decided to get more drinks and hang out outside and talk with each other. I felt a lot more comfortable with Sierra being there with me, and the boys were both really fun to talk to. Vince was kind of a dudebro jock, but Cam was such a sweet guy.
I almost wished the night would never end.
I know what you’re probably thinking. ‘Did having sex change your life?’
The answer is both yes and no. Yes, because I no longer felt ashamed of my virginity, and I felt a bit accomplished in the fact that I finally lost it. But it wasn’t a victory I bragged about, I just felt good about it for myself. I finally knew what it was like to have sex, and I was glad I finally got to experience it for myself.
I also say no, because having sex didn’t magically make my life better. I still struggled with plenty of other aspects of my life. I was still me, virgin or not. Having sex didn’t unlock some sort of ‘true form’ of mine or unlock the ‘secrets of life’ or whatever virgins believe will happen once you lose your virginity.
But after that night, it made me feel as if I wasn’t totally undesirable. Cameron Hayes thought I was attractive enough to get to know better, and even end up in bed with. It made me feel better about myself, like I wasn’t just this ugly creature that was absolutely repulsive.
No, Cameron and I didn’t end up dating or have a ‘happily ever after’ or anything like that. After the party, we went our separate ways. We never talked again or hung out again, but he does still follow me on Instagram.
Even though we didn’t end up together, I was happy that my first time was with a cute and sweet guy who made me feel good and made me enjoy my experience. I’m sure a lot of people can’t say the same about their first time, so I’m glad that my first time was fun, safe, and with someone who respected me.
People still tell me that I should have saved my virginity for someone I was in a long-term committed relationship with, but I have no regrets. I loved my experience, and that’s what matters to me. It felt right.
I don’t know if I would have had sex with someone at that party if it was anyone other than Cam. I don’t think I would have–I probably would have turned them down and sat there on the steps waiting for Sierra to finish having her fun with Vince. I’m really glad Cam made my night.
I’ve had a few hook-ups, flings, and short-term relationships with other guys since then that were a mixed bag of both good and bad experiences, but I’ll never forget my very first time. I’ll always remember the memory of losing my virginity to be a fond one.
Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing nowadays, I’ll never forget the night you made me feel special, Cameron Hayes.