Back to Salome

Jenna: Spring

A psychologist might call it a crisis of conscience. However, I don’t think that puts this transmogrification in proper context. Morally, I never had a problem with what I chose to do after high school, even though I know it would bother some people. But now, my life felt stagnant and devoid of change. After five years, I needed a new direction. Why is it that it’s always the first step that’s the scariest?

After months of careful consideration, I had made a momentous, life-changing decision and up until today, only two people knew about it: my booking agent and my financial manager. Unfortunately, things were about to get real, and I’d been dreading this day for a week.

I’d just finished my workout at the ‘Pink Iron’ fitness club and was driving down North La Cienega Boulevard in West Hollywood. Normally, I don’t go to the gym on the days I’m scheduled to shoot a scene. However, I felt stressed out, I knew taking a spin class with my favorite instructor would help calm me down.

My best friend had been in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico for the last several days doing a shoot with a company called ‘San Fernando Valley Dolls.’ It’s a silly name for a porn website, isn’t it? It always struck me as funny how some of the more popular websites had the most nonsensical names.

Aside from the absurd name, the company is very well managed and always treated their talent really well. When I shot for them last year they sent me to a resort in Turks and Caicos. First class transportation and lodging… but, I digress…

This morning was going to be difficult because I was going to tell my best friend about my decision, and I had no idea how she was going to take it.

– – – – –

“You’re really serious about this Jenna, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am. I’ve put a lot of thought into it, and I know it’s what I need to do.”

“And you’re going to try and tell me you’re not going to miss any of it? All of our friends, the partying, the nightlife, the money, nothing?”

I watched as my best friend Sandy took a sip of her soy latte and then set her coffee mug down on the outdoor table.

I took a deep breath while I collected my thoughts. The air smelled fresh and clean, a real anomaly for the normally smoggy Southern California.

“I’ll tell you what I won’t miss: The horrible dialogue we have to say, waiting around the set for guys to get hard, how sore I get the next day, and having so much of my personal life out in public.”

She listened intently while I continued speaking.

“I’m sure there are some things I’ll miss… in time. The money, the traveling… and you. I’ll miss your friendship most of all.”

She gave me a soft smile, then reached across the table, and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

To the porn world, my best friend was Lexi Sapphire, who’d won the ‘Best New Starlet’ honor at the AVN Awards last month. But to me, she was Sandy Gustafson from Hibbing, Minnesota.

“I can’t help but feel shocked because you always told me you were happy.”

I took a deep breath.

“I’ve been thinking about making a change for a couple months,” I admitted.

“And you didn’t say anything to me?”

“Until a few days ago it was just something I was considering, but now my mind is made up.”

She smiled.

“I know how stubborn you are and I’m sure there’s nothing I could say to make you change your mind.”

My best friend knew me all too well.

“I’m sorry, but there’s not.”

We finished our drinks and from the look on her face, I could tell she was resigning herself to the fact that I was going to retire.

“I always thought you were living your dream, but that’s not the case anymore, is it?”

“You just turned nineteen and you’ve been in the business for a year.”

I paused for a little dramatic effect before I continued.

“I’m twenty-three and I’ve been doing this for five years. I really think I just need a change or, maybe just a more normal life.”

We sat in comfortable silence for a few moments and ordered more drinks. I really wanted to order a latte, however, I opted for another bottle of water because I’d be working in a couple of hours.

“So when does this retirement nonsense take effect?”

Our faces broke into big smiles. I couldn’t help but think I would miss her sense of humor most of all.

“At the end of the day.”

I saw the look of surprise on her face.

“You’re working today?”

“I have a one p.m. call.”

“Who are you working with?”

“Dirk McKinley. Alex Cross is directing.”

Big smiles broke across both of our faces again.

“I guess that’s fitting for your last scene.”

The history wasn’t lost on either of us. The first time we met we were shooting for a website called Southern California Prime. According to the script, Dirk was my ‘boyfriend’ and Sandy showed up at our apartment unannounced and naturally, it led to a threesome. It was her first scene in the business so, of course, she was very nervous. Thankfully, I was able to get her through it and we became fast friends. Over the past year, we’d shot several girl-girl scenes together and thankfully, the sex hadn’t adversely affected our friendship.

“So what are your plans?” She asked.

“I’m going back home and enrolling in college.”

“You’re going back to Salome?”

“I can’t explain it, but it feels like I’ve lost myself.”

I paused for a few moments in reflection.

“The last time I felt normal was in high school. I’m not sure if going home is the answer, but it’s a start.”

Connor: Spring

“Boy, Ms. Garcia was pretty hard on you today. Either that or she was flirting with you, I couldn’t tell which it was.”

I felt my cheeks flush a bit. I hated when that happened; when I felt someone knew a secret about me. And it didn’t help that Hayley was the one prodding me. She was in the top twenty of hot chicks at West Texas University.

“I guess I just used a word wrong,” I half-mumbled.

“Are you kidding me? She was comparing ‘lascivious’, ‘salacious’, and ‘libertine’ for you. Do you know what any of those words mean?”

I shook my head. I did know what they meant, but it was better to act dumb, I figured.

She put her hand on my arm and we stopped walking across the quad.

“So tell me. Why haven’t you made a move on me yet? Huh?”

“Ummm…”

“You were fucking Jessi Summers most of last semester. You aren’t gay… she assured me of that. Do you just not find me attractive?”

My stomach twinged at the mere mention of Jessi. Even after two months, I still wasn’t over her, I suppose. She just dumped because… well, I didn’t actually know why. Anyway, Hayley did a little pose, thrusting out her ample chest. I was pleased to feel a little tingle between my legs. My heart may have been damaged but my body was working at 100%.

“It’s not that,” I tried to convince her. “I just—”

“I’m practically throwing myself at you, asshole.” And she stomped off.

I sighed heavily. She was super hot, I thought as I mentally kicked myself. But… all for a good cause, I laughed. Besides, my heart now belonged to another.

– – – – –

“It’s Connor, Connor Martin.”

Ms. Garcia flung the door open, grabbed my shirt, and pulled me into her office, quietly shutting the door and locking it.

“Don’t stand out there yelling your name!” she hissed as she pulled me further into her office.

“Don’t you know how dangerous this is for me?”

“I… umm… I’m sorry. I looked around and didn’t see anybody. I’m just a student coming to your office hours, nothing wrong with that.”

She grabbed my shirt again, pulling me close.

“If you weren’t so cute, mister, ohhhh!”

I smiled my sexy smile. I didn’t know I had a sexy smile until she told me. But I squinted my eyes just a bit and cocked my head.

“Shall I start my, um, ‘lesson’?”

I put my backpack down and set my hands on her hips, my fingers pressing into the fabric of her skirt. I slowly dropped down to my knees and slid my hands down her thighs. I stopped when I got to her bare legs. Then I looked her in the eyes as my hands traveled further down, caressing her calves slowly but firmly.

Just like you showed me, Tish…

I brought my hands up to the hem of her skirt and began lifting it slowly. Her firm thighs revealed more and more of themselves to me until, finally, I could see her g-string.

Dark blue satin! She knows that’s my favorite.

I peeled the lovely and damp thong down her legs and over her shoes.

“I’m keeping this!” I told her as I stuffed it in my back pocket.

She grabbed my hair and pulled me up. I knew what she wanted so I quickly stood up. She threw her arms around my neck and jumped up on me. I held her up by her ass as she wrapped her legs around my hips.

Taking a few steps, I then set her down on her mahogany desk. Her female scent wafted over me as I lowered my face until it was between her thighs.

“I love your… pussy, babe.”

I had paused while speaking for what I hoped was an imperceptible moment: I had almost said “cunt” but remembered, just in time, she didn’t like that word. Not even a little bit.

Usually, I started kissing her legs or even her feet and then worked my way up. But I was getting better at reading Tish’s moods, and I knew she wanted me to just get down to business. Well, that and the fact she grabbed my head and pulled me into her pussy!

I began kissing her vertical lips with my mouth as wide open as I could. Just like biting into a fresh peach, I could get all her juices this way. And her juices… oh, they began to flow quickly.

I looked up and smiled up at her.

“Somebody has been horny for a while, huh?”

She smiled and pushed my head back down onto her.

“Just thinking about you, my love,” she encouraged.

I started licking and exploring her luscious pussy while I helped hold her legs up. Closing my eyes, I just made love to her with my mouth. I used to have to try and remember what to do and where things were, but Tish trained me pretty well. While perhaps not a virtuoso just yet, I could play the song without having to fumble with the sheet music.

Her legs wrapped around my head and shoulders as my tongue burrowed deep into her vagina, stretching her walls. Only pausing occasionally to swallow more of her juices, I increased my pace of licks and tongue thrusts. I felt her moving with me and heard her moaning, which meant I was doing it correctly.

Putting my three middle fingers together, I started burrowing into her love tunnel a few millimeters at a time. I slid up and began lavishing attention onto her clitoral area with my mouth. She clamped her legs harder on my head when my fingers fucked her faster and I sucked her clit up into my mouth. I let her parts slide out between my teeth, knowing it drove her crazy.

I curled my fingers towards her tummy and tickled her vagina, right there… yes… that’s the spot!

She suddenly clenched her legs and pussy tight while she moaned a quiet “F-u-u-u-c-k-k-k.” It felt like my fingers might break under the sudden strain but I held on.

A sudden rush of pussy juice flooded my mouth and I struggled to swallow all of her down. Tish collapsed back down on her desk flat on her back, her legs quivering and dangling over the edge. I lifted her legs up by her calves and positioned my cock at her entrance.

I always got a little unsure at this point, I needed to know whether it was “okay” or not to proceed.

“Can I…” I paused; stumbling over my words. “Would you like me too…”

“Oh for Christ’s sake! Yes! Fuck me!”

Now I felt stupid; of course, she wanted me to fuck her! That’s why we’re here!

I pushed my cock head inside her… God, she felt so good! Her velvety pussy walls welcomed me and resisted me at the same time. I pulled her legs together and held them against my chest as I fucked her pussy on the desk. I wasn’t going to last much longer as this position tightened her up even more.

That hot liquid friction between us drove me crazy, and I could see it affecting Tish also. Her moans and sighs matched mine as I sped up the rhythm. I licked and nibbled her smooth calves, Tish never had any stubble and that was so hot to me.

I leaned forward, pushing her legs almost against her chest. I rested my hand on her throat but didn’t squeeze, it was enough for her to know that I could. My cock slammed harder and harder into her pussy, her body taking an enormous amount of punishment as the heavy desk didn’t budge an inch.

“Can’t… hold… it… back…” I warned her. My throbbing cock was going to burst, I could feel it approaching like a freight train and there was nothing that could stop it!

Tish pleaded with me, “Not yet… Little more…babe?” Baby?

Fuck! Okay, let’s see… um baseball… Justin Bieber, stinky socks…oh fuckkkk… look at her gorgeous face, her nipples sticking through her bra and blouse, her cu-… I mean pussy just felt so awesome…

I probably was able to delay a total of four or maybe five seconds, I hoped it was enough! The dam burst and my cum showered her insides in squirt after glorious squirt. As my cock throbbed in her, I felt her pussy clamp down on me tightly as her orgasm began. Her moans of pleasure filled the office with her passion and filled my heart with joy in that I, just some average joe, could make this gorgeous woman cum like crazy.

I slumped down on top of Leticia, my Tish, and we kissed hard and passionately at first, and then our kisses turned slow and gentle like true lovers who know each other so well.

I picked Tish up and carried her to the little sofa. She laughed as I plopped down, bringing her with me in a minor crash of bodies.

“You, young man. You have gotten very good.” Her eyes twinkled as she complimented me. And I just loved that tiny trace of a Mexican accent in her voice. She was the sexiest person I had ever been with.

My fingers found her sex and invaded her person. We kissed open-mouthed and she sometimes pulled back a little, our lips barely touching as she breathed through her mouth while we kissed. I found it so erotic to be sharing her breath I was nearly overwhelmed with emotions as I brought her to her third orgasm with my fingers.

I figured I would throw all the charm I had at her, overdoing my Texas drawl. “Aw shucks, ma’am. I’m just trying to please the lady here. After all…”

My brain screamed at me, Don’t say it!

“I am in love with you.” I smiled my biggest smile at her. Jessi Summers, Jessi Summers… no reaction… I was finally rid of her! Tish now completely had my heart and I couldn’t wait–

“Oh, honey!” Tish smiled at me, but kind of a funny smile. “That’s so sweet. But… you can’t be in love with me, I’m married! Remember?”

“Yes, but… that’s okay because I’ll get a permanent job after next year and we can be together and–”

Tish put her finger against my lips to silence me. I sat there, stunned. I was sure she felt like I did. In her classes, all she talked of was the love and romance of poetry, the triumph of the human spirit over tragedy, through love… it was all about love… And what we shared, what we just did, it was the ultimate expression of love. Wasn’t it? And the way she kissed me, she meant it! I know she did.

“Tish, Leticia, sweetheart. Let’s–”

“Come on, handsome,” she interrupted. “Let’s get you dressed and me straightened up!”

She rose and held her hand out me. I ignored it and got up on my own and started gathering my clothes.

“Oh honey,” she teased. “Connor, don’t be upset! I thought you knew what this was! You’re very special. This was fun, and I hope it was educational for you. You’ve really turned into quite a decent lover, babe. Trust me, you’ll find the right girl and make her very happy.”

I shouldered my backpack and stared at her for a few moments.

“I wanted to make you happy.”

“Oh, you are so cute, my little mijo,” she used the term mijo, pronounced me-hoe, to indicate that I was like her son, her child. That’s not what you call a lover.

She hugged me, and my free hand instinctively wrapped around her waist. I breathed in her perfumed scent and fought back the tears. I was so mad, and embarrassed, but mostly disappointed in myself for not seeing this for what it was. I wished that, just once, I could fuck a girl and not fall in love with her.

Stupid!

The last few days passed in a blur. I somehow got through my finals and prepared myself for going home. Only, “home” wasn’t where my home was supposed to be. Dad was living with his new friend Dave, and Mom decided to move here to this college town after the divorce.

So now, going “back home” meant just going here; back to Salome.

Jenna: Spring

Right before I left the coffee shop, Sandy took a selfie of us and tagged me in the post which read, ‘The end of an era.’ I knew I’d be receiving a lot of questions and comments concerning that cryptic post from some of my three and a half million Twitter and Instagram followers. However, at this moment, I didn’t want to think about it, much less deal with it.

I followed the directions my GPS gave me which led me to a large mansion in the Hollywood Hills. The previous evening, my booking agent had texted me the address and the one o’clock call time. There was an open, gigantic, ornate gate right off the road that led to a large parking area filled with about twenty other cars which gave me some reassurance that I was at the correct address.

I parked my blue Mini Cooper convertible and walked up to the large, oak double doors. I was met immediately by a hulking, behemoth of a man, and standing next to him was a young girl who had to be about my age with a clipboard in her hand. A few moments later, the girl spoke.

“Good afternoon, Miss Valentine. If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to hair and makeup.”

Even after five years my alias still struck me as odd. Madi Valentine. My porn name was the joining of the name of my first dog and my favorite holiday. I wanted to leave her behind… leave this life behind… I wanted to be myself again and in a few hours, I’d make that happen.

The production assistant led me inside through an immense foyer that had two winding staircases that went to the upper floors. There were two white polished marble pillars in the center of the room that perfectly matched the white marble floor. I also noticed very expensive looking Renaissance paintings on the wall that the went perfectly with classic, French style crown moldings. It wasn’t unusual to work in such immaculate surroundings and I guess after five years, I should be more accustomed to it. However, because of my working-class upbringing, such extravagance still overwhelmed me at times.

I followed the production assistant to one of the rooms off the large kitchen that had been converted to a makeshift hair and makeup salon. My eyes lit up when I saw the stylist because she had done my hair and makeup dozens of times on previous shoots. Interestingly, she gave the first solid piece of advice in the business that didn’t have to do with sex which was don’t wash your hair twenty-four hours before a shoot because leaving a little oil makes it easier to style and you spend less time in the dreaded styling chair.

Just as the stylist was putting the finishing touches on my makeup job, the director, Alex Cross, and the production assistant who I’d met at the door entered the room.

“You look simply stunning, Miss Valentine,” he said in a thick English accent as we both looked at the other’s reflection in the large mirror.

“You’re always full of compliments, aren’t you?” I said while smiling seductively at him as our eyes met in the mirror.

“You’ve always been my favorite girl, Madi.”

I was quite certain he had at least a dozen favorite girls but it was fun to play along and act flirty. His connections and recommendations in the business had led to countless jobs throughout my career so I felt a little harmless coquetry was the least I could do.

“I hope you know you’re my favorite director, Mr. Cross, I’ve always loved being on your set.”

I wasn’t even sure I had a favorite director. Nonetheless, he always treated me professionally and was open to my input when it came to shooting a scene and I always appreciated that.

“You’re one of the rare gems in this business and you’ll be sorely missed.”

I wasn’t sure if he was being genuine or if it was just a part of his flattery routine. Regardless, it was a sweet comment that made me feel good.

“Thank you so much,” I said sincerely.

Suddenly, his soft expression changed and he was all business.

“We’ll shoot the promo photographs first and by the time we’re done, Mr. McKinley will have arrived and we’ll shoot the scene.”

This news came as a welcomed relief. Sometimes because of scheduling conflicts on the set, directors required the talent to shoot the scene first and then take the promo photographs afterward. Of course, this was a colossal inconvenience because the promotional photographs can’t be taken if you’re covered in sweat and semen. So, taking photos after the shoot requires a shower then a second trip to hair, makeup, and wardrobe.

I followed the production assistant to a small room off the kitchen which was serving as the Wardrobe Department. In reality, it was a small closet of a room that was packed with every different type of apparel from formal evening wear to very revealing club mini dresses.

“You’re outfit is on the hanger to the left. Once you’ve changed, I’ll take you to the set.”

I smiled politely at the production assistant and closed the door to the small room. My ‘wardrobe’ didn’t consist of much clothing. I picked up and inspected the Wicked Weasel micro bikini. It was the tri-top sailor model that featured white and fuchsia horizontal stripes. The top had small triangles to cover my breasts and the bottom was a modified thong that left much of my ass exposed.

I slipped on the suit and my tennis shoes and decided to carry the clear plastic five-inch heeled sandals instead of wearing them. There was also a large, white terry cloth robe next to the bikini and I put that on as well. Thankfully, I’d already performed my ‘clean-out’ routine which consisted of several enemas and a douche. The shoot always went smoother when I was ‘squeaky clean’ down there.

The production assistant led me to the enormous backyard of the house which was enclosed with a ten-foot-tall cinder block security fence. There was a large in-ground swimming pool which was beset on all sides by grandiose Roman and Renaissance Era statues. Additionally, there were large decorative boulders that helped separate the tropical landscaping from the large, thick, green lawn.

I noticed that Mr. Cross was on the other side of the pool and talking to one of the assistants who was making adjustments to a microphone that was on a long, metal boom. Once he saw me, he ended his conversation with the sound man and approached me.

“Madi, you look absolutely divine.”

I blushed slightly.

“Thank you so much.”

He looked down at his watch.

“We’d better get started if we’re going to stay on schedule.”

Unlike a major Hollywood production which could take months to shoot, a porn movie was shot in about two days, and time was money.

“Where do you want me?”

“Over there, by that large boulder, facing south.”

I slipped off my robe and handed it to the production assistant. Then, I slid out of my tennis shoes and put on the five-inch, clear, plastic heels, and made my way over to the large decorative boulder.

I spent the next couple of minutes moving from pose to pose in the little bikini. I could barely hear the click of the digital camera while Mr. Cross stood behind the photographer and surveyed the scene. I’d done this countless times and needed very little if any direction.

There was a small throng of people behind the photographer, mostly production assistants and some technical people who were fiddling with their equipment. Once the photographs started though, their attention was drawn to me and less on their duties on the set.

“Okay Madi, let’s lose the top,” Mr. Cross said.

I reached behind my back and untied the little bikini top and my 34D breasts immediately fell free. The production assistant approached me and I handed the top half of the bikini to her. Once she was out of the shot, the photographs continued for a minute or so while I went moved from pose to pose.

“Okay Madi, suck on your nipple, and then we can move on.”

There it is.

I smiled sweetly.

“Yes, Mr. Cross.”

I’d worked with him enough to know that he’d want a shot of me sucking on my nipple and I had almost taken my breast into my mouth without his direction. However, I was certain it made him feel better when he could direct me a little and feel like he was in charge.

I took one of my breasts in my hand and sucked on my nipple while giving the camera a slutty, pouty look. A few seconds later, Alex spoke.

“That looks divine, now let’s lose the bottom.”

“Yes, Sir.”

I slid the skin-tight lycra bottom of the bikini down my thighs and stepped out of it. Again, the production assistant approached me and took the small thong bottom from my hand. The photographer started clicking away again while I moved from pose to pose. He took shots near the pool, shots by the large boulder, and we finished while I laid down on a large, white Balencia chaise lounge. I made sure my legs were open in most of the shots and I used two of my fingers to hold the lips of my vagina open and even dipped them inside several times as I changed poses. For the last several shots, I got on my hands and knees and spread my legs open wide. I knew Mr. Cross would want shots of my asshole and I was always good at anticipating the pictures he expected before he asked. Again, I held the lips of my vagina open and gave the photographer my best slutty, pouty look which I knew he’d like.

Just as we were finishing photographs, a tall, African-American man opened the door to the backyard and approached Mr. Cross. He was wearing khaki shorts, tennis shoes, a navy-blue collared skirt with “Dirk’s Pool Maintenance” embroidered on the chest.

Mr. Cross broke into a big smile when he saw him.

“Dirk, perfect timing, we’re ready for you.”

“Good, I’m glad I’m not late.”

The production assistant came up to me and handed me the bikini. I slipped off the clear heels and put the little suit back on. Just as she scurried away to attend to another matter, Dirk approached me and gave me a big hug.

“How are you doing, girl?”

“I’m doing good, just getting the promo shots out of the way.”

“I saw some of them, you are sexy as fuck, you know that?”

I could feel a little blush break across my face. He was twenty-eight and one of the most sought-after men in the business. He never had a problem getting or keeping an erection which always helped the shoots go smoothly. I felt very fortunate that my last scene would be with him.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Mr. Cross broke in.

“Okay you two, let’s get a few more photos, then we’ll begin shooting the scene.”

Again, time was money.

He positioned us by the big boulder and the camera began clicking away. He was much taller than me, even in the five-inch heels. I pressed my body against his with my arms wrapped securely around him and we posed for the camera. From there, we began to take off our clothes a little at a time until we both stood naked while holding each other for the final pictures. After five years, I know I should have been used to the size of the guys I worked with. They almost seemed non-human, how big and thick they were. It was just another aspect of the business that I’d grown accustomed to.

Once we’d completed the photos, I put the little bikini back on and laid back on the chaise lounge, pretending to sunbathe just as the script called for. Two guys approached me holding hand-held video cameras and one of them pointed his at the small door which served as the service entrance to the backyard.

“Action,” Mr. Cross said.

I heard the door open and Dirk walked through holding some pool cleaning equipment. I turned my head to acknowledge his presence and then quickly turned it away, ignoring him.

“So, where’s your father?”

I rolled my eyes.

“You know he’s at work.”

He made a point to look lustfully up and down my body.

“Why don’t we go for a swim, like we did last week.”

I shot him a disgusted look.

“I told you that was a one-time thing and it won’t be happening again.”

He gave me a toothy smile.

“You also said no white boy ever fucked you liked that.”

Our eyes met and he rubbed his very sizable cock through his khaki shorts so the outline of it could be clearly seen. I hadn’t even touched him yet and he was already semi-erect.

I gave the camera a seductive smile.

“I didn’t say that, did I?”

“Yes you did, baby girl.”

“Maybe one last time then.”

He pulled his shorts down and his cock sprang out and slapped his stomach. I sat up and moved to the edge of the chaise lounge just as Dirk took a couple steps towards me. I took his cock in my hand and slowly rubbed it over my face. Then, I pressed it up against his stomach and ran the tip of my tongue over the bulging veins on the underside. He let out a low moan.

“Yeah baby girl, just like that.”

I continued to run my tongue up and down the length of his cock while he reached down and untied my bikini which freed my breasts. I grasped his cock in my hand just below the head and lifted upwards until it touched his stomach. I opened my mouth and began to suck gently on one of the ebony orbs while simultaneously stroking him. I moved my other hand up and started to seductively rub his chest. I opened my mouth and let his testicle slide out before taking the other in and smoothly rolling it around with my tongue. He inched just a bit closer to me and I ran my hand over his nipple, something he always loved.

He took a step back and his ball slipped out of my mouth, both were wet and shiny from my saliva. When I noticed his pre-cum on my fingers, I made a point of sensually licking it off for the camera. He moved closer and I grasped his cock with both hands and took it into my mouth. The head was so big, none of these guys were… normal. It was like trying to take a small apple into your mouth.

He let out a little moan when I took him in a bit deeper. I moved my hands to his thighs and relaxed my throat. Slowly, I was able to take most of his length down. Without really trying, I was making loud slurping noises that could easily be easily captured by the microphone that was directly above our heads. After five years in the business, I didn’t have much of a gag reflex and I could feel his head deep in my throat.

“Yeah girl, you have such a hot little mouth.”

I felt his hand move to my head and he gently ran his fingers through my hair, it was a nice touch that created some heat and passion. While I continued to work him in and out of my mouth, saliva started to drip off my chin. Dirk moved his hips just a little, but not enough to bother me. I always liked being in control when I gave a blowjob while shooting a scene. I made it a point not to work with guys again when they thrust themselves into my mouth.

After several minutes, Mr. Cross gave us the ‘cue’ and I let Dirk’s cock slide out of my mouth. He extended his hands and helped me onto my feet. He leaned down, gave me a long, passionate kiss, and moved his hands to my ass. He lifted me up and held me tight against his body which caused his erection to press into my stomach. While we continued to kiss, he gently laid me down on the chaise lounge.

He licked his lips lustfully.

“Let me see that pussy.”

I lifted my hips off the cushion and his fingers moved to the straps of my bikini bottom. I slid them down my thighs and then threw it on the ceramic pavers. The camera moved behind him and I wantonly opened my legs.

His eyes traveled up and down my body.

“Damn, girl.”

The lips of my vagina were red and puffy and my secretions gave them a little, wet shine. He laid down on the cushion between my legs, extended his long tongue, and I felt it enter my pussy.

“Oh, God…”

It was as if lightning bolts were shooting through my body as he licked the walls of my vagina. His tongue delicately traveled up and down my slit and within seconds, his mouth was wet with my juices.

“Yeah, Daddy… Just like that…” I cooed.

He made his tongue flat and ran the tip of it over my clit which sent shivers through my body. I ran my hand through his short, coarse hair for several seconds before returning it to my side. It was important to build some heat for the scene, but I also knew better than to block the camera shot.

I moved my hands up to my breasts and played with my nipples while his tongue continued to toy with me. He was such an expert lover. Few men in the business got to me the way he did. We’d worked with each often and he knew what I liked and he knew exactly how to give it to me.

After a minute or so, he slipped his hands under me and raised my ass a couple of inches off the cushion. His tongue moved lower and the tip began sliding over my asshole.

“Oh yeah, Daddy… that feels so good,” I moaned.

He knew I loved having my ass licked and he was all too happy to do it. I closed my eyes, moved my hand down between my legs, and gently began to rub my clit. His tongue was probing deeper inside my bottom while the tip of my finger caressed the hard, little bud.

I felt myself start to climb the peak. His tongue was deliciously deep in my asshole while the tip of my finger was sliding over my wet pussy. My orgasm started in the pit of my stomach and extended to every single nerve ending. I began to shake violently as my world went dark.

Just as I was coming down, Mr. Cross spoke.

“Cut, great scene you two. Let’s get ready for the next shot.”

Dirk and I sat side-by-side on the chaise lounge and caught our breath which gave me time for a little self-reflection.

I had to admit, from time to time, I did ‘fake it’ in front of the camera. Some of the guys in the business were okay personally, but they didn’t do it for me sexually. Luckily, no one could tell the difference between my fake orgasms and my real ones. Although I didn’t consider myself bi-sexual, I found it very easy to orgasm when shooting scenes with women. I always reasoned that it was the taboo nature of being with another woman that made it so easy to reach climax when shooting a girl-girl scene. The production assistant approached us which brought me back to the now.

“Here’s some water and I’ll be right back with the lube.”

About a half dozen guys began adjusting the cameras and microphones around us under the watchful eye of Mr. Cross while Dirk and I sipped on our water.

“You’re sexy as fuck, you know that?”

“Oh, you’re just saying that,” I teased.

He took another sip of his water and looked seriously into my eyes.

“Is this shit I’m hearing about you retiring really true?”

“Yeah, it’s true… this is my last scene.”

His face broke into a playful grin.

“You’ll be back… I’ll give it three months… tops.”

No… I won’t… ever.

“I guess you never know.”

There were a couple seconds of comfortable silence.

“So why didn’t we ever get together, off camera?”

“Because you couldn’t afford my fee.”

We both broke into gentle laughter.

“Ain’t that the fuckin’ truth.”

The production assistant approached us which ended our conversation.

“Here you go, Miss Valentine,” she said while handing me a large tube of Astroglide.

“Thank you.”

Mr. Cross broke in.

“Okay, we’re set up.”

I squirted a large dollop of the lube on two of my fingers and slid them up, into my vagina. I was wet enough that I probably didn’t need it. However, I learned early in my career, never say ‘no’ to lube. Mr. Cross liked shooting rough sex scenes, it was his trademark, and that’s why he cast Dirk for this movie. Lube or not, I knew I was going to be sore tomorrow.

Dirk stood up and faced me. During the break, he’d lost some of his rigidity.

“You want some help with that?”

“Nah, I got this girl.”

His eyes ran lustfully up and down my naked body and he stroked himself for about fifteen seconds. Like magic, a full, rock-hard erection.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

“Action,” Mr. Cross said.

Dirk gently pushed me down on the chaise lounge and I opened up my legs. One camera moved directly above us while the other got right in behind him. He took his cock in his hand and rubbed the head up and down my slit, separating the lips of my vagina. Slowly, he pushed himself inside me.

I let out a little gasp while he continued to move his hips forward, simultaneously opening and filling me. He slid himself about halfway inside me then slowly began to move his length in and out at a slow, leisurely pace. The cameramen, the sound guys, and the director just faded away into the background while I concentrated on the big, black cock that was moving inside me.

When I worked with Dirk, there was really no acting involved. My little moans and whimpers of pleasure were genuine. Slowly, I could feel him working himself deeper inside me while he picked up the pace. I put my hands on his chest and he leaned down and gave me a hot, passionate kiss. When he broke our embrace, I put my hands back down to my side because I didn’t want to block the shot.

His body was pressing up, against mine and I knew he had worked himself all the way inside me. While he continued to thrust, his hands moved to my calves and he placed my legs onto his shoulders. The subtle change in position sent his cock deep inside me. Then, he leaned forward, putting most of his weight on top of me which crushed me into the mattress of the chaise lounge.

For a couple of minutes, he continued to rut inside me incredibly hard and I could feel my orgasm begin to build. Just as I was almost ready to reach the peak, he suddenly stopped.

Dirk must have gotten the ‘cue’ from Mr. Cross to change positions. With his cock still inside me, he wrapped his arms around me, stood both of us up, and kissed me while moving us behind the chaise lounge. He then set me down and I felt his cock slip out of me. He gave me another hot kiss before turning me around and bending me over the back of the chaise. I felt his hands run over my ass and I wantonly opened my legs for him.

“Mmmm… what a beautiful, wet pussy…” he said huskily.

I felt the head of his cock run up and down the lips of my vagina, splitting them, before he thrust back into me in one long, hard push. I looked into the camera and gave a sexy little ‘pout’ while Dirk moved in and out of me. He was rutting into me so hard, I had to grasp the back of the chaise with both hands so I didn’t lose my balance and fall. Sensing my predicament, Dirk moved his hands to my hips in an effort to help steady me.

Even with his hands supporting me, my legs were starting to feel weak and I began to question the soundness of my decision to take a spin class this morning. His flesh was slapping into mine very hard and little ‘gasps’ and ‘grunts’ were escaping from my lips. I felt one of his hands move to my long, blonde hair, pulling it hard. He leaned in and growled into my ear.

“I’m going to violate you, little girl.”

My legs were going weak again, but not from my sore muscles.

“Yeah, Daddy… fuck me hard… just like that…”

I felt his large balls slap against the inside of my thighs while he pounded me out for the next several minutes. Just as I started to climb and my orgasm begin to build, I reached down to rub my clit and finish myself off when I heard Mr. Cross’s voice.

“Cut, excellent work you two.”

He paused for a moment.

“Let’s get the cameras and mics moved to the large rock and we’ll finish the last scene.”

Dirk and I sat down on two chairs that were underneath the house’s awning which gave us a respite from the harsh, Southern California sun. Just as we sat down, the production assistant appeared.

“Do you want more water or lube?”

“We’ll take some more water,” Dirk said.

“And he could use a little lube as well,” I said teasingly.

He grinned.

“You’re such a smartass, girl.”

The production assistant broke into a little laugh.

“Ummm… I’ll just bring both.”

We watched as she scurried away.

“If you wanted to lube me, you know I’d let you, right?”

Licking a guy’s ass was something I didn’t do on camera. When shooting girl-girl scenes, it was expected and almost required. For whatever reason, I didn’t mind doing it with women and it always seemed to add a little heat and intensity to the scene. Dirk knew it was something I didn’t do, but he had a great sense of humor and I didn’t mind the gentle ribbing.

“Oh, you’d be okay with that, huh?”

“Anytime, anywhere, baby.”

The production assistant returned with the water and lube. We sat together silently and sipped our water while the production team set up for the final shot. While we waited, I grabbed my phone to check my messages and there was a text from Sandy.

“How’s the shoot going?”

I texted her back.

“Almost done… about ready to shoot the last scene.”

“Is he putting the wood to you good? tongue emoji.”

I giggled and Dirk looked over at me.

Let’s just say the shoot is going well, smiling face emoji.”

“Dinner tonight? We can get you a wheelchair if you need one… lol.”

“Lol smartass. Dinner sounds good, call you when I’m done, ttyl.”

“Bye, girl.”

Just then, Mr. Cross and the production assistant approached us.

“Okay, we’re set up and ready to shoot the final scene. I need both of you by the large rock.”

Dirk stood up and began making his way towards the rock at the Southern end of the yard while the production assistant handed me the large bottle of lube. I squirted a large glob of the slippery liquid on my fingers, opened my legs wide, and pushed them into my vagina. I could feel the lube mix with my wet secretions. I stood up and followed him over to where everyone else in the production crew had gathered.

Mr. Cross took charge and addressed Dirk and me.

“Madi will be laying on the rock and I need two cameras on either side of her and one directly behind Dirk.”

The production assistant placed a small towel on the rock. It was just large enough to provide a little cushion between my bottom and the boulder. Dirk helped me up on the boulder and I could immediately feel every hard crack and crevice on my bottom.

The joys of shooting porn. I won’t miss this at all.

I opened my legs wide.

“Action.”

Dirk moved forward, between my legs. He took his cock in his hand and rubbed the head over the swollen lips of my vagina. I let out a little moan as he pushed himself into me about halfway. He settled into a nice, slow rhythm while gradually easing more of him inside me. After about a minute, his body was pushed up against mine and I knew he was all the way in.

Dirk picked up the pace which increased the friction on my ass from the boulder. The harder he pounded me, the more I thought about stopping the scene and asking for another towel, or at least some other form of additional padding. In the end, I just let it go. At this pace, I knew Dirk wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer so it was just better to be a trooper and get through it. However, as the pain increased, it was difficult to keep looks of pleasure on my face. I needed to at least act like I was enjoying this, even if I really wasn’t. I squeezed the muscles in my vagina hard, in an attempt to push him over the edge.

“Yeah, you feel so good inside of me, Daddy.”

My words spurred him on and he slammed himself inside me over and over at would only be described as a torrid pace. The pain radiating from my ass which was now grinding against the boulder could only be described as intense, bordering on the unbearable. Nonetheless, I wanted to finish strong and make the final scene as good as possible.

While he was pounding me, I reached down between my legs and rubbed my fingers over my clit. Immediately, my orgasm began to build. Unexpectedly, the pain radiating from my ass mixed with pleasure that was emanating from between my legs. The two powerful forces sent me over the edge as I violently released and my world went dark.

Just as I was coming back down, I felt Dirk pick me up off the rock and I went down on my knees in front of him. He put his cock by my mouth and started to rub himself.

“Yeah Daddy, let it go for me… give me that cum…” I cooed seductively into the camera.

For the next few seconds, Dirk jerked himself off inches from my face while I waited patiently.

I looked into his eyes and I saw him tense up and his breathing changed. The first spurt hit my cheek and a little went into my eye. I moved just a little closer and he aimed the head of his cock directly at my open mouth. For the next several seconds, volley after volley hit the back of my mouth until it slowly started to subside. His hands went to his side and I grasped his member and gently licked the head cleaning the traces of semen from it. I then extended my tongue, ran it through the pee slit, and collected the last droplet of cum.

I opened my mouth to show the camera Dirk’s load, then took a little breath and swallowed.

“God, that’s so fucking sexy, girl,” Dirk said huskily.

I grinned and looked up at him sensually. I ran my index finger across my face and made a little show of collecting the semen on my cheek and the little bit that went into my eye. I then licked my fingers clean and swallowed the last of it. The camera got a close up of my smiling face for several seconds and then I heard Mr. Cross speak.

“Cut, excellent… excellent work you two.”

The production assistant appeared with robes for Dirk and me along with a couple bottles of water. I could hear Mr. Cross in the background giving orders to the crew about where he wanted the equipment set up inside the house for the next scene which would involve three other performers.

Once we had our robes on, Dirk gave me a big hug.

“I’m really going to miss shooting with you, you know that?”

I shot him a little smile.

“I’m going to miss you too, but not that fucking rock.”

He grinned.

“Is your ass okay?”

I lifted up my robe and we both inspected the damage. There was already some bruising and a few nasty, red welts where the boulder dug into my flesh.

“Damn, that looks painful, girl.”

“I’ll be okay, I’ll survive.”

He gave me one more hug before we made our way to the house and collected our phones. I opened mine and texted Sandy.

“I’m finished with the scene and I’m pretty beat up… you’d better take me someplace nice, girl.”

She responded.

“How about the Providence? I’ll pick you up at six.”

The Providence was a fancy seafood restaurant on Melrose, and she knew it was my favorite.

“Poifect, girl… just bring some ice packs for my ass.”

“What???? You shoot an anal scene?”

I giggled.

“I’ll explain everything when you pick me up, ttyl.”

She was right, it was definitely the end of an era…

Connor: Summer

I didn’t like living here in this shitty little town. Okay, it wasn’t that shitty. It was kind of cute in some ways. But when the biggest event in the last decade appeared to be when they opened a second Waffle House, well that speaks volumes. Doesn’t it? And when you add the very real possibility of running into one of your professors in a social setting, the cringe factor just keeps rising.

So there I was, tending the bar at Appleby’s (just the one Appleby’s, we ain’t big enough for two of those!) when Tish and her husband walked in one afternoon. The visceral pain shot through my gut again, pretty much like it always did when I thought of her.

I couldn’t believe it when they came straight into the bar. Her face lit up when she saw me and then introduced me to Tommy as one of her former students. The surreal moment stretched on and on as I saw them holding hands, Tish smiling proudly at Tommy as they sat down and ordered two of our stupid summer cocktails.

My heart pounded and I had serious difficulty concentrating on making their drinks. I tried maintaining some sense of normality, tried to smile and be friendly, while all I wanted to do was scream. But instead, I listened and agreed with Tommy that, yes, whole-life certainly did sound better than term and I definitely needed to consider the consequences of waiting too long to buy life insurance. After all, he assured me, I was a young adult who needed to think of these things.

Yeah, I’m young. Just how your wife likes ’em. Young and dumb and full of…

I excused myself and informed the shift lead I was taking a break. I slipped out the back door and stepped out into the Texas midday heat.

In spite of the 107 degrees, I felt chilly. She had a way of making my heart stop. And she just acted like nothing happened between us like I didn’t mean anything to her at all.

I sat on some empty pallets, pondering the mysterious ways of women when a female shout of “Connor!” broke my reverie.

I looked up to see Angie, the manager of the place, motioning me back inside. She and I were fucking occasionally. Not making love, we weren’t kidding ourselves, just fucking. I kinda liked it, Angie was the only girl I’d ever just “fucked”. Usually, I was head over heels in love with the girl. Well, always, I guess. Up until now. We usually fucked in her office sometime in the mid-afternoon when things quieted down… like now.

“Is that her?” she asked me in her deep Texas drawl. “The teacher lady?”

I sighed heavily as I came back into the air conditioning. “Yeah, that’s her. The bitch who ripped out my heart and stomped on it. I can’t believe she’s here…”

I stopped talking. Actually, it made perfect sense she came here, ain’t no place fancier than Appleby’s in this one-horse town.

“Come on,” said Angie, with that coy smile of hers. She grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards the restaurant. “Let’s take a real break. I want to try this whole “tossing the salad” thing on you.”

We laughed as we walked back inside. I hollered over to Melanie who was tending bar for me.

“Hey uh, I’m taking my lunch break now.” Mel gave me a knowing smile and waved me away. She was casually fucking Angie, too, so there weren’t any hard feelings with her. I kinda wished Mel wasn’t a lesbian, she was pretty hot herself.

Tish and Tommy waved, Tish looked a little sad as she watched Angie and I head to the back.

Tossing my salad… what the hell is that?

Jenna: Summer

My goal was to keep a low profile, at least for the first few months. I rented a two-bedroom condo in my hometown… the small, West Texas town of Salome. When I graduated from high school, my parents moved to Dallas so my father could accept a promotion in the company he worked for. I hadn’t been back since I’d graduated from high school and I wasn’t surprised to learn that very little had changed in the last five years. It was still the sleepy little town I remembered and it was a bit of a culture shock.

I had spent the last five years in Dallas and then in Southern California where the pace was considerably faster. My career choices had put me in the limelight: Porn paparazzi, traveling, industry award shows, and shooting scenes. Now, it was everything I wanted to leave behind. That girl… Madi Valentine… was dead to me now and I wanted to leave her in the past. Jenna Erickson was my true self, my true nature, and I wanted to discover her again. More than anything, I just wanted to be normal and feel normal again.

I hadn’t dated, or really even ventured out, except to buy food. There was a workout facility and swimming pool in my complex which provided the majority of my entertainment. Even though there were no age restrictions, it felt like I lived in a retirement facility which was perfect. Most of my neighbors were senior citizens and that would hopefully reduce the chances of being recognized. My goal was to blend in and resume my life which I felt had been on hold for the last five years.

Connor: Fall

The Tuesday Night Terror, or “TNT” as it was affectionately known, was gearing up early and showed all the signs of achieving legen… wait-for-it… dary status. Last year’s standard was eight kegs; I just saw twelve delivered downstairs. A few too-eager freshies where already gathering and tapping the kegs. Un-fucking-believable.

And I was pissed. Royally fucking pissed. Not “pissed” as the Brits say when they mean “drunk.” Nope, pissed in the usual way.

I mean, who the fuck takes night classes when they’re a senior? Apparently, only dumb-asses like me who don’t pay close enough attention to their fucking graduation requirements. So yeah, I’m taking “Creative Writing 101” from seven pm until ten-fifteen. I mean, the university should know that all the hotties are already taken by 10:15. Only the rejects and virgins are still standing then. And just how “Creative Writing 101” is supposed to help me become a hi-tech financier, I just can’t fathom.

Jesus Christ.

I shouldered my pack and trudged down the stairs of Harley Hall on my way to the English building. I was thinking maybe I could do this one time, and then somehow just turn in the assignments for the rest of the semester. There’s no way I can miss eighteen TNT’s in a row! Fucking English, I already know how to write…

“Hey, Connor! Come here, where you goin’ bro?””

As if things weren’t bad enough, my friend Daniel already had two fairly hot girls hanging on his shoulders. I hadn’t seen them before; they looked way too young to even be at this school! I sauntered over as cool as a guy could that was carrying a fucking backpack at a party. Daniel and I did the bro-hug thing as if we hadn’t seen each other in years. It was for the girls benefit; he and I smoked a little bit just that afternoon.

“Daniel, my brother! Glad to see you made parole!”

“Haha eat shit, tough guy! Listen, brainiac. This is Karen, and this is… wait don’t tell me! Jennifer?”

The cutest one, Karen, stuck her hand out to me, smiled, and said, “Hi Connor. I’m Taryn. Nice to meet you.”

Wow, she had pretty good manners for a freshman. I assured her it was my absolute pleasure to meet her also. The other gal introduced herself as Jill-not-Jennifer, but she didn’t let go of Daniel. My good friend then began to sing my praises.

“My most excellent homie here, Connor, is not just the only senior in all of Harley Hall! No! He also is the only known male on the Western Campus to be attending night classes on a Tuesday!”

The girls laughed politely while Daniel almost fell down in hysterics. Apparently, he had kept on smoking after I left him. I bade them farewell and ambled off. Taryn did say she hoped she would see me after my class. I shook it off though; eighteen-year-olds seemed a bit young for me. She was still basically a high-schooler.

But… she was damn cute… maybe I would see her after class…

– – – – –

Mrs. Hobart blathered on with her introduction speech, “…and of course attendance is mandatory, and will be part of your grade. Now, let’s not waste the three hours that you’ve paid for and get right to it! We are going to have so much fun this semester, I just know it. Now… Who knows who William Faulkner is? Anyone? Faulkner?”

She might as well have been asking us where Ferris Bueller was, we didn’t know that either.

Jesus Christ!

Only fourteen other lonely souls occupied seats in this classroom built for forty. Most of them were like, adults or something. I mean they looked like a bunch of parents that dropped their kids off at college and decided to stay. And most of them sat up front like a bunch of kiss-asses, too. I sat near the door so I could escape if necessary. I was thinking maybe I could invent some health condition that requires me not to sit longer than ninety minutes at a time when the door burst open.

I couldn’t even bother to look at the person coming in late, though; my boredom so saturated my soul. Penetrated my core, it did. And we had only reached the three-minute mark.

Jesus Christ!

A bunch of stuff landed on the desk next to me; keys, backpack, purse, and maybe a textbook too from the sound of it. And out of twenty-five empty chairs she had to sit next to me. Now I’ll get to hear tales of how her thirteen-year-old son is definitely going to be a major league baseball player and her younger daughter is just so cute that she is definitely going to be a model, and isn’t this class just so much fun?

But, all-in-all, I am a half decent person, usually. Even when I’m missing TNT. So after the professor glared at her and she settled in, I turned towards her to give a quiet “hello”.

And I saw her.

Jesus Christ!

Jenna: Fall

I was mad and honestly terrified. What do they say about well-laid plans? I’d wanted to take all of my classes online for my first year because I was scared of being recognized. I reasoned that I could start taking classes on campus my Sophomore year which would give me a year and a half to put some ‘distance’ between my new life and my former one. Unfortunately, I needed one more class to be considered a ‘full time’ student and the only thing that was available was “Creative Writing 101” and it wasn’t offered online. Luckily, it was a night class and hopefully, I wouldn’t have too many classmates.

– – – – –

It was 6:30 on Tuesday night, and I was running around my condo in a panicked terror. A couple hours earlier, I decided to take a nap and forgot to set the alarm on my phone and now I was certain I’d be late for the only class that I had to physically attend. I rushed around my apartment, collecting my books and my newly purchased backpack. I didn’t have time to put on makeup so I just applied a little lipstick. I stopped and thought for a moment…

What am I forgetting… nothing.

About forty minutes later, I was standing at the entrance to the classroom and looking through the small glass window in the door. Thank God, a small class… I only counted fifteen students. Unfortunately, the Prof was already teaching. This was the last thing I wanted. My plan was to blend in with everyone, that was obviously a moot point now. Hesitantly, I opened the door and my worst nightmare was realized… all eyes were on me.

The Prof shot me a sour look.

“Come on in and have a seat.”

How mortifying.

“Yes, Ma’am,” I said sheepishly.

I quickly scanned the room. About five feet away from me was a guy who was sitting by himself who looked to be about my age. I walked over and sat my things down at the table. After a few seconds, he looked over and his eyes caught mine.

“Hello,” he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

I shot him a shy smile.

“Hi, I’m Jenna,” I whispered back.

Jenna and Connor

The first forty-five minutes of class seemed to drag on for Connor, but not for Jenna. Her online classes were nothing like this, having an actual professor delivering the lesson and interacting with the students was so foreign to her and like nothing she’d ever experienced since high school. Nervously, she scanned the classroom over and over, hoping that none of the other students recognized her. Thankfully, many of them were older and she hoped they weren’t porn connoisseurs. After a half hour, she felt confident that her identity and past were safely hidden.

Connor couldn’t keep his mind on the professor or the lecture, even though he knew this grade was extremely important. He almost received a “B” in Marine Biology, another useless class, and he couldn’t afford to blow his perfect record at this stage of the game.

Pay attention, he told himself. Listen!

But the curve of her calf called to him. The swell of her breast beckoned him. And there was something about her face that just teased him relentlessly. And this was all done surreptitiously, of course. As she sat beside him, he couldn’t openly look at her. No, he knew that would creep her out and she’d go sit somewhere else.

After about forty-five minutes, Mrs. Hobart announced a fifteen-minute break. The other students began wandering out of the classroom and into the hall, presumably to the vending machines for a caffeine injection. Nervously, their eyes met.

“I haven’t seen you around on campus,” Connor said shyly.

“I… ummm… I’m new here.”

“Oh, you’re a frosh?”

“Yeah.”

They stumbled a bit, searching for the right words, but neither of them wanted the conversation to end. It was the first time Jenna spoke to anyone, other than the old folks in her apartment complex, in three months, and she longed for human contact.

“So you’re a freshman too?”

“No… I’m a senior.”

“Oh, in a one hundred level course?”

She noticed the embarrassed look on his face.

“I… Well, this is a required course and I’ve just never been able to fit it into my schedule… until now.”

“That makes sense. All of my other courses are online, but they only offer this one on campus.”

“Oh, why do you take all of your other classes online?”

She cursed herself for revealing so much personal information. He had such kind eyes and there was a sweet ‘puppy dog’ look about him. Still, she knew she had to be careful and she subtly changed the subject.

“Do you like going to school here?”

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s a small town and sometimes I wish I’d gone to a larger school in a bigger city, ya know?”

“I kinda like it… it’s quaint and the people are friendly.”

“Have you lived here long?”

“Only for three months, but I grew up here and graduated from high school here several years ago.”

“Oh… and you decided to come back?”

“Yeah, I missed it.”

His face broke into a little grin.

“I don’t mean to laugh, but it’s difficult imagining anyone missing this place.”

“Salome isn’t so bad, it’s a slower pace and I like it.”

“So… where did you live before?”

She hesitated for a moment, unsure of how much she wanted to reveal. Then, she looked into his sweet, boyishly handsome face and let her guard down a little.

“I lived in Dallas, and then Los Angeles.”

“What did you do… I mean… if you’re a freshman, you must have worked, right?”

“I worked in retail.”

She hated lying to him, but she knew she didn’t have a choice.

“And now you’re going to be the next J. K. Rowling?”

She giggled.

“No, I’m not much of a writer. But this is a required course, right?”

“Yes, it is…” he smiled at her. “And we’re all here on a Tuesday night, suffering together.”

“Yes, we are.”

It didn’t feel like suffering to her though. She loved talking to him and there was a sweet, innocent quality that she immediately liked. He was real… he felt real… and that was something she hadn’t experienced with a guy in the last five years.

“I’m going to get a Coke before class starts back up, do you want one?”

“That sounds great, I’ll give you some money,” she said while reaching for her clutch purse.

“No… I’ve got this one… you get the next one… okay?”

He was a gentleman too, she thought.

“Okay.”

She watched as he rose from his chair and made his way towards the door. She couldn’t help but notice his cute, tight little bottom. It had been so long since she’d been intimate with anyone, and at that moment, she felt every minute of her three-month self-imposed celibacy.

The rest of the class went smoothly. They were given two more fifteen-minute breaks which gave Jenna and Connor an opportunity to get to know each other better. By the end of class, neither of them wanted the night to end.

– – – – –

“So,” she said coyly, her head tilted to one side. “You wanna come in or what? We can start on that haiku shit or whatever…”

Connor knew there wouldn’t be any poetry writing if he went inside. But things seemed different. His world seemed different. He didn’t want to go back to the old ways and fall into his old traps.

“Yeah, umm… Sarah?”

He tried to think of something fast. He didn’t even want to walk her back to her dorm, it just seemed the right thing to do so late at night. He had walked with the group that went to their cars, Jenna included, but Sarah hung around also, wanting an escort. With so many people around, Connor felt funny asking for Jenna’s number or Instagram, and so they just said “See ya next week” although each could tell that more needed to be said. Then, Jenna gave him a bit of a funny look as she drove away, her headlights momentarily shining on Sarah and him standing there.

“I’m… ummm… just coming out of kind of a bad relationship and, well, I’m not ready to jump back in just yet…”

“Oh baby, we don’t need a relationship! We can just be, you know, beneficially friendly?”

She licked her lips, Connor noticed.

There’s Texas accents, California accents, and then there’s the Georgia accent. Connor was a sucker for that one. And Sarah laid it on thicker and smoother as they talked. But nothing was going to get Connor in this bedroom tonight.

He leaned in and gave her a little hug; it seemed like the thing to do.

“Maybe another time, sweetheart. Thank you”

She smiled and told him another time would be great. But Connor failed to notice the mixed expression on Sarah’s face; her mouth smiled, but her eyes didn’t.

The TNT party peaked about an hour ago, it seemed to Connor as he strode into his dorm. Some partygoers still tried, but it was as he suspected; pretty much just the virgins and lonely hearts left at this stage. Still, he snagged a couple cups of beer from the keg and went to his room to find Ted hitting the vape pretty hard. They drank and talked about standard guy shit for a while. Finally, Ted had about enough.

“Connor, I gotta tell you man: You’re acting weird.”

“I am?”

“Dude, you haven’t stopped smiling since you got here. Are you high?”

“Naw man,” Connor laughed. “Not the way you mean. I’m just… happy.”

“Yeah, well knock it off! It makes other people feel bad if you’re just gonna walk around smiling all the time and shit!”

Connor threw his mostly empty red Solo cup at him, splashing Ted with the dregs of his beer.

“Can’t a guy just be happy?”

“That’s a foul, right there, man. You owe me another beer. Now, what the fuck are you so happy about?”

Connor let Ted stew for a few moments before he answered.

“I met someone.”

Ted waggled his fingers and hands at Connor.

“Oooh… you met someone! Aren’t you just special!”

“You know,” lectured Connor. “If you quit watching porn all day and left this shit-hole and talked to other humans, you could meet someone too! Now gimme that fucking cup and I’ll go get us some beers. Not cuz I owe you, you cannabinoid-sucking, mouth-breathing, Boston-born, Tom-Brady-loving motherfucker! But because I’m a kind, sensitive, sweet, and gentle human being.”

Connor actually placed his hand over his own heart, to further prove his point.

Ted took off his slipper and tried to beat Connor over the head with it. After about thirty seconds of wrestling, Ted gave up; hacking and coughing up what may have been parts of a lung.

“Alright asshole,” Ted wheezed. “If I ever stop smoking and vaping, I’ll kick your ass. You know I will! Let’s go down to the keg before the idiots drink it dry. I think I saw some virgins down there that definitely need my help.”

They headed back downstairs, Ted’s arm on Connor’s shoulder as he tried to explain the ways of the world to him.

– – – – –

It was a long week for Jenna. Her online classes were going well and didn’t require as much time as she thought they would, much to her dismay. She watched some TV and stepped up her workouts to twice a day in an attempt to pass the time. Mrs. Hobarth had instructed the class to write a Haiku poem about loss. She’d told the students the poem would be read by another student and critiqued.

‘Loss’ was such a huge subject. Jenna considered herself to be very fortunate. Her career choices had brought her a measure of fame and money, but that came with a price. She didn’t regret the choices she’d made, but she paid for those choices with the loss of her… innocence. She’d done so many things in front of the camera and she wondered if she’d lost a small piece of her soul over the last five years. That was the loss that she yearned to write her poem about, however, she knew that was impossible and settled on writing about the death of her grandmother a year earlier.

This new life was so much more difficult than she thought it would be, hiding from everyone all the time.

Would it always be like this? Will I have to live in fear the rest of my life?

– – – – –

Connor couldn’t contain his excitement any longer and bounded out the door at just after six, much to the amusement of Ted. He arrived at the classroom at about six-fifteen… the only student there in the empty hallway. He cursed his impetuous nature, he should have waited and played it cool. He ambled about the campus in the evening heat of the dying Texas day, killing time and feeling stupid.

She finally arrived! Connor gave her a big smile as she sat down next to him, she gave him a coy little smile back.

“Hey you,” he ventured. “I wanted to show you something on my phone.”

He handed her his device. She looked at the phone, then looked at him and smiled a much bigger smile. Connor had presented her with his phone set on “New Contact” with her first name already entered. She handed the phone back to him when she finished filling in the blanks.

In about nine seconds her phone buzzed an incoming message from an unknown number.

“Hi” was all it said.

Then he said aloud to her, “I didn’t want to go another week without talking to you.” Connor felt a pang of regret the moment he said that. Was it too soon, was it too forward? He figured he went too fast when she faced forward to acknowledge the professor as the class started. He smirked to himself, he didn’t even mean to say that out loud, it just came out before he could stop himself.

He fiddled with his notebook when his phone buzzed.

“Hi, you. I didn’t want to go another week either :-)”

As the prof came around picking up everyone’s haiku, he texted her again.

“FYI, i walked sarah home last week and that was it”

Jenna smiled and sent back.

“u don’t owe me any explanations… but good lol”

The first hour went by and they had only gotten through four poems. Under the direction of Hobart, the class dissected each piece, trying to determine the underlying meaning. At the break, the discussion continued around the vending machines. This was important as the class was to grade each piece as a group.

Both Connor and Jenna surprised themselves at their level of interest in these talks as neither considered themselves poetry aficionados. But the entire class seemed so enthusiastic, probably due to the anonymous nature of the readings. Interestingly, Hobart didn’t separate from the class and participated as vehemently as anyone.

Sarah happened to be the one who read Connor’s haiku. She read it several times to herself, then spoke to the class.

Whispers of love may

Never pass this way again

She’s not coming back

She looked directly at Connor as she finished the last line. He sat stone-faced, unable to move. But his face flushed with embarrassment at having been “outed.” His offhand comment about a bad relationship must have tipped her off.

Jenna noticed the look Sarah gave him and his subsequent discomfort. She thought about the poem as the class discussed it; she could tell he had been in some serious love, and it didn’t go well. She also pondered that last line of his haiku. How could he know…

The class tore into it and picked it apart piece by piece, and finally declared it worthy of an “A”.

Connor went up to read the last piece of the night.

She lifted me up

She guided me through the night

She’s not coming back

The coincidence of the last line of this poem and his wasn’t lost on anyone. The class broke into a cacophony until Hobart got everyone quieted down.

Jenna stared at Connor as he returned to his seat amidst the clucking of the hens.

He smiled back and asked quietly, “Yours?”

She nodded and they both laughed quietly. The rest of the class took no notice.

“We need to talk, away from here. Take me out for coffee afterward? My car is…”

She nodded enthusiastically, ‘Yes.’

– – – – –

Jenna followed Connor to the edge of town. They pulled up in front of an old passenger rail car that had been converted to a diner. The large sign on top of the railcar read, “Mickey’s Diner.” It was painted a nostalgic off-white with fire engine red trim.

She fumbled with her purse and phone which gave Connor time to exit his vehicle and open her car door. His eyes nonchalantly traveled over her body. She was wearing a short, jean skirt, pink lace top, and sandals. He also couldn’t help but notice her long, tan legs as they extended while getting out of her car.

“You have a really nice car.”

“Thank you,” she said shyly.

She’d purchased her blue, Mini Cooper convertible about a year ago after completing a three-month stint dancing in gentleman’s clubs in the New York area which gave her a break from shooting scenes. She quickly changed the subject so she didn’t have to lie to him about where the money came from to purchase her car. She somewhat lamented her choice of vehicle; most people in this little Texas town drove pickups at least ten years old, or some other semi-battered sedans. Flashy convertible sports cars were pretty rare.

“This is so quaint, I don’t remember this being here when I was in high school.”

“I think it’s only been here for maybe a couple years, but I love coming here.”

He took her hand and they walked up the steps, into the railcar. She was surprised at how small it was. On their right were small booths tastefully decorated with red leather and on the left was a dining counter with stools. The floor of the car featured a nostalgic black and white ceramic tile in a checkerboard pattern that went perfectly with the wistful, old-world paint and wood decor. She immediately loved it.

“Sit wherever you’d like,” the waitress said from behind the counter.

Connor led Jenna past a cop eating his pie at the counter and an older gentleman reading a newspaper in a booth. They slid into a booth in the back of the car and sat across from each other.

“What can I get for you two?” Marge hollered from behind the counter.

Connor spoke up.

“We’ll have two coffee’s and… ummm,” he turned to Jenna. “Do you want anything to eat? They have great pies…”

“Just coffee, thanks.”

“Just coffee,” he said loudly back to Marge.

“Comin’ right up.”

Jenna was looking at the Norman Rockwell paintings until she heard Connor speak.

“I really liked your poem.”

“Thank you,” she said shyly. “It was… difficult thinking back to that time. Back when my grandmother passed.”

“Were you close to her?”

“We were very close when I was growing up, but we drifted apart the last several years.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay… it happens, I guess.”

“Here’s your coffees,” interrupted Marge as she delivered the life-sustaining fluids. “Don’t you two just look so cute? We close in about an hour, just sing out if Y’all want some pie!”

“You think her name is really Marge?” Jenna whispered conspiratorially.

“No,” Connor whispered back. “I’m pretty sure it’s “Doris” or “Hilda”, she’s just hiding out in the witness protection program.”

They shared a little laugh, then Jenna poured a little half and half into her cup and noticed that Connor drank his coffee black. Jenna continued on with the previous subject.

“I just wish I’d been able to spend more time with her, Gram, before she passed.”

Like her parents, Jenna’s grandmother hated what she’d chosen to do after she graduated from high school. Her parents seemed to reach an equilibrium of sorts with her profession, but her grandmother couldn’t see past her being in the business. Her parents tolerated her job because they wanted to maintain a relationship with their only child. However, her grandmother had all but cut Jenna out of her life in the years prior to her death.

“I really liked your poem too, you put so much of yourself out there.”

His face broke into a little blush again.

“It’s not easy when your heart gets stomped on, but maybe writing about it was… therapeutic.”

“I hope it helped you.”

He shrugged a little and they each took a sip of their coffee.

“Who was she?”

“Oh… well… you really want to know?”

Connor did a little half-smile and pondered how much to tell her, then decided to open up.

“It was an… illicit affair.”

“Ohh! Do tell! I mean, only if you’re okay with it. Oh shoot, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry–”

“No, it’s fine,” he reassured her.

Something about her made him want to tell her. She seemed so trustworthy.

“Okay, but you really, really can’t say anything. I was… involved with a professor here. And yes, it was a woman.” He chuckled at that.

“Not that there’s” Jenna began.

“– anything wrong with that!” Connor finished.

They both chuckled again.

“Well, anyway. I thought she loved me. I was deeply in love with her. She was only a couple years older than me. Then I found out she was married.”

Connor hung his head for a few moments.

“But, I kept seeing her. I thought our love was so strong we could just get past that. I just really, really loved her. The sex was…”

He was going to say Phenomenal. But he stopped, remembering that he was talking to a girl who probably wasn’t that interested in his burgeoning prowess.

“Well there was a lot of that,” he snickered. “The semester came to a close and… well… it turned out I was just her plaything for that term. And that was it.”

He was so open, so honest. Already, she loved that about him.

“I would get this visceral pain in my gut when I thought of her, afterward. Have you never gotten your heart broken like that?”

He felt very exposed, he hadn’t told anyone the extent of his feelings for Tish.

“No, not really.”

“Wow… never?”

“I had a bad break up in high school, but you know… it was just a high school thing.”

“You were probably the one breaking hearts.”

“I hope I’ve never hurt anyone, but maybe I have.”

She realized that hurting someone, or getting hurt, required letting someone in. While talking to him, she came to the realization that for the past five years, she’d never got close to anyone, not in a romantic way. She’d had good friends and acquaintances, but never anything more. Jenna didn’t even fully trust Sandy, whom she considered to be her best friend, with her decision to leave porn until after she had made it. She’d built an impenetrable shield around her heart which protected her from pain, from scorn, from judgment. She was also discovering it was the primary source of her loneliness.

“I just can’t imagine someone like you not being in a relationship and you know…”

She cut her eyes.

“Someone like me, just what does that mean?”

Connor saw he had stepped on a nerve of some sort.

“You’re, you’re beautiful, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You must have guys falling all over you…”

Her face softened and she looked down shyly.

“Thank you.”

They took another sip of coffee.

“So who else? Tish couldn’t have been the only one.”

Damn if her eyes don’t actually sparkle when she talks to me!

“Well, it all started back in third grade with, yes, another school romance…”

They talked into the night; Connor exaggerating his tales of woe while Jenna laughed as she hadn’t since… well, it was a long time.

Finally, Marge came over to collect the cups and saucers.

“Sorry, babes. We gotta do the dishes so we can get outta here. Next time, you will be ordering some pie. Isn’t that right?”

Jenna was feeling drowsy. She’d been going to bed early lately and getting up early to work out before the gym in her complex filled up with her geriatric neighbors. However, she loved the evening they spent together and reveled in actual human contact. She reached for her purse to pay the bill, but he stopped her.

“I got this.”

“But it’s my turn. You got the Cokes, remember?”

“If I pay, then we can consider this our first date.”

She grinned.

“Oh, this was a date?”

“Yes, it was.”

“I thought a date had to involve food.”

“See!” interrupted Marge. “I told you, shoulda had some pie!”

Connor laughed as he paid Marge, then turned back to Jenna.

“Well… what are you doing tomorrow night then?”

“Going on a real date with you.”

They exchanged little smiles. He put his arm around her and they walked out to their cars. She loved feeling his body close to hers and she felt a little tingle in the pit of her stomach. When they reached her car, she turned to face him.

“I loved this, I had so much fun,” she said.

“So did I.”

There were a few seconds of awkward silence until he saw that look in her eyes. He leaned in and their mouths met in a soft kiss. His hands pressed into her hips, and he inhaled her scent. Just as he broke the passionate embrace, he felt her tongue dance along his for a brief moment.

“You’ll call me tomorrow?” She said in a voice barely above a whisper.

“Count on it.”

– – – – –

Ten minutes later, Connor was in the parking lot of his dorm. He didn’t want to go back to his room just yet.

That kiss…

That kiss plucked his heartstrings. He felt way past cloud nine; more like cloud nine hundred. He tried to clear his mind, though. He was afraid of this girl, wondering if she was just going to be added to his list of women that toyed with him and then broke his heart. It wasn’t that she was so pretty, but she seemed to enjoy being with him. And she was appreciating the little things in the diner, like those Norman Rockwell paintings. She seemed like an old soul to him, and yet a bit naive at the same time. He pondered how she hadn’t been in a long relationship yet, or not in a hundred short ones…

Fuck it, I’m texting her.

“You know, that kiss was pretty short, but there seemed to be a lot going on between us”

Almost immediately after hitting send, he could see the indicator light up that she was typing back. Then, her text came in.

“yes, there WAS a lot going on lol. maybe we should kiss longer next time?”

He laughed, pleased with himself and the risk he took. He thought for a moment, then sent her a short missive.

“what time should i pick u up tomorrow”

“be at my house 7pm sharp, i’m cooking for you. Don’t bring pie!”

Dinner

At five minutes to seven, Jenna scurried about the condo, lighting the candles and putting the finishing touches on the place. She had a feeling Connor would be the kind of guy who showed up on time. She figured he was probably sitting in his car now, waiting for straight up seven o’clock.

She also wondered why she was getting so anxious. It was just a guy coming over for dinner. But then it struck her, she’d never actually cooked for a guy before.

After her early morning workout, she made her way to the local market and purchased steaks, potatoes for baking, asparagus, and an expensive bottle of red wine.

At precisely seven, the doorbell rang. She felt a little tingle in the pit of her stomach and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. When she opened the door, she saw his smiling face and a dozen roses in his hand.

“I hope I’m not late.”

“No, you’re right on time.”

Seeing him, she felt a little underdressed. He was wearing black jeans, a pressed, white long sleeve shirt, and oxford dress shoes. She’d only put on short, jean shorts and a T-Shirt. Had she known he’d be wearing nicer clothes, she would have dressed up a bit more too.

He moved closer and they exchanged a soft kiss. Just being next to him was intoxicating and she tried hard to settle the nerves in her stomach. When they broke the gentle embrace, she spoke.

“Those roses are beautiful, thank you so much.”

She could see the little blush on his face.

“You’re welcome.”

He handed her the roses.

“Well, come on in.”

They walked through the foyer, into the great room.

“You have a really nice place, it’s a lot nicer than my dorm room.”

“Thank you, I like it, but it’s a little big for one person.”

She sat the roses down on the dining room table and he noticed that it was already set.

“Would you like the grand tour?”

“I’d love that.”

She led him to the great room which had a sofa, loveseat, and coffee table. Mounted on the wall was a seventy-inch flat screen TV. She then showed him the guest bedroom and bathroom, and the master bedroom. It definitely didn’t feel like any college freshman’s living space, he thought.

“You… ummm… have a lot of nice stuff.”

“Thank you,” she said shyly.

She expected this reaction from him and she had her lie premeditatively prepared.

“My parents helped me furnish this place when I told them I was going to enroll in college.”

“You’re lucky.”

The tour ended back in the kitchen. He could smell the baked potatoes in the oven and noticed the asparagus on the counter.

“Can I help with dinner?”

“How would you feel about grilling the steaks?”

“You’re in luck, you’re looking at the West Texas Barbecue master right here, girl.”

She grinned.

“That’s a bold claim, you’d better not disappoint me.”

“I aim to please.”

She handed him a tray with two New York strip steaks that had already been salted and peppered.

“The grill is on the back patio.”

He’d almost made his way outside when she shouted out.

“You wanna beer?”

“Yeah!” he yelled back. “Anything would be would be great.”

She opened up two Corona’s and dropped a lime wedge inside the bottles. She then grabbed the tray of asparagus and made her way to the patio. Once she was there, she noticed he’d already fired up the grill. He couldn’t help but notice it looked like it had never been used.

“You got a really nice barbecue here.”

Connor had been checking out the different compartments and other features of the grill.

“Thank you,” she said shyly.

She didn’t know the first thing about grills. She remembered walking into Lowe’s in Odessa and telling them she wanted the best they had. They even put it together for her.

“How do you like your steak?”

She handed him his beer.

“Medium-rare.”

“Oh thank God! If you’d a said medium well… I’m not sure we could hang out anymore!”

She giggled at his attempt at humor and sat the tray of asparagus down on the small counter of the grill.

“I already coated them with olive oil and lemon juice, I hope that’s okay.”

“That’s just how I like them.”

He hadn’t ever eaten asparagus before, but he didn’t want her to know that. He was, after all, the Master Grill Chef of… well, he forgot what he’d said. But he didn’t want to seem like an idiot who didn’t know how to cook asparagus.

“The internet says to cook them for two to three minutes, grill master.”

He shot her a little smile.

“Of course, that’s how long I always cook my asparagus, on the grill, that is.”

They each took a sip of their beer. Connor noticed she was standing awfully close to him. All the scenarios he had run through his head hadn’t gone like this. He hoped his supposedly calm exterior belied his inner turmoil.

“I better go check on the potatoes, okay?” She turned to leave but… he just reacted without thinking. His arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her back to him.

For a moment she resisted the urge to kiss him. But then she saw him leaning in, and she in no way tried to fight it. This kiss was a bit bolder than the one they shared the previous evening. His hand immediately rested on her back and their tongues delicately played in each other’s mouths for several seconds. Their mouths worked back and forth in perfect unison, kissing lightly and softly. Eventually, their lips parted and he rested his forehead against hers.

After a few seconds, she whispered, “I love having you here.”

“I love being here.”

She gave him one last hot kiss before returning inside and getting the potatoes out of the oven. She then opened the bottle of wine and put his roses in a vase and set them on the table, using them as a romantic centerpiece.

A few minutes later, she heard the patio door slide open and he stepped inside. He was juggling the two trays and his empty beer bottle in an effort not to drop anything.

“Do you need some help?”

“Nah,” he insisted. “I got it.”

Jenna rushed over anyway and helped him set things on the table. He dished up their plates while she got the baked potatoes and poured the wine. They worked in perfect harmony, not getting in each other’s way in the slightest.

He held his breath, waiting to see how the steaks turned out. When she cut into her steak, true to his word, it was a perfect medium-rare.

“It’s perfect, oh Grill Master.”

They clinked their wine glasses together in a giggling toast.

“Thank God!” he exclaimed. “I mean, um, yeah! Of course, they are perfect!”

They both chewed on the excellent steaks, but she pointed at him with a steak knife.

“Alright, mister… what’s the deal here? Just how many steaks have you actually cooked!”

“It’s rude to talk with your mouth full,” he countered with a mouthful.

“Spill the beans, Tiger!”

“Well ummm…” he paused, taking another bite of the well-seared meat. “Counting tonight? I have now cooked two steaks on a grill.”

She playfully kicked his leg under the table.

“Some Grill Master, huh? You could’ve just said—”

“Hey, we’ve lived in apartments and condos the last five years and dorm rooms. Besides, Dad didn’t like to grill. But,” he waved his cell phone at her. “But the interwebz are very helpful!”

Jenna continued to rub his leg with her bare foot and Connor, being a male, definitely noticed.

“Maybe I should have had hot dogs tonight? You know, something not as taxing for you.”

He made a face at her, and she made one back. Their look went on too long, however, and they both looked away and grabbed a gulp of wine.

They chatted and laughed about the writing class and some of the goofy people in it, but underneath their easy-going exteriors ran a turbulent river of emotions.

What’s going on here, she wondered. Why am I so, so calm and natural with this guy I hardly know? Why do I enjoy kissing him so much? And why is my pussy turning into a swamp?

Connor struggled with a few things also.

She seems to genuinely like me. But I always suck at this part. Is she just being nice or does she really feel this way? And goddammit if she moves her foot any higher I’m going to cum in my pants. Will she take that as a compliment? And Oh fuck who is George?

Connor started paying attention again.

“… and George goes, I don’t know but it’s eating my popcorn!”

Connor recognized a punchline when he heard one, and he burst into a bit too much laughter. Jenna didn’t seem to notice anything, but she looked pleased she told a funny joke.

Once dinner was finished, they cleared the table and did the dishes together.

“Would you like to go into the living room and watch TV?”

“Okay.”

She poured the rest of the wine and made her way to the living room, with Connor close behind. After setting the glasses on the coffee table, she slid up beside him and he put her arm around her, pulling her close.

She never got around to turning on the TV. His lips melted with hers and she flung her arms around him. His fingers lightly caressed her cheek, then he gently pushed them into her flowing hair. He kissed her so thoroughly like she hadn’t been kissed in years. Maybe ever.

Her head swam in ecstasy, she had almost forgotten what real kissing was. Her shoots consisted of very little kissing and no real passion. The passion she felt almost saddened her for a moment. This is what I’ve been faking for so long on film.

He stirred so many emotions inside her, and honestly, she didn’t know where this was supposed to go, or more accurately, how far she was supposed to let it go. She hadn’t even been on an actual date since high school. For the past five years, she’d only fucked. When she shot a scene, she turned her mind off and her body just performed. Of course, no one knew that not the director, not the audience, but mentally, she’d just check out and go through the routine. To the viewer, it looked passionate, it looked intense, she was a professional and very good at faking those feelings for the camera. But inside, she was numb when she worked.

This was so different, she liked this guy. She didn’t want to turn her mind off this time, she wanted to feel everything, experience everything with him. She wanted this to be real, not fake. This was new, undiscovered territory for her. It had been over three months since she had sex, and that was a long drought for someone who fucked three times a week when she worked. Her body longed for him, ached for him. She couldn’t ever remember wanting anyone this bad.

After a good long while into their heavy make-out session, Connor made his move. She felt his hand rest on breast and he kissed her harder. The outline of his erection was also very noticeably pressing into his pants. It was decision time: Stop him, or move things to her bedroom. In that split-second, she chose the former.

“Connor… we… we… can’t… not yet.”

He immediately pulled his hand away.

“Jenna… I’m… I’m… sorry… I didn’t mean to…”

She put her finger up to his lips.

“No, it’s okay… don’t apologize. I just… I really like you, I just need a little more time, is that okay?”

“It’s okay. I really like you too, as maybe you’ve noticed.”

She followed his eyes to his crotch, they both laughed a little.

“We can do this as slow as you want.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

“God no, just promise me I haven’t ruined anything and you’ll let me see you again.”

Her heart sang after hearing his words and she tried to hide her excitement.

“You’d better see me again.”

They exchanged another gentle kiss.

“I’d better get going, okay?”

“Okay.”

They held hands as she walked him to the door. Once there, he gave her another hot, wet kiss. Her body was on fire and it took everything in her power not to pull him back inside and let him take her to her bedroom, but she held firm.

“Text me when you get to your dorm.”

“I will.”

She smiled and quickly closed the door.

– – – – –

Connor sent Jenna a text.

“I made it home thank you so much for dinner it was amazing. The food was good too”

“I was getting a little worried, you left an hour ago. I enjoyed our date very much thanks for being understanding”

Connor thought for a few moments, pondering on what he should or shouldn’t tell her. He had made several other impulsive decisions with her that had gone well, including touching her breast. While she rebuffed him, it wasn’t a catastrophe. He decided to follow his instincts and be totally honest with her.

“Yeah took me a little bit to get home I had some business to take care of first lol. You know, man business”

“Care to elaborate?”

Just go for broke, he decided.

“I had to take care of myself in the parking lot. I don’t think my cock would have ever gone down by itself.”

“Seriously?”

Jenna was surprised by his candor and pleased by his reaction to her.

“Yeah seriously, too much info?”

Jenna paused a full minute. She didn’t want to come across as a total slut, yet she enjoyed this type of banter with Connor very much.

“I did the female equivalent. My sheets are in the washer now”

“No shit!!”

“Yes, no shit lol.”

“Listen I’m full up tomorrow and work a shift at Applebee’s. Can I see you Saturday.”

“I’d love that.”

“Okay text you tomorrow then sleep tight dream of me :-)”

“I will, hugggggs”

Jenna tossed her phone across the bed. She had lied to Connor a little bit, but she didn’t feel too bad about it. The truth was, she had soaked her sheets already, but she had not put them in the washing machine. She used to be embarrassed by the volume of her secretions during her orgasm, but the producers and directors, and the fans too assured her they loved seeing her wetness. While she didn’t exactly squirt, her juices flowed from her sex like a leaking faucet.

She thought back again to his hand on her face, on her neck, and then on her breast. She tugged her nipples hard at that thought and brought them to her mouth for some licking and sucking. Her clit pulsed from cumming twice already.

Lazily, her hand drifted to her sex, and she smiled at the sensations emanating from within. A few fast strokes… just right… there… and she came again.

She licked her fingers, loving her own taste, and thought of other deliciously naughty things she wanted to do with Connor. She rolled onto her tummy, caressing her bum as she stuck it in the air. Her fingers traveled down her own crack, teasing herself, searching…

Would Connor fuck me here? Oh yeah, no doubt. But more importantly, would he kiss me here? Would he lick me here? That thought sent her over the edge again as her fingers worked their magic.

But she wasn’t done with herself just yet.

– – – – –

Jenna woke up the next morning feeling… perfect. The evening she’d spent with Connor went so well, even when she told him she wanted to wait to be intimate with him. She’d hoped for this, to have these feelings for someone, but she didn’t expect them so soon. Everything just seemed to be falling perfectly into place. She wanted to see him again but resisted the urge to text him. In the end… she gave in to her need and texted him.

“good morning. would you like to come over and hit the pool with me?”

It was still very early and she knew he was probably still asleep so she hit the gym in her complex to work out. About two hours later, she had just completed her routine and was cooling off with some yoga when her phone buzzed. She read the message.

“I’d love to come over, when do you want me?”

This fucking second, she thought. Of course, she didn’t send it.

“how does an hour sound, I’ll even make you lunch afterward”

“Perfect, I’ll be there.”

She went back to her condo, showered, and wrapped herself in a large towel. She couldn’t help but notice her dirty clothes hamper was full. She’d planned on doing laundry today but quickly put it off, she had plenty of clothes and it could wait until tomorrow.

Nervously, she checked the fridge. She wasn’t exactly sure how much food she had and worried a quick run to the market but be necessary, she did promise him lunch after all. Thankfully, she remembered that she’d purchased some deli meat and cheese. She’d also bought bread and two large bags of chips. It wouldn’t be much, a simple lunch she thought, hopefully, he’d be okay with it.

She went into her bedroom and rummaged through her swimsuit drawer. Most of the producers let her keep the swimsuits she’d worn on set and she never really got rid of any of them.

Should she wear a one-piece or bikini? She had so many to choose from, an obscene amount really and she gave herself a gentle reminder to donate some of the older, out of style ones at some point. After a little consideration, she chose a black, triangle, string Brazilian bikini. The top featured a deep “V” cut that exposed much of her breasts with spaghetti straps. The bottom was a string, modified thong. She also chose a white, Saida De Praia beach wrap to wear over the bikini.

Just as she was grabbing two large bottles of water out of the fridge, the doorbell rang.

“Hi Connor,” she said shyly after opening up the door.

He was wearing swim trunks, a T-Shirt, beach shoes and he looked so handsome. He was also holding a small cooler which contained a six-pack of beer.

“Hi.”

He stepped inside her condo and set down the little cooler he brought. She slipped easily into his arms and they shared a long, passionate kiss.

“Are you really okay with last night… taking it slow, I mean.”

“Jenna, look at me.”

Their eyes met.

“I’m more than okay with taking it slow, you’re worth it. Truth is…” he paused for a while, trying to figure out how to say it. “I’m a little bit gun-shy, too. I usually rush into things headfirst. I… don’t want to do that with you.”

He gave her another soft, easy kiss and those all too familiar tingles reverberated in her stomach. The more time she spent with him, the more difficult this idea of “waiting” was, she thought.

“Ready to hit the pool?”

“Yes I am, lead the way.”

Connor grabbed her large beach bag which contained the water, towels, and suntan lotion and they made their way to the pool which was right next to the workout facility. Once they were at the metal fenced gate, Jenna used her keycard to open the lock.

“Hey Jenna, we didn’t think you’d make it down here today.”

“Hi guys,” she said shyly, “how are you?”

“A helluva lot worse now, you’re cheating on us.”

Jenna smiled and broke into a little blush.

“Ed and Morty, this is my friend, Connor.”

Connor walked over and shook the hands of the two senior citizens who were sitting under an umbrella covered table near the pool.

“That’s a shitty state of affairs, young man; she used the “F” word,” Morty said.

Connor smiled.

“Give me some time, I’m still working on her.”

“Treat her right, she’s one of the good ones,” Ed said.

“I will Sir, I promise.”

“Good man, she’s a keeper,” Morty added.

“Yes, she is.”

Connor walked back around to the other side of the pool to Jenna. She’d already laid out the towels on two chaise lounge chairs and set the water on a small table between them.

“Making some new friends?” she said teasingly.

“They seem to be quite taken with you.”

“They are sweet, old guys. I met them when I first moved here.”

“I’m glad they’re not forty years younger, or I have a feeling they’d be kicking my ass right now.”

Jenna giggled.

“Nah, I’d protect you from them.”

Connor slipped off his T-Shirt and shoes.

“C’mon, the water looks great.”

Jenna was now regretting her choice of swimwear. She didn’t care about showing some skin because she wanted to impress Connor. However, if she had it to do over again, she would have dumped the bikini for a one piece like she normally wore. She knew by this time of day, there would be others at the pool and she realized she didn’t think her swimsuit choice through very well, showing as much skin as she was.

Jenna slipped off her beach wrap and instantly, she felt two sets of eyes moving up and down her body. To his credit, Connor’s eyes remained on hers. He took her hand and they made their way down the steps of the pool into the refreshing, cool water.

They swam around for a couple of minutes until Connor drifted down to the far corner of the pool, away from the two older men. He hung on the edge, watching her. She swam up to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

“The water feels great, doesn’t it?” She said.

“It does, your so lucky to have such a nice pool.”

“That’s why I chose this complex, because of the work out facility and pool.”

“So that means you wouldn’t want to live in the dorm room next to me?”

She giggled.

“I love the college experience, I just don’t want that college experience.”

He couldn’t put his finger on it, but she didn’t feel like the typical college freshmen, at least not one he’d ever met. She seemed more worldly somehow, more life experience. She was a bit older, maybe that was it.

“I really like your… ummm… suit.”

“I like yours,” she said playfully.

“Yours is a whole lot sexier than mine.”

She moved her mouth until it met his and they shared a hot, romantic kiss.

“I can change into something else if you want me to… put on something less… sexy.”

“Hey… No… I didn’t say that.”

She slid herself up against him and he felt her breasts press against his chest. They exchanged another long, lingering kiss. After a half a minute or so, she could feel him push her away a little. She was about to ask him what was wrong, then she felt his erection rub against her thigh.

“Oh God… I’m sorry.”

His face was blushing a deep, crimson red.

“Connor, it’s okay… it happens… right?”

She playfully moved her thigh over his erection before separating.

“Yes, it does. Hey, stop that! I just didn’t want it to happen… now. But it can’t be helped.”

She smiled at him.

“I’ll get out of the pool and dry off, maybe that will help.”

A little dejectedly, he answered.

“Okay.”

She swam across the pool and walked up the steps. Unfortunately, that didn’t help Connor’s predicament. He noticed the water dripping from her long, tan legs and the gentle sway of her breasts when she walked towards the chairs.

He pushed hard against the wall and glided as far as he could underwater. It was a good-sized pool so he only got about a quarter of the way. After taking a few laps, he calmed down enough to join her.

“Everything under control now?” She gently teased.

“Yes, no thanks to you.”

She smiled.

“What… this is my fault?”

“Yes, it is.”

She shot him a sultry, playful look.

“Okay then… no more kissing… or swimming.”

“Hey, I didn’t say that…”

She giggled and handed him a towel. She loved watching his muscles ripple while he moved the thick terry cloth over his body. He wasn’t some overblown steroidal hunk that she was used to, but she liked this better. He was real. God, three months… it had been so long. She now regretted making him stop last night and vowed it would be a situation she’d rectify this afternoon, after lunch. He was a nice guy and she was beginning to develop feelings for him. She wanted him, waiting longer would only make both of them suffer and it felt pointless.

Connor reached into his cooler and pulled out a can of Shiner Bock.

“Do you want one?”

“I’m okay for now.”

He looked over at the old guys.

“Maybe I’ll go make nice with Rick and Morty. Think they would want one?”

“Yeah probably, don’t be too long…”

He grabbed two more beers and sauntered over to the men while Jenna slid into the chaise lounge and enjoyed the sun’s warm, soothing rays.

“Hey, Rick, Morty…”

“I’m Ed, you son of a… Hey, you got Shiners? He may not be a complete waste of space, after all, Morty.”

“Thanks,” said Morty, accepting the cold can from Connor.

“So, Conman—”

“It’s Connor, Ed”

“Whatever… listen, the jury’s still out on you. Although your attempts at bribery are working quite well. But here’s the thing; Jenna is very special to me. She doesn’t know it, but my wife taught her back in the day, middle school. She was such a delight, that kid. My wife died that year and Jenna organized the kids for a song at the memorial service…”

Morty put his hand on his friend’s shoulder as Ed stopped to wipe his eyes.

Ed slugged most of his beer down. Then he belched a fantastic burp.

“Nice one, Sir!”

They all laughed.

“Yeah kid,” continued Ed. “You seem alright. But don’t fuck with this girl. She told us she’s had some tough times these past few years and if you screw with her, me and Morty are comin’ after you. That’s a promise.”

Jenna couldn’t hear their conversation but she heard the burping and laughing. She loved that he was having such a good time talking with the guys, but she wanted to spend some time with Connor too.

“Hey, can you break yourself away long enough to put some lotion on my back?”

“Duty calls guys, sorry.”

“What the hell are you still doing with us then?” Morty said.

While he was walking over, Jenna stood up, laid the Chaise Lounge flat, and laid down on her stomach. She could feel Connor’s eyes wander up and down her body. He grabbed the suntan lotion out of the bag.

“Where do you want it?”

She giggled.

“All over.”

He squirted some lotion into his hands and rubbed it on her shoulders. She closed her eyes. He had such strong hands and it had been so long since anyone touched her. This simple act felt so powerful, so intimate, so romantic.

Once her shoulders were done, he moved to her legs. She had such tone, strong, muscled legs. He wondered how many hours she spent in the gym every day to get legs like this. His hands wandered up her calves and thighs to her firm, round bottom. He wanted to touch her ass, to run his hands over it so bad, but he resisted the urge. He gingerly rubbed the inside of her thighs…

“You going to let my cheeks burn?” she teased.

Connor looked at the sight before him; about two inches of fabric rested on the crack of her perfectly sculpted ass. That was it.

“Well of course not, Ma’am. Course, people usually tip the pool boy, you know.”

He smeared some lotion slowly across her mostly exposed ass cheeks, then slowly but steadily increased the pressure.

Soft, but firm and muscular, he thought. God, what I would do to this fantastic—

“Can you undo my top so you can do my back?”

“Mister pool boy, at your service, Ma’am!”

He unclipped the little latch, laying the strings on each side of her.

“Ma’am, we got a problem… you aren’t lined directly into the sun. Don’t worry, I got it!”

Jenna squealed with laughter as he picked up the foot of the lounge and, with a loud, scraping noise, moved her lounge about forty-five degrees so the sun was directly over her.

“Ma’am, we have another problem…”

“What’s that, pool boy?”

She was loving his goofiness.

“Well, your, ummm… you see the sides of your… well, they are in the sun Ma’am and they will need lotion, too.”

“My what?” she asked playfully.

“You’re ummm… well, they’re very nice and big, and well they’re spilling out on the side cuz you’re squishing them…”

“I don’t understand,” she played along.

He squirted more lotion in his hands. He rubbed her back slowly, her hot skin soaking up the moisture. He pressed firmly into her flesh, like a masseuse giving a semi-deep tissue rub.

Finally, he got to the middle of her back, and his hands slipped around her sides.

Gently, he rubbed the sides of her breasts, pressing the lotion into her soft flesh.

“Right here,” he whispered in her ear. “This is the trouble spot, Ma’am.”

She could only groan softly as he touched her so delicately, so sensually. He continued to rub her there, long after the lotion had covered every inch of exposed flesh.

She turned her head to look back at him.

“You’re hired as my permanent pool boy…”

He moved her hair to the side so he could do the rest of her back.

“Mmmm nice little tattoo you’ve got back here Ma’am. What’s the broken heart for?”

As he continued to rub her back, with more occasional forays to the sides of her breasts, she could barely think.

“I’ll… tell you later… when I learn to speak again…”

She scooted over and patted the lounge, he lay down on his side next to her on the narrow lounge. He didn’t even try to hide his hardness as it jammed into her hip. He continued rubbing her back, then down to her lower back…

He leaned over and kissed her neck. In the ninety-nine degrees of heat, she shivered and goose bumps rose all over her body.

“Really?” he asked.

“I know,” she whispered. “You’re making me crazy, pool boy.”

She wanted him now, so very badly, her body was aching.

He kissed her cheek… then…

His phone rang… it was his mother’s ringtone.

“For Christ’s sake!” He laughed. “It’s my mom. She must know her pool boy is getting into trouble.”

It stopped after seven or eight rings.

“Okay back to work, pool boy. I don’t think you got enough on my bum—”

His phone rang again.

“Maybe I should answer it,” Connor said reluctantly.

“Hey mom what’s up?” he said, smiling at Jenna.

“Um…” his tone instantly changed and he sat up straight. “Yeah. This is he… what… is she okay? Yeah… on Huntsville road. Thanks, officer.”

Connors face hardened; filled with emotion he couldn’t speak for a moment. Jenna reached behind her back and clasped her bikini top.

“What is it?”

“Mom was in a wreck. They want me at the hospital, it’s… it’s serious.”

Jenna gathered up their things as Connor tried to process the events.

“Come on, I’ll drive you.”

“No, I can’t ask that… alright yeah…”

Jenna ran to her apartment and put on a pair of shorts and a T-Shirt and met Connor at her car.

The little hospital in town mostly dealt with broken bones and flu shots, serious cases were sent to Odessa where the real doctors worked. A nurse briefed Connor upon their arrival.

“She’s critical, I’m afraid. She sustained a bad head injury from some lumber in the other truck. Her brain is swelling and she’s too fragile to move.”

“Well, well take her to Odessa!”

The nurse put her hand on Connor’s shoulder.

“She’s too fragile to move, son. Dr. Tucker is in contact with the head of neurosurgery in Dallas right now. They’re going to have to drill a small hole to let the fluid out and relieve the pressure on her brain…”

Connor’s world slipped away from him as he slumped down to the floor.

Falling

The afternoon dragged on as they waited. That’s all there was to do, wait and see. Jenna decided to head back to Connor’s dorm and get some dry clothes for what appeared to be a long night ahead.

She knocked on Connor’s dorm room and was surprised that someone answered; he’d given her the key, but she reasoned a ‘courtesy knock’ was appropriate.

She explained the situation to his roommate, Ted, who helped her gather up some clothes.

“I can see why Connor is smiling all the time.”

“We really haven’t known each other long.”

He was looking at her strange like he was trying to figure out where he’d seen her before.

“I need to get back to the hospital, it was nice meeting you.”

“Ummm… yeah… nice meeting you too. Tell Connor I’ll be thinking about him.”

“I will.”

There was a blank, quizzical expression on his face and she turned and quickly closed the door.

– – – – –

After fifteen hours, the swelling reduced significantly. The doctor, just as tired as everyone else, told Connor that it was up to his mom now.

“That’s it?” he asked, incredulously. “Can she hear me?”

The doctor took off his glasses.

“These are strange times when a patient is semi-comatose. Sometimes they report dreams which are actually remembrances of people talking to them. Not always, but you never know. It’s definitely worth a try.”

At three O’clock in the morning, Jenna half listened in a chair while Connor talked quietly to his mother. He recanted funny stories about him and his brother, he told some poignant stories about pets, but mostly he asked her to come back.

Connor looked over at Jenna, asleep in a chair. She looked so beautiful, even in her sleep. She was incredibly special to him, after not even two weeks which made no sense…

He turned back to his mom.

“Mom, you need to meet her, Jenna. She’s sweet and smart, and she’s been a big help today with your accident. She even filled out most of the two million forms the insurance company needed. But mom… I might love her. I know I’ve been in love before but that… those times were just child’s play or puppy love, I can’t explain it. This feels so real—”

He stopped as tears rolled down his cheeks.

“You have to come back mom, you would love her too…”

Jenna hadn’t been asleep. She quietly got up and sat by him on the hospital bed, wrapping herself around him.

“How long you been awake?”

“Long enough, Connor.”

She kissed him softly. It wasn’t a kiss of lust and passion, but one of tenderness and sympathy.

“I want her to wake up and meet you.”

She held him as he cried softly.

– – – – –

It was a very difficult two days, but neither of them left his mom’s side. They took turns watching her, Jenna making sure to stay awake while Connor slept fitfully. The staff let them use the locker room to shower and freshen up from time to time, too. At mealtimes, Jenna went next door to Fred’s Fry house where everything was… fried. But she didn’t want to leave Connor alone for too long and the hospital just had a row of vending machines.

Jenna walked in a little afternoon with two hamburgers and an order of fries for them to share.

“Why are you here?” he asked quizzically, munching absently on his burger.

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I know enough.”

She paused for a moment.

“If it was me in that bed, you’d be by my side, wouldn’t you?”

Tears began filling his eyes.

“Yes.”

“I’ve never had anyone in my life like that… maybe my parents… but only some of the time. I’ve let very few people ‘in’, Connor.”

“You’re not like that with me though, you tell me things, you open up to me.”

“Moving here… I’ve… I’ve… started over, this is a new life for me.”

“Well of course… you’re a student now… no more retail.”

She felt so horribly guilty. She had to tell him, she would tell him, this just wasn’t the time, not here, not like this.

“No… no more retail… ever.”

Connor cleaned up the trash from lunch despite Jenna’s protests.

“Let me do this, I’ve gotta do something… for God’s sake…”

He slumped down in the chair next to Mom’s bed. Jenna stepped up to him, he patted his leg for her to sit. She carefully arranged herself on his lap, then leaned in and shared a gentle, passionate kiss. They held each other tight for several minutes, Connor drawing strength from her while Jenna just enjoyed being of some comfort to him.

They heard stirring coming from the bed.

They both looked over at Mrs. Martin.

“Mom… I’m here.”

Connor’s mom managed a little smile.

“I’ll go get the nurse,” Jenna said.

She ran out of the room while he gently squeezed his mother’s hand.

“You’re going to be fine Mom… just rest.”

– – – – –

“Go! Get some sleep, you two. Stop worrying about me.”

Connor kissed her on the forehead.

“Okay Mom, but I’ll be back in the morning around nine or so.”

Mrs. Martin stretched her neck to peer at Jenna expectantly.

“I can come back too,” piped up Jenna. “If you like.”

“If you’re not busy dear, yes. I want to hear more about you.”

Hand in hand, they walked out the front door of the hospital into the warm West Texas night air. Dr. Tucker told Connor that his mother needed more tests and she’d be in the hospital at least another week barring further complications, but the prognosis was positive. She didn’t even have to go to Odessa. When they got to her car, he spoke.

“Oh yeah, I forgot you drove! My car is… at your place.”

“No, Ted moved it yesterday back to the school lot.”

“Alrighty then, back to school I guess…”

“I can’t do that.”

“Ummm… what do you mean… “you can’t”? Is something wrong? Did Ted say something to you? I’m gonna kill that-”

“You’re spending the night with me.”

His jaw dropped open.

“I… Jenna… you said you weren’t ready… we don’t need to-”

She put her finger up to his lips, silencing him.

“I’m ready, Connor. I want you… I want this… more… more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

They drove to her house in silence. Neither of them got very much restful sleep over the past two days, yet there was a sexual electricity in the air that both of them could feel. There was an excruciating, palpable anticipation which made the fifteen-minute drive feel like hours.

She unlocked the door, took his hand, and led him into her bedroom. For the first time, in a very long time, she felt a nervous tingle in the pit of her stomach. She never had these feelings before and there was no point of reference. But the desire, the longing, the hunger, she felt for him was magical.

Connor’s head spun with so many different emotions, he had some trouble figuring out how he was supposed to feel. Going from days of fearing death to a miraculous recovery took most of his energy. But now Jenna was facing him, her hands on his waist, looking up at him with those soft green eyes… and all his fears and cares and worries began melting away.

He pulled her to him, crushing her body against his. She had helped him, supported him, and had just been there for him for two, or was it three days? He couldn’t think straight. He leaned on her more, and his emotions began to overtake him.

“Thank you… for…” he could barely choke out the words as his trembling voice gave him away.

“Shhhh,” she whispered as she pulled him towards the bed. She knew the immense tension in him was releasing all at once.

“Don’t say anything, I’ve got you.”

Without warning, she gripped the hem of his T-shirt and lifted it up. Shaking a little bit, he lifted his arms and bent forward to let her take it off him. Slowly, Jenna undid his shorts and pulled them down along with his boxer-briefs at the same time. After he stepped out of them she pulled aside the covers of the bed, ushering him onto the high thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets.

Quickly, she took off her own T-shirt and bra and shucked her jean skirt and thong in a hurry. Jenna slid on her side and leaned about half her body weight on Connor as he laid on his back. She pulled the sheet back over them and snuggled against him, his arms wrapping around her as she slid in. She gently kissed his shoulder, his chest, and his neck as she caressed his stomach and abdomen.

Connor relaxed slowly over the next several minutes, his breathing returning to normal as his mind calmed. Jenna continued soothing him with her touch and her presence, not exerting any pressure on him to do or be anything.

“Hey you,” he said in a voice just above a whisper.

“Hey yourself,” Jenna replied as she lifted her head and looked into his eyes.

“I kind of lost it there for a little bit.”

“It’s okay, you’ve been through so much in the last two days, how are you now?”

“I’m rather amazing, actually. And you know what? I couldn’t help but notice that we are naked under these covers.”

“Yes, I noticed that too… but you’re probably exhausted and want to sleep… HEY!”

Jenna yelped because Connor reached down quickly and grabbed her leg and pulled her completely on top of him. She adjusted herself so her breasts lay right on his chest, and her legs straddled him. She smiled down at him.

“So… I take it you’re not all that tired? Oh! Something, or should I say, someone, is definitely up!”

His face broke into a little blush.

“I can’t help it, there’s a beautiful, naked woman on top of me.”

She leaned in and kissed him softly. His hands moved to her side while their passionate embrace intensified. She could feel his erection sensually rubbing against the inside of her thigh as their tongues explored each other’s mouth.

She broke their erotic embrace and slid down his body. Her mouth planted little kisses along his neck and chest. He let out a gentle moan when she flicked the tip of her tongue over each of his nipples. His hand gently run through her hair while she kissed down his stomach. She left a little saliva trail on his sparse chest hair and she could feel his muscles quiver as she worked her mouth lower.

When she reached his navel, she dipped the tip of her tongue sensually in and out of it until a small pool of her saliva collected there. She kissed just a little lower and his pubic hair tickled her nose. Almost all of the men in the industry trimmed so this was a new experience for her.

She inhaled deeply, smelling his manly, musky scent, then moved lower, between his open legs. For the first time, her eyes traveled over his cock. Finally, a normal looking penis, she thought. He wasn’t overly long, but it was nice and thick with a large, mushroom shaped head. She could see the bulging, blood engorged veins along the underside and just a bit of pre-cum was seeping from the head.

He let out a deep, guttural moan when she extended her tongue and pressed it into the base of his cock, right above his testicles, and slowly, leisurely, ran it up his length. Their eyes met and she opened her mouth and let her saliva drip down him. His hands lovingly moved through her hair while her tongue ran over his head, collecting the pre-cum.

He gasped when she took him into her mouth. Her mouth felt so warm and wet. Slowly, she worked him in deeper while her tongue moved licked up and down while her lips concentrated on the head.

Her mouth felt like nothing he’d ever experienced. He’d gotten blowjobs before, but this one was on a whole different level. This was sensual, erotic. Maybe it was his feelings for her, he couldn’t place it.

She’d relaxed her throat and took him down to the root.

“Oh, Jesus… Jenna…”

Her saliva was collecting and forming a little pool on his balls and wet, slurping noises were coming from between his legs. He wanted to hold it back, he wanted this sensation to last forever, but he couldn’t, it just felt too good.

She could feel him tense up and his breathing began to change… she knew he was close. She let his cock slip out and gently rolled one of his testicles around on her tongue so he could settle himself down.

“Was that okay baby?” She cooed sexily.

“I’ve… I’ve never…”

She knew where he was going and stepped in.

“It’s okay… I just want you to enjoy it.”

“It’s the best I’ve…”

His words stopped when she took him back into her mouth and then down her throat. She could feel his pubic hairs tickle her nose while she worked him in and back out.

“Oh, God…”

He couldn’t even begin to describe the pleasurable sensations that emanated from between his legs. What she was doing to him was just on a whole other indescribable level.

Her saliva had dripped down from his cock and was now completely soaking his balls and collecting on the sheets. He normally had good control, but he was in no way prepared for this type of onslaught. She was just too talented and her mouth felt so incredibly good, after a minute or so of her mouth pumping up and down on him, he was climbing again.

His breathing changed and she knew he was there. She thought of stopping again to let him settle down but quickly decided against it. She needed to feel him release and she couldn’t wait a second longer. She held her mouth perfectly still around the head of his cock while her hand started to slowly stroke him up and down. Almost subconsciously, she ran the tip of her index finger over his balls, soaking it from her saliva and ran it over the rim of his asshole.

It was like lightning bolts were shooting through his body. Her mouth, her hand, her finger pressing against his ass… The powerful combination of stimuli sent him over the edge.

She felt powerful jets of his semen hit the back of her mouth. Over and over and over… When it started to subside, she took a little breath and swallowed. She looked up from between his legs. His eyes were tightly shut and both hands were gripping the sheets as if he was in danger of falling off the Earth.

She couldn’t help but break into a little smile.

After a while, his eyes opened and met hers.

“What… the hell… was that?” He asked, still panting from his amazing orgasm.

He could see the worried look on her face.

“Was it okay?”

He pulled her up to him and they shared a soft, easy kiss.

“I’ve just… I’ve never experienced anything like that. Oh, that’s what it tastes like?”

“So, I was your first blowjob?” She teased, kissing him again flirtatiously.

“Christ, girl… my first real blowjob… yes.”

She snuggled up tight into his arms. He’d held her several times over the last week and this was quickly becoming her safe space. In his arms, she felt protected, adored. The feelings she had for him were almost overwhelming.

“Did you… ummm…”

“Did I what?”

There was a little pause while he attempted to find the words.

“Swallow.”

“Was that okay?”

“Yeah, of course… it’s just no one has ever…”

“Since it bothers you, I won’t do it again,” She said playfully.

“Well now, wait a second! I didn’t say that…”

“Maybe you just need to get out more.”

“Hey, now.”

She giggled and he pulled her tighter into his body. She loved his innocence, his boyish charm. So many different emotions were flooding her head, she couldn’t make sense of them all.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while now.”

His jaw dropped open.

“Really, since when?”

“I think… that night in the diner.”

“I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

He gently ran his hand over her firm, round bottom.

“You would have been okay with that… huh?”

He laughed.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Me just slipping under the booth?” She purred sexily.

“Well, maybe in the parking lot.”

“Oh… the parking lot… that sounds romantic,” she teased.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

She leaned in and kissed him softly.

“I know you didn’t.”

She slid closer to him and her large breasts crushed up against his chest. Their mouths met again in a passionate embrace and she could feel his growing erection pressing against her stomach.

“Baby,” she whispered.

“Mmmhmmm?” he answered, in between kisses.

“I want you… inside me.”

“What… Now?” he asked.

She looked at him sharply.

He broke into a big smile.

“You aren’t the only one who can tease!”

“Oh, you rat!” and she squeezed his cheeks together hard and shook him.

He grabbed her and rolled her over onto her back, settling his body between her legs. He rose up on his hands, adjusting his pelvis so his hard cock slid over her sex haphazardly, eventually settling between the moist, wet lips of her vagina.

“Yess Connor… I want you so badly…”

“Do you like the Rolling Stones?” he asked.

“Ummm… what?”

“The Rolling Stones. My dad played them all the time. They have this song called “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” I find that rather apropos.”

He briefly kissed her magnificent breasts as he slid down her body.

“Don’t worry, they will get plenty of attention later. But I have a very important matter to attend to right now.”

She loved his goofiness, but she was turned on and ready. If he didn’t start doing something really fucking soon, she was going to dickpunch him.

He slid further down her body until his cheek rested against her bare pussy lips. She shaved at least every couple of days, old habits die hard, it seemed.

Connor turned his head and began kissing her outer lips, so tenderly. It was a tantalizing tease that she could barely handle. Slow kisses at first, then his tongue accompanied his lips to taste her. He kissed and lightly tongued her full slit, rather amazed at how wet she was already. Whereas Tish, the last pussy he had eaten, was a bit tangy; Jenna just tasted clean and sweet. Rather heavenly, he thought.

While his hands gently caressed her thighs and hips, Jenna marveled at his technique. Not only did he have some skills, but he wasn’t playing to a camera with obnoxious sounds and big giant tongue laps that looked good on screen, but did nothing for her arousal. No, this boy, she mused, this boy loves licking me.

It got her so hot and wet when Connor exploded in her mouth; she always got very turned on when her partner reacted to her like he did. Only through fierce concentration was she able to maintain control and keep it all about him. But now, as he looked into her eyes with his tongue deep inside her, she allowed herself to enjoy every single solitary second of his oral skills.

Connor, for his part, felt as if he’d gone to heaven. He loved listening to her moans and cooing. She squeezed his head tight between her thighs when he first inserted his tongue as deep as it would go. Everything he did just felt natural to him, he loved exploring her body and he learned quickly the places which placed caused her to elicit little moans of pleasure. More than anything, he loved swallowing her juices, like it was her gift to him.

He surprised himself, somewhat, at his confidence level. With Tish, she was so critical that he became skittish with his lovemaking, always questioning himself. But Jenna made him feel so comfortable, he knew he couldn’t make a “wrong” move.

Since Jenna touched Connor’s ass when she went down on him, he felt it only fair to return the favor. He lifted her entire pelvis with both hands, bringing her ass up to his face. Covered in her drippings, her ass begged to be kissed, Connor thought. Extending his tongue, he gently lapped at the slightly wrinkled little skin.

That earned him an “Aaaugghhh!” from Jenna as she squirmed in delight. He grabbed a pillow and shoved it under her lower back so her ass was at the perfect angle.

“Oh God Connor YES!” she moaned as he resumed his lingual attack on her puckered little asshole.

He forced his tongue into her tight opening just as his fingers began massaging her clitoris. Jenna screamed again as she arched her back, clamped her legs around his head, and flooded his mouth with her secretions.

She cried out while thrashing her hips in violent, spasmodic movements. Her orgasm shook her to her core as the electricity charged from her clitoris and shot through her entire body.

Connor watched with glee as Jenna released; nobody had ever reacted to him like this before. Nobody had ever even come close. She seemed to slow down a little, so he lowered his head again and pressed his flattened tongue on her clit.

Jenna rose up and froze, her face stuck in a somewhat terrible grimace. Connor was taken aback for several seconds until she collapsed in a heap and rolled onto her side. As she panted like she couldn’t catch her breath, Connor crawled up to her and hugged her gently.

She opened her eyes slightly and smiled a sleepy, sexy smile at him. He noticed a little tear coming from her right eye.

“Are you… okay?” he asked gingerly. He was half convinced he had hurt her somehow.

“Kiss me, baby.”

She pulled him down on her as he pushed her on her back again. Their passionate kisses surprised both of them with their intensity. Each of them having already cum, their hunger wasn’t sated yet.

She broke the kiss to speak to him, in the softest and sexiest voice he’d ever heard.

“Make love to me, Connor.”

Without really even trying, his cock found her pussy and began making its way inside of her. He covered her mouth with more kisses while sinking himself deeper into her. His movements were slow and deliberate, in a little, and back out, then in a little further.

They tried to keep kissing but they were breathing too hard to take in enough oxygen through their noses. They moaned into each other’s open mouth, trying to maintain lip contact as they breathed in and out. Connor found the intimacy extraordinary as his cock sank deeper and deeper into her tight pussy.

His thoughts ran wild… We’re sharing our breath… we’re giving life to each other… fuck that’s a wild thought… but I’m crazy about this woman… we’re sharing our souls… don’t say anything stupid to break this spell…

Jenna squealed with delight at the feel of his cock inside her. She felt his lust, his need, his passion… but she could also feel his tenderness, his care, his gentleness… it was a whole new style to her and she couldn’t get enough.

She clung to his body and wrapped her legs around his hips, her feet touching each other behind him.

Connor grabbed her ass cheeks and pull their pelvises together hard as he pierced her again, and again, and again… with his full weight on her, he tried to pin her to the bed. Her nails clawed into his back as she felt another orgasm approaching.

“Con… Connor” she gasped.

He loved hearing her moan his name, it was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard.

“I want to feel it inside of me…” she begged.

Overcome with emotion, he couldn’t speak; he just nodded as he began the climb. Her vagina clenched down on him rhythmically as he thrust into her and fucked as hard and fast as he could. He only needed a few more seconds, his cock was already throbbing…

He drove deep into Jenna for the last time and held it there, moaning her name into the night.

This blinding orgasm took Jenna by surprise. She could feel him squirting inside her, filling her pussy with hot jets of his semen. She tried to hold onto him but only succeeded in scratching his back deep. She fell, and fell, falling into a deep, black, orgasmic abyss…

– – – – –

“Hey?” he asked quietly.

She smiled her soft smile at him.

“Hey, you.”

They kissed gently, tasting each other as if for the first time.

Still, in her semi-dream state, she gazed into his loving eyes. She wiped her wet eyes, but they kept leaking. She sniffed, trying to regain some of her composure.

“Hey honey, it’s okay!” Connor whispered as he leaned down and kissed her tears, tasting the salty water and trying to comfort her.

“Baby, look at me. Come on, silly, look at me.”

Jenna slowly met his gaze, she felt very shy all of a sudden. Her emotions got the best of her, the walls she constructed over the years crashed down completely. He looked into her bare soul.

“Are you okay, did I do something wrong?”

She wiped more of the tears away and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

“You… you didn’t do anything wrong… you’re perfect.”

His face broke into a soft, gentle smile and she continued.

“Please…” she whispered. “Bear with me… I might fumble this a little bit… but… I love you, I’m sure of it.”

She saw the happy, but surprised look on his face.

“You don’t have to say it back, I know we haven’t known each other that long, so it must sound crazy, but I do.”

She paused, turned me her head, she tried to collect her thoughts.

“I just wanted it out there, so you know how I feel about you.”

“Jenna, look at me.”

Their eyes met.

“I’ve been trying Not to tell you ‘I love you’. For several days now. I thought I would break the spell, you know. I was terrified that it would be too much and I’d scare you away…”

“You’re… you’re not just saying that…”

“Jenna… I know you heard me at the hospital talking to Mom. You’re it. The one and only.”

His lower lip quivered as he tried to hold back his emotions. He bent down to kiss her, both of their wet cheeks blending together. He rose up a little and just smiled at her.

She hoped, she wanted to believe him. But she wanted real love, not just some crush-type of thing. A flash in the pan, a quick romance, a fast fuck, which would produce an even faster ending. That’s what she didn’t want. She looked into his eyes again. They were a little blurry, he was only about four inches from her face and hadn’t moved for a full minute.

“Are you just saying that… if you don’t feel it, it’s okay… we can be friends and all. I’ll even go see your Mom. But if you stay… Connor. If you stay… you’d better fucking mean it.”

He rested his forehead against hers, then whispered, “I love you, Jenna. From the moment I first saw you. But I love you so much more now, more than I ever thought was possible.”

“Well you know I love you, Mr. Martin, because I said it first. And that makes me the winner and don’t you ever forget it!”

They laughed and kissed and hugged.

Her feelings of elation were tempered by her dark secret. She believed in his sincerity and could see in his eyes that he really did love her. But would he still have those feelings when she revealed her past to him? Should she tell him now? No… this wasn’t the right time, not after they’d just declared their love for each other. But when would the right time be? Will it ever come? His voice broke her out of her deep reflection.

“Baby, it’s past one and I’ve gotta go to class tomorrow. Christ, I’m probably so far behind I-”

“Shhh, tiger. Take it easy. This is a small town, remember? Your mom’s accident was front page news. I emailed your teachers and got you excused for the rest of the week. They’ve already sent your assignments to your inbox.”

– – – – –

Jenna woke to an incredible feeling; Connor had latched on to her right breast and was quietly suckling her nipple.

“Mmmm!” she moaned softly. “Good morning baby”

“Mm mmm, hmm mm.”

He sucked harder, drawing more of her flesh into his mouth. Her stiff nipple suffered a severe tongue lashing and the occasional tooth scrape.

“Babe, we have to see your mom, don’t we?”

“Hmmm mmm.”

Little sparks flew and Jenna lay back on the pillows. Connor’s other hand massaged and manipulated her left breast as she luxuriated in the sensations. So many guys were in such a hurry to fuck, she thought. It was nice to have someone take their time.

She cradled his head and pulled him closer to her chest. It had been a long time since she had a nipple orgasm but if he kept this up, it wouldn’t be long.

Sure enough, his hand drifted down to her pussy… he lightly explored her various folds and lips… and without any trouble, he found her magic spot.

Jenna clamped her legs together, trapping his hand and fingers against her clit. She flexed her kegels and humped his hand furiously as Connor sucked her tit. In less than thirty seconds she came for the first time that day.

Thirty minutes later, she lost the ability to count them.

– – – – –

Mom improved remarkably, and Connor returned to classes. He dropped in on Ted once or twice a day to keep in touch, and maybe grab a couple pieces of clothing.

“So dude, are you like, moving out or what?”

“Ha! I don’t know man… maybe sorta.”

“Man I get it. If I had the choice of sleeping with me or her, I’d pick her most of the time. I’m glad you still come by though.”

They clinked their Lone Stars and shot the shit.

Jenna struggled with her economics paper due next week. Even a fresh cup of coffee didn’t help her out. She wasn’t clear on the Laffer Curve and its relationship to her life. She understood supply and demand… but she didn’t understand how she was supposed to concentrate on this shit when her life demanded a constant supply of Connor’s love.

Connor, how this young man changed her. During the past five years, men never stayed over. She didn’t need much sex outside of work, but when she did, they went to a hotel room or his place. Her apartment in LA was her sanctuary, her safe place. But with Connor… it was different. He was her sanctuary. Everything she dreamt of, she found in him. She could, and she did lose herself in him. Bliss. She mulled that word over. Their next Creative Writing assignment required a paragraph on it.

I can write that paper, she smiled. She sipped on her coffee and thought about him for a few moments. She felt so lucky to have met him, out of all the people in the world… there he was in an English class. Bliss…

However, this bliss also came with a large measure of guilt. So many times she wanted to tell him about her past, she tried to tell him, but she… just couldn’t.

Her phone buzzed; a text coming in.

“My love 🙂 Ted is being a little bitch so I have to babysit him for a bit. I will see you in class tonight. I got my bliss paper done it’s all about you. I love you more today than yesterday!”

She smiled at his text and the old song lyrics, some obscure song both of their parents played when they were little. She responded with the next line.

“But darling, not as much as tomorrow! Hey. After class will you please ravage me? I haven’t been ravaged in like seven hours. Are you sure you still love me?”

“Just trying to get my sperm count up babe! Prepare to be looted and pillaged tonight! Kisssssssssss!”

She began writing her paper on Bliss. She raised her mug to her lips, but then made a face; the coffee had turned cold and somewhat bitter.

– – – – –

6:50 pm

Connor was never late, he just wasn’t. He was born early, he liked to say, with that damn cute little smile of his.

Jenna waited impatiently, she never waited for him before and she found she didn’t like it much. Besides, the class seemed… different somehow. That chick Sarah Something-or-other kept sneaking glances at Jenna.

At a quarter after, she snuck a text to Connor asking him where he was, but she got no response. Another lady in the front row began sneaking furtive looks at Jenna and then smiled a knowing smile to Sarah.

At the break, she texted Connor again. With the same non-result. And maybe it was her imagination, but she seemed to think the rest of the class avoided her. True, Connor was the more social of the two and did most of the talking when they took their class breaks, but still, Jenna thought she was on friendly terms with everyone.

Hobart always ran the class to the bitter end, and Jenna struggled with what to do. Should she stay, or go look for him? After the second break, she bolted.

His dorm room was quiet, and nobody in the halls had seen him lately.

She drove around town aimlessly, where could he be? She even called his mom and regretted that she had her worried, too.

She checked her apartment and sat deflated on her expensive couch. She anxiously wrung her hands. The love of her life was gone… missing…

Her buzzing phone startled her, a text from an unknown number.

“Come to Appleby’s, the bar”

She typed a couple responses asking who this was, where is Connor, but got no responses.

After a ten minute drive, she arrived in the parking lot and ran into the restaurant.

There sat Connor, his shoulders somewhat hunched at the bar. Jenna ran to him and hugged him frantically.

His elbow pushed against her chest, actually pushing her aside.

“Heyyyy… Jenna!” he slurred in a tone she didn’t recognize. “Is that your real name, Jenna?”

Connor slid his phone on the bar in her direction.

She froze. She actually thought her heart stopped, she couldn’t breathe.

She saw herself on the small screen. Fire and Ice: Madi Valentine; she remembered that shoot.

This particular shot showed her on all fours with a guy behind her while the second guy jerked off on her face. Lasciviously, she used her fingers to collect the semen before taking it into her mouth and swallowing it.

“That’s my girl!” Connor bellowed. “You know, I didn’t believe it at first. I mean yeah, she looks like you, but here… right about the twelve-minute mark… there’s you’re broken heart tattoo on the back of your neck…”

She put her hand on his arm.

“Connor I was going to tell you-”

He pulled his arm away from her.

“Don’t! Just don’t… don’t touch me… you didn’t even have the decency to have me wear a condom…”

Connor stood up unsteadily, holding on to the bar for support.

“Take me home, Ted… Ted my frenn.”

He looked at Jenna, tears rolling down her face.

“Thanks for breaking my heart.”

“Connor don’t go,” she pleaded, “we need to talk.”

“Jenna… Madi… whoever the fuck you are… we are… done!”

He looked at her one more time, then pointed his drunken finger in her face.

“Whore!”

Fallout

She’d texted Connor three times after he stormed out of the bar, but there was only silence. She knew he needed space to deal with the news that she knew had broken his heart. But it had been two days and she still hadn’t heard from him.

She felt so lonely. They’d lived together for two weeks, shared everything, and the perfect world she’d created with him lay shattered: the magic spell broken. She cursed herself because she’d actually believed the lies she’d created.

Whore!

Connor’s last word to her echoed in her brain. He was a smart guy, he knew exactly how to hit her the hardest.

How could she have done it differently? Tell him up front who she was, what she’d done? She would have been a pornstar fuck, something to brag about to his friends later. Pretending and building a relationship based on a lie obviously wasn’t the answer, but the truth would have served her no better. People like her weren’t meant to be happy, weren’t meant to find love, or have anything good.

Whore!

She tried to resume her life by concentrating on her studies, but it all seemed so pointless now. She was only meant to do one thing… maybe it was time to stop pretending and just accept who she was.

Whore!

In the morning she’d call her agent and tell him she wanted to go back to work. Dirk was right… he was only off by one month… she’d lasted four months outside of the business… not three.

Tears fell down her face as she sipped her glass of wine… then her phone buzzed. She picked it up and read the message, it was from Connor.

“Let’s talk”

Relieved, she texted back.

“When?”

“Now, I’m in your parking lot.”

She took a deep breath and finished the last of her wine.

“Okay.”

She got up, went to the front door, and opened it. She watched as he made his way up the walk towards her. He looked disheveled and broken like he’d been drinking too much and hadn’t slept in days. He looked just like she did.

“I’m so sorry,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

He shot her a cold glare.

“You have a lot to be sorry for.”

“I know.”

“So? Did you want to do this out here on the porch?”

“Oh, sorry. Come in…”

He walked past her without looking at her and sat down on the sofa. She closed the door, then followed behind him and sat down on the loveseat across from him. Several seconds of very uncomfortable silence passed, then he spoke.

“I’m going to ask you some questions and if at any point I think you’re lying to me, I’ll walk out of here and never speak to you again.”

“Okay.”

The ice in his voice chilled her. She tried to remain calm, but her hands shook slightly.

“How long have you been shooting porn?”

It was an interesting first question she thought, it was something he could look up online for himself. Then she reasoned, it was a test, to see if she’d lie.

“I started when I was eighteen, almost nineteen actually.”

“What did you do before that?”

“I danced at a gentleman’s club, in Dallas.”

“You were a stripper?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Tears began to run down her face and she quickly wiped them away.

“I’d planned to enroll in college, I was actually accepted to SMU, then I…”

“Go on.”

“I ran across an ad in a newspaper about a club that was hiring girls to dance.”

She watched as he put his head in his hands, moved them from side to side, then looked up at her.

“So the plan was to be a stripper?”

“Only for the summer… until class started.”

“What happened?”

She thought for a moment, trying to put herself back in that time in her life.

“I was young, naive, you don’t know what’s it’s like.”

“Explain it to them then,” he said harshly.

“You don’t know what it’s like to make that kind of money, to have everything you could possibly want.”

“So it’s all about the money?”

“No… I liked it, the money was only part of it.”

She thought for a moment.

“I liked the attention, their eyes on me, I was only eighteen.”

He wanted to tear into her, yell and scream at her, hurt her… but she was being honest. He hated that the truth hurt him even more than her lies.

“Go on.”

“It was December and a talent scout came into the club and…”

“Wait… did you fuck anyone at the gentleman’s club?”

“One guy… yes.”

“Who was he?”

“An older businessman… I wasn’t with him very long.”

He shot her a dirty scowl.

“Okay… talent scout…”

“He was looking for girls to take back to LA. He told me I could dance there and make more money than I was making in Dallas, or…”

“Get into the porn business?”

“Yes.”

She thought for a moment.

“He told me if I didn’t like it, I could keep dancing there, or move to back Texas.”

“But you liked it?”

“Yes, it was easier than dancing.”

“Did you go back to dancing?”

Again, he was testing her.

“When I needed a break from shooting scenes, I’d take a couple months off and dance.”

He felt sick to his stomach. He wondered if she’d answer him honestly, but she was. She disgusted him, and he realized how difficult this was, her talking about her life.

“I need a drink.”

She watched as he went into the kitchen and poured himself two fingers of whiskey from a bottle she kept in a cabinet above the sink. He also grabbed a bottle of water. While he was in the kitchen, she refilled her wine glass.

“How long were you shooting porn?”

“I shot my last scene four months ago, so… almost five years.”

He took a long sip of whiskey and felt it burn all the way down to his toes. He wanted it to burn the pain away, but it didn’t.

“How many scenes did you shoot?”

“I’m not sure, exactly… over two-hundred and fifty.”

“Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed, slapping his hand on the coffee table.

He absently ran his fingers through his hair. He thought he might get sick. He took a deep breath and tried to settle his stomach.

“What the hell does your family think?”

“They’ve always hated it.”

She thought for a moment.

“It’s something we don’t talk about, the giant elephant in the room that can’t ever be discussed.”

“And your grandmother, was that just bullshit, too?”

She cut her eyes at him, then they softened. She could hear the pain, the hurt in his voice. She knew this wasn’t easy for him to hear, any of it.

“Four years ago she told me not to contact her again, and I didn’t.”

“And she really died?”

Jenna looked down at a spot on the rug.

“My parents… they told me I wasn’t welcome at the funeral, they didn’t want me there.”

It was so much for him to take in. He wanted to feel sympathy for her, empathize, show some type of compassion, but he couldn’t.

“Why did you decide to quit?”

That was the toughest question of all. One she didn’t want to answer.

“Because I felt wretched inside, okay… is that what you want to hear?”

“I just want to hear the truth.”

“And you have.”

He downed the last of his whiskey and then chased it with a swig of water.

“So you danced and got into porn for the money, what did you do with it?”

She held up her arms.

“Look around.”

He looked at the expensive furniture and TV.

“So all your money went into this condo?”

“I have a little over a million invested, but a lot of that comes from my website and dancing.”

It was so much for him to try to take in. Despite how well he knew her, it was like sitting across from a stranger.

“Are you bisexual?”

“I… I…

This was another very tough question and she had to think for a few seconds before formulating her response.

“When you’re in the business Connor, there are so many things you have to do, that you’re expected to do.”

He looked into her eyes and waited for her to continue.

“I’ve never considered myself to be bisexual, but I didn’t mind having sex with women, it was just part of being in the business.”

He seemed satisfied with her answer.

“Why didn’t you just tell me who you were when we met?”

“What exactly should I have told you?”

Silence.

“That I’m Madi Valentine the famous porn star? That I’ve fucked more guys than I care to think about?”

Silence.

“What if I was truthful with you… what would you have done?”

He hadn’t seen this one coming.

“You’d want to see how fast you could get the slut into bed, right? Maybe you’d ask to film it so you’d have a little proof to show your friends when you bragged about it later.”

“I… I… wouldn’t have done that.”

“You’ve demanded my honesty since you got here.”

“Okay, I don’t know what I would have done.”

“Do you think that hasn’t happened to me before… there’s a reason why I haven’t been in a relationship since high school.”

There was a blank expression on his face.

“You’re a nice guy, I would’ve probably just scared you off.”

There was a full minute of silence while they reflected on each other’s words.

“What was your plan then, how did you see this playing out?”

She thought for a moment.

“I wanted to take all of my classes online, but I couldn’t… that damn creative writing class… then I met you.”

“I’m just another one of your regrets, aren’t I?”

Tears were forming in her eyes.

“I didn’t expect this, any of it.”

“Expect what?”

“To meet you… to feel this way about you… to fall in love.”

She thought for a moment.

“I mean… I wanted to find you… someone like you… you’re what I wanted my whole life.”

“Someone like me, what the hell does that mean?”

“You’re a regular… normal… guy but so much more.”

She wiped away the tears that were forming in her eyes before continuing.

“You’re so caring… so loving… you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. I fell in love with you, and you fell in love with me.”

“The girl I fell in love with doesn’t even exist.”

Another long silence passed while they processed each other’s words.

“Connor, I know this is hard for you to understand. But doing porn, that was my job, that’s not who I am.”

He bowed his head, his hand shielding his eyes. He had checked her out on Pornhub, of course. Her job, he pondered. 250 or more porn shoots, most of them girl on guy, and counting her gang bangs with multiple men, that put her at maybe 300 or more guys she had fucked.

300 different cocks.

“And so…” he began. “I’m supposed to believe that out of the maybe three hundred guys you’ve fucked, that I’m the best ever?”

She thought for a moment. She needed to take another tack, going head-to-head wasn’t working.

“Think about your past Connor. Does it feel the same when you’re having sex with someone you just met, compared to someone you love?”

She could see the wheels spinning.

“Those two experiences aren’t the same at all, are they?”

She continued.

“Love is what makes sex special and sets it apart from just fucking.”

There was a blank expression on his face while he took in her words.

“You’re the first man who’s ever made love to me.”

The expression on his face hardened.

“How can I ever compete with those men, how can I ever compete with the things you’ve done, the experiences you’ve had. How could I ever be enough for you?”

Tears were falling freely down her face and she didn’t attempt to wipe them away.

“You’ve given me something no other man has… love.”

She waited for him to respond.

Silence? Connor… please… Believe that I love you, believe in us!

“Sometimes love isn’t enough, Jenna.”

He stood up and made his way to her front door. He heard her gentle sobs as he shut it behind him.

– – – – –

“Hey Mom, how are you today?”

“Oh, I’m just peachy! They’re letting me out in a couple days. Gimme a kiss.”

He leaned down to hug his mother. Her fragile arms held him for a moment, but they still felt good around his neck. Connor should have risen up, but he stayed where he was; leaning over his mom in a gentle embrace.

She turned her head to kiss his cheek, and he still stayed there.

“Is everything okay, baby?”

He didn’t move, he couldn’t move.

“I’m going to be fine honey, this is normal for a concussion…”

“That’s not it, Mom.”

He released her and sat on the edge of her bed. She shot him a look of concern.

“Where’s Jenna?”

He lowered his head, unable to speak.

“You two have, some trouble?”

He nodded.

“Son, Whatever it is, you should try and work it out. That girl loves you, and I mean really loves you. And I know you love her. You can’t let girls like her get away-”

“Mom…”

He couldn’t find the words. How could he tell her?

“She… she has a past.”

“Oh, I see. So she isn’t perfect. Is she wanted by the law? Did she kill anybody? Did she abandon her child at a fire station-”

“Mom, stop. It’s nothing like that.”

“Did she do anything illegal?”

“No. she didn’t do anything illegal… it’s just not… it’s not normal, okay? I don’t really want to talk about it. She lied, it’s over, we’re done.”

He looked out the window while his Mom looked at her son.

“How’re your grades?”

He sighed. He just got a “C” on his economics test, and his behavioral sciences professor sent him an urgent email this morning saying “see me.”

“They’re fine.”

“Liar.”

He looked back at his mom in anger, but it didn’t last. He could never lie to her very well, she always knew.

“I think I can save them. I’ll keep my ‘A’s’ intact.”

“I’d rather you kept your heart intact. Let me tell you something my mother told me. She said that you should be in a relationship to give, not to get. And if you love someone, you should give all of your love, freely and without reservations. And the more you give love, the more you will get back in return.”

Connor’s eyes watered at that.

“Is she using you? Does she need money?”

He shook his head.

“What has she done that is so unforgivable?”

He stood up.

“You want some coffee? I’m going to get some.”

“Can’t, no caffeine. Go ahead, I’ll be right here.”

Connor ambled out into the hallway and headed towards the vending machines. He nodded and waved at each staff member; they all knew him by name and he knew theirs now.

He dropped in the coins and pushed the “Cream” button on the machine, then laughed. He took his black, he always had. But here at the hospital, he was always getting two coffees, and he always got Jenna’s first.

He sipped it and made a face. How can she drink this? How can she… be a pornstar? How can she love me? How can I live without her?

Tears ran down his face. He cried a lot lately. Ted had to go to the store to buy Kleenex because what guy keeps tissues in his dorm room?

He strolled back into the recovery room, sipping the wrong coffee. They kept the room dim in order to avoid overstimulation of his moms concussed brain.

“You know son, even in this dark room, I can see that you look like shit. Tell me what it is and we can figure it out. You can’t go on like this.”

Connor slumped into the chair beside her bed. He figured he should be a man and just face it.

“She’s a pornstar, Mom, a very popular pornstar.”

“You mean like… sex?”

He smiled at his Mom’s naivete.

“Yes, Mom.”

There were a few seconds of silence.

“Does she still… ummm… do that?

“No, she doesn’t.”

“Does she make you happy?”

He shot her a stern look.

“You’re defending her?”

“What have I always told you was most important to me?”

“That you want me to be happy.”

“So… are you?”

“Yes… before I knew what she really was.”

“Let me show you what I know.”

She reached for her phone on the side of the bed, hit a few buttons and held the screen up to his face.

“What do you see?”

It was an image of him and Jenna. She was sitting in Connor’s lap in a chair next to her hospital bed. He was smiling into the camera lens while Jenna was lovingly looking up, into his eyes.

“It’s a picture of me and Jenna.”

“No, son. It’s a picture of a young girl who’s desperately in love with you. And I want you to look at your face.”

He studied the image again and took note of his bright, shining smile.

“I’ve never seen you so happy.”

“I know Mom… but…”

“Everyone has things in their past that they regret, Connor.”

He looked into her sympathetic, caring eyes.

“Just make sure you consider everything before you make your final decision.”

He leaned in and gently kissed her cheek.

“I will Mom.”

Just as he was unlocking the door of his truck in the hospital parking lot, his phone vibrated. He pulled it out of his pocket and read the screen. His mom forwarded him the picture of him and Jenna.

Not fair, Mom… Not fair…

– – – – –

It was ten the next morning and Jenna sat at her dining room table drinking a cup of coffee.

She knew Connor wasn’t coming back; her texts and calls had all gone unanswered. Coming home to Salome was a mistake, she knew that now. She’d already contacted the registrar and withdrew from her courses. Because she’d been in school less than five weeks, they wouldn’t show up on her academic record.

She’d spent over an hour talking with Sandy, and her best friend had come to her rescue. She’d agreed to let Jenna stay with her until she could find an apartment of her own. Sandy was excited her best friend finally came to her senses, but also sad it didn’t work out with Connor.

Jenna decided to wait until she got back to LA to contact her agent. She’d need time to find an apartment and get settled in before she began work again. She didn’t need the money right away, but she knew she’d get bored if she wasn’t working.

She’d contacted U-Haul and reserved a big truck and a trailer for her car for the following day. They also put her in contact with a moving service that would pack her belongings and load them into the truck. The day after, she’d start the long journey back to LA.

– – – – –

“What the hell are you doing here, I thought you had a class man?”

Connor smiled and looked into his roommate’s shocked eyes.

“I just got Mom settled in at home.”

“Oh… how’s she doing?”

“Better… her headaches are almost gone and her vision is near normal.”

There were a few seconds of awkward silence.

“How are you doing?”

“I feel like shit.”

He looked into his friend’s sympathetic eyes.

“A month with a famous porn star, you should… you know.. write a book or something.”

He knew his friend was just trying to cheer him up, but it wasn’t working.

“She crushed me, man, I’ve never felt this horrible before.”

“So she… she ended it with you… you were pretty rough on her in the bar.”

“Fuck you, man… I broke up with her.”

“Can I ask why?”

He pulled out his phone.

“Do I need to show you why?”

Things were heating up quick, and Ted knew he’d hit a nerve. He stood up, got two Lone Star’s from their small dorm fridge, opened them, and handed one to Connor.

“You know… I’ve dated a few girls, even got laid some here and there…”

He paused for a moment while taking a long swig of his beer.

“But none of them ever looked at me the way that girl looks at you.”

“She’s a fucking slut man… don’t you get that?”

Doesn’t anyone get that?

“And you’re not, huh? You told me some of the shit you’ve done.”

“It’s not on the internet man… I’ve never filmed any of it… the whole world hasn’t seen it.”

“That’s true…but if you did, you’d show me… right?”

They both laughed.

“I don’t know… I know what kind of pervert you are.”

“At least I don’t go around fucking my professors.”

Connor grinned.

“That only happened once… one professor, asshole.”

Connor took another swig of his beer.

“And it was a huge mistake.”

“Oh… so you’ve done things you regret, too?”

“I see where you’re going with this.. and I don’t like it.”

“Okay.”

Connor thought for a moment.

“How can you even compare those two things… do you even know the things she’s done?”

“I know what she’s done… and yet, she still wants to be with your boring, hick ass… doesn’t she? She could get anybody, Anybody… and she wants you.”

Connor was close to throwing his empty beer bottle at Ted’s head, but he got himself under control.

“How the hell could I ever be enough for a woman like that… someone who’s done all those things?”

“I have no idea, but get over yourself. I see how she looks at you… if you let that go… let her go… you’re more stupid than I thought.”

Ted was getting close to getting punched, or getting a beer bottle broken over his head. Connor took a deep breath, set his empty beer bottle down, and calmly walked out of the dorm room.

Everyone’s trying to live my life for me, he thought. He popped an antacid and chewed it. It was the fourth one today and it was only 9:30.

He looked at his texts. Several from Jenna, but… he couldn’t bring himself to respond.

Nobody knows how much this hurts. Nobody could know. Except maybe Jenna.

He found that funny.

A new text came in from Professor Hobart.

“Connor it’s Professor H. Weren’t you and Jenna an item? The registrar notified me she’s dropped all her classes. Is everything okay?”

He sat down on the grass, under a tree.

She’s quitting school, because of me? She’s giving up her life? Is she going back to porn? She can’t do that. I’m not worth it… Oh, fuck this hurts… Jenna…

He figured he better answer.

“I don’t know what she’s doing anymore, Mrs. H. Sorry.”

He got another text from her.

“I’m sending you an email. It has her last assignment. She wrote it last week during class, the night you weren’t here. I think you should read it.”

With a heavy sigh, he waited for the e-mail. He knew the assignment, but he hadn’t done it yet. He couldn’t bring himself to write about “Love”. He didn’t know what it was, what it meant, except that it tore him wide open.

“Love.” In six sentences or less. MIght as well see what she wrote. He opened the mail.

I have a secret past that I haven’t told my lover about, but I think the bonds are almost strong enough for him to hear it. He fills my soul with so much hope and promise that brings me so much joy, but it also strikes terrible fear in my very core to think about life without him. I’m already devoting my life to him, though he may not know it yet. I would follow this man to the ends of the earth, on whatever journey he decides we should take. Upon hearing my secret he may choose to journey forward without me. And should that happen, my life will become grey, meaningless, and empty… for he is my other half, without whom I’m incomplete, without whom I’ll never know love again.

Jenna Erickson

After crying under the big sycamore tree for about five minutes, he jumped up and ran for his truck.

– – – – –

The recorded voice said, “I’m sorry. That number has been disconnected, or is not in service at this time.”

She must have blocked me. I can’t blame her. I’m such a stupid asshole.

Connor knocked on Jenna’s door for the third time, but there was still no answer. She had to be at the gym, he reasoned. It was after ten and he knew she’d never sleep in this late. He turned and walked down the steps.

“She’s not up there.”

He turned and saw Morty and Ed.

“What are you talking about?”

“There were movers here yesterday, her condo is empty,” Morty said.

There were a few seconds of stunned silence while Connor processed this new information.

“If I were to venture a guess, I’d say some young college asshole broke her heart,” Ed added.

Connor looked at the two of them staring him down. They were right, he just didn’t want to admit it.

“It kinda went both ways. Where’s she going? You gotta tell me, please, Ed.”

Ed looked at him for a few seconds.

“Back to LA. She told us yesterday… she left about an hour ago.”

He started running for his truck.

“Thank you,” he said while nearly knocking both of them over.

They both laughed.

“I told you he’s not an asshole, Mort.”

“Bullshit, the jury’s still out.”

– – – – –

Connor drove like a madman. The body of his thirteen-year-old F150 bore the scars of a regular Texas truck, but still had some juice to it. He was glad he got the V-8. He barrelled down the Texas two-lane road at eighty to ninety miles an hour whether it was safe or not. It was at least a two and half hour drive to the freeway. He worried that once she got on the interstate, he’d lose her. She could stop at any rest stop or gas station and he’d drive right past her and not know it. He tried calling again and texting, but nothing went through.

Finally, he crested a hill and overtook another semi-truck/trailer in a somewhat dangerous move. And then he saw it. Up ahead in the distance, the goddamned interstate. And about a mile from the entrance, he saw a large, lumbering U-Haul truck towing a blue, Mini Cooper. Excited beyond belief, he gunned his old pickup and caught up to her.

He honked his horn and flashed his lights at her. She didn’t slow down.

Come on baby! I love you so pull the hell over!

He gunned the motor again and pulled alongside her in the oncoming lane. His truck was almost as tall as the U-haul. He hollered out the window to her.

She looked out the window and saw him, tears instantly began running down her face. She wanted to keep driving, but she was crying so hard, she didn’t want to destroy everything she owned by getting into a wreck. Slowly, she began moving the truck to the right, onto the shoulder of the road.

Once she had the truck safely stopped, she wiped her eyes and could sort of see properly. He had passed her and parked his truck diagonally in front of her; effectively blocking her way onto the freeway. He got out and approached her door. She opened the door and stepped out, onto the gravel. He could see the fire in her eyes.

“You trying to kill us both, asshole?”

“Where are you going?”

She wiped more tears from her eyes.

“I’m going home.”

“This is your home.”

“No, it’s not… not anymore.”

“So what’s in LA?”

She shot him a cold look.

“My life… and… NOT you.”

He smiled.

“Not me… huh?”

“That’s the basis of its appeal.”

He looked over her. The little jean skirt, the tight top, her toned, tanned limbs and her long, blonde hair blowing wildly in the hot, West Texas wind. He also noticed the expression on her face… she’d gone from hurt to mad, and he realized he’d never seen her angry. Nevertheless, he plowed ahead.

“So when things get tough, you pack up and run?”

She pushed him… hard… into the middle of the right-hand lane.

“Fuck you, Connor… you made it very clear you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“You lied to me, Jenna.”

Her shoulders slumped.

“This is old ground, I’m not having this fight with you again, asshole.”

She turned, wearily, and started to get back into the truck.

“Wait!”

He jumped past her and held the door closed.

“What if I said I didn’t care, about any of it.”

She turned and faced him.

“Then I’d say you were lying.”

“I love you, Jenna. And I want to be with you, forever.”

Tears were filling up her eyes again.

“Don’t say that… don’t you dare say that.”

“But it’s true, you’re my life now, all I think about… I can’t picture my world without you in it.”

“That doesn’t change anything Connor. I’ll have to live with my past for the rest of my life… but you don’t have to… you deserve someone better than me.”

“I deserve you, period.”

Every fiber of her being wanted to believe him, but she wasn’t sure she could. Connor put his hand gently on her shoulder. Jenna looked at it, and slowly brushed it aside.

“You said such hateful things to me.”

“I did… and I apologize for each and every one of them.”

Tears were falling freely down her face.

“I… I… I just don’t know.”

“You said your life would be grey and empty, that you would be incomplete without me. And you said, what did you say, something like you would never love again. You said those things because you love me, Jenna.”

“How could you know that!”

“Hobart sent that to me this morning. Jenna. I believe you… that you love me. I, I guess didn’t before.”

He got down on one knee and took her hand. She didn’t pull it away. A couple cars passed, honking loudly at the couple.

“Please, Jenna. Give me another chance. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you and making you happy. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.”

She felt her heart melt.

“Could we really make this work? Connor, do you know what you’re getting into? There will always be looks, people whispering, making comments…”

Undeterred, his eyes remained steadfastly on hers.

“Would you get up? I don’t want people to think I’m getting proposed to on the side of the road.”

He stood up and took both of her hands in his.

“The past is gone honey, it’s only about the future now, our future… together. You and me.”

He pulled her into his arms and they kissed passionately, lovingly. Tears ran down both their cheeks.

“Big, tough, Texas boy is crying?” she teased as they eventually pulled apart.

He pulled a Kleenex out of his pocket.

“I’ve been crying for days.”

He dried both their faces.

“Don’t ever let me go, Connor.”

“I won’t Jenna Erickson, you’re mine now… forever.”

They held each other tight, on the side of the road for what seemed like an eternity.